My name is Celestia. I am the ruler of the country known as Equestria. I raise the sun every morning, and my sister guides the moon across the sky at night. My student is now a Princess as well, something that I am so very proud of.
But not everything is fine.
I have been able to hide it from my sister, my student, her friends and every pony that comes to me during court.
My name is Celestia.
And I'm falling apart.
Literally.
I think I might be dead. It must have happened while I was asleep, because it certainly eluded me. It did take some time before I noticed, so I am not entirely certain when it happened. Or maybe I was killed? There were no marks on my body that I could notice, besides the bits of fur that started falling off, so that is unlikely. Even if a poison wouldn’t leave much in the way of marks.
Maybe I shouldn't be so surprised. Nopony lives for as long as I have, maybe it's just a part of the natural aging process for alicorns? It's not like we have many examples to go by. Mother and Father... Well, I can't seem to remember them. Then again, my memory is starting to get a little faulty I think. Maybe that joke Luna told me about snot being brain matter coming out of my nose is coming true?
I suppose that is not something I should discuss here though, not very princess-like after all. Not that I care much, this is my personal Journal after all. Nopony other than me should be reading this. THAT MEANS YOU LUNA! If you’re reading this Twilight… You failed the test.
Even if that is quite the silly threat I imagine. After all, magic kindergarten would be much too mild a punishment. This is private, as in more-private-than-my-secret-cake-stash-under-the-stairs private. Not that I have a secret stash of cake under the stairs, those rumors were very blown out of proportion. Probably. Yes, very rude.
I miss being able to eat… You see, I’m hungry. Lately I have been getting these cravings, cravings that would surely be unbefitting of a Princess of Equestria. Even if I do suppose that some ponies would gladly offer themselves to me. Some of the requests I have heard in my court the last few millennia have convinced me that some of my little ponies are quite depraved indeed.
I do wish I had taken some of them up on their… offerings now… No, bad Celestia, bad Princess! No eating the ponies. They are probably diseased too.
Probably not… That was mean, they are probably healthy and clean ponies. Immaculate hygiene, clean hooves and everything. Some of them might even wash behind their ears! Mmmh… ears…
NO!
So far I have been able to withstand the urges, but I am considering talking to Luna about this whole ordeal. It is quite bothersome after all. Nopony would miss Blueblood, would they…
This is what I have to deal with. The urges are not the worst though. Every morning I have to spend an inordinate amount of time making sure that nothing new has fallen off. I almost went to court missing a wing! A WING! How I didn’t notice that still eludes me, though the brain-matter through the nose incident may be the cause. Luna did once tell me a joke about sn… I already told you about that, didn’t I? How curious.
I managed to pin the wing back on in time, do not worry.
Note to self: Increase glue and string supply.
It is quite bothersome. If my magic was not still functional it would be much harder to appear intimidating. Floppy wings are not very scary. Not that I like being scary or intimidating, but at times it is necessary.
Good thing I need my magic to raise the sun, flopping around during the annual Summer Sun Celebration would be embarrassing. Even if I would have found it amusing myself, the nobles would probably throw a fit. Not to speak of what my sister or student would do…
I imagine they would attempt to put me in a home for the elderly. Maybe it would be nice, relaxing even. Slow food.
Just because I am a Princess, it doesn’t mean that I cannot have a sense of humor. I would never eat the elderly, even if the Griffons do argue that aged meat is quite tasty. Maybe I should ask them for some… No, for some reason that thought only appales me. It is as if the thought of previously caught meat would only upset my stomach.
If I even have one still. I am rather uncertain of that, because I have been losing weight without any good reason. Besides the not being able to eat any more.
How can I crave the flesh of my little ponies, and yet know very well that I cannot eat?
My situation is rather befuddling.
I almost thought my foolish gambit was over when one of my eyes fell out during court yesterday. Luckily the colt, or was it mare? They all look so alike these days. Where was I… Oh yes, the pony that spoke, something about irrigation and potatoes, or was it irritating neighbors? I don’t know, not that I cared much about such things before, we do have a bureaucratic system for a reason.
That is not to say that I do not care about what ails my little ponies. It is just that over the last… oh thousand years or so, I have become slightly detached. Like my eye! Hah, I can joke, can I not? I seem to forget a lot of things these days.
Oh yes, my eye fell out during court. It was not the eye I keep behind my mane either, it was the one in full view of everypony! Imagine my surprise when my I was suddenly staring both at my feet, giving me full view of one rather naked patch of skin barely covered by my shoes, and the inside of my mane! Yes, the mane style I usually have does limit my depth-perception slightly, but apparently it makes me look stunning!
I like to be praised like that. I am only a mare after all, one that once was deified as the goddess of beauty and light! Those were good times, the humble-princess does suit me better.
Luckily I managed to pull it back in before anypony noticed. Or if they did, they were too polite to tell me. Now that I think of it, one of my guards did look slightly greener than usual. Maybe it was just the enchantment on his armor wearing off. I didn’t hear anything about it at least. Perhaps they thought it was merely a jest.
I have after all pulled quite a few pranks in my time. The best must have been when I exchanged Luna’s shampoo for hair-removal cream. In hindsight… it might have had something to do with that metal helmet she wore afterwards. Dyed her fur too. Didn’t want to lower the moon afterwards either, I believe she blew the prank somewhat out of proportion. Nightmare Moon, it was cute at first.
Then she proclaimed herself ‘Queen of Equestria’, and it was now apparently going to be night for eternity. I decided to let her have her fun for a little while. It wasn’t as if she was hurting anypony.
No… That’s not right… She did. My prank had nothing to do with it, that was centuries before she became Nightmare Moon. My memories seem to be blending together. Maybe I should talk to her…
Yes… That might be for the best.
I don’t feel so good…
Maybe a little midnight snack will help…
Author's Note
Short short is short. One-shot Zombielestia? What is the world coming to.
