The Worst Story In The World

by The-darkevil101

First published September 7th, 2013 15:10

(EDIT: Some minor grammar edits to the story so it will make more sense.)
Discord returns from his stone imprisonment and declares himself a pimp. He then goes around trying to pimp Ponyville. And then when the Mane Six try to go snitch on him to Celestia, things get funky.

Warning: All characters are anthro.

Chapters

The Worst Story In The World, Part One
The Worst Story in The World, Part Two

The Worst Story In The World, Part One
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The Worst Story In The World

The Worst Story In The World, Part One

The day was nice and sunny here at canterlot gardens, and one certain statue was not a happy statue. That statue, my enemies, was the statue of Discord, ~~bitches.~~ He sat there, grumbling inside the statue, thinking of his revenge against those six little whores, I mean, ponies. He sat there, and sat there, and sat there, and ~~jacked-off there~~, and sat there until finally he got an idea. ~~He was phone.~~ He decided to just simply burst out of the stone prison by himself. After all, Celestia's magic was the weakest in all of Equestria. So with little, no wait, no effort whatsoever, he burst out of the stone prison, and stretched.

"I'm free, bitches!" he began.

"Now prepare yourself ponyville, for my ~~cock~~ pimp-hand will rain down on all of your women!"

He then took a step forward and shouted above where all could hear him,

"I AM THE ULTIMATE PIIIIIIIMMMMMP!"

Now moving on to Ponyville, ~~where Discord will get all teh bitches~~ where there is currently a massive party going on at SugarCube Corner with the mane six and tons of other random town people. ~~Who won't get any screentime.~~

Currently the party people were having a dance-off tournament and Pinkie was blowing ~~cock~~ everyone away with her ecstatic dance moves. When she finished her routine, she called out to Spike and challenged him to dance next. The other five mares were cheering him on at the other side of the dance floor, which was fully decorated with glowing lights, party streamers, and a flashy disco-ball. Spike started first with doing the robot, which got a few chuckles, then got deeper by break-dancing and started doing the worm. Then he really got his groove on. He did a flip, then landed softly on his head, (It's a cartoon), and began spinning on it, which got everyone chanting:

"Go, Go, Go, Go, Go, ~~Ho~~, Go!"

He then finished by lifting himself up with his hand and then put his legs up in the air and then held it. It looked something like this:

"Beat that, Pinkie." spoke Spike, as he waved to the crowd, and then stood back up on his feet, ready to watch Pinkie's next move.

But before she could ~~do more wrong~~ even begin to dance, Discord busted through the roof of the building and then landed between the two. He smiled as everyone gasped ~~at his godly figure~~ at him, and he then flipped up his middle fingers at the crowd, getting even more gasps and boos. He waited a few seconds before speaking.

"What's up, hoes?" he splashed out at the stunned crowd; the mane six finally stepped towards him.

Twilight spoke first.

"Discord! What are you doing here?"

"Oh me?" said a (un)surprised Discord.

"I just thought I'd stop by to see my six favorite people in the whole world!"

AppleJack came forward next.

"Why yer' just here to cause more chaos, aren't ya?" spoke AppleJack.

"Oh up yours, you retarded apple-eating mule!" snapped Discord.

Pinkie Pie stepped forward quickly and retaliated.

"Hey! Don't insult my friends! You big meanie!"

Discord did the unthinkable. He slowly walked towards Pinkie, and then pimp-slapped her hard in the face. Pinkie fell back, hurt and surprised by the sudden attack. But her friends didn't have to think twice before jumping at Discord. He then thrusted his arms out at the five ~~retarded~~ mares; which sent them flying backwards into the wall. This time however, the other partygoers decided to help the mane six and began to angrily swarm towards ~~Pimp Daddy~~ Discord.

"Oh no you bitches don't."

He then started to spin in place, then started to spin faster, faster, and even faster as his body began to form a tornado around him and he released the tornado by thrusting his arms outward at the angry crowd. Then all began to get caught in it, and they ~~started to have a delicious orgy in mid-air~~ started to fly through the roof of the building, taking the roof and themselves into the air. Discord then stopped the tornado and then made the crowd fall down in a straight line and then he revved up his pimp-hand and then in very quick succession started to pimp slap every single person that fell down with his pimp hand, and as they did, they hit the wall across from Discord with such great force they blew a freaking hole in the wall and fell out into the street, confused as to what just happened.

"Phew! Now that that's over with, time to take care of you six little ponies...Er, where did they go anyways?" Spoke Discord , which he then looked south of where he was and gave a look that said "Oh poopie" as he saw the mane six ride off in a train going straight to Canterlot.

"Looks like I've got a lot of explaining to do to Princess Celestia..." spoke a distraught Discord as he stood there in silence in the mist of the rubble.

Suddenly he heard a noise from behind him.

"What the-, Honey! Some pimp fucking wrecked the store!" said a yellow-skinned fellow with a hat on his head.

Next came his wife, a blue skinned mare with a shocked look as well as her husband, as they looked at the lone Pimp and the pile of Rubble in their store.

"Uh...I gotta go." and with that, Discord ran off to canterlot, where he was sure he'd have to pimp-slap some more bitches.

The main six sat quietly in their seats as they approached Canterlot. Twilight looked to her friends and then decided to try and cheer them up.

"It's okay girls, we'll get Princess Celestia's help and send Discord back to his stone prison." Spoke a (slightly) grinning Twilight as she looked for any brightness in her friend's faces, but to no avail. Not even in Pinkie's face.

But finally they did brighten up, and that definitely raised Twilight's morale.

"Well darling, maybe you are right, but how can we stop Discord if he's not shooting fireworks at us, and is actually attacking us? I mean, our past villains didn't have the ~~balls~~ gall to attack us and really they just gave us an easy victory...Could it be that we aren't...tough?" said Rarity, resting her head on her hand.

Now it was AppleJack's turn to talk.

"Now you listen here Miss Priss; we are too tough, and we are going to stay tough until we get this con sartin' varmin down to where he belongs, got it?" snapped AppleJack.

Rarity stood up and bitch-slapped AppleJack in the face.

"Now you go to hell you filthy mule, and kiss my feet while you're at it because you're the least attractive of all of us!"

Rarity and AppleJack started fist-fighting, until someone spoke up. That someone was Fluttershy.

"Um, excuse me everyone...Um I said excuse me..." finally, she spoke up. (~~The moment you've all been waiting for.~~)

"I SAID EXCU-" before Fluttershy could finish, one of AppleJack's feet hit Fluttershy in the mouth and she plopped to the floor, and then burst into tears from the pain.

Twilight sighed as Rarity and AppleJack continued to fight on for awhile until they just called it a draw and sat back down as far away from each other as possible.

"Let's just stay quiet for awhile until we get there." spoke a flustered Twilight as the train chugged on into the sunset.

Author's Note

The first chapter of the Worst Story In The World, but don't fret, the mane six will be okay.
P.S. This could be considered a troll-fic.

~The-darkevil101

The Worst Story in The World, Part Two
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The Worst Story In The World

The Worst Story in The World, Part Two

"Alright bitches, get in order, I need to hear myself think." said the ~~pimping~~ voice of Discord.
He had been very busy slappin' bitches and getting every hoe into line. For he, my enemies, was constructing an army of hoes. He rubbed his dastardly pimp hands together with a wicked grin spreading across his face.

"Just wait 'till those six little tricks get a taste of my hoes..." plotted the evil ~~rich pimp~~ Discord.

Meanwhile in Canterlot, the mane six's train had finally arrived, and even though Rarity and AppleJack had stopped fighting, Twilight had to break up Fluttershy and Pinkie from fighting also. It started with Pinkie laughing at Fluttershy because she thought it was funny when AppleJack's hoof hit her in the face. Fluttershy retaliated and did a suplex on her big pink ass. It didn't end well for ~~him~~ her. The bruised, but firm six mares came out of the train quietly, and then when they got to a street corner, they all broke down at once and started hugging each other and apologizing. Bystanders that looked on all went "Awwww" until a Royal Guard galloped out in front of the love fest and shouted out:

"Look out! Discord has returned with a....Army of mares?"

The mane six looked out to the clouds and sure enough, came Discord and his flying army of hoes. They crashed through random buildings around our six heroines just to screw with them, and then he landed his hoe army in front of them and slowly walked down to ~~pimp-slap~~ greet them. He looked at the now angry looking bunch of mares and said:

"Wassup hoes?"

The mane six was really tired of Discord's games and all spoke in union:

"Discord, get yo sorry ass back in stone!"

"And what are y'all skanky asses gonna do about it?"

The six mares stopped to think for a moment, and then spoke quickly:

"We're snitching!" and then they began to scamper on over to Canterlot Castle to snitch on Discord to Princess Celestia.

"Well damn, there they go...Better follow them." began Discord, as he turned to his hoe army and then gave the following command:

"Hoe army; ATTAAACK!"

Then as he spoke the words, his skanky army of hoes charged forward at the now fleeing town of Canterlot. They started looting random stores that were going out of business, they started giving lap dances to children, and other women, and shooting other Guards and more looting, and ~~lesbian sex~~ farting. Discord walked through the chaos, knowing he had Celestia beat. Suddenly he noticed it was nightfall, and he forgot about Celestia's little sister: Princess Luna.

The sky began to darken, and a pitch-black portal opened up in the sky. And out flew a chariot of pure shadow; for this, my enemies, was the coming of Princess Luna. The chariot landed without a sound, and Luna, dressed in a dark blue gown, stepped out and then cleared her throat, and then spoke these ~~stupid~~ mighty words:

"PEOPLE OF CANTERLOT, PLEASE FILE TO THE CASTLE WHERE YOU ALL WILL BE SAFE"

Discord looked up at the mare and noticed the shiny dark blue dress she was wearing and silently slipped under her and noticed she wasn't wearing panties. Discord poked his finger under her and that made Luna yelp and jump up. She looked down only to find nothing below her. She then turned around only to see Discord standing behind her. (They were both on the ground.) She then gave Discord the evil eye and started to open her mouth. But before she could do so, Discord lashed out at her. Discord used his tasty pimp hand to hit her across the face.

"Bitch, shut yo' ass up before I lock you up in yo closet."

Luna wasn't about to give up though. She fired a laser out of her hands at Discord and sent him flying into a few shops; but then Discord came out and tackled Luna into the ground. This was going to be a tough battle for the princess of the night.

Twilight and her friends finally made it to Canterlot castle, but they were very tired running all the way here without any breaks. When they finally did catch their breaths, they busted through the front door, and made their way quickly to the main throne room of Princess Celestia. They found her sitting on her throne, with a glum look on her face. Twilight spoke first.

"Princess Celestia! Discord is back and he's acting all weird, and-and...Help!" spoke the frantic mare as she waved her arms at the concerned Princess.

Celestia nodded and then spoke in a low, somewhat sad voice:

"Yes, my student, I have been aware that Discord has returned and is causing havoc...But I can't seem to end this conflict peacefully...Have you come for my help?" said Princess Celestia.

" ~~No shit~~...Yes Princess. Please help us by giving us the elements of harmony; do you have them here?" responded a stern Twilight.

Celestia nodded with a small grin spreading on her face as she motioned for the mane six to follow her to the chamber which contained the elements of harmony. She unlocked the door to the room, only for her jaw to drop when instead of the Harmony room, she unlocked the porno room. Twilight and her friends also had their jaws drop and their cheeks went a bright red, as the embarrassed Celestia quickly closed the door and then awkwardly motioned for them to keep going.

"Ummm, no one saw that."

Discord and Luna's battle had not been a easy one. Discord and Luna had both sustained injuries all over their bodies as the Hoe army was finally neutralized by the Royal Guards who finally stopped screwing around and started to fight back against the skanks. The guards slowly started to surround Discord, trying to aid Princess Luna, But she wanted to take Discord alone.

"No, stay back! I will fend him off alone." spoke a rattled Luna.

Discord seemed to be winning, and proved so by knocking Luna on her back and by dropping a cart onto her. Luna didn't get up, and Discord moved in for the Coup De Grace. But right before, and I mean RIGHT before our pimping villain could put in the final blow, he heard a voice call out from behind him.

"Discord, the elements of harmony order you to step down, or be turned to stone."

Discord whirled around to find that the mane six, equipped with their elements, had him cornered, along with the Guards standing behind him. He grinned and then flipped them off, signaling to them his choice. Led by Twilight Sparkle, the mane six powered up, their eyes glowing a pure white, and started to float up in the air. Discord simply stood in place, smiling wickedly almost as if he had a plan for this. Little did the six fateful mares know, he did.

Finally, the Elements of Harmony fired off their beam and actually hit Discord...only for it to have no effect on him and bounce right back at them, turning THEM into stone, and not Discord.

Celestia looked on in horror as Discord laughed in a very sinister way, knowing he had won. The now turned-to-stone mane six plopped to the ground, in the same position as they were right before the accident.

Discord stepped forward, and let out the phrase that would ring out in Equestria forever.

"I. AM. THE. ULTIMATE. PIIIIIIIIIIIIIMP!"

To Be Continued...

Author's Note

Next Time, The Worst Story In The World II:The Crossover War.

~The-darkevil101