The HiE of the Century

by ThatOneEevee

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Celestia, Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 1013

Josh and Chris go to Equestria.

Josh and Chris go to Equestria because some random-ass fan fic writer made them go.

My friend dared me to make a 1,000 word fan fiction (The count was wrong, on word it's 1,000) and I did. Imma go wallow in my corner now...

Published 2013-09-06 06:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-06 06:40:03 UTC

The HiE of the Century

"Chris, hand me another fucking blunt you douche-bag." Josh exclaimed.

"Fuck you dude and fine here's a fucking blunt" Chris said.

Josh is a douche-bag, and so is Chris. They are drug addicts and they are only 16. They both goto clubs every night and they gets fuckin' laid. Their family disowned them for all their druggieness. They have a pretty fucked up life.

"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude! I just realized… A toaster is like… a tanning bed… for bread…" Chris slurred.

They both burst the fuck out laughing because they can and it's free.

"Yoooooooo!" said Chris.

"Yo!" exclaimed Josh.

"Yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! " Chris countered.

"Dude… don't fucking talk about my mother like that!" Josh shouted.

Suddenly a loud noise was heard from outside.

"GET THE FUCK OUTTA THAT BUILDING, ASSHOLES!"

"Awwwwww shit man it's the fucking FBI!" Josh exclaimed.

"Ughhhh we have to deal with them every day!" said Chris.

They both turned on their ninja powers. They both ran at the speed of sound like that blue hedgehog guy. They got out their swords of teh epicz and slashed through the helicopter. It exploded and the whole town lit on fire. All the townspeople were burning to death. It was pretty fucking funny.

"That was way to fucking easy." Chris said.

"I know right?" said Josh.

Suddenly, a random ass voice from nowhere started chanting:

"THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP COMPELS YOU!"

"Awwww shit! Chris! I can't take it!" shouted Josh.

"THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP COMPELS YOU!"

"Oh god! Josh help me! It burns my soul! Wait… no! It's burning my fucking blunt!" shouted Chris.

THE POOOOOOOOOWER! OF FRRRRRRRRRRIEEEEEEEEEEENDSHIP! COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LS YOU!

Then Josh and Chris blacked out.

"I am so going to fucking rape, then kill, than resurrect, then burn, then pour boiling water on them, hide the body, let it rot, come back after a year, resurrect them, burn them again, feed them dead rats, shove the ass of a road kill skunk into their throats, make them down it with beer, and then fucking kill them again, then rape for one last time, then burn, and kill again whoever knocked me out…" Josh said as he got up.

" I second that Josh…" said Chris as he also got up.

They looked around. There were colors everywhere and there were horses. The horses were looking at them in horror.

"Dude, I think we are still high. Like WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY to high for my liking." said Josh.

"Dude, of course we're fucking high. We were doing 6 drugs at once! Meth, LSD, weed, pot, speed, and we were downing beers, and we're fucking 16. Of course we're way too high." Chris retorted.

One of the horses walked up to them. "Ahem… my name is Twilig-" She got cut off by Josh passing out from all the drugs.

"Duuuuuuuude… I'm way too fucking high right now… talking horses. That's a new hallucination to add to my list." Chris said. A white horse somehow teleported into the front of Chris.

"THE POWER OF MUTHERFUCKING FRIENDSHIP COMPELS YOU!" The white horse said.

"ER MAH GERD! You're the voice that knocked us out! Fucking prick!" Chris said. Josh groaned and got up. "Dude, how the hell am I still high! I passed out!" Josh said. He looked at all the horses. "Dude, Chris, so, ummmm, horses." Josh continued.

"I know right? Dude, this white fucker here is the voice that knocked us out!" Chris exclaimed. A rainbow shot out at hit Chris straight in the chest. It turned out to be another horse. "Nopony talks to the princess like that!" the rainbow horse said. Chris didn't reply. "Ummmmmmmm…" The horse said.

"Oh my god! You gay-rainbow bitch! You killed Chris!" Josh shouted.

The white horse went up to the rainbow horse and said:

"TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON BITCH!"

The rainbow horse disappeared with a scream. She then shouted to the ponies; "Rainbow Dash has been sent to the moon for murder! She had a whole town of witnesses and is now declared guilty! Oh yeah, and Chris, you can get up now."

Chris then got up. "Best. Prank. Ever!" He shouted. Then the white horse used her horn to bring Rainbow Dick back. She appeared but had her hooves to her neck and was completely pale.

"Oops. I forgot normal ponies can't breathe on the moon. Too bad. We will host her funeral tonight." The white horse said. "Oh, by the way, I am Princess Celestia. Don't forget it or I will do stuff to you." Then she teleported away in a flash.

"That was fucking weird." said Josh.

"I know right?" Chris said.

They looked around and the ponies had horrified and confused glances. Murmurs went through the crowd like 'Is she really dead' 'did the princess really just do that' and 'those people killed Rainbow Dash'.

The purple horse came up to them and said; "I am Twilight Spar-"but was cut off by a giant explosion. All the ponies went into panic mode and they were dropping dead like flies. They were coughing and throwing up and all burning. Josh and Chris had HAZMAT suits and Gas masks and explosion protection gear.

"Josh, did you activate the mega-spell the ponies had?" Chris asked.

"Yep." said Josh.

And then they all lived happily ever after. Well, Josh and Chris did, but most ponies didn't. It turned out that the zebras and ponies were threatening each other, and Josh activated the mega-spell to usher forth the apocalypse.

They both grew up in the waste-land pwning n00bz with their guns an' shit. They lived until 69 each and died from sexual diseases.

THE END.

"AND THAT'S HOW EQUESTRIA WAS MADE!" cried Pinkie Pie.

"You didn't even get your cutie mark though. Wasn't that supposed to be a cutie mark story?" Applebloom said. "And where did you come up with humans anyway?"

"Applebloom, there's one thing you need to learn in life. Don't. Question. Anything." Pinkie Pie countered.

The End for real now you asshole n00bs of n00bville