When she dreamed, it was the same dream for her, though she never remembered the details afterward. Viewed through a misty veil of half-forgotten memory, she could hardly recollect some of the concepts that existed in this strange, almost mystical fantasy of hers. There was fear, yes. She still remembered fear in her dreams. And pain, both of the body and the soul. Anger, something she never felt outside of her unconscious mind. But what was most disturbing of all was the awful silence, filling the inside of her head even though her dreams were always noisy and riotous. And the events never made sense.
She is running, running from something terrible. It is chasing her because she is special, somehow. There is darkness, and the acrid tang of blood, both hers and the blood of others around her. Despair makes a home in her heart. She does not know what makes her special, but she knows without a doubt that she and those others are the last of them. Flames roar behind her, consuming all in fire and death while she sprints deeper into the forest, whose name she cannot remember no matter how hard she tries. It isn't much of a forest, really. Most of it is gone now.
She sprints away into the shelter of the trees, trusting them to hide her. She has experience in this, though she can never recollect the other times she had hidden, or who had taught her how to conceal herself in such a manner. She turns to look over her shoulder, realizing her eyes are filled with tears. She can see the last of the ponies struggling to escape. But it is no use. Whatever hunted them has done so with skill and speed that simply cannot be matched by mortals. A mare, her sister, collapses in a heap, magic eating away at her coat and skin. Teal flashes through the air, and instead of struggling, the strange Pegasus simply lies still, eyes wide and glassy, her breathing slowing until she is still.
Another, a unicorn she somehow knows is her mother, crumples as a neat beam of golden heat bores through her head, killing her instantly. The dreaming mare sobs as she dives for the treeline, just barely making it. This will prove to be her undoing. In the dark, she puts a hoof wrong, and with a snap not unlike that of a breaking branch, her foreleg breaks, sending her tumbling into blackness.
She would drift in such a fashion for a while. But eventually, picture and sound would return to her.
Eyes open, smell of vomit and blood and urine and death. Quiet now, inside and out. No more screaming from that band of ponies. She huddles close, hoping that she is alone, that the fact of the battle's conclusion means that she will be allowed to depart with her self intact. She lays still, breathing in the scent of burned corpses and forcing herself to stop from crying out in pain at the sensation of her leg, trapped underneath her.
"She is here."
Desperate, the dreamer whirls and fires a spell, catching the speaker by surprise as she bolts into the forest, leg screaming in pain. She is fast, and difficult to track. She makes it almost a half-dozen paces before there is another flash of teal light, and she is lying on the forest floor, wondering why she was running in the first place. Her vision clears, and she notices a set of white hooves in front of her, clad in golden shoes that are unmarred by dirt or mud, both of which spatter the dreamer's coat. Again, she feels fear; though she does not know why.
She feels heat begin to gather along her back, and steels herself for death. She does not know why, but she feels that Princess Celestia, the Guiding Light of Equestria, is surely about to kill her like her family. A single tear is squeezed from tightly shut eyelids, and the mare goes limp.
"Wait."
The voice is even more unusual than the rest of the dream. It rings like silver bells, ripples like sunlit water, and thrums like violins all at once. It is lovely, the kind of voice that you could listen to forever, and be happy to agree with. It is familiar and alien, welcome and repulsive all at once. She recognizes it just as the speaker stepped into view, causing Princess Celestia to step to one side.
Her coat is deep, rich violet, the color of a red sunset in a dusky blue sky all mixed together into a single gorgeous hue. Her mane is long, and flows in purple and pink and wine red. Though is was not Princess Luna, the dreamer could still notice the occasional star in her mane. Her form is stately and elegant, combining the statuesque beauty of Celestia with the lithe and primal muscled shape of Luna. Well she knows that hated form. Everstar, Goddess of the Dusk, stands before her, interceding on her behalf.
The Solar Princess looks at her expectantly. "You wish to ask her a question?"
Everstar nods. Turning to the dreamer, she lights her horn, shimmering crimson, and speaks. "How old are you?"
For the first time, the mare speaks, somehow compelled to answer. "Eleven".
Another voice, this one hoarse and quiet, spoke. "She is so young..."
Everstar nods. "And she has potential, Luna. I've seen spellcasters in Canterlot that couldn't hit as hard as she can."
A youthful and lively voice adds her opinion. "She did it from a place of anger. You know we can't condone that."
The Dusk Alicorn snorts in disbelief. "Can you blame her? After what she just saw us do?"
Celestia's voice cuts in. "Are you thinking of reforming her?"
"It'd be a challenge. The last Wildling turned from enemy to ally. And she has magical potential. Give me a week, and she'll be more than compliant."
The Alicorns look at one another, considering. Four goddesses analyze one another, wondering if she has potential as a captive. The dreamer sobbs, realizing that no matter what happens, she will die in the nameless forest tonight. She hopes it will be over soon. After hearing her choices, she yearns for death.
Luna, she of the Quiet Night, speaks first. "Put the foal out of her misery. I'll have no part of this."
Celestia looks at her sharply. "Very well, then. I will vouch to have her housed and kept in Canterlot. She is yours, Everstar."
The Dawn Alicorn looks at the mare for the longest time, her eyes seeming to peer into her heart and lay bare every secret. When she finished, the dreamer feels dirty, like she has been abused by a loved one. "I will allow it. She'll need the Garden."
Everstar nods. "I'd plan on it anyway. She's a wildcat, this one."
The dreamer snarls, her horn spitting out sparks that played across her enemy before flickering out.
A chuckle rose from the assembled Alicorns as Everstar bends down, bloody light playing along her horn. "Now, just calm down. It'll be over soon."
Their horns touch, and the dreamer falls screaming into blackness.
The details of the dream slipped away as Sunrise opened her eyes, taking in the pristine white ceiling of her room. As always, the perfect blankness of the paint helped her to center herself, and to eliminate the distractions that buzzed around on the edges of her skull. Princess Everstar had told her that it was important to listen inside of oneself, and to follow what she thought the best course of action was without deviation. The headaches had improved considerably since she had begun taking her advice, and Sunrise hardly even felt the tremors anymore.
She idly attempted to remember what her life had been like before her sickness, again attempting to follow her teacher's advice, but she was unable to do so easily. Any harder, and she'd experience the same headaches again. And the last thing she or her teacher wanted was for her to strain herself. Without further consideration, she rolled out of her bed, landing precisely on the floor, and began to make the covers up once more. It was soothing and repetitive work, one of the best ways to start out the morning. White sheets under white blanket under white duvet, tucked in neatly and smoothly. She levitated the pillow, noticing that it came more easily this time.
Pleased with her work, she left the bed, throwing open her window to reveal the sun shining brightly in the sky overhead. Another perfect day, thanks to Celestia and Luna. Her eyes widened as she realized that she had forgotten something extremely important. She trotted over to a small alcove in the wall, inside of which a small group of figurines rested, four representations of the four goddesses. Bowing her head, she intoned her thanks. She had needed to learn it over again after her illness had passed, but now she could say the lines as perfectly as she had been saying them for years.
"I give thanks to the Dawn, who teaches us to feel. I praise her love, and welcome her into my heart. I give thanks to the Sun, who guides our way. Hers is the path of righteousness, and under her we prosper. I give thanks to the Dusk, who teaches us to think. I shall keep her lessons in my mind always, and let my thoughts be as hers. I give thanks to the Moon, the silent watcher. Hers is not a path of strength, but she is the shepherd of the lost. Truly I am blessed to be with Them, and I obey them gladly."
She meant it too. Orphaned and alone, she had been adopted as a personal student to Princess Everstar, and though she could not remember it exactly, her memories of studious servitude became clearer every day. And she dreamed less frequently now. Sunrise couldn't wait for things to go back to the way they had been. She wished she could remember. The life she had lost seemed wonderful.
But she couldn't remember much of it. The dreams didn't help either, flittering around the edges of her mind and distracting her from her recovery. When she has mentioned them to her teacher, Everstar had informed her that they were likely the product of her fever.
There were other, more physical problems as well. She tired easily, often requiring assistance to perform more strenuous tasks, and for her first week of consciousness she had been completely blind. The first thing she had seen was the worried face of her teacher. A fever had taken her, she had found out. She had ventured out of the city, on a mission to some forest, and had returned within a day. She had collapsed at dinner in her room that night, and a servant had found her lying senseless on the floor.
But there was time to consider that later. For now, she was preparing for her day. She glanced out of the window, towards Canterlot shining below. The city had expanded in earnest after Princess Everstar was born, and now it not only grew out of the mountain, but fell in cascading waves towards the earth below. It reminded her of a giant cake. She watched traffic flow down towards the plains below, to the outskirts of the city. She could see every train, gleaming brightly in the morning sun, entering and exiting the city, bringing news and supplies from all over Equestria.
Her stomach growled pleasantly, reminding her that if she did not hurry, she would be late for breakfast with her teacher. She couldn't have that. A good student was never tardy. Trotting over to her mirror, she picked up her brush, running it through her hair, and examining herself in the mirror. A young mare, hardly more than a filly, stared back at her. She never did see why her parents had named her Sunrise. Her coat was black as night, her mane a gleaming white. She tried to remember more about her parents, but a twinge of pain behind her horn made her wince. The brush clattered to the counter as she grabbed at her forehead with a hiss of pain, and when the feeling had finally subsided, she hardly even remembered what she had been focusing on.
Not wanting to linger, she finished grooming herself. Her mane fell across her face, and suddenly she felt herself gathering strands of it in her hooves. Experimentally, she twisted it into a long tail. It looked strangely familiar, even though she knew that she had only ever bound it up, into a bun. Shaking her head at her foolishness, Sunrise coiled and bound her hair with practiced ease, pulling it into a tidy bun.
Lastly, she grabbed her designation collar from the table, fastening it securely around her neck. The simple leather garment was an easy way to identify who did what, and which ponies held standing with the Princesses. Servants wore plain leather, scholars wore leather braided with strands of blue, and stewards wore green braids. Hers was an unusual collar. The leather was studded every inch or so with a fleck of amethyst, marking her as the Princess's personal student. With it, she was able to access parts of the city that others simply could not.
Sunrise stepped into the corridor, quietly shutting the door behind her. Turning right, she began the walk to the Rose Room, where she met Princess Everstar for breakfast. Ponies walked past her, on missions of their own, singly and in pairs. Those with a partner chattered in low voices, and laughed contentedly at jokes or clever turns of phrase from their companions. She smiled. It made her happy to see ponies happy. Onward and upward she trotted, from the second floor where her room was located to the fourth, where her mentor was no doubt waiting. She picked up the pace. Sunrise hated to disappoint the Princess.
The young unicorn walked into the room just as the clock struck eight, and bowed before her goddess. Everstar was already seated, smiling patiently as her student waited on permission to approach the table.
"Please, Sunrise. Sit."
Sunrise hurried to her appointed seat, across from the Princess herself. It would be just the two of them, as was usual for breakfast. Normally she would have friends eating with her, but she was still recovering. It would be a while before she was ready to handle that kind of excitement. To be honest, she enjoyed having this time alone with the Princess. The midday and evening meal were shared with Princess Celestia and Princess Cadance, respectively. Their apprentices attended as well.
It wasn’t that she didn’t like Ember and Rosewood, she did. Really, she did like them. They were very nice, pleasant and funny individuals. Truth be told, she thought Ember to be rather attractive, the way his mane covered his eyes when he thought and the laugh he gave when something amused him. But…there were some things she felt strangely about. For example, they never wanted to talk about anything more trivial than their lessons that day, something she couldn’t relate to, seeing as she was still recovering. And more than once, she had caught both of them looking at her with something like a mixture of pity, curiosity, and something else, something she couldn’t identify.
“Bit for your thoughts, Sunrise?”
The unicorn came back to herself with a start. She tended to do that, drift off into her own thoughts. Princess Everstar was very forgiving of that, saying it was good for her to think over things. The more she was able to think, the more easily she would be able to recover her memories.
“Forgive me, Princess. I was just thinking about how much I enjoy having breakfast with you.” she said, making eye contact with her teacher like she had been taught.
“Oh?” Princess Everstar’s mouth quirked slightly. “How do you mean?”
“It’s an opportunity to talk to you without having to do exercises!” Sunrise said, trying to think about what she was saying before she said it. “Not that I don’t enjoy doing exercises with you, Princess, but…”
“You feel we don’t spend enough time together?” the Princess asked.
“Yes.” Sunrise said. As usual, Princess Everstar had hit on the problem exactly. “I don’t mind having other ponies at the other meals. In fact, I enjoy spending time with Rosewood and Ember, but I would rather spend the time with you alone.”
The Princess nodded to herself as she picked up a slice of toasted bread, spreading butter evenly on one side before setting it on her plate in silence. Sunset held her breath, waiting on a response. Everstar took a small bite of her breakfast, chewing while she thought. She raised a delicate porcelain cup of tea to her lips, washing away any lingering crumbs, then set the cup down precisely where it had once stood with a delicate click.
“Sunrise, I understand your frustrations. Unfortunately, the midday and evening meals are the only time I have to see Princesses Celestia and Cadance. I am afraid you will simply have to tolerate my presence during the lessons and at breakfast. It’s hardly fair to others if I spend all of my time with you.”
The rebuke was gentle in tone, form, and meaning, but it still stung her like a whip. Of course Princess Everstar was right, Sunrise realized. It was the very epitome of selfishness to wish to spend more time with her, when she spent nearly her entire day close by her beloved mentor. She was the ruler of Inspiration, and administrated one quarter of the Empire’s government on her own, with no help. She should be grateful that her Princess spent as much time with her as she did.
“I’m so sorry, Princess.” Sunrise said, her voice quavering. “I didn’t think about it like that.”
“Sunrise,” Princess Everstar said. “I can’t spare time out of the daily meals to spend with you, but I think if you are willing to give up a bit of your free time in the evenings, we could work something out. Perhaps the hour before you go to bed?”
Sunrise’s face lit up. “Do you mean it? You’d be willing to do that for me?”
Princess Everstar laughed, which, as usual, reminded her of tinkling bells. “Of course. You’re my student, after all. What sort of teacher would I be if I didn’t do my best to make sure you were learning properly?”
She noticed the food sitting in front of Sunrise, still untouched. The Princess smiled at her student’s attention to detail and etiquette. “You may eat, Sunrise. You’ll need to keep yourself sharp today. I know how difficult it is for you in the Garden.”
Sunrise bowed her head in thanks before delicately picking up her spoon and beginning her almost-mechanical consumption of the food that had been placed in front of her. It was good food, if simple. Fresh oatmeal with blueberries grown from the garden tier in the lower city, coupled with a small mug of black tea. As a special treat, a single cube of sugar had been added to the tea this morning. Sunrise was grateful for this. She very rarely had anything with sugar in it, as it tended to make her jumpy. Within minutes, the food had disappeared. Sunrise sighed contentedly, her belly full. Already she could feel the parts of her mind that had been running slowly firing back up, ready for another day of instruction.
She had lost a lot of weight during her sickness, enough that her ribs had been visible through her coat. After her fever had broken, the Princess had immediately ordered her to be put on a weight-gain diet. Thankfully, she was off it now. To be quite frank, she never wanted to see another piece of dried fruit or plate of pasta in her life. Twenty pounds later, she had finally been taken off of her diet, but her health was still strictly monitored by Princess Everstar. That and about a million other things, like where she was, who she was with, what she was doing…
There was a spike of sharp pain behind her eyes, and she lost control of her spoon with a grunt, sending it clattering to the ground. She clutched at her head with both hooves, hissing in pain as the needle of agony burrowed further and further into her head, causing her vision to flicker alarmingly as she toppled out of her chair and towards the hard marble of the floor.
Princess Everstar reacted with smooth, graceful urgency, her magic catching the little unicorn before she could hit her head, cradling her gently in a small cocoon of energy as the Princess gently set her down, pulling a cushion from one of the nearby chairs to support her student’s head. A bell was rung, and a servant appeared silently, waiting on her orders while resolutely making sure not to make eye contact with the unicorn on the floor.
“Would you kindly prepare the Garden for our use?” Princess Everstar said. “And tell Princess Cadance I’ll be needing her services.”
Sunrise heard all of this from a great distance, as if she was listening to a conversation from the other end of a long, echoing tunnel. Her hooves scrabbled at the floor, trying to gain purchase, but she was no match for Everstar’s sheer magical strength. Unbidden, memories began to flood her head, memories of raw grass filling her stomach, of smoky, sputtering fires, of hiding during the day and moving only at night.
She remembered her friends disappearing one by one, never to be seen again. She remembered sneaking out of a cave once, only once, to see what the world looked like by day. The brilliance of the sun had burned her eyes, and she had retreated to the cave quickly. That night, guards had raided their camp. They had taken her brother then, and she had wept. She knew it was her fault.
And she remembered the night that the last of them had been rounded up. She remembered her sister, and her father, and her mother. Her bleary eyes found Everstar’s, and she felt a well of hatred building in her chest even as she slipped into unconsciousness. She felt herself being picked up gently, swaying from side to side, and the last thing she remembered before slipping into blackness once more was a face, like her own but older. She knew that face, knew it all too well.
It was her mother.
