Chapters Five Score, Divided by Four - [MatureVersion]
2. Quite the prank.
Chapter 2 : Quite the prank
I rub my eyes and look again, but the Cutie Mark is still there.
“What the... fuck?” I say aloud as I slowly reach up and shut off the water. After a moment of staring, I turn to check the other side, confirming that the logo is blazed across both of my thighs. “Where the hell did these come from?” I ask the air, then reach down to feel them again. I run my hand over the mark, expecting to feel plastic or something. But no, all I feel is skin. It’s like the cutie mark is tattooed right on there.
I step out of the shower and kneel down to get a better look. It’s VERY well done. Most tattoos I’ve seen have soft edges, and the colors are usually a bit faded. That’s not the case here though. The detail lines on my thigh are razor sharp, and the colors are as vibrant as day. I mean, the detail and clarity of this lightning bolt would put graphic vectors to shame. I stare at the images for a while, my mind still failing to make sense of the pictures my eyes are sending up.
To no one in particular I say, “It must have been Jack. He always pokes fun at my obsession with Dash. When I fell asleep he probably put one of those temporary tattoos on me”. No sooner do the words leave my mouth then my mind tells me that wasn’t possible. Jack fell asleep before you did, it couldn’t have been him . There is also the annoying fact that this doesn’t look like a roll on tattoo. There are no cracks, and no raised edges, it’s perfectly flush with my leg.
I rub my eyes, trying to think when this could have happened. The only thought I can form is “This is really bizarre”. I’m too tired to make sense of this, it’s going to have to wait till morning. I fall asleep chuckling to myself, “See, this is why you should never clop to stallions. Look what happens!”
~~~~~~~
I awake to the sound of a mixer in the kitchen. Jack is making pancakes, as per usual. I put on a robe and shuffle into the kitchen. “Morning, Jack,” I mumble as I pass him by on my way to turn on the coffee maker.
“Hey Dave, good morning!” Jack replies enthusiastically. He is always far too cheerful in the mornings. Well, at least he is putting himself to work here and making breakfast for us. As for me, I won’t be truly awake until I have caffeine in my veins.
As I wait for the coffee maker to finish, I return to my room to change out of my pajamas. As I change, I look in the mirror to check if I need to shave. Satisfied with my look, I turn away from the mirror, catching a glimpse of color from my upper thigh. Oh god, how could I forgotten about that. The cutie marks are still there! I do a quick once over, nothing else is out of place, just Rainbow Dash’s cutie marks. I take a step back and look at myself in the full length mirror. One thing's for certain, I look utterly ridiculous with these tattoos on my legs.
One quick clothing change later, I enter the kitchen to the smell of pancakes, maple syrup, and coffee. Jack is one hell of a cook, but before I could enjoy breakfast I had to address the elephant in the room. I didn’t want to give Jack the satisfaction of fooling me, so I started out pretending I already figured it out. “Haha, Jack, very funny. Don’t know how the hell you did it, but good work.”
Jack looked up from his mug of coffee. “Hmm? What’s up? Something wrong with your pancakes?” He leaned forward and frowned at my plate for a few seconds.
“You know what I’m talking about. Your little, colorful handiwork last night.” It was Jack’s doing. It has be him. Fiona is too sweet to prank someone, and Evan doesn’t even know what a cutie mark looks like.
“I still have no idea what you’re getting at. Did your toilet flood or something?” Jack has the perfect poker face, I can never tell when he is joking. Well, fuck it, one way to find out for sure.
“Fine. I’m talking about this !” I turn sideways and pull down on the elastic waistband on the side of my pants, keeping myself covered but bringing a cutie mark into full view.
I am rewarded by a mouthful of hot coffee spit from Jack across the table. “Ppfft! Jesus Christ, dude what the hell were you thinking!”. Now it’s my turn to look confused. Jack stands up and walks over to get a better look. “Seriously dude, what the fuck?.” I frown, that’s exactly what I said when I first saw it.
“So, this wasn’t your doing?” A mix of confusion, and a little bit of panic comes over me.
Jack doesn’t even acknowledge my question. “Dude, you’re killing me. The show peaked half a decade ago, and you went and got a tattoo? Do you ever think you’re taking this Rainbow Dash thing a bit far?”
“No see, I didn’t--.” I start, but Jack cuts me off.
“I mean, having a favorite pony is one thing. But you have t-shirts of her, figurines, god knows you probably clop to her everyday, and now you get a tattoo? Not to mention how you always insist on crediting Dash for your good luck with the weather.”
I bite my lip. I could never explain that last one, but I did have a history at being unnaturally lucky with the weather. I always can tell when it’s going to rain and when frost is coming. I never get stuck in bad weather either. My friends always ask how I’m so lucky with it, and in recent years I would just laugh and say that Dash is looking out for me.
I’m brought back to the present by the end of Jack’s rant. “....you read fics of her, you credit her for your good fortune, you wanna fuck her daily, and now you got her tattoo? I mean, I know you love that mare, but I think you crossed the line somewhere in there.”
I raised my hand. “Dude, calm down, it’s a joke.” At this point my mind is creating a lie as fast as I could speak it. “It was, uh, Fiona’s idea. She gave me some temporary tattoos she bought online, and we made bets to see how you would react to seeing them on me. A bet which, by the way, I just won.” I ended with a smile. Did he buy it? Please tell me he bought it.
Jack sits back down. “Gah, I should have known.” He shakes his head then looked up at me “Dash, you are one crazy motherfucker.”
“Hehe, thanks man, you should have seen your... face” My mouth stumbles as my brain replays back Jack’s last sentence. He called me Dash. Huh, clearly he’s making fun of me at this point. Clever bastard, I almost didn’t catch it.
Jack starts putting his dishes away. “So, Evan is showing up with the truck in about thirty minutes to take me into town. What do you wanna do until then?”
Oh, I do have something on my mind. “All this talk about ponies got me in the mood to watch ponies.”
I hear Jack laugh over the sound of the dishes being cleaned. “Haha, I should have known. Well, let’s get started, but can I make an episode request?”
“Yea sure, which one do you have in mind? ” I reply as I frown to myself. To be honest, I want to pick the episode. I’m interested in seeing the show finale again. Jack will never suggest that one though, he hates that episode. Oh well, I’ll just watch it after he leaves.
“Can we watch, the show finale episode?” Jack asks with a pause in his voice. I raise my eyebrows in surprise, but I don’t bother questioning the reasoning behind his choice. Never second guess good fortune. I just grab the Season 5 disk and turn on the TV, eager to start the the finale once Jack gets in here. Something about my memory of this episode is bugging me.
A moment later, Jack sits down on the couch a few feet away. He speaks up, “Something about this episode is bugging my mind.”
I blink twice. I think I should have second guessed good fortune.
~~~~~~~
Most of the episode passes without incident. I remember it all too well. It starts out with Discord and Celestia allied together in an epic battle against a huge hellspawn from Tartarus. It’s a pretty amazing battle, but then takes this strange turn in the middle of the fight. Celestia takes a bad hit from the hellspawn, and is lying down on the edge of this volcano. She cries out for help and Discord teleports over. Discord then kneels beside the defenseless Celestia, and you can hear her cry out for help and explain she can’t move her legs. Just when you think Discord is going to save her, he instead laughs and kicks her limp body over the edge of the cliff. I can still feel the heart pounded dread that I had when I first saw this scene, and the terror that filled me as the Goddess gave a blood curdling scream and fell into the lava below. Discord then laughs maniacally and explains to the camera that he played her for a fool this whole time, and he waited over a thousand years for this day.
Discord is then shown traveling to meet Twilight, where he surprises her with some sort of magical attack which eliminates her. After that scene, of course, is the scene with Dash where she fights Discord in midair and--. Wait, what the hell, the credits are rolling now? What happened to the last scene with Dash? The episode wasn’t supposed to end with Twilight.
“Aww man, what the hell? They cut the last scene!” Jack stands up and is visibly angry at the TV. “That was the best scene in the entire episode! The entire season even!”
Phew, it’s a relief to hear Jack confirm my thoughts of the missing scene. For a second, I was worried the final scene with Dash never actually happened. Good to know Jack’s got my back here. “Yeah, Jack, they must have cut it out of the episode. Stupid Hasbro.”
Jack shakes his head. “What a bunch of idiots. Why cut out the final scene? That doesn’t make any sense!”
“I know right!” I happily agree.
“It’s such an emotional, powerful scene too. It really sticks with you once you see it”
“Exactly!” I couldn’t agree more, that Dash battle is tearful, but amazing.
“It’s a short scene too!”
“Yup” I nod as I take a sip of water.
“One final battle,”
“Mmhmm”
“of Applejack defending her farm”
“Mhm--!” now it’s my turn to spew water across the coffee table. “Wait, what?”
“The last scene. Applejack is on her farm and Discord shows up.” Jack stares at me waiting for acknowledgement.
I know he is wrong here, the last scene is Dash fighting Discord in the night sky in a spectacular battle. Applejack’s farm? Where the hell is he getting that from? “I uh, I don’t remember that scene dude”
Jack rolls his eyes “Dude, that’s the scene. You just said yourself, they cut a scene. Well, that’s the scene they cut! What scene did you think they cut? I’m telling you, it’s the one with Applejack.”
I’m in a pickle here. On one hand, I’m positive the last scene shows Dash. But on the other hand, after this morning I’m not really willing to put myself out on that limb. Jack would probably get annoyed and claim it’s just more evidence of my Dash obsession. But yet, I know that Dash scene is real.
Jack sees my hesitation and decides to jog my memory. “Remember, Discord shows up on the farm and spars with Applejack. He mocks her for trying to fight back, joking that she is powerless against him. Discord then, he then...” Jack swallows hard and his voice gets quiet ”He calls her a useless pony.”
Jack turns away from me. If I didn’t know any better, I would swear he just started crying, something I have never actually seen Jack do before. After a moment, I see Jack blot his eyes with his sleeve, and he continues his storytelling. “Then, after Applejack is broken and beaten, Discord charges up some spell. Just before Discord finishes her off, Big Mac comes in and tackles him from the side. Discord screams at him and there is a tussle offscreen between him and Big Mac. You hear Big Mac scream out for Applejack. He tells her to run, he tells her for the love of Celestia just run and save herself. Then, there is a spectacular explosion and Applejack screams out for her brother. She doesn’t hear her brother though, Discord’s laughter just rings out as he returns to finish off the wounded Applejack. And that’s that, the episode just ends right there.”
The clock on the wall ticks loudly, and I don’t know what to say. Not only have I never heard that Applejack story before, but I don’t think I have ever heard Jack get that emotional over anything before. The emotion in his voice, Jesus. Where is that story from though? Is Jack confusing canon with a fanfic he read? Why would he read a fanfic about Applejack? Thankfully, the silence is broken by a loud doorbell.
“Come in,” I yell over my shoulder. I turn to see Evan enter the apartment, jiggling his car keys. I turn back to Jack. “I don’t know Jack, I don’t actually remember that scene, but it has been a long time since I saw this episode.”
Evan gets closer. “Dave, Jack, hey guys. What are you two talking about?”
I reply without even turning to look at him. “Don’t worry about it, Evan. We are just trying to settle a discrepancy with ponies. Trying to figure out how this episode ended.”
Evan laughs, “Oh, well then I’m just in time! I can cast the tie breaking vote!”
I roll my eyes. I really am not in the mood for Evan’s antics, “Oh, sure thing buddy, that’s a big help from someone that hasn’t seen the show.”
Evan crosses his arms. “Not true, Jack made me watch a few of them back in the day!”
I looked over at Jack, he nods. “It’s true, I did show Evan an episode or two. But I only showed him some Season 1 classics way back when. I never showed him the finale.”
Evan looks between the two of us. “Wait, the finale? Is that the episode with that freaky magic chimera thing that attacks everyone?”
Jack and I exchange looks, and then both turn to stare at Evan. Jack speaks up, “Yeah, that one. When did you watch that one? And how does it end?”
Evan stares off at the wall for a second, then ignores the first part of the question. “Well, let’s see here, how did it end. It shows the apple farm that is run by that orange colored mare....”
“Applejack.” My friend and I say in unison.
“Yeah, sure, her. She’s having some battle with the magic chimera thing, and her brother is watching. At first he thinks it’s just an argument, but then he sees that it’s actually a fight, and that his sister is in pain. Anger courses through his veins, and then he just fucking charges in there and tackles the monster. He starts beating the snot out of of the beast with his hooves, but then the monster fights back. The stallion yells out, telling his sister to run, to save herself. Then he gets hit by some spell, and it ends right there. That’s the end of the show. Gotta admit, that stallion had some guts.”
“See, I told you! It ends with the scene at Applejack’s place!” Jack says triumphantly as he gathers his bags and makes for the door. “My brothers doesn’t even watch the show and he knows the correct final scene!”
Jack has a good point there, that scene must have really happened if Evan knew about it. Then why the hell have I never heard of it? And where did that Dash scene come from? It has to be from something. I know it’s not a fan animation, is it something I just came across recently? No, it doesn’t feel like it.
I help Jack get his bags to the door, and decide there would be time to ponder this later. “Alright, thanks for staying over Jack, nice seeing you Evan!” I wave, then look up at the sky. A feeling thought floats through my mind ~Thunderstorm is coming ~ which makes me realize I should get my mail before the rain hits. I hop outside, and walk the two blocks to the main apartment office to get my mail. My mind is still trying to make sense of that Applejack scene, and I’m not really paying attention to where I’m walking. Unfortunately, this ends with me bumping right into Fiona, who was walking the other way. “Ah! Oh, sorry, sorry Fiona!”
Fiona steps back in shock but then relaxes when she sees it’s me. “Eek! Oh hey Dash, so sorry about that! I’m such a worried mess right now, I gotta go deal with something!”
Man, she looked really preoccupied with something. Wonder what got her worried like that, it’s not like her to run away without saying... Wait a second... I rub my forehead. Great, just great. First the mystery tattoo, and now I’m starting to hear things. “What the fuck is going on around here,” I yell to the sky. Maybe Jack is right, maybe I do need to lay off the Rainbow Dash stuff for a few days. I return home and close the door to the sound of the first raindrops hitting the street behind me. Screw this, I need a nap, maybe it will clear my mind.
~~~~~~~
I wake up with a yawn, still hearing thunder outside my window. Man, what time is it? I reach over and grab my phone to check the display. It’s 3pm, and I have a missing text message notification. I half groggily reach open the message, it’s from Jack, sent about two hours ago. I blow my long bangs away from my eyes and read the screen. “Oh, haha, real funny! Jackass.” I’m too tired to make sense of it, so I just toss my phone across the sofa. I want to go back to my nap, but I realize I’m really horny for some reason. I make my way over to my computer and turn on the monitor. I’m too lazy to go out looking for clop, so I decide to just settle for my saved images folder.
I skim through a bunch of Dash r34 until I find a particularly appealing image of Dash lying on her back, getting rammed by Twilight wearing a strap on. The camera angle is perfect, it is actually drawn as a Dash POV image, and it looks incredibly hot right now. I start going about my personal business as I stare at the picture. I can’t help but notice in the picture Dash’s legs are tilted sideways so you can see her cutie marks. I look down at my own legs and smirk. It’s amusing to see my cutie marks matching up to her’s so well.
That gives me an idea, I turn my legs to the side a little so they match the same angle as the one Dash has in her POV picture. My eyes dart back and forth between the two views, it’s a perfect match, and it’s strangely erotic. I keep looking between the two images, the similarities between me and the female pony turning me on. Oh man, if only the anatomy between my legs was more like hers. Mmm... if only...
I blink and realize my train of thought. “Oh god, what the hell brain!” I snap my legs back together and stand up, visibly shaking and no longer in the mood for clop. I go the bathroom and splash water on my face to clear my mind from that bizarre clop session. The mental picture refuses to fade though. I keep imagining myself lying on my back, just like Dash in that artwork. I can picture her marehood between my legs, matching her cutie marks which currently decorate my thighs. I shake my head and splash more on my face, careful not to get my bangs wet.
Bangs? Wait, what? Oh, no, no. I look up at the mirror and almost scream. My hair is supposed to be short, not crazy long like this! What the hell is happening to me? I look like a Final Fantasy character! For fucks sake, I have bangs that cover a fourth of my face, and long hair going down my neck. It’s also, wait, is this hair tinted? I learn forward. My hair is supposed to be dark brown, but right now its pretty much running through a full gamut of faint color shades. In the back, my brown hair is tinted slightly violet. But in the front, the brownish purple changes into a spectrum of of every-so-subtle color.
I step back from the mirror and my cutie marks come back into view, I make the connection, my hair looks like a half assed attempt at Dash cosplay. “Well, that settles it. In case anyone was wondering, if you clop to something more than a thousand times, apparently parts of your body start trying to look like it.”
I learned against the wall and started running my fingers through my long hair. I mumble out my worries, “Oh god, how am I going to explain this to Jack? He is going to totally flip out when he sees this. He's going to think I did this on purpose or something. Gah, I’m gonna have to come up with a story abo--”
Ring Ring.
I close my eyes and sigh, then walk over to my cellphone. Speak of the devil, it’s Jack. Of course it’s Jack, the universe hates me. Well, at least I don’t have to explain any of this over the phone. I don’t have to tell him anything until we meet in person. Meh, I’ll worry about that later, I’m not going to meet with him for a few days. I answer the call, “Hey AJ, what’s up?”
“I’m coming over. Now . I’m already on the way, I’ll be there in less than five minutes.” I open my mouth to speak, but Jack hangs up the phone before I can even reply.
I look back at the mirror, cutie marks on both of my flanks, and multi-hued hair running down my neck. “Yup, I’m boned,”
Shit, shit, shit, shit. Jack’s going to be here any minute, how can I explain this? I toss on a sweatshirt and some pants, then I try to comb the hair so my bangs aren't so huge. It’s no use though, there is just way too much hair up there. I tidy up the living room while I try to think of someway to explain my hair to him. Maybe Fiona put me up to it? Wait, frick, I already used that excuse this morning. Come on think, what could have caused this?
Wait a second, Fiona, that plushie! I start frantically searching for the plushie, it must have had a hand in this whole thing. Guy gets some an enchanted, magical plushie, and then the guy wakes up with cutie marks and pony hair! That happens to people, right? I’m in full blown panic mode at this point, I have to find the plushie before Jack gets here, that will fix everything. It has to!
Oh there it is. It’s still sitting on the dining table, exactly where I left it. I pick it up and hold it in my hands “Um, now what? The fuck am I supposed to do with this?” I look at the plushie and scratch my head, trying to figure out why I thought finding the plushie would have in any way helped me out of my current situation.
I hear the car pull up outside. Well, looks like I wasted my last few minutes. I’m going to have to just come up with a story on the fly. I put the plushie down and head back towards the kitchen, awaiting the door knock. I then notice my throat is getting dry with anticipation, so I turn around and start to pour myself a glass of water. I just manage to fill the glass when I hear the door fling open and slam against the wall. “Jeez, Jack, the least you can do is knock.” I put the glass down and start to turn around.
“You! What the fuck did you do?” Jack screams as he makes his way inside.
I wince, wow, he’s really not happy with my new hair. I try and explain myself as Jack walks into view. “Look dude, I didn't want this. I really don’t wanna talking abou--ahh! Whoa, what did you do to yourself?” My eyes go wide as I look at him. He has long, blond hair flowing down his back, and his eyes shine bright green, like a pair of fresh apples.
"Very funny! Now fix this!" Jack yells.
My brain does a double take. “Wait, but you... I thought you were yelling because of my hair, you’re yelling about your hair?”
Jack reaches back and grabs some of his yellow hair and waves it in front of my face “No shit! Why else would I be yelling? Why would I ever care about, um... your hair ?” He trails off as he glances up at my forehead, and seems to finally notice that he isn’t alone in this situation.
We stand there for a second, both staring at each other’s slightly off putting appearance. I really need to break the ice here, so I swallow the lump in my throat. “Your, um, your eyes turned green dude.”
“And yours turned magenta,” Jack says without skipping a beat.
I blink, “Wait, really? Fuck, I didn’t even think to check my eye color. Magenta eyes, that’s pretty sweet actually”. Jack does not seem amused, instead he turns sideways and pulls down the side of his sweat pants, confirming what I just recently assumed would be there.
Jack pulls his pants back up, then throws his hands in the air in confusion. “A cutie mark of three red apples! What kind of stupid joke is this? I don’t even like Applejack!”
I agree, Vinyl Scratch would have been much cooler.
Five Score, Divided by Four - [MatureVersion]
3) Hair, what did I ever do to you?
3. Hair, what did I ever do to you?
Chapter 3 : Hair, what did I ever do to you!
I rub my forehead. “Dude, I’m as confused as you are. Let’s think about this logically, when did this all start?”
Jack rolls his eyes. “Oh, haha, very funny. Drop the act, Dave, this has your name written all over it. I made fun of your stupid Dash tattoo, then you slap me with this Applejack one and do god knows what to my hair.”
I point at my thigh in the general area where my Dash cutie mark is. “I told you, I didn’t do this! I wouldn’t prank myself dumbass. Do you think I want hair like this? I look ridiculous! Besides, you left my house with normal hair; that changed at your house, not mine. Why not point fingers at Evan, he probably pranked both of us!” I cross my arms, satisfied at my own logic. It has to be Evan, he is the only one left. It is probably some prank to make fun of us for liking ponies.
“Evan isn’t here, he’s halfway to Chicago by now. He’s attending this huge agriculture convention that Chi-town hosts every year.” Jack sighs, but calms down a bit. “After I left your place this morning we went straight to the airport to drop him off. Then I drove the car back the to the farm, and I have been alone ever since.” Jack walks past me goes over to my fridge. His gait seems off, but I can’t quite put my finger on what it is.
“So you were home alone all day, and your hair just changed on its own?” I scratch my head, that doesn’t make any sense. However, it’s the exact same story I have, so I can’t really protest the authenticity of his claim.
Jack leans into the fridge and rummages around, occasionally stopped to move his hair out of his eyes. “Yep. I noticed the hair around 3pm or so, then just a few hours after that I noticed the tattoo. Which, by the way, what the fuck. You would have had to take my pants off to put that thing on me. You slipping me roofies now or something?”
I shake my head again. “Look, that wasn’t me. But you said you didn’t get that cutie mark until 3pm? Then why did I get my cutie mark last night? I think it’s safe to assume that both the cutie marks, and both our hair changes, are related. The hair happened at about the same time, so the cutie marks should have appeared at the same time too.”
Jack returns from the fridge with a bag of apples and tosses the bag on the table. “First off, it’s not your mark, it’s Rainbow Dash’s. Secondly, I don’t know exactly when AJ’s mark showed up on me. I saw it when I took my jeans, but I was wearing those jeans for about 24 hours. It could have happened anytime yesterday. Apple?” He holds out his hand, offering one of the fruits.
I accept it. “Okay, that still doesn’t explain our hair. We’re talking ourselves in circles here,” I think aloud as I munch away on nature’s candy. “To solve this, we need to figure out the motive. If we can figure out who would want to do this to us, then it will be easy to figure out the how, and the why.”
“Mmmhm, I still say the biggest mystery is why Applejack. Pranking you with Rainbow Dash is obvious, even the random guy that comes by to pick up your garbage probably knows you’re obsessed to death with her. But then there’s me, why the blond hair and apple mark? Honestly I never talk about Applejack to anyone.”
Only half paying attention I nod. “Yeah, she is a useless pony”.
I am quickly brought back to attention by Jack closing the distance between us as anger flashes in his eyes. “Damnit! What, you’re quoting Discord now? I am not useless!” I look up and cower a bit. Jack is furious, holding one fist in the air and seemingly ready to strike. What the hell did I say to set him off? And, wait a second, what did he just say?
“Dude, Jack, calm down. First off, I’m sorry. Second off, umm, think back on what you just said.” I stand up and take a few steps back in case he gets violent again.
Jack pauses and lowers his fist. “You, you called me useless. Sorry, I just snapped for some reason. I think I’m just under stress, none of this shit is making any sense and it’s getting annoying.” He turns around and walks back to his seat. I am about to correct him and bring up the fact that I never said he is useless, but his gait distracts me again. I watch it for a few seconds, and it clicks: He is walking with his heels off the ground.
“Are you trying to sneak around? I mean, what’s going on there,” I ask. Jack looks back at me with a blank stare. I point at his feet. “You’ve been walking around on your toes this whole time.”
Jack looks at his feet, then over at mine, then back at his own. He sighs and sits down, going back to eating the remains of his apple. “Yeah, well, you’re doing the exact same thing.”
~~~~~~~
Afternoon approaches quickly, and things just get more frustrating. I want to sit down and reason out what’s happening here, but Jack just refuses the acknowledge that this is anything serious. To him, this is all some prank or something. He’s just too stubborn to reason as I try to tell him something serious is going on. “Come on Jack, hair doesn’t grow this fast, nor does it change color on its own. This isn’t possible!”
He stands up to stretch. “I know, that’s why this is all obviously a joke. You just admitted yourself, this is impossible, so I’m not going to worry about it.”
I facepalm and Jack leaves the room. I have absolutely no idea what it going on, but I have a bad feeling it’s only going to get worse unless we can figure it out. I rub my neck, and try to think back to high school biology. Is rapid hair growth a disease of something? No, that doesn’t make sense, and it wouldn’t explain the cutie marks.
I stand up and head over to my room. I need a break, I’m getting nowhere in figuring this out. My libido is really high for some reason too, maybe if I clop I can clear my mind. Well, nevermind, I’m not about to do that with Applejack in the house. Maybe I can get him to go to the store for food or something?
Ring Ring
I turn around and spot the ringing cell phone. It’s Jack’s. “Yo, Jack, your cell is ringing!” Where did that kid go anyway?
“Answer it, I’ll be right there,” he yells back from across the apartment.
I look at the caller ID, it’s Evan. He is supposed to be in Chicago for some farm convention thing, right? I pick up the phone. “Hey Evan”
“Oh hey, dude, where’s Jack?”
I yawn. “In the other room, she should be here any second.”
There is a slight pause. “Ah, I see. Well, no worries. Just tell her that my plane landed and I’m safe at the hotel. I’ll be home in five days, as planned.”
“Sounds good, have fun out there,” I reply as I hang up. Something odd nags at the back of my mind, but before I can give it any thought, Jack shows back up. I toss him his phone. “Your brother said he landed safe. Everything is fine in Chicago.”
Jack nods. “Sounds good. Well, it’s 4pm, I’m going to go take a quick little siesta before dinner. Wake me in 30 minutes?”
“Great, I’ll leave you to it,” I say a little too enthusiastically. Jack taking a nap means I will be left alone. This is going to give me the perfect chance to clop, finally!
Jack yawns and returns to the living room to collapse on my sofa. I hang around for a minute to ensure Jack is settled, then sprint walk back to my bedroom. Man, I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately. It feels like I have two weeks worth of blue balls to release.
I entered my room and glance at my computer, quickly deciding to not bother with going online for clop. I’m horny enough to just get off to images in my head. I’ll just take a long shower, then do my business in there.
I lock my door and started undressing, posing in front of my mirror for a moment to check if any other weird things had popped up. So far so good though, nothing new, just my long mane and my cutie marks. I shake my head and mumble to myself, “Mane ? What the hell brain, it’s just called hair.” I shake my head and look at myself again. I can see I’m still standing with my ankles off the ground for whatever reason. I focus to relax my feet, letting my heels touch the floor. There we go, that’s better.
Or is it? My balance feels really weird standing like this. That doesn’t make any sense, why would it feel strange to stand with my feet flat on the--. “Hey, I thought I told you guys to stay on the floor,” I scowl at my heels. Only ten seconds or so have passed, but in that time my feet have decided to return to their new ‘ankles raised’ position. I’m back to standing on my toes. Blah, whatever feels comfortable I guess.
I make my way into the bathroom and check my face in the mirror there. Hmm, I didn’t think my hair was that colorful this morning. I hair isn’t just faintly tinted anymore, now the tips of my hair are forming a pretty distinct, bright rainbow pattern. I immediately recognize the pattern and I bite my lip. This is going to be really hard to hide if it gets any more colorful.
I shake my head. Screw the shower, I need a nice, long bath. As I wait for the tub to fill I think back on everything that’s been going on around here. Things happen for a reason, right? So, what’s the reason for making Jack and I look a little bit like the cartoon horses from a show that ended 5 years ago? This makes no sense! Gah, why did Jack have to be an Applejack type character! I need a Twilight Sparkle type person here to figure this all out for me. Someone smart who read books on all this stuff, not just a random farmer.
I raise my eyebrows. Hey, wait a second. Jack lives on a farm, Applejack lives on a farm. Why the hell didn’t I make that connection before? Well, now we know why the prankster is working to make Jack look like Applejack. They are making fun of him for being a farmer, duh. I smirk, Jack isn’t an apple farmer though, his family mostly grows corn. Clearly, whoever did this prank didn’t do their homework properly. That’s actually a pretty big hint, the prankster must not know much about the show.
I smile at the realization. Evan. That’s who did this to us. He is just clueless enough about ponies to make that mistake. I step into the full tub and settle in, proud of myself for making that now obvious connection. The water feels divine, and I soon remember the entire reason I came here: to clop. I look down, I’m even doing anything yet and I’m already hard. I close my eyes and start to think about rule 34 images of Dash clopping. All those images of Dash by herself, lying on a cloud, with a hoof rubbing between her legs. I smile and feel myself harden even more with excitement. I reach down and start rubbing a circle on the skin between my legs, just below the base of my hard member. More images of Dash clopping float before my eyes, and I continue to rub myself just like she would.
An image of Dash laying on her slide appears in my mind, and I shift my hips to match how she would look. I open my eyes and glance down at my thigh. The sight of my cutie mark exactly where Dash’s would be makes me even more aroused. Oh god. I rub the nonexistent spot between my legs faster, and a feminine moan escapes my lips. Part of my mind asks who just made that sound, and another part asks why I’m rubbing the area of plain, intact skin just below my genitals. However, these thoughts are immediately dismissed as images of Dash climaxing appear before my eyes. I cross my legs and moan once more as ecstasy fills my veins, then I drift off into a warm sleep.
~~~~~~~
It’s cold. I open my eyes and blink a few times to figure out why I’m so chilly. Ah, I’m still in the tub. But wait, why is the water so cold? I lazily look over at the window, noting that it’s dark outside. Shit. Shit! Oh god, what time is it?
I facepalm. I got in here at 4pm, Jack is going to be really pissed when he finds out I let him oversleep by several hours. Urgh, this sucks. Wait, why was Jack at my place again? Oh, right, the cutie marks and the hair! In a sudden panic, I remember that the last time I napped my entire head of hair changed. I just finished another nap, did something else change?
I look down at my hands and arms, breathing a sigh of relief when I see that they are still 100% human. Then I glance down at my body and legs, once again relief floods me as I see that everything looks normal. Then I run my hands over my nose and mouth, phew, still good! Finally, I look down to check one last thing. Yes, my cock is still looking as it always has. “Phew, dodged a bullet there!”
I chuckle to myself. I’m just being silly and paranoid now. Come on, nothing else could possibly change. I mean, really now, growing longer hair and getting an unexpected tattoo is one thing, but actually becoming a pony? Growing hooves and a fur coat? I laugh. That’s just pure fantasy, magic isn’t real.
Well suppose I should drain this tub and get dressed. I gotta go wake Jack from his nap. Sure, I’m like three hours late, but I still have to go do it. I reach down and pull on the drain, noticing there are rainbow hairs visible near my feet. I tilt my head and speak aloud, “Damn, my hair is longer than I thought.” I reach around to my upper back and try to find where my hair line ends. It stops just below my shoulders, the same spot it ended before the bath. Wait, that doesn’t make any sense. If my hair line stops at my shoulders, how is there rainbow hair down by my knees? I stand up, confused, and feel a new strange sensation tugging on me as it lifts out of the water.
I have a tail.
The sheer ‘what the fuck’ nature of the moment utterly paralyzes me for a few seconds. I stand there, halfway out of the tub, staring down at my(!) new tail. I try, and immediately fail to fully process the situation. My mouth uselessly flaps open and closed as my brain short circuits itself. “That’s.... not human,” is all I manage to say.
I reach out in a daze and grab it, then give it a tug. I really hope it will just pull right off, but that’s not the case. Yanking on it just gives me the most strange sensation, as if someone is behind me and pulling directly on my backbone. I take the tail in both of my hands and run my fingers between the long strands, then follow them as they lead to the bottom of my back. This tail isn’t some party trick, and it’s not just hair. The underside of the base of my tail is solid, and it’s made of flesh, blood, and bone. It’s literally growing out of me.
Legitimately panicking at this point, I step out of the tub and move about erratically. Every time I turn my body the (my?) tail gets whipped around and comes into view. As I panic an incoherent babble comes out of my mouth, ‘‘What the fuck, oh god, oh god, what the fuck.” My mind seems to have recovered from it’s paralysis, is now running overtime. Thoughts in my head form faster than I can make sense of them, and my mouth continues to spew random expletives. “Fuck, fuck, this isn’t Evan’s work! Fuck! Last time I checked he can’t grow tails on people! Oh god, oh god, fuck me. Well, at least the colors are show accurate. Who cares about the colors! How do I explain to people that I’m now part horse? This isn’t possible, this isn’t possible, oh my god did anything else change?”
That last thought is the most logical. I know I already looked myself over in the tub, but I better make sure there aren't any other surprises. I turn to face the mirror; thankfully, I really don’t see any other changes. Well, other than my hair, which I guess I’m going to start calling my mane. I raise my eyebrows in shock. It’s completely and utterly bright rainbow colored. I mean, this hair is so brightly colored it puts a Crayola advertisement to shame. I don’t even know how it’s possible for hair to be colored this bright. Well, at least it matches the tail perfectly, I guess. Okay, so full color hair, and a tail to match. Dear god what the fuck is going--.
The tub finishes draining and makes a very loud suction sound as the drain takes its first breath of oxygen. I flinch in response to the sudden sound, and then feel my ears turn and swivel backwards as they move to localize the noise. Wait, did my ears just... swivel? My mind connects the dots. “Oh, oh fuck.”
I gingerly turn back towards the mirror and raise my hand up to feel my ears. They are mostly covered by my crazy mane, but I spot the tips of two cyan colored, equine ears. I freeze as I look at them poking through the top of my head. “I could totally rock a cosplay contest right now.” Is, strangely, the first thought that comes into my head.
I use my hands to part the hair and get a better look at my ears. They are true to life pony ears all right, fairly thin, flexible, and ever so slightly moving in response to sounds from the apartment. They are covered in thin cyan fur which thins out right where it meet my head. I bite my lip for a moment, I suppose I should be thankful for this mane. If I was bald, I would look unbelievably creepy with these ears right now. The hair really hides them well though, it’s hard to even notice the ears unless you really look for them.
Not wanting to miss anything else, I take one final look over my body. I get all the way down to my knees and legs, and I start to feel pretty confident that I won’t find anything else. However, then I get to my feet. My feet themselves are fine, but I can’t say the same thing about my toes. My middle toe looks way larger than it should be, and the toenail is way thicker than normal. A word floats across my mind telling me what I think it’s becoming, but I just swallow the lump in my throat and try not to think about it.
“Well, that’s just a wonderful turn of events,” I spit out with sarcasm. Thankfully, walking isn’t an issue, but I’m still doing that raised ankle thing. I try forcing my heels back on the ground like I did earlier, but that’s simply not possible anymore. My muscles simply don’t respond, and I realize I literally can’t get my heels to touch the ground. I should probably be concerned with this fact, but I’m still a little distracted by the frickin horse tail that is now part of my body.
“Think. Think. Think” I say as I tap on my head as I pace around my bedroom, still naked from the shower. I should really get dressed, but I have to admit, I kinda liked the feel of my tail flowing freely between my legs. It should feel totally alien and scary, but for some reason it doesn’t. In any case, I’m not quite sure how I’m going to deal with the tail when it came to putting on pants.
I return to my futile attempts at trying to understand the situation. “This is far beyond the scope of any sort of prank, far beyond the scope of, well, anything really. Pretty much every aspect of this is impossible.” I arrive at my desk and see the Fiona’s birthday plushie of Rainbow Dash sitting there. I pick it up and look it over in my hands. It really is nice a plushie, perfectly show accurate. I look back at my reflection in the mirror and then back at the plushie. An amusing thought crosses my head. I stand the plushie on the ground next to me, then get on all fours right beside it, and compare the two of us in mirror.
“That’s, pretty fucking surreal,” I mumble to the empty room. The cutie mark matches perfectly, of course, but so do my eyes, my ears, and my hairstyle. When I’m on all fours like this my crazy anime hair really does look like Dash’s mane. The colors are in the perfect spots, and even the flow and shape of it makes me look like the mare. My ears poke out from it and are much more visible now too. Then, at the far end, is my new tail. For whatever reason, I think I'm actually growing a little fond of it. I mean, the fact that I have a tail worries me. Yet, if I was given the option to remove it, I think I would prefer to keep it. I don’t know, it just feels nice. I return to a sitting position and scratch my chin while I stare at my curious reflection.
Well, on the bright side, when Jack wakes up he is finally going to have to take this whole thing seriously. I don’t think there is any use denying what is going on anymore. On the not so bright side, well, I’m pretty sure this is all going to suck.
I enter the living room and notice Jack is still sound asleep. I laugh to myself thinking about how his entire world is going to turn upside down as soon as I wake him up. This should be fun. I kick the sofa. “C’mon, wake up, Applejack !” I say, grinning ear the ear at my intentional name choice. I don’t know why I am in a good mood, but I am. I should probably be feeling a mix of terror and fear after just finding out I am no longer 100% human. But really, instead of that I just feel elated and ever so slightly confused.
Jack mumbles facedown into the pillow. I kick the sofa again. “Come on, get up, this was just supposed to be a nap”. I am eager for him to turn over so I can see his changes.
Jack half turns and starts to sit up. ”Has it been 20 minutes already?”
“Uh, sure, let’s go with that.”
Jack bolts upright upon hearing that and snatches his phone to check the time “Dude! What the hell man, it's 8pm! I wanted a 20 minute nap not a full 4 hours,” Jack says in bewildered annoyance. He turns to face me. I’m wearing a hooded sweatshirt so he can’t see anything out of the ordinary on my face. However, Jack is just in shorts and a t-shirt, so I get to see all of his new equine touches.
And oh god, he looks adorable. Freckles on both of his cheeks, and large brown pony ears poking out the top of his head. I want to say something, but all that comes out of my mouth is a smile and a soft noise. “Daww...”
Jack is not amused. “Seriously dude, it was a simple request, wake me in 20 minutes.” Seeing him frown with his oversized pony ears and long blond hair is pretty comical, and I have to bite my tongue to stop from laughing. “...and now that I overslept it means I won’t be able to fall asleep on time tonight! And that means when I wake up early tomorrow morning I’m going to be really tired! Seriously, my whole day tomorrow is ruined.”
I am going to rupture a blood vessel suppressing my laughter this much, but I have to keep it up. “Yup, you’re right! Your entire day will most definitely be ruined! Tomorrow is going to really not go as you planned.” My laughter starts to seep into my words, and by the end of my sentance Jack knows something is up.
Jack narrows his eyes. “What, what did you do? What’s so funny?”
This is way too amusing, “Oh, naw, it’s nothing dude. You just got a little something on your face.”
“Oh. Where, over here?” Jack starts rubbing his cheek.
“Nah, higher... higher...” I watch as his hand moves further up his face. “Little bit higher, almost there.”
“Urgh, what is it? Do I have it yet?” Jack says, his hand just inches below his new ears.
I have to pause to enjoy the moment for a few seconds. I take a deep breath, alright, enough is enough. I’m done toying with Jack, and it’s time for him to learn just how fucked up his next few days are going to be. “Right there buddy. Just one more inch up, aaaand there, right there.”
Jack rubs the location I indicate and his hand meets fur and a sensitive ear. His face cycles through a dozen different emotions, and he reaches up his other hand to feel his other ear. “What are, but, how, oh you gotta be shitting me,” Jack finally says. I think he has a pretty good guess at what they are. In any case, he leaps up and jogs over to the mirror in the living room. I walk over behind him and cross my arms. He just stares into the mirror looking at his ears for a good thirty seconds..
“They look good on you, Applejack ,” I say, then break out a wide grin.
Jack spin around with a mix of confusion and horror on his face. “What? And what are you so happy about?”
“Pfft, I just know I look cooler than you.” I remove my sweatshirt hood and expose my full color mane and cyan ears, which I then waggle and flick in his general direction. What can I say, I have been practicing with them for a bit.
Jack stares in bewilderment at my appearance for a few seconds, then turns back to the mirror. He runs his hands over his ears again. “Dude, what the hell is going on here? We look like freaks!” Jack turns back to face me, worry showing on his face “Anything else change?”
I tap my chin, remembering that I said I was done toying with Jack. However, rules are meant to be broken. “Nope. Jack, there are no other changes at all. Just the ears. I admit, they are a bit strange, but I’m starting to grow fond of mine. Well, if I ignore the fact that I have to wear a hood in public at all times now.” I frown as I realize I can never walk around in a t-shirt again.
“Urgh, I think I’m going to be sick,” Jack says as he looks at the mirror again. “In either case, I gotta go take a crap. We’ll discuss these ears when I get back.”
“Sounds good, I’ll be right here.” I watch Jack leave and enter the bathroom. This is going to be priceless.
“Ten.” I announce to the room.
“Nine. Eight.” I cross my arms and learn against the wall.
“Seven. Six. ” My new tail would be wagging furiously right now, but it is wrapped around my leg and trapped in my pants, hidden from view.
“Five. Four.” I smile as I realize that Jack is in the bathroom right now, and once he takes off his pants and looks behind him...
“Three. Two--.”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
“Ah dammit, one second off.” I frown, but then immediately smile as the bathroom door flies open and Jack runs down the hall screaming. He leaves his pants behind in the bathroom as he runs, his new tail flailing in the air behind him as moves.
I yell down after him “So, do you like it?”
Five Score, Divided by Four - [MatureVersion]
4) Five time cosplay champion!
4. Five time cosplay champion!
Chapter 4 : Five Time Cosplay Champion!
I’m not sure if Jack hears my question over his panicked screaming. It is pretty hilarious to see him running around though. It sort of reminds me of a dog chasing his tail; only this time the tail is chasing the owner.
Speaking of which, tucking my tail into my pants is really uncomfortable. And hell, no sense in keeping mine hidden with the cat out of the bag now. I make my way to the kitchen, get a knife, and carefully cut a slit in the back of my pants. I pull my tail through the hole and let it happily flow behind me. “There you go little buddy!” I smile as it gently whips back and forth involuntarily. Sure, it announces to the world that I’m not fully human, but for some reason I don’t mind. Seeing it makes me feel whole again, and I stand there for a moment affectionately running my hands through the strands. It’s part of me now, and it’s just comforting to see out in the open like this. I don’t understand how I lived so long without it.
Right, playtime is over. There is a lot of shit to do around here. I drop my tail and walk to the bathroom to up Jack’s pants. Then I follow the sound of his screams until I find him standing by a bookshelf, swatting at his tail with a ruler he found.
“Dude, put your pants back on” I say as I heave the clothing over to him. He instinctively catches them, but then he doesn’t seem to really know what to do with them.
He looks over at me and his eyes widen at the sight of the colorful hair happily swishing between my legs. He shakes his ruler at it. “That’s, that’s impossible.” He points back at his own tail. “This is impossible!”
I rub my temples slowly. I admit, I had my fair share of fun with him, but we really don’t have time for this. ”Look, Jack, I don’t know what, why, or how this is all happening, but I’m really gonna need you to pull yourself together.”
Jack slowly slides down the wall he is leaning on, ending up in a half sitting position. He stares as his blonde tail. “I, I don’t know what you expect from me. I mean, I don’t even know what I expect of myself here.” He throws his hands in the air “Hell, I don’t fucking know what to think about anything right now.”
I walk over to him. “Well, all I know is that we’re getting through this together. We’ve been best friends for over a decade, and we always help each other through the rough spots. We’ll get through this, together.” I hold out my hand.
Jack stops staring at his tail and looks up at me. He chuckles slightly as he reaches up to accept my hand. “Alright, let’s do this, but if you break out into song singing ‘True True Friend’, so help me god.”
I laugh, “Nah, I would never do that, not really my style. Find a Pet on the other hand...”
“Don’t you fucking dare.” Jack shakes his ruler at me.
“Relax, it will take more than a tail to get this guy to sing. Besides, we got shit to do.”
Jack shakes his head and smirks. “Alright, Rainbow Dash , what’s the plan? ”
I look over at Jack. His appearance may be a bit bizarre, and his eyes may have changed color, but behind those eyes burns the fire and courage that I always see in Jack. He is done playing games, he is done avoiding the situation, it’s all business now. It’s time to get stuff done.
I put my hand on his shoulder. “Well, AJ , I have been thinking about this, it’s going to be a busy 24 hours. You see, tonight we prepare. We make lists and plot out a plan. For at dawn's first light we shall embark on an epic journey!”
Jack rubs his hands together. “Fuck yeah, I like the sound of this. Plans, missions, doing something productive about this! Alright, where are we going?”
I stand tall and raise a fist in the air. “Tomorrow, we go to Wal-Mart!”
Jack blinks. “Um, what? You looking for a sale on khakis or something?”
I roll my eyes and explain, “Look, whatever the hell was going on, it’s accelerating. Cutie marks one day, then a slow hair change, and then we sprout tails and ears in a matter of hours.” Urgh, just hearing myself say these things makes me think I’m insane. It’s pretty hard to deny the facts though, I mean, Jack is standing right in front of me all the changes visible right there. Damn, her freckles are actually really cute.
Wait, I meant to say his. Urgh, I don’t like where this is going. I shake my head and get back to my explanation. “Jack, we have to assume the next changes will happen even faster than these--.”
Jack cuts me off and holds up two hands. “Whoa, whoa, hold a second there skippy. The next changes? You mean even more parts of us are going to change?”
I bit my lip, then nod. “I would guess so, this shows no sign of stopping. I mean, I don’t know what’s causing this, but it’s powerful enough to make us grow horse tails and ears. If it can do that, god knows what else it can do to us. In any case, chances are we are going to pick up more and more equine traits.“ I pause and pointed to my ears and my tail. “Now, as you may have noticed, we are quickly reaching the point where we can’t show ourselves in public. So, regardless of what caused this, we have to start preparing for the apparent final outcome. And we’re running out of time.”
Jack looks a bit worried, but at least he isn’t denying the seriousness of our problem anymore. “So, why Wal-Mart, what can we possible buy there to help us with this?”
“Well, what don’t we need to buy is the better question. I mean, let’s talk worst case scenario here, okay? We don’t know the future, so let’s assume this is out last chance to ever go shopping. What are we going to need? Hmm, actually, do you still have that Zombie Apocalypse Survival Plan thing we wrote in college?”
Jack laughs “That old thing? The thing we wrote in English class instead of taking notes? Yeah, I think I still have it in a notebook back home. But, uh, how does a homemade zombie survival plan stop us from turning into small colorful ponies?”
“Well, 90% of the zombie plan is going to be useless. But, if you remember, part of the plan included a huge list we made of all the supplies we would need to survive. You know, generators, gasoline, tons of rations, water purifiers, radios, seeds, etc.”
Jack finally catches on “Everything we would ever need to live once civilization fell.”
I nod, “Or, in our present case, everything we would ever need to live secluded, far away from society. It’s a sobering thought, but hell, better to prepare for it right?”
Jack agrees, “Yeah, that is really depressing, but it does sound like a really smart plan given our current situation.”
I clap my hands together. “So, it’s settled. Tomorrow we go out and amass supplies, then bring everything we possibly can carry back to your farm.” The mention of the farm makes Jack’s fuzzy ears perk up, so I explain my reasoning. “Look, I have neighbors by me, hanging out around here looking like this is a bad idea. Your farm is out in the sticks though, no one will bother us out there. We can make your farm our new base of operations until we figure all this out.”
“Makes sense.” Jack taps his chin in thought. “Do you think we can get everything at Wal-Mart?”
I take a deep breath. “Well, not everything. That’s going to be good for general supplies and bulk food, but we should swing by the Farm & Fleet to get the rest of the supplies”.
I reflect for a moment, glad that we lived in Iowa and had such stores around us. Places like the Farm & Fleet are retailers built for farmers. Massive stores that sell tractor parts, chains, guns, ammunition, heavy tools, even cattle feed and basic healthcare supplies for farm animals. It’s the perfect spot to top off our survival list. I snap my fingers and look up at Jack. “Oh, and we also need to go to library! I wanna check out some books and get any info on--.”
Jack’s laughter cut me off, “A library? You think books can help us here? Haha, I didn’t know Kafka’s Metamorphosis is a self-help book. Oh, while we’re there we can check out the award winning Tuning into a Pony: For Dummies! ”
“--I was going to say we could get veterinary texts. Guide to equine anatomy, info on horse diets, books on animal health, diseases of horses, etc” I smirk at how quickly the names of those books suppress Jack’s laughter.
Jack stares straight ahead, still trying to process the fact that veterinary texts may soon apply to him. He swallows hard “You, you really think this is going to go that far? Are we, for lack of a better term, ‘going all the way’”
I rub my forehead “I don’t know. I mean, we grew tails and manes like it was nothing. I really don’t know what’s possible or impossible anymore. But, like I said, we gotta plan for the long term. Since we have absolutely no idea what is causing this or how to stop it, all we can do is damage control. You know, ‘hope for the best, but plan for the worst’. At least we are lucky that you live on a farm. It’s the perfect location, hell, if the unthinkable happens and we actually turn into bonafide ponies...” I trail off.
Jack grimaces. “Well, then being on a farm is better than being stuck in the city. Jesus that’s a scary thought, but we gotta plan for the worst, right?”
I try to lighten the mood. “And hey, your farm is equipped for horses! Perfect! In five days Evan will get home to find us fully transformed. Not knowing who we are anymore, he’ll treat us like regular horses. Then we can each get a stable and spend the rest of our lives living as feral beasts of burden!”
A fist flies and punches me in the shoulder. Hard. “Don’t you even fucking joke about something like that happening to us! God damn it!” Jack’s breathing quickens and I see his arms shaking.
I hold up up my hands. “Whoa, sorry, sorry, I was kidding. Probably not the best joke to make right now, sorry.” I rest my arm on his shoulder.
Jack takes a few deep breaths. “Don’t joke about that dude, the nightmare has been hanging over this whole thing for me. Evan and I work with wild horses everyday. Knowing that I might be turning into one is nothing short of fucking terrifying.”
I grab my tail and hold it up for him to see. “Jack, horses don’t have tails like this.” I try to give a reassuring smile. “We’re not going to be feral horses. If we’re changing into anything, it’s going to be colorful cartoon ponies.”
He laughs slightly at the insanity of our dialog, “Right, well, that’s much better I suppose.”
I grin. “It’s so much better! Just imagine Evan’s face when he comes home and finds two ponies in his living room, watching MLP and debating which season has the best songs!”
Jack’s eyebrows raise. “Evan is actually a valid concern. Pretty sure he would notice two ponies building a survival bunker in the middle of our corn crop.”
“Well, Jack, I wasn’t planning on building a bunker. I was hoping to just live in your house. You know, with Evan’s blessing.”
Jack buries his face in his hands. “Evan fucking hates ponies, why would he help us?”
I gave Jack a playful shove on the shoulder to cheer him up. “Well, I would hope he changes his mind about ponies when one of them is his brother.”
“Heh, you underestimate Evan’s hatred for ponies,” Jack says through a smile. “In any case, he’s out of town for the next five days anyway. I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
We start walking back towards the kitchen. Jack trails me, and I can’t help but notice him staring at my tail the entire time. I abruptly stop walking, and Jack is so distracted he walks right into my back. “You know Jack, it’s not polite to stare,” I snicker. “And actually, where is your tail? Why are you hiding it in your pants? You gotta let that thing breathe man.”
“Yeah, well, maybe some of us aren’t as comfortable seeing horse anatomy coming off of our body. Why are you so intent on having yours out in the open?”
I stick out my tongue. “Because then I can do this.” I flick my tail to the side and send it flying up, smacking Jack right in the face. “Haha, oh god, that went so much better than expected!”
Jack jumps back an inch and immediately starts wiping his face with his hands. “Ah, dude, gross. I had my mouth open! Urgh, it smells like horse.”
I’m still laughing. “Are you sure? I figure it would smell like gumdrops and rainbows. Emphasis on the rainbows .”
Jack is not amused, and pulls a thin stand of blue hair out of his mouth “Nope, definitely horse. Trust me, I get enough of that smell when I’m at the farm.”
He rubs his forehead. “Urgh, speaking of the farm, what time is it? I forgot how long I was napping for.” Jack groans. “I gotta get home, like, right now.”
“Something wrong?”
“Nah, it’s just that with Evan out of town I’m supposed to be watching over the animals. Gotta give them feed and so on; I was supposed to do it an hour ago.” Jack heads for the the door and starts putting on his shoes.
This is unfortunate, we have serious planning we need to do. It will be hard to deal with our current situation when we are 20 miles apart. Only one solution really. “Jack, hold up, I’m coming with you.”
~~~~~~~
The farm is actually pretty impressive. Regrettably, it’s been a good two years since I’ve been here. I guess Jack simply prefers to come over to my place because it’s closer to town.
In any case, Jack is in the middle of giving me grand tour of his place. It is a bit unnerving to be in the horse stables though. Being in presence of actual horses while I have bits of their anatomy just feels really weird. Sure, cartoon ponies and wild horses are not the same, but it’s close enough to freak me out a bit.
“...and in this half of the barn we keep the mares and foals. We like to keep the newborns with their mothers for the first season. Naturally, we keep the stallions on the other side of the barn, only bringing them together during the breeding sessions.”
I poked him in the ribs as we walk. “And then what, do you pull up a chair and watch the show? Most places would charge to watch that kind of action”.
Jack is not amused. “Dude, that’s disgusting. This isn’t like the cutesy clop you see on your websites. The real thing is not something you wanna observe.”
I roll my eyes, man, this guy could not take a joke today. Jack eyes me suspiciously. “Remind me not to leave you alone with any of my mares. Especially as the days pass on and you start thinking of them as the same species. Urgh.”
I actually take offense to that, “Oh, haha, very funny. And besides, don’t let me near the mares if I change more? What? You do realize Dash and AJ are female, right?” I raise my eyebrows as a sort of ‘hint, hint’ at what I’m referring to. I didn’t want to say the words out loud, but I’m pretty sure that if this transformation went all the way, it would eventually involve gender.
Jack dismisses my suggestion faster than a fat man turning down a salad “Yes, I know their genders, but I also know our genders. I’m not switching, thank you very much. Besides, Applejack and Dash are just some cartoon characters with arbitrarily chosen genders. I mean, whatever is causing these changes doesn’t have to follow the textbook description of them. That wouldn’t make any sense.”
I laugh, “Oh and giving us tails and horse ears makes a lot of sense? And bright rainbow colored hair? How can you dismiss the gender issue here? Hell, I would say it’s easier to change a guy’s gender than, oh I don’t know, making him grow a horse tail?”
Jack rolls his eyes and we approach the stables for the stallions. Jack pets one of them on the head. “Dude, you can be a mare if you want, all I know is that I’m keeping my junk where it is.”
“That’s funny, didn’t know we had a say in the matter”. I reply, surprised at Jack’s resistance to the very suggestion of what we could be dealing with.
“Well, I guess we don’t, but I’m telling you man, I’m not giving up my manhood without a fight. I’m male and I plan to keep it that way.” Jack walks down to another stallion and I start to follow him.
“Well good to know you’re willing to fight-- Ah!” I stop walking and I’m pulled backwards a few inches by some unyielding force. Realizing I’m caught on something, I turn to see what it is. “Hey, Jack, hold up! I got caught on… oh.”
The stallion we were walking past has my tail in his mouth. He tugs on it gently while staring at me; he really doesn’t didn’t seem keen on letting it go. “Bad horsey! Bad horsey!” I walked backwards and boop him on the nose. Finally, he lets go on my tail. “Urgh, I’m gonna to have to wash this thing now.“
“What did you do?” Jack arrives and is curious why I’m held up.
“Your stallion decided to bite my tail. I need to shampoo this now.” I frown, holding my wet tail to the side for Jack to see.
Jack stares for a second. “He, what? That stallion? Chaucer never bites tails unless....”
I blink “Unless? Unless what?”
Jack swallows hard. “Chaucer never bites stallions.” The calm starts to leave Jack’s face and he turns away from the horses “Nothing, it’s nothing man. Let’s just, uh, go to the house, ok?” I raise my eyebrows but don’t protest; we do have a lot of planning to get done tonight.
~~~~~~~
Four hours (and a shower) later and I was laying in the guest bed. This has been, by far, the strangest day I have had in awhile. Hair changing, the tail, the ears, then sitting down and going over a supply list for the apocalypse. I mean really, what ever happened to sitting at home calmly and just watching a movie?
I can’t sleep though. We are going to have an even busier day tomorrow, and that’s a best case scenario. Some pretty big changes have happened to us in the past 12 hours, how much worse is this going to get? What if we wake up covered in fur or something? We would have to cancel our supply trip and we would be stuck here on the farm with no supplies. Or, what if we do manage to get our supplies, but then Evan shows on Friday and kicks us off his land? And what if we can’t stop this transformation? What if we can’t reverse it? How far will it go?
I shiver and pull my tail across my chest, holding it tight like a security blanket. It gives my troubled mind some comfort. Sure I don’t know what going on or what’s happening to us, but at least I have my tail. Sure Jack says it smells like horse hair, but I don’t care, it’s part of me now. I run my fingers through it until I finally succumbed to the sweet embrace of sleep.
~~~~~~~
Fuck, I need to pee. I open my eyes, it’s pitch black outside. My hand fumbles over the nightstand to grab my phone to check the time. 4:15am. I rub my neck and sit up in bed, trying to remember where the bathroom is in this house. I groggily stand up and make my way into the hallway. My mind ponders if our bodies changed any more as I enter the bathroom. It’s a strange thought to have. Knowing that part of your body might have drastically changed and you are might not be aware of it yet.
There is a dim night light in the bathroom, so I avoided turning on the florescent lights in order to save my eyes the pain. Besides, I can still see pretty well in this light, enough to make out the toilet anyway. I pause in front of the sink and squint at my reflection, actually surprised to see that nothing else has changed as far as I can see. No fur, and no pony muzzle on my face. That’s a relief. No new changes is good, hopefully that lasts through morning.
My bladder reminds me of why I woke up. I turn to the toilet, lift the lid, drop my pants, then wait a few seconds for the stream to flow... and then promptly piss all over the floor. Whoa whoa, what the hell, hold on a second. I force myself to stop pissing and reach back and turn on the light switch. What the hell is going on here, why did I piss all over the, oh. Oh .
A pussy is in place of where my penis once was. Not just any pussy either, a fully developed, equine shaped one. I closed my eyes and started banging my head softly on the wall. “Fuck me...” Wait, wait, oh god, poor choice of words! Let me try that again:
“Fffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkk! ”
I don’t know how long I stood there with my eyes closed. I don’t want to look back down. The tail, the ears, I can deal with those. But this? How the fuck do I deal with waking up as the wrong gender? Everything from the clothing I am supposed to wear, to the pronoun people will use to refer to me. It probably all has to change now. Just like that.
After some time, I realize I still have to finish urinating, so I reluctantly open my eyes and look back down. The female sex is still there. My female sex is still there, I correct myself with a soft sigh. How do I do the urination thing with one of these? I clumsily hold my tail off the side and sit on the bowl to urinate, feeling a bit degraded as I do so. Curiosity does eventually get the better of me, so once I finish urinating I spread my legs and look down. Soon my head is only a foot or so away from my new nethers.
“God damn that’s creepy,” I mumble to myself. Any other time in my life, I would have been extremely turned on being this close to the female sex. But seeing it on my own body, damn, it’s just not the same thing at all. It gives me a dozen conflicting emotions that are all over the board: Oh god, please kill yourself now … Holy fuck this is pretty hot... Hey, the shape looks exactly like that picture I clopped to last week ... Hmm, well, this odor is definitely new... Mmm, pony pussy, matching my new tail and ears, I’ve wanted to fuck one of these for ages...
I am trying to decide which thought process is the creepiest, until all those challengers immediately lost that contest to the incoming thought of “You know, it’s 4am, Jack is asleep and there is no one else around for miles. I could go outside, go to the stables and strip naked. I’m now technically a mare where it counts, literally nothing is stopping me from--. ” Holy fucking Christ brain! Stop!
“That’s enough of that for now!” I declare to no one in particular, then stop staring at my new sex and pull up my pants. “Okay brain, first off, no. Second off, no . Thirdly, get a hold of yourself! And stop thinking of me becoming an animal! If anything, I’m becoming a fully sapient pony. As a pony, I have nothing to do with feral horses, that’s just no. Instead of them I will fantasize about a mature pony stallion like Shining Armor or Big Mac.” I lick my lips, then smile, pleased with my corrected train of thought. I cross my arms in satisfaction and talk to myself. “Ha, you see brain? I am still in full control here. I am not a slave to the hormones of my new gender, I know who I’m attracted to.” I crease my forehead as I think back to what I said. “Wait, fuck you brain. Fuck you.”
I go back to bed, but I can’t fall asleep. Everytime I move my legs, I can feel my new folds rubbing against each other. Ah, it feels so creepy! No matter what position I lay down in, I can still feel these new sensations coming from down below.
I should clop, floats across my mind. I’m not sure what to think about it. Is that really a good idea? How would I even do that now? It would be disgusting, right? But what would it even feel like? Don’t girls orgasm harder than guys?
Another half an hour passes as I debate the issue in my mind. I realize I still can’t fall asleep and decide to just abandon that quest. I mean, it’s almost 6am, there is no sense in going to sleep now. But that leaves me with nothing else to do in this bed. Well, except, well, that .
Ah, fuck this! I’m going to do this sooner or later, so let’s do it now. I toss the covers off of me, remove my pants, and look down at my large slit. I clopped to images like this a thousand times, but seeing it on me? Eww, I really don’t wanna touch the thing. I mean hell, it practically looks like it would give me a disease. Well, my mind was already made up though, right?
I can’t do it while looking at it though, that too creepy. I decide to close my eyes and look away, then gingerly lower my hand slowly until I make contact. I raise my eyebrows, wow, that’s really warm. I feel around the entire area slowly, trying to figure out how this was going to work. After trying a few different spots, I think I have a feel for where the sensitive areas are. I take a deep breath and I start rubbing in one particular spot.
A strange pleasure starts to radiate across my pelvis. I can’t believe I’m actually doing this. My mind goes sort of blank as I continued to massage myself down there. I’m not really sure what to think about, and I’m not so sure I want to think about clop. I have no idea what gender (or species) will turn me on anymore. Am I mentally ready to find that out? I mean, I already figure I probably have a thing for stallions, I guess that made sense. I’m not sure I want to follow that train of thought though. I just found out I’m female, and I’m rubbing my pussy. This is bizarre enough without thinking about males and discovering how much they turn my on.
Well, let’s just assume stallions do. What about the other gender? And what about humans? Did women still turn me on? What will? I swallow hard. I can tell my thoughts are about to spiral out of control, and I know I can’t stop them anymore. In the next minute or so I’m probably going to learn what I’m sexually attracted to, then I will orgasm to it, and then I will have to live with that knowledge forever. I start rubbing myself faster, damn, this does feel really good. I already don’t want it to end and I’ve barely gotten started. Well, I’m already masturbating as a girl, let’s get this over with. Time to let’s see what turns me on.
First step, human females. I think of topless human women and lesbians making out. “Bleh, disgusting,” I say with a frown. I realize I have no interest in them, thinking about naked women just feels wrong. “Well, that’s disappointing,” I mumble, but continue to feel myself. The feeling of pleasure really starts to grow, and I question if I’m getting close to climax. Well, that’s a stupid question. I literally have no idea how things work down there worked from the receiving end.
I continue my search to find what turned me on, “Okay what about... human males?” I ask myself. Thoughts of random guys filled my head, and thankfully that does even less for me than the girls did. Alright, well, I’m done with humans, and I can officially I no longer attracted to any Homo sapiens. That’s a bit strange to think about. Anyway, two options left, mares and stallions.
It is getting hard to lay still at this point, I have to be right on the edge of orgasm. Well, let’s hope I can finish with the first option, mares. Okay, the moment of truth, I hope this one works. If this fails, I’m going to be stuck clopping to horse dick for the rest of my life. Yikes. Alright here we go, I fill my mind with images of female pony clop, let’s see if it does the tric--.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!
I pause my masturbation for a second to figure out what the noise is. Oh, it’s just the alarm clock in the other room. Meh, that just means Jack is waking up. Whatever, doesn’t affect me, I can still finish masturbating.
I lower my hand back down onto my moist slit, enjoying the feeling in earnest now. It no longer feels disgusting or alien to me, this just feels so sensual and pleasant. Damn, I can’t believe I almost turned down this opportunity to clop! Okay, so where were we? Wait, wait. Hold on a second. Jack just woke up!
I remove my hand from my groin and sit up in bed. The thought of Jack being awake sends adrenaline through my veins. I talk through the problem. “If Jack is awake, then he’s about to find out his body has something new. Or rather, he his body lost something.” I look down at my new equine sex and chew on my lip for a moment. Damn, it’s still weird to see a wet pussy between my legs, especially after 25 years of seeing a penis there.
I stare at my new sex for a few more seconds then shrug. Well, I’m a girl now. I’ve been through worse before, right? The more I stare at it, the less strange it feels to have a pussy. I guess it’s sort of like how I felt when I got my tail. It’s a bit jarring at first, but then I get used it and can’t imagine it any other way. I scratch my neck while still staring at my new marehood. “You know, all things considering, I feel I am taking this all pretty well.”
Jack on the other hand doesn’t seem as comfortable with any of his equine anatomy, and he seems pretty hell bent on defending his manhood. Well, either way, he’s going to find out he’s a mare in a few minutes. This should be an interesting morning.
Five Score, Divided by Four - [MatureVersion]
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14) A tail of two sisters.
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19) Mares are nothing but trouble.
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29) Preparing for the unknown.
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30) Ponies and ponies and ponies and...
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32) Leaving it all behind.
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~~Author's closing words & acknowledgements
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1) That wasn't there before.
1. That wasn't there before.
Chapter 1: That wasn’t there before.
I click through links furiously. “Come on, there’s gotta be some new Dash pics in here somewhere. It’s been at least three days since I’ve seen a new one. I don't want to have to settle for Applejack again...” It's late at night and, as usual, I'm checking various sites to get my daily dose of clop. MLP:FiM ended a few years ago, after its 5th season, but I was still hooked on clop. Sure, I could get off to any of the mares, but, as always, Rainbow Dash is my favorite. I mean, every part about her was just, wow. Honestly, there will never be enough clop of her.
Unfortunately, a lot of the fandom has died down over the years. Sure, new clop art still surfaces here and there, but not nearly as often as it used to. The worst part is less overall content means less specific content. Days can go by without any new clop images, and I'm lucky if in a month I can get a single new r34 image of Dash. I don't even want to think about how things are just going to get worse in the future. It's the year 2020, and clop is already this scare, what is it going to be like in another ten years? Man, I don’t know how anyone can get by without a steady stream of images of fresh pony pus-- “Oh sweet Jesus, this picture is amazing”. My previous thoughts vanish as I find exactly what I am looking for. I can hardly believe it, a new image of Dash with all her bits shown in full glory. Yeah, this is going to be a good night.
~~~~~~
I wake up early the next day, and shake the last vestiges of sleep from my head. My dream, one about the MLP finale, fades from my mind. It’s hard to believe it’s been five years since the show ended, and I’m still getting bad dreams about that episode. In all honestly, it’s a terrible episode, I mean, pretty much everyone in the fandom agrees it was a stupid way to end the show. But regardless of the reviews, all I know is that episode still gives me honest to goodness nightmares. I still don’t know how they managed to air an episode like that on a children’s network and not get sued by the FCC.
At least today should be a good day. See, today is May 1st, and it’s my 25th birthday. It occurs to me that I really should clean this place up a bit, as I have friends coming over soon. The party should be fun, my best friend Jack shares a birthday with me, so every year we host a joint birthday party. I've known Jack for a really long time. Well, I guess it hasn't been that long, but it sure feels like it.
We met in high school during a track competition some eleven years ago. Back then he was from our school’s rival team, and we were competing in the 400m dash. I met him on the starting line before the race, and we just hit it off immediately. We only had about a minute to talk while we stretched waiting for the race to begin, but by the end of it I felt like we were already best friends. The race then followed thereafter, it was a hell of a race too. The 400m was always my best race, and I was shocked to see Jack stay neck and neck with me until the very end. I ended up winning by a nose and I still give him crap over his loss, though he always just rolls his eyes and claims I tripped him in the last 50 yards.
In any case, Jack is a great guy, so is his brother Evan. Though Evan is about the same age as Jack and I, he is mature beyond his years,. His maturity probably has something to do with the fact that he runs the family farm. Evan and Jack live on this small ranch just outside of town. As I recall, their parents died when they were fairly young; Evan had to grow up pretty quick to take care of both the farm and his younger brother.
Anyways, as much as I respect Evan, I sort of wish he wasn’t planning on coming to the party today. You see, while Jack and I like silly things, such are cartoons about ponies, Evan is the complete opposite. I don’t really blame him for being so stoic and mature, but it’s still a pity. Usually at parties like this Jack and I love to watch old episodes, but if Evan is around we keep the pony on the down low due to mutual respect.
The sound of a doorbell brings me out of my thoughts; looks like the guests have arrived.
“Happy Birthday! Hope you got room for all the strippers I brought!” Jack jokes as he barges into my apartment, both arms carrying a large load of beer and chips.
“Oh crap, you’re bringing some strippers too? Dammit, I had already ordered a dozen for the apartment already!” I joke as Jack drops the bags and gives me a hug that only best friends could share. “It's good to see you Jack, and a Happy Birthday right back at ya! The big Two-Five!”
“You knuckle-heads have been around for a quarter century already, isn't that something?” I look up to see Evan standing in the doorway with a comforting smile on his face. “Happy Birthday, I got you something for the occasion”. He hands over a heavy box.
I open it up on the spot; it’s a bottle of Scotch. I read the label “Langavulin Reserve, 25 year aged ! Jesus, Evan, how much did you pay for this?”
“Ah, it's nothing. It cost a bit, but I figure it’s cheaper in the long run because it’s a present to both of you. Saved me the trouble of buying two presents. 25 year aged Scotch for your 25th birthdays.”
Jack strode over and is in awe at the bottle. “Holy crap, thanks bro! You know I love Scotch. Let’s get some glasses out and pop this bad boy open!”
I'm in the middle of opening the cabinet when I hear a fourth voice speak out from the doorframe. “You know, you should wait until the perfect time before you drink something that special.” I turn around and saw Fiona standing just outside the apartment and looking in through the doorframe.
“Fiona, get in here, how long have you been standing there?” In all the commotion of Evan and Jack arriving, I forgot I also invited Fiona. She’s a quiet girl I met her in college a few years back, and she doesn’t get out much. She's really sweet though, the type of girl you just like to be in the company of, in a non sexual way. Things are just more calm with her around. Jack and Evan have taken a liking to her as well. Though, even with all three of us being close with her, no one makes any advances on Fiona. I’m not sure if it’s because she is just too sweet to think of in that way, or if it’s just because us guys didn’t wanna make a move on her which would make the other guys jealous.
A noise behind me brings me out of my musings. “What were saying about ‘waiting for the perfect time’ to drink this?” Jack asks while waggling the bottle of Scotch in his hand.
“Oh, well, you know, I heard in some communities it’s tradition to take a shot of alcohol on the exact anniversary of your birth,” Fiona says as she calmly strides in and hands Jack a large gift bag before turning to hand me one as well. “Oh and Happy Birthday, by the way. Hope you like what I made!”
Jack takes the gift bag from her hand but didn’t look inside, he is still confused about the drink. “Hold on, Fiona, this is the exact anniversary of our birth. You know, a birthday .”
Evan cuts him off, “I think she means the exact time. You know, Jack, like you were born at what, 5:37pm I think? It lists it on your birth certificate, you know. So I guess you’re supposed to take a shot at that exact time? Though, I can’t say I approve using top shelf Scotch for shots...”
Jack pops the cork off the bottle “Oh be quiet. It’s already paid for, I say we use the Scotch. And actually, that's convenient, it’s 5:30 right now. We should get ready for this.”
I sit for a second, trying to remember my own birthday time. I remember I actually looked it up awhile ago and used to have it memorized... “Oh yeah, I remember my time! Wait, damn, that’s lame, my birth-time was something like 11:30pm. Urgh, you guys are going to be back home by then. Oh well, let’s all just have a drink to celebrate Jack’s time.”
Jack starts to pick stuff off the table to make room, only to realize he is already holding something in his hand: The gift bag Fiona handed to him when she arrived. Jack starts to open it as he talks more about the Scotch “Yeah, that sounds good guys. Any excuse to drink more is a good rule in my book. Let’s just get some glasses, and then we cAN OH MY GOD IT’S ADORABLE!”
I spin around to see Jack holding a handmade plushie of Vinyl Scratch, his long time favorite pony. Fiona stands off to the side, beaming at what is obviously something she hand stitched. I have to hand it to her, that plushie is pretty damn adorable. I'm actually kind of jealous. Wait. Wait a second, she gave me a present bag too, didn’t she? Does that mean what I think it means? I leap over a chair and sprint back into the living room, quickly finding the gift bag I had previously set down. I immediately grab it and tear the cover off. My eyes barely have time to register the color of the plushie’s hair before I gave out a yell of jubilation “Aawww yeah!” I am holding a Rainbow Dash plushie in my hand, and it’s pretty much the best thing I have ever seen.
Jack laughs as he looks at my present. “Urgh, you just had to get him more Dash merch, didn’t you, Fiona? Don’t encourage him!”
Fiona blushes and shrugs her shoulders, but before she could reply she is glomped by both Jack and I as we fight over space to hug and thank Fiona for the presents. It's a pretty touching moment, but it's cut short by Evan poking his head back into the living room. “Hey guys the shots are poured and--Oh great, more ponies, sheesh.” Silly Evan, he was outnumbered. With Fiona here it the ratio of pony fans to plebs is 3:1.
“Don’t be jealous, I can make you one for your birthday if you want, Evan! Just tell me your favorite pony,” Fiona smiles as we make our way to the dining table to do our ceremonial drinks of Jack’s 25th birthday.
“You should make him Applejack, being a farmhand and all.” I smirk as I put Dashie down on the table. God damn, that is one cute plushie.
Jack rolls his eyes “Oh god, not Applejack, don’t waste your time making a plushie of Ms. Utterly Useless Pony”. He hugs Vinyl so hard I start to worry the seams will burst.
Evan remains deadpan through this entire ordeal. “Fiona, you’re asking me for my favorite pony? Is there a pony that just goes around and kills all the other ponies?”
Fiona’s smile vanishes instantly, but, surprisingly enough, she keeps the conversation going. “Well, that would be Season 5 Discord, but I’m not making you one of him”.
I feel myself wince at the mention of Discord, and in my periphery I see that Jack do the same. I always wince when someone mentions Discord. I suppose it’s because I feel he ruined the show. However unsettled I might be by the mention of him, I do have to correct an error here. “Well, come on now. Discord didn’t kill the main ponies, he just... ah, forget it. Evan doesn’t care, let’s just end this pony talk for now”
“Yes, please do,” Evan says, still deadpan. He checks his watch. “Alright guys, let’s get ready, it’s 5:36”
“Quarter of a century here I come!” Jack proudly exclaims as he puts Vinyl down and stands up, shot glass in hand. The rest of us follow his lead and join him in standing and holding our glasses in the air. Even Fiona joins in on this, which surprises me; I usually don't see her drinking hard liquor.
Evan starts a countdown “Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven!” I look around and take in the scene, these co-birthday parties always give the best memories. “...Four! Three! Two! One! Drink !” Evan yells and I tip my shot glass back.
The smoky amber fluid burns as I knock it back. “Oh wow, strong stuff!” I exclaim as I slam the empty glass down where it was soon met by the glasses of Fiona and Evan. “That was... mmm... peaty”
Evan agrees, “Takes out the fire, but leaves in the warmth.”
“What did you think of that, Jack?” I ask. After no reply, I look up at him and immediately become confused. Jack is just standing there, a full shot glass of Scotch still in his hand.
“Uh, Jack?” Fiona says quietly as she joins Evan and I in staring at Jack. He is just standing stock-still, oblivious to everything around him. His eyes are unfocused, and are just staring past everyone at something beyond the horizon.
Evan reaches out and pokes him on the shoulder. Hard. Jack twitches and snaps back to attention. He blinks twice and looks around as if he is unsure of what we are doing in the kitchen. His eyes land on me and then he just stops and stares at me for a bit. I want to ask if he feels okay, but then he tilts his head and stares into my eyes. After a few seconds, he opens his mouth. “...Dash?”
“Hmm? Um, what about her?” I ask as I look around for the plushie to make sure it is okay. I spot the plush Rainbow Dash on the far side of the room. It seems fine so I turn back to face Jack, who is still just staring at me. I am about to ask what he is talking about when the moment is ruined by Evan laughing.
“You forgot to drink, you big dope!” Evan laughs as he slaps Jack on the back, immediately breaking the confused look on his face.
“Haha, dang it, Jack, you had one job!’” Fiona giggles to herself as she pats Jack on the shoulder.
Jack looks around in an addled state, and reaches down to rub his thigh. “I, um, yeah.”
“You okay there, buddy? Never seen you zone out like that, and in the middle of a party no less,” I say as I look at him closely. He looks fine now, but I am wondering what the heck he was referring to when he looked at me and called me Dash. That doesn’t make any sense, we aren’t the role playing type. Despite my well known obsession with a certain rainbow-maned best pony, in all my years I have never heard Jack never call me her name before. I want to brush it off as nothing, but something feels off.
Jack brings me back to reality by speaking up. “Yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine. I was just lost in thought or something that’s all. How long until we can drink these shots?” The three of us raise our eyebrows at Jack. “Wait... did you guys drink already? What the crap? When did that happen?” We all continue to stare at Jack. None of us quite sure how to respond to his rhetorical questions. Thankfully, the awkward silence is broken by Jack shrugging his shoulders and saying, “Whatever, bottoms up!” He downs his drink in one gulp and drops the glass where the others went.
~~~~~~
It’s getting late and I stuck cleaning the dishes from the party. I yawn and check the clock, noting that Fiona left about two hours ago.
“Alright, I’m headed out, you kids have fun,” Evan says as he heads out the door.
Jack waves back and yells over his shoulder at Evan “See you tomorrow, bro. Don’t forget to check on Sara when you get home. Her hoof might still be infected.” Jack decided to crash at my place tonight, but Evan couldn’t stay. It’s a pity, but the fact is they live on a working farm, and work there starts at 6am. Thankfully it's a small farm, just a few acres of organic corn that they sell locally. Their real pride is their horse stock. They have a dozen purebred Spanish Andalusians that they bred every season. A healthy purebred colt can sell for upwards of ten thousand dollars; it’s pretty much how they pay their bills. In any case, Evan has to leave to go feed them for the night.
After a few hours of card games and beer, Jack and I decide to call it for the night. My friend collapses on my sofa, not even bother changing clothes first. Well, whatever, not my problem. I don’t do his laundry.
It’s only 11pm, and I figure I have at least an hour before I will be going to sleep. I figure I might as well browse the internet until then. I go to my room and boot up the desktop, then browse some sites. After a while, I come across a r34 thread which perks my interest. I turn around and made sure my door is locked shut, then proceed to look for some good material. “Come on, it’s my birthday; give me something special guys. Hmmm, what’s this?” No way, someone posted a new animated flash video, and it’s titled Shining Armor X Rainbow Dash sex scene: duration 2:30 .
Wow, talk about royal jackpot. Now, usually I avoid the straight ships when it comes to Dash, as I’m not a fan of the giant horse penis getting in the way of my view of Dash. However, videos of Dash these days are super rare; I can’t turn this one down. I check my digital watch. It’s 11:29pm, and I want to be in bed by midnight. I figure I’ll just watch this one video, do the deed, and then go to sleep. My watch automatically beeps once to signify it’s 11:30, and I press play on the video.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
thunder at nighttime <
“...what did you do ....”
wind <
“if you’re not here to use them ...”
unbelievable speed <
“For five score, divided by four ...”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blink. Blink... blink. What am I doing again? I reach down and scratch my thigh. Oh, right the clop video, I just started it! I look up at the screen, only to see that the video is over. “Uh, that’s odd, video must have bugged out on me.” Out of the corner of my eye I see my watch. It’s 11:34pm.
Wait, what? My watch just beeped on the bottom of the hour, how is it 11:34? I must have dozed off for a few minutes there. I try to think, did my mind wander, or something? What was I thinking about? Something about.... pfft, hell if I know. Whatever, it’s getting late. I’ll just watch this video and finish my clopping”
I restart the video, put my hard member in my hand, and get to work. As per usual, I focus on Rainbow and try to ignore the stallion that enters the scene. In my mind, I always imagine I’m in the stallion’s place. Rainbow is on her back and I’m that stallion standing over her and going to town.
Halfway through my deed, I notice I’m distracted by the stallion. Shining Armor is animated particularly well in this video. I’ve never noticed how nice he looks, I mean, those muscles and that frame of his, wow. Let’s try something different here. I swap fantasies in my mind. Instead of me standing over Rainbow, I pretend I am Rainbow, and Shining Armor is standing over me. I start to imagine what it would be like for her, to look up and see a strong, handsome stallion ramming himself into my marehood. Oh my god, why haven’t I done this fantasy before? This is beyond amazing, just pretending that I’m her, my legs are spread eagle, and I’m letting--
”Oh, wow, I’m done.” I announce aloud. That was awkwardly fast. I close the video and clean myself up. I decide to head for the shower.
I move to the shower, undress, and turn on the water. I soon find myself staring off into space. What a weird clop session. I never clop to stallions. Not even once in the seven years I have been clopping; it’s just not my thing. I reach down and scratch my thigh again “That was really weird, maybe that alcohol is still in my system, or something.” My hand starts rubbing my thigh as I close my eyes under the shower and let the water flow over my back. “Oh well, it’s not like anyone is going to know I clopped to a stallion. No harm, no foul, I suppose”. I realize I am still absentmindedly rubbing my thigh, so I look down to see what my hand is up to. Huh? That color wasn’t there before. I lift up my hand and blink to clear the water from my eyes, only to feel my blood turn cold at what I see:
Rainbow Dash’s Cutie Mark is emblazoned across my thigh.
