Relief for Pain

     Now that my wound was covered, me and Applejack needed to discuss what I had been doing. It was her idea, and I was none too ecstatic about it. She felt that it was a good place to start though. We were both sitting down in chairs to talk it over.

    "How long have you been doing this?" She asked. My mind was elsewhere, so the words that came out of her mouth only sounded like a distant echo in my ears. They were understandable though.

    "For...as long as...I can...remember." My train of thought kept taking wrong turns so it was hard for me to get my words out. My eyes darted from object to object, only avoiding the worried eyes of my friend. They finally settled on the knife, now lying on the floor. I quickly tore my gaze away from the reminder.

    "Did you hear me?" I was forced back into the harsh reality after drifting off into a world of clouds. I focused back on her. "Since when was that? While you were at the rock farm? When you moved into Ponyville? When?" Her voice was calm and soothing. She probably meant it to be that way so she could coax me out of my shell. It would take more than just a tone of voice to have me fully engaged in this conversation though. It felt more like an interrogation. When I found the words to express myself, I spoke them with quickly diminishing confidence.

    "I...I think it was when...I met...all of you. M-my friends." A single tear managed to find it's way out onto my already wet cheek. I couldn't quite place the reason why I started to break down. The window of opportunity was slowly closing. Soon enough, I wouldn't be able to get a simple phrase out of my mouth without being interrupted my a stream of tears. "I'm sorry. P-please...keep going." My hair had been flattened since Applejack had seen me on the floor. Now though, I was using it as a mean of isolation. I knew that I had no choice but to tell her my defect, but I would rather still be adding little red lines to my nearly-infected arm. She was a vent for my frustration, but at the same time, she was the enemy.

    "Why did you start hurting yourself like this?"

    "It was...I had...When I m-made you smile...s-something insid-de me snapped. I just...it made me feel like I was...missing a p-part of me." My distant eyes furrowed as I tried fruitlessly to express my motives. "I just..." I stopped without finishing my sentence, because I assumed that I would be better off not mentioning that aspect of me. The little catch that when one of them would smile, the voice inside my head told me to hurt myself. I didn't want to, but it overpowered me. If I snitched on that voice, I would sound like an escaped mental asylum nut.

    "Does anypony else know about this?" She probably knew the answer to that, but she asked anyways.

    "No..." Concern flooded into her eyes. She wanted desperately to help me, but with each question she asked it seemed further and further away to complete rehabilitation. It must have dawned on her that this is a secret that will likely not be known to anypony else, unless I was the one to take that step.

    "Can we go see somepony that can help you?" Her face was clad in a pleading expression. Her voice didn't match up with her visual emotions. That would only be partly true though, because both of us felt confused, sad, alarmed, and...angry.

    "...no." She should have known the answer clear enough to have not asked that question.

    "Look, what if we make sure they don't tell anypony. We can ensure that your secret is safe." At this point, I could figure by her tone of voice that she was not going to give up this argument. It would only waste time to tell her no again.

    "When?" Her face lit up as she interpreted my answer as a flat out yes.

    "As soon as possible!" I was a bit taken aback, but what was I to expect. This was a subject that is never taken lightly. "We still need to get you treatment for that wound though. If we don't by next week, it'll be infected. Maybe even sooner."

    "I...I guess." What was the point of denying it? She was all smiles when she figured we had finally gotten back on track. Now that my verdict was out on the table, we (more she) could get me scheduled for some sort of therapy. Wasn't the first thing I wanted today, but it's not optional at this point. I had given in to the voice, and now I would pay the price. I was weak. I did need help but I was too stubborn to go willingly.

    "I need to schedule something right away! Just stay here." And with that, she flew out of the room. It left me in a daze. What would I do while she was gone? The blade on the floor looked inviting, but I had learned my lesson. I wasn't about to have Twilight barge into the room uninvited and see me like Applejack had. It was worrying, but at the same time, she was like a vent. I could expel all of my hatred and frustration just by talking to somepony. She was no exception.

    I trotted back down the stairs, even though I knew she would probably be steamed just for one of the steps I had taken. Because my room was in Sugarcube Corner, I would occasionally sneak down to grab a cupcake on display something. My selection was not far from a cupcake. I snatched a muffin off of a random shelf and carried it upstairs. It would not be missed.