//-------------------------------------------------------// The Universe is out to Eat me -by The Pyro King- //-------------------------------------------------------// //-------------------------------------------------------// First day, First snack //-------------------------------------------------------// First day, First snack Entry Log #1778: December 17th, 2783, two weeks after Earth went corrupt. Something that was supposed to cure cancer backfired and instead slowly proceeded to kill anything in it's path, cancer cells or not. Fortunaly, dedicated scientists managed to find a cure before we all would succumb to losing our cells. But, at that point, most, if not all of the plants had been killed by the 'cancer cure', since it had been spreaded across the world by air, rendering Earth uninhabitable. Well, while the atmosphere still held some oxigen, the place was too damp, all animals had went into extinction and it would take very long for the few plants that survived to produce fruit for us to eat, so we just stacked foods from reservatories and supermarkets that weren't stolen from the world-wide panic that happened before the disaster, huddled all survivors in a large spaceship and took off. But, back on topic, a clock we managed to salvage from Earth says we have been flying for two weeks, if not more. It was a relatively boring experience, as none of the engineers had bothered to install a computer or something for teens and children to entertain themselves. Even my Pip-Boy 9000 reassured that. "Boredom percentage: 100%, suggest doing something to entertain yourself," said Pip-Boy 9000, once again analyzing my body's status. "I too wish to do that, but somebody forgot to add in a 'fun' section," I told the Pip Boy. Not that it listened, either. The Pip-Boy 9000, just like the previous Pip-Boys, is unable of having a chat with it's wielder, it just warned you of things that were going on with your body, worked as a reminder and had some games in it, however I had completed every single one of the games I liked, and those who have no specific objective got boring. I sighed, and went to the spaceship's cabin, where dad and his crew was in. Dad is the captain of the spaceship, but I'm not really proud to say this, since his job often gives him no time to actually talk with me, and Mom, well...she died with the 'cancer cure', and I don't like talking about this. Regardless, I hesitantly opened the gate to the spaceship cabin, and was immediatly greeted by the main crew busy in the control room. They were all busy talking at the same time as another one was talking that it was almost impossible to understand them, though they were seemingly talking about no habitable planets in a 425 parsec radius, and that they should terraform instead, and at the same time that they don't have the resources to terraform, and need to find a pre-habitable planet, or their food supplies would end if they don't. I sighed, seeing that they wouldn't notice me anytime soon, but as if a miracle happened, they finally acknowledged my existance and turned their heads towards me. One of them was, surprisingly, dad. "Son? What are you doing here?" he asked. "Well, I was really bored, so I thought I could find something to do and be useful," I responded flatly. You may not agree with me, but seriously, when you get too bored, even a chore can be entertaining. "Sorry, son, but this sector here is made to only be operated by adults," he answered with the answer I despise the most - the adult excuse. "Oh, come on, captain, you almost never spend some time with your son, nor you give him some chance," said the secondary captain. Unlike dad, she was actually not so obsessed with her job, and needless to say we were friends. "Yeah, capt'n, give him a chance!" suggested the strategist, another crew member that, although not friends, had a positive relationship with. Dad seemed to consider it for a moment, before comming with an answer. "Fine. If you really want to do something, then I need you to test a new device we have been inventing," he said. "There is a scientist at the lab who has a robot that is in testing stage. As I know how much you like robots, you can offer to test it for a while," he said. I almost literally exploded with happiness and ran across the hall and headed towards the lab. o.O.o "Hello, you must be the Captain's son, Ha-" said the scientist, but I interrupted him. "Please, don't mention my name, I don't like it," I said. Yeah, I don't like my name, and I find it annoying when others keep mentioning it. "Well, anyway, what brings you here?" he asked. "Well, dad said the scientist crew had finished making a new robot, and that I could test it," I explained, causing him to chuckle. "Heh, you and your love of robots. Well, I figured you had became fascinated by a specific robot machine, so we modeled this one after it," explained him as he unfolded the curtains behind him, revealing something familiar. "You made a F.L.U.D.D.?! How?" I asked as I ran up closer to the water machine. "Well, turns out one of our scientists is part of Nintendo, and the crew, knowing how Super Mario Sunshine is one of your favourite games, decided to make a working replica of F.L.U.D.D. to accompany you, as you usually feel alone," he explained. F.L.U.D.D.'s head, that was facing downwards, slowly turned up as his handles, that were crossed like folded arms, opened. "Power-up complete. Thank you for trying out the Beta version of Project F. I am F.L.U.D.D., a Flash Liquidizer Ultra Dousing Device," FLUDD explained, keeping me more interested by each second, even though I alterady know what he was. "Preparing to register customer information. Scanning and classifying subject data...subject identified as Ha-" he continued, though I interrupted him. "Sorry, but I don't really like my name, so please don't mention it," I noted. "Oh. Sorry, master, I did not know of that," FLUDD apologized. "Hey, it's alright," I replied as I equipped the sentient water pump. "Well, I hope you two get along. I got some more important business to take care of, so see ya," said the scientist as he entered the gate leading ot the laborotory. "Well, it's just you and me, FLUDD. What do you say we literally go on a test run?" I suggested. "Point taken, we'll use my Turbo Nozzle to speed things up," FLUDD replied. With that, we zapped up ahead, leaving a trail of water behind that was dried away through technology meant to prevent floods. o.O.o "Wow, those features are very interesting, especially the Turbo Nozzle," I commented as I recovered from the crash after going too overboard with the Turbo Nozzle. "I agree, master, but we should go slower to avoid more crashes like this one," FLUDD suggested as I checked my Pip-Boy 9000 to see if I had hit my head too hard, and sighing with relief after seeing that the hit didn't damaged anything critical. "Well, apparently we are in an escape pod. That explains why the glass hadn't been broken when we crashed in it," I commented. I was about to make my way out before something bad would happen, but unfortunaly, said bad thing happened. I hadn't seen what appeared to be a boot with a small plant on it(don't ask me why it was in there), and, well...I tripped on it, and when I tried to hold onto the wall to break my fall, I ended up pressing the 'EJECT' button. "Crud." As soon as I said that, the escape pod's jet engines fired up, and since I wasn't sitting with seatbelts on, I hit the roof hard with my head, hearing one last beep from the Pip-Boy before falling out cold. INTERMISSION Life in Ponyville was bright. In fact, it even shimmered. Or shone, if you will. December, the month that snowflakes came from the sky and coated Equestria in a thick, but safe layer of snow. And despite being rather early, there were ponies alterady up and about, some playing in the snow while others just carried on their daily duties. The morning was going peacefully, but of course, up ahead this peace was short-lived, as a blue pegasus carrying a pot with multiple green flowers streaked through the skies at amazing speeds, catching up with a well-known mailmare. "Hi, Derpy!" Rainbow Dash waved her right hoof at the cross-eyed gray pegasus and slowed down a bit to not overtake her. Derpy was about to greet her, too, but was interrupted as the two heard a noise. Dash looked upwards, and found a small thing heading straight for her, behind it a large blue mist. Naturally, her body made her open her mouth to gasp, but the thing seemed to fit through her mouth, causing her to gasp. "Are you alright, Rainbow?" Derpy, despite being one of the clumsiest ponies in Equestria, was also kind, and didn't liked when her friends suffered of something. Dash continued to choke for a bit, before finally managing to swallow the thing. "I'm fine, Derpy, I probably only swallowed a fly, that's all," Dash reassured Derpy, who seemed to still be a little worried, causing the blue pegasus to sigh. "Don't worry, Derpy, I said I'm fine. Besides, don't you have some mail to deliver?" she asked. "Yes, I got this...odd load of Poison Joke to deliver to somepony outta town," Derpy looked oddly at her bag, containing six blades of Poison Joke. "And you, what are you going to do with that pot of flowers?" she asked. "Oh, Fluttershy had handed them to me back when I got the hay fever for me cover my bed with when I went to sleep. She said it would heal me over time, and she apparently was right, as I healed in only two days, so now I'm going to return them," Dash remembered the day she got hay fever. She thought she would never be able to fly again, but fortunaly her friends never left her side and were still there for her. "Anyway, I got to go, I'm in a hurry, cya!" she said as she bolted towards the cottage, Derpy waving at her behind. I awoke only due to the loud noise that happened outside the escape pod. I got up with a slight headache from the previous collision with the escape pod's roof, and I apparently was still half-asleep until a loud noise awoke the other half of me. "GURGLE" "What?! Where?! Who?!" I yelped as I bounced upwards, only for me to hit the roof again(though gentler this time) and fall to the floor, regaining my senses. "Ugh, this totally does not helps my headache," I rubbed my head in despair after it took two punishments. This was like thousands of rhinos of doom pounded my poor head that cries. "Great, now I'm thinking like Fawful, too.." I muttered. F.L.U.D.D. was apparently shut down, as I heard the same powering up sound he made back in the spaceship. "Master, you may want to check where we landed," F.L.U.D.D. advised. I walked up to one of the pod's windows, and got confused by what I saw. "We apparently are in an alien cave with some yellowish-green liquid that faintly glows, with some unindentifiable objects floating by...this is the oddest place I have seen," I analyzed the landscape carefully, but with only the lights inside the escape pod, and the very dim light that the liquids offered. F.L.U.D.D. seemed to think that this place was more than meets the eye, however. "I don't think we are in an alien cave, master, though that isn't to deny the possibility that the landscape we are on is alien," F.L.U.D.D. inspected further around the place. I looked at my Pip-Boy 9000. Temperature: 37ºC Oxygen levels: 87%, OK Speed: 189 km/h Height: 15.24m I got a little worried. Obviously, the pod wasn't floating around at 189 kilometers per hour(in fact, I think it wasn't even at five km/h), and if we were in a cave, the height value would be negative, unless the cave was on top of a mountain, but the speed factor overrode the second height possibility. And to add more worry, suddently there was a loud earthquake that made me panic as the pod jumped up and then came crashing down, causing apparently an earthquake in my(and F.L.U.D.D.'s) perspective. When I looked at the Pip-Boy again, the speed was at 3.5 kilometers per hour, and the height was about just 34 centimeters. "Okay, this is too weird," I commented as I decided to check the map, not knowing what surprise was in stock for me. There was just a human sprite in the middle of a spherical-like object, that was the escape pod. I zoomed out and found out that the 'cave' I was in was actually slightly bigger than I thought, as the human sprite that was me became nothing but a tiny dot on the screen, the only thing hinting my presence being the escape pod. Apparently, I came from a narrow tunnel that was almost directly above me, and it seemingly was just large enough for the pod to pass through. There was also another tunnel that led further into the cave, also as large as the upper tunnel, but this one was sealed. However, what kind of disturbed me was a line on the lower and left sides of the screen. Most of the area that was out of the cave part was black, and the insides of the cave were pink-colored, but out of this line was blue as the sky. I zoomed out even further to see...and realized that F.L.U.D.D. was right about us not being in an alien cave, but the landscape still being alien; I was actually inside an alien! And a familiar one, too! "Hey, I kind of remember this sillhouete! It looks like those ponies from a show I decided to watch on Pip-Boy 9000 once I got bored...What was it called? I think it was My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic..." I commented, wondering which pony that could be, and being thankful that F.L.U.D.D., being a robot, will not make fun of me for watching that show. "Master, I think we should focus on getting out right now," F.L.U.D.D. advised, causing me to regain my senses again. I used F.L.U.D.D.'s Hover Nozzle to hover upwards, and held myself onto the hatch on the roof of the pod, causing it to open under my weight. Looking up, I could see the esophagus, blocked by the infamous valve of flesh, but oddly enough, it was kind of bloated, like some sort of button, or switch, itching for me to press it. Without thinking twice, I swapped to the Rocket Nozzle and blasted upwards. Once I got to the valve of flesh, as if the universe thought it spent enough time without torturing me, my head got stuck onto the bloat, with F.L.U.D.D.'s nozzle struggling not to be bent off. Eventually, after much struggle to free my head of the inflated valve, the muscles seemed to retract enough for my head to free itself, causing me to fall back inside the escape pod. Suddently, afterwards, the entire stomach began to shake violently, like there was an earthquake going on, and I could faintly hear someone say "I don't feel good...". "F.L.U.D.D., what's going on?!" I yelled at the top of my lungs(that were alterady sick of having to content themselves with the air of someone's stomach) for my voice not to be drowned under the large noise from the stomach. "It seems that we are going to be vomited. Better hold tight and close that hatch!" F.L.U.D.D. suggested, and using his Hover Nozzle again, I hovered upwards enough to hold the open hatch, and with a swing, closed it again. Afterwards, when I saw that the stomach was about to expell everything, I attempted to make it towards the seat, but as I said, the universe hated me, so as the pod was shaking violently, I tripped when it slid, and shortly afterwards, everything was expelled out. o.O.o I should probably be thankful I didn't hit my head again(just after it was beginning to feel better from being slammed hard against a metal roof twice and afterwards being mashed by a pony's muscle walls), at the cost of a sore back, but fortunaly the escape pod's structure is just bulky enough for it not to be digested by the stomach acids. The windows in the pod were obstructed by the acid on the other side, but I was still able to open the main gate, that was apparently sideways. I stretched my head out to see where I would be... but I recoiled slightly as two massive ponies' heads flooding into my sky - one yellow and another blue. //-------------------------------------------------------// Into more danger, Part 1 //-------------------------------------------------------// Into more danger, Part 1 Entry Log #1779: December 17th, some time after the previous log I don't think I should've gotten out of the pod. As soon as I looked out, two ponies' heads, one yellow and another blue, flooded my sky, as I stated before. Some time after, I managed to recognize who they were - Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, respectively. However, before I could react, Fluttershy scooped me up in her hoof(doing a curve at it's end, and with me stuck in the little gap that was inbetween, something that I don't believe that would be possible). This instinctively caused me to yelp in fright, though I don't believe they heard me. "What's that thing?" Dash boomed behind me, causing my head(and probably F.L.U.D.D.'s nozzle) to move fowards from the loud wind. Apparently, Fluttershy was holding me rather tight, so tight that I thought she'd break my Pip-Boy 9000 at one point. "I don't know, but since it was in your vomit, I can only assume that it came from inside you," she boomed back, now causing me to recoil backwards. And I have to say, despite seemingly talking quieter than Dash, it was much more intimidating, given how close I was to her mouth, forcing me to be covered in her hot, humid breath, and being forced to see the interior of that dark, saliva-coated cavern. In fact, it gives me the chills to even write that(and that probably will also give the chills to the readers, so I'm going to stop here. Apparently(and fortunaly for me), she noticed the fact that I was almost being flung away by their speech - and being covered in her breath, and moved me out of the way of their mouths. However, at this point, I was alterady taken over by shyness, as when I tried to open my mouth to speak, nothing came out, just like in those nightmares where you try to scream for help, but you seem to be a mute. "Wait, that odd thing was inside me?!" I could hear Rainbow Dash scream(in my point of view, at least) from the other side. I turned around to be able to face both of the two titans, and once again tried to speak, and this time the voice managed to break through my shy barrier, though at a reduced volume. "I may not be a pony, and may be bug-sized, but that doesn't means you should treat me like one," I muttered, but of course, given the tone of my voice, none of the two heard me. "Do you think that I ate a worm, or something?" she boomed again. Afterwards, I turned towards Fluttershy again, wondering if she would try to at least defend me. I mean, according to what little information I have from the show, she loves animals, right? I mean, right...? "Well, given how it came out of an egg, or something like that, I think it's quite probable that it can be a parasite," the pegasus boomed back, kind of hurting me in a way. I wasn't a parasite! Why would I want to live inside others' stomaches for most of my life, anyway? "Ugh, I really don't like the thought of having more of those two-headed freaks inside me," Dash said, once again causing a loud burst of wind comming from the place I was in just a few minutes ago. That was the last straw for me. Pulling a sledgehammer and crushing the shy barrier, I finally managed to speak at normal tone. "Hey! I am in no way two-headed, and I'm not a parasite, either!" I said, but unfortunaly, to no avail, the shyness barrier rebuilding itself faster than you can imagine. While that would be an achievement back in my world, this was not one here, since screaming at the top of my lungs for me was just a little louder than a whisper for them. Thankfully, F.L.U.D.D. noticed my predicament, and spoke up for me. "You two... giantesses, listen up. We are in no way a two-headed parasite, nor do we want to be treated like one. We are living beings just like you," it spoke, pretty loud for me, and thankfully at least intelligible for them, as they finally looked towards me, and unlike before, seemingly ready to talk with me, not about me. Boy, I was wrong in a way. "Hey, the second head of that worm baby can talk!" Dash spoke, causing me and F.L.U.D.D. to sigh in frustration. "Um, Rainbow, it just said that it isn't a two-headed worm," Fluttershy replied, managing to make me lit up again. She turned to me, and I have to say, that vision was intimidating. (Note: If you think I am overreacting, try to get to a planet of giant ponies where you're the size of a fly, and say that in the calmest voice anyone has ever heard while one of the ponies is staring right at your soul.) "Um, hello there..." she said to me, surprisingly with a soft voice, way softer than anything over fifty times bigger than you would. Once I got my arms free from her hooves, I waved timidly at her. Despite being gentle, I just wasn't comfortable enough to act normally around her. "If you don't mind me asking, what exactly are you?" she asked again as she placed me on top of a table. "Well, for props, I am, as you noticed, part of a bipedal mammal species called Homo sapiens, but also known simply as humans. We are primates of the family Hominidae, and part of the only extant species of the genus Homo," I explained, falling prey to my habit of saying 'for props' when I explain things again. Unfortunaly for me, my explanation went down the drain once I got two confused stares, causing me to sigh. "I'm a human," I simplified, getting two 'Oh's as a response. "Oh, yeah, I've seen Twilight ramble about humans some time before. Blah, blah, blah, rare, blah, blah, blah, minuscule, blah, blah, blah, appetizing..." Dash boomed on my front with a hint of disdain, causing me to shiver to the point that I ignored the fact that I was being slid backwards by her voice when she mentioned 'appetizing'. The last thing I wanted was for me to being constantly eaten by giants during my forced stay here(which, unfortunaly, was going to happen). "And what is that thing on your back?" asked Fluttershy before I would enter panic mode. F.L.U.D.D. decided to answer that question for me. "I am F.L.U.D.D., a Flash Liquidizing Ultra Dousing Device," he explained. Once again, two raised eyebrows faced me. "It's a machine that shoots water..." I clarified, getting two 'Oh's as a response yet again. "But, anyway, how did you...end up inside Rainbow Dash?" asked Fluttershy, with Rainbow nodding towards me once she asked. Like you know, I too wasn't really sure about how I got in her, therefore that was as good as a question for them as it is for me. "I don't know, either," I answered, shrugging. "All I know is that I accidentally set off an escape pod - sorry, I don't feel like doing any more explanations, so don't ask - with me in it, and I ended up hitting my head on the roof from it's sudden downwards launch, and F.L.U.D.D. seemed to shut down aswell," I said. "And when I woke up, the escape pod was alterady inside her stomach." The two seemed to have mixed feelings about what had just happened. Fluttershy was curious and concerned about my lack of knowledge, obviously. Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, seemed to be unsure of me and apparently thought that I was hiding something, which I don't really blame her, given how odd I got here. However, something told me that somehow she disliked me, especially given her gaze towards me, and that was literally all I needed to survive in this massive world.[/sarcasm] "Oh my, it's almost lunchtime, and I still haven't even began to prepare it," Fluttershy suddently thought aloud, causing me to cover my ears lest my earrings would explode. "So, will you two stay around for lunch?" she quietly asked. "Yeah, I guess." "I don't really have anywhere else to go, anyway, so I don't have much of a choice." Fluttershy quietly let out an 'okay' that only I(apart from her, obviously) was able to hear. She then flew(rather slow for somebody that is able to fly, in my opinion) towards where I assumed that was the kitchen, but quickly turned around and walked up to me, albeit gently to avoid startling me(I admit, I am pretty much easily startled). "By the way, what exactly does your species eat? Well, if there are other humans, that is," she asked. "That depends. Food that all humans eat, or food that I like?" Honestly, if you talk about food, I divide it into three different groups - the food that all humans can eat, the food that generally most humans like, and food that I like(because I am a selfish asshole), which is generally junk food that most of my body despises with every single cell of their constitution but that I crave for. Hey, I am a slacker, can't I trash my stomach with unhealthy food? "I was going to ask food that humans eat, but if you have different tastes, I suppose that is okay," she replied. Immediatly, a smirk began to creep on my lips, given how it was rare for me to have an opportunity like this. I literally clinged on to it and my tiny little hands wouldn't let go. I then inhaled deep air, and.... "Cake, pizza, lasagna, cupcakes, spaghetti, cookies, juice, soda, hamburgers, fish, chicken meat, lollipops, grilled cheese, ice cream, jam, mayonaise, sugary milk, chocolate bars, pears, grapes and bananas, to name a few," I said, gasping for air. I wasn't surprised to see widened eyes as a reaction. "Wow, I've never seen something that likes that many junk food! I don't even know how you can handle it!" replied Dash, causing me to chuckle, reminding me of the days back when Earth was actually something, and whenever I ate a ton of junk food and still wanted more, others would look at me with widened eyes, wondering 'Jeez, how can that kid's stomach handle that much food?'. Honestly, either my stomach is a massive black hole on which few food pieces manage to detour that and make it to the intestines, or there was a large(by large I mean humongous) tapeworm living inside me. "Well, I don't really can get most of the food you mentioned, especially not meat, but I think I can get you the fruits you mentioned," said Fluttershy, causing me to sigh, seeing that I wouldn't get soda. It has been like, a decade(I'm exxagerating, obviously, since I am only at, how Fawful would put it, the unlucky age of thirteen). "But I can buy it if you really want," she added. My 'greedy asshole' side perked up for a moment, but my 'wise guy' side immediatly gave a roundhouse kick across that idiot personality. "No, no, you don't need to. I would hate myself if I forced you to waste money on a bottle of soda that I would only manage to drink less than 1/20 from it," I replied almost instantly. I gotta pass a good image to them, or otherwise I will end up with the totally not renowed title of 'ALIEN HUMAN GUY THE MONEY-WASTING BASTARD'. It pains me to even think of it. "I guess I'll stick with a grape, just one, though," I added, causing her to nod and go back to the kitchen. Now it was just me and the blue pegasus, who, as I mentioned before, clearly disliked my presence. I have to admit, it was unnerving to be around her, knowing that somebody over fifty feet could easily crush all of my 206 poor bones in a single stomp. My skeleton immediatly pleaded for my mind to stop thinking about it, and immediatly afterwards my mind recieved the suffering as she shot me a nasty glare. Okay, I admit, it wasn't that nasty, but seriously, being the size of a flea really makes things seem sixty percent more hostile towards you, okay?! "Heh, heh, uh....h-how's it been your day?" I nervously asked, my face's muscles giving up into making the stereoptical 'nervous smile' you see on cartoons and comics as I slowly backed away from the massive mare. "Listen here, you little guy. I'm letting the thing that you were in my stomach slide, but I'm keeping my eyes on you. Try anything funny, and you'll have a personal trip to it again, whether you want it or not. Got it, insect?" My angry-self immediatly lifted it's beast ears and hissed violently, but once again, wise me for the rescue, and locked the beast to prevent me from being squashed. "S-sure, got it l-loud and cl-clear!" and I was still twitching at that time. And I believe that you alterady noticed how bad my predicament is, so I'll not justify anything right now. "Good," was all she replied. I had no idea why she acted like that, I mean, I may have made a quite odd appearance and be different, but that's not to mean I am an evil invader....right? I just sighed, and used F.L.U.D.D.'s hover nozzle to hover safely to the floor. I seriously had no idea of why I did that, since she could darn easily just step on me and I'd be gone for. Regardless, I had decided to try to explore the house to pass the time, though I was to nervous to leave the pegasus with my back exposed. I glanced back, and as I expected it, she was still keeping an eye at me. And then it all boiled to some stare contest. We just kept staring for some time(by some time I mean an extraordinarily long ammount of time). Eventually I just got sick of it and wanted to keep going on, but my nerves just wouldn't let me turn away from her, so I just kept walking backwards, knowing that F.L.U.D.D. could let me know if I was about to collide on something. However, apparently the stare context made me really distracted by that time. "Uh, master, you may want to turn around," F.L.U.D.D. warned, and then I slowly turned around to find a massive pillow standing behind me. Only seconds after I noticed that this massive pillow was actually a giant bunny staring at me. And it's stare was definitely not a friendly one.