Regret.
It is one feeling you wish never existed. No matter what you did to prevent something bad from happening, regret would always be there creeping up on you. But, hope helped a worthless pony like me see the light that suicide wasn’t the only option I had. Maybe I would stumble across a mare that would love me and hold me. But that hope soon ran out on me, it soon faded away like a distant memory of an old friend. Now here I stand up on a building, preparing to take a leap of faith, ending this torture ridden journey I have endured.
Feeling the soft breeze against me, inhaling the fresh air breezing past me. The starry sky one of the only things in sight, other than the small village I lived in. The fields of Equestria stretching far and wide, but with me making my decision this was the last I would see of the beautiful land I was born in. I just had to decide when I was going to make the jump. There was no turning back now; I had caused too much damage to everypony I cared for. Including my best friend, the one whom I considered a brother. Not only did I hurt my best friend, I hurt many others around me, but for what? A reason I do not know.
With all the pain I caused, came guilt. An overwhelming feeling that soon led to regret. Unfortunately for me however, it never healed. I only had hope to rely on from then on, but now all of that has withered away. An unsatisfying feeling overwhelmed me, regret. But was I going to regret the jump, or was it the regret from all of what happened.
Staring over the edge, preparing to jump, I prepared to take my last breath before falling to a quick and painless demise. Until I heard a voice call from behind me, as if the voice wanted me to remain in the body I was born to possess. Yet once born, you can’t change who you are. You can’t change the past once it’d happened. I wanted to change everything, who I was, the reason of my existence, what I did. Everything. I wanted to be somepony who was worth the life given to me; this body however makes me feel ashamed. I’m cursed by the many memories of horror and hatred. I had spent the past few weeks in solitude, not wanting any interaction from the outside world.
All the memories and happiness I once experienced had all gone now. The only thing that remained was all the regret that I held inside my head. I then took a deep breath, inhaling the last ever breath I was inhale, before stepping off of the edge and feeling myself falling off of the building. Falling from the tall, slender building, time suddenly slowed down. Then I saw my whole life begin to flash before my eyes.
The first memory being the day my friend and I met. A fairly small club pumping with loud music, seeing myself enter the club. It wasn’t full; in fact it was before opening hours. Seeing the jet black buck, with an electric blue mane and electric blue and black mane. He soon stared at me, with a smile.
“Hello there!”
“Oh, uh hi. I hope you don’t mind me coming in, that music was amazing – did you make it yourself?”
“Yeah I did. The name’s Boomy, Boomy Tunes. What’s yours?”
“Tornado, Tornado Dash.”
The memory faded out from there, the world around me still going slow. I glanced around myself, looking at the world around me before staring down at the ground and closing my eyes. When another memory faded in, I was around at his house. I looked at him with a smile as I watched him make the music he was working on.
“Yo Torn, tell me what you think of this.”
The sound of a powerful bass filled the air, as a background rhythm made its way into the song. I felt myself bobbing my head with a smirk, before standing and clapping softly. I had no control, as it was a distant memory that was unchangeable. I felt myself smile and walk closer.
“I think it’s amazing, Boomy. You really amaze me with what you do.”
“Aww thanks Torn. It means a lot to hear you say that.”
As the vision ended, I remembered the glory days me and him had together. Spending most of our time with each other, never wanting to part. That was true friendship; it was a bond that I thought was unbreakable. Oh but how wrong I was, I was too blind. I always thought that friendship was the strongest thing to have in your life. But it wasn’t at least for me; mine and his friendship lasted for four years. Until the day I broke the bond we shared, and ever since then, the buck had never crossed my sight again.
Another memory triggered, this time. This one was not so friendly. This was when I broke my promise. The promise of friendship, and everlasting care. I wanted to fix stuff, I really wanted to. But after what happened, I knew it was impossible. A mistake I would have to carry the burden of until the day I die. Which today was the day I’d die.
“You messed up big time, Boomy! You just let him die!”
“I’m sorry Tornado, I really am!”
“No you aren’t, you’re selfish, all you are filled with is greed – you don’t care about anypony else.”
I then saw myself begin to beat the buck, his yelps made me cringe, but again I had no control over what happened. I felt myself rapidly bunch, beat and torture him, seeing his face begin to bleed and bruise. Tears formed in my eyes, but my past self was full of rage and the need to attack.
“That’s it Tornado, I’ve had enough. I want you out of my life, and don’t you ever come back to me. I never want to see you again!”
The memory faded out, as the world around me resumed to normal speed. As it did, it only took less than a second for me to reach my demise. I closed my eyes, before feeling a quick pinch as I fell into a world of nothingness. I was gone now…and hopefully forgotten, as I took my own life. I just hope that him and all the others I had hurt knew how sorry I was…
