Dick in a Box!

by electreXcessive

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Other, Fluttershy, Sex, Random
Length: 2494

Rainbow Dash has a special gift from Fluttershy. Something to help her show Fluttershy that she's second to none.

Rainbow Dash has a special gift to help win Fluttershy's love on Hearth's Warming Eve. Let's just hope that she can pull it off, or this might be really awkward.

Author's Note: This story is based off of the SNL skit with Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake which can be found here. I suggest you take a look at the source material to be able to enjoy it more. This story is not meant to be taken seriously at all. Thanks to my friends Dri, Steventheman, and KillerSteel. If you like the story, be sure to check them out!

Published 2013-09-12 03:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-12 03:10:02 UTC

It's My Dick In a Box

Oh geeze… I really hope this is going to work. This is going to be so awkward if it doesn’t… Still, I really do need to finally tell Fluttershy how I really feel about her. Now’s probably the perfect time to do it too. I don’t think she’ll think anything suspicious about me giving her a present around the holidays. Hopefully I’ll be able to surprise her, and she’ll feel the same way about me. Either way, I have to try. I’m not giving up just because I’m a little nervous! Nothing keeps Rainbow Dash down!

Rainbow Dash sighed, imagining herself telling Fluttershy about how she really felt. Every time she even tried to think about the timid yellow pegasus, she would feel like her stomach was about to burst open from the sheer amount of butterflies fluttering around in it. She was surprised that she had managed to go so long without doing something totally embarrassing in front of Fluttershy. “Huh… That’s pretty ironic isn’t it? Fluttershy making me feel like butterflies are fluttering around in me.” She chuckled softly to herself. “That sounded a lot funnier in my head,” Rainbow said, shaking her head and looking down at the wrapped present in front of her.

Most ponies would have put the gift into the box first, Rainbow Dash was trying something different though. She looked down at the present and looked at it. “How did that thing I saw go again…?” Rainbow struggled to remember what the stallion on the program had said to do. That’s why Rainbow was even trying this anyway.

She had been flipping through the channels idly, when she saw that program on how to make the one you love return the feelings without need for a love potion. At first, she had dismissed it as ludicrous, but it seemed to work well enough for the other stallions and mares on the show. She hadn’t watched the whole program of course, so she couldn’t be sure, but this was her best shot. A light bulb went off in her head as she began to remember the lyrics to the song she had heard.

To all the fillies out there who want to impress, it’s easy to do, just follow these steps…

“Right. I think I remember now,” Rainbow said, picking up the box and a pair of scissors. “One: cut a hole in the box…” Rainbow began to carefully cut a large hole in the bottom of the box, using her forelegs to steady it as she cut the circle with her mouth. “Geeze. I really hope it’s gonna fit in there. Otherwise I just wasted bits on this box…” Rainbow said, eyeing the small hole scrutinizingly. “Hope I cut it big enough.”

“Alright, step two: put your junk in that box. Sounds simple enough. That’s going to be a really tight fit though.” Rainbow try her hardest to shove her present into its actual box. It was a tight fit, but thankfully, the box was big enough to accommodate her gift. The present was finally ready for delivery. Rainbow Dash sighed for release and picked the present up, holding its weight near her lower torso. It was easier to balance and carry that way. She smiled widely, and with pride.

“Step three: make her open the box. And I think that’s the way you do it. Should be easy enough. I really hope that she’s home. This is really heavy, and I don’t want to have to fly all the way out there for nothing…” Rainbow shook her head to clear any doubts she’d had. Now was the time for action, not excuses or indecision. Now was the time to be bold and brash, and finally get out how she felt. She took off without a second thought, flying steadily towards Fluttershy’s cottage.

Rainbow Dash knocked on the cottage door, sucking in a nervous breath. This is it. Just gotta remember the plan and everything should go perfectly. I hope Fluttershy appreciates all of the work I put into planning this thing. Otherwise, this is gonna suck. Rainbow Dash floated in the air in front of the door, waiting for Fluttershy to answer. On the way to the cottage Rainbow Dash had discovered that she actually had to keep the box in the air, or it would tip over due to its lopsided shape. Should have gotten a better box.

The door opened slightly, surprising Rainbow a bit. Somewhere, deep in the back of her mind, she’d been hoping that Fluttershy wouldn’t be there and that she could just go home. Unfortunately for her, it seemed, she was now committed and had to push through. Oh well. What’s the worst that could happen? Fluttershy and I have known each for such a long time. There’s no way she’d be all weird about this, even if she is shy. She’s too nice for that.

A sliver of pink and yellow peeked through the crack in the door, eyeing the outside cautiously. “H-hello? Who is it?” Rainbow felt the butterflies rising up again. That cute stammer and the shy blush got to her every single time. She took a few more deep breaths, trying to calm herself as Fluttershy shifted nervously at the door. “Um. Who’s there?” Rainbow flicked her mane to make sure it was out of her eyes.

“Hey, Fluttershy! It’s me, Dash! Can I come in? I have something to give you. It’s a… Erm… A gift!” Rainbow blushed slightly, her cheeks turning a light rose color.

“Oh, sure thing Rainbow Dash! Hold on for a moment.” Rainbow heard the chains and locks on the door being taken off. The door opened fully, revealing Fluttershy, staring curiously at the large box. “Rainbow? What’s that? That’s a pretty big box for just a small gift. I hope you didn’t do too much for me. I haven’t had a chance to get you your Hearth’s Warming Eve present yet…” Fluttershy pawed the ground while looking down at it, seemingly sad.

“No, no. Don’t worry about it Fluttershy. I wanted to. So can I come in? I had something that I really wanted to talk to you about, if that’s alright.” Rainbow just hovered in the air, giving Fluttershy a strange, goofy smile.

“Of course. Come right in. Do you want any tea? I could make us both some daisy sandwiches if you’d like. I’ve got plenty of food in the pantry that we could eat,” Fluttershy said, stepping aside and allowing Rainbow to fly into her home. As Rainbow flew past her, Fluttershy looked suspiciously at the still hovering Rainbow and her huge box. Well… Rainbow sure is acting a little strange. I hope she didn’t go too far out of her way to do something special for me…

“Actually, Fluttershy, I needed to talk to you about something really important. It’s something that I’ve been meaning to talk to you about for a really long time, and I just haven’t had a chance to. I think you should probably sit down for this.” Fluttershy did as she was told, walking slowly over to her couch and laying down. Rainbow could see the confusion and worry in Fluttershy’s eyes. She couldn’t blame her really; Rainbow was acting pretty weird, a lot more so than she usually did.

“Rainbow Dash, is everything alright? Why are you acting so… strange?” Fluttershy’s face was now the visage of worry. The corners of her eyes were crinkled, and there was a small frown on her face. Rainbow didn’t like seeing Fluttershy worried about her. It made her feel bad for making the sweet, kind mare in front of her worried. Still, it would be worth it. It had to be.

“Yeah, everything’s fine, Fluttershy. Just… I have something real important to give you, so just… Please sit down and hear me out.” Fluttershy nodded her head slowly to signify her understanding, continuing to look extremely confused. Rainbow knew that she would have to do this quickly, or risk ruining her chances. Fluttershy still didn’t know what was going on, so she still had time to tell her before she figured it out.

“Fluttershy, I know we’ve known each other for such a long, long time…”

Outside of the window, Rainbow swore that she saw a bearded stallion pop out of a bush next to Fluttershy’s tree. The faintest of whispers reached her ears. Such a long time… Rainbow shook her head, trying to comprehend what she had just seen.

That was really weird. It looked like there was somepony outside, hiding in the bushes…. It’s probably nothing. I’ll just continue with what I was saying then. What was next again? Oh, right.

“And now I’m ready, to lay it on the line. You know… It’s Hearth’s Warming Eve, and my heart is opened wide. I’m gonna give you something so you know what’s on my mind… It’s a gift real special, so…” Rainbow flew over to Fluttershy, hovering above her. She still held the box in her two front hooves, presenting it to Fluttershy.

“Rainbow? W-what is this? What’s going on? Why are you singing?” Fluttershy now looked like she was a bit afraid. “A-are you sure you’re okay? You’re acting really weird. You’re making me worry about you…”

No! She isn’t supposed to be feeling scared for Celestia’s sake! She’s supposed to be feeling my undying love. And stuff. What else can I say…? She simply sunk a little lower, hovering at eye level with Fluttershy. She was trying to channel all of the love that she felt in her heart through her pupils. Unfortunately, this only succeeded in making the blood vessels turn bright red. Fluttershy gave a small ‘eep’. There was only one thing that she could do now: keep singing the song that she’d heard on TV.

“I’m not gonna get you a diamond ring. That sorta gift don’t mean anything! I’m not gonna get you a fancy cart. Fluttershy, you gotta know you’re my shining star. I’m not gonna get some house in the hills; a mare like you needs somethin’ real. So I tried to get you something from my heart…”

This time out of the corner of her eye, she saw a different stallion with a much larger beard pop out of a bush. For some reason he looked strangely familiar to her. Somethin’ special, mare… Just as quickly as he had appeared, he disappeared into the bushes once again. Rainbow shook her head again. She needed to focus.

Fluttershy looked as if she was struggling to process what Rainbow had just sung to her. The gears in her mind began to click, as she looked at Rainbow, blushing slightly. “Rainbow… What did you mean when you said that I’m your ‘shining star’? Are you saying that you….” Rainbow cut her off as she began to sing quicker, struggling to get through the words that she needed to say. Her bloodshot eyes were still staring directly into Fluttershy’s face.

“See, I’m wise enough to know when a gift needs giving, and I’ve got just the one. It’s something to show you that you’re second to none.” Rainbow pushed her face towards Fluttershy’s until she was sinking into the couch as deeply as she could and shivering. Rainbow could see the fear in her friend’s eyes and began to cry. Her plan had failed.

Fluttershy looked at her now crazed friend. Random crying… bloodshot eyes… random declarations of love… That could only mean one thing. “Rainbow Dash… Are you on drugs right now? What is going on here? You’re really scaring me! Please, can you back up a little bit and get out of my space? It’s really uncomfortable…”

Rainbow’s face went from sadness to shock, her jaw hanging open and her eyes open wide. “What?! No! I’m not on drugs! W-what? Why would you even think that, Fluttershy?” Fluttershy simply pointed to the box.

“Rainbow. You’re acting weird. Please. What’s in the box?” Without even think, Rainbow Dash responded.

“It’s a dick.”

Fluttershy blushed bright red and began to back off the couch, scrambling for the door. “B-but… Rainbow Dash, you’re a mare! I thought you were a mare! Aren’t you a mare? Oh Celestia, what is even going on anymore?” Fluttershy backed closer and closer towards her door.

“WAIT! Fluttershy, I love you! Please, don’t leave! I only wanted to give you a gift to show you how much I care about you! I saw this thing on TV and it told me to give you a dick in a box!” Rainbow Dash hesitated for a second, thinking about what she’d just said. “Er… Wait, I know this sounds bad when I put it like that, but-”

“Okay… Um… GottagoRainbowDash, bye!” Fluttershy bolted out the front door, fleeing into Ponyville. Rainbow just looked in sadness as her friend ran away from her.

“Wait! Fluttershy! This is your house! Where are you going?”

Fluttershy disappeared around the corner. Rainbow dropped the box on the floor and began to sob openly. The box next to her began to shake and shiver, hopping up and down violently. Seconds later, a white unicorn with a blonde mane shot out of it, landing in front of Rainbow.

“I swear, Rainbow Dash, that is the only time I am ever doing a favor for you! You owe me big time for this one you know!” He noticed Rainbow Dash laying on the floor, looking blankly at the ceiling now. “Oh, come on. Did you really think that would work? I told you that it wouldn’t work! You should have listened to me while I was trying to help you out!”

Rainbow leaned over and smacked the unicorn on the muzzle. “Not right now, Blueblood… Can’t you see I’m busy trying to mope and be sad?”

“Ow! It’s not my fault that you tried to use a satirical song to win the love of your life. That’s the last time I’m helping you, period!” Blueblood rubbed his muzzle as he began to walk out the door. “And by the way? I am not a dick! Why does everypony say that?” With that, he walked out of the room, leaving Rainbow to herself.

Two stallions stepped out of the bushes after watching the scene unfold. One had a small beard and a blonde mane, and the other had a larger beard and darker mane. The two stallions turned to each other.

“Damn Justy, that was rough… I feel kinda bad for the mare…”

“Yeah. Still, it ain’t our fault she was flipping through the channels like that. The skit was on Saturday Night Live for a reason, Andy. It’s not our problem. Come on, let’s go home you motherlover. Show’s over.” Andy turned to his stallion partner, his eyes wide and giddy.

“Dude. You just gave me the perfect idea for a song.”