It’s something that I’ve always hated; being told what to do and when to do it. It’s as good a reason as any as to why I left my home and parents behind. It’s a mantra I repeat to myself when I remember that I haven’t seen either of them for nearly ten years. They didn’t give me my space to move, my space to fly… so I left them.
There. Done, simple.
I don’t need to remember the other reasons when that one will suffice. I hardly even needed another reason; that was what I told myself. I had been well within my rights as a free pony to simply walk away and leave them to their home. And that’s what I did, that’s all I did. I walked out and away from them. They were practically asking for it for Luna’s sake.
So what if I’d torn all their letters up. I didn’t want to keep in contact with them, that’s not a bad thing to do either, it’s not against the law to try and start again, right? Maybe I had burnt the few photos I had of us. I don’t care; they wanted to be the boss of me? That was just one way of showing myself that I didn’t need them anymore. They’d probably done the same thing to their photos of me.
Yes, of course that was what they’d done. They hated me. That’s why I left. Another perfectly reasonable reason.
That was why we’d fought of course. They hated me, they were looking for a reason to get rid of me. I knew it, they knew it, so what if it was never actually spoken. We all knew that it was true. They’d always just… looked at me with that disapproving… look. They didn’t even need to say anything, they just… just… glared at me while I fought my corner.
It wasn’t as if I’d ever won against them. I’d always had to follow their orders anyway, it didn’t matter what I said or how much I protested, I was always made to do what they asked, no matter what I was doing. There’s another reason, I left to become stronger, so I could fight them and win. Lots of ponies want to be winners; that’s completely normal.
Even if the pony is only sixteen, I had ambition, there’s nothing wrong with that, nothing at all. If they wanted to hold me back, then what else was I supposed to do? Laid back and dealt with it? No. I had a goal… I still do.
So I left them, yeah.
I mean… what were they thinking? No way was I going to just sit back and take it.
I remember when it happened. We’d had another argument after dinner; they wanted to stop me, to keep me from my training for other work. Well… I said some things that were perfectly reasonable for a pony in my situation to say. And all the while, they just… looked at me. That was the final straw. I ran upstairs to pack a bag and left through my window.
Boom, gone. I showed them.
If they’d wanted me to stay then they shouldn’t have stopped me; they should have let me be. They’d had their chance, an apology letter wasn’t going to change the fact that they’d spent it. So what if I never bothered to open the letter from my mother when it came, that she was moving away, far away, leaving my father and me in Cloudsdale. Not my problem.
But that still didn’t change the matter in front of me now… The news had come in a plain envelope, stamped first class. It had a letter and another envelope inside; both addressed to me. The letter was short and to the point… My dad had passed away last night. The other letter was from him and he’d asked that it be sent along with the notification of death.
The other letter was open in front of me now. I barely recognised my own father’s hoofwriting. The letter… said a lot of things. I balled it up between my hooves. He was an old pegasus when he’d written this… obviously a few details would have slipped his mind. I still remembered everything clearly. Better than him apparently.
The ink on the paper ran; the carefully quilled note of lies became smudged. I wasn’t crying for him… no, I was crying tears of joy… that was it, right? He was finally out of my life for good, him and my mum. Gone. Good riddance. I was free; truly free. Now there wasn’t even a chance that I’d bump into him around town, I was… I was…
Alone.
I had no-one now. I already lived alone and kept to myself, I knew one, maybe two ponies about Cloudsdale, and even then by name and profession alone. He’d been the last link I had to this place. It was why I’d never left… of course it was. He was the reason I’d stayed. He was still family, no matter what I thought about him or my mother. Sure… I’d pushed them out of my life and closed the door tight, but… I was still the one who’d sent them my new address.
And now he was gone and so was she. The difference being that I knew where one of them was… a morgue. I… don’t know what to do with myself now. At least while they were still here I had the option to finally forgive them.
But now… I can’t.
I’ll never be able to look into his eyes and say ‘I forgive you,’ I’ll never be able to wrap him in a hug and feel the weight of the world slip away. I’ll never be able to tell him, to his face, ‘goodbye.’
I’ll probably move away from here now, there’s nothing left for me here. I have a job at the local weather factory, but it’s back-breaking work that I don’t care for. I’ll go somewhere else… somewhere that I can start anew. I wouldn’t stay for the funeral though…
He deserved it.
