CGOTG: A New Type of Chaos
(Prologue Chapter 2 of 2) Explain Yourself, You Twisted Evil-Doer, You!!!
Previous ChapterNext Chapter“…...Deal.”
In all my life, I'd never seen someone's jaw drop as fast as Discord's did when I accepted him offer so readily; It took all my concentration to keep from laughing at his open-mouthed “What The Fuck Did I Just Heard?' look he gave me. This stretched on for what felt like a few minutes, until Discord finally seemed to regain enough of his composure to ask what was obviously on his mind.
“...What?”
“I said deal; you want a champion, you got one.” I deadpanned, shrugging nonchalantly, as if this was the most normal conversation.
“Bu-bu-but... aren't you going to ask me why I chose you?” Discord sputtered, clearly floored by my willingness to accept his deal.
“No. I figured you have your reasons, same as anybody else.”
“Um, well...a-aren't you going to try and talk me into making it so you don't die in the first place? Or sending you back far enough in time to prevent you death?”
“Nope. If you wanted to send me back you would have. Besides, I don't know how long I've been here, but I do know that it's impossible to undo past events without rewriting the future. If I'm dead, which you've confirmed for me, then my body died in the past, meaning I can't be revived now.”
Discord just continued to stare at me in disbelief. “But, what about your friends and family? Doesn't it bother you that you'll never see them again?”
I couldn't help but grin smugly as I continued to goad the confused God of Chaos on. “Tsk, tsk, tsk. Oh Discord, and here I thought you knew me so well. Was all that stuff you were saying about you 'knowing all about me' just a bunch of lip service? If it wasn't, you'd know exactly what I me-”
“AAAAAAH SHADDAP!!!” Discord shouted (rather comically), before swatting me upside the head.
I swore I saw stars as his surprisingly hard paw made contact, and I definitely felt it when his claws dug into my flesh and swiped downward, leaving a trail of white-hot agony and what I'm sure was some nasty gashes. Doubling over, I howled in pain as I brought my hand up to feel...
...Nothing.
The pain had been all to real for it to not have happened, but all I frantically traced the trail of residual pain, back to the point of contact, there was not a single scratch to be found. I rose back to my feet, glaring spitfire at the floating God of Disorder, who was just looking at me stoically, but there was no mistaking the look of amusement dancing in his eyes.
Note to self; when the opportunity to troll a god presents itself, DO NOT take it. They will out-troll you every time and then some.
“Ewww, sorry about that Jace; forgot to retract the claws. That was only met to be a harmless gag for comic relief, I swear. Although, I probably should have seen your attempt at annoying me coming, since I kind of did do the same to you.” he sighed, poofing beside me. “So what do you say we bury the hatchet with that last quip, as I we do have more pressing matters to attend to. Truce?”
I had to consciously keep from throttling the smug bastard as Discord held out his paw, the very same paw he'd just used to claw off my face, a look of false, doe-eyed sadness on his face. Honestly, it was impossible to figure this guy out (at least it sounds like a guy). Begrudgingly, I reached off to shake his paw, only to be greeted with a sudden jolt, as red and gold electricity jumped from his fingertip to mine.
“Ouch! Then what the hell was that for?” I growled, rubbing my now tingling hand.
Discord raised and eyebrow, before seeming to understand (or acknowledge) my discomfort. “Oh that? That's just a little gift, from me to you; a small portion of my magic.”
Know it was my turn to raise an eyebrow. “Magic?”
“Yes. Since you agreed to be my champion, I figured I might as well give you a little something to help you down the line. You see, in my realm, magic is a very real thing, and is used by anyone with the ability to do so. Although what I have given you is but a fraction of my power, it is now a part of you, and it will grow stronger as you grow accustomed to using it. Now, onto other matters-”
“Wait, aren't you going to teach me how to use magic then?”
Discord shook his head.“Normally, yes, I would, but it this case, no. For my plan to work, you must be, or at least seem to be, completely ignorant of our world and how it works.”
I couldn't help but roll my eyes. “And, pray tell, what is your plan?”
“Huh, do I really have to explain everything to you? Oh, wait, I don't.”
Oh, I'll give you something to explain, you self-righteous egotistical sonova-
“BUT!” Discord shouted, promptly interrupting my mental tie-raid , “Since I am such a generous and benevolent god, I will elaborate on a few key details for you.”
Snapping his fingers, an image appeared on the surface of the blue-whit sphere. This time, the orb showed the still image of a lavender.....horse? No, not a horse, it was much too small; a pony might be more accurate. From what I could tell, the pony was hunched over, straining against some unseen force. Protruding from the lavender pony's forehead was a short spiral horn, the tip flaring a bright purple glow. For the longest, all I did was stare, the sheer amount of “What the Fuck” shocking me into silence, before finally pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration.
“Okay, what am I supposed to be looking at here?”
Discord just stared at me for a few moments, before mentally face-palm in realization.
“Oh, right; not from Equestria.” He murmured. “Well, then let me start by saying that in my universe, humans don't exist. Instead the population is made up of a sentient race of ponies. Mind you that there are other races, like dragons and griffons, but ponies make up the vast majority. As these species are sentient, they able to communicate with one another, and have created languages, many of mirror your world's; including English, although here it's called Equish.”
“Okay...”
“The pony race is divided into three subsections: earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns. As you may have guessed, earth ponies are your standard land-based equine, with no particularly remarkable skills outside their connection to the earth.”
“Uh huh...”
“Pegasi are winged equine with the ability to manipulate the weather. They are mainly used as a means of regulating the weather systems across the continent, so that the various farms across Equestria get the necessary rainfall to produce the most food, and to keep powerful storm systems from damaging property.”
“Go on...”
“The unicorns are the scholars and government officials of Equestria. Their horns allow them to use magic, as well as grants them greater intelligence and insight than most of the other races. However, this also gives them a bit of a snooty attitude when it comes to interacting with other races, as they see themselves as superior to almost all other races.”
“I'm with you so far...”
“The lavender unicorn is Twilight Sparkle, daughter of Twilight Velvet and Night Light, Bearer of the Element of Magic, and personal protege to Princess Celestia.”
As Discord continued, two smaller orbs separated from the sphere, revealing two rather large ponies, both sporting a sizable pair of wings on their backs and an unnervingly long horn on each of their heads.
The first one I noticed was smaller than the other, her coat a dark, midnight blue hue and her eyes were a gentle turquoise. Her mane, if this image was accurate, seemed to be flowing on a non-existent breeze, the flecks of light within winking beautifully, resembling the clear, nighttime sky. She had a crescent moon on her flank, shrouded in a motley black shadow.
The other one was slightly taller than the blue one, and managed to look, a great deal more regal in some respect. Her coat was a brilliant shade of eggshell white, and while her mane flowed in much the same way as the other, hers was a multitude of colors that reminded me of a rainbow. On her flank was emblazoned with a golden sun, rimmed with orange flames.
“Princess Celestia,” Discord spat, gesturing to the white winged unicorn, “is goddess of the Sun, and controls its movement through the daytime sky. Her sister, Princess Luna,” he gestured to the blue one. “is goddess of the night, and likewise controls the moon, its phases, and the position of the stars in the nighttime sky. These two are alicorns, and have access to the special abilities of every equine races, making them gods themselves.”
“Okay...and what does this have to do with the lavender pony? What was its name; Twilight Something-er-other?”
“Twilight Sparkle, and I was just getting to that.” He continued, waving the two smaller orbs into oblivion. “You see, Twilight is the Element of Magic, and is constantly seeking out new knowledge and insight into all things magical. At this very moment she is attempting a spell to summon open a portal another universe-'
“Like what you did to bring me here?”
Discord nodded. “Precisely. The only thing is this; her spell has no set target. Using my magic, I am going to change the direction of her spell so that you are the target of its effect, and subsequently “dragged” into Equestria, making it look like an unforeseen accident due to Twilight's lack of foresight.”
“This will place you in a position where, not only will you be in the care of the leader of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, but it also puts you in a position to gain the favor of the Princesses, and you never know when that might come in handy.”
I had to give Discord more credit than I had before; although he maybe the biggest troll I have ever met, his sudden display ingenuity and thorough planning showed their was much more to him than I’d thought. However, one thing was bugging me...
“Um... if you're a god, and they're goddesses, and this battle is going on in your domain, then why don't you just work with Celestia and Luna?”
Discord sighed, rolled his eyes. “I guess you missed the memo; they are goddesses that fight to protect their 'precious little ponies.' I am Discord, God of Chaos and Lord of Discord; I only do what is in my best interests. Do you really those goody-two-shoes, namby-pamby pony princesses would lower themselves so far as to work with a creature that is the very embodiment of the thing they wish to eradicate from the world? I think not.”
Now, normally, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to emotions. More often than not, I've been told my inability to empathize with others would cause me more trouble than not, and would likely be told so in the future. However, even being the emotionally inept person than I am, the pain, anger, and bitterness that radiated from Discord was, in that moment, so palpable, so immediately overpowering, that it felt as if the room itself was moments from being set ablaze by the raw intensity of his emotion alone.
Ignoring the growing urge to turn tail and run rapidly growing in my gut, I cautiously walked forward and placed a shaky hand on Discord's shoulder, trying to offer what little support I could.
Hey, I said was behavior blind, not heartless. Obviously, something had happened between Discord and the Princesses, and if it was anything like what happened between the myths of polytheistic religions on Earth, I was better off not knowing.
But no sooner had my hand touched his scaly shoulder, Discord's head snapped around to look directly into my eyes. His eyes, if they still could be called eyes, were blazing ballss with golden fire, with trembling slits of crimson for pupils. Wisps of black and red energy radiated out from him in jets, causing the air to sizzle aggressively.
I quickly withdrew my hand and floated a good ten feet back, never breaking eye contact the entire time. I was pretty sure he was going to hit you again, If not do something far worse worse, but instead, he turned to face away from you, seeming to take a moment to calm himself, before turning back to look at you.
“Now then, back to the matter at hand.” He dryly stated, as if nothing had just happened. “Now where was I....ah yes! The reason I can't teach you magic, or give you any in depth information on Equestria is that, in order for my plan to work, you have to appear to be completely ignorant of how Equestria's inner workings.”
He ended the sentence with a clap of his hands and the image of Twilight dissolved, leaving the sphere blank once more.
“Now, what species would you like to be?”
“....”
“....”
“....What?”
Now it was Discord's turn to stifle his laughter as I stared at him in disbelief. What species would I like to be? What kind of question is that? I was about to ask Discord myself, but apparently he expected it.
“If you'll recall what I said earlier, my universe is different from yours. More specifically, my universe has no humans to speak of, so if you are going to be my champion, first I'm going to have to make you a body, so that you can actually existence in Equestria.”
I opened and closed my mouth several times, trying to find the words to express my bisbelief, only for them to completely elude me. For a few of moments, I blankly stared into the distance as I tried to make sense of the this new bit of information. Groaning in defeat, I swipe my hand though my hair and turn back to Discord.
“Okay, so just how many speicies do I have to work with?”
Discord grinned. “Oh there are quite a few, but I figured I'd let you look through them on your own.”
With a whip-like crack of his tail, my surroundings darkened and became blurry, as if I was looking through a dusty window. In front of me, the blue orb had become a flat rectangle, and displayed a 3-D image of muscular pony that looked like me, as disturbing as that was. The upper left corner of the screen Earth Pony was underlined with a red arrow on either of its sides. It seemed to be a touchscreen, which I confirmed when I pressed the left arrow and the image of the “pony me” was replaced with a lean, rather angry-looking griffon.
“~So, what do you think~?” Discord chirped in a strangely sing-song manner.
“I think that you've been spending too much time playing my universe's video games.” I deadpanned, already lost in the process of character creation. “That being said, I kinda like the idea of being able to 'build' my new body.”
Man, could this day get and weirder?
“Okay then, I'll leave you to it. Just hit the “Create Avatar” button at your feet when your done.”
With that, Discord disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving me to my work. For the hours that followed, I busied myself by combing over the finer features of my new soon-to-be body, marveling at the level of detail with which I could manipulate it's features. Height, weight, musculature, all of it could be changed with the tap of my finger on the scene; I was even able to duplicate my birthmarks; a perfectly round, dark brown ring on the center of my chest and a blotchy X on bend of my left foot, or as it would later be, hoof.
When I was sure I was satisfied with the choices I made, I pressed the “Create Avatar” button, and my surroundings zipped back into focus, as the window shrink and zipped passed me into Discords outstretched hand.
“So, that's done, now what?”
“Now...your going to take a little nap.”
Before I could even ask what he meant, Discord was standing right in front of me, Hid scaly dragon claw wrapped in his signature gold aura. Whole body went stuff as a board, and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end as Discord to begun waving his hand in front of my face, the ambient glow surrounding it growing brighter with each pass. Although I tried my damnedest to stay awake, soon enough my eyelids begun to grow heavy, and for some reason, couldn’t help but smile, as my vision began to blur and fade. I still had more than a few things I wanted to find out, but for the time being, I had some peace of mind as I finally drifted off into a deep, dreamless slumber.
*Discord's POV*
Discord stood there for a moment, as he watched Jace slip unceremoniously to the floor in an unconscious heap, and fade away, as Twilight's spell drug him into her house, the hollowed out tree far from his personal space. With a deep sigh, Discord visibly seemed to deflate, his exhaustion now visible in the lines of his face. Flopping down on the soft, red velvet cushions of his throne, Discord took a few deep, calming breaths as he let his mind wander and the inner machinations of his mind begin to turn. The first order of business; Jace.
By Celestia's beard, what was wrong with him?!
Based on the requirements Discord had set when he'd created his locator spell, Jace should have been intellegent, but cold, violent, apathetic, and damn near psychotic. From the few hours Discord had spent with him, Discord was reasonably sure Jace was intelligent, and more than a little random, but that was it. His show of compassion, even after Discord had attacked him, a purposeful attempt at rousing his anger, was more than evident of that.
Come to think of it, Jace had done everything under the sun except physically lash out at him; in the space of a few hours, Discord had been shocked into silence, underestimated, irritated, consoled, and worst of all out-trolled. True, he'd pretended to play of Jace's irritating jabs at his inability to predict his actions, but in truth it had annoyed him more than Fluttershy had the day of his release in the Canterlot Gardens...
Urrrgh.....just thinking about it made Discord's head hurt and Jace only made it worse.
Ever since Discord had been made aware of the existence of humans, he had quickly developed a distinct fondness for their species. So chaotic, so violent, and so unpredictable (yet, for him, completely so) they were the only race he'd met, excluding Draconneguis themselves, that embodied chaos and disorder in its truest form. Couple that with their above average intelligence, adaptability, technology, and indomitable will to survive, and you had the recipe for the most fun Discord could ever ask for out of one race.
However, none of these factors made it difficult for Discord to read, interpret, and predict the actions of any person he'd ever brought to Equestria; he was Master of Mayhem and Disharmony, after all. So, although he wasn't exactly sure what Jace would do, he was sure of one thing.
“Things are going to be very interesting from here on out.” he mused, smirking as he stared into the distance, a thousand and one ideas playing through his mind.
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