Remembrance

by RainbowBob

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sad, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Celestia
Length: 1770

For Celestia, living forever isn't her curse. If immortality only include eternal life, she could handle that. What she can't deal with are the memories, or lack thereof. When she forgets more and more of her past, what will she have lef

For Celestia, living forever isn't her curse. If immortality only include eternal life, she could handle that. What she can't deal with are the memories, or lack thereof. When her past escapes her day by day as the centuries progress, what will she have left?

Story is dedicated to Nightamarus. Keep on keeping on, dude.

Thanks to my editors Selbi and Trials, along with my prereader Skeeter The Lurker for all their help!

Published 2013-09-02 18:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-02 18:50:02 UTC

Chapter 1: The Crux Of Eternity

Celestia sat on the grassy knoll, staring out to the clear blue horizon. Hardly a cloud in the sky, with a typical summer day’s heat shining on her exposed back. If she was at the castle, surely some guard or servant would convince her to let them tote around an umbrella to keep her in the shade. No need for their precious princess to get a heatstroke.

But here, with not another pony in sight for miles around, she felt free enough to stretch out her wings without fearing of brushing them against the face of some guard standing too close. It was a surprise she hadn’t developed claustrophobia from staying cooped up in the castle for so long.

Of course, there’s probably a ruckus already starting in Canterlot over her disappearance. No doubt added onto what Discord typically does in his afternoons–cause chaos as usual, though in a much more helpful way. Like replacing all the water in the castle, including the water in the showers, with chocolate pudding was helpful. It apparently gave the coat a beautiful sheen.

Luna was probably trying to control the mayhem right about now. Always so responsible and serious at the worst of times, yet carefree and childlike at the best. Like the two sides of the moon she controlled, in fact.

She felt somewhat guilty leaving Luna in that commotion that was sure to follow her disappearance. But at the moment, she really didn’t care. Luna was a big enough mare to handle it herself. The castle wouldn’t fall apart with her absence for a few hours. Plus, it was good to keep the nobles sweating a bit.

So Celestia just laid there, overlooking the hilled plains outside Canterlot, the majestic city hanging from the side of its mountain out in the distance.

In the time she’s spent gazing down at the natural beauty of mountainous region that Canterlot was situated in, she discarded her royal attire. It was too overbearing and hot for such a day.

It was at a point like this she’d usually reflect upon her life. Her tediously long and overdrawn life with no end in sight. A life she’s had to unwillingly live for longer than she could ever remember.

But really, what was the point in that?

She could sit and recollect about past mistakes and regrets, which she’d rather avoid doing. Too much regretting about the past only leads to heartache. And regret with nothing to direct it at felt only worse.

A small gust of wind swept through the hilly grasslands, the cool air a blessing on Celestia’s coat. She closed her eyes momentarily, enjoying the sensation of the refreshing breeze putting her mind momentarily at ease. Her long, multihued mane was swept along with the wind, streaming next to her like sherbet rainbow.

The feeling was such a nice break of relaxation, she soaked up every second of it. It was a common thing she’d do; trying to memorize as much of her surroundings as possible. A daily endeavor if she managed to remember and was in a well enough state of mind to achieve this goal.

She squinted harder as she felt the itchy yet soft texture of the grass underhoof and on her belly, a gentle wind blowing softly against her sweat soaked brow, with strands of her mane flapping through the breeze. All a little snapshot of a short few seconds of her impossibly long life. In the vain hope she’d hold onto this one better than the others.

Hundreds of small pictures, maybe even thousands at this point, of parts of her day made up the groundwork of her memory. Then came the deeper thoughts. Her aspirations, hopes, dreams. All goals that had come and gone with hardly an acknowledgement or recognition from the princess or anypony else.

Really, why had she set those goals in the first place and remember them all this time? Equestria had been peaceful for as long as she could recall. Sure, there was that one mishap with Discord, but like everything else from that time, it was difficult remembering it.

Even Luna’s banishment was shrouded in mystery. How exactly her sister managed to get so envious and corrupted while she herself remained oblivious to it all for so long, she’d never know.

But what stuck in her mind longer than any other thought or memory was that her sister was gone, banished to the moon. All she was able to do was count off the years as they passed, one by one, decades turning into centuries without Luna by her side. And now that she was finally back, Celestia almost wished she didn’t have to confront her each day.

All the unanswered questions. Like what happened to their parents, and why she still called herself a princess instead of a queen? So many others Celestia didn’t have an answer to, or rather, couldn’t remember an answer to.

It was only a matter of time until Luna caught on to her condition. She was already suspicious when Discord appeared out of nowhere and caught Celestia off guard. Then there was the entire Sombra incident, which came out of nowhere. She was also unprepared for that. Sooner or later Luna would wise up to her condition.

But then what?

Would admitting she couldn’t remember much of anything in her over a millenia lifetime really make things better? Or would they make things worse, considering the fact the very same condition could be Luna’s curse as well?

The forgetfulness wasn’t so bad at first. It relieved some of the guilt that immortality caused. Old friends and loved ones fading away, along with the pain of their leaving. It was almost a blessing.

A blessing that quickly turned into a bane on her very being.

Now she’d be lucky to remember what she had for lunch last Monday, never mind knowing anything regarding her own personal life so long ago. The lapses of memory that were only minor annoyances before were increasing to slips of the mind so large an entire decade would leave her thoughts for good.

She sighed, feeling the hefty weight of the years stack on her back. It wasn’t the time she’s spent on this earth that bothered her. Rather, it was the time she’s forgotten that really weighed her down.

Crying wouldn’t help her. Depression had already come and gone way too many times for her to bother recounting. Really, all that was left was a cold numbness in her heart. Almost like a bitter acceptance for her state of being.

Though, she had to wonder how much more she could endure–more for her mind’s sake than her physical health. With every passing day, it felt like she lost three years in memory. How much longer until she began to forget even more important facts? Her name or even her sister? Every aspect of her life was drifting away from her mind like dust in the wind.

Was this really any way to live? A life riddled with more missing holes of her past than a changeling’s legs? To forever go by each day in fear that she’d forget something crucial or important to her? All leading to that eventual time of her losing her memory for good?

The thought created a lump in her throat that was difficult to choke down.

Thankfully, Luna had appeared by her side, helping her hold back the tears.

“Sister, why are you here?” Luna asked, settling down on the ground by her side and lending a supportive wing to rest on her side.

Celestia closed her eyes, gulping hard at her suddenly dry throat. “Nothing, Luna. Just needed to get away from the Castle for a bit.”

Luna nodded her head, a faint tease of a smile playing on her lips. “Well, I know that feeling well enough. The nobles are in an uproar over your disappearance.”

“Well, nobles will be nobles, after all.” Celestia picked herself off from the comfortableness of her grassy resting place. “Hotheaded buffoons will never change.”

A giggle escaped from Luna’s mouth as she joined her sister overlooking the world before them.

“Remember how in the Castle when we were fillies we would pull pranks on those uptight nobles?” Luna asked, her lips raising to a devious grin.

“I, um, believe so.”

Luna arched an eyebrow at Celestia’s reply. “So you don’t remember, or do you?”

Celestia averted her eyes from Luna’s scrutinous gaze. “Not exactly, Luna. Events from so long ago… escape me sometimes.”

“Why?” Luna asked, tilting her head to the side.

“I don’t know,” Celestia stated simply, biting at her lower lip. “It’s been happening more and more now. Years forgotten in almost an instant. No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop it, neither with magic or medicine. I just keep on getting emptier and emptier, like a cup draining its water. The past is just so riddled with missing parts I can’t recall all of it.”

She wanted to add the part about their entire foalhood having escaped her, along with most of the first couple of centuries of her life. But instead, Celestia just squinted her eyes and downcast her gaze, unable to look Luna in the eye.

“Well, I can help you remember those memories. No one said you had to do it alone.”

Celestia looked up to see Luna’s cheery face. “R-really? But… but how?”

“You’ve always been sort of a scatterbrain, Tia.” Luna giggled, nudging her sister with a friendly shoulder bump. "Remember that time you forgot to raise the sun, and everypony complained because half the day was gone?"

Celestia let out a bark of laughter. “Now that you mention it, I do remember that. There was a line a mile long before the Castle by the time I finally raised the sun.”

“Or how about that time you accidentally had the sun too low during the winter and then spring suddenly arrived?”

“Oh my, now wasn’t that embarrassing?” Celestia shook her head at the silliness of the once forgotten memory. “I still can’t believe you haven’t brought it up until now, Lulu. Poking fun is your favorite pastime, after all.”

“You… you remembered my nickname,” Luna said in awe.

Celestia smiled. “Why of course. I’ll always be your Tia, and you’ll always be my Lulu. Or have you forgotten that?”

Both sisters shared a laugh, Celestia having recalled a memory of such an event many years past. A memory she’ll be sure to never lose, now with Luna by her side.