Like Sisters, Probably

by AcreuBall

Rating: teen
Tags: Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance, Sex
Length: 49822

Since Dash said she’d be like my sister—about ten years ago now—I thought we’d really gotten pretty good at the whole “sisters” thing. Except the part where I had a total crush on her. But it was all cool. Probably

Since the part where Dash was all, “alright, Scootaloo, I could be like your sister or something”—back when I was a filly, about ten years ago, now—things between us’d gotten pretty awesome. She taught me how to fly, I was there to cheer her on when she got into the Wonderbolts, we hung out all the time—stuff like that. I think we did a pretty good job of being sisters, for the most part, and I’d bet Dash’d tell you the same.

But, you know, if I’m being honest, I’d admit I’d probably always felt something not quite sisterly towards Dash. And by that, of course, I mean I had a total and absolute ridiculous crush on her. But it was never really an issue—like, it just made it that much more awesome to be around her and stuff.

Well, that was until Dash started with that flying test to get into the super elite division of the Wonderbolts. That’s really when all that came out into the open—and looking back on it, it was quite the cluster-buck, the way Sweetie Belle and Lightning Dust got all tangled up in that junk. I mean, not that I give two bucks about Lighting Dust, but Dash does. And then I do feel pretty bad about the stuff I put Sweetie through with all that. I mean, I wouldn't say I regret anything exactly, but there’s no two ways about it—it was what it was.

Actually, you want to just hear the whole story? I suppose I could tell you if you want.

Published 2013-09-06 15:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-09 22:11:46 UTC

1 - Like a Sister

Rainbow Dash was like a sister to me. That’s what she said, that’s what I said, and that’s how we acted.

Probably.

I mean, I’m an only child, so I didn’t really have a lot go on. And a lot of what I did have to go on wasn’t all that helpful either, because if we were going by, like, how Sweetie and Rarity are, then Dash and I didn’t argue nearly enough to be considered sisters—not to mention the fact that passive-aggressively taking shots at each other, wheedling, whining, and pouting until we got our own way was missing completely from our relationship.

I guess it was lucky we knew Apple Bloom and Applejack. They were supposed to be the ideal sisters or something, according to Sweets, so that was good to know. Like, it was something to aim for. That’s probably what Dash was thinking, too—because, well, Dash is also an only child, so I know “sisters” meant about as much to her as it did to me. Which probably meant Applejack and Apple Bloom. And I guess that actually was pretty close to how we were. Bloom looks up to Applejack—practically worships her—and AJ helps her out and teaches her stuff. I thought me and Dash did a pretty good job of that, most of the time.

But, really, even if that did tell me how sisters were supposed to act, it didn’t tell me anything about how sisters were supposed to feel towards each other. Growing up, I didn’t ever have any family members that were close to my own age or anything. Well, not that Dash was exactly close to my age, but I mean like closer than my parents or aunts and stuff—the point is, whenever there had been a pony who was somewhere near my age, they hadn’t been a relative. The closest thing I had was when my uncle and aunt came to visit every now and then for the little while they used to live around here. They had a daughter around my age, but she was my uncle’s wife’s from a previous marriage. Me and their daughter got along well, but I was definitely totally aware of the fact that she was not actually related to me by blood—because, well, I was totally crushing on her the whole time.

I suppose I should mention here that I like other mares. I always thought it was normal, until ponies told me it wasn’t, but then Dash told me there’s no point being normal when you can be awesome instead, and I took that at face value. It’s never really been a big deal for me since, and my friends were okay with it, so buck everyone else. Oh, and my parents are mostly accepting of it, but I somehow still think they’re holding out for it to be “just a phase,” and that one day I’ll go make babies like ponies are supposed to. If they don’t have a problem with living in permanent denial, then I guess everything’s cool.

That brings me back around to how I was supposed to feel towards Dash. Something tells me sisters don’t think about each other the way I think about Dash sometimes—just a feeling. But still, I really think what we had going between us is something pretty awesome, despite all that stuff. Like, saying we were sisters was just so we could be the way we were without having ponies looking at us funny all the time. It was just really convenient to say we’re like sisters. It seemed to mean something to everyone else. And I really do think it’s because we got along so well that we were so close.

Some ponies would try to say that it’s because we were probably just lonely or something, growing up as only children, and that’s why we were like that. That really bugs me, when ponies say stuff like that. Ponies are always thinking it must have been so lonely being an only child. Yeah, okay—lonely compared to what? I mean, my parents were there, and they were alright. And I always had friends. I had lots of fun as a kid.

But, you know, maybe being an only child would explain why I’m okay with so much alone time, when other ponies are all freaking out about needing to be around others all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I love Sweetie and Bloom, but jeez do those ponies need a lot of attention. It’s like, if we were ever apart for more than a few days, there must be some kind of huge dramatic reason for it. I honestly just don’t mind being by myself a lot of the time.

Even after I’d moved out of my parents’ place and started living on my own, I didn’t feel like I was pining away for company or anything. I knew it was the same for Dash, too. She was always totally independent, and I’d never seen her pining for anypony, ever. Of course, having said all that, after Apple Bloom had gone to Canterlot, Sweetie started showing up at my door almost every day, so my alone time had been more of an impossible ideal than a thing I would ever actually have.

I got why Sweetie started doing that, though—I was just as surprised as Sweetie was when Apple Bloom was the one packing up to go to a swanky Canterlot university. Apparently, she had some kind of brilliant future as an architect, according to those Canterlot types. We heard about that later—all Bloom told us was that they wanted her because she’s real good at buildin’ stuff.

So it was just me and Sweets, once Bloom had gone off to university. Not that the two of us were total losers or anything. We both spent a couple years at Ponyville College. Sweetie had taken the music diploma program, and was getting pretty regular gigs around town after that—she’s this totally awesome singer, you see—and even went as far as Manehatten to sing sometimes. Not for very long, though—I barely would get a week to myself before she’d be back again. But it did always sound like she had a good time.

I took weather, lined up with what my cutie mark is. That bucking cutie mark that took me so long to get. Of course, the reason it took so long was just because I hadn’t gotten in the air yet. Once I started darting around through the clouds, my flank lit up soon enough. It has to do with being super quick and agile when handling clouds. At least, that’s what I tell ponies—the mark is just three clouds next to each other, but I like to think that it’s like an obstacle course or whatever, because I’m really good at stuff like that. Either way, I was pretty good at being a weather pony, too, and I liked the job well enough. I got a pretty good position lined up right after I finished college, so that was cool.

Rainbow Dash had been off living in Cloudsdale being a Wonderbolt for years, but would still pop by Ponyville every few weeks or so for a visit, when she could. Of course, she was there to visit all her friends, but lots of the time she would swing by and pick me up from work right as she got into town, and we’d hang out for a while before she would even go to see anyone else. It always made me feel like she had come to see me, specifically, when she did that. Of course I knew that wasn’t exactly true, but it was still awesome.

That’s basically where everything was at when all the stuff with Dash and the Alpha Squadron trial happened, which was really the start of all the craziness between me and Dash. And the stuff with that damn Lightning Dust, too. Oh, and also Sweetie Belle, of course. Apple Bloom and Applejack should probably get an honorable mention in there, as well.

Anyway, I figure the best place to start in on this whole thing is on one of those days Dash came to visit, in the spring, the third year after Apple Bloom had left for Canterlot. It was about two weeks before Dash’s flying test to try and get into the Wonderbolts’ Alpha Squadron, and I had just gotten off from a particularly awesome day of cloud-clearing, I remember, so I was already in a pretty awesome mood when I saw Dash swooping in like she did. I really wasn’t expecting her at all, because of her trial coming up, so I was extra stoked to see her. Of course, I had gotten over my outright fangirling around Dash, but ponies are allowed to be a bit ridiculously enthusiastic about seeing their big sisters, right? Yeah, buck if I know, but that’s what I’m going with.

“Dash!” I cried out. I managed to stay flying and everything.

“Hey Scoots! You done for the day? Want to hang out and stuff?”

I couldn’t say “yeah” quick enough, and soon we were landing in front of The Salt and Apple for a bit of food and a drink like we usually did. The Salt and Apple is this pretty average place that seems to always be nearby.

“How’s weather patrol treating ya’?” Dash asked.

“Pretty great! Actually, today, there was totally this stray system coming in from the Everfree, right? And the weather team was all ‘it’s going to take all day to clear blah blah.’ ”

“Yeah, they do say that, don’t they? They always think everything’s going to take so long!” said Dash, with a kind of knowing grin that included me on the same level as her, up above regular weather ponies.

“Right? But I’m like, ‘whatever, I’ll have it done in an hour.’ ”

“Yeah? And did you?”

“Naw, it took about twenty minutes and then I had a nap for the rest of the hour.”

Rainbow laughed, and slapped me on the back. “That’s my Scoots!”

I was grinning. I loved when she said stuff like that.

“So, how’re the tricks coming?” she asked. We had gotten our drinks by then. I told her about the stuff I had been working on, just chatting like we always did. She got excited at all the right parts, as I told her about this awesome routine I had pulled off. It was like some kind of crazy feedback loop when I was around her: I’d be all excited, and she’d be excited about the stuff I was excited about, and that just made me more—you get it. Like bringing along a cumulonimbus into the room, being together with her. Except some kind of bright light happening at the same time, because, you know, cumulonimbus clouds are totally dark. And, well, the only reason cumulonimbus clouds are the way they are is because they’re so tall, so they wouldn’t actually be able to fit in a room. You know, it actually wasn’t much like a cumulonimbus at all.

“How’s stuff looking for the Alpha Squadron trial?” I asked Rainbow. “It’s totally awesome that you’re here, but that’s coming right up, isn’t it? Why’d you come all the way to Ponyville right now?” She was still a reserve flier for the Wonderbolts, like most of the team. The Alpha Squadron was a small group of only the best fliers in the Wonderbolts, and only they got to do the best stunts. And, for the first time since Dash had joined, a spot on it had opened up. Even though she was almost thirty, she was still way younger than any ponies in the Alpha Squadron, but she was in a good position to make it in because she was just that awesome. Really, it was between her and Lightning Dust, as far as I could tell, but I knew Rainbow would wipe the floor with Dust. I couldn’t stand that pony, so I was pretty stoked for that to happen.

Dash narrowed her eyes and glanced around before leaning in close. “Well,” she said in a whisper, “I came here to practice my new moves. I can’t risk letting this get out—even to other Wonderbolts; it can get pretty crazy around Alpha Squadron trials, you know?—but this new trick I’m going to do is likely going to be the most radical thing anypony with wings has ever done.”

I believed it would be. My eyes were definitely glowing, I have no doubt. “Can I see it?” I asked, also whispering.

“Yeah, of course!” she said, grinning.

We stealthily paid our bill, and hurried out like two ponies with something to hide, both taking flight as soon as we were out the door. We both mostly forgot we were being sneaky, though, and started messing around as we darted through the streets of Ponyville, flying much closer to the ground than most fliers would call safe. After a particularly awesome narrow dodge of a vegetable stand, me and Dash shared a glance.

“A round of Ponyville Obstacle Course?” she called out to me.

“Always!” I called back.

We dropped even lower to street-level, veering towards things on the road and darting around them at the last minute. A few ponies actually dived for cover. They really should have known that making sudden and unpredictable movements actually made them harder to avoid, but it did add a certain challenge to the game.

I struggled a bit to keep up with Dash, who was actually going at a rather easy pace, for her. I didn’t want to be completely outdone, even if she was a Wonderbolt, so I tried a few maneuvers that were about as reckless as hers, looking up after each one to make sure she saw—which she always did.

We came to a high-speed landing in front of a park, just off the main drag. “Not bad, squirt!” Dash said. She still called me stuff like that, even though I was just as tall as she was by then. That’s the only thing I could match her with, though—my height. For example, I was gasping for breath and her breathing had never even quickened. Seriously, she might as well have just woken up from a nap instead of racing through the streets of Ponyville.

“Alright!” she said intensely, back to the secretive whispering. “Are you ready to be the first pony to experience this amount of awesome all at once?” Ignoring the other ponies around the park, I nodded eagerly. If either one of us still half-believed the hay she had spouted about this being a big secret, maybe we would actually have found a private spot.

Rainbow Dash leapt into the air. Like all the other tricks I’d seen her do, it started out with a series of stunts that all seemed nearly impossible on their own, but in the sequence she did them in, I’d swear it couldn’t be done if I hadn’t been sitting there watching it. The last part of it, though, I didn’t have any kind of clue as to what happened—she sort of shifted to the side at a ridiculous speed, with a clear “buck you” to the idea of momentum, and then flipped with a crack that actually made a flash of light. No idea.

“I don’t even understand what just happened!” I said as she landed. “That was like five kinds of impossible! What even was that?” I really couldn’t wrap my head around it.

“Doesn’t have a name yet, Scoots. But yes,” she said sticking her chest out and turning her chin up, “praise me more.”

“You were worried about a pony hearing about it and ripping you off? Nopony could figure out what that was, much less try to do anything like it! You’re on a whole different level than the rest of Equestria!”

“And that reminds me why I keep you around,” Dash said with a cocky grin.

“That was amazing!” I was still geeking out. “Got any more?”

“What, one impossibly awesome trick not good enough for you?”

“I know it’s not good enough for Rainbow Dash,” I said. I knew it wasn’t.

And then that’s when everything started.

“The others are still works in progress,” she said. “I’ll wait till they’re perfected.”

“What? I don’t mind seeing a work in progress.” I was frowning. She never said stuff like that. “You always show me stuff before you get it perfect.”

“Well, this is for the Alpha Squadron trial. It’s different.”

“Psh, like hay it’s different. Come on, that’s all just a formality, anyway! That spot’s yours—no doubt! Just a chance for you to show off a few real knock-out solo tricks—just like now!”

“Naw,” she said, looking to the side, “I should actually get going.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I said I’d go for supper with the girls. It’s getting late.” It was getting late, but that wasn’t it. Dash was definitely being weird. She was all shifty and everything.

“You really can’t show me any more tricks?”

“No, I got to go.”

“Well... alright then.” I let it drop. It drove me a little crazy, but I didn’t really have a choice. Mules wished they could one day be as mulish as Dash was. “You going to be around town for a few days?” was what I asked.

“Yeah, for a week or so.”

“Come by again when I’m done tomorrow, if you want.”

“Sure, I will. Later!” She took off and was gone.

I was still thinking about how weird Dash was being by the time I got home. It’s not like it was totally out of the ordinary for Dash to get all weird about things—she was secretly a pretty weird pony: this I’d figured out—but she never outright refused to show me a new trick she was working on, especially after I’d heaped a bunch of praise on her. She must have known that I wouldn’t be okay with seeing just one trick. Really, I had no idea what that was about. I had just reasoned it to be unlikely that Dash had been replaced by a changeling, because no changeling could have pulled off that stunt Dash did, as I got to my door.

The door was already unlocked, like I’d expected. There had come a point where Sweetie Belle was using my hidden key that I kept underneath the doormat so often, that instead of putting it back, she started just leaving it on top of the mat for the sake of convenience. I told her to just keep the key with her—at least that way she’d be the only pony who could waltz into my place whenever they felt like it.

“Hey, Sweets,” I said as I came in.

“Were you hanging out with Rainbow Dash?” I heard Sweetie Belle ask from the couch she was lying on. “I heard she was in town. If that’s the case, then you’re back early.” I swear, half the time she talked like she lived there.

“Yeah, she was going for dinner with the girls.”

“Oh,” she said. “Weird.”

“What?” I asked. You always had to ask “what” before she’d say what she was going to say.

“Rarity must be planning on being fashionably late, then. It didn’t look like she was anywhere near ready when I left, and that was only about an hour ago.”

“Yeah. Weird is right,” I mumbled, and went to start supper. I didn’t love my place, but I liked it enough to not let Sweetie near the kitchen. At least she brought over groceries, sometimes, even if they did just come from Rarity’s pantries. That’s where Sweetie was living—at Rarity’s. Because we were both so great at planning out our lives, after college I managed to stick myself with a year’s lease on a mediocre place I could barely afford, while Sweets was over bumming off her sister. If my place had had more than one bedroom, Sweetie probably would’ve moved in with me by that point—but we had been doing a lot more scrambling around than thinking back when we were trying to figure out what the hay we were supposed to do after losing the title of “student” as an excuse for why we were still living with our parents, and didn’t exactly plan that through very well. We made such good adults, I had no worries for the future, whatsoever.

It had almost been a year by that point, though. My lease would be up soon, and Sweetie had mostly worn out her welcome at Rarity’s, but I hadn’t really thought about whether I’d renew the lease or move or what. I had kept meaning to talk to Sweetie about it, but it just never seemed to come up.

“Hey,” I called out, “you want to come chop these veggies?” She glanced up from the comic book she was reading.

“Do I want to?”

“Okay. How about, ‘get over here and chop, filly!’?”

She gave a dramatic groan, but was smiling as she tossed her comic book back on the pile and came over. They were mostly all hers, the comic books. She only started reading them just before Apple Bloom left for Canterlot. After years of fillyhood resistance to one of me and Bloom’s favourite pastimes, she had finally caved and became totally obsessed. Bloom and I were very proud.

The thing is, I’m really bad at keeping up with the latest issues, or even remembering what issue I’m on half the time, so Sweetie took it upon herself to keep all her favourite series up to date. And she’d always be talking about what happens in the ones I hadn’t read yet, which drove me crazy. She quit reading Catmare when they switched artists in the middle of the series, though, so at least my favourite series stayed spoiler-free—at the cost of me having to go out and buy the latest issues myself.

Once I was at least eighty-percent sure Sweetie Belle was incapable of setting anything on fire with only vegetables and a kitchen knife, I went back to the pasta I was boiling, and my mind went back to Rainbow Dash. I knew sometimes Dash’d kind of freak out over the most random things, but she’d never been anything except perfectly predictable when it came to showing off. I just could not figure out what was behind her holding out on me like that. I knew she had more tricks she was working on, and I knew they would be even more awesome than the one she had shown me, probably. I almost half-entertained the thought that she had meant to show me more tricks, but was too nervous with this whole Alpha Squadron thing coming up to follow through, or something—as if being nervous wasn’t a completely unthinkable thing to apply to Dash.

The only time I ever heard of Dash being nervous was for the Best Young Fliers competition that had happened forever ago—and I knew that was the last time because Bloom’s older sister still hadn’t let Dash live it down. That was almost ten years ago, now—Dash wasn’t much more than a kid back then. Like, she would’ve been around the age I was now. Weird. I can’t even imagine Dash not being totally awesome, or me being the same age that Dash was then, as ridiculous as that sounds.

What I remember is the day she left for the callbacks for the Wonderbolts—the final, make-or-break test. She had been as cool and awesome as I’d ever seen her. Dash had always been a role model for me—and, yeah, maybe a bit of an obsession—but I’d never been more dazzled and captivated by pure awesomeness as I was seeing her run her routine one last time before she went to take the Wonderbolts flying test. If you saw Dash that day, you wouldn’t be able to think for a second that that pony could ever be nervous, either, I’ll say that much.

I was pulled from my thinking as I turned to see Sweetie Belle hacking an onion to misshapen bits, wielding the kitchen knife with all the ferocity she could muster while keeping her eyes tightly shut.

“But my eyes were watering! I couldn’t keep them open!” she said after I pointed out that the knife had been missing her foreleg by inches. I turned her loose on some green peppers while I tried to give the onion a merciful death after the torture it had suffered at the hooves of Sweetie Belle.

“Why don’t your eyes water when you chop onions?” Sweetie asked, glancing over at me.

“Because, Sweets, I’m slightly tougher than a marshmallow,” I said.

Once I’d had to mercy-kill a few more vegetables that’d met the torment of a white unicorn, as well as doing everything else, I managed to make the intended pasta thing, and it took only slightly longer than it would have making it without Sweetie’s help.

That was one thing I never understood—why Sweets was such a terrible cook. All cooking was was following a guide and making sure to get each part right along the way. It just took repetition and perseverance to get good at it. Wasn’t music kind of like that? I don’t know. I suppose, for me, lots of little things like learning how to cook a few different meals for myself seemed like no problem at all after learning how to fly.

I can remember when Dash sat me down, finally deciding that my flightlessness had stuck around longer than it should’ve, and said she would personally train me to be the best flier Equestria had ever seen—besides herself. My initial excitement at having flying lessons with Dash was tested right to the limit, though, as I still to this day think of those weeks as the most grueling and challenging experience I’ve ever gone through. It really pushed me to my absolute limit—physically and mentally—and all for something that came totally naturally to almost all other pegasi. After that, things like learning how to cook really didn’t seem like that big of a deal.

After a pretty great meal and a bottle of wine, which Sweetie had snagged from her sister’s, I had to chase Sweetie out because I had to be up early for my shift the next day. At least the next day was Friday, and I had the weekend off.

“And before you say anything,” I cut her off as she was trying to tell me she had to be up early the next day, too, “getting up for a gig at noon doesn’t count as early to anyone who's not a musician.” She huffed at me. “If musicians ran Equestria, they’d move midnight to where four a.m. is now, and adjust everything around that.” I nudged her out the door before she could tell me all the reasons why that would be the most perfect thing ever. I swear, she hadn’t aged a day since we were fillies. Or maybe I was just getting boring. The thought worried me, a bit.

I cleaned up the dishes and thought about how I was going to see Rainbow Dash again the next day. I couldn’t let her off so easy again—I really wanted to see those other tricks she had been working up. Of course, as much as I wanted to see those tricks, I really just wanted to know what was up with Dash.

Author's Note

Thanks to Cerulean Starlight and Syvvak for editing. And special thanks to Cerulean Starlight for going over everything multiple times and endlessly listening to my random thoughts on it and telling me if they suck or not. You've been a friggin big help, man!

Going to be updating this every week for a while! (Unless I catch up to where I've written up to, which is chapter four... so we'll see!)

2 - Like a Kid

I was so excited or nervous or just anxious to see Dash after work, I ended up being a bit too awesome and finished up everything I had to do for the day almost a half an hour before my shift was over. I was cloud-wrangling out by the Everfree, so I didn’t think I was done so early that I needed to go all the way back to the office to see if there was anything else for me to do just for a half-hour. So I really didn’t have anything to do except wait.

Sitting around on a cloud got boring after all of fifteen seconds, so I started running through a few tricks I was trying to learn. I had thought they were starting to look pretty good when I ran them a few days ago, but after being sharply reminded of how Dash flew, I felt like I was just muddling through basics as I ran them now. She was on a completely different level from ponies like me.

I felt totally self-conscious as I did my little routine I had put together, and found myself checking to make sure nopony was watching my ridiculous efforts. My open-air tricks were pretty mediocre, though, if I was being honest with myself. Maybe I just didn’t have the imagination for it. There was only so much I could think to do with loops and barrel rolls. Anything else I could possibly think of were just Dash’s moves, which I couldn’t pull off. I’d tried.

I darted over above the Everfree, and plucked out a few of the clouds I had pushed over there earlier in the day. I let them go back into the sky I had just finished clearing, spacing them out only a little bit intentionally. The edge of the Everfree was a good spot—there were a few wild gusts and air currents that would swirl around and give me a pretty good, fairly randomly-generated obstacle course.

I only gave the clouds a once-over before diving in. I was seriously doubting my abilities as a stunt flier with Dash’s awesomeness so fresh in my mind, so I was eager to do something even Dash had said I was pretty good at.

I picked up some pretty good speed before getting to the thick of it, and went right in without a second’s pause. I darted around the first cloud, skirting so close to the edge of it as I circled around that I could feel the g’s pulling on me as I did. When I came around on the other side of it, I shot away from it with a quick flick of my wings, blindly—and now disoriented from circling the cloud so fast—flying into the real gauntlet.

That was the part where my mind could properly shut off. I didn’t need to think about any clever combination of tricks or anything. I just needed to respond to the obstacles in front of me, and do it in the coolest way I could. There was no time for planning—just reaction.

A cloud was coming up quickly to my right, so I let my wing clip it on a downstroke, using the cloud to push myself into a twirl, and I shot into a different clump of clouds. I had to flare my wings just at the right point so I’d stop spinning, and glide through the almost perfectly Scootaloo-shaped gap that I spotted. I had about point-three of a twirling, disoriented second to pull it off, and of course I shot through at full speed without so much as brushing any of the clouds around the space. I came out just beneath a fair-sized cumulus cloud, so I looped around it and went through the gap a second time, going the other way.

As I began nearing the edge of the cloud cluster, there was a bit of an empty stretch in front of me, and then a few clouds before I’d be clear. Coming down at a sharp angle like I was, I jerked my wings once, kicked off from a cloud beneath me, then tucked my wings in as I launched up into an arch. I let myself arch over to the last few clouds, trusting my trajectory was on the mark. Right as I came up on them, I saw an opening and flapped one wing hard, bringing my legs close to my body, and shot though the last cluster while doing a tight barrel roll.

“Nice one, kid!” I heard as I flared out my wings to stop spinning, and glided down for an easy landing.

“How’d you know I’d be way out here?” I asked as I touched down, a cocky grin on my face from having Dash catch me at my best.

“Yeah, I didn’t. Just flew around all of Ponyville. It only took a minute.”

I glanced back up at the clouds, and my grin turned a bit sheepish. “Before we go I, uh... got to put away these clouds. I mean, I totally already had, but then I was done too early and pulled them out again so I could...”

Dash laughed. “Yeah, I know that one. Want some help?”

I was going to say no, but I caught a look in her eye as she landed that I didn’t expect. It seemed almost wistful or something. I realized that it might be nostalgic for her, in a way, pushing clouds.

“Yeah, alright,” I said. She gave me a wide grin and we both took off. Of course I hadn’t thought for a second that it’d be anything short of a contest, and soon we were both ripping through the air, clearing clouds with the kind of speed and efficiency that would’ve made my weather manager weep for joy if he’d been watching as Dash and I tried to outdo each other.

Once my obstacle course had been fully taken apart and the pieces were floating back out over the Everfree, we landed because I needed to catch my breath. Dash wasn’t breathing even a bit faster than normal, and actually looked quite relaxed. I don’t think either of us had been keeping score, but it was pretty safe to say Dash would’ve wiped the floor with me if we had.

Dash watched the clouds sailing back over the Everfree, spinning and clumping together as they hit the rampant weather above the forest while I caught my breath.

“You know,” she said, turning to look at me critically, “that trial you had set up wasn’t bad, but you’d get way more out of something like that if you set it up over the Everfree instead of on the edge of it.”

I blinked, and still panted a bit, and looked at her. The thing my parents, the weather team, and Sweetie Belle had made me swear to never do, and Dash was suggesting it like it wasn’t even a big deal. There was something totally refreshing and awesome about that.

“Actually,” she continued, her gaze lingering on the clouds over the forest, “that looks like it’d make a pretty good trail right as it is, now.” She gave an angled grin. “Want to try it?”

“Yes!” I replied instantly. “But some other time. I’m totally tired and hungry right now.” And I was, too. I wasn’t even chickening out. Though, I will say, if I was chickening out it was because I was scared Sweetie Belle would find out about it—honestly, that thought scared me way more than the deathtrap that was the air above the Everfree.

Instead, we went to The Salt and Apple because it was nearby. I was planning out how I was going to get Dash telling me why she didn’t show me her new tricks the day before, and so I started off by easing her into a false sense of security with my totally excellent conversational skills—well, I just started talking about the tricks I had been doing and stuff, but it almost worked: right as we got done talking about how I was way better at obstacle-course-type things than open air tricks, I was all, “hey, speaking of tricks”—which was a totally smooth transition into—”what other tricks were you thinking of doing for your routine? Because, you know, you haven’t shown them to me yet.”

A bit of a shadow passed across her face. She wasn’t falling into my cleverly laid conversational trap.

“Is this about me bailing out on you yesterday?” she asked. At least she wasn’t brushing it off completely.

“Yeah,” I admitted. “Come on, what was up with that? You always show me your works-in-progress.”

“Okay, look: I just don’t want to show them to you right now. I know that you really want to see them, so sorry about that, okay? You can see them later.”

“It’s not about the tricks, Dash!” I paused. “Well, it is—I’m totally dying to see what you’ve worked up for the second most important flying test of your career—but I don’t get why you’re being like this. You’re being weird!”

She sighed patiently and gave me this totally condescending look, with a patronizing little half-smile and everything. I knew what she was about to say, so I cut her off before she could.

“Hey, don’t even start with some kind of ‘Scoots is just being a kid’-slash-‘fangirl’ thing! I know I’m actually right, this time! Is this about something Lightning Dust said, or something like that?” Dash would never admit it, but I knew Lightning Dust could get to her sometimes. I’m pretty sure Lightning Dust knew it, too, and I wouldn’t put it past that pony to sink so low if it meant taking out her number-one competitor for the Alpha Squadron trial.

“What? No,” said Dash, angling a scowl at me. She hated when I talked about Dust. “Do we have to go ever this again? LD isn’t like that—we only push each other to get better. I get how it looks to other ponies sometimes, but I know her better than anyone. It’s not like that.”

“So she did say something about the trial, didn’t she?”

“Well yeah, this is a big deal for both of us. It’s like all we talk about. Yeah, we talk smack and stuff, but I know in the end she’d be happy for me if I got in, same as I’d be for her.”

“Dash! Are you listening to yourself? She’s trying to psyche you out! And it’s working! Why else did you come all the way to Ponyville right before the trial, like this?” Dash never thought rationally when it came to that pony. It’d been quite a while since Dust and Rainbow had broken up, but they’d been dating for like a bazillion years before that. I knew Dash still had feelings for her, and that drove me crazy. I couldn’t stand Lighting Dust.

“I came to Ponyville to see you guys! Don’t even pretend you weren’t stoked to see me. Seriously, Scootaloo, you’re starting to really bug me. Just drop—”

“ ‘Came to Ponyville just to see us’? Why won’t you show me the tricks you’re working on, then?”

Her face darkened and she turned away. “Whatever,” she said. I was losing her. Dash was going to take off at any moment, and then pretend like nothing was up the next time I saw her.

“It’s almost like you’re too scared to even try these tricks,” I said. It was a long-shot, but I had to say something crazy to get her to keep talking, or she would shut me out completely. What I didn’t expect was for her to turn and stare at me with this oddly neutral expression on her face. It threw me off, and I wondered if I had crossed some kind of line.

“Yeah,” I continued right away, “but that’s just crazy, right? There’s no way the Rainbow Dash would be nervous about doing a few tricks or anything.” She was really throwing me off with that look, and I was almost panicking as I back-pedaled like crazy. “You’re way too awesome for that, obviously. I guess I’m just still a little sore about you snubbing me like that yesterday. Sorry?”

She kept looking at me for a second, then got up. “No. Yeah, snubbing you,” she said. “Sorry about that. Anyway, I got a thing. Like, now. Catch ya’ later.” And she took off.

“Wait, Dash!” She was already gone. “What the heck! I said ‘sorry’!” I called after her. I thought about chasing her, but there was still the bill. And it’s not like I could’ve caught her, anyway.

I slumped in my chair, trying to figure out what the buck had just happened, and trying to ignore the stares from the other ponies in the restaurant. Was Dash getting temperamental in her old age? She was almost thirty, already. Or maybe it was that Dash had just always been like that. If I was being honest, I’d have to admit that it was tough separating what I actually knew about Dash from what I had just stuck on to her in my head because I idolized her so much. I had grown up with her always being around, but sometimes I wondered how many times I’d seen the Dash that wasn’t up on a pedestal.

By the time I got home, I had worked myself into a state. I would just have finished convincing myself that I had been a total ass to Dash, somehow, and would start feeling all depressed—and then a minute later Dash was the jerk, had gone off over nothing, and I’d be full of righteous indignation. I was flopping over again when I walked through the door to my place, and was feeling pretty moody as Sweetie greeted me from the couch where she was reading.

“Don’t you ever go home?” I snapped at her.

“Not if I can help it.” She looked up as I tossed myself onto the far side of the couch from her. I have no doubt I was totally scowling. “Especially not when there’s such great company here,” Sweetie said, her brow straight. I shot her a glance, and then sighed.

“Right. Sorry. Not your fault—didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

She looked at me for a minute. “Something with Dash? Do you want to—?”

“No. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll want to talk about it later. What’re you reading?”

She held a bit of a frown for a second, and then brightened up. “The new issue of Stables is out!” That was her favourite comic. “I couldn’t believe it! You know Big B.’s children? Well—”

“Ah, no!” I cut her off. “I haven’t even read the one before it yet!”

“Well, get on that!” she said, and gave an exasperated sigh. It killed her not to be able to gush about stuff like that.

“Alright! Alright! I’ll read it now! Where is it?”

She dug it out for me. I used to be so excited when the new issues of something came out, I’d almost have it read before I got home. Maybe I was getting lame about stuff like that as I got older. I felt kind of old and kind of lame. I mean, I was only twenty-one, but it still kind of weirded me out that I couldn’t say I was a teenager anymore. Though, I did kind of feel like I was done being a teenager—I had a job and was living on my own and stuff. That felt a bit adult-like, and that was awesome, but I guess sometimes it wasn’t.

Like, ponies were suddenly going to expect me to act like an adult. In school, everypony treats you like you’re a stupid kid who can’t make any decisions for yourself, then bam! now you’re an adult, you have to live an adult life, and you’re expected to be totally perfect at it or everyone goes, “jeez, kids these days can’t even something-or-other.” Celestia buck it, I hated when ponies said anything with “kids these days” in it.

And then, of course, half the time ponies still treat you like a stupid kid, anyway.

I looked up at Sweetie. “Do you feel like an adult?” I asked her.

She started at me for a moment. “Really? You ask me this as we’re sitting around reading comic books?” She looked back down to her book. “I live at my sister’s and sleep in past noon every day. What do you think?”

“Right. Point,” I said.

“Does this have to do with Rainbow Dash, somehow?”

I didn’t really have an answer. Maybe it did. I was just in a pretty bad mood.

“Oh hey, how was your gig today?” I asked suddenly. For some reason I had just remembered that she’d had a gig earlier that day, and honestly wanted to know how it went. I actually kind of felt like a jerk for not asking her about it earlier. She let the Dash thing drop, and told me about her gig—it had been awesome. After that we just hung out and had supper and things were great, and then we stayed up late and got a bit drunk because Sweets had been through Rarity’s liquor cabinet again before she came over.

I thought about Dash one more time after Sweetie had left, before I went to bed. I decided that Dash really had acted like a complete foal, bailing on me twice in a row to avoid telling me what her issues were. I felt better about the whole thing once I had gotten that straight in my head. I figured I could track her down the next day and call her out on it. She still owed me for picking up her half of the bill, anyway. At the very least, she wouldn’t be able to just act like nothing had happened.

I flopped down into bed and picked up the latest issue of Stables. I figured I still had a good ten years ahead of me I could get away with acting like a kid—Dash seemed to be managing it well enough so far.

3 - Like an Apology

The next day, I tried to track down Dash, but she was surprisingly difficult to find for a pony who literally left behind a trail with her name on it. At about ten o’clock I stopped in at Sugarcube Corner for a late breakfast. Pinkie Pie said she didn’t know where Rainbow Dash was, so I knew Dash was trying to avoid me. There’s no way Pinkie wouldn’t have been able to tell me where Dash was unless she was under Pinkie Pie swear not to, or something.

I ate my breakfast muffin without really paying much attention to it, and got up to go as soon as I was finished. I thought of just going home, but I’d probably do nothing but think about Dash if I did that, so I bought another muffin and headed off for Carousel Boutique. Sweetie probably wouldn’t even be up yet, but there was nowhere else I could think to go.

For a second I considered going over to Sweet Apple Acres to get Applejack to help me find Dash. I knew she would’ve helped me if I even told her half of what was up, and she could probably track her down without too much trouble. I didn’t really like asking AJ for stuff very often, though. I mean, she’s always really busy at the farm, and even though she would say it was no trouble at all, I knew it probably would be. At least, I felt like I’d be troubling her. Apple Bloom never seemed to worry about it, but with her away, I just felt weird asking AJ for things.

I walked through the door into Carousel Boutique. “Welcome to Carousel—oh, hello, Scootaloo,” said Rarity as she saw it was me. It wasn’t quite dismissive, the way she said it, but pretty close. “Sweetie isn’t up yet, but feel free to go wake her. She’s slept in quite late enough already.”

“Alright,” I said, already on my way upstairs. It wasn’t that Rarity and I didn’t get along—it’s just that, well, we didn’t really get along. I couldn’t ever figure her out, I guess, is what it came down to. On top of that, the fact that I’d obviously take Sweetie’s side no matter what the issue between them was—and with their relationship having been strained right to the limit after they’d been living under the same roof for almost a year, those weren't exactly uncommon—it managed to put a fair bit more distance between me and Rarity. She had tried to get me on her side, once, to try and get Sweetie to change something about the way she was living her life. I can’t even remember what it was about, but I know I had refused Rarity in a way that left little room for any kind of small-talk between us, after that.

I entered Sweetie’s room to find her lying mostly diagonally on her bed with the blankets crumpled up around her. One pillow was almost near her head, but the other was on the floor. Bloom and I always used to bug her about that at sleepovers and stuff. She went to bed with everything all neat and perfect, and somehow ended up like that. Don’t even get me started about back when we all would sleep in the same bed.

I picked the pillow up off the floor and tossed it at where I thought her head probably was. “Wake up, Sweets!” I didn’t throw it very hard or anything, but she gave an annoyed grunt and spun over to glare at me, even though her eyes were still mostly shut.

“What?” she snapped. She was great in the mornings.

“I brought you a muffin,” I said, and put the muffin down on her bedside table. She grunted at me and pulled the covers over her head. I picked up one of her comics—most she kept at my place, but there were a few lying around—and sat on the edge of the bed. I randomly flipped through the comic, which I’d already read, while Sweetie continued to not get up. I put the book down.

“So, yeah,” I started, “I want to know what you think of this: yesterday, Rainbow Dash—”

“Tell me you did not wake me up just to talk about Rainbow Dash.”

“What? No, I—” I totally had. “Whatever! Seriously though, this is actually bugging me—”

“Alright, alright,” said Sweetie, and she lifted her head up, still keeping her eyes mostly shut, though. “But go downstairs and make me a coffee and bring it up to me, then I’ll listen to Rainbow Dash stuff.”

“What? Hey, but—” I stopped myself and closed my mouth. She held my gaze evenly for another moment or two, then I sighed and went to make her a coffee.

I had to ask Rarity where pretty much everything was—I could hardly remember where I kept things in my own house—which was a bother. She gave a judgement-passing little frown at the fact Sweetie was making me get her coffee, and that kind of bugged me. I knew Sweetie didn’t care, but it bugged me anyway. And then I had nothing to do except stand awkwardly in the kitchen while I waited for the coffee to brew. It was probably a good idea to give Sweetie a chance to wake up a bit, though, before being in the same room with her for any amount of time.

When I got back up to Sweetie’s room with her coffee, she was sitting up and had started on the muffin.

“Thanks! Oh, it’s perfect!” she said after she took a sip. I knew just how much cream and sugar she liked—one of several important tricks to know for when you find yourself needing Sweetie in a good mood. I just sat and let her eat for a bit. When she finished the muffin, she sat back with her coffee.

“Alright,” she said.

“Alright?” I repeated.

“Talk about Dash now.” She could’ve just said that instead of “alright.”

“Okay, so yeah—she wouldn’t show me the new tricks she’s working on!” I waited for the appropriate reaction from her, but Sweetie looked at me as though she expected me to have to explain further. “She always shows me the tricks she’s working on. And when I called her on it, she bailed on me. Just took off! Twice!”

“ ‘Called her on it’?” Sweets looked at me skeptically. “What exactly did you say? You know, you can be a bit tactless sometimes. And by ‘a bit’ I mean—”

“What are you trying to say, that Rainbow Dash is sensitive, or something? Rainbow Dash? She’s the only pony more awesome about that kind of thing than I am!”

“Not all ponies can take what they dish out,” she said, as if she was explaining something to a little foal. She was getting hung up on things that had nothing to do with either Dash or me.

“Sweetie, which conversation are you listening to? The one where it’s me and Dash that we’re talking about?”

“What did you say to her?” She was really stuck on that.

“Jeez, alright. Well, yesterday I asked if it was because Lightning Dust was psyching her out that she didn’t want to show me her tricks. Oh, I also kind of asked her if she was too scared about the trial to show off her tricks—but that was just because she was going to clam up, and I had to say something to get her talking. She knew I didn’t actually think she was nervous, or anything. I told her so. I even apologized for suggesting she might’ve been nervous, and made sure to say that I knew she was way too awesome for that.”

“Did she say anything after you suggested she was nervous?”

“No, not exactly.”

“And she left right after that?”

“Well, yeah.”

Sweetie started at me for a few moments, her brow straight. “Maybe you should go ask her if she’s nervous about the Wonderbolts thing. And apologize about the Lightning Dust stuff, too, while you’re at it.”

“But—Lightning Dust is evil! Also, it’s Rainbow Dash! There’s no way she’s nervous,” I said.

“Rainbow Dash is just a pony.”

“Yeah, and Celestia is just an alicorn. Anyway, Dash is way older than us and everything! Like, mature and stuff. She’s way too awesome for any of that.”

“Rainbow is around the same age as my sister,” Sweetie said. I did not want to get Sweetie talking about her sister.

I just sat back and didn’t say anything else. Sweetie really wasn’t getting it, and I couldn’t think of any better way to explain it to her. It’s not like going up and asking Dash if she was nervous would be any kind of a good idea. Since the conversation was headed nowhere, I dropped it and started talking about the latest issue of Stables which I had read the night before, and which I knew Sweetie would still be wanting to geek out about. She was, and we ended up talking about that, and then other stuff like that for some time. She had been done with her coffee for a while when I asked if she wanted to go out and watch me do tricks, or even just walk around in the park or something. I felt like I was going to explode if I stayed sitting for any longer, and being alone to think about stuff still seemed like a bad idea.

Sweetie said going to the park sounded alright, so that’s what we did. We just talked about whatever. It was a pretty nice spring day, too. Everything had just gotten around to being grown-in, and it was almost starting to look like summer. I started to calm down a bit.

As we were walking through the park, we passed a sort of structure-thing in the middle of it where musicians played sometimes, and it was Lyra who was playing there. We stopped to listen for a bit, and after only a few minutes Lyra spotted Sweetie and got her to come up to do a song together with her. The Ponyville music scene was pretty small, so any pony that could hold an instrument or carry a tune not only knew each other, but probably had played together at some point.

It was a really casual kind of deal, with only a few ponies standing around, most just drifting by, stopping for a while to listen, then carrying on. It was nice, and I could sit just a few feet away from them. I loved hearing Sweetie sing, but I hated going to see her at those fancy kinds of concerts and stuff. It felt weird, somehow. I didn’t really know what I was supposed to say to her after. “Yeah! It was awesome, you were great!” That’s just what everypony said, and it didn’t really feel like it meant anything. I still went to her concerts pretty often, but hearing her sing like this was way better—she could just look at me and tell I was enjoying it, or something, and I wouldn’t have to try and tell her so, after. I hardly ever got a chance to listen to her like that, though, and I could never get her to sing for me when it was just the two of us.

Then I caught something out of the corner of my eye. I turned to see a rainbow trail just a ways away. It couldn’t have been more that a few blocks. My heart leapt, and I glanced over at Sweetie. She had seen it too, and gave me a little smile and a nod, so I took off.

I spotted Dash just down the street from where the rainbow had ended, and she seemed like she was just walking nowhere in particular. She must have flown only to hop over a block or so. She really was avoiding me. I darted over and landed just in front of her.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey.” She was a bit shifty, but was mostly pretending like it was no big deal that I had tracked her down. Neither of us said anything for a moment.

“Yeah,” she said finally, “about yesterday—”

“It’s fine,” I said. “Show me those tricks?” I meant for it to sound like a suggestion, but I’m not sure how it actually came out. Either way, I was pretty sure whatever kind of excuse Dash’d make about yesterday would probably just piss me off. Suddenly, I didn’t really care about the exact reason she’d bailed on me. I didn’t want to hear her say how she wasn’t nervous, and I didn’t care that she was avoiding me. I just wanted to see the tricks she was working on.

Dash looked at me for a minute.

“Alright,” she said.

I followed her as she took off, and she flew us off quite a ways out of town. There were definitely no other ponies around, and I was pretty sure you couldn’t even see the spot from town. We landed, and she kept her back to me for a second. When she turned around, she had her normal cocky grin on.

“Ready to see some awesome stuff, kid?”

“Yeah!” I said. I was getting pretty excited.

She darted up into the air, and as I had thought, the trick she did was even more amazing than the one from a few days ago. I was still completely stunned as she finished it—expecting something and actually seeing it were different things.

However, usually during Dash’s tricks, she gave off this feeling of complete control. She made the tricks look ridiculously easy and effortless, and it was part of what made them so amazing. But during a few parts of the trick she had just performed, it almost felt like she barely managed to pull them off. She wobbled awkwardly at one of the transitions, and at another part I noticed she had had to take an extra split-second than what felt natural to get herself set up for the next part. It had been a long time since I’d seen one of Dash’s works-in-progress that was quite that sloppy, but at the same time it was definitely the wildest trick I had ever seen her pull off.

I could see why she had been so hesitant to show the trick to me, but that fact definitely just pissed me off even more. If anything, I thought she was more awesome for trying a stunt that was that crazy, but it was pretty clear she didn’t understand that. The trick really was crazy, though.

Above the fact that most of those moves should’ve been impossible to pull off in that sequence, a bunch of them were really dangerous, too. For a normal pegasus, I mean. Like, I knew that fliers were banned from even trying a few of those moves in flight school—Dash herself had told me so when she was teaching me to fly—and some of those were still off limits even to advanced stunt fliers. There was no doubt that Dash was flying with the big leagues.

Dash went immediately into her next trick. I could tell right away that it was going to completely blow away the other two tricks I’d already seen. It was mad. The sheer speed she went into some of the maneuvers with was staggering—the wing-strength it must have taken to keep some of those moves together floored me. I knew Dash was basically a super-pony, but this was unreal. I’ll admit that I was actually a bit worried. I’d be the last pony to ever doubt if Dash could pull something off—so if I was doubting her, I knew there wasn’t a pony anywhere that wouldn’t have been. She spun around as she went into the last part of the trick, and right away I recognized what she was doing. It was the start of an upside-down inside-out loop. Those were the hardest kinds of loops to do. I’d seen her do them before, but never one as large as the one she was going into, judging by her entry angle.

What makes upside-down inside-out loops so hard to pull off is the fact that you have to start them by diving downwards, and then continue curving down and around to get to the bottom of the loop with your belly up and back parallel to the ground, going the opposite direction that you started out going. Obviously, what makes it so impossible is the fact that a pony would need to somehow get enough lift while upside down to not only pull up, but come right back up and around to the top to complete the loop. Since a pony can’t exactly flap their wings while upside-down and expect that to do anything, the only way to pull off the stunt is to go into it with enough speed for your momentum to carry you through it.

That’s what makes it so dangerous—if you screwed it up, it meant you ended up shooting towards the ground at your absolute top speed with almost no way to pull out, on account of you being upside down. The only ones I’ve ever seen done were loops that weren’t much more than a meter or two in diameter. The smaller the loop, the less speed you’d need to go into it with in order to pull you through it. The one Dash was doing was huge. Like, ten times bigger than any I’d seen. And the speed she was going into it at was unbelievable—it was the kind of stunt where a pegasus could end up dead.

I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t make any noise come out of it. It seemed like Dash was looping around forever as she dove into the freefall, then pitched past straight downwards, curving back until she was inverted. She leveled out at the bottom, but with her belly facing up to the sky. Compared to the other times I’d seen her or different ponies pull off the stunt, it looked from the ground like she was doing it in super-slow motion due to the sheer size of the loop.

Dash gradually pulled up from the bottom of the loop, flying upside-down and without even flapping her wings once, and it looked like she was bending reality or something. This kind of stunt was supposed to be one of those blink-and-you’ll-miss-it kind of tricks. The way Dash was doing it seemed to be breaking several different rules at once. The upside-down inside-out loop was typically a ridiculously showy maneuver—the kind a pegasus learns just so they can tell other ponies that they can do one. It’s not one you’d see in most competitions, because of the sort of infamy it’d picked up for being a go-to move for cocky pegasi who think they’re way better than they actually are. And Dash was making every single one of them look like a complete foal.

Dash reached all the way back to the top of the loop—her rainbow trail confirming she had returned exactly to the point where she had started it—and I dropped to my haunches. I was shaking all over. Just as I was about to cheer like I had never cheered before, panic shot through me. Dash wasn’t stopping there. She was going back down for a second loop.

Thinking about it now, I really shouldn’t have been surprised. Of course Dash wouldn’t settle for the largest upside-down inside-out loop any pegasus had ever pulled when she could go for the largest double upside-down inside-out loop any pony had ever even attempted. At that moment, though, I was panicking too much to be thinking about that. I found my voice and cried out to her.

It wasn’t that it just seemed impossible for her to pull off a second loop—it actually was. She didn’t have nearly enough speed left. I could tell from where I was sitting. I cried out again, but she didn’t bail out. Dash managed to get to the bottom of the loop, but as she started pulling up, she lost it and spun out of it. Though it looked like she had been doing the maneuver slowly, I knew she must’ve gone into it a hair short of rainboom speed to pull it off the first time.

Dash came tearing out, perpendicular to the part of the curve she was at—which ended up being not even forty-five degrees off of straight downwards. I had this crazy urge to go try and catch her or something, but that’d add my oncoming speed to hers, and it’d actually be worse than if she just hit the ground. It happened so fast, I’m not sure I’d even have made it, anyway.

At the last moment, Dash snapped out her wings, regaining control, and eased herself into the crash. She still hit the ground hard enough that I could hear the impact from where I was standing, and she must’ve skid along the ground for ten feet before coming to a stop, but she had turned a fatal crash into a rough landing. I nearly dropped right there, I’ll admit. Everything spun for a minute. It took me a few moments to pull myself together, and when I did, I realized I was already in the air and flying as fast as I could to where Dash had landed.

She was already back on her hooves by the time I got there. She winced as she stretched her wings and rubbed her neck. She looked up at me as I landed a few paces away from her and the trench she had dug. She was totally fine. I couldn’t believe that I thought for even a minute that she wouldn’t be. That didn’t keep me from shaking all over, though, but I put on a casual grin.

“Sweet wipeout.”

“That was nothing,” she said, returning my grin and only wincing a bit. “I didn’t even bounce once.”

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen Dash wipe out. I’d almost forgotten how often she used to. There was a reason the library still kept its upper windows open during the day, though.

“I couldn’t believe that upside-down inside-out loop!” I gushed. “Seriously, that was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. And you almost had the double!”

“But I didn’t,” she said. She stepped away from her trench. She barely limped or anything, but she still had the same look on her face. I realized it wasn’t from any kind of pain.

“Hey, come on! You were bucking close! You’re going to be able to—”

“Scoot, I don’t know if I’m going to be ready for the Alpha Squadron trial.” Dash sounded beat. It really worried me.

“What? So don’t do the double, then! The single was amazing enough on its own!”

“The single’s cool, but it’s not enough to get me that spot. It’s a spot with the absolute best of Equestria’s best I’m trying out for. I’m not sure if that trick is much better than some of the stuff Lightning Dust’s going to do.”

“Dash, what are you—?”

“She said something that got to me, alright?” she snapped.

There it was. I knew it.

Dash admitting that seemed to justify everything I thought about Lightning Dust. I had been right about her! But Dash turned away. She still had a look on her face that was really freaking me out. As much as I wanted to say it, I swallowed back my “I told you so.” That was really badly not what Dash needed right now.

“Well, if one loop’s not good enough, then get the second loop working,” I said. She looked up at me, an unimpressed look on her face. “Come on, why are you being all like this?” I continued. “Is it because you wiped out trying to do a trick that’s impossible? You used to do that trying things like that all the time!” I tried to sound reassuring or motivational or something, but even to me it just sounded whiny. “You always make impossible moves work. You’re just forgetting what it’s like to be trying something that challenges you so much, is what it is!”

She didn’t say anything, so I kept on. “Seriously, if it’s not hard, it means you’re just going through the motions without actually getting better. It’s because you’re failing that you know you’re doing something that’s making you more awesome!” I was just regurgitating stuff she had said to me in the past. Dash raised an eyebrow, a slight smile touching her face. She knew it, too.

“Come on, you just gotta try it again,” I said. An icy tingle of fear shot through me at the thought of watching her wipe out like that again. But she was Rainbow Dash. “How long until the Wonderbolts trial?”

“A week today.”

“Lots of time! You pretty much have it down, anyway.” The whole situation was pretty ridiculous, and I felt ridiculous for saying the stuff I was, but I couldn’t just stop and let Dash keep that look on her face. “Come on, just try running the loops once more. And your trick before that was pretty sloppy, so let’s see that again, too.”

Dash laughed.

“Hey, I’m being serious,” I said.

“Yeah, I know,” said Dash. “That’s why it’s funny.”

“Whatever! You’re the one having some crazy kind of breakdown or something when you’re supposed to be showing off to your little-sister figure. Come on, are you a Wonderbolt or not? What did Dust say, that you were trying to pull off a move that can’t be done? Did you mention to her that they call you ‘Rainbow’ and ‘Dash’ for some kind of reason?”

“Alright, alright!” Dash said. She was still laughing at me a bit. “I’ll run them again, coach! Ease up on me!”

“Oh shut up and get in the bucking sky,” I grumbled, blushing, but I couldn’t help but grin a bit, too.

Dash tried the loops three more times, and wiped out on the second loop each time. Each time my heart went up in my throat and I felt like I was going to throw up or scream or start crying or something as she was about to crash. I didn’t, though, and each time Dash recovered before she crashed and wasn’t worse off than a few bruises and some swallowed dirt. After the third time, neither of us said anything, but it was kind of a given that we were both done for the day. I was a nervous wreck, so I couldn’t imagine how Dash felt.

After that we went to The Salt and Apple and we both ordered the stiffest drink the place could legally make for us. Neither of us really had anything to say, so we just sat in silence. Dash put her wing around me like she used to do back when I was a filly, and everything was fine between us again.

4 - Like Something Different

“You told her to what?!”

“I told her to try it again,” I repeated. Sweetie Belle was freaking out for some reason.

“Scootaloo! She was having a sort of breakdown and was scared to try that stunt—and scared for good reason! From what you said, she could’ve died! That’s not cowardice: that’s called sanity!—and on top of that, she clearly wasn’t flying her best, and you told her to try it again?!”

She was getting hung up on all the wrong parts, like usual. We were in Sweetie’s room, and it had been the first chance I’d gotten to tell her about what happened with Dash a few days before that. She was just supposed to be excited with me about the fact I’d patched things up with Dash.

“It’s not like she hurt herself or anything!” I said. “Plus, as I was about to say, it was exactly what she needed to hear! She’s been out practicing every day since then, and I popped out to watch her during my break today, and I’ve never seen her in such good form. I was all set to geek out about how I finally helped Dash when she needed it and how everything’s back to being cool between us, but you’re totally wrecking it.”

“You were just saying how watching her wipe out like that almost killed you! ‘Popped out to watch her during your break’? You’ve hardly been watching her practice since then, have you?”

“Well, no, but—”

“I’ve never heard of you purposefully missing Rainbow Dash practice. Ever! You’re probably, like, traumatized from it, or something like that!”

“What? That’s ridiculous!” The night after that day I’d had nightmares about Dash crashing. Sweetie didn’t need to know about that. But it didn’t mean she knew what she was talking about, either. I tried to get her talking about something else, but she kept coming back to it.

“Sweetie Belle, seriously, drop it,” I finally said, after I’d had as much as I could take. “I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

She frowned at me for a few moments, then came over and hugged me.

“You’re so stupid sometimes that I can’t even handle it!” That was totally uncalled for, but she was hugging me, so I didn’t really get it. I felt my face heat up as I pushed her away.

“Alright, alright, sorry or whatever. I don’t even know what you’re freaking out about.”

“Obviously,” she said, but she dropped it, finally.

Dash really had been looking her best when I’d dropped by that day, and I knew that it was thanks to me—at least a little bit. No matter how Sweetie tried to ruin it, I still let myself feel pretty good about that.

Sweetie went back over to keep working on her mane. I was at Carousel Boutique to pick her up to go to Dash’s “Good Luck at Your Wonderbolts Thing” Pinkie party, because Dash was going to be leaving for Cloudsdale tomorrow to properly finish practicing for the trial that was in a few days. Sweetie had been nowhere near ready when I showed up, so I was sitting on her bed waiting for her to be done. She took after Rarity in only the most annoying ways, it seemed. Like the part where she was sculpting her mane to an unreasonable level of perfection just for a Pinkie party. Of course she would deny it outright and probably be offended, too, if I called her on it. She had this mental image where she was Rarity’s exact opposite in every way, but I could tell that this singing career of hers would make her into a little diva yet. And it would be as hilarious as it was annoying, I had no doubt.

“Come on, let’s go already!”

“Wait! I’m not quite done. How’s my mane look?”

“Fabulous, darling,” I said. She scowled at me. “Let’s go!” Finally, I just had to drag her out of the room. Rarity was still far from ready, and told us just to go on ahead. Sweets had a ways to go before she reached that level of diva.

The party was already in full swing when we showed up. It was kind of nice, hanging out with the old older-sisters-and-friends crowd. It was cool to see Twilight Sparkle and Spike again. They had made a special trip from Canterlot to be there—probably painstakingly rescheduling and otherwise juggling around a bunch of Royal Things to pull it off, but Twilight was like that. She still maintained that she was the Ponyville librarian before all other titles, and made sure her friends always came first. And Spike was with Twilight wherever she went, of course. I think they gave him some kind of royal title above “personal assistant,” but I could never really keep track of things like that. None of the ponies I knew ever seemed any different than they alway were, no matter how many titles they managed to pick up.

There was notably less Apple Bloom than we were used to having at these kinds of things, though—but a different Apple was there in place of ours. Well, not really, but kind of. Since Mac and Fluttershy had gotten married, he always came to these things now. They were great together, but I think right up until the wedding we had still been holding out for Big McIntosh to end up with Cheerilee. Of course, we all had a good laugh about that later when we realized Cheerilee is definitely a fillyfooler.

And actually—speaking of Cheerilee and fillyfooling—next to Dash, she had been the pony to help me out the most, dealing with my sexuality. Not that I was ever embarrassed or confused about liking mares or anything, but I had a lot of questions that Dash just couldn’t answer because, well, she wasn’t all that experienced at the time. I still get embarrassed thinking about some of the things Cheerilee and I talked about back then, but they were things I needed to know, and she had been so great about answering every one of my questions. I really owe her a lot. More than a few times I thought what it’d be like if she wasn’t so much older than me—she’s such a wonderful mare.

I’m pretty sure she did the same for Applejack, too, when she came out. From what Apple Bloom had said, it sounded like AJ’d had a pretty rough time of it, but I never noticed. I don’t think I could even imagine Applejack being anything other than totally level-headed and in control, no matter what the issue. If she really had gone through a bit of a rough patch, though, it’s good to know that Cheerilee and Dash were both there for her. Between the four of us, we basically made Ponyville’s own queer collective, or something. Not that I ever really talk about stuff like that with AJ and Dash—I hardly ever hung out with Dash and AJ together at all, actually.

Once, shortly after I turned twenty-one, Dash brought me out to the bar for a drink with her and AJ, like the two of them do all the time. I don’t know. It was alright, but didn’t really feel like I properly fit with them. Like she and Applejack had all this history of being best friends, and I was just sitting in on that. AJ was the only non-Wonderbolt I could think of that came even close to being as awesome as Dash was, and that kind of put them on the same level, and they really acted like they were on the same level as each other. It really made me sharply aware of how much of just Dash’s fan I was a lot of the time. But the three of us never really talked about romance, or anything like that.

Everything I’d known about AJ in that regard came from what Apple Bloom had told me—against my will, in most cases. There’d been a few mares that had come and gone, apparently. I think I do remember seeing this one mare around sometimes, but I kind of forget. I don’t think I was really paying that close of attention. That’d been a while ago, though, and it didn’t seem like AJ had been dating anyone since then.

I knew Dash’d had a few more mares than that—I think being a Wonderbolt helped, but also that the fact she liked mares had gone very public. There was this absolutely ridiculous article about Dust and Rainbow in this seedy but very popular tabloid way back when the two had just started dating. One of those big celebrity exposé things. Like, where the only part they got right was the fact that they were dating. Anyway, Dash thought it was the best thing she’d ever seen and got it framed. She’d had it hanging on the wall the whole time they were going out. She might still have it up, actually. Lightning Dust was the only really serious relationship Dash’d had, though. I knew this because she’d told me about each one of the flings she’d had before and after Dust, all in quite thorough and intimate detail. Which I had mixed feelings about.

Dash still hadn’t told me what exactly it was that Lightning Dust had said to her that set her off, and I wondered about that a bit. At the party, she did seem way better than she’d been a few days ago. I only got a few chances to talk to her when we got there, but from what I could tell, it wasn’t anything beyond what was to be expected. It was the second most important flying test of her career happening in a few days. I asked how she was feeling about it, without mentioning anything about Dust or anything, and she said she felt awesome, of course. She said she was feeling awesome enough about the tricks to go practice them for real back at the Wonderbolts training grounds, and the reason she had come for such a long trip to Ponyville just before the trial clicked into place.

I couldn’t shake off being a little bit mad that she hadn’t just said right from the start that she wasn’t confident enough to practice the tricks in front of the Wonderbolts. Or practice them in front of Lightning Dust, was probably what it was. It bugged me that Dash worried about saying stuff like that around me. It kind of made the fact I’d finally helped her out seem like nothing all that special.

I went to go over to where Sweetie was, but she was talking with Applejack. They were discussing country music, and knocking around the idea of performing together one of these days. That wasn’t something I could fake even a passing interest in, so I went to go get more punch. Pinkie intercepted me, though.

“Why aren’cha over talking with Dashie? She’s got the biggest flying thing ever right away, you know!” she demanded in her hyper-cheery way, her face an inch from mine.

“Oh, yeah, I just was. I was just going to get more punch.” Apparently that wasn’t good enough.

“Well you should go talk with her more!” she said as she moved to keep in front of me when I tried to sidestep her. “She makes less of a worry-face when she’s talking with you.”

I stopped and blinked. “Hang on—what? Dash isn’t worried! She doesn’t make a worry-face!”

“Oh yes she does! We all noticed. We’ve been trying to cheer her up since she got back to Ponyville, but it wasn’t working—but then suddenly she was way better after hanging out with you!”

“Really?”

“Definitely really! She’s still a bit shifty-shifty, though,” Pinkie said, conspiratorially.

“Well... okay. I’m actually going to go get more punch first, though.”

“Okie-dokie!” she said, and bounded off, but I got the feeling she was keeping an eye or two on me to make sure I stuck to my word.

I couldn’t keep a grin off my face as I went to the punch table. If Pinkie, the undisputed professional on things like that, had said I had cheered up Dash, then I really must have. I did go and talk with Dash again before the end of the party, and made sure she knew that I had no doubt she could nail the tricks and that I thought she was totally awesome. I didn’t really know if I was supposed to say anything else or not, but I couldn’t really think of anything. She hadn’t said it outright, but I got the feeling I wasn’t supposed to bring up the Dust thing in front of everyone.

The next few days, I could barely focus on work. Once I even forgot what tasks I had been assigned, and ended up doing someone else’s job as well as the one I was supposed to. I never do that. Sweetie Belle had a few gigs in the evenings, but they were all at private functions and I couldn’t even go to them, so I had to just sit at home and worry about how Dash was going to do. I thought of calling up one of my college buddies like Rumble or someone, but I wasn’t in the mood. Rumble had gotten a job on the weather team, but in a different section than me, so I actually hardly saw him anymore. What I wanted was just to hang out with Sweets and talk about nothing. I wasn’t looking to play catch-up and hear about different ponies’ lives these days and all that or anything.

I realized that I was probably stressing about the trial more than Dash was, but it didn’t stop me. Those few days were kind of a blur, to be honest. And I kept mixing up in head my anxiousness of whether or not Dash’d make it with what Pinkie had said about how I’d helped out Dash, and then back to how Dash hadn’t ever actually told me that she had been freaking out and how I’d had to put that together for myself. It wasn’t like I’d think she was any less awesome even if she didn’t make it in the Alpha Squadron or anything. I was worried she’d shut me out completely if that happened, though.

We were supposed to be like sisters—though I didn’t really know if that meant either of us should be doing anything differently than we were. One thing I was pretty sure of was the fact that sisters couldn’t stop being sisters. I figured that should’ve had something to do with not worrying you’d be shut out or pushed away for something you said or did, or for something totally out of your control. Maybe we weren’t really very good sisters.

The day before the Alpha Squadron trial, Sweetie came over after I was done work. It was great that she was there to distract me, but I was still freaking out a bit. We’d just had supper and were sitting around when there was a knock at the door. It really threw me for a loop because the only visitors I ever really got were either already in the room or in Canterlot. My parents usually gave me fair warning before dropping in, so I had no idea. Sweets looked at me and shrugged, and I went to get it.

“Hey, kid,” I heard as I opened the door.

“Dash! What are you doing here?!” I was shocked, and my heart leaped up in my throat as the source of my freaking-out appeared in front of me.

“Thought we could hang out or something,” she said, tilting her head to the side like this was something that happened every day.

“What—Rainbow Dash?” Sweetie had come over to see who it was.

“Oh, hi, Sweetie Belle,” said Dash, blinking.

The three of us just kind of looked at each other for a second.

“Well... I’ll leave the two of you to talk, or something,” said Sweetie. “See you later.”

“Alright, see you tomorrow,” I said. We hadn’t exactly been planning on hanging the next day, but it was kind of a given that we would be after that. Sweetie moved past Dash to get outside, and shot me a quick glance with a hint of a raised eyebrow. I gave a slight tilt of my head to let her know I had about as much of a clue as she did, and that I’d tell her about it the next day.

Once Sweetie was gone, I turned back to Dash.

“Is it cool if I come in for a bit?” she asked.

“Yeah, totally. Sure.”

She went to sit on the couch and I went over to the kitchen. I had a few bottles of hard cider around, so I opened two and brought them over.

“Hey, sorry about kicking Sweetie out like that,” Dash said. “She over here a lot?”

“You have no idea.” I sat down on the couch beside her. “I should just about charge her rent.”

We each had our ciders and were drinking from them. “So you guys a thing now?” Dash asked.

“What? No!” I said quickly, almost choking on my cider. “Nothing like that!”

Dash laughed. “Naw, it’s cool, I get it! Like how me and AJ are, or something.”

It somehow seemed like Dash thought Sweets was queer, too, which I wasn’t sure was totally accurate. I mean, I know that seems like something I should’ve known, with Sweetie being my best friend and everything, but—long story short—I didn’t. That wasn’t something to bother with at that moment, though. I took a drink of cider.

“Dash,” I said, cutting right to it, “what are you doing here?”

“I was feeling jittery. Had to fly. Ended up here.”

I looked at her carefully. She seemed pretty relaxed, but I thought I might have seen something else there. I had no idea—I was still totally shocked she was even there.

“Okay, but why did you come, like, here here?” I didn’t want to let myself think it meant anything that Dash had come to see me, specifically, without being completely sure. “Why not Fluttershy or Applejack or someone?”

She shifted in her seat. I was feeling a bit anxious about what this was all about, and I felt my pulse quicken from the anticipation.

“Going to one of my friends—they would, well—this is just easier,” she said, as if that explained everything. I kept my eyes glued to her.

She glanced at me and let out a tense huff. “You already know I’m freaking out about this whole thing, and that it’s because of LD, and all that,” she said quickly, frowning like it was annoying to talk about. “I’d have to start from the beginning with them, and they’d just think that—well, but yeah. This is just easier, or whatever.”

My heart thudded in my ears. She had come to see me because she felt more comfortable around me, about this, than she did around her friends. Or something like that, at least. Then I remembered I was still a bit mad at her.

“Dash, you never actually told me that any of that was bugging you, or about the tricks, or anything.”

She took a drink of her cider. “Yeah, I know.”

“It would’ve been way easier if you just said something from the start. Actually, it kind of pissed me off that you didn’t, you know?”

She frowned and looked away, sifting in her seat.

“But it’s not really about that,” I added quickly. She’d probably come to see me and not one of her other friends so she could avoid talking about stuff like that. I would lose her if I kept going.

“It’s—” I began, but I stopped myself and let out a breath. I slammed my drink down and spun on the couch to face her. “Okay, you know what? I’m sick of this!" I couldn't go through all that again. "It doesn’t matter if you screw up tricks or that you’re scared you’re not going to make the cut, or even that you let Dust get to you and whatever. Stuff like that’s not going to make me think you’re any less awesome!” I ran my hoof through my mane. Why the buck had I been sidestepping around Dash, being all careful what I said so I didn’t—what?—hurt her feelings? She was getting shifty and started to get up.

“Stop bucking trying to take off on me!” I think I might’ve been yelling a bit. She jerked her head around to look at me. “I don’t care if whatever it is makes you sound stupid or it’s embarrassing for you or whatever! Suck it up and tell me anyway! Just act however you want to around me and stop worrying about all that!”

Dash turned away from me so I couldn’t really see her face. At least she wasn’t trying to leave anymore.

“Seriously,” I said, flailing my hoof in the air, “I don’t think there’s anything you could say or do to make me not think you’re awesome!”

Dash kind of sat back down, but still without really looking at me. It was a while before she spoke. “Is that a challenge?” she asked.

“What? Is it—?” I was really pissed. “You know what? Yeah. Yes. It’s a bucking challenge. Convince me you’re not awesome. Do your worst.”

She was quiet for another second or two.

“I’ve been a Wonderbolt for over seven years, but I’m losing my mind over one bucking flying test.”

“Knew that one already.”

“I was too scared to screw up my tricks in front of the Wonderbolts, so I flew all the way to Ponyville to practice them, but was freaking out too much to even do them here.” Her voice was wavering slightly. If anything, it sounded like she was pissed at herself. I didn’t care—she would get over it.

“Yeah, knew that, too—had to work it out for myself, though, didn’t I? And I still think you’re awesome.” I was so mad. “What about that stuff with Lightning Dust? Tell me how lame it is that you still have feelings for her and let her get to you and everything!”

“What? It’s not bucking like that,” she said, finally looking over at me only to scowl. “She was... worried about me.” Dash lost a bit of her momentum. “She stopped me and took me aside all seriously—like, serious in a way I’ve only seen her a couple times, ever—and told me she didn’t want to see me hurt myself over this, and that she’d be willing to, like, purposely botch her trial if I took the loops out of my routine.” Her scowl was gone, replaced by an expression I’d never seen Dash make. She looked kind of haunted, or shocked, or just totally crushed or something. “That’s not how things are between us! We push each other to get better, no matter what!” She slumped in her seat. “What the buck? Why would she say that? She wasn’t supposed to say that. This was going to be the big contest between us—she was as stoked for it as I was; I know she was! Now she wrecked it. No matter what happens now, she totally wrecked it.”

“Come on, Dash! She’s manipulating you! She just said that to mess you up!” I was so worked up about everything, it just burst out. I regretted it instantly.

The expression Dash made then was one I’d definitely seen before—but being on its receiving end was a first for me. I almost flinched. “What the hay?! Are you that bucking jealous of LD?” she spat. “This is why I don’t say that kind of stuff to you—as soon as I even mention her, you turn into this useless little obsessed pegasus that bugs the shit out of me!” I definitely flinched after that.

A few moments passed in silence. “It was that useless little pegasus that got you running your tricks again,” I said.

Dash’s glare turned down a few notches, and she let out a breath. “Yeah. It was.”

I realized I’d kind of had that coming—probably for quite a while. I really did go off about Lightning Dust way too often around Dash. I couldn’t even deny the part about why I was always like that. It still stung, though.

“That was a pretty good try,” I said, “but I still think you’re awesome.”

Dash snorted and looked away, but I saw obvious relief in her eyes. It was clear she was worried she’d gone a bit too far, and that made me feel better. “Then you’re an idiot or you really are obsessed.”

I tilted my head. “Probably a bit of both.” A moment or two passed. “I’m sorry about the whole Dust thing,” I said. I shuffled over to her and hesitantly reached out my wing, wrapping it around her like she used to do for me back when I was a filly. I felt completely ridiculous doing it, and could feel my face flushing like mad. Dash only gave a single chuckle, though, and actually leaned in against me.

“Can I try again?” she asked.

“What?”

“To convince you I’m not awesome, or whatever.”

“Go for it.”

“I... want you to hug me and tell me I’m totally awesome and that things will be fine with the trial and with LD, and that you’re not pissed at me for the crap I pulled over the last couple weeks.”

My heart skipped a beat, then pounded extra hard in my chest to make up for it. My gaze snapped over to her. She avoided my eye. I was wondering if I’d even heard that right.

“That’s really lame, right?” she said, shuffling her wings. “Like, what kind of pony even says stuff like that? It’s—” I pulled Dash closer with my wing and wrapped my forelegs around her, cutting her off. She tensed for a moment, then rested her head against me.

“...Still awesome,” I said. “I think you’re awesome, you’re going to be awesome tomorrow, and everything’s going to be perfect because you’re so awesome.”

We sat like that for a few moments, and I could hardly even understand what was happening. Everything felt electric and smelled of Dash, and when I turned my face a little to the side, her mane tickled my nose.

“Why are you obsessed with me?” Dash asked, and I could feel her breath brushing against my shoulder.

“I’m... I just am. Like any other of your fans,” I said. I felt like just one of her ridiculous fans. I really did. I felt so ridiculous, and the words coming out of my mouth didn’t even sound like anything. I had no idea what I was doing anymore, as if I ever did—which I was beginning to seriously doubt. “I’m just like... one of your fans. A crazy fan.”

“Scoot, that’s bullshit and you know it,” she said. It wasn’t harsh, but it was still pretty firm. “You’re not like one of my fans. You, like, actually know me—and still think I’m awesome anyway.” She turned to face away from me, resting her cheek on my shoulder. My face was suddenly filled with rainbow-coloured hair. “I keep thinking you’re just fooling yourself and holding up this image of me where I’m perfect, but—you actually know I’m a jerk and an idiot and are still totally obsessed with me.”

“...Yeah,” I said quietly into her mane.

“So, why?”

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t just say it—I felt way too ridiculous. I think the fact that I didn’t say anything was kind of an answer. My heart was pounding like mad in my chest. I was pretty sure Dash could tell, pressed up against me like she was. I nestled my face into her hair, trying to hide my blush behind her mane even though she couldn't see my face anyway.

“Do you think about me a lot when I’m not around?” Dash asked after a while.

“Yeah,” I said.

“In a sexy way?”

My breath caught in my throat, and I almost coughed. “D-Dash!” I spluttered.

She laughed, pulling away from me slightly as she turned to look at me. There was an angle to her grin I hadn’t seen before, and the rose eyes looking at me were even more piercing than normal. It took me a moment to figure it out—she was messing with me. Like, in a flirty way. My ears were suddenly burning, and I was having a hard time keeping my breathing steady.

“It’s fine,” she said. “I knew you did.” That didn’t make me less embarrassed. Quite the opposite, actually.

“And... I kind of like it,” she said. I froze. I think I even held my breath.

She looked away, flicking her ear. “That’s really weird, right? But knowing that you think of me like that is just—nice. Like, after the stuff with LD. I mean, back when we broke up. That was such a mess, it took forever before things were any kind of normal between us—and I’m not even sure about that, right now. So it’s nice that—I don’t know—you’re obsessed with me. Like however much things get screwed up, I know that Scoot is still going to be totally obsessed with me, and it’s just... nice.”

I stared right at her. “That... is the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard,” I said with complete seriousness.

Her eyes flicked up to look at me, a frown on her face. “But—it’s creepy and weird that I think like that, and stuff! I’ve known you since you were a filly and I’m supposed to be like your big sister!”

“Dash, I uh... I don’t know what being like sisters is supposed to mean. I don’t actually have a sister. Neither do you.”

“Yeah,” she admitted after a moment, “I guess we’ve both been kind of fooling ourselves, hey? And, uh, maybe not even that well.” I could tell she was trying to make light of it, but she actually looked really down all of a sudden.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t think there’s something awesome between us!” I said quickly. “Just that... maybe ‘sisters’ isn’t exactly the best fit?”

We sat for a few moments in silence.

“Can you hold me again?” Dash asked quietly. She looked much less guarded, and I was surprised at how stressed-out she looked. I felt really bad about what I’d said about Lightning Dust. That was really something that was bothering Dash. I put my forelegs around her, and she leaned in, resting her head just below my chin.

“This is really lame,” Dash said, her words buzzing against my chest. “Like, really. I can’t even... what am I even doing?”

I lifted up my hoof, let it hang in the air for a moment, then brought it down to stroke through Dash’s mane. She flinched slightly, but didn’t react beyond that, so I kept brushing my hoof through her hair. I looked down at the colours as they melded together under my hoof, then sprung back apart once I’d passed over them. I could hear my pulse pounding in my ears. I really wanted to kiss Dash, but I didn’t know if that’d be okay. I had no idea if that was where it was heading, or if it was, like, a totally platonic sister moment that I’d be wrecking. I had no idea how a pony is supposed to tell the difference.

I put my hooves on Dash’s shoulders, and eased her back from me. She looked up into my eyes, and her rose eyes struck me. I got lost for a few seconds, almost freezing right up. The corner of her mouth turned up a bit. I was pretty sure she could tell what was going through my head. I think she was even laughing at me a bit, on the inside. Like, just waiting to see if I’d go for it.

I darted forwards and briefly touched my lips to hers. It only lasted a half-a-second, but I could still feel the slight wetness of her lips on mine after we parted. My face felt like it was radiating. I wanted to look away, but her eyes held mine there.

Dash raised her eyebrow a hint and gave me a soft, appraising look. Then she gave me an angled smile and lowered her eyelids. I’d never seen Dash make any of those expressions before. It was like I was looking at an entirely different pegasus. Or at least like I was seeing a side of her that I didn’t know anything about. And I suddenly wanted to know a lot more about it.

I leaned in towards her, and Dash put her forelegs around my neck and met me part way. I melted into her, putting my arms around her waist and letting her wrap me in her wings. I almost couldn’t tell what I was feeling, it being just about too much to take in. Her feathers brushed against my back, her hooves ran through my mane, and her lips pressed against mine. I’d kissed fillies before, but I must’ve been doing it wrong up until that moment, because it’d never felt like that before. She lay back on the couch, and I slowly fell down with her, our bodies pressing together all over.

We broke apart for a moment. Dash was breathing heavily. She could race around Ponyville or fly to Cloudsdale and back without her breath quickening even a bit, but she was panting after a kiss from me. I leaned back in, but she put her hoof on my chest to stop me before I could kiss her again. “Last try.” Dash said.

“Huh?”

“Convincing you I’m not awesome.”

“Alright.”

“What if I said I wanted to sleep with you?” There was still a light edginess to her voice, but her eyes held none of the usual glint. There was a softness to them I hadn’t seen before. She looked almost vulnerable or something. It didn’t make her eyes any less striking, though. She started running her hoof down my chest, then changed directions and came to rest on my side. “Like, there’d be sex,” she said. “And after the sex I’d want to fall asleep in your arms, and for you to stay with me for the morning until I left for the trial. What if I said I wanted that?”

“...Awesome,” I said. I leaned down to kiss her, but I stopped just before I did. There was something I had to know.

“Did you come here with... this in mind?” I asked.

She held my gaze firmly, unflinching. After a few moments, her expression softened again. “Are you kidding?” she said. “I can hardly even believe what’s happening now. I have no idea what I’m even saying.”

I believed her. Dash was feeling everything as honestly as I was. I ran my hoof along the base of her wing and she sucked in a quick breath at my touch.

Sometimes I wonder what I would’ve done if she’d said she had come just for that. There must be a right way to respond in a situation like that—but I can honestly say I have no idea what I would’ve done.

At the time, I didn’t mind if she was using me a bit, anyway, though. Maybe I was even taking advantage of her in her moment of weakness, or something, even though she’d been the one that had started it. Or maybe I’d started it—I couldn’t exactly remember. Dash gripped me around the waist, and lifted her head up to meet my lips with hers. She shot her tongue through my mouth and brushed her wings against mine, and there was no way I could string together any kind of thought after that. I sank down against her and let myself go.

5 - Like Something More

I woke up to the alarm clock with my legs tangled up in Dash. My face had found its way into her mane, but I could still see the morning light as it spilled across its rainbow colours. It was a friggin task to pull myself away from that even for a few seconds to turn off the alarm, I’ll say that much.

Dash stirred as I did that, then I snuggled back in next to her. There had been several moments that, at one point or another, I had considered to be the best moment of my life. Like when Dash had said she’d be like my big sister, when I’d first learned to fly, when I’d gotten my cutie mark. Dash wrapped her forelegs around me, nuzzling against me, and it was definitely the latest best moment of my life. Rainbow Dash had been a part of all those other ones, anyway, so it was all kind of the same thing.

She opened her eyes and looked up at me. “Good morning,” she said. Her eyes were only partly open, and her mane was a mess. I couldn’t do anything but lean in and kiss her. She laughed and kissed me back. We lay there for as long as we could, just kind of pressing our bodies together. I guess that’s what they call cuddling, or whatever. I realized I’d never really done that before, exactly. It was really good.

We could only stay in bed for a bit. Both of us were too restless—there was that specific kind of tension that comes from something big and important happening that day that you knew you had to be up and ready for. When we got out of bed, and I could definitely tell Dash was tense. She was really feeling the trial coming up. Hay, I was feeling pretty tense about it, too.

“Hey, so what do you want for breakfast?” I asked her.

“Oh, just whatever,” she said.

“No, seriously, I’ll make whatever you want. What do you usually have when you’ve got a big day like this? Eggs? Hay sausage? I could make breakfast burritos or, like, this pretty great breakfast scramble that I make sometimes.” I went over and opened the fridge to have a look. “Yeah, I got some green peppers I could put in it, and if you wouldn’t mind peeling some potatoes for me, I could even make up some hash browns, quick,” I said with my head in the fridge, still poking around.

“Uh, wow,” she said. “Yeah, alright. That scramble or whatever sounds good.” She was grinning as I pulled myself out of the fridge. “I didn’t know you could cook!”

“Yeah, a bit, I guess.” I came over to the counter with a bunch of stuff for the scramble. “It’s no big deal or anything. Here, get started with the potatoes and I’ll get the rest going.” I slid over the potatoes and then rifled through several different drawers before I found the peeler, then passed that to her, too.

I couldn’t keep a grin off my face. Like, even with us both being pretty tense, making breakfast with Dash was great. Like, really great. Like, having sex with Dash was unbelievably awesome, but making breakfast with her just made everything that much better. I really let myself enjoy it. Honestly, the whole thing was kind of surreal or something, but then, so was last night. And actually, that morning really felt like it was still part of last night, in a lot of ways—like, it wasn’t quite over yet, is what it felt like. It was still as unbelievable as it was amazing.

We didn’t really talk at all as she peeled the potatoes and I cut up the green peppers and onions while heating up some oil in a pan, but it was great. Once Dash was done with the potatoes she went to go shower while I finished up breakfast. I jerked the pan, tossing the scramble sizzling up into the air before catching it back in the pan again. I heard the water start as Dash got in the shower, and it was weird how awesome the scramble smelled, and how bright and wonderful the light pouring through the window was. Seriously, I was in some kind of daze or something as the scramble finished up cooking.

I popped the scramble, pan and all, into the oven which I had set to low while I waited on the hash browns. That’s the secret to having everything warm when it’s time to serve it—stick whatever’s done first in the oven till everything’s done. Except for the coffee, because that would just be ridiculous. That being said, seeing Dash walk back into the room after showering, with her coat and feathers still a bit damp and her hair tousled after being towelled off, I’m pretty sure I was at least halfway to doing just that before I managed to pull it together.

I somehow got everything onto plates (except the coffee) and on the table. We started eating, and it was amazing. I mean, my scramble was awesome, of course, but just the way the sun was shining in on us, the breakfast smell in the air, and Dash with her damp mane. My eyes stuck on Dash when I got to her. I let myself look at her. Like, really look at her. Before, I’d always have to remind myself that Dash was like my sister, and I wasn’t supposed to look at her like that—but right then, I let myself look at her like that. Dash was definitely the sexiest pony I’d ever even heard of, and I let my eyes just roll over her, taking as much time as they needed and stopping on all the spots they wanted to for as long as they wanted. She glanced up at me and noticed, but she just smiled, fluffling her wings, and continued eating. It really was awesome.

After we were done, we stayed put for a bit, just looking at each other and sipping our coffees. There was definitely some tension in the air, but it felt like it probably was still because of Dash’s flying test. It was hard to know exactly.

“Can I, uh... do you want me to preen your wings?” I asked. If you want to know the truth, I have no idea where that came from. I suppose I was just looking at her wings and kind of thinking about all the times I had wanted them in my mouth. Maybe that sounds a little weird—I think it’s a pegasus thing. Or maybe just a me thing. In any case, the question just kind of popped out.

Dash just looked at me, and I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. I was nervous as hay that I’d flown out of bounds with that one. After a few seconds she said, “Okay.” I probably swooned a little bit or something.

“Alright! Cool. Yeah, I’ll just go brush my teeth first,” I said and darted out of the room. It’s not like this was completely foreign territory for us—she used to do that for me back when I was younger—but there was a whole bigger thing added on to this already super intimate thing, and that was the fact that the second biggest flying test of Dash’s career was later that day. What if I bucked up? What if I tugged out one of her primaries by accident? It was like she was putting her entire career in my hooves on account of a random little thing I had blurted out.

It’s true I was overreacting a little bit—for you non-pegasi, I’ll say that accidentally pulling out a primary while preening is about as easy as ripping off your tail while you’re brushing it, but still. It felt like Dash was trusting me a whole heck of a lot. Along with being terrified, it made me stupidly happy, though. I really did want Dash’s feathers in my mouth.

When I went back into the room, Dash was sitting on the couch and seemed sort of flighty or something, and it wasn’t till I caught a bit of a blush on her face that I realized I was looking at Dash being a little embarrassed. I couldn’t help but grin. It was ridiculously cute—you have no idea.

I got up on the couch beside her and she turned her back towards me. I leaned in and slid my mouth along the first of her feathers, and all that worrying about stuff disappeared as fast as it had come up. It was the same for Dash, if the light sighing noises I caught coming from her were any kind of sign.

That was definitely the part where it felt the most surreal or something. Like everything else just kind of switched off. I was nothing short of shocked when I found myself finishing up, as if no time had passed at all. It was weirdly calming, the whole thing.

When I was done, I wrapped my arms around her, below her wings, and kissed her neck. She turned her head and nuzzled me back as best she could over her shoulder, but as I pulled away she had a sort of distant, distracted look on her face. I kissed her once on the lips. She didn’t really kiss back or anything. We both got up off the couch.

Looking at the clock, it was pretty clear she’d have to get going fairly soon. I let myself have another moment to feel like the night before and that morning was something still happening, and then put it all away. It had been the pretty much the best thing ever, and I was really just so happy that it had happened. It’d be something that, like, I’d always have, you know? That’s how I wanted to think about it. Like, it wasn’t just a crazy fantasy any more, but an actual real memory. And that was awesome. It was also the only way I could let myself think about it.

I mean, yeah, I could’ve held on to some kind of fantasy about the whole thing. But I’d be able to keep that up for all of a day, if that. And that wasn’t worth the kind of whatever that it would put Dash through. I mean, she had the trial coming up that day. I’d be a totally ass to get all on her about everything that’d happened and what it’d meant and all that bullshit—she already had Dust messing stuff up for her and she didn’t need me doing that to her, too, on today of all days.

“Dash,” I started, and quickly realized it was a lot harder to actually say it that it was to think it. “Uh... about last night. And this morning, too.”

“Yeah?” Dash said without a readable expression.

“Well, they were amazing. Like, just so good. But, you know”—I took a breath and then dove into it—“it’s cool if it was just a one-time thing or whatever.”

Dash didn’t say anything for a moment.

“Seriously,” I continued, “don’t even think about this. Obviously I’m totally cool with things being like how they always were between us. Just think about the trial and how you’re going to totally blow away everypony. Kay?”

Dash smiled at me, and once again it wasn’t quite like any of the smiles I’d seen her make before. I didn’t want to think that it was relief that was behind that smile, but that’s probably exactly what it was. Maybe I was kind of hoping she’d say I had it all wrong. She didn’t, though.

“Thanks,” was what she said, and pulled me into a tight hug. When she broke away, there was nothing but her familiar confident grin on her face. We went to the door and I said again how awesome she was going to be and then gave her one more kiss on the lips—which is a typical goodluck thing; everypony knows that, but I made sure to tell her so anyway—and she took off.

I closed the door and leaned back against it, and my head was pretty much spinning. I couldn’t even feel like anything specific—everything was just in a stunned haze. I remember thinking I should’ve been reacting somehow to everything that’d happened, but I was just totally emotionally buzzed. Like, it felt like it’d take till that evening or the next day or a week from that day before anything would sink in, and then I didn’t know what would happen. I’d probably squeal like a totally love-struck filly or start bawling or just want to go masturbate for hours or something.

The only thought I could properly nail down in my head was that I needed to go see Sweetie Belle, and that before that I needed a shower.

* * *

I sort of burst into Carousel Boutique and took off up the stairs without really saying anything to Rarity. That probably irked her or something, but I didn’t care too much. I doubt I even noticed.

I got up to Sweetie’s room, opened the door, and then stopped. I actually had no idea how I was going to go about telling her everything that’d happened. I ended up just standing there watching her sleep. I tried to think it through and figure out where the best place to start would be, but I was still just so buzzed from everything that I barely believed it had even happened. I figured I would just start talking and hope that it didn’t come off as insane as I felt, and shook her awake.

“So, Sweetie: last night. About Dash, right? Well—”

“Mm—what are you talking about?” she grunted, giving me a half-formed glare as she rolled over.

“Last night! Dash came over!”

She was suddenly awake and sat up. “Right! Yeah, what the heck was that?”

“We slept together!” I said without the slightest pause.

“What?” Sweetie's face totally went slack.

I realized that might have been the wrong place to start. "Yeah. I mean, a lot happened first. Like, it was—"

“What?!” Sweetie shouted.

The more I saw Sweetie get to properly freaking out, the more I was sure that had been the wrong place to start.

“Like—sex?! You’re saying you two had sex?!” She was totally losing it.

“Shh! Rarity’s right downstairs!” That didn’t help any.

“I don’t care if your mother’s downstairs!” she yelled louder. “Answer the question! Did you and her have sex?!” All that vocal training sure left that filly with a set of lungs, I’ll say that much.

“Uh... yes. Kay, let me explain—”

“You bet you’re going to explain! Start talking!” I had just been about to before she cut me off.

Anyway, I gave her a quick-version of the night before—about how Dash had come to me because she felt comfortable around me and then finally properly opened up to me, and how she was more than just okay with the fact that I was totally obsessed with her. Sweetie couldn’t wrap her head around that, or understand how awesome that was, but whatever. I also got around to the part where Lightning Dust had been screwing with Dash’s head, but that’s when Sweetie totally cut me off.

“She wasn’t ‘screwing’ with Rainbow Dash,” Sweetie said, still totally emotional about this whole thing, “she was legitimately concerned about her! Lightning Dust thought Rainbow was going to get herself hurt because of their stupid competitiveness!”

“What? That’s not it at all.” I had made a promise to myself not to say anything else to Dash about Dust and what I thought about her—but to Sweetie, it was still fair game. It’s not like I didn’t still totally hate Dust, or anything. Totally the opposite—she was actually messing up Dash now, and that was really badly not okay. “You don’t get it at all.”

“No you don’t get it!” She let out this kind of loud frustrated noise. “How are you—you’re such a bucking idiot!”

Sweetie was, like, actually pissed at me. I had no idea where this was coming from.

“Hey! What the buck? Remember the part where I was totally happy with how things are between me and Dash now?”

“Scootaloo! There’s nothing between you two! You were the one who told her that! A ‘one-time thing’!”

That ticked me off. “ ‘Nothing between us’? There’s a shit-ton between us! There’s more between me and Dash than anyone else—except, like, maybe you!”

“And do we randomly have sex for no reason?!”

“No—I mean, there’s just something... extra between me and Dash now than there was before. Nothing’s changed!”

“Nothing’s—? What—buck! You know what? Alright! Fine!” She took a breath and calmed down a bit finally. “I don’t even sort of believe you, but whatever.” She looked right at me, and suddenly she looked all mad again. “But if you get hurt because of this, I’m never going to forgive Dash.”

“That’ll show her.”

“I’m serious!”

“Yeah, alright, alright, I get it. You’re making way too big a deal out of this.”

“Am I?”

“Well... okay, you’re making the wrong deal out of this.”

We just sat there for a bit. I knew anything I said would just set her off again, and I’m guessing Sweetie was thinking the same thing. It would’ve made a lot of sense for me to leave just then, but I didn’t. “So what are your plans for today?” was what I asked.

Sweetie kept looking at me for a minute before she said, “I got a rehearsal later today.”

“Oh, cool. Hey, can I come sit in on it?” I asked. Sweetie blinked.

“Uh, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“What do you mean? I’ve hung out at your rehearsals before.”

She frowned and looked off to the side. “I just think it’s best if you don’t today.”

“What? Why not?”

She huffed and rolled her eyes. “Celestia! Take a hint for once.” I still wasn’t getting it. “I don’t want to be around you right now!” she said way louder than she needed to. That stung.

“Hey! Come on! You don’t even have to talk to me! I won’t even make any noise!”

“Why do you want to come to my practice at all?”

I looked away from her. She clearly wasn’t going to give me a break until I just said it. “I’m... barely keeping it together right now, alright?” I glanced up at her quickly. “Like, I’m not sad or anything, just—it’s kind of a lot to... it’s just a lot. I mean, whatever! Just let me come. Why are you making this into a big deal, too?” Yeah, I know I was the one making a big deal about that one, and I didn’t really know why. I just knew that going home right then wasn’t what I wanted to do, and that being around Sweetie Belle was.

Sweetie looked like she was waffling on it and it really made me nervous, to tell you the truth. Like if she said “no” it’d be the worst thing ever for some reason.

“Alright, fine,” she said finally, and I was totally relieved. Suddenly I felt great again.

“Awesome!” I said. “How about I go out and get us breakfast? What do you want? I’ll pay for you and everything!” She rolled her eyes, but there was a hint of a smile on her face as she told me a muffin from Sugarcube Corner would be great.

I went out to get that, and I guess Sweetie showered or something while I was out, and then I made her a coffee and we sat in the kitchen to eat. Rarity was sitting nearby, and just as we were finishing eating, something occurred to me.

“Hey, Rarity,” I said.

“Yes, Scootaloo?” she said, not looking up from the magazine she was looking through.

“Did you hear anything me and Sweetie were talking about this morning?”

Sweetie kicked me under the table and gave me a stink-eye, but Rarity paused for just a second before saying, “I have no idea what you’re talking about, dear,” still not looking up from her magazine.

Sweetie’s expression changed in a snap as she picked right up on something Rarity must’ve let slip somehow. “What did you hear, Rarity?” Sweetie demanded.

“Nothing at all, of course.” Rarity remained perfectly unflustered. “I’ve simple no—”

“Rarity!”

Rarity glanced up at the far wall, a hint of a grin tugging at the corner of her mouth. “Oh, well, perhaps I did hear something about how there may be certain lingering feelings between Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust. Not that that would be interesting to me in slightest.”

I let out a breath. She’d gotten the wrong idea. Well, not exactly wrong, but nothing I had to worry about.

“Oh?” said Sweetie.

Rarity smiled brightly at Sweetie as she closed her magazine and floated it alongside her as she left the room. Just before she left, she looked back at us. “Ah, and the bit where you were yelling at Scootaloo for having certain relations with a pony that wasn’t you, of course.”

That worked for me. Lightning bolt: dodged. But Sweetie lit up bright red as was getting all ready to shout something, so I stuck my hoof in her mouth. I turned to Rarity and said, “Yes! Exactly what you’re thinking—that’s how it is!” and grabbed Sweetie and took off, leaving behind a very confused-looking Rarity.

“Wha—I can’t even—and you!” Sweetie spluttered as I dragged her along. She broke free and spun me around to glare at me.

“What’s the issue?” I said, shrugging my wings. “She totally got the wrong idea! No worries.” Sweetie didn’t look convinced. “Oh, as if she was the first pony ever to think you and me were like that. I’m, like, a super lesbian! Everyone knows that! Me and another girl hanging out all the time? Obviously doin’ it.”

Sweetie tried to give me a huge sigh, but could tell she was laughing a bit. We hung out for a while, and then she went to her practice and I came along. It was with Lyra, and it was great just to sit and listen to them run things. Sweetie caught my eye part way through and smiled, and things seemed fine between us again.

Afterwards, we went to get ready for the Pinkie Pie party that was going to be that night. Pinkie had two banners ready: the one that’d go up depended on how a flying test finishing up right around then had gone.

6 - Like a Shock

Sweetie and I were walking to Sugarcube Corner, and the part where I was all calm about everything and the way everything had happened was gone like it hadn’t even been there. Well, not exactly, but during the walk to the bakery for the party where we’d find out if Dash made it or not, I couldn’t help but run over everything in my mind and worry about every part of it. Most of all, I was worried Dash would be so crushed if she didn’t make it that it’d wreck everything that was between us. As in, the stuff that had happened with her being more honest and open with me about things—the sleeping with Dash bit was its own thing and didn’t count as part of any of that.

It must have all been showing on my face, because Sweetie Belle nudged up against me, and asked if I was doing alright.

“Yeah, I got it. Thanks,” I snapped. She frowned and raised her eyebrow. I let out a tense huff that was supposed to be a calm breath. “Sorry. But yeah, I’m fine.” She didn’t look convinced.

We walked a bit, and I had to laugh at myself. It came out as a short bark. “This is crazy, right? Like, I’m sure I’m freaking out way more than even Dash was about the trial.”

“You always freak out about Dash’s stuff more than she does. Yeah, it’s probably insane, but it’s hardly anything new.” She looked over at me. “But a lot did happen between you over the last little while.”

I shot a glare at her. “This isn’t about me and Dash sleeping together!”

“I didn’t mean about that—I meant the stuff over the last week and a bit,” she said like it’d been obvious that’s what she meant, but I’m sure she’d meant for me to take it the way I had. And of course, then she said, “But you were quick to jump straight to that—are you completely sure it’s not bothering you?”

“Bucking hay, Sweetie, really? I thought we went over this to death earlier today.”

“Well, when you were saying it then you seemed okay. And right now you’re totally losing it.”

“I’m not losing it because of that! I mean, I made her get back at trying those loops in her routine! Maybe she really should’ve taken them out and done something different. What if she doesn’t make it into the Alpha Squadron, and it’s because of that?”

“Then she won’t have made it into the Alpha Squadron, and that will be that. At least she went in with her best performance, right? And she’d have you to thank for that.”

“I hope so.” I looked away from her. “I hope she doesn’t blame me for not getting in because I did all that, though.”

“Scootaloo, of course she wouldn’t do that,” Sweetie said, and bumped her shoulder against mine. “Don’t be stupid.”

“But she totally might!” I said, snapping my head up to look at her. “Like, what if she thinks about everything that happened in a totally different light after failing the trial? Like, she’ll realize how stupid and pointless it all was—me trying to get her all motivated or something ridiculous, as if I had any idea what I was doing! And then us sleeping together—” I realized what I was saying, and broke off.

We stopped walking, and she looked at me for a minute, but then she just put her hoof on my shoulder and said, “Come on, she won’t think like that, and you know it. And about sleeping with her—Rainbow Dash has had a lot of sex. There’s no way Dash is going to regret having sex with you or something like that—unless she’s worried that it might’ve messed you up or something, but you don’t seem to care when ponies worry about that part.” She tilted her head. “Oh, and maybe she’d be worried about the fact that she had sex with a mare about half her age but that’d be it.”

“Hey! I’m, like”—I thought about it—“at least two-thirds her age!” I let out a huff, but I did calm down a little bit. I knew Sweetie had passed up a chance for a bit of an “I told you so” there, and I was really glad she did. And she was right—I was being a bit ridiculous about it. But then something about what she said hit me. “Wait—you’re totally right. She’s been with tons of mares, hasn’t she?”

“I’m sure she definitely has. No need to worry.”

“Yeah right! Now I’m freaking out about something else!” I ran my hoof through my mane. “I mean, I’ve only done it a few times!” I grabbed Sweetie by the shoulders in panic. “Do you think I was any good? How did I compare to all those other mares? Do you think I might’ve at least snuck into her top five? Top ten?” I gasped. “Shit! I hope friggin Lightning Dust wasn’t way better than me! Dammit, they were together for a bazillion years—they probably did all kinds of freaky stuff!” I let out a frustrated groan, letting go of her to smoosh my hoof in my face.

Sweetie bopped me on the side of the head, held her hoof there for a moment, then pushed me away as she turned to keep walking. “You’re an idiot.”

I caught up with her, and we kept walking. “And I’m sure you were plenty good,” she said after a bit, without turning to look at me.

“You think?” I asked hopefully. “I mean, she did seem like she was having a good time—like, there was that part where she—”

“Okay! No more! Stop now!”

“Right, sorry.” I let out another huff. “I just hope she made it into the Alpha Squadron, you know?”

After a bit, we got to Sugarcube Corner, and mostly everyone was already there except Dash. I made a beeline to the punch bowl, hoping to Celestia there was more in it than just punch, because she’d know I needed it. Sweetie joined me.

I knew I really owed Sweetie for putting up with me for those last few weeks—basically since me and Dash had had that first sort of fight. I knew I’d have to make it up to her once all the craziness was done with, but for that moment, all I could think about was how Dash did in the Alpha Squadron trial. I don’t even know how I made it through that evening. Every noise that sounded even remotely front-doorish sent a spike of adrenaline through me, and it’d be minutes before I’d be calm again.

Oddly enough, when I heard the door and and turned to see Dash walking in, my body had no crazy response for me. It’s like everything kind of froze. Everypony in the room definitely froze, except Pinkie, who darted over to where two cords were hanging from the ceiling, which were each set up to trigger a different series of party-related things—one was all congratulations and party stuff, the other all these sincere sympathies, I guess. In the shock of the moment, for some reason all I could think about was what would happen if Pinkie pulled the wrong one after Dash broke the news, and I almost cracked right up.

I somehow didn’t, and Dash continued to just stroll in. She wasn’t making any kind of expression on her face, and I was totally yelling at her in my head for being such a stupid melodramatic stupid pegasus because I knew, however it had turned out, she’d be loving the shit out of having us all holding our breaths waiting for her to say something, and was going to drag it out as long as she possibly could because she was so stupid.

She looked up at everyone and put on this stupid phony surprised look, as if she had no idea what we could possibly be waiting for.

“Oh fer th'luva—” said Applejack. “Just tell us all already.”

“Well, I don’t know why you’re all tense and everything,” said Dash, all smarmy and everything. “It’s almost like you all think—”

“So ya made it or didn’tchya?” Applejack cut her off, wearing a completely unimpressed look, and I loved AJ so badly right then.

Dash looked slightly put-out. “Yeah, I made it. Jeez, just totally kill the”—but she was cut off again as Pinkie gave an earsplitting cry and pulled one of ropes, which turned out to be the right rope, because a huge explosion went off, and all that party junk fell from everywhere, and also a giant “Congratulations” banner and stuff, and everyone totally lost their shit and all ran up to start hugging Dash. I pretty nearly collapsed, I’ll admit.

I felt like I should’ve been running up to go hug her and congratulate her with everyone else, but I didn’t. I just stood there. It sounds crazy, but I suddenly had no idea how the Scootaloo that hadn’t slept with Dash the night before would’ve acted, and I kind of froze up, I guess. The fact that what’d have felt most natural at that moment—if all those consequence things wouldn’t have been there—would’ve been running up and trying to kiss her face off clouded up my thoughts a bit. I was pretty sure it would turn even just a quick hug into something that felt way crazier than it was, so I just stood there.

Everypony was totally freaking out and mobbing around Dash, so it’s not like anyone would notice if I gave her a hug that lasted a little bit too long or something, but nopony was going to notice me hanging back, either. Except Sweetie Belle.

She was definitely wondering why I wasn’t running over there—I could tell by looking at her. I knew she was thinking I was worried things’d be weird between me and Dash, and that that was the reason I wasn’t already over there. Which pissed me off—mostly because that’s exactly how it was. She didn’t actually say anything, though, and just stayed beside me. I really appreciated that, to be honest—her not saying anything about it.

As everyone started to calm down a bit and give Dash some space, I realized I was an idiot. If I had gone over right away, there would’ve been too many ponies around, and there wouldn’t have been any kind of chance for weirdness. Now when I went over there, it’d be just me and her.

Well, just me and her with everyone else right there.

“Do you want me to go with you over to see Dash?” Sweetie asked.

“What? No! I was just—I don’t need—” I stopped myself. Being all defensive would just make her think she was totally right about why I was hanging back—which she was, but that wasn’t the point. I took a breath, and then said, “I’m going right now.”

“Okay,” she said, smiling at me. It wasn’t a smug smile or anything, though.

I was already halfway over to where Dash was before it hit me that Sweetie had offered to go with me because she knew I’d get defensive and it’d make me go over to Dash. Sometimes it really bugged me how easily she could read me.

When I got to Dash, it was just AJ and Pinkie Pie talking to her, and they both kind of smiled and backed off as I came up. I sort of panicked for a second, if you want to know the truth. I had to act totally natural, which should’ve been easy, but somehow it wasn’t at that moment. Like when you stop and think about breathing or blinking, right? Suddenly it gets all weird, and you realize you don’t remember how to stop thinking about it to make it go back to auto-mode.

Anyway, I figured hugging Dash and saying she was awesome was something I could pass off as a thing I would’ve done, but it was hard to say exactly, because I just really wanted to hug Dash right then. So I did—and it was exactly like I had been worrying it would be. Every second went by way too quickly, but at the same time dragged on and on as I felt the—possibly imagined—gaze of everypony in the room on us.

It’s not like either of us had said what’d happened between us needed to be a big secret or anything, but I felt like it kind of did anyway. Well, Sweetie didn’t count, but generally speaking. In any case, I’d let Dash be the first to tell ponies anything, if she wanted to.

I broke away from her after what felt like way too long and also way not long enough, but when I got a proper look at Dash’s face, she just looked as happy as I’d seen her in a really long time. There was no room for awkwardness for her—she was so happy. I couldn’t help but smile back at her. At least for right then, things were fine.

I hung around and mostly listened to her talk about how awesome she was, along with everyone else. Sweetie came over, too, and Dash’s other friends and everypony drifted in and out. Dash was obviously trying to play it cool, like she had been expecting to make it in all along, but every now and then she’d let that slip, and underneath she was like a little filly, I swear. It was so unbelievably cute.

Then, quite a while later, she got talking to some other ponies, and I slipped away to go back over to the punch bowl with Sweetie. I was really stoked it hadn’t been awkward at all around Dash, but I didn’t really want to push that just then. After I finished my first cup of punch, I leaned over to get myself another, and when I looked up, Sweetie was gone. I glanced around and caught sight of her, and was just about to go over and ask where the heck she was going when Rainbow Dash came up behind me.

“Hey, Scoots!” she said, and I spun around and sloshed my puch on the floor.

“Oh, hi!” I was sure we’d talked to death the topic of how awesome she was—even for Dash. And the night was supposed to be all about her, so I’d have felt weird talking about myself or random other things, so I was actually finding myself grasping around for something to talk about before I realized she actually had something to say to me. It was just taking her a few seconds.

“So... thanks,” she said eventually. She was kind of talking hesitantly, but it seemed more like she was just so scrambly and buzzed about everything rather than anything else. “I mean, I really want to say thanks for all you did!”

“Yeah?” I said.

“Yeah.” She just grinned like she had been all night. Then she looked away as she turned to the punch table and poured herself a glass. “I was totally losing it there for a bit. You got me up and going in the right direction.”

“Oh, yeah, no problem.” I said. What was I supposed to say to that? I did find myself grinning almost as much as Dash was.

“No, really, I’m not actually sure if I could’ve pulled this off if it wasn’t for the stuff you did!” She put her punch right back down. “Thanks, Scootaloo!” She darted forwards and wrapped her arms around me. I was totally surprised. She wasn’t just sort of casually hugging me either—it was a real and proper hug. I hugged her back with one foreleg while I sloshed punch with the other, flapping my wings a bit to try and keep my balance. I felt my face heat up in embarrassment, and glanced around. No one was really looking or cared, of course.

“I-It was nothing!” I stammered. “Come on, you taught me how to fly. This is nothing!”

She let go, but kept one foreleg slung around me and totally gave me a noogie. “Oh, yeah, now’s when you decide you’re gonna be modest for the first time in your life! Come on! The—now confirmed—most awesome pegasus ever just said ‘thanks’!”

I tried to shake her off while somehow balancing my cup of punch, but Dash was so outrageously giddy I couldn’t help but laugh along with her.

“Hey, what are you doing after this?” she asked with me still in her one-legged choke-hold that I’d failed to get out of, and I felt a tingling shock shoot through me. I’d thought I’d been done with those for the day.

“Uh, nothing. No plans.”

“You want to hang out?” she asked, finally letting me out of her hold, which was good because I’m sure she would’ve felt my heart start pounding if she hadn’t just then.

“Sure,” I said. I was a bit stunned. I had no idea what to think.

She grinned this super bright grin at me. “Okay, awesome!” She spun around and went back over to where her friends were.

I picked up the cup of punch she had left, to replace my cup that had emptied itself mostly on the floor, and took a swig.

Dash must have known how that had sounded. Because it sounded a lot like she was suggesting we were going to end up having sex again. Like, it was totally understandable that I would come to that conclusion. It was hard to know—Dash was acting so crazy just then that I had no idea what she was thinking. Actually, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen her so stoked about anything, to be honest.

I took another gulp of punch. I, on the other hoof, couldn’t remember the last time so many things had made me so outrageously nervous as they had that past week.

“Hey, Scootaloo,” Sweetie said, popping up right in front of me, and I choked and ended up spitting out a most of my mouthful of punch. I managed to not spray it all over Sweetie at least, and mostly just dribbled it on the floor.

“Um, ew,” she said.

“What’s with all the sneaking up on me tonight?” I snapped.

“You were definitely looking directly at me as I walked over here,” Sweetie said, her brow straight.

“Well, I didn’t see you. Somehow.”

“Clearly. So you ready to head out pretty soon?” she asked, but I could tell by the way she said it that it wasn’t actually what she was asking.

“Uh, no. If you want to leave, you can go ahead—”

“Oh, it’s fine. I can wait up a bit longer if you want to stay for a while,” she said pointedly.

I frowned. She was doing it on purpose. “Don’t bother—I’m hanging out with Dash after.”

“ ‘Hanging out’?” she repeated, giving me a look.

“Yes! Hanging out!”

She held my eye for a moment, then sighed. “Scootaloo, I’m really worried she’s just messing around with you. You really—”

“She’s not just messing around!” I snapped. Then I thought about it. “Uh, I mean—it’s totally fine that we’re just messing around!” I said with equal conviction.

Sweetie looked at me blankly, then raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

“Yes! And why is it always Dash who’s messing around with me? Maybe I’m the one just messing around with her!”

“You’re not the one messing around with her. Trust me on this.”

I glanced to the side. “Okay fine,” I said, giving her that one. “But still—I’m fine with how it is. However it is.”

“Alright, if you say so. I just don’t—”

“Yeah, I know. You already said that.”

She stayed there facing me for a moment. “Okay, I’m going now, then.”

“Bye,” I said. She turned and left.

I went over and milled about around Dash and tried to stop thinking about Sweetie. It wasn’t too much longer until the party was pretty much done, though. Dash turned to me as everypony was getting set to go and asked me if I was ready to leave.

“It’s your party—you decide when it’s time to leave!”

She grinned. “Alright, that’s what I like to hear! Okay, you can head on outside if you want, I’ll meet you out there in a sec. I’m just going to say one last goodbye, and thank Pinkie for throwing the party and stuff.”

The sun had been put down since Sweetie and I’d walked over to Sugarcube Corner, and I was struck by the chill in the air as I stepped outside. It was well into spring, but it seemed there were still a few cold evenings left. I wished I’d worn something.

I stomped around trying to keep the chill off, and was just about to go back inside when Dash came out.

“Wow, cold! What the heck, Winter Wrap-Up was ages ago.”

“Hey, don’t look at me, I’m just a cloud pusher,” I said.

“Oh yeah, sure, blame the management. That’s always how it goes, isn’t it?” She winked at me. “Anyway, let’s get in the air!”

I followed Dash up into the sky above Ponyville. Despite creating an extra windchill, I started to warm up a bit with the exertion of keeping up with Dash. We zipped over the housetops, and Ponyville spread out beneath us. I always liked flying after sunset—looking down at the town as little lights instead of houses gave a whole different feel to the experience.

“Well, Cloudpusher, you can’t pin that one on the management!” Dash said, and I looked down and spotted the cloud Dash was talking about, set in dark relief against the lights below it.

“Hey, today was set for partially cloudy!”

“That’s just weather-pony talk for lazy!” she said.

“And I didn’t even have a shift today!”

“Hmm, okay that one’s a pretty good excuse.” She laughed, and then banked to dive down and land on the cloud. “Well, come on! Pull up a bit of cloud!”

I swooped in beside her. She was lying down on it, looking out over Ponyville. “What, you want to sit out on a cloud?” I asked. “It’s, like, cold!”

“Naw, it’s nice out! Just come over closer to me.” I couldn’t really see her face in the dark, but the way she said it wasn’t any different than all the other stuff she had been saying.

I lay down beside her, getting close to her—it was a small cloud—but still leaving a few inches between us. Right away, she shuffled over, closing the gap and pressing up against me. Despite the warmth of her against me, I felt tingles shoot out from where we were touching. She turned her head to look at me, and it was the same giddy smile she’d had on all evening. Then it softened a bit, and after a moment she looked forwards again and put her wing around me. “How’s that?” she asked.

“Yeah, much warmer.”

We sat on the cloud, and my heart was pounding like crazy. I wasn’t quite sure what was going on just then—whether it was as obvious as it seemed, if I was overthinking it, or what—but I leaned over and nestled my head against her shoulder and the side of her neck because it felt like I could get away with doing it, and also because I really wanted to. She didn’t really react or anything, so I just let myself enjoy it, and how warm she was against the sharp night air.

“Hey,” I said, “so what happened with the double inside-out loops?” I didn’t ask her at the party because everyone else was around. I know it doesn’t exactly make sense, but I somehow felt like I wanted to be alone with her before asking about it. I guess I felt partly responsible for them, or something. “Did you get those working?”

“Oh.” I felt Dash tense up, though she kept it from coming out in her voice. “Yeah. Totally did.”

“Really?” I burst, my relief only held back a bit by the way she’d responded. “That’s awesome! How’d you manage it? What was the secret?”

“I, uh, did a Sonic Rainboom first, then went right into them from that.”

I felt myself tense up then. I lifted my head up to look at her. “What, really? No kidding?”

She didn’t quite meet my eye. “It was the only way to get enough speed.”

“Yeah, but still—bucking hay that must’ve been awesome to see... wait shit! What did Lightning Dust think about that?” I blurted out. “Because you were saying how she—oh, sorry,” I broke off as I picked up on Dash’s reaction.

“No, it’s fine—yeah, LD wasn’t too happy with me about that.”

“Because she was, like, scared for you or whatever?” I asked quickly—talking about Dust being all sappy for Dash instantly put a sour taste in my mouth.

“No—well not exactly. It’s just that she really threw everything on the table when she offered to drop out of the competition if I’d take the loops out, right? I know that was a really hard thing for her to do or whatever, and I kind of threw that in her face. And then me adding in the Rainboom before the loops was totally throwing that in her face.”

I didn’t say anything for a moment. “So, you and Dust right now...?” I let it hang.

“Yeah, we’re not so tight at the moment.”

I remembered what I’d promised myself the other night, that I wouldn’t let how much I couldn’t stand Dust show when I was around Rainbow, so I didn’t let myself feel a rush of relief at hearing that.

Well, maybe just a little one.

But Dash’s happiness from that evening was slipping a bit, and that was more important. “I’m sorry for bringing that up,” I said to Dash.

“No, it’s fine. Actually, I was kind of hoping to talk to you about it.”

“Yeah?” And I had my answer to why she wanted to hang out with me. That fact actually really put me at ease, to be honest. It was a bit anticlimactic, but I didn’t feel let down or anything. I was really happy she wanted to talk about that kind of thing with me. Of course, all that tingling I’d been indulging, coming from the amount of contact with her against me like she was, was suddenly a problem.

“I’m so excited about making it into the squadron,” Dash continued, “but I feel kind of... guilty, I guess, about how I pretty much screwed over LD.” She really sounded worried.

“What? You totally didn’t even!” I burst out, and she glanced over at me. “Are you kidding? You can’t let that be the thing bringing you down! You definitely need to be feeling awesome about stuff right now! Like, she dumped that stuff on you—how is that your fault?” Dash didn’t say anything, and wasn’t shutting me down, so I kept going. “I mean, she totally set herself up for this! Just because you didn’t flop over and give up because she had some kind of issue doesn’t make it a ‘you’ problem—this is absolutely a ‘her’ problem, and you shouldn’t be worrying about it!” I knew it was a bit harsh, but I felt like it really had to be said.

“You think?” she asked, and she sounded like she really was hanging on what I was saying. I was a bit surprised.

“Uh... well, yeah. I do.”

She sighed. “I guess. And there isn’t really anything I can do about it—I shouldn’t really let it get to me.”

“Especially when everything else is so awesome!” I leaned my head back against her, and I was worried about her reaction to it all over again, but she didn’t seem to mind. “I mean, you’re in the Alpha Squadron! How cool is that?”

“Yeah!” said Dash, and she sounded back to being a bit giddy again, and I smiled. I felt her wing tighten around me. “Thanks,” she said.

It was great that she was being really honest with me, and it was amazing being up against her on that little cloud above Ponyville, but I had no idea what the limit was for how intimate I was allowed to be with Dash that night, and it made me more than a little nervous about it all. Like, we were already pretty much cuddling—but I had no idea how much would be too far. And really, the fact that cuddling seemed to be in-bounds was kind of the part that was causing the confusion for me. And what really got me was how carelessly and naturally she seemed to be doing it. As if it was all just the most normal thing ever.

Then she tilted her head to lean against mine, and stroked her wing along my side a bit. I nuzzled against her—everything was so soft and warm. I buried my nose in the crest of her mane that was falling over the side of her neck, and I couldn’t keep thinking about stuff if I’d wanted to. I let the tingling warmth run free through me, as at that moment, there wasn’t any good way to stop it. Our bodies just kind of fit against each other well, is how it felt.

And then I was gently kissing her neck. My eyes snapped open.

I let out a yelp and darted away from Dash. “Sorry! I just—it just kind of—”

But Dash laughed at me. I kept sputtering and turned bright red. “It’s fine,” she said, still laughing at me.

“Bucking hay.” I rubbed my face with a hoof. “I just made that totally weird didn’t I? But I seriously meant what I said before! It’s fine if that—all that stuff—was a one-time thing. Like, I’m actually okay with it just being like it was before! But I really liked this just now, with the... before I... I mean, maybe we need to talk about how far is too far when we’re—”

But Dash reached out her wing and pulled me back against her. It was a moment before she spoke. “I’m... not sure if that was really too far,” she said a bit quieter, not looking at me. “You could probably go a bit farther than that.” I held my breath, and Dash shifted in her spot. “You know, about the whole one-time thing—I think it might be awesome if it wasn’t a one-time thing.” She glanced over at me. “Would that be too far?”

The lights of Ponyville below us brightened suddenly, and the chill in the air was gone like it’d never been there. Everything stopped as I looked at Dash. “You mean it’d be cool if, every now and then, we—?”

“Yeah,” she said.

“That would—I-I mean, no, that’s not too far. I definitely don’t think that’d be going too far.”

“Okay,” she said. “Cool.”

We lay there, looking at each other. I noticed her breath was coming almost as fast as mine was. I fidgeted where I was underneath her wing.

“So... it’s okay if we go that far right now, yeah?” I asked.

She laughed. “Yeah. Start kissing me now.”

So I did, and we rolled over so I was on top of her as we kissed. Right away our tongues were all over each other’s, and Dash had her hoof around the back of my head, keeping our mouths firmly mashed together.

Somehow, during all of that, I managed to get a moment of clarity, and pulled back against the foreleg wrapped around my head, getting all of a few inches of space between us.

“Wait—there’s something I got to know,” I said, and a bit of a shadow went over Dash’s face as a frown touched her brow. I took a breath.

“How good was I, compared to all the other ponies you’ve had sex with?” I asked her seriously.

A moment passed with Dash just looking at me. Then a smile touched the corner of her mouth and she got this this hammed up sort of contemplative look on her face. “Well,” she said, “I’ve done some pretty crazy stuff with ponies before.” She hummed to herself, looking upwards. “It doesn’t quite seem fair to rate you against some of those things.” Then she glanced back at me. “It’d be better to put you against the other first times with different ponies. And If I did that, well then I’d say”—she paused way too long for dramatic effect—“you’d be right up there near the top,” she finished, and her smile went a lot more honest. “Last night was... really good.”

“ ‘Really good’... as in top ten ‘really good’?”

She thought about it a second. “Yeah, I’d say so.” She tilted her head. “You might even have snuck into the top five.”

I felt an excited rush shoot through me. I’m sure I was totally grinning. Then I blinked. “Wait, who did I lose out to?”

“Not telling,” Dash said with a cocky grin, then with a flick of her wing I was flat on my back against the cloud with her on top of me. “Okay, no more questions now,” she said, and she pressed her lips against mine. She grinded her hooves into my splayed out wings, and as I sucked in a breath of air around her mouth, nothing seemed worth worrying about—the fact that we were on a cloud in the middle of the sky falling next to last on that list.

Dash smeared her lips along down to my neck, and suddenly I was in the middle of moaning without realizing I had even started doing it. Dash was totally taking the lead, completely unlike the night before, and it was driving me wild. I mean, there was nothing at all wrong with how Dash kind of just let me have free rein the first time, but that second time on the cloud was amazing. Like, I'm not going to get into exactly who did what to who and all that, but I will say this much—Dash is a rainbow maned beast, and it was amazing.

And also that having sex on a cloud is excellent. Seriously, I highly recommend it.

7 - Like a Relief

Over the next few weeks, Dash started dropping by a lot. I was wondering about that, because I knew in about a month or so it’d be getting into summer and the Wonderbolts’ really crazy performance season, and it was that later part of the spring when training got the most intense because of that. And with Dash being in the Alpha Squadron, I was pretty sure the training would be even crazier for her than it usually was. I didn’t know for sure though, because she didn’t really seem to want to talk about the Wonderbolts with me all that much, and when she did, she seemed just totally drained.

But I was fine with that—if I could be her break from all that crazy training she must have been doing, then that was awesome. I could get all the details once she was through her performance season. I knew she probably just didn’t want to take it home with her just then, or whatever. And besides everything else, she was dropping by to hang out a lot, and that was awesome.

In a lot of ways, it wasn’t that much different from how it always was when we were hanging out. We generally just did the same stuff as usual, like going out to eat and messing around racing through town or doing tricks or whatever. I thought Dash would be sick of doing tricks, but she said as long as I didn’t make her do the tricks she was working on for the Wonderbolts then it was fine. It was pretty rough not seeing those tricks, but I went with it. Not that it made any sense to me. “Work” and “fun” for her, when it came to doing tricks, seemed too subtle a difference for me to figure out what made it one or the other. It was always the same with Sweetie Belle, now that I’m thinking about it. What counted as singing for fun versus saying it was a bother because it was work didn’t seem any different to me, but she insisted they were completely different things.

In any case, things with Dash were pretty much the same when we were out. It was after hanging out that things were totally different. We’d either go back to my place or her place and make out a bunch, or we’d sleep together or whatever. And sometimes we wouldn’t even hang out first—like, I’d open my door, and we’d already be kissing before she was even inside.

Way back I had told Sweetie that me and Dash’s relationship was just like it always had been except with a bit more—and that really was what it was like, and it was perfect. It’s like this thing that I’d always wanted but didn’t think even made sense, much less was actually possible, and suddenly it wasn’t just possible but something I actually had. Those weeks really felt like the best weeks of my life up to that point, and though everything between me and Dash wasn’t exactly confirmed or anything, it was happening, and that was amazing.

I knew things couldn’t stay forever like that, though. I didn’t want to do anything to change anything, but there were things coming up that were going to change things anyway. Dash’s intense training would be done eventually and she’d start touring with the Wonderbolts on-and-off for a month or so during their performance season, and I wondered if whatever we had would keep going on after that. As well, the day the lease on my place would end was coming up so I was going to have to make some kind of decision about that. And I still hadn’t talked to Sweetie about it. I really didn’t talk to Sweetie much about anything during those few weeks.

Actually, if I’m being honest, I was avoiding her. It was just that every time we were together, whatever we were talking about always seemed to come back around to being about me and Dash. Like, it wasn’t so bad at first, but it really started to wear on me. I really was stressing about me and Dash’s relationship, and Sweetie wasn’t helping at all. What I wanted was to just be able to hang out with her and talk about nothing like we always used to, especially when I was really feeling unsure about stuff, but she’d just start drilling me on exactly how things were between me and Dash and make everything worse. It was starting to really piss me off.

It still wasn’t very fair to her, though, I knew. And I felt pretty bad about some of the stuff that happened. Like once Sweetie and I were hanging out one evening and Dash showed up, and Dash started kissing me before she realized Sweetie was there, and it was pretty awkward all ’round. And I guess Sweetie was the one who ended up leaving so me and Dash could hang out. Stuff like that.

It really came to a head one weekend, about a month and a half since the Pinkie party. Sweetie came to see me earlier in the week and make sure I was going to be free that Friday, so I made sure to tell Dash I was going to be busy that day.

Right as Sweetie came to the door that Friday, I could tell she was there to start a fight. “Since when do we have to schedule out time to hang out like this?” she snipped at me without even a “hi”.

“Really? That’s your opening comment? You’re barely inside yet—sure you wouldn’t like to sit down before tearing into me?” Even with how pointed she could get when she was saying stuff about me and Dash around that time, she usually put on at least a friendly pretense first.

She scowled as she brushed past me coming inside, floating a brown paper bag beside her. At least she’d brought wine. “I’m not ‘tearing into’ you! We just have to talk about some things.”

“Oh, we do, do we?”

“Yes, we do!” She spun to look at me. “You’re spending way more time with Dash than with me! We hardly ever hang out any more!”

I let out a breath. It’s not like I hadn’t seen this coming. That didn’t make me want to deal with it, however. “Alright, have a seat. I’m going to go open up the wine.”

I took a few moments opening up the wine and getting out glasses to try and get myself in a way where I wouldn’t just tear right back into Sweetie. I knew that wouldn’t help anything.

I got back into the room and set the glasses on the coffee table for Sweetie to pour. It was easier for her to do with her magic. She made no move to do so, though.

“Okay,” I started, “first I just want to say that Rainbow is an important part of my life right now, too, Sweetie.” It was what I had come up with while opening the wine. I was pretty proud of that answer.

“ ‘Important’? In exactly what way are you two ‘important’ to each other, then?” she went off out of nowhere. “What exactly is there between you two at all?”

That was a low blow. I felt totally wronged after trying to be all diplomatic. All the picking and digging she’d been doing over the last weeks at how things were between me and Dash fully cut through right then. I couldn’t take any more of that. I totally lost it.

“Damn bucking hay, Sweetie, I don’t know what me and Dash are, and you bucking know that!” I burst, throwing my hooves up. She would get her bucking fight if that’s what she was looking for. “You damn well know I’m crazy about Dash, and yeah, it kind of really sucks not knowing what we are—thanks for bringing that up all the friggin time. Cut me some bucking slack, already!”

She huffed and turned away from me. “Oh, don’t you sound like such a wronged victim when you say it like that—so now you can just cut me right out of your life and it’s all fine, right?”

“What?! That’s the bucking dumbest—” I broke off, staggered at how dumb it was. How did she even come up with stuff like that? “Are you impaired?! Just because I’m hanging out with Dash a bit doesn’t mean I’m cutting you out of my life or some shit! Is that what this is about? That’s totally ridiculous. Where’s this even coming from?”

“It’s not ridiculous,” she said, much quieter. “You’re so stupidly in love with her that the whole rest of the world stops when you’re with her.” She was staring at the bottle of wine, still untouched, the two empty glasses beside it. “How do I even compete with that? It’s bullshit.”

I sighed. “No, this is bullshit. Right now. All this. Can’t we just hang out like we used to? I miss hanging out like we used to.”

“What, so because now I’m being weird about things, it’s a bother to hang out with me?”

I rolled my eyes. “How could you say that when you’re obviously such a joy to be around lately.” I leaned forwards and grabbed the bottle of wine, sloshing some into the two glasses. “Come on, let’s just try spending time together like two normal ponies who are friends. Can we try that?”

Sweetie gave me an even stare, then huffed and levitated up her glass of wine. I picked mine up and clinked it with hers.

“See, how hard is that?”

“Like walking on two legs.”

My brow fell straight. “Oh, come on.”

“Well, if you stop ditching me to spend time with Dash, I’ll stop freaking out so much.”

“So I’ve just got to break it off with Dash and things’ll go back to being completely normal between us?”

She hummed. “...Yes. I think that’d help a lot. Let’s give that a try and see how it goes.”

I leaned back on the couch. “But what would we talk about if I stopped sleeping with Dash? What could possibly be interesting enough to fill the giant gap in conversation it would leave?”

Neither of us said anything for a while. It was totally quiet besides the slight humming of Sweetie’s magic shimmering around her glass of wine. The evening sun caught on it, too, shining through the window, annoyingly bright and nice.

“You could start calling me ‘Sweets’ again and we could talk about comic books.”

I glanced at her, and took a sip of wine.

“Hey, Sweets, want to talk about comic books?”

“Not really. And don’t call me that.”

I sighed and lay back on the couch. “Come on, seriously, talk to me. Tell me about stuff.”

“What about you? Why don’t you tell me all the stuff you’re always gushing to Dash about?”

I put my glass down and tilted my head back. “Celestia, I swear you’re more obsessed with that pony than I am.”

“You’ve finally figured it out—I’m just so in love with Rainbow Dash. I can’t bear to see you two together. I want to hang out with you so much in order to keep you two apart so I can one day have Dash to myself.” She took a drink of wine. “It’s crazy, but my insane jealousy drives me to do it.”

“That’s not that funny.”

“What, does me making fun of your life-long Dash obsession offend you?”

“No, it just actually wasn’t that funny.”

“Whatever. I’m not apologizing either way.” She tossed back all of what was left of her wine and dropped the glass back down on the table. We sat in silence for a while. “I really am jealous, though,” she said quietly after a moment. “And not about Dash.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty obvious.”

“No, really—I’m really jealous.”

“Yeah, I get it.”

She turned to look at me, her brow set straight. “No, I don’t think you properly do. Seriously, I mean it. I’m really—”

“Yeah. No. Really. I got it.” And I did. All at once, I did, and a whole lot of things made a lot more sense.

Suddenly, all I could think about how she’d never actually told me before if she was into mares or not. I’d never asked. I didn’t know the type of pony she liked, whether she wanted to get married and have foals one day, or if she wanted to live somewhere other than Ponyville at some point. I hadn’t even asked her if she wanted to be roommates after my lease expired. It hit me that we’d probably never be roommates, and it made me really depressed suddenly.

Sweetie looked away from me. “Well, okay. Then you get it. So you know that I’m not going to be able to be normal around you while you’re seeing Dash.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah. It really does.”

We both just sat there. Suddenly, it was excruciating. I was so depressed and also so mad at Sweetie I could barely stay there. I knew that wasn’t fair, but I was.

“Go ahead,” she said. She glanced over. “It’s killing you to sit here.” She lay back on the couch. “If you’re waiting for me to start on about how I’m just so obsessed with you, and go on and on about how long I’ve felt that way or something, I’ll save you the time by saying you’re not going to hear it.”

“Sweetie...” I trailed off. She just looked at me, giving plenty of time for me to say anything if I was going to.

“See? There’s nothing to say. Neither of us is going to apologize or something like that, because neither of us is sorry or wants to hear an apology. So go to Rainbow Dash.”

Sweetie was kicking me out of my own house and also being infuriatingly assumptive, and I couldn’t even say anything because I really was going to fly off to Dash’s place the moment after Sweetie would’ve left. It really pissed me off, but what pissed me off more was that I couldn’t tell if I was pissed because she knew that, pissed because of the way she was acting, or pissed because of the fact that all I wanted to do was to fly off to Dash. So I just left.

As I flew into the sky and away from my place, I couldn’t get over how much it felt like we’d just broken up. She’d probably collect all her stuff she usually left at my place and everything. I wondered if we wouldn’t have to sit down and divide up the comic books, even.

I realized we had been kind of like ponies dating. Like, it was exclusive, in a lot of ways. I’d say it didn’t even have to be Dash, specifically—if I’d gotten in any kind of relationship with a pony, I bet almost the same thing would’ve happened. I didn’t know if it was her fault or my fault that our friendship had become like that, but what I did know was that I really kind of felt like crying.

Dash had said she’d be coming down the next day, and, as crazy as staying at her place waiting for her to get back was, it was what I was going to do. I suddenly wished I could just drop in on Rainbow Dash as easily as she could always drop in on me.

I flew across Ponyville till I got to Dash’s cloud home. I knew where she kept a spare key, so I let myself in. Right as I got inside I started feeling better. I knew it was a bit nuts, and sounds pretty nuts, but I really did start to feel better right away. I think a lot of it was just the distance from Sweetie. Like, I was up in a cloud where she couldn’t come. I needed to be away from her right then.

Once I was inside, though, I couldn’t really focus on anything. I just kind of went spot to spot listlessly—picking up a book and putting it down again, pouring a glass of water and leaving it on the counter. I thought about pulling out some of Dash’s cider, but I was pretty close to feeling pathetic about sitting around Dash’s place while she wasn’t even there, and getting on the wrong side of a bottle or six of cider would’ve been more than my self-image could handle just then. I thought about going back out and running some tricks or just flying around to get my mind off things, but as restless as I felt, it was still just comforting to be in Dash’s house.

I somehow killed enough time until it was late enough that I could make an argument for going to bed. It was a bit weird being in Dash’s bed without her there, but nowhere near as weird as it was just totally comforting or something. Even though it was still pretty early, I fell asleep no problem.

* * *

The next day I woke up really early. I made breakfast then just sat around holding a book open in front of me in case I managed to focus enough to actually read it. It was all I could do to stop myself thinking about how the buck I was going to try and explain to Dash what in Equestria I was doing, because I don’t think I could’ve explained it to myself.

Dash didn’t get back till the evening, and my nerves were completely shot by the time I finally heard her coming in the door. I just kind of jumped up and went to go see her before she really got inside.

“Uh... hi,” I said. She looked surprised for a second, then said “hi” back. “Um, stuff happened. I mean, it’s no big deal, except it kind of is, and I think I’m kind of freaking out or whatever. I stayed here last night. I hope that’s cool.”

She tossed off her saddlebags and took a few steps towards me. “Oh, yeah, for sure. You come whenever you want,” she said. “What’s going on? Something happen yesterday?” She looked a bit worried.

“Yeah, it’s—I’m actually feeling better about stuff now.” And I really did. “Uh, can we talk about it later?”

“Yeah. No problem. But hey, you should’ve just come to my Cloudsdale place,” she said. “Uh, unless that was too much trouble, or whatever.”

“Oh. No, that—I don’t know where you place is.”

“Shit, really? Well buck, I’ll give you the address, definitely.”

“Isn’t—aren’t you busy there? Isn’t it a bother if I drop in on you in Cloudsdale?”

“Well, I don’t exactly have lots of free time, but I do gotta come back at some point. You know, if you just need to see me or whatever.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“Yeah. I mean, I totally owe you, anyway.” She glanced to the side. “You’re always around when I drop in on you.” She snapped back to look at me. “But even if I didn’t owe you, it’d be fine, I didn’t mean, that, uh—”

“Will you kiss me?” I asked.

“Yeah.” She leaned in and her lips touched mine. I felt her move to break away after a moment, and I reached around the back of her heard with my forelegs to pull her back into the kiss. I flared out my wings to stay balanced on my hind legs, and dragged her over to the couch, still kissing. We flopped onto it, and just lay there making out. Everything was Dash’s lips and her body pressed against mine, and my mind went mercifully blank. After a while, we stopped kissing and I just lay against her. I still felt kind of pathetic, but I felt way more calm. And Dash didn’t say anything and just held me back.

Eventually we got up and got something ready for supper, neither of us really saying much, but it was really comfortable. After supper, Dash suddenly looked up at me with a smile. “Hey, let’s go flying!”

“What, really? The sun’s already down.”

“Yeah, I know. There’s somewhere I want to go. Come on!”

I really couldn’t put together a response to that, and kind of just stared at her.

“Seriously, let’s go.” She reached out her hoof and smiled at me—this captivating smile that took me completely away from anything making me feel shitty. I took her hoof.

Soon we were out flying over Ponyville. Just as we reached the edge of the town, she banked and descended. I glanced at her as we landed.

“Well, I’m not about to fly around the trees out here at night.” She winked. “I’m not completely insane.”

I came up beside her and we started walking. She bumped up against me. “Plus,” she said, “walking’s kind of nice, too. Sometimes.” I couldn’t help but grin and nuzzled up to her as we walked.

I still had no idea where we were going, but I was fine to blindly let her lead me. It was a warm night with only a hint of a chill left in the air—just enough for it to be sort of refreshing or something.

I couldn’t say how long it was, but soon I recognized where she was taking us, and a few moments later we came to a clearing where the pond where we used to go swimming sometimes was.

Without a word, Dash slipped away from me and flew up into the air, hung for a moment, then dropped into the water. The splash cut out through the quiet night, trailed by the rippling slosh of the wake. She broke the silence again as she reemerged, tossing her mane out of her face and throwing drops of water glittering through the light of the moon. I kind of wanted to just stay where I was and watch, but after a moment she waved me in.

I stayed on the ground, walking to the edge of the water and waded in. The icy bite of the water nipped at my legs, slowly climbing up as I went. Once it was past my knees I lowered myself in and spread my wings. The way water went over my wings always felt sort of like flying, but drawn way out, so much thicker as it tugged through my feathers than air during flight. Like flying in slow motion.

As soon as it was deep enough I dove under. I lazily beat my wings and kicked with a hoof to push me through the water. Opening my eyes, I could make out the form of Dash and propelled myself towards her. I resurfaced about a wing’s length from where she was treading water.

Dash’s mane clung to the side of her face, the colours muted to almost grey in the night except for the sharp white highlights of the moonlight on her wet hair. I waded closer and put my forelegs around her neck. The water slapped and splashed around us for the few moments it took to match up the rhythm of our wing-beats keeping us afloat. Our bodies softly jostled together, the water lapping at our necks, and I could feel her breath, cold against my wet coat.

It was soothing and entrancing, and I hardly knew where I was. I’d left behind everything real or bothersome. Real and bothersome. It was just Dash and the water and the moonlight and we kissed. There was the warmth of her lips and her body against the chill of the water and the night air and the constant movement of our wings keeping up afloat in the absolute stillness of the night.

Time kind of ran into itself, and I have no idea how long we were kissing. At some point we separated, swam around, dove underwater and kissed some more around a storm of bubbles streaming up to the surface. At some point we found ourselves lying on our backs at the edge of the pond, our back legs still in the water. We both had our wings splayed out ridiculously to the sides to dry.

“Thanks,” I said.

“Yeah,” Dash said back. It was the first either of us had spoken since we got there.

“Sorry for being all weird.”

Dash half sat up, propping herself up on her foreleg. “Hey, I’m weird around you all the time. You be as weird as you want.”

“What am I to you?” I asked out of nowhere. “What are we?”

She blinked, and opened her mouth to speak but hesitated. My heart was pounding like mad.

“Well, you’re my girlfriend,” she said. “Like, we’re dating, right? Like lovers.”

“Lovers?”

“Yeah. I mean, I... yeah. Lovers.”

I could feel my heart beat right up in my head. I glanced over. Dash was looking at me. Our eyes met and Dash looked away, then met my gaze again after a moment. With the moon throwing sharp shadows from its spots of light I couldn’t really make enough sense of Dash’s face to tell what expression she had on. I wondered if she was blushing as crazy as I was.

“I’m... happy,” I said, plainly. “It’s—that makes me really happy.”

“Oh,” said Dash, and after a pause she said, “I’m glad.” She lay down on her back. We just lay there, drying out waterlogged wings.

“I had a fight with Sweetie.”

“Ah.” She was quiet for a moment. “Was it about me?”

I almost felt like making a crack about her ego and her assuming that it was about her, but I realized pretty quick that it wouldn’t really be funny, and actually was the most obvious answer as well as the truth.

“Yeah,” I said. “But really, I think it would’ve been about the same if it was anypony, not just you.”

“Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better.” The way she said it, I got the feeling she’d started it as a joke but it’d turned itself into a statement halfway through.

“I just mean that me and Sweetie had—well, I don’t know. But there wasn’t room for anypony else, probably. So I’m glad this isn’t—I’m glad we’re lovers.”

I rolled over and climbed up the rest of the bank, pulling my back legs out of the water. I closed and opened my wings—they were still a bit damp.

“But I guess there’s no way me and Sweetie are going to be roommates now. It’s funny, I just always had thought I'd be renewing my lease and she'd be moving in. Like it was a done deal. Even though neither of us even mentioned it once. I wonder what I’m going to do about my place.”

Rainbow Dash got up, too. She started to talk, then broke off and shuffled her wings. She opened her mouth again. “You know, if you want, I think you could probably stay at my Ponyville place.”

I blinked. “Like, until I find a new place?”

“No, like, for living there. You could live there. It could be your place, too.” She spread her wings and beat them a few times. Little drops of water sparkled from them. “I mean, you’d have it to yourself most of the time. It’d be really convenient because it just sits there empty, and I am still paying the mortgage on it.” She looked over at me. “Oh, I wouldn’t charge you much or anything though!”

“And the rest of the time... it’d be like living together?”

“Yeah.” She looked back at her wings as she closed them. “If that sounds too crazy right now, no problem, I was just thinking—”

“Yes. I-I really want that. I want to do that.”

“Oh. Okay. Awesome. Sounds good.”

We caught each other’s eye and both started smiling. During the walk back towards Ponyville, our wings still held out while they finished drying, neither of us could wipe the smiles off our faces.

8 - Over It, Probably

I walked up to the cafe. The name Edgewise was on the front of it—I knew it well from the times we used to go there. I remembered how going to it would’ve gone hoof-in-hoof with a warm pleasant feeling, largely because it would’ve been just the first part of a bunch of things we were going to do in the day.

This time was different, though. Going to the cafe was the main event. It didn’t feel quite right—in the same way that the last few months hadn’t felt right. Ever since Scootaloo moved in with Rainbow Dash. Ever since I said too much and Scootaloo figured out how I felt about her. I was at the cafe because she sent me a letter saying she wanted to meet up. It was the first time I’d heard from Scootaloo in three months.

If I went through that door and everything went badly, would we just fall back out of each other’s lives again? Even if it went well, would we say we both wanted to hang out more, and both really mean it, but then go back to our lives and never get around to it? A part of me wanted to just go home.

But I went in, and saw Scootaloo almost immediately. I had forgotten how much I liked seeing her. I mean that literally—just seeing her made me happy. I wondered if it was because it was Scootaloo, or because it was me, or because of both those reasons. There were two coffees on her table, one in front of her, and one across from her.

I walked through the cafe and sat down at her table.

“Hey, Sweetie,” Scootaloo said. “I, uh, ordered you a coffee already. I hope it’s still hot, I ordered it a while ago. I mean, not too long ago—I wasn’t waiting really long or anything, just... yeah.”

“Thanks” I said. I took a drink. It was made the way I liked it, but it wasn’t very hot anymore. Scootaloo had hardly touched her drink, though.

“So, how’s it been?” she asked, looking at her cup, glancing at me briefly.

Good.” I said. “It’s been good. Different, though.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

She moved her drink around on the table a bit.

“Different how?” She looked up at me.

“Oh, in a few different ways. I learned to cook, for one.”

She smiled. “What? No way. You could barely chop vegetables without dismembering yourself.”

“Really!” I said. “It was that or eat instant meals three times a day.”

“I definitely thought you’d just eat instant meals everyday.”

It felt like there was a bit of a comfortable warmth back.

“How’s it been going for you?” I asked.

Her face fell. It was subtle, but I saw it.

“It’s good.”

“Oh,” I said.

I held my coffee cup in my magic, swirling it around so the coffee touched the rim without spilling over. I didn’t know if I should push or not. There was a good chance it was going to be about Rainbow Dash, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear anything about the two of them, good or bad. It’d been three months since they moved in together. I had come to terms with it in that time, for the most part. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to hold up to something like that, though. The first month after they’d moved in together was really hard for me. I didn’t want to ever feel like that again.

“So how’s the old place?” Scootaloo asked.

“Same as ever. I didn’t change much.”

“It was half your stuff even back when I lived there.”

“It’s still half your stuff, now,” I said.

She made the same face as before. “I know. I’ll get it if I need it.”

I’d moved into Scootaloo’s old place after she’d moved in with Rainbow Dash. It was the most convenient option at the time. I really needed to move out of my sister’s by then, and a lot of my stuff was at Scootaloo’s, anyway. And that way, Scootaloo didn’t need to find a place to store all of her things that there wasn’t room for at Rainbow Dash’s. On top of that—honestly, I’d always coveted the place.

It was difficult, trying to get over Scootaloo while being in her place, surrounded by all her old things and the memories of her. I wish I’d thought more about that before I moved in there. I wasn’t thinking very clearly at the time, to say the least. But I think it was good, in a way, because when I finally got over her, I knew that I really had gotten over her, and that I wasn’t just hiding from it.

Seeing Scootaloo right at that moment was different, though. There was a big difference between memories of a pony and the pony herself. Still, I was keeping it together. A part of me wanted to test out just how much I had really gotten over Scootaloo. I had gone through a lot to get to that point, and I thought I should be confident about it.

The first month living on my own after they had moved in together had been terrible for me—though part of the reason was because of how poorly I handled it. I isolated myself, and steeped myself in the feeling of being deliciously heartbroken, knowing it was for the best that we kept our distance from each other for a while, accepting being away from her as some kind of penance for foolishly letting myself fall in love with my best friend. I wonder if being overdramatic runs in the family or if I was just imitating Rarity because her over-blown parodies of emotions were everything I knew about heartbreak. The self pity wore thin pretty quickly, but I kept running through the motions long after the strange miserable pleasure had worn away.

I was stuck in that rut for just over a month. I remember exactly when I came out of it. The first Tuesday in August, it rained, and kept raining for four days in a row. Scootaloo wasn’t there to warn me about it and tell me why so much rain had to be scheduled. I sat there, wondering how long it was going to rain, and for the first time, it really felt like she was gone. She wasn’t a part of my life—she was with Rainbow Dash instead of me.

Everything I had been dreading had come true. I thought Scootaloo and a I would be close friends again one day, but she wasn’t there right then, and what’s more, I hadn’t gone to see her.

I felt like I had been running along, and then had come to a ledge. I ran right off the ledge and fell, and kept falling.

My life up to that point had always been leading to something. When I got to that something, I’d see that there was something else I had to start heading towards. First it was school, then my dream of being a singer, then moving out of my sister’s. Trying to end up with Scootaloo. During it all, I felt like I was just passing through. Every moment had been temporary—transitory.

Then there I was.

I was living on my own, I had my singing, and I wouldn’t ever be with Scootaloo. Everything had lead to that point—had lead to those days, with the rain outside that kept going and that I didn’t know when would stop. What came after that? There was nothing concrete. I just had forever.

I knew there’d be other things that would happen in my life, but nothing was leading me anywhere anymore. I just was. There was no pressure from my sister, from my desires to achieve something, or from my feelings towards my best friend anymore. If I didn’t get anything done tomorrow and just sat around, performing enough to meet expenses, well... then nothing happened. No one would be disappointed, not even me.

I’d never felt so calm and so terrified, realizing that.

It stopped raining, and it was like a wall had come down. The first thing I did was clean up my place, and I think I did it largely because I realized no one would care if I cleaned up or not. There was no one to make a big deal about it either way, so it was fine. I got a couple of simple recipes from some of the ponies I sang with, I bought some real groceries, and I tried to make some real food. After a while I didn’t feel like I needed to keep a fire extinguisher and a box of bandaids within arm’s reach anymore.

I washed dishes instead of leaving them around, and I’d put stuff aways as soon as I was done using it. It was subtle, but at some point it’d started to feel like it was more trouble leaving stuff lying around than it was to deal with it. So I dealt with it. I still felt like I’d ran off a ledge and was falling, but the falling felt less terrifying. I was free falling—free of everything at the same time I was falling. I felt like I had some time before I hit anything on the way down.

I had Rarity over for lunch at one point. We talked and laughed like we used to before I started living with her. She was amazed how clean I kept everything, and that I’d made food for her without burning my house down at all. She made a bigger deal about that than she would’ve if I’d made lead soprano for the Canterlot Opera, but it was fine. I wasn’t living with her anymore, so all the things that annoyed me about her were fine, because after, she would leave and I would go back to answering to nobody but me, so it was fine. And when she left, she said it was a shame we didn’t see each other more often, and I agreed with her. We promised to have lunch or coffee at least once a week when she was in town.

It was a different circumstance with Scootaloo, but I wanted to be that way with her, too. It probably wasn’t a coincidence that Scootaloo invited me out to coffee out of the blue right when there was clearly something bothering her. I felt that after all I had gone through to get over her, the least I should be able to do was talk to her about the things that were bothering her.

I looked up at Scootaloo. “Are... you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, totally,” said Scootaloo.

I just looked at her.

“Well, mostly,” she said. Then she rubbed the side of her face. “Okay, maybe... it’s not so great right now.”

“Oh?” I said.

“I mean... I don’t want it to seem like I just invited you out because, well, you know...”

“But it was the reason you invited me.”

The hoof on the side of her face moved around to smoosh the front of it.

“I’ve been wanting to see you for a while—I mean I was thinking of calling on you, but... blah.” She put her hoof under her chin, and her elbow on the table. “It’s really great to see you though. Really. It’s been a while.”

I could tell she meant it. Scootaloo didn’t say much she didn’t mean, and I missed that.

“It’s okay,” I said. “It’s great to see you too.” I took a sip of coffee. “And anyway, I think it’s fine—whatever the reason, it gave us an excuse to see each other. That’s good.”

“Yeah,” said Scootaloo. “I guess. It’s just kind of about... I mean, I don’t want—like, if you—”

It was obviously about Rainbow Dash. “I get it. Thanks, but I’ll be okay.” I hoped I would be okay. “Just go ahead and tell me whatever it is, just like always.” I just had to keep it together until I was back home. Then I could cry or celebrate or whatever I needed to do.

“Well, okay. It’s like...” she thought about it for a moment. “I’m keeping Dash together. But, like, all the time.”

“What do you mean?”

“She—kay, remember back with all that stuff with the trial? When she was getting ready to try out for the Alpha Squadron? And then that stuff with Dust? It’s like it’s not actually over. Or, just that there’s more. After that was done, it was just right on to the next thing. Or maybe it actually was the first one—it just wasn’t ever really over.”

“But you were so excited about being there to help out Rainbow Dash during the Wonderbolt trials,” I said. That was fine—I just wanted her to clarify why it was she was feeling bad about that now. That’s what I told myself. The light from the beautiful day streaming in was a bit brighter and the smell of coffee in the cafe was a bit more pleasant all of a sudden. It didn’t make me an awful pony for noticing what a fine day it was.

She sighed and rubbed her ear. “Yeah, that’s just it, isn’t it? That’s where this all started—and it’s basically gone nowhere from there.”

“Where do you want it to go?” I asked.

“I don’t know. It’s just I’m always—there, in her friggin Ponyville house just waiting around to see if she’s going to want to pop down from Cloudsdale or not. Or more like, to see if she’s gonna have a breakdown or whatever and need me.” She rubbed her face again. “I mean, it’s not that bad. She’s not always like that when she sees me, and I keep busy when she’s not there—I got work and stuff, and I hang out with work friends sometimes, but I don’t know.” She moved her cup around on the table but didn’t drink from it. “I mean, it was fine for that first month during the off season—I mean more than fine. Like, that was an amazing month.” She started to get this smile.

“So what changed after that month?” I asked. The smile went away.

“I never know when she’s going to be back. I don’t really know what she’s doing, even—I got the outline of her schedule, but it’s kind of vague, you know? I don’t know which breaks are going to be long enough for her to come back or if she’s still needed there, and then they’re always going off on tours. Like right now she’s in Manehatten, I think.” She slumped in her chair. “She’s off living her dream and whatever. And with Dust there, too. Always friggin Dust. I’m not jealous, it’s just...” She trailed off.

“Just what?”

“...Just that I’m jealous, I guess.” She gave me a bit of a smile. Then she put her arms on the table, and her chin on those. “Ah, this is ridiculous. I’m making it sound worse than it is, probably. I don’t know.”

“I... don’t think I can say anything to that. Or rather, I don’t think I should try to say anything to that.”

“Yeah, I know.”

The pony she cared about the most spent all her time with some other pony, and she hardly ever saw her anymore. I didn’t have to guess to know how Scootaloo felt. And right then I knew what it was like seeing that pony again briefly, while knowing they were going to disappear again as soon as we were done here.

“You two love each other, though,” I said. I thought it best to stick to stock phrases. “I’m sure it’ll work out.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“Yeah I am. But I do want you to be happy.”

“I’m happy when I’m around you like this.” She took the hoof out from under her chin, and poked at her cup. “I mean, not happy, really. I’m not happy right now, but I feel... something.”

“ ‘Something’?” My insides were tugging at each other.

“Like, content or whatever.” She was mumbling into her arm, slumped on the table like a bored child. “I forgot how great it is being just being around you. It’s really great, just this. Maybe I should’ve... ah, I don’t know. It’s just—”

Something won my internal battle, at that. Frustration and anger boiled up above everything else. That was more than I was willing to put up with.

“Okay, stop right there, please,” I said, but not in a way that seemed like there should’ve been a “please” in it.

Her head snapped up.

“No,” she said, “I just meant—”

“If you give me some stupid piece of hope to cling onto now, after all of this, I really will hate you. And probably keep right on being in love with you forever.”

She slumped back down. “Sorry.”

“You better be.”

There was real hurt in Scootaloo’s face. She meant what she said in a completely honest way—maybe even naively. I felt terrible.

I couldn’t keep it together after all. Those months of getting over it were nothing next to an eternity of being in love with her. Why was it that being in love with her stopped me from being able to do anything for her when she needed it? Useless. What a useless feeling. It got in the way to the point where I couldn’t do anything except act terribly. It stopped me from being able to enjoy being around her. How could a feeling like that possibly do any good for anyone? Useless.

Besides, I knew I couldn’t let myself read too much into their lovers problems—it was just a few minor hiccups along the way. If it was really bad, and Scootaloo couldn’t stand it any more, she’d leave Rainbow Dash without a second thought. No one could make Scootaloo do anything she didn’t want to—not even Rainbow Dash. Definitely not me.

I expected Scootaloo to leave, but she stayed seated. “Hey,” she said, “can I stay over at your place tonight? I haven’t been there since you moved in. I kind of want to see it. And... I don’t really want to go home tonight.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Mmm, maybe not. Can I come over anyway?”

Maybe I should’ve said no. “Okay,” I said.

So she did. We walked over to my place, her old place, and it was weird to reach for the key myself instead of Scootaloo. It was almost like old times, but it felt weird.

Scootaloo went and sat on the couch and I offered her a drink which she said no to.

“Oh hey,” she said, “have you been keeping up with Stables? I totally got back into it!”

“I haven’t really been reading Stables,” I said. I hadn’t read comics in awhile.

“Oh,” she said.

I couldn’t do it. I hadn’t fully stepped in the house yet. I couldn’t.

“It’s fine if you want to stay here, but I’m going to go stay at Rarity’s.”

“Oh,” Scootaloo said.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“Okay,” she said.

“Here, I’ll leave you the key, just leave it under the mat when you go.”

“Okay.”

I left.

I didn’t feel great about it, and I worried I had wronged her somehow. Still, I felt like I owed it to myself. I was sure it'd be better for me than staying there with her. I felt like I might be acting like a bad friend, but I’m pretty sure I stopped being able to be a good friend as soon as I fell in love with her.

Rarity was surprised when I showed up at her place asking if I could stay over, but she didn’t make a big deal about it. I didn’t explain anything to her, but she understood somehow. We just had tea and hardly talked, but it was nice.

I felt like I had made a sensible decision. Even if I wasn’t as over it as I hoped I’d been, I was sure this was a step in the right direction. Whatever that was worth.

9 - Like Ten Years Ago

So Sweetie Belle let me stay at my old place, which was now her place, but she stayed with her sister.

It was pretty weird.

It was weird enough staying at my old place again. There was more of Sweetie’s stuff here, but mostly all of my old stuff, still. It really was pretty much the same as it was before. Actually a bit cleaner. A lot cleaner, really. There were no dishes lying around or books or anything. And, like, she’d dusted recently. Maybe it was strange that I noticed that she’d dusted, but I did.

It really threw me off, to be honest, her having just dusted. She didn’t know I’d be coming over, so it wasn’t like she just cleaned up because she was having company. Even the glass top part of my little lamp that I’d left there was like totally spotless. I had left the lamp and everything and it was all tidier and generally better off.

Sweetie could cook now. She was getting all her shit together and I felt like everything was flying off the handle for me. Like, it wasn’t that bad, but, well, sometimes it felt like it was. I was in this total support role for Dash—like I was on permanent reserve for her, on call for her problems. Sometimes—well, more than sometimes lately—I would just be sitting there in her place while she was off being amazing and having it all, and what the hay was I doing when she wasn’t there.

I don’t know. In some ways I felt like I was just kind of existing. Maybe I’m exaggerating, looking back on it all now. I mean, I really feel like—I want to feel like—if it was as bad as how I’m making it seem like now, I would’ve tried to change something. Like talking to Dash about it, or just getting the hay out of there. Then again, maybe not.

Now that I’m past all of it, I can say with a bit of confidence that being in the middle of a spot like that, it somehow feels like the relationship is the most important thing in the whole world, and keeping it going takes priority over everything else ever.

I guess staying at my old place made me get a bit of a clue about that. Until then, I was kind of just going by in a daze—like it started off so good, I felt like if I could just push through how it was just then, then everything would go back to the way it used to be. And it really had been so good that I think if it had, it’d have been worth it all.

I felt better, being in my old place again—or I don’t know if “better” is the right word, exactly. I felt like I had gotten some distance from Dash, though. Even just the smell of the place was pretty much the same, and it really did take me back to that time before. It didn’t smell like anything specific—just like the wood and carpet and stuff made it smell a certain way. I could remember what it felt like to be the me I was when I lived there, and I could compare it a bit to the me I was at that moment.

I’m not sure I knew exactly what that was—I mean I could kind of feel what it was like, but I couldn’t quite put it into thoughts even then, so there’s no way I could put it into words, now. I will say that I wasn’t exactly happy or sad or something simple like that, comparing the two. It just felt like, “Oh. So that’s where I am.”

But I didn’t really feel the way I was just then, because I was feeling the way I used to feel? But I wasn’t sure if I’d remember the way I used to feel once I felt like the way I did feel again. It’s a bit rough, trying to work through that, but it was a really clear and simple type of feeling while I was having it, or whatever.

Anyway, I somehow fell asleep during all that, and the next morning I left right away and felt like the me I was then, again.

* * *

As I flew to Dash’s place where I was living, I realized I hadn't really thought about the fact that me and Sweetie weren’t seeing much of each other. I mean, I knew we weren’t, but I knew that she’d been kind of totally in love with me, so she needed to not see me for a while, right? And apparently, it was exactly what she needed, because she seemed to be doing a lot better and getting everything together in her life.

She was mostly over me by that point, and we could go back to hanging out, probably. I wondered if it’d be different, though. Like, she said she’d been in love with me for about a bazillion years. How much of the way we were back then was because of that? Like, would she still want to hang out with me as much as we used to if she didn’t feel that way towards me anymore? I liked how much we used to hang out back then.

I also wondered if the sort of dynamic between us had come from her being in love with me, and I suddenly felt like maybe the only reason she had put up with so much of my shit was because of that. Maybe I’d just totally piss her off now, if we saw each other as much as we did back then.

I mean, looking back on it, there was definitely a kind of something between us. I want to say something like sexual tension, but it’s not that. Me and Apple Bloom, I’d say, maybe had bit of sexual tension, but never me and Sweetie. I think it was like the opposite of tension, but still with a kind of attraction. Like a comfort, rather than a tension—but it’s not like I can exactly go around calling it “sexual comfort.”

I wanted to ask Dash about it, right at that moment. She and Dust seemed to have something like that between them, and then they dated, broke up, and moved on to whatever they had now. I felt like that was something she could relate to. Comfort. Sorta-romantic comfort. There, that’ll do for now. I though me and Dash probably could’ve had a really good talk about it, and she could’ve helped me out with all this stuff with Sweetie Belle.

But there was no way we’d have that conversation.

If I even just mentioned Dust, Dash would go off about how I was being jealous, and I wouldn’t get a straight answer out of her. And the thing is, I actually would be totally jealous, and wouldn’t even be able to keep talking about it, probably.

And that made me think about how I wasn’t a big part of Dash’s life, just then. I mean, I knew actually I was, but still. It was like, there were so many other parts to Dash’s life, I didn’t know how high on that list I got put.

Sometimes I worried I was just this little secret side bit to her life. And in a way, I guess, that was kind of awesome, but I don’t know. It wasn’t like I was actually a secret or anything. Her Ponyville friends knew about us. They kind of took it... strangely. But they were all accepting of it eventually. Or, at least said they were accepting of it. I didn’t really know for sure because I never really went out with Dash and her friends that much. Because, well, I didn’t really want to, more than anything.

Dash always asked if I wanted to come along but I always said no. Fluttershy didn’t bring Mac hardly ever when they went out all together, so it’d have felt weird for me to come along, I thought. Also hanging out with my best friends’ big sisters would’ve been pretty weird in that kind of situation, so that was that.

What really got to me wasn’t just that, though—it was all the stuff with the Wonderbolts. She would be telling me all these amazing things she was doing and experiencing, that I could never be a part of even if I wanted to. Lighting Dust could, though, of course, and was. It was still always with Lighting Dust that she was doing all these crazy thing with, even though Dust was still part of the reserve fliers, but whatever. They had apparently made up about all the stuff that got between them during the Alpha Squadron trials, and went back to being great friends again.

I didn’t want to talk to Dash about Dust. I couldn’t. We would never have that conversation. Maybe it would’ve been something we could’ve talked about if she really was my sister.

* * *

I got home and Dash was there. She wasn’t happy about something.

“Hey, where were you?” she asked, frowning. “I was hoping to spend the night with you last night, but you weren’t here. I gotta go now.”

Back even a few weeks ago, that would have broke me right up. I waited a moment to see if that awful depressing twinging would go through me that came from missing an awesome opportunity. It didn’t come. I sort of tried to feel it, even, but I still didn’t.

“I was out with Sweetie Belle,” I said.

“All night?”

“Yeah. We hung out like old times, got drunk, so I crashed at her place.”

I didn’t tell her that Sweetie Belle had stayed at her sister’s, leaving me there on my own. It would’ve sounded weird, and kind of pathetic or something. Plus, even if I had slept in the actual same bed with Sweetie, I didn’t feel Dash had a right to complain, with all the time she spent with Dust.

I walked in and tossed myself on the couch. “Problem with that?” I asked.

Dash just looked at me for a minute.

“No. Whatever.” She finished packing a bag with stuff she needed as she prepared to leave for another who-knows-how-long something-or-other with the Wonderbolts. “It’s fine. It’s good you’re hanging out again.”

“That’s all?”

“What?” she stopped and looked up at me, still holding something in the air above the bag. “What do you want me to say? I mean, I’m a little pissed you were with Sweetie Belle last night and not me. That’s fair, right?”

I couldn’t let that go. “Oh, so you’re being totally rational here, but if I say anything about you being around Dust all the friggin time, I’m being stupid and jealous?”

She tossed the thing she was holding down into the bag. “What the hell Scootaloo—you trying to start a fight? I don’t have time for this right now. I’m going to be late.”

“No, that’s fine. Just take off.”

She stopped by the door and threw her hoof up in the air. “What do you want from me here?”

“I want to hear that you’re totally jealous about this so I’m allowed to feel jealous about Dust!”

Dash stood by the door and just sort of rustled her wings.

“My point is,” I said, “it’s that—right there. That’s what I feel when you talk about all the stuff you do with Dust.”

“Well... yeah,” said Dash. “I mean, I know. You’re not the first pony ever to feel jealous. But L.D. knows nothing’s going to happen between her and me again. I thought we’d gone through all that already.” She shifted from one hoof to the other, as if she was impatient to go. “Jezz, stay at Sweetie’s whenever you want. Sorry I said anything.”

I rubbed my face. I had let that go too far. “Gah, alright, sorry. Let’s not do this.”

She stopped shifting and just stood and looked at me for a moment. Her face relaxed a bit. “So... forget about this?”

“Yeah. I mean, Dust knows you’re in a relationship, and besides that, all that kind of stuff already happened in the past. I gotta stop freaking out.”

“Yeah,” said Dash, and looked to the side. She was weird all of a sudden. More than usual, even.

“ ‘Yeah’? Yeah, what?”

She wouldn’t look at me.

“It’s not like it’s a big deal or whatever,” she said, “but, well, I never really did tell Dust we’re, like, technically together.”

I just looked at her.

“What?!” I yelled at her. It was one of those good ones, that come right from the belly.

Dash winced. “It never came up.”

I took another breath, but just let it out. I stood there and fumed for a bit, seeing if I couldn’t bring it down a bit and be even the smallest bit calm about it. I almost did.

“Dash, you need to tell Dust about us,” I said. “Like, first thing.”

“Oh,” said Dash. “Okay.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t... gah!” I was off the couch and walking in circles. I spun and pointed at her. “I’m serious. First thing.”

“Yeah, okay,” said Dash.

I really just was her secret girlfriend. I couldn’t believe it. Well, the more I thought about it, the more I could. That was just really like Dash. I’d only seen Dust and Dash together a few times, but even from that I knew, like ninety-percent of the time, they just talked about how they were going to be totally better than the other one. It probably just honestly hadn’t come up. That didn’t make it any better, though.

Dash left then, and I just stayed right where I was, totally pissed.

I couldn’t help but think that I really wasn’t a part of her life. It’s like it confirmed everything I’d been worrying about, everything that I’d been convincing myself was just me making a big deal about nothing. I really was just this small little tucked-away piece of her life. What the hell was I doing?

After enough time had passed that I could be sure Dash was gone, I went out flying. I started doing some stunts to take my mind off of things, but it didn’t really work.

As I was flying, though, it gave a chance for all the bits to settle themselves in my head, and then all at once something occurred to me. It almost knocked me out of the sky.

This was exactly what I had said I wanted—for nothing to change between us except that one thing. And that’s exactly how it was. I didn’t really know what to do with that realization.

* * *

After a bit, I came back to the house and made myself dinner. I had a feeling Dash wouldn’t be coming back that day even if she had it off.

Then the front door opened.

It was Dash, and she looked like she had flown hard, which was something, considering it was her.

“Hey Scootaloo, sorry, I—”

Another pony pushed in from behind her. A green pegasus with an orange mane. I felt something blaze through my body. But I stayed icy calm on the outside.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I said with as even a tone as I could manage with all the rage that was behind every word.

“What the hell are you doing here?” said Dust with a maddening calmness, even while being clearly as pissed as I was.

10 - Like a Friend

“What the hell are you two doing?” demanded Lightning Dust.

“Pretty sure that’s absolutely none of your business,” I said, matching her tone. I wasn’t going to let her get a single step up on me, though I was having a hard time putting thoughts together because of how mad I was that she was there.

Dash just stood there, looking like she was going to do nothing useful about it. “Can we at least have a seat instead of randomly shouting things at each other?” she said as if that would help.

“Neither of us are shouting,” snapped Dust, and then turned back to me. “And it’s definitely my business. I’m closer to Dash than anyone.”

“Yeah right—closer than her girlfriend who lives with her?”

“She lives here, like, a week out of the month during the season.” The corner of her mouth curled up. “You’re a part-timer, at best.”

“Except I’m the one who has sex with her,” I said as if I didn’t really care about the argument.

“Pff, I’m not even gonna touch that one. Out of the two of us, who sees her the most?”

“Guys, I’m right here,” said Dash, sounding tired.

“Just shut up Dash. You don't get a say in this,” said Dust.

“I don't get a say in this?” Dash threw her hooves up. “Then you know what? Buck it. Buck you. You two figure it out, I’m getting a drink.”

“You just can’t deal with the fact that Dash chose me over you, can you?” I said, diving right back into it.

“Maybe I could accept it if that’s what happened, which it’s not.”

“Uh, excuse me? I’m her girlfriend.”

Lightning Dust raised an eyebrow. “What, this? Here? You’re like... a pet.”

“Then why the hell did you rush all the way over here?” I flicked my head over at Dash. “Come to make sure she’s feeding and watering me regularly?”

“I came because I’m worried Dash’s completely lost her mind! Like, what the hell is up with this?” she said, gesturing mostly at me.

“Again, why do you even care? This doesn’t even affect you. It’s not like you see her any less, that’s friggin clear as day. Dash is a grown-ass adult and so am I—we can make our own grown-ass decisions.”

“It affects me because—argh!” Dust threw her hoof up in the air. “You’re just obsessed with her! This isn’t a real thing!”

“Yeah, alright, I’m obsessed with her, I’ll admit it. But it’s way more than that—what the hell do you know about us?” I flared my wings. “And it’s not like you’re any less obsessed with her as I am.”

“I’m not obsessed with her! I’m her friend. We’re on the same level—not like this owner-pet thing here.”

“You're just jealous because you had had your chance with her and totally blew it! Well you know what? She's with me now and not you!"

"What the hell is—she's not just something you won! You're not even serious about this!"

"I totally am! Dash is super important to me! I've, like, always been in love with her, since way back!"

"So you're living out your silly fillyhood crush—I'm sure that'll last."

"It's going to! You two are over! You were over a long time ago! It's me and Dash now!"

"Yeah, well it's not over for me!"

No one said anything for a moment. Dash looked over at us.

"Uh... what?" I said, totally derailed.

She looked for the side. "You heard me."

"You mean..." Dash started, from where she was on the couch.

"Yeah."

“Ha!” I said jumping in the air. “I knew it!”

Dash blinked. “Y-you’re still in love with me?”

I knew it. I had known it since way back. Just hearing about the two of them, how Dust acted, I knew it.

"Yeah, I'm still in love with you," said Lightning Dust.

And now Dash knew it too. I landed back down on the floor. I’d been right all along. But I didn’t feel good about it. Actually, I felt terrible. Like, yeah. Wow. Where the hell did that leave me?

“Lightning Dust...” said Dash, looking away.

“You’re seriously telling me you didn’t know,” Lightning Dust said. “This little skid who I’ve barely met figured it out and you didn’t.”

“We broke up a long time ago. I thought—”

“No, you broke up with me a long time ago. Because—you remember this, right?—you thought I wouldn’t be able to commit. Because there was a chance it wouldn’t work out, you bailed.”

I should’ve jumped on her moment of weakness and rubbed it in her face, but I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t think of anything to say. Lightning Dust was in love with Dash, and now Dash knew it too. Where the hell did that leave me?

“So I guess we’re doing this right now.” Dash got up and came over. “Sorry,” she said to me, “could you give us a minute? You two can go right back to yelling at each other when we're done.”

“Oh yeah, I get it,” I said. I spun around and stomped towards the the door. It was foalish, but whatever.

“You don’t have to leave leave—I meant just like a different room, or—”

“No, I’m outta here. I’m not sticking around for this shit.”

“Scootaloo...”

I felt backed into a corner all of a sudden. Having that yelling match with Dust had been almost fun, in a weird way, right until that point. I was suddenly feeling super insecure—things between me and Dash weren’t good. I’d being worrying that Dash was enjoying her time with Lightning Dust more than me, that I’d just become a chore when I wasn’t being her safety net.

And I’d been telling myself it wasn’t like that and I was just being paranoid—I’d been telling myself Lightning Dust wasn’t really in love with Dash. But she was. So where the hell did that leave me?

“Fine,” I said, turning to Dash. “Tell Dust to leave then. You see her every day—you can talk to her whenever! She bursts into our house and I’m the one leaving? Make her leave!”

“Yeah, that’s not bucking happening,” said Lightning Dust.

Dash put a hoof to her face. “Gah, whatever. Scootaloo, just give us a few minutes. Is that really asking that much?”

“You’re choosing her over me!” I yelled.

“That’s not what—”

“Yes it bucking is,” I kept on. “You’re choosing right now. Tell Dust to leave or I’m going.”

Lighting Dust just sat there while Dash kept saying nothing.

I was starting to panic a bit. Dash was supposed to instantly take my side, and she wasn’t. Like, I was her girlfriend. Yeah, I was making a big deal out of it, but I just wanted to hear her say she would choose me.

But then I looked at the two of them, in the same room, having, like, an entire conversation without actually saying anything while I looked at them—and I wasn’t even sure the conversation was about me. Lightning Dust actually was one of Dash’s closest friends. Though they were both in the Wonderbolts, it didn’t mean Dash was forced to spend so much time around her—she did because she liked being around Lightning Dust. That was the reason Dash spent so much time with her, and why Dash would get so pissed when I talked bad about Lightning Dust. I realized how obvious that was, and how amazing it was that I’d never properly understood that until right then.

“So that’s what’s happening?” I said after I’d had as much of their silent conversation I could take. “I’m just gonna get kicked out of my own house?”

“I said, that’s not what’s—” Dash started at the same time Lightning Dust said, “You’re damn right that’s what’s happening.”

Dash looked at her, then back to me. “L.D., stop. Scootaloo, no one’s getting kicked out, but that doesn’t mean I’m choosing L.D. over you.”

“But it means you might,” I shot back.

“No, I mean...” She sighed.

“Why can’t you just say you pick me over her?” I demanded.

“Because kicking L.D. out right now, after she flew all the way from Cloudsdale and dropped that bomb, would piss her right off. And you know what? She’s a really good friend of mine, and I don’t want to do that.”

“Meaning she does choose me over you,” said Lightning Dust.

“Lightning Dust,” said Dash, shooting a scowl at her. “Shut the buck up. Seriously.”

“Then say you’ll pick the skid over me, and I’ll stop,” said Dust.

“L.D., you’re my best friend and Scootaloo, you’re my girlfriend. Do I really have to choose between that?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Yeah,” said Lightning Dust. “Make a choice. Right now.”

We both looked at Dash, totally on the same page.

Dash looked between the two of us. “No, I’m not doing that. You two are being bucking asses, I don’t want to even look at either of you right now. Is there a bucking third option? My tortoise. I pick my tortoise over you two.”

“Come on Dash!” I said.

“Scootaloo, just... give us a minute.”

“What?” I said.

“Seriously, just one minute.”

“Are you actually serious?”

Dash rubbed her hoof in her own face. “Please, Scootaloo.”

“You want me to leave?”

“Just... yes. Just for a minute. Please.”

I looked at her, and refused to look at Dust. She wasn’t going to say anything else.

“Fine. I’m out of here. And don’t bucking wait up for me,” I said, and left. I kept hoping Dash would stop me or follow me or something, but she didn’t.

It all went by so fast I almost had no idea what the buck happened. I was still running on turbo from seeing Lightning Dust’s stupid face that I couldn’t make sense of anything. I really started to panic then. Everything felt like it was falling to pieces, but at the same time, everything changing brought a crazy kind of release. For just a moment I wasn’t trapped. I was flying off the handle, but I wasn’t stuck. Free as in free falling.

I went to Sweetie’s place, of course.

I knocked, but she wasn’t there. I checked under the mat, and sure as shit, there was the extra key. I was still losing my mind a bit, but hanging around that old place of mine made me feel kind of comfortable, despite all that. It was about an hour or so before Sweetie came back. To pass the time I dug up some old comics, and looked through them without even really reading them.

“Welcome back,” I said when Sweetie came in the door, like she always used to back when I would come home to find her already there.

“Hi again,” she said, coming in. “What’s up?”

She asked it like she thought something was probably up, which there was.

“Um... lots of stuff. I don’t really want to talk about it right now. Can I stay here again tonight?”

“Oh,” she said. “Okay.”

She walked over to the couch, and I jumped up.

“I’ll make supper,” I said. “Here, just sit or whatever. I’ll make supper.”

“I was just about to go grocery shopping. There’s not a lot here.”

“It’s cool, I’m sure I’ll figure something out.”

She just looked at me, but did sit down, so I went into the kitchen.

“You want me to help?” she asked.

“No, it’s fine,” I said. “I got it.”

There really wasn’t much to work with, but I’d be able to manage. I started chopping vegetables.

“I think me and Dash broke up,” I said.

“What?!” shouted Sweetie Belle, jumping up.

“Well, not really. Maybe we’re going to. Maybe we should. I don’t know. Anyway, yeah.”

“Are... you okay?”

“Mmm.... probably. Maybe. I really don’t know.”

“What happened?” She came over to where I was. I kept chopping.

“We had a fight. Then Dust was there, too.”

“Lightning Dust? At your house?”

“Yeah. And it turns out she's totally in love with Dash still, surprising no one except Dash.”

“You sure?”

“Yep. She kind of declared her love or whatever. And then I think Dash chose her over me. I mean, I kind of forced her into it, but I’m pretty sure it still happened. I mean, I got kicked out of my own house—that happened for sure.”

“Scootaloo, I’m really sorry to hear it. But are you sure that’s exactly how it went? Even if you were the one to leave, I can't see Dash dumping you for Lightning Dust all of a sudden. Besides, you told me she made it clear to Lightning Dust that they weren't ever again going to—”

“Yeah, I know. But don’t worry about it. I don’t know if I even care right now. Meh. I don’t know. Here, cut this pepper since you’re here.”

She chopped beside me for a moment, and leaned up against me. For support, or whatever, I guess. I flinched away from her. She didn’t say anything. It didn’t bother me, that she had been touching me, it was just... I don’t know. It really didn’t bother me, and that was the problem.

In any case, I think I was coming down from that adrenaline burst from seeing Dust, or whatever, and chopping vegetables suddenly seemed really hard. I set the knife down, and just looked at it. I was kind of crashing hard.

“I’m actually going to sit down for a bit,” I said.

“Okay,” said Sweetie Belle.

She sort of kept on making supper. She didn’t ask what I had been trying to make or what to do next or anything, she just kept going from there. I felt like an idiot and a weirdo but I didn’t mind being those things around Sweetie Belle. I hoped she still didn’t mind me being like that around her.

After what was probably a while but felt like just a moment she said, “Alright, supper’s ready.”

“Cool, thanks,” I said.

I didn’t really move, and she brought two plates over and we ate at the coffee table, sitting at the couch.

I leaned over a little bit, hesitantly, until I was just barely up against Sweetie.

“That was really good. I’m surprised,” I said.

“Yeah. I told you I learned how to cook a bit,” she said.

“Yeah,” I said. “You’ve... been better without me around, hey?”

Sweetie didn’t say anything.

“I’m not trying to be.... I don’t know,” I said. “I just, you know, realized that.”

“I want you to be a part of my life, still,” said Sweetie. “It’s just... it’s good I got that time away from you. I’m good now. Things are good for me now.”

“I think.... things aren’t good for me, with that time away from you,” I said.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I’m better around you.”

I sort of moved so I was on my side, getting closer to her. I put my head on her shoulder. It felt nice, which was a big deal for me just then. But I knew as soon as I did it, it was a problem.

“Scootaloo,” she said.

“What?” I asked.

“Um... sorry, but please don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“I’m over you... but not that much. You know that. We just had this conversation yesterday.”

“What do you mean?” I was pretty sure that conversation happened a million years ago, not the day before.

“I think you know.”

I did. I sat back up, but slumped down. I wasn’t touching her anymore.

“I mean it though,” I said.

“Stop.”

“No, I really mean it. It’s best around you. I figured that out.”

“You’re just messed up from what’s happening with Rainbow Dash.”

“Yeah. But it’s still true.”

“If you say so.”

“So can I stay here?”

“Yes.”

“Can you stay here, too?”

“Okay. But you’re on the couch.”

“I want to stay in your bed.”

“Then I’ll go on the couch.”

“I want to stay in whatever has you in it.”

“Seriously Scootaloo, stop,” Sweetie said, getting up from the couch and looking away.

“I mean, just sleeping in the same bed,” I said. “We’ve done that before.”

“You know it’s different now. I know you’re going through alot right now, and I want to support you, but I need you to stop this. Or else I’ll seriously think I have a chance with you after all this.”

“Maybe you do.”

I wasn’t keeping it together at all. Things were just coming out of my mouth—and what was crazier was that I totally meant them. Or I least I felt them.

Then Sweetie Belle was close to me. She had moved in a blink.

“Last chance,” she said. There was an intensity to her all of a sudden. Her mane had fallen forwards into her face a bit. I saw I was pulling down everything she had built up to get over me and then some.

“Leave right now,” she said in the same way, her face set in a way I rarely saw it. And she said it with a firmness to her voice that was missing any of the easy sort of bounce that was usually there. “Go stay with one of your work friends or at your parents’ or anywhere that’s not here, and tomorrow you can patch things up with Dash, and everything will be like it was and be completely fine.”

I thought about the way things were, with Dash and everything—and not just right then, but how they’d been for a while. I looked at Sweetie Belle in front of me, at her mane falling down over eyes, and what her mane didn’t quite hide in them. I didn’t want things to be the way they were. Things were changing like they hadn’t in what felt like ages. If it stopped now, I would go back to that spot where I was just existing.

I couldn’t go back to that.

“I’m not leaving,” I said.

Her forelegs were on the cushions to either side of me, her face an inch in front of mine. I could feel her breath on my mouth which I’d left open just a bit.

“Buck it all Scootaloo,” she said with too much air behind the words. “You’re right, I am better without you around.”

“You definitely are,” I said.

She put her lips against mine. She did it softly, which I wasn’t expecting. She put her hooves around me, and despite the situation, despite everything—no, buck everything—it was like she was holding me and keeping me from everything. I thought it was going to feel like she was claiming me as her own, or something wild like that, which is probably what I would’ve been like in her position, honestly. But it wasn’t.

She kissed the side of my face and my neck, slowly, quietly. I relaxed—the tension flowed out of me for about the first time in a long time. Months, probably. It shouldn’t have felt like that, I remember thinking. Not with everything that had happened. Not with what this meant.

But it did, and I let myself go—giving myself over to her comfortable warmth.

11 - Like a Lover

I woke up early. Maybe Sweetie bumped me or something in her sleep or whatever, but we were both lying on the couch and it wasn’t comfortable at all and I woke up.

And then panic hit me. Like, full on, proper panic. I suddenly couldn’t come up with a single little part of my life I could possibly think of that was free from how badly I bucked up.

I scrambled off the couch and just stood there for a minute. I was breathing hard, but I couldn’t get enough air or something. So I just stood there. Sweetie mumbled something in her sleep a bit, but didn’t get up, so I looked at her and the house.

It was like the feeling of being nervous for something huge that was going to happen, and I was hoping it would hurry up and happen so it would be over with, but it couldn’t happen because it already did. I was just stuck there, feeling like that, waiting for the feeling to wear off, but it wouldn’t.

My eyes somehow focused on a cup sitting on the table. I recognized the cup—Sweetie must have brought it over from her sister’s. I had this weird feeling where I wanted to go back to that time when I could look at that cup and the cup would be great and everything was good, but the cup was something that was part of the world where everything was totally bucked. So was the table and the plates from last night and the comic books and that dusted lamp and more than all of them put together, Sweetie Belle.

I had to leave. I instantly went from not being able to move to not being able to stay there for another single second.

All at once I knew where I needed to be right then. The last place where all of this shit hadn’t touched yet, probably. I ran out the door, barely remembering to lock it as I went out.

The sun wasn’t even quite up. It was greyish out—just a hint of light as the night faded. Trains wouldn’t be running yet. My mind was spinning like it was going about a dozen times faster than normal, but wasn’t actually thinking about anything. My heart was still racing. I felt like I would never tire out again.

I jumped into the air and took off.

* * *

After a few hours of flying, my body was starting to burn. Strangely, I didn’t feel tired, really. I just felt the burning.

I started off flying hard, and kept it up quite a while before settling into a long-distance pace. Usually I hated long-distance flying—because of that burning. I mean, after just a little while that constant excursion got really uncomfortable. Going long distance is only half about the strength of your body, and more about enduring the feeling telling you to stop, it’s too much work. Like some kind of weird, annoying thing that wasn’t quite pain, but unpleasant enough to be something you wanted to make stop.

It wasn’t that exciting rush from doing tricks—just a monotonous draining feeling that never stopped. Like that kind of torture when they just drip water on your forehead until you go insane.

At that moment, though, it was nice. It was something solid and tangible to focus on. The burning of the physical excursion took over my brain. There was no room to think about anything after a bit of hard flying. I guess there’s a bunch of ponies that like doing marathons and long-distance running or flying and stuff—maybe they’re all depressed or losing their minds from how badly they screwed up their lives. Or maybe they just started off that way. Maybe I was going to become one of them once all this was over.

After about a million blissfully excruciating hours of flying, I came upon Canterlot. It was getting into the evening. I probably would have made about the same time if I’d just waited for the train. But sitting at the train station thinking about everything would’ve have probably driven me insane.

I landed aways from the gates, and then walked up to them. I got by without too much trouble besides a bit of a funny look when I said I was coming from Ponyville and, you know, wasn’t arriving by train. The guard was cool about it though, and didn’t actually make me admit I was completely insane and had flown all the way there, which was nice. You know, he probably thought I was one of those crazy marathon fliers.

By that point I was tired. Like, outrageously tired and also unbelievably hungry. I had stopped a few times at those roadside stalls between Ponyville and Canterlot for food, on the way, but still.

I more or less staggered over to the university area and found some places selling random stuff that was something you’d think was food if you didn’t look to carefully, selling for ridiculously high prices. It tasted like it was pretty much the best thing I’d ever eaten because of how tired and hungry I was, though, which was nice. It was good to have another thing that could take my mind off the things I was trying not to think about. Which was pretty much any thought I could possibly have.

When the eating was done—I have no idea what it was that I’d got, it was a complete blur—I headed off to a part of the campus that I thought might be the right one. I was pretty sure I knew where I was going, but asked a pony that looked like a college student, just in case. No one really looked twice at me as I went along. Guess I passed well enough for a student.

Anyway, I found the right room eventually. It was Sunday, so I figured there was no classes. I knocked on the door. It opened and there was a grey pony with a way-too-done-up mane.

I blinked.

“Silver bucking Spoon!” I said. “They hay are you doing here?”

She blinked right back at me, then that unimpressed look that was always stuck on her face somehow got even more unimpressed.

“Kay, first, that extra word you put in the middle of my name doesn’t go there. Second, I live here—your line is ‘Hi Silver Spoon!’, after which I’m the one who says ‘they hay are you doing here?’ ” She shifted her weight to the other side and readjusted her unimpressed look. “Third, I presume you’re here to see Apple Bloom, in which case I’ll remind you that you know her and I are roommates. You helped us move in. You’ve stayed over here before. We’ve had conversations together here. You were fairly drunk all those times, but even so.”

“Really?” I tried hard to think back on it—something slowly started to creep back into the mess in my head that had to do with Silver Spoon sharing a dorm with Apple Bloom. It definitely seemed like something that might be true, is what I felt.

“Huh,” was what I said. “Well, uh, you seem to be doing well or whatever.”

Silver Spoon looked me up and down. “And you look awful. Like, you’re seriously a mess.” She turned around and called Apple Bloom without me having to say anything else to her, and then she went inside and I followed her.

Then Apple Bloom walked up, and she was like a bucking angel of the bucking apple orchards here to put all my troubles to rest with her annoyed eye roll and condescending sigh, which she did one of each as soon as she saw me.

“Okay, Scootaloo, what in the hay kind of shit did you get yourself into this time?”

I ran up and hugged her. “Yeah,” I said, “It’s pretty bad this time.”

So Apple Bloom got me sat down and got me a cider, and told me to start. Except Silver Spoon was still there for some reason.

“Um... and Silver Spoon’s gonna leave now?” I asked Bloom.

“Aw,” said Silver Spoon. “I wanted to hear Scootaloo’s tale of woes.”

“No way.”

“Oh, come on,” said Silver Spoon, “let me stay. Maybe I could help!”

“Silver, please,” said Apple Bloom. “Do you think you could just step out for a little bit?”

Silver Spoon rolled her eyes. “Fine. You guys are lame. It’s probably a dumb story anyway.” She got up to go. “Geez, being kicked out of my own house.”

“Sorry,” said Apple Bloom, “it’s just for a bit.”

“So that’s what being on the other side of that feels like,” I said.

“What?” said Silver Spoon, looking back.

“Maybe I’m an ass.”

“That’s likely,” said Silver Spoon, and went to the door. “Alright, I’ll leave you to it.”

“Thanks,” said Apple Bloom.

“But you’re letting me have some of the good cider next time your sister sends some.”

“Alright, that’s fair.”

“And some zap apple jam.”

“Fine.”

“And you’re buying me food later.”

“Don’t push it.”

“Hang on, are you guys a thing?” I asked. I couldn’t help but smile a bit. This was exactly the distraction I’d been hoping for when I’d left for Canterlot.

Silver Spoon gasped outrageously, and Bloom just laughed.

“No!” said Silver Spoon. “There’s at least one out of your little trio’s that’s not into mares, you know.” Silver Spoon stuck her chin up in the air. “Apple Bloom has a boyfriend.”

I spun to look at Bloom, who actually blushed a bit.

“Now that’s hardly got anything to do with anything, here,” said Bloom.

“Holy shit, Bloom, no friggin way!” I said. “Who the heck is this poor colt that has to deal with you?” This was good. I felt good.

“Oh, no. Nice try—still gonna hear you’re stuff first. Talkin about my boyfriend comes later.”

I felt everything sink back down a bit. It still felt a better, though. I was happy I was there. It wasn’t the first time I’d been to visit Bloom when something went totally wrong. I hadn’t been there since way back in her second year there, though, back when I was still in college, too.

“Alright,” I said. Then something occurred to me. “Wait, Silver Spoon—you said ‘one out of our trio’? You knew Sweetie’s into mares?”

“Uh, yeah. Along with everyone else ever.” She rolled her eyes. “You’re saying you really don’t know that?”

“I do but, uh...” I kind of trailed off. “I just found out,” I finished.

“Oh,” said Silver Spoon. “Oh,” she said again, looking to the side. “Alright—yeah. I should really go.”

She was just about to grab for the doorknob when a knock at the door made her jump back. She opened the door.

“Silver bucking Spoon?!” came from the other side.

Silver Spoon turned back to us. “And here’s the other one. Good luck Apple Bloom. I’m out.”

She pushed passed the pony in the doorway.

The pony at the door came in. It was Sweetie Belle, of course. And looking at the clock told me it was right about the time the train from Ponyville would’ve come in. If I’d waited for the train, we probably would’ve ran into each other at the Ponyville station.

Me and her just looked at each other for a minute. Bloom looked between the two of us.

“Ha, ha. Ha... haha,” I said, pointing at her.

She pointed back at me and replied in much the same way.

Then I smooshed a hoof in my face and Sweetie sat where she was and looked up at the ceiling.

“Of course we both came running to Apple Bloom,” she said.

“Where else do go when you bucked everything up?” I said.

“Yeah...”

“Okay,” said Apple Bloom. “What in the hay happened here?”

“We slept together,” said Sweetie.

Bloom stared at us. “As in...”

“As in yes, there was sex,” I said.

“While she was dating Rainbow Dash.”

“You two really... hang on, you were dating Rainbow Dash? When did this happen?”

“Last night,” said Sweetie Belle at the same time I said, “A few months ago.”

Apple Bloom put her hoof in her face. “Come over here Sweetie. Grab a cider and you two brainless wonders are gonna start from the beginning.”

* * *

So we told her everything that happened, more or less, but in no particular order. I think she got a general picture of the whole thing by the end, though. She totally lost it at all the right parts—except not at the part where it turned out Sweetie had been totally in love with me for forever. I guess I was pretty much the last one to figure that out. That kind of pissed me off. I mean, I know I’m an idiot, but that doesn’t mean I want to feel like an idiot.

But getting it all out in the open actually felt pretty good. At least, it felt pretty good to me. I hoped it was the same for Sweetie, but I wasn't sure. During the whole thing I kept sort of looking at her a bit to see if I could figure out how she was doing. I couldn't catch her eye even once through the whole thing.

"Gah, what a mess," said Apple Bloom, rubbing a hoof against her face. She put her hoof down and looked up. "Well, that's that. Scootaloo, you know it's over between you and Dash now, for sure."

"Yeah, that damn Lightning Dust—"

"No," said Bloom, cutting me off pretty harshly, "that one's all you. You know there was probably a good chance you could've worked things out with Dash if you hadn't gone and cheated on her like that."

“You... really think I cheated on her?”

“Yes."

"Didn't it sound like she already pretty much broke up with me when she chose—"

"Nope."

"Hmm," I said. That really bothered me. But I think anything other than “Absolutely, Scoots! She totally called the whole thing off, so what you did definitely wasn’t cheating, and you’re totally not a terrible pony!” would’ve really bothered me.

"And it wasn't just with just some random pony neither," said Bloom

I looked between Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. Sweetie wouldn't look at me—Apple Bloom did, but it was more a scowl than a look.

I tossed my hooves in the air. “Yeah, yeah, okay, I get it. I’m the bucking worst and bucked everything up. Absolutely everything that happened is completely my fault—I get it.”

No one said anything for a moment.

Then Apple Bloom said, “Well, it’s good that you understand that.”

I took a minute to realize that what I’d said wasn’t an exaggeration at all.

Then I looked over at Sweetie, but couldn’t make it all the way to actually looking at her. The closest I got was the arm of the couch.

“So, um... Sweetie.” I said. “Did I buck everything up between us?”

It was about time to get into that. I really needed to know.

She sighed. “I don’t know. Probably not.”

I looked up. “Yeah?”

“I mean... it’s a mess, don’t get me wrong.”

“You want me to apologize? I haven’t yet, you know.”

“No. Bucking Celestia, just no. Don’t do that to me.”

“Okay.”

“But, maybe I should apologize?” She still wasn’t looking at me. "Because, well, you were the one with a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, but you were totally in love with me, and I knew that.”

“Yeah.” She moved her hoof back and forth along the arm of the couch. It had that kind of suede texture on it, so it looked different if you brushed it one way or the other.

“I was almost over you,” she said.

“I know.”

She went against the fluff, making it go one way, then smoothed it.

“Now I can’t—I don’t know if I can get back to that spot I was at again.” Her voice wasn’t quite steady.

“You want me to leave you two alone for a minute?” asked Bloom.

“No, not unless you’re uncomfortable,” said Sweetie.

“Mmkay, then you mind if I mediate a bit here?”

“Go for it,” I said.

“Okay, then let’s have it out in the open. We know how Sweetie feels—Scootaloo, how do you feel about Sweetie and how do you want things to be between you?”

That was the thousand bit question, wasn’t it? I looked up at Sweetie.

“Well?” Sweetie said.

“Alright. Um... I’m not—I don’t really know where to start. I’m not sure about anything right now.”

“Well what do you feel ?” prompted Bloom. “What did you feel last night when you decided to sleep with Sweetie. Was that just because you were mad at Dash?”

I felt my face tighten up in a frown. “What, you mean—?”

“Was Sweetie the pony that just happened to be there? Were you just using Sweetie?”

I couldn’t say anything for a second, her directness throwing me off.

Sweetie didn’t say anything, and she just looked at the pattern she’d made on the fluff of the couch.

“If that’s what it was,” said Bloom, “best get it out now. It’s just gonna be a hundred times worse if you lie about it here, now.”

“No,” I said. “It wasn’t... like that.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure of that much, yeah.”

“Then why?”

I felt an icy twinge shoot through me. It was Sweetie Belle that asked that.

I opened my mouth to speak, but didn’t say anything for a minute. We looked right at each other for the first time since she got there, and I swear to Celestia I could see Sweetie’s heart in her eyes. I knew what I said would have a good chance of breaking it. I probably already did. I was pretty sure I’d actually broken her heart last night, it just had been delayed until right this minute—until I said whatever I was going to say next.

And I knew anything other than “I love you, let’s be a thing, I want to be together forever,” would probably do that, and that wasn’t something I could say. Well, except for that last part, but it probably wasn’t what she had in mind.

I mean, I did love her, in a lot of ways, and to be honest, I was attracted to her—I couldn’t deny that after the night before.

“Last night was—well, it wasn’t about Rainbow Dash,” I said. “It was definitely about you, and how great it is to be around you. I really meant what I said about that. I was losing my mind, though, and it went farther than it should’ve. We shouldn’t have done that.”

Her eyes started to leak as the heart in them broke.

I put a hoof to my face.

“That was pretty well said,” said Apple Bloom going over to hold Sweetie as she cried. “You’re still a bucking ashole though.”

I felt like a bucking asshole. I got up. “Maybe I should go?”

I’m sure Apple Bloom was about to say ‘absolutely’ but Sweetie spoke first.

“No,” she said through her tears, lifting her head up from Bloom’s shoulder. “Don’t. We—the three of us—we should stay together.” Her words came out between sobs. “We’re the bucking Cutie Mark Crusaders, and that’s... that’s forever. I won’t let my stupid feelings or Scootaloo’s stupid... everything wreck that.”

“Huh,” I said sitting back down. “You’re obviously too good for me.”

“That’s absolutely true,” said Bloom.

Sweetie choked out a laugh.

I sat back as far as I could on the couch as I tossed back the rest of my cider, then got up to get another.

I was a fair way into my next one when Sweetie had mostly wound down. I felt—well, not good, but, I don’t know. Like I’d finally gotten away from that awful panicky feeling. It was a kind of relief, or whatever, even though I still felt awful. It was kind of a dull aching awful, but it was better.

I took a huge breath and let it out, and the sound made me really notice the fact that we were all totally silent. Suddenly I felt like there was all this tension in the room.

“So hey, guess what?” I said. “Apple Bloom’s got a boyfriend she promised to tell us about right now.”

“Scootaloo,” said Bloom with a sigh. “You’re... incorrigible.”

“Hey, I don’t need any corriging! I’m... well, okay, I guess I’m an awful pony, but still,” I said. “You did promise. Sort of.”

“Don’t you think you should be trying to say things that would make Sweetie feel better?”

“No, it’s okay,” said Sweetie. “If she tried to say anything like that, her stupid face would just piss me off and I’d start crying again.”

“Hey!” I said.

She nudged Apple Bloom. “Come on, let’s hear about this secret boyfriend of yours. Oh wait! First, Scootaloo get me another cider.”

“You still got half left.”

She floated up her bottle in her magic’s glow and slammed the rest of it back. “Okay,” she said, hardly choking on the alcohol fumes. “Now get me another.”

“Okay, now we’re talking!” I drank the rest of mine, too, and then jumped up.

I felt some of that tension leave. Everything had gone wrong, and I’d screwed up everything in pretty much the worst way possible, but somehow the three of us were still together. Sweetie Belle really was too good for me, I realized. Apple Bloom, too. We’d have both stayed a total mess for who knows how long without her.

Apple Bloom gave me an entirely unimpressed look as I hopped over to where the cider was, then she shook her head. “Alright, alright, get me another cider, too, and I’ll tell you ‘bout this colt I’m seeing.”

I knew I still had to talk to Rainbow Dash, and that was going to be awful, and there’d be a lot more to deal with—but as long as I could hang on to these two ponies, I felt like I would make it.

12 - Like Moving Forwards

The next day I met with Dash.

We met somewhere near the edge of the forest, where we used to go practice together sometimes. She was already there when I got there, sitting on a cloud. I flew up and landed beside her. It was a fair-sized cloud. I didn’t have to stand that close.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey,” she said.

I tried really hard to look at her, but I didn’t even get close.

“Okay,” said Dash, “the other day, when I told you to leave, I didn’t really—”

“Dash, stop,” I said.

“Oh come on, I gotta tell you—”

“No, seriously. Just... sorry, I...” I trailed off and kind of moved back and forth on the cloud. “I think it’s over. It’s... just probably over.”

“What?” said Dash.

“I cheated on you. I went and had sex with Sweetie.”

Dash just looked at me. At least I think she did—I wasn’t looking anywhere near enough to her to be able to tell.

“When?”

“Like, right after I left basically.”

“That’s... wow. Well... shit.”

“It... I mean, I didn’t do it just to piss you off, I... don’t know. It wasn’t because of you, exactly. Well, not because of what happened when Dust was there. Not really. It’s just...” I let out a breath. “I was stuck. I’ve been stuck. Like trapped. I had to get out or something. And that’s how I ended up doing it. It was... really terrible. Probably the most terrible way to handle it. I’m really terrible.”

“Yeah... no kidding.”

I sat there.

“What do you mean ‘trapped’?” she asked.

“I don’t know. In your house. Where I was. You were off living your dream and, well, what the hell was I doing. It’s just like what Dust said—”

“No, shut up.”

She didn’t yell or snap at me or anything. She just said it. Almost while sighing or something.

“I didn’t know you felt like that,” she said.

“Yeah.”

“You know if you said something to me about—”

“Could I have? Really? Seriously, what would you have said?”

“Well I guess we’ll never know.”

I kind of slumped. “Yeah, guess not.”

Dash rubbed a hoof against her forehead.

“Shit, Scootaloo, I’m...” She flicked her hoof through the air “You know, this really hurts.”

“Sorry.”

“Really. That was really shitty of you. I’m legitimately pissed at you. I think.... yeah, I don’t think anyone’s actually cheated on me before. You’re about the last pony I would’ve thought—I can’t believe you did that.”

“Sorry.”

“I was coming here thinking I needed to apologize to you about Lightning Dust barging in on you and how I made you leave and everything, but I don’t really want to now.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Sorry. I’m the worst.”

“Yeah, you kind of are.”

We just sat there for a minute.

“Alright,” Dash said, “I’m sorry about how Dust showed up and I kicked you out.”

“Thanks for saying so.”

“And... I feel bad that I was making you feel trapped like that. I really had no idea.”

“Thanks.”

There was more silence.

“So what now?” I asked.

“Yeah, what now.,” she said.

“I guess we should start by not seeing each other for a bit.”

“That’s probably for the best.”

I looked at her. More than being pissed at me, she seriously looked hurt.

“Okay.” I felt awful. “I’m... sorry. I don’t know... I feel like I should say something more... I don’t know.”

“There’s really nothing to say.”

I nodded. I looked away. Looking at her for even just that long was as much as I could manage.

“Do you think one day we’ll be able to talk like normal again?” I asked.

“Scootaloo...”

“Yeah, I know it’s pretty awful of me to say right now. But what do you think?”

She let out a breath. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“You mean that?”

“Do I mean ‘maybe’?” She rolled her eyes a bit. “Yeah, I mean it. But it’ll take time. A lot of time.”

“Okay.”

I relaxed a bit. That felt like something I could hang on to, as little as it was.

“So... hey,” I said. “Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Yeah, why not.”

“How did things go between you and Dust?”

She just looked at me.

“Well, I can’t really be jealous anymore—well maybe I still am a bit, but yeah. I just kind of want to know.”

Dash took a moment to shake her head at me, clearly stunned at how stupid I was being. Then she sighed, but when she did some of the weight to her lifted away a bit.

“I don’t know, just yet,” she said. “I was totally surprised by it, for one thing. She’s been in love with me that whole time—even if I think I could...” she kind of glanced at me. “You know, I’m not saying—”

“Yeah, I get it.”

“But where would we even start?”

“I... kind of know what you mean.”

She looked at me, her eyebrow raised.

“I mean it,” I said. “Like that’s a lot of crazy feelings to return all of a sudden.”

“Yeah, it’s a long way to catch up, that’s for sure.”

“And, like, there’d be a lot of pressure! If you start something like that... well, it’s zero to a hundred in, like a second!”

The corner of Dash’s mouth turned up. “Are you saying I couldn’t go from zero to a hundred in less than a second?”

“Oh yeah, that’s actually no problem for you. So wait, why are you worried again?”

I smiled too, for a moment. Then it went away, along with that glimmer of something that felt like it came from a long time ago. The air went back to hanging on us with that awful feeling in it again. I looked down at the ground crawling by below.

After a bit I just said “bye,” and she said “bye,” too, and I flew away.

I thought that I’d feel a bit better about everything if Dash and Dust got back together after all this. I had to stop myself though—I knew part of that was just me trying make myself feel less awful about everything I’d done. Even if they did end up together, I knew I’d have to hold onto it all. I’d cheated on her, it was awful, and it’d never be any less awful no matter what happened after.

That was something I’d have to carry with me, going forwards, forever.

* * *

“So how’s this gonna go between us?” I asked Sweetie, out of nowhere.

I was over at her place, and we were hanging out and just finished eating supper. Up to then, it had been totally normal. I dropped in on her, and everything was like it used to be, which was kind of a big deal. I’ll be honest, it was something I wasn’t sure was ever going to happen again.

I mean, it was a little awkward, at first, yeah. But still. We were hanging out and neither of us were freaking out. It still felt kind of delicate, though.

“We... said we’d figure it out as we go from here,” said Sweetie.

“Yeah, and it’s going,” I said. “Are we figuring things out yet?”

Of course, I wasn’t a very delicate pony. But still, even I just sat there and didn’t bring it up, I didn’t feel like that would fix anything, either. Like, it felt like whatever I did I was probably going to hurt Sweetie again and wreck everything—but if it was a choice between doing nothing or doing something, I thought I might feel better about doing something.

So I brought it up.

“What... do you want it to go like?” asked Sweetie.

“I still don’t know,” I said. “I mean, I know I don’t want, like, a ‘Relationship’, or anything.”

A flicker of something went across Sweetie’s face, and I realized I probably needed to clarify.

“No, I mean, like that totally classic ‘Relationship’—the one that has a capital ‘R’ and air quotes around it.”

“Oh. Then do the air quotes around it next time.”

“Sorry.”

Sweetie relaxed a bit. “I think I can understand that. I don’t think I really want that either.”

“Sweetie,” I said, “you have to be honest here. Just saying convenient things or pretending you want the same things as me aren’t going to help anything.”

“No!” she said. “I mean it! I never wanted that kind of relationship.” She looked down. “Well, I guess I used to think I wanted that. I mean, like, a long time ago. When I first started—anyway. But—could you even picture something like that between us?” She got a bit of a smile. “I tried to imagine us going on these really serious dates, giving flowers on one knee and stuff—that’s not what I want. Not really. I just—like it when we’re like this.”

“So you want to just stay friends or whatever?” I didn’t really know what to take from this. I hadn’t settled on how I felt about anything, yet, either.

“No!” she said quickly—kind of yelled, actually. “I really want to kiss you and have sex and everything!”

It took a moment, but then turned red like she was about to pop. She didn’t manage to look at me, so I looked away, too.

“I just don’t want anything to change besides that,” she said.

That was something a little too familiar to me. I knew what I felt about that, I’ll say that much.

“It doesn’t work like that,” I said. “It turns into something bigger than that. Something wild and friggin terrifying, and maybe kind of awful.”

“I know it’s the same thing you said, way back then, but it’d be different with us,” she said, pretty damn firmly. I had to look up at her. “With you and Rainbow Dash, it was because—well, I don’t know,” she finished, tapering off and losing the firmness she had.

“No, go on,” I said. Maybe I was a little on edge at that, but I did really want to hear what she had to say about the whole thing, even if it would probably make me angry.

“Well, with you two... I think we’re in a better spot than you and Rainbow Dash were. She... needed you. She let herself need you and you wanted that so badly you went along with it.” She stopped and sat up a bit, looking at me. When she spoke she was confident again. “I don’t need you. I really don’t need you. I know that for sure. Without you around I finally felt like I was getting it together.”

“Um... ouch?”

She smiled. “But I really want to be around you. I like being around you. And it’s not like you’re actually all that terrible for me, or anything. But it’s... like what you said. It’s better around you. I figured that out, too.”

“Oh,” I said.

“So does that answer the question?”

“I don’t know,” I said. I rubbed my hoof on my face. “I don’t know anything right now. I was kinda hoping I’d figure something out by talking about it now, but, I just don’t know.”

I mean, I couldn’t help but think that should be enough, right? Enough for us to be... I don’t know. Something. But a relationship like what she wanted—that was a lot. I didn’t know if I could love her back as much as she loved me. It’s like what Dash was saying. It was a long way to catch up. But still, I felt like there was stuff there, on my side, despite all that. Whatever that was worth.

My hoof slid down my face and landed beside me on the couch. “I don’t think I’m ready for anything just yet. I’m clear on that much—but there’s definitely an attraction between us. I just don’t want to jump into anything too fast. For once.”

“So just stay friends for now?”

“Yeah... maybe.” I looked up at the ceiling. “But letting that attraction just build up might make us think things we wouldn’t if we were just having sex and stuff... gah, I don’t know.”

We just sat there.

“Maybe,” said Sweetie, “let’s stay friends for sure for a few months. How about three months? We’ll hang out, and not do anything more than that.”

“And then after that?”

“Then we see where we’re at.”

“Yeah. You know, that sounds pretty good.” I let out a breath and sank down in my chair. Maybe it was a bit silly, setting an random time limit like that, but it made me feel way better. “Do you have any wine around?”

“Not really. Also I think maybe we shouldn’t drink just now. At least I think I probably shouldn’t drink right now.”

“Because you’ll try and jump my bones if you do?”

“Yeah, basically.”

We smiled. At least we could talk like that. That felt pretty good.

* * *

We hung out like that about three more times before I went over to her house and Sweetie was crying and she ran up and hugged me before I even got all the way in the door. She wasn’t saying anything and just crying, so I took her over to the couch and it was ages before I could get her talking.

“I’m moving away!” she said.

“Yeah?” I said.

“To Manehattan!” She was still crying a bit, and it took awhile her words to come out properly. “I thought... I would need to move there at some point—for my singing—but I got an offer.”

“An offer for what?”

“I permanent position. With that group I always play with.” She wiped her hoof across her face. “I have to go. I can’t turn this down.”

She wasn’t happy crying, though. It was sad crying. I knew what all of Sweetie’s different cryings were like.

“So go!” I said. “That’s amazing! Why are you sad about this?” I knew, probably, but she had to say it. It felt important, somehow.

She started hugging me again and crying more.

“Because I’m leaving you!” she said. “We’re finally—well there’s finally... I don’t know!” She smooshed her face against me. “There’s finally something that I don’t know what it is and I’m leaving! But I have to! What if I stay, and then this, well, it ends up as nothing, and then—”

“Okay, that’s enough of that. No more.” I was hugging her back. “So what, I’m not allowed to move to Manehattan, too, or what?”

She broke away—her crying stopping.

“You can’t—”

“Why not?”

“That’s crazy!”

“How’s that crazy? There’s, like, nothing for me in Ponyville. Everyone left. What, you think it’d somehow be better if I just stayed here all on my own? Manehattan seems cool. I could live there.”

“But we’re—we’re not even—”

“Okay yeah, it’s kind of a bad time, we haven’t properly figured out what’s going on between us, but I don’t want you to be totally gone all of a sudden. I’m definitely sure about that.”

“But your job...”

“Pretty sure they have weather in Manehattan, too.”

Apparently she ran out of things to say after that, so just smiled, though her eyes were puffy and leaky.

“Hey,” she said. “Could I kiss you? Would that be okay?”

“Yeah, probably,” I said.

We kissed, and then it kind of turned into more than that, and then we definitely just had sex on the couch right there. Somehow, I wasn’t worried, though. It didn’t feel like anything was wrong.

Maybe it should’ve—I mean, it could’ve been that I was rushing into something that would be a disaster again, but buck that. Really, just buck that. It’s not like I wanted to live my life not doing anything because there was a chance stuff might not work out.

I thought of the me that was so stoked to be there for Dash when she needed it, and I could see now, with how everything was then, that it would head pretty much where it did. I don’t blame the me from back then, though. Those feelings and stuff, you know? They were real. They were crazy and awesome and I don’t regret it. I wouldn’t regret this either.

The me I was now—I’d never look back at her and blame her for what she was doing. I wanted to be around Sweetie Belle. I wanted to have sex with her sometimes because, well, I did. I wanted to keep seeing her all the time, and for everything to just feel great between us. With everything I knew from all the things that had happened in my life up to that point, this was the decision I was going to make.

I wasn’t going to apologize, and I’ll be damned if the me from the future was going to and shake her head and mutter about inexperienced kids, or some shit. This was what I was going to bucking do.

13 - Sisters

A year and a bit after me and Sweetie moved to Manehattan, Dash came to visit me. She was there on tour for the Wonderbolts, and stopped in.

Sweetie answered the door when Dash showed up, and that was kind of awkward, but they managed to act casual for all of the few seconds it took me to grab a jacket and leave with Dash, which was impressive.

It was getting into winter, and it was a bit cold. I could see my breath.

“So how’s Manehattan treating you?” Dash asked.

“Oh, good,” I said. “It’s a pretty awesome city. And look! No snow yet!”

“Oh yeah, it’s way past when Ponyville usually gets its first snow, isn’t it?”

“They got a totally different schedule here, being by the ocean like this. The warm air coming in from sea makes, like, a pocket of warm air a few hundred feet up. If we try to bring in snow too early in the season, it melts halfway down and ends up with basically slush falling from the sky.” I grinned. “It’s not too popular with the Manehattanites, to say the least.”

“So it's been going good with the weather team, I take it?”

“Yeah, it’s a good crew. Starting was pretty hard, actually. There was way more stuff to learn than I thought. Basically a totally different job than Ponyville.”

“So no more time to practice tricks on the clock?”

“Nah, have to sneak those in during my breaks.”

Dash smiled. “Wow, that sounds rough.”

“I know. I gotta do actual work when I’m at work. It’s wild.”

We walked down a block or two to where there was this really great coffee shop.

“Here, this place is awesome,” I said.

Dash laughed at me “A coffee shop? Did I get the wrong Scootaloo?”

“No, I’m serious! They got really good, like, milk shakes and slushies and stuff! I mean, it’s like winter now, or whatever, but still!”

“I’m just bugging you.”

We went in and it was packed like usual, but there were still a few tables. We went up to the counter to order, and the barista pony recognized me right away.

“Oh hey there, deary. A fat free vanilla latte for you today, like usual?”

I could feel Dash judging me and silently laughing her ass off at the same time.

“Uh, yeah, that’d be great,” I said, not looking over at Dash.

She ordered a black coffee with no sugar and we went over to the side to wait for them to make my drink and pour Dash’s.

“The fat just weighs me down, so I get it without,” I said.

“I didn’t say anything,” said Dash, grinning.

“And vanilla is just delicious. It’s totally better with vanilla in it.”

“I said I didn’t say anything,” said Dash.

I stood there, waiting for my drink.

“So... you come here pretty much every day and get one of those?”

“Yeah, basically,” I said, hanging my head.

When we got our drinks, we went and got a table. It was this neat kind of place, and each table was like totally different and so were the chairs. I don’t even know where they got them all from, but there were some that looked like antiques or something, and some that were super modern. It was really cool.

“This place is just way too close to where we live,” I said. “I swear half my paycheques ends up here. Or some of the other places around here. There’s just so many cool places!”

“Yeah, Manehatten’s pretty cool, right? I always like coming here.”

“Yeah! It’s still weird to think I live here. Awesome, but weird. Even after a year I still almost put ‘Ponyville’ whenever I got to put my address for things and stuff.”

“Yeah, that must be weird. For me, I moved to Ponyville from Cloudsdale, right? And so moving back wasn’t such a big deal after that.” She tilted her head. “Of course with the Wonderbolts I feel like I don’t actually live anywhere, sometimes.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ll wake up and have to stop for a minute and be like, ‘hang on, which city is this?’ ”

I smiled. “I can’t even imagine.”

“It’s great though. It’s awesome. It really is what I’ve always wanted.”

I realized I’d never really talked to her like this before. Well, sort of but... it was different. We weren’t just geeking out about things anymore. Maybe some of that crazy energy that used to be between us was gone, but it didn’t feel like a bad thing, really. It was nice. Easy. And I felt like I was a little more on her level, now.

I thought about it. I was living with Sweetie, who was also my girlfriend, and things were pretty relaxed, but really awesome. We both paid our bills, and things didn’t really feel like they were up in the air. I guess I’d grown up a bit, or whatever. It somehow happened while I was making a million terrible decisions and freaking out at how bad I was at everything. Maybe that’s how growing up happens.

“Do you think making terrible decisions is how you grow up?” I asked Dash.

She blinked, then thought about it.

“No,” she said, “I think it’s what you have to do after you make terrible decisions that makes you grow up.”

“Huh,” I said. “That was pretty good.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty awesome.”

I took a sip of my latte.

“So hey,” I said, “how did things go between you and Lightning Dust, anyway?”

She shrugged. “I guess they’re kind of going.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, we’re not dating or anything, but, well, I don’t know. I guess there’s something there.”

“Well that sounds good.”

“It’s pretty good. I don’t know. It’s like how we always are it’s just... it doesn’t feel like there’s ever going to be anyone else besides the two of us, for each other, you know?”

I put a hoof to my chest. “Rainbow Dash—that was almost romantic! Are you feeling alright?”

She took a swig of her coffee. “Oh shut up.”

“Getting sentimental in your old age?”

She threw a crumpled up napkin at me. I laughed and glanced around.

“Hey, you’re going to get me in trouble, here!”

“You had it coming,” she said, and stuck her tongue out at me.

“Alright, you proved your point—you’re just as immature as ever.”

She smiled and leaned back in her chair. “Thank you.”

I swirled my coffee around. “Hey, so... are things cool between us?”

Dash let out a slow breath. “Yeah, I’d say so. I mean, I could stay mad at you for, well, ever, but... what would be the point of that? Things happened, and some of them sucked, but here we are.”

“Yeah.”

“Us dating each other was probably a bad idea right from the start.”

“It probably was.” I looked up at her. “But it wasn’t all bad, right?”

“No, it wasn’t all bad.”

“And... it was real right? For some of it? I mean like, between us. Whatever it was. Was it real?”

The corner of her mouth turned up. “Now who’s the sappy romantic?”

I smiled and looked to the side. “Yeah, yeah.”

“But... yeah, it was. I think so. For me definitely.”

“Me too.”

“And I don’t regret it, you know,” she said.

“You don’t?”

“No. Parts of it, sure, but not on the whole.”

“Me neither.” I tilted my head. “Except the part where I cheated on you.”

“Well I hope you’d regret that part.”

“So are we back to being... I don’t know. What we were. Like sisters or whatever?”

She smiled. “You know I don’t really know what that means. I don’t have any siblings. Neither do you.” She shrugged. “But yeah. Probably.”

We just hung out at the coffee shop for a bit, and then we went around to a few more cool places I knew about. Then we went to the park and showed each other some tricks we’d been working on. And it was great.

* * *

So there you have it.

That’s my story, of... I don’t know. The stuff between me and Dash. How I ended up with Sweetie Belle. How I’m kind of an awful pony but everything still worked out because I have really great ponies around me that make up for it. Take your pick. I even had Sweetie tell a bit of it, in there, so I guess it’s kind of her story, too. She’s of a really big part of my life now, even more than she was ever before, so I felt like it was important. From here on out, with any luck, my story won’t be just my story anymore, but the story of the two of us. But I don’t want to get too sappy about it.

That’s it, really. In the end, after everything had happened, Rainbow Dash was like a sister to me. That’s what she said, that’s what I said, and so that’s how it was.