Lost and Foundby Jay-RuthChaptersChapter 1: A Day in the Life Chapter 2: Good Intentions Gone Awry Chapter 3: Form and Finesse Chapter 4: Close Encounters Chapter 1: A Day in the Life A day in the life *CRASH!* Derpy Hooves gasped as the vase fell to the floor, shattering on impact. "I am so, so sorry Mrs. Glass!" Derpy had clumsily bumped into a table, knocking the expensive jug to the floor, and its owner, Crystal Glass, was now staring blankly at the broken crystalline fragments. "Eh, Never— Never mind, Derpy. My late mother's wedding gift can be replaced..." Crystal’s voice was taut, and her words caught in her throat. Derpy could see the anger in her eyes, and she shuffled her feet nervously, eyes to the ground, being careful not to make eye contact with the fuming mare. “I really am sor—" Crystal cut her off. "You really should go." "But—" "Please! Go!" Derpy scuttled out the door, tripping over her hooves to move out of the way as Crystal slammed it behind her. Derpy stood in shock for a moment, listening to the muffled speech coming from behind the door, then hesitantly leaned forward to hear what Crystal was saying. Pressing her ear against the hard wood, she heard her ranting, "That pony! Someone needs to put her in a mental institute, where she can't break or hurt anything else! I mean really— My mother’s expensive— ERG!" Derpy turned and trudged away forlornly. She always seemed to be messing things up, and today had been worse than usual. Actually, this entire week had been bad. First, she had offered to help re-shelve books at Twilight's library, but ended up knocking over two large shelves, and breaking poor Spike's tail in the process. Then she tried to assist the Cakes, but in the end, the fire department had to soak their kitchen. And then she went to Rarity's... Well, she learned a few new curse words that day... Derpy dragged her hooves through the streets of Ponyville, head to the ground. Her ears perked slightly as she heard strange grunting noises from up ahead, and she glanced up to see Carrot Top struggling to hold a large pile of fresh vegetables. The grey pegasus brushes her mane out of her eyes, trotting forward tentatively. “Hey Carrot, need a hand?” "Oh! Yes please, thanks-" Carrot Top had managed to shift the large pile stack of carrots between her hooves, and froze when she noticed who she was talking to. “Uh, actually, I’m fine! Thanks for asking! Better get going!” Several carrots dropped from her basket as she tried to hurry away, doing her best to balance on her back hooves, and trying to catch the carrots as they fell. “Are you sure you don’t—” “Quite sure! Thanks Derpy, uh, bye!” Derpy sighed and turned away. Of course Carrot Top didn’t want her help. Derpy surely would have found some way to mess it up, she always did. She shook her head. Best go home then. After a long walk, she arrived at her door step and awkwardly nosed through her bag for a house key, but it wasn't there. She frantically searched the bag, eventually resorting to upturning it's contents onto the front step, but to no avail. She must have dropped it. She was always dropping things. Derpy sighed and trotted around to the back of the house, spread her wings, and gave a powerful thrust, ascending to the roof top. She carefully navigated the shingles, then wriggled her way down the chimney, emerging at the bottom, completely covered in soot. She sneezed; startling the sleeping red ferret nestled on the chair beside the fire place. "Oh, I'm sorry Brick!" A black nose peeked out from under the table, and the ferret scurried up Derpy’s leg, wrapping itself around her neck. She giggled. "You good boy!" It seemed Brick was the only friend she had right now. Derpy had adopted her ferret from Fluttershy a few months back, and named him Brick, not only for his red color, but for her fondness for bricks, they didn't break. Well, most of them didn't anyway. Derpy nuzzled the ball of fluff curled up on her back, inhaling his musky scent. Trotting around the living room, she happened to catch a glimpse of herself self in the mirror, and couldn’t help but laugh. A coal black pony with grey patched around her eyes stared at her, a silly grin plastered across her face. She sighed and gently lifted Brick onto the couch, then headed off to take a quick shower. After she was all nice and clean, Derpy dried her hair and went to her bedroom. After a moment of searching, she finally managed to locate her contacts, which she had forgotten to put in that morning. One of the reasons she had broken the vase. Burrrr Her stomach rumbled loudly, and she giggled again. “Guess I’m hungry!” She wandered into the kitchen and opened her fridge, searching for something edible. "Hmm," she tapped her chin, scanning the contents of the refrigerator. "Blueberry muffin, Banana muffin, Chocolate chip muffin, Tuna muffin- Ah!" Derpy reached into the refrigerator and extracted a white tub. "Yogurt!" Derpy scooped a few spoons of the creamy yogurt into a bowl, then poured herself a glass of milk and sat down at a small table, a pad of paper and a pencil in front of her. While no one knew it, Derpy had a passion for art, and wasn't bad either. She took the pencil in her hoof, (an incredibly hard feat mind you), and began to sketch as she sipped her milk. As she sketched, she glanced out the window, into trees outside. The sun shone through the open window, and warmed her face, while birds sang in the trees. An autumn breeze was blowing strong, which caused the branches to sway. It looked a good day for a walk. Thirty minutes later, Derpy cleared her dishes from the table and studied the final result of her drawing. A handsome pony stared back at her, with large deep eyes, wings unfurled, preparing to take off. Derpy smiled and took the drawing between her hooves, careful not to crinkle it. She would color this in later. Carefully placing her picture in a drawer, Derpy Hooves grabbed her mail bag and called to Brick. "I'm going for a walk! Wanna come?" The reddish brown ferret scurried over to her, leaping off a chair and onto her back. Derpy smiled and trotted out the door, specifically remembering to take her extra key. She wasn't completely hopeless. Derpy merrily trotted down the path the led through Ponyville’s park, a beautiful plot of land decorated with small statues and brightly colored flowers. Derpy lifted her face to the sun, letting the golden beams caress her cheeks, sweet smelling air flowing through her mane, causing it to fan out behind her. The park helped Derpy feel a better about the past week, the fresh air clearing her mind. She loved the feel of fall leaves crunching beneath her feet. "Hold on Brick!" She called to the ferret as she spread her wings, flapping gently, letting the strong breeze lift off the ground. She titled her wings and climbed just above tree level, observing the scenery beneath her. A small group of fillies, whom she soon recognized as Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Bell, were scrambling franticly around a practice field. The wind carried the shrill cry of "Cutie Mark Crusaders Foot Ball players!" to Derpy's ears, and she smiled to herself. Everything was calm up here, nothing to break or knock over. Suddenly, the breeze changed direction, and Derpy was caught completely off guard. Her two wings caught different currents, and Brick uttered a shrill squeak as Derpy was sent spiraling towards the ground. She managed to dodge the tree branches, but still crash landed into a pony. Derpy leaped to her feet and shook herself, wincing as she straitened her wings. "I am so sorry! I didn't-" Derpy's words caught in her mouth as the pony got to his feet. It was a strikingly handsome pale green pegasus, with a deep blue mane and eyes the same shade. He shook his head as he stood up. "Quite alright," He smiled a bit, blue eyes sparkling. "These wind currents are treacherous." Derpy stared at him, confused. He wasn't mad? But, everyone got mad when she crashed into them. Except Fluttershy, she never got mad. But everyone else did. An awkward pause proceeded, so Derpy stuck out a hoof, smiling a little. "Hi, I'm Derpy Hooves. Some people call me Ditzy though." The stallion took her hoof, shaking it. "I'm Dragonfly, pleased to meet you." Derpy pawed the ground uncomfortably. "Er, yeah... So, sorry about bumping into you. I'd better be going." Dragonfly nodded, and Derpy turned quickly, trotting away. She suddenly remembered Brick, and glanced around, trying to locate him. After a few minutes of searching, she spotted him in a clump of tulips, trying to untangle himself from the flowers. Giggling, the blonde mare hurried over her pet to rescue him from the fragrant blossoms. She tossed the ferret across her back. "Sorry about that." Brick just huffed and curled up beneath her wing. Derpy grinned and loped away toward home as the sun began to set in west, the stallions blue eyes twinkling in the back of her mind. Derpy smiled to herself. 'Dragonfly... What a nice name.' Chapter 2: Good Intentions Gone Awry An early mistake *Knock, knock, knock* Derpy jerked awake, blinking her eyes and trying to focus. What was that? She listened closely, straining to hear any sort of noise, but all she could here was the subtle chirping of early morning birds. She glanced at the clock; 5:19??? Who would be up at such an hour? Surely no one. She nestled back in back, curling into a snug ball under the blankets, and was just falling back into a deep slumber when- *Knock knock knock* Derpy jerked awake and fumbled for the light switch. She swiped at the wall a few times, then finally managed to hit the switch, and a seemingly blinding light filled her eyes. She shook her head experimentally, then stumbled out into the hallway. She yanked a throw out from under the sleeping Brick, who tumbled to the floor, and wrapped it about her torso, shivering as she clumsily made her way to the front door. "Knockity knock knock!" A high pitched voice called from behind the wooden barrier, followed by more knocking. "I'm coming! I'm coming..." Derpy grumbled as she fiddled with the door knob for a moment, and finally managed to get it open. With a creak, the door swung wide, revealing a bright pink mare with a cotton candy like mane. "Pinkie pie? What are you-" Pinkie sprung forward, and a small confetti launcher behind her popped loudly, making Derpy squeak in surprise. "Wakey wakey! Come on sleepy head, we're having a party!!!" Derpy tilted her head in confusion. "A party? But why?" Pinkie giggled, straightening the party hat that perched upon her fluffy mane. "Why a welcoming party, du-uh!" Derpy shook her head. Pinkie Pie was worse than her. "I hate to ruin your party Pinkie, but you already threw me a party... 2 years ago." Pinkie glared at her in an I'm-not-really-mad-at-you sort of fashion that only Pinkie Pie could pull off. "Not for you silly billy, for Dragon Fly!!! Now come on! Get ready, and meet us at Sugar cube corner by seven ooooooooclock!" Dragon Fly, the pony she had met yesterday? Yes, she had thought she'd never seen him before. With that, The pink mare disappeared with no trace she had ever been there, save for the glittering confetti. Derpy simply shook her head once more and turned to the ferret glaring daggers at her from the floor. Brick snatched the blanket from her, wrapping himself in it and curling into a tight little ball once again. She sighed and wandered back into the illuminated bedroom, frowning at her reflection in the vanity mirror. Her mane was disheveled, and her eyes still had a half closed, sleepy look about them. How the heck did Pinkie ever wake this early anyway? She grabbed a brush from the counter and began attacking her hair. It took a while, but she managed to get all the knots out and her mane back in order. She then went to the bathroom, washed her face, and returned to her bedroom, glancing at the clock. 6:30, she had a little time. Derpy glanced through her wardrobe, trying to decide if she wanted to wear anything as she considered Dragon Fly. The pony had stayed with her the entirety of that night, blue eyes echoing through her mind, and filling her dreams. She couldn't stop thinking about him. A pony who had never met her wouldn't have seen her mistakes right? If she could just keep herself out of trouble- Deep in thought, Derpy accidently bumped into a table, spilling a glass of water. She groaned and dashed to the kitchen, grabbing a towel to soak up the water. I had better be careful today... She looked up from cleaning the spilled water to check the time. 6:52... Better get a move on. Derpy tossed the wet towel on her counter top and snatched a violet scarf from the dresser, tying it 'round her neck as she hurried out the door. The morning sun felt nice on her face as Derpy trotted through the town to Sugarcube corner. The streets were empty and quiet, and Derpy assumed everyone was at the party. Sure enough, as she approached the Cakes shop, she could hear the muffled noise of ponies laughing and shouting. Derpy opened the door, and Pinkie Pie greeted her, "Derpy! You’re here!" She turned to the crowd, grinning, "Hey everypony! Last pony’s here, now I can go get Dragon Fly!" The ponies cheered, and Pinkie bounced out the door while the room hummed with excitement. Derpy managed to navigate through the crowd and make her way to the buffet, where several ponies gathered, chatting among themselves and nibbling on the delicious party treats the cakes had prepared. The ponies gave Derpy space as she approached, backing away to avoid anything that might be knocked over. Derpy looked hopefully at Bon Bon and Lyra, but when they saw her, the quickly made their way to the pin-the-tail-on-the-pony game. Derpy sighed and took a plate in her mouth, filling it with the muffins she knew Pinkie had supplied with her in mind. Suddenly, a cute little grayish filly bounced up to her, smiling. "Derpy!!" She cried, giving her older sister a hug, while Sparkler followed close behind. Derpy smiled, her spirits lifting. She embraced her youngest sister warmly. "Hey Dink, Sparkler." The Purple pony nodded uncomfortably. While Derpy and Dinky Doo had been born much like their mother, Sparkler had taken after their father, a solemn pony who spent most of his days at the office. "Hello Derpy Hooves, it's nice to see you again." Sparkler turned to her smaller sister, "Eh, Dinky, let's, let's go play charades with Berry Punch!" Sparkler dragged her sister away, and Dinky waved. "Bye Derpy!!!" Derpy sighed and waved back, turning back to her plate of muffins, and was about to take a big bite when Lily popped her head in the door and shrieked; "THEY'RE COMING!!! THEY'RE COMING!!!" Everypony dived for cover, under tables, behind curtains, and Derpy placed herself behind a box of balloons. The sound of held in giggled spread around the room as the muffled noises of Pinkie and Dragon Fly approached. "Okay! It's right in here!" Pinkie Pie opened the door, leaned in, and gave everypony a wink. She then pushed Dragon Fly inside. SURPRISE!!! Dragon Fly stared in bewilderment as ponies surrounded him, welcoming him and throwing confetti at him. Dragon Fly recovered from his shock and grinned, laughing and thanking pinkie pie profusely. He was soon swept away by a crowd, and Derpy was left behind. She frowned slightly, hoping she would get a chance to talk to him before this was over. Derpy had spent the last hour trying to talk to Dragon Fly, but every time he was carried away by someone else. She was getting frustrated and tired, when all of a sudden; she noted Flutter Shy walking away from Dragon Fly, right as Pinkie Pie called out, “HEY EVERYPONY! Any one up for some Chimmy Cherry Changa!?” The ponies all cheered and stampeded towards the kitchen before the delicious cherry concoction was gone, giving Derpy the perfect chance to pull Dragon aside. She gestured to him, calling; “Hey Dragon Fly! Over here!” As he approached, Derpy grinned nervously, and it now occurred to her she had no idea where to start. “Eh, hello. Hey, aren’t you that pony I ran into in the park?” Derpy blushed furiously as the embarrassing memories came back. “Oh, yeah, sorry about that. Eh, so, uh, where are you from?” It was obviously a failed attempt to start a conversation, but Dragon Fly just smiled and played along. “Oh, I lived a bunch of places, but my last home was in Canterlot. I’ve been looking for the perfect place to settle down, and Canterlot was far too crowded. Nothing has suited me so far, but this town is off to a promising start.” Derpy smiled and stepped forward, moving with the line for Pinkies pastries. So far, so good. “I moved here from Cloudsdale two years ago. I caused too much- er, just liked the idea of living on the ground better. Don’t get me wrong though, I love flying.” Derpy’s heart twisted inside her chest as she carried on a casual conversation with the handsome stallion, she felt like she was off to a great start, then it happened. “Excuse me,” Colgate was trying to get by with a piece of Chimmy Cherry Changa, and Derpy tried to be polite and move out of her way, but when she stepped back, she accidently bumped into another pony, sloshing the glass of punch in her hoof. “Oh! I’m sorry!” She tried to move again, but tripped over another ponies hoof, and was sent flying. She shrieked and tumbled into the punch table knocking the table over with a loud crash. Juice went flying, soaking several ponies as the table flipped on top of Derpy. There was a terrible moment of silence; a few shocked gasps, then, giggling. Derpy poked her nose out from under the heavy pink table cloth, and looked straight up into the face of Dragon Fly. The pale stallion had a hoof over his mouth, and his cheeks were flushed as he tried to contain his laughter. The giggling grew louder as Derpy tried to untangle herself from the table cloth. Soon every pony was chortling, and tears began to well up in Derpy’s eyes. She freed herself from the table cloth and stood up with shaky hooves, and scanned the faces around her. Every pony was laughing. Laughing at her. The first tear fell, and she turned and dashed out the door, unable to take the cruel laughter any longer. Derpy galloped hard and fast, trying to get away from the terrible noise, though it seemed to stay with her, echoing in her mind as she ran blindly. Tears blurred her vision as her instinct guided her home, away the party and her embarrassment. She burst through her door, slamming it behind her and running to her bedroom, flopping on her bed and shedding tears freely. She had done it again, found a way to ruin a perfectly good party, and embarrass her self in front of all of Ponyville, including Dragon Fly. Brick appeared next to her squeaking softly and nuzzling her nose as she sobbed into the covers. Derpy sniffed and sat up, taking Brick into her lap and stroking him. Pull yourself together Derp, we have to fix this. Derpy nodded to herself. She had to do something about her clumsiness. She couldn’t live like this any longer. But what could she do? Derpy thought for a long moment, and a sudden inspiration came to her. Twilight. Chapter 3: Form and Finesse A visit to the library Twilight was lying on the floor with her nose in a book when Derpy burst through the door. “Twilight! I need your help!!!” The lavender unicorns head snapped up at Derpy Hooves sudden entrance, and she leaped to her feet, the book on the floor following her in a haze of purple magic. “Derpy! Eh, what brings you here?” Twilight edged toward the book shelves, hoping to protect them from Derpy’s normal trail of havoc. Derpy trotted forward, glancing at the large array of books that covered the walls. “Ummm, I was wondering, is there any way to ‘magic away’ my clumsiness?” Twilight stared at her for a moment, and then frowned thoughtfully. “Well, no, I don’t think so. But- I guess I could check.” The book she had been previously holding fell to the floor with a soft thud as she turned to the shelves behind them, several thick volumes pulling themselves from the mass of books. “Hmmm, let’s see, ‘Spells for the Curing of Common Ailments’, ‘Magical Remedies for Hang ups and Habits’, She paused and frowned at a particular book for a moment, “‘Magical Muffin Recipes? I wasn't looking for-” Derpy quickly snatched the book from her. “I’ll take that!” Twilight just rolled her eyes and kept searching. “Mmhmm, mhm, uh, nope, doesn't seem to be any magic cure for clumsiness.” Derpy sighed and hung her head, and Twilight smiled sympathetically. “But here, maybe this will help… Derpy lifted her head to find a copy of ‘How Not to be a Klutz for Dummies’ floating in front of her. She took the book from Twilight's magical grip and studied the cover closely. It appeared to be alright, and was guaranteed to help for even the most hopeless of ponies. She tucked the book into her mail bag and smiled at Twilight. “Uh, thanks Twilight, I'll check it out.” Just then, Spike wandered through the library door, tail wrapped in a cast. “Hey Twi, do you know where-” He froze when he saw Derpy, his mouth hanging open. “GAH!” That library door slammed behind him as he scuttled out of the room, wincing as his tail bounced against the door frame. Derpy sighed, and Twilight stepped forward, placing a comforting hoof on her shoulder. “It’s okay Derpy, Spike’s just over reacting.” Derpy just shrugged her hoof away, “Oh come on, Twilight, even you tried to protect the book shelves.” Twilight sighed and shook her head. “Well, maybe the book can help you.” I sure hope so, Derpy thought to herself as she left Twilight's, heading back towards her house. Yesterday was still a painful memory, and she found her pace quickening to get past the snickers of ponies as she passed. She eventually resorted to a swift flight home, deciding to avoid Ponyville’s roads altogether. Derpy’s house was set a little farther off than most of the other ponies’ homes, save for Fluttershy’s of course, with trees packed in on all sides. The red roof blended in with the autumn leaves, and at first, she had a little trouble locating it, but the black hole of the chimney helped her find it eventually. She descended into the tree tops, clipping her wings on a few branches as she landed on her door step. She shook the leaves out of her hair, reaching for the key in her mailbag, which, thankfully, was still there. She unlocked the door and hurried to the couch, extracting the book from her mail bag as she flopped down on the cushions, eager to get started on erasing her clumsy nature. Brick leapt into her lap as she took the book in her hooves, opening the cover as excitement brewed in her belly. How to not be a klutz for dummies; Chapter one Understanding clumsiness The first step to rid yourself of your clumsiness for good is to understand it. So in this chapter, we will be looking into the basics of being a klutz. (Authors note; The author was far too lazy to write anything else, so we’re moving on.) Derpy was enchanted by the book, and would have stayed up, reading it through the night if Brick hadn’t tapped her on the hoof and pointed at the clock, which now read 11:30. “Oh! Guess I had better get to bed, huh buddy?” Brick just raised an eyebrow, then hopped off the sofa, grabbing his favorite blanket in his teeth and dragging it to Derpy’s bedroom. She giggled and set the book down on the bedside table, going to brush her teeth as segments of the book ran through her head. The book said that a big part of being clumsy is thinking your clumsy, so maybe is I just think positive, non klutzy thoughts, I can be normal! Elated at the idea, Derpy hurriedly brushed through her mane and climbed into bed, moving the sleeping brick off her pillow. “Hehe, night Brick! Tomorrow, I’m going to show everypony I’m not hopeless!” Derpy pulled her bag off the counter and studied the piece of paper in her hand. One; Think positive thoughts Two; Remember, you’re only as clumsy as you think you are Three; Pick up apples and muffin supplies Four; Above all, impress Dragon Fly Smiling at the list, Derpy tucked it away in the pocket of her mail bag as she closed the door behind her, locking it and humming to herself. Today was going to be great, she just knew it. She trotted down the road and waved at the ponies she passed, a few of them even waved back! She had a bubbly, warm feeling stirring in her chest as the blonde mare leisurely strolled through the streets of Ponyville on her way to Sugar Cube Corner. When Derpy opened the door, she couldn't help wincing as she noticed the punch stain on the floor, but no, she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind, closing the door firmly behind her. She had to keep positive thoughts. Derpy smiled at Mrs. Cake, ignoring the tittering ponies behind her as she came up to the counter. “Hello Miss Cake! I need some more muffin making supplies!” Mrs. Cake nodded, smiling awkwardly as she lifted the vase of flowers off the counter and onto a table out of Derpy’s reach. “Ah! Of course, just give me a minute.” She hurried into the kitchen, the door swinging shut behind her, leaving Derpy to lay her head on the counter, staring at the pretty vase glumly. Suddenly, a bright pink pony burst through the kitchen door, an assortment of baking supplies balanced on her head. “Heya Derpy! How are you doin?” Derpy’s train of thought was derailed as a bag of flour landed near her face, nearly clipping her ear. She jerked upright as a bag of sugar hit the counter directly where her nose had been. Shaking her head, Derpy coughed, covering her mouth to protect from the rising cloud of flour. “Oh! Hi cough Hi Pinkie Pie!” The fluorescent pony grinned, pushing a bottle of vanilla in Derpy’s direction. “Got it all right here Derpy! Everything you need for those muffins, though I personally prefer cupcakes myself! Though muffins might be my third and three quarters favorite! Or maybe seventh and two fifths favorite. Actually, muffins and cupcakes are a lot alike, aside from the sixty three icing mass difference” She grinned, and Derpy nodded blankly, not really understanding what Pinkie Pie had just said. “Uh-uh… Well, gotta go Pinkie! See ya later!” "Bya Derpy! Save a muffin for meeeeee!" Derpy dropped six bits on the counter and shuffled out the door, looping the paper shopping bag containing her precious muffin supplies around her neck. She fished around in her mail bag for a moment, then pulled out the crumpled piece of paper that was her list. “Right! Now for the apples!” Derpy scanned the brick road in front of her, and sure enough, Applejack had taken advantage of the weekend to set up an apple stand. Derpy started off toward it, then came to a sudden halt, eyes locked on the pale stallion in front of her. Shoot, there's Dragonfly… Gulping, Derpy did her best to push every possible non clumsy thought to the front of her mind, and trotted forward. She had done good so far, maybe she could keep it up. “Hey Applejack!” “Wha- Ah, howdy Derpy!” The orange cow pony shifted behind the counter, most likely checking for anything breakable before facing Derpy. “Have ya got a hankerin fer some fresh apples?” Derpy smiled, grabbing one of the disposable saddle bags from the stand, mentally chiding herself for leaving her own saddle bag at home. “Sure do! Do you have any red delicious?” As Applejack searched through the assorted apple baskets, Derpy cast a glance toward Dragonfly, and an unexpected lump emerged in her throat. Colgate stood talking to the stallion, a fake smile plastered across her face, and giggling every ten seconds. “Eh, Derpy? Ah said, how many do ya want?” Derpy turned quickly, hoping to hurry and get Dragonfly and Colgate. “Uh yeah, I heard you. Sevens good.” Applejack placed seven bright red apples in Derpy’s saddle bag. “That’d be five bits please.” Derpy tossed the coins on the counter, and tried to turn around to face Dragonfly, but her mail strap caught on the apple stands support posts. Without thinking, she yanked hard on the strap. “Wait! Derpy-“ The apple stand came crashing down, and apples flew in all directions while wooden planks buried Applejack. Colgate shrieked in surprise, while Dragonfly stood mouth agape. Derpy gasped and dropped her bags, tearing through the remains of the stand and exposing an orange head. “Applejack! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean..” The mare spit out a piece of cloth, shaking her head. “It's fine Derpy, but you’d best be heading home now.” Derpy backed away, as Dragonfly pushed past her, extending a hoof to help Applejack out of the pile of ruble. Derpy couldn't stand it. Snatching her bags, she turned and ran blindly, with no thought but to get way from her own destruction. Chapter 4: Close Encounters A special favor Derpy might have cried; had she any breath left in her. She collapsed on a park bench, coughing and panting as she tried to regain her breath after the long gallop. Looking around, she found herself in a familiar place, the Ponyville Park. This was where she came when she needed to regain her composure, or to cheer herself up, which meant she came here a lot. After she regained her breath, she hopped down from the bench and shook her mane. Sniffing, she looked around forlornly, trying to remember what had gone wrong. She had done really well for the first part of the day, and she had felt really good about herself too. Then, when she saw Dragonfly, everything had gone wrong. The blue eyed stallion had made her nervous, and because she was nervous, she lost her confidence and became careless. Obviously, while positive thoughts helped, they couldn’t take her the entire way. She had nothing else to do in town for the day, so Derpy decided it would be best to go back home, like Applejack suggested. Derpy took the alley ways and deserted streets, hoping not to be seen, and because of that, it took a much longer time to get back to her home than usual. By the time she got home, the sun had begun to set. Sighing, she closed the door with a soft thud, dropping her mail bag on the counter, and did what she would normally do to lift her spirits. Bake more muffins. She spread the freshly bought muffin supplies on the kitchen table, taking a large mixing bowl from the cabinet as she sang to herself. All you gotta do is take a cup of flour, add it to the mix… She glanced up from her mixing to focus on the pegasus drawing she had colored the other night. Dragonfly. Her eyes began to sting, and she returned to her baking. Then you take a little somethin’ sweet not sour, a bit of salt, just a pinch Brick crawled up onto the table next to her, sniffing the mixing bowl tentatively, then casting a hopeful look up at Derpy, who smiled and offered him a spoonful. Baking these treats is such a cinch, add a teaspoon of vanilla, add a little more, and you count to four and never get your filla! She poured the contents of her mixing bowl into a muffin pan and placed it in the oven, turning a few dials before placing the bowl in the sink. Muffins, so sweet and tasty, muffins, don’t be too hasty, muffins, muffins, muffins, muffins! Derpy smiled as she put away the flour and sugar. Pinkie Pie and her strange antics never failed to cheer her up. After washing her dishes and cleaning up after her cooking, Derpy sat back down at the table with Twilight’s book in her hooves. How not to be a Klutz for Dummies: Chapter Two Going through training If you had to read past our first chapter, the likelihood is that your condition is a little more severe than most. But don’t fret! This is easily remedied. Your situation may be a little more serious, but that is only because it’s rooted a bit deeper. Because your problem has been left ‘untreated’ for some time, it will take a little more time to rid yourself of it, though it is easily done. Keep thinking those positive thoughts, but while you do, train yourself. Constantly focus on keeping good posture, watch your hooves, and watch out for settings where it can be easy to trip or bump into someone. DING! The lovely scent of freshly baked muffins filled the kitchen, and Derpy set the book down, hurrying to pull the muffins out of the oven and onto the counter. This batch was coconut cream, and by the smell, they were going to be delicious. After they cooled for a few minutes, Derpy carefully extracted a pale muffin, quickly finding they were still a little too warm for her to hold. Derpy hurriedly dropped it back onto the counter top, shaking her hooves to try and cool them off. Smiling slightly, she pondered the second chapter of the book Twilight had loaned her as she carefully dished half of the muffins into a basket. Apparently, because she hadn’t attended to her clumsiness earlier, it would be harder to deal with, but the book assured her that it wouldn’t be too hard. It had also said that the longer her condition had gone unchecked, the more serious of ‘training’ she would have to undergo. Derpy could not remember the first time she ever knocked something over or broke something or ruined an event or anything else clumsy. She sighed, muttering to herself as she covered the basket with a pretty piece of fabric and set it aside to deliver on her mail route. She was probably going to need a professional trainer, if there was such a thing. This made her stop and think; ‘Was there a professional trainer in Ponyville? Surely not… But then again…’ Derpy stared absentmindedly at the prism Twilight had given her, and suddenly it hit her. “Rarity!” Derpy shivered in the cool morning air, wings wrapped tightly around herself to keep warm. She was nearly finished with the morning mail route, having only a few more houses to go. Setting the basket of muffins on the door step of Sugar Cube Corner, she checked her don’t-forget list, skimming through it to make sure she had gotten all the right houses. So far everything appeared to be in order. Derpy spread her wings, wincing as the cold air rushed to her sides, and took off, hurrying to finish the last of her mail deliveries. She dropped low over Doctor Whooves’ house, dropping a weird brown parcel on his doorstep as she eyed the blue telephone booth in front of his house. She would never understand that stallion. Ascending again, she scanned the town below until she located Carousel Boutique, standing in the mornings first light on outer rim of town. Dropping back down to ground level, Derpy checked that she had the right mail then proceeded to knock on the door, pawing the ground uneasily as she waited. When the door opened, a snowy white unicorn stood in the doorway frowning at her. “Derpy? What are you doing here… and at such an early hour?” Derpy gave her a nervous smile, “Uh, hi Rarity! I have your mail, and I was wondering; can I ask you a favor?” The letters in Derpy’s bag floated away from her as Rarity cocked an eyebrow. “A favor? Well of course darling! What do you need? A dress? A more-” Rarity paused, glancing at the bright blue mail bag. “eh, flattering bag?” Derpy shook her head. “No, neither of those things. It’s just- What’s wrong with my mail bag?” Rarity flashed a smile, giving a forced laugh. “Nothing dear! Come inside! I’ll make you some tea.” Rarity turned and trotted away to the kitchen, muttering something about not having time to do her hair, and Derpy slumped onto Rarity’s couch, studying her surroundings. Rarity kept her house very tidy, and everything matched. Even her magazines matched the furniture. Derpy was sprawled out on the sofa when Rarity entered. “GAH!” Cups rattled as Rarity’s magical grip jerked in her surprise, and Derpy turned to see the unicorn staring in horror at her. At first, Derpy couldn’t find anything wrong, and then she spotted it; her muddy hooves were on the red velvet. She tumbled off couch, scrambling to her feet as she apologized. “I’m so sorry Rarity!” Rarity bit her lip, shaking her head resolutely. “Don’t worry, the mud should come right out. I hope.” Rarity set the tea tray on the glass coffee table and set to work with a washcloth, scrubbing delicately at the velvet as she spoke to Derpy. “So, care to explain why you’ve come?”
Chapter 1: A Day in the Life A day in the life *CRASH!* Derpy Hooves gasped as the vase fell to the floor, shattering on impact. "I am so, so sorry Mrs. Glass!" Derpy had clumsily bumped into a table, knocking the expensive jug to the floor, and its owner, Crystal Glass, was now staring blankly at the broken crystalline fragments. "Eh, Never— Never mind, Derpy. My late mother's wedding gift can be replaced..." Crystal’s voice was taut, and her words caught in her throat. Derpy could see the anger in her eyes, and she shuffled her feet nervously, eyes to the ground, being careful not to make eye contact with the fuming mare. “I really am sor—" Crystal cut her off. "You really should go." "But—" "Please! Go!" Derpy scuttled out the door, tripping over her hooves to move out of the way as Crystal slammed it behind her. Derpy stood in shock for a moment, listening to the muffled speech coming from behind the door, then hesitantly leaned forward to hear what Crystal was saying. Pressing her ear against the hard wood, she heard her ranting, "That pony! Someone needs to put her in a mental institute, where she can't break or hurt anything else! I mean really— My mother’s expensive— ERG!" Derpy turned and trudged away forlornly. She always seemed to be messing things up, and today had been worse than usual. Actually, this entire week had been bad. First, she had offered to help re-shelve books at Twilight's library, but ended up knocking over two large shelves, and breaking poor Spike's tail in the process. Then she tried to assist the Cakes, but in the end, the fire department had to soak their kitchen. And then she went to Rarity's... Well, she learned a few new curse words that day... Derpy dragged her hooves through the streets of Ponyville, head to the ground. Her ears perked slightly as she heard strange grunting noises from up ahead, and she glanced up to see Carrot Top struggling to hold a large pile of fresh vegetables. The grey pegasus brushes her mane out of her eyes, trotting forward tentatively. “Hey Carrot, need a hand?” "Oh! Yes please, thanks-" Carrot Top had managed to shift the large pile stack of carrots between her hooves, and froze when she noticed who she was talking to. “Uh, actually, I’m fine! Thanks for asking! Better get going!” Several carrots dropped from her basket as she tried to hurry away, doing her best to balance on her back hooves, and trying to catch the carrots as they fell. “Are you sure you don’t—” “Quite sure! Thanks Derpy, uh, bye!” Derpy sighed and turned away. Of course Carrot Top didn’t want her help. Derpy surely would have found some way to mess it up, she always did. She shook her head. Best go home then. After a long walk, she arrived at her door step and awkwardly nosed through her bag for a house key, but it wasn't there. She frantically searched the bag, eventually resorting to upturning it's contents onto the front step, but to no avail. She must have dropped it. She was always dropping things. Derpy sighed and trotted around to the back of the house, spread her wings, and gave a powerful thrust, ascending to the roof top. She carefully navigated the shingles, then wriggled her way down the chimney, emerging at the bottom, completely covered in soot. She sneezed; startling the sleeping red ferret nestled on the chair beside the fire place. "Oh, I'm sorry Brick!" A black nose peeked out from under the table, and the ferret scurried up Derpy’s leg, wrapping itself around her neck. She giggled. "You good boy!" It seemed Brick was the only friend she had right now. Derpy had adopted her ferret from Fluttershy a few months back, and named him Brick, not only for his red color, but for her fondness for bricks, they didn't break. Well, most of them didn't anyway. Derpy nuzzled the ball of fluff curled up on her back, inhaling his musky scent. Trotting around the living room, she happened to catch a glimpse of herself self in the mirror, and couldn’t help but laugh. A coal black pony with grey patched around her eyes stared at her, a silly grin plastered across her face. She sighed and gently lifted Brick onto the couch, then headed off to take a quick shower. After she was all nice and clean, Derpy dried her hair and went to her bedroom. After a moment of searching, she finally managed to locate her contacts, which she had forgotten to put in that morning. One of the reasons she had broken the vase. Burrrr Her stomach rumbled loudly, and she giggled again. “Guess I’m hungry!” She wandered into the kitchen and opened her fridge, searching for something edible. "Hmm," she tapped her chin, scanning the contents of the refrigerator. "Blueberry muffin, Banana muffin, Chocolate chip muffin, Tuna muffin- Ah!" Derpy reached into the refrigerator and extracted a white tub. "Yogurt!" Derpy scooped a few spoons of the creamy yogurt into a bowl, then poured herself a glass of milk and sat down at a small table, a pad of paper and a pencil in front of her. While no one knew it, Derpy had a passion for art, and wasn't bad either. She took the pencil in her hoof, (an incredibly hard feat mind you), and began to sketch as she sipped her milk. As she sketched, she glanced out the window, into trees outside. The sun shone through the open window, and warmed her face, while birds sang in the trees. An autumn breeze was blowing strong, which caused the branches to sway. It looked a good day for a walk. Thirty minutes later, Derpy cleared her dishes from the table and studied the final result of her drawing. A handsome pony stared back at her, with large deep eyes, wings unfurled, preparing to take off. Derpy smiled and took the drawing between her hooves, careful not to crinkle it. She would color this in later. Carefully placing her picture in a drawer, Derpy Hooves grabbed her mail bag and called to Brick. "I'm going for a walk! Wanna come?" The reddish brown ferret scurried over to her, leaping off a chair and onto her back. Derpy smiled and trotted out the door, specifically remembering to take her extra key. She wasn't completely hopeless. Derpy merrily trotted down the path the led through Ponyville’s park, a beautiful plot of land decorated with small statues and brightly colored flowers. Derpy lifted her face to the sun, letting the golden beams caress her cheeks, sweet smelling air flowing through her mane, causing it to fan out behind her. The park helped Derpy feel a better about the past week, the fresh air clearing her mind. She loved the feel of fall leaves crunching beneath her feet. "Hold on Brick!" She called to the ferret as she spread her wings, flapping gently, letting the strong breeze lift off the ground. She titled her wings and climbed just above tree level, observing the scenery beneath her. A small group of fillies, whom she soon recognized as Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Bell, were scrambling franticly around a practice field. The wind carried the shrill cry of "Cutie Mark Crusaders Foot Ball players!" to Derpy's ears, and she smiled to herself. Everything was calm up here, nothing to break or knock over. Suddenly, the breeze changed direction, and Derpy was caught completely off guard. Her two wings caught different currents, and Brick uttered a shrill squeak as Derpy was sent spiraling towards the ground. She managed to dodge the tree branches, but still crash landed into a pony. Derpy leaped to her feet and shook herself, wincing as she straitened her wings. "I am so sorry! I didn't-" Derpy's words caught in her mouth as the pony got to his feet. It was a strikingly handsome pale green pegasus, with a deep blue mane and eyes the same shade. He shook his head as he stood up. "Quite alright," He smiled a bit, blue eyes sparkling. "These wind currents are treacherous." Derpy stared at him, confused. He wasn't mad? But, everyone got mad when she crashed into them. Except Fluttershy, she never got mad. But everyone else did. An awkward pause proceeded, so Derpy stuck out a hoof, smiling a little. "Hi, I'm Derpy Hooves. Some people call me Ditzy though." The stallion took her hoof, shaking it. "I'm Dragonfly, pleased to meet you." Derpy pawed the ground uncomfortably. "Er, yeah... So, sorry about bumping into you. I'd better be going." Dragonfly nodded, and Derpy turned quickly, trotting away. She suddenly remembered Brick, and glanced around, trying to locate him. After a few minutes of searching, she spotted him in a clump of tulips, trying to untangle himself from the flowers. Giggling, the blonde mare hurried over her pet to rescue him from the fragrant blossoms. She tossed the ferret across her back. "Sorry about that." Brick just huffed and curled up beneath her wing. Derpy grinned and loped away toward home as the sun began to set in west, the stallions blue eyes twinkling in the back of her mind. Derpy smiled to herself. 'Dragonfly... What a nice name.'
Chapter 2: Good Intentions Gone Awry An early mistake *Knock, knock, knock* Derpy jerked awake, blinking her eyes and trying to focus. What was that? She listened closely, straining to hear any sort of noise, but all she could here was the subtle chirping of early morning birds. She glanced at the clock; 5:19??? Who would be up at such an hour? Surely no one. She nestled back in back, curling into a snug ball under the blankets, and was just falling back into a deep slumber when- *Knock knock knock* Derpy jerked awake and fumbled for the light switch. She swiped at the wall a few times, then finally managed to hit the switch, and a seemingly blinding light filled her eyes. She shook her head experimentally, then stumbled out into the hallway. She yanked a throw out from under the sleeping Brick, who tumbled to the floor, and wrapped it about her torso, shivering as she clumsily made her way to the front door. "Knockity knock knock!" A high pitched voice called from behind the wooden barrier, followed by more knocking. "I'm coming! I'm coming..." Derpy grumbled as she fiddled with the door knob for a moment, and finally managed to get it open. With a creak, the door swung wide, revealing a bright pink mare with a cotton candy like mane. "Pinkie pie? What are you-" Pinkie sprung forward, and a small confetti launcher behind her popped loudly, making Derpy squeak in surprise. "Wakey wakey! Come on sleepy head, we're having a party!!!" Derpy tilted her head in confusion. "A party? But why?" Pinkie giggled, straightening the party hat that perched upon her fluffy mane. "Why a welcoming party, du-uh!" Derpy shook her head. Pinkie Pie was worse than her. "I hate to ruin your party Pinkie, but you already threw me a party... 2 years ago." Pinkie glared at her in an I'm-not-really-mad-at-you sort of fashion that only Pinkie Pie could pull off. "Not for you silly billy, for Dragon Fly!!! Now come on! Get ready, and meet us at Sugar cube corner by seven ooooooooclock!" Dragon Fly, the pony she had met yesterday? Yes, she had thought she'd never seen him before. With that, The pink mare disappeared with no trace she had ever been there, save for the glittering confetti. Derpy simply shook her head once more and turned to the ferret glaring daggers at her from the floor. Brick snatched the blanket from her, wrapping himself in it and curling into a tight little ball once again. She sighed and wandered back into the illuminated bedroom, frowning at her reflection in the vanity mirror. Her mane was disheveled, and her eyes still had a half closed, sleepy look about them. How the heck did Pinkie ever wake this early anyway? She grabbed a brush from the counter and began attacking her hair. It took a while, but she managed to get all the knots out and her mane back in order. She then went to the bathroom, washed her face, and returned to her bedroom, glancing at the clock. 6:30, she had a little time. Derpy glanced through her wardrobe, trying to decide if she wanted to wear anything as she considered Dragon Fly. The pony had stayed with her the entirety of that night, blue eyes echoing through her mind, and filling her dreams. She couldn't stop thinking about him. A pony who had never met her wouldn't have seen her mistakes right? If she could just keep herself out of trouble- Deep in thought, Derpy accidently bumped into a table, spilling a glass of water. She groaned and dashed to the kitchen, grabbing a towel to soak up the water. I had better be careful today... She looked up from cleaning the spilled water to check the time. 6:52... Better get a move on. Derpy tossed the wet towel on her counter top and snatched a violet scarf from the dresser, tying it 'round her neck as she hurried out the door. The morning sun felt nice on her face as Derpy trotted through the town to Sugarcube corner. The streets were empty and quiet, and Derpy assumed everyone was at the party. Sure enough, as she approached the Cakes shop, she could hear the muffled noise of ponies laughing and shouting. Derpy opened the door, and Pinkie Pie greeted her, "Derpy! You’re here!" She turned to the crowd, grinning, "Hey everypony! Last pony’s here, now I can go get Dragon Fly!" The ponies cheered, and Pinkie bounced out the door while the room hummed with excitement. Derpy managed to navigate through the crowd and make her way to the buffet, where several ponies gathered, chatting among themselves and nibbling on the delicious party treats the cakes had prepared. The ponies gave Derpy space as she approached, backing away to avoid anything that might be knocked over. Derpy looked hopefully at Bon Bon and Lyra, but when they saw her, the quickly made their way to the pin-the-tail-on-the-pony game. Derpy sighed and took a plate in her mouth, filling it with the muffins she knew Pinkie had supplied with her in mind. Suddenly, a cute little grayish filly bounced up to her, smiling. "Derpy!!" She cried, giving her older sister a hug, while Sparkler followed close behind. Derpy smiled, her spirits lifting. She embraced her youngest sister warmly. "Hey Dink, Sparkler." The Purple pony nodded uncomfortably. While Derpy and Dinky Doo had been born much like their mother, Sparkler had taken after their father, a solemn pony who spent most of his days at the office. "Hello Derpy Hooves, it's nice to see you again." Sparkler turned to her smaller sister, "Eh, Dinky, let's, let's go play charades with Berry Punch!" Sparkler dragged her sister away, and Dinky waved. "Bye Derpy!!!" Derpy sighed and waved back, turning back to her plate of muffins, and was about to take a big bite when Lily popped her head in the door and shrieked; "THEY'RE COMING!!! THEY'RE COMING!!!" Everypony dived for cover, under tables, behind curtains, and Derpy placed herself behind a box of balloons. The sound of held in giggled spread around the room as the muffled noises of Pinkie and Dragon Fly approached. "Okay! It's right in here!" Pinkie Pie opened the door, leaned in, and gave everypony a wink. She then pushed Dragon Fly inside. SURPRISE!!! Dragon Fly stared in bewilderment as ponies surrounded him, welcoming him and throwing confetti at him. Dragon Fly recovered from his shock and grinned, laughing and thanking pinkie pie profusely. He was soon swept away by a crowd, and Derpy was left behind. She frowned slightly, hoping she would get a chance to talk to him before this was over. Derpy had spent the last hour trying to talk to Dragon Fly, but every time he was carried away by someone else. She was getting frustrated and tired, when all of a sudden; she noted Flutter Shy walking away from Dragon Fly, right as Pinkie Pie called out, “HEY EVERYPONY! Any one up for some Chimmy Cherry Changa!?” The ponies all cheered and stampeded towards the kitchen before the delicious cherry concoction was gone, giving Derpy the perfect chance to pull Dragon aside. She gestured to him, calling; “Hey Dragon Fly! Over here!” As he approached, Derpy grinned nervously, and it now occurred to her she had no idea where to start. “Eh, hello. Hey, aren’t you that pony I ran into in the park?” Derpy blushed furiously as the embarrassing memories came back. “Oh, yeah, sorry about that. Eh, so, uh, where are you from?” It was obviously a failed attempt to start a conversation, but Dragon Fly just smiled and played along. “Oh, I lived a bunch of places, but my last home was in Canterlot. I’ve been looking for the perfect place to settle down, and Canterlot was far too crowded. Nothing has suited me so far, but this town is off to a promising start.” Derpy smiled and stepped forward, moving with the line for Pinkies pastries. So far, so good. “I moved here from Cloudsdale two years ago. I caused too much- er, just liked the idea of living on the ground better. Don’t get me wrong though, I love flying.” Derpy’s heart twisted inside her chest as she carried on a casual conversation with the handsome stallion, she felt like she was off to a great start, then it happened. “Excuse me,” Colgate was trying to get by with a piece of Chimmy Cherry Changa, and Derpy tried to be polite and move out of her way, but when she stepped back, she accidently bumped into another pony, sloshing the glass of punch in her hoof. “Oh! I’m sorry!” She tried to move again, but tripped over another ponies hoof, and was sent flying. She shrieked and tumbled into the punch table knocking the table over with a loud crash. Juice went flying, soaking several ponies as the table flipped on top of Derpy. There was a terrible moment of silence; a few shocked gasps, then, giggling. Derpy poked her nose out from under the heavy pink table cloth, and looked straight up into the face of Dragon Fly. The pale stallion had a hoof over his mouth, and his cheeks were flushed as he tried to contain his laughter. The giggling grew louder as Derpy tried to untangle herself from the table cloth. Soon every pony was chortling, and tears began to well up in Derpy’s eyes. She freed herself from the table cloth and stood up with shaky hooves, and scanned the faces around her. Every pony was laughing. Laughing at her. The first tear fell, and she turned and dashed out the door, unable to take the cruel laughter any longer. Derpy galloped hard and fast, trying to get away from the terrible noise, though it seemed to stay with her, echoing in her mind as she ran blindly. Tears blurred her vision as her instinct guided her home, away the party and her embarrassment. She burst through her door, slamming it behind her and running to her bedroom, flopping on her bed and shedding tears freely. She had done it again, found a way to ruin a perfectly good party, and embarrass her self in front of all of Ponyville, including Dragon Fly. Brick appeared next to her squeaking softly and nuzzling her nose as she sobbed into the covers. Derpy sniffed and sat up, taking Brick into her lap and stroking him. Pull yourself together Derp, we have to fix this. Derpy nodded to herself. She had to do something about her clumsiness. She couldn’t live like this any longer. But what could she do? Derpy thought for a long moment, and a sudden inspiration came to her. Twilight.
Chapter 3: Form and Finesse A visit to the library Twilight was lying on the floor with her nose in a book when Derpy burst through the door. “Twilight! I need your help!!!” The lavender unicorns head snapped up at Derpy Hooves sudden entrance, and she leaped to her feet, the book on the floor following her in a haze of purple magic. “Derpy! Eh, what brings you here?” Twilight edged toward the book shelves, hoping to protect them from Derpy’s normal trail of havoc. Derpy trotted forward, glancing at the large array of books that covered the walls. “Ummm, I was wondering, is there any way to ‘magic away’ my clumsiness?” Twilight stared at her for a moment, and then frowned thoughtfully. “Well, no, I don’t think so. But- I guess I could check.” The book she had been previously holding fell to the floor with a soft thud as she turned to the shelves behind them, several thick volumes pulling themselves from the mass of books. “Hmmm, let’s see, ‘Spells for the Curing of Common Ailments’, ‘Magical Remedies for Hang ups and Habits’, She paused and frowned at a particular book for a moment, “‘Magical Muffin Recipes? I wasn't looking for-” Derpy quickly snatched the book from her. “I’ll take that!” Twilight just rolled her eyes and kept searching. “Mmhmm, mhm, uh, nope, doesn't seem to be any magic cure for clumsiness.” Derpy sighed and hung her head, and Twilight smiled sympathetically. “But here, maybe this will help… Derpy lifted her head to find a copy of ‘How Not to be a Klutz for Dummies’ floating in front of her. She took the book from Twilight's magical grip and studied the cover closely. It appeared to be alright, and was guaranteed to help for even the most hopeless of ponies. She tucked the book into her mail bag and smiled at Twilight. “Uh, thanks Twilight, I'll check it out.” Just then, Spike wandered through the library door, tail wrapped in a cast. “Hey Twi, do you know where-” He froze when he saw Derpy, his mouth hanging open. “GAH!” That library door slammed behind him as he scuttled out of the room, wincing as his tail bounced against the door frame. Derpy sighed, and Twilight stepped forward, placing a comforting hoof on her shoulder. “It’s okay Derpy, Spike’s just over reacting.” Derpy just shrugged her hoof away, “Oh come on, Twilight, even you tried to protect the book shelves.” Twilight sighed and shook her head. “Well, maybe the book can help you.” I sure hope so, Derpy thought to herself as she left Twilight's, heading back towards her house. Yesterday was still a painful memory, and she found her pace quickening to get past the snickers of ponies as she passed. She eventually resorted to a swift flight home, deciding to avoid Ponyville’s roads altogether. Derpy’s house was set a little farther off than most of the other ponies’ homes, save for Fluttershy’s of course, with trees packed in on all sides. The red roof blended in with the autumn leaves, and at first, she had a little trouble locating it, but the black hole of the chimney helped her find it eventually. She descended into the tree tops, clipping her wings on a few branches as she landed on her door step. She shook the leaves out of her hair, reaching for the key in her mailbag, which, thankfully, was still there. She unlocked the door and hurried to the couch, extracting the book from her mail bag as she flopped down on the cushions, eager to get started on erasing her clumsy nature. Brick leapt into her lap as she took the book in her hooves, opening the cover as excitement brewed in her belly. How to not be a klutz for dummies; Chapter one Understanding clumsiness The first step to rid yourself of your clumsiness for good is to understand it. So in this chapter, we will be looking into the basics of being a klutz. (Authors note; The author was far too lazy to write anything else, so we’re moving on.) Derpy was enchanted by the book, and would have stayed up, reading it through the night if Brick hadn’t tapped her on the hoof and pointed at the clock, which now read 11:30. “Oh! Guess I had better get to bed, huh buddy?” Brick just raised an eyebrow, then hopped off the sofa, grabbing his favorite blanket in his teeth and dragging it to Derpy’s bedroom. She giggled and set the book down on the bedside table, going to brush her teeth as segments of the book ran through her head. The book said that a big part of being clumsy is thinking your clumsy, so maybe is I just think positive, non klutzy thoughts, I can be normal! Elated at the idea, Derpy hurriedly brushed through her mane and climbed into bed, moving the sleeping brick off her pillow. “Hehe, night Brick! Tomorrow, I’m going to show everypony I’m not hopeless!” Derpy pulled her bag off the counter and studied the piece of paper in her hand. One; Think positive thoughts Two; Remember, you’re only as clumsy as you think you are Three; Pick up apples and muffin supplies Four; Above all, impress Dragon Fly Smiling at the list, Derpy tucked it away in the pocket of her mail bag as she closed the door behind her, locking it and humming to herself. Today was going to be great, she just knew it. She trotted down the road and waved at the ponies she passed, a few of them even waved back! She had a bubbly, warm feeling stirring in her chest as the blonde mare leisurely strolled through the streets of Ponyville on her way to Sugar Cube Corner. When Derpy opened the door, she couldn't help wincing as she noticed the punch stain on the floor, but no, she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind, closing the door firmly behind her. She had to keep positive thoughts. Derpy smiled at Mrs. Cake, ignoring the tittering ponies behind her as she came up to the counter. “Hello Miss Cake! I need some more muffin making supplies!” Mrs. Cake nodded, smiling awkwardly as she lifted the vase of flowers off the counter and onto a table out of Derpy’s reach. “Ah! Of course, just give me a minute.” She hurried into the kitchen, the door swinging shut behind her, leaving Derpy to lay her head on the counter, staring at the pretty vase glumly. Suddenly, a bright pink pony burst through the kitchen door, an assortment of baking supplies balanced on her head. “Heya Derpy! How are you doin?” Derpy’s train of thought was derailed as a bag of flour landed near her face, nearly clipping her ear. She jerked upright as a bag of sugar hit the counter directly where her nose had been. Shaking her head, Derpy coughed, covering her mouth to protect from the rising cloud of flour. “Oh! Hi cough Hi Pinkie Pie!” The fluorescent pony grinned, pushing a bottle of vanilla in Derpy’s direction. “Got it all right here Derpy! Everything you need for those muffins, though I personally prefer cupcakes myself! Though muffins might be my third and three quarters favorite! Or maybe seventh and two fifths favorite. Actually, muffins and cupcakes are a lot alike, aside from the sixty three icing mass difference” She grinned, and Derpy nodded blankly, not really understanding what Pinkie Pie had just said. “Uh-uh… Well, gotta go Pinkie! See ya later!” "Bya Derpy! Save a muffin for meeeeee!" Derpy dropped six bits on the counter and shuffled out the door, looping the paper shopping bag containing her precious muffin supplies around her neck. She fished around in her mail bag for a moment, then pulled out the crumpled piece of paper that was her list. “Right! Now for the apples!” Derpy scanned the brick road in front of her, and sure enough, Applejack had taken advantage of the weekend to set up an apple stand. Derpy started off toward it, then came to a sudden halt, eyes locked on the pale stallion in front of her. Shoot, there's Dragonfly… Gulping, Derpy did her best to push every possible non clumsy thought to the front of her mind, and trotted forward. She had done good so far, maybe she could keep it up. “Hey Applejack!” “Wha- Ah, howdy Derpy!” The orange cow pony shifted behind the counter, most likely checking for anything breakable before facing Derpy. “Have ya got a hankerin fer some fresh apples?” Derpy smiled, grabbing one of the disposable saddle bags from the stand, mentally chiding herself for leaving her own saddle bag at home. “Sure do! Do you have any red delicious?” As Applejack searched through the assorted apple baskets, Derpy cast a glance toward Dragonfly, and an unexpected lump emerged in her throat. Colgate stood talking to the stallion, a fake smile plastered across her face, and giggling every ten seconds. “Eh, Derpy? Ah said, how many do ya want?” Derpy turned quickly, hoping to hurry and get Dragonfly and Colgate. “Uh yeah, I heard you. Sevens good.” Applejack placed seven bright red apples in Derpy’s saddle bag. “That’d be five bits please.” Derpy tossed the coins on the counter, and tried to turn around to face Dragonfly, but her mail strap caught on the apple stands support posts. Without thinking, she yanked hard on the strap. “Wait! Derpy-“ The apple stand came crashing down, and apples flew in all directions while wooden planks buried Applejack. Colgate shrieked in surprise, while Dragonfly stood mouth agape. Derpy gasped and dropped her bags, tearing through the remains of the stand and exposing an orange head. “Applejack! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean..” The mare spit out a piece of cloth, shaking her head. “It's fine Derpy, but you’d best be heading home now.” Derpy backed away, as Dragonfly pushed past her, extending a hoof to help Applejack out of the pile of ruble. Derpy couldn't stand it. Snatching her bags, she turned and ran blindly, with no thought but to get way from her own destruction.
Chapter 4: Close Encounters A special favor Derpy might have cried; had she any breath left in her. She collapsed on a park bench, coughing and panting as she tried to regain her breath after the long gallop. Looking around, she found herself in a familiar place, the Ponyville Park. This was where she came when she needed to regain her composure, or to cheer herself up, which meant she came here a lot. After she regained her breath, she hopped down from the bench and shook her mane. Sniffing, she looked around forlornly, trying to remember what had gone wrong. She had done really well for the first part of the day, and she had felt really good about herself too. Then, when she saw Dragonfly, everything had gone wrong. The blue eyed stallion had made her nervous, and because she was nervous, she lost her confidence and became careless. Obviously, while positive thoughts helped, they couldn’t take her the entire way. She had nothing else to do in town for the day, so Derpy decided it would be best to go back home, like Applejack suggested. Derpy took the alley ways and deserted streets, hoping not to be seen, and because of that, it took a much longer time to get back to her home than usual. By the time she got home, the sun had begun to set. Sighing, she closed the door with a soft thud, dropping her mail bag on the counter, and did what she would normally do to lift her spirits. Bake more muffins. She spread the freshly bought muffin supplies on the kitchen table, taking a large mixing bowl from the cabinet as she sang to herself. All you gotta do is take a cup of flour, add it to the mix… She glanced up from her mixing to focus on the pegasus drawing she had colored the other night. Dragonfly. Her eyes began to sting, and she returned to her baking. Then you take a little somethin’ sweet not sour, a bit of salt, just a pinch Brick crawled up onto the table next to her, sniffing the mixing bowl tentatively, then casting a hopeful look up at Derpy, who smiled and offered him a spoonful. Baking these treats is such a cinch, add a teaspoon of vanilla, add a little more, and you count to four and never get your filla! She poured the contents of her mixing bowl into a muffin pan and placed it in the oven, turning a few dials before placing the bowl in the sink. Muffins, so sweet and tasty, muffins, don’t be too hasty, muffins, muffins, muffins, muffins! Derpy smiled as she put away the flour and sugar. Pinkie Pie and her strange antics never failed to cheer her up. After washing her dishes and cleaning up after her cooking, Derpy sat back down at the table with Twilight’s book in her hooves. How not to be a Klutz for Dummies: Chapter Two Going through training If you had to read past our first chapter, the likelihood is that your condition is a little more severe than most. But don’t fret! This is easily remedied. Your situation may be a little more serious, but that is only because it’s rooted a bit deeper. Because your problem has been left ‘untreated’ for some time, it will take a little more time to rid yourself of it, though it is easily done. Keep thinking those positive thoughts, but while you do, train yourself. Constantly focus on keeping good posture, watch your hooves, and watch out for settings where it can be easy to trip or bump into someone. DING! The lovely scent of freshly baked muffins filled the kitchen, and Derpy set the book down, hurrying to pull the muffins out of the oven and onto the counter. This batch was coconut cream, and by the smell, they were going to be delicious. After they cooled for a few minutes, Derpy carefully extracted a pale muffin, quickly finding they were still a little too warm for her to hold. Derpy hurriedly dropped it back onto the counter top, shaking her hooves to try and cool them off. Smiling slightly, she pondered the second chapter of the book Twilight had loaned her as she carefully dished half of the muffins into a basket. Apparently, because she hadn’t attended to her clumsiness earlier, it would be harder to deal with, but the book assured her that it wouldn’t be too hard. It had also said that the longer her condition had gone unchecked, the more serious of ‘training’ she would have to undergo. Derpy could not remember the first time she ever knocked something over or broke something or ruined an event or anything else clumsy. She sighed, muttering to herself as she covered the basket with a pretty piece of fabric and set it aside to deliver on her mail route. She was probably going to need a professional trainer, if there was such a thing. This made her stop and think; ‘Was there a professional trainer in Ponyville? Surely not… But then again…’ Derpy stared absentmindedly at the prism Twilight had given her, and suddenly it hit her. “Rarity!” Derpy shivered in the cool morning air, wings wrapped tightly around herself to keep warm. She was nearly finished with the morning mail route, having only a few more houses to go. Setting the basket of muffins on the door step of Sugar Cube Corner, she checked her don’t-forget list, skimming through it to make sure she had gotten all the right houses. So far everything appeared to be in order. Derpy spread her wings, wincing as the cold air rushed to her sides, and took off, hurrying to finish the last of her mail deliveries. She dropped low over Doctor Whooves’ house, dropping a weird brown parcel on his doorstep as she eyed the blue telephone booth in front of his house. She would never understand that stallion. Ascending again, she scanned the town below until she located Carousel Boutique, standing in the mornings first light on outer rim of town. Dropping back down to ground level, Derpy checked that she had the right mail then proceeded to knock on the door, pawing the ground uneasily as she waited. When the door opened, a snowy white unicorn stood in the doorway frowning at her. “Derpy? What are you doing here… and at such an early hour?” Derpy gave her a nervous smile, “Uh, hi Rarity! I have your mail, and I was wondering; can I ask you a favor?” The letters in Derpy’s bag floated away from her as Rarity cocked an eyebrow. “A favor? Well of course darling! What do you need? A dress? A more-” Rarity paused, glancing at the bright blue mail bag. “eh, flattering bag?” Derpy shook her head. “No, neither of those things. It’s just- What’s wrong with my mail bag?” Rarity flashed a smile, giving a forced laugh. “Nothing dear! Come inside! I’ll make you some tea.” Rarity turned and trotted away to the kitchen, muttering something about not having time to do her hair, and Derpy slumped onto Rarity’s couch, studying her surroundings. Rarity kept her house very tidy, and everything matched. Even her magazines matched the furniture. Derpy was sprawled out on the sofa when Rarity entered. “GAH!” Cups rattled as Rarity’s magical grip jerked in her surprise, and Derpy turned to see the unicorn staring in horror at her. At first, Derpy couldn’t find anything wrong, and then she spotted it; her muddy hooves were on the red velvet. She tumbled off couch, scrambling to her feet as she apologized. “I’m so sorry Rarity!” Rarity bit her lip, shaking her head resolutely. “Don’t worry, the mud should come right out. I hope.” Rarity set the tea tray on the glass coffee table and set to work with a washcloth, scrubbing delicately at the velvet as she spoke to Derpy. “So, care to explain why you’ve come?”
