What In Equestria Have I Just Written?
Our epic but not-that-epic story begins on a sunny day in the magical land of Equestria, which is a place from the show 'My Little Pony'. It was a beautiful day indeed. Celestia's sun was playing with its sister, the birds were humming that annoying song 'The Bird's The Word', which makes me just want to kill somebody and hide the evidence in a meat grinder, and a certain yellow-coated pegasus whom we should know as Fluttershy was happily basking in the warmth of the day next to a large picnic hamper basket, while her pet bunny rabbit/evil little bastard/bar mitzvah planner-for-hire, Angel 'Devil' Bunny, was erotically sucking on a long and wide orange carrot, because that's what stereotypical cartoon rabbits do. They suck on carrots. Period.
Anyhoo, the pegasus that we shall now call Fluttershy, since that is her name, was happily enjoying herself in the field that she was in outside of Ponyville, which was named so because it was a town in which multiple techni-colour ponies lived in. (wow! amazing!) Fluttershy, as is her name, felt nice and toasty in the light of the sun, so much so toasty in fact, that crispy bread crumbs fell out of her mane, much to her astonishment. Angel 'Devil' Bunny didn't give a damn, as he was now considering sticking the carrot up his butthole, as he had a really bad itch up there and he didn't want to get his paws dirty since he had a hot date tonight.
''Oh my word! It seems I forgot to brush my mane after breakfast again!'' whispered the shy yellow-coated pegasus mare we call Fluttershy, because, like, that's her name and stuff. ''It is a good thing I brought my trusty hair brush with me for just such an occasion!'' shouted the mare that the creators of My Little Pony named Fluttershy for reasons unknown to all but those who live beneath their parent's houses. And just like that, she shoved a hoof into the picnic basket, which orgasmed at how deep she was feeling around inside of it, and she pulled out her trusty hair brush, which she coincidently brought with her for just such an occasion.
As the pony character whose name is Fluttershy began to brush the bread crumbs out of her mane, Yogi Bear suddenly tiptoed out of the Everfree Forest, apparently having decided to take a vacation there in order to get away from Jellystone Park for a while. (It's none of my business, but Yogi and the park ranger have been having some relationship troubles. That's right, Yogi likes to swipe from that particular kind of basket, if you catch my drift.) He crept right up to the yellow Pegasus pony who we must call Fluttershy, and in one quick motion grabbed the basket and ran straight back into the woods, exclaiming in capital letters, ''I'M SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE TEN-YEAR-OLD!''.
Unfortunately, Yogi wasn't paying attention to where he was going, and so he ran head first into the rear end of an Ursa Major. Throwing the basket high in the air as he tried in vain to remove his head from his butthole prison, the basket deployed its emergency parachute and landed safely back next to the pony that we call Fluttershy. She didn't even notice a damn thing.
''There! All done combing my hair!'' said the female horse that we are to call Fluttershy. Finished with the brush, she threw it at a passing hippy pony, who was knocked unconscious and fell into a marijuana patch. Fluttershy then crammed her hoof into the picnic basket, eliciting more orgasmic moans of pleasure from the inanimate object, and pulled out something to eat; a Murray Mint.
Suddenly, and with dramatic music playing in the background, a magical doorway of magicalness then opened up out of nowhere, surprising the pony known as Fluttershy and Angel 'Devil' Bunny, who had been grinding up and down on the carrot like a BAWS! Then, from out of the magical doorway of magicalness, a tall humanoid figure jogged wearing bright green speedos and red-tinted sunglasses. The figure looked old and had a devious smile on his face. When he had exited the magical doorway of magicalness, the magical doorway of magicalness then magical disappeared into magical nothingness. Yeah, just like that.
The character that we often call Fluttershy looked the figure up and down, left to right, horizontally to diagonally, and obtuse to acutely. Then she smiled and asked politely, ''Yo, motherfucker, who be you, white man?''
The human figure approached the yellow pony. ''My name is Jimmy Saville,'' answered Jimmy Saville, ''and I have grown tired of playing 'Hide-and-Seek Trouser Snake with young children, so I faked my demise back in the human world so that I may enter your world and stick my pinkie finger up everypony's bum hole and rape every Brony's favourite pony!''
The yellow pony that we have been asked, for safety reasons, to refer to as Fluttershy put a hoof to her mouth in shock and horror. ''Ohf muh gawd! Puhse doob rahp mi!'' That might have made more sense had she not actually covered her mouth with her hoof. Silly Fluttershy.
Jimmy Saville approached his soon-to-be-rape victim. ''Shut the fuck up, and prepare for some Saville love!'' He whipped off his belt, and his trousers fell down to reveal the smallest penis Fluttershy had ever seen. Well, actually this was her first time seeing a penis, but it was still funny as hell to look at. Jimmy got mad, and used his unholy devil-bestowed powers to enlarge his penis by a few inches, and he rammed that bastard right into Fluttershy's mouth.
A throbbing appendage jammed in her gob, and a throbbing headache from thinking about wherever she left the oven on at home or not, Jimmy started to push back and forth, in and out of the poor little pony's mouth. Fluttershy's eyes widened with horror, and all the while Angel 'Devil' Bunny was licking his carrot stick trying to clean some of the faeces from it before he could consume it.
As the evil paedophile continued his god-awfully scripted rape scene upon the poor pony, a squirrel who was carrying his huge nuts saw the scene and dropped his nuts in awe and shock, turning him into a she-squirrel. Hey, this is my story, and I'll decide what illogical crap happens, okay? Anyway, Jimmy Saville was close to climaxing when suddenly, the Fluttershy remembered that she had a special power that she was sure not even Jimmy Saville could resist - The Stare. Before the evil paedophile could unload his seed into the poor little pony, Fluttershy performed the Stare, and Jimmy Saville looked into her eyes in absolute pure horror, because as you might agree, it's fucking creepy as hell when a pon stares at you like Fluttershy does, isn't it? Seriously, it's just weird and so unnerving. Even I'm getting chills down my spine just thinking about it. But yeah, Jimmy got turned into stone (let's go with that. I lost interest a while back), Fluttershy performed a powerful 'SHORYUKEN!' on his stonified ass, and Angel 'Devil' Bunny lost his virginity to a friggin' carrot. So yeah, all in all, it was a pretty good day for the two of them.
Oh, and when they got back to Fluttershy's cottage, they found Derpy Hooves waiting for them there with a muffin between her legs. She looked at the Fluttershy who is also known as Fluttershy devilishly and said in a seductive Scouse-accented voice, ''Hey 'Shy. Wanna come and munch on me muffin?''
The End
(No ponies were actually raped in the making of this trollfic. Jimmy Saville was played by a professional actor whose name was - er, well, um - let's just say Brad Pitt.If you were left confused after reading this trollfic, then avoid doing anything that may require logic or intelligence, as you may very well have lost it all from reading this crap.)
