To Love and Tolerate

by Jesiah Is A Pony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Tragedy, Adventure, Human, Dark
Length: 4698

No words can describe the misery, love, passion, fear, and anger throughout this heart-gripping story of James' promising life turning into the dream that his "brony" friends enjoy oh so much.

No words can describe the misery, love, passion, fear, and anger throughout this heart-gripping story of James' promising life turning into the dream that his "brony" friends enjoy oh so much

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-03 20:37:34 UTC

Prologue

James placed his hand on his head and could feel the heat from his fever burn his hand. He had been sick for so long, it was starting to worry him. James typically didn’t get sick, but when he did it was definitely never a week long problem.

He sat up slowly and took a long drink from his bottle of water that his father had left him before work. It was now empty.

The teenage boy stood up slowly and walked towards his bedroom door. Something was much different than usual. His vision was blurry, his balance was off even more than it was from the fever, and he could not feel any part of his body now.

He stumbled and shuffled through the short hallway. In his incoherent trance, he did not realize that he was now at the edge of the stairs. Suddenly, he regained his vision and saw how close he was to the stairs.

His heart quickened and his breathing became irregular. The boy took one step backwards, but felt something push him…like a pair of feet pressed against his back, knocking him over the stairs.

James let out a yelp of fear that was soon smothered out by his own feeling of despair. It felt like an eternity as he plummeted down the flight of stairs. He watched his life flash before him.

Each birthday celebrated with his father and family. A silly gift from his cousin every year about a strange show he had never heard of; something about sparkles and dashing. James recalled all of life. He remembered visiting his mother’s grave; he remembered constantly remembering the date it said she died: January 30, 1995. He remembered watching his father go to work every day of his life and how lucky he felt to have him as family. How nice he was to everyone; how any misfortune was unjust should it happen to him…

Then he hit the ground hard finally remembering that no one would know he was gone until his father came home. No friends to call for help…

Two months later

Isaac titled his head to the left a little and sighed as the rampage of comments and complaints began.

“How can you like that show?”

“What are you? A little girl?”

“Faggot!”

Isaac had heard them all before. He had grown accustomed to people saying horrid things about him liking My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. His own family had even insulted him for some time until he put a stop to it.

The unfortunate thing was that he was in a school and when word traveled around about his “bronyhood”, the torrent of insults and ignorant comments would only become more and more commonplace.

Isaac waited for the bell to ring and waited a little longer for everyone to leave. The teacher at the head of the class did not notice him thus she did not notice his expression of sadness.

Isaac left the classroom slowly and headed down to the cafeteria. It was on the bottom floor, and because of this, all the halls were clear in moments while the tiny corridor that leads to the cafeteria was stuffed with the hundreds of students that attended the school.

The teenage boy noticed this constipation of adolescent children and said to himself, “Fuck that.”

Isaac left the school through the front doors and rushed across the street to the gas stations to get his lunch, but after taking a short look through the glass doors he noticed a small group of large boys, he turned quickly around and walked hastily back to the school.

“Where ya goin’, Shithead!?”

Isaac sighed. “Fuck me.”

He turned once more to face his bully who stood a good ten inches higher than him with a much more defined muscle mass. He was the trademark jock-bully.

“What’d’ya want, Kyle?”

“I found out something about you, and I wanted to know if it was true.”

“And what would that be?”

Suddenly, there were people watching the conflict, but a safe distance. It was as though they expected a large explosion. Isaac did notice one person out of his peripheral coming towards them. He did not recognize him and that terrified the poor victim.

“Do you watch shows for little girls?” Kyle said each word with an ignorant sneer.

“I don’t watch shows for little girls,” Isaac replied calmly but his voice became timid and quiet as he whispered, “Just one…”

“What was that?” Kyle tilted his head.

“Nothing,” Isaac replied defiantly.

“What did you say?!” Kyle grabbed Isaac by the collar and lifted him up. With his other hand Kyle made a fist and pulled it back, ready to slam it into Isaac. “You know I hate it when people mumble things to me.”

Isaac’s eyes widened in fear then shut them for the hurt to come.

But then he suddenly felt himself touch the ground hard. He had fallen from Kyle’s grip. Isaac opened his eyes once again and saw Kyle being strangled by a belt; Isaac could not see the handler, but he whoever it was they were doing a good job in forcing Kyle to his knees.

“You know what I hate?!” a familiar voice yelled angrily. There was a reverb and a growl in his tone that seemed all too unnatural. Kyle finally dropped to the ground coughing and choking. “When people pick on the small guy…”

The belt around Kyle’s neck came undone and was quickly placed within the loops of Isaac’s savior’s denim pants. Isaac looked up at his savior. He had ocean blue eyes, slicked back black hair, and a lean, muscular physique.

“Especially, when it’s my family.” James looked at Isaac with a smile and held out his hand. “How’s it been?”

The two cousins quickly left the incident behind them and rushed to the nearby Burger King to catch something to eat before Isaac had to go back to class.

“I thought you were in the hospital!”

James took a drink of his soda and replied calmly, “They let me out. My fever settled down a month ago and the bruises on my ribs weren’t as bad as the doctors had thought. They were surprised I had even survived the fall, landing the way I did.”

Isaac took a massive bite into his burger. “But what are you doing in Martinstown? You live in Terre Haute.”

“When I fell from the stairs…” James hesitated. He felt uneasy talking about his issues about friendship. “When I fell, I realized that I had no friends. I have family like you, but that’s it.”

“I’m sure you have friends,” Isaac replied with burger and cheese in his mouth. “You just…”

“I spent every moment of my free time working and learning. I have an IQ of 168 and because of that I never met people and got friends.” James felt a little hurt. Not only was he friendless, but it was his own fault.

“James, I think I know what you’re getting at. You want me to help you make friends.”

James made a pride-losing nod.

“I can help you out. I’ve actually got a meeting with some of my friends tomorrow after school; you can come with.”

“Oh that’d be great.” Deep down James still was not sure if it was friends that he actually needed. Maybe he just wanted to be recognized more than anything, but he couldn’t turn down his cousin’s offer now.

“Okay then, I…um, must warn you about them. They aren’t the most normal people.”

“How so?” James asked curiously.

“They’re bronies.” Isaac wasn’t sure how James would react to that information, so he said it cautiously.

“Oh, well that’s not so bad now is it?”

Isaac felt a sudden relief on himself and looked at the clock behind James. “It’s getting close to the time when I need to go back to school. By the way, you don’t go to school here, but Terre Haute doesn’t gets out for another two weeks.”

“That IQ of 168 kind of got me an early graduation last semester.”

“Wow! Good job dude.”

There was a silence between them as James brought up the courage to ask the question that was now bothering him intensely. “\May I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Isaac…what’s a brony?”

James' Diary May 26-28

May 26

It was strange to find out what a brony was? Yet it wasn’t as bad as I had originally thought it was. Isaac has always been a fan of strange things including anime, cartoons, Legos (which I actually enjoy just as much as he does); I just never thought that ponies would be one of them.

When I arrived home, my father was waiting in the living room. He asked me how my day had been like he always did. I shouldn’t say he was waiting for me; rather he was watching a show and immediately took notice to my presence.

The man let me go back to my business after I explained to him my plans for tomorrow and how Isaac had invited me to his brony meeting.

Actually, my exact words were, “Isaac invited me to spend the day with his friends after school. I kind of want to go.”

I felt as though the addition of the “brony meeting” might’ve compromised my father’s agreement. He may be a good man at heart and in form, but he just doesn’t like it when grown men and teenage boys watch cartoons. He accepts it when I watch cartoons, but when I do it’s usually from an analytic stand point.

I went to my room and readied myself for the day to come. I set out my clothes and kept them in a neat pile on top of my desk where all of my blueprint paper, notebooks, textbooks, and manuals resided neatly. I enjoy all things mechanical and want to major in that when I go to college in the next year. (Note: I still cannot believe that I was asked to attend my first choice of college. It makes me internally giddy every time I think of it.)

I must say that my room was also extremely messy. It was as though an orb of protection surrounded my desk while the rest of my room was shuffled around in a Yahtzee cup.

I must remind myself to visit Dr. Hershal before the end of the week. I saw the strangest sight this morning and did not remember it until I started writing about the Yahtzee cup; not sure how it reminded me of this important issue but as long I remembered. I must inform Dr. Hershal that I saw a strange abnormality in my vision where I saw a rainbow explode. I know that this must be my brain being overworked from stress over school and friend making or else I would not have been the only one that looked like he had never seen a rainbow.

(Note: it was beyond a beautiful sight. An exploding rainbow would be a marvel to truly witness.)

May 27

I brought my diary with me to this “brony meeting” so that I may record the account of my day up to that point. This was not the case at all. I brought it with me but did not open it. In my mind I imagined Isaac and his friends watching their favorite episodes of this show they enjoy. Instead, we met up and they day proceeded as follows:

• Isaac bought an early dinner for everyone

• We arrived at a large home that belonged to Jeffrey (a shorter fellow with peculiar white hair; he also carried around a satchel of drawing supplies that made me wonder what he liked to create along the lines of art)

• Everrett (hazel eyes, long nose, and, from what I could tell from the roots of his hair, he dyed his hair at least once every week into a different color) brought up an analogy from an episode called “The Ticket Master” about sharing and giving things up; from there I expected to be able to sit back and begin writing in my diary, but when his analogy had ended he related to the current situation in Syria. It was strange to have a girl’s cartoon related back to politics

• We all talked about politics, issues within the world, and all sorts of pet peeves. I came to the realization that I was thinking of them simply as obsessive cartoon watchers like what Kyle had envisioned.

• Isaac brought up my “mechanical prowess”. I told them that I was still learning but could easily make a generator. It wasn’t my proudest moment to gloat, but I felt as though I deserved it when I finished Paul’s Rubik’s cube in less than two minutes.

• I went to the bathroom and came back to here Isaac giving a pep talk to his friends about how grateful he was to them for not scaring me away. Mainly pointing out Douglas’s obsession with the show and how nicely he handled not talking about it extensively. I walked in a said to them all, “Thank you, all, but please don’t hide who you are from me. I need make friends not acquaintances.” (Note: use smaller words in speech. It might help in making connections with people who are not as smart as me.)

Now today’s diary entry comes to an interesting end. I was invited to Sunday’s meet-up just two days away. I was not invited by Isaac however, but rather from the group’s founder, Douglas. From what I could tell from side-conversations, Douglas had made the group to help his twin brother, Paul, find other bronies to befriend. Apparently you can hide being a brony. This might’ve come in handy for Isaac, but I don’t think Isaac enjoys lying to people who ask him straight forward questions.

Anyway, today was quite the interesting day. I do hope to see these fellows again. I do wish to see what they are like without the intention of trying to keep me there.

(Note: the group is called BPP: Bronies Pony Paradise; I laughed when I heard it.)

May 28

Today was quite boring. I never thought that a Saturday could be boring; usually I would just watch the Discovery channel or develop theses on why I can’t find anything to do. I guess I never realized how boring my life was until I found something interesting to look forward to every two days.

Anyway, I came across the HUB channel which came up in the car ride back to my home where I was dropped off and found the home television network for Isaac’s TV show. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Interesting name and animation style. I must admit it was good for what it was, but I didn’t understand what the hype was over it. But I guess I can’t complain; hell, I’ve spent most of my life indoors working with books, metals, and heavy objects. You’re into what you’re into and if that means talking ponies, then so be it.

There was one moment of my day that caught my attention: I saw that rainbow explode again. I rubbed my eyes and I disappeared when my vision un-blurred. I must see Dr. Hershal on Monday. It’s a good thing I call him.

(Note: I needed one side-note written in here.)

James's Diary Part 2

May 29

Today was actually quite an eventful day. I discovered many things about this group of people Isaac had introduced to me. For starters Douglas is literally obsessed with the show. Yesterday, I had assumed that Isaac meant that Douglas simply talked about the show a lot. He doesn’t to the extent that I had presumed of him, but every piece of clothing he had was My Little Pony related. I had even seen a streak of rainbow on the strap of his underwear when he fixed his belt. In my mind I wonder how he has survived high school; surely someone must have bullied him extensively like Kyle had been to my cousin.

Douglas also seemed to have a “favorite pony” or “best pony”. He said it was Pinkie Cakes or something like that (Note: I wasn’t listening that well when they brought up ponies, which was still more seldom than I had thought it would.).

As it turned out, they all had opinions on which one was “best pony” was and reasons why. The reasons were never disclosed so I guess I’ll have to figure out why through a passive standpoint based on their personalities. (Note: I shall record such personality traits that I find relevant in a separate notebook.

Anyway, Isaac apparently prefers the one named Applejack. When I heard the name I wasn’t sure if he was kidding or not. I joked about how that character must love apples and the cereal with the same respective name. Well, she loves apples that’s all I figured out (Note: most side conversations were just ramblings that are relevant enough to place in this diary; I guess I should put all conversations to make sure I record everything accurately, but there were just so many of them that I would not have remembered them all even if I tried.).

Paul, the “closet brony”, was not as direct or straightforward as the other four of them when it came to the discussion about “best pony” or anything about ponies. It might’ve been my fault; Paul might still be afraid of my ridicule of him being a brony. I will admit that I haven’t treated them with the same respect I would to any other fandom. Paul has treated me with sincerity and kindness anytime I ask him something so I guess it is only fair to treat them just like everyone else.

Before I let my own rambling trail off into another four page section about puppies I had written when I was still under morphine in the hospital; Jeffrey, the artist, said that his favorite was Twilight Sparkles. I asked him why. He said that she was the only one he hadn’t drawn yet and didn’t want to. It made me curious, but when I looked into his eyes, I could tell that he wasn’t going to explain even I had asked.

Everrett was by far one of the more interesting members of the troupe. He dedicated his time on the internet to trying to erase something called Rule 34 from the internet. I asked him what Rule 34 was, and I immediately became sick to my stomach. He also mentioned that his favorite was the Rarity.

Who in their right mind would pleasure to themselves to a cartoon character for little girls? I know I had said “you’re into what you’re into” but surely something is wrong with those people. I had vocalized this disgust loudly and I noticed Jeffrey tense up slightly, so I lowered my voice.

Later in the day when I was home I received and email from Douglas inviting me to BPP anytime I wanted to join them. I replied asking how he had my email address. He did not reply.

I should not complain too much about Douglas’s ways to acquiring my email address; I did peek at the club’s ledger and found all five of their addresses. I knew Isaac’s but I quickly memorized the other four. I might get bored again and visit one of them after I visit the doctor’s tomorrow.

Monday, May 30 (Note: I will begin writing in days of the week to prevent my confusion; I had lost track of how many days it had been since my first meeting.)

My day was much more eventful than it was on Saturday. I was scheduled in at for Dr. Hershal at around 10:30 AM so I had to get up early, which wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. I slept like a child last night, though I had the strangest dream about falling.

After a few tests, Dr. Hershal concluded that my eyesight was fine and that the rainbow was simply a fissure of light or a figment of my imagination. But Hershal is a cautious man; he told me to keep a bottle of water with me at all times to keep myself hydrated in case that be the problem. Since then I have not seen the beautiful spectacle and I could not decide if it was worth it. It was a nice gesture of the light to explode a rainbow, but I don’t want to be the one person staring into the sky again.

I picked a random name in my mind from the group of bronies to visit. I had chosen the twins, Douglas and Paul. There weren’t too far from my home as it turned out.

When I arrived, Douglas wasn’t surprised at all, but Paul was concerned. I told them the truth about how I came across their address and asked if I might be able to spend the day with them. I had nothing planned and it seemed like neither of them did either (Note: Obviously this was after 3:40 PM when they left school.).

To be completely accurate, Douglas embraced me with a massive hug. Paul went to his room. (Note: I must have a talk with him to tell him that he needn’t be afraid of me or of me humiliating him.)

Douglas sat me down in the kitchen and tossed a cup of Jell-O at my face. It hit me square in the eye, but it was only tap so I wasn’t in any pain. I expected Douglas to just sit down and trail off with a conversation about ponies. He did something along those lines; he offered to watch Doctor Who with me seeing as how that show seemed to be a bit more of my style.

I guess you could say Doctor Who is to me as ponies are to Douglas, except maybe not to his extreme.

We sat down and watch the most recent incarnation of the Doctor for about two hours until Paul came back down and joined us. He still had the same timid posture that he had yesterday. I didn’t say anything to him, but continued watching the show.

The rest of the day was uneventful until I was ready to go home. I had to use the bathroom; I was directed to the last room at the end of the hallway.

I did this and on the way through the hall I saw a slightly ajar door. Inside was a normal teenage boy’s room with posters, clothes on the floor, but there was a single shelf dedicated to toys from the show.

Then behind me came Paul’s timid voice, “Why haven’t you made fun of us?”

I turned with a startled gasp. I must’ve entered his room. “I’m sorry…”

“I don’t care about you going into my room. There’s nothing in there I wouldn’t let you mess with. But why haven’t you made fun of us yet?” His question caught me off guard and I gave him a curious glare. “Everyone just makes fun of us. Even our dad made fun of us and that’s why he’s never here to visit. Our mother works nights just so she won’t have to deal with us, so I had to lie to them about it. I don’t want them to hate me. Douglas just doesn’t care. You’re the only one that hasn’t made fun of us yet. Why?”

I sighed to him and replied, “Everyone has their likes and dislikes. As long as you don’t masturbate to ponies I don’t care what you like.”

He gave me a cautious smile. “By the way, I’m shy around everybody so don’t feel bad if I seem distant with you, okay? It’s just the pony part about this that made it worse.”

I told him I understood and that I wouldn’t tell anybody that he didn’t want me to. Actually, I don’t think I would’ve told anyone at all.

It is 12:30 AM right now. I awoke to the sound of horses coming from outside but when I checked there was nothing. Surely this whole brony thing must be getting to my head. Horses and rainbows, my Lord. I must be insane.

Tuesday, May 31

The third meeting was not as exciting as I had hoped. We all just sat around in Jeffrey’s couch and watched TV. Douglas actually pulled the slickest movements I have ever seen. He seamlessly changed the channel on all of us from Comedy Central to HUB where a marathon of MLP was playing (Note: I will shorten the name of the show to MLP from here on.).

Either nobody noticed or nobody cared, but not a single one of us decided to change it back. I watched the rest of an episode that was already half-way done and the moment the next one started and the theme began playing I had fallen asleep.

Apparently, this was great news for the other five of them. I woke up feeling like something was on my face, and when I looked at the five of them snickering in front of me. I sighed.

“You drew on my face, didn’t you?”

They just laughed some more. Jeffrey pointed down the hall to his bathroom (Note: Douglas and Paul’s house looks highly identical to Jeffrey’s except the larger number of rooms that branch off from the hallway.).

I shuffled to the bathroom and looked into the mirror.

A smiled peek upon my face at the humiliating sight. Across my forehead were the words, “Insert Penis Here”, with an arrow drawn to my mouth. On my left cheek was what I assumed was a penis, but I must have smudged it. On my right cheek were three apples (Note: this must’ve been added by Douglas.). I couldn’t help but start to laugh hysterically. When I came back down, my laughter became contagious and the other five BPP members began laughing just as hard as I had.

This changed something in me that I had never felt before. I jumped back onto the couch and sat back. I watched the damn show. I did not enjoy it as much as they did but I watched it anyway. After that we

I wrote that right as I got home around ten o’clock; I didn’t even finish the sentence I was so exhausted from everything we did (Note: most of it was at Jeffrey’s expense, who paid for everything we did). It is ten minutes until midnight and the night is fresh. It is an abnormal freshness. I awoke feeling rejuvenated. I can’t explain it. I felt so much better; I did not want to sleep. I wanted to go out and have fun now.

It never occurred to me how boring I really was until now. I’m looking back on my life with both nostalgia and relief. I’ve woken up at the same time every for ten years, I’ve kept the same grade-point average for seven years, and I only eat certain things in certain orders: lasagna every second Tuesday, steaks every Wednesday, etc.

My life was just as structured as the beams of a skyscraper.

No more, I say! No longer will James Edridge be a simple man of a closed, scheduled life. Tomorrow, I will call Northern Technical Institute and demand a one year hiatus before I join their classes. I will spend the next year of my life seeking out fun; not the average fun that I see when people just smile and laugh. I want the fun that I’ve denied myself for seventeen years.

(Note: I still don’t want to watch that cartoon though which seems contrary to what I’ve sentenced myself to do. The show is mostly fun to begin with.)

Because of this event, I might not be writing in this diary everyday like I have been. I might go weeks at a time, but I guess I’ll find out soon.