WHY HIDE

My dream crumbles apart. I helplessly try grabbing for the pleasant visions. They dissolve right before me. I hear the sound of your voice. I am slowly dragged out of my blissful state. You are calling me again, demanding that I get up. I groan as I wake from my slumber. My face contorts. My head is numb. My eyes are welded shut. I try forcing them open. They send a wave of agony through my skull. I smell my own sweat soaked into the pillows beneath me. My limbs are lead weights. I can barely roll over. The cool air rushing under my blanket dissuades any further attempt to get out from under it. I pull them over me tightly, praying for the swift return of the warmth underneath. I want to stay in the warm and comfortable embrace of this womb. My eyes finally relax, and I feel myself being pulled down into unconsciousness. The murky images of the dream begin to form in my vision again. I smile.

Your voice tears through my womb again. It scrapes me out like an unwanted growth. You must have come up to my bed, because I hear you much louder now. My smile disappears. The pain in my head returns. I grind my teeth together. Hatred flows through me. I wish I could seal my ears shut. I wish I could bury myself. Smother myself with the earth just to get some sleep. I try to commit as much of the dream to memory as I can. The pieces are drifting away. I hold on to what little remains vivid in my mind. I see her again. Holding me close. The warmth all over my face. The happiness that I feel.

You pull the covers off me in one swift motion. It feels like you tearing the skin off my flesh. The cold bites into me in a painful rush. I don't make a sound. I don't flinch. I don't even move. You say my name again. I finally manage to open my eyes. The blinding light boils their surface. I see you standing above me. There is a frustrated look on your face. You turn around and trot away while telling me to get up. I give a painful sigh as I will my body to obey. My limbs sluggishly lift me out of the embrace of the cot. The pillows still radiate their warmth. Your voice breaks me away from their attraction.

I drag myself after you. My legs shuffle in an autonomous fashion. They take me down the stairs. I am hunched forward. Gravity holds my eyelids half-sealed. My mouth is dry. I feel my sweat drying all over me. My blood is thick, crawling through my veins at a snail's pace. I walk up behind you while you stare at the shelves. You glance back at me and smile. Your tone now communicates that you are pleased. You begin to list my chores for the day. I nod in silence as you rattle them off. Once you are finished, you rub the top of my head with a forehoof proudly, then trot out the door. It becomes engulfed in an aura of telekinesis and closes behind you, leaving me behind all alone, surrounded by my labors.

I sigh again. My body moves on its own. I am detached from my limbs. I start collecting the things you left all over the floor. I stack them up, move them, then put them back where they belong. Once I am done I head for the closet. I grab all the necessary tools and proceed to clean every surface in the room. The air becomes tainted with clouds of dust. It clogs my nose and makes me cough. I do not complain. There is nothing to complain about. This is my job. Your own work is too demanding for you to do this yourself. I pay attention to keep everything organized. You always demand that everything stays in order. You need me. You depend on my servitude.

I just toil away without saying a word. Without stopping for a moment. I lose track of time. I don't feel my limbs. My motions are not guided consciously. My mind is all that I am aware of now. I think back to that dream that I sometimes have. About the creature that I am said to be. The creature I am believed to be growing into. I remember seeing the others. A horde of giants migrating across the sky. Their majestic forms inspiring fear and awe. I remember the longing that I felt. The will I tried to channel into myself to grow and evolve. The wish to defy the force nailing me to the ground. The fantasy of soaring among the clouds with the rest of them.

I remember your words. Your hooves holding on to me. Your look of pity. The way you pull me down every time. The power you have over me. You remind me of my place. I do not resist. I can't. I have been stuck to you like a growth my whole life. I am an infant. You were the one to deliver me. I need you. I am small. I am weak. I cannot fly. My scent is no longer my own. You hold me so close that I smell you on myself all the time. The others could sense it too. They said I was not one of them. You have managed to absorb me. I am a part of you. I need you to live.

I finish my work quietly. There are still hours left before you get back. I look at the door. You did not leave any keys. You expect me to stay here. I start crawling back upstairs. My arms are trembling. My footsteps blur together into an enervated flow. I slump back into my bed. My breathing is shallow. I stop moving. I stare up at the ceiling. My heart is pulsing in my chest. A tiny lump of flesh. It keeps me alive. I have no control over it. I raise my hands. The claws need to be trimmed again. You don't want them growing too sharp. I smell my own breath oozing out of my belly. My stomach gurgles. I don't get up. I am too exhausted.

I lie there without moving a muscle. Minutes tick away. Hours. I cannot sleep. The dream will not come back. I try to remember it. I close my eyes. My memories are hazy. They become corrupted. I shake my head. They disgust me. I banish them from my mind. Better to forget than to hold on to something foul.

I hear the door opening downstairs. Your voice calls out to me again. You aren't alone. The others are here. I hear them talking and giggling to themselves. I hear my name being whispered. More laughter.

I take a deep breath and roll out of my bed. I crawl toward the stairs again. Why should I even struggle? Why be ashamed of my state? Why hate what I must accept? I will hide my identity among your kind. I will curl up and conceal myself. This is all that I can do now.

Author's Note

...