The adventures of "Those Guys" (that no one likes)

by fieeesh

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Other, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Main 6, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3178

A gripping narrative about DnD characters going to Equestria

A gripping narrative about DnD characters going to Equestria.Watch as these heroes traverse this strange land.
"A superb story"-Nolan North
" Truly a piece of art"-Carl the llama
"As good as fish fingers and custard"-The Doctor
"Selfless promotion is the best kind"-Me

Published 2013-09-05 03:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-06 03:13:38 UTC

What could go wrong

The group of adventurers all watched intently as Genome the Rogue attempted to deduce what a magical ring they found did.These adventurers are Oliver Queen the Ranger,Xoxo(pronouced zoe)the Paladin,Genome the Rogue, and Shamus the Knight.They were awfully famous for their deeds such as saving the world and uncovering stolen artifacts along with some less good acts.They were recently hired to clear a dungeon and aqcuire a magical ring.The dungeon itself wasn't that hard but now that they have the ring they wanted to know what it did so Genome was promoted to "Official test subject".As he slipped on the ring a large brightly colored portal opened up and began to suck them all in they tried to stand their ground but ultimately failed.

"Gaah what happened." Genome wondered as he looked around at the bright green hill he was standing on.Nearby the rest of his team lay unconcious on the grass.He began to scratch his beard "So Olidammara what do you think happened." He said as he pulled out a small puppet that to most would be just that a puppet but in truth it held all of Genome's godly powers."Well it appears the ring tore a hole through the transdimensional barrier and sucked us into another world ooor you've finally succumbed to the madness in your mind and are ready to ascend." Genome thought awhile before saying "No I haven't had gas lately so the latters definitely out but maybe it's the first."

"Hey Genome if you're done making out with your puppet then come help get the rest of the team up." Yelled Oliver

"Okay I'll get Mccut off a guys leg because his god told him to." grumbled Genome

"Gods above don't tell me I have ogre herpes again." Moaned Xoxo

"Okay you don't have ogre gerpes,or goat herpes,or fish herpes."

"Hardy har har. Besides I've never had fish herpes."

"Not yeet."Genome sang as he skipped over to Shamus.

"Hey Shamus wake up we have brandycakes."

"BRANDYCAKES! Where?"

"Just messin with ya you know we don't have brandy."

"A man can dream can't he?"

" I'm not sure you can use that considering you're not a man."

He grumbled something Genome couldn't hear.Now that the group was up and running Genome began to make breakfast out of the rations they all carried.Soon they began to walk toward what Genome described as "a nice cottage style town." When they entered town they were greeted by not humans,elves,dwarves,or even ogres but PONIES!Brightly colored ponies one noticed them and screamed "Oh the horror the horror." Before fainting at that the rest of them went into a frenzy trying to escape from the creatures.The heroes stood in confusion well most of them did

"Oh my gosh! Did you see that intelligent ponies,unicorns,and pegasi!"Exclaimed Genome.

His joy was short lived as a group of ponies with obviously rare jewelry rushed at them.

"Ready your weapons everyone." Whispered Oliver.

"They aren't evil I can tell that much." Stated Xoxo.

The purple unicorn walked ahead of the rest of the ponies and said "Who are you and what are you doing in Ponyville?"

Before Oliver could say they were gods Genome jumped forward and said "Do not worry me and my colleagues do not wish to harm you.We were sent here against our will.So please help us return home."

The unicorn stood and stared before replying "I may be able to help you but you must lay down your weapons and swear not to harm a single resident of Equestria."

"Agreed we will lay down our blades and try our best not to hurt anyone."

The unicorn accepted this and began to lead them to a large tree that when they got closer to turned out to be a house.She ushered them inside and asked to be told their story

"Well it all began when....

Author's Note

Well i feel this is going good so far and yes each character is based off an actual character from my games
now for THE INFORMATION STATION *duh da duddah duh*

Genome:human,rogue,secretly god of madness,has discord-esque tooth. (will come in play later)
Oliver:half-elf,ranger,slightly greedy,kind of an asshole.
Xoxo:half-elf,paladin,doesnt trust Genome,permanetly on the verge of not being a paladin.
Shamus:dwarf,knight,the most normal of the four,alcoholic.

there will be tons of little references to things possible romance between characters and ponies.post your guesses below.

Introductions and dinner

"..and that's how we got here." Genome had just finished telling Twilight the story of how they got there.

" I see well that's definetly a strange story I'll contact Princess Celestia tomorrow.But until then I should introduce you to my friends.This is Rarity."

"Charmed I'm sure."Rarity said.

"Rainbow Dash"

She merely grunted in annoyance.

"Pinkie Pie"

"HiyamynamesPinkiePienicetomeetyouwhat'syournamedoyoulikecakehowaboutmuffins.oohweshouldhaveaparty." She rambled on before Rarity quieted her.

"Applejack"

"Howdy pardner"

"Last but not least Fluttershy."

The pegasus merely cowered behind her hair.Oliver seeing this went over and began to gently stroke Fluttershy's back.She eventually uncovered her face and smiled at him.It was an expression they hadn't seen in a long time:Innocence.

"How about some information about yourselves?" Twilight asked.

Xoxo stepped forward and began to introduce each of them.

" I am Xoxo.A paladin of Hircine,God of valor."

"This is Shamus.A valiant knight."

"Genome the rogue.You shoudn't trust him."

"Hey!" proclaimed Genome

Ignoring him he continued on.

"And Oliver Queen.The ranger."

"Well I guess that's enough information for now.The Princess will most likely talk to each of you individually.But enough about that I'm sure you're all hungry after your journey.How about I fix up some food for us?"

Genome noticing this piped up "Please Twilight let me cook I assure you it will be delicious."

The rainbow one looked angry "Twilight dont do it he'll probably try to poison us."

"Rainbow!How could you say such a thing?"Rarity was clearly shocked.

"What? It's possible."

Twilight merely sighed "I'm sorry Genome but maybe I should do the cooking."

"It's quite alright Twi.It would'nt be the first time I was accused of something I didn't do."

"Okay I'll get started."

Dinner went off uneventfully even though the prismatic one kept glaring at them.Pinkie and Genome instantly started up a conversation.While Oliver and Fluttershy began to chat about animals.Shamus spoke to Applejack About her cider business.
Xoxo and Twilight began to talk about..stuff no one was really paying attention to them.Eventually Genome began to tell stories some true some not so true.Later they all parted ways and went to bed.They had to be fresh when talking to royalty.

----------dreamscapes---------

Oliver walked through his palace admiring his treasure and tending to his collection of wild cats.

Xoxo stood proudly above a town now devoted to righting wrongs and assless chaps.

Shamus stood in the pub drinking infinite amounts of alcohol.

Genome looked over the vast field and watched as nation rose up and fell before him.

Author's Note

I have to say writing Pinkie's lines was the toughest part.Also possible Olivershy?

The fated meeting (and a sandvich)

As Twilight awakes from her peaceful slumber she hears a large crash from downstairs fearing the worst she sprints downstairs.Upon getting downstairs she smells eggs and toast.

"Spike must be making breakfast" She thought.

Standing there as calm as could be was Genome completely naked.Stunned Twilight could only sit and stare at the naked man in front of her.Upon finishing cooking his eggs Genome turned and looked at Twilight.

"Oh hey Twi.You want some eggs"

Still flustered she responded as calmly as she could.

"GENOME why aren't you wearing any clothes?!"

"Because noone else was up."

"Oh.Is this normal for humans?"

"Um uh I don't know it's just something that I do.You know get up,make breakfast,go put on clothes,get everyone else up."

"Ok whatever just please make sure you wear something in the morning from now on.Ok?"

"Surely you know I wouldnt dare insult the person who's house I'm staying in right."

"Yeah I guess so and don't call me Shirley." She said with a slight smile.

"Roger that bookfort."

-----------------------------Relax-O-Vison--------------------------

Everyone was now standing at the train station.They were given a wide berth by the ponies who were still afraid.But hey they were with the Elements of Harmony.What could go wrong?

"Okay everypony when we get on the train head straight to first class we don't want anyone to freak out." Twilight was currently briefing them on what to do.

"Darling don't you think it would be easier for the Princess to come to us?" Rarity asked.

"Yeah who knows what these freaks might do in Canterlot." Rainbow Dash still seems angry.

"Now girls why that might be a good idea normally but Canterlot Castle is much more well protected than my treehouse."

"Ah agree with Twilight it'll be safer.But if you don't mind my asking just how will we get them to the castle?Canterlot might freak out if we just walked up with them."

"Simple Applejack a small group of unicorns will cloak them while we walk."

As they rode the train there Twilight gives a brief lesson on who they'll be meeting.

"And that should be all you need to know about the princesses."Twilight had somehow managed to fill the entire train ride with information about who they'll be meeting.

"Well I'm assuming that's Canterlot." Oliver said as he looked out the window.

"Swanky." Everyone turned and looked at Xoxo.

"Did you really just say swanky?"

"Yeah I did whatcha gonna do about it." He said in the most stereotypical teenager voice he could muster.The conversation quickly ended.

When they arrived a large group of unicorns were there to cloak them just as Twilight said there would be.They quickly cloaked them and began to lead the motley crue to the castle.

"The princess will most likely want to speak to each of you individually."Twilight explained

"Why?"

"Most likely so that she can get to know you better."

As Genome waited outside the doors to the throne room he began to idly make food.He wasn't sure what he would do with it but who knows it might come in handy.

Once he and the rest of his team were allowed to enter he pulled out a small cube and begin pushing its buttons.Oliver klnew exactly what it was he grinned it was a strange way to introduce themselves but how else could they?

Once Genome finished he set the cube down.It began playing a lively tune

"Ponans give me your ears!"He bellowed and began to sing.

"So we back in the club with the bodies rockin' from side to side
Thank Bahammut the week is done, I feel like a zombie gone back to life
Hands up, yeah suddenly we all got our hands up, no control of my body
Ain't I seen you before?
I think I remember those eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes

'Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us fallin' in love again
Yeah, baby tonight, the DJ got us fallin' in love again
So dance, dance like it's the last, last night of your life, life
Gon' get you right
'Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us fallin' in love again

Keep downing drinks like there's no tomorrow
There's just right now, now, now, now, now, now, now
Gon' set the city on fire
Gonna burn this motherfucker down, down, down, down, down, down, down

Hands up, when the music drops, we both put our hands up
Put your hands on my body
Swear I seen you before
I think I remember those eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes

'Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us fallin' in love again
Yeah, baby tonight, the DJ got us fallin' in love again
So dance, dance like it's the last, last night of your life, life
Gon' get you right
'Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us fallin' in love again"

Oliver began to sing

Genome, don't lie
Hear no evil, or speak no evil, or see no evil
Get it, baby, hope you catch it like T.O., that's how we roll
My life is a movie, and you just Tivo

Honey got me swishin' like a dreadlock
She don't wrestle, but I got her in a headlock
Yabba dabba doo, make her bed rock
Mami on fire, pss, red hot

Bada bing, bada boom
Mr. Worldwide as I step in the room
I'm a hustler, baby, but that you knew
And tonight it's just me and you

They finished it off in synch

'Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us fallin' in love again
Yeah, baby tonight, the DJ got us fallin' in love, fallin' in love
So dance, dance like it's the last, last night of your life, life
Gon' get you right

'Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us fallin' in love again
Yeah, baby tonight, the DJ got us fallin' in love again
So dance, dance like it's the last, last night of your life, life
Gon' get you right Woo.

The three princesses and Discord all stared dumbstruck at how they,as far as they could tell,introduced themselves.

Celestia was the firts to speak "WHAT IN MY GREAT MAGICAL BEARD JUST HAPPENED!

Genome responded first "That Sunbutt was our entrance."

Author's Note

WOO it's done i release thee

in other news Ponies and Knights will be getting quite the abrupt end pretty soon so expect that
also go check out these two stories
"Captain of Mining"
"Lazarus Rise of Man"

The dreamscape

Shortly after the "incident" Celesta and Luna met to decide what to do with our intrepid heroes."I do not know who they are or where they come from but they are certainly formidable warriors." Luna stated."While I do not disagree with your point dear sister I wonder if it is in our best interests to let them stay at the castle." Celestia commented.At this Luna raised a hoof in excitement."Perhaps I can travel into their dreams and see if they wish us harm." "A good idea but do be careful we don't know what manner of creature they are or if their minds are the same as a ponies." Celestia warned."Do not fear dear sister for we are as stealthy as a gopher in dirt." Luna said with evident pride.Celestia merely sighed as her sister disappeared.

Luna then appeared in a strange place filled with all manner of different climates and creature.The land warped and shifted as she walked along.She eventually arrived at a rather large and ornate looking castle that from one side looked like a log cabin and from the other a large wheel of cheese.She walked toward the door that semed to be made of multitudes of smaller doors.She raised a hoof to knock but the door swung open of its own accord.Inside was a rather stately throne room and at the other end of it sat Genome and a rather peculiar looking man.The man was wearing half a polka dot suit and the other half of a pinstripe suit on his head he wore a large theater mask that covered his face,one side happy the other sad.Genome looked up fom the book he was reading and smiled at her "Luna! what a pleasant surprise I didn't know you could dreamwalk although you could be an illusion made by someone else.Well spit it out what are you doing here?" Luna looked at him and smiled."I was just in the neighborhood s to speak and thought we might chat." "Cut the crap Luna I can tell when people or ponies are lying."He said with his smile faltering.
"Fine I'm here to see if you and your comrades wish us harm."He put his hand on his chest and looked surprised."Hurt you dear Luna why would we hurt you?You have shown us ought but kindness." "Well then if you don't mean us harm then perhaps you can answer some of my questions?"Luna smiled once again."Of course whatever questions you have I will answer."He said with a deep bow.

Author's Note

Okay so i'm thinking you guys should ask me any questions you have about the characters

The first battle

As Genome and the others told Celestia,Luna,and Discord about themselves a loud muffled thump was heard from the door.

"And that's how we killed the mole king." Said Genome

"I don't think that happ"*THUMP*"What was that?." asked Shamus.

Celestia called out "Gaurds what was that?" No reply came.

Oliver pulled out his weapons and crept toward the door.The others quickly formed a perimeter around the princesses and drew their weapons.Once Oliver got to the door he pulled it open revealing four Sons of Laz,zombies that were warriors while they lived,the first one swung his blade at Oliver who sidestepped and backed away.

He called out "One for each of us!"

All of them quickly sprang into action.Genome jumped forward and thrust his blade into the beast causing it to burst into flames and crumple to the ground.Xoxo bashed his shield into it causing it to stumble and fall he then brought his sword down on its neck severing its head.Shamus quickly rolled between its legs and brought his hammer down on the creatures spine paralzying it while while he brought his hammer down on its head.Oliver rushed forward and swung his mace into its knee twisting it into an L shape he then chopped off its sword arm finally he kicked it away and loosed three arrows into its eyes and mouth.

Everyone in the room could only stare in shock as the four of them took down those creatures who had somehow gotten past the gaurds and broke into the throne room.They were also equally surprised when the warriors began to strip the creatures of whatever they deemed valuable.

Applejack was the first one to speak "What do you think you're doing ya can't just kill anything that happens to walk in!What if they were friendly ya might have just started a war!"

Oliver proceeded to give her a stare that once made a manticore run away with its tail between its legs.It was a stare he created at five and mastered at seven.It was a look of pure malice.Everypony in the room was horrified of what he might do.Even Applejack flinched but didn't turn away.

" I'll tell you what I just did I saved your life.Those things wouldn't have shown any mercy nor kindness to you.They would have torn you limb from limb and feasted upon on the marrow in your bones.Those things would have killed you we stopped you should be thanking us Not questioning our ethics." He took a breath and said "It's late.I think I'll retire for the night."and with that he stormed off.

Everyone remained silent as he left.Once he did though there was a collective sigh of relief.

Celestia than sat up and said "It is late I believe sleep would be good for all of us we will reconvene in the morning.Good night."

Author's Note

I feel like this was a fairly good chapter but if there are any mistakes please report them to me