My Little Tasty
by Azure_Keys
Every day in big city is boring and same why no fun I don't know. Sometimes I go to work and stuff and hard and I hate but can have food because work gives me MONEY and I need that so I can buy food and stuff. So I do it anyway. At night I go on computer Internet and watch FUCKING PONIES because they are cool and fun and stuff and I always say “WHY I CAN'T BE PONY I WANT TO BE PONY AND FUN AND NOT BORING!”. But I am not pony just boring normal person and so I can't be coolest and fun like ponies. So I watch them on my Internet. One time I thought “You know what would be cool and fun if ponies were real and I had a pony it would be SO FUCKING COOL” but it never happened. Except this one time that it actually DID FUCKING HAPPEN and that's what this story is of is the time that I found a FUCKING PONY!
It was regular day for me to be bored and work and serving food at food place for food and I was sad and depressed because of no pony. Then I went outside and BOX is on the floor and I was like “Box what are you doing box this is no place for you” and I wanted to move the box and kick but couldn't because box was sop heavy like a metal thing was in it. And so it didn't move. And my foot got all hurt from kick and I cursed like “FUCK” because foot was pain but then I went back inside and wanted to forget about box.
NOPE.
Box was like some kind of horrible ghost that was in my brain and head and I tried to stop thinking but the metal and hurt and FUCK was still in mind and couldn't forget. So I went. I grabbed up the box of thing and was like “WHAT IS IN YOU BOX TELL ME” And I looked inside and suddenly FUCKING PONY OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE! It was a green pony that had hair made out of green and had eyes made out of purple and had cool wings made out of FUCKING METAL welded to its FUCKING BACK and I was all like “Oh my god this is pony and cool I am going to take it and keep”. And so I did. The cool and best pony opened his eyes which were awesome and purple sexy and I almost had orgasm because he was so cool and sexy but didn't because I was at FUCKING WORK and that would be weird and fired. So I didn't. But I wanted to. And I said to the pony that was cool “What is your name pony I want to know” But the cool and best pony didn't say any words at all and I was like UUUUGHHHGHGHGHGH. But he still didn't say no words and I was like “I'm gonna take you home pony you will be my cool pony okay”, And the pony still didn't say no words but I knew that's what he wanted to do because I just knew it. So we went.
I ran through city with pony that has metal wings and tried to hide it in my jacket but can't really because the metal wings are too cool and poke out. One of them almost poked my eyeball and that would have been bad and pain but I forgave him because he was so cool and probably didn't tried to make my eye out. And so it was okay. I went inside of house and put the cool and green pony on couch and he was like FAST AROUND THE HOUSE SUDDENLY and I couldn't make him stop so I said “Hey you pony stop okay you will break the house!” And the cool pony kept going and fast too until smashed into wall and broke and feel down. But pony was still okay and didn't even have scratches on wings but wall was broken and damaged. And I said “Wow pony you are so cool and didn't even get scratch or ouch when broken wall but wall is destroyed now what will I do?” But pony didn't say nothing because PONIES DON'T FUCKING TALK so I didn't know what to do so I got a glad force flex garbage bag and put it over the hole because now rain would can't get in the house and it was okay because it's my house and I don't have to fix it if I don't want to. Cause I'm an adult. The pony started then wanting to go in my refrigerator and take all the food and I said “No pony don't eat all my cheesy salsa okay I love that stuff.” But he ate it anyway and was burping and farting everywhere but it smelled like rainbows and skittles and so it was cool and not gross. So then I was going to bed and went. And the pony that was fast also bed and slept and when I was kind of awake but not really I saw that he was next to me sleep while I was sleep and his metal wings were cutting and scratch but I didn't care because I had pony and happy.
The pony that lived with me was cool and fun and it was long time and happy because now ponies were real and have and I was no more sad. Even though sometimes his wings hurt my arms and bleed I still didn't care even though I got fired from food work place because they thought I was drugs but wasn't it was just the pony metal wing scratch I swear and promise okay. But I don't care because now I have pony and it's okay I can just take food from Walmart to eat no one even cares there anyway so it's okay.
I remember one day when we were going and outside I was taking my new pony around and walk when suddenly he FLEW THROUGH THE FUCKING SKY and was like a mother fucking bullet I swear okay. It was faster and cool than I ever saw and he was flapping his wings hard and cool and I wanted to orgasm again just like time at work but didn't because I didn't want to but kinda did. And he flew and was flying and fast and it didn't even matter if people could see it because he was just like a little blur of green gas like that one ghost from the Ghostbusters move that I like to watch sometimes so no one would be jelly of my cool pony that flies. One day he flew so fast that he made a DOUBLE SUPER FUCKING METAL RAINBOOM XTREME which is the better rainboom than the sonic rainboom that Rainbow Dash did that one time because this one is two and metal and much better cool. And my pony did it and this time I actually DID orgasm in my pants but I didn't care because it was SO FUCKING COOL!
One day after he flew fast we were going to sleep and bed and he FUCKING TALKED and said “I want to go and be fast and cooler best than all the other ponies okay” And I said “Pony you can talk what is happen?” And he said “My name is not pony it is TASTE MCGILLICUDDY and I am best and coolest pony ever okay” And I said okay and then bed because I was too sleepy after stealing more cheesy salsa from the store.
One day when Taste had gotten all grown and big and full size I decided I have to move because the cops want to get me and found my salsa and they wanted to put me in jail so I got on Taste's back and we FLEW ALL THE WAY TO FUCKING NORWAY where death metal bands walk around and play music and there are vikings and snow. And Taste flew in the sky and was fast and I almost fell but didn't because I grabbed onto the wing of metal and it sliced my and and it hurt and a whole lot but I didn't even cry or say ouch because Taste was so cool and so are vikings. After we got in Norway I had a job cutting down trees and Taste helped me because I could buy him more cheesy salsa for him to eat and so he used his metal wings to chop down the trees and money. And we had a house and a happy.
But then came a sad. Taste was watching tv and was on the Internet and he was on my computer looking at my porn even though I told him not to he still did it anyway and he always figured out my passwords because they were always something stupid and easy. And he was reading my porn fics and found a link to pony porn and said WHAT THE FUCK I AM CONFUSED WHAT IS THIS OKAY. And when I got back he was looking at pony porn and said “WHY ARE THERE PORN OF PONIES THAT IS WEIRD OKAY” And I said “But Taste you are pony and so it should be okay and normal” and he said “oh yeah but I am still mad because you never told me I was pony from other place and not here why did you lie to me” And then I was sad because Taste was sad and mad and I was bad liar and was sad and so I said “I'm sorry Taste please forgive me for looking at pony porn okay” but he was angry and mad and so flew away and upstairs and didn't even come back down when I started driking the cheesy salsa straight from the bowl. And so I looked but he was gone and vanish and I didn't know where he went except that he was away into the Norway sky of snow and vikings and death metal. And then I had sad and cry.
I was so sad that I walked because walking is for sad people okay. So I went. I walked through the snow and Norway until my legs were cold and froze like the pieces of meat that you can sometimes see in the back of Walmart when the guy who works there leaves the fridge door open eve though he's not supposed to because the meat will get all grody and bad and spoil and taste like poopoo. That's what it was like. Except the grody poopoo meat was my FUCKING LEGS. But I didn't even care because the sad was more worse than the poopoo meat legs. So I went. And it was snowing and hail and cold and wet from the sky which was normal in Norway but it was wet anyway and I was under a tree and I was sad and cry and then I heard a BIG FUCKING CRASH OF METAL and then Taste was next to me and he said “It's okay I look at pony porn too I forgive you” and I was so happy that I almost orgasmed again but didn't because it was too cold and it would probably freeze my rotty meat legs off and gone so I held it in and I gave Taste a big hug and his wings sliced off my jacket and cut into bits but I didn't care because I was too busy hugging Taste. And then we went.
One day when me and Taste were in the living room eating bacon and cheesy salsa there was a big loud knock on the door and it was so scary I spit my salsa all over the wall and the splatter kinda looked like the Virgin Mary so I took a picture of it with the phone I stole from my viking friend Olaf and I was about to put it on the Internet but then I remembered that the door was knock and so I opened it and outside the door was PRINCESS MOTHERFUCKING CELESTIA!!! And she said “Let me come in your house okay I need to talk to you” and she came. I was so surprised that I dropped my phone and it broke and I knew Olaf would probably cut off my legs for breaking his phone but I didn't even care because PRINCESS MOTHERFUCKING CELESTIA WAS IN MY FUCKING HOUSE which wasn't really a house it was a shed behind Olaf's house but that doesn't really matter right now because PRINCESS MOTHERFUCKING CELESTIA was in it. So she came in and Taste came in and was like “What's going on you guys huh I want to know.” and Celestia said to Taste “Taste you need to come back to Equestria with me okay we need you Taste”. And Taste was sad and confused because he didn't want to leave the house shed in the back of Olaf's yard in Norway but at the same time he kinda wanted to because Celestia was there and he wanted to TAP THAT SHIT. And I was sad because I didn't want Taste to go away because he is cool and awesome and fastest so I said “Please Princess Celestia don't take Taste away okay he is cool and I love him.” And Celestia was like “I know but Taste does not belong here he has to come home so he can be fast and coolest and beat the bad evil guys who are evil so he can save the world”. And then another pony came out from behind Celestia and this pony was rainbow and blue and Taste knew that it was his friend Rainbow Dash and she said “Taste please come back I miss you Taste and Spitfire misses you you are our hero Taste we love you please come back and have pony sex with us Taste okay”. And Taste had more sad because he missed his friend Rainbow Dash and flying and best and the clouds of Ponyville and Equestria and HOT FUCKING PONY SEX all the time and he said “okay Rainbow Dash I will come back and have lots and lots of pony sex with you but then we have to race and I will win and beat the bad evil guys who are bad and want to be evil to the ponies I have to beat them”. And I was very sad and cry and said “No Taste please don't go I want you to be here and friend okay” but Taste came up and gave hugs and was warm and was a little sad but he was too cool to cry or show sad but he was because I just knew it. I gave Taste hug and crush and squeeze and metal wings cut arms and blood got all over floor and sprayed from arms all over wall and ruined cheesy image of the Virgin Mary but I didn't care anyway because Taste was my friend. And he said “I will never forget you guy now I must go and defeat bad evil guys and have pony sex but I will never forget you are cool guy”. And then Celestia made a glow and horn and then a GIANT FUCKING PORTAL showed up and shot energy and glow and fire all the way to the sky and clouds and the snow melted some and came down and some people died but I didn't care because I was sad and cry and I waved and said “Goodbye Taste I will never forget you okay” and the ponies went into the portal and it closed in a BOOM that made windows break and glass fly and cut and bleed and I went back inside and now no more ponies. But I was happy kind of still even though it was sad I knew that Taste was happy and safe to be cool and I knew it was good and right so I was a little happy even though it hurt. Also I had bleed all over so I probably should go see doctor soon. But I didn't care. So I went inside and opened jar of cheesy salsa and drank until throat stopped working and salsa got on floor but then I found letter sticking out of salsa so I picked up and read and it said “Hey guy you are pretty cool guy I'm glad we were friends even though you were kind of a bum I am glad to be your friend from Taste McGillicuddy”. And I was happy and knew that even though I probably to die from blood squirting out of body that I had cool and best pony friend and so was happy.
--The End--
