Chapter 10: He's not dead! He was never alive!

"She did WHAT!?" I said, incredulous at what Rainbow Dash was telling me.

"Yeah! It was so awesome! She picked up that Ursa Major like it was nothing!" replied Rainbow Dash as Twilight walked up.

"It was an Ursa MINOR, Rainbow and I was very tired after using that much magic," Twilight pointed out to the cyan pegasus.

"Still," Rainbow grumbled.

Twilight turned to me and smiled, "Enough about me, how was Canterlot, FalAIr?" Twilight asked, leading me over to the couch where the others were sitting.

"Oh yes dear, tell us all about it!" Rarity smiled.

I sat down next to Applejack, happy to relay what had happened in Canterlot, "Not much happened, Princess Luna simply wanted to help me with my chassis, making repairs and even some improvements," I said.

"Well that explains the blue parts on ya," Applejack said, gesturing to the neck piece I now had, "But surely more than that happened,"

I shook my head, before pausing, bringing my hoof up to my chin, "Well, Princess Luna did almost get crushed by a chandelier,"

"WHAT!?" Everypony yelled, their expressions ones of horror.

"Dear goodness I hope she's alright!" Rarity exclaimed.

"She's fine," I said, attempting to calm everypony, "I told Princess Luna about the structural integrity of the chandelier when I noticed it, she flew up to verify my statement and the chandelier dropped and fell on the place she had been sitting bringing some of the roof down with it. Nopony was hurt."

"Well, that's a relief, but I actually have to go now, I'm a bit late on the weather schedule," Rainbow Dash said, flying over to open the door.

"Rainbow, one day your slackin's gonna come back and bite ya in the flank," Applejack commented, frowning.

"Hey I don't slack, I just take breaks throughout the day, besides I got a bit caught up with what happened with Trixie,"Rainbow said, hovering in the doorway.

"Whatever," Applejack dismissed as Rainbow flew out the doorway, "It's gettin' late Twi, s'pose I should head back to the farm before Granny Smith starts worryin'" Applejack said, getting off her seat and making for the door.

Rarity got up too and began to head for the door, "It's close to Sweetie's bedtime, I need to get to the boutique before she gets into any trouble,"

"I should probably go too, Angel will get worried if I'm not home in a few minutes," Fluttershy said, following behind Rarity.

"Cya Twi! Cya FalAIr!" Pinkie said, bouncing after Fluttershy, the door closing behind her.

I sat down at the library, going through my data and deleting unnecessary records to clear space. Twilight had left a few moments earlier, saying she wanted to 'get out of the library for a while'. So I was left with Spike, who was currently putting the books that Twilight had left laying around back into their places. I had offered to help but Spike warned me that Twilight was specific about her sorting. I didn't truly understand it, but I took his advice regardless.

"Hey FalAIr, I have to run an errand at the town hall later, want to come with?" Spike asked, pausing in his cleaning for a moment.

I pushed my cleanup into the background, "Sure, I've got nothing to better to do, what's the errand?" I asked, turning to face him.

He picked up another book and walked to it's shelf, "Oh, it's nothing too important, just have to pick up a few scrolls," he replied, placing the book into its rightful place among its brethren.

"Cool, when do we go?"

Spike scanned the room quickly, it was practically clean now, save for the few errant piles of books that either weren't sorted yet, or Twilight was reading them still, "Now actually, I think I'm done here,"

I stopped my cleanup and got up from where I was sitting, "Even better, let's go!" I said, happily trotting towards the door and opening it for the small drake.

"Thanks FalAIr," Spike said as he walked out the door with me following behind, we both began heading for the town hall.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked, concern evident on my face as I followed the walking pile of scrolls that was Spike.

"Yeah, I'm fine, honestly," he replied as I walked ahead to open the door, giving him a concerned glance as I pushed it open, allowing him through. I walked out behind him, noticing Pinkie Pie and Rainbow immediately.

"What are-" I didn't get a chance to finish the question when Rainbow Dash kicked a cloud that was beside her, the cloud sending a bolt of lightning downwards. Just my luck, the bolt arced straight towards me, I spasmed, my systems going haywire at the surge of power it suddenly got, my legs flailing all over the place as the motors got confused as to what to do.

By the time my system got the surge under control I was a mess, my forehead was charred where the bolt had struck me and my mane and tail were sticking out all over the place. I shook myself then turned to look at Rainbow Dash with a glare, but she was too busy laughing at something, I followed her gaze down to see Spike, he had dropped all the scrolls and was trying to pick them up, but every time he grabbed one he'd hiccup and burn it. I knew of Spike's magical fire, I hope Princess Celestia wasn't doing anything important.

My system was still recovering from the power surge, so most of my senses were inactive, I couldn't hear anything that was happening around me, but I could see the concern that Pinkie Pie, who came out of nowhere, suddenly shot me. I could see Rainbow say something to Pinkie, Pinkie said something back, then while Pinkie wasn't looking she struck the cloud beside her again. My eyes widened in alarm, time seemed to slow while the bolt arced towards me, Spike still trying to pick up the scrolls and failing, Pinkie jumping with a sudden surprised expression, Rainbow, her smirk slowly shifting to shock. I didn't know what to do, so I shut my systems down systematically, my vision went dark as I entered standby mode, the bolt striking me on the forehead as I did so.

I was awoken again straight after the bolt struck by errors running through me, my system warning me that while I was in Standby Mode an 'unknown static charge' struck me. I looked up upon noticing I was lying on my side, Pinkie, Spike and Rainbow were standing around me with looks of concern on their faces, Pinkie and Spike still hiccuping.

"Rainbow, don't do that again," She flinched at the sound of my voice, I didn't blame her, my vocal synth was WAY off. I recalibrated it quickly, "Test, test. Right, Rainbow, what the heck were you doing?"

"Well-" she was cut off from her explanation by Pinkie Pie, who immediately got right up in my face.

"OH MY GOSH! Are you okay FalAIr? I mean I was so busy laughing I didn't see the bolt strike you, but when Rainbow struck the cloud again I saw the bolt arc downwardsandthenIgotworriedcauseInoticedyouwerestandingwheretheboltwasgointohitand-" I stopped her with my hoof, giving my CPU time to run over everything she just said.

"Pinkie, I'm fine, it was just a disorienting power surge, nothing but a small shock to me," I turned back to Rainbow, "Continue,"

She obliged, "Well, Pinkie was playing a prank on Spike, I didn't know about it until I heard Spike's hiccups. I didn't know the lightning was arcing towards you until you collapsed. Are you sure you're okay? That was a big bolt,"

"I repeat; it was just a disorienting power surge," I assured her, getting up into my hooves.

"Well, if you're sure," she turned away hesitantly, prepared to fly off, but she stopped before pouncing and turned back to Pinkie, "Hey Pinkie, I didn't take you as a prankster,"

"Are you -hic- KIDDING? -hic-" Pinkie practically yelled into my ear, "I love to pull pranks, -hic- it's all in good fun, and Pinkie Pie Lo~o -hic- oves to have -hic- fun! -hic-" I was staring at her throughout the entire sentence, watching her mane spasm with every hiccup and trying to fathom how that was even working. I could almost feel smoke coming off my CPU

"You know Pinkie, you're not as annoying as I thought," I whipped my head 'round to look at Rainbow, giving up on Pinkie being Pinkie for now, and frowned at her saying that Pinkie was annoying, Pinkie didn't appear to notice however, "You wanna hang out?"

Pinkie grinned, "-hic- That'd be" she flew into the air above Rainbow, "-hic-" she flew somewhere out of the left of my vision, "I'd really, -hic-" she flew back before I could turn my head, "-hic- When do -hic- -hic-" she flew off to my right, I facehoofed, "I mean -hic- when would you -hic-" the onslaught of words finally stopped, I sighed in relief.

"A simple nod will do," Rainbow Dash said, her hoof in Pinkie's mouth, Pinkie nodded, humming her consent before Rainbow took her hoof away. They both turned and began walking away, the sound of prank planning could be heard from both of them.

I turned towards Spike, who was just staring at the two as they walked off, obviously his hiccups had disappeared in his astonishment, "So Spike, what about the scrolls?"

"Hm?" he said, turning towards me with a questioning expression, "Oh! They'll be fine, Princess Celestia'll probably send them back after figuring out what they are,"

I nodded, standing back onto my hooves, "Well then, we mineaswell head back to the library," I said, beginning the walk back towards the homely fauna.

Zoom: 25%
Four targets found
Identifying. . .
Primary Target "Rainbow Dash" identified
Primary Target "Pinkie Pie" identified
Secondary Target "Spike" identified
Fourth target unidentified

Zoom: 0%
Connecting to PVBU. . .
Connection established
Connection: Strong
Sending gathered Data. . .
Information sent to PVBU

Data received
2/6 Primary targets located
1/1 Secondary targets located
Compressing Data. . .
Data compressed
Forwarding compressed Data to CB

. . .

Response received
Decompressing. . .
Decompressed
Forwarding data to UnitRD
Forwarding data to UnitPP

New data received
Updating Mission Objectives
Recon mode disabled
Stealth mode enabled
Primary objectives:
Remain out of sight
Pursue targets at specified distance

I watched intently as Twilight added another chemical to the blue mixture next to me, "Are you sure mixing these chemicals are safe?"

"It's safe," she said, turning back to her paper, only to gasp, "Where did-?" I turn to look at the paper too, only to see the writing that was there a moment ago had disappeared.

I was about to reply, "I don't-" when the potion exploded.

"FalAIr!" Twilight exclaimed, startled at the explosion.

I quickly got my hooves back under me, my right optical lens being obscured by something, "I'm okay! I'm okay!" I reassured Twilight, doing a minor systems check to make sure nothing had been damaged. Everything seemed fine, though I didn't know why my right lens was obscured, or why Twilight was making that face, "Is something wrong Twilight?" I asked her, frowning at her expression.

There were tears forming at the sides of her eyes as she replied and her voice sounded higher than normal, "You've just got... Something on your side," I blinked, before turning so I was able to see my side, it was purple. "I think the potion had a bit of a side effect..."

"What was the potion intended to do?" I asked, turning away from my purple side.

"It wasn't intended to do anything, I was inspecting the effects of mixing those chemicals." At seeing my expression she quickly rectified, "I did the calculations beforehand! The potion is harmless! There are no adverse effects!" She looked to my purple side, "Though I did see that as a possible effect."

Twilight turned to look out the window at the sound of laughter, I looked out too to see Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie on their backs laughing hysterically, a blue bottle with an outlined drop of liquid lay between them. Twilight smirked, "Well, there's our culprits"

"So Pinkie Pie, are you sure that this friend of Rainbow Dash is really so mean?" Twilight said, flipping through the pages of the book that currently sat on the pedestal in front of her, I sat beside Spike as we flipped through similar books. The three of us were looking for a way to remove this purple stuff, so far simply washing it off hasn't been working.

"Um, yeah. She keeps stealing Rainbow Dash away, she pops my balloons, and she told me to buzz off. I've never met a griffon this mean. Well, actually, I've never met a griffon at all, but I bet if I had, she wouldn't have been as mean and grumpy as Gilda." Pinkie said, pacing across the room before stomping her hoof on the floor.

"A griffon?" I asked Spike, he just shrugged in response. I noted to ask Twilight about it later.

I turned back to the conversation at hand.

"You know what I think, Pinkie Pie" Twilight said, looking worriedly at Pinkie.

"Hmm?" Pinkie inquired, getting all up in Twilight's grill.

"Well I think," Twilight turned away, keeping her eyes on Pinkie, "you're jealous"

"Jealous?" Pinkie exclaimed, incredulous.

"Green with envy," Spike cut in, looking up at Pinkie, "well, in your case, pink with envy," I gave Spike a wry look, he just looked at me and shrugged.

"Well, yes. Jealous," Twilight said with a tired expression, I could tell this conversation wouldn't last much longer, "Listen Pinkie, I don't want to upset you, but just because Rainbow Dash has another friend doesn't make Gilda a grump. I mean, perhaps it's you, Pinkie, who needs to improve her attitude."

"Improve my attitude? But I... D... B.. It's Gilda that... D... Are you seri..." Pinkie stutters before screaming in frustration and walking off, albeit with a weird "puick" sound with every hoofstep. Twilight, Spike and I look on worriedly as she walks out of the library, flinching as she slams the door.

Spike and I approach Twilight as she sighs, "Well, that could've gone better," I comment before turning to look at Twilight, "I'd like to meet Gilda at some point, I've never seen a Griffon before, I have no data on them whatsoever."

Zoom: 10%
Three targets found
Identifying. . .
Primary Target "Twilight Sparkle" identified
Secondary Target "Spike" identified
Third target unidentified

Zoom: 0%
Connecting to PVBU. . .
Connection established
Connection: Strong
Sending gathered Data. . .
Information sent to PVBU

Data received
3/6 Primary targets located
1/1 Secondary targets located
Compressing Data. . .
Data compressed
Forwarding compressed Data to CB

. . .

Response received
Decompressing. . .
Decompressed
Forwarding data to UnitTS

New data received
Updating Mission Objectives
Recon mode disabled
Stealth mode enabled
Primary objectives:
Remain out of sight
Pursue targets at specified distance

I had my eyes on the sky while walking through Ponyville in the hopes that I'd spot Gilda and Rainbow Dash. My forward sensors were active so as I wouldn't bump into anypony while at it.

I stopped abruptly when I heard Rainbow Dash laughing. It sounded like it was coming from Sugarcube Corner. I turned and headed towards the candy-themed confectionery shop.

I caught sight of Rainbow Dash as she flew away from the area, "Later," she said, her prismatic trail originating from nearby the stalls. I dragged my gaze towards the area, catching sight of a figure that was certainly not a pony. That must be Gilda she had the head and talons of an eagle and the body of a lion. Honestly, I don't know what I was expecting.

I moved to approach her but stopped suddenly, noticing Pinkie sitting by herself at a table outside Sugarcube Corner. I noticed she was hunched down at the table, almost as if she were hiding. I decided to see what Pinkie was up to before meeting Gilda.

I stopped in my tracks as I heard an elderly mares voice, "Aaah! A rattler, a rattler! Run for the hills! Everypony forsake yourselves!" I turned quickly, seeing the mare in question creaking (literally, her legs were creaking) away from the store I had seen Gilda approach. I was about to move towards the stall to deal with the supposed 'rattler' before Gilda appeared behind the stall, I immediately noticed her tail was in with the corn and carrots.

She pressed a tomato with her tail, "This stuff ain't fresh, dude," she remarked, before wandering off, much to the stall-owners confusion.

My ears twitched as Pinkie started talking, I turned around to listen, "How mean. No, no, I can't misjudge her. It was kind of a funny prank, I guess." I cocked my head, before I realized that the 'rattler' must've been Gilda's tail.

I turned back around yet again, eyes locking to Gilda as she approached another stall that oddly looked the same as the last. She walked parallel to the stall, behind the backs of the ponies that were surrounding it. I watched as she used her tail to grab an apple from the baskets that were under the stall, immediately sticking it into her beak. My eyes widened, She didn't pay for those!

I started trotting towards Gilda, meaning to confront her about the theft, but I was forced to stop as Fluttershy walked past in front of me, "Sorry Fluttershy,"

"Oh, it's okay, thank you Falair," she smiled before continuing on her way, the ducks she was leading following closely. I stood there and watched her lead them away, I noticed Gilda behind her and began to trot forwards, expecting Gilda to move out of Fluttershy's way. She didn't.

"Hey" Gilda exclaimed as Fluttershy bumped into her.

Fluttershy turned to look up at Gilda, who was towering over her, my expression lowered, I could see where this was going, I kept moving forwards, approaching the duo as Fluttershy began, "Oh, please excuse me"

Gilda spread her wings and pushed her beak forwards menacingly, "I'm walkin' here,"

Fluttershy began backing away, "Oh, um, I'm sorry. I-I-I was just trying to..." I was getting closer to the scene, but I decided not to interfere... yet.

Gilda stood back up straight, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she mocked, before thrusting her beak forward again, "Why don't you just watch where you're going, doofus?"

The ducks scattered as Fluttershy backed into them with Gilda pushing forwards.

I decided now was the time to interfere. I pushed between Fluttershy and Gilda, the latter taking a step back, "Back. Off." I narrowed my eyes at her, my stance sideways so as to block Fluttershy from view.

"Who are you supposed to be? Her bodyguard?" Gilda responded, she looked to be miffed that someone had stood up to her, "Can't she stand up for herself?"

"I am her friend, I will not stand idly by as you bring her to tears," I could tell Fluttershy wouldn't have lasted much longer, "It'd be better if you went somewhere else," nobody moved, it was practically a stand-off between Gilda and I.

"Feh, you ponies are lame anyway." She said before flying off. I turned to Fluttershy, "Are you okay Fluttershy?" It was probably too much for her, because the instant Gilda left, she broke into tears and flew off. I looked on with a sad expression.

I didn't really know what had happened, it was all a blur of pink. But somehow I had ended up in Sugarcube corner with a small group of other ponies who looked equally as confused as I did. Soon after the initial confusion, ponies began to mill around and socialise. I just remained on the chair I had been placed on, watching the goings on. Pinkie Pie was at the door welcoming everypony as they entered.

I turned my head and noticed Fluttershy with Twilight, I angled my ears over to listen to what they were talking about.

"Oh, um, well, I'll tell you later, Twilight." I didn't know the context, so I couldn't tell what they were talking about. On the upside, Fluttershy looked better. Fluttershy walked away from Twilight and over to Pinkie Pie, so I decided to talk to Twilight. She noticed me approaching.

"Hey Falair, did you meet Gilda?" She asked, turning towards me as I stopped next to her.

"Well, yes, but not in the way I had hoped." I replied, I was stopped from continuing by Pinkie Pie.

"Gilda!" I turned to see her land in front of said Griffon, "I'm so honored to throw you one of my signature Pinkie Pie parties, and I really, truly, sincerely, hope you feel welcome here amongst all us pony folk." She extended her hoof for Gilda to shake.

Gilda slowly took hold of Pinkie's hoof, only to be electrocuted. She scowled as Pinkie Pie laughed.

"Oh Pinkie PIe," Rainbow dash trotted up, "the old hoof-shake buzzer. You are a scream."

Gilda hesitantly agreed, "Yeah, uh, good one, Pinkie Pie."

I turned back towards Twilight, "That seemed like a lot of volts for such a small buzzer."

Twilight turned to me, "Oh, it's not that much. Gilda was probably just surprised."

We turned back as Pinkie Pie rushed to the center of the room, "Everyone, I'd like you all to meet Gilda, a long-time, dear friend of Rainbow Dash," she rushed over to hug Gilda, "Let's honor her and welcome her to Ponyville." Before rushing away again, Gilda just scowled.

Everyone, save Fluttershy and I, cheered. Gilda smiled forcefully as Dash came up and put a hoof behind her.

"Please help yourself," Pinkie said, standing near the food table.

"Vanilla lemon drops. Don't mind if I do," Gilda said, placing the mentioned treat into her beak. Her beak burst open, flames pouring out.

I jumped in surprise, turning to Twilight, "Griffons breathe fire!?"

"No, it's probably just pepper," she replied calmly.

"How does that even-" I was interrupted by laughter from the ponies near the punch table.

"Well, whaddya know, pepper in the vanilla lemon drops, and the punch served in a dribble glass," Pinkie commented.

I turned to Twilight, "What's going on? This seems like a setup."

"They're just harmless pranks," she replied

I cocked my head, "What's a prank?"

Twilight was about to reply, but was interrupted by more laughter. We both turned to see Gilda, a polka-dotted cylinder in her talon, with her feathers fluffed up in surprise. We couldn't help it, we both laughed. "That, is a prank," Twilight said to me when she calmed down.

"Surprising someone is a prank?" I responded, cocking my head again.

"No, well, somewhat. A prank is a joke you pull on someone," Twilight explained.

"A joke, like that disappearing ink thing?" I asked.

"Exactly." Twilight replied.

"Cake time everypony." Pinkie Pie said, rolling a huge cake in. Everypony gathered around.

"Hey, can I blow out the candles?" I hadn't even noticed Spike arrive.

"Why don't we let Gilda blow out the candles, Spike. She is the guest of honor after all," Twilight responded to Spike's query.

Gilda appeared and punted Spike away with her elbow. I scowled, "Exactly," she said, taking a huge gulp of air to blow the aforementioned candles out.

She blew them out and smiled, only for the candles to relight themselves. She took another gulp of air and blew them out, panting afterwards. Ponies started to laugh as the candles re-lit themselves yet again. Gilda blew them out again and again, again and again and again and again, each time the candles would relight themselves. I zoomed in on the candles and noted the chemical reaction taking place.

I zoomed back out, noting the time that had passed. "Hey y'all, it's pin the tail on the pony. Let's play."

I trotted up to talk to Twilight, "Pin the tail on the pony? Wouldn't that be painful and dangerous?"

Twilight looked at me, confused, "Pin the tail on the pony is a game that ponies play at parties. A picture of a tailless pony is placed on the wall, while another pony is blindfolded and given a tail with a pin. The pony then must place the tail on the pony," she explained. I filed that away, Learning quite a few new things today.

We turned back just in time to see Gilda slide past us, "What the!?" I exclaimed, taking a step back as Gilda slid straight through the doors at the other end of the room.

When the smoke (which had come from nowhere) cleared, Gilda was sitting there with a purple... Thing, on her beak.

"Uh, Gilda? You pinned the tail on the wrong end." Pinkie Pie commented, everypony burst into laughter.

Everypony went quiet immediately as Gilda roared, she flapped her wings and hovered above everypony, "This is your idea of a good time? I've never met a lamer bunch of dweebs in all my life."

I scowled and moved to confront her, but Twilight stopped me, shaking her head.

"And Pinkie Pie, you!" she pointed at the pink party pony, "You are queen lame-o with your weak little party pranks. Did you really think you could make me lose my cool?" She moved and put her talon behind Dash, "Well, Dash and I have ten times as much cool as the rest of you put together. Come on Dash, we're bailing on this pathetic scene." she moved towards the door, Dash stayed where she was, "Come on Rainbow Dash. I said, we're leaving."

Rainbow Dash lowered her head, "You know Gilda, I was the one who set up all those weak pranks at this party."

Gilda took on a surprised look, "What?" she looked at Pinkie Pie, but Rainbow Dash stuck her head in the way.

"So I guess I'm queen lame-o."

"Come on, Dash, you're joshing me."

"They weren't all meant for you specifically, it was just dumb luck that you set them all off." Dash said, looking down sadly. I heard Pinkie Pie say something, but my focus was on Gilda and Rainbow Dash.

"No way. It was Pinkie Pie, she set up this party to trip me up, to make a fool of me." Gilda growled.

Everypony turned their attention to the pink mare, "Me? I threw this party to improve your attitude. I thought a good party might turn that frown upside down." she turned her head upside down.

Dash agreed, "And you sure didn't need any help making a fool of yourself. You know, this is not how I thought my old friends would treat my new friends. If being cool is all you care about, maybe you should go find some new cool friends someplace else."

Gilda spread her wings, in defense this time, "Yeah? Well you, you, you are such a, a flip-flop: cool one minute and lame the next. When you decide not to be lame anymore, gimme a call." she turned and made to exit, only to bump into another pony, "Get outta my way!" she pushed the pony, accidentally scratching him. Gilda must not have noticed, because she flew out.

I looked at the pony as he ran out of the room, he wasn't bleeding, I saw sparks.

Unit damaged, aborting.

Dash had apologised after Gilda had left, Pinkie and her both pranking each other with buzzers, much to everypony's enjoyment. Twilight had also apologised to Pinkie for her accusations. The party had continued after that.

We were back at the library now, Twilight was just about to finish her letter to Celestia. I decided to bring up the subject of that pony, "Hey Twilight,"

"Yes Falair?" she turned away from the letter to look at me.

"You didn't happen to see that pony that Gilda scratched before he ran off, did you?" I asked.

"No, I guess I was too caught up in what was going on, is he okay?" Twilight asked, worried.

"That's just it, he wasn't bleeding," Twilight sighed in relief before I continued, "He was sparking."

Twilight's breath caught in her throat and she devolved into a coughing fit. When she recovered, with my help of course, she exclaimed, "You're sure you weren't just seeing things?"

"Positive, Twilight. This concerns me greatly, judging by my data, I was the only unit ever created. This would suggest that others have created their own units." I looked at Twilight worriedly.

"I should report this to Princess Celestia," I nodded as we turned back to the letter Twilight was about to send.

Author's Note

Ooo, beginning to introduce this stories protagonists. Shit's goin' down now!

What, you thought I would let one of my characters stand by as Fluttershy gets verbally abused? Hell naw!