The Ironic Desires of a Princess

by articunos bitch

Rating: teen
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Other
Length: 8070

A look into the mind of Princess Celestia

Celestia pours her heart out to Rainbow Blitz, revealing the sources of her bitterness and resentment.

Published 2014-02-07 15:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-07 15:00:02 UTC

What do you get a Princess for Hearth's Warming?

She stood under the street light, her mane drooping with the weight of the world. Her pelt, white as the snow collecting on her back, clashed with the mounds of sand, salt, and snow the plow had left behind. She stood stock-still, except for her eyes.

From twenty meters away, his pegasus eyes could see how hers sparkled from simple joys like this. Rainbow Blitz had volunteered to close the window, but her presence could keep him leaning against the windowsill all night. The snowfall muffled the endless clamor that Canterlot produced day and night, Hearth's Warming or otherwise. Except for—

The window pushed against his forelegs. He reflexively fluttered backwards as it slammed shut in his face, wrapped in the purple aura of the unicorn glaring at him.

Shrugging, Blitz landed and approached his friends’ huddle. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were hugging their sisters, Scootaloo was leaping for his attention, Pinkie had her hoof around Pokey Pierce, and Twilight was calling everypony’s attention.

“Girls, the last train for Ponyville is leaving in twenty minutes. You really should get going if you plan on making it.”

All three blank flanks bowed their heads quickly. Scootaloo wrapped her hooves around Blitz.

“So, Applejack, Rarity, you said you’re taking the girls back, so we won’t be spending the day together tomorrow, right?” Twilight asked with a theatrical pout.

“I’m afraid so. Our parents invited us to go on vacation with them, but I unfortunately have other plans tomorrow,” Rarity explained, levitating her saddlebags onto her back.

Applejack adjusted them for her. “Ah gotta spend the whole morning with the family, then Ah got my own plans for the afternoon.”

Rainbow Blitz noticed the two glance at each other quickly, trying to be covert as possible. He could guess that their plans involved hot chocolate, a fireplace, and lots of tender kisses, as could all of the other adults.

“I told my parents I was coming over to their house after the play, and tomorrow Artemis is going to meet them. Hehehe,” Twilight giggled, barely able to hold her excitement. “And Shining’s going to get off work at noon, so it’ll be one big happy family.”

While Pokey Pierce felt his neck squeezed tightly enough to cut his breath off, Pinkie said excitedly, “Well, since Pokey’s here, we’re gonna do something tonight, no telling what or for how long. Hehe, it’s gonna be so much fun!”

Fluttershy looked indignant about everypony’s plans. “Wha—so, we shelled out all those bits for a hotel room tonight, and I’m the only one who’s going to be there? Have you all forgotten tomorrow is supposed to be about friendship?”

Blitz tried to calm her down. “Belladonna was in the crowd, and I just saw her outside. I’m gonna give her her gift tonight, then I plan on coming back to the room, Flutters. That’s all I’m gonna do. Give me some time.”

“Sugar, you knew we all had our own plans. And Blitz is right. Just be patient.”

“And we’ll be back some time tonight, Fluttershy.” Pokey Pierce had always been the outlier of their little club, ever since Blitz had given him the push he needed to first talk to Pinkie. “We’re just gonna… party first. You won’t be alone tomorrow.”

Applejack looked at the clock again. “Shoot. Girls, we gotta get goin’. Now. C’mon, Rares, Crusaders!”

With that, Applejack, Rarity, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom jaunted out the back door to the alley way and kept running to the nearby train station.

Rainbow Blitz went to close the door before turning back to grab his saddlebags. “Ya know, I’m gonna get goin’, too. See ya tomorrow, Flutters. Have fun, Pinks, Pokey. Say hi to your folks for me, Twi!”

He trotted out the door, closed it behind him, and took off for the castle.

** ** **

Rainbow Blitz had meet a pegasus mare the day after Nightmare Night a little less than two months ago. With her white pelt and pink-and-purple mane, Belladonna caught his attention at once. However, there was a familiarity about her he could not place.

After he spent an afternoon with her, he took a chance and sent a bouquet of belladonna flowers to Princess Celestia and invited her to visit him the next day. She showed up shortly after sunset, begging him to keep her alternate identity a secret, which he said he would.

Celestia and Blitz went out several times before she invited him to the castle to read a book with him. Artemis picked up on their secret relationship right away and also promised not to tell Twilight about it unless she directly asked, stating, “Who should care who Celestia spends her time with?”

The guards quickly came to trust him, dropping hints that they had rarely seen her as happy as when he was expected, like Hearth's Warming Eve.

Opening his saddlebags to reveal a wrapped gift, the guard let him by. He flew straight to Celestia's bedroom balcony, looking out over the plains east of Canterlot. He knew how sick she would be if she looked over the city itself.

Setting his hooves down, he strutted over to the glass plated balcony door and turned the handle. The Princess of the Sun never bothered with a lock on this door, knowing the only ponies allowed to use it were always welcome in her room—without knocking.

Pushing the door open, he glanced around the bedroom. Not seeing his host right away, he presumed she was in her bathroom. He knocked.

Blitz didn’t hear anything at first. Then, he heard a shudder coming from the crack under the door. He knocked again and called out her name.

“Celestia? You okay?”

“Blitz?! Oh, I-I didn’t expect you so soon. Let me clear myself up…”

He stood back from the door, laid his bags next to the bedside drawer, and listened for the sound of running water. She had let her body grow back to normal and allowed her mane to return to its natural, rainbow colors. She stepped out into her bedroom again, her head bowed, though he could still make out her red and puffy eyes.

“I’m sorry, it’s… been a long time since I’ve seen that play,” Celestia muttered, walking like a zombie over to her bed and laying down.

“Really? Um, is that a problem?” Blitz waited several seconds before he heard more sniffling. He then walked around the bed to lay his next to hers. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

“I’m… I’m just being… That play brings up a lot of bad memories for me. That’s all.” She curled herself into a fetal position and let her ears droop.

“Well, do you wanna talk about it?”

“No. I don’t wanna talk about it!” Celestia threw her head up from the mattress. “Open the door and ring the service bell, Blitz. This is going to need a LOT of pudding!”

Rainbow Blitz told the service maid that Celestia wanted pudding tonight—“Vanilla! No whipped cream! And if there’s less than two liters in the first serving, I’ll throw you in stocks!” she reminded them from the bed—before he turned around and saw his fillyfriend pacing in front of the balcony door.

“Have I ever told you how I got my Cutie Mark Blitz?” she asked briskly. Her eyes were still puffy, but dry.

“Nope. But I can take a guess.” He made himself comfortable on the bed, waiting for one of the upcoming rants she gave only him, about everything except him.

Celestia began speaking a kilometer a minute. “You would guess wrong. My Cutie Mark is the sun with eight rays surrounding it. Not seven, not nine, but eight. Things in nature normally don’t have even numbers. That’s what makes four-leaf clovers so lucky. They are mutations, and are very rare.

“The first time I raised the sun, my mother helped me out. She used her magic and guided it, and I used my feeble magic to help her. That first time is all it took. That might be the only time both parent and children have been disappointed by a new Cutie Mark. Do you know why, Blitz?”

“Uhh…”

“Because it showed I could do great things, if I was guided by someone else.” She rose her hooves dramatically. “I can raise the sun, if I’m not alone. I can do nothing otherwise. That’s what my Cutie Mark is telling me.

“Of course, I never put much stock in Cutie Marks. Your young friends, the Crusaders, are chasing a white rabbit. And once they find its den, that will be the end of their grand adventures. No more, ever.”

I wonder how often she replaced the tiling in here if she paces like this so often. ”W-why? Have you met these girls, Celestia? Their adventures aren’t—“

“You’ll see, Blitz. They are going to discover their ‘special talent’—” her words dripped with enough sarcasm to puddle on the floor—“and spend the rest of their lives pursuing careers and ideas painted onto their flanks. I know history, Rainbow. I’ve lived it. It happens far too often. Ponies are defined by their Cutie Marks, slaves to vague pictures on their asses!”

Blitz could hardly listen. Celestia had gone off on tangents before, but, now, she was including him in her rant. He had always accepted his rainbow lightning bolt to mean he could do Sonic Rainbooms—a very rare talent. And he always thought it made him special; it set him apart from everypony else.

“But I digress! This is about me and… It’s always about me. I’m the most selfish bitch in history. I have not been allowed to be myself since the morning before my coronation. I’ve always made it about me…”

Celestia dropped to her haunches and stared out the window at Artemis’s moon. Her wings relaxed and drooped from her body, falling to the floor.

Thinking she was just having a mood swing or that her hormones might be off tonight, he climbed off the bed and draped his own wing around her. “Feel better now that you got that off your back? Listen, Celestia, you are the most selfless mare I know. You always—”

“I told you, Blitz...” Her words were choked with tears, but her eyes stayed dry. “I make everything I do about me. What I want, what I need, making up for my mistakes, I have so much blood on my hooves it will never come off.”

Celestia lifted her left forehoof and stared at it. He noticed how she kept her hooves polished. However, this hoof’s shoe looked rusty and cracked, while the back ones were polished every week.

“Blitz, when was the last time you woke up and thought to yourself, ‘I just don’t wanna do this anymore. I’ve had enough. If I die here, it might be a blessing’?”

He kissed her on her right cheek. “Celestia, I have never thought that. Please tell me you don’t think that either.”

He did not know what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t how she answered.

“I’ve had enough of this garbage, Blitz. Since day one, and I never wanted a word of this. Ugh, I never even cared for my Cutie Mark. I mean, who cares about some tattoo on your backside you don’t even design yourself?” Celestia spat on the floor, a gesture of disgust he only saw her do on the one occasion he mentioned the Sheep Territories.

“Okay, so your mother helped you earn your Mark. Is that really such a bad thing, Celestia? Did she help Artemis, too? And if she didn’t,” he said before she could answer, “why is it a concern at all? Please, tell me why it’s so important to you.”

“It’s… a long story. But it’s a long night, I guess. And we have pudding coming.”

Celestia turned to face him and smirked. “Let me tell you about the day I learned I would be Princess of Equestria.”

** ** **

Faust sat her children down in the library. She had always insisted on having family meetings here, seeing as any question she could not answer for her kids was just a hoof’s reach away. She saw they both looked worried, and for good reason: Artemis was thirteen and was Celestia fifteen, both at the age of getting into more trouble than ever before.

However, this was not a lecture she had prepared.

Faust gave them a bright smile and began, “Kids, I have finished my Timeline. As you know, I will not be in Equestria forever. Today, I have finished setting things up so I may leave sometime soon. I will no longer be Queen, and the little ponies will need a Sovereign to guide them through difficult and trying times. I have decided that you are both ready to be crowned Prince and Princess one week from today.”

Both alicorns shouted in unison, “What?!” albeit for entirely different reasons.

“That’s right. Celestia...” Faust addressed her daughter, who was hanging her head in confusion, “You will raise the sun alone, bring about the day, and rule by the day. Artemis...” She turned to the colt and continued, “You will continue to raise the moon and rule the night. Any decision not directly affected by your heavenly bodies will be decided together. You have been a team since you first met, and your first success was turning my mane grey.”

Faust chuckled, looking through her red hair, at the grey strands she always noticed after a stressful day with them. “Also, I am not leaving yet. I will remain for a while and be your advisor in all manners. You will not be alone,” she promised, giving them another reassuring smile.

Artemis threw himself at his mother’s hooves and wrapped his hooves around her withers. His teenage voice cracked as he exclaimed, “I love you Mom!”

Faust always joked that he was a momma’s boy, but she held him close, too. “But, will the ponies accept us as their Princess and Prince?” Artemis asked.

“Sweetheart, if you are half as good a ruler as you are an artist, they will accept you as anything.” They tightened their embrace.

“Mother,” Celestia whined, “why? Why do you have to leave? You don’t really expect us to do this, do you?”

“Tia, I know you and your brother are ready. It is life-changing but it won’t be as scary as you think. C’mon.” She held open her wing to invite Celestia into their group hug.

Celestia looked incredulous, turned around, and stomped away with a swish of her tail.

***Later***

Faust found her scowling daughter skipping rocks across the River Liberty. Plock, plock, plock, splash.

Tia always had a good eye for the best skipping stones, even making the poor stones skip well. Yet, she insisted on using her hoof. Plock, plock, splash.

Faust laid down and grinned when the sun hit her unfurled wings, listening to the rhythm of plock, plock, splash. “Guess you missed that one, sweetie,” she said with a chuckle.

Plock, plock, plock, plock, plock, plock…

“Tia, do you wanna talk?”

“No, Mother,” Celestia snapped, heaving another stone before trotting upriver.

Faust stood up, spread her wings, and took the sky. “Well, I do,” she called out.

Celestia found another spot fifty meters away and bent her head down to take a look for proper skipping stones.

“Celestia.”

Celestia did not respond.

“Celestial Majesty, answer me when I speak to you!”

The teenage filly froze up at the mention of her full name and turned around to face her mother.

“Now, what is the problem? What are you so worried about? I told you a hundred times you have nothing to fear about being a Princess. It is an honor.”

Celestia protested, “And I said a hundred times I don’t want to do it! Artemis wants to be Prince and I don’t. Why does he get what he wants and not me?”

“Celestia, you know that’s an apples and oranges comparison. First of all, he’s been looking forward to this all his life, and it just happens to be the title of Prince. If I would have told him instead that he would be a celery farmer, he would be just as excited.

“Second of all, you can’t give me a good reason why you can’t do this. All you have ever said is you don’t want to. Third, there are more important things than what you want. What if something happened to Artemis? Everyone would look to you for guidance—”

“No, they wouldn’t,” Celestia said grimly. “Nopony would ever look to me for anything.”

“Your brother does.” Faust let her words hang between them.

“So what? He should know better than that,” Celestia snapped, going back to skipping her rocks.

“Ever since he was old enough to follow you around, he’s always looked to you for ideas—plans for your next adventure, schemes for your next cookie raid. He adores you, Celestia, and that’s not going to change, no matter what you say. He’s your biggest fan.”

“So what, mom? I don’t want a fan,” she spat, leaping into the river to find smooth stones underwater.

“What’s going to happen when he sits on his new throne but you’re not there first? You won’t be there to laugh at his jokes, to pick on him, to debate the judgments you will have to pass. What is going to happen to him when his big sister, who has always been there for him without even meaning to be, suddenly is gone? Are you going to abandon him like that?”

Celestia looked out over the river before turning to her mother, a tear in her eye. “But… I never told him… I didn’t mean… W-why did he have to follow me?”

“There are no other children his age, and you used to love playing with him when he was in diapers. And today, you still make a good team when you work together. I am very proud of what you both have become, and your lives are just beginning. Imagine what you can do together on the thrones! I like to think I have a good imagination, but you two can be so much more than I can dream! IF you are a Princess and serving next to your brother.”

Celestia climbed out of the river and sit on her haunches on the embankment before letting out a heavy sigh. Her mother sat next to her, draping a wing over her shoulder. “You won’t be Princess forever. And I won’t leave until I’m certain you can handle it by yourselves.

“I promise,” Faust murmured, kissing her daughter's forehead, “it won’t be as bad as you make it out to be.”

“But…” Celestia’s tears were flowing freely now. “I never wanted to be… I just wanted to be me. And I am not a Princess. I just want to be left alone. No rules, no commitments, no duties. Just me and… whatever I feel like doing.”

“Sweetie, you will have that life someday. But, right now, you have a brother who needs you. And he will be crushed when his best friend isn’t next to him. He loves you, I love you, and you know we won’t let you down. Please do the same for us.”

Faust looked Celestia in the eye and saw her resistance crumble.

Hooking her forelegs around her mother's neck, she sobbed and finally gave in; she would allow herself to be crowned Princess of the Day.

** ** **

The bedroom door opened and the chief butler pushed a cart loaded with five liters of vanilla pudding up next to Celestia and Blitz.

“Thank you,” Blitz said. Celestia shoved her face into a bowl and started lapping it up like a dog.

The butler smiled at the display of normalcy, turned away, and left them to their dessert.

Celestia lifted her bowl to her face and greedily gulped down everything that threatened to fall over her face. Blitz grabbed a spoon and ate his food with more class. He was not made uncomfortable by her general eating habits when behind closed doors, but he was with how rather awful they were today.

Dropping her bowl to the cart, Celestia thumped her withers, trying to summon a burp that didn’t come before falling onto her back, hooves above her head, licking her lips.

Setting his bowl and spoon down gently, Blitz scooted up on the bed and traced circles around her belly. “I knew you didn’t like the title and customs, but… that hurts. And she pulled the little brother card. What happened after that?”

Celestia spoke to the ceiling. “The Coronation went on without a hitch. Mother crowned us both at the same time, even though Artemis’s Court wasn’t to begin until that night. You should have seen him—dressed in his best suit, looking so proud and happy.

“When the crown settled on his head, you could see all he planned to do reflected in his bright, wide eyes. I was pouting and looking off to the side when it was put on me. Nothing else caught my attention that day, and Mother was kind enough to remind me later about my ‘bad attitude.’

“Mother would have been next to me the whole time if I opened my Court. For two weeks, I kept it shut and only raised the sun. I never had any interest in raising the sun; I did it because mother would not. And when she made me open Court, I would ask her for advice on every issue and parrot what she told me. She changed her advice to pointing out possibilities instead of what I should do.

“Sometimes I felt bad for her. She had so much planned for me, she put so much time and effort into making me an example of nobility and greatness, and all I wanted was to run with the wind and eat wild grass. Then, I remind myself that she should have listened to me in the first place.”

Sitting up again, she levitated another bowl of pudding between them, along with a pair of clean spoons. Digging her spoon in more like a lady, she savored each bite, while Rainbow Blitz asked, “What happened with Artemis? How long until he grew upset with no one noticing him?”

“Now, that’s interesting.” Celestia swallowed her mouthful. “When Mother raised the sun and moon, everypony loved her for everything she did. She effectively told ponies to heap all that respect and attention onto us, since we would be taking over for her. And it worked for a time.”

Sliding another glob of pudding into her mouth, she continued, “A lot of ponies came to us just to give her praise, which she would modestly accept. Once Artemis started experimenting with the sky, they would make special requests, and he would dazzle them with his star art.

“I passed a set of rules about how my Court would be conducted differently. Rule one: no sycophants. I would have all violators tossed out on their flanks the moment I realized they were just licking my hoof.

“Artemis passed no such law, but he’s an artist. He soaks up the attention. I was much more… myself. Get in, say what you need to say, there’s the door, next.”

Blitz’s hooves were busy: one was holding his spoon and the other was still tracing itself all over her torso. She continued, “Mother left on his eighteenth birthday. She said we had learned enough and would rule without her just fine. If we made mistakes, then we were wise enough to learn from them.

“She left and things remained the same: Artemis loved his job, and I tried my best to sink into the floor. She returned every year, and I would always badger her with, ‘Can I give up the throne yet?’ She wouldn’t laugh. She would look me in the eye and say gently, ‘Not today.’

“I heard ‘not today’ every single year. Over time, ponies stopped paying attention to Artemis. They loved him at first, but grew to fear his night. Mother often spoke that it is not the darkness but the unknown we fear. He thought it was obvious and said nothing about it, so ponies grew afraid of his night, and, by extension, him.

“When they grew afraid of him, they avoided him, and there was only one other sovereign to see. On the other side of the spectrum, my sun was praised just as much as it always was, and they praised me too, like Mother.”

Looking around the bed, Celestia noticed something was missing. “Where’s the graham crackers?” She called out to her hoof-maiden’s, “Graham crackers! Can I get crackers here, ponies? Hello? Graham crackers? Thank you!”

Settling down, she shot Blitz a dirty look, as if he were responsible for her frustrations. “I hope you see the irony here. I just wanted to be left alone and ignored, and Artemis wanted to be loved and adored. I saw what was happening and approached up to him in the hall one evening…”

** ** **

“Artemis, brother I love, I have an idea, and you are going to love it!” Celestia nuzzled his neck and cooed softly.

Thrown off by the sudden affection, he leapt back a few steps. “Uh… Can this wait, Tia? Court’s about to open soon—“

“Who but you cares, Art?” She punched his shoulder. “No one has paid you a visit in a week and a half! Meanwhile, I had nearly a gross appointments today alone! Actually, that is what I want to talk about. How would you like to take over the Day Court?”

Trying unsuccessfully to walk around her, Artemis sputtered the first thing that came to his mind. “Bu—but I’m already running the Night Court. And I can’t run it if you keep blocking my path, Tia. Let me through!”

Standing to the side and turning around to keep up with him, Celestia followed him to the Throne Room. “Nonsense! I know that. What I mean is, I run the Night Court, and you can take it over during the Day. How does that sound?”

Artemis stopped in his tracks and gave her a deadpan look. “What are you going to do if somepony wants higher tides one month? Say you’ll ask me about it?”

“Fine, Art. I will raise the Moon, and you raise the Sun. What do you say?” Celestia was smiling hopefully, eager to hear his yes.

Before, he might have thought she was just wasting his time, but now, he was furious. He grabbed her whole body with his magic and stormed into a nearby closet, seething at her.

“What are you playing at, Celestia? The Night is MY domain! I can raise the Moon and I will do so until I die! I will not give you control of the Moon, ever. I get it—you don’t want to be Princess, but does your Sun mean so little to you that you’ll use it as a bargaining chip?”

Celestia’s expression showed that she was not impressed with his argument. “It’s not even my sun! And it’s not a bargaining chip. It’s a fair trade—“

“No, it’s not! You don’t care about the Sun! I do care about the Moon! But you just can’t see a difference. If you did care about your job at all, you would never want to trade, and I never will. Now, if you would excuse me...”

He had turned around when she called out to him again.

“Who cares? Who is in your Court waiting to talk to the Mighty Prince of the Night? How many mares are throwing themselves at you, begging for your hoof? Which nobles want you to sponsor sporting events? Who are you important to, Artemis?”

He turned to face her again, glaring daggers at her. She laughed it off and continued, “That’s what I thought! But this doesn’t have to be a bad thing, Art. Let me rule the Night and you will have all the attention you could ever want. I will still have more than I want, but it will be much better than what I dealt with today. C’mon…”

Artemis unfurled his wings, stood tall, and looked her level in the eye, his voice dripping with certainty. “I know how few ponies love my Night. And when somepony does want to tell me, I will be overjoyed and throw a feast in their honor.

“You’re right, Tia. I am unpopular. But more than knowing who really does love me, I want to be appreciated for my own work. I want them looking at my sky because I made it so beautiful, because it was something I did. All those ponies swarming me won’t amount to a hill of beans if it’s all fake and unappreciated. I want real, true love. I need…

“I need to go, Tia.”

“Artemis!”

She jumped down onto her belly, grabbing one of his hindlegs. “This damned crown is keeping me from everything I want. Please, just… just let me have a taste of it.”

He pulled his leg free and closed the closet door behind him, his hooves clopping against the stone floor as they faded away.

Celestia bowed her head and let a tear slide down her muzzle.

** ** **

Celestia sat on her haunches on her bed, head bowed, her empty, liter-deep bowl laying on its side next to her, and the bowl she finished for Rainbow Blitz upside-down on the room service cart. He was stuffed and Celestia still felt empty inside.

The well-oiled door opened without a sound as one of the maidens brought a tray of graham crackers for Celestia, laid it down, and quietly stepped out.

Lowering her face into her hooves, Celestia let out a sharp whinny into the bedsheets. “You said earlier that I was selfless. In what part of that conversation did I give a damn about my brother?”

“Celestia, I… There’s gotta be more to you than that. What about all the times you put yourself in danger to protect others? History books tell of you leading Equestrian armies into battle and—“

Celestia snorted. “Leading?! No, no, no, no, no. I do not lead. I DO, and others follow. It’s no different than Artemis and I exploring when we were kids. I never told him to come along; I never told them not to, either. I knew they would follow, and it had to be done, but my admirals are the only ones I ordered around.

“Blitz, I take my responsibilities seriously. I thought… maybe someday my mother will see I’ve done my best, things look good, I’ve been a good girl, and someone else can handle things now. Yes.

“Good news is, Artemis is back, Cadence is a Princess, Twilight’s well on her way to be a Princess… Hey, I could step down now and no one would miss a beat. I think I’ve done pretty good for a pony who wants to smash her head ornament every time I see it," she said, throwing a glance at her crown, which was sitting on a wooden bust hidden in a corner.

Finally grabbing her crackers, Celestia dipped one into another bowl of pudding and bit it in half. Her mouth full, she quit chewing for a while, staring at the wall. “Do you know what the worst day of my life was, Rainbow Blitz?”

“I’m guessing the day you banished your brother.”

With a wave of her hoof, she swallowed, then said, “That was too easy. Extra points if you know why.”

“Uh… It’s a simple answer but… I don’t know.”

She sighed. “Mother made me Princess to take care of my brother. He looked up to me and he wanted to be by me. We were different and grew jealous of each other. He became convinced that if ponies saw more of his night, more would appreciate him. I didn’t care because I forgot he liked the attention. I thought he had it good, so I didn’t give a damn about how lonely he was and avoided him when I could.

“One day, he just snapped. ‘There’s room in Equestria for only one Sovereign. And that Sovereign will be ME!’

“He raised the Moon to eclipse the Sun and we fought it out. Some books and plays romance it, turn it into a long, drawn-out war. I hate those stories. Our ‘war’ lasted all of five minutes, and I used the Elements of Harmony to defeat him.

“All I wanted was to lower the Moon or, at worst, turn him to stone until Mother came back." She paused. "It looked like he was vaporized. I saw his imprint on the moon and thought that looked a little too much like a headstone.

“I thought I had killed my own brother. And then I asked myself why I fought him in the first place. It seemed like the right thing to do, but he was taking my crown from me. Why would I fight someone doing me the biggest favor of my life, Blitz?”

Rainbow Blitz shifted on the bed and wrapped a wing around her. “You knew it was the right thing to do. He might be sole ruler, but what about the ponies? Without the Sun, the grass can’t grow. In eternal night, the temperature will only drop, so we’re likely to freeze to death before starving anyway. And you stopped him, Celestia.”

Laying down on her belly, Celestia turned away. “I didn’t care. Not then. Why should I concern myself if millions of ponies died? I could survive eternal night, quite comfortably. It wouldn't bother me.”

“But what about—“

She whipped her head around, pushing her muzzle against his. “I. Didn’t. Care.

“Now do you understand? I thought I killed my brother and threw away everything I did care about to help some ponies who wouldn’t leave me alone. I… was thinking…”

** ** **

A particularly large shard of glass sat on the floor, drawing Celestia’s eye. It must have been twenty centimeters long, tapering off at a twenty-degree angle. It looked like a knife. It was wrapped in a yellow aura of magic as it levitated off the ground and flew over to Celestia’s face.

Looking closely, she saw that it was also sharp on one side. Being born an alicorn, she could suffer a devastating amount of blunt force and magical trauma and could heal all manner of wounds much faster than even earth ponies. Her skin was just as thin as any normal pony’s, though. And her self-preservation instincts would not actually allow her to bring it to her ankles…

She sat on her haunches for half an hour, her magic not faltering, except to let her hooves hold the shard to her forelegs. Her face drenched with tears, she dropped the glass from her hooves and curled into a fetal position on the remains of the Throne Room floor.

She was done. She couldn't do anything anymore. She couldn't even die. So she cried.

Several of the royal guards had tried to come by, but she snapped at them to go.

After a few days, or it could have been a few minutes, a hoof step interrupted her pity-party. But it was one she recognized.

“Mother!”

“Celestia...”

“I’m sorry!” Jumping up, Celestia jumped into her mother’s waiting hooves. “I’m so sorry!” She whimpered. “I-I didn't mean to. I… just wanted… I don’t even know… Please bring him back! He didn't deserve to die!”

Holding her daughter tight, Faust softly stroked her back. “Now, now. Shhhh… I know you didn't mean for this to happen. You used the Elements of Harmony on him, right?”

Celestia didn’t look up and sniffled. “… Yes.”

“Then your brother is not dead. He is very much alive. Now… what else happened? Tell me everything.”

Faust’s disappointed frown did not waver during Celestia’s retelling. Taking a deep breath, she replied, “I understand you had little choice, Celestia, but you could have prevented it. You should have been there for your brother. Even if he didn't reach out for you, you’re his older sister. Your responsibilities don’t end with adulthood. You should have been the first one to notice that something was wrong, and he should have been the first to see that somethingwas wrong with you.”

“Mom, I tried to do something!” Celestia cried. “I offered to rule the Night—“

“You know how much he loved his Night, Tia.”

“I told him it was his duty to lower the Moon—“

“After you saw how jealous and bitter he became, but that was the right thing to do.”

“I never wanted to be Princess in the first place! What about that?! If he was the only ruler, this never would have happened! If you, or he had listened to me, he would still be here! This isn’t my fault! I knew what to do and neither of… you...”

Celestia dropped to the floor in a hysterical mess.

Faust knelt down, summoned a brush, and ran it through her mane. “Sweetie, you’re right in a sense. All of us are to blame—“

“No! I was right! If you—“

“Listen, Celestia.” Faust shook her by the shoulders. “Listen. If we had done what you said, things iwould have turned out differently. But do you know what would have happened? Maybe he would have done this later, or earlier. Maybe someone really would have killed him if he was the only ruler. There are too many possibilities to count, and many of them are much worse than what happened today. So you don’t know what would have happened. Alright? Alright, Celestia?”

Celestia was still crying. “I failed as a Princess, a sister, and a daughter. My brother's gone. I know you hate me, so, please, just—“

“I don’t hate you.”

Faust lifted Celestia’s chin and saw the face of a school-aged filly struggling to look her mother in the eye and admit she broke the vase in the library. “I love you more than I can say. I love your brother just as much. And he loves you. And that will never change, no matter what you do. We will see your brother again, and you will see what I mean. Okay?”

Celestia dropped to face the floor.

“And you have not failed anyone. You messed up. Do you know how many times I get something wrong? You’re still learning, and you always will.”

They sat in silence for a while, the summer Sun beating down on them through the gaps in the ceiling.

“Who will be Princess now?”

“I’m sorry?” Faust asked.

“Who’s going to raise the Sun and Moon now?”

“You will, sweetie. Why would you not?”

Celestia was confused. “But—I—even after—“

“You’re the only one who can do it,” her mother reasoned.

Celestia shook her head. “The unicorn tribes can work together. You said they did it in the past. Why not now?”

“Why would the unicorns raise the Sun when there is a perfectly good Princess in her castle who’s been doing it for four hundred years?”

“Because I’m not Princess anymore! I thought that was obvious!”

“Since when have you not been Princess? Did I miss something?”

“Mother, Artemis isn’t here. I have no one to look up to me. I have no reason to be here! I’m done being Princess.”

“Celestia, all of Equestria looks up to you.”

“No, they don’t. That’s stupid, and they should feel stupid if they do it.”

“But they do. And there is no one else who can be Prince or Princess today.”

“Mother, I don’t want to be Princess. And this is my chance. You see how badly I’ve screwed up. If I step down now, no one will question me, or ask me to come back. And I will be free for the first time in forever. Please, mother, you don’t know how much this means to me.”

“Okay. I’ll play along. You step down and retire somewhere, doing whatever you want, not seeing another soul for centuries at a time. What happens when Artemis comes back? He will someday, and it won’t be him. It will be Lord Nocturne. He will want Eternal Night again, and your brother will still be locked away in the prison of Nocturne. The Elements of Harmony will be able to free him, but not by you. You will never be able to wield them again. It has to be more than one pony, like always, or he’s going to be banished again.

“Who will be able to save him? Who will be around to see that he is saved? The current rulers? Some random pony? A foreigner? No, no, and no. You will be the only one who remembers him. You have to find a pony to free him. You’re the only one who can.”

“Why do I have to be Princess for that?”

“Will you be an advisor? Who will take the former Princess seriously without parroting her every word? You have to be Princess, because your dream is just that. The only way to save your brother is to be Princess when he returns.”

** ** **

“That shard of glass looked real friendly right then. Four hundred years of being Princess was hell. What would a thousand more be?” Celestia asked through her mouthful of pudding and graham crackers.

“But it was not to be. I kept that damnable crown on my head and that stupid chair under my ass. I had a new castle built later. I hated feeling like his ghost was stalking me. I thought an abandoned mining hovel would be out of the way and keep traffic to the castle slow. As you can see—” she spread her forehooves—“9t didn’t work out that way."

"Celestia," Blitz began, "ever since I've known you, ponies have bowed, you've smiled in public and you seem so... godlike. What happened to that filly pouting on the throne?"

Celestia stood to stretch. "Expectations happened. They expected me to be something special, so I pretended to be special. I've had a plastic smiled glue onto my face so long that I think my skin's growing over it. They expect me to wave, so I do. They come over smiling, so I have to smile back. They want me to be something, so I am. It sickens me, Blitz. I am a flower child in my heart, and ‘The Man’ in my practice."

"But my mother was right. I was Princess when my brother returned, and he was saved. Not by me, of course."

** ** **

Make some friends, Twilight Sparkle.

“As Mayor of Ponyville, it gives me great pleasure to announce the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebration,” Mayor Mare announced to the crowd, oblivious to the impending danger.

Celestia stood at her marked place behind the curtain, ears flattened against her head. A swirling, massless cloud of darkness curled around her ankles before climbing up her tail, her back and finally around her head.

“Hello, Artemis. I’ve missed you.”

Lord Nocturne’s head and neck took shape inches from her own. “Do not call me that, sister. You stripped me of that name the day you banished me.”

She did not answer.

“You know why I’m here. And yet you do not stand against me.”

“I don’t know why I fought you then, but I can’t fight you now. We have a duty to our ponies—“

“Don’t bullshit me. You didn't think that back then. What changed? And even so, is that greater than your duty to your brother?”

“What changed is that I grew wiser. And I have asked myself that every night since moving to Canterlot.” She took a deep breath. “I can’t make up for what I did, ever. But maybe I can save you tonight, Artemis—“

“Stop calling me that!” Nocturne snarled, gnashing his teeth.

“I wasn’t talking to you. My brother’s still trapped in there somewhere. I spoke to him every night. And, hopefully tonight, Twilight can bring him back to me.”

“Oh, ho, ho, I know of your scheme! Do you think one sad little unicorn is going to defeat me?”

“Not alone.”

Lord Nocturne stared her down before turning away. “Enough of this. If you do not challenge me, then I will not be slowed by you. Goodbye, sister.”

Turning into smoke again, he pushed his sister away from the curtain as it opened.

Among the gasps of shock and shouts between her brother and student, Celestia bowed her head. It’s up to you, Twilight. You've always been better than me. Don’t fail him.

** ** **

“Hehehe, I still get a kick out of that talk. Twilight called him the Mare in the Moon. And they fought about his sex. I always said he had a mare’s nose. Mother never said anything, but now someone else agrees. Ha!”

Celestia laughed, levitating another bowl of pudding over Tipping it slightly, thick vanilla pudding ran over the side into her greedy, waiting mouth. Blitz turned away.

“You know the rest. You, Twilight, and company defeated Lord Nocturne, returned my brother to me, and, on Nightmare Night, he finally got the girl. Everyone wins,” she managed between falls of pudding.

“Celestia, I still don’t understand. You fixed everything. How was that selfish?” Blitz asked.

“Because I wasn't going to let Mother down. I failed her too often, and was sentenced to serve as Princess as punishment. So, I do what she says, and next time I see her, I can give her my crown once and for all.

“Rainbow Blitz, everything I did in the past thousand years was so I could get what I want. I learned to care about others’ well-being, but it’s not my focus. Me, myself, my own… I am my focus. That sounds selfish to me.”

“Celestia, that’s self-interest. Every foal learns that in economics class. There’s a world of difference between selfishness and self-interest.”

“That’s everypony else. I am not ashamed to be selfish, Blitz. Look, I gorge myself on snacks and don’t care about my poor maidens or how much work I pile on them.”

“Celestia—“

“It’s getting late, and I’ve taken too much of your time.” Celestia sat up and pulled him into an embrace with her forelegs and wings. “I would love you to spend the night, but since you’re not going to, you must have somewhere to be.”

Pulling away, he asked, “What if... I did spend the night?”

She looked at him curiously. “Why?”

“Maybe because I want to wake up next to the most beautiful mare in Equestria?”

“Then climb into Applejack’s bed. I told you, I’m not that beautiful,” Celestia said with a shred of indigence.

Blitz licked the tip of her nose in response, making a blush shoot up to her cheeks.

Celestia levitated the remains of the pudding, bowls, and crackers onto the cart and pushed it out to hall for service maids. Turning around, she saw Blitz holding something in wrapping paper.

"Happy Hearth's Warming, Celestia."

"Blitz, you didn't… I don't know what to say..." A hint of blush spread across her face again.
He simply smiled as she tore it open and held up her new pillow.

"It's a little bit used. I've been sleeping on it for the past two weeks, and Twilight cast a spell so it keeps giving off my scent. What do you think?"

Celestia blinked. Her mouth hanging open, she pulled him into another embrace, inhaling the scents of his mane: tomatoes, oranges, apples, grapes, and plums. She shuddered and whispered, "This is most most thoughtful thing anyone's ever done for me. I will always cherish it."

She pulled him down to the covers with her as she fell back onto the bed. It had been far too long since she had a good stallion sleep next to her.

Author's Note

Comments are encouraged as always. I am willing to do a sequel if there is a good enough response. And a big Thank You to my editor Bad_Seed_72, the butt end of all my Blank Flank jokes! Go check her bad self out. http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Bad_Seed_72