Depression

by Manes

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Romance
Length: 1004

Trixe's all alone, but that's going to change.

In a deep state of Depression Trixie finds someone just like her to share her pain with.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-04 03:50:02 UTC

Chapter 1

I am gone.I'm so far gone you wouldn't even know So far gone I won't even show. I'm so far gone and there's no way out so far gone I just want to shout. I'm so far gone you could Where is that cheerful filly I used to know? I look in the mirror and it's like I don't even recognize myself. I look so down and tired, I don't see that girl that was so happy so long time ago. Can't you see The pain in my eyes? But this is me And my life. If you hold me close You can hear my heart It cries more than most From being torn apart. After every breath I inhale my pain runs so deep I feel like it is inside of me running through my veins carving me up as it goes I don’t want to feel like this but does anybody care? I doubt it. The emptiness now becomes my closest friend,To live each day as it passes just as lonely as the last,

The inside is crying hidden suddenly by the smile,To feel. Do you think I like feeling this?Afraid to look in the mirror and see a complete and total stranger?Do you think I like looking at shattered glass and wondering if that’s what my heart that you broke?!  When I feel so lonely and I can't sleep at night, because everything gives me a fright. The pain and the sadness takes control, and once again I'm all alone. The pain I feel is unbearable. I wish something would just end it all.

Something end .it

When I was filly I would always hear the footsteps coming and I knew this would be another long night And something inside me screamed this time it really isn’t right. The words he was saying were ruthless and cruel And each time he hit me I sat there and obeyed each and every rule. I sat there blank faced and scared knowing that I couldn’t cry

For I knew what would happen if he saw the tears in my eyes. Each and every swing felt worse and worse And then all I wanted was to be dead in a hearse. He got real close and whispered “Bitch I wish you weren’t alive”

And all I was thinking was “you're right,” I wish I wouldn’t survive He threw against the wall then proceeded to pin me to the ground  He hit me again, covered my mouth, not letting me make a sound. I started to struggle and tried to release myself of his forceful grip. Then the next thing I heard was a loud, horrifying rip

His hands were cold and I cringed at first touch. I don’t understand how a father could hate his daughter so much. I froze and I couldn’t believe that this was really going on I just kept looking at the clock wanting him to be gone I tried so badly not to think of the sharp pain.

And this wasn’t part of his usual game I closed my eyes wishing the time would just pass by And that next time I opened them I would be up in the sky. He pushed harder and harder and excruciating pain was all I felt The next thing I heard was the unbuckling of his belt. Something happened inside of me that I can not explain

I got this surge of angry and said “I will never submit again”

Somehow, someway I got out just in time. But what he had already done will never get out of my mind From then on my life has been forever changed. It was like all I knew had been rearranged

I hate him with everything I have in me and so much more. And one day I left him and my mother behind never looking back. He made the mare I am today the worthless and miserable Trixe.

I lay on my bed soaking my pillow with my tears, I try to remember exactly what it is that I fear. Is it the passing of time or the love that I lack? Is it the mistakes that I've made or the fact that I can't bring the past back? What is it that I'm afraid of?  Why am I so scared? Is it the ponies I've hurt or the ponies that have hurt me? Am I afraid of everything that I cant seem to see? Is it the love of a friend, or the loss of my family? Is it the possibility that my life can end in a tragedy?

What is it that I fear most?  What do my eyes say I'm scared of?  Is it the sun that sets but won't seem to rise? Is it the hope that I have that always seems to die? Is it the trust of a pony that I cannot begin to grasp? Is it all the memories of my horrid past?Is it me?  Can it possibly be that the thing I fear most is the thing I can't be?  The things that I try to understand?  The me that I try to be with when I'm feeling sad? The pony I'm expected to be? Is that what I fear? . . .

I think the thing I fear most . . .is me.

*Sob*

Hearing a odd sound in the ever free forest is something I'm used too. But this sounded different sounds of a despair soul wondering this awful place I called home. As I approached the bushes to revealed a weeping griffon. Seems unlikely for a griffon to be in the ever free forest, but who am I to talk.

“G-Get out of here dweeb,” she shouted, tears staining her face. She looked miserable like me.

“Hey, actually you should be the one getting out of here cause I was peacefully being drunk over,” I pointed over a tent not far from here. She gave me a furious glare. This is going to be a long night.