To Love and Tolerate

May 29

Today was actually quite an eventful day. I discovered many things about this group of people Isaac had introduced to me. For starters Douglas is literally obsessed with the show. Yesterday, I had assumed that Isaac meant that Douglas simply talked about the show a lot. He doesn’t to the extent that I had presumed of him, but every piece of clothing he had was My Little Pony related. I had even seen a streak of rainbow on the strap of his underwear when he fixed his belt. In my mind I wonder how he has survived high school; surely someone must have bullied him extensively like Kyle had been to my cousin.

Douglas also seemed to have a “favorite pony” or “best pony”. He said it was Pinkie Cakes or something like that (Note: I wasn’t listening that well when they brought up ponies, which was still more seldom than I had thought it would.).

As it turned out, they all had opinions on which one was “best pony” was and reasons why. The reasons were never disclosed so I guess I’ll have to figure out why through a passive standpoint based on their personalities. (Note: I shall record such personality traits that I find relevant in a separate notebook.

Anyway, Isaac apparently prefers the one named Applejack. When I heard the name I wasn’t sure if he was kidding or not. I joked about how that character must love apples and the cereal with the same respective name. Well, she loves apples that’s all I figured out (Note: most side conversations were just ramblings that are relevant enough to place in this diary; I guess I should put all conversations to make sure I record everything accurately, but there were just so many of them that I would not have remembered them all even if I tried.).

Paul, the “closet brony”, was not as direct or straightforward as the other four of them when it came to the discussion about “best pony” or anything about ponies. It might’ve been my fault; Paul might still be afraid of my ridicule of him being a brony. I will admit that I haven’t treated them with the same respect I would to any other fandom. Paul has treated me with sincerity and kindness anytime I ask him something so I guess it is only fair to treat them just like everyone else.

Before I let my own rambling trail off into another four page section about puppies I had written when I was still under morphine in the hospital; Jeffrey, the artist, said that his favorite was Twilight Sparkles. I asked him why. He said that she was the only one he hadn’t drawn yet and didn’t want to. It made me curious, but when I looked into his eyes, I could tell that he wasn’t going to explain even I had asked.

Everrett was by far one of the more interesting members of the troupe. He dedicated his time on the internet to trying to erase something called Rule 34 from the internet. I asked him what Rule 34 was, and I immediately became sick to my stomach. He also mentioned that his favorite was the Rarity.

Who in their right mind would pleasure to themselves to a cartoon character for little girls? I know I had said “you’re into what you’re into” but surely something is wrong with those people. I had vocalized this disgust loudly and I noticed Jeffrey tense up slightly, so I lowered my voice.

Later in the day when I was home I received and email from Douglas inviting me to BPP anytime I wanted to join them. I replied asking how he had my email address. He did not reply.

I should not complain too much about Douglas’s ways to acquiring my email address; I did peek at the club’s ledger and found all five of their addresses. I knew Isaac’s but I quickly memorized the other four. I might get bored again and visit one of them after I visit the doctor’s tomorrow.

Monday, May 30 (Note: I will begin writing in days of the week to prevent my confusion; I had lost track of how many days it had been since my first meeting.)

My day was much more eventful than it was on Saturday. I was scheduled in at for Dr. Hershal at around 10:30 AM so I had to get up early, which wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. I slept like a child last night, though I had the strangest dream about falling.

After a few tests, Dr. Hershal concluded that my eyesight was fine and that the rainbow was simply a fissure of light or a figment of my imagination. But Hershal is a cautious man; he told me to keep a bottle of water with me at all times to keep myself hydrated in case that be the problem. Since then I have not seen the beautiful spectacle and I could not decide if it was worth it. It was a nice gesture of the light to explode a rainbow, but I don’t want to be the one person staring into the sky again.

I picked a random name in my mind from the group of bronies to visit. I had chosen the twins, Douglas and Paul. There weren’t too far from my home as it turned out.

When I arrived, Douglas wasn’t surprised at all, but Paul was concerned. I told them the truth about how I came across their address and asked if I might be able to spend the day with them. I had nothing planned and it seemed like neither of them did either (Note: Obviously this was after 3:40 PM when they left school.).

To be completely accurate, Douglas embraced me with a massive hug. Paul went to his room. (Note: I must have a talk with him to tell him that he needn’t be afraid of me or of me humiliating him.)

Douglas sat me down in the kitchen and tossed a cup of Jell-O at my face. It hit me square in the eye, but it was only tap so I wasn’t in any pain. I expected Douglas to just sit down and trail off with a conversation about ponies. He did something along those lines; he offered to watch Doctor Who with me seeing as how that show seemed to be a bit more of my style.

I guess you could say Doctor Who is to me as ponies are to Douglas, except maybe not to his extreme.

We sat down and watch the most recent incarnation of the Doctor for about two hours until Paul came back down and joined us. He still had the same timid posture that he had yesterday. I didn’t say anything to him, but continued watching the show.

The rest of the day was uneventful until I was ready to go home. I had to use the bathroom; I was directed to the last room at the end of the hallway.

I did this and on the way through the hall I saw a slightly ajar door. Inside was a normal teenage boy’s room with posters, clothes on the floor, but there was a single shelf dedicated to toys from the show.

Then behind me came Paul’s timid voice, “Why haven’t you made fun of us?”

I turned with a startled gasp. I must’ve entered his room. “I’m sorry…”

“I don’t care about you going into my room. There’s nothing in there I wouldn’t let you mess with. But why haven’t you made fun of us yet?” His question caught me off guard and I gave him a curious glare. “Everyone just makes fun of us. Even our dad made fun of us and that’s why he’s never here to visit. Our mother works nights just so she won’t have to deal with us, so I had to lie to them about it. I don’t want them to hate me. Douglas just doesn’t care. You’re the only one that hasn’t made fun of us yet. Why?”

I sighed to him and replied, “Everyone has their likes and dislikes. As long as you don’t masturbate to ponies I don’t care what you like.”

He gave me a cautious smile. “By the way, I’m shy around everybody so don’t feel bad if I seem distant with you, okay? It’s just the pony part about this that made it worse.”

I told him I understood and that I wouldn’t tell anybody that he didn’t want me to. Actually, I don’t think I would’ve told anyone at all.

It is 12:30 AM right now. I awoke to the sound of horses coming from outside but when I checked there was nothing. Surely this whole brony thing must be getting to my head. Horses and rainbows, my Lord. I must be insane.

Tuesday, May 31

The third meeting was not as exciting as I had hoped. We all just sat around in Jeffrey’s couch and watched TV. Douglas actually pulled the slickest movements I have ever seen. He seamlessly changed the channel on all of us from Comedy Central to HUB where a marathon of MLP was playing (Note: I will shorten the name of the show to MLP from here on.).

Either nobody noticed or nobody cared, but not a single one of us decided to change it back. I watched the rest of an episode that was already half-way done and the moment the next one started and the theme began playing I had fallen asleep.

Apparently, this was great news for the other five of them. I woke up feeling like something was on my face, and when I looked at the five of them snickering in front of me. I sighed.

“You drew on my face, didn’t you?”

They just laughed some more. Jeffrey pointed down the hall to his bathroom (Note: Douglas and Paul’s house looks highly identical to Jeffrey’s except the larger number of rooms that branch off from the hallway.).

I shuffled to the bathroom and looked into the mirror.

A smiled peek upon my face at the humiliating sight. Across my forehead were the words, “Insert Penis Here”, with an arrow drawn to my mouth. On my left cheek was what I assumed was a penis, but I must have smudged it. On my right cheek were three apples (Note: this must’ve been added by Douglas.). I couldn’t help but start to laugh hysterically. When I came back down, my laughter became contagious and the other five BPP members began laughing just as hard as I had.

This changed something in me that I had never felt before. I jumped back onto the couch and sat back. I watched the damn show. I did not enjoy it as much as they did but I watched it anyway. After that we

I wrote that right as I got home around ten o’clock; I didn’t even finish the sentence I was so exhausted from everything we did (Note: most of it was at Jeffrey’s expense, who paid for everything we did). It is ten minutes until midnight and the night is fresh. It is an abnormal freshness. I awoke feeling rejuvenated. I can’t explain it. I felt so much better; I did not want to sleep. I wanted to go out and have fun now.

It never occurred to me how boring I really was until now. I’m looking back on my life with both nostalgia and relief. I’ve woken up at the same time every for ten years, I’ve kept the same grade-point average for seven years, and I only eat certain things in certain orders: lasagna every second Tuesday, steaks every Wednesday, etc.

My life was just as structured as the beams of a skyscraper.

No more, I say! No longer will James Edridge be a simple man of a closed, scheduled life. Tomorrow, I will call Northern Technical Institute and demand a one year hiatus before I join their classes. I will spend the next year of my life seeking out fun; not the average fun that I see when people just smile and laugh. I want the fun that I’ve denied myself for seventeen years.

(Note: I still don’t want to watch that cartoon though which seems contrary to what I’ve sentenced myself to do. The show is mostly fun to begin with.)

Because of this event, I might not be writing in this diary everyday like I have been. I might go weeks at a time, but I guess I’ll find out soon.