A visit to the library

Twilight was lying on the floor with her nose in a book when Derpy burst through the door.

“Twilight! I need your help!!!”

The lavender unicorns head snapped up at Derpy Hooves sudden entrance, and she leaped to her feet, the book on the floor following her in a haze of purple magic.

“Derpy! Eh, what brings you here?”

Twilight edged toward the book shelves, hoping to protect them from Derpy’s normal trail of havoc.

Derpy trotted forward, glancing at the large array of books that covered the walls.

“Ummm, I was wondering, is there any way to ‘magic away’ my clumsiness?”

Twilight stared at her for a moment, and then frowned thoughtfully. “Well, no, I don’t think so. But- I guess I could check.” The book she had been previously holding fell to the floor with a soft thud as she turned to the shelves behind them, several thick volumes pulling themselves from the mass of books.

“Hmmm, let’s see, ‘Spells for the Curing of Common Ailments’, ‘Magical Remedies for Hang ups and Habits’, She paused and frowned at a particular book for a moment, “‘Magical Muffin Recipes? I wasn't looking for-” Derpy quickly snatched the book from her. “I’ll take that!”

Twilight just rolled her eyes and kept searching. “Mmhmm, mhm, uh, nope, doesn't seem to be any magic cure for clumsiness.” Derpy sighed and hung her head, and Twilight smiled sympathetically. “But here, maybe this will help…

Derpy lifted her head to find a copy of ‘How Not to be a Klutz for Dummies’ floating in front of her. She took the book from Twilight's magical grip and studied the cover closely. It appeared to be alright, and was guaranteed to help for even the most hopeless of ponies.

She tucked the book into her mail bag and smiled at Twilight. “Uh, thanks Twilight, I'll check it out.” Just then, Spike wandered through the library door, tail wrapped in a cast. “Hey Twi, do you know where-” He froze when he saw Derpy, his mouth hanging open. “GAH!” That library door slammed behind him as he scuttled out of the room, wincing as his tail bounced against the door frame. Derpy sighed, and Twilight stepped forward, placing a comforting hoof on her shoulder.

“It’s okay Derpy, Spike’s just over reacting.”

Derpy just shrugged her hoof away,

“Oh come on, Twilight, even you tried to protect the book shelves.”

Twilight sighed and shook her head. “Well, maybe the book can help you.”

I sure hope so, Derpy thought to herself as she left Twilight's, heading back towards her house. Yesterday was still a painful memory, and she found her pace quickening to get past the snickers of ponies as she passed. She eventually resorted to a swift flight home, deciding to avoid Ponyville’s roads altogether. Derpy’s house was set a little farther off than most of the other ponies’ homes, save for Fluttershy’s of course, with trees packed in on all sides. The red roof blended in with the autumn leaves, and at first, she had a little trouble locating it, but the black hole of the chimney helped her find it eventually.

She descended into the tree tops, clipping her wings on a few branches as she landed on her door step. She shook the leaves out of her hair, reaching for the key in her mailbag, which, thankfully, was still there. She unlocked the door and hurried to the couch, extracting the book from her mail bag as she flopped down on the cushions, eager to get started on erasing her clumsy nature. Brick leapt into her lap as she took the book in her hooves, opening the cover as excitement brewed in her belly.

How to not be a klutz for dummies;

Chapter one

Understanding clumsiness

The first step to rid yourself of your clumsiness for good is to understand it. So in this chapter, we will be looking into the basics of being a klutz.

(Authors note; The author was far too lazy to write anything else, so we’re moving on.)

Derpy was enchanted by the book, and would have stayed up, reading it through the night if Brick hadn’t tapped her on the hoof and pointed at the clock, which now read 11:30.

“Oh! Guess I had better get to bed, huh buddy?”

Brick just raised an eyebrow, then hopped off the sofa, grabbing his favorite blanket in his teeth and dragging it to Derpy’s bedroom. She giggled and set the book down on the bedside table, going to brush her teeth as segments of the book ran through her head.

The book said that a big part of being clumsy is thinking your clumsy, so maybe is I just think positive, non klutzy thoughts, I can be normal!

Elated at the idea, Derpy hurriedly brushed through her mane and climbed into bed, moving the sleeping brick off her pillow.

“Hehe, night Brick! Tomorrow, I’m going to show everypony I’m not hopeless!”

Derpy pulled her bag off the counter and studied the piece of paper in her hand.

One; Think positive thoughts

Two; Remember, you’re only as clumsy as you think you are

Three; Pick up apples and muffin supplies

Four; Above all, impress Dragon Fly

Smiling at the list, Derpy tucked it away in the pocket of her mail bag as she closed the door behind her, locking it and humming to herself. Today was going to be great, she just knew it. She trotted down the road and waved at the ponies she passed, a few of them even waved back! She had a bubbly, warm feeling stirring in her chest as the blonde mare leisurely strolled through the streets of Ponyville on her way to Sugar Cube Corner. When Derpy opened the door, she couldn't help wincing as she noticed the punch stain on the floor, but no, she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind, closing the door firmly behind her. She had to keep positive thoughts. Derpy smiled at Mrs. Cake, ignoring the tittering ponies behind her as she came up to the counter.

“Hello Miss Cake! I need some more muffin making supplies!”

Mrs. Cake nodded, smiling awkwardly as she lifted the vase of flowers off the counter and onto a table out of Derpy’s reach.

“Ah! Of course, just give me a minute.”

She hurried into the kitchen, the door swinging shut behind her, leaving Derpy to lay her head on the counter, staring at the pretty vase glumly. Suddenly, a bright pink pony burst through the kitchen door, an assortment of baking supplies balanced on her head.

“Heya Derpy! How are you doin?”

Derpy’s train of thought was derailed as a bag of flour landed near her face, nearly clipping her ear. She jerked upright as a bag of sugar hit the counter directly where her nose had been. Shaking her head, Derpy coughed, covering her mouth to protect from the rising cloud of flour.

“Oh! Hi cough Hi Pinkie Pie!”

The fluorescent pony grinned, pushing a bottle of vanilla in Derpy’s direction.

“Got it all right here Derpy! Everything you need for those muffins, though I personally prefer cupcakes myself! Though muffins might be my third and three quarters favorite! Or maybe seventh and two fifths favorite. Actually, muffins and cupcakes are a lot alike, aside from the sixty three icing mass difference”

She grinned, and Derpy nodded blankly, not really understanding what Pinkie Pie had just said.

“Uh-uh… Well, gotta go Pinkie! See ya later!”

"Bya Derpy! Save a muffin for meeeeee!"

Derpy dropped six bits on the counter and shuffled out the door, looping the paper shopping bag containing her precious muffin supplies around her neck. She fished around in her mail bag for a moment, then pulled out the crumpled piece of paper that was her list.

“Right! Now for the apples!”

Derpy scanned the brick road in front of her, and sure enough, Applejack had taken advantage of the weekend to set up an apple stand. Derpy started off toward it, then came to a sudden halt, eyes locked on the pale stallion in front of her.

Shoot, there's Dragonfly…

Gulping, Derpy did her best to push every possible non clumsy thought to the front of her mind, and trotted forward. She had done good so far, maybe she could keep it up.

“Hey Applejack!”

“Wha- Ah, howdy Derpy!”

The orange cow pony shifted behind the counter, most likely checking for anything breakable before facing Derpy.

“Have ya got a hankerin fer some fresh apples?”

Derpy smiled, grabbing one of the disposable saddle bags from the stand, mentally chiding herself for leaving her own saddle bag at home.

“Sure do! Do you have any red delicious?”

As Applejack searched through the assorted apple baskets, Derpy cast a glance toward Dragonfly, and an unexpected lump emerged in her throat.

Colgate stood talking to the stallion, a fake smile plastered across her face, and giggling every ten seconds.

“Eh, Derpy? Ah said, how many do ya want?”

Derpy turned quickly, hoping to hurry and get Dragonfly and Colgate.

“Uh yeah, I heard you. Sevens good.”

Applejack placed seven bright red apples in Derpy’s saddle bag.

“That’d be five bits please.”

Derpy tossed the coins on the counter, and tried to turn around to face Dragonfly, but her mail strap caught on the apple stands support posts. Without thinking, she yanked hard on the strap.

“Wait! Derpy-“

The apple stand came crashing down, and apples flew in all directions while wooden planks buried Applejack. Colgate shrieked in surprise, while Dragonfly stood mouth agape. Derpy gasped and dropped her bags, tearing through the remains of the stand and exposing an orange head.

“Applejack! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean..”

The mare spit out a piece of cloth, shaking her head.

“It's fine Derpy, but you’d best be heading home now.”

Derpy backed away, as Dragonfly pushed past her, extending a hoof to help Applejack out of the pile of ruble. Derpy couldn't stand it.

Snatching her bags, she turned and ran blindly, with no thought but to get way from her own destruction.