Un-Birthday for a Princess
Birthday for a Princess
By Slate Sadpony
“This offering of candy is most insufficient! Begone, foals, or I you may encounter our Majesty unsated! You in the cupcake costume most especially!”
Pinkie screamed, and then giggled as she ran from “Nightmare Moon” at a half gallop. Ever since Luna’s return, Nightmare Night had been particularly exciting. With some help from Pinkie and Rainbow Dash, Luna had become a master of the “scare prank,” using her magic and Nightmare Moon costume to startle and scare the ponies of Ponyville. From impromptu live appearances in the Haunted Barn to popping out of Zecora’s cauldron mid-rhyme, Luna had sent dozens of ponies running and laughing with harmless fright.
Slowing to a stop now that the crowd had dispersed, she walked back to where Luna was, her massive cupcake costume making her wobble and stumble as she walked. Only her head and hooves could stick out, and while the ability to pop inside like a turtle was amusing, it didn’t make getting around easy. Luna saw Pinkie’s return and smiled, transforming back into her normal appearance.
“Didst thou find thyself scared witless?” asked Luna, helping herself to a few pieces of candy. Even when partying, she retained her regal bearing, eating single pieces of candy in small bites. Pinkie, meanwhile, dug in whole-hog, not even bothering to remove the wrappers, but instead spitting them onto the ground after a few chews.
“You were perfect, Luna!” said Pinkie, in between chomps. “Like, I totally thought you were going to swoop down over the statue, like last year, but you totally surprised me from behind!”
“Yes,” said Luna, gently nibbling at a ChocoBar. “Rainbow Dash has informed us of the importance of surprise in such endeavors.”
“Speaking of Dashie, have you seen her?” said Pinkie, licking the chocolate off her face before digging into some hard sugar candies.
“We last saw her speeding out of town after we managed to catch her off guard,” said Luna. “Does she always dress up as a Shadowbolt?”
“Ever since that time you tried to woo her with one!” said Pinkie. She crunched through the hard candies with her teeth, making Luna wince at the sound. “Do you remember that? Rainbow Dash was all like, no way Jose! I’m sticking with my friends!”
“Of course we do, Pinkie,” said Luna, nonplussed. “We were there.” Pinkie bent down a bit, trying to smile respectfully, but this succeeded only in upsetting her balance, causing her and her cupcake costume to tumble into the bushes. Luna could not help but laugh at this, and used her magic to extract and right Pinkie, placing her in front of the candy pile, where she dug in as if nothing had happened. “Though sometimes, we try not to remember such things.”
This made Pinkie stop her candy-gulping revelry and look up at Luna, only now realizing how sad Luna was. “What’s got you so glum, chum?” she asked. “I mean, isn’t this your favoritest night ever?”
“We do enjoy this night,” said Luna. “We enjoy the games, and the candy, and the fun. But it is a sad night for us as well. For it is a night when we are reminded of our failures. And our weakness.” Pinkie frowned a little, then scooted nearer, doing her best to hug her princess.
“You still feel guilty about the whole Nightmare Moon thing, huh?” said Pinkie. Luna sighed, gently nuzzling Pinkie’s mane.
“We feel a guilt we hope you never come to understand,” said Luna. She was visibly fighting back tears now, which only spurred Pinkie to try and show yet more affection. “And to think, it all started when we were snubbed at our own birthday party by our own sister.”
“Birthday party?” asked Pinkie.
“Doest thou not know?” said Luna, giving Pinkie a hug and then gently pushing her back towards the candy. “Nightmare Night is not only our celebration of frightful fun and games. It is also our birthday.”
“Oh my gosh!” said Pinkie. “Here it is your birthday and I totally didn’t get you a present or a cake or anything!”
“We are royalty,” said Luna, mildly amused. “We have everything we want in terms of presents. As for parties or cake, what do you think this giant pile of candy is? Or the games we played all night? We prefer this sort of revelry to all others!”
“You should still have a nice, ordinary birthday party,” said Pinkie. “One with cakes and your friends and cool music!”
“We have these things already,” said Luna. “But if you insist, we will allow you to throw us a party!”
“Oh, thank you your Highness!” said Pinkie, bouncing around on her hooves. “I totally promise you will love this party! I’ll have candy and cakes and balloons and oh my gosh – I need to buy you an un-birthday present!”
“We are pleased to make you happy to make us happy,” said Luna, using her hoof to stop Pinkie’s incessant bouncing. “But we ask that you not make a big affair of it. We wish to spend time with our friends, not be buried in parades. We get enough of that back in Canterlot, what with our dear Sister trying to ‘make up’ for lost time.”
“Don’t worry, Princess!” said Pinkie. “You can count on me! This will be the best party EVER!”
***
“Rented a barn from Applejack? Check! Had Derpy deliver all the invitations? Check!” Pinkie stamped her hoof on the paper with each mark. “Wow Twilight, you were right – checklists ARE fun!”
“I thought I told you they were practical,” said Twilight, adjusting the overflowing saddlebags on her back. “Are you sure we need all this stuff? These bags are really cramping my wings.”
“We’re throwing a party for a princess!” said Pinkie. “Too much is not enough!”
“You didn’t throw this much of a party last time I had a birthday,” said Twilight. “If I recall, you were able to fit the entire party into two suitcases and a reception hall rental in Canterlot Gardens.”
“Well, you weren’t a princess then,” said Pinkie. “Besides, you’ve gotten, like, a birthday party every year for the past twenty-something years! Poor Princess Luna has thousands of birthdays to catch up on.”
“Just promise me you won’t do something like this at my next party,” said Twilight, setting down the bags in front of the barn. “Are you sure that Luna wanted you to bring a ten-thousand pack of party poppers?”
“Ten for each party she’s missed!” said Pinkie. “Now, where did that Pastry Party Platter order get to?”
“It’s over bah Vinyl’s DJ booth,” said Applejack, wiping the sweat from her brow. “Are y’all sure about this? Ah mean, Ah don’t mind renting out the barn ‘n all – but this sure is a lot just for one birthday party.”
“This isn’t just one party,” said Pinkie Pie. “Princess Luna hasn’t had a birthday party in a thousand years. One. Thousand. Years! Can you even imagine that?”
“No, Ah can’t, and Ah don’t try to,” said Applejack, using her hoof to drive in nails on a wall banner. The structure was a barn in the loosest sense. With its hardwood flooring and generous acoustics, it was clear that the only animals housed in this barn were party animals, specifically those engaged in the line dancing and country-style festivities held after harvest.
“All I can imagine is how bucking AWESOME this party is going to be!” said Rainbow Dash. Using her wings and hooves to hang banner after banner, she flew at high speed, narrowly avoiding collisions. “Ten barrels of sweet Apple Reserve Cider!”
“That ain’t all for you, Rainbow!” said Applejack, grabbing her hat and ducking as the pegasus swung a bit lower than necessary. “In fact I told Big Mac to cut you off after three pints!”
“Psh, I’ll just bat my eyelashes and shake my plot till he thinks better of it,” said Rainbow Dash, shaking her hindquarters in Applejack’s face. Applejack rolled her eyes.
“Ya KNOW he can’t be persuaded like that,” said Applejack.
“Enough talking about whether or not Big Mac likes Dashie’s butt!” said Pinkie Pie. “This is about Luna’s butt! And how we’re going to throw it – I mean her! – the biggest, bestest birthday party EVER!”
“Uhm, I hate to intrude,” said Fluttershy. “But are you sure this is what Luna wanted? I mean, every time I see her at a royal parade, she looks bored, even if its for her. I think she likes little parties and small get togethers. Like when she came by to spend time with me and my animal friends to inquire about getting a pet bat.”
“I tend to agree with Fluttershy,” said Rarity. “Not that I don’t enjoy making these most wonderful banners, or the suite of high-end party dresses for all the guests – especially on the Royal budget instead of my own. But Luna is certainly the more subdued of the two princesses. I mean, you do see her choosing silver over gold for her ornaments, and favoring personal visits over formal galas.”
“Who here is the party pony?” said Pinkie, thumping her checklist against her chest. “Trust me – when I say that Luna needs the biggest, bestest most awesome party ever, it’s because she does!”
“Hay yeah she does!” said Rainbow Dash, bumping hooves with Pinkie.
“See? Dashie agrees with me!” said Pinkie. Twilight rolled her eyes.
“Dashie has been nipping into the cider,” said Twilight. “I can smell it on her breath.”
“Consarnit Dash!” said Applejack, waving her hat ineffectually at Rainbow Dash. Rainbow just giggled, flying lazily back and forth near the high ceiling, whipping her tail against the assorted banners.
“If you didn’t want me to have any, you shouldn’t have left it out, open and unattended!” said Rainbow Dash. “Besides, I’m not drunk yet – I’m not even buzzed! If I was drunk, could I do this?” Stopping suddenly, she charged towards the ground, buzzing Pinkie and the others before performing a sharp Immelman turn and coming to a skittering halt right alongside Applejack. She put a hoof over her friend’s shoulder and grinned.
“Ya still shouldn’t drink and fly,” said Applejack.
“And you should totally change into your party dress!” said Pinkie Pie. “Princess Luna is due to be here in less than fifteen minutes! C’mon everypony – places! Load the party cannons and prepare the cake candles! Princess Luna’s birthday is about to start!”
***
Luna smiled, gently waving a hoof or wing at the crowds of well-dressed ponies around her. Sticking close to Pinkie, she tried to keep up her regal looks, although she was clearly uncomfortable. Everypony in the crowd knew her, and yet she struggled to call them by name, even with endless hints and prompts by Pinkie. The continual explosion of party poppers, which now littered the floor until they crunched underhoof, was also upsetting. She was constantly on edge now, fearful that yet another one would go off right next to her ear.
“Isn’t this just the bestest party ever?” said Pinkie, bouncing around in her party dress, her small pillbox hat at a jaunty angle. Luna smiled lightly, trying to put on a good face.
“We are very pleased to see everypony having such a good time,” said Luna, pausing momentarily to dodge a visibly intoxicated Rainbow Dash being pursued by a lasso-wielding Applejack. “And we are delighted to see that our subjects are willing to work so hard for our enjoyment.”
“Only the best for the princess!” said Pinkie, bounding back and forth in front of Luna. “And speaking of best, just wait till you see the cake!” She disappeared suddenly, emerging in front of, what appeared to be a mass of flame and frosting. As the cart, pulled by three handsome stallions, slowly made its way forward, Luna could do little but stare at it. A dark, rich mountain of chocolate and flame, it was incredible in both size and scope. Even being who she was, Luna was deeply impressed by it all.
“Isn’t it just great?” said Pinkie, bouncing up and down around the cake, even hopping up onto the stallions who hauled it to point at various aspect. “It took me and the cakes ALL DAY to make this much chocolate cake – and we had all the bakers in ponyville applying the frosting and candles! And Spike helped us to light them all!”
“Yes,” said Luna. “We saw him hyperventilating back by the cider bar. He...He will be okay, won’t he?”
“Awwh, he’s fine,” said Pinkie. “Now blow out your candles before they burn down the cake!”
Luna nodded and closed her eyes, her horn suddenly aglow with magic. Slowly and steadily, a cool midnight breeze appeared from nowhere, caressing the cake and blowing gently over the faces of the stallions who carried it. The candles suddenly went out, the wind gently unlighting them in a brief but intense wave. The ponies applauded this, amazed at such a gentle and subtle application of royal magic.
“Wow-ee!” said Pinkie. “I didn’t know you could do that!”
“We often use this magic to blow out the candles once our subjects are asleep,” said Luna.
“That’s so cool!” said Pinkie, bouncing over to the cake and grabbing a slice. “Well, here you are, first slice for the princess!” She held it up to Luna, waving it only inches from her face. Luna gently took it with her magic and began serving it with a fork, eating slowly. Pinkie frowned. “Well, don’t you like it?” she asked.
“We are most delighted by a delicious cake,” said Luna, smiling lightly. “And we are most pleased to see our subjects well dressed and happy. But…”
“But what?” said Pinkie, her eyes filled with desperation.
“But this is not what we asked for, Pinkie,” said Luna. “We...We are not like our sister. We...Do not like such massive crowds. We feel awkward around so many ponies we do not know. We do not wish to make, how doth one say it...A big deal of ourselves.” Luna did her best to be tactful, but Pinkie was soon sobbing.
“I’m sorry Luna!” said Pinkie, her crying only making Luna more uncomfortable. “I just...I wanted you to have the bestest birthday ever! I wanted you to have candies and cookies and cake! And candy apples and gum! And...and...presents!”
“We are very grateful for what you have done for us,” said Luna, giving Pinkie a hug. She realized that the party had just come to a grinding to a halt, with the DJ stopping the record and most of the parties stopping their partying. All of the eyes staring at Luna were unsettling, but she did her best to maintain her royal demeanor and composure. After all, Pinkie needed her right now. “But we feel that one has done this party for thee, not for us.”
“Can...Can I at least give you a present?” said Pinkie.
“Yes, of course you may give us a present,” said Luna. Pinkie, seeming to recover quickly, dashed off, and came back with a small box, elegantly wrapped in pink paper. Luna smiled, and opened it up with her magic, gently extracting the contents. “A...rock?”
“Not just ANY rock!” said Pinkie, bounding with energy. “It’s a pet rock! Straight from the Pie Family rock farm! Fluttershy told me you were looking for a pet, and rocks make the best pets EVER! You don’t need to wash them or feed them or bathe them, and they can do so many tricks!” She grabbed the rock with her hooves and set it on the floor, commanding it with exaggerated gestures. “Sit! Stay! Good boy! Now, roll over!” She kicked the rock gently, sending it spinning on the floor. “That’s a good Rocky! Now, attack!”
Luna grabbed the rock out of Pinkie’s hooves before she could throw it, smiling slightly. “Please do not throw our pet at other ponies, even if you think they may deserve it,” said Luna. She gently nuzzled the rock, enjoying the coolness of the stone against her nose. “We love it very much. Thank you, Pinkie.”
“So you’re not mad that I ruined your birthday party?” asked Pinkie, staring up at Luna with big gooey eyes.
“You didn’t ruin anything,” said Luna. “Look at all these happy ponies – we are pleased to see our subjects in such revelry. It’s just that this party is not about us, even if it is in our honor.”
“But it isn’t what you wanted,” said Pinkie.
“We are a Princess,” said Luna. “We can have what we want, when we want. We only went along with this because we wished to make you, Pinkie, a happy pony. And we are so pleased to see you smile at the happiness you have brought others. Even if it isn’t quite what we asked for.”
“Well, then what do you want for your un-birthday party?” said Pinkie, her eyes pleading. Luna smiled, taking a bit more of the cake, and then stepping aside to let the other ponies mob it. There was certainly more than enough for everypony, and she took quiet satisfaction in the happy looks on their faces.
“We invite you to a small royal un-birthday tea party,” said Luna. “Next Tuesday night, at Tibby’s Tea, right before closing. We shall require a small cupcake, made with love and care by an excellent baker. And we shall be bringing our new pet rock, Rocky, and thus we also invite Gummy, if thou wishest to bring him.” Pinkie beamed at this, her smile growing into a wide white crescent.
“I’ll be there, Luna!” said Pinkie, turning around to join the mob now helping themselves to slices of cake. Luna smile gently, nuzzling her pet rock in a show of appreciation.
“We must learn to treasure that one, Rocky,” Luna said to herself. “For she brings happiness to others, and is like brilliant moonlight in the midst of the darkest of shadows.”
Author's Note
A short, silly thing that I wrote to try and do something that wasn't so sad and whiny, unlike the other shorts I've been doing recently.
For those of you paying attention, Pinkie's bit about the parties is a misappropriated misquote of what Sally says to Linus when the Great Pumpkin doesn't arrive, and the things Pinkie does with Rocky come straight from the Pet Rock instruction manual.
Hope you guys get a good "aww" out of this. It's simple, light, unambitious, and pushes up my NaPoWriMo count another 3,000 words.
