Trigun: The Honest Disaster

by Genis94

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Human, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Adventure, Sex, Gore
Length: 5440

It was just a normal day for Vash the Stampede, until amysterious light burst from the desert, bringing a strange creature with it. With no one else to turn to, Applejack must trust in the Humanoid Typhoon to help her find a way back home.

It was just another day on Gunsmoke. Vash the Stampede was locked in a gun battle against two outlaws, but in the aftermath of the fight, a strange light burst out of the desert, bringing with it a strange woman. Lost and alone on this strange new world, Applejack must trust in the strange creature that the people call "The Humanoid Typhoon". Will Applejack find her way home? Or will the bounty on Vash's head lead her to her final rodeo?

Published 2013-10-05 00:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-13 04:29:16 UTC

An Average Day

The planet Gunsmoke. An arid world covered almost entirely with sand, save for the scattered cities made by humanity. Gunsmoke wasn't named inappropriately; it earned the gritty title due to the lawlessness on the planet caused by all manner of bandits, thugs, and murderers. But one man stands out from them all: Vash the Stampede. Also known as the Humanoid Typhoon, Vash has been counted responsible for all sorts of disasters on the planet, such as the complete destruction of the city of July, which was lost in the blink of an eye. This event has since been called: Lost July.

However, despite his reputation, Vash has a nonexistent body count after July, some calling it a miracle without God's help. Many have tried to claim the enormous $$60,000,000,000 bounty on Vash's head, but none have been able to succeed. But right now, Vash had himself locked in a battle for his life in the center of the desert, and this is where our tale begins.

Just another day... Vash thought to himself.

*Bang!*

Another round sailed over Vash's position behind a rock outcropping in the midst of the desert. Leaning to the side of his cover, Vash quickly aimed down the barrel of his custom revolver, firing a round that nearly hit his attacker in the arm. Cursing himself for firing before he could stabilize his arm for the shot he got back behind cover before two rounds whizzed past and impacted the sand.

"Why do I keep getting dragged into your messes..." Another man groaned next to Vash.

This other man had black hair, wore a suit with the shirt unbuttoned near the top, and had a massive metal cross planted in the ground to expand their cover slightly. The man took a handgun out of a compartment in the cross, and unloaded a few shots without aiming, hoping it would keep their attackers from getting a decent shot.

"You didn't have to follow me, Wolfwood..." Vash countered.

Wolfwood scoffed as he replaced the now empty pistol with another from the Cross Punisher. "After all that Gasback nonsense I figured I'm just going to keep getting dragged into your problems no matter what, so why not get it done with? Doesn't mean it isn't annoying though."

Vash pulled out a moon clip and reloaded his revolver with expert speed. "How very kind of you..." He sarcastically remarked.

Another burst of gunfire came from the outlaws. Vash could tell what type of weapon he was using. It was a submachine gun that had a clip of 30 rounds, which meant it was about to be emptied right about...

*Click*

"Now!" Vash shouted as he vaulted over his cover.

Wolfwood followed his example and brandished his pistol, aiming for the second of this outlaw duo. With a carefully aimed shot, Wolfwood managed to hit his target in the shoulder. Vash stabilized his aim this time, and let a round hit the other outlaw in the arm forcing him to release the round object from his hand mid swing. Vash managed to recognize the object as a grenade, an unimprovised one at that.

Vash and Wolfwood ducked back behind cover to sit out the explosion. Once the dust settled, they both noticed the crackling noise left in the explosion's wake. Vash gasped as he saw a giant glass bulb buried in the sand bearing a massive hole from the grenade.

"Huh, so there was a plant out here? Must have been covered up by a sandstorm ages ago." Wolfwood shrugged. "Oh well, guess it's broken now."

Vash however was not as calm about the situation. "It's not just broken! It's going critical!"

"Uh oh..."

The hot desert sun beat down on Applejack as she trotted in the badlands outside of Appleloosa.

Celestia sure doesn't slack off out here. I wonder what Braeburn called me out here for in such a hurry?

Applejack took a moment to adjust her stetson as she caught a glimpse of her cousin.

"Cousin Applejack!" He called as he galloped over to shake her hoof.

Applejack returned the gesture and tipped her hat to Braeburn. She may have thought of him as a blabber mouth, which he kind of was, but they were still family.

"Howdy Braeburn! What in tarnation did y'all call me out here for?" She asked, getting right to the point.

"Oh cousin, you wouldn't believe what I found out here! It's just over that ridge." He said, pointing to a rise in the terrain.

Applejack trotted over and found herself baffled by what she saw. Lodged in the sand was some kind of giant glass... thing. Inside there was a big green glowing sphere that pulsated with some kind of energy. Applejack couldn't make heads or tails of this strange thing, but she knew a certain alicorn back in Ponyville who would be giddy as a school-filly once she got a chance to look at it.

"Just what in the name of Celestia is it?" Applejack asked as she went in for a closer look.

"Beats me, cousin Applejack. That's why I thought you might have an idea. You've been friends with Twilight for so long, I thought maybe a thing or two may have rubbed off on you."

Applejack began inspecting the glass bulb, surprised with how dense the glass was. She stopped as she found a small metal panel near the top where the wires connected to the orb.

"Plant No. 436? This ain't like any plant Ah've ever seen..."

"Maybe it's one of them alien devices you keep reading about in those sci-fi books they started printing?" Braeburn suggested.

"Y'all are startin' to sound like Lyra, always goin' on about her 'humens'."

"I think it was pronounced 'humans'." Braeburn corrected.

Applejack fought the urge to facehoof, but got startled by a crackling sound. Looking back at the plant, the orb in the center began to spark, and the glowing was intensifying.

"Braeburn... y'all might want to run."

Braeburn followed the instruction of his cousin and galloped away. Applejack turned to follow, but tripped over a rock buried in the sand. Her eyes became blinded by the light the plant radiated, and she began to feel light headed. She could no longer tell which way was up, and fell unconsious.

Just when Vash was sure the Plant had reached critical mass, it suddenly shot a massive beam of light straight upwards, forcing him to shield his eyes. Once the blinding light finally subsided, the plant had completely vanished.

"It's... gone?" He asked in disbelief.

Wolfwood clapped his hands together. "Praise be to God!"

Looking back at where the plant was moments before, Vash caught a glimpse of something laying in the center. He ran down to investigate, and soon recognized what it was.

"Ahhh~! A beautiful flower blooming in the desert! Fear not madam, I will bring you to safety!" He triumphantly recited as he rolled over the woman collapsed on the sand.

She had long hair tied back in a ponytail, and wore a stetson on her head. She wore a white shirt, an orange flannel, and jeans with brown boots.

"Ughhh... Rainbow... No more cider drinking contests..." She moaned.

Vash paused at her words. Even for the planet Gunsmoke, Rainbow was a strange name, and cider wasn't exactly a common drink considering how few trees could grow in the harsh environment.

"Hey, Needle Noggin! Don't just stand there gawking, help the poor girl!" Wolfwood called to him.

Vash felt annoyed by being called that name by Wolfwood, but he was right; now was not the time to be distracted by her beautiful hair, or her well toned curves or... or...

Applejack finally felt the world starting to reform itself around her, as the pounding in her head managed to subside. She could still feel the sand beneath her, a sign that she was where she should be. She could feel somepony breathing down her neck, and she could only assume that Braeburn was panicking over her safety.

"Braeburn... Could you back off?" She asked as she was still too tired to open her eyes.

"Braeburn?" A voice asked.

Applejack's eyes shot open once she realized whoever was breathing on her was not Braeburn. What she saw was unlike anything on Equestria. It was a bipedal creature wearing a long red coat and had spiked up blonde hair. For some reason his gaze seemed very unnerving, as though he was looking at her body rather than her. It was also then that she noticed her body had changed as well. She was in a body similar to the creature before her, aside from two strange lumps on her chest, both of which seemed to be the focus of the creature.

It was at this point that her mind went into shock, and she was terrified of whatever stood before her. She balanced on her forelegs, or whatever they'd been turned into where called, and delivered a strong buck to the face of the creature.

"OWWW! Who knew such wonderful legs could cause so much pain!" He cried as he grasped at his face where he was hit.

"Where am I?! What'd y'all do to me?! Where's Braeburn?!" She demanded as she crawled over to Vash.

"Gunsmoke! Nothing! I don't know!" Vash answered in order, afraid to suffer another kick to the face.

"Gunsmoke? What in tarnation is Gunsmoke?"

"The planet you're on!"

The word "planet" carried much weight to Applejack. She wasn't on Equestria, nor where any of her friends or family with her. Whatever that plant was, it seemed to have whisked her away to another world entirely.

"Ah'm... on another planet... Ah might never see home again... My friends... family... they're all gone!"

Overcome with this revelation, Applejack did her best to avoid breaking down into tears, but she couldn't fight the pain in her heart. This wasn't like the mirror Twilight went through just a few months ago; there was no exit in sight.

Vash was now entirely confused. "You're not from here?"

Applejack wiped the tears from her eyes. "N-no... Ah'm not sure how to get back..."

If there was one thing Vash couldn't stand to see, it was somebody crying. He wiped away a tear that was rolling down Applejack's cheek.

"Maybe I could help you. What's your name?"

As the Element of Honesty, Applejack could tell that he was sincere in his offer. "Applejack... Mah name's Applejack. What's yours?"

"Vash. Vash the Stampede."

Author's Note

Did you really think I would pass up doing Trigun? I've barely seen any Trigun fics on here, so why not? This will probably wind up killing me considering I'd have to juggle school, free time, and all my fics together, but let's do this. LOVE AND PEACE!

Aggressive Insurance

Applejack was now walking with Vash and Wolfwood to the town the called "Adnarl", albeit with Vash's help. Walking on two legs wasn't an easy thing in her old body, but she soon found she couldn't get around on all fours with the way her new one was proportioned. There were so many questions Applejack had buzzing through her mind, about this planet, the people, and just about everything she saw, so seeing as how they would be walking for a bit, she decided to get started.

"So, uh, what exactly are you- Am I- Ugh! What are we?" She asked, annoyed at trying to figure out the right wording.

Wolfwood raised a brow from behind his black sunglasses. "Well, we're humans, though I doubt that really applies to Needle Noggin." He said, gesturing to Vash.

"That's just cold, Wolfwood." He complained.

"Humans... If Lyra finds out, Ah'll never hear the end of it." She muttered to herself.

"So what's this here planet like? Other than the desert."

Again, Wolfwood raised his brow. "Lady, this planet is nothing but desert. Just how don't you know any of this?"

"Ah'm from Equestria. I told y'all that before!"

"Riiiight." Wolfwood leaned over to Vash. "Are you sure we should be hanging around her?" He whispered.

"What do you mean?" Vash asked.

"Well, it sounds to me like she's got a screw loose. Maybe we should just dump her once we get back to Adnarl."

Vash shook his head in disbelief. "You really are a crappy priest! We can't just leave her alone, we've gotta help her get back home!"

"In case you haven't noticed, she seems to think she's from another world! She'd probably just wind up following us to find a home that doesn't exist."

"Uh, what're y'all whispering about?" Applejack asked.

Wolfwood nervously rubbed the back of his head. "Oh, uh, nothing!"

Applejack didn't need to be the Element of Honesty to see that was a lie, but she decided not to press it... for now.

"So what's with that big t lookin' thing you got in that cloth?"

"You mean my cross?" Wolfwood asked.

"Yeah. Ain't it heavy carryin' that around?"

Wolfwood allowed himself a grin. "Yes, but that's because it's full of mercy."

Vash groaned. "You and I have very different definitions of mercy..." Vash turned to Applejack and flashed a warm grin. "So you asked what we were before, does that mean you weren't human?"

Applejack nodded. "Well, before I wound up here I was still a pony."

"Oh, a pony." Vash continued a few steps before the words sunk in. "A PONY?!"

"What the hell's a pony?" Wolfwood asked.

"It's a... It's an animal people rode before we came to Gunsmoke and we found Thomas'." Vash nervously answered.

"So... you used to be an... animal?" Wolfwood wondered.

"Well, I wasn't different from anypony else, and it's not like I was one of the critters Fluttershy took care of."

Wolfwood felt like asking who Fluttershy was, but realized it would only result in more confusion.

"Well, I guess we can figure everything out once we rest up in town. We're almost there anyway." Vash suggested.

"That sounds good to me. Ah'm plum tuckered out after all this craziness." Applejack sighed.

Soon enough the town peeked up over the horizon. It was a small little settlement that reminded Applejack of Appleloosa, a small comfort in this strange world. The trio strolled into the town, and Applejack found herself looking at all of the people she passed. These humans seemed to come in a variety of shapes and sizes, but none of them had any wings or horns, and their clothes prevented her from seeing their cutie marks. Finally as they went to the entrance of the town inn, she spotted two large bird creatures that had masks on.

"Hey Vash, what are those things?" She asked, pointing to the creatures.

"Oh, those are Thomas. They're animals we humans use to get around and-"

Vash stopped dead in his tracks and his eyes went wide.

"No way... It's just a coincidence... Just a coincidence..." He began muttering.

"What's the matter with you?" Applejack asked.

"Nothing! Let's go check in!" Vash said as he pushed them inside, his eyes darting around the town.

Inside there was an elderly man behind the counter, and a black cat with large eyes sitting on it. He gave them a warm smile as they approached him.

"Hello there! What can I do fer ya?" He asked.

"I'd like two rooms. One for the priest here, and one for us." Vash said, pulling Applejack to his side.

For a moment Applejack felt like showing him just how strong her legs were, but was interrupted as a shorter woman with short black hair pulled him by the ear.

"I can't believe you! You despicable excuse for a man!" She yelled.

"AHHHH! OW OW OW OW OW! UNCLE! UNCLE!!!" Vash screamed as he struggled against her vice grip.

"We leave to file that report on the bronze statue, and by the time we get back to do our job you're chasing the first woman you find!"

"W-W-Wait! It's not like that!" He insisted.

Another woman approached, this one as tall as Vash and with long brown hair.

"Meryl, don't you think you're being a bit hard on Mister Vash?" She asked.

Meryl groaned at the other woman. "Milly, you have to stop being so naive. And besides, the only way to teach a dog like him is to get physical.

"P-Please! Let me explain!" He begged.

"Ah don't understand. Is she your girlfriend?" Applejack asked.

"G-Girlfriend?! Why would I be in a relationship with this no-good, immature, lunatic?!" Meryl asked, emphasizing each point with a tug on Vash's ear.

Applejack nervously raised up her hands. "N-Never mind."

Wolfwood sighed in annoyance. "You know for once, it might be worth listening to him."

"What do you mean 'for once'?!"

After Vash finally got a chance to explain the story to them in their room of the inn, Meryl reluctantly stopped berating him.

"Okay, so you helped her out. That still doesn't excuse trying to take advantage of her like that."

Applejack waved a dismissive hand. "Ah, don't fret none. He couldn't pull the wool over mah eyes if he tried."

"Well, I suppose we should introduce ourselves. My name is Meryl Stryfe."

"And I'm Milly Thompson." Milly chimed in.

"We're representatives of the Bernardelli Insurance Society."

"Y'all are insurance agents? Like for floods and such?"

"Well, yes, but floods don't really happen around here so that policy is never used. It still doesn't stop somebody from causing one, though." Meryl glared at Vash.

"Hey, why was that my fault?"

"That's another thing, how do y'all know each other?" Applejack asked.

"Oh, well we were assigned to perform 24 hour surveillance on Mister Vash in order to confirm insurance claims caused by him." Milly answered.

"Is this guy really all that clumsy?" She wondered.

Meryl groaned in annoyance. "He's not just an idiot, he's downright dangerous! This is the legendary outlaw known as Vash the Stampede!"

"Him, a legendary outlaw? He looks like he couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag!"

"I'm still right here, you know..."

Meryl groaned again. "I know, that's why it took us so long to track him down the first time... But it's the truth! This is the legendary outlaw with $$60,000,000,000.00 on his head!"

Applejack tilted her head in confusion. "Sixty Billion Double-Dollars? Is that a lot?"

Meryl's jaw dropped in disbelief. "She really isn't from here... Look at it this way: you could probably buy fifty towns this size and still have a fortune."

Applejack gaped at the very thought of that much money, and found it hard to believe Meryl was telling the truth.

She ain't lying, but maybe she's just mistaken? Ain't no way this fella is worth that much.

*Ba-Bang!*

"Hey old man, give us all the cash in this stinking place, and throw in some food for my boys while you're at it." A voice taunted from downstairs.

"P-Please... Don't do anything rash..."

"W-what's going on?" Applejack asked, startled by the loud noise.

"Trouble..." Vash muttered.

Author's Note

Another bit of introductions, but the next chapter will have Vash showing his... interesting methods. thanks again for all the favorites in such a short span of time, guys! I promise not to let you down on this one!

Introduction to Insanity

The innkeeper froze up as he found himself on the business end of a .45 pistol, with a sadistic grin plastered on the face of it's owner. The man had an attire consisting of a vest and jeans, forgoing wearing a shirt. He was bald and had an X shaped scar on his cheek. His partners were all wearing bandannas in order to hide their faces.

"Come on, old timer! This trigger is pretty sensitive." He threatened.

"P-Please...! I don't want any trouble." He begged.

The scar faced man pressed the barrel of his gun against the inn keeper's head.

"Then you'd better hurry up and hand over the cash. My trigger discipline ain't so good."

"DOWAHHHHH!" A scream came from outside.

Everyone inside the inn looked out to see a man in a red coat fall to the ground from the second floor of the inn. The man slowly picked himself off the ground and dusted himself off. He turned around to see the confused faces of the robbers.

"Eh he he he..." He nervously laughed.

"Just who the hell is this idiot?" One of the group blurted out.

"Oh sheesh, I get so embarrassed when I have to introduce myself. But since you asked, I'm like a hunter of peace, chasing the elusive mayfly known as-"

*Bang*

A bullet blasted a hole in the ground just in front of Vash's feet, interrupting his speech.

"I don't give a damn who you are. You'll die all the same if you move another inch."

"D-Die?" Vash repeated.

"Yeah, you damned fool! Buried six feet under."

"THEY'RE GONNA KILL ME!" He screamed before fleeing in a panic.

The robbers were all dazed in confusion once again. Vash's sporadic behavior was something that none of them could have anticipated.

"So it's a goose chase he wants, huh? You two, with me!" He instructed to the lackeys on his left.

The three outlaws ran after Vash down the street, each one brandishing their guns. The remaining two of their band began chuckling to themselves.

"How long do you think he's gonna last?"

"I'd give him five minutes tops. That beanpole has more hair than he does brains."

Meanwhile, Millie and Meryl looked out the window in horror.

"We really can't go an hour with this idiot before he winds up in the middle of a gunfight, can we?" Meryl groaned to herself.

"Well, I don't think it was Mister Vash's fault. They didn't seem to know about the bounty." Millie stated.

"Still, he's practically a magnet for trouble like this. We'd better get after him so we can verify any damage he causes."

"Just what in tarnation is going on? This happens a lot?" Applejack asked.

"Yes, it does. This is why we have to survey him 24/7." Meryl said as she began climbing out onto the awning. "Wolfwood, can you keep her out of trouble?"

"Sure thing. Beats the hell out of getting into another gunfight today." The priest said as he took a drag on his cigarette.

The two Bernardeli agents carefully lowered themselves to the ground and snuck away from the inn to avoid drawing the attention of the remaining two robbers. Applejack wasn't quite so happy with the situation. Vash seemed to be the one most knowledgeable about what she was, so it stood to reason that he might have a clue about how to get her back home. With that in mind, she couldn't sit idly by as he ran around the town with three armed bandits chasing him. She adjusted her stetson and made her way over to the door.

"Whoa whoa whoa. Where do you think you're going?" Wolfwood asked.

"Ah ain't just sittin' here while my best chance at gettin' home is runnin' for his life."

"You don't have to worry about Needle Noggin; he usually deals with worse than this."

"All the same, Ah can't stand doin' nothin' at a time like this." Applejack defiantly told him.

"And your plan for getting past the two guys still downstairs?"

Applejack winced in anger. As much as she hated to admit it, she had no real plan for getting past the two remaining robbers. The weapons she saw the others holding looked quite dangerous despite their size, so just rushing in was the worst option on the table. Climbing out the window was more logical, but there was the matter of the innkeeper. She couldn't bring herself to just run off and leave him to fend for himself.

"Fine, so what's your plan if you're so sure of yourself?" She bitterly asked.

"You really won't let this go, huh?"

Applejack only replied with a steeled gaze. Wolfwood let out a sigh in annoyance.

"Dear God, why must I be put through these ordeals?" He asked his lord.

Vash bolted around a corner as he assessed the situation.

Okay, there are only three of them, and they seem lightly armed. I can probably take care of at least two of them when they round the corner.

Vash quickly pivoted and lowered his stance, stretching one leg further ahead of him to stabilize his aim.

"Found ya, you sorry little-" The leader yelled as he rounded the corner.

*Click*

"Eh?" Vash blurted.

He pulled the trigger again, only to be met by a hollow click.

"OH CRAP!"

He began scrambling down the street again, jumping and weaving to avoid gunfire.

I must have used them all earlier!

*Growl*

Vash then came to the horror of realizing that his gun was not the only thing that was empty.

"Oh, maman! This just keeps happening, and now I'm hungry and don't have any bullets, maman! ...Why am I crying in French again?"

Vash vaulted over a barrel and darted into an alleyway. As he made his turn down the street, he nearly collided with Meryl and Millie.

"Don't run to us!" Meryl shouted.

"But I'm out of bullets and I'm really hungry and I'm tired and I just want to take a nap!" Vash cried.

"Do I look like your mother? Cry about this on your own time!"

"Um, Meryl?" Millie meekly said.

"What is it, Millie?"

Meryl froze as she turned around and saw the three outlaws that were chasing Vash standing with their guns pointed at Millie.

"I don't know who you two broads are, but you're gonna stay nice and still while I beat the tar out of this jackass." The leader said.

Vash was grabbed by the collar as the outlaw grabbed his pistol by the barrel and prepared to pummel him with the butt.

"W-Wait! Can't we settle this peacefully?" He pleaded.

"Afraid not."

Applejack crept down the stairs closely behind Wolfwood. Her persistence had paid off, and the man begrudgingly agreed to help her fight past the remaining two outlaws to get to Vash. Wolfwood tucked his pistol away inside his jacket, opting to leave the Cross Punisher behind in the room. She looked past him at the entrance of the inn. One of the bandits had grown board and was fiddling with his revolver, spinning and releasing the cylinder over and over again. The other kept his eyes on the innkeeper, not wanting him to try and make a break for it.

"So what's the plan?" She whispered to Wolfwood.

Wolfwood pulled out a fresh cigarette and lit it with his lighter.

"We show these men the righteous word of God." He responded, blowing out smoke.

Applejack waved away the foul fog, as Wolfwood got to his feet and casually strolled into the lobby.

"My sons, I know not why you follow this evil path, but you must abandon it and come back to the light." He proclaimed.

"Who the hell are you?" The one that was playing with his revolver asked, nearly dropping the weapon from surprise.

"I'm but a humble priest, and I seek only to save your souls from damnation."

The more vigilant one walked over with a grin on his face.

"So you speak the word of God, eh? Well you can tell him..." He said as he took the cigarette away from Wolfwood. "That he can lick my boots and kiss my ass!" He taunted, grinding the cigarette into the floor.

"You should repent before his boot lands upon you."

Before he could ask what the priest meant, he was blindsided by a powerful kick to the head, knocking him into the wall and rendering him unconscious. The other bandit pulled back the hammer of his revolver and prepared to fire on the woman that had knocked out his companion, but was shot in the leg and collapsed to the ground. Applejack reeled at the loud noise that came from the gun, but was even more startled at the damage it had done to the man.

"Here." Wolfwood said, tossing the weapon dropped from the first thug to Applejack.

It was a lever action rifle, one in fair condition to boot. Applejack ran her hands along the strange weapon, getting a feel for the weight. She shouldered the rifle and looked down the sight, trying to figure out how it worked.

"Hey Wolfwood, how do Ah-"

"Don't point that thing at me!" He yelled as he shoved the barrel to face the floor.

"Never point this at anyone unless you mean to shoot. Got it?"

"Ah got it." She replied.

"Good, now let's hurry up and find Needle Noggin. Lord knows what's going on with him right now."

Vash prepared himself to be hit with the butt of the pistol, getting ready to use his boot knife to stab the man in the thigh and take down his friends. However...

*Shrip*

The sound of leather ripping permeated the air, quickly followed by a massive weapon falling from under Millie's cloak and landing right on the foot of her captor.

"Son of a bitch!" He screamed in pain, dropping his weapon and grabbing his foot in agony.

Millie grabbed her weapon and swung it up to rest it on her shoulder, hitting the man in the face midway.

"Oh, the darn sling broke again." She complained.

Meryl took advantage of the distraction and slammed her heel hard into the foot of the bandit holding her up. Once his grip loosened from the pain, she drew one of her derringer pistols and forced him to surrender.

"What the hell group of freaks did we run into?" The leader asked himself.

"You know..."

The leader soon found himself twisted into an arm lock by Vash. And began crying out "uncle".

"Just a hunter of peace and two insurance girls." He answered.

"Vash! Thank Celestia, y'all are alright!" Applejack said with relief as she ran up to the group.

"Told ya Needle Noggin would be fine." Wolfwood said as he took a drag from his fresh cigarette.

"What's she doing here?!" Vash blurted as he tossed the outlaw leader to the ground.

"She wouldn't stop insisting on going after you! It was better than her charging off without a plan!" Wolfwood countered.

"I didn't want her charging off at all!"

"Well it happened! Besides, we took care of those two goons left at the Inn."

"She fought them?!" Vash shouted, even angrier than before.

"Both of y'all! Shut it!" Applejack shouted.

"Yes, ma'm." Vash weakly muttered.

"The girl has lungs, that's for sure..." Wolfwood added as he rubbed his ear.

"Look, Ah made the decision to go after ya, but that don't mean you should be frettin' none. Ah can handle myself. So Ah don't want either of y'all treatin' me like Ah'm baggage. As long as Ah'm stickin' with ya, we're all in it together."

"Okay... I was just concerned for your safety, and everyone else's. That's why I lured these guys away." Vash explained.

"So fallin' out that window was all part of the plan?"

"Yeah, but it did hurt more than I expected. Perhaps the kiss from a beautiful maiden would help make it feel be-"

Vash was cut off as his ear was yanked by Meryl.

"Knock it off you dog!" She shouted.

"Owowowowow OW! Uncle! UNCLE!" Vash pleaded.

"Ah got this." Applejack said as she relieved Meryl from her disciplinary duty.

Applejack swept Vash to the ground with a leg sweep, then proceeded to stomp her foot directly next to his head.

"Keep them cat calls up, and Ah'll be sure to give y'all a kick where the sun don't shine." She threatened.

"Y-yes, ma'm! I won't do it again!" Vash quickly apologized.

"Good, then we have an understandin'." She said, removing her boot and hoisting Vash to his feet. "Now let's head back. Ah'm plumb tuckered out. Oh, and the innkeeper said rooms are free after we saved the day."

"What a day..." Vash muttered.

Author's Note

Oh man, what's it been? A year? So the question you're all asking: "Where were you"? Well, school became quite the thing to juggle, not to mention my roommate was crap... I also had been doing some other pieces in my free time. But when I came back and saw all the support for this story, I couldn't just let it waste away. So no matter how long it takes, I'm finishing this one.