My Lament

by Jinxed

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Drama, Rarity
Length: 2673

Very few ponies knew Rarity well, but not even her friends knew her true nature. Until now.

Very few ponies knew Rarity well, but not even her friends knew her true nature.

Until now.

I appreciate the story being shared around, commented on, liked, enjoyed, all that jazz. :ajsmug:

Published 2015-07-30 22:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-30 22:00:01 UTC

I LIve, I Die, I Live Again.

I am a monster. In more than one sense.

I have done such... petty, callous things in my life.

It's not to say I'm a bad pony. I, in my own opinion, am quite the nice pony to be around, my friends appreciated me regardless of all my bluster. I certainly don't hate others for their views or what they want to be, what they do --Notwithstanding cases like Discord where harm is given-- or even what they are down to their core. Personally I feel if you're born the way you are, it cannot be helped, which is true enough is it not?

I'm called 'Generous' because, well, I guess I am sometimes. I help those who I believe need the help. But then again, it's only because those I help are those I already know and love. I can be good to strangers, but only when it benefits me.

Regardless of such actions, no matter the cost I always do best by my friends when I've hurt them, because I love each and every one of them dearly. It's what keeps me alive, keeps me going until the end of the day, where I can awake and hold them close to me again. I may be snide, prissy, sneaky, and downright abusive when I want something, yet making it better is always a top priority after the fact.

Take for example; there was one such occasion when my lovely friend Fluttershy wouldn't buy some food. Asparagus, I believe it was. Now, some young colt in his teens, who was well within his rights to buy it got to it before she did, so... what did I do? I turned up the slut factor, shook my arse a little, made him more hot under the collar than a convict at their sentence, and took his paid-for goods while he was collecting himself together, as well as... a little bit extra. Somehow, he felt obligated to me, and didn't take back what wasn't mine. I was intimidating to him because I was such a form of beauty in his eyes. His lust for me wasn't hidden while scanning my body, and regardless of that hint of lust it was nearly all pure love. Poor teenage hormones.

Then came the seconds after and I felt extremely guilty for doing that, for feeding off of one so young.

I saw an opportunity and I seized it, and I shouldn't have.

In this regard I see myself as a monster. All changelings do this all the time, we feed off of any scrap of love we can dig up from any source. We are seen as monsters by the general pony populace, and in moments such as that I concur with them; we are naught but parasites. No matter how much I tell myself I am a good pony, the thoughts invade and quell such ludicrous ideas that I'm normal.

So... I am not a bad pony, I'm just not a very good one either.

When my secret became known, well, I felt just awful. I wanted to die right then and there. It happened when Twilight was testing a spell with all of us. We gave our consent of course, we trusted her implicitly. She had told us it was a spell for harmony that would show our natures, though I hadn't thought it had meant our forms as such, too. I believed it would simply reveal our elements as if to confirm we still held true to ourselves. Naturally I was happy to do so, I hadn't any clue it would reveal me, and I saw it as an opportunity to see if I was still holding myself to a decent standard. My friends were very taken aback when the spell was done however, as there stood a strange hybrid of a changeling next to them, one that looked like the Rarity they all knew but... twisted. They would certainly require some time to understand. I say this because as we happened to be within Canterlot at the time the Royal Guard seized me almost immediately, and I was thrown in the dungeons as it was decided what would happen to me.

It's been several days now, and I am still waiting.

* * *

The dungeons of Canterlot are quite clean, I have noted. Their upkeep is stringent and proper, apparently a punishment for the more rebellious soldiers, to which I must laugh as they do their best so as to avoid ever having to come back again. My cell was cleaned just yesterday, and was also done very well much to my chagrin as the guard cleaned out my chamber-pot while eyeing me with distaste, much as one would a cockroach, really. It's not my fault I have natural bodily functions.

Well, maybe it was because I looked strange, so I can see why he did. Didn't make it any less demeaning.

I was to believe another day would go by with me attempting to strike down my boredom counting the dull stone bricks that made up the back wall of my confined enclosure. Thankfully I was wrong, as there was commotion from deeper within the dungeon. It may be another pon--Well, a pony, to be thrown down here, yet then again it might not be. There is a Diamond Dog further down the way, locked up extra securely. From what I overheard from the patrols, he was taken in due to attacking ponies in a market just downtown. While not unheard of for other species to visit, it didn't mean it didn't happen.

Yes, the guards are taking the pony to-- Oh...

Oh dear.

It's almost instinct that my form shifts in a blaze of green fire to wear myself truly as the pony Twilight Sparkle knows so well. I'm nervous, and I'm not too certain why. Is it because she's a princess now? It never bothered me before... But then again, after the Wedding she might not have been too fond of changelings. For the record, I have no idea as to why I wasn't thrown from Canterlot with the rest of my brethren as the royal couple cast their love magic, that is still a mystery in and of itself. I feel as if my chitin sweats underneath the disguise as she draws nearer, and I attempt to put on my calmest smile.

"Twilight, my dear!" I begin, "How are y--"

"Be quiet, please." She deadpans with a raised hoof. I feel affronted at the action, so little emotion to it. Her gold-adorned hoof makes circling gestures at me. "And... stop doing that. S-stop being her."

She wants me to... drop the disguise?

"But Twilight, I--"

"No!" She says sternly, her face is twitching in what I believe to be anger. Confusion, maybe? "Just do it."

I sigh, closing my eyes in defeat. The passive magic within me dissipates, the shroud of fire lowering until my white fur simply becomes shining white chitin as it shows through. I can feel her eyes analysing my entire body, going over each new hole that has appeared. Being locked up in here makes me vulnerable so it's worse still, she's looking into my very soul and there's nothing to be done for it. After taking it all in she begins to shake, and it breaks my heart as she herself breaks down into quiet, but restrained sobbing. The guards flanking her move to do something, but she waves them off with a wing.

I stand there awkwardly as she composes herself after a few minutes of crying and silence.

She looks at me again, over the strange chitin, the translucent wings, the carapace upon my back, the holes within my legs... her gaze settles on my face and my eyes, rimmed in such a way that they appear smeared with poor eyeliner. I always hated how it was natural. She then eyes my fangs, and locks her sight with mine. I barely manage to look at her for long, before turning away in shame.

I can't stop myself from crying now.

"I-I..." I breathe out, words not formulating within my chest. "I never..." Naught but sniffling and a lump in my throat. In the end, I manage to speak in a very low whisper. "I'm so sorry."

"...Why?" She murmured, looking through me when I finally faced her again, those orbs gazing wistfully into my own, seeking answers. "After all this time... why not just tell me. Tell us?"

I almost laughed.

"W-why?" I could not help but smile as the tears ran down my face. "Because of this! Twilight... Don't you think I know that this would happen? Ponies see us as disgusting pests, and my kind invaded Canterlot as well! No... If I did, especially after the invasion, I would have been killed on sight! Lynched by an angry mob! I-I... I've always been me, I saw no reason to stop that at all, albeit a little more pony-like in appearance."

"You mean Rarity." Twilight frowned.

"I am Rarity, darli--"

"No you aren't!" Twilight stated. "You're not the friend who I laughed with, or learned friendship lessons with! It was all a... a lie! It all happened I can't deny that, but those memories... they're soured! You're not the pony we all came to care for! You killed whoever Rarity was and took her place!"

It occurred to me that ponies did have an extremely jaded view of us.

"I killed no such pony!" I all but screamed out. I felt more tears form in my eyes after the statement, this sort of thing was quite the emotional whirlwind. "I... have always been Rarity! You've been raised on lies about us! W-we're not freaks of nature; nature made us! There are beasts within the Everfree you could not dream of, that live in Equestria and are far worse than we! Changelings don't kill ponies to take over their lives, and we don't need to feed on them to shift into them... all we need is to see them."

"So you took--"

"No! We can create ourselves in a new image! We can be whatever we want! The 'facts' you know of changelings were written by those that hated us, shunned us, and hunted us as creatures of the night! And we're still despised... That stupid brute of a Queen. A few more years, and maybe I would have been able to reveal myself and explain this calmly to you all... She ruined everything for those of us wanting peace."

To her credit Twilight did not scream my words as falsehood that time. She simply stood, pondering. She then fell back onto her haunches in deep thought. I stood still, wondering just what her scientific mind was going through. The guards were looking at me in disgust, as they could see their princess was clearly thinking on what I said as possible truth. I bet they thought I'd gleamed her like a vampire in the storybooks.

Hours passed. I'd resigned to my cot, where I lay absentminded as Twilight was still sitting where she had been. She'd questioned me about a few in-particulars about what she had 'wrong', and about my life such as where I was from, but otherwise she kept quiet. I was rather surprised the tone of the atmosphere had shifted from tense and regretful to simply just different and inquisitive. Those pesky guards were still about, whispering among themselves about 'changeling magic' or some such drivel. I paid them no mind, idly watching the sky go down through the bars on the wall.

"So... what is your name?" Twilight looked up, a mixture of emotions still playing upon her features.

"I am still Rarity." I stated in earnest, rising from my cot. "My mother said I was different from my hatch-mates, as you might have guessed that I do not share looks with those of Chrysalis's hive as I'm not one of hers. My mother... She called me a rarity among changelings, and went with it... as a name." My breathing hitched as a lump formed in my throat. "I... I've never told anypony that before..."

Twilight smiled sadly. "Well, Rarity... I just, I'm not sure how to proceed. I have no reason to believe you're lying after thinking through everything you've stated, but... I also have no reason to believe you based on your word versus hundreds of years of recorded history. Though even history has fallacies much as science does, written by the victors and such." She took in a deep breath. "You're a Changeling, you're from the north of the Everfree forest's mountain range where your hive used to be, and you moved to Ponyville in disguise years ago before I arrived there... Why fashion? To hide yourself?"

I laughed in the voice I'd adopted. "But of course, darling. When I make clothing... it... takes away from what I am, I feel... It's nice to cover up what I am, and hide my nature with pretty things." I closed my eyes and smiled, sighing. "I wish it weren't the case that I must feel ashamed of what I am, but it's just the way it is I suppose."

She nodded, looking at my body again. Twilight was entering 'egghead' mode, as Dash would put it. "Your structure is more feminine than I would have thought, along with the colourisation and the mane. Were the drones in Chrysalis's army all males or...?"

"Oh yes, dear. I could always smell them before I saw them, their pheromones are very powerful. Females have a different scent and look to them, as you're clearly understanding." I nodded, glad that the conversation wasn't going badly.

"And Sweetie Belle? And you parents? What of them?"

That caused me to smile gently.

"They know." I said, gently laughing at the memory. "Sweetie caught sight of me unshifted and was simply curious, not frightened. So I told her what I was, and she was so excited to show her parents. They're really very sweet and understanding, they sort of... well, adopted me as a daughter, you could say."

Twilight sighed. Her look was back into thinking.

"Alright... I think I understand." Twilight said, fixing her gaze with me, and genuinely smiling. "I-I'm sorry for the outburst. Changeling or not, I don't believe you're lying about yourself... and I'm willing to believe not all Changelings are like Chrysalis and her horde. What you are doesn't change who you are..." She looked at me differently then, it was a half-lidded smile that screamed 'I can trust you', it made me all fuzzy inside. "This is just... just like with Zecora all over again. I'll see about getting this sorted out. I also really feel like I should write a friendship letter to Princess Celestia..."

I felt myself laughing before it registered to me that I was also crying. It was joyful to no end as Twilight unlocked the cell door and rushed in to embrace me in a hug, much to the guards disapproval. I could feel her being slightly uncomfortable against the armour that was my chitin plating, but she made no comment.

She stepped back, smiling.

"I'll go and see about getting you out of here." She then admonished with a step back. "In the mean time, I guess it's fine if you... become you again."

"You know, darling... if you accept me like this I have a feeling the rest of our friends will as well." I smiled, genuinely. "So... I do believe that I will be glad to stay like this, for the first time in a very long time."

As she left, I sat back on my cot and looked out the window at the sunset that was still falling.

I was reborn.

Author's Note

I made some revisions. I even added something about Rarity knowing about Sweetie Bell, as that was a major oversight on my part originally.