Anxiety consumed

by Happylittleafricun

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy, Dark, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Angel, Fluttershy
Length: 1304

An unknown whirlwind of struggle, fear and doubt hits Fluttershy hard one afternoon. Journey through an account of loss, mystery and terror as this timid pegasus fights to free reality from fiction.

I've always been shy, it's just a part of who I am. Over time I've grown accustom to the trait, although back when I was a filly others used to joke about it, I was bad at flying and I felt like a laughing stock. There's a part of me inside that still does. I knew that being anxious came hand in hand with reserve, but I never realised how much potential fear has of twisting your every thought....

Published 2013-09-06 17:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-06 17:20:01 UTC

Square One

It feels like years since I last ventured out of my front door and into the streets of Ponyville, the neglected welcome mat sat just outside of what is gradually becoming more of a refuge than a home is starting to collect vast amounts of dust. It's bugging me, but lounging in my front room seems like a much better option than dusting right now. In fact, lying about my home has become about the only thing that seems appealing to me in these past few weeks, even looking after the many beautiful animals that depend on me seems like a chore. Open air is so free, anything could happen out there and I don't want to risk it.

It all started on May 7th. It was merely a normal day, I had just returned home from assisting my dear friend Rainbow Dash with controlling the weather - along with a number of other pegasi - as there was a rather nasty storm threatening to destroy the heatwave we'd been enjoying. It terrorised the whole village (with the exception of Granny Smith, who knew from past experiences that two weeks without rain would jeopardise the growth of apple trees, leaving them with a shortage of crop for the upcoming cider season) but fortunately it's tracks were diverted at the last minute and it missed Ponyville completely, leaving everypony with at least two more days of sun. I remember feeling joyful, the thought of another few days of blistering sunshine left a warm glow in my heart, especially as the butterflies seemed to be enjoying the heat considerably. It made me feel blissful. It also ensured that I could spend the rest of the afternoon on a carefree walk in the Everfree forest spending quality time with Angel. Although, it wasn't that simple.
I strolled happily down the stairs and into the kitchen, after unloading my belongings safely into the pink closet situated adjacent to my bed, to find my charming pet rabbit - Angel - perched on the glistening emerald floor demanding to be fed, again. It was barely 2pm, only two hours ago were we picnicking in the woods with Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie enjoying a well needed hearty lunch before we set off to move the storm and it was nowhere near dinner time... but i gave in to his frequent requests and kindly offered him a prized corgette that I had recently purchased - which was supposed to be kept for special occasions - only for it to be rejected. Angel is extremely picky when it comes to the subject area of food, I didn't have the ingredients to make the huge vegetable sunday that was specifically desired and it took nearly an hour for me to find a snack that was accepted. In the end he settled for yet another carrot. Half an hour down the line, after attentively preparing for the following day when I promised Apple Jack I would aid her while gathering buckets of apples for a busy village market - previous to hearing that Apple Bloom would be away with Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle so not available to help - I decided that it was the perfect time for a mid- afternoon walk in the woods.
Finally, we set out. It was a peaceful Wednesday, the weather was fair and bright with a slight cool breeze which was just enough to soften the harshness of the scorching sun on my pastel pink coat and ensure that nopony overheated. Perfect. As we trudged through the woods, admiring the beautiful nature all around us, we stumbled across a fallen tree and naturally hopped over it, not thinking too much about it. What we didn't realise at the time was that there was a poor butterfly stuck painfully between the seperated halves of the tree's trunk and as we ignorantly ambled on we vaguely heard a tiny, piercing screech echoing from behind us. I felt scared for a brief moment and jumped, but I could hardly hear what it was. Angel convinced me that something was wrong, so we reversed in our tracks to check that everything was okay. It took us a while to navigate ourselves back to the collapsed hardwood, but when we reached it I spied a single, delicate blue wing caught in between the wood and shot over to help. It was only a young butterfly, it made me feel sad thinking about the amount of terrible events like this happen every day, I was also angry because the dazzling butterfly had not done anything to deserve this and - at the very back of my mind - I felt terrorised that one day it might be me who's having a crisis, although I wasn't going to let the idea get to me as I knew it was a silly thing to dwell on (especially at a time like this). Thankfully, Angel just managed to reach out and grab it tightly with his small paws, while I forcefully pulled backwards on the heavy log, releasing the butterfly from the dangerous grasp of the splintered wood and setting it free into the forest unharmed. I felt so proud to have saved a life, and proud of Angel too, there's nothing that I love more than helping animals who are in danger. The rest of our walk was as it started, lighthearted and charming.
Just as we were heading back home, I had a brain wave. it suddenly, but surely hit me that I had not seen the precious letter that I had received from Princess Celestia early that morning when I had wandered upstairs to deposit my belongings in the wardrobe. I hadn't yet had a chance to read the letter, I had had an awfully busy and excitable start to the day, but I knew that it would be important and so was saving reading it until I knew i could give it my full attention. I was so sure that I had hidden it in my closet for safe keeping. I rushed home as fast as I possibly could (without abandoning Angel), whipped the door wide open and raced up the stairs. It was the quickest I've ever flown. When i reached the top of the wooden stairs, I paused for a moment to think and make sure that I was certain about where I had placed Princess Celestia's letter.
It was at this point that I began to panic, I don't know what came over me. This was something that I had never experienced before, not properly. A colossal wall of fear struck me like a giant bolt of lightning shocking each single one of my senses, and in that very moment, the whole world was against me. I felt fear surging through every bone in my body as paranoia caved in on my mind and invaded my individual thoughts, twisting them into a whirlpool of anxiety. Sharply surveying every direction around me, it felt like I needed eyes in the back of my head just so that I could be totally confident that there was no possibility that anypony could harm me. Unwarrented Intense fear clouded my vision as a warm trickle of sweat descended from my brow and my hooves started shaking manically like they had a mind of their own. Poisonous heat built up inside of me, filling every nook of my consciousness until I felt no longer able to breathe. I was profoundly worried about my sudden shortness of breath. ''Surely that's not normal?'' I was thinking, That single thought circled my mind for what seemed like an age, merging from a single word to the next until the whole phrase was a mighty, cacophonous blur of sound.
I didn't know what would happen next.