Sleep Walking

“Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” -- Oscar Wilde

Luna still remembers the day when her sister told her she was destined to be immortal. At the time, she couldn't have been more happy.

Back then, the world seemed so vibrant and full of color. It seemed like there was an eternity of new knowledge to learn, new things to try, new passions to discover. Perhaps there was. Perhaps there was a universe of wonder out there for Luna to experience, but that made it all the worse. When you're young, you can't walk a step without tripping over something you've never experienced before. As you grow older, it becomes rarer than diamonds, and soon, you're too weary to continue to search for it at all. It doesn't matter if there are endless riches in the world, if every coin is separated by a thousand miles.

A pony can become set in her ways. In the time she's had, Luna could have learned every musical instrument, every trade, every art, every science. She could have enriched herself beyond the most fanciful dreams of mortal ponies, but the weariness of age is like a chain that grows heavier by one link each year. Before long, you stop moving entirely.

Pain, on the other hoof, was something easy to find. There seemed to be a never ending supply of tragedy to endure, and mistakes to regret.

For Luna, the worst of all was love. Her sister warned her that surely, if she fell in love, she would suffer dearly the price of immortality. She would watch her lovers grow old and die, and she should, if she wished to be wise, be at peace with being alone. Luna could not disagree more. She was resolute in the belief that it would be better to suffer the pain of lost love, than to never have loved at all. She felt that the sting of love's absence would be a glorious affirmation that it had once been present.

In a bitter irony, there was simply no love to be found for Luna in the first place. Throughout her life, she had been ignored at best, hated, and feared at worst.

Luna was the princess of the night. Using the power of her magic, she brought forth the moon, the stars, and all the terrible and beautiful things that dwelled within the cloak of nocturnal darkness. Those ponies who did not fear or despise her night, would simply ignore it. Upon the setting of the sun, they would sleep, and when her sister, Celestia, would raise the sun back into the sky, they would awaken to greet it with contentment.

For a time, bitterness and hatred seemed like a suitable replacement for love. Luna became jealous of Celestia, and rose up in rebellion. With her magic, Luna pinned the moon and stars to the sky, and stood her ground against the coming of the sun. Celestia's magic, however, was too powerful. Luna was defeated, her rebellion was crushed, and she was banished to the moon for a thousand years.

Much had changed over that thousand years. For one, the hatred and contempt that led her down the path of ruin was gone. She was also a mare out of time. She didn't understand this new world, such as how her sister had taken it upon herself to teach the subjects of Equestria strange new ways. Now, they were free to speak to their rulers as equals. Celestia had also called an end to conscription and serfdom, and installed elected representatives to govern at her side.

In the wake of these changes, there seemed to have been a boom in population and technology. A pegasus mail service allowed any of Equesria's subjects, great or small, to deliver a message to the other side of Equestria in no more than a week's time, at the cost of spare change. Mighty locomotives traveled on rails that spanned the continent, connecting even the most weary travelers to the most distant lands. Plows made of steel and wood could be hitched to a strong pony's neck, and used to sow a field in a fraction of the time. There were even rumblings of a new technology which relied on trapped lightning, and promised to replace candles and oil lamps. It was already starting to see use in cameras, film projectors, and audio amplifiers. All of which were unknown in Luna's time.

Many things, however, remained the same. Luna walked the hallways of the palace, taking solace that, aside from some wear and tear, most of the hallways still remained exactly as they were before her imprisonment. At least her home was unchanged.

The flame light from the sconce torches covered the stone of the hallway walls with a relaxing amber glow. The only sound was Luna's echoing hoofsteps as she strolled quietly through the castle which, as it was every night, had been mostly deserted.

The midnight blue alicorn's horn was glowing with a soft blue light. Black whisps faded in and out of existence, and whipped past her horn, deflected into swirling patterns like moths circling a flame. Luna was working her dream magic. Within her thoughts, she was living out a thousand dreams at once, each one playing out in the minds of one of Equestria's subjects. She interacted with the dreams, and worked to bend the visions to her will. At times, she would even present the dreamers with images of herself, having conversations, or guiding lost travelers.

One of the whisps turned white, and launched itself directly at Luna's horn. With a fizz and a pop, it disappeared. Luna softly yipped, "Ow," and reached up to rub her horn, letting her dream magic wane. Her horn faded back to its usual darkness. With a sigh, she shook it off, and continued her slow trek down the corridor.

No longer distracted by her magic, she glanced out one of the nearby arrowslits to gaze at the beauty of the starry sky with a wistful sigh. The sky had grown orange with twilight, and it would soon be her sister's time to usher in the light, taking her place as ruler of the daytime. It was time for Luna to return to her bedchambers so she could rest.

A creaking groan resounded through the hallway as the palace doors swung open, and the sound of royal guard troops could be heard, casually marching into the cavernous main hall. It was some paces ahead of Luna, and around the corner. They were here in time to start the morning shift, no doubt. Luna turned toward the source of the sound. Perhaps at least somepony will acknowledge her tonight, before she goes to bed. Perhaps somepony will complement her sky.

Spearmint furrowed his brow when he spotted the princess. He was a bright green pegasus. His cutie mark was an iron spear, which was also embossed proudly on his clunky full plate armor. He was a lieutenant of the royal guard, and would often be responsible for overseeing the changing of the guard, such as this one. He stopped, and awkwardly turned, looking behind him with a wince. He contemplated escape, but it was too late. Luna had spotted him, and was already approaching him quickly. With a deep breath, Spearmint prepared himself. "Morning, Princess Lun--"

Luna barked her greeting, "I would deign to speak with you!" Luna had a habit of being unable to adequately regulate the volume of her voice. Spearmint was certain that this was a danger to his hearing tantamount to a safety code violation.

Spearmint stood at attention with a gentle clack of both of his left hooves. "Yes, of course your majesty. How can I be of service?"

Luna's voice was filled with unintentional contempt. "As I informed you, I would speak to you!" She reared up with a gentle flap of her wings, so that she could touch her upper barrel when speaking, as if to point at herself.

Spearmint stood uncomfortably, and he waited for Luna to say whatever she had on her mind. However, no words were forthcoming. Luna simply gave him an almost annoyed stare. It stretched on for an awkwardly long period of time.

Spearmint finally spoke, "P-princess, if I could learn the nature of your inquiry?" Nervously, he varied his intonation as he asked for clarification.

Luna looked down with confusion for a moment. Perhaps this subject doesn't want to have a conversation with her? She tried to continue to be as friendly as she could. "I am pleased that you have arrived! Your punctuality pleases your princess!" She came forward and gave him a big smile that got insensitively close to Spearmint's personal space.

Spearmint was extremely uncomfortable now. "Thank you, princess! I aim to serve you diligently. May I be dismissed?"

Luna's smile melted. This time, her voice was soft, and depressed. "Yes of course, lieutenant. Please be on your way."

Spearmint saluted, and started trotting away. He released a relieved breath as he walked off briskly, aiming to put as much distance as he could between himself and the princess.

Luna thought about how things truly never do seem to change, even after a thousand years. Even in this new world, where subjects could have conversations with their princess, as if they were equals, it didn't happen for her. Luna felt unloved, and that seemed like it would never change.

Something like this would have, at one time, flung her into a rage, but she no longer had the spirit to be set off so easily. She stared at the stone floors as she walked on toward her bedchambers. As she passed the entrance hallway, a multitude of royal guardsmen spotted her, and the room erupted into a cacophony of hoof clops as the entire room saluted her at once. Each soldier stiffly stood at attention.

She ignored them completely, and just stared at the floor as she passed them by. The room was completely silent. The soldiers weren't speaking to her. They weren't even looking at her. Their eyes were plastered straight ahead of their bodies, gazing into the distance as if they were statues. Their hooves were just as stiff. Each soldier held their right fore hoof to their brow in salute. Only when Luna fully passed by and left the room did she hear the soft sounds of conversation return to the guard stallions.

Luna turned her head back, and walked forward while eyeing the hallway behind her. Perhaps, she thought, she should have tried speaking to them. Perhaps she should have insisted that they all be at ease and that they go about their business so that she could simply watch. That way, she could at least pretend that somepony cared about her enough to be in the same room with her.

She felt herself bump something soft, and she turned to glance at it. A tall white alicorn stood before her. Celestia would normally smile and laugh off a bump like that, but in the wake of this particular collision, she wore a perturbed expression toward her younger sister. Celestia's relationship with Luna had naturally been somewhat strained, because it was Celestia who banished Luna to the moon to begin with. In fact, their sibling rivalry went back much longer than that. Luna was jealous of her big sister. It was true that, of late, they had been on perfectly civil terms, but Celestia still bore a great deal of apprehension about Luna's mental well being.

With a concerned tone of voice, Celestia apologized. "I'm sorry sister, I must not have been watching where I was going."

"Nonsense!" Luna rebuffed. "As you well know, it was I who was distracted!"

Celestia decided not to argue, even though it was true that they were both distracted. Celestia could tell something was eating at Luna. "Dear sister, you know you can tell me anything, don't you?"

There it was: that grace, that perceptiveness, her centuries of wisdom and serenity. Luna didn't know why Celestia wanted to keep throwing perfection in her face like this. Luna's thoughts turned to how Celestia's subjects saw her. She seethed that, should some calamity befall them, they would even cry out Celestia's name, as if to beseech the heavens themselves to their aid. It was as though everypony but Luna thought she were some kind of goddess. Luna wondered what that made her: the devil?

"I have no business with you, sister. See that you raise the sun. It's time." Luna abruptly sidestepped Celestia, and continued her slow journey to her bed chambers, leaving Celestia behind to lower her head to stare at the floor with heartache.

Luna took note of every change that had taken place in the castle while she was away. To a stone mason, a chipped brick or some stripped mortar was simply that. It was an imperfection to be ruthlessly cut out and replaced. For Luna, these walls were familiar friends, and her only companions during the cold silence of the night. Every slightly off-color blemish of new bricks reminded her of how much history had passed her by while she paid the price for her mistakes.

The castle even had new corridors. It had expanded over the centuries. Luna passed one such corridor, and glanced around the edges where the corners met. For anypony else, this hallway was just another turn in the maze of castle passageways. For Luna, this hallway opening was a hole that had been gouged in her familiar wall. She wondered if, besides herself, there was anypony alive, even Celestia, remembered what it had originally looked like.

Luna diverted herself from her path toward her bedchambers, and walked down the 'new' passageway. The corridor was long and straight, and lined with tall red doors, white and marble masonry, and a polished granite floor. A red carpet stretched from one end to the other, softening the clops of Luna's platinum horseshoes.

With the clanking of armor, the two guards at the end of the hallway saluted the princess, and allowed her to pass into the great open hall of the legislature. The main doors had only opened moments before she arrived, and all the seats were empty. Luna looked up at the great mahogany podium at the front of the room, where Celestia, or one of the other princesses, would sit to preside over the assembly.

Celestia had extended the offer, many times, for Luna to sit as 'first chair' during one of the assemblies. She would bare the commensurate tie-breaking vote, as well as the power to veto any bill that had passed. She had declined each offer. The whole affair made her uncomfortable. Perhaps the thing that sat with her worst was the majestically embossed symbol that rested just above the seat of the first chair. It was Celestia's cutie mark, and it was decorated with real gold by the hooves of a skilled artisan.

Luna grasped the concepts of this new democracy quickly, but she didn't grasp the purpose. Nopony would dispute Celestia's flawless benevolence, and fair hoof. Why, then, does she allow the subjects to make decisions for themselves? Surely her sister's wisdom as a ruler would outstrip the utility of some smattering of votes cast by an apathetic and selfish populace. It could not even be said that this system allows Celestia to delegate responsibility so that she might attend to herself. No, she was busier than ever.

Luna stepped quietly, and approached one of the enormous marble pillars that held the domed ceiling of the hall of commons in place. She leaned against it softly and glanced out onto the legislature floor just enough that she could see the morning activities without being spotted herself.

Several aides were setting about their morning routine. Each seat of the house would have at least a dozen pieces of parchment dropped on it. They were agendas of the proposed bills and debates to be presented during the day's session. Luna's eyes turned, however, to the confident looking stallion who was reading a scroll of his own, pacing, and quietly practicing a speech. Prime Minister Flashy was always early.

The politician and free leader of the Equestrian legislature was very attractive. He was a golden furred earth pony with a yellow mane, who bore a cutie mark of a lens flare. Perhaps, Luna thought, this system made it easier for an attractive pony to get elected. It was one more reason for the whole 'democracy' affair to leave her with a bitter taste in her mouth. Luckily, however, Flashy was a fair representative of the ponies. He didn't let his power go to his head. He was always willing to listen to the concerns of the other subjects.

Most interestingly to Luna, however, he was also filled with fire and conviction. He had a passion to see the coming of his vision for Equestria. He was uncompromising. He was loud. His soul was filled with fire. Luna stared at him for a moment, and bit her lower lip. A blush started to develop in her cheeks and she furrowed her brow as she watched him. She took a deep breath and held her head up high, and started to approach him.

The aides were the first to notice Luna. They quickly scrambled to move to the other side of the hall, moving as fast as they could without making it obvious that they were trying to avoid her. Flashy was not quite so lucky. He focused on his speech, oblivious of the approach of her royal highness.

"Rejoice, subject! I have deemed thee worthy to seek mine hoof in courtship."

Flashy nearly jumped out of his fur. He turned around with shock. The parchments slipped from his hoof and he scrambled to catch them before they floated down to the earth. "Luna!"

"You may woo me at once!"

Flashy broke into an awkward, uncomfortable smile, shaking his head and laughing at Luna's 'joke'. "Princess Luna. It's good to see you."

Luna squinted daggers at Flashy the entire time he laughed. "Yes, of course."

Flashy was having a hard time keeping up even his politician's smile. He gave a perturbed expression at Luna's abrupt response, and allowed the awkward silence to stretch.

Luna squinted at him expectantly with a half-annoyed glare. She was blushing quite furiously now.

Flashy finally asked with disbelief, "Luna, are you serious?"

Luna bared her teeth at Flashy, and his eyes slowly widened to full. "Do you not find me attractive?!"

Flashy's heart shot up into his throat. "No I-- I mean, yes, yes of course I do! It's just.. oh Celestia..."

Luna drew in a breath of shock, and developed a furious expression. There was a sudden crack of lightning just outside the palace walls, and a wind gusted through the legislature almost putting out the torch sconces. Her voice bellowed, pounding Flashy in the chest with its volume. "That is our sister's name! We would honor thee with an opportunity to woo thine princess, and thou wouldst first laugh, and then invoke our sister's name as though to beseech her to save thee?"

Flashy gulped hard, and he could feel his fur starting to stand on end from the electric charge in the air. The carefully placed pieces of parchment were fluttering in the breeze, threatening to leap off their perches and swirl in the air around the enraged princess.

Luna flashed an expression that made Flashy feel certain that he was about to have his head torn from his body. "We shall take our leave! Be thankful for our mercy!" She turned around quickly, and loosed a quick, high pitched 'Hnf!'

Flashy held out a hoof as Luna started to storm off. "Princess! Princess, I beg your forgiveness. I meant no offense! I--" The princess didn't turn around for an instant to hear Flashy out. He lowered his hoof slowly. "Oh horseapples."

Luna thrust the doors of the legislature open, nearly bowling over the guards that were posted there. She trotted past them without concern at a quick pace, slamming her hooves with each step and seething.

The more she walked, the more her furious snarl faded off her face. She shook her head with bitter resignation. She had not expected such a stinging reception to her confession of love. She moved slower and slower as she got closer to her bedchambers.

Luna counted herself lucky that she was able to get far enough away from any other pony before she broke down. She sat on her hindquarters, pressing her croup into the cold stone wall and covering her eyes.

She only sobbed once. It came out much like a cough.

With some effort, she choked the remainder of her tears down, and sat in the hallway cradling her head with her forehooves for as long as it would take for her watering eyes to dry.

It took a while.

Regaining her composure, Luna weakly rose to her hooves, and resumed her slow trudge back to her bedchambers. She glanced out another arrowslit just in time to see the last of her beautiful night disappearing. Celestia had risen the sun. She drew in a sniffle, wiped her nose, and heaved a bitter sigh.

Arriving at her bedchambers, she gently pushed open the doors, and slipped inside. It was the same room she had before her banishment, and Celestia had kept it exactly as it was. She was the first soul to step hoof in it, upon her return, in a thousand years. It was bittersweet seeing her old room again, covered with a thick layer of dust that reminded her of each of the thousand years she had lost. She had since had it cleaned, but the dust was still there, in her mind. There was a thousand years of dust on everything in her life.

Luna's bedchambers were simple. There was a bed, a writing desk, and a dresser. The dresser was mostly empty, but it bore a large oval mirror, and a single, small, mane brush on its surface.

Luna preferred not to keep knickknacks in her possession. It was some time around her hundredth year of life that she noticed her pile of trinkets was threatening to overrun her small room, and spill from the balcony. Every item represented some cherished memory of some event or pony in her life, or it was simply something she found beautiful. Her quiet, private, personal lifestyle made these objects seem like her dearest friends. Perhaps they were.

By the two-hundredth, she had it all burned. After enough time, you value the ability to forget far more than you value the ability to remember.

Just about the only such possession remaining was her gilded writing quill. She couldn't part with it because it had been made from one of her own molted primaries. Luna enjoyed writing as much as any other pony. She would occasionally correspond with academia before her banishment, to keep up on the latest developments in the world of magical study, and it was a habit she was trying to resume. Luna was discouraged, however, by the amount of catching up she needed to do. It was likely that she would soon give up, rather than face the mountain of new magical knowledge to absorb.

Turning around, she gently touched her cheek to her wooden bedchamber doors. She thought about the world on the other side of the doors, and wished she could be a part of it. With a ka-thunk, Luna engaged the lock, and walked to her bed.

The handmaiden always tucked in her bed tightly, with care and precision. Luna almost felt sorry to disturb the immaculately kept blanket. She slipped off her horseshoes, and breastplate, and curled up into her bed.

Luna squeezed in close, pressing neck to neck. He felt warm, and safe. She was taller than most ponies, but for some reason, she felt small in his embrace. She set her chin down on on his neck and drew in a contented breath. His fur smelled like lemon shampoo. She felt a foreleg wrap around to stroke her mane. "Explain to me, subject. Why don't you hate me?" Luna asked.

Flashy drew back so that Luna could see his smile. She gasped softly with surprise, and blushed at the sight of it. It was so warm, and caring. Flashy looked at her with such intense curiosity and affection that Luna's heart was filled with a sense of tentative peace. She responded with a slow smile of her own, and couldn't help but raise a hoof to touch that handsome smile gently, giving him a soft caress. She started with his lips, and moved down to feel the curves of his jaw, and then his neck.

Flashy answered. "I listen to my constituents."

Luna was confused. She furrowed her brow as her caress reached Flashy's fore leg. "But, I am your princess. I am your ruler. I am not your constituent. You must have made a mistake." She was scared, now. She was scared that Flashy wasn't making any sense. She was scared that he would leave her right then and there. She was scared that he would run to Celestia's bedchamber and be hers.

Flashy reached out to pick up his drink from a small nearby crater. He dusted the lunar regolith from the bottom of his martini glass. Ignoring Luna's words, and her caresses, he stared off at the endless sea of stars in all directions, and took a casual sip. He had a disinterested confidence about him, like he was watching a game of hoofball among business associates.

Luna felt the sudden urge to cry. "Did you make a mistake with me? Do you love me? Is that why we're on the moon?" Flashy's musculature seemed dangerously beautiful under her hooves. She wanted so bad to be here, with him, forever, but his callous expression grew all the more bored. Luna could feel her breath starting to hiccup as the tears and nervousness rose up in her chest. Her soul was filled with fear that she would soon be rejected. "Flashy," she cried out pleadingly.

Luna turned suddenly when Celestia sat down next to her on a small patch of grass. The grass was moist with dew, and the rest of the palace garden was especially peaceful tonight. There was a sound of a babbling waterfall not far away. The peace, however, was not shared by Luna. Why was her sister here? What did she want with her and her beloved? Why is she doing this now, of all times, after there was finally someone to love her? Luna choked up. "You-- you don't get to see me cry."

Celestia's horn started to glow, and Luna gasped with fear and awe. Luna shot up, half ready to fight, half ready to cower with fear. With a voice of the utmost serenity, Celestia explained. "You don't understand, my dearest, sweetest sister. This is all for your own good."

Luna's senses were flooded with fear. She turned to beg Flashy to never forget her when she's gone, but he had already left. He walked off toward a garden party to schmooze with the dignified, upper-crust guests playing croquet next to the garden. "I bucked a princess," he announced to a chorus of laughter. She turned back to Celestia just as the glow of her horn flooded all sense of vision, and she was cast with a roaring splash into an ocean of frigid sea water.

"No!" she shrieked, as she experienced the terror, once more, of being banished to the moon. "Stop hurting me! I'm so sorry! Please! Stop hurting me!" Despite her pleas, and her vain struggles against the current, she was quickly swallowed up by the ocean so deeply that she no longer knew which way was up.

In Luna's clouded vision, a small white spark appeared. Deciding to cling to the final remnants of hope before they sank into the pit of despair, she lunged for the tiny point of light, swimming desperately against the current. Her lungs felt like they were on fire. She felt sick to her stomach with the lack of air. She knew she was about to die, and she wanted more than anything to touch that last spark of hope before her wretched existence was finally snuffed out.

Growing dizzy, her swimming slowed. She screamed, sending bubbles past her nose, and with one final, desperate, impassioned lunge, she reached out, and grabbed the spark.

Luna blinked awake, taking in a surprised breath through her nose.

She had been dreaming, and although she was awake now, the feelings of fear and sorrow from the dream were still weighing on her chest. It took her a few moments to realize that the things she just experienced weren't real. The feelings of anguish slowly subsided, but a new pain rose up to take its place. Flashy's love for her was never real to begin with. It was just a dream. She was still alone, and she knew she would always be alone.

Luna blinked at her bedchambers, and drew a long breath. It was evening, and a soft orange light of sunset was streaming in through her window, casting long shadows on her meager belongings. She slid herself toward the edge of the bed, and reached for her horse shoes and breast plate. They weren't where she usually put them, but she thought nothing of it. Groggily, she scanned for the area around her bed, and found that they weren't far. She picked them up, slipped them on, and crawled out of bed.

It was time for another night, and the moon wasn't going to raise itself.