Twilight Directs a Porno

by LucasG

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Romance, Sex, Spike, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1834

Celestia commissions Twilight to direct a very special film with her friends in Ponyville.

As part of her new Princess duties, Twilight Sparkle is commissioned by Princess Celestia to direct a movie starring her friends. How will she overcome the stress and emotions that come with being a Porn director?

Published 2013-09-06 21:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-06 21:30:02 UTC

Chapter 1

It was a beautiful day in Equestria. The Sun was shining, the birds were chirping and Princess Celestia was taking a huge shit.
"Fucking Hell!" she yelled, "Pie in The Sky starring Richard Griffiths is on TV and I'm missing it". Pie in The Sky starring Richard Griffiths was her favorite show and as much as she enjoyed shitting, it could never make her feel as warm inside as Richard Griffiths did. Celestia finally finished and walked out the bathroom.

"Princess, would you like me to flush?" asked a Royal Guard.
"Nah, leave it for Luna to find, it'll be fucking hilarious" replied Celestia as she did a backflip downstairs.
She turned on the TV just as the end credits to Pie in The Sky starring Richard Griffiths came up.

"For fuck sake!" screamed Celestia, "What the bloody hell am I going to do today without my daily dose of sexy provided by none other than the hot stud himself, Richard Griffiths?!".
Princess Celestia looked out her window to see Twilight Sparkle, her faithful student whom was still adjusting to life as an alicorn princess.

"Bingo" said Celestia with a smirk on her face....

"I don't understand" a confused Twilight Sparkle said, "You want me to take this camera and record footage that's hotter and steamier than an episode of Pie in The Sky starring Richard Griffiths?!"

"Yes, Twilight. As a princess it is your duty to capture the beauty and erotic nature of Equestria" replied Celestia.
"But there is nothing in existence hotter than the Griff!" exclaimed Twilight.

"Twilight, I am paying you multiple bits in order for you to record the most erotic film ever made. If I receive anything that arouses me less than an episode of Pie in The Sky starring Richard Griffiths, I will murder you and all of your Ponyville friends"

It had been 2 hours since Twilight's encounter with Celestia and since then she'd gotten nowhere. Her mind was a blur, she couldn't think straight and had no idea where to begin. Spike sat by her side, also trying to come up with an idea in order to start to progress.

"How about we cast Rarity?" he asked, "And if you need a male actor, I don't mind grinding her?"
"Spike, you're a fat baby dragon....so you are pretty fucking hot but surely my brother, Shining Armor would be a better choice?" Twilight replied, rather skeptical of Spike's sexual abilities.

"No offence Twi, but I am much more of a stud than your pansy of a brother! That fucker is married! He ain't gonna be smacking any fat hoes on the ass, at least not until a few years later on in the marriage" Spike said with a cheeky little wink to the camera. Twilight looked at Spike, her face was filled with misery.

"Spike, you soppy cunt, you don't understand. I agree that you are quite the beefcake but you're just not up to Griffiths standards".
"Perhaps we're not the best when it comes to thinking like complete whores" said Spike, "We really need Pinkie Pie's help!"

The two of them entered Sugar Cube Corners, they were greeted by none other than Ponyville's biggest cum bucket.
"'Sup fags?" Pinkie said, "how 'bout 30 bits for 30 minutes?"

"Pinkie, we have a request a little different to simply inflating you with Spike's baby-batter. We want to ask you for help with directing our Porno, would you like the leading roll?" replied Twilight.
"Listen ya 'lil shits, it takes more than one mare and one stallion to get anywhere in this industry! Ya need to quit asking yourself which pony is going to bleed for a week and start asking how many ponies are gonna bleed for a week" scolded Pinkie.

"Gee, where do we begin?" asked Twilight.
"How 'bout we get all ya friends, all four of them?"

"Five" corrected Twilight
"Five minus Fluttershy equals four" said Pinkie, "Unless you got a wide angle lens, that bitch is too fat"
Spike fist bumped Pinkie because no fat chicks allowed.

Twilight had gathered all of her friends up and was setting up the camera for the first shot. "Ok, in this take, Spike is going to grind all of you at once" she said.

"Uhh Twilight, I know I'm a stud but how do you expect me to get my dick in multiple holes at the same time?" asked Spike.
Twilight sighed, "Spike, if you were Richard Griffiths, you would fucking know how! That attitude is going to get myself and all my friends killed. Imagine what Ponyville would be like without all of my friends? It would be completely empty except for Fluttershy!"
Spike fist bumped Twilight because no fat chicks allowed.

"and ACTION!" yelled Twilight as she pressed record and Spike tried his best to penetrate the backsides of Rarity, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash and Applejack all at once.

"I feel nothing" began Rainbow Dash.
"Oy, shut the fuck up! You're only complaining because you're afraid of dicks you flat chested, raspy voiced dingbat!" yelled Spike as he flipped the bird in Dash's direction.

"Spike, Dear" said Rarity, "As you know very well, I am huge fan of what's between your legs but I have to agree with Rainbow Dash, you're far from Richard Griffiths standards".
Spike started to cry, "How are we ever going to top Pie in The Sky?"

"Woah, woah, woah! What's all this talk about topping Richard Griffiths?" shouted Pinkie Pie. "I've been in this industry for years and I know for a fact that that's an impossible task. I didn't sign up for this shit, I'm out!" Pinkie stormed off, Applejack and Rainbow Dash followed her.

Twilight had completely frozen. She didn't move or respond to anything Spike or Rarity said, she just stood there, her eye occasionally twitching.

"I suppose the pressure has really gotten to her" said Rarity.
"Yeah babe, she's a right fucking problem sometimes" said Spike.

"Filming a porno shouldn't be too hard though, I mean, at least she didn't try to write an erotic fan fiction!" Rarity begun, "I mean, have you ever tried to publish a story full of inappropriate language and dirty content to a fan fiction site? It's virtually impossible to get approved!"
"Yeah, sure is a good thing our life's aren't some big satirical take at a dirty fan fiction story!"

"The only thing worse than those stories are ones that try to be funny by placing incredibly forced dramatic irony where the characters don't realize that they are exactly what they're describing" laughed Rarity.

Multiple hours had passed and Twilight was still not responding to anything. Spike and Rarity had picked her up and placed her into a small cart which they pulled around Ponyville whilst looking for any help they could get.
"It's useless, this is the end for us" whimpered Spike.

"I'm starting to see why you're no where near as big of a beefcake as Richard Griffiths" said Rarity.
"Look, I'm trying my best! I can't just turn into Richard Griffiths!"

"You could try..."
"Fine...you know what? From now on, I'm no longer Spike the Dragon, I AM RICHARD GRIFFITHS!"
Suddenly there was a huge bright flash and the two of them were temporarily blinded as smoke shot their way. Their vision started to come back and within the smoke, they could make out a large, handsome figure. The smoke faded away to reveal the sexiest face anypony had ever seen.
"Someone call my name?"

Spike and Rarity were speechless, the presence of the handsomest man in existence was more than enough to bring Twilight back to her senses. She too was in awe at his good looks and perfect structure.
The one and only Richard Griffiths took a step towards them.

"I heard somepony is in need of a stud..." he said.
Twilight turned on the camera and started recording. Richard Griffiths looked directly into the lens and did a cheeky little wink. "Well, I might as well make the most of the fact that the three of you have your jaws wide open" smiled Richard Griffiths as he unbuttoned his pants.

Richard Griffiths placed his large penis into the mouths of Spike, Rarity and Twilight all at the same time. He smiled a heavenly smile as he filled each of their mouths up.
Every mare and stallion in Ponyville ran out of their homes to see the almighty Richard Griffiths in his godly form.

"Oh, don't you worry" he calmly said, "There's enough of me to go around". He turned to face them all, "I, the one and only Richard Griffiths shall make love to every pony here right now! Except for Fluttershy because she's way too fat"
Spike fist bumped Richard Griffiths because no fat chicks allowed.

And Richard Griffiths is a man of his word, he made the sweetest most passionate love to everypony whilst Twilight recorded it all on camera. It was the hottest thing she'd ever witnessed, Yes, even hotter than an episode of Pie in The Sky.
Richard Griffiths left all of the ponies laying on the floor in bliss, their faces were stuck in a smiling position and their bodies were full of the Griff's delicious sperm.

"Oh, Richard Griffiths" said Twilight, "You saved the day once again"

"I know, my child" said Richard Griffiths. "But my time here is limited, I must go now. I'm needed elsewhere...."
A tear rolled down Twilight's cheek as Richard Griffiths floated into the air and faded away. She finished recording and turned off the camera. "Thank you" she whispered as she gazed up into the sky.

Fluttershy walked up to Twilight.
"Ummm...hello. I heard that...ummm...Richard Griffiths was here and I, ummm, just wanted to see his presence in person" she quietly said as she shook slightly with nerves.

Twilight stared back at Fluttershy with a blank face for a few seconds before she and every other pony proceeded to laugh in her face.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA! You pathetic piece of shit!" screamed Twilight whilst she rolled on the floor in hysterical laughter along with every other pony. Fluttershy ran home crying to watch Pie in The Sky starring Richard Griffiths, knowing that it would never be as heavenly as what she just missed out on.

Celestia flew down to meet Twilight. "I assume you've completed your task, Twilight?" said Princess Celestia.

"You bet!" Twilight took the tape out of the camera and handed it to her, "I think you're going to like it" she smiled.
Celestia sniffed the air, "I smell the faded presence of the heavenly one. Are my nostrils deceiving me or have you in fact captured his holy presence on camera?".
Twilight smiled as she cuddled up to Celestia "This is no illusion, you can in fact whiff the Griff".
Tears of joy rolled down Celestia's cheeks. "I knew you could do it Twilight, I fucking knew"

Author's Note

Richard Griffiths makes a delicious steak and kidney pie