Pinkie Pie Ruins an Anniversery
Welcome to the Rosewater B&B
"See, it's lovely." Paper Clip looked around at the quaint little town. Their luggage was being off loaded from the train's luggage car. Her blue eyes were hidden behind a green and yellow mane. The simple dark green dress matched her mane and had a mesh saddle area that allowed her golden coat to be seen through the material.
"It's too quiet." Money Clip was picking their luggage out of the pile. His periwinkle body and slate mane and tail blended well with the ponies at the station. The charcoal collar he was wearing blended easily into him. The only thing sticking out was his bright red tie.
"Oh, you've got to let go. This is a small town. These yokels don't have anywhere important to go and for the next week neither do we." She walked up beside him and nuzzled his neck. "Happy anniversary, Smookie."
He looked up and smiled at the mare of his dreams. "Happy anniversary, Dipple." Money handed Paper her make-up bag while he threw their hiking gear over his back and grabbed their suitcase in his mouth.
“Do you remember the address of our B and B?”
“Mh fink hiff hue, hue efelveh eigh.”
“What road?”
“How manhy can fere be?”
Paper laughed. “Now, now. I'm sure this place has at least four roads.” They tittered together.
As they left the station, they saw a flier on the doorway that was addressed to them. At the top it included a simple map to Rosewater B&B. Paper raised an eyebrow. “I'm not sure why she's not here right now, but at least she left us directions.”
The couple walked through the quaint little town, browsing through the hoofdicrafts and the down home atmosphere. Finally they stopped at a small, two story cottage decorated with roses and white hibiscus on the outside. There was a small sign in the yard. It was simple yet elegantly scripted: “The Rosewater Cottage.”
They walked into a foyer where a young mare was behind a short bookcase turned counter. She was on an old style phone talking to somepony on the other end while taking notes. Money sat the suitcase down on the floor.
“Well great. I can't wait to see you then.” The mare was cheery, with a cream coat and a red-pink mane. As she hung up the phone she turned to the young couple. “Hello. Welcome to the Rosewater Cottage Bed and Breakfast. How can I help you?”
“Hi,” started Paper. “We're the Clips from Manehattan. We're here for the week.”
The mare smiled at them. “My name is Roseluck. It's good to finally meet you. I believe we spoke on the phone?”
Confused, Paper nodded. Roseluck reached under the bookcase-counter and pulled out a basket. “I hope you don't mind, but I put together a little something for you. There's a dozen rosewater cookies, a map of the town brought to you by our Mayor Mare and the local Chamber of Commerce. So you can find our many interesting local attraction. I've also included a couple of trail maps for the White Tail Woods Hiking Park and some locally crafted mane shampoo and coat wash for you to try. Would you like anything else?”
“Uhm, no. We're going to be gone through the day most of the week so we should be out of your mane most of our time here.”
“Oh, it's no problem.”
Money nuzzled at Paper, then picked up the suitcase.
“Yeah, it's great to get away from the noise and the bustle of the city to someplace where nothing happens.”
The smile left Roseluck's eyes. “Uh, yeah. Nothing ever happens...usually.”
Paper laughed. “Oh I'm sure somepony gets their hoof caught in a combine at harvest time, but it's nothing like what it's like in Manehattan.”
Rose smiled back. Quietly intoning a prayer to Celestia that this won't be one of “those” weeks. Her insurance rates were high enough as it was. “Please, this way.” She motioned for them to follow her through the house. They took the stairs up to the second floor and past a closed door. “There's nopony else here right now, so you can have full reign over the upstairs washroom, here.” Rose pointed to the door in the middle of the hallway. Then they came to the room on the other side of the landing. “And this is your room.” She opened it up to reveal a quaint room with a fourposter bed with night stands on either side, a dresser and a wardrobe. The walls were a simple white but all the wood was a deeply stained cherry. The throw rugs were a soft pale pink, almost like a water down pastel.
“Will there be anything else?” Rose repeated to her borders.
“Just some quiet,” said Paper.
Rose gave her a knowing grin. “Well, you two enjoy your stay and if you need anything I'll be outside in the garden.” She gave them one last smile and left them alone, together.
Money carried the suitcase over to the bed while Paper closed the door. They kissed as the weight of the journey was lifted from them. Sitting her make-up case next to the suitcase, she opened up the luggage and began to root through it. “I'm going to wash the train off, and if you're lucky...” she pulled out two pair of white stockings with a green ivy pattern and gave him a meaningful look. “Can you unpack the rest of the stuff for me?”
He nodded energetically as she walked out of the room.
Starting with the toiletries, he sat them and his prescriptions on the night stands. In a round about way the prescriptions were the reason they were here. His doctor had told him he needed more exercise and less stress, so Paper had talked him into a hiking vacation. Sure it was going to be easy for her. She was a waitress, so she walked all day anyway. It was rather difficult to do accounting and wonder about. Still, it made her happy and when she was happy he got exercise he could really get behind.
He picked up one of her dresses and lifted it up in the air to unwrinkle while walking over to the wardrobe. Opening the door, the wardrobe shouted a loud “HA!” at him. He screamed and lashed out with a hoof, making contact with something. The dress became entangled around his hoof. He raised it up to try and get it loose while backpedaling away from the evil furniture. The dress fell on his face as he fell on the ground. The wardrobe, groaned.
There was a crash in the next room. Then another crash outside then the door crashed open. “MONEY!” Paper screamed. She ran into the room, turning around the bed, but her wet rear hooves slid on the hardwood floor, slamming her hips into the wardrobe.
Paper squealed in fright. The wardrobe whimpered.
Paper pulled her dress off her stallion. Money was gasping for air, waving with one hoof while the other was on his chest. Not wasting a second Paper launched herself onto the bed, grabbing one of his pill bottles off the nightstand. Quickly fumbling with the bottle and it's contents, she finally manged to put a pill in his mouth. Looking around she tried to find something to bring him water. Not seeing anything she slapped him with her wet mane. He sucked on it, trying to get enough moisture to get the pill down. Slowly, he got his breathing to gear down to non-hysterical and his vision return to normal.
“Gardenias?” he finally gasped.
She smiled at him. He could feel her hoof caressing his jaw. “What happened?”
“The wardrobe. There's something in there.”
Fearful she turned to look at the haunted furniture. Gently, she reached out and opened the door. Inside was an unconscious, bleeding, pink pony.
Paper stuck her head out the small window calling for the proprietor. Roseluck looked up, dropped her watering can and ran inside. Looking into the room she went down to call the local paramedics. Paper walked Money down the steps and into the gardens to recover. She walked back in and dragged Roseluck back to their room.
“What kind of place are you running here?” Paper yelled at Roseluck. “Why is there a bleeding, unconscious pony in the wardrobe?”
Roseluck dipped her hoof into the red liquid then suckled on her hoof. “MMMmm, it's cherry glaze.”
Paper Clip was aghast.
Roseluck gave her a confused look, then realization dawned. “Oh, don't worry about her, she's just Pinkie.”
The paramedics came in and rolled her onto the stretcher. There was a crushed cherry pie under her.
“What is she doing in our room?”
“Well, she's kind of the town's Welcome Wagon.”
“So, why is she in the wardrobe?”
Rose shrugged. “It's just Pinkie being Pinkie.”
Paper Clip squeezed the bridge of her nose.
“So she just breaks into ponies homes and hides in the cupboards?”
“Some times.”
Paper Clip began to rub her temples. “Why is she not in jail?”
“Why?”
“Yes.”
Rose gave her a confused look. Paper promised herself that she would never say “It's just mayo,” to a complaining customer ever again.
“Look, Money,” she pointed out the window where he was sitting outside with an oxygen mask on, “has a condition. He's got some severe anxiety issues and he can't take being scared like that. It could KILL him. Just, keep her out of our room, please?”
Rose smiled back at her. “Alright, I'll talk with her.”
__________________________________________________________________
“I can't believe they don't have a real theater.” Paper was floored by the lack of basic amenities of small town life. “I mean, I could see not having a good dinner theater, but nothing?”
“Well they had that movie theater.”
“Showing things that came out six months ago. How do these ponies live?”
Money only shook his head. They stopped by an old, large public mailbox. Money rared up on it and looked into Paper's eyes. Slowly he leaned in. She smiled back at him and reciprocated. The door on the mailbox opened and out popped a clown with a cake and a pink body. It began to sing:
“Life in a small town isn't so bad you see.
There's always a party with Pinkie!
We'll have lots of cake and songs that make you shake
So just join in today and party with -”
Paper screamed, over come with primal terror and ran as fast as she could away from the painted demon.
Pinkie stopped singing and cocked her head at the curious pony. “What's her problem?”
“C-c-c-” Money tried to speak. He was grabbing his chest, trying to catch his breath as his heart refused to come under control.
“Wow, you don't looks so good,” Pinkie said. She turned to him, reaching behind her and pulling out a huge knife. “Don't worry, I know exactly how to make the pain go away.”
Money back peddled away, too short of breath to scream for help. His back hit a wall and he cowed next to it. A shadow fell across him.
“Here you go!”
Money opened his eyes to see his doom. It was a slice of cake. Money tried to catch his breath, but it wasn't working. His head was beginning to swim and the night grew darker.
__________________________________________________________________
“I want her arrested!” Paper slammed her hoof down on the night sergeant’s table. Ponyville Police Department didn't see much action. That Long Leg was woken up in the middle of his shift to hear her complaint was testament to the local crime rate.
“For what?” He rubbed at his blue eyes, wiping away the sleep. His pale coat and blond mane didn't seem to normally fit in to somepony working night shift. At least his cutie mark of a set of hobbles matched his profession.
“She almost killed my husband!”
“She's the one that called the EMT's. It would hardly seem like intentional maliciousness.”
“But...”
“She's done nothing wrong.”
“I want her kept away from us!”
Long Leg shrugged. “It's a free kingdom.”
“Okay, look. My husband almost died. Maybe she chickened out at the last minute and saved him. Can't you keep her in lock up for 24 hours? Involuntary assault or something?”
He sighed. “She's busy making the decorations for my colt's birthday party.”
Paper's heart broke. This was the epitome of small town corruption. It didn't matter what you did. All that mattered is who you knew. Nothing could protect them from the clown-fiend.
“Look, I can tell this is bothering you. How about I talk her into foalsitting for me tomorrow? That should keep her busy and out of your mane.”
Paper smiled. “Thank you.”
“I'm sorry you've had this trouble with her. Usually ponies find her fun. She's really well liked around here.”
“How? She's intrusive and annoying!”
“You've just had a bad experience, or two with her. Once you get to know her she's great.”
Paper glared at the floor. “No, no, I'm not going to be here long.” She turned and walked out.
__________________________________________________________________
“Money, you've got to see this!” Paper looked over the cliff at the slow rolling lightly forested hills leading off to the tiny hamlet of Ponyville. The clouds perfectly framed the sun as it began its descent into the afternoon sky.
Huffing behind her, Money churned up the trail on the other side of the hill. The trail was barely maintained, as it was so rarely used. That had been what they were looking for; to be away from the beaten track. To see the things rarely seen by others.
He walked up behind his wife, gently making body contact. “Wow,” he whispered.
“It's perfect.”
“Amazing.”
“There's an Egyptian Cottonwood. I bet you can find your scarabs here.”
The pair froze in terror. It was Her. Money began to whimper while whispering “no,” over and over. Anger flared in Paper's chest and she turned to face their tormentor.
“What do yo-” Her ears laid back in fear as she stepped away. Her back hoof hit the edge of the cliff. Pinkie was wearing a red, rubber nose.
“'What am I doing?' Oh, I'm helping Brain here with his Hoof Scout project.” She pointed at a colt, running around a large tree, inspecting the bark for any signs of insect infestation.
“Hey,” Pinkie turned back to the Clips, “look I'm really super sorry about what's happened to you two. I really, really, really, really didn't mean it. So, can we be friends?” She held her hoof out.
Paper whimpered and shied way from the offered appendage.
Pinkie tilted her head in confusion. “What?”
Paper pointed a trembling hoof at Pinkie.
“What? Is there something on my face?”
Never breaking eye contact, Pinkie reached for her nose. Honking the clown appendage.
Paper jumped back, screaming in terror. Her hooves touched the air. She screamed again.
“Paper!” Money spun around and lunged for her. She grabbed for his hoof; making contact with his hoof before he did with the ground. Without the friction, she pulled him over the edge with her.
They held each other. There was no need to scream. It would do no good. Instead they just kissed good-bye. Money rotated himself onto the bottom, hoping his body would be enough to cushion the impact for Paper. It didn't help.
From the top of the cliff Pinkie looked down at the mangled meat that had been the two lovers. “Mean Meanie McMeanersons don't belong in Ponyville.”
________________________________________________________________
“Oh my gosh, Pinkie, I can't believe what just happened to you.” Twilight and her friends were sitting at a table outside of the cafe, waiting for their last friend to show up. Twilight levitated a stool away from the table to allow Pinkie to sit by her. Her other friends crowded around in comfort.
“Thanks, Twilight, it was super duper depressing, but,” she shrugged, “At least Brain didn't have to see it. That would have been horrible.”
“It an't you.” said Applejack. “It's city livin'. It an't natural for a pony to live on top of another pony. It messes with your brain.” She rolled her eyes to accent her point.
“That's the fourth time this year. Maybe somepony should put up a guard rail there or something,” Fluttershy mumbled into her sandwich.
“That's a good idea, maybe I should write a letter to the Princess.”
“Oh, the Princess doesn't have time for that,” Pinkie steered her friend away from her solution.
“You're right, that would be more a job for the Mayor. Maybe we could set up some sort of donation box to pay for it.”
“OH! OH! I know, a bake sale! I could make cookies, and cakes and pies and all kinds of yummy sweets and we could go out and everypony could have a great time!”
“Sure, Pinkie. That’s a great ideas.” The friends cheered.
Pinkie excused herself. “Great! I’d better get to work then, I’d hate to fall flat on my face here.”