In which Windwaker makes a new friend
Windwaker trotted on the cobblestone path. The air was warm and there was no clouds in sight, a perfect day to go to an empire.
He was sent by Princess Twilight Sparkle to make peace to all other races. They had already made peace with the changelings, so Twilight wanted to make peace to the Griffons next.
Wind didn't know why she picked him. Maybe it was because they were good friends. They had a history of spending time together at the library. They both liked books, so that's one reasons they were friends.
Or maybe it was that he was a flyer. Well, she picked the wrong time for that. His wings were broken, and they wrapped it in gauze, He couldn't move it because it was stiff.
Wind went onward through the seemingly endless field. He saw some flowers on the grass, and he picked one up. He stared into it and thought it could be a good peace gift for the griffons of the Griffon Empire.
Wind trotted again as he put the flower in his pocket. Wind thought if the griffons didn't like it, or he forgot about it, he could give it to Twilight. He did have a crush on her, and bringing this white petal flower to her might like Wind more and maybe she could go out with him.
Wind shook his head. She wouldn't do that. She was an alicorn princess with duties. She didn't have free time to go out with someone like Wind. He knew she liked that guard, Flash Sentry. He knew about him because she always talked about him, calling him "dreamy" and other ridiculous names.
He never actually saw him before. Wind actually did ask Twilight what he looked like. All she said was "He's more beautiful than a sunset on the horizon."
"That's not what I asked you." Wind replied.
"Well, it's a more accurate description than telling you what his mane color looks like." Twilight retorted.
They both chuckled. Twilight said she actually never told she liked him. Then she went on about her adventure with a "human" version of him. Something about a pony stealing the Element of Harmony.
Wind remembered every detail she said about the adventure she told him about.
He stopped thinking about that and continued on. There was a cliff overlooking the empire. He imagined to be a peaceful area where griffons sold fish in marketplaces and travelers rode on cart.
What he saw was the complete opposite.
Smoke surrounded the empire's streets, Griffons were whipping others like slaves, Screaming was constant.
Wind was frightened by this. He needed to get to the bottom of this madness and fast. But he needed to find a way down.
Wind ran to the right to see a slanted down pathway. He ran down, slipping a little. He went off and ran forward to the main town.
Wind reached to the streets, which wasn't guarded with a gate, thankfully. He tried to find a way to get out of here and go forward to where the king was.
Before he was about to go, he heard a punch near him. He looked and saw a griffon fighting back against another girffon with a whip. Wind couldn't leave her behind, so he ran to them and punched the whipped griffon unconscious. The griffon gawked in awe at Wind.
"Thanks, dweeb." The griffon said. She looked at Wind. "What are you doing here in this damned place? Make us slaves like the others?"
"I was sent here by Princess Twilight Sparkle to make peace."
"Ha! Good luck doing that, dweeb! We can't even make peace with ourselves." The griffon flew away. Wind ran with her.
"Hey! Who are you?" Wind shouted to the griffon.
"Name's Gilda!" She introduced herself. "Follow me to a safer place!"
"Ok!" Wind replied back. They ran through the town and passed the other griffons. "Names Windwaker!"
"Didn't really need to know that, but at least I can stop calling you dweeb, Windwaker!" Gilda laughed. They reached an abandoned house with wood barred in the windows and doors. Gilda landed in front of the door and stared at it. She waited for Wind to reach up to her and the abandoned building.
She led Windwaker in and quietly closed the door. Locking about 50 locks in the process.
“So, your name is Gilda right?” Windwaker said.
“Uh..no,” Then Gilda ripped her face off to reveal a pudgy looking human.
“It’s just me. Gabe Newell” Gabe Newell said as he closed the blinds and approached the pegasus “Time for the rape fest,OH! and remember! Have fun! Oh, and also don’t forget to email me at “GabeN@valvesoftware.com”!”
“Wait...what are you going to do to me?” Windwaker replied in fear
“It’s all a surprise! Maybe if you find out how to get into the console commands and put yourself into god mode, this won't hurt as much!” Gaben winked. Gaben then cut a hole in Windwaker’s armpit and shoved his crowbar sized package into the slit, which was bleeding profusely.
“I-If you d-don’t stop then I may just bleed out!” Windwaker erotically yelled.
“...blood!? That means more lube!” Gaben said.
Suddenly the great chaos god, Khorne, flew in through the roof screaming “GOOD! MORE BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GODS!” Khorne violently jerked off then flew away.
“Oh, please somebody help me!” Windwaker pleaded.
“Hey, I’m Shrek, the Ogre!” Shrek replied.
“W-What...Shrek..Oh thank god you're here! Please help me!”
“Come to my swamp some time! You can try the eyeball soup if you’d like little horse thing.” Then suddenly a familiar sounding song started ringing in Windwaker’s ears as Shrek just stood there staring at the rape fest.
“somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me”
“Gee Wiz! This is my jam.” Gaben snapped his fingers and continued to plunder Windwaker’s armpit to the angelic tune.
“I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”
“Oh Satan if your going to be doing this to me can you at least make it enjoyable for the both of us!?” Windwaker said.
“She was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an “L” on her forehead”
Shrek than said “Oh? You want exciting huh? Well it look’s like it’s time to bring some good ol’ fashion swamp into this action! Let’s get this ogre with.”
“Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin”
“Wait n-” but before Windwaker could finish his sentence Shrek was already sticking his veiny green meat stump into Windwaker’s pooty hole.
“Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.”
As he was doing this action he was whispering slowly “Shrek is LOVE, Shrek is LIFE.”
“So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets?”
“NO, S-SHREK IS NOT LOVE, HE IS HATE!” Windwaker yelped.
“You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow”
“...What did you just say to me? It’s time for me to do what I did to Rumpelstiltskin on YOU!” then Shrek spit up a glob of Ogre mucus and rubbed it all over himself. “I’M ALL LUBED UP AND READY TO GO!”
“Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold!”
“Hey, don’t forget your good ol’ pal donkeh!” Then Dokey smashed through the window and shoved both his heads into Windwaker’s nostrils.
“It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now but wait 'til you get older”
“Oh geez, we've really been going at it for a couple hours now, at this rate I’ll end up releasing Half Life 3.” Gaben said.
“But the media men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture”
“Oh! I have the perfect idea! Why don’t we all try some of my famous eyeball soup.” Shrek added.
“The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim”
“Will you just let me go now?” Windwaker said, a bit amused.
“My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.”
“Not until you try the eyeball soup!” then Shrek pulled out a nice heaping bowl of eyeball soup out of his back pocket.
“Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold”
“Speaking of mold!” then Donkey took some fridge mold out from his asshole and snorted it and died.
“Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place”
“Oh no! Not Donkeh!” Then Shrek jizzed all over Donkey’s body in order to mourn him.
“I said yep what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change”
“Well, my throat is kinda dry…” then Windwaker washed down the dried up semen with eyeball soup.
“Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running”
“Oh, good you tried the eyeball soup. Now you may leave” Shrek announced.
“Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow.”
“Oh Satan thank you!” Then Windwaker walked out of the Shaq. As soon as he walked out he noticed a large lumpy flesh mound that look familiar.
“I’M BACK AND HORNY AS HELL!” Neck Beard yelled at the small horse.
“Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold”
Winwaker’s eyes widened at what was to come next. TO BE CONTINUED!
“And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold…”
