Derpy Heart

Chapters

Chapter 1 - New in Town
Chapter 2 - Missteps and Crashes
Chapter 3 - Date Night
Chapter 4 - Nightmare Night
Chapter 5 - Adventures in Foalsitting
Chapter 6 - A Decent Proposal

Chapter 1 - New in Town

Chapter 1: New in Town

Call me Dovetail. No, I ain't really into animals. It's a woodworking thing. Some folks say it's kind of a fru-fru name for a stallion. All I'll say is that some of us earth ponies think wood deserves as much respect as trees do as when they're alive.

But I didn't set out to write this about me. This is a story about her.

It all started a few weeks after I'd moved to Ponyville. With a lot of hard work I'd fixed up the broken down house which was all I'd been able to buy, and I was just about ready to open my shop.

I hadn't really prepared for how lonely it would be, moving to a new town. Applejack was the only pony in town that I knew. Well, to be honest “knew” is a bit strong. She's something like my fifth cousin or suchlike. Not really close kin, but our families go back, and we'd met a couple of times before I came to Ponyville. I guess things like that seem a lot more important when you're in a place where you don't know anypony else at all.

You know, it sounds a bit silly to say this now, but truth be told I was pretty overwhelmed by a “big city” like Ponyville. I guess that tells you all you need to know about where I grew up. I couldn't believe how many ponies and places there were to see. There was a bakery, a library, a bowling alley... heck, they even had a shop that only sold sofas and quills! Yes sir, that big little town had everything. Most importantly for me, however (though I didn't know it yet), they had a post office.

It was that very post office that I was headed for on that very day. I needed to order some little hinges and other things the local blacksmith couldn't make from Canterlot.

A bell tinkled when I opened the door, but the sound was drowned out by a cheery song playing on one of those swanky gramophones sitting on the counter. The pegasus mare sorting mail behind the counter didn't notice me walk in at first because she wasn't facing the door, so I had a moment to look at her. Now, I ain't the type to leer and hoot at every mare that walks by, but I've still got red blood in my veins, and I couldn't help but notice that this was a fine mare indeed. What can I say? It ain't a crime to look.

She had a cutie mark that looked like bubbles on her firm, glossy flank. Her coat was the grey of a crisp winter evening sky, and her golden mane and tail swayed hypnotically as she bobbed her head to the music, dropping letter after letter into bins without a care in the world. Yes sir, she was the prettiest pony I'd seen since I'd moved into town. Well, truth be told, one of the two prettiest, but this one didn't look like she spent half the day primping in front of a mirror, like the other pony who had caught my eye. I've lived long enough to know that that type of lady is fine to look at, but more trouble than they're worth, most times.

But I'm getting away from myself. I just meant to say that the mailmare was pretty, and I beg your pardon for waxing all poetical. That's not really the point anyway, because what really caught my eye was her smile and how she held herself. Even though she was doing a boring job, every line of her body said that she loved life, and there wasn't nothing that could stop her.

I realized I'd been staring, and that the longer I stood there like an idiot the more awkward it would be when she noticed me. So I set the letter I'd been carrying in my mouth on the counter and politely tapped my hoof on the floor.

She reared slightly in surprise and knocked over a wastebasket, giving a little yelp. After she recovered herself she turned to look at me and said, “Hi there! You startled me. What can I do for you?”

I say she turned to look at me, but what I really mean is that one eye looked at me while the other was looking at the ceiling. I'd never seen anything like that before. My stomach did a little flip in my gut, and without even thinking, I reared up on my back legs in surprise. I'm ashamed to admit it, but before I could stop myself I said “What the hay is wrong with your face?”

Right away I knew I'd really put my hoof in my mouth. All of that joy seemed to just drain out of her. She stammered, not sure what to say. “I... my... face? You mean my eyes? I'm sorry...” Yeah, you heard me. She apologized to me.

She kept herself together, but I could see that those big eyes that were each pointing their own way were tearing up together. I muttered something that might have been an apology if you put the words in the right order and bolted out of there like my tail was on fire. I didn't even remember to deal with my letter.

I didn't go straight home. I walked around for a while to clear my head, but it didn't help. My mind just kept going around in circles about what a jerk I'd been.

When I reached the market square, I saw Applejack talking and laughing with five other mares. I reckoned they must have been those friends of hers she was so keen on, and one of them was that pretty mare I'd spotted earlier.

My cousin waved a hoof when she saw me and beckoned me over. When she saw my drooped ears and heavy head she stopped smiling and looked concerned. “Hey now 'cuz, why the long face?” she asked me. “I thought you were settling in well.”

“I was,” I said with a sigh, “but I think I just made myself not welcome at the post office. Do you know the pony who works there? The one with...” I swallowed, not sure how to put it. “... the eyes?”

Applejack started to say “Oh, that's Derpy. She's really a...”

Before she could finish she was cut off by a little grey unicorn filly who stomped up to me. The little foal scowled up to me and said in a rush, “She crashed and hit her head really hard when she was little so that's why her eyes are like that and there's nothing wrong with that because she's as smart as anypony else,” Her pace, volume, and pitch both increased with every word in that way that kids sometimes do when they're tripping over themselves to say everything at once. After pausing only a heartbeat for breath she continued, even more shrilly than before, “Anyway she's probably even smarter than a meanie like you and you made her cry so I hate you 'cuz she's my mommy and I love her AND YOU SHOULDN'T BE MEAN TO HER!”

She was just a little thing but the way she was scowling and holding her head low reminded that unicorns evolved to charge and gore with their horns. She panted for a moment after her rant, still glaring at me. Then in one swift motion she spun around, kicked me surprisingly hard in the fetlock with her sharp little hoof, and ran off.

For the second time today all I could do was stare wordlessly. To be fair, that's all AJ and the others were doing too. That is, until the pain registered and broke me out of my trance. I winced and lifted up my abused leg. “I think I earned that, but confound it that hurt!” I said, and explained to Applejack and her friends what had happened.

“Well, I think it's pretty plain what you gotta do,” Applejack said, after I'd finished, “You need to go to her and apologize. I reckon you ought to apologize to Dinky, too. That's the little one who gave you a piece of her mind.”

I nodded unhappily. It was obvious she was right, but I was not looking forward to it.

“Dovetail, I have a suggestion,” said the purple unicorn, whose name I couldn't remember. Midnight something? “When somepony is upset, sometimes you need to leave them alone for a while, to cool down. Why don't you try to apologize tomorrow?” The others nodded in agreement.

“Thanks, ladies,” I said. “You're probably right. I expect I'd just make things worse if I went over there now." With that I gave them a nod and walked home, limping slightly.

The next day I left home in the morning, dreading what I had to do. Looking somepony in the eye after you've done them a bad turn is never pleasant, and it's even worse when you know you've made a bad impression on somepony you've just met.

As I passed through the square on my way to the post office I bought a bundle of daises from a cream colored pony with a little flower stall. “What the hay,” I figured, “it can't hurt.”

Once I reached the post office, I stood outside with the bouquet in my mouth for, well, I don't know how long. It must have been only a couple of minutes, but it felt like hours.

Today there was no music to drown out the bell on the door, so Derpy looked up as I walked in. For just a moment I saw that same bright smile that I'd seen yesterday when she'd first turned to me. It was just a for moment, though. When she saw it was me her face fell a bit and got a bit colder. She didn't look rightly mad; I don't know if she could ever look really mad, but she sure didn't look pleased to see me, either.

“Oh, hi,” she said. After an awkward pause she said, “I mailed your letter. You owe me two bits.”

“Um fuvvy,” I started to say, like an idiot. I set the flowers down on the counter and tried again. “Miss Derpy, I, uh...” I realized that looking somepony in the eyes when you apologize is harder when they're both going off in different directions. After a few moments the obvious hit me. I'd been a damned fool for not realizing it earlier. I just picked the eye that was looking at me, and looked back at that one, ignoring the other one.

“I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry, Miss Derpy. I didn't mean to say what I said and be so rude. I was just surprised, is all. I meant no offense. Uh... I got you some flowers too. I figured I could apologize with plants, 'case my words aren't very good.” I nosed the flowers towards her.

She took a deep breath, and for a moment I thought she was going to reject my apology. Then a little of her smile came back and her ears perked up. “It's okay,” she said, “I get that a lot with new ponies. Just usually not quite so... loudly.” She ate one of the flowers and put the others upright in a pencil cup, not bothering to remove the pencils first. I couldn't help but smile a bit when I saw that; it seemed so carefree, if a little silly. She really did look pretty when she smiled, when I wasn't being distracted by her eyes.

It was then that I noticed a little horn and pair of ears poking up over the counter. I leaned over and saw the filly from yesterday peering up at me, giving me the stinkeye. I told myself that it was stupid to be intimidated by a child, for Celestia's sake, and put on a weak smile. “It's Dinky, right?” She nodded, and I went on, “I'm sorry to you too. It's terrible when somepony upsets a pony you love. I didn't mean to be mean, but I was, and I'm sorry.”

I pulled one of the flowers from the pencil cup and offered it to her. She took it and chewed it thoughtfully, peering at me with a judging look. “Well, okay,” she said, around a mouthful of daisy, “But don't be mean anymore or I'll kick you again. Even harder.”

“Fair enough,” I said with a weak smile. “I earned that last one.”

I didn't talk to Derpy again over the next few days, but I saw her around town. It took me a while to realize that I was keeping an eye out for her whenever I went out. I never went up and talked to her, but I did watch as she interacted with the other ponies in town. Most ponies were friendly to her. A few seemed to be cool to her, or uncomfortable, but she paid it no mind and kept smiling all the while. I reckon the only pony in town who smiled more than her was that manic pink friend of Applejack's who worked at the bakery, and that one seemed like she could be a bit of a hoof-full to be around.

Derpy, on the other hand... there was just something about her. She seemed so relentlessly happy, but in a quiet way. The fact that she was pretty once you got used to the eye thing didn't hurt either. Like I said, I was always keeping an eye out, hoping to see her. I found that I was thinking about her a lot also. Once she saw me from across the square. She waved a hoof at me and flapped her wings. Let me tell you, that made my day.

Of course, once I noticed I was watching her all of the time, I felt like a bit of a creep. I realized that I'd have to either get over her, or get up the nerve to talk to her. I couldn't go on just peering at her all the time; that didn't seem right. The problem was that I never was too good at talking to ponies, at least back then. Especially mares. Especially pretty mares.

Fortunately, I didn't need to get up any courage at all, because that problem got solved for me right quick.

Chapter 2 - Missteps and Crashes

Over the next few weeks I saw Derpy pretty regularly. Of course, a gentlecolt doesn’t go around watching a mare from a distance (at least once he notices he’s doing it), but despite my first impressions of Ponyville, the town just wasn’t very big, so if you waited a long enough you’d run into anyone now and again.

Since I was still getting myself and my little shop set up, I had to order a lot of things through the mail, which meant I got to see her once every few days. I’m not ashamed to admit that even after a couple of weeks my heart leaped into my throat and my hooves got restless every time I saw her. Of course, between still being embarrassed about how we met, and being so taken with her, I hardly said anything to her longer than “Good morning Miss Derpy,” and, “Thanks for the package, Miss Derpy.” Even so, she always had a smile for me, and seeing her was the best part of my day.

One day she told me, “You’re so polite all of the time! You know, you don’t have to call me ‘Miss’ all of the time, Dovetail. Just ‘Derpy’ is fine.” When all I could get out of my stupid mouth was, “Sorry Miss...” she gave me a playful shove, giggled like she does, and flew off. It’s funny, the things that stick in your head.

A few days after that I found myself at the schoolhouse, doing one of my first proper contracts installing some cabinets. I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was anyway when as I was finishing up and packing my tools in my saddlebag, Derpy’s daughter Dinky trotted up to me and said “Hey Dovetail!” in that relentlessly cheery way little fillies have.

I figured I wasn’t at risk of a kicking this time, but wasn’t sure what was expected of me. What do you even say to a little kid? “Uh, hey there,” was the best I could do, feeling a little silly at being intimidated by such a young filly.

Thankfully, she went and solved my problem of not knowing what to say right quick once she stared talking. “Thanks for being nicer to my mommy. She says you sure do get a lot of things through the mail, but she says that’s okay because you’re nice. I think you’re nice too, but why do you have a tree as a cutie mark? Don’t you only use dead trees? Shouldn’t you have like a hammer or something? I s’pose its okay though, ‘cause Applejack’s cutie mark is apples and she likes apples when they’re growing and when you cook ‘em or eat ‘em which I guess makes them dead too. Do you know Applejack? Aren’t you related or something?”

Now, I haven’t spent much time with foals since I was one, so I was amazed at how much she could talk on one breath, and how many questions she could ask at once. I dropped my last couple of tools into my bag while I tried to figure out which question I was supposed to answer. Then it hit me.

“She says I’m nice?”

The little grey unicorn laughed and smiled, just like her mom. “Yeah! She’s talked about you a few times and how you're one of the nicest ponies in Ponyville, and how you always seem happy to see her and super SUPER friendly. When I met you I thought you were mean but then you got all nice and she likes delivering things to you so that’s okay. I guess nice people do mean things sometimes. My friend Sunny Daze once said something REALLY mean to me but then later she said she was sorry and wasn’t mean anymore so it was okay.”

I had to think a moment and play that all back in my head before getting the sense of what she was saying, but I was starting to get used to how she talked.

“Uh, Dinky?” I said, my heart feeling like it was stuck in my throat. Confound it, if I couldn’t talk to her daughter without feeling like I wanted to bolt, how was I ever going to get the nerve to talk to Derpy herself?

“Yeah?” she said, and cocked her head curiously. She was quiet for longer than I’d ever heard her be while she waited for me to talk, though she did fidget a bit.

“I think your mom is nice too. Really nice. But you two are a family, and I know I got off on the wrong hoof with you. Do you, err... would you mind it if I asked your mom out? You know, for a grown-up date?”

When I asked this, her face got all serious for a bit, so I was relieved when she brightened up and said “Sure! You should totally do that! Just don’t be mean about her eyes like that other time, okay? Cool! I think that would be...”. Just then the teacher, Miss Cheerilee walked into the room, and Dinky interrupted herself. “Whoops, gotta go. Bye Dovetail!” She trotted off to to her seat.

I nodded to Miss Cheerilee and took my leave, chewing my lip in thought. I was relieved that the little one didn’t hate me anymore, and at the even better news that Derpy thought I was “nice”, but now I had a whole new thing to be scared about.

Once you’ve set out to do something hard, like moving to a new town or talking to a mare you like, it’s hard to hold back from doing it immediately. No matter how much you might put it off, once you’ve well and truly made up your mind the thing wants to get done right away.

If I do say so myself, I think I put forth a heroic effort by waiting until the next morning to go to see Derpy. The town was just waking up and the shadows were still long when I made my way to the post office at a jaunty canter. I knew if I waited too long she’d be out delivering, and I didn’t want to have to wait until the afternoon to see her.

I felt on top of the world when I opened that door and stepped in, casual as you please with a big smile on my face. After that, things kind of went downhill. You see, I threw the door open a mite harder than I meant to, and it hit the stop pretty loudly. The next thing I heard after that was a yelp and a crash.

“Derpy, are you okay?” I said, rushing in and not seeing her.

It was my turn to be startled when she pulled herself up from the floor behind the counter with a loud, “Yup, I’m fine!” She planted her hooves on the counter and blew her mane out of her eyes. “Oh, hi Dovetail!” she said. “You startled me. People don’t normally come in this early. What do you need?”

Looking into her eyes (well, one of them anyway) like that while she smiled at me and kept trying to get her mane out of her eyes was just too much for me. All of that confidence I’d been building since the day before just melted away and I just stammered like an idiot. Once I managed to get some words out, I rambled. “Well Miss Derpy... Err, I mean Derpy, I, uh... well I really like you, and you’re always so happy. It’s amazing to see how, well, with the eye thing and all, you never let it get you down, and I know it must be hard...”

I knew I had said something wrong; first her smile went away, and then she planted her face in her hoof with a sigh. Luckily for me, she stopped me from making things worse by interrupting me.

“Oh my sweet Celestia, don’t do this.”

I think she may have rolled her eyes, but frankly I wasn’t entirely sure.

“Do what?”

“Make me into somepony ‘inspiring’ or ‘brave’,” she said, “I get enough of that around town, and it’s kind of insulting.”

She didn’t look mad, just a touch annoyed. I still felt like I’d been kicked in the gut. Frankly, I couldn’t have felt any worse if she’d yelled.

“I’m sorry, I just meant...” I trailed off, because I really didn’t know what to say. She’d already put her hoof on what I'd meant.

When I didn’t say anything for a few seconds, she sighed again, then grinned wryly. Her voice took on a dramatic tone, like a ham actor delivering a line.

“Well I think you handle your disability well too. You never let it get you down. Somehow you manage to get up every morning and live just like a normal person. How brave of you.”

“My what? I don’t...”

“Your wings.”

“I don’t have wings. I’m an earth pony.”

“Yeah, I know. I don’t know how you manage when you can’t fly like me. You’re so brave!” She reared up and beat her wings to make the point. It would have been a lot more dramatic if she hadn’t been right next to a free standing shelf... which stopped being free standing, right on top of her.

It was probably for the best, because she let me help her clean up. By the time we were finished I’d gotten enough sense back into my head to apologize without rambling like a damned fool, as we sat on the floor.

“It’s okay,” she said, “and I’m sorry I got mad. I just get really sick of being ‘poor Derpy, with the eyes’ or ‘brave, tragic Derpy’. Can’t I just be ‘Derpy, who brings the mail’ sometimes?”

“Or how about ‘Derpy with the really nice mane’?” I said, grinning sheepishly. She laughed when I said that, and finally started to smile again.

“What about ‘that clumsy Derpy’?” she said, throwing her front hooves in the air and falling over sideways with a dramatic squeak.

“Naw, I prefer, ‘Boy, that Derpy makes clumsy work!’” I said and offered her a hoof up. She took it and heaved herself up, giving my shoulder a playful shove.

“You’re too nice. I r...” A clock chiming interrupted her, and she folded her ears back. “Oh feathers, I’m late! I should have been delivering a half hour ago! I’m sorry but I really have to go!”

While she scrambled to get her saddlebags on I got up and opened the door. She took to the air while still inside the room, and I heard a quick “Thanks! See you later!” buzz by me as she literally flew out the door.

I waved at her back, like a fool, until she was out of sight. Then I dropped my rump down on the ground and sighed. I knew I’d made a damned fool out of myself again. I seemed to have made it right, and gotten some food for thought out of the deal, but if this was going to happen every time I tried to talk to her, giving up seemed like the only sensible thing to do.

And I kind of did. Don’t misunderstand me; I didn’t avoid her, and I still got butterflies in my stomach every time I saw her, but I didn’t try to talk to her about anything with substance, and I surely didn’t ask her out on any dates. I just plain didn’t dare. She always seemed pleased to see me, and was as friendly as ever, so I knew she wasn’t still mad at me. Still, I just knew something stupid was going to come flying out of my mouth if I tried to say anything with more meat than smalltalk.

I got close once, that Sunday. I ran into Derpy and Dinky at the Cakes’ bakery. Dinky was the only one who saw me come in, because her mother was busy buying a box of muffins. The little unicorn fixed me with an unsettling look and cocked her head expectantly at Derpy. This rattled me pretty bad, so I just backed out of the shop and took off running. As the door closed behind me I heard the petulant stamp of a little hoof and somebody asking the filly what was wrong.

They say the world works in mysterious ways. I think they’re right, whoever ‘they’ are, because just when it was becoming clear as anything to me that I was never going to approach that confounded grey mare, the solution fell out of the sky. No really, fell out of the sky.

It was the day after I chickened out at the bakery and I was on my way to Sweet Apple Acres. The Apple family had told me they were pulling down some trees that were too old to give good fruit anymore, and I wanted to get my hands on some of the wood for inlays and whatnot. Apple wood isn’t much good for big jobs, but it makes a plenty fine inlay, because the grain... well never mind that.

I was minding my own business, enjoying the bright sunshine and cool breeze as I walked along the road that led to the orchard, as peaceful as you like. Then, out of the clear blue skies there was a quiet thump sound far above me, and something that sounded like a voice getting closer very, very fast. I looked up, but before I could see what was happening the world spun and went black for a second as it felt like the sky fell on me.

I came to just a moment later, flat on my back, with a heavy weight on top of me. When I had blinked the stars from my eyes I looked up and saw a familiar face looking down at me, just as addled as I’m sure my own was. I heard a crash in a nearby tree and some colorful language, but paid it no mind. The only thing I had a thought for was the fact that Derpy had quite literally fallen out of the sky into my mildly concussed embrace.

She smiled sheepishly down at me and said, “Whoops, my bad. Are you okay?”

I’ve already told you that I’m not a lecherous pony, but I challenge any stallion to tell me that finding themselves in such a compromising position with any pretty mare (or stallion I guess, if that’s how they trot) wouldn’t get their heart running a gallop. I don’t know what got into me, but a flood of words came out of my fool mouth to rival Dinky’s rants. “Hi there, I’m okay, are you okay, wow, this is a surprise, I didn’t expect you to drop in on me all unexpected ha ha...look I really really like you and will you please go out with me, I mean it’s okay if you say no but I’d really like to take you on a date this Saturday please?”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a rumpled blue pegasus who I thought I recognized as one of Applejack’s friends fly down from the tree and bark, “What the hay, Derpy? Can you please look where you’re going? Derpy? Derpy, are you okay?”

My blonde and grey meteor paid her no mind, but just stared back at me, her face slowly breaking into her trademark grin. “Yes, of course I will!” she squealed and hugged me so tightly she crushed the breath out of me. I didn’t mind one bit, of course. I’d finally done it, and she’d said yes, and not even the lack of air and the growing lump on my head could make me feel anything less than perfectly contented.

Rainbow Swift (or whatever her name was) seemed to have calmed down, and I heard her let out a quiet “Aww...” before she flew off, leaving us alone.

Chapter 3 - Date Night

The next few days until our date seemed to take ages. The highlight of every day was seeing Derpy bring my mail. I knew that when she was working she didn't have time for more than a how d'you do, but I made sure I had something to do out by my mailbox every morning when she came by, because her smile put a spring in my step for the rest of the day.

When Saturday rolled around, I was in for a disappointment. Instead of my grey angel, the old post stallion who worked with her shambled up to my mailbox and stuffed a few letters in.

I asked him, “Begging your pardon sir, but where's Derpy?”

“Huh? Wuzzat?” he asked and squinted at me through thick glasses. After I repeated myself he told me, “Cloudsdale, special delivery. Post Haste and I can't fly, so she's got to do it. Don't you worry, she'll be back before this evening.” He grinned and nudged the air a good foot away from me with his elbow, looked confused for a moment, then shrugged and walked away to the next house.

I couldn't rightly tell you why, but not seeing her in the morning made me even more antsy about our date that evening. I know some folks say it's only mares that do this, but I must have spent at least an hour trying to figure out what to wear.

After more hemming and hawing than I'd care to tell, I decided that actual clothes would be too formal, but just wearing nothing would be too casual, so I settled on wearing just my best Stetson hat and a bolo tie.

As I made my way to her house next to the post office, I felt a bit out of place, because I noticed that nopony in Ponyville seemed to dress anything like how I was dressed, but it was too late to go back.

When I tapped my hoof on her front door it swung open right away, almost like she'd been waiting at the door for me. I knew right away I must not look too much the fool because she beamed at me like I was Prince Charming. And let me tell you, she was a vision. She'd opted for simple just like me, and only dolled herself up a little, but "simple" doesn't mean "plain". Her mane and tail were braided and tied with red ribbons, and she had a little pearl hair clip on the side of her head, that looked a little bit like her cutie mark. Other than that she looked like she did every day, but I don't mind saying that right then she was the prettiest thing I'd ever seen.

I didn't realize that I'd been staring like an idiot until she gave me a little shove with her hoof and said "It's nice to see you too, Dovetail" with a giggle. While I stammered for a response, she walked back into her house, hugged her daughter Dinky, and told her "You be good for Carrot Top. I'll be back after you're in bed."

Dinky said that she would, and she and Carrot Top, who was apparently foalsitting, both waved and told us to have a good time.

We had a wonderful night, but I can't say it sounds like much to talk about. Talking about courting is kind of like dancing about carpentry. You can do it, but it won't really give anyone an idea what it's like.

We had muffins and coffee at the Cattail Cafe, followed by a long walk around the big lake on the west side of town. Mostly we talked. Talked and laughed. It seemed like she could find some reason to smile about anything.

While we walked I realized I had gotten to talking about myself a bit more than is seemly, like a fellow sometimes does when he wants to impress a lady. And frankly, carpentry probably isn't too interesting to most folk.

“So, “ I said, “that is by far and away too much about what I do. What about you? How's the post pony game?”

“It's a job,” she said with a little shrug and a toss of her head, “I don't get excited about it like you do about your wood stuff, but it's a nice enough job. I get to spend a lot of the day outside. I usually even get to fly! I get to see lots of people, and mostly go at my own pace. So it's nice... but it's not really what drives my life, you know?”

“Then what gets you out of bed in the morning, Derpy?”

“My alarm clock!”

Her answer confused me for a moment before I understood. I was about to clarify when she gave me a shove and laughed. “I know what you meant, silly!”

I opened my mouth to apologize but she just went right on talking.

“The most important thing to me is my friends and family. Dinky is the best little pony I could ask for, and it's just amazing watching her grow up a little each day, you know? Well, maybe you don't, but you might some day.” Suddenly she looked a bit embarrassed as we both realized she'd implied something she hadn't meant to imply. Her cheeks reddened a bit, but she went on quickly, “Anyway, besides taking care of my filly, the best thing in the world is being with people I like and making them smile. Pinkie Pie... you know Pinkie, right? Anyway, she really gets that. I think I understand her more than most ponies in town... even though she maybe might want to consider toning it down, just a little bit. You know?”

I could see where her daughter got her gift for talking from, and no mistake. I didn't mind, though. I like it when people have a lot to say. It means I don't have to do all of the talking myself, and makes it a fair sight easier getting to know a pony.

“Yeah, I've met her,” I said. “She's a nice pony, but a bit much on occasion. A fellow could get a bit worn out, being around her too much. Not like you.”

“Oh you,” she said, with another of her little shoves. She seemed to like the compliment, though, because her grin got bigger and she looked away. Well, I'm pretty sure she did.

When the pause got just long enough to feel awkward, I asked her, “I don't want to step on any hooves, so I guess I should ask... am I likely to run into Dinky's dad? I don't want to ruffle any feathers.” When I saw her face fall a bit, I realized that might not have been the best thing to bring up.

“He's... you're not going to run into him. I haven't seen him since a bit before Dinky was born. He... wasn't the type to stick around.” Her head dropped a bit and she looked at the ground.

I felt like a right turkey for bringing it up. I put my hoof on her shoulder and told her, “Then it sure is lucky for Dinky that she has one parent who is loving enough for two.” It was the right thing to say, but I also meant it. I'd seen how happy Dinky always looked, and how she was the apple of her momma's eye.

She smiled and nuzzled my cheek. “That's sweet of you to say. I really do try. She's taken quite a shine to you, you know. I think she was almost as excited about us going on this date than I was. Not that I wasn't excited, because I was, but you know how kids can get. She said something about how I 'deserve' to go out on dates, even though she's way too young to really understand,” She paused, momentarily getting a worried look and added, “or maybe she isn't. Wow, we're probably overdue for a talk one of these days.”

“Oh, that's nothing! My cousin Mahogany Ridge got herself a little boyfriend before she got her cutie mark! Let me tell you, when she took a colt two years older than her to meet her parents...”

The whole evening was pretty uneventful, excepting of course when a gust of wind blew my hat into the lake. Derpy may be clumsy when she's not paying attention, but she flew out and plucked my hat out of the water as delicately as a butterfly drinking from a flower and didn't get a drop of water on her. When I called her a show off, just as a tease, she dropped the wet hat right onto my head, and we both had a good laugh.

After a while it seemed like we'd said all we had to say, and we just sat and watched the sun go down with her wing around me like the softest blanket in the world and her head on my shoulder. I couldn't have been happier if Princess Celestia herself had made a sunrise just for me.

I hate to sound like a cornball, but the whole evening was just plain magical. I don't think I even made a damned fool of myself once! I just completely forgot to feel awkward and lost myself in getting to know her.

Of course, while I walked her home I started thinking too hard again. It was almost like waking up from a dream, realizing that this funny, kind, beautiful mare had just given her whole evening to me. We walked so close our flanks and shoulders were touching most of the time, and now and then she gave my cheek a little nuzzle.

As we got close to her house I got up the nerve to talk again. Sort of.

"So, uh... I really had a nice time tonight," I said, flicking my ears uncomfortably.

"Me too!" she said and bumped her side against mine, as cheery as ever even while she stifled a yawn.

By this time we'd gotten to her front door. I flicked my tail and shuffled my hooves, but still looked her in the eye and said, "So Derpy, do you think that maybe sometime, I mean, if you want, we could..."

Before I could finish she flapped her wings happily and declared "Yes! How about next saturday?"

I nodded. "I can't wait."

She yawned and scratched her side with a hoof. "I'm tired and I bet Carrot wants to go home. I had a great time, Dovetail!" and before I knew what was happening she put a hoof behind my head and planted a big old kiss right on my lips.

You might say I was gobsmacked in more ways than one, and I just stood there with a stupid grin on my face as she said good night and went inside. Once I cleared my head and started off for my house I swear I knew what it was like to be a pegasus, because it felt like I was walking on clouds.

Sunday was a fair sight less magical than Saturday night.

I was all caught up on orders at my carpentry shop, so a little before noon I decided to head over to the Apple family's house to see if there was anything they needed help with. I never did like sitting idle for too long.

I was pretty deep in the orchard on my way to the house when I heard a snicker from behind me, and a voice said "Hey look, it's Lovey Dovey, the one who's dating the town retard."

I turned around and saw two scruffy looking earth ponies. I didn't know their names, but I knew they were out of towners that Applejack had hired to help tear up and replant the old south field.

Truth be told I didn't even know what to say to something like that, so I just looked at them, trying to size them up.

The one who had spoken before tossed his head and piped up again, "What's it like, making kissy faces with a retard, huh?" The other one just guffawed and said "Yeah!".

I folded my ears back and flared my nostrils, but managed to keep my cool. There were two of them and only one of me, and anyways fighting never solves anything for long.

"She ain't," I said, holding my head high. "Maybe she ain't as smart as Miss Cheerilee or Miss Twilight, but she's as smart as me or anyone else."

The one that was doing all of the talking laughed and nudged the other in the side with a hoof. "Says the pony dating the retard. You just have to look at her face to see she's not right." His friend just laughed and said "Yeah!" again, like the damned fool he was.

I took a step towards them, but held myself in check. I looked the loudmouth in the eyes and told him, "Even if she were addled in the head, which she ain't, there'd be no call for language like that. Everypony deserves some respect."

He just grinned unkindly and told his friend, "I guess she's not so bad if you only see her from behind, if you know what I mean. Hell, I bet she wouldn't even see me coming."

That was the very last straw. I didn't care anymore than there were two of them. I yelled, "Why you motherless, slimy little..." and reared up, kicking my front hooves. Both of them went wide-eyed and they shrank back.

I didn't think I was that intimidating... and I found out just what they were actually afraid of when a shadow fell over me and I felt strong jaws close on the scruff of my neck and hold me. Big Macintosh declared a no-nonsense "Nope" around a mouth full of my mane.

We had been so busy trading words that none of us had seen my cousins Applejack and Big Mac coming up on us.

AJ stepped towards the two hired farmhooves, and damned if they didn't look more scared of her than they had of her brother. With the look in her eyes, I can't say I blamed them. She stared them down with rage in her eyes but icy cold calm in her voice. "I reckon you two should go with Big Macintosh back to the house. You can get your things and collect your wages, then you can leave town." Mister big mouth started to protest, but he didn't get a whole word out before she cut him off. "I ain't gonna ask you twice. Understand?" She looked about ready to kick the both of them into next week, and they knew it.

By this time the big red stallion had let me go, and the troublemaker appealed to him. "Are you going to let a mare tell you what to do?"

Big Mac fixed them with a stare and nodded. He took a step forward and loomed over both of them and said in a quiet but very serious voice, "Eeyup. Less'n you'd rather I do what I've got a mind to do."

By his standards that was practically a speech, and it seemed to make his point. The rough pair meekly walked towards the house ahead of Big Mac, not saying a word.

Applejack glared after them, then sighed and put a hoof on my shoulder. "I'm sorry sugarcube. I knew they weren't the most polished ponies in the world, but I didn't figure they'd be that mean spirited. When Apple Bloom ran to the house and told me what they were saying, and that they were picking a fight with you, I knew we didn't need their kind around here. We can finish replanting without them."

I sat down heavily on the ground, trying to clear the anger from my head. "I can help. I've got time, and I'm not afraid to get my hooves dirty."

"Thanks 'Cuz. I reckon I'll take you up on that."

She didn't say anything more, but she did sit with me. It was good to have some company while my head cleared.

A distant part of the west road out of town was visible from where we sat, and after a while two specks appeared on it, that could only be the two recently fired ponies. It was a ways away, but it looked like they were running from a rainbow colored streak that kept dive-bombing them. I nudged my cousin and said "It looks like that Rainbow Streak friend of yours got wind of what happened, and doesn't think much of them."

"Dash, " she corrected me as she squinted into the distance to see. "Rainbow Dash. Oh horsefeathers, I think you're right." She sighed and rolled her eyes as she stood up. "Now I've gotta go track down Fluttershy, and talk enough nerve into her so she can fly out there and ask Dash to stop. I don't want her to get in any trouble... again. You gonna be all right?"

"I'm fine. Thanks AJ." I waved her off, hoping they wouldn't stop Rainbow Dash too soon.

Chapter 4 - Nightmare Night

Nopony gave me any grief about being with Derpy after that. Mostly because most folks in town liked her, but as for the few that didn't... well, I got the impression that Applebloom's story got a bit inflated in the retelling when her little orange friend told me I was a “badass”, which I don't think has anything to do with donkeys.

That date I told you about was just the first of many. By the time fall rolled around we were spending a few days every week together, almost like a family. Once or twice I even stayed over at their place, and had breakfast and helped get little Dinky off to school. She even wanted a hug from her mother and me. I won't lie, that was a bit odd for me, but nice.

I still saw Derpy most mornings on her rounds, but since we saw so much of each other those days, nopony fretted when I was too busy to wait for her, or even those few times when I let myself sleep in.

One morning I had done just that, since I'd spent the last couple of days helping the Apples buck their whole north field, and felt I'd earned it. It must have been a whole hour or two after dawn when I dragged myself out of bed and went to brush my teeth. I heard a little tapping sound on my bathroom window, and turned to look at it without even thinking. My bathroom and bedroom are on the floor above my shop, so I nearly jumped out of my hide when I saw a face looking at me in the window!

Of course, I stayed in my skin, but since I was still half asleep I really did jump and scream like a little filly. I don't recommend jumping around not half a minute after waking up. I also don't recommend tripping and falling through your bathroom door and down a flight of stairs, because that's what I did next and it was even less fun than it sounds.

When I was still picking myself up and getting my head on straight, I heard a meek knocking at my front door, and Derpy's voice saying “I'm so sorry... my bad. Are you okay, Dovetail?”

I opened the door and rubbed my head, doing my best to smile at her even though I was in no mood to right then. She makes herself feel bad enough when something goes wrong that she didn't need anypony adding to it.

When she tiptoed in, looking all shy like she does, I pecked her on the cheek to show her I wasn't mad. “I'm fine, sugarcube. You just forgot that those as can't fly don't expect to see someone peeking in a second story window.” When she perked up and smiled I asked, “What brings you around this early? Aren't you meant to be doing deliveries?”

She shuffled her hooves and fluttered her wings a bit, looking distressed. It all came out in one increasingly loud breath, “I know, I know, I'm supposed to be at work but I have a pinfeather and I can't reach it and Dinky is at school and she usually helps me and IT REALLY ITCHES!”

I patted her hoof and smiled at her. “Is that all?” I said, “Take your saddlebags of, sit yourself down and I'll be back in two shakes.”

I went back upstairs into the bathroom where I had been rudely but adorably interrupted. While I fished around in the medicine cabinet for a pair of tweezers, I heard thumps from her bags and then her backside hitting the floor (she is a lovely mare with many fine qualities, but grace isn't one of them) and then the rustling of restless wing flutters.

In case you don't know, when feathers come in they've got a little... I don't know, papery thing around them that helps them start growing, but when the feather is ready for it to come off it apparently itches like nobody's business. That's part of why pegasi and birds are always preening themselves. Well, that and being vain, sometimes.

Truth to tell, I may have been a little annoyed at her a few minutes before, but when I went down the stairs with the tweezers in my teeth and saw her looking at me like I was Celestia herself come to make a private sunrise, I can't say as I felt anything but affection for that silly grey pony.

“Show me where it is, Derpy,” I said, around the little tool in my mouth, “I can't say I've ever done this for a pegasus before, but my mom always had me crack the pinfeathers on the chickens at home when they got ornery.”

She bit her lip and tried not to squirm as she held her wing out and pointed with a hoof. Sure enough there was a new little feather trying to get out on the back of the base of her wing where she couldn't quite reach with her teeth. After a little bit of fishing around with my tweezers I was able to work that little papery sheath off of it, and then I gave that whole part of her wing a good scratching with my hoof. She sighed and closed her eyes, and her tail even twitched like a dog being scratched behind the ears. It was all I could do not to laugh at how cute and silly she looked, but I held it back. I knew pegasi were mighty particular about things to do with their wings, and I never knew what would be rude or embarrassing.

When I was done she just sat with her eyes closed for a spell, and then with no warning at all she pounced on me, knocking me into my back. All mixed in with a flurry of kisses, some of which even managed to land on my lips she said “Oh my gosh thank you thank you I really appreciate it you are the best oh horseapples I'm behind and I have to run or I'll get written up for taking too long thanks again bye Dovey! See you tonight at the celebration!”

And just like that, she was gone, jumping up and flying out of my front door before she'd finished saying my name.

That's what it was like having her in my life. Never boring, and sometimes more interesting than you planned for, out of nowhere. I decided right then that I wouldn't trade it for the world. I also realized something right then, as I picked myself up off of the floor for the second time that morning. She had completely taken me for granted. She came over because she knew I'd help her, even though it might not be the best time for me and the problem wasn't a real crisis. She just knew. It may not sound like a good thing when I say it like that, but when someone just assumes you are there for them without even questioning it, it means you're a pretty big part of their world, and no mistake. Nope, I realized, I wouldn't trade that for anything either. I liked it just fine.

Once I was done being all sappy, I realized one other thing. “Celebration”? What celebration?

“What do you mean you forgot it was Nightmare Night?”

Derpy and Dinky had showed up at my door just after sundown, while I was busy working on a new lectern for the library. I was still brushing wood shavings off of my face (you try using a wood plane with your teeth and see what happens) and feeling like a fool after explaining that I had no earthly idea why they had come over right then.

“I'm sorry, I just didn't remember,” I said, “We never really celebrated it much back home, and you didn't remind me. I hear it's real fun, and I'll be happy to come with you ladies once I get cleaned up.”

Dinky looked up at me and said, “But you don't have a costume! It's Nightmare Night and everypony has to wear a costume, even grown ups, or Nightmare Moon will eat you up!”

They both looked at me expectantly, and now that I didn't have a face full of wood dust and shavings, I got a chance to eye them up for the first time since they'd arrived.

Dinky had a pair of little cardboard wings tied to her back with a string around her middle, and had two crayon drawings of her mom's bubbles taped on her backside where her cutie mark would have been.

Derpy was wearing what looked like one of AJ's old stetsons, a bolo tie she must have snuck out of my dresser, and had a drawing of a tree that looked just like my cutie mark taped on each of her flanks.

I was totally flabbergasted! I'll tell you right now that the pair of them may just have been the cutest thing I've ever seen before or since. I thought quickly, and said “Don't you worry none, little Dinky. You just give me a moment and I'll have myself fixed up.”

I knew just the thing, too. I ran upstairs and fished around in the bottom drawer of my dresser. Sure enough, right where I thought they'd be was an old pair of blueish-grey plain boxer shorts. I never was sure why I had them because they looked kind of silly with my orange coat, and I didn't wear clothes much anyway, but sometimes you just accumulate things. You know how it is. Once I managed to get those on, I ran back downstairs and ransacked my work shelves until I found what I needed. Some greyish sandpaper rolled into a cone, some tape, and a string came together to look like a tiny version of the least festive party hat ever. I slipped it onto my head with the little cone on my forehead where a unicorn's horn would be, and trotted back out to where my ladies were waiting for me.

“Ta da!” I said with a wave of my front hooves, “Dinky is her mom, her mom's me, and I'm Dinky!”

I was worried when they just stared at me, not saying a word, but I only had to worry for a moment, because after a few breaths they both cheered and stamped their hooves on the floor.

So we went out and enjoyed the Nightmare Night festival, all dressed as each other. Other ponies might not agree, but I reckon we had the best costumes in town, even if they were also the worst, from a certain way of thinking. A lot of folks liked our matching costumes, even if they weren't fancy.

It was really something. We bobbed for apples, and played games. Derpy told me about how she accidentally drained the water out of the apple barrel last year, and we all had a good laugh. Derpy and I had a couple of mugs of cider (the good stuff) and Dinky had some spiced apple juice. The little one got enough candy to stuff herself nearly sick, even after giving “Nightmare Moon” her share. And when I say “Nightmare Moon”, I mean the honest to goodness Nightmare Moon! Well, Princess Luna, but she's kind of the same thing, I suppose, when she has a mind to be. Apparently she'd come to Ponyville for Nightmare Night the year before and the town helped her out with learning to be Luna and not Nightmare. She must have been happy with what they said or did, because I heard she was making a tradition of visiting for the celebration every year. Just think of it, I got to meet a princess, and I didn't even have to dress up all fancy! And I tell you what, she was right scary when she had a mind to be. We all ran and screamed and were only mostly sure she wasn't going to eat us.

Dinky tuckered herself out running around and screaming her fool head off with her little friends. She lost her wings at one point, and cried a bit, but we got her calmed down by reminding her that Nightmare Moon had already let her go for the year.

By the time things were winding town she was riding on my back because she was too tired to walk. Derpy and I wandered around for a bit longer, listening to some of the musicians who were still playing and sneaking a kiss or two when we thought the little filly was asleep.

Dinky made a few sleepy gagging sounds, but after a moment of worrying that she was going to throw up on my back, I realized she was just poking fun at us. Derpy told her “Now Muffin, don't spoil our fun,” and prodded her before giving me another kiss, but we restrained ourselves for the sake of young eyes after that.

A little later we headed off for their house, Dinky laying on my back with her front legs around my neck, and Derpy ambling next to me, giving me a little nuzzle now and then. When Derpy saw Carrot Top and Berry Punch waving to her from the other side of the square, she squeaked, looked at me apologetically and said, “Dove, can you watch Dinky for a few minutes? I forgot I needed to talk to the girls about something. I'll be right back, I promise.” Before I could answer she pecked my cheek and trotted off.

So there I stood, suddenly in charge of a child. At first I was a bit miffed, but then it hit me that this was the same thing as earlier. Maybe a pony who sat and thought for longer than my flighty Derpy would have hemmed and hawed, but she'd just paid me a big compliment without meaning to. She just knew that I'd be happy to watch her daughter for a spell, and that the little filly was in good hooves. Maybe she ought to have asked, but that was just Derpy being Derpy.

I don't know if she had been awake all along, or if she'd woken up when I stopped walking, but I felt Dinky squeeze my neck and mumble sleepily from between my shoulder blades, “whmmm mom go?”

“Don't you worry, little lady. She just needed to see her friends for a few. She'll be back in no time.”

Her little head nuzzled my mane and she said, “Mmkay.” After a moment she yawned and stretched a bit, and asked me, still not sounding very awake, “Dovetail? 'F you 'n mom get married, will you be, like, my dad or something?”

Well horsefeathers, what in tarnation does a pony say to a thing like that? Even though she'd really put me on the spot, I figured she didn't know any better, and deserved a good answer. I thought for a bit, craned my neck around to look at her and said, “That's one heck of a question. If... if we did get hitched, I reckon I wouldn't be your dad properly, but I'd sure do my best to treat you like I was your real dad. You and your mom are something special, and being a part of your family would be the best thing I can think of.”

After a pause, not sure if she was even still awake, I added, “Why... do you think we should?”

She yawned another tiny yawn and said, without opening her eyes, “I dunno. S' grownup stuff, I guess. Mom loves you, and you'd be a good daddish thing.” She snorted and giggled quietly, “heh... 'Dadtail'...”

I had no idea how what I should say to that, but it was pretty clear I didn't have to when I heard little snores coming from my back. That was about the time Derpy came back, and I put my hoof to my mouth and whispered, “Shhh... she's sleeping.” Derpy nodded and just grinned at me with that big old smile she has, and we walked back to the Hooves' house, listening to crickets and watching fireflies as we went.

Chapter 5 - Adventures in Foalsitting

A few days after Nightmare Night, I sat on my steps waiting for my grey angel to come by with the mail, like I did most mornings. She was later than usual, and I'd nearly finished my cup of coffee before I saw her trot down my street. Most mornings she had that huge goofy grin that I loved so much, but that day she looked fretful, and nearly walked into several annoyed ponies as she made a bee-line right for me.

"Hey sugarcube, what's got you down?" I asked when she was in earshot, "Got another pinfeather needs cracking?"

She shuffled her hooves and gave it to me straight, "Dovetail, I'm really sorry to spring this on you with no warning, but we've got a big rush of packages that need to be routed to Cloudsdale, and all of the pegasi need to work late. Carrot Top is out of down and Berry Punch is really nice and all, but... well, you know... so is there any way you could please please please watch Dinky tonight?"

I thought for a second, and told her, "I don't see why not. I never foalsat before, but she seems to like me well enough, so I reckon it can't be that hard. Sure, why not?"

She scrunched her face in that adorable way that she does and hit me with a hug that squeezed the breath right out of me, and a quick kiss that took the rest away. I spilled my coffee, but paid it no mind.

"Thank you so much! I'll take a break to get her from school and bring her over here, and I should be back by around ten o'clock. I'll bring you a tacky souvenir, okay? Thank you thank you so much! I've got to go though, or I'll be late on my rounds. Thanks! Bye!"

I tell you what, I ain't exactly the silent type but Derpy made me look like Big Macintosh compared to her. Still, there's worse things in a relationship than not having to worry about doing all the talking.

She had already trotted and fluttered to the next house before I realized what we'd both forgotten, and hollered after her, “Sweetheart... you forgot to give me my mail."

I made sure she saw me smile, so she'd know I wasn't bothered as she swooped back to me, set a few letters on my head, and flitted away again, saying "My bad, sorry..."

At around two o'clock I found a good stopping point in the table I was building for the town hall, and spent the next hour cleaning up my shop. Since the workshop was also the closest thing to a living room I had, I figured it wouldn't do to leave any nails or other sharp things around that a little filly might hurt herself on.

It was a good thing I did, too. When Derpy and Dinky came to my door at a little after three, I'd barely opened the door before the little unicorn hugged her mom, hugged my leg, shouted "Bye Mom I love you hi Dovetail your workshop looks cool can I check it out?" and darted past me into the workshop. Derpy and I rolled our eyes at each other, smiled, and spared a moment for a nuzzle. From behind me I heard the tappity tap of little hooves and Dinky murmuring, "What's this? Oooh, what's this? What's in heeeere?"

Derpy looked a mite worried and whispered in my ear, "Are you sure this is okay?"

I'll be honest, I was a bit worried myself, but I grinned, pushed my hat back at a jaunty angle and told her, "Don't you worry none. I can handle her for a few hours. You go and get your work done, and I'll fix you something to eat when you come to pick her up, okay?"

She nodded and looked less worried. "Okay. Good luck. And thanks again," she said and kissed my cheek. She hollered through the doorway, "Bye Muffin! Be good! I love you!"

Dinky's head poked out from between the legs of a sawhorse and she said "I will, I love you, hey Dovetail do you have any coloring books, because there isn't anything fun to play with in here, just hammers and boring stuff, and I'd really like to color!"

I shooed my favorite pegasus out the door and shut it behind her, then turned to watch my favorite unicorn. "Uh... let me look," was all I could say.

Of course, I didn't have any coloring books, but I did find some birdhouse plans that came as part of a big pack of carpentry blueprints that I had ordered a while ago. The fancy designs, like a four poster bed, were useful, but I sure as heck don't need any plans to build a little old birdhouse.

I didn't have any crayons either, but I had a beat up old cigar box full of colored pencils, and that seemed to do the trick. She cheered and stamped her hooves when I brought her the makeshift coloring setup. The little thing just assumed I'd color with her, and handed me some of the sheets. Well, what could a pony do but get down on the floor with her and color?

I know that I said Derpy sure could could talk, but Dinky made even her mom seem like the silent type. Fortunately for me, the chatty little unicorn didn't seem to expect me to keep up.

After a loud but pleasant enough couple of hours during which time we went through most of the paper, she showed me one of her drawings, looking mighty proud of herself. She'd turned one of the birdhouses into a real house, with a lawn and flowers and a chimney. I wasn't used to looking at the things children drew, but after a bit of a squint I saw that inside she'd drawn a little grey pony doing... something, and an orange and a grey bigger pony kind of squished together.

She pointed at them with a hoof and grinned at me as she explained, "That's me playing because I like playing, and that's my mom hugging you because she loves you, and that's a tree because every house should have a tree outside, unless the house is a tree I guess, like the library, but that's a library where someone lives instead of just a house so I don't think that counts..."

She worked this idea over a bit more, out loud, but when she was done I asked her, "Dinky, how do you know your momma loves me?"

She snorted and rolled her eyes at me. "Because she told me, dummy. She says it all the time. Anyway, you could tell even if she didn't. She's always really super happy every time she sees you, and when Carrot or Berry come over she is always talking about you. Like no really, always." She stuck out her tongue and made a gagging sound, then asked me, "Anyway, let me see what you drew. What is it?"

I showed her and said, "Uuh.. it's some ideas I'm working on for the inlay on the table that the mayor is having me make for her."

"Ooh, those are pretty. I like the ones that look like flowers the best. Those would look really cool on a table. You know, we have a table at my house. Well, of course you know, but it's wobbly and Mom says I need to stop leaning on it so hard because the leg is loose. You should fix it. Or maybe make a new table? You don't need to lay flowers in it or anything, but I do like that thing you do around the edges of the tops of thing sometimes, didn't you call it a bezel or a bevel or a weevil or something? Your wood stuff uses so many weird words. Anyway..."

She went on, and on. And on. I listened to most of it, but I was pretty distracted. Had Derpy really said she loved me? Why hadn't she told me? Was she waiting for me to say it?

Well confound it, it was about time I did. Once I had a mind to think that way, I realized I did love the ditzy mare. She wasn't just a pretty lady who I was courting, she was the pony I loved.

There ain't much to tell about the rest of the day. Somehow I managed to get Dinky to stop talking long enough to get a sandwich into her for dinner. I let her play with a cup-and-ball game that I'd made, and let her keep it. I should have realized that would be hard to sell in a town with mostly other earth ponies. When eight o'clock rolled around, I tucked her into my bed. I didn't have any kids' books around, but I told her a couple of stories that my momma used to tell me when I was little. For all that she said she wasn't tired, she was asleep before I finished the second tale, so I tiptoed downstairs and fixed up some fruit and a sandwich for Derpy to have when she showed up.

I did have a bit of a worry when she didn't come back at ten. It was after eleven when she tapped softly on my door and I let her in; and boy did she look beat. Her eyelids and ears drooped, and she didn't even bother to take off her saddlebags before flopping down in the one soft chair I had by the fireplace.

"We had to use a wagon, and make two trips," she explained when I came back from the kitchen with her food, "and there was a headwind." She perked up a bit when I set the food in front of her, and smiled at me gratefully. I was used to her eyes by now, but it seemed fitting that one was watching the food while the other looked at me. "You're the best. Thank you. I hope Dinky wasn't a problem."

I gave her mane a stroke and smiled back at her as she munched quietly. "Don't think nothin' of it. She was a little chattering angel."

Derpy smiled and murmured approval around a mouthful of bell pepper and cheese sandwich. I sat down on a wooden chair next to her, took a deep breath, and said what was on my mind. "It's the least I can do. I love you, and whenever you need anything, you just ask, okay?"

She stopped chewing and just stared at her food (or the wall, it's always hard to tell with her) for a moment. Then she swallowed and looked at me, her eyes going all misty. At first I was afraid I'd said something wrong, but then I was barely able to grab the tray and stop it falling on the floor as she leaned towards me and wrapped her forelegs around me. She fairly squeezed the life out of me and whispered in my ear, "I love you too, Dovetail... I love you too."

Chapter 6 - A Decent Proposal

Maybe for folks who've been around more than I have, "I love you" is no big thing, but it sure was for me. We talked for a while after that, mostly about little things. We decided to let Dinky stay asleep upstairs and managed to wrangle the creaky, rickety little hide-a-bed thing out of my sofa. She spent the night... and I ain't gong to say a thing more about that.

The morning was nothing special, unless you were the person having it. We all rose with the sun. I made pancakes. Dinky helped... and then we all pitched in to clean up after her help, and had a good laugh. I walked the little filly to school so her mom could get an early start at work. I even got a big hug from Dinky. We were just like a family, and let me tell you, it just felt right.

On the way back to my place, I got to thinking. If we were acting like a family, and feeling like a family, maybe it was high time to make it a bit more official. Or a lot more official.

Like I said before, sometimes once you've got your mind set to do a thing, there ain't no waiting. You've just got to do it. So I set off for the market square.

I was lost in thought and planning when I heard , "Hey handsome, you sure have a spring in your step today! Do me a favor and turn around so you can walk by me again."

I got my head out of the clouds and turned to the stall I was just passing, loaded with vegetables. "Howdy Leafy. That's nice of you to say, but you know my door don't swing that way."

Leafy Green was one of Ponyville's grocers, and he was always like this, but I knew he didn't mean any harm.

He put on a little pout, then laughed. "I know, but a pony can dream, can't he? Anyway, you've got Derpy, so I don't think I'll try to change your mind. How are things with her, anyway?"

I looked around to see that nopony was near, and leaned in to answer in a hush, "Right funny you should ask that, Leafy. Things are, well, great. In fact, they are so fine that I was hoping somepony could point me towards the jeweler. I hear there's one in town, but I don't know where the shop is."

Leafy grinned, and then looked confused. "Hearts and Hooves isn't 'till spring, and I heard something about her having a birthday party last summer..." Suddenly his eyes got big and he gasped, covering his mouth with his hoof. "Ohmygosh ohmygosh... you're not! Are you? You're going to propose, you sly dog?"

"I'm thinking about it. I mean yeah, if I can work up the nerve." I suddenly wasn't sure if I would have the nerve, because I realized I was blushing just talking about it.

"You'd better," he told me with a stern look, "She's a lucky mare, and you'd better not keep her waiting too long before letting her know just how lucky she is." He couldn't keep it up, and broke into a grin again as he went on, "The jeweler's shop isn't far. Go down this road to the Cattail Cafe, take a left, and it's a couple of doors down. Go!" He shooed me away dramatically, beaming.

I couldn't help but laugh. "All right, I'm going! I expect if I don't, you'll come after me."

He stuck out his tongue as I started to walk away and said, "In more ways than one, Dove. Here." He tossed me a potato. "For luck. Well, mostly for eating, but also for luck."

"Thanks!" I said and went on my way, munching on my potato.

The jeweler was kind of snooty, to be honest. I don't think he liked the look of me, or how I talked. Worse than that, I think he just started by showing me the most expensive thing in the shop, and worked his way downwards. Don't get me wrong, I'd be willing to spend a lot of bits for Derpy, but "the most expensive" ain't always the same as "the best". I figured it was more important to find something that would suit her than to spend a lot of money.

"Look here," I finally told him, "She's a fine lady, and the prettiest thing you ever did see, but she ain't fancy. I ain't fixing to buy her some flashy thing with eight rocks on it. Don't you have something more... simple and elegant?

He actually rolled his eyes at me! Never in my life have I been treated like that by someone who was trying to sell me something, especially something expensive. I guess if you are the only person in town who sells something, you can afford to have a stick up your... you can have an attitude.

"I suppose if you want something plain, you could look at these." He pulled out a little cloth lined tray with some right pretty necklaces. Each one was just a small but bright little stone set in silver, on a silver chain. Right away I knew what I needed to buy. One of the things had a shiny little opal, all bright and multicolored, and on that silver chain, I knew it would look just right around her neck.

I pointed and said, "That one. I'll take it."

Like I said, I wouldn't have minded spending more for my Derpy, but the fact that the necklace that would look best on her was one of the cheaper things in the shop was a nice bonus, since I didn't want to give that snooty pony any more of my money than I had to. He'd called Derpy plain!

I left with the necklace in one of those little fuzzy jewelry boxes, and that in a bag that I held in my teeth.

As I walked back home my head was a mess. I knew what I was going to do, but I’d be damned if I knew how to do it. Should I just drop it on her as a surprise, get on my knees and ask? Should I wine her and dine her first? It wasn’t like I’d ever done a thing like this before, and a fella wants to get it right. I did know that I wanted to make her a better little box for it than the tacky little thing that it came in, but that was about it.

Thinking back, it figures that while I was hemming and hawing up a storm, the solution to all of my problems dropped on me out of the sky. Again.

I was passing back through the market square when I heard Derpy’s familiar voice from above me.

“Dovetail!” she yelled happily, swooping down out of the sky like a hawk going after a rabbit... err... but in a cute way. I felt the wind from her pretty grey wings almost knock me over as she whizzed past me, then banked around tightly to slow herself down, saying, “I got off early and I went to your place, but you weren’t there, so I went looking for you because I missed you and here you-- OOF!”

All of that fancy flying had been meant to end in a giant tackle of a hug. But since she was Derpy, she was going a mite faster than she meant to, and we tumbled over each other, landing in a pile at last a dozen feet away.

While everyone in the square looked at us, we both managed to get up and she gave me that little shy smile she gets when she just knocked something over.

“Oops... sorry Dovey. Are you... what’s that?”

I was obviously not hurt, so she got sidetracked by a shine from the ground between us. The bag had torn, the stupid little box had popped open, and the necklace lay in the dirt.

Well shoot, what else could I do? It was then or never. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves, picked up the slightly dirty necklace, and fastened it around her neck.

“I ain’t ever loved anypony like I love you, nor like I love little Dinky neither,” I said, “Derpy Hooves, will you marry me?”

For a few pretty scary breaths she just stared at me and blinked, her face blank like I’d just asked her how many fish it took to raise the sun. Then her big old eyes teared up and her face lit up with the biggest grin I’d ever seen on her yet.

She may not be graceful, but I tell you what, she moves fast when she has a mind to. Once she stopped sitting still, before I could even blink she had tackled me to the ground with a crushing hug, while she squealed, “Yes yes of course I will! Oh my gosh YES!”

Some of the ponies in the square had gone about their business, but as she squeezed the breath right out of me and flapped her wings in excitement, I heard the thumping of what must have been at least two dozen ponies pounding their hooves on the ground, with a few cheers and catcalls thrown in.

Before too long she remembered to ease up so I could breathe, and I just lay there on the ground, hugging her, and sneaking a kiss or two. It was loud, the sun and my mane were in my eyes, and I was dirty and sore... and I don’t think I’d ever been happier.