//-------------------------------------------------------// Weaving Memories at Amore University -by Cloudline Dasher- //-------------------------------------------------------// //-------------------------------------------------------// Teaching in Equestria //-------------------------------------------------------// Teaching in Equestria Campus Delights 1st Chapter Written By: Cloudline Dasher 1st Chapter Edited By: Lepking13 Chapter One: Teaching in Equestria A year in Equestria, it hasn't been all bad to say the least. You figured taking up a teaching gig as a teachers aid in Ponyville would be easy, at least until you became a full fledged teacher, with your own class. Back on Earth you always wanted to be a teacher, but always had to settle as a substitute. However, you never thought you would be somehow mystically sent to a strange world with no way back. You later found out dozens upon dozens of others were also sent here, and many urged Celestia to find a way back. Something about an inter-dimensional rift, that most likely stole bits and pieces from other planets and tossed them out on random planets and it just so happened, humans landed here in Equestria. At first you thought they looked weird for being ponies, you thought a horse like creature, but then Celestia appeared and she was an anthropomorphized pony. She stood on two legs just like us, but her feet being hooves instead. She was slightly larger than a human, almost bulky, but you were relieved when you found out it was only because she was an Alicorn and not all ponies were like her. Her, along with the rest, had a thin layer of fur covering their bodies, as well as a slightly extended snout. The white regal Princess wore a silky elegant dress, that was rather intricate and most likely contained many layers. You had once commented on her hair, but was quickly corrected, saying that it was called mane. Celestia's coat was a soft white, which set off the golden highlights of her dress, and shoes quite well. Upon seeing many of the other mares, you notice they were far more feminine than you would have expected them to be. Their hands were just as delicate, but due to their fur, made them even softer. The palms of their hands being of a slightly rougher skin, but still contained the same level of softness as the rest of their body. Upon seeing a mare in a bikini for the first time, you noticed every single pony had a mark, which was later found out to be a cutie mark, which was up on their flank; not a thigh apparently. Stallions on the other hand were slightly smaller than an average six foot human, and mares were even smaller than that. Mares seemed to stand on average around five foot or less, while stallions stood around five foot six or so. Not much of a difference, but that still made them wary about us because we were bigger. They calmed down once they realized that just because we were bigger, didn't mean we were stronger. Already being a substitute teacher, you find it the perfect chance to become an actual teacher with your own class. However, a mare named Miss Harshwhinny thought differently. She was in charge with the school systems and decided all human teachers should start out as a teachers aid. At least until they became accustomed with life here in Equestria. You remember debating endlessly with the mare, impatient to get your own class to teach. Miss Harshwhinny was a rather frightening mare, but you had seen women like her before, back in your own world. A woman that prided herself in her work, turning her serious and stern. She always seemed to wear a white frilly shirt, with a large purple coat that contained large shoulder pads. Clearly making her look far larger than you pictured she actually was. Along with her coat, she wore a purple dress that cut off a few inches below her knees. Her hooves contained a weird circular shoe that extended off the back, which looked like a crude high heel. Her mane a light gold, and her coat orange. However, if you were ever ask what you remembered most about the mare, you would've said her eyes. Whenever she was disapointed, or got serious, she would give you a stern glare. Which she would often give to whomever that managed to anger her. Her blue eyes could slice through your very being, making you feel insignificant and small. A shiver would run down your back just thinking about that look. Sighing, you look to the box you are carrying in your arms, before laying it down inside a large moving truck. Apparently Cheerilee would no longer be teaching Ponyville's only school, but instead her and her class would be moving over to a new Campus. At least most of her class would be, most of the older mares and stallions would be moving with her. Just a few months ago, a new Campus had been built around a large lake, one side was for stallions, and the other was for mares. Cheerilee would be moving into the stallions camp. You had asked her why she would be teaching the stallions camp, and not the mares, and she just turned beet red, telling you she had to be somewhere. You took the hint and never asked again, but now you were here helping her move. Normally, Cheerilee wore her white button down, along with a short purple skirt with her cutiemark embroidered onto it. At the moment, she wore a long dusty and durty grey tee shirt, along with blue short shorts, most likely so she wouldn't ruin any of her good clothes in the move. ~~Apparentlythisisaline~~ Glancing out the window of the large moving truck, you notice mainly deep forest. The stallion that was hired to drive the large truck said it would be a twenty minute ride, but it was seeming to be far longer. You blink when the truck slows at a large massive gate, at least fifteen feet high. Why they would need such a gate came as a total loss for you. Mainly since Cheerilee wouldn't answer any questions, telling you to help her get moved in and then leave as soon as possible. You thought of a better plan; you knew Ms. Harshwhinny was the adviser for the school systems in Equestria, and with the Campus being like a boot camp for cramming information, that she would be there to enforce that everything runs smoothly. After helping Cheerilee move in, you would pretend like you were going home, only to find Ms. Harshwhinny and try to beg for a teaching position. The truck came to a stop in front of a rather large apartment complex, one that seemed that would be fit for a princess. You start to drool, wondering why Cheerilee hadn't wanted you to work there so badly. Upon bringing the first heavy box, you are immediately hit by a massive wave of cool air. Following Miss Cheerilee up to her apartment, you gawk at its luxury and size. It had a large living room/kitchen combo, its own bathroom, a large bedroom, and all was furnished and ready for living. Cheerilee hadn't really even needed all her stuff, but said she didn't want to rent a storage unit, or keep renting a house in Ponyville if she wasn't going to live there. Most of her furniture had been sold, but some had sentimental value to her. To say the least, it was her stuff, and you weren't going to argue with her. She had come to be a dear friend, and you were willing to suffer through any heavy lifting for her. After many vigorous and heavy loads, you hear, “I would offer for you to stay and rest, but you should go before it gets dark...” Looking to Cheerilee, you shoot her a questioning glare, but when she just averts her gaze and blushes, you let out a sigh, “Okay, I'm going...” You could feel her eyes on your back as you walked away, but once out of the building, you glance back to make sure she couldn't see you. Your first bet is to find the counselors office or maybe the main building and ask for directions. Along the way you can already see students moving into their dorms. The dorms seemed to be made up of five stallions each, and some of the ponies you could recognize from Ponyville. However, you could care less at the moment and rush to find Ms. Harshwhinny. “Hey, Professor, what are you doing here?” You hear your nickname called out, and turn around to see Caramel stepping up to you. The name Professor wasn't all that bad, you remember assisting a teacher named Bill Neigh with some experiments. He required that you wear a long white lab coat, goggles, and gloves. A student had bumped into you, apologizing profusely and begging not to be sent to the principle. After that, you decided to keep wearing the coat, and the name stuck ever since, “Hey Caramel, you know where I might find Ms. Harshwhinny?” Caramel tapped his chin, deep in thought, “Uh, she’s staying in the large house at the end of the lake, away from the two camps. You may need to take the shuttle bus.” “Shuttle bus?” you blink in confusion. “It isn't really a bus, more like a small truck, but the students keep calling it that.” Caramel stated, and you walk past him, waving. “Okay, thanks.” You run off, knowing you probably confused him for just rushing off. By the back gate you see the truck, you rush forward to unlatch the currently unlocked gate and run to the truck. Luckily the keys are in the ignition and it flares to life. Starting slowly at first, at least until you’re out of the gates, you notice the doors magically close behind you. Immediately, you start to see your destination in the distance, and you start to wonder if you couldn't have just walked as you come up to a large house. Turning the engine off, you run up to the door and knock. However nothing could be heard. You turn the knob to hear it slowly creak open, and stick your head inside, “Anyone here?” no answer... Glancing about outside, you notice no vehicles, so you decide to wait inside. It seemed to be a main office in the front room, desk and papers. Glancing over the papers, you notice they are files of the students that are to be at campus. You flinch when steps could be heard upstairs. Heading up to find Ms. Harshwhinny, you dart into a bedroom where you thought you heard the sounds. Scratching your head, you step inside, but freeze when you notice it is someones room. Not just someones room, but Ms. Harshwhinny's room. Her picture was on the table next to the bed, along with various papers strewn about. You hear Ms. Harshwhinny's voice as you start to panic, “Yes, your highness.” Looking about, you notice your only hope for hiding; the closet. Darting in, you pull the sliding door too, but that doesn't stop you from clearly seeing out. Sitting silently, you try to hold still, hoping the darkness of the closet keeps you hidden. Ms. Harshwhinny doesn't seem to notice as she enters with a second pony. You immediately recognize her as the newest ruler of Equestria; Twilight Sparkle, “Ms. Harshwhinny... Princess Celestia has been studying the humans and sees a great flaw in our culture. Long ago ponies used sex as a natural and easy comfort. Sex turned into lust and when Ponies didn't get it, they turned to rape, and using slaves for sadistic pleasures. With the laws that were placed five hundred years ago, and upon speaking with many of the humans, she now realizes sex isn't something to hide from the public. It is okay to know about it, and openly discuss it. We just need to make sure it doesn't go too far.” “I know your highness, I was the one that brought the issue to light at the last meeting. Our numbers are rapidly decreasing because everyone thinks it's taboo to even hold hands in public, but that is also our main problem. Ponies find sex too taboo to willingly teach the subject.” The room fell silent, almost too quiet. You flinch slightly as Twilight suddenly speaks, “What about Griffons? Some of them have lived among ponies for a long time, and they openly have sex. I've even known them to have public sex back in their homeland.” A sigh escaped Ms. Harshwhinny as she shook her head, “I've already considered that, but they are pretty much us five hundred years ago. They still openly have slaves that tend to their sexual desires. I remind you, we mustn't allow sex addiction again, we must only show our little ponies that it is okay to have sex, to show your love toward your herd members.” Twilight let out a sigh of her own as she stepped away, placing her hand on the knob of the bedroom door, “I do not like to threaten anyone, Ms. Harshwhinny, but you know you are out of a job if you do not figure something out. This may not be an immediate danger, but it will be if not taken care of.” and with that, Twilight was gone. When she was gone, you were about to reveal yourself and apologize, but freeze as Ms. Harshwhinny removes her coat and tosses it over a chair. For the first time, you see her stern and almost hateful glare soften as she removes each portion of her garments. She tosses her shirt on top of her coat, and you can see her almost smile in relief. You can feel your mouth dry out, but liquid building in the back of your mouth. You take notice that she looks far more slimming without that large bulky coat. You had always feared she was strong enough to rip you a new one, but looking at her with only her bra, she was rather feminine. You swallow as quietly as you can, a rosy hue forming on your cheeks. Ms. Harshwhinny unlatches her bra, and you can feel a certain spot in your pants tighten. You try to step forward to get a better view, but with that, you trip. Trying to catch yourself, you instinctively lurch forward onto the door, sending you sprawling out and onto your face. Suddenly, you feel a pair of eyes on you. You push yourself up, and dare to look up. Ms. Harshwhinny's face seems shocked, but after a moment, when the situation catches up to her, she turns her back to you. You look to her in confusion, but shudder as she suddenly moves for her clothes. Calmly pulling them back on like she didn't care if your eyes were upon her. However, once she is fully dressed, she turns around and she once again has her normal stern and almost disappointed look. By now, your arousal had diminished and you silently sat on your knees waiting for punishment. In the time of always pleading with her to give you a job, you had accustomed yourself with being around her. You wouldn't consider her a friend, nor the fact she probably despised you, but you knew you would be lucky to get out alive. She just sat there looking at you, probably waiting for you to explain what you were doing. You were about to speak, but a shiver runs down your spine when she suddenly spoke, “Professor, you are now a teacher at Campus, how does that sound?” Your mind sputters as you try to run over her words, but all that comes to you is, “E-excuse me?” “You are now a teacher at this campus. You will start in a week, whether you like it or not. You have been begging me for a teaching job, so here you are.” Even with her lifeless stern look, I could tell she had something of a wicked grin in the corners of her mouth, “Or would you rather me report you for spying on me?” Heart racing, and possibly skipping beats, you stutter, “N-no ma'am...” “Good, now, get up off your knees and I'll get the paperwork started.” Ms. Harshwhinny states calmly, leading you out of the room. Your mind not quite putting together your new job, and the information you had just heard from Twilight, you fail to put two and two together, “What subject will I be teaching?” Ms. Harshwhinny suddenly stops, looking back at you with cold, stern eyes. You just look at her, fearing what she was about to say or do. She just turns away as she says, “I believe you heard Twilight and my conversation?” “Y-yes, but...” you pause as everything comes to clarity, you facepalm, a reddened hue forming on your cheeks, “Sex ED?” She simply nods as she says, “Go home and pack, you start Monday.” Hesitating, you give her a worried glare, but what can you do? You just let out a sigh, trying to force away the blood that had gathered in your cheeks. The door closes behind you and you are left standing outside of the main Campus building, “What did I just get myself into?” //-------------------------------------------------------// II: Exploring Amore //-------------------------------------------------------// II: Exploring Amore Chapter Two: Exploring Amore Chapter written by Weird Alicorn The red and orange hues of dawn’s first light seep through the thin window curtains. Their warm glow dances across your face causing you to stir from your slumber. You attempt to roll over in bed and force your waking mind to quiet, but it quickly becomes apparent that sleepy-time is over. Accepting this, you groan while you sit up on the mattress for a good, long stretch. An exaggerated yawn sounds out as you slowly rub the sleep from your eyes and let your blurry vision swim into focus. You’re currently lying on a fairly comfy bed in a quaint hospital ward. Without really meaning to, you trace your fingers over your forearms to check if any needles had been stuck into to them while you slept. You can’t quite figure out why you’re lying in a ward in the first place. As you start to worry over how you ended up here, the true memory of why you had spent the night in a hospital is finally recalled by your lethargic brain. A flashback of the other day’s events plays out in your thoughts and you shudder slightly when you reach the scene where Ms. Harshwhinny had fixed you with her icy gaze. In all fairness, you had totally deserved it after she caught you playing peeping-tom in her closet. Though, secretly you had enjoyed watching the normally uptight mare strip down her bra; that part had gone over quite well with the members of the “Below the Belt” club. You figure she would be fairly attractive with a warm smile instead of the calculating expression which usually adorns her face. Once again, the stern stare reaches the forefront of your internal slideshow and you make a mental note to never piss her off again. Finally, you remember how Ms. Harshwhinny had effectively blackmailed you into becoming Amore University’s sole sexual educator. At first glance this new occupation may not seem that awful, as you had always dreamed of becoming a teacher. However, after recalling your eavesdropping of the tense conversation between Princess Twilight and Ms. Harshwhinny you feel as if you’ve gotten in over your head. Essentially, you now hold the entire future of Equestria’s sexual culture in your hand. The pressure of the situation begins to stir something inside you and suddenly, you feel the urge to run. You clamber out of the soft bed sheets and meet the cool wooden floor with you bare toes. Shaking your limbs, the momentary adrenaline rush subsides and your left standing in the middle of the hospital ward in only your boxers and t-shirt. It feels slightly awkward to just pose there like a statue in nothing aside from your skivvies, but fortunately the door that leads to the outside hallway is shut tight. Either way, waking up in an unfamiliar room puts you a little on edge even if you now remember the reason you’re here. After Ms. Harshwhinny had told you that you’d be starting as the Sex Ed teacher in a week, she also revealed to you that all teachers must live on campus during the school semesters. She had instructed you to go check yourself into the teacher’s dormitory and secure a room for the coming school year. Unfortunately, having been given the job on such short notice, the dorm counselor had stated that they would need a little time to prepare a room for you. Thankfully, Dr. Redheart had allowed you to use one of the wards for the time being until your room was ready. On the opposite side of the room from the bed, you spot your pants lying in a jumbled pile along with your socks and shoes. You quickly tip-toe across the cold planks and retrieve your clothes. They were the same ones you had worn the other day, but since Ms. Harshwhinny had ordered you to remain on campus, you had no way of going home to collect your things. Apparently, they sent someone to go get them on your behalf. She must have been expecting you to try to make a run for it and didn't want to give you any opportunity to escape. Of course that idea may have been in the back of your mind, but there’s no way you’d ever try to execute it. After all, this is what you’ve always dreamed of, isn’t it? It’s true that you still feel as if you’re a novice diver that has just been pushed of a three-story tall diving board, but after reading up a bit on the subject, it seems pretty interesting. Sex Ed, that is. Your eyes make their way to the open book resting on a small table next to your bed. A pair of reading glasses keeps the stiff parchment from turning over and losing the page you had fallen asleep to last night. You cross the room back to the book on the table, all the while trying in vain to smooth out the wrinkles of your pants and shirt. Sighing at your fruitless efforts, you pick up the voluminous book, sit down on the edge of the mattress, and begin to read from the paragraph you had left off on. Rather, you try to at least. Squinting at the page you realize that you’re never going to decipher the blurred mess. Looking back at the table, you stare irritably at the reading glasses you’d set there. Most people had told you that wearing them made you look studious and more like a teacher, but you had never gotten used to the metal stems that bit relentlessly into the backs of your ears or having to keep pushing them up your slanted nose. Perhaps it was also the fact that you thought they magnified your eyes to ten times their size. Either way, you didn’t care for them, but your wonderful parents had blessed you with their far-sightedness and had effectively doomed you right out of the womb. Begrudgingly, you grabbed the spectacles from off the table, jam them on your face, and begin to read: ”...and during this period, polygamous relationships were quite common. The term used by many ponyfolk in the capital city, Canterlot, at the time to describe these types of relationships was ‘Herd’. ‘Herds’- the pluralization of ‘Herd’- were usually comprised of three to five females as well as one to two males. The colloquialism grew more popular throughout the years and ‘Herds’ soon became the norm for almost everypony living during this era. However, a deviant subset of the population was also gaining ground in the following decades. These societal secularists did not believe in the confining commitment that came along with ‘Herds’ and renounced the norm for a new ideology. They dubbed their new relationships ‘Friends with Benefits’. In these type of relationships, neither mare nor stallion promised any semblance of emotional commitment, but instead agreed upon satisfying each other’s carnal desires. Any mare or stallion could have as many sexual partners as they desired without the need of feeling guilty for betraying the other’s trust. Unfortunately, with this newfound freedom came newfound issues. The ‘Friends with Benefits’ model mostly relied on mares and stallions choosing their partners based solely on physical appearance. In the ‘Herd’ relationships, ponies who were deemed unattractive could still usually find mates who enjoyed their personalities, but ‘Friends with Benefits’ made this approach nearly impossible. Without any emotional depth in the relationship, ‘making love’ soon turned to senseless lust. Those who could not find a partner to satisfy their primal urges would resort to more heinous methods. Organized crime began a steady ascent to power as ‘sex-slave trafficking’ became more necessary for unpartnered ponies. Many fillies were abducted from their homes and were forcibly placed into the system. The foalnapping grew so rampant that Princess Celestia had to personally step in and decree many laws that would put an end to models such as the “Friends with Benefits” relationship. It was one of the only hoofful of times in Equestrian history that a monarch had regulated societal behavior. In time, the word ‘sex’ became taboo and even a suggestion of intercourse between lovers was frowned upon. ‘Friends with Benefits’ soon turned to just ‘Friends’. To this day, many historians question the Princess’s decision to enforce the laws stated in, ‘The Sexual Activity Act of 531 L.A.C.*’ The repercussions of enacting such...” A knock on the door grabs your attention away from the text. You look over to the small frosted window, behind which someone’s silhouette stands waiting for you to answer it’s call. Squinting, you think you recognize the shadowy figure through the foggy glass. “Coming!” you call, getting up and walking over to open the door. As you approach, the knocker’s profile becomes more defined, and even before you finish turning the knob, you realize who’s waiting on the other side. You pause as the door opens to just a crack. “Are you gonna open it up all the way, or do you think you can fit through that little slit?” asks a sweet, feminine voice. You don’t answer immediately, but instead stare down at your dishevelled shirt, cursing yourself for not properly folding it last night. A long lost memory of your mother telling you off for not putting away your clothes pops into your head. Years ago, you remember bringing home a girl and seeing her slightly repulsed expression upon seeing the many dirty clothes strewn carelessly about your old bedroom floor. It seems as if you still haven’t learned your lesson. “Umm… are you okay there?” asks the voice, tentatively. “Wuzzat?” you mumble, wondering what brought you out of your flashback, but then quickly realize that the world doesn’t just stop so that you can have an inner monologue. “Oh right! Sorry, I was spacing out for a moment there,” you reply, hastily swinging the door open. With your visitor now in plain view, you can’t help but to trace your eyes over her. Starting at the bottom and slowly shifting your gaze higher, you see that she is wearing shiny black flats which are a stark contrast to her white coat. Moving upwards, you notice how her long, smooth legs wrapped in a pair of sheer pale pink thigh-high stockings disappear up into a short black skirt which stretches tight around her hips. Higher still, the skirt meets a creamy blue button blouse which tapers at her thin waist, but closely hugs her perky breasts. Over the blouse is a white doctor’s coat that’s cuffs have been rolled up to reveal her small wrists. The V-shaped collar of the blouse allows a small snippet of her cleavage to show and a more plain view of her lovely collarbone. A stethoscope dangles loosely down between her breasts, almost teasing you by rubbing up against her soft coat. The stethoscope is secured around the slender neck which leads to the soft lips and further still to the… “I see you’re still having trouble staying in reality,” she says, smirking. Your eyes snap up to meet hers; they are crystal blue. Her brow is raised and, along with the crooked smile, it gives her face a slightly amused expression. Another long ago memory enters your brain. The voice of your father echoes throughout your mind saying, “Never stare too long at a women! It’s like looking at the Sun! Just take a glance to get the feel of it, then immediately look away!” His words now made much more sense than they did when you were seven. “Heh heh…” you laugh nervously, rubbing the back of your head. “Yeah, I don’t suppose there’s a cure for spacing out is there, Doc?” She giggles lightly at your joke. “I’m sorry, Spaceman. I can’t seem to think of one off the top of my head.” You fake a sigh. “So you’re saying there’s no hope, Doc?” “I’m afraid so…” she answers in mock pity, going along with you dumb joke. She can’t help but to giggle again though. However, the giggle quickly subsides and she fixes you with a hard gaze as her hands move to her hips. Her mouth is in a pout, but you can tell she’s just hamming it up for you. “Eh… what’s up, Doc?” you ask, only slightly apprehensive of her answer. “You know, I wish you’d stop calling me that,” she says in exasperation. “So, I guess the white coat is just for show then?” you joke, then wonder absently if that may have come off as racist as she really did had a “white coat”. She turns away from you, crossing her arms. “Mmph!” “Right, right. I’m sorry, Nurse Redheart,” you apologise, being sure to sound somewhat earnest, as you don’t want her to actually be offended. She must be the only nurse turned doctor ever to still want to be called by her former title. You’d think that would be pretty insulting and even more so when you consider that she’s a woman.. er mare as well! Then again, you suppose that they probably don’t have much of that sort of sexism in Equestria, anyway. Nurse Redheart turns back around with a big smile. It’s a lovely sight to see so early in the morning. “Much better,” she says and then adds, “Oh yes! I came to see whether you wanted to have breakfast with me. Do you?” “Of course!” you respond with a smile of your own. “Then come along, Spaceman,” she replies, striding off down the hallway. You watch the way her skirt wrinkles and stretches as she walks for a second or two before shaking your head. In a low tone that only you can hear you say, “But I see you’re still gonna call me that, huh?” Shaking your head again, and feeling another smile creeping up your cheeks, you walk down the hallway after the beautiful doctor. [br] The air outside is calm and refreshing. Summer’s humid heat is finally beginning to yield to the oncoming coolness of autumn. Soon, the tree leaves will lose their vibrant green hues and the inhabitants of Ponyville will perform their annual “Running of the Leaves” ceremony to beckon in the new season. All in all, it is a lovely morning. After a nourishing breakfast of oatmeal and buttered toast, you had decided that it would be a good idea to go outside for a breath of fresh air. The thought of being cooped up in a hospital ward all day wasn’t too appealing. “Good idea!” Nurse Redheart had chimed, “But, unfortunately, I have to stay on standby in case anypony needs me here.” “There are students here all ready?” you questioned, swallowing your last spoonful of oatmeal. “Oh, yes. All the students have orientation for the first week. You know, in order to become better acquainted with their teachers and the campus as a whole,” she had explained as she cleaned up the plates on the table. “Speaking of which, Ms. Harshwhinny mentioned that Captain Cloud Skipper would be around later this morning to show you the campus and to escort you to your new room.” “Escort me?” you inquired, a bit put off by the thought that Ms. Harshwhinny had assigned you a babysitter. “Well, yes. You haven’t gotten your teacher identification card yet, have you? I mean you’ve just been given the job, after all,” Nurse Redheart had correctly pointed out. “You’ll need to have somepony with you who can vouch for you. Anyway, just be on the lookout for him while you’re out there, okay?” Thus, here you stand, staring out over the tranquil Lake Neighage which bisects the Eastern and Western sides of the campus. Looking to the East, you can make out the main building of the mares’ campus as a large clock tower which protrudes boldly from its roof. The morning sun gleams brilliantly off the clock face causing such an intense glare that, even from this distance, your eyes squint in protest of the bright light. A similar effect is achieved over toward the West at the stallions’ campus, Starswirl Memorial University, but instead of a clock, the sunlight shines off a large brass bell hanging still in its own tower. Your eyes then scan to the southeast shore where the teacher’s dorms are located and you notice someone heading down to the sandy shore at a very quick pace. The figure is indistinguishable at this distance, but they appear to be carrying something. Keeping your gaze settled on the figure, you watch as they dash towards the shade of a beech tree, set down whatever they were carrying, and begin to hop haphazardly around on one leg. You think they are clutching their hoof and narrow your eyes until they are almost shut in order to see what was causing the figure’s bizarre behavior. “Identification,” says a voice off to your side. “Wha-?” you ask absentmindedly, still trying to make out the figure on the far shore. The figure had stopped hopping on the one hoof, but was now doing the same crazy dance on the other one. “Identification,” the voice repeats in low, gruff tone. Turning to see who is addressing you, you are met with a shining metal chest plate inches from your face reflecting your surprised expression back at yourself. The armor appears to be encasing extremely muscular pectorals which you follow upwards to find the face of the biggest stallion you have ever seen. He easily has a foot on you as well as a couple hundred pounds, all of which seem to be attributed to his large, bulging muscles. His gaze is piercing and, as you meet his eyes, his brow furrows so that his thick eyebrows seem to merge into one bushy line of hair. He scowls menacingly at you and folds his arms so that you can now see the pulsing veins of his rippling biceps. All you can do is stand there awestruck and mouth soundlessly at the giant. “I have not seen you on the premises before. I will have to see your identification card,” the giant demands in his baritone voice which seems to vibrate the ground beneath your feet. Still, you are unable to speak. His scowl deepens as he continues, saying, “If you do not hand over you identification I will have to crush your skull.” Glancing horror-stricken at his massive hands, you confirm that he would have absolutely no trouble crushing your skull like an egg in a vise. You swallow, feeling your mouth go dry and you legs turn to Jell-O. It’s beginning to become very difficult to form coherent thoughts. “I-I… d-don’t have… m-m-my…” you stammer out, breathlessly. The giant flexes his hand and you hear each knuckle crack, imagining that your skull will soon be producing a similar sound. “I…” “Oh, there you are!” shouts another unfamiliar voice. The giant’s eyes snap away from your own and settle on the newcomer. You however, don’t dare relieve your gaze from the titan stallion, but through your peripheral vision you see another armor clad stallion walking your way. As the new stallion approaches, the giants drops his arms and snaps to attention. “Captain!” bellows the giant so loud that your ears begin to ring. “At ease,” says the Captain, dismissively and the giant relaxes. A hand claps you on the shoulder causing you to yelp a little as you were already on edge with the goliath before you. The Captain doesn’t seem to have noticed however as he says, “I've been looking for you, Professor. I’ve been told to show you around the campus and introduce you to some of the staff today. Seems you've already met Boulder Stomp.” Internally, you decide that not a more appropriate name could have been given to the massive stallion. Warily, you remove your vigilant stare from him to face the Captain. “Yeah, he was asking me about my identification card,” you explain, still a little shaky. “Ah, yes. It should be ready by the afternoon,” the Captain informs you, “But until then, I’ll be escorting you.” “I heard that you’d be coming to get me,” you reply, adding, “That’s why I was out here, you know? Just getting a lay of the land, but I guess that I really shouldn’t have been wondering aimlessly around without any proper identification,” you conclude, glancing sideways at Boulder Stomp, but he takes no further notice of your presence. “Captain, I must continue my rounds,” Boulder Stomp announces, once again standing resolutely at attention. “Carry on then, soldier,” commands the Captain, nodding. The two of you watch Boulder Stomp stalk off behind the hospital and out of site with only the sound of an occasional breeze and the behemoth’s hoofsteps cutting the silence. Finally, after a prolonged pause, the Captain turns on the spot and starts walking off in the opposite direction, saying, “Follow me.” You follow in the Captain’s wake, having a little trouble keeping up. He’s not much taller than you, but he has a brisk walking pace; one that seems full of confidence and purpose. Even more so than his walk, his whole stature - his very aura - exudes the air of someone in a position of power. Unlike Boulder Stomp, whose enormous physique can only appear menacing, or Ms. Harshwhinny, whose icy glare could stop a hundred men in their tracks, the Captain is a stallion who looks not only intimidating, but somehow amiable at the same time. “Charismatic” would perhaps describe his appearance best. He is at the very least handsome with a blonde mane against a snow white coat and wings. “Here we are,” the Captain says, coming to a stop after a minute’s worth of walk. He turns to you with a half-smile and asks, “What do you think of her?” Whistling at the sight before the Captain you say, “She’s definitely a winner in my books.” A shiny, metallic black SUV rests idle in the middle of the clearing behind the hospital. It looks brand new with little to no dirt on the large rims which are incased with heavily treaded tires. Glancing at the grass just behind the back wheels, you can see the tire tracks carved into the earth from the monstrous vehicle. The windows are tinted so dark that you can see your reflection in the morning light. Somehow you were grateful for this as you found it slightly embarrassing to be riding around in such an expensive looking vehicle like a celebrity. “Perks of being a Royal Guard captain, I suppose,” explains the Captain after noticing your astonished expression. “Well, I wouldn’t mind joining the guard if this is what the perks include,” you joke. “Though I doubt I’d make the cut for the captain of the Royal Guard.” “No, Professor, I’m sure that what awaits you this school year will prove much more taxing then the life of a guardspony,” the Captain says with a smile, although you’re quite uncertain as to whether he is joking or being serious. While you ponder his words the Captain brandishes a key from his pocket unlocks the doors of the massive SUV and says, “Come along then, I had better give you that tour.” Your thoughts meander here and there as the Captain drives down on a narrow gravel road which runs the perimeter of Lake Neighage. Soon enough though, a new structure comes into clearer focus and you surmise that it will be the first stop on your tour of the campus. Cloud Skipper pulls into a somewhat vacant lot next to the building and proceeds to park the SUV in a spot close to the building’s entrance. During this time you take the chance to observe the structure more closely. The building’s walls are made of the same red brick which seems to act as an architectural motif throughout the campus. Long windows run along the front side of the building, reflecting the crystal blue surface of the lake. You can make out a few silhouettes through the glass, but not much else due to the way the light is reflecting of the windows. Above the windows are signs for a plethora of different department stores and restaurants. Some of the signs look as if they’d glow in bright neon colors when the sunset. All together, the building appears to bridge the gap between the northern and eastern sections of the campus and reminds you of some of the shopping complexes you might find in a city. “Welcome to ‘The Strip’, Professor,” says the Captain as he shifts from ‘reverse’ to ‘park’. “Princess Twilight had thought it would be a good idea to have a shopping district for the students to buy their goods or simply to have somewhere to spend their… leisure hours,” he explains, though with a look that suggests he’d rather have the students stick to their studies and forget all about “leisure hours”. You think it rather odd that the Captain seems so put off by simply mentioning something that you’d think any understanding adult would expect a healthy college student to do. Then, you remember the book back on the bedside table in the hospital ward and elect not to go further into the matter. Instead, you ask another question that had formed in your head. “‘The Strip’?” you question, unbuckling your seatbelt and exiting the vehicle. “Yes, well, that’s what most ponies have been calling it, anyway,” the Captain answers. He locks the SUV with his key before stowing it safely back into his back pocket. Turning toward the entrance of the strip mall he says, “Come on, I’ll show you some of the shops.” The Captain leads the way through the glass doors at the entrance. Once inside, you’re slightly taken aback by how similar the interior is to that of the strip malls you’d been to before; the only difference being that everything is ponified. Walking down the long aisle of the strip mall you see a variety of different stores, though it proves to be quite difficult to keep up with all the different window mannequins and fancy-lettered signs on either side of the walkway. You do, however, take note a few shops such as “Joe’s Doughnuts” where you see a bulky stallion wearing a stained apron and carrying two large sacks of flower over each shoulder. There is also a diner called “Lovestruck Shake Shack” which has a sign tape to one of its windows that reads, “Help Wanted!” Surprisingly, there is also a movie theatre located at the center of “The Strip.” The Captain gives the theater a reproachful look as you pass by. “Uh, not a fan of cinema?” you ask, slightly apprehensive that the topic may annoy the Captain. You’re beginning to think that he may have more in common with Ms. Harshwhinny than you first suspected. Averting your gaze toward a small kiosk, you wait for his reply. “A dark theatre, no chaperones, seats that are far too close for anypony’s good…” begins the Captain, shaking his head so that his blond mane whips across his neck. “It’s not the films that I… HEY!” You jump slightly at the Captain’s sudden outburst and spin around to see what the commotion is all about. It seems that another guard has decided to join the Captain’s escort. The black armor chest plate makes it fairly evident that it’s a guard- it also makes it obvious that this guard is a mare. “If you’re into movies then you shouldn’t mind taking me to a drive-in with that new set of wheels you picked up, Cloud Skipper~” says the newcomer in a sultry voice. She has bright yellow eyes with narrow pupils, a dark blue mane and most peculiar of all, a pair of bat-like wings. She wraps her arms round the Captain pressing into his back. “I saw it outside… Any particular reason why you chose black?” she taunts into his ear, laughing lightly and you notice her teeth are fangs. “I’m afraid the color was not chosen to suit your preferences, Midnight,” says the Captain as he pulls himself from the mare’s embrace. “Now, I will need you to return my keys, else I won’t be able to continue my tour with the Professor,” he demands holding out a hand for the keys. “Always the party-pooper,” replies the mare, dangling the keys just out of the Captain’s reach. You then remember just where the Captain had placed the keys before coming into the strip mall. The rather bold mare continues saying, “I’ll give them back if you let me in on this… tour, was it?” The Captain gives her a stern gaze, but says nothing in reply. What feels like an hour passes before the mare finally gives in. “Hmph, fine. Take’em,” she mumbles, tossing the keys to the Captain and adding, “Who’s this Professor character, anyway?” Cloud Skipper points a thumb in your direction. The mare stares at you wide-eyed for a second before crossing her arms and speaking. “A human, huh?” “I… guess?” you answer, unable to tell if that was a question or an observation. Either way, you’re a little wary of the crooked smile creeping up the mare’s face. You notice the fangs again. “I, uh…” “WOW!” the mare exclaims. She closes the gap between you two in the blink of an eye. “I’ve never met a human before! I’ve seen them and stuff, but I never actually talked to one. I’m Midnight Blossom. Are you going to school here? How are you liking Ponyville? Are you going to live on campus? What’s your name… oh yeah, Skips just called you Professor.” You were not expecting to be greeted with such a barrage of questions. “Uh, I, hi? And… I am going to school? I guess you could say that… and yeah, I like Ponyville a lot, and umm… wait! Skips?” you ask, giving the Captain a look of both incredulity and of someone who is asking to be saved. The Captain simply shakes his head and says, “Y’know, if you actually read through the guard reports sometimes you might have a clue as to what’s going on, Midnight.” The mare just turns and sticks her tongue out at him. Sighing, he pulls Midnight back to a bearable distance. “This is Lieutenant Midnight Blossom. She’s the night guard here on campus. And Midnight, this is the Professor. He will be teaching at Amore.” “Teaching,” Midnight says, her brow rising. “Teaching what?” “I’ll be teaching Sex Ed” you answer, guessing that she’ll almost certainly refrain from any further friendliness. “Sex Ed,” she repeats, her eyebrows now in serious danger of disappearing completely in her bangs. A look is exchanged between the two guards, but it’s too quick for you to discern any meaning from it. Smirking, Midnight Blossom says, “Sex Ed, well, that is interesting.” “You think so?” you ask, taken aback. She leans forward so that you can stare down her chest armor at her ample cleavage, though whether she did it on purpose is mystery to you. “Yeah~ Maybe I’ll have to sit in on one of your lessons, Professor,” she adds with a wink. Mystery solved. A rather audible gulp from you makes her giggle. Out of the corner of your eye you notice the Captain stiffen before pulling Midnight back once again. “Yes, well, that teaching position is exactly why I’m now giving the Professor a tour of the campus. Now, if you’ll be on your way, Midnight, I have to show him to the Amore complex now and I think we’ve both had enough of your… sillyness,” he says, turning and walking back towards the entrance. “Great! I’ll help you show him around,” Midnight says enthusiastically, causing Cloud Skipper to roll his eyes and murmur something that sounds like, “...Never listens.” Nevertheless, you- along with Midnight Blossom- follow the Captain back out to the lot where the SUV is parked. “I call shotgun!” she announces as he unlocks the doors. [br] The car ride on Amore’s main campus road was much more eventful than the previous trip. Midnight Blossom made sure of that by either teasing the Captain about how there was enough room in the back of the SUV to do almost anything or by asking trivial and somewhat random questions to you about how felt like to be a human living in Equestria. When Midnight Blossom had finally seemed to run out of questions the Captain had announced that they had arrived at the main building of the university. Now you’re standing beneath the enormous clock tower you’d seen earlier this morning. Craning your neck upwards you can see the giant white face of the clock marked with elegantly written Roaman** numerals. The hour hand is currently pointing at numeral “IV.” “I was told that your room would be prepared by five o’clock,” says the Captain. “Great, that gives us an hour to show him around Amore,” Midnight chimes. “Indeed,” the Captain sneers, then adds, “Shouldn’t you start getting ready for you night shift, Lieutenant Blossom?” “Psh, I can spare an hour, Captain Cloud Skipper,” she snorts. “C’mon, Professor, I’ll show you to your class room,” Midnight says, grabbing your arm and leading you toward the entrance, but suddenly stops to look back at the Captain. “Where exactly is his room again?” “Follow me,” the Captain says with a heavy sigh. The three of you travel down the spacious corridors of the university. There are several covered walkways leading to branch buildings, all of which are lined with the beautiful maroon brick that you’d seen at “The Strip.” Impressive archways mark the entrance to each new room or building. You notice that every arch has a keystone on which is embedded the Royal Equestrian Insignia. Plenty of light reaches the insides of the hallways due to the numerous tall windows placed throughout the school. Every so often there is even a stained-glass window portraying some historical event or figure in Equestrian history. Captain Cloud Skipper shows you to the gymnasium, auditorium, planetarium and every other kind of (insert prefix)-ium Amore University has to offer. At one point, Midnight Blossom tries to show you the inside of the mare’s locker room looks like before the Captain steers you to the section of the complex where your classroom is located. One distinct difference you notice between the main building and all the other places you’ve been to today is how populated it is with students, most of which are mares. This, of course, makes perfect sense seeing as this is the mare’s campus. Many of them are accompanied by their parents. As your trio makes its way toward your classroom you overhear some of the many conversions happening around you. “I hope she doesn’t give us loads of homework on the first week,” says one mare to her Pegasus friend. “I wouldn’t hold your breath,” the Pegasus responds. A group of Unicorns is gathered around a water fountain all talking animatedly while waving their schedules in each other’s faces. “Oh! I got Herbology*** too!” says one. “Yeah, me too! I heard Golden Harvest teaches that. She’s supposed to be really nice,” another one adds. “I hope she is. What’s this though?” asks a third Unicorn, pointing to her schedule. “Yeah, Sex Ed. I never heard of it.” Captain Cloud Skipper moves more quickly than necessary pass that particular group ignoring Midnight Blossom’s stifled laughter. You’re starting to get a pretty good idea of how naive these ponies are when you overhear another group. It’s a mare walking along with her parents. “I think the student dorms are over this way, dear” says the mother, studying a map of the campus. “Mom, I know! I already told you that I’m perfectly capable of moving in myself,” replies the daughter in an exasperated tone. “Yes, yes, we know, darling,” the father says. “I must say though,” he continues, “I sure wish we had a university like this when I was younger… such healthy schoolmares…” The father stares at a passing Earth Pony with particularly perky breasts. “Ugh, Dad. No. Just no,” says the daughter. “Well, I just hope you don’t take after your father,” says the mother, shooting the father a disapproving glare. The father blushes slightly and trots along obediently behind his wife. “You just worry about your studies, and don’t think about sneaking off during the night or something of that sort.” “Pft. I’d like to see her try,” whispers a voice. You turn to see Midnight Blossom smirking at the group. Apparently, she had also been eavesdropping. “What do you mean?” you ask, curious. Midnight opens her mouth to speak, but is cut off by the Captain. “At night the whole campus is encased in a magical barrier which keeps the student safely inside.” “Yeah, the only way out is through the main gate,” Midnight adds. “But you’d be mad to try to get by Boulder Stomp without permission.” The simple mentioning of the brute’s name is enough to send shivers down your spine. “Yeah, totally insane,” you agree. You continue down the hallway catching snippets of conversation here and there until finally the Captain points to the last door in the corridor. “There’s your classroom.” “A bit out of the way, don’t you…” Midnight begins, but is cut off by the sound of the bell ringing to mark the passage of another hour. “Oh! I just remembered! I have a ton of paper work to sort out before tonight’s shift!” “I thought you said you could spare an hour,” the Captain reminds her in a disapproving tone, but it falls on deaf ears as Midnight Blossom is all ready sprinting toward the nearest exit. “I catch you later, Professor, Skips!” she calls as she races out the door. If you had known the Captain a bit better you might have taken this opportunity to taunt him with Midnight’s nickname, but you think better of it. “She’s always been like that,” the Captain comments, more to himself than you. He shakes his head, but for a split second you think you see his expression soften into a smirk. It vanishes though, before you can be certain. “Well, let’s have a look at your classroom then.” He opens the door to reveal a decent-sized lecture hall. Rows of desks are stacked in a semicircle on one side of the room. The highest tier is easily fifteen feet from level ground. All the seats face a large mahogany desk at the center of the room. Behind the desk is a blackboard which stretches the entire width of the room. The far wall has long windows with reach from a few feet off the floor to kiss the ceiling. Through the windows you can see Lake Neighage and the distant outline of the stallion’s campus. You and the Captain pace around the room trying taking it all in. Besides the wall of windows, the others are entirely bare with off-white paint. Perhaps you’d be able to put diagrams and pictures on them to make the room feel more authentic. The Captain opens one of the drawers of the mahogany desk. “Seems they’ve given you a generous amount of supplies,” he says, pulling out a stack of paper, a box of chalk, and other miscellaneous office supplies. “At least you won’t have to worry about making a trip to “The Strip” tomorrow morning,” the Captain observes, but you’re not listening. You take one of the pieces of chalk and put it up to the blackboard. Taking care to be extra neat, you meticulously write your name on the board, trying to savor the feeling of the chalk rubbing against the smooth surface. Underneath your name you write, “Class Course: Sexual Education 101.” “You forgot something,” says the Captain. You turn to him as he grabs the chalk from your fingers. He carefully writes out “Professor” right before your name and sets the chalk down on the silver tray below the board. Smiling, he says, “Welcome to Amore University, Professor.” “Thank you,” you say, returning the smile. “You know I…” begins the Captain after a few moments of silence, “I can’t help but feel a little uneasy about having a sexual education course available to these kids. Considering the fact that you’re not even of the same species and also the fact that no good has come from such activities in the past… well, I just don’t know what to think about it.” Just as you open your mouth to respond a knock comes from outside the door. “Excuse me!” shouts a voice from beyond the frosted glass window of the door. “Hello! Professor? Is anypony in there?!” “Mom, shush!” says another voice in a hushed whisper. “How many times have I told not to shout like that? Remember? Use indoor voices when indoors.” “Sorry, my bad,” answers the first voice, drawing out the last word like child might. You and the Captain exchange a look before he moves to open the door. “Yes, hello,” says the Captain as the door swing open. “What is it you… oh… Hello Derpy.” “Hello Captain!” shouts the loud Pegasus. She holds up her left hand and salutes the Captain. “Uh, it’s the other hand, Derpy,” says the Captain in a patient tone. “Sorry, my bad,” says the mare. The way she repeats the phrase makes you think that she has had to use it many times throughout her life. The Pegasus repeats the motion, but with her right hand this time. She giggles at her own silliness before speaking again. “Captain, I’m looking for the Profess…Woah, wait! Are you the Professor, Captain?” “Ugh, of course he isn’t!” A younger Unicorn appears from behind the mare, her hand covering her face. Her coat is a light shade of lavender, but there is a clearly defined red spot on her forehead just below her horn. Immediately, you feel a strong sense of sympathy for this stranger. “The Professor is a human, Mom. Remember what Ms. Harshwhinny told you?” asks the Unicorn. “That’s right!” exclaims the Pegasus, obviously remembering this crucial bit of information. She turns back to the Captain. “She said we should try looking in this room for him, but it’s only the Captain here.” You step up beside the Captain in order to make yourself visible to the group. The Pegasus turns to you as you speak. “The one you’re looking for is…” you begin, but lose your ability to talk as the mare stares at you; at least you think she’s staring at you. “Your ey-AH!” A hoof comes down on your toes. You shoot the Captain a dirty look, but see him give a nearly imperceptible shake of his head. Looking back at the mare, you see that she still facing you with a smile as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. “I…” you continue. “I’m the Professor.” “You’re the Professor? Wow! A real human!” she bellows. “Dinky! Look! A real human!” “I can see that, Mom,” says the Unicorn. She turns to look at you and thankfully, she manages to keep eye contact. “Hello, Professor. I’m Dinky Hooves. This is my mother… uh, Derpy” she says, trailing off towards the end. “Heheh!” giggles Derpy. “Uh, did I miss something?” you dare to ask. “Sorry, it’s just when she called you, ‘Professor’, it reminded me of my hus…” “Mom!” Derpy looks back at her daughter and asks, “What’s the matter, Dinky?” “I’d rather you not talk about somepony who’s never around…” A very long silence passes before the Captain clears his throat. “So what was it that you needed to see the Professor about?” questions the Captain. “Ms. Harshwhinny wanted me to deliver this to the Professor,” answers Derpy, presenting a small satchel bag to you and the Captain. “It’s all of your things; your clothes, your toothbrush, your wallet. Basically, all of your nessesames!” “Ugh, it’s ‘necessities’, Mom,” Dinky corrects. “Look, you delivered the package so I’m gonna head over to my dorm now, okay? I need to finish settling in.” she explains. “Okay Dinky, but give me a hug before you go!” says Derpy. Dinky gives a quick hug to her mother before giving you and the Captain a quick nod of recognition and hurrying off down the corridor. “I love you, Dinky!” Derpy calls after her daughter. “Don’t forget to write me sometimes… well, I guess you can just make a blank letter and tell me how you’re doing when I come to pick it up!” Derpy’s calls reverberate off the wall of the hallway, but you’re fairly certain that Dinky had all ready rounded the corner before the echoes reached her. “Oh, I forgot to give her this,” Derpy says, pulling a muffin seemingly out of thin air. She looks up at you. “Do you want it?” “Uh, sure?” you say, taking the muffin. “Oh yeah, this is yours as well,” she says, handing the small satchel over. “You said all of my things are in here?” you ask, completely skeptical that such a light-weight could contain all of your belongings. It doesn’t help know who the delivery was made by. “Yup! Everything should be in there!” Derpy insists with a happy smile. “It probably has some spatial deformation spell on it,” confirms the Captain after noticing the disbelieving expression still plastered on your face. “I’m not a Unicorn so I don’t exactly know the specifics, but it should be able to hold all of your things. Open it and see for yourself.” Doing as the Captain suggested, you flip open the flap at the top and reach into the bag. Your fingers disappear inside the bag… then your whole hand… then your whole arm. You start to feel yourself being sucked in, but luckily, the Captain pulls you out before fall in completely. “I-I guess you guys weren’t kidding, huh? Thanks, by the way,” you say to the Captain, trying to catch your breath. “And thank you, Derpy, for delivering it to me… uh, are you okay?” Derpy is staring, mouth agape at the blackboard. Following her gaze, it becomes apparent as to why she’s was acting so strange… well, at least stranger than she was before. Still written neatly on the board are the words, “Class Course: Sexual Education 101.” “Y-you’re teaching that?!” exclaims Derpy, placing a hand over her mouth in shock. “How c-can you be teaching that to my daughter? H-how are you allowed to teach such a thing. It’ll all go bad again! It’ll…” “Derpy!” the Captain interrupts, raising his voice so he overpowers the frantic mare’s ramblings. His stern voice immediately becomes softer after Derpy becomes silent. “Yes. The Professor will be teaching sexual education to the students this year. Ms. Harshwhinny as well as the Princess have deemed it necessary to provide the incoming class with knowledge on the subject,” he explained in a level voice, though there was an edge to his voice. “The Princess?” questions Derpy, still trying to wrap her head around this disquieting information. “Really?” “Yes, the Princess,” confirms the Captain. “If you have an issue with it, well, you are to take it up with her. I have no say in the matter,” he explains. This time there is a definite bitterness in his tone. Having read up on sex in Equestrian history only the other night you knew enough to understand both ponies’ reactions to the subject. Their apprehension was not unfounded, but you couldn’t think of anything to assure them about anything one way or the other. Still, you felt a need to justify your position. This was your first teaching job and even though it was in a subject you’d have never pick for yourself, there was a certain pride to the position. It’s time to give an answer to the Captain’s earlier opinion on the matter. “Listen, both of you,” you begin. Both ponies turn to face you. “I... I know that you have good reason to doubt that this class will help anyone. Given all that’s happen in the past… well, I think I’d probably feel the same if I were in your position, but…” you pause, taking a breath, “I’m not in your position and I think that’s why I was chosen for this. As an outsider, I don’t share you fears.” “But…” Derpy begins, but you hold up a hand to stop her. “I can’t promise you that everything will go smoothly. I can’t even promise you that this class will change everpony’s thinking for the better. I can’t promise any of that, but I’m a teacher. And I can promise you, both of you and anyone else who doubts me, I will do everything I can to help these kids understand this part of life. It’s more than my job. It’s my responsibility,” you finish, looking from Derpy to the Captain. Derpy is the first to speak. She comes up to you, grabbing your hand in hers. For once, both of her eyes are focus on you and both show a look that you didn’t think the mare was capable of giving. “I think you’ll be a good teacher. If nothing else, I’d rather have you teaching this to my daughter than anypony else,” she says, with a nod. “Thank you,” you answer with a nod of your own. A long moment passes between the three of you. “It’s getting late,” the Captain begins, taking note of the reddening skies through the windows. “We should get you to your dorm, Professor.” [br] The teachers’ dorms remind you of a two roadside motels separated by a small garden area. There are two levels to each building with a stair case leading up to their second-story walkways. Of course, the buildings are decorated with the recurring red brick exterior as well as a dark maroon Mansard-style roof that sticks out over the sides to act as an awning for the doorways lining the structures. Each door has a golden plaque on it denoting the room’s number. Altogether, there are a total of twenty-four rooms; six to each level. Together with the Captain, you walk up to the second dorm building. It is only a few yards from Lake Neighage and a large beech tree casts a long shadow on the side of the dorm as the sun sinks lower into the horizon. “You’re on the second floor, Professor,” the Captain says, pulling a key out of his pocket (not the SUV’s key) and glancing at a small number etched into its handle. The number reads, “206.” “Hmm,” you answer. Your thoughts are still on the conversation back in your classroom. After the Captain had mentioned that he needed to show you your dorm room, Derpy had said that she had to get back to delivering a few more packages before the day ended. You and the Captain had departed for the dorms without the Pegasus mare. Thinking of the weight of responsibility that has been placed on you, you don’t even notice as your feet climb the stairs to the second floor. Unfortunately, you also don’t take note of the Captain’s word of caution about the floor being slippery and loose you footing on a small puddle in front of the door marked, “205.” Your hand catches on the guard rail just in time to save you from doing a faceplant. “I warned you,” says the Captain, giving you a disapproving look. “Right, sorry,” you respond, staring at the puddle of water. It strikes you as being rather odd that a puddle should be present under the covered walkway and even odder that anything should be wet on such a clear day. “You coming, Professor,” asks the Captain, snapping you back to reality. He was holding the door to room 206 open, waiting. “Yeah.” The inside of the room is about the size of a decent apartment. It has a kitchen with a stove, oven, and refrigerator (ready stocked with milk, cheese, etc.) towards the front hallway. Pass the kitchen is a living room containing a nearly bare bookshelf, comfy looking dark sofa with a matching ottoman, and a glass coffee table at the center. A glass sliding door is positioned on the far side of the living room leading out a small balcony overlooking garden and lake. Because your room was at the very end of the building, the balcony was only a few feet from the beech tree beside the dorms. If you stretched over the side of the iron railing you could just touch the long branches of the tree. Back inside to the left of the living room was your bedroom. A queen-sized mattress rested atop a rather intricately decorated wood-framed bed. The dark blue sheets and duvet are neatly tucked in, waiting for their master to collapse into their warmth. Beside the bed is a large mahogany bureau hutch which frames a large mirror at the center. The wall space between the bed and bureau is dominated by a quaint window. In the opposite wall there is a closet adjacent to a door leading to the tiled bathroom complete with a toilet and shower. For a few minutes, the Captain surveys the room making sure you have all the necessary materials to make it for a few days without having to make a trip to “The Strip.” Once he is satisfied with the state of the room he heads over to the coffee table to pick up a manila folder that had been resting on it since you had entered. He inspects the contents before handing it over to you, saying, “In there is your Equestria Teaching Certificate as well as your Teacher Identification Card. Also, there is a schedule for all your class times this semester.” You pull out an official looking document, noting the Royal Equestrian Insignia stamped at the bottom with the unmistakable signature of Princess Twilight Sparkle. Next, you pull the schedule out and glance over it before finally fishing out the small plastic ID card. “Be sure to keep that card on you at all times, Professor,” warns the Captain, not that it is necessary after this morning’s debacle with Boulder Stomp. “Yeah, I will,” you promise, pocketing the card. “Good,” the Captain says with a nod. “Well, I suppose that’s all I had to tell and show you for today. I guess I’ll leave you to get ready for you first class tomorrow morning. Here,” he finishes, handing you your room key. “Thanks for showing me around today, Captain,” you say as he opens the door to the walkway outside. There is a moment’s pause before he turns to speak. “What you said back in the classroom… I still don’t think it’s right to be teaching school ponies those kinds of things.” You don’t say anything, feeling a little crestfallen. “But,” he continues, causing you to look up. “I think Derpy is right. If anypony should do this, it should be you.” And before you can respond, the Captain shuts the door and leaves you in the quiet of the dorm room. A few silent moments pass before you smile, shaking your head. “Thanks, Captain.” Author's Note Author’s Note *L.A.C. stands for Lunarem Annum Carceres which basically translates to “in the year of lunar imprisonment” **Roaman- the Equestrian equivalent of Roman. ***Herbology- study of magical and mundane plants and fungi. (Yes, I did steal this from J.K. Rowling ) //-------------------------------------------------------// III: You're teaching what!? //-------------------------------------------------------// III: You're teaching what!? Weaving Memories at Amore University Edited By: N/A Chapter three Written By: Cloudline Dasher Chapter Three: You're Teaching What!? \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\Professor: Home, 2nd person/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ Slamming your hand onto the obnoxious sounding alarm clock, you groan as you force yourself up on to one arm. It was barely even seven AM at the campus, and most of the classes usually started around ten. That left you with three hours to get ready to meet with Princess Twilight, and Ms. Harshwhinny before your first official class. After a cold bowl of cereal from the fridge, and getting dressed, you lock the door to your apartment behind you. You had to admit, you were a little nervous of what was ahead of you. Today you had planned just to speak with the class, and see how they felt about what you had to teach them. Hopefully, they wouldn't be too juvenile and treat the class like immature children, laughing just because little Jimmy said penis. You had hoped that they would simply be curious, and full of wonder. That way, they would hang onto every word you said, and the class wouldn't get out of hand or hoof. Once outside of the teachers living quarters, you were instantly met with the chill of the cooling Autumn morning air. Sounds of crickets played their song out in the grass, along with chirping birds that were possibly out for the musical insects. It wasn't particularly cold outside, but due to you waking up fifteen or so minutes ago, your body flinches at the briskly cool wind that gently blew through the campus. “Professor!” You blink, not realizing the surprised tone from whom called you. Glancing up from the ground just in front of you, you lock eyes with two light cerulean orbs. Suddenly, you find it necessary to stand up straighter, and ignore the fact that it was a little too chilly for you this early. Letting go of your lab coat, your torso is instantly met with a brief gust of cold air. You can even see mist emanate from your breath as you reply, “Ms. Harshwhinny, good morning!” Despite your attempt to be kind, her features turn back to her usual stern gaze, “I'll say, I'm impressed! You're actually up at a respectable time!” You wince at the comment, only because it seemed to be a double ended sword. One side was a compliment, while the other made your stomach lurch to think she had no trust that you would actually get up on time. Not that it really surprised you any, you could imagine she was the type of person that wouldn't trust anyone until proven otherwise. Before you could say anything else, another figure stepped up from the side, “Professor, we weren't supposed to meet for another hour, but we can go ahead and begin if you like?” Nodding, you grin sheepishly to the Princess, “Sure thing, Princess Twilight. I was headed to the class room anyhow.” “Marvelous! That will give us plenty of time to lay out today’s planning schedule! By the way, just Twilight is fine. I suppose Principle Twilight would be more accurate, and accuracy is key in school.” Ms. Harshwhinny turned away as she gripped the folder under her arm tighter. You only imagined that little brown folder was your instructions of exactly what you were doing today. Preventing yourself from letting out a sigh, you shake your head, 'and here I thought I would just follow the schedule that Twilight laid out for me...' \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ A couple hours later after a long discussion about the first semesters schedule, and upon reaching the class room, Twilight turned to face you, “Alright!” She stated with a breath, extending out her hand as Mrs. Harshwhinny handed over the folder to the Princess, “This is a file on your class, and it has a small insight to their personalities regarding sex. Studies state that most mares have little to no knowledge or even an opinion on sex. While the ponies that do know about it, are scared senseless.” You frown, glancing in between the two mares before you, “How can these teenagers be oblivious about sex if instincts should have peaked their curiosity?” Harshwhinny cleared her voice, drawing your attention, “Mares often vary when they start their first estrus cycle. With society the way it is, parents often anticipate the problem of their children being corrupted by sexual urges that they suppress the desire with spells or medicinal chemicals and herbs. It is almost like they are sick, and they are taught to treat it as if it is.” Bafflement marks your features as you briefly mouth words, but none come and your mind remains blank. Luckily, you feel a soft lavender hand on your shoulder, followed by an equally soft voice, “I've studied your culture and comparing the two, you must think we are sex depraved. That is why Harshwhinny picked you, Professor. Our numbers are declining, and the life expectancy rate is decreasing rapidly due to the sexual repressive medicine and spells.” You hear the door creak open, and several students step in. Twilight pulled you closer and whispers, “Just follow your teaching plan, and everything should be fine.” Patting you once more on the back, Twilight and Harshwhinny turned for the door. Twilight disappeared into the hall, and Ms. Harshwhinny paused and locked eyes with you. For a moment her eyes softened and she gave you a small smirk, but in a blink of an eye her expression returned to her stern gaze as she disappeared after Twilight. You refrain from letting out a sigh in front of your students. “Hello Professor!” A familiar voice chimed out. Turning around, you are met to three familiar faces from Ponyville, “Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo.” The three cutiemark crusaders had apparently been school shopping, but that didn't stop Apple Bloom from showing up in a pair of worn blue jeans. Her shirt was a bright red, just as her bow or a newly polished apple. It was lucky her fur was yellow, because it offset the red perfectly. She lacked in the bust department, but she didn't seem to care in the least. You expect that in this sexually lacking culture, that no one really cared about a mares breast size. Scootaloo shared in Apple Bloom's bust size, but she was fairly tomboyish anyway. It came to reason that with her always on a scooter, that she probably preferred them small anyway. Scootaloo as always appeared in some green bell-bottoms, while her shirt was a light blue. Then there was Sweetie Belle, she was definitely the most innocent of the group, and probably a tad bit gullible too. She put both her friends to shame with her bust size, but as you thought before, it doesn't much matter in a sexually restrained society. Her plain sleeveless and faintly purple tank top blended in with her mane, while her blue pants seemed to be a tad too fashiony for a university like Amore. Most likely due to her sister being Rarity of all ponies. “It seems I'll be your teacher then!” You smile lovingly to the three students. “Not just an assistant either!” Apple Bloom applauded. “What will you be teaching anyway, Professor?” Sweetie Belle asked tenderly, her eyes glancing over to the board where your name as well as the class was written. Her innocents led her astray as she failed to realize what exactly sex-ed meant. “I'll explain once the entire class sits down. It shouldn't be too much longer.” You smile to them, trying your best to hide your awkwardness. The class room seemed to fill up rather quickly and you recognized a few more faces. A pair of trouble makers by the name of Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon sat off to the side where the desks sat near a window. You knew of the harshness that the two would often give toward the cutiemark crusaders. Also both didn't seem to be dressed for a university like Amore. Diamond Tiara wore a loose tank top, while her jeans were that of an expensive brand with bedazzles all over them. Her friend Silver Spoon at least was a bit more modest, but not by much. Her tank top matched her friends, and while her jeans had been bedazzled, it was only of a flower here or there. Once the class was full and the bell rang, you pick up the folder on your desk. After role call, you acknowledge the class, “My name is up on the wall, but feel free to call me Professor. I will be teaching all of you sex ed; any questions before we start?” You wait a moment in silence as some of the class whisper to each other, but no one speaks up. "Ok then, I guess the best place to start would be to explain the difference between a stallion and a mare." "That's what we're here to learn about?" The voice came from an orange mare with a rose colored mane. "I know all about that crap! You can just give me my A now Prof, and we can be both be out of each others mane!" Glancing down to her file, you begin to read, 'Babs Seed, lives in Manehattan. Her knowledge about sex is based on rumors from the darker parts of the city.' Lets just see what darkest part of Manehattan knows. Raising your gaze from the file, you look over Babs Seed. Her shirt was faded, while her jeans were tattered and warped. However, her jeans looked as if they had been cut with a knife and then ripped to reveal her fur underneath and not from work as Apple Bloom's most likely had. Letting out a sigh, you take a step closer to Babs Seed, "Tell me, what is the difference between a Stallion and Mare?" "Duh," she says with a grin and stands up from her seat to address you and the class on her vast knowledge, "a stallion has this long pole extending from their crotch called a penis. They use it to pee, and they're terrible aiming with them." This got a laugh from most of the class. "Meanwhile us mares have a vagina! It's superior to a stallion penis in every way!" With her explanation over Babs folded her arms in triumph. “Well your right on the penis and vagina part. So can you tell me then, how is a baby made?” Babs Seed continued to smile, “A mare and a stallion! They get married and they have a baby, simple as that!” “Correct, but go into detail. How exactly is the baby conceived?” You raise your brow. She looked to you in confusion, hesitating before speaking, “Their love makes it happen. Everypony knows that!” "Makes it happen, how?" Babs Seed begins to slowly sit back down in her chair, her confidence starting to fade. "You know. They get alone and then they do all that stuff two ponies do together. Love! Magic!" "Do stuff like?" Babs Seeds face began to redden as she answers. "They kiss alright!" She yelled out. "They put their lips together and kiss!" This cause the entire class to gasp in shock and many of the students faces began to turn red in embarrassment. Deepest darkest parts of Manehattan. Entire gangs chatting in shadows about the forbidden art of 'kissing'. You had your work cut out for you. "Well, yes. I guess you could technically say that kissing can be part of the process in a way. But what about the penis?" Babs looked up at you with annoyed confusion. "What about the penis?" "What does the penis do to make a baby?" "The penis has nothing to do with making a baby! It's a penis! They only use it to pee!" “Incorrect!” You grin down to the mare, “You could make a child without kissing! You could even have one without love! But without the involvement of a penis in some way, a child can not be born!” Bab's ears folded back, slouching in her seat with embarrassment. “You sure showed him!” Diamond Tiara snickered as she elbowed Babs. The class gawks in surprise, and looks to you. You grin out of nervousness and rub your forehead, “Anyway, how about I show you mares some pictures and explain a little further?” Stepping over to the chalk board, you fumble with the large rolls of fabric that hung above. As you pulled the string, the first parchment unraveled, revealing an intricate design of an adult male stallions penis, along with an interior design of a mares insides. A few of your students gasped at the picture and you could even hear Scootaloo whispering to Apple Bloom, “Is he allowed to show us that?” A drop of sweat formed on your brow, and for some reason your heart rate sped up. You gradually turn to face your class, “The stallions penis, which is shown here, is usually small when they are unaroused. When they become stimulated by either smells, touch, or even a visual aid, it hardens to its full length. Each stallion is a different size.” “Also, for both stallions and mares, vaginas and penises come in varying types and sizes. They are all normal, and you shouldn't feel self conscious.” Remaining silent for a moment, you allow the information to sink in, but for the moment, the class seems to be listening intently, so you continue, “The female however, when they become aroused, the clitoris becomes sensitive, and often enough a mare will become wet. Once properly aroused, the stallion slides his penis into her vaginal canal, and--” The entire class suddenly gasps, making you blink and look across all of them. You take notice that just about all of them have their legs clenched tightly together. Your gaze darts over to Sweetie Belle as she asks rather loudly and in an panicked voice, “Why the hay would you do something like that?” “So they pee in us?” The question seemed random, and you couldn't rightly tell where it came from. “No, it's not pee, it is semen. It's a white liquid that impregnates an egg within the female. Though, it doesn't always work. Any other questions?” You try not to sigh too much, hoping for the class to end soon. A hand raises into the air, and you look to your folder, “Autumn Gem?” you glance up to the mare that looked like one of the Crystal Ponies. You had only seen pictures of them in magazines. The mare's cutiemark consisted of a sole grain of something that looked like wheat. Her mane and tail was a two toned purple, while her coat was a baby blue. Her eyes were a bright and vibrant blue, but they seemed almost lifeless. “How will we know when our bodies are ready to be raped?” You blink at the question, your mind processing as the entire class mumbled the word rape back and forth. You decide simply to ask, “What makes you ask that?” “Before we were imprisoned for a thousand years, Sombra taught his own sex-ed, and used the ponies that disobeyed him as examples.” “Rape isn't a thing any longer. You ponies have disbanded that particular negativity a long time ago.” Autumn Gem raised her hand once more, and you hesitated before calling on her. You nod to her and she says, “Then why are you teaching it, then?” Closing your eyes, you let out a sigh before continuing, “I'm teaching about sex, not rape. They are two different things. Sex is supposed to be between consenting adults, and also for producing children. All of your parents had sex to have each of you, it's a simple fact of life. It's not something to you have to take part in if you don't want too, but you need to know this, just in case you do.” Flinching at the bell that rang out through the campus, your question was left unanswered. You realize the first class period was over. Sighing in relief, you can't help but relax your shoulders and slump a tad bit. However, before you utterly let yourself to relax for the moment, you call out to the class, “Please... bare with me for the semester, in the meantime, you are dismissed for the day.” All of the students warily glanced to you, heading on out of the class. \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\The Strip: Third Person/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ The entire class ended up at the Strip. However, while everypony went among their business, the Cutiemark Crusaders had ordered a meal from the Browned Hay Fry, and sat down to eat. None really spoke much, their minds riddled with what the Professor had told them. They were all so deeply entranced, that they jumped as two mares joined them. “What the hay do ya two want?” Apple Bloom snapped, frowning. Diamond Tiara merely groaned as she waved her hand idly through the air, “Silver Spoon and myself usually try to avoid the likes of you three, but we have something to ask.” “Why should ah answer anything you want ta know?” Apple Bloom's nose crinkled, her confusion from sex-ed keeping her a tad too irritated to deal with the CMC's rivals. “Just answer them AB, they might leave if you just give em what they want.” Scootaloo stated in a lowered voice, but clearly everyone could still hear. A sigh escaped her as Apple Bloom replied, “Fine... just ask yer question...” Diamond Tiara glanced about before leaning over the table. Which in turn made the rest scoot forward. As Sweetie Belle leaned forward, she failed to anticipate her large breasts dipping into her food; ketchup covered her shirt. While she panicked to wipe away the condiment, Diamond Tiara simply continued with her question, “You live on a farm, with tons of animals and such. If anypony knows if what that quack was saying was true, it would be you Apple Bloom!” Apple Bloom blinked in confusion, sitting back in her seat, “All honestly, Fluttershy takes care of the animals most of the time. Ah remember Applejack goin ta help her one time, but when I asked her how it went, she turned all red and wouldn't speak to me or Mac for a month after that.” “So it's true!” Silver Spoon retorted out loud. Frowning at the loud mare, Apple Bloom squeaked, “I didn't say that!” “Sure sounded like it, why else would she have turned red like that?” Diamond Tiara crossed her arms, glaring at the CMC. Suddenly, a few more mares placed their trays down, leaning forward, “You guys talking about sex ed?” “Colgate, Raindrops, Babs?” Scootaloo calls out, startled by their sudden appearance. “Ah don't think tha table is big enough!” Apple Bloom frowned, but sighed as Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo had to scoot closer to her. Everyone managed to fit at the table, and Raindrops called out to the others, “What should we do? What if the stallions want to rape us?!” Scooting forward, Colgate spoke up, “We should all look out for one another! Watch each others backs!” “I know one thing!” Babs Seed stated with a frown, “I'm never going to face any stallion! If they can't see my front, they can't get to my vagina!” “Good idea, Babs!” Apple Bloom raised her voice, smiling to everyone. “Say no to facing stallions!” Scootaloo smiled, raising up her drink. “Say no to facing stallions!” Everyone called afterward, clinking their drinks to Scootaloo's. \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ Luckily it didn't seem that many stallions were at the Strip right now. As they ate, they could hear Cloud Chaser and Flitter speak up, sitting in chairs they had pulled up behind the Cutiemark Crusaders. The group seemed determined to stick together until they were back to the mare's campus, “Did you hear, Flitter? Vinyl Scratch is working as a waiter here at one of the restaurants!” “Really?” Flitter asked excitedly. Diamond Tiara stopped, frowning at the twins, “Vinyl Scratch is a huge DJ icon, why would she work here of all places?” Apple Bloom glanced to Diamond Tiara long enough to answer, “You can't stay on campus unless you are a student or if you are employed. I hear she's friends with Octavia, the music teacher, and so she wanted to stay on campus, but they wouldn't let her stay so she got a job.” “I saw Dinky and Berry Punch dressed as waiters too, I wonder if they are working for extra bits?” Sweetie Belle stated sweetly, holding onto Scootaloo's and Apple Bloom's arms. “Hey look, everypony, it's Buttons.” Daimond Tiara snickered, pointing, “Somepony should go over there and see what they were learning in sex-ed.” Everyone glanced over, watching as Button Mash slipped bits into a sole machine, placing his drink on a nearby stool. Everyone knew that you couldn't bring drinks or food into the arcade, so that was probably why Button's was here, instead of over there. Not to mention this particular arcade game just so happened to be one of his favorites. “Let's take a vote, and I vote for Sweetie Belle.” Silver Spoon stated, pointing her hoof at the white mare. “W-why me?!” Sweetie pleaded, staring over to Button's. “Come on Sweetie, you hang out with him back home. Just go up to him.” Scootaloo stated, “Besides we should know what they are learning.” Releasing Scootaloo's arm, Sweetie looked to Apple Bloom to rescue her. Apple Bloom nodded her agreement with the group, “Yeah! We might as well see what he knows. Go for it Sweetie Belle, you know him better than we do.” Hanging her head in defeat, Sweetie Belle slowly got up from her seat. The entire group watched her as she neared Button Mash. Then Bab's called out, “Don't show him your front!” Sweetie Belle took her advice, turning her side toward the brown colt, inching herself closer, “Hi, Button...” “Hi.” Button merely replied, rapidly pressing buttons on the arcade game. “S-so... what did you learn today in sex-ed?” Sweetie asked flatly, thinking she was containing herself fairly well so far. She looked back to her friends, and they merely edged her on, pointing to Button. “Cheerilee shown us some odd pictures of naked mares, but I didn't pay much attention. I'm almost to level hundred on my Joy-Boy.” admitted Button's, not once looking over to the mare. Glancing back at her friends once more, the entire group used their hands to signal her to go forward. Scootaloo became far more impatient than the rest as she called out in a loud whisper, “Keep going!” Letting out a sigh, Sweetie turned her gaze toward the focused Button, “Was there... anything specific you learned today? What exactly were the pictures?” “GAME OVER~!” the game cried out, making Button's slam his hoof down, “See what you made me do?” Frowning in defeat, Sweetie returned to her friends, head hung low. Apple Bloom patted her on the back, smiling, “It's okay, Sweetie Belle, no harm done.” “What a failure!” Diamond Tiara stated, crossing her arms as she got up from the table. “Wait up for me!” Silver Spoon called out, chasing after her friend. “We could always ask the Professor?” Babs's Seed stated. “He's a stallion, remember?” Apple Bloom retorted, making the entire group sigh, not knowing what to do about the new predicament. Author's Note sorry everyone for not getting back to this sooner. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys this story. Keep tuned for more. :D