The Princess and her Flying Axe

by GnollReader

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Flash Sentry, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, Spike, Comedy
Length: 10343

After the events following Krieg's entry into Luna's life, it seems she has finally accepted him as her minion... But what do you do with an axe swinging psycho at your command?

After the events following Krieg's entry into Luna's life, it seems she has finally accepted him as her minion... But what do you do with an axe swinging psycho at your command?

Borderlands 2 crossover, Krieg the Psycho goes to Equestria.

This is the sequel to A Minion for the Night. You should probably read it to understand what's going on... you just won't be as insane as you could be without it. Have fun ^^

Rated Mature for bad language and later maybe violence... and capslock, lots of capslock. So sorry for the capslock.

Big thanks to Nihatclodra for editing this even bigger heap of insanity!

Published 2013-09-10 21:00:04 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-28 15:28:47 UTC

Chapter 1: The burning fence

Princess Celestia put aside the scroll with a sigh. She had been trying to take her mind off the current situation with work, but her thoughts always returned to the incidents of the last weeks; The strange creature that had appeared when they had tried to summon a suitable minion for Luna, his wild rampage through the castle and the streets of Canterlot, their visit into his shattered mind, and the horrible sight of him burying his weapon inside his own chest.

For three weeks Luna had stayed by the side of the creature calling himself Krieg, and for three weeks he had not waken up; each hour spent by his side making Luna fall deeper into sadness. It was touching to see her care so deeply about him, but it also pained Celestia to see her sister like this.

Much to Celestia's surprise though, the doors to her chamber were opened and a smiling Luna entered.

"Luna... you're in a good mood." Celestia watched her in wonder.

"Of course, dear sister." Luna chimed. "My minion has finally risen again and-" she stopped and suddenly looked around herself in wonder. "That's strange..."

"Is something the matter?" Celestia asked with worry.

Luna stared at the empty space behind her. "Krieg... he was behind me only a second ago," she raised an eyebrow. "Where could he be?"

Celestia deadpanned. "Sister, are you telling me that the creature is currently on the loose inside our castle?"

Luna cringed. "I wouldn't call it on the loose... he was a lot calmer than usual..."

"Does he have his weapon?" Celestia asked with a dry voice.

Again, Luna cringed and put on an apologetic look.

Celestia let out a groan. "Why did you give him his weapon?"

"He seemed so happy to have it back..." Luna answered with a nervous smile. "He even hugged me for minutes when I gave it to him..." she saw Celestia's expression. "Worry not, my sister. He is under control now and much calmer than before, I'm sure that there won't be any problems at all..." she started to slink towards the doors. "Still... I may just have a look what he is doing..." and with that, she shot off and through the doors again, leaving a frowning Celestia behind.

Celestia shook her head. "Sometimes I wonder what goes on in that head of hers..." her expression turned sour as she remembered the scenes they had seen in his mind. "Though I definitely don't want to know what's currently going on inside his head." She returned to her work, feeling slightly at ease now that her sister was happy again, but at the same time trying futilely to forget that the creature was now roaming the castle.

She could only pray that Luna would find him quickly and before he could cause another panic.

"Run faster!" Flash Sentry screamed. "He's almost onto us!"

Next to him, Spike was sprinting with a ferocity that only pure terror could fuel. "Why is he even here!? I thought he had died!"

The two had been in a conversation and heading for Twilight's chamber when the nightmare called Krieg had suddenly lurched around a corner and shot straight towards them with maniacal laughter. The conversation had ended at this point and the two had simultaneously opted that running was a good idea.

"IMMORTAL!" Krieg thundered behind the two as he happily shook his buzz axe in the air, causing the two in front of him to give a yelp and increase their pace.

Weren't we supposed to follow the princess?

"I CAN TASTE YOUR FLESH! GIVE ME MY SALT!"

Okay...

"Split up at the next junction!" Flash Sentry managed to speak during his dash. "The one he doesn't follow can get the princesses!"

"Easy for you to say! My legs are way too short for running!" Spike protested.

"Just do it!" Flash Sentry barked at him.

Why are we chasing these two again?

"YOU MADE ME VOMIT! MUAHAHAHA!"

Flash Sentry and Spike reached another junction. "Now!" Flash Sentry bellowed and shot off to the right, Spike following his example and darting to the left. Behind them, Krieg didn't even hesitate when presented with the question of who he should follow.

"RUN! RUN! RUN! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN! I CAN STILL CATCH YOU! I'M THE BACON-CAN-MAN!"

"This can't be happening!" Flash Sentry wailed as Krieg continued to chase him. "Why can't you just leave me alone!?"

Are you still angry because he kicked you in the back?

Behind Flash Sentry, Krieg started to sing as he occasionally beat his axe against the walls in full pace to match the rhythm. "KILL! KILL! KILL!" -CLANG- "WHAT A FANTASTIC THRILL!" -CLANG- "SICK OF BUYING NEW BRIEFS AFTER EVERY TRIP TO CHIPOTLE?" -CLANG- "CHIPOTLAWAY TO WASH THAT BLOOD AWAY!" -CLANG- "SQUEAL FOR ME!"

"Celestia! Help me!"

Celestia picked her head up from the scroll with a slightly perplexed expression, looked around herself for a moment in confusion, and returned to her work with a small shrug.

"Here minion!" Luna called out as she searched the corridors. "Come on, boy. Where are you, Krieg? Oh... where did he go this time?" it had only been an hour since they had left the hospital and already he had run off again. "So much for having him under control." She groaned. She bent down to look under a piece of furniture before remembering his size. For a moment, she felt tempted to whistle.

"Princess!" a shout pulled her from her search and caused her to look up as Spike shot down the corridor and towards her with big eyes. "Princess Luna, you've got to do something!"

"Spike? What is it?" she silently prayed that Krieg hadn't eaten one of the guards.

Flash Sentry was going to die, he was sure of it now. After an ill-chosen corner, he had found himself in a dead end. The creature would probably beat him to death first with that terrible axe and then eat him. Krieg stepped around the corner with fire in his blood-shot eye. "IT'S TIME FOR THE MEAT!"

Flash Sentry turned around and cowered, closing his eyes as he awaited the final blow and whispering a short prayer. "Please let it be over fast..."

What he felt next though, wasn't quite what he had expected.

When princess Luna and Spike finally found the two, a full minute passed as they stared at the sight in front of them in complete and utter silence.

There was Flash Sentry, tied up and gagged in what appeared to be a cord from one of the curtains; struggling against his bonds with his rear raised up into the air, as a laughing Krieg continued to barrage it with slaps.

"What in the world..." Spike finally managed to stammer with a dumbfounded voice. "I mean, why in all of Equestria would he-" he made an agitated motion with his tiny hands as he tried to comprehend what he was seeing. "I mean, he just- and Flash- ARGH! Why can't I ever have a normal day!?" he threw his hands into the air in desperation.

Luna rubbed her temples. "At least he hasn't hurt him..." she raised an eyebrow as she heard Flash Sentry give a muffled squeal. "Not physically..."

Taking no notice of their presence, Krieg continued his slapping assault with unending vigor and his hands turned into a blur of motion. "MOVING FASTER THAN THE WIND! QUIETER THAN A FOREST!"

Oh god, here comes the song...

"BOLDER THAN FIRE ITSELF! SQUEALING LOUDER THAN ANY DIRTY PIG!"

Don't say it...

Krieg leaned his back head and shouted out for the world to hear. "SPANKING FURINKATION!"

And just when I thought I could let you off the leash a bit...

Spike gave the two a deadpanned look before turning to Luna. "Correct me if I'm wrong, princess. But... isn't he supposed to be the minion with skills best suited for your needs?"

Luna closed her eyes with a shudder. "That's what the spell was intended for, yes."

The little dragon flinched as a particularly loud slap followed by a matching squeal from Flash Sentry reached him. "So..." Luna grimaced since she already knew what he was about to ask her next. "What exactly do you need that skill for?"

Please don't tell me you're into this kind of stuff...

Luna let out a groan. "Oh, be quiet. Both of you."

Spike tilted his head in confusion. "Both of us?"

At least the mind thing is still working... Dude, aren't you growing tired by now?

"RIDE THE BURNING FENCE! THESE CURTAINS AREN'T RED ENOUGH YET!" the Spanking Furinkation continued, accompanied by Krieg's song and Flash Sentry's squeals.

Guess that means no...

Author's Note

So... who knows where the burning furnikation originally comes from?

Chapter 2: Share the joy

"Are you sure this is safe?" Spike stammered as Krieg happily carried him down the corridor. "He's not going to do the same thing with me that he did with Flash?"

Flash Sentry had hardly been able to walk when they had finally pried Krieg off of him. He would be unable to sit for days. Not to mention that Krieg's barrage had considerably thinned the fur on Flash's flank. The crimson color of his flank had only been matched by the crimson shade of his cheeks.

"Do not worry, Spike." Luna chimed as she led them towards the kitchen. "I am sure he only wishes to be your friend."

"I LOVE THE PURPLE RAIN!"

Luna-

"I'm sure it will be fine." Luna continued without taking notice, thrilled that Krieg was acting so friendly towards the little dragon.

"If you say so..." Spike wasn't sure if Krieg really wanted to be friends, even if all facts seemed to point towards it. Normally he had no problem with being carried around, but something about Krieg unnerved him. Though he'd definitely take this over the Spanking Furinkation any day.

Luna, I don't think-

"Here we are, the kitchen." Luna opened the doors. "Time to feed the minion!" Luna was starting to take a liking to having a minion of her own, it was almost like having a pet; a strangely psychotic pet, but still.

"FEEDING TIME!" Krieg hollered at the top of his lungs and rushed past Luna towards the stoves, still holding the squirming Spike above his head.

"I'm not really hungry..." Spike stammered. "So maybe you could put me down? Please?"

Luna watched Krieg dance around the kitchen with a small smile, even with his assault on Flash Sentry he was simply adorable in his own way. Luna's smile grew further as she saw him gently place Spike on a table next to some apples. The smile vanished though, when she saw what Krieg did next.

Twilight Sparkle was having a weird day. For one thing, Flash Sentry had been acting really strange when she had met him a few minutes ago; it was almost as if he was furiously trying to keep facing her. And where was Spike? He had been supposed to help her with her studies.

Twilight shook her head with a small sigh. Ever since the arrival of Luna's minion it seemed that order was slowly falling apart. All of her schedules were being overthrown lately, but not today. She'd get herself a small snack from the kitchen and then she'd get straight back to work.

When she reached the corridor housing the kitchen though, she could make out strange noises.

"Put him down this instance! Right now! That's a bad minion! Bad minion!" sound of crashing plates and the shutter of overthrown pots accompanied Luna's voice as Twilight approached the opened doors.

You know this wouldn't have happened if you had listened to me...

"Oh, be quiet and help me! Krieg, put him down!"

"JUST ADD SALT AND PEPPER, THEN BAKE FOR AN HOUR! WITH LOVE... AND FIRE!"

"You are not baking him!"

Twilight raised an eyebrow, it seemed that Luna's minion was up and well again; which was certainly good for Luna, but who was she talking to?

"MMmmpPHHf!" Twilight recoiled in surprise, was that Spike she had just heard? Remembering the last time Krieg and Spike had met, she took the last few steps towards the doors and stepped into the kitchen to check on the situation; and immediately felt her mouth fall open.

There was Krieg, using one of his legs to keep Luna at distance while she furiously tried to reach for the large plate he was holding above his head. And on said plate... Twilight did a double check to be certain, but there was no doubt; it was Spike, bound up in string with an apple stuffed into his mouth and squirming for his life.

Spike spotted Twilight and managed to spit out the apple. "Twilight! Help me! He's trying to cook me!"

"DEEP FRY! I LOVE A GOOD BARBEQUE!"

For a moment, Twilight was about to jump into the fray, but then she remembered an important detail. "You can't cook Spike."

"Exactly!" Spike replied.

"He's a dragon, and dragons are virtually invulnerable to heat."

He is?

Luna paused in her attempts to liberate the little dragon. "Oh, right... I forgot..."

"What!? What kind of reasoning is that!?" Spike cried from his place on the plate. "For crying out loud! He is trying to eat me!"

You heard the lady, Krieg. You can't cook him, so just put him down and- Wait! No no no...

Spike watched as Krieg pulled out a red stick with a small string attached to one end, and remembered what Flash Sentry had told him about them. If you put fire to the string... his eyes grew wide as Krieg held the stick over an open flame, the string igniting with a happy sizzle.

"What's that?" Twilight asked with a frown.

"IGNITE THE FLAME! SHARE THE JOY!" Krieg chuckled with glee as he tried to stuff the dynamite down Spike's throat.

Spike, in an frantic attempt to escape the incoming doom desperately tried to blow out the small spark as it approached his mouth, though in his panic it wasn't air that escaped his mouth, but a green flame instead.

Princess Celestia put aside the last scroll with a tired sigh, the work for today was finally done. But where was her sister? More importantly, had she found her minion? She wondered if she should go and look for them herself, maybe they needed her help. She somehow doubted that Krieg was as controllable as her sister believed him to be. For that matter; what duties would Luna entrust him with that wouldn't put the safety or the sanity of their subjects at risk?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden flash of light accompanied by a small puff as something that wasn't a letter landed on the ground before her, a small sizzle filling the air in the room as the spark happily continued its way down the fuse.

Chapter 4: Insurance fraud

Luna gave a pleasant sigh as she felt the sun on her face. All throughout the Canterlot park, ponies mingled with their friends and families, enjoying the nice day and the perfectly-tended garden. "This is nice..." she murmured as she watched Krieg from her bench, "I think this will work."

Krieg had positioned himself a small distance from her, happily humming a little song as he went about setting up something on one of the picnic tables. Luna couldn't quite see what it was he was doing, but she was happy that he seemed content to entertain himself in a peaceful manner.

"Princess Luna!" she turned her head slightly to see Rarity approach her, "What a pleasure to meet you here!" Rarity did a small bow, "Are you enjoying the beautiful weather as well?"

Luna returned Rarity's greeting with a kind smile. As always, the element of generosity had made sure to look her best. Rarity was bearing a finely crafted summer hat and purple sunglasses, finished off with a long, velvety scarf. "Greetings, Rarity. It is indeed a nice day. Are you here to meet anypony?"

"Me? No, no... I am simply enjoying the lovely weather and waiting for inspiration to strike me." Rarity chuckled, "I have found that visiting this place always fills me with new creativity. May I ask, are you here all alone?"

Luna shook her head, "No, I am currently taking my new minion for a small walk... He gets excited easily and I hope that this place will help to calm him down a bit."

"Oh? You have a minion?" Rarity swooned, "It must be an impressive one considering your beauty!"

"Yes..." Luna's face sagged a bit, "Impressive is one way to put it."

"May I see him? Where is he?" Rarity started to turn her head to search the park and quickly spotted the laughing Krieg at one of picnic tables, "Oh, my... Is that..."

Luna sighed, "Yes. That is him. His name is Krieg."

"He's..." Rarity was clearly struggling not to let her terror of the obscenely dressed beast enter her voice, "Something."

"That may actually be a very good description..." Luna mumbled out of hearing.

"What is he doing?" Rarity asked with curiosity.

"I am not sure..." Luna let her gaze travel over Krieg's work. He had set up little flags along the whole of the table and white lines ran over the surface between them. "It looks like a race track." She raised an eyebrow, where had he gotten the crayons from?

Out of their hearing Krieg started to reach into his pockets, pulling out the snails he had so deviously collected along the way. It had taken a good hour to prepare everything, but now each of the snails had a small number drawn upon its shell.

We haven't played this one for some time now...

Luna saw him place the first of the snails at the starting line, "Oh, he has made a snail race."

"How lovely..." Rarity chimed with mixed emotions. Snails certainly weren't on her list of lovely things, but the creature simply looked adorable as it sat up the little houses... At least as far as adorable was appropriate for something dressed in yellow pants, a bizare mask and with a terrifying axe strapped to one of its legs.

"RIMBIDDIBIMBAM!" Krieg started to chant as he placed snail upon snail on the table, "BRUMBRUM! START YOUR ENGINES! VROOM! HONK HONK!"

"Oh, my. He can talk too?" Rarity asked with surprise, "And what a strong voice he has! Do you think I could talk with him? I am curious to know what would inspire such an outfit." she was actually more anxious to give him some styling tips.

Luna cringed slightly, "Yes... I am sure he wouldn't mind..." she gave a nervous swallow and fell in behind Rarity as she trotted towards him, "Please don't do anything crazy." she whispered to herself. It would be good for Krieg to meet Twilight Sparkle's friends, but somehow she couldn't help but feel a bit concerned at letting anypony so close to him.

She was sure Krieg wouldn't hurt Rarity, but she knew well enough by now that some of Krieg's behavior could appear peculiar to ponies. "Who am I kidding?" Luna sighed quietly, "Everything about him is peculiar..." not to mention that Rarity was a very special case when it came to peculiar behavior.

"Hello, there." Rarity chimed with her sweetest voice as she reached his table, "It is a pleasure to meet you, Krieg." the name sounded strange to her even as she said it.

Krieg looked up from his snails for a short moment to study her, making Rarity take a startled step backward as he inspected her with his bloodshot eye.

Pony with a hat... go figure...

"Krieg, this is Rarity..." Luna stepped up beside her, "She is the element of generosity and a close friend of Twilight Sparkle."

"A pleasure to meet you." Rarity repeated herself and nervously held out a hoof.

Krieg took a short look at the hoof, then back at Rarity's face... and returned his attention to the snails, "BRUUUM! SCREECH! ALL RACERS ON THE LINE!" he placed another snail on the table.

Rarity turned to Luna, "Did I say something wrong?"

Luna cringed slightly, "No... He is just... shy around new faces."

No, we're not... We're playing insurance fraud.

"INSURANCE FRAUD!" Krieg happily laughed.

"Is that the name of this game?" Luna asked with a raised eyebrow, "I thought it was a snail race..."

Krieg suddenly threw both of his arms into the air above him, making Rarity flinch at his sudden action, "ALL RACERS READY! WAIT FOR THE FLAG!"

You may want to step back a bit...

Before Luna could ask what he meant, Krieg started again, "ON YOUR MARKS!" one of his hands traveled to his side as the two ponies watched in wonder, "GET READY! VROOOO!" Luna saw the snails on the board and heard his voice become louder and louder, "BRUMBRUMBRUM!" she saw him raise his buzz axe... "GO!"

The axe came down upon the table like a jackhammer, hacking away at the racing track and the racers, sending shreds of wood and snail gunk flying in all directions as Krieg's insane laughter accompanied the bloody slaughter. In a matter of seconds both Luna and Rarity where covered in what remained of the former racing team.

With the final downward swing the table finally broke in a shower of torn wood, metal and snail entrails, Krieg standing on its shattered remains and raising his gunk-covered weapon into the air like a trophy, "INSURANCE FRAUD!"

Not bad... Maybe we can find some more for a second race?

While Luna could only stare at the scene in silent horror, Rarity did what most likely anypony in her position would have done... She looked at the laughing and roaring Krieg, then at her snail-covered coat and getup, gave a short scream of horror and promptly fainted on the spot.

"BUTT STALLION HAS JOINED THE RACE!"

I thought her name was Rarity?

"BUTT STALLION!"

Author's Note

Who knows where the snail game is originally from?

Chapter 5: Stranger danger

"Are you insane?!" Luna barked at Krieg.

Do I really have to answer that?

"What were you even thinking?!"

"I MADE BE A BED OF ROSES!" Krieg laughed as he shifted through the broken remains of the table, "AND IT WAS FILLED WITH BACON!"

"Would you stop touching those already!" Luna nearly hurled as she watched him poke the snail gunk with delight.

But it's insurance fraud!

"EVERYBODY WINS A PRIZE!" Krieg picked up the unconscious Rarity and whirled her through the air, "BUTT STALLION TO THE RESCUE!"

"Put her down this instant!" Luna used her magic to collect Rarity from Krieg's arms and gave him an angered gaze, "You, I can understand more or less doing something like this... But you, I can not."

Me?

"Yes, you! Why didn't you do something to stop him?!"

Uuhhh... because... I...

"Yes?!"

I really, really like playing insurance fraud?

Luna buried her face in her hooves with a sob, "I don't believe it! I finally get my minion back and now they are both crazy! If at least Krieg would have gotten a bit more sane in exchange then I could have..." she looked up again, "Have..."

Krieg was gone.

"No... oh, no..." Luna started to panic, "Why is this happening?!"

She was about to shoot into the air and search for him when she noticed to her further dismay that Rarity was still unconscious. This day was quickly turning into a disaster... Luna could only hope that once she had dropped Rarity off at her home and seen to her well being she would find Krieg... preferably before he could play any more of his games.

Luna gave a final shout of frustration, "I'll get you for this, Krieg!"

Somewhere in the distance, hidden behind roof tops and trees, a voice answered her with a taunting tone, "THE ANGEL OF DEATH SINGS ME HER SONG! FEEL FREE TO CHOKE UP YOUR LUNGS DURING THIS SHORT MESSAGE!"

I don't know Krieg... maybe we should go back. She really did sound angry...

"I BEAR GIFTS OF CRIMSON JOY FOR THE CHILDREN!" Krieg twitched violently and tumbled to the left.

Okay... that's a new one...

"I'LL BUILD A SHRINE OF LOVE, ROSES AND FACES!" Krieg did a little side sweep with his feet as he danced down the road, his arms waving around erratically.

"Mommy, what's that funny monkey doing?" a little foal asked its mother with wonder.

"Hush now. It's not polite to stare." she quickly ushered her foal along while Krieg continued to dance to a song only he could hear.

And a left, and a right... So you want to get her a present?

"I'LL TIE HER TO HER BED AND RATTLE HER FEATHERS AS SHE CRIES ME HER SONG OF DISCONTENT!"

I don't think she'd like that...

Krieg let out an insane laugh as he whirled around in circles, "MAKE HER SCREAM WITH SWEET AGONY! THERE ARE NO BRAKES ON..." he came to a sudden halt, his blood-shot eye staring at the sky in wonder, "PRETTY..."

Is that a rainbow-colored pony?

"OH, THE COLORS OF JOY!" Krieg launched himself into a full sprint, shooting after the object of his intent with frenzied speed. Unknown to the ponies and the alicorn sisters, he was heading straight for Ponyville.

"Hey, Fluttershy! Up here!"

Fluttershy watched Rainbow Dash descend from the sky with a small smile, "Hello, Rainbow Dash. Are you practicing your stunts again?"

"You bet!" Rainbow Dash replied with a proud smirk as she landed in front of the timid pegasus, "Wait till you get a load of my awesome new moves!"

"That's nice." Fluttershy gave a happy nod, "Rarity and I are going to the spa this afternoon. Would you like to join us?"

Rainbow Dash grimaced slightly, "Nah... you two go and have a good time. I wanted to check on Twilight once she gets back from Canterlot and..." she stopped and a strange expression found its way onto her features, "Uhm... Fluttershy?"

"Yes?" Fluttershy tilted her head in wonder at Dash's sudden change of tone, "Is something the matter?"

Rainbow Dash slightly leaned to the side to observe something behind her, "Did you get a new pet?"

Fluttershy shook her head in confusion, "Oh, no. I didn't... Why do you ask?"

Rainbow Dash pointed behind her, "Because that, is the weirdest critter I have ever seen."

Fluttershy turned around to follow Rainbow Dash's gaze... and immediately found herself staring upwards and into the blood-shot eye of something the likes of which she had never seen before, "Oh, dear..." was all that escaped her in her surprise.

"What is it?" Rainbow Dash asked while keeping a careful eye on the strange creature. It stood perfectly still, but for some reason it was breathing heavily as it stared down at her friend. Something about the way it was staring greatly unnerved her... "Is it some kind of monkey?"

"I don't know..." Fluttershy replied with a timid voice and took a step backwards, "I've never seen a creature like that before..." she gave him an encouraging smile, "Are you lost?"

The creature did not reply, but instead started to tremble ever so slightly, veins starting to show themselves under its skin as it clenched its muscles...

A second later, it threw a fit.

"OH! SUCH SWEET INNOCENCE! SUCH DEFILABLE GROUNDS!" the creature started to jump from side to side in front of the two shocked ponies, "I CAN'T DEAL WITH ALL OF THIS SUGAR! SOMEBODY GIVE ME A RAZOR TO DRAW FORTH THE THIN LINE OF LOVE AND HATE!"

"Let's... give it some space..." Fluttershy whispered to her friend, "I think it's confused..." She took a step backwards, the creature took a step forward as it continued its ranting. "Oh, dear."

"AH, THE THINGS THAT MAKE ME SCREAM! LET ME SHARE WITH YOU THE SOUNDS OF A FLYING ROAD HOUSE SLAUGHTER! MY VEINS ARE OVERFLOWING WITH DELIGHT AND CRIMSON JOY!"

"It can talk?" Rainbow Dash gave the creature an incredulous look, "Don't worry, Fluttershy, I'll take care of this."

Fluttershy watched her approach the creature with a rising feeling of worry, "I don't think that's a good idea, Dash..." it was almost a whisper as she continued to squirm under the creature's gaze.

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash stood before the creature, "Hey, you!"

Ever so slowly, it turned its head away from the yellow pegasus to stare at Rainbow Dash instead, "NNNNGH?"

"Come on. Go back home, you're scaring Fluttershy!" she made an agitated motion towards the forest in the distance, "Go. Home!"

The creature observed her in silence for another moment. Then it patted her on the head, "PRETTY!" and returned to staring at Fluttershy.

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash gave an agitated shout, "You leave Fluttershy alone, you hear me? Get lost or I'll..." she took a step towards him.

Too close! Too close!

Fluttershy tilted her head in surprise, it was almost as if something was trying to warn them just out off her hearing...

Rainbow Dash used one of her hooves to poke at the creature, trying to make it return its attention to her and get it to leave. The moment her hoof made contact though, Fluttershy could feel a shiver run down her back... and then all of tartarus broke loose upon them.

"STRANGER DANGER!"

Chapter 6: To the moon

It would have been a pleasant day in Ponyville. The weather was warm, the sky was clear, everything was nice. The ponies went about their lives, happy with the peace that seemed to last forever. Applejack was one of those enjoying the day. Seated behind her stand, business was going well and the customers were pleasant. There was even time for a little conversation with passing ponies now and then, picking up the news and chatter of the day. It would have been a pleasant day...

"COME FLY WITH US!"

Applejack looked around herself in confusion as she heard the savage scream, followed by a loud thwack... followed only a moment later by something colorful and screaming shooting into her stand, sending apples flying in all directions and making her jump back in surprise. "What in tarnation?" she did a check of the projectile that had landed in her stand. "Rainbow Dash?"

"Hi, Applejack." Rainbow Dash croaked as she lay between the remains of the stand.

"Just what in the name of all of Equestria do you think you're doing? Didn't Ah tell you not to practice your stunts near my stand?"

"Not a stunt..." Rainbow Dash groaned as she struggled to get to her hooves. "This is so totally not awesome."

"Dash!" Applejack picked her head up to see Fluttershy land next to them with a panicked expression. "Rainbow Dash, are you alright?"

"Just a bit shaken..." Rainbow Dash tried to act unfazed, but the way she wobbled around on shaky hooves painted quite a different picture. "At least we now know that kicking him isn't a good idea..." she rubbed her head. "What the buck is that guy made of anyway? It's like punching a brick wall!"

"Who now?" Applejack in confusion. "Fluttershy, what's going on here? What is..."

Her question was cut off as something jumped from one of the rooftops and landed on one of the other stands in an explosion of dust and assorted spices, the pony behind the stand jumping for safety in terror as its bakery supply stand was reduced to rubble.

"Oh, boy..." Rainbow Dash gulped.

At first Applejack could only see dust and broken wood. But then, she saw something bizarre rise out of the broken stand... she saw a muscle-covered torso, yellow-clad legs, something that looked like an axe... and the most raged-filled eye she had ever seen.

Do you smell cinnamon?

"SUGAR AND SPICE AND EVERYTHING NICE! LIVERS, KIDNEYS AND HEARTS! I'LL CHOP AND I'LL DICE!" Krieg raised the buzz axe above him with a mad laugh. "SPICE UP YOUR LIFE!"

I like cinnamon.

"What in tartarus is that?!" Applejack asked with a shocked face.

"Don't know..." Rainbow Dash staggered and took a defensive stance. "But it sure can throw a punch. Fluttershy! Stay back while Applejack and I..." she paused. "Fluttershy? Where'd she go?"

"Look at what you did to that poor pony's stand!" both Dash and Applejack were surprised to see the timid pegasus hover in front of Krieg with an angered expression. "And how could you just throw poor Rainbow Dash like that?"

For a moment, it seemed like the raging maniac was about to attack. But instead, it pointed a finger shaking with fury towards Rainbow Dash. "THESE BUTTPLUGS AREN'T PROPERLY STERiLIZED!"

"I know she was mean to you..." Fluttershy tried to soothe him.

"Hey! What do you mean I was mean to him?"

"But that is no way to act. Now, calm down..." Krieg's twitching visibly slowed down.

She's pretty good. I wonder if she does stuff like this often...

Just as it seemed that Krieg was about to finally calm down, another figure stepped around the corner and onto the market... a small, purple figure with scales no less.

Spike for one, was happy to be back from Canterlot. Twilight still had things to take care of up there, but that was of little concern to him at this point. After all, the farther he was away from the castle, the farther away he would be from... Spike shuddered as he remembered the last ordeal he had suffered under Krieg and pushed the memories away again. He was back in Ponyville, and everything promised a nice, peaceful and quiet day.

The idea of a pleasant day was shattered to pieces though, as he stepped around another corner and stopped to look at the scene in front of him in wonder.

There was Fluttershy, next to Applejack... why was her stand wrecked? He spotted Fluttershy and in front of her... Spike froze and his gaze traveled upwards to lock eyes with the blood-shot eye he had come to know all too well.

Hey, it's the little guy! What's his name again? Spike?

Krieg raised his buzz axe into the air to happily greet the little dragon. "PURPLE RAIN!"

Spike gave him one look, turned around on the spot... "Nope." and started to hastily walk in the opposite direction. "Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope." With each repetition, his pace increased... and after the corner he broke into a sprint. A sprint that was only fueled by the commotion that broke loose behind him.

It would have been a pleasant day in Ponyville... were it not for the muscled and laughing maniac at his heels swinging a buzz axe.

Princess Luna let a tired sigh escape her as she stepped out of Rarity's boutique. Now that Rarity had been seen to, she still had to find Krieg and she silently prayed that he had not gone on another rampage in her absence. "This could have been such a pleasant day..." she hung her head. "What will I ever do with him?" her face sagged a bit. "Provided that I find him first."

The matter of finding Krieg turned out to be a simple one... Not even a minute after she had left the boutique, sounds of rampage and screams could be heard drawing closer... and above all of them, one could be heard laughing with maniacal glee. Luna let out a small sob of despair. "And here we go again."

"HOLD ON TO YOUR SEATS! THIS TRAIN IS NOW OFF THE CHARTS!"

"Let go of Fluttershy!"

"Ah can't hold him!"

Accompanied by the screams, first Spike shot into view... little feet pedaling furiously to keep up his speed. Shortly after, the very subject of her sorrow appeared with a cloud of dust trailing him and attached to him... Luna had to do a second check to be sure, but there was no doubt.

Tucked under one of Krieg's arms was the yelping Fluttershy, while a screaming Rainbow Dash was desperately clinging to his back and flying behind was Applejack... holding onto the end of the rope attached to Krieg's waist in a futile attempt to slow him down.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?!" Spike gave a wail of despair at the front before spotting Luna and turning his direction towards her. "Do something! Save me!"

"I CAN'T CONTAIN ALL THESE LEMONS! GIVE ME SOME SUGAR!"

"Leave me alone!"

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

Luna saw Spike run towards her, but most worryingly... she saw Krieg's gaze lock onto her.

Found her!

With an insane burst of speed, Krieg picked up Spike in his other arm and with the screaming dragon in his grasp he made a straight line for Luna... without slowing down in the slightest.

"Krieg! Stop!" Luna held up her hooves in a frantic attempt to protect herself, but Krieg simply ignored her panicking face. "Oh, no! No no no!"

"TO THE MOON!"

It would have been a pleasant day in Ponyville... at least for those fortunate enough not to be buried under the pile of three groaning ponies, one shouting alicorn princess and the still-laughing maniac seated on top of the pile as he tossed a little dragon up and down in the air like a ball.

Chapter 7: The shivering Spine Tingler

"So let me get this straight," Rainbow Dash cast a frowning gaze over to where Krieg was sitting in the sandbox with Fluttershy. "That is your personal minion?"

We're actually two...

"SPIKE UP THE NUMBERS!" Krieg continued to shovel into the sand with vigor.

"What are you making?" Fluttershy carefully asked; still not completely sure of herself around him. He seemed peaceful enough, but the shouting heap they had landed in earlier had told her he was quite capable of causing a rampage at any moment.

Krieg looked up for a second with his blood-shot eye. "A PERCH OF ACCUSATION TO STRANGLE SWEET MEMORIES OF DEBAUCHERY!" with every word he continued to drive the little plastic shovel deeper into the sand.

"Oh..." was all that Fluttershy managed to reply.

To the side where Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Spike were sitting on the park benches Luna let a out a small sigh. "He is..."

Rainbow Dash took another glance at the shoveling Krieg. "Huh. That's actually pretty cool."

I like her...

"I'LL LICK HER LOLLIPOP!"

"What in tarnation makes you think that?! He's obviously dangerous!" Applejack asked Rainbow Dash with clear surprise.

"Yeah! He tried to eat me!" Spike commented while crossing his arms and pouting.

Among other things...

"THE THINGS I COULD DO WITH A SMOKING IRON ON MY HIP!"

"Please," Luna tried to sooth them. "I know he may not have made the best impression, but please understand that-" she turned around. "Don't."

Krieg was currently holding Fluttershy upside down above the hole.

"Eep."

What?

"IT'S THE PILEDRIVER RODEO OF-"

"Don't." Luna interrupted him with a stern voice. She saw Krieg tremble and his eye dart between her, the hole and Fluttershy. "Just. Don't."

Krieg held her gaze for another second, then quietly sat Fluttershy down again.

"Thank you," Luna gave him a short nod.

This is so boring...

"Now," Luna turned back to the three next to her. "As I was saying. Please understand that-" she turned around for another second. "Fluttershy, please come here as well." She watched Fluttershy leave Krieg's side as he busied himself with the sand.

"Alright," Luna nodded once all where seated. "The first thing for you to understand is that he is not a pet," she cast a glance towards Fluttershy. "Most importantly, we have no idea of the world he came from. We have no way to tell what he has gone through and how it has shaped him."

Yeah, Pandora's just lovely during this time of year... ain't it Krieg?

"SUFFOCATE THOSE SWEET SONGS OF SUNSHINE!"

Luna sighed and rubbed her temples as she heard Krieg scream. "So please, be careful of how you act in his presence and help him to adjust the best you can. And also," she added with a slight feeling of unease. "Don't approach him if I am not there as well. He may act..." she thought for a moment on how to finish the sentence. "Unpredictable."

"Speaking of unpredictable," Applejack commented with a strange expression and nodded to behind Luna's seat.

"What do you mean?" Luna turned around and immediately deadpanned. Krieg, was gone.

"Really? Again?!" she spotted the buzz axe lying next to the hole in the sandbox. "At least he isn't armed..." she sighed and got up. "Let us search for him, quickly."

Even as she picked up Krieg's heavy weapon she couldn't help but wonder where he had gone off to this time.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down!

"SQUIRREL!" Krieg continued to run after the little critter, occasionally using his hands to propel himself forward. "COME LIVE INSIDE ME FOREVER!"

The squirrel, spurred by the fuming psycho on its tail redoubled its effort and made a mad dash for a tree.

It's so fluffy! Have you ever seen something that fluffy?!

"I'LL TURN IT INTO A TOWEL FOR THOSE HARD TO REACH SPOTS!" Krieg cackled with glee, fully devoted to his hunt.

We could use a towel... I guess. Where are we even going to sleep?

"IN THE SWEET EMBRACE OF THE NETHER REGIONS THAT SING ME THE SWEET SONG OF THE MOON!"

Not that I'm rejecting the idea... but- It's going for that tree! Krieg changed his course. Remember that shack we found in the Dust?

"SUCH A SWEET HOME! FILLED WITH WARMTH, BACON AND WORDS OF COMFORT!"

They were mostly screaming... not to blame them since they were burning. It did smell like bacon though...

"IT WAS THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT! HAHAHA!" Krieg made a lunge, but the squirrel slipped through his fingers and quickly skidded up a large tree; leaving the howling Krieg below.

Now what are we going to eat?

Krieg stared at the tree in front of him for a moment. Then, with a little chuckle he reached to his side and- "HUH?"

You forgot it? Didn't you?

"NO! MY SPOON!" Krieg held up his arms with a cry and shook a fist up at the branches. "STOP LAUGHING AT ME!" he started to reach for a pocket.

They took the dynamite. Don't tell me you didn't notice.

"NGHANAAAAAAA!" Krieg pounded his head against the tree in frustration. "WHERE IS MY SPOON?!"

What do you think? Back with Luna... we should probably go and-

Both of the voices became silent, as the sound of a little bell reached their ears.

Is that... is that really what I think it is?!

"SO SWEET! SO SWEEET!" Krieg's entire body was trembling with anticipation. "I CAN'T TAKE IT!"

"Hello there... heh," the pony behind the small stand managed to stammer as he stared up the twitching figure of Krieg. "What can I do for you, little..." he looked Krieg up and down. "Fellow?"

Pistachio! Tell him pistachio! No, wait! Cookie Crunch! No! Yogurt-Maracuya! Yogurt-Maracuya!

Krieg held up his hands to his face while leaning over forwards, his fingers starting to twitch maniacally. "LIVER! BARK! CINNAMON AND KIDNEY STONES!"

Forget bubblegum flavor! Yogurt-Maracuya is the only true choice!

"CAN'T DECIDE! SO MANY CHOICES!"

"Uhm," the sales pony carefully spoke up. "We actually only have three flavors..." he gulped as he saw Krieg stop trembling and stare at him with his blood-shot eye. "Vanilla... Strawberry..." a little whimper escaped him as Krieg's head switched slightly. "And chocolate?"

For a short moment, Krieg only stared at the pony; unmoving and silent, both on the outside, and on the inside as well. Then, a storm broke loose inside his head.

Chocolate!

"NEVER! MY SPOON HUNGERS FOR THE ULTIMATE SWEETNESS!"

We've been over this a million times already! Vanilla is for babies!

Krieg snatched one of the ladles from the cart and stared into his own, deformed reflection. "THEN BATHE IN THE FIELDS!"

Why would I go for strawberry if there's chocolate?!

Krieg gave an angry snarl and brought the ladle into his mask with a smack. "ONLY THE PURE!"

Chocolate!

"I'LL TEACH YOU COMPASSION!" Krieg brought the ladle into his face another time.

To hell with your vanilla! I say chocolate!

The pony behind the stall watched the inner struggle go on before leaning onto the stall with a quiet sob. "Why do I always get the strange ones?" he glanced to the side. "And talking of strange, here comes another splendid specimen..." he got up from the counter of the stall with a small sigh. "What can I do for you today, Pinkie? ...As if I didn't know already."

Krieg turned to watch the pink pony next to him in wonder.

Pink... Why am I not surprised?

"Mmm..." Pinkie put on a thoughtful frown before smiling. "Just the usual for me!" she turned to Krieg and gave him a big grin. "Hi! I'm Pinkie! You must be new here! What's your name? Do you like ice cream as well? Do you like parties? I like your mask. What's you favorite flavor?"

Uhm... Chocolate?

The pony behind the stall gave a tired shake of his head. "So it's three times vanilla, three times chocolate..." he started scooping up the frozen desert. "And three times strawberry."

Wait, you can mix? That's an option?

"STACK UP THE JOY! THIS TOWER IS MADE OF SWEET, SWEET LAUGHTER!" Krieg danced with joy as he watched the swaying tower of icecream.

"So what's your name?" Pinkie asked with an expectant grin. A grin that faltered considerably though, when Krieg simply snatched the little tower of ice from the pony's hoof, pulled up his mask slightly and shoved the whole thing including cone down his throat in one go.

"AHAHAAA!" Krieg twitched with joy as he felt the inside of his head starting to freeze. "THE SWEETEST OF SPINE TINGLERS! I CAN HEAR THE SCREAMS! SO SWEET! SO COLD! SO-"

Tasty...

"Hey! That was mine!"

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE ALL THIS SWEETNESS!" Krieg hollered and fixed her with his blood-shot eye.

"Oh, yeah?" Pinkie Pie held his stare with a defiant face before a smirk found its way onto her face. "Oh, it is on!" she reared her head back. "Icecream-eating contest!"

The pony behind the cart gave a quiet sigh and readied his ladle. "Every time..."

Chapter 8: Road Trip

Midnight Shimmer had always enjoyed the days when guard duty found him on the lower districts of Canterlot. It was calmer here than within the Castle. Quieter, slower and lacking the vibrant, constant buzzing of the royal court and its visitors. Here, where the smaller businesses and shops gathered on the more rural outskirts of Canterlot, life was peaceful and almost still.

At the very moment though, Midnight Shimmer's world had been transformed into a roaring tunnel of colors, madness and icecream of varying flavors.

He had heard it comming before he saw it. It had announced itself with the sound of metal striking metal, screams and challenges shouted, the thunder of wooden wheels on cobblestone, and the frantic ringing of a bell. And before he had time to form a picture in his mind what exactly he was comming to be a witness of, the very source of the noise came barraging towards him.

How exactly it was even possible for the object to come shooting uphill at such a velocity was already beyond him, much less did he have the time to wonder what could have propelled it in this direction; the image presented to him was simply too bizarre, too strange to let him form a coherent thought upon it.

It was an ice-cream cart, and it bore three passengers. On top of the thundering vehicle stood two; one a pink pony, the other a creature the likes of which he had not seen before, locked in ferocious combat. They swung ice-cream ladles, dual-wielding them like swords as they struck again and again; the clashing of their weapons accompanied by sprays of ice cream left and right, leaving a sticky trail of frosty dessert in their trail. And on the end of cart that carried the combatants, another pony hung on for his dear life, screaming as he for some reason still managed to continuously ring the bell of the cart.

And now, Midnight Shimmer had unknowingly become part of this chaotic island as it made its way through the streets.

Too captivated by the image presented to him, his mind had not made the connection between the carts path and his own position in time and by the time it did; he was already stuck to the front of the cart, holding on for his dear life as the battle of strawberry, vanilla and chocolate continued.

And as if all that wasnt enough, the nonsense shouted over his head continued in its own clashing spiral of madness.

"YOU NEVER CALL ME ANYMORE!" Krieg locked ladles with the pink pony, the two glaring at one another.

"I never said you'd get to eat all the chocolate by yourself!" the two unlocked as the cart bounced and jumped, only to clash again as it landed.

"THERE AINT ENOUGH BACON IN THE BACON BOX FOR THE BOTH OF US!" the ladles glanced off one another with a trail of frosted dessert.

"Its not bacon its strawberry!" the vendor complained from the back before going back to his frantic shouting.

Mhhh... bacon.

"I'll teach you to share, you meanie!" Pinkie stepped forward in a half turn of her body, the swing of her two ladles catching Krieg off guard and sending his own ladles flying. "Aha! Surrender an-" she barely managed to duck as Krieg reached behind him and to the front of the cart, pulling forth something large, black, clad in royal armor and shouting only to wave the flailing object around himself like a weapon.

"I-In th-the na-name of th-the-" the rest was drowned in a mad laugh of Krieg as he used Midnight Shimmer like a club.

"YES! YES! DANCE WITH ME!" He laughed and brought the pony around in a wide arc, stopping to wave wildly at a passing group of ponies. "ARE YOU GOIN TO A FANCY PARTY?!"

"We are going to a fancy party!" the group called back, waving just as wildly.

Oh, hey.. I remember those gu- Watch out!

Krieg blocked Pinkies swing with the weapon-made guard, the guard in turn giving off protested muffles as one of the laddles ended up in his mouth.

"HAHAHA! SING ME A SONG OF BURNING SKIN AND MEN! I AM THE GAS-CAN MAN!"

"And I still say you cheated!"

"FEAST ON MY SPOON WHILE I PLOW THE FIELDS OF CRIMSON DELIGHT!"

"That was my strawberry ice cream!"

"BE A MARE OR BE SQUARE!"

They shot on; downhill, leaving the lower districts of Canterlot and ever-steadily heading towards Ponyville.

We should probably get off now.. chocolate is all out.

"It is?!" Pinkie gave a terrified squeak and stared into the compartment.

Psyke!

Midnight Shimmer gave a shout of warning. "Watch ou-"

There was a loud twack as Krieg used Midnight Shimmer to punt Pinkie off the shaking cart, who in turn collided with the vendor pony that had so far tenaciously held on until this point. And as the two rolled off into the grass in a neat little pile, Krieg raised his weapon; held by the legs like a staff and giving off loud honking cries of victory as the two grew distant.

Krieg continued his victory dance with the by-now nauseous Midnight Shimmer held up above him, neither he or the drouzy make-shift weapon took notice of where the clanging and ringing ice-cream cart was heading in its race downhill. Grass and earth turned to a path, the path turned to flat stone. When the cart hit a metal railing, it sent both its passengers flying; one laughing, the other praying for there to be something soft to land on.

Strangely, for the first time today Midnight Shimmer's prayers were answered; in the form of a train wagon full of old blankets and pillows. Two loud thuds later darkness followed as he found himself stuck deep within the soft, strangely-smelling pile.

Slowly, his thoughts began to realign themself, clearity returning after the sudden stop. Frantic wiggling followed in an attempt to free himself. Midnight Shimmer started making plans: He would get out, lock the creature in the cart, then alert the guard force, earn a medal or two and then take a long vacation.

"Very long vacation.." he muttered and dug himself out off the pile pillow by pillow.

But his planning came to an abrupt end as he breached the surface of the pile only to see the door pushed shut from the outside with a slam; the cart shaking only a moment later as the train set into motion.

"Oh, no.." Shimmer tried to crawl to the door, maybe he could call for someone befor- something latched onto his ankle.

"FUN TIME!"

By the time Princess Luna and the others had followed the tracks of the ice-cream cart to the train station with Pinkie and the vendor collected, Krieg and Midnight Shimmer had already left the borders of Ponyville.

Chapter 3: The crimson curtain

There was an awkward moment of silence as Krieg stared at the now-empty place that until a moment ago had been occupied by a lit stick of dynamite. "Spike..." Twilight carefully asked, "What did you just send to princess Celestia?"

What just happened?

"Spike's fire acts as a teleportation channel to my sister..." Luna quickly whispered.

Cool, I guess... wait... to your sister?! Oh, boy.

"TEARS OF JOY! SHARE THE RED!"

"Oh, no! No, no, no... bad!" Spike in the meanwhile had grown as white as a ghost, "This is bad! We have to warn princess Celestia before..."

The little dragon in Krieg's arms was cut off as an explosion thundered through the air, making the windows clatter and the floor beneath their feet tremble slightly.

"What was that?!" both Twilight and Luna rushed for the nearest window, staring outside with expressions of horror on their faces. One of the towers of Canterlot castle was smoking... thick, black clouds escaping the shattered windows. Their expressions became even more horrified, when they realized who's tower they were staring at.

"So much for having him under control... Tia is going to chew my ear off for this." Luna finally managed to say with a groan, "Krieg, what were you..." she turned around and stopped in mid-sentence. Krieg was nowhere to be seen... neither was Spike, "Oh, no... not again!"

This... this is not going to end well.

Krieg continued to dash down random corridors, the squealing and bound dragon tucked under one of his arms like a ball.

Did we really just blow up a princess?

"FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS! THERE ARE NO BRAKES ON..." Krieg jumped over a yelping pony servant, "THE BOOM TRAIN!"

"Why can't I ever have a normal day?!" Spike cried from under Krieg's arm. His eyes widened considerably though, when he saw Krieg fish out another stick of dynamite from one of his pockets, "Oh, please no..."

Princess Celestia got up from the ground, coughing heavily and her flowing mane considerably charred. She had read Flash Sentry's report, of course she had... but it still had taken her a moment too long to realize just what had dropped into her chambers. She was the deity of the sun, a mere explosion would not be enough to hurt her... but it had certainly been enough to singe the hairs of her coat, not to mention that her ears were still ringing from the shock wave.

"Perfectly under control, Luna?" Celestia huffed as she stood on shaky legs, "Wait till I get my hooves on..." there was a small puff, a sizzling sound reaching her ears as another lit stick of dynamite hit the floor... then another, and another... and another. Celestia's frown deepened further and further as stick after stick landed before her and the sound of countless burning fuses filled the air, "What a cruel sense of humor indeed..."

For a short moment, Celestia missed the time when Discord had been the one to prank her.

Krieg gave the hogtied dragon another squeeze, laughing with delight as the green flame took another stick of dynamite away, "FILL THE AIR WITH SWEET MELODY!"

Spike was gasping for breath by now, "The princess is going to kill us! Where do you even keep all of these?!"

Miniature ammo distributor... courtesy of the Hyperion corporation. Though I think they got the idea for this one from Torgue...

"TORGUE GOT MORE BOOM!"

"Somepony stop him!"

Krieg was about to fish out another stick, but instead was tackled from the side by a furious princess Luna, "Aha! I have you now, minion! Enough of this madness!"

Beneath her, Krieg chuckled with glee, "SHARE! SHARE! SHARE! FILL THE AIR WITH CRIMSON FLOWERS!"

Luna fixed him with a stern gaze, "What were you thinking?! Celestia will be furious!"

She's going to be a lot more than just furious in about three seconds, I'm afraid... Sorry.

Luna's eyes narrowed, "What is that supposed to mean?"

Behind his mask, a broad grin spread over Krieg's features, "TICK TOCK!" he held up two fingers, then one, "FUN TIME!"

On the ground next to them, Spike shut his eyes in anticipation and whispered a silent prayer.

As if on queue, a set of countless new explosion shook the castle, accompanied by Krieg's delighted laughter and the shattering of more windows. Then... everything was silent once more.

Luna closed her eyes with a groan, "Please tell me that was not what I think it was..."

"THE PONY GOES BOOM!"

Yeah... that... that kinda sums it up pretty neatly, I'm afraid.

Luna was struggling hard not to use her royal voice at this point, and the headache growing in the back of her skull was not helping. "You... are going to go to Celestia right now and..." she was cut off as one of the large doors in the corridor was thrown open with enough force to make the air crack.

What stepped out of the opening made both Luna's and Spike's jaws drop in horror.

Is that... Oh, boy...

Princess Celestia was walking towards them, her coat covered in soot and her once flowing mane now nothing but a charred mess. With each step she took one of her legs twitched slightly and as she neared, the smell of burnt hair filled the corridor. It would have been amusing to see, something one would expect in a comedy play... but the look on Celestia's face was anything but amused. If looks would have been able to kill, Krieg would likely have burned to nothing but ashes... But seemingly completely ignorant of what was approaching, a broad smile was plastered onto the face under his mask.

"Sister..." Luna finally managed to stammer, "Are you..."

"Not now, Luna." Celestia cut her off and headed straight for Krieg, "I need to make something clear to our new guest..." she spelled the last word with loathing in her voice.

Celestia stepped up to Krieg and fixed him with a stare that would have reduced even the most battle-hardened griffon to a crying pulp, "That. Was. Not. Funny." she spelled the words slowly and clear, "You may be my sister's minion, but if you ever do something like that again..." her eyes narrowed, "I am going to teleport one of those things inside a very inappropriate place. Do I make myself clear, Krieg?"

Perfectly clear, mam... Krieg...

"THOSE CURTAINS AREN'T RED ENOUGH YET! GIVE ME YOUR TEARS FOR THE CRIMSON CURTAIN OF FLOWERS!" one of Krieg's hands slowly etched towards one of his pockets, "REPITITON IS MY MISSION!".

"Really now?" Celestia brow furrowed even deeper, "You know I do have an empty place in the garden now that Discord is free..."

Krieg seemed like he was about to rebuke, but Luna hastily pulled him to the side, "He's sorry! He really is!" Luna gave off a nervous laughed as she continued to pull him along, "I'm sure this has just been a terrible misunderstanding, I promise he won't do it again..."

Where are we going?

"You know, I think I'll just take Krieg here for a walk in the park so we can get rid of all that excessive energy... He probably just needs some exercise to calm down..."

A walk in the what now?

"PILLAGE THE VILLAGE!"

Celestia closed her eyes with a small shudder and rubbed her temples, "Just... keep him out of the castle for the rest of the day..." she watched Luna hustle Krieg down the corridor, "And make sure he doesn't blow up anything else on the way! Or pillage the village, for that matter!"

"Yes, sister! Bye, sister!" Luna and Krieg disappeared around a corner.

Celestia took a deep breath and tried to calm herself, a small cloud of soot escaping her wings as she ruffled her feathers. She had definitely had enough madness for a couple of days. Gradually, guards and servants started to poke their heads around corners and through open doors, wondering what the commotion was all about.

She was about to head back to her chambers, when a frantic shout from the floor caught her attention, "For crying out loud! Will somepony untie me already?!"

Squirming on the ground before Celestia's hooves and still tied up in rope, Spike was seriously considering to take a long vacation... far away from wherever Krieg was, if possible. He briefly wondered if Zecora would consider renting him a room.