Chapter 2: The Observer

I regarded my holdall with a frown as it lay open on my bed.

During the last few briefing sessions, Jim had said that I could be gone for as long as six months depending on circumstance, with options for extension on top of that to boot.

I should have been packing every last thing I owned. I might as well have considering how long I was going to be away. Jim said my furniture would all be put in storage and my apartment lease taken care of by the government.

He’d actually taken care of all the red tape with quite disturbing ease. It reeked of the sort of simplicity that came with doing nothing more than hurling bucket loads of money at a problem until it solved itself.

I spared a glance about.

I wasn’t sure why I’d gone through the trouble of cleaning up the mountains of clutter that had been my life prior to departure, especially since I wouldn’t even be living in the same apartment once I got back, but there had just been something unsettling about the prospect of leaving all that mess behind, as if it might somehow be waiting for me upon my return. Now there wasn’t so much as a single pile of empty pizza boxes or beer bottle turned candle holder in sight.

I surveyed the contents of my bag: Clothes; shoes; brushes; toiletries; more toiletries (you can never be too careful); throwing knives (more a party piece than actual defensive weaponry, I assure you); guitar maintenance kit; laptop; chargers…

I’d been informed that I’d be living out of a hotel for the first little while, at least until temporary residence could be set up for the duration of my stay.

Apparently they didn’t have electricity out there either, so the solar chargers provided by Jim would mostly go towards keeping my phone charged.

I’d been assured that satellite coverage had been angled down and bounced through several sea platforms set up near the portal, that way visitors to Equestria wouldn’t be stranded without communications. This had apparently been very expensive to organise. Not only were the platforms extremely costly, but there were apparently other mechanics not known to the general public that also cost a bomb.

With little else for it, I changed into a simple travelling ensemble of new, non-worn jeans and a long-sleeved white shirt. I then moved to zip up my bag, but not before stashing inside that one bottle of illegal strength tequila Jim and I smuggled back from Mexico six months prior.

I picked up the TV remote and was about to turn it off, but I found myself hesitating, “No TV for six months…?”

“Coming up next!” chirped an announcer suddenly, “A full day of your favourite reality TV shows! Starting with ‘I Used to be a Celebrity, Get me-“ I cut her off with a disgusted stab of the power button.

I smiled, shouldering my guitar and dragging up my holdall from the futon. “No TV for six months…”

I was forced to set the bag down however when my phone started buzzing.

I pulled the handset free and glanced briefly at the screen before accepting the call, “Jimmy boy…” I answered, picking my bag back up with my free hand, “You just caught me on my way out.”

“Glad to hear it, but don’t worry about getting a cab over. Just lock your front door from the inside and leave the key in the bowl. The removal and storage firm already has your mother’s spare key. They’ll let themselves in and lock up when they’re done.”

I frowned in confusion, pulling my keys from the lock and tossing them into the fruit bowl on the coffee table, “Okay…but how am I supposed to get to the rendezvous point if I’m locked in my apartment?”

“Oh, didn’t I tell you?” he asked, and I really didn’t like the amused inflection in his voice.

“Didn’t tell me what?”

“You’re technically along as my special guest. That means, Sammy, you get special treatment.”

“I don’t like it when you say ‘special treatment’ in the context of us travelling. It usually ends up bad for me.”

“Come on, Sam. If you can’t trust good ol’ Jim ‘Honest’ Carrell, who can you trust?”

I was about to remind Jim that his middle name was actually ‘Moriarty’ (seriously), but he’d already terminated the call.

I looked warily at the LCD display. It was never a good omen when Jim got the last word in.

That was when I noticed the chill in the room. It quickly progressed to the point where I could actually feel the temperature plummet as an icy wind seemed to swirl into existence all around me.

“I’m going to kill him…” was all I could say as swirls of midnight blue smoke began gathering out of nowhere.

The aura accumulated rapidly above my futon and expanded, materialising with a crash of deafening thunder into the unmistakable form of Princess Luna who, oddly enough, was donned in what appeared to be a tailor made ‘I heart NY’ t-shirt.

“Oh, sweet Jesus…”

“Nay!” she bellowed, rearing back on her hind legs and messing up the sheets I had just smoothed out, “It is I: Princess-” she was cut off however as a piercing noise filled the apartment, “What in Equestria is that?”

I looked at her blankly, “You just set off my smoke alarm…” and I felt painfully silly jumping up and waving a dishcloth at the annoying device on the ceiling until it stopped its incessant wailing while Luna watched.

I tossed the cloth into the sink and turned back to the Princess, who now had one of her forelegs raised slightly in a posture of uncertainty. I also noted that she seemed to be sweating, as if the mere act of teleporting from her quarters in the U.N. building across town had drained her.

I sighed and took hold of her raised limb to politely assist her down.

“Thank you, kind sir,” she said, and I watched as her aura quickly shrank down into her flowing mane.

“Y-yeah…” I responded, shifting nervously. Luna then did the same.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“So…” I said, twiddling my thumbs in front of me, “umm…Hi?”

“Greetings.”

It really was a bit difficult to know what to say, “So…you’re Princess Luna then, are you?”

And yes, it was a stupid question since everyone and their aunt knew who Luna and Celestia were, but my brain really wasn’t working correctly at that precise moment.

“Indeed,” replied Luna, “And you are Sam. Jim has requested we call you Samuel, as is apparently your preference.”

I gritted my teeth and did my best to smile, “It is indeed, your majesty.”

“Ah, we are glad. We are fond of Jim; he amuses us with his anecdotes. We would have been most upset if we let him down by putting our hoof in our mouth.”

“I’ll be sure to tell him that…” I muttered, “At the risk of sounding insolent: is there something I can actually do for you, your highness?”

“Nay, ‘tis we who are here to render the assistance!” she said, her voice briefly losing its indoor volume.

“What do you mean?”

“Art thou ready to depart?” she asked, seemingly preferring not to answer my question.

“I suppose…” I sighed, “but there’s just one last thing I need to do before we go…”

I quickly pulled my phone out and set the camera to reverse. I then shuffled closer to Luna, “Best start now. If you’d be so kind as to smile, your highness…”

“Ah, of course…” said Luna, who seemed more than happy to smile for the selfie.

And as it was sort of my duty to report it, I went on to attach the photo to a message for all to see.

@MusicMan3142 About to leave with @MoonPrismPrincess for #Equestria. Wish me luck!

I heard a quiet buzz from somewhere close by and I watched as Luna blinked. To my surprise, she then proceeded to reach down the front of her t-shirt and pulled free what was unmistakably a smartphone attached to a chord round her neck. Her face lit up, “Huzzahs! We have been mentioned on the Twitter!”

“Y-yes, that would’ve been me…right now.”

“Indeed.” She chimed. And I noticed that she seemed oddly gleeful over such a simple thing, “Then observe as we invoke the star glyph.” She leaned forward and tapped part of the screen with her horn, “This shall let others know we approve of thy message. We shall also start pursuing you, that way we shall be informed of-”

“-I…I know it works, Princess,” I cut in as gently as possible, doing my best not to hurt her feelings, especially since she seemed so bizarrely proud of knowing how it functioned.

She smiled and dropped her phone back down the front of her shirt, “Indeed. Then we shall depart immediately.”

I picked my bag back up, “Good. So how are we actually getting to the rendezvous point?” I inquired. I was briefly worried that she might be intending to actually fly us there. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not implying that soaring on the back of a winged unicorn over New York wouldn’t be anything short of immense fun, just that it might be impractical considering my luggage.

“Like this…” replied Luna, and I suddenly noticed the magical aura that was gathering all about us.

“Oh y-you can not be seriously intending to…” I stammered as I suddenly found myself being hoisted off the ground along with Luna, “You’re not scrambling my molecules, Princess!”

“Do not worry, Samuel. We have done this spell many times before with humans accompanying us.”

“Really? And how many is many?”

“Five. And it worked perfectly well on all four occasions.”

“W-well that’s…wait…what?!”

Luna didn’t respond.

I opened my mouth to scream a series of choice four letter expletives at her, but was cut off by a bright flash of silver light that seemed to engulf everything...

I landed flat on my backside on a cold paved surface. My holdall was beside me, my guitar bag hugged in my arms. There was also a very annoying noise coming from somewhere close by.

It took me a moment to realise that the noise was me screaming like a little girl.

I heaved a breath to shut myself up and wiped the cold sweat from my brow.

“We have arrived,” announced Luna from my side, seeming totally composed as ever. I did however notice that she seemed somewhat weak at the knees.

I recalled what had been said about magic not functioning well in our world. I’m guessing therefore it probably took a princess to perform even the slightest teleportation spells unaided while outside of Equestria. Regardless of her discomfort however, the point still stands:

“Never…ever do that again,” I gasped.

Instead of Luna however, it was a different voice that responded, “Oh come now, Sam. Where’s your sense of adventure?”

I looked up to see Jim. He was in the process of standing up from his seat at a table out front of an almost Parisian style café that we had landed in front of.

I watched as he approached Luna’s side and rested a hand on her neck. He leaned in and I was shocked to see him pass her a brief, yet still genuinely concerned look.

Luna just smiled tiredly and nodded her head. Jim returned the smile and stood up again, his fingertips unconsciously rubbing at her neck. Interestingly, he seemed to miss the sudden intake of breath the princess took at the touch.

All was silent and I realised we’d attracted more than a little attention from passers-by, but then I suppose teleporting princesses and screaming musicians just tended to do that.

It was only then however that I took in my surroundings: This wasn’t New York, the air was far too clean, and everything else in general just seemed to be more peaceful.

I looked up.

A huge castle that seemed to be built into a mountainside dominated my view. All around me, buildings whose architecture was clearly not of twenty-first century design lined the cobblestone streets.

Then there were the people, who weren’t people at all.

They were ponies.

I felt my gaze pull back to Jim, the only other biped in sight. His eyes narrowed, “Welcome to Canterlot, Sam.”

I drew myself up as if in a trance, “Canterlot?” I breathed, “This…is Equestria?”

He inclined his head, “I thought it best we get you here via the express route. The other humans have already been shipped off to their designated areas.”

“But that’s…impossible,” I said, “I mean it’s one thing to teleport across a town, but how on Earth did Luna manage to teleport from the East Coast of the U.S., all the way to the portal, and then all the way to Canterlot in one go?”

Jim inclined his head acceptingly, “With great difficulty, and it only works at certain times, like when the sun is at a particularly high point on either side, or when both moons are aligned at certain points in their cycles.

“We also set up spell enhancement gems. There’s one in New York; one near the portal; and one between there and here. The teleportation spell is essentially bounced from one to the other like lightning being passed between rods. You were attracted here because I’d been carrying one in expectation of your arrival. The other program members that arrived earlier would’ve ended up at the palace with Princess Celestia as per normal procedure.”

I nodded slowly, “I guess that’s clever: If there’s barely any magic on Earth, import some to make up for it.”

Jim shook his head, “Clever, perhaps, but regretfully still very inefficient…”

As if to make his point, he opened his hand to reveal a pile of sparkling black dust, “They burn themselves out after one use, and that’s all the way down the line. But short of transporting everyone by ship back and forth, or until we have something better set up on a permanent basis, this is the best we have. But as we say: it’s early days yet.

“The main actual problem is the extreme fatigue and strain the trip causes in the one casting the spell,” his eyes turned to Luna again.

“And we have told you, James: thy concern is very touching, but unwarranted.”

“If you say so…” he muttered, “That reminds me,” he said, “Phone please.”

I blinked, “Excuse me?”

He extended his hand, “Give me your phone.”

I frowned and warily turned it over to him.

Jim opened the SIM tray and swapped the chip out for another which seemed to be webbed with shimmering blue circuits, “The transmitters at the portal unfortunately don’t have much range, but thankfully we’ve managed to set up another kind of mystical enhancement system that gives us reasonable coverage, albeit at limited data speeds. Here…” he said, tossing it back, “that card’s tagged to your number so you can keep using it as normal.”

I looked carefully at the gadget and back to Jim, “Are you saying I now have a magical cell phone?”

“If it makes you feel any better, technically yes.”

I cocked my head, “Cool. Just so long as using it won’t cause magical cancer or anything like that.”

“It won’t...” he then paused to massage the bridge of his nose, “And for god’s sake: please go easy on the bandwidth. The need for constant maintenance and upkeep of the system equates to costs of well over two hundred dollars a megabyte. And I really, really do not want to have to get up one morning and discover that I need to explain to a senator why you bankrupted my entire department with a weekend in watching Netflix.”

“I promise to be good,” I said, saluting with the handset.

I looked around again and watched as the staring ponies slowly went back about their business. Most still kept their eyes on us though, not that Jim seemed at all perturbed by it. He merely nodded curtly as some passed and then took another calm sip from the teacup on his table.

He then bowed one final time toward the Princess, “Princess Luna, thank you again for escorting my friend.”

She bowed her head in curt response, “It was our pleasure.” She turned her attention briefly to me, “We apologise if you were startled. We assumed James would have informed you in advance of our plans to bring you directly here.”

“I suppose it just plain slipped his mind…” I said, glaring daggers at him. He responded by merely smiling in that very unapologetic way of his.

“If you will excuse us, we must return to our duties,” said Luna, nodding to each of us in kind.

Jim stepped forward and, without pause or hesitation, took up the princess’ hoof, kissing it with brief reverence, “Of course, your majesty. And thank you for all your time.”

Luna took a flustered step back, looking quickly about and smiling sheepishly, “I…ah…t-that is quite alright.”

I watched as Luna turned and, with a few quick downbeats of her wings, hastily took to the skies, “Well…” I said, watching as the alicorn soared up towards the castle, “I’m starting to see Luna wasn’t kidding when she said she was fond of you. I didn’t realise how much…”

Jim just scoffed, settling back into his seat and opening his laptop, “Don’t be preposterous. Now sit down, you’re drawing too much attention.”

“In a moment…” I said, tugging my phone quickly back out.

“What are you doing?”

“Hmmm, nothing…” I said wistfully, glancing at Jim and back as I typed.

@MusicMan3142 My pal, @JamesMoriarty123 couldn’t help but notice what a fine flank that @MoonPrismPrincess has. I suppose he has a point…

I sat down at the table as Jim pulled his Blackberry free with a frown. His eyes snapped to me, “Sam!”

“You had it coming,” I said, sipping from the cup he’d already prepared for me, “Ah, chamomile... Thank you, James.”

Jim looked hastily about and leaned closer, lowering his voice to a whisper, “Sam, you cannot make such offhand remarks when we’re dealing on this kind of political scale. I need you to think before you act.”

I pulled my phone free as it buzzed again. As I regarded the screen, my left eyebrow seemed to rise of its own accord.

@MoonPrismPrincess favorited one of your Tweets

I felt a smirk tug at the edge of my mouth, “Who says I don’t?”

Jim shook his head and pocketed his Blackberry, settling back into his chair once more and going back to his typing, “I take it you’ve read through everything I gave you?” he murmured.

I nodded, “I did. I got all the vaccines and other boosters too. My arm looked like it’d been worked on by a drunken acupuncturist by the time it was over.”

He cocked his head, “The things we do, Sam…”

“So where are my digs?” I asked, sipping the tea which, I had to admit, was very good, “Somewhere local?”

Jim steepled his fingers, twiddling his thumbs, “Not exactly…”

“Oh, joy…” I groaned, instantly sensing something horrible coming.

He scowled, “And you automatically assume I’ve dropped you in it.”

“Sue me. It’s a reflex.”

“I’m not setting you up in Canterlot because we’ve already got enough people here. Besides, it’s all high society sorts and balls here.”

“Do you mean the party kind of balls, or do you mean its balls as in crap?”

“To be bluntly honest: A little of column A and more than a little of column B.” He leaned a little closer again, “Seriously, Sam, some of these ponies have their heads so far up their own backsides that I’m shocked they aren’t wearing themselves as hats.”

“In that case…my objection is rescinded.”

Jim’s posture relaxed and he breathed a tired sigh, “Sam, it’s going to be six months. I know we might occasionally screw each other over for shits and giggles, but you know I’ve got your back when it counts.”

I smiled reluctantly, “Come on, Jim, don’t start talking like that. It’s only in Holland that we’re legally allowed to act like a couple of newlyweds. We should…probably sort that out at some point, come to think about it.”

Jim closed his eyes and took a calming breath, “Back to the point. The thing is: you’re an average, everyday young guy-”

“-Thank you.”

“That wasn’t meant as a compliment.”

“You married me…”

“Sam!”

“Kidding. Carry on.”

He breathed another sigh, “Right. So what we want to do is put you somewhere average; somewhere close enough to Canterlot as not to be out of reach, but still far enough away as to be in a completely rural environment.”

“The real Equestria, you mean…”

Jim snapped his fingers, “Precisely. People don’t want to hear about the polished lives of the one percent here anymore than they do back at home. People want to see how the ponies really live. And as you know, that’s where you come in.”

“So do I get a guide?”

Jim looked at me blankly, “Really?”

“What?”

“Sam, when have we ever used a guide? Heck, we barely even used maps when went travelling. It’s like you once said: maps are like instruction manuals, and instruction manuals-“

“-are for wimps, yeah…” I finished, sighing drearily. I cocked my head in reflection, “Shame about that bookcase we tried putting together though…”

“The important thing was that we stuck to our principles.”

“Agreed. So do I at least get a hint about where I’m supposed to go? Or do you intend to just point me in a random direction and send me on my way?”

“I’ll take you as far as the station. The train to Ponyville isn’t for another hour so you’ve got plenty of time. From there on just hunt down a hotel and set yourself up. We’ll get in touch with details of something more permanent in a few days time. Until then just use your better judgement…for what little of it you have.”

I sighed, “I suppose I can do that. Wait…Ponyville?”

Jim groaned and wiped a hand down his face, “Please don’t start on about the names again…”

I shook my head, “I don’t know: the first intelligent life mankind encounters and it’s a world of talking ponies obsessed with puns. I’m starting to suspect that God may be a troll. I’m shocked you were even able to stand it.”

Jim just smiled, “You want me to be honest with you about something, Sam?”

“What?”

“I couldn’t. Hell, I spent the first two weeks claiming to any random pony that annoyed me that I was from a town called Thumbchester, which was apparently in a country called Humania. Our town was right next to a city called Fingerton. We hated those bastards, always in opposition to everything we did, so perpendicular to our way of thinking. I’m telling you though: they may have had four times the population we did, but they couldn’t get a grip on anything without our help…”

I shook my head, “You know what, James, there are times when I think you might be losing my faith, but then you just go and earn it right back again…”

Jim smiled and pushed himself up, “Come on, nut job. Let’s get you moving…”

Jim bid me a far too cheery farewell as he deposited me on the express train, which turned out to be a very brightly coloured steam locomotive. Unsurprisingly, I was stared at all the way by the other occupants.

Ignoring them, I took a moment to realise that the prospect of being the only member of my species in town might just seem a tad less daunting if I actually got some intel on the place where I’d be staying.

Human scientists had begun the process of rapidly compiling Equestrian newspaper records into digital format for ease of reference, and since access to that database had been granted to all visitors, I pulled up a basic search to see if I could get any light shed on where I was heading.

“Ponyville…” I murmured as the search results were returned. I then did a skim of recent articles that held that town as a keyword.

I prepared myself to be assaulted by wave after wave of token articles about local fares and crop shortages…

A few moments later, my jaw was nearly touching the floor.

I sat gaping at my screen as newspaper clippings listed catastrophe after catastrophe, all of them focused around that one small town.

The town had a populous of less than a thousand, yet somehow in the past few years alone it had managed to go through events ranging from swarms of omnivorous bugs eating the damn place to actual, honest-to-god eldritch abominations freezing lakes and mutating wildlife.

“I am actually going to kill him…” was all I could say, my hand dropping limply to my side, “I am going to go back to that Cantertown place, wrap my hands around my best friend’s throat, and then squeeze until my suffering goes away…”

I let out a defeated breath however when I realised it was too late to actually do anything about it now.
I therefore just sat glumly in my seat, strumming depressing music on my guitar like I was fourteen again, and let the hours drift away as I was ferried toward possible doom.

“End of the line!” shouted the conductor, startling me out of my reverie. And I jumped to my feet so quickly in surprise that I inadvertently bashed my head off the luggage compartment above. I winced and shot a withering glare at the conductor as I passed.

“Must you phrase it like that?” I asked, and he shrank back from me when I flashed him a terse smile.

I realised then that Jim hadn’t been lying when he’d said the teeth scared them. I noted that for future reference.

I was still massaging my head when I turned the corner and onto the ramp leading down from the platform.

I stepped off the ramp and then dropped my holdall down by my side to survey my surroundings. And instantly I found myself staggering back against the station wall in abject fright.

Heavens help me; they’d actually been waiting for me…

All of them.

“WELCOME!!” the cheery shriek was so high-pitched and deafening that it drove a lance of agony clean into my still pounding head.

I blinked my eyes, only for my vision to be assaulted by a massive field of every colour imaginable.

I thought there was something wrong with me at first, and It would’ve helped if they’d stop cheering so I could at least clear my head.

It took a second, but I quickly realised that the colours were in fact the ponies. They were literally every pastel shade you could think of.

And banners. Yes, they had actually made banners.

I had been expecting it to be like that scene in Blazing Saddles, where everyone went quiet when the newcomer came. But no, apparently here, the stranger that was as different and alien as any of them could possibly imagine was a thing to be welcomed with open arms, love and cherishment.

Annoying and cheesy, maybe…but to my surprise, I found that somewhere, briefly, deep within, for just that one shining instant, my faith in the goodness of the world was restored in some bizarre, tiny way.

It was a good feeling.

‘Welcome Hugh Man!’ said the banner with the very clumsy lettering that was being held up by a trio of tiny fillies: an orange Pegasus; a yellow earth pony and a grey unicorn. I’m not sure if they’d made a spelling error there or they thought that was my actual name. I didn’t have the heart to correct them.

‘Welcome to Ponyville!’ said the main one in perfectly crafted letters; letters that appeared to be composed entirely out of tiny gemstones. The banner also seemed to be supported by a magical field which was in turn emitted by a gleaming white unicorn near the front.

Then there was the one being held up by the pink Earth Pony that appeared to be heading up the group and was currently hopping up and down like mad:

’Four legs good! Two legs also good!’

Alright, I’ll admit that one made me chuckle.

I was shocked to realise that I recognised that pink mare: she was one of the first arrivals, Pinkie-something I think it was. To my mounting shock, I also couldn’t help but then notice that the others from the first encounter were there too, all of them.

Just where had Jim sent me?

“Oh, I am so gonna tweet the hell out of this…” was all I could mutter to myself under my breath. I realised however that there probably wasn’t a hashtag invented to describe this situation (Though I would later be advised by one of the locals that #ohmigodohmigodohmigod would have been perfectly sufficient).

“Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!” chanted the pink pony as she bounced gleefully about me in a wide semi-circle, “Were you surprised? Were you, were you, huh, huh, huh?”

“I will admit to being surprised…” I said as I pinned myself back against the wall.

“Pinkie, please…” came a weary voice, “I think you’re starting to scare him.”

The purple unicorn, Twilight Sparkle (even I knew that name) let out a sigh and stepped forward, “Yes, well. As my friends here have already said: Welcome to Ponyville.

“I hope you weren’t too startled by our welcome. It seems some of the townsfolk got a little too excited when they heard we’d be hosting our first human. I’m Twilight Sparkle.” She extended a hoof up.

I brought my own hand up and, after a second of confusion as to what to do, politely shook the offered limb.

I was momentarily startled by the softness of it. I was expecting it to be completely hard, like the hoof of a horse back home,.But instead the bottom surface was soft and spongy, and felt far more like the pad of an animal paw.

I gently coiled my fingers about the limb, applying curious pressure and running an experimental thumb over the soft surface as I inclined my head curtly, “Yes, I know. You’re the mare that was primarily responsible for ripping a hole in the fabric of the universe, correct?”

She withdrew her hoof, and she seemed to be blushing slightly, as if she were flustered by the simple contact for some reason, “Y-yeah, I guess I’m never living that one down, huh?”

I shrugged, “Who’d want to?” I asked, “Though I suspect you’ve been told why I’m here…”

“The exchange program, right?” asked Twilight, “Princess Celestia sent me a message ahead to let us know. She said it was to make sure it was safe for humans to stay in Equestria for prolonged periods of time.”

I nodded in agreement with her words.

So, they hadn’t been informed about the main reason for me being there? I had to assume that was simply because the princess didn’t want the residents to try and curry favour with me. I found that to be bizarrely honest of her.

“Well, Pinkie’s organised a welcoming party for you later on this evening, if you’re not too tired from your journey that is.”

Despite the fact I was used to playing for intimate crowds of this size, I was starting to feel immensely uncomfortable, “N-not tired. But you really don’t have to go through the trouble-“

“-It’s no trouble!” cut in Pinkie loudly, “Town hall, eight sharp!”

“Sure…” I sighed, “You bring the snacks, and I’ll bring the tequila.”

Pinkie blinked, “Tequila?”

Thinking on it for just a brief second, I realised that the concept of introducing hard alcohol into this already hyperactive Pony was an absolutely terrifying concept, “Never mind…” I said, and slid sideways around the two ponies. I raised a hand to the amassed group, “Well, it was wonderful meeting you all.” I called, “I’d love to stay around and talk, but I’ve got to go and get checked in. I’ll see you all at the party later…I suppose.”

This was met with a mix of both cheers and disappointment. Obviously they’d been hoping to get some face-time with what had, at least up until recently, been classed as a mythical being from their perspective.

I let out a relieved breath as I broke free of the group, all too aware of their eyes following me as I walked away.

I tried to neither flinch nor roll my eyes as one of them pulled away from the crowd and fell into step with me, “I’m so sorry I didn’t get to introduce myself just there…”

I slowed and looked to my side. A mare with a tan hide and silvery mane was trotting alongside me. She had a polite smile on her face as she peered out at me over the rim of her spectacles.

Once we’d turned a corner and were a safe distance from the welcoming party, I stopped to see what it was she wanted, “Sam McNamara, is it not?” she asked.

I inclined my head, “You appear to have me at a disadvantage, ma’am.”

“Oh, yes, of course. Mare, Mayor Mare at your service. It was supposed to be my job to officially welcome our first human guest, but it would appear that I was beaten to the buck by my overly energetic townsponies. Belated as it may be…welcome to Ponyville.”

I shook the offered hoof politely, “And you…are the mayor, yes?” I asked, quite unsure if that was her name or title.

She nodded, ”And proud of it. I do hope you come to enjoy what our little town has to offer during your stay. And if there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“That’s very kind of you, ma’am.” I paused to look quickly about, “Listen, Mayor…umm…Mare.”

“That’s my name,” she chimed.

“Look, I don’t suppose there’s any…trouble…going on that I should probably either know about or…umm…be running in abject terror from?”

She chuckled, “Oh by Celestia, no. We may have had a few hiccups over the years, but I think you’ll find Ponyville to be a calm and quiet place to live.”

She did however then shift uneasily on her hooves and avert her gaze, “I…will admit that we have suffered more than our fair share of incidents in the past which, by your question, I guess you’ve already learned about, but I assure you, with Celestia as my witness: even if you should encounter a problem, you won’t find a finer group of ponies in all of Equestria to help you through it."

She paused to raise her head up high, “If there’s one thing Ponyville and her townsfolk stand for, its friendship, unity and helping those in need.”

I smiled, “Then I suppose our world could learn a thing or two from you, which I suppose is why I’m here.”

The mayor grinned, “Indeed.” Her smile then slackened slightly, “We…had prepared a guide for you to show you to your hotel, escort you around town and also to advise you during your stay, but we had been informed directly that was no longer necessary.”

“Jim…” I muttered, “So there was a guide then.”

“Yes, a shame really... She was so excited about the whole thing; hadn’t stopped talking about it ever since she'd been told about the job. She was so disappointed to hear you wouldn’t need her around.”

I narrowed my eyes in thought, “This guide…” I said, “Is she still available?”

“W-why yes, but why do you ask?”

Jim wanted me to face Equestria blind with no help in order for me to get a good feel for the place. That much was fine. However, dropping me at ground zero for multiple near misses of literal Armageddon was not part of the deal.

I plastered a pleasant smile on my face, “Because there seems to have been a misunderstanding, Madam Mayor.”

She blinked, “A misunderstanding?”

“Yes, ma’am, you see: the instruction sent out a few days ago wasn’t to cancel the guide, it was to ensure it was ready. It would appear that a miscommunication has been made at some point down the line however and the wrong message received.”

The mayor’s ears immediately perked up, “Really?”

I nodded, “Most definitely.”

“You mean…you really do need our town rep’s services?”

I inclined my head, “Front and centre, ma’am, if it’s not too much trouble?”

The mayor seemed positively gleeful at this, “Oh, not at all, it’s simply fantastic! She’ll be overjoyed. Well you just wait right here and I’ll go fetch her immediately.”

I indicated a nearby bench to the mayor who nodded before dashing off.

As I sat down at the bench, I realised that I’d walked into what seemed to be the town square.

I took a moment to survey my surroundings. Ponyville was quaint but quite picturesque. To say it held a slight small-town charm would be a massive understatement.

I took a breath of the clean country air and pulled my phone free.

@MusicMan3142 Just arrived in #Ponyville, #Equestria. Nice place. Mayor was kind enough to assign a guide (which I happily accepted). Got to thank @JamesMoriarty123 for sending me to such a quiet, uneventful place where nothing bad ever happens and setting all this up for me #BFFs #blatantsarcasm

A few moments later, I looked up at the sound of someone skidding to a halt behind me. I got back to my feet and turned about.

And that was when I first saw her.

A unicorn mare with a bright, mint green coat and cyan mane, she was. She stood at the entrance to the square and was hunched over slightly. It was clear she’d obviously just sprinted the entire way here.

It was possibly one of the most beautifully undignified entrances I’d ever seen.

“Umm, hello?” I asked, tilting my head to the side slightly.

She opened her mouth to speak, “I…ah…” she gasped, holding up a hoof to request I wait a sec, “I..ra…” she said, or at the very least made a valiant effort to try to.

“Ayra?” I asked, frowning slightly.

She shook her head, the fringe of her mane ruffling, “No, Ly…” she cut herself off however to take another heaving breath.

That was when the mayor reappeared, seemingly having cantered after the unicorn. She let out a long sigh and extended a hoof to the side to indicate the younger mare, “Sam, this is Lyra, Lyra Heartstrings. She will be your guide for the duration of your stay.”

Lyra heaved one final, steadying breath and then smiled weakly, “Hi it’s…nice to meet you.”

I couldn’t hold in the smile. I did however do my best not to show teeth, “Hello, Lyra…” I said, approaching her carefully.

I decided then to try and take a page out of Jim’s book for once. I gently took up Lyra’s hoof and planted a cordial kiss atop its surface, “I will be putting myself in your very capable hooves for the foreseeable future. I do hope that’s not too much trouble?” I asked, holding her sunglow eyes with my own blue ones as I ran the pad of my thumb in slow circles over the base of her hoof before releasing it.

Lyra’s response was little more than throaty squeak.

The mayor just smiled weakly, “Lyra says that’s fine. And she’s very happy to meet you.”

“Yuh-huh,” agreed the unicorn, nodding her head.

Lyra raised one of her forelegs slightly as I stood back up to full height. I got the feeling I was a little taller than she’d been expecting. I also couldn’t help but detect a slightly perfumed if musky scent in the air about her. For some reason I found it to be bizarrely pleasant in a way I couldn’t quite describe at the time.

“Well…” said the mayor, “I suppose I’ll leave you two to get acquainted. Will I be seeing you at the celebration later, Mr McNamara?”

I inclined my head, “I will certainly do my best.”

The mayor nodded to each of us in turn, “Sam. Lyra…” and then trotted off back towards what I assumed was the town hall building.

I watched the mayor until she was gone and turned back to Lyra, who was sweeping her foreleg idly back and forth by this point. I also couldn’t help but notice she still seemed flushed, and had been ever since her arrival “Is something the matter, Ms Heartsrtings?”

She flinched visibly and almost yelped, “N-no! I’m fine.”

I picked up my holdall and began walking alongside Lyra, “Listen, I’m really sorry about the sudden change in plans. I hope it hasn’t been too much of an inconvenience for you.”

“N-none at all. I wasn’t doing anything else. I was just in the middle of hmn-” she seemed to bite off the end of her own sentence however and her cheeks flushed a little brighter. That made me wonder just what it was the mayor had interrupted when she’d dashed over to fetch her.

Regardless, I flipped my phone around and Lyra gasped as I rested a palm about her shoulder and crouched down at her side, “Smile for the humanity, Ms Heartstrings…”

“J-just Lyra is fine…” she muttered, but still managed a bright, almost dazzling smile regardless.

@MusicMan3142 and his guide. Peoples of the Earth, allow me to introduce you to Ms Lyra Heartstrings of #Ponyville.

-?-

Meanwhile…

The Blackberry made a loud rattling noise as it buzzed against the hardened mahogany of the desk.

The laptop, high backed chair and said desk were all stark contrasts to the rest of the Equestrian decorum in the darkened room that was James Carrell’s office in Canterlot Castle. The only other out of place item was a filing cabinet with a globe resting atop its surface.

Jim leaned forward in his chair and flipped the handset up to answer the alert.

A small smile graced his pale features a moment later as he regarded the image, “Contact has been made.”

“Then you were right,” replied the mare lounging on the corner sofa, concealed in perfect shadow as always, “he did go for it...”

Jim’s smile widened slightly, “Of course, but what about this mare? Are you sure about her?”

“The unicorn with a renowned obsession for all things human, whose been hopping and buzzing with excitement ever since the portal first opened? Yes, James, I am quite sure…”

Jim sat back in his chair, idly twirling the phone about in his hands, “I suppose I’ll take your word for it. This entire endeavour rests on it.”

The pony just chuckled dismissively, “Oh and you’ll never guess what else I’ve found out…”

“What?”

The mare leaned out of the shadow just enough to whisper into Jim’s ear, “She’s a Skipper.”

Jim’s eyebrows rose, “You’re sure?”

“Of course: Apparently, ever since she found out about the guide job we selected for her, she’s been far too excited to even care about her own needs.”

“I take it your source on this is reliable.”

“Bon Bon is as reliable a source as it comes when Lyra Heartstrings is involved.”

“Bon Bon?” echoed Jim, “Now there’s an interesting codename...”

The mare was quiet for an instant, “Yes…codename.” She said, not really wanting to admit that ‘codename’ was the mare’s actual name and that ‘source’ equated to ‘listen to her yap on non-stop at the salon’.

Jim nodded ponderingly, eyes tracing the image, noting the flushed expression on the unicorn’s face, “And taking that chance away and then giving it back to her at the last second? Ooh, what an effect that must’ve had...”

“What about your friend?” asked the mare, “He’s the wildcard here.”

Jim nodded, “Yes, I will admit that’s Sam to a T. He does things on principle, not out of common sense. That’s how I knew he’d take up the option for the guide if it was to avoid disappointing her, and also in no small way of sticking it to me in retaliation for sending him to Ponyville of all places.”

“Do you think he’ll go for it though?”

Jim’s eyes narrowed, “Sam’s always been extremely open-minded. He’s probably the least bigoted and discriminatory person you’ll ever meet. However, the people he’s been in relationships with so far haven’t exactly been…good for him. You might just say he’s a little too open-minded at times, especially when it comes to giving people a chance.

“No, I think he needs this. And while we may be set to benefit immensely, I wouldn’t have used Sam if I didn’t think he’d be getting something out of it too.

“But what about the legal aspect?” Jim asked, arching his head round to look at her.

The mare paced in her darkness, “Let’s just say I think you’ve already succeeded, albeit accidentally, in planting the notion of such relationships in Luna’s head. And don’t think I haven’t seen you turn that head occasionally, Moriarty.”

“Silver…” intoned the human warningly, utilising the temporary codename she’d chosen for herself.

Silver chuckled, “Come now, James. It’s not like I’d care if you ended up Luna’s bedchamber before all this is through, just so long as nopony else finds out about it.”

She circled about to look down at the image on the phone screen, “I can’t have it starting out as a royal scandal. No, it has to be those two first…my entire business model depends on it.”

“You worry too much, Silver.” said Jim, standing up and slowly circling about to the mare’s side and joining her in the dark, “The entire exchange program I suggested to Celestia was a cover for this. If what we hope to occur happens, then out of the entire exchange group, it’ll just be seen as a perfectly natural and, with no small amount of luck and PR spin, happy occurrence. And legally speaking, with Luna giving us her voice, Celestia won’t be far behind…“

“I suppose I’ll just have to trust you in that regard, and also that you are going to remain completely honest with me...”

“Come now…” whispered Jim with a smile as he reached back and idly rubbed deep circles with his fingertips at the spot between Silver’s shoulder blades, “I am merely here to serve…”

The mare shuddered, “Yes,” she gasped, “Yes, you are…” and she hummed happily after Jim stopped a moment later, “And I needed that…”

The mare then turned and slinked back down in her seat. She idly picked up one of the prototype vials of golden fluid and rolled it between her hooves. Experimental they might have been, but the tests so far had been immensely promising, “And it’s my job to convince the rest of Equestria just how much they need it too…”

To be continued…

Author's Note

Ahh, fun. Haven't really decided if I'm going to keep a bit of focus on Jim's relationship with Luna, maybe have it as a little sidestory as things go along, but that's still to go. And I'm aware things haven't 'gotten adult' yet but that's all to come and needing to be built towards. Hope you stick with me and I'll see you in Chapter 3!