My Little Pwny: Fragouts Are Magic

by ANTIcarrot

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Twilight Sparkle, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Lyra, Princess Luna, Original Character
Length: 27782

The Elements fixed the damage to Ponyvile. It didn't fix Discord's changes in the Everfree Forest

“Lyra Heartstrings stop it! There is no excuse for turning a pegasus upside down and bouncing their head off the ground! Especially on the pavement! Even if she did deserve it!”

The Elements of Harmony didn't fix everything that Discord did. Three months later ponies are still finding isolated pockets of vandalism, and Twilight now works part time to help fix them. When another is found deep within the Everfree Forest, she suddenly has her work cut out for her.

A patch of alien landscape now exists within the Everfree, close to the corpse of an enormous monster. The only problem is that the monster is from their world, and Princess Luna believes that whatever killed it, isn't. Now Twilight must find this new monster, and either send it back, send it to Tartarus, or in any other way she sees fit, make absolutely certain it is no longer a threat to Equestria.

Meanwhile, from the monster's point of view...

Published 2012-02-28 06:04:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-25 02:44:09 UTC

Chapter 1

My Little Pawny: Fragouts Are Magic
By ANTIcarrot

Based on Friendship is Magic, created by Lauren Faust
And My Little Pony, created by Bonnie Zacherle
Render Unto Hasbro That Which Is Hasbro’s...

Chapter One

Twilight stood, her head silhouetted against the pale blue sky as she frowned down at the ground. She had found a big piece this time, she was sure of it. She delicately dig at the dried mud with a hoof until she caught on something, then bent to examine the spike of sharp metal sticking that was now exposed.

Her horn started to glow, as did the spike, as she gave it an experimental tug. It barely moved. She smiled. Definitely a big piece. She redirected her magic and dirt turned ambulatory as it flowed away from a vaguely star shaped piece of jagged metal. With most of it now exposed she pulled it out of the ground and shook the last of the dirt clear.

Stepping out of the footprint she walked up the slope, avoided a dip containing a nasty smelling pond of water, and jumped into the trench at the top. Quickly passing through the artificial cave, she turned left and emerged into the undisturbed half of The Patch where a full regiment of the Royal Guards had set up the command tents.

Pegasi and carts flew high overhead. While all around her, Guardsponies, Royal Engineers, and other Ministry Investigators examined, dismantled, and sorted. Thoroughly cataloging the mysteries that had arrived with this eight acre Patch of land when it had appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the Everfree Forest.

Twilight ignored the command tents. She really didn’t know why the Guard had bothered. She and the other Ministry ponies had just set up benches in the open near the statue/monument thing. (The other investigators were still arguing over that.) They had been here three days so far. It never rained. The wind never blew. And the sun shone constantly. Even when the trees beyond The Patch’s borders were soaked, or hidden in darkness, or leaning over sideways, within it was always a temperate summer’s day.

That had taken some getting used to, at first. No it no longer bothered her. The Patch was full of much more interesting things to focus on.

Sidestepping several large boxes, full of brass tubes (sorted by size, shape, and markings) Twilight took her scrap of sharp metal to some smaller boxes sitting on her personal bench. Holding the scrap above an examination tray, the unicorn focused her magic and cast Restore. There was a white flash and a snap, as the fragment transformed from a jagged deformed star, into an equally jagged but perfectly formed section of sphere.

Twilight immediately grabbed another dozen pieces and began trying to fit the jigsaw back together. It was like putting an egg back together after someone had stepped on it. A metal egg, but an egg none the less. Twilight had managed to do it six times so far, but there were still hundreds of fragments left over. Twilight suspected she could be here for a week looking for more fragments and not find them all, and another month trying to put them together, and still not get it done.

She spent another five minutes trying before giving up, and letting the large piece settle on top of the fragments. She had a report to file.

A report. To Princess Celestia of Equestria’s Principle Executive Office.

Twilight paused and frowned. She hated having to write to her mentor this way.

From Special Inspector Twilight Sparkle of the Emergency Aftermath Ministry...

And hated that ridiculous title the Ministry had lumbered her with. But a formal report was a formal report. If every investigator, special or otherwise, filed reports however they wished, then sorting the mess out afterwards would take years!

Dear Princess,

I write in response to your questions concerning the sphere fragments found throughout the western half of The Patch. The evidence I’ve gathered supports Commander Silverwing’s theory that there is a pattern to their placement and use. However this entire area seems to have been exposed to extensive sphere usage. While it is clear that the use of the spheres is potentially extremely dangerous, I feel it would be presumptuous to conclude that they are weapons. Fire is dangerous, and yet it has many constructive uses.

I’m sure you’ve had time to examine the physical and magical charts of this area, the reports of the flora, schematics of the strange and bizarre machines, buildings, and furniture that we have found here. And of course, the bodies.

Finally at your request I have personally verified the magical traces atop the building near the gravesite. As we suspected the signature of the one responsible for this anomaly matches my memories exactly, as I’m sure it does your own.

Twilight snorted as she cast her gaze about the warped landscape. As if there had ever been any doubt on that issue...

#

“Counter UAV is up! They’re blind!”

Like hell they are! Cpt_John thought sourly, as another sniper round wizzed past overhead. Bloody camper was half a map away and could see him perfectly clearly thank you very much! He was one kill away from an Emergency Airdrop and he did not want to lose that to some damn quick scooping wall hacker!

He hated Wasteland.

He stabbed ESC to bring up the map and looked at the strong red mark in on the edge of the pile of tanks beyond the graveyard. That had to be the sniper. How the hell was he supposed to shoot back at this distance?! He shrugged, and took the opportunity to grab a Pringle while he was stuck in place.

Options: Run? Bad idea. Hacker get’s another magical headshot and another AC-130. Wait for another player to take the hacker out? See above. Wait for hacker to hunt for other targets? Would work, but he had already shot off half a magazine as cover fire. Other enemy players would be homing in on this location, and he couldn’t see everywhere at once. Noobtube and trust to luck? He had a thumper and two rounds, but chances of hitting anything at this range were nonexistent, even with splash damage. Ask for help?

“Anyone care to take out the aimbot near the tanks?” He said into his microphone. Most players turned off sound by default, but it never hurt.

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Want to cry about it noob?

Cpt_John frowned and tapped TAB. Yep. Sure enough. Guess who had the highest kill score? And who the hell joins a clan with that idiot name?

Sod it! Cpt_John thought as he switched to the thumper. Tanker tactics. Shoot. Hide. Move. Shoot. Hide. Run the hell away!

He scuttled sideways, stood, shoot in roughly the right direction, ducked just in time to avoid a headshot. He scuttled sideways, reloaded, stood and shoot. Ducked, moved to the sides, switched back to his beloved M4 - and then fell over dead. The screen switched to killcam, and the sound of a breath being sucked in.

“Bloody lag,” Cpt_John muttered. Quietly, making sure that talk was off. “Bloody tachyon pistols at bloody dawn my bloody arse.”

He watched in slow motion as the scope jerked three meters left to put the crosshairs centre in his torso with not even a slightest bit of overshoot. Then there was a pause. A noticeable pause by twitch-game standards, and the sniper finally fired. He was dead, and money was exploding out of his back before he even fired his own thumper. Typical. Bloody typic...

What was that?

On the very left of the sniper scope he could see the overgrown monument on the sniper’s side of the wall. Something had just stuck it’s head out from behind the stonework. It looked at the Capt_Tara’s dying body, then at the sniper, then back at the falling body. Then it grinned, stepped out, grabbed it’s chest and fell over in a comical example of bad acting. It sat back up, grinned, and pointed to itself, then it’s eye, then the sniper, and held up two fingers in a V for Victory sign. Then it waved.

Cpt_John stared. What the hell was that?! It looked toonish. Like it wasn’t even rendered using the MW2 engine. It wasn't like he hadn’t played hacked games sometimes. NeverEnding on Highrise. Hide&Seek in Terminal. Big Team Deathmatch in Rust with Gungame. Big Team Deathmatch in Rust with a Gungame mod was completely insane! Especially with AC-130s! But he’d never seen anything like this.

It almost looked like some kind of brown chinese dragon with...

He respawned.

He blinked. Worry about it later. He was... Near the sniper houses on the west edge of the map. Suddenly a soldier ran in front of him with a red tag above his head. Cpt_John grinned. He loved karma... He lined up, aimed carefully down his sights, and held down the left mouse button for half a magazine.

The enemy player disappeared behind the muzzle flash, then reappeared as they sidestepped, firing back with akimbo P90s spraying all over the place. Cpt_John jumped and ducked sideways rapidly, shooting back the rest of his magazine in the soldier’s direction, hoping that dumb luck and lag might help him dodge like it had the enemy player.

They both emptied their magazine about the same time. Cpt_John took the opportunity to duck behind a building, drop a claymore mine, and then lie down facing the other way. Sure enough the enemy player was smart and tried to flank rather than follow him. (But didn’t throw a flashbang, so not too smart, Cpt_John noted.) As he appeared out of the doorway he stepped right into Cpt_John’s sights, and he simply held down the trigger.

It didn’t work. It didn’t bloody work! For pity’s sake... The other player danced sideways, and emptied his guns into Cpt_John in turn. Which also didn’t work. Both players gave up on shooting and tried to Commando rush each other. Cpt_John saw his own knife pass through the other player again and again as they both tried to frantically stab each other.

After a few moments Cpt_John began to laugh. They were practically dancing! If only he could record this it would be a great youtube video. Maybe set to some Disney music? What was that song? La da daaa, da da da da, da da da da daaaaaa? Something or other...

He stood still. Let the other payer stab him repeatedly. This game was seriously FUBARed and he was probably going to get a host stack error in the next few seconds. Speaking of which who was the host?

The score screen appeared before his eyes as the other player kept trying to stab him.

Wait, that couldn’t be right. Everyone had ten bars? That made no sense! You’d be lucky to get that at a LAN party, not an online match!

//M.A.D//Pitbull: lag

Tspliters: LAGGY

N00BT00BR: Host leafe

Xanxanxx: BG

RottyPawnz: Laaaaaaaaaaaaag

Tsplitters: LEAVEGAM HOST

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: hacked game

Oh the irony, Cpt_John thought before added his own 'voice'.

Cpt_John: Bad game. Host leave.

Oh screw this. I’ve got better thing to do with my time.

Cpt_John looked down to aim for the ESC key, and leave the game. Except he didn’t see a desk and keyboard. All he could see was a pair of arms holding a rifle, a suddenly heavy rifle, and he could feel water from soggy grass seep into his boots.

His mind went blank, before he not only saw words appear within his vision, but also heard a voice speaking them inside his head.

Discord: Oh but don’t you like me? I like you! Why humans are almost my favorite species.

Everything went white, and then he was standing in a different part of the map, the eastern tip of the ridge, near the car wrecks, facing the north bunker entrance. Everyone else was standing there. Only they didn’t look like models anymore. Eyes and lips moved as they all glanced around uncertainly. Cloth folded, and arms and legs no longer intersected when they moved. Buckles and weapons gently clinked as they shifted.

...
...
...

Discord: What a lovely game you have here! I hope you don’t mind, but I just had to make a few improvements. And these are just the first of my changes...

There was another flash of white light behind them.

Every single player turned as one in that direction.

Now if you wish, you may accuse MW2 players of being uncivilized, uncouth, unimaginative, and unintelligent - but never ever accuse them of having poor reflexes, or bad aim. Within a fraction of a second rifles, hand guns, rocket launchers, light machine guns, and sniper rifles were being emptied into the long slender creature lying atop the burnt out house.

Two of the players even scored perfect headshots. It would later come as no surprise to anyone that [FCUK]BSG:WIN//// had been one of them, despite facing in the exact opposite direction one second earlier.

Or at least they would both have scored perfect headshots if all the bullets, grenades, and RPGs hadn’t stopped just short of the creature’s body. The players didn’t stop, emptying magazine after magazine into the stationary target, which gradually disappeared behind an opaque cloud of lead and copper jackets.

One by one they all ran dry, and stood there, staring, running on reflexes, uncertain what to do next. Shooting worked. Shooting had always worked before.

There was a deep and hearty chuckle, such as might be issued by an evil father christmas, and all the players found their guns jerked up, as all the bullets came back towards them - only to vanish back inside their individual barrels.

Discord: Oh trust me, you don’t want to waste them on me. In fact... Oh that’s a simply marvelous idea!

The creature waved its hand and there was another flash, and the guns jumped. They felt, lighter somehow?

Discord: In fact you’ll almost certainly need a lot more! So have as many as you wish. Oh I’m just so going to enjoy your visit!

#

A request for Information, for Special Inspector Twilight Sparkle of the Emergency Aftermath Ministry

My most Faithful ‘Special Inspector’,

I must thank you once again for agreeing to help the Ministry with this investigation. In the aftermath of Discord’s vandalism, locating and correcting the last pockets of his disruptiveness is as vital a task as rebuilding and counseling was several months ago, and it pleases me greatly that I have been able to entrust you with this duty.

I am saddened to learn of the deaths caused by Discord’s meddling on this occasion. Any information on the events immediately prior to their arrival, or their death, would be greatly appreciated.

Finally, I would ask you to check on my sister, Princess Luna. She has regained much of her former strength and wisdom since you first meet her. Nightmare Moon is long gone. However she still has much to learn in the way of balance. She always had a tendency to devote herself to a task and exclude all else, sometimes to her detriment. Not unlike another certain unicorn I could think of.

Twilight blushed, then giggled. The Princess knew her well.

The artifacts of The Patch may represent an irresistible lure to her. I ask that you be her friend and ensure she remembers that there is still a world outside the strangeness found within the Everfree Forest. I have mentioned you often over the past year and I believe you’ll find you have a lot in common.

A Major directed her towards the ‘pentagon hut’. Literally a strangely curved metal hut sitting on wheels, with a tail, and with five long planks sticking out of the top, forming a pentagon. Nopony had the slightest clue what it did, but a pegasus had discovered an immense amount of clockwork just in front of the hub where the planks joined the hut roof.

Twilight knew it was exactly the kind of thing Luna would be interested in. Mostly because it was exactly the kind of thing she wanted to have a look at too, and would have if she had wings herself. When she got there though, she was told that Luna had already left, and was waved back in the general direction of where she had just come.

Sighing, Twilight turned back, and was trotting along a bone dry trench (within a minute's trot of rain-soaked grass - yet more evidence The Patch was an area of strangeness even by Everfree Forest standards) when she saw a familiar sight.

“Professor Fields? Are you alright sir?”

Professor Author Fields was a rather elderly earth pony, and an expert on military history. Manehatten University had placed him in charge of the whole site, partly due to his tenure and experience in dealing with experts, but mostly for his extensive knowledge of military procedure from his service in the Royal Guard. It had been felt he would be the best pony for the job of ensuring that every pony was able to work together in a manner that most befit his or her responsibilities.

Then they had actually gotten to the site.

“Ah, Miss Sparkle. Could be better. Could be better. How are you... Oh. Oh dear!”

The stallion tried to turn and smile in her direction, before turning very pale and stumbling.

“Professor!” Twilight exclaimed as she moved to catch his fall. “You know this area makes ponies sick! And you know it affects some of us more than others!”

Twilight cast a quick healing spell on him before he could object, which he would have. The problem with some ponies, especially ex Royal Guard ponies, was that they didn’t know when to quit. Twilight had learned to regard Fields as a cross of Applejack’s mental stubbornness with Grannysmith’s medical constitution.

“Thank you Twilight. I do feel a little better now.”

“Not for long you won’t, you’ll need to see Luna for a proper treatment. I need to see Luna every eight hours or so. So do the Guards. You know you need to see her more often that that!”

“Now Miss Sparkle there’s no need to lecture me. I was just on my way to see her right now.”

“Well so was I. I’ll just accompany you there shall I?”

Fields humphed.

“I feel molly coddled.”

“Better that than feeling ill.”

“Well come on then,” Fields said as he began to walk. “I’m told she’s examining the number five mechanism.”

“The number five?” Twilight’s eyes widened in surprise. “Really? I thought that was being left alone. Celestia knows why it wasn’t destroyed like all the others.”

“No one told you?”

“Told me what?”

“What happened here? It’s fairly obvious if you know what to look for...” Fields waited for a moment before continuing. “The battle was fought on the other side of the Patch, starting in the north-west quadrant and moving steadily southwards. It never touched the north-east corner.”

“Oh I know that professor. I’ve been finding and digging up all the bits and pieces you’ve based that on. I’m just surprised that anyone is looking at it at all. It’s dangerous!”

“Well we have been spending several days taking the first four apart. It’s only because of that experience that we suddenly realized we had a fifth example after all. And yes it is dangerous. It can chew through stone, at a distance no less, which is also why we took the decision to move it. This area is littered with mechanical achievements we can barely recognize, let alone understand. The race that created them obviously had an understanding of levers and clockwork that vastly exceeds our own, possible by several centuries. But almost all of it has rusted.

“By contrast, the fifth mechanism shines brightly! It is imperative that we get it under cover before it begins to succumb to whatever destroyed everything else. Possibly the same thing that makes us all ill. Princess Luna requested permission to move it this afternoon, and I agreed, as long as she was there personally to ensure everypony’s safety.”

As the passed a burnt out building Twilight looked up at the roof; where Discord’s presence lingered strongest.

“I wonder who they were? Poor things.”

“Hmm?”

“The beings that Discord abducted. Imagine things from their perspective. Being dragged here against your will, and suddenly dumped into the harsh and violent place like the Everfree Forest? They were obviously a race of craftsponies.... Well, you know what I mean. They couldn’t possibly have been prepared for this. What must things have been like for them?”

#

The dragon thing suddenly leapt into the air and threw his (her?) arms wide in excitement.

“Welcome everypony, ha ha, to the Magical Land of Equestria!”

The what? Cpt_John wondered, as he at once heard the creature speak and say the words appear in his bottom left hand vision.

“Now I’m sure you’ll find it a tad boring at first, but have no fear, I promise I’ll be making lots of improvements to spice things up for everyone!” Then the creature leaned forwards and shot towards them. “And you are all one of the first!”

“Who the hell are you?” Asked a thick russian accent.

Cpt_John turned to see a russian soldier step forward.

“I? I am Discord! The evil and malevolent spirit of Disharmony! And your new best friend!” The thing’s head moved back and forth expectantly. “Now, go. Shoo. Do your thing. Fight and kill each other. Like you always do.”

“No.” This time Cpt_John was surprised to hear his own voice. The russian trooper glanced at him. Cpt_John glanced back, then at the other players. How come no one else was speaking? Well, fine... He look at the creature again. “Send us back.”

“Not going to happen,” Discord said dismissively. “Now I know how disharmonious you like being. You’ve made a hobby of it. A fine art even. Some of it impresses even me! And that’s no small feat! All I’m asking for you to do is to just turn professional. Is that too much to ask?”

Tspliters: If we’re turning pro where are the cheerleaders?

“Piss off,” Cpt_John answered. He could probably have put that better, but, you know...

“Yeah. What the yank said,” The russian added. “We’re noobs and hackers and cheaters and laggers. But we ain’t no psychos. We ain’t going to shoot each other for real.”

British you muppet! Cpt_John thought sourly. Then again the other player probably didn’t look like a member of spetsnaz in real life, and probably might not sound like one either. God knows what he himself looked and sounded like now...

Discord waved a hand and sighed melodramatically.

“Oh.... Fine! If you refuse to fight without reason then I’ll just have to give you one!”

Discord swooped down again and was suddenly nose to nose with the two of them. Cpt_John for his part stepped backwards. Screw bravery! This thing was bigger than he was, could fly, and was immune to bullets. He’d take a step backwards if he wanted to!

It grinned, suddenly, evilly.

“But you may find yourselves wishing that you had taken the Valhalla option.”

There was another bright flash of white light and it disappeared.

Author's Note

Dear reader,

If you've made it this far then you've learned what only 70 or so others have learned over the past year - this isn't a completely terrible story. And possibly that you shouldn't judge a book like it's cover. Then again since you clicked on such an obvious game reference, then like applejack, you probably already knew that, didn't you?
:ajsmug:
Please leave a comment, and if you really like it, hit the fav and thumbs up icon.

Chapter 2

My Little Pawny
Fragouts Are Magic
By ANTIcarrot

Chapter Two

Based on Friendship is Magic, created by Lauren Faust
And My Little Pony, created by Bonnie Zacherle
Render Unto Hasbro That Which Is Hasbro’s...

“Slowly!” An earth forepony called out as he kept a close eye on the machine. “Sloooowly...”

The device known as the 'Number Five Mechanism' gradually lowered into a heavily built iron-ribbed trunk. Princess Luna watched its progress just as closely, horn aglow with telekinesis. But it wasn’t her magic supporting and manoeuvring the 80lb object. Two other unicorns nearby were doing that. Her magic was reaching inside, grabbing every single moving part, and holding them completely rigid.

More iron poles, thick as a unicorn horn, had already been threaded through the six tubes at the front of the NFM to hinder rotation. A wooden plate had been used to prevent any accidental touching of the two small levers at the back which seemed to make it work (somehow). But no one wanted to take any chances.

Over the last day, in addition to NFM, the device had also acquired the nicknames ‘Hedge Trimmer’ and ‘Rock Grinder’. Everyone in the team that was packing it away had inspected the massive ‘bite mark’ in the side of the stone obelisk, and the sudden drop in hedge height, both of which had appeared the last time a pony had been careless with the NFM.

Gradually, almost by hair-widths, the device came to rest within the embrace of quilted blankets, straw and feathers. More packing material was placed on top before straps were tied and tightened, before even more material was added on top.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, and Luna finally released her grip, as the lid closed and the magical locks started to snap themselves in place.

“Was that really a sixty point polydot spell Princess Luna?!”

Luna’s body jumped four feet into the air, propelled in part by her magic, wings, and of course her four feet. She turned and landed in a combat stance, ears back, horn down, wings spread, only to relax when she saw who it was and belatedly recognised the voice.

“I mean my friend Rarity can easily manage to control twenty different objects,” Twilight gushed, “and I managed to hold a thirty-six point spell for five seconds once - but I’ve never seen anyone perform a sixty point spell before! I mean I’ve never even seen Celestia...”

“Twilight Sparkle!”

The unicorn stopped midsentence, looked momentarily confused, before blushing and ducking her head.

“Oh I’m sorry! I can’t believe I just did that! I haven’t done something like that in years! I’m so sorry Princess...”

“Twilight,” Luna said, in a quieter but firmer tone. “Thy enthusiasm is most commendable and understandable, as was thy judgement in waiting until after We had finished with Our dangerous task. But perchance thee could temper thy patience, and attempt to wait almost a whole second next time?” Luna then smiled and added, “But be thou most assured: yea, it was so.”

“Really?” Twilight perked up instantly. “That... Erm, can wait. Professor Fields is feeling sick again.”

“Oh Arty,” Luna sighed before walking over to the testy Earth pony. “What so shall We do with thee? Thy are a most stubborn foal!”

“It’s pronounced ‘fool’ in modern Equestrian,” Author Fields grumbled as Luna’s magic began to wash over him.

“We know the word We mean.”

“Humph!”

“Hmm. And thee both know not of wherefrom this ailment comes? Or how so it spreads from pony to pony?” Finishing with the Professor, Luna swept her magic across Twilight next. “Infirming in thy blood and bone and gut and hair. A disease of full symptoms and yet neither pathogen, poison, nor paranormal cause that We can detect. Whilst thou examine me in turn Twilight?”

Twilight slowly and carefully used her own magic. This was something Celestia had drilled her on repeatedly, but never something she had been terribly good at. Trying to use regular unicorn magic, even at Twilight’s level, to look inside an alicorn was like trying to push a wet noodle into boiling treacle.

“Um, I can’t see as much damage as I’ve seen in the Professor, or everypony else. Your red-blood count look a little depressed. Have you experienced any shortage of breath today?”

“We were unaware that Our blood had any feelings of its own.” Luna smiled. “But not that We recall. Though We have partaken in little running or flying this day.”

“Well it’s possible your magic grants you immunity, or...” Twilight’s eyes widened. “Or you’ve had less exposure."

Professor Fields looked thoughtful.

“Actually, that would make sense. One would suspect that if this area had been poisoned at one time, then simple rain would have driven the poison underground. In which case this side should be safe, where we set up the tents thank the Sun and Moon, but the other side had huge rips and tears in it, which could also have pulled any residual poison up as gas or dust. I understand that you have stayed on the Patch’s eastern side Princess?”

“We have indeed. Dost thou know of any attempt to investigate this Twilight?”

“No Princess. We’ve just come to you or Princess Celestia any time we’ve been unwell.”

“It might be worth instigating. If we can work out where it’s coming from it will be a good first stop to dealing with it permanently.”

“As thou sayst. Mayhap thou could investigate thy theory further. But thou will have to cope without Twilight. We require Our Sister’s student for Our further studies of Corpus Delicti.”

Fields just nodded, but Twilight looked surprised.

“But Princess Luna, I thought you didn’t want to see the bodies?”

“Thy equus is rusty,” Luna said with a wane smile. “We spoke Corpus, not Copora. While We share with Our Sister Our Sorrow at so many deaths...” Luna hesitated. “Forgive Us, if We appear to look Weak, but We have seen so many victims of Discord so many times. We have no desire to see more.” The Princess closed her eyes briefly, before straightening. “But the other body is different, and We shall not avert Our gaze there. Professor, be thou good enough to care for yonder contraption, and see it well to a place of study and safety. Twilight, thou closeness would please Us.”

Twilight nodded before stepping close and feeling Luna touch her back with a wing wrist.

“Be thee well Professor,” Luna said in parting before both females disappeared in a flash of white.

“Be thee well. Humph. Learn thy grammar more like!”

Professor fields grumbled as he turned to see the NFM safely to Horseguards. Canterlot was closer. Stalliongrad was bigger. Manehattan had better equipment. But any one of them would turn into a manticore-fight over territory and prestige. Horseguards was not only the oldest military establishment in Equestria, predating as it did the word ‘equestria’ and even the word 'pony', it was also one of Equestria’s last remaining genuine castles, complete with fully-functional barbicans, unicorn slits, and sand-holes. It was one of the most defensible places in all of Equestria.

It also the one place that would NOT want this particular bundle of manticores dumped in their lap. The Special Alicorn Service liked their privacy. This would not please them one little bit. But they would do their duty, and they would guard it, and anyone or anything that surrounded it. Discord help anyone who tried to take it away once it arrived, because no one else would.

“Be thee well indeed. Daft old horse...”

#

A flash of light and Twilight and Luna were suddenly standing half a mile south of their previous position. This time they were in the Everfree Forrest proper, where the grass and clouds grew and moved by themselves. But at least here the day and night actually came and went, and water actually flowed downhill, and ponies didn’t get sick for no good reason.

Twilight had gotten used to the Patch, but she still wasn’t sure whether it was better or worse than the Everfree Forest.

“Come Twilight, there is much We would ask of you.”

“Of course Princess, but... But I remember how you spoke at Nightmare Night. I know you know how to say I, Me and You in modern Equestrian.”

Luna glanced down at Twilight’s smaller frame out of the corner of her eye. Twilight didn’t stare back, but didn’t break eye contact either, waiting patiently for an answer. And for more than a whole second as she had been asked. After a moment Luna smiled.

“Vearily, we are so aware.” She leaned closed and lowered her voice. “But it does so annoy the old buzzard, doesn’t it?”

She looked down at Twilight before slowly and obviously winking. Twilight smiled back slightly, then giggled.

“I don’t think he’s appreciate you calling him old Princess.”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t. But one must take amusement where one finds it. Especially in such gloomy days as these. And please Twilight, call me Luna...”

Twilight and Luna walked towards the centre of the clearing, where a bone-white ribcage awaited them. One the size of large barn.

#

The demonic dragon-thing grinned, suddenly, evilly.

“But you may find yourselves wishing that you had taken the Valhalla option.”

There was a bright flash of light and it disappeared.

Tspliters: What the hell was that thing? And how come you two can talk and I can’t?

“Who said that?”

[WIN]SLAM: It’s name tagged. Why does it matter who said it?

//M.A.D//Pitbull: How the hell are you... Oh, right. Wow that’s really weird.

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: What is this? Someone tell me what’s going on!

RottyPawnz: Look at the Trees. LOOK AT THE TREES!

“What’s so special about the bloody trees?” Cpt_John as he turned to see what a TF141 soldier (presumably Rotty) was pointing at. He stopped cold.

Wasteland was mostly surrounded by empty space, with the occasional piece of vast russian architecture in the far distance. (At least it was normally, or in the game, or whatever.) Now it was surrounded by trees. Lots of trees. Lots of tall trees. A knife edge vertical wall of living timber that made the entire map look like some titanic footprint in a triple canopy rainforest.

RottyPawnz: Does anyone recognise them? Does anyone have a clue where we are?

N00BT00BR: We’re in bloody Narni aren’t we?

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: I want out of this! How the hell do I get out of this!

//M.A.D//Pitbull: Oh shut up you child.

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Don’t call me a child! I’m...

The ground moved. They all stopped. The ground moved again, gently, but insistently. A nearby puddle started to vibrate.

“Enemy contact!” Ghost suddenly announced. “To the North!”

“That is not a standard game script...”

Cpt_John found himself agreeing with the russian soldier. So what were they going to fight? Dinosaurs? Because that was going to be a pretty short battle. Dinos, rhinos, elephants or people, it didn’t matter. Outside of Hollywood and wangsty US TV shows automatic rifles actually were very effective against living tissue; in that they tended to tear it into itty bitty tiny little pieces.

Aim at the legs (which is an easy shot if they’re running towards you) and whatever it is won’t have any leg tissue left after about half a second. I mean sure, if you carry game physics over, the dinosaur might explode in a pile of loose cash rather than blood but then again...

The ground moved again, more firmly this time. The ripple in the puddle was more noticeable.

But then again Cpt_John didn’t get the feeling it was going to be that easy.

RottyPawnz: Minigun! Flag B!

One of the soldiers took off towards the bunker. After a second a bunch of others followed him. Then Cpt_John and everyone else did as they realised what Rotty meant, except for a couple who chose to take the long way round the central hedge. After a couple of brief scuffles in the narrow doors both teams piled out into the short shallow trench leading to where Flag B sat in a game of Domination. And where there sat a pair of miniguns.

The ground shook again.

Cpt_John was barely out of the bunker before someone was test-firing the north-facing minigun. He looked around. If there was anything MW2 players were good at it was disorganised mob tactics. Half of them had lined up to use the ridge for cover. Others were seeking shelter behind pieces of battlefield machinery. Two snipers had taken up sentry duty at the far end of the hedge. One of the highpoints of the localmap.

The ground shook again. And again. And again...

But that’s not all he wanted to learn. He stared at the nearest player and waited. Sure enough, a name tag eventually appeared.

//M.A.D//Pitbull: Can’t see anything. Too many trees in the way.

That’s because you’re not on the highest part of the map, Cpt_John thought as he found what he was looking for. You're only the highest point that we can normally access.

“You!” He clamped his head down on the shoulder of the russian labeled Blood_Son, and waited for him to look up. “You use aimbot right?”

“What are you talking about...”

Oh, so it was that russian soldier.

“You’ve been in the top three players the last three maps, and you’ve not been using helicopters. You hack don’t you?”

“Look this is a not the time to argue about...”

“Can you cycle though enemy targets?”

“I...”

The russian didn’t say no. That was good enough.

“Come with me. I’ve got a sniper spot for you.”

He started to move away before glancing back.

“You coming?”

“Bloody yanks,” the russian muttered.

“British you muppet!”

“Oh like that’s a that’s a big improvement.”

Cpt_John led the other soldier to the house nearby.

N00BT00BR: Getting something on heart-tracker. Damn this thing looks weird now... Interference I think. Not a reading.

The tremors (footsteps?) were getting regular now.

“This is a lousy sniper spot.”

“Only at ground level,” Cpt_John answered as he slung his beloved M4 over his shoulder. He knelt down and cupped his hands at ground level. “We have hands now, remember? We can climb!”

N00BT00BR: Oh shit! Hey guys? Turns out you can adjust the range of this thing. I’ve got a hell load of small readings, and one big reading a couple of hundred yards out, I think, and all the small ones are getting the hell away from the big one.

“How big?” The russian asked as they both finally got on the house’s roof. They could both now just about see over the tops of the trees.

N00BT00BR: No clue. If these other things are deer, pretty damn big. If they’re hedgehogs, not so much.

“Well then, do your thing.”

“What thing?” The russian asked.

“Your aimbot thing. Cycle.”

“And how am I supposed to do that like this? It isn’t even my account!”

“Really? You actually hacked a hacked account in order to...”

“It’s my brother’s account!”

“Huh. You seemed to have it down pat the last few games.”

“How the hell am I supposed to hit my mouse thumb button without a bloody mouse?!”

“Uh...” Good question. “Hey guys? No idea how we can talk out loud. How do you lot talking without a keyboard?

//M.A.D//Pitbull: We ain’t talking. We’re chatting. Still want to know how you can talk.

Tspliters: Maybe they were wearing headsets or something. Don’t think about it. Just remember doing it in the game. Close your eyes or something.

Cpt_John was about to ask if that would help when the sniper rifle’s massive barrel snapped around and almost knocked him off the roof.

“Hey! Careful with that bloody thing!”

“Well don’t sit so close you perv! Now how did I...” The barrel twitched again. “Ah. Right. Cycle. Cycle. Motorcycle. Unicycle. Bicycle...” The barrel twitched a few more times as it glitched from one player below them to another. Then it swung another huge arc towards the trees.

“That’s it!”

“Really? You think?”

N00BT00BR: You two mind telling us what you can see?

The russian shrugged.

“Not sure exactly,” Blood_Son said. “I can barely see it about the treetops. If I’m actually looking at something real. It kinda looks black with lots of little white spots. Like a weird cut out of night against a real sky.”

There was a sudden silence.

//M.A.D//Pitbull: What the hell does that...

“Bloody Christ! It just moved!”

//M.A.D//Pitbull: ...mean?

“No wait, something’s wrong here. It’s moving, but it isn’t. I mean the outline’s moving, but there’s a pattern of dots on it that keeps still.”

Tsplitters: You mean like those really old cartoons, where the character moves, but the plaid patter or whatever doesn’t?

“Er, yeah. That’s actually what it looks like.”

N00BT00BR: What the hell does that mean?

Tsplitters: It sounds like optical camouflage. Like Ghost In The Shell.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Cpt_John said. “Stealth’s supposed to make you invisible. Or at least look invisible. How the hell does black with white spots make you invisible?”

Tsplitters: And what would you see at night-time?

Everyone thought about that for a moment, before Blood_Son summed up their thoughts.

“Bloody Christ.”

“Er, yeah.” Cpt_John added. “Let’s not fight this thing at night, shall we?”

N00BT00BR: Er, yeah. Let’s not.

RottyPawnz: Why fight it at all? If it wants through here why not just let it?

That sounded like an incredibly good plan to Cpt_John. He didn’t particularly want to kill or fight anything. He especially didn’t want to get into a fire-fight with someone or something that could shoot back. But then again he didn’t want to just sit there and take it by not shooting at all.

Screw it all to Hell! He wanted to see what it was! He looked down at his carbine. But a red-dot wasn’t any use... What had that other player said? Just do what you’d do normally? He looked up into the distance, tried to ignore the gun, and twitched his left ring-finger as if he was reaching for the TAB button. His finger poked the hard plastic of the guns stock, and nothing happened. After thinking a moment, he raised his arm to waist height, as if it was hovering over a keyboard, and tried again. Still nothing. Maybe he was being too literal? Moving his ring-finger was what he did. But it wasn’t what his avatar did...

He flicked the safety on, let go of the forestock, and swung the gun behind his waist. He almost fell of the roof.

His hand felt cold, and then every part of him felt cold. The outside world seemed to fade away. His fingers suddenly closed and suddenly the gun simply wasn’t there anymore. Whatever had just happened, he wanted it to stop. Whatever force gripped his wrist had other ideas though, as more and more heat was leached out and bare fingers began to feel like they were covered in thick cotton wool. In desperation he weakly flailed his fingers around until they banged into something, a handle, a gun handle. His eyes widened and then he gripped and pulled with what strength remained...

And suddenly he was back on the roof, wobbling because of the new weight in his right hand: A british L86-LSW light machine gun. He blinked. They could change classes. He tilted his head and look at the top of the gun. There was a SUSAT sight there. They could apparently access their own custom classes. That should be interesting.

The ground shook again, and he looked in the same direction as Blood_Son. The SUSAT was no sniper scope, but it did magnify and - yes, he could see it. Damn, but that looked weird. He let go of the forward grip to touch the safety, before letting go and deciding to leave the safety on for the moment. They didn’t want any accidents.

Something tickled at his mind just then. Something important. Something he had forgotten? Something..?

Blood_Son slapped his knee.

“Hey, Johnny! You really not American?”

“No - British. You really not a Russian”

“No - Irish. Garda Síochána.”

“That your real name?”

Blood_Son turned to look at him with frank astonishment, before pulling an ugly face.

“You really are British aren’t you?”

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you’re barely smarter than the average Yank. The Gardai is the Republic of Ireland Police Force. I’m a Sergeant in the West Meath Regional Support Unit, and I have Emergency Response Unit training. That means I use guns."

And Cpt_John suddenly remembered. He had handled guns before, even military ones. He knew where the safeties and fire-select levers were. He knew that even an M4 was a better ‘sniper’ rifle in the real world than most of the dedicated sniper rifles were in game. He had hadn’t a bloody clue how to clean one, and hadn’t fired anything larger than an airsoft in over ten years...

“You know how to fire guns? Properly?” When Blood_Son nodded Cpt_John added, “I think you outrank everyone here. But... Have you actually done it for real though? You know, outside of exercises? Got any experience with the IRA or something?”

Blood_Son’s barrel suddenly swung at Cpt_John, and he had to dodge a second time.

“Hey! Watch it with the autoaim!”

“That wasn’t the autoaim you miserable arsehole! Just because I’m Irish doesn’t make me a terrorist! Fucking English!”

Cpt_John stared at him for a moment, before he understood and he snarled back.

“Fighting! Experience in fighting the IRA you stupid prat! And it’s British, not English you tart! God! You really are Irish aren’t you!”

Sudenly something bounced off the roof and they both dropped flat to their stomachs.

N00BT00BR: HEY! STUPID PEOPLE!

“What?” They both yelled at the soldier standing and ready to throw another stone.

N00BT00BR: Some of us have never fired a gun before. And that thing is going is going to be sitting on us in about a minute! So if one of you is Irish SWAT a little advice would be appreciated.

The two soldiers glanced at each other before Blood_Son handed her rifle over.

“Keep an eye on it,” he muttered, before raising his voice. “Okay. Pay attention, because I won’t repeat any of this. First rule of gun safety. The gun is always loaded, even if you think it isn’t. Second rule of gun safety. Because the gun is always loaded, keep your finger off the trigger until you want to shoot, and never point it at something you don’t want to shoot. Guns go off by accident all the time. Third rule. Bullets pass through things and people. Don’t aim for a target and hit something you don’t want to behind it.

“We do not know what’s coming. It may just be another group like us. I do not want to fucking die because one of you screws up and starts something we can’t win! You do not want to shoot and kill someone because you were fucking bored, fucking stupid, or fucking scared, and then have to live with that the rest of your life!

“Anyone have anything else to add?”

After a moment of silence Cpt_John spoke up.

“Friendly fire isn’t. Suppressive fire doesn’t. If at first you don’t succeed, call in an airstrike. I don’t know what this place is, but explosives in the real world are much more dangerous at far greater distances than in the game. We don’t know if we can respawn, or even recover health. Remember that when throwing grenades around or tubing. Try not to kill each other.

“Have a quick look at your guns. Make sure you can find the safety, fire select, and magazine change buttons. Put your guns on single shot and they basically become sniper weapons. If you can’t figure it out, we can change classes without dying. Just move your gun behind your back. The church and field came through with the rest of the map, so we’ve got a hundred yards of open ground or so. You might want to think about switching to a heavy weapon if you have one.

“Like the man said, don’t fire unless you have to. But if you do have to, and it’s one big thing, concentrate fire on the left leg. The rear left if you have to choose. Front left after the rear is crippled. Otherwise whatever you can hit.”

There was a sudden silence, broken only by dull tremor of ground impacts, footprints, and the distant wet-snapping sound of living trees protesting the movement of whatever it was.

“Shoot the rear leg?” Blood_Son asked quietly.

“If we have to and can kill it, then great," Cpt_John explained. "No harm done. If we can’t then at least we should try and cripple it.” He paused before asking, “You really think it’ll be another group of people?”

“Not really.”

There was more silence, again punctuated by the distant sounds of snapping wood, and quiet mechanical sounds as people checked and learned about their weapons.

N00BT00BR: Fifty meters beyond the treeline. Twenty five meters. Fifteen. Ten meters. And that’s...

Beyond the northern edge of the map was a park like area, a road, an Infinityward standard-issue car wreck, and then the massive trees of the surrounding alien forest. Through his SUSAT’s 4x magnification, Cpt_John could see the trees jump left then right, swaying in the breezeless air. The impacts stopped. Then two of them lurched outwards, and the mobile blue-black mound heaved with their motions. With two final violent crunch sounds, they finally fell, to make room for something big. Something purple. And something whose eyes started out fifteen feet above the ground, before narrowing and raising to thirty feet off the ground as the rest of the head pushed forwards.

It snarled, opening a muzzle the size of a car, and exposing enormous jagged teeth, that were in turn dwarfed by two enormous downward facing tusks, each one easily larger than any of them. It was massive in every possible sense of that word, and in every possible sense of every possible synonym for that word. And this was only the head.

Then it roared.

Cpt_John felt a trickle of cold run down his spine that was unlike anything he had ever felt before, even unlike the numbness of hammer-space, or being threatened by that dragon thing. This was a bear. This was a bear larger than any bear should grow. And it looked pissed.

A regular bear was an apex predator with no fear or either man nor firearms, with a body large enough to ignore minor problems like bullet holes for long enough to kill whoever was shooting them. This thing was the size of a fucking Gundam! For the first time in his life he began to seriously question whether he’d live to see another sunrise...

“Amazing isn’t she?”

Both Cpt_John and Blood_Son jumped and swore as they heard Discord whisper quietly between them. They jerked their heads away from their scopes to see him floating smugly between them.

“Not quite plant, mineral or animal. Blithely ignores almost every law of nature that you know. She’s not even really alive in the way you understand the term.”

“What does it want with us?” Blood_Son asked quietly.

“Want with you?” Discord looked surprised. “Oh she’s not interested in you. She just wants her child back. It’s missing, and she seems to think that you’ve stolen it. Rather silly if you ask me, given that an ursa-minor would slightly bigger than the house you’re sitting on.”

“How the hell are we supposed to have stolen something the size of a house?!” Cpt_John asked.

“Well I never said she was clever.” Discord made a negligent wave of a paw before his head jerked up as if in memory. “Oh, by the way: Females that aren’t very bright? That’s something of a running theme for this world. And the best part: The worthless creature doesn’t even have a baby! Ha ha!”

Discord began to float upwards. Unable to do anything else, they both just watched him.

“Now, My Little Humans, how you choose to handle this situation is of course entirely up to you, and I give you my solemn promise this really will be the last time I bother you. But before I go I will give you one last little helpful warning...

He grinned.

“She may try to grab you with her teeth and swallow you whole! I wouldn’t let her if I were you.”

There was another bright flash of light, and the humans were left all alone with the Gundam-bear once more.

It snarled again.

Chapter 3

My Little Pawny: Fragouts Are Magic
By ANTIcarrot

Based on Friendship is Magic, created by Lauren Faust
And My Little Pony, created by Bonnie Zacherle
Render Unto Hasbro That Which Is Hasbro’s...

Chapter Three

Twilight looked down at the oily substance covering the ground, and then left and right at the hoofprints coming out of the remains. She carefully poked at once more with a fore hoof. It was sticky, and felt very unpleasant.

“Is something wrong Twilight?”

She looked up to where Luna was standing a few yards further on, with a leg raised mid step.

“Princess, this thing you wanted to show me, could I possibly decline on this one occasion?”

“It is important, Special Inspector of the Emergency Aftermath Ministry.”

Twilight winced.

“Sorry, Luna, but do I really have to? I’m not happy about, well...”

“Getting your hooves covered in this muck?”

“Um... Yes.”

Princess turned back with a surprised look on her face.

“Twilight... My experiences outside the castle may be limited, but I was given to understand that the only time the outside world isn’t mucky is when it is dusty. You are a pony after all. You must have walked on wet grass at least once in your life.”

“That’s not the same. Wet grass is just grass and water. As long as you don’t go faster than a canter it’s not even too slippery. But this stuff...”

Twilight looked down, then at the skeleton. Luna joined her followed her gaze.

“Oh.” She turned back to the unicorn. “But this particular muck used to be a living ursa major?”

“Um...” That had not been Twilight’s only objection. “Yes Princess.”

Luna’s head tilted.

“And it looks like the substance left behind by the Elements of Harmony, when they ripped the foulness of the Nightmare from my corrupted form, the first time we meet?”

The unicorn blushed.

“I, well, that is... And you’ve got horse-shoes on!”

“Horse shoes?” Luna raised and twisted a wrist. “Oh you mean my royal slippers? Something of a pain actually. Walking around with a couple of pounds of silver strapped to each leg isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.” She looked up. “Would you like to borrow them?”

“What?!”

“Oh come now Twilight, they are just fashion accessories. Don’t over react. This is hardly like that one time I offered to lend you my wings and magic for a day.”

“No but...” Twilight frowned. “Hey, wait a minute. Even Celestia thought that was a bad idea! Bad X does not imply Good Y. No fair using twisty logic!”

The princess smiled.

“Oh you’d be surprised how often that works. You really would. Well then, I can see only two possible solutions to this crisis. I could simply remove my hoof-wear, and shame you into following, or you could stay here and we could continue the conversation anyway.

“AFTER ALL, THE TRADITIONAL ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE IS MORE THAN SUFFICIENT FOR SUCH A SHORT DISTANCE.”

Twilight reopened her tightly shut eyes, started to straighten her mane and tail, and glared at Luna.

“You’re bad as your sister sometimes, you know that?”

“I could have offer to carry you with magic,” Luna pointed out. Her horn started to glow menacingly, but all that happened was her slippers magically turning into rings around her lower legs. The princess’ eyes widened slightly as her feet sunk into the muck, but then she steeled herself. “Now come Twilight. Let us not dally a moment longer.”

Twilight hesitated, before pushing a single hoof into the muck. She pulled a face, looked to Luna once for encouragement, before reluctantly stepping forwards.

“What exactly did you want to show me Luna?”

“Arty said you were interested in the internal workings of the artefacts in The Patch, and has expressed frustration that much of it was hidden from view - at ground level at least.”

Twilight’s expression changed instantly and she bolted to Luna’s side.

“Really? You’ve found more clockwork? Not hidden behind huge slabs of metal? Where?”

“Something like that,” Luna said evasively.

The conversation paused as they walked into the ribcage single file. An ursa major was enormous, but the gaps between the ribs were still only so big.

“Come. Look here and tell me what you think.”

Twilight stepped forward and looked carefully at where the princess was pointing with a wingtip.

“Um, I’m not a doctor, but this looks like a bone fracture. And copper?" Twilight peered closely at the hole in the centre of the wound. "What's that doing in there?”

“And what do you think would cause such a thing?”

“I'm not sure. Dentists sometimes use gold or alamgam to fill tooth cavities, and a alamgam is about eight percent copper. But I really don't know who'd do something like that to an Ursa Major rib."

"And the fracture?"

"Well, something impacting with enough force to crack the rib, but not enough to separate the two pieces.”

The moon princess stared at Twilight flatly.

“I was hoping for something more specific.”

“I’m not sure what to tell you, except that this injury doesn’t surprise me much. We know it died here, so it’s obviously going to have some pretty serious injuries. It has several outright broken ribs, which isn’t surprising given how close they are to the surface.” She frowned. “Though some might have broken on impact when it fell. But even so, what’s so surprising about one more fracture?”

“Perhaps I could be clearer. Where on the bone do you think the fracture started?”

“Why, here, of course.” She pointed at a small hole in the centre of the spiderweb of cracked bone. “Why does that matter?”

“And which side of the rib does the fracture start on?”

“Why, the inside of course.” Twilight’s eyes suddenly widened. “Oh!” She quickly stuck her head around the other side of the rib. “Ooooooh. How in Equestria could that have happened?”

Luna rolled her eyes.

“That is what I was asking you. Professor Fields swears up and down upon his tenure and peerage both that this little pit is an impact crater. Which means whatever made it not only struck hard enough to crack bone thicker than my leg, but also had enough force behind it to travel through about seven yards of ursa major, and punch through the outer skin.”

“Is this, is this what killed it?”

“We do not think so.” Luna hesitated over the correctness of the pronoun, before nodding to herself. “That is, the Ministry does not think so. A cracked rib would have simply inconvenienced a ‘major, and it’s not like they have a heart or lungs to damage on the way through.”

“But, how could that have happened? What could have done that? I’ve seen the creatures that died. They couldn’t have done this. They’re barely bigger than we are. Something else just have come through. But no, we’d have found some evidence. How could...”

“Twilight,” Luna interrupted. “You have expressed a great interest in the many and various clockwork mechanisms, that have been found within the Patch. But have you perchance spent any time wondering what some of them might have been used for?”

#

He was on his back. Branches moved jerkily downwards against the pale blue sky. Two dark blurrs passed over head. He was about to turn to follow them when more movement caught his eye and he slowly turned his head the other way. He stared. The sun was changing shape.

The pale disc was warping, crushing itself sideways in a nightmarish way no stellar object should. Then it reversed as the sun elongated and stretched for the horizon, like a really cheap scifi jump drive. Then the world went dark, as the moon reversed the process. A rocky object three thousand miles across squashed and stretched like a beach ball and shot across the sky at insane speed to take the exact same unmoving place as the sub had.

The sun that hadn’t hurt for the entire time he had been watching it.

Deep down inside his soul something started to scream as...

Ursa Major SLAYERCAKE

The world suddenly lurched into high gear as he finally noticed the rough ground he was being dragged over. He stared at the message. And then at all the messages still listed above.

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Wake up!

{8}Ball: I’m jammed! Shit! Shit! It won’t cycle!

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Wake up!

ZER0w0lf: Change weapon then!

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Wake up you fucking noob!

ZER0w0lf: No! Too close! Back up! Backu

{8}Ball: Get down! Get dow

Ursa Major ZER0w0lf

Ursa Major {8}Ball

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Wake up! Useless fucking troll!

Ursa Major SLAYERCAKE

Wait, what?

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Fucking fucking fucking...!!

Cpt_John felt the hand let go, then yelled as he fell back down and something hard and round dug into his right kidney. He could hear himself yell over the sounds of gunfire, then the both sounds disappeared as an angry bellow blanketed all.

Then even that sound disappeared, not because something came along which was even louder, but because something came along which destroyed sound completely. Force slammed into his body and he twisted sideways to cuddle into a foetal position. Then yelled again, this time silently, into a silent world, as he felt burning hot metal against his side.

Force slammed into his body once more before sound returned to the world and he unsteadily rolled to his hands and knees.

That’s right. RPGs hurt it. Not injure it. Not knock it down. Not cripple it. But they hurt it. It notices them...

Cpt_John didn’t remember who fired the first shot. He hadn’t been looking in the right direction to see who had. He just remembered a lone RPG shell passing into his field of view as he looked downrange to the huge blue monster.

Go off course, he remembered hoping. Go off course. Please go off course. Miss! Miss! Miss! MISS! MISS!!!

But this was a Multiplayer RPG7, not a Spec-Ops RPG7. They actually travelled in straight lines rather than veering to the side at the last inconvenient second. The round disappeared into the distance, and he watched the trail of spoke approach the living gundam, pass under its chin, and slam into its chest. The round had hurt it.

Unfortunately it had also seriously pissed it off.

Soon after he also learned that yet another aspect of the game engine had been left behind. In this world things didn’t explode in clouds of dollar bills when they were dead or dying.

Blood_Son: BSG?

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: He’s awake! Get up you fag!

Cpt_John felt himself get hauled to his feet and shoved away before another two gaps in hearing slammed into his body. He remembered now. [FCUK]BSG:WIN//// had an RPG7. [FCUK]BSG:WIN//// had no understanding of the phrase ‘clear behind’. [FCUK]BSG:WIN//// was a stupid fucking moron who didn’t understand that you shouldn’t stand in front of people when using a weapon like that!

If they both survived this he was so going to kick his arse. And if the miserable little shit demanded a ‘thank you’ first for this, he was going stamp on his bloody nads!

Blood_Son: John! Pin it! BSG! Snipe it!

With pleasure!

Cpt_John brought the L86 up to his shoulder, looked through the SUSAT, aimed for the inside out porcupine, and fired. They had left familiar territory behind long ago, retreating south over the map edge and into the forest. Outside the map the canopy half blinded both sides. And that wasn’t the only problem.

Tsplitters had been right when he guess it would be invisible at night. That miserable dragon thing had been quite right when it said that it wasn’t really alive. There was certainly no blood to see. But while they couldn’t see the bear, they could see its pain. The outside was by now riddled by impact points, and the inside was riddled with the wound-cavities they made.

Mores the pity they could also see that regular bullets didn’t go much more than a meter in. Even by the rather screwy standards of Modern Warfare 2, that was barely a flesh wound for a creature of this size. Grenades and sniper rifles did slightly better, and RPGs punched almost all the way through.

But nothing seemed to kill it. Even direct hits to the eyes only caused it to howl in pain, and then the eye would open again, good as new. If it had internal organs, then half an hour of getting swiss cheesed by NATO and Warsaw Pact’s finest small arms hadn’t found them yet.

But they could still hurt it. And while it was in pain it was stationary, and vulnerable...

Blood_Son: We need that cannon! And don’t fuck it up like last time!

Another blast of sound hammered into his left ear as [FCUK]BSG:WIN//// started unloading his .50 calibre Barret into the target. Cpt_John hated those weapons. He’d never gotten the hang of them in the game, and while watching kill-cam he never understood how enemy player got instakills out of clear misses. If only things were so easy here.

In the game, back when it was still a game, you scored every time you killed an enemy. Kill enough enemies in a row, without getting killed yourself, and you got a reward. The bigger the kill streak, the bigger the reward, but the less often you got it.

They had all cheered inside the first time someone had gotten an harrier strike in. Two harrier jump-jets had come screaming in from god knows where, dropping enough bombs to level a large building, and screamed off to the invisible distance. Then the traditional third harrier came in to start unloading a can of whoop-ass with its chin mounted gatling. They had cheered again when an AC-130 came out of the clouds and sent the bear staggering.

They had learned several things in quick succession. Bombs also hurt it. When sufficiently hurt and/or angry, it could rear up on its hind legs. It could also reach down and pull up a thirty foot tree, root systems and all, with no apparent effort. And that a flying tree makes for a very effective anti aircraft weapon.

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: That wasn’t me fault! It threw a fucking tree! What was I supposed to do?!

He fired off another long burst with his LMG, taking comfort in the familiar chuddering sound it made. He poured fire into the head, the eyes, the ears, and the teeth. At least one tooth was missing. They had hurt it. They had injured it. They would kill it!

It had endured everything they had thrown at it. Now they were going to see if it could endure everything they could throw at it all at once...

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Got it!

Blood_Son: Back off! Back off! Clear the blast area and pin it with heavy weapons! Light the bastard up!

*!*ToRed*!*: Aaaagh! Fuck!

That was one of Cpt_John’s queue. He swapped his LSW for an M72 grenade launch and rapped it against [FCUK]BSG:WIN////’s arm. He nodded, shouldered his sniper rifle and took it. As soon as the weight left his hand, he was tearing his backpack off and yanking out his hardened laptop.

The pounding booms of the sniper rifle and the gaps of sound of the RPG-7 had been replaced by the dull thunks of the M72. Distant crumps briefly interrupted the howling bear.

*!*ToRed*!*: Christ! Oh fuck christ!

He ripped the screen up and stabbed the button next to MQ-1 and began panning the picture around. Working out how to work the damn consoles had been a nightmare, but you could do things that...

Ghost: UAV is up!

There was a problem.

Blood_Son: Is the area clear?

Cpt_John: No! It’s not! Someone’s too close! Everyone get clear!

*!*ToRed*!*: Shoot! It’s got my fucking leg! Shoot!

Blood_Son: Hold fire! Get him out of there!

The storm of metal whirling around the monster slowed to a trickle, then to a single line of tracers, reaching up from a point far too close to the monster bear and hit it in the soft underside. The ursa screamed.

*!*ToRed*!*: It’s got my fucking leg! SO I DON’T HAVE IT ANY MORE!

The single line of tracers stopped. Cpt_John felt faint as he saw the bear also notice it had stopped, and notice the tiny little thing in front of it that had caused it so much pain. It snarled and raised a paw high, and only snarled when the tracers started up again.

*!*ToRed*!*: Shoot it! SHOOT IT! SHOO

The paw came down.

Ursa Major *!*ToRed*!*

N00BT00BER: Kill it! Kill it! Die you fucker!

There was a faint clunk, then the deep thrum of a turret gun. It was joined as the hail of heavy weapons started up again. The turret was joined by others. Now it was his turn.

Cpt_John: Area clear! Missiles!

The heavy weapons fire slacked off a little, only to be replaced by bright flares of light streaking down to bloom into clouds of orange and yellow on the monsters back. Another command and six Harriers harrier jump-jets had come screaming in from god knows where, dropping enough bombs to level a large building, and screamed off to the invisible distance. When the smoke cleared they could see it had been driven to knees and elbows. Something dark and black and black came next, dropping more bombs and turned every tree around the bear into kindling, as the world flipped back into sunlight again.

With another scream the bear lurched unsteadily to its 60 foot full height.

Cpt_John: You’re next BSG.

The other player nodded and handed back the grenade launch as he got his own console out, and twin pave lows appeared to pour even more fire into the dying monster. The light ground and heavy aerial firepower were finally beginning to take its tool. The once midnight black bear shaped hole in the sky was now smoky grey. Starts could no longer be seen within its outline and it moved erratically as it tried to dodge, and desperately flailed at burning and brittle tree stumps.

But that was only a foretaste. When all else fails, use Earth Moving Equipment. Accept no substitutes.

Ghost: AC-130 above!

wwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The bear’s upper body disappeared behind a flash of yellow and grey smoke. When it staggered out sideways, it’s right foreleg hung limp, and a huge part had gone black yet again. But there were no starts twinkling in that void. More 40mm slammed into its stomach and ribs.

wwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The next 105mm cannon hit it’s back and sent it tumbling forwards. More light cannon slammed into its left side and hip, then another flash of yellow enveloped its left shoulder. Still it wasn’t quite dead. wriggling and screaming as it rocked around on its now useless limbs. More 40mm cannon fire sprinkled its back and then 25mm tracer marched up and down its spine.

Then all went silent. Everyone else had long since stopped firing, awed beyond measure at seeing for the first time what an AC-130 actually meant up close and personal. Cpt_John looked up, seeing the AC-130 was still there. They still had time left on the clock, and the it wasn’t quite dead yeat! Why weren’t they shooting?!

Blood_Son: BSG, what’s going on?

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Aiming. Dodge this you fag!

wwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This time there was no explosion of yellow and grey. The bear’s head disappeared behind a cloud of black, grey, white and blue. And when the cloud fell back to the earth, the head simply wasn’t there anymore, and a vast pool of tarry oil was spreading on the ground there the stump ended.

Tsplitters: Is it over? Is it gone?

N00BT00BER: Think so. No heart beat. Or whatever that thing really had.

He wasn’t the only one asking, or answering. He switched back to his L86 and used the SUSAT once more. They’d all seen the same movies. How the monster always came back to life any time anyone got close enough to check it was dead in the first place. It wasn’t always easy to tell from a distance, but yeah, he was pretty sure it was dead. The whole body seemed to be melting.

Rottypawnz: You’re sure it’s dead? Really really dead?

Blood_Son: Looks like it.

“Terminated,” Cpt_John added, though he could still only faintly hear his own voice.

He needed a drink, and wanted food, and the machinegun in his arms felt like it was made of lead instead of just made to fire it. He collapsed, and fumbled for the safety before pushing it off his lap. He should probably say something about safety to everyone as well, but he was too tired for it. Instead he reached for the laptop, and poked at it with numb fingers until it showed player health. As he stared at the screen the world flipped back over to night.

Eight.

Eight left.

Just eight out of sixteen...

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: So? We killed it. Is it over? Do we go home now?

#

Not long afterwards, and not too far away...

“Huh? What’s this?”

Discord’s eyes widened as he not only saw the symbols flying by themselves, but felt his twisted grip on reality start to unravel. The air began to feel like molasses as he tried to move and he remembered what happened next, as that accursed unicorn open opened her eyes to show not purple, but blazing white, the perfect harmony of all colours joined together.

“No!”

Discord remembered what happened next, and found he could do nothing as the tsunami of rainbow light reared up to send him back to his own personal hell. In desperation he began to think faster and faster, burning away his energies in a desperate bid for time even as the Elements of Harmony ripped them from him.

“Noooooooooooooo!”

But this was NOT like last time! This time there was something he could do! This time there was one last desperate strategy he could grasp for! Something so daring, so imaginative, so out of character that not Twilight, or Celestia, or Luna, or any magic user he has ever encountered could ever imagine him doing.

In his last desperate moments of personal freedom, even as his could feel his wings petrifying, he took the last tattered shreds of power, bundled them up tightly and, before the Elements could take them, he let it go.

Chapter 4a

My Little Pawny: Fragouts Are Magic
By ANTIcarrot

Based on Friendship is Magic, created by Lauren Faust
And My Little Pony, created by Bonnie Zacherle
Render Unto Hasbro That Which Is Hasbro’s...

Chapter Four (part I)

“I am so sorry Miss Sparkle,” Professor Fields said. “I thought you would have realised that the bodies had been in the ground. Why, you came up with three of the seven independent proofs we have, lal byyourself, that The PAtch is over three months old. Surely you understood that the bodies had been in the ground for an equal period of time. With their resulting poor appearance being a completely logical conclusion.”

Twilight sat with her head hanging over the side of the chariot and moaned.

“It never occurred to me that you would have such a reaction to decomposing bodies. Though, I supposed that sight does affect some of us more than others.”

Twilight moaned again, before adding, “Oh, go eat rotten oats and...”

“Miss Sparkle?” One of the guards called back. “We’re starting our descent. You still want us to land outside Sugar Cube Corner?”

Twilight pulled her head up and sat down properly.

“Yes, please. I need a pick me up.”

“Right you are Miss Sparkle.”

Twilight nodded in gratitude as she saw Ponyvile and the sugar-bread styled maisonette appear in the distance.

“Nothing like a good wholesome cupcake to get all thoughts of death and gore out of my mind.”

“Well I suppose there’s no harm in stopping for a quick snack if you feel the need.”

The chariot pitched nose up as it fell below the level of the roof tops.

“Professor Fields, have you ever meet Pinkie Pie?”

“The Element of Laughter? No, I don’t believe I have. Why?”

“Oh, no reason,” Twilight answered as they touched down. She stepped down from the cart. “Thank you gentlestallions.”

“Oh, yes, thank you. Good flight.”

“Anything for you Miss Sparkle.” They both smiled at her, before turning to their other passenger and adding in a more professional tone, “Professor.”

“So your cryptozoology expert lives around here?”

“Yes. Her flatmate works at Sugarcube Corners. Though I’m not quite sure I’d call her an expert. More like an enthusiastic amateur.”

Twilight pushed the door open with her magic.

“Hello Mrs Cake! It’s so good to see you again!”

“Twilight! Well this is a surprise!” She hesitated. “Only, didn’t you see me just this morning?”

“It’s been a long morning. Could I have a double banana whip toffee cake with extra sprinkles please?”

Mrs cake raised an eyebrow.

“Extra sprinkles?”

Twilight sighed.

“A really long morning.”

“Oh my!” She smiled widely. “Sounds like you need them then! And you sir, is there anything I can get for you?”

“Oh, just a regular carrot cake if you have it. Don’t need anything fancy at my age.”

“Hold the sprinkles and frosting?” She added, knowingly.

“If you please, that would be great.”

“Coming right up. Pinkie pie!” She turned to stick her head through a hole in the wall. “Toffee, double whip banana with extra sprinkles, and a number 7.”

“Righty oh!”

“Just plain carrot cake huh?”

“They were rare when I was a boy. Didn’t even get to try one until I was about your age. Thought it was the best thing I ever tasted.”

“Must be a generational thing,” Twilight muttered as she watched the kitchen shadows carefully.

“Oh it is,” Mrs cake said. “My parents were just the same.”

“All done!” Pinkie called out and a dark frizzy outline appeared against the wall.

“That was quick,” Fields commented.

“Yeah, Pinkie’s like that sometimes. Oh, and Mrs Cake? Get ready to catch.”

“Catch?” She asked in confusion, before glancing at the Professor and her eyes widened. Then they narrowed as she glared at Twilight. “Oh sweet Celestia please tell me you didn’t...”

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Sure enough Pinkie Pie was already in the air, as was the tray, and both cupcakes. Both Mrs cake and Twilight reached out for it, but Twilight got there first with her magic, and ten held the plate out for Mrs Cake to grab, even as Pinkie rushed up to Professor Fields.

“Oh my gosh! Are you new here? I’ve never seen you before and that’s really odd because I thought I knew all the ponies in Ponyville which is silly really because I keep running into ponies I don’t know and then gasping and leaping into the air and then telling them I don’t know them I mean don’t you think that’s just the silliest thing? Oh but that’s enough about me I want to know about you! Are you knew here you must because I’ve never see you before and...”

“Hey! Now hang on young Miss! Please stop shaking my hoof like that. No, wait! That’s not...!”

As a still frowning Mrs cake put the tray down, Twilight smiled at her, retrieved her cupcake and took a bite.

“Twilight Amethyst Sparkle, did you deliberately distract Pinkie like that?! Do you know how little work she’ll get done for the rest of the day?”

“I have important business and... I assure you that is entirely unnecessary! But...”

“Oh don’t worry Mrs Cake, I’ll pay the bits in compensation.”

“Young lady! Put me down this instant!”

Twilight smiled contentedly, as she enjoyed her sprinkles.

“Trust me. It’s more than worth it.”

#

People were sitting on the ground, mostly by themselves, but there was one group of three that was taking their backpacks apart to see what exactly was inside. Cpt_John would have loved to join them, and had gotten as far as sitting down, before the Irishman stalked over and dragged him to his feet. Blood_Son had then started to drag him around the edge of the clearing, lecturing him verbally, and with the butt of her rifle, on why exactly he and everyone else was being so stupid.

Killing that monster had probably driven anything dangerous and mobile far away. But as it sat there rotting, some of those things would come back, looking for an easy meal. And some dangerous things simply weren’t mobile because they were small, or poisonous, or small and poisonous! Earth had snakes and spiders. Who knew what the hell this world had...

“We can’t stay here,” Blood_Son said.

“Nothing I’d like more than leave,” Cpt_John muttered.

It was... Um, what time was it? He wondered if anyone had found anything as useful as a watch yet. It had been Friday night, and he had started playing at about 1AM, which had been an hour or two before things started to go to hell. Sleep sounded both really good right now. And really bad. The whole snakes and spiders thing.

“No, I mean we can’t stay in this clearing. We need to go back and check the bodies.”

“You do know they’re dead, right?”

“No. I don’t. And you don’t either. That dragon thing mentioned Valhalla. People in Valhalla came back to life after the battle was over.”

“You’re talking about, um...”

Cpt_John tried remembering the name of that game mode. It wasn’t something he played much.

“Sabotage.”

“Right. Except that dead players in sabotage can still chat. It also said we rejected the Valhalla option.”

Blood_Son was silent.

“We still need to check the bodies.”

Blood_Son nudged him towards the group of three.

“Why?”

“Salvage. Our kit won’t last forever. We’ll need spare parts for everything. Including boots. And have you checked the rations we have? Are they as never ending as our bullets and grenades? If not we need more. And need to learn if there’s anything else we can eat on this planet.”

“Can’t we do that in the morning?”

“Which is another thing. We need somewhere safe to sleep. The church came through with the rest of the map. Hopefully it’s still there. Get inside, lock and barricade the doors, and let some people get some sleep. Place even has a lookout tower.”

“Thin walls though.”

“At least it’ll keep out the view.” The police officer nodded at the three former computer game players. “Find anything useful?”

Cpt_John broke off, and approached another player sitting down on the grass, with a hand gun and pile of bullets in front of him. The magazine had been removed and was held in one hand, with a thumb mechanically pushing a new bullet out every few seconds. The bullets tinkled as they hit the top of the pile and fell down the sides.

“Hey, KSK.” When that was ignored, he tried again. “Leopard swhy? Vee gates zee? Ze brawka, um, etvas?”

The tinking stopped.

“Nein. Ich bin gut.”

Right, Cpt_John thought. You’re good. So good you’re playing with bullets like they were tic-taks.

Unfortunately he was the second best person at speaking German, right after KSK_Leopard2, whose English skills mirrored his own.

“Vir gehen, um, soon. Nicked yetst, aber, soon. Ze comma mit ... vir. Ze furshtay?”

There was a pause.

“Ja. Ich verstehe. Sie werden bald verlassen, aber noch nicht.”

The middle of that, and most of the end, went over his head. But he got the first part.

“Well, gut, gut. Funf oder zen minutan.”

KSK_Leopard2 nodded, and did nothing else, but didn’t go back to pushing bullets out of the magazine. Cpt_John turn to rejoin Blood_Son when the german added something else.

“Bald. Wir gehen bald, aber nicht jetzt.”

“Ah.” Balt. Soon. “Danka.”

As he cross the short gap Cpt_John shook his head at their luck. Only three survivors with headsets, and one of them couldn’t speak the same language. Vunderbar. Vunder-bloody-bar.

“Well is there anything we do have enough of?!”

N00BT00BR: Plenty of condoms. So we’re sorted if we meet any pretty looking goats.

Tsplitters: Sleeping bags look decent. What we do have seems to work at least.

“Good. Given our luck so far we’ll need it all eventually.”

N00BT00BR: You sure about this? Claymores usually disappear when we die, but...?

Blood_Son thought about that for a moment, before pulling a face.

“We don’t have much choice. Anything we step on or in front of could kill us. Here or back there.”

“Aren’t there perks that let you spot explosives?” Cpt_John asked.

“Worth a shot. Okay. Pack it up you two. John, help me get the others.”

“One already knows.” He nodded at KSK_Leopard2. He looked between the last three and sighed, which turned into a yawn. “You take those two. I’ll go get Mr ‘Are we there yet’.”

“Good luck.”

He turned and walked across the field to the furthest player. Every game had one. And theirs happened to be... Cpt_John tilted his head. Asleep? He snorted. He wondered why things were so quiet.

“Hey, BSG,” he said as he poked the player with his rifle butt. “Wake up.”

He tried a few more times before giving up. Briefly he thought about yelling FOUR! and swinging his rifle butt down on his head. Cpt_John still had slight ringing in his ears... But no. Blood_Son was right. They only had the supplies they were carrying and couldn’t afford to risk anything useful, irreplacable, or valuable. Like his M4.

Instead, he grabbed BSG:WIN////’s arm and lifted. The player didn’t wake up. Cpt_John was almost impressed as he hauled him higher and higher until he was half standing. Still sleeping even then.

Cpt_John let go, and let the hacker fall to the ground. That finally woke him up. He watched the player sputter and slip around in the wet grass for a few moments before speaking.

“Get your gear together. We’re shifting camp. Five minutes.”

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: What did you do?!

“I woke you up. And I’ve been guarding your stupid arse while you caught forty winks.”

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: I was home!

“You were dreaming.”

He looked down at BSG face. Bruised, burnt, and covered in mud. The rest of his body didn't look that much better. Well that wasn't quite true. In the middle at least he looked worse for wear, but when you looked at the outline... Whatever BSG:WIN//// had been before, now he was his game avatar, a US Special Forces soldier, and twin of Cpt_john’s own new body. Which was not something he was particularly happy about either...

“Look... Sorry mate, but you were dreaming. This is real. There ain’t no easy way out. Now come on. It’s not safe here.”

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Safe? There’s no such place! You keep safe by keep moving!

The player heaved himself to his feet and looked around unsteadily.

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Where are the others?

“Others?”

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: The other players. Where are they?

The other soldier waved his arms about. Cpt_John couldn’t help but notice that one of the hands suddenly had a gun in it.

“They died,” he answered slowly. He glanced around himself, looking for any nearby cover and not seeing any. No one else was nearby either. He turned his attention back towards the gun. “We fought the monster, and they didn’t make it.”

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Well, yeah. Yeah, but we won. So where are they?

“They died,” Cpt_John said again, as he slowly moved his thumb to touch his M4’s safety switch. “They got stepped on, or got hit by a paw, or got caught in friendly fire. They didn’t make it. They died.”

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: No, but... No. That’s not how the game works!

“Did you know any of them?”

He was pretty sure he knew the answer. Only one player had an [FCUK] clan marker. Clan players almost always joined the same clans and same games as their friends. But he wanted enough time to rotate the safety without it clicking. An M4 was a better melee weapon, and better ranged weapon, but between arms reach and fifty meters, a handgun was simply faster and easier to point at your enemy.

And BSG:WIN//// wasn’t within arms’ reach.

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: What? No. I... No.

“You remember Chernobyl? In the first game? At the start of the mission, sneaking past the guard hut and then snipping the church tower?” The safety switch started to pull, but his thumb pressure slowed it, and it silently rotated through single shot. “That church is on the edge of the map. It came through with everything else. We’re going back there.”

BSG:WIN//// just shook his head and started to pace.

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: It’s not safe. It’s just timber frame construction. It’d just get stepped on next time. Probably won’t even give the next thing a splinter!

“If the thing that brought us here had more...”

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Discord. It called itself Discord.

“Okay... If Dischord had more than one monster, he’d have used it. And he hasn’t appeared again. So maybe we’re lucky and he’s forgotten about us.”

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Can’t take that chance.

The safety finally and silently clicked into automatic, and Cpt_John relaxed slightly. He nodded at the monster.

“That body over there is probably food for something. I don’t want to be here when those somethings turn up. You should come with us.”

The other player just shook his head again.

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: No.

“You need to come with us.”

Another shake of the head.

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: No.

Really not wanting to do this, Cpt_John stepped forwards to try and close the distance. The situation was already spiralling down hill. Maybe if he got close enough he could catch him around the head before things got worse.

“You don’t have any choice. You have to come with us!”

He didn’t see it coming. Or rather he did, like that strange moment when your mind is aware that it’s seeing something important bit doesn’t quite understand why yet. He saw BSG:WIN//// turn and saw the arm come up, but he didn’t really catch up to current events until a 9mm wide black hole was pointed at his head.

Bloody lag...

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Don’t tell me what to do!

#

Author's note:
I hadn't heard the Twilightlicious song when I wrote that first section, but I was definately humming it as I typed this up for FimFiction. ^.^ I'm somewhat dissatisfied with this chapter, mostly because I spend twice as much time with the humans as with the ponies. A couple of reasons for that: The human section was supposed to be short and immediately followed by a visit to Lyra. (As if you couldn't see that one coming...)

With the B section added (hopefully within the next month) things should be much more rounded. After this situation gets resolved, I'll have finished the compulsary ponyless 'meet the new guys' section in any HiE story. The human/pony ratio should then swing in the other direction as Twilight does her thing, the humans try to survive, and you find out what exactly Discord did in his final moments of freedom.

My regulars may have also noticed that the story intro has changed and the DARK tag has gone. Given how many bronies seem to think 'dark=cupcakes' I can't help but wondering if it has been loosing me readers. I also hope that mentioning Twilight might get my story a second glance too. (The depths we authors stoop to for attention...) If anypony has any sggestions as to which tags I should be using, please say so in comments.

Chapter 4b

My Little Pawny: Fragouts Are Magic
By ANTIcarrot

Based on Friendship is Magic, created by Lauren Faust
And My Little Pony, created by Bonnie Zacherle
Render Unto Hasbro That Which Is Hasbro’s...

Chapter Four (part II)

“You’re sure this ‘expert’ of yours lives around here?”

“Pretty sure,” Twilight said as they walked through Ponyville’s outskirts. “Why?”

Both were taking their time. Twilight because of her saddlebags. Fields because of his age.

“Crypto-zoologists tend to be egotistical blowhards, who compensate for the gaps in their so called research, by either shouting louder than everyone else, or pandering to idiots who don’t know any better. As a rule they are tend to be rude and outspoken and unable to cooperate with others. They don't tend to be quiet and anonymous."

“Um... That’s not very diplomatic.”

Professor Fields looked down at the Element of Magic.

“Twilight, do you know what ‘cryto-zoology’ means?”

“An expertise in exotic animals?”

“No. An expert in exotic animals is called a zoologist. A cryto-zoologist is someone who specialises in animals that don’t exist. Animals that either cannot be proven to exist, or which have been proven not to exist.”

Twilight frowned, then sniggered.

“You shouldn’t be so sceptical Professor. There are more things in Equestria than we know of. I learned that lesson the hard way.”

“Surely so Miss Sparkle, but that doesn’t give us leave to let our imaginations run riot, or ignore the basic tenants of rationality.”

“What about things that have no rational explanation?”

“Nonsense! There is always an explanation. It may be difficult to find, or it may have been lost, like burning the last page of a book, or it may be unpleasant, like the cold equations of random chance, but there is always an explanation. Anyone who claims otherwise is a charlatan, or a fool that’s been tricked by a charlatan.”

Twilight just smiled.

“We’ll see what you say after your party. I’m sure Pinkie will be happy to tell you all about her Pinkie Sense.”

“The party I shall not be attending you mean,” Fields said. “And ‘Pinkie Sense’?”

“And we’re here!”

Twilight ignored his question as she turned to walk up a garden path, and knocked her hoof on the door. Fields joined her, and after a moment a pale cream pony answered it.

“Hi Bon Bon!”

“Oh, hi Twilight! Who’s your friend?”

“This is Professor Fields. He’s a military historian from Manehatten University.”

“Delighted,” Fields said with a smile and formal bow.

Bon Bon raised an eyebrow at that, but then smiled when she saw Twilight roll her eyes.

“Nice to meet you too." Bon Bon frowned. "Wait, you’re new aren’t you? Has Twilight warned you about Pinkie yet?”

The professor’s expression dropped a bit.

“Miss Sparkle did mention her in passing, yes. After I meet her. I’m told I have a party due.”

“Oh dear! Well, my commiserations. Pinkie can be a bit overwhelming. But she does throw the best parties!” Bon Bon’s eyes suddenly widened and she turned to Twilight in excitement. “Wait, if you meet Pinkie today does that mean...?”

“Mrs Cake asked if you were free,” Twilight answered. “She has an extra half day of overtime if you want it?”

“Oh thank you Twilight! Yes I would! Oh but I wasn’t expecting to work today! I’ve got to check my mane and hooves, and...”

Twilight quickly interrupted.

“We were also hoping to speak to Lyra. Is she home?”

“Hmm? Oh sure.” Bon Bon turned around and shouted. “Lyra! Visitors for you!” She turned back and added, “Come in, come in. I need to get ready for work, but Lyra will be with you in a moment. Nice to see you again Twilight! And nice to meet you Professor!”

“You too Bon Bon.”

“Ma’am.”

They waited silently in the living room, before turning at the familiar sound of hoof steps. A lime green unicorn walked into the room, then jerked to a stop when she saw the professor. For his part Fields' jaw dropped, and he raised a hoof to stab in Lyra’s direction.

“Jessica Summers?!”

“You!”

“Wait? What?” Twilight asked, as she looked back and forth between them. “Who’s Jessica Summers?”

“That it!” Fields growled as he continued to point at a very annoyed looking Lyra. “She is!”

“Professor that’s Lyra Heartstrings, not Shessica Summers.”

“It’s JESS-ica,” Lyra corrected with a frown.

“Ha!” Fields grinned manically. “I knew it! So this is where you’ve been hiding all this time!”

“Wait,” Twilight started, “how can you be Lyra Heartstrings and Jessica Summers? Why would a pony need two names? Isn’t that just needlessly complicated?”

Lyra just glared at Twilight. Then proudly raised her head and turned away towards a bookshelf.

“Jessica Summers is my ánthrōpos name.”

Professor fields just started laughing loudly and brashly at that.

“Your what?!” Twilight asked.

“My pen name, if you want a more formal name for it. I write journal articles sometimes, and I use a pen name to avoid it interfering with my professional career.” She turned to glare at a still giggling Fields, while her horn moved two books down from the shelves. “And to avoid being bothered by arrogant blowhards who can’t change their mind and won’t change the subject.”

Fields had been calming down but that just set him off again, laughing so hard he actually fell onto the couch. Unable to properly glare at someone who was ignoring her, Lyra turned on Twilight instead.

“Oh thank you so much for letting him know where I live!”

“Um... I...” Twilight looked back and forth between Fields and Lyra. “I'm sorry. Even though I'm not entirely sure why. He’s usually not like this.”

Lyra tensed up and opened her mouth to say something, before closing her eyes and breathing out slow and deep.

“Why did you come here Twilight?”

“We wanted to ask you a few questions. About The Patch? The alien landscape that appeared in the Everfree. We found some things there that, well, look like the kind of things you talk about sometimes.”

Lyra glanced across at her.

“Things? Like animals?”

“More like artefacts.”

“Artefacts?”

“Well, things like this.”

Twilight’s horn light up and her saddlebag opened. An object floated out and she held it up for Lyra to see. It looked like four metal rings, joined together like the toes of a paw, with a arch of metal joining the end rings together to form the pad. It even had little claw stubs. It had been the most bizarre and useless thing Twilight could find. She hoped it would be a good litmus test of how useful Lyra’s knowledge would be.

“Do you know what this is?”

Twilight let go as Lyra’s horn started to glow, and she felt the other unicorn take ahold of the strange object. Professor Fields had stopped laughing now, and both he and Twilight watched to see what would happen.

Lyra hovered it just above the end of her muzzle. Looking at it from both sides, turning it upside down, examining the edge, before finally turning her hoof upside down and resting the object there. Then her face light up, and she turned the object around.

“I’ve got it! It’s a knuckle duster!”

“Knuckle duster?” Fields asked. “As in monkey or diamond dog?”

“Oh!” Twilight suddenly remembered that word. “I get it! So it’s some kind of fetlock cleaner?”

“Um... No. Look, wait here. I’ll go change into my hands and then I’ll show you.”

Twilight yelped when Lyra dropped the ‘knuckle duster’ onto a coffee table.

“Lyra! Careful! It’s irreplaceable! You might break it!”

“It’s cast steel Twilight. You could drop it off Canterlot Castle and barely scratch it. Now I’ll be back in a minute. Just don’t let Muddy here do anything stupid!”

With that Lyra vanished, though they could still hear her moving around, and follow her hooves upstairs.

Fields got up off the couch and came over to stand next to Twilight.

“Thank you so much for bringing me here. I haven’t laughed this hard in years!”

She glared at him.

“You are not helping!”

He ignored her.

“I haven’t felt this young in years either! I shall cherish this moment until the day I die!”

“Oh... Shut up.”

Twilight ignored him and bent to examine the ‘duster for damage. Seeing what she was doing, some of the professor’s
characteristic seriousness returned to his expression and he leaned down to join her.

“She’s quite right about the material, and its durability. You don’t need to worry. I’ve known Miss Summers to be foolish in many ways, but physical clumsiness is not one of them.”

“Miss Heartstrings. You know her real name. You should use it. Speaking of which... Muddy?”

What little humour remained instantly left his face.

“Let’s just say it’s a long story.”

“Well I’m sure Lyra will be happy to tell me all about it. Muddy.”

“I am sure she will.” They looked up as they heard Lyra coming down the stairs again. “Speaking of which, bet you 50 bits she mentions humans before we do.”

“What?”

“You’ll see. And pay attention. This next part is always fun.”

Lyra walked back into the room just then, not carrying anything, to Twilight's surprise, but on her front legs...

Twilight’s jaw dropped, then half closed as she started to speak, before her expression settled on confused.

“What are those?”

Lyra smiled and walked over before holding up a foreleg for Twilight’s inspection. Strapped around each cannon was a ratchet joint, which held a short pole, on the other end of which was... Well Twilight wasn’t quite sure what it was, except that it looked like a lot of bones held together with thread, springs, and hinges. She stepped back when it began to glow with Lyra’s magic, and the rod clattered around until it was holding the wooden bones just in front of Lyra’s hoof.

Then the bones came to life, and waved at her.

“That... That looks really weird.”

“They’re my hands,” Lyra said.

“Yeah. Very nice. Why are you showing them to us again?”

“I think I can see where this is going,” Fields said as he picked the duster up in his teeth. He walked over and held it out for Lyra, who threaded a finger through each hold, and then formed a fist. All three ponies stared at the combination in wonder. “Remarkable. You seem to have gotten the proportions correct in their entirety. The fit’s a bit loose, but that’s only to be expected since you only have the bones here.”

“Well it’s about five years too late, but I accept your apology.”

“Now hold your hippogriffs there, young lady. Getting one fact right does not mean you’re correct about everything else.”

Lyra turned to Twilight.

“See what I mean about being unable to change his mind?”

“What are you two talking about?”

“Humans Twilight,” Lyra said brightly. “These are model human hands. This is a human knuckle duster. You’ve found evidence of humans somewhere.” The green unicorn learned uncomfortably close to Twilight, with a borderline manic expression. “And I want to see it!”

“Told you,” Fields said. “I win.”

Chapter 5

My Little Pawny: Fragouts Are Magic
By ANTIcarrot

Based on Friendship is Magic, created by Lauren Faust
And My Little Pony, created by Bonnie Zacherle
Render Unto Hasbro That Which Is Hasbro’s...

Chapter Five

“Tool knife. Glove. Belt. Um, shoe?” Lyra leaned down and sniffed. “Yes. Definitely shoe. Odd one though. Leggings. Harness. Hmm.”

Lyra stopped and stared at the next object. Twilight stepped forward, and took another look at the strange arrangement of straps, that Lyra had so casually dismissed.

“Harness? You mean like a saddle?”

“Kinda, except it’s meant to support something more substantial than really fancy second hat. Soldiers wear them under their armour, to get all the pieces to fit together.”

“I know that. My brother took his armour off and showed me his once. This doesn’t look anything like that.”

“That's because humans don’t look anything like ponies. They also don’t have magic, so they have to make clothing out of different pieces stitched together. They can’t just take a sheet of cloth, and zap it into the right shape like Rarity can. How am I doing so far Muddy?”

“I admit to being presently surprised by your knowledge of military technology. Most ponies think one royal guard is the same as another.”

“It’s all technology,” Lyra said off hoof. “Oh, now this is interesting...”

Her horn glowed as a dozen short tubes lifted out of a box, and then arranged themselves on the tabletop. Lyra stared for a moment before sorting them by size. She released all but one, which lifted off the table and spun slowly before her eyes. She stared down the hole before flipping it around, and leaning close to examine the closed end. “Hmm.” Another joined it. “Ah ha!” Then a third. “No?”

Lyra went back and forth comparing the three as Fields and Twilight watched.

“No, they are different,” Lyra muttered to herself, before rearanging all the tubes. This time turning them upside down, and matching the markings she found on the base. When she finished there were three new groups on the table. The other two ponies glanced at each other. Back at the dig site it had taken five days for one of the junior archaeologists to realise the same thing.

“What do you think Lyra?” Twilight asked.

“It’s not a chess set. The ratios of pieces don’t match up. It might be a measuring system of some kind.” Lyra leaned forwards before yanking her head back. “Yech! They do whiff of alchemy. Either way I’m guessing they’re like Quills. Some kind of standard item you can just buy a lot of at once.” She looked up. “Were there many more of them?”

“Thousands,” Fields answered. “More than we could easily count.”

“Have they been looked at by an alchemist? Pinkie might have a go, but it doesn’t smell like fireworks, and I’m not sure how far her knowledge goes beyond that.”

“Fireworks?” Fields asked with a worried glance at Twilight. “They let that creature play with magic that dangerous?”

“Oh don’t get so upset Muddy. Pinky takes her work very seriously.”

“Yes,” Twilight added in agreement. “I was worried too when I first heard, but apart from that one time with the barn she’s never had any serious accidents.”

“And the tree,” Lyra added.

“Well if you’re counting that , then you might as well include that small landslide in the quarry.”

“I guess,” Lyra said before going back to her artefacts.

“So you see professor, apart from the barn, the tree, and that one small landslide, Pinky’s never had any serious accidents.”

“Yes.” Fields said. “So you say. Absolutely nothing to worry about...”

#

Cpt_John stood stock still and stared at the gun.

Neither of them moved.

“You mind pointing that el...”

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! I CAN’T EVEN FUCKING SPEAK ANY MORE! I CAN’T EVEN FUCKING SPEAK!

And then BSG:WIN//// stepped closer, still holding the gun inches from Cpt_John’s head, and started yelling. Silently.

At that point he didn’t know what was worse. The crazy man holding a gun to his head, or not being able to hear a single thing the crazy man said. He wanted to call for help, but didn’t know if chatting also fell under the ‘no talking’ rule, and he wanted not to be shot more.

Someone notice this please! Seriously! Someone must be paying attention! We’re in the middle of an empty clearing! There’s nothing else to look at! So someone bloody notice!

Blood_Sun: Hey, BSG?

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Piss off!

Blood_Sun: I’m just coming over to talk. Just as a police officer. Normally I’d say I was unarmed but, you know, that’s not how it seems to work here. Would you mind telling me what’s going on?

The gun swung round to point at her.

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: Stop! Just... Just stop!

Blood_Sun: That’s okay. I won’t come any closer.

Cpt_ John eyes followed the gun, as he suddenly realised that it wasn’t pointing at him anymore! He could grab it... Except it was now almost certainly pointed at Blood_Sun. If he screwed up he wouldn’t be the one to get shot, but someone still mgiht be... And suddenly the gun was pointing back at him again.

Um, yeah. He really needed better reflexes about stuff like that.

[FCUK]BSG:WIN////: I just... I want out of here! I want to leave!

Blood_Sun: That’s what we’re doing. We’re getting out of this clearing and getting back to the map. We know that area right? It’s familiar territory. We’ll be safer there.

BSG:WIN//// swung the gun back towards Blood_Sun, but this time he seemed hesitant, less sure of himself. Cpt_John waited, patiently, for the gun to stop pointing at someone. And then…

BSG’s arm began to move. So did John’s.

The G18 went off on full auto as BSG’s forearm bounced off John’s hand and wrist. The blast was loud, but he was ready for that. The muzzle flash on the other hand, at night, pointing in his general direction, he did not see coming. Squeezing his eyes shut against the pain, he couldn’t see much of anything else at all either. So he pulled his other arm back, spread his thumb and index finger, and shoved forwards to push BSG over.

There’s a trick to doing that. Most people aim for the centre of mass. But that’s a mistake. It’s like attacking the centre of an army formation. Sometimes it’s a good idea, but unless you’ve got special training, it’s better to attack a weaker aspect of your enemy. Which is why he spread his thumb and index finger as wide as possible, and aimed for a point just above BSG’s collarbone, and just below his Adam’s apple. Or at least where he remembered it being.

Half blind and deaf, things got confused for Cpt_John after that. First Person Shooters were really bad practise for actual modern warfare, but they were pretty good for a down and dirty brawl. Press forwards, hit early, hit often, hit hard, and keep going until one of you wasn't moving any more.

He remembered aiming his knee at BSG’s crotch, and missing, and then somehow getting on top, and on his feet, and kicking forwards. He got a reaction out of that, and his vision was coming back, so he aimed another kick at the little bastard. BSG had come closer to killing him than either that bloody dragon or bear had; twice! He was due for a little payback.

And what do you know? Steel tipped army boots are really good for that.

Then he got tackled.

“Back off! Back off now! He’s down! It’s over!”

Unlike Cpt_John, Blood_Sun did have special training, and reinforced every other word with a full body shove right through his centre of mass. He stumbled backwards until the words got through hisdisorientation, then held his hands up. The Russian soldier who was really a Gardia officer glared at him before speaking quietly.

“Next time I use my rifle as a billy club!”

“He pointed a gun at me!”

The face of a grizzled russian veteran frowned. It was not a happy expression.

“Yes. He did. But do more than disarm him again and I’ll still use my rifle as a billy club.”

“And what happens if next time he pulls the trigger?”

The frown deepened, and the other human was silent for a moment.

“Then I’ll still use my rifle as a billy club. Only for a much longer period of time. But no.” He spoke before Cpt_John could. “I would not kill him."

“You do that. But next time he tries to kill me I’ll use my rifle as a rifle. He’s on two strikes as it is!”

“We need everyone!”

“No! No we don’t! This isn’t some dumbarse TV show! We do not need some whiney little deadweight putting everyone else in danger to boost the ratings! We do NOT need someone like that!”

The Russian avatar shook his head.

“Yes we do.”

“What the hell for!?”

“Mine detector.”

“What are you...”

Oh.

Cpt_John suddenly realised what the other player was talking about. That was... Something that sometimes happened in war. Real war. Not computer games.

“Oh I’m sorry, are we getting squeamish all of a sudden? I thought someone wanted to kill the ‘whiney little deadweight’.”

“Yeah, but...”

“Shut up! We have all been dumped in the arse end of nowhere! That means that if we are going to survive, that there are going to be lots of shitty little jobs that needs to get done. Now do you want to do them, or would you rather it was someone else?”

“Okay, fine. You’ve made...”

“We also need to think before we act. All of us.”

“I said point made.”

“I hope so.” Blood_Sun leaned forwards. “I really do. Because before things went to hell back there, you sounded like you had a half a brain rattling around in that skull of yours. Am I right?”

Cpt_John thought back over the past few minutes.

“On a good day,” he admitted.

“Good. Now come on. And tell me what you noticed about that idiot back there.”

“He had an RPG-7.”

“So?”

“An RPG-7 started this fight.”

The Gardia was silent for a moment.

“No. No it didn’t. Big blue didn’t like us very much. A rocket didn’t do that. It didn’t dump us all here either.”

The Englishman was silent for a moment.

“So what did you notice about him then?”

Blood_Sun grunted.

“Better. Now watch, pay attention, and keep your damn mouth shut.”

#

“I’m still not convinced it’s ‘humans’,” Twilight said.

“Well let’s see,” Lyra countered with a roll of her eyes. “Human knuckleduster. Human leggings. Human boot. Human knife...”

“Actually that knife seems like something a pony could use too.”

Lyra opened her mouth, before changing her mind, frowning, and pulling a face.

“I, suppose, a unicorn could use it too.”

“Or a dragon,” Fields added. “Or a griffon. Or a diamond dog. Or a minotaur. Or a shadow lord.”

“A shadow lord wouldn’t need it,” Lyra said quickly.

“True. But they could use it.” He had to think for a moment. “For sentimental reasons.”

“And what could use that boot then? Hmm? Tell me that!”

“It might not be used by anything,” Twilight said. “I’ve seen enough clothing like it at Rarity’s shop. Not everything that looks like clothing is meant to be worn by somepony.”

Lyra closed her eyes and seemed to count to ten.

“And the materials?”

“Are quite unique and very impressive,” Fields promptly admitted. “Even the fabric is strangely woven, and this other material? I’ve never seen anything like it. Miss Sparkle?”

“Um... I’ve seen things like it.” Her horn glowed as she leaned closer. “Internally it’s a little like rubber, but not. It’s just as flexible, but not as stretchy. I really don't know how you’d make it. And rubber doesn’t look like that on the outside either.”

“But that’s not going to convince you, is it?” Lyra asked.

“Not really.” Twilight looked up. “Should it?”

Lyra looked like she really wanted to say ‘yes’, but then she sighed.

“I don’t suppose so. So what would?”

Twilight thought. They were all stumbling around in the dark here. What they needed was to try and get back on to firm scientific ground, and then start forwards in a more careful way.

“Well, a test of some kind would be good. Some kind of double blind test by preference. But I can’t really think of anything that would categorically confirm this one way or another.”

“That’s because there isn’t anything that could do so.”

“Professor,” Twilight warned.

“At least Twilight has an open mind!”

“But thankfully she also has mental netting to stop just any fool idea dropping in there.”

“Netting?” Twilight asked.

“Is that what you really think? You’re the one who came to me Muddy! Why did you do that? To laugh at me?!”

“Netting! That’s it! Hey guys!”

“Laughing requires something to be funny! And there’s nothing funny or clever about a good mind going to waste chasing filly-tales!”

“Guys! Guys?”

“I repeat! If you think so little of my ‘filly tales’ why did you come here?”

“Guys!!”

“I didn’t know I was coming to see you! Twilight said she knew someone who studied speculative creatures, and might have some useful information for us. What a pity she was only half right!”

Twilight sighed, once again ignored by both other ponies.

“Okay, you both asked for this.”

“I’ve provided plenty of information! You just haven’t been willing to listen! It’s just like the humans say; you...”

“BE QUIET! BOTH OF YOU! I ORDER YOU TO BE QUIET!”

Lyra and Fields both winced against the volume, as the sheer force of Twilight's voice shoved them both sideways. Ears yanked up and eyes snapped open, as both turned to glare at Twilight. Only for ears to immediately fold backwards again, when they saw Twilight glaring right back at them, with small yellow flames licking at her mane and tail.

And they suddenly remembered why Twilight was widely regarded, as one of the most magically powerful unicorns in all of Equestria. Because she kept doing things worthy of the title. Such as being able to use the Royal Canterlot Voice to its full effect.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I break your concentration? And no! That was not an opportunity for you to speak! That question was entirely rhetorical! After such a foalish display you can both listen to me for once! And then you can go to your rooms! And I mean that literally! Because Fields actually suggested a decent test!”

She turned to glare at just him. “This is where you say, ‘I did?’.”

“Um... I did?”

“Well done! Was that really so hard? And yes. Yes you did. Well done once again. You mentioned a net. Only you got it the wrong way round. A mental net doesn’t interact with small and stupid ideas. They just pass right through. For a mental net to grab something, it has to be complex and broad idea. An idea which has been expended upon, to such an extent that it no longer fits between the holes. An idea which has, at least to some degree, been broadly thought out. We are about to test such an idea.”

She glared at Lyra.

“Um, we are?”

“Yes! We are! And even better, it’s a double blind test! You are both going to write down what you think humans look like, in all the detail you can think of, inside and out, and then afterwards I will compare the notes and see how closely they match.”

“But how is that a test?” Lyra blurted out. “Muddy here... Ah, I mean Professor Fields here, hasn’t seen any human before in his...” Lyra trailed off as her eyes widened. She turned to Fields. “You found more than just artefacts did you? This wasn’t simply a dig site was it? You found bodies. You found bodies, and you didn’t tell me, and then you came into my house and called humans made up nonsense!”

“I wouldn’t say…” He trailed off as something seemed to light up in Twilight’s eyes. “Actually yes. More or less.”

“How could you do that?!”

“Because it’s hard to judge exactly what they are.”

“How can it be had to judge? You think a human body can be confused for a pony body? For a diamond dog? For a griffin? For a bucking shadow lord?! How can you possibly make that mistake?!”

“Because they’ve been buried underground for three months,” Fields answered dispassionately. He glanced at Twilight before continuing. “Buried in shallow graves, without the aid of a coffin, in locations that were not conductive to good preservation of bodily tissue. And prior to that, many had received extensive injuries. At least one body seems to have been missing some rather large pieces when compared to the others. It was, and still is, hard to be sure what they are.”

“I’d know!” Lyra said. “I might just, oh I don’t know, try counting the limbs or something.”

“It’s not that simple Lyra,” Twilight snapped. “I’ve seen the bodies. Believe me I know. I wish I didn’t.”

Lyra looked at both of them (but mostly at Twilight) before trying her luck.

“Is it really that hard to tell the difference between a canine and primate head?”

“It is when the head is missing,” Muddy said.

Lyra hesitated, before finally hanging her head and sighing.

“Fine. Test.”

“Good!" Twilight spoke in a clipped tone. “Now while I’m sure you both have a lot to write, I’m going to write a list of subjects so there’s at least some overlap. That way...”

There was an urgent knocking at the door. They turned to look, and Lyra almost took a step, before Twilight's expression made her think better of it. The Element Barer of Magic had calmed down, and was no longer quite frustrated enough to spontaneously burst into flames, but it was still close to the surface.

“Now as I was saying...”

The knocking came again, harder and even more urgent. One of Twilight's eyes twitched.

“Maybe we should see who that is,” Fields quickly suggested. “I’m sure Miss... Miss Summers doesn’t wish to lose her front door.”

Lyra for her part had been nervously glancing up at the ceiling, and trying to remember if it was fire-proof or not. But jerked to face the Professor when she realised what he said. He tilted his head, and her eyes widened.

“Ah, yes! I think I’ll just go answer that. It is my front door after all. And then we can get right to that test thing! Back in a second!”

She edged around a stoic Fields, keeping him as a shield between herself and Twilight, and then made a beeline for the door. Fields waited a moment before leaning forwards to speak quietly into Twilight’s ear.

“Miss Sparkle, your flames are showing.”

Twilight turned to him, and went from grouchy and flamey, to mortified and shrunken as his words sank in.

“I was, flaming?!”

“Only a little bit,” he assured her. “Pilot-light rather than blast furnace, but yes. Yes you were.”

“Oh no! No no no no! But how could I... I haven’t lost control of my magic like that since...”

“It happens to the best of us.”

“But you...”

Twilight’s gaze flickered to his head, and then back, before looking down at the floor.

“Now Miss Sparkle, you know better than most that all ponies have magic. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen an earth pony get stuck in a tallent-related feedback loop, but it does happen, and when it does it’s usually not pretty. Especially when they start to really come apart, usually just before they crash.”

Twilight rubbed her hoof in the carpet.

“Once a year?”

Fields touched her purple hoof with his own cream coloured one.

“You do have a lot of magic inside of you Miss Sparkle; by all accounts at least. Maybe you just need to exercise it a bit more. Or it could be just stress. Going from regular student life, to fighting off Discord, and then suddenly getting thrown into this job can’t have been easy. Maybe you just need a break.”

“Maybe.”

Fields frowned, then smiled as he leaned down.

“Or you could just blame Lyra. I find that usually works. You’d be amazed the sheer number of accidents and misfortunes that she ends up being responsible for. Why it was just terrible of her to show you those bodies this morning wasn’t it?”

That got Twilight’s attention as she brought her head up to gape at him.

“You…! Why…! How could…?”

“Yeeeeeeeessssss?”

Twilight huffed.

“You are a terrible utterly-incorrigible old…”

It was not Twilight’s day for speaking in complete sentences.

“Look!” Came an aggravated and rather recognisable voice from the porch. “Is Twilight here or not?”

Twilight turned in surprise.

“Dash? What is she doing here?”

“Fine! I’ll see for myself!”

“Hey! You can’t just barge into another pony’s house like this!”

Dash disagreed, and started calling out loudly and obnoxiously.

“Oh yeah? Watch me! Twilight! Oh Twilight! Are you in here? Twilight…” She came level with the door and stopped suddenly. “Oh, hey! You really are in here! What? Wait! Whoa Lyra! Wait!”

A green glow suddenly surrounded her, and lifted her off the floor. She quickly hooked her hooves around the door frame.

“Wait! Twilight! Fluttershy’s in trouble!” Athletic muscles flexed as she struggled against the forces pulling her backwards.

“Trouble?” Twilight stepped forwards, her own problems forgotten. “What’s wrong?”

“She…!” Apparently it wasn’t Dash’s day for speaking in complete sentences either, as Lyra chose that precise moment to stop pulling and start pushing. Rainbow’s muscles stopping helping her and started helping Lyra. The blue pegasus shot towards the other side of the door, hitting it heavily. “Owww! What the hey?”

The green glow started dragging her backwards again, this time taking care to keep her hooves far away from any possible sources of traction.

“No! Wait! Lyra! Stop!” Dash’s voice faded as they both left the house. “This is important! Hey! Hey! Hey! Don’t do...! Owwww! Why would you do that?!”

“Lyra! Dash!” Twilight called out as she followed them. “Stop it both of you!”

Professor Fields watched her until she disappeared out of sight.

“What was I saying about sources of stress?” He quietly mused as he continued to follow the conversation.

“Lyra Heartstrings stop it! There is no excuse for turning a pegasus upside down and bouncing their head off the ground! Especially on the pavement! Even if she did deserve it!”

#

Discord was bored. No, worse. He was bored and almost completely powerless. The only reality warping he was going to be doing in the near future, was defying the laws of gravity, and bending light around his currently much reduced form.

Still, at least he wasn’t stone.

Well, technically he was stone. And technically he also wasn’t. All at the same time. He was glad he didn’t have a lesser mind or he might find the whole situation dreadfully confusing.

Unfortunately that the part of him that was current stone, was by now restored to Canterlot gardens, surrounded by perpetual love and happiness spells, to prevent any possible repeat of his last breakout. And the part of him that wasn’t stone, was now stuck following these overgrown monkeys around. He was quite put out by it! Not quite as put out as he would be, if all of him was in the stone, but still.

Oh he could leave if he wanted to, but it probably wasn’t a good idea. He had felt what that bloody rainbow had done to his seedling kingdom. Small as it had been, it was still chaotic, and thus a part of him, and when his chaos and the land, air, and water had been forced apart, it had been like a sticking plaster being ripped from the surface of his brain. All his efforts, all his creativity, all his works, all of it was gone!

Well, almost all of it.

Discord always thought that it was one of life’s little ironies that as a fundamental incarnation of chaos, he could only ever assert his own power by organising things. Though he was being of chaos, a product of entropy, formed from and a vital component of the soulless mindless dispassionate space time continuum itself - he was only ever noticed by the lower beings of the universe, if he displayed motive, perverted entropy, and actually talked to them.

Not that he wanted to be noticed right now.

That was the problem with being a force of Nature. You always had to be on the lookout for the forces of Magic. That no good low down corrupting little minx! If he wasn’t careful Magic could twist him round it’s little finger, like it could all the major forces of the universe, and Discord was quite sure he didn’t want that happening to him!

Like it already had. Twice.

Well not this time! This time he would get his power back! He would have his fun! Especially with the two so called ‘princesses’! And after undoing that particular mistake, he'd then start the long slow task of restoring this universe to its natural state! And tough if those damn bloody ponies didn’t like it! See if he cared! In fact, given the rules of nature, and the size of their heads, it would be equally likely that they wouldn’t care much about anything once he was finished…

Unfortunately getting his power back either meant smashing open his statue again, or finding some other strong expression of his power, that the never sufficiently cursed magical rainbow had left intact.

Which lead back to these silly, hapless, and helpless humans.

Annoyingly, several had already gotten themselves killed, and his power had evaporated along with them. But several were still alive, and the spells woven into and around each one, and the spells that still bound them to each other, were as strong as the moment he had forged them. Between them they were by far the most concentrated sample of expressed chaotic power left in Equestria.

Now all he had to do was figure out how to un-express it, so he could get it back.

Chapter 6

My Little Pawny: Fragouts Are Magic
By ANTIcarrot

Based on Friendship is Magic, created by Lauren Faust
And My Little Pony, created by Bonnie Zacherle
Render Unto Hasbro That Which Is Hasbro’s...

Chapter Six

Angel paced back and forth in front of his home, waiting impatiently for the slow blue one to speed up and get the stupid purple one. His crazy yellow doe was being even crazier than usual and all the biting and lecturing in the world hadn’t stopped her. How the name of Frith and Inle was he supposed to keep her safe when she refused to do what he said?! And then she just started flying, and talking to him like she was a real rabbit, and oh what the hraka was a buck supposed to do with a doe like that! It was almost enough to make him wish he was back fighting that bloody dog under that bloody tree on top that that bloody dow...

He looked across as he saw a flash of black, as the stupid and slow one appeared.

Finally! Now if they’ll just do as I say maybe I can solve this disaster!

#

“I don’t believe you!” Twilight said as the scenery around then scrambled and then reasserted as Fluttershy’s cottage. “Bears, yes. Snakes, yes. Killer wasps and honey badgers? Yes and yes. But not even she would treat one of those! She doesn’t like dragons, remember!”

“Hydras aren’t dragons.”

Rainbow Dash had teleported in still hovering just above the ground (an achievement Twilight was immensely proud of!) and scanning along the Forest tree line.

“Yes!” Twilight insisted. “Yes they are!”

Dash turned to glare at Twilight, and then loop behind her to start pushing.

“Less talk! More walking!”

“Okay! Okay! Fine! Just stop...” Something small and light bounced off her leg. “Oh hello Angel!”

The diminutive little rabbit immediately started bouncing up and down and waving his forelegs around.

“Fluttershy’s gone into the Forest and you’re worried about her?”

“We already know that Twi... Wait, you can understand him?”

Dash gaped at her friend in astonishment. Angel had also stopped to stare as well, though for reasons far less fathomable. Rabbit faces were simply less flexible than pony ones.

“Don’t be silly Dash. Rabbits can’t talk. It’s just not that had to guess what he wants. What?”

Twilight looked down to see Angel grabbing her leg and gesturing even more bizarrely towards the Forest.

“Oh we don’t have time for this! Twilight, can you cast that self levitation spell, like you did for Tank?”

“You mean on myself? Well I guess, but why?”

“Twilight! Please! We don’t have time!”

“Okay fine.” Twilight closed her eyes in concentration as her horn began to glow. As the glow began to spread over her body she shook her foreleg to dislodge Fluttershy’s pet. “Not now Angel. Okay Dash, I’m hovering. How is going to Hissssss!”

Twilight’s eyes shot open and she hissed in a breath through tightly closed teeth as she felt a pair of mare forelegs grab her hind quarter in a way that no mare’s forelegs should grab her there!

And then suddenly she was spun around and racing towards the Everfree Forest, and then the world spun again and she was above the Forest, and whatever she was about to say to Dash vanished in a long scream of terror!

#

“You gabbed my hind quarters!”

“Oh don’t be such a filly.”

“No one! But no one! Is allowed to grab me there! Especially not without asking first! Unless they are an extremely attractive stallion! And you are neither extremely attractive nor a stallion!”

“Twilight?” A quiet voice interrupted.

“Yeah yeah, whatever. We can walk back slowly then. But first...”

“Um, please, both of you-”

“I can’t believe you did that! And I see no Fluttershy and no Hydra!”

“It’s just she’s really rather sick and-”

Dash cleared her throat and pointed. Twilight frowned, then grimaced, then face-hoofed.

“She’s behind me isn’t she?”

“I can hear you.”

The unicorn mare turned to face her friend and apologize. To her surprise, Fluttershy waved it off.

“It doesn’t matter. Twilight, I need your help with something. Dash? Um, thank you for getting Twilight, but it’s probably best if you wait here.”

“No way!” Dash landed right in front of Fluttershy and walked right up to her. “I saw that thing! I don’t care how much is missing! I’m not leaving you alone with it again!”

“Please Dash, she can barely move. She isn’t going to hurt either of us. And... And Twilight’s here. She can... Take care of things.”

“Fluttershy-”

“Please Dash.”

Twilight watched the exchange with growing unease until Fluttershy actually interrupted Rainbow Dash. An event that clearly surprised the blue pegasus just as much.

“Maybe you should go and check on Angel,” Twilight said slowly.

“Check on Angel?” Dash repeated. “Are you kidding me?”

“Ah, yeah. You know. Make sure he hasn’t eaten something he shouldn’t. Or someone he shouldn’t.”

Dash frowned and looked back and forth between them.

“Okay, fine. If you don’t want me around I’ll go ‘check on Angel’. Call me when you want a cloud moved or something.”

“Dash wait!” Twilight called out as her friend vanished into the sky. With a sighs she turned on Fluttershy. “Well I hope that was worth it.”

“I’m sorry Twilight.”

“Don’t be sorry to me. Be sorry to Rainbow Dash.” Her ears wilted and she looked aside. “I think we both owe her an apology at this point.”

“I’m still sorry but, um, I need you to come with me. Please.”

Twilight nodded and followed ‘Shy as she turned towards some bushes.

“Why did you want Dash sent way anyway?”

“I didn’t,” Fluttershy answered as they passed through the undergrowth. “Not really. But you did.”

“I did?” Twilight asked sceptically as they came out the other side. “Why would I...” Twilight froze as she caught sight of the Hydra. Her ears folded flat against her skull and she looked at the monster in horror. “Oh no. No no no no no no-”

“She’s sick Twilight.”

“Oh no, please no.”

Twilight began to back away, only to bump up against Fluttershy’s body, who had moved around to block her retreat. The lock of pink hair had been brushed aside, and now Fluttershy looked calmly at Twilight with both eyes.

“She’s sick Twilight.”

Sick wasn’t the half of it. Twilight wasn’t looking at the Hydra. She didn’t want to. She didn’t need to. Some things couldn’t be forgotten. Even if you really wanted to.

The body of the hydra lay half submerged in a shallow pond of water, its scratched and dirty sides heaving with laboured breathing. Four heads rested on the back. Eight sets of rummy eyes stared dully in the direction of the two ponies. Birds idly perched on top of the normally notoriously bad tempered creature. But it took no action. Because the hydra’s problems weren’t the birds, or its eyes, or the scratches, or even the scratches on its eyes.

The hydra’s problem was its fifth neck. A fifth neck that very visibly, and very disturbingly, and very horrifyingly, did not end in a fifth head.

“Fluttershy I can’t! I don’t know that kind of magic!”

“You know a sleeping spell Twilight.”

“But I can’t! I can’t Fluttershy! You keep casualties awake! You stop them from going to sleep! Going to sleep kills them! I can’t put her to sleep!”

“I know that Twilight. So does she, in her own way.”

“Fluttershy, she’s a Hydra! How can she know the slightest thing about a sleeping spell?!”

“She knows she wants the pain to end. She wants the pain to end so very very much.”

“Fluttershy...”

“Her kidneys are failing Twilight. That’s hard enough to reverse in the best pony hospitals, and for pony sized kidneys. It can’t be done for her Twilight, even if the surgeons were willing to get that close.”

“I... I can’t!”

“I’m sorry Twilight, but there’s nothing else I can do for her. This is the only thing that can be done for her.”

“Don’t make me do this!”

Fluttershy blinked at that, and tilted her head to the side.

“Um, I could. If you wanted me to.”

“What?!”

“I mean, it wouldn’t be your fault then. You wouldn’t have to feel guilty. You could blame me.”

“Fluttershy! How can you even think of that?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do. Look at her Twilight.” Fluttershy’s voice never rose above her usual quiet whisper. There was no trace of the tone she used when The Stare came out. But in a way its absence was even worse. Fluttershy wasn’t demanding. She wasn’t insisting. She was asking, as a friend. She was asking Twilight to do what she honestly thought was the right thing to do. “Because there’s nothing else left to do. There’s nothing else left that I can do. Asking you is the only thing I have left.”

Twilight collapsed as her legs gave way. She closed her eyes and leaned forwards to bury her nose in the damp grass. It smelt good, pure, and wholesome. There was a scent of daisies and buttercups. Maybe if she concentrated on the smell she could forget what she just saw, and think clearly enough to come up with a reason not to do what Fluttershy asked.

She shuddered in memory as a feathering wing folded over her back, and the warmth of her friend’s body pressed against her side. Shuddered in memory of what she saw, in knowledge of what Fluttershy wanted her to do, and in mourning of the memory of when Celestia used to do this. That would never be a pleasant memory again...

“Twilight...”

“Please don’t!”

“What would Princess Celestia want you to do.”

Twilight didn’t say anything. Fluttershy didn’t either. When the unicorn finally raised her head, she was sniffing, and her checks were wet, but not from the grass.

“That’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not,” Fluttershy agreed. “But that’s the way life is sometimes.”

Twilight stood, took a deep breath, and turned to face the hydra.

“You’re sure she won’t hurt me.”

“It’s okay Twilight. She won’t. She can’t. She doesn’t want to anymore.”

Twilight took a step forwards, glanced back at Fluttershy, and then continued forwards, slowly closing the gap until she stoop just a few feet short of the nearest head. Rummy eyes tracked her, and the Hydra’s breathing speed up. Muscles started to tense within its neck as the other eyes turned to look at her.

“It’s okay. Shh! It’s okay! You don’t need to be scared. She can help you. Like I promised. Remember? She can make the pain go away.”

The eyes swiveled to face Fluttershy. The hydra calmed, before making a strange and quiet grunting sound that Twilight had never heard before.

“Twilight.”

Twilight glanced to her left, before closing her eyes and bowing her head. Her horn began to glow as she reached out with her magic and began to touch the four minds directly in front of her. She wove thought and memory and emotion into the spell, and then pushed hard against the pain the Hydra was feeling. Her horn brightened until it was blazed with the effort to affect such a large creature, but eventually, like a badly oiled cart wheel, it gradually began to work.

The Hydra’s mind slipped from consciousness faster than Twilight thought, and she had to start pulling instead to stop it from going too far under. The minds, well, ‘wobbled’ for lack of a better term, but seemed stable as Twilight withdrew her magic and stepped back.

#

Fluttershy and Twilight sat on that bank, watching the Hydra and waiting. Fluttershy did her best to comfort her friend, and convince her that she had done the right thing. It didn’t help though. Twilight was far too busy stressing about keeping the Hydra stable. Casting healing spells on the Hydra’s stump, her eyes, and the blood within her veins, trying to take the pressure off her kidneys.

Fluttershy didn’t have the heart to tell her it was all far too late.

So she just sat there, and stood there, keeping Twilight company, just as she had with the Hydra. And then, when the inevitable happened, she held Twilight as the tears finally came and wouldn’t stop. Later she would yet again tell her that she had done the right thing. The correct thing. The brave thing. That it would have been wrong to let the Hydra suffer any longer than she needed to.

Well, maybe not that last one. Fluttershy knew Twilight was a thinker. She knew Twilight might hear that, and realize how selfish she had been to refuse to help the Hydra, even for just five minutes, just because of her own silly panic. And that guilt would be terrible.

Fluttershy wouldn’t tell her that. She couldn’t tell her that. She could help animals, and her friends, and even other ponies sometimes, if they were sick or injured, but she couldn’t help them with the truth. Just like she couldn’t tell Twilight that the Hydra was pregnant. If the guilt might depress her, that knowledge might break her. She would keep that secret, and add separate grave markers later.

In the meantime she just held Twilight and let her cry.

Sometimes Fluttershy had to be strong for her friends.

#

“We desire a two hundred yard perimeter around this area! Thou will beat the forest and chase out anything large than a field mouse! What is about to happen here is not for the eyes of common ponies!”

“Yes Princess!” Captain Tokomak of the Grey Wing saluted as she received her orders.

Luna stared at the pegasus before her. By tradition the various regiments of the Equestrian military belonged to neither princess. They swore their oath to the Capitol, and the virtues it stood for, not who lived there. In practice Celestia and Luna tended to have favourites, and the hard-nosed Grew Wing were one of her own. They had her Respect.

Of all general battalions that had fought her while she was Nightmare Moon, they had had put up the best fight. In fact they had put up the only flight, as they had been the only ones able to sneak up on her. Once she had realised what was happening, the following battle had been extremely one sided. The surviving ponies had of course rejected an offer to serve by her side. To this day killing them remained one of Luna’s biggest regrets. Which made what she was about to say next all the harder.

“Nor is it a sight fit for guardsponies,” Luna continued in a much more reserved tone. “However highly they have served. And however much respect they are owned. Thy Princess commands this.”

As she expected, Tokamak stiffened, but saluted again.

“As you command Your Highness.” She paused before adding, “If I may?”

Luna nodded.

“Ask thy question.”

“Would you send the Upstarts packing as well?”

Luna smiled, wanly. She liked Tokamak.

“Surely so. Though of course we’d send the special alicorn service packing first.”

Tokamak stood a little straighter, and very specifically, and very professionally, didn’t smile.

“Yes Ma’am. As you say Ma’am.”

“Oh be off with ye! You have ponies to organise and bushes to thrash.”

The Grey Wing captain nodded before taking off and starting to yell for her lieutenants and colour sergeants. Luna watched him go, before turning to look at the six young element bearers in the middle distance. She stared long and hard. She was getting better at that. It had been months since her last attack of day terrors, and she was proud of the fact she could now look at all six ponies, together, and think of them as the element bearers without shivering. It helped that they weren’t all looking at her, or smiling.

Perhaps one day she’d be able to bare looking at them when they were happy and smiling, and together, and wearing the Elements themselves? But that was for the future. There would be many sessions with Dr Shellshock before that happened. She stepped behind a tree, putting herself out of line of sight of the Element Bearers, before let herself turn into living shadow. Many, many sessions.

But in the meantime, she had a body to examine. She floated unseen over to the Hydra’s body, before passing into it and out of sight.

#

“You wanted to see me Princess?”

Luna decided to let it slide, just for today. If Twilight wanted to take comfort in reminding herself she was standing next to an immortal demigoddess, the least Luna could do was play the role.

“Yes Twilight, thank you for coming. I know today has been deeply upsetting for you. Were there any other way, I would not disturb the solace you seek from your friends.”

“No, it’s okay. The whole ‘Special Inspector’ thing, right? With great Titles come great responsibilities.”

“That sounds like something my sister would say.”

Twilight smiled, slightly.

“It was. It was one of the first lessons she taught me. Though she always said she got it from somewhere else.”

“Tis of no matter. I trust my sister also saw fit to tell you that you always have the right of refusal?”

“I know. But responsibility sometimes means saying yes, even when you really want to say no.”

Luna looked at Twilight and hummed thoughtfully.

“In my time we called that bravery.” Twilight’s smile widened and she looked away. Luna continued. “However, sometimes saying no is also bravery. Thou always has the right to refuse. Sometimes responsibility and courage means saying no. Party of thy duty is to protect thyself from harm caused by a thoughtless leader who pushes too hard, and provide good example to others so they may do the same.”

“I know not to push myself, and to not take on so much responsibility I can’t cope any-more. I can say no when I need to.”

Luna raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“Given thy history with my sister, we suspect thou needs more practice.”

Twilight looked back and harrumphed.

“I’ll say no to my teacher the moment she acts like a thoughtless leader.”

“We may encourage her to test this notion,” Luna said with a smiled, before turning serious again. “But to business. You may have noticed the circle the Royal Guard has set up?”

“Um, yes. I assume that means we’re about to do something dangerous?”

Luna nodded before speaking nonchalantly.

“I am about to assist you in performing an act of Forbidden Magic.”

“Okay. What spell will I be casting?”

Luna paused.

“Again, we believe thou needs more practice in the act of saying no.”

“But I trust you.” Twilight paused as she calmly looked at Luna, with a slight smile on her face. “So what spell will I be learning?”

Luna sighed and face-winged.

“We walked right into that didn’t we?”

“Well gee Luna, a new spell? I don’t know. Are you sure? Twist my hoof.”

“Very well, though do not say we did not warn you. Also remember unto your last days that this is a Forbidden Spell. It is not to be spoken of. Even knowledge of its existence or function could cause a pony lasting harm.”

“Okay Luna, but I still trust you. What will I be doing?”

“Come with me.” Luna began walking towards the dead hydra. “I have examined the body of this creature, and found the same remnants of steel and copper found within the remains of the Ursa Major, as well as echoes of the same magic. We are going to perform a last examination to try and determine exactly what attacked it. I have already cast spells against the foulness of decay, and vermin. The examination requires two magic users, and I shall of course perform the harder task.

“Which leaves the second one to you: Memory retrieval.”

Twilight opened her mouth to speak, before her eyes widened and she looked at the Hydra in understanding.

“You understand now why this is Forbidden Magic?”

“Because it’s dangerous?”

“Because it’s icky and disgusting,” Luna corrected. “But also consider the impact on parents traumatized by the death of their child. This spell could not bring their loved one back to life, but it could let them see with their eyes, and hear though their ears, and experience all of their joys and sorrows.

“Unfortunately the spell is not harmful. A mare or stallion can perform it endlessly, as long as they take care to exercise, living the same dead memories over and over again. For years. Or decades.” Luna paused. “Which is why it is dangerous. And why it is Forbidden.”

“I, I think I understand. In theory at least.”

Luna nodded.

“Thou has never experienced true temptation before. There is a device called the Alicorn Amulet that we may ask you to wear one day. But that is a lesson from the future. Now I must ask you to go through this hydra’s memories, and try and see what it remembers of the creatures that attacked it.”

Twilight turned and examined the hydra.

“Um, I’m not going to come out of this thinking my friends look good enough to eat am I?”

Luna blushed and coughed, before quickly casting a spell to push the blood back where it should be before Twilight could turn back.

“Not unless you did before.”

“Huh?” Twilight turned back to Luna in confusion.

“Oh, nothing. Another potential lesson for the future, and one that I think I’ll defer to my sister. Now, concentrate and pay attention, to peer within the memories of the recently departed thou twist thy magic like thus...”

#

“What do you see?”

Twilight carefully controlled her breathing carefully, as she had been instructed, and tried to tell Luna what she was seeing though the gaps and distortions.

“I see the Everfree Forest, but it’s different, and smaller.”

Twilight turned her ‘head’ downwards and winced as the view kept glitching like a bad film as the memories jumped from head to head. The trees were all far below ‘her’, and for a moment she wondered if this was how Dash felt and what she saw when she flew. Then the Hydra turned away, taking Twilight with it.

“All the colours are wrong, and they keep shifting. And there are holes in the landscape everywhere.”

“Probably everything the Hydra was not focused upon. Thou might be surprised how little the average pony truly sees when they look out upon the world. Thou are certain you are in the right day?”

“I think so. This is the last day before everything hurt.” Twilight shivered. And that had been terrible. She thought she had felt bad when she and her friends split up while cursed by Discord. That was nothing compared to horror and agony the Hydra had experienced waking up every day after losing one of its heads. The spell had protected Twilight from the worst of it, but there was only so much it could do. “It’s early morning and the sun feels really good on my sca... On it’s scales.”

“Spike might be interested in hearing that.”

“But I’m not going to tell him.”

“Correct Twilight. What else is the hydra feeling?”

“Happy. She’s happy. And hungry. But mostly happy.”

And that was part of how the Everfree Forest looked different. In the real world, Twilight wasn’t afraid because she was right next to Princess Luna, and surrounded by royal guards. In the Hydra’s memories, she wasn’t afraid because ‘she’ was one a large and powerful carnivore. She was an object of fear, not subject to it! In hear, the Forest was a delightful place full of mystery and excitement, with every tree and bush a piñata that might contain a tasty treat, and every river and pond a place where she might go bobbing for...

Twilight stopped right there and forcefully inserted ‘apples’ instead.

She really wasn’t quite sure what she was more disturbed by. Sharing the thoughts and feelings of a carnivore (and Twilight really hoped that he wasn’t going to have to watch the Hydra kill something!) or the disturbing realization that the Hydra’s general outlook on life was an almost identical match for Pinkie Pie.

“I’m going to skip ahead a little.”

“Be careful Twilight.”

Twilight focused, and turned her gaze towards the Hydra’s shadow. She willed it to point North.

Yummy tasty juicy meat and crunchy bone!

Gah! No! No! Do not want! North East! North East!

PAIN! PAIN! PAIN! FEAR! PANIC! TERROR! PAIN! PAIN! PAIN!

Too far! Too far! Go back! Go back!

The kidneys of giant porcupines were hard to get to but the hydra was clever, and knew all it had to do was grad the legs in different head and pull really hard until...

No! No! No! No! Not this again! North North East! North North East!

Twilight relaxed as the Hydra’s emotions settled down into happy piñata time again.

“Twilight! Are you all right?”

“No. Not really. But I think I just found what attacked it. I’ve got it down to sometime in the next hour. I should be able to find the exact memory in the next ten minutes. How are you doing Luna? You said you were doing the harder part. Are you okay keeping the spell going that long?”

“I am fine Twilight. Thank you for asking. We alicorns have the endurance of a earth pony. We need it to fuel our endless patience for all the times that other ponies forget that fact.”

“Ha ha. Very funny.”

“We are please you find our humour agreeable. What is the hydra doing now?”

“Um... I’m not sure.”

And Twilight honestly didn’t have a clue what the hydra was doing. It had caught sight of a rabbit, and started to carefully sneak up on it. Which confused Twilight instead of worry her. Rabbits were far too small to make a worthwhile snack, and the hydra didn’t feel like it was hunting. Why was it bothering?

She learned when the bunny turned and saw the enormous head mere inches away, grinning and snorting menacingly. It turned and ran only to come up against another head, and then another and another. Twilight sighed. The hydra wasn’t going to kill and eat the rabbit. It was playing with it, which was about as much fun to watch.

She was about to try skipping forwards very slightly, when the rabbit was finally able to get to safety inside the hallow of a tree. Twilight relaxed, thinking it was over, when one head ripped an entire bush out of the ground, and dumped it right outside, and slightly on top of, where the rabbit was hiding. The other heads seemed to think this was a marvellous idea, and began building a pile of bushes in front of the rabbit.

“I really have no idea what it just did.” Twilight glanced at the shadow. “But I think I’m at almost exactly the right time. Wait...” The view spun and narrowed down as all the heads turned to a single direction, with far more focus and far less humour than they had showed with the rabbit. “I think I may have found the memory.”

“You’ll know if the moment of injury begins to colour the prior memories with pain. Be careful.”

Twilight nodded, pointlessly, since Luna couldn’t see her. The hydra’s body was already beginning to feel sore, and one of the necks was beginning to sting, even though the Hydra was completely ignoring it. The heads dipped low to the forest canopy, which began to become even blurrier and fragmentary than usual as the hydra focused upon what it was hunting.

As they got closer, fear began to bleed into the edges, and Twilight again focused on her breathing. Not long to go now, she thought. Or was that thought the hydra’s?

Then she saw them. Six figures, matching the torn and rotting bodies she had seen this morning. Only these were alive, and very much aware they were being hunted. Fully dressed and moving by themselves Twilight knew instantly that Lyra was completely right. There had been pictures in her house of ponies standing strangely, and suddenly Twilight understood what they were really about.

The normally unified hydra began to turn schizophrenic, as the anticipation of the now began to clash with the terror and fear from the future, but Twilight was still able to mostly follow what was going on. The Hydra had never seen these creatures before, and was delighted at the challenge, but still recognized the humans as pack carnivores. The hydra was absolutely certain of that. The way they moved they couldn’t be anything else.

Twilight tries to look closer at what exactly they were holding in their forelimbs, but they hydra didn’t care about such things, and thus they flickered in and out of blurry existence.

The hydra roared in display, but as it expected got little reaction, so it began to stalk forwards. If these prey didn’t know to fear it, they would learn! In return the strange prey creatures began to make strange popping noises and flashing of light. Then the hydra began to register pain. Mild pain at first, like a leg that smashes though a low handing tree branch. But then the pain began to build and, and echo itself. In the same way the light and sound echoed...

The hydra roared again, this time in fury rather than just display! How dare such tiny creatures cause it pain! It would smash them! It would pulverise them! It would crush them! And then wash their remains from its feet in the nearest river.

It charged forwards and ducked something flying towards it. Stupid bird! Then another. Stupid birds! Several more flew past and for some reason burned like dragon breath before one of the heads lost patience and caught one in its teeth.

The world went white and suddenly the hydra howled in agony as something cut along one of its neck. Two other heads turned to look, only to fail to find a neck where a neck should be. So they looked down, and saw the base of the neck, fallen forwards and dragging underneath the...

STOP!

Twilight shivered. It was almost over, and that was the worst of it.

She forced the memories backwards to the start of the charge. She watched again, flickering from head to head to get a good a look at these ‘birds’ as she could. She thought not. Those were definitely not birds, and whatever they were, they were definitely coming from the humans. And though she couldn’t be sure, she thought they were holding their artefacts in a completely different way.

“I think I’ve seen everything. I’m coming out.”

“Very well Twilight. Move your ears and your jaw. Twitch limbs that don't weigh several tons.” Twilight’s eyes popped open and Luna’s voice returned to normal. “Do things with your body that the Hydra... Ah. Welcome back. Can you stand?”

“Yes.” Twilight gathered her limbs underneath her. “Yes I think so.”

She stood, wobbly, and with the sense she was far too low to the ground, but she stood.

“What did you see?”

Twilight paused to gather her thoughts. She would want to write this all down before forgetting anything, or even thinking too much about it. Having literally lived though an example, Twilight was all too aware of how easily memories could be distorted.

“Do you remember that strange wound in the Ursa Major’s rib? I think I know what caused it.”

#

Luna had mixed feelings about what had just happened. She was proud of herself for facing the elements of harmony, together, though it had still helped that their necks were bare, and that they still weren’t smiling.

Though she could have possibly controlled herself a little more. She definitely shouldn’t have been so frosty with Rainbow Dash when she reminded her that the pegasus was now loyal to two princesses (plural!) and not just one. But she had faced them, and had given orders, and had behave (mostly) as a Princess of Equestria should do.

In a way it made the next and final part easier. She lay down on her knees next to Fluttershy.

“Would you like some more time?” She asked quietly.

“N, no Princess Luna.” She looked away. “I mean it’s still sad, but it’s not the first time I’ve had to say goodbye to someone.”

Luna nodded. Saying goodbye was something she understood.

“You care for many animals don’t you dear Fluttershy?”

Fluttershy smiled.

“Yes Princess.”

“Many generations of animals.”

Fluttershy’s smile waned slightly.

“Yes Princess. I do know what that’s like.”

Luna nodded again, understanding that Fluttershy wasn’t simply talking about the animals at her home, and for once actually believing the pony who said so.

“Thou are a good and noble mare, and truly a kind one. Both my sister and I, and all of Equestria, and the surrounding nations, all owe thee a debt of gratitude.” Luna quickly silenced Fluttershy’s protests with a feathered wing. “And while We understand that this debt can never be paid fully, and thou would not wish us to try, we hope that thou might accept an occasional boon from time to time.

“And I understand that thou wishes that thy friend gets a decent burial.”

Fluttershy suddenly perked up, and glanced at the hydra, before turning back to Luna.

“You would do that?”

Luna nodded, before closing her eyes and letting her magic flow. On the back below them, a massive block of earth and stone lifted out of the ground to float in the air. The water inside the hole began to flow uphill, leaving the hole dry, even below the water table. A flash of blue later and the hole was lined with rock.

Fluttershy looked on as the Hydra’s body lifted out of the water, and began to curl in upon itself, until the massive creature looked to be asleep, with its mortal wound hidden within the nest of heads between its paws. Wounds vanished as the hydra was lowered into the hole.

Then she gasped as six folded silk blankets appeared on the ground. Then tears began to well up, and she turned to Luna in gratitude as the blankets began to fill with all too small forms. The bodies of the hydra’s unborn children were slowly and gently lowered to lie with their mother, before Luna cut the bottom off the hovering plug of earth and turned into a stone capstone to forever seal the tomb. Then the plug earth began to lower, filling in the hole and spreading to form a shallow grassy hill, upon which rose an elaborately carved tombstone.

In sincere gratitude, for services
to crown and country.

Tears fell from Fluttershy eyes as a circle of six smaller unmarked tombstone rise in a semi circle before it. For one final time Luna uses her magic, and trees began to grow upwards from the mound, even as their roots dig deep and anchored it. They were joined by shrubs and flowers and bushes as Luna hid the mound and grave behind all the beauty of the Everfree Forest, with a heart of thorns to ensure that those who lay within would never be disturbed again.

Luna’s horn darkened again.

“Thank you,” Fluttershy whispered as she looked at the monument Luna had built. “Thank you so much.”

Sometimes Fluttershy had to be strong for her friends, but only sometimes. And none of her friends were here right now. As the young pegasus buried herself against her shoulder, Luna bent her neck to comfort her, and folded a wing over her body as Fluttershy began to cry.

Author's Note

Wow. Four months and some loose change. Traditionally this is where the author promises to do better next time, but, you know, reality bites. Some of these scenes were also ... complicated. I hope they've come off well.

If you have enjoyed this, make sure to kidnap all your friends and tie them up until they agree to like it as well. If you've already done that, please leave a comment, and ensure you've ticked both the +Fav and thumb's up buttons. :twilightsmile:

Life outside the computer screen can be complicated, and the internet is full of shiny, but hopefully I'll see you all again in less than four months next time.