For The First And The Last
Drip, drop.
That's a sound that water makes. You may know me through-out Equestria. Names Rainbow Dash. You know, winner of the Young Flyers Competition? Element Of Loyalty? Friends with Twilight Sparkle. Yeah, I guess you might have heard of me.
I'm a pegasus you know. A competitive one, was always, and I hope always will be. You might have wondered, why did I start this with the sound of rain? Well, I'm in the middle of one. In my cloud home, basically.
I always liked the rain for its coldness, even you might get a fever, it's one of favorite things after a hard days work.
You might have heard, I was born in Cloudsdale, later grew up in Ponyville. Alone, actually. I hardly visit my parents anymore due to my job here. But, in truth, I'm mostly practicing for the Wonderbolts. Yes, The Wonderbolts. Somedays, ponies ask me.
"Hey, Dash! Where are your parents?"
I don't think that they're being offensive, especially applying the fact that I'm an orphan, which I'm not. I just don't visit them anymore. I tell myself that it's not because I hate them or anything, I would never say that to myself. I have a philosophical side, you see. I sometimes wonder that it's just my attitude towards them. I love them, and I tell them that often, but I still don't visit. Mostly on holidays, or when something big has happened...
But still, I think about it sometimes, and I let my feelings decide for themselves. Avoid intervening with something that you don't understand.
Anyways, I'm sitting in my home right now. My pet, Tank, is sleeping in the other room. I myself, just got home from my job, and now I'm sipping a hot and warming cup of coffee. I got a pencil, and a diary.
Don't judge me! I'm not an egghead who reads books and keeps up with all the journals and notebooks and whatever things that eggheads like Twilight do. I like the Daring Do series, but that's another thing. Don't be prejudiced.
Anyway, this is my first time with a diary, and I decided to write down my feelings
Ludicrous, right? Isn't a diary, like talking to yourself?
But I felt like admitting to something that has been up my chest for months. I couldn't even bring this topic to anyone I know.
I think,"Would they be friends me?", or,"How would they react?". So, I never really got a chance. But since today is raining, it reminded me of a day.
It was... special, is that the word for it? But it was depressing. The biggest thing was that I was involved in it. Funny, right? Whenever something like this happens, I''m usually bent into it in one or another. Sheesh, I feel old talking like this.
Anyways, about 4 months ago, I received a letter from the Wonder-bolts Academy (YES! Success finally!). The next thing you know, I packed my belongings and went straight to the Academy. It was fun, I guess. A part of dream of getting into Wonder-bolts was finally becoming true. It was easy peasy! I was like a snake compared to all the other snail flyers. I met another friend there, Lightning Dust, who was another bold mare, like me, who was super fast, like me, and was challenging, like me. He he...
But then it turned worse, I was given a grey badge thing-y, and she was given a gold badge. Immediately, I was fired up, mind you. How dare they didn't give a badge like that to me? I complained to the head, Spitfire who remained adequate with her speech, and adamant about her decision.
Then we had to work in pairs. I for one, thought it was going to be great, until I was hurt by two wooden branches because someone was in the way. I didn't really mind that, and our performance was pressured by Spitfire's criticized look. We did win, at-least I was sure of that. Spitfire said that Lightning liked to push herself a tiny-bit further, resulting her in the gold badge leadership.
Well, the next performance proved it. We totally nailed the whole test! But Lightning insisted that the other pairs were getting in 'our' way, and so we had to dodge and 'move' around a bit. We eventually managed to pass them with our high speed, were placed first, and you know what happened to us next. Al-though, it was all her idea, and I so decided to ask her to stop behaving so rough to others. Winning wasn't the objective either, but I asked her to stop that kind of zeal.
"You snooze, you lose."
She said those four words and ended our discussion.
Our next test was really simple, really. We just had to bust a bunch of clouds, you know, kick them really hard? Yeah. We managed to do that to a-lot of clouds in just the starting, but Dust insisted that we do more, despite the fact that we were way ahead. What she did next was unbelievable. She started a tornado! Was she crazy? A tornado was WAY too much for something like this. I wish I could have stopped her, but I just gazed at the violent spinning top of wind.
Next, I saw a balloon. Twilight's Purple Air Balloon. This, all of this was happening too fast. Quickly understanding the danger, I flied over with haste. Some other pegasi joined. A team effort was made, and everyone was said. Yay! Are we superheroes now? No, not really, but I thanked the others for helping.
Spitfire and the test of the crew came and LITERALLY tore the badge from 'you-know-who', and then gave it to me. She walked away, and then I never got to see her again.
That didn't really occur to me at that time. It didn't occur to me at anytime later. Pinkie Pie brought a care package, the rest of my friends were here, and now I was promoted to leader now. Everyone was happy.
You know what they say, after a tornado, comes a rainbow.
It's literal, I guess.
Blah blah blah Leader of the Wonderbolt Academy blah blah blah success!
That was the status until two weeks before.
I got up on a sunny afternoon, and found a letter in my mailbox. Thank goodness the mail man had started to deliver the right mails.
I put them on the table, followed my daily routine, never thought of the letters as I always already late for a picnic with my friends.
Tank soon woke up after a bit of knocking on the shell.
Long story short; I got back the following evening. It was raining, like I told you. It was the same rain that reminded me of the day. So far, so good, my day was almost perfect. I decided I would go flying for a few hours in the night. Flying always brightens up my mood, and on a lovely night, too. But sadly, rain. I remembered the the letters that I put on the white counter in the kitchen. Tank followed behind me as I went into the kitchen to drink a glass of water.I sat on and had a final look onto the letters.
"Bills, advertisements..." And others followed.
But I soon stumbled upon the last letter. Dismissing all the others, this one looked like it was from someone. Awkward, since I don't get letters from other ponies. All of my friends are in Ponyville, and those that leave soon some back, then who could this be from? I opened it in a second without second thoughts.
The paper was crummy, the handwriting looked like it was written quickly. The letters seem boggled from their places, and it was crooked from certain random areas.
Could it have been for someone? Now I started to have second thoughts...
The text was bold enough, and the writing now looked comprehensive upon close inspection. Still, I had this weird aroma around me that made me feel like that just something bad was about to happen. In a state of declining to read the letter, I wanted to look if it was still raining, or if Tank was still looking at me.
Yes, yes he was. My heart beat dropped down a bit. It just... did. Alas, I had to read the first few words of the parchment.
"Dearest friend"
My name wasn't anywhere on the paper as I saw when I examined the paper. Just 'friend'. I read the letter with a heavy heart. Lightning Dust's name come back to my memory once more. I few words of remorse and agony filled me. I cursed myself. I read the whole, painful sentence.
"It is of most regret to inform you..."
A thunderbolt appeared through the dark clouds. It shook me and my house. I sat down once more on on my cozy cloud chair. I could not finish the sentence anymore. My mind began thinking of tragedies, sadness. My eyes quickly darted out of the sight of the paper.
Is a sentence all it takes to explain something? I wanted to cry. Don't be weak, you're Rainbow Dash. A voice shouted in me. But, no matter how hard I tried to hold them back, I could not. And all of this, because of me. If I had stopped her from going away, I might have saved someone.
It's just a memory. I wish I could have have visited her after what happened at the academy. For one last time. But now, the pony is gone and I can't do anything about her. I cursed myself again. How could I have been so mean to someone else?
How did you not think what the other pony might have felt?.
Of-course, you're a self-centered snob. Always about you, meh meh meh, no one matters more than you.
You might have saved her! But only if you cared.
You're not Rainbow Dash.
I screamed through the hallways. My spirit was thrashed around like a ball threw a spiky bush. STOP! A part of me shouted to stop, a part of me told me of what I had done.
Lightning Dust was dead because of me.
I didn't know she would react to it like that.
My brain exploded. It was jumbled. I couldn't think straight. All I knew that I had to go to bed now.
I couldn't sleep the other day without nightmares, I kept waking up during the abyss of the night. I'm still terrified. If it would have been for me, I could have stopped her from suicide. I-I... I didn't know she was that depressed about it. I...I...
You could have at-least re-assured her.
During last night, I dreamed of Lightning dust just sitting on a rocky shore. I called out, but she didn't respond. I flied towards her, but the more I did, the more she faded. And then I woke up.
I heard her calling my name in another dream in a sad monotone.
Why?
Now, it's just a memory. It didn't go to work that day. I sobbed and cried all day long, I told Ditzy that if she could tell the team that I'm a bit sick today. That brain-head started to do things right for once. I went for the funeral next afternoon, and slept all day long.
And all I could think of, you could have saved her. Over and over...
Sometimes, I just wish that it was just a fake letter. Maybe a joke played by Pinkie Pie? At-least it would have been better, I wish I could have been to her funeral.
I didn't move out of bed that day, to be honest, neither did my friends come looking for me. Tank did the same, and we stared at the empty sky. I felt hopeless, down, degraded, dreadful, whatever choice of words you prefer, but I just didn't feel right. I couldn't do nothing.
To some, death is just a memory. To me, a painful memory. I sat there, in my room, all day, waiting, wising that today would just end. My heart was burning, I wish I didn't read that letter. A tear, just a tear, and then, another tear, tear after tear after tear. And to know that I could have prevented, and I could have saved her, and now, I realize that these are just thoughts. Small thoughts created by the same mind that did the thing that created all of this.
I could have prevented it, you know.
