NOBODY

My existence is agony. My consciousness is torture. My mind is paralyzed. I am a prisoner inside my skin. I hate every moment that I must witness. I despise every molecule that sustains my biology. I am powerless against their function. My survival is my punishment. This body anchors me to the life that I wish to escape from.

I gather as much strength as I can. I wish to break out of this cage of flesh. I slam my prison against the walls. Every surface that could damage it is a beacon of hope. I feel a rush of pleasure as I experience matter being destroyed around me. I imagine my body breaking apart. My life bleeding out of the wounds that I create. My final breath granting me release.

The obscene shell drains most of the energy that I channel into my actions. The weights pulling down my brain impede every such attempt. The cell that contains me resists the abuse. It heals itself, and I have no control over it. My bones remain intact. My muscles scream in agony, but are otherwise functional. My skin is unharmed. The pain is but a sour reminder of how close I am to my escape, and yet how far. When the others see what I am doing they stop me, thinking that I am just making another mistake. I have no way to communicate my intentions to them. I don't have the strength to fight them off.

I am stuck in myself.

I try to use my anger as motivation, but my mind is defective. I have no coherent thoughts. No emotion is able to grasp me. I feel the currents running through my nerves, but not one of them is strong enough to displace my derelict state. My pulse never gains any momentum. My breathing is never any more forceful. I am unable to become overwhelmed by the chemicals my brain produces. They roam aimlessly throughout my blood vessels, finding no organized system to derail.

Let me go...

My vision is impaired. My eyes cannot align properly. If I focus on correcting them, I lose control over my body. My motions are erratic. I drift around like a dead leaf. A helpless victim to the slightest gust of air. For a being that has been granted flight, I possess the worst possible combination of weaknesses. No sensible ecosystem would support my continued existence.

Let me go...

Against my expectations, they have given me a job. They must assume that I am able to work. Why they would choose the pegasus who is the most inept at flying correctly is beyond my understanding. I just perform my duty as best I can. I struggle with it just to give myself a purpose. I make mistakes constantly. The things that pass through my hooves rarely do so without any damage. They don't seem to care. They don't even notice.

I'm nothing.

I stumble around in the air above them as I carry my workload. They smile and wave at me when they see me. Nopony looks a second time. Nopony cares about my condition. I am a natural phenomenon in their awareness. My role is that of "the ditzy mare." They see no reason to dwell on that matter any further. Even the destruction I sometimes cause just fades into the background.

I'm nobody.

I wish to scream at them. Slam my entire being against them to let them all know. My obscene flesh does not obey me. It does not grant me escape. I am a useless creature. A mistake. An obstacle in the path of evolution. I wish I had never been born.

Author's Note

"I just don't know what went wrong..."
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I was so fucking drunk when I wrote (most of) this...

By the way, I recently bumped into a really good story that follows a similar concept. In a way, one could imagine it is a prequel to my abomination. I believe it deserves your attention: (link)