Monster

I stood up. While my knives weren’t very sharp and I had no real training with them, they gave me a sense of security that otherwise fled at the sight of such a dark and foreboding forest. As my eyes darted around, I caught sight of my reflection in a puddle on the ground beneath me.

My mane, tangled and streaked with pink and green as if I was some kind of punk rock hooligan with no hoof-eye coordination, spiked out unevenly along my neck. A crusty layer of mud mixed with the dried blood mixed that hadn’t completely been wiped away from my body completed the image of a rough and tumble hooligan. I turned away. Once I had been called cute. My parents—

I tripped and hit the puddle face-first. I gagged and sputtered as the acrid water crept into my open mouth. I slammed the ground with my hoof and spat the water back onto the forest floor as I dragged myself up. The dark mud that filled this forest clung to my face. I tried to wipe it off with my hoof, but only succeeded in smearing it further across my face.

My brain pounded against my skull. As I shook my head to clear my thoughts, I tasted something salty entering my mouth.I screamed into the empty forest, no longer caring what it would attract, and smashed my hoof into a nearby tree.

Great. Now I didn’t feel any better and my hoof hurt.

I slammed my other hoof into the tree.

I turned around and limped on, ignoring the soft footfalls and glowing green eyes in the woods around me. Pinkie Pie was gone. Zecora would be fine. Angel Bunny… Oh. His birthday was today, and I still didn’t have anything to give to him. Getting myself killed would be a horrible birthday present, wouldn’t it? I turned around to face the three timberwolves that thought they were sneakily creeping up behind me.

I stood at the edge of the Everfree forest. If I took another step backwards, I would be out of it. But timberwolves didn’t care where you were; they would leave the forest, hunt you down, and drag you kicking and screaming back into the forest before killing you.

I tensed myself for a fight and looked at them. My legs were trembling and felt like they were about to give in. My body quaked and roiled around as if my insides had turned to mush. The pounding in my head showed no signs of lessening.

“Ponyfeathers...” I muttered. Well, magical wizard powers activate. I concentrated on summoning a fireball. As expected, absolutely nothing happened. I shook my head. “Stop joking around, Fluttershy,” I muttered to myself.

The wolves crept closer, their foul breath tainting the air and offending my nostrils. I took a step back and felt something leafy brush my neck. I put my hoof against my neck and swatted distractedly. That Monster’s face appeared before my eyes, tongue threatening to swallow me. The wolves were now mere steps away from me. The faces of the wolves and the faces of the monster seemed to merge. I breathed in deeply and glared.

“Go away!” I commanded. The wolves marched on, their shoulders shaking. Their short, ragged, laughing snarls fueled my rage. Vaguely, I wondered why the forest looked so red. I took a deep breath and roared, “LEAVE!”

What is the name of that feeling you get when you bite down on your prey and only see dumb lifeless magic staring back at you? When you relentlessly pound your hoof against the face of your ENEMY and watch it crumble, not comprehending its own destruction, and neither castigated nor apologetic about its crimes. Rage is too primordial, too natural and pure. Frustration fails to capture the intensity of the feeling. And what is that feeling you get when you look around and see even monsters fleeing from you into the darkness? When you close your eyes and flee into the darkness with them. Loneliness? Or reprieve?

I blinked and stood up. My throat ached like I had been screaming for an hour. The taste of bark and blood in my mouth made me grimace and spit. The leaves rustled with the wind, but not a timberwolf remained in sight. I turned to leave the forest but stopped halfway. I put a hoof to my throat, turned back to the forest, and vomited. I then turned around again and walked out of the forest, humming a tune. Despite my aching throat, my heaving stomach, and my overall filthy appearance, I felt strangely lighter.

After taking a detour to prepare the salad I had prepared for Angel Bunny, I walked to Angel’s home, a charming little burrow on a hill that overlooked a stream. Grass grew with in great abundance, and trees clustered around the stream. A bluejay sang in one of the trees, and was quickly joined by a group of birds, each singing a bright tune in perfect harmony. I almost started singing along with them but managed to stop myself. I couldn’t let them see me like this; I needed to clean myself up before Angel got back.

I dipped my head into the stream and quickly pulled out, morbidly noting the way the water darkened as I touched it. The filth that washed off me turned the stream a reddish black hue that mixed with the pure water, tainting it with gore and disease. The animals that drank from the river, the fish that lived in it, none of them deserved this. Nothing did. I withdrew from the stream.

I bit my lip. If I didn’t clean myself up, Angel Bunny would see my state and be worried. But I couldn’t make innocent critters suffer from my own burden. I reached into the river with my hooves and splashed myself with water. It wasn’t very effective. I sighed and looked at the sky. It was a beautiful and sunny day. No chance of rain.

I looked back down at the river. The water had flowed onwards, washing away the dark stain without a trace. I sighed in relief and stuck a muddy hoof into the water. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad if it was just a little at a time. The water swirled around my hoof, carrying the mud away. I smiled and stepped in, allowing the river to flow through me, washing away what clung to me and weighed me down. My smile widened as I breathed in deeply. Calm filled me as I allowed the stream to flow around me, slowly washing me away.

I woke up from my torpor, noting that the sun was low on the horizon. I rubbed myself, getting the rest of the dirt off. I sighed. I hoped Angel would be happy with the salad I made for him, even without the cherry. He was an awfully picky eater.

I stepped out of the stream and shook myself off. Where did I even leave that cherry? I frowned. I had picked it up and then… thrown it away somewhere. I shook my head. Well, I certainly wasn’t getting another one. My gut twisted and my shoulders shook as I giggled to myself.

I trotted to the burrow, knocked on the door, and waited. After a minute, I knocked again. No response. I frowned and bit my lip. There was only one place he would go today, and he wouldn’t be hungry when he got back. I sighed and put the salad down.

I turned around and walked around the hill. As I walked, a sudden chill wind sent a shiver down my spine. I reached the other side and stopped.

Before me stood a barren and dead tree that stood on barren and dead land. The blood had been cleaned off the tree, but not the memories. The shivers that crept up my spine intensified as my body shook, unwilling to go further. Beneath the tree lay six stone tablets that stuck out of the ground. One of them lay separate from the others. I averted my eyes from it and focused on the others, which lay in an x-formation as if to mark the location of some buried treasure.

Though the area around the tree was mostly barren of life, there was one exception. Around the five clustered stones, patches of birdsfoot trefoil sprouted like weeds. The flowering weed bristled from the miniature monoliths, tiny yellow flower buds flaring against dull grey. The largest patch of the herbaceous flower grew around the center grave, above which Angel stood with his back turned to me. One of Angel’s paws clutched an empty stem as if trying to strangle it, while his other paw clutched his own neck like a noose. Red petals scattered amidst the yellow mass around him. Droplets like rain trickled from his eyes as if to water the rose in his hands, but instead curved to join the red and yellow sea beneath him.

I bit my lip. I shouldn’t have come here. I took a step backwards. Mud squelched beneath my hoof. My eyes widened as they shot to Angel. He looked at me, eyes bloodshot and wild. He held up both paws, each clasping a glinting piece of metal in a fighting stance.

I gulped and froze in place. I really shouldn’t have come here. I took a step back. Angel took a step forward, eyes squinting at me. His eyes widened in recognition and he lowered his paws. I relaxed a little. Then he charged.

I barely saw him bounce towards me; he was a streak of white lightning that struck me before I could react. I flapped my wings to stabilize myself as he barreled into me, flipped over, and landed on my back. I grit my teeth as I felt his paws brush against my neck wounds. His paws left my back. I looked up and saw him blur down from the heavens.

I tilted my head and looked at him out of the corner of my eye. “Hi, Angel Bunny,” I greeted him, face blank as I stared at his cold visage. Angel glared at me and tapped his foot. “How are you–I mean–Um.”

That was not the right thing to say. His face twisted into a deep scowl as I opened my mouth to say something, anything, to make him feel better. I couldn’t think of anything. I just couldn’t. I closed my mouth.

Angel didn’t seem to appreciate my silence. He pointed at his neck and pointed at me.

“Oh, it’s not important,” I replied, “Just a scra–Ow!”

I winced. Angel had hopped onto my back again and was pushing his paw into my not quite fully healed injury. My breath rattled as I breathed in deeply. “Angel, please just let it go.”

The poking intensified. I closed my eyes and grit my teeth tighter. It wasn’t all that bad actually. After a few seconds the poking turned into a slightly painful pulse, a kind of masochistic massage. I closed my eyes and waited for him to give up.

I felt Angel’s feet leave my back. I opened my eyes just in time to see Angel elbow drop into my neck and bounce off. Fire lit up my senses as I whimpered in pain. “Angel, stop it!” I cried out, shaking him off.

He landed in front of me, arms crossed. I cowered behind my mane. I really shouldn’t have come here. He tapped his foot again. “I fought timberwolves today,” I told him, averting my eyes. It wasn’t a lie, exactly.

I looked back at Angel, who shook his head and raised a paw, beckoning me closer. I sighed and brought my face in front of him and closed my eyes. I felt a stinging blow against my cheeks and opened my eyes. I was filled with a sudden surge of righteous anger.

I pulled my face back and shook my head. I glared at Angel, huffed, and shoved my nose in the air. “I’m not telling you anything after the way you’ve been acting,” I asserted, stomping my hoof in emphasis, “You can’t just push me… around...”

A chill blew through me. Angel had frozen still, jaw open in disbelief. I opened my mouth again as Angel’s pouting face slowly swung to me. His bloodshot eyes sunk as he rubbed them with his paw. His jaw tightened, and all of a sudden, Angel looked a thousand years old. My sudden surge of confidence dissipated. “I... mean it?” I bluffed, taking a step back. I scuffed the ground with my hoof as my ears flattened. I lowered my head behind my mane and closed my eyes.

In my mind I saw the tired bunny who had lost everything, but still possessed enough love to raise me as his own. I saw the bunny that had fed me when I was too young and naive to find my own food. I saw the bunny that taught me how to fight timberwolves and raised me to be strong and capable. And I saw my ungrateful self, shouting back at that bunny. I recoiled and ducked my head.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you. I’ve just had a really bad day,” I apologized, glancing at him. “Look, we’re both having a bad day. Can we just…”

Angel bunny was trembling with rage. I closed my eyes and pushed my face forward. I definitely deserved this one. I felt a paw poke my cheek and opened my eyes to the sight of Angel’s eyes staring into mine.

I gazed into pools of shadows and terror, of loss and grief. The void sucked me in, and I fell into a world of darkness and fire. Tendrils of rage given physical manifestation grasped at my skin and wrapped around me, simultaneously crushing me and flaying me alive. I opened my mouth to scream, but the darkness filled my mouth. I choked, unable to scream, unable to fight, unable to run. As I gave in, my struggles ceased and I closed my eyes.

I smelled dirt. I opened my eyes. I blinked and tried to stop the world from spinning. Indistinctly, I heard my voice in the background.

“–lied to her, and just kept lying! I don’t deserve to have a friend or–”

I put my hooves on the ground and tried to drag myself up. My mouth was still running for some reason. I tried to close it, but to no avail.

“–timberwolves attacked me, but I just stared at them and they all vanished–”

I felt Angel hug my face, and immediately stopped talking. I closed my eyes and hugged him back, shoulders shaking. I tasted a mixture of salt and snot creep into my mouth and grimaced, wiping it away with my free hoof. My hoof found my mouth as I felt vomit climb up my throat. I choked it down.

After I regained my bearings, I shook my head. “Oh, Angel. You know I don’t like it when you do that,” I muttered, closing my eyes and shuddering. I knew he only did it because he loved me. I could be awfully reticent sometimes, and I knew he hated it. But still, sometimes I needed the privacy.

I felt something soft land on my head. I looked up and to see Angel Bunny tussling my hair fondly. “I know you’re worried about me, but–”

I felt his weight lift off my head and heard a faint tapping sound from behind me. I turned around to see Angel standing on the hill, waving me over. As soon as I saw him, he leapt over the peak towards his home. “–sometimes it’s nice to have a choice,” I finished, sighing and walking around the hill to Angel’s burrow.

I found Angel sitting in the bowl of salad I had made. A deep, thoughtful look found itself somewhat out of place on his adorable little face. He nibbled at a carrot that he held in one paw as he twirled his knife in the other.

He glanced lazily at me as I approached. I walked up to him, intent on giving him a piece of my mind about his reckless knife twirling. He could get hurt! As soon as I opened my mouth, he pointed down at the dirt in front of me. I paused, blinking. He had somehow drawn a crude sketch of a pony beating another pony, followed by a picture of the victim and a bunny sticking knives into the attacker pony. I gasped and took a step back.

Angel held up his paw in a thumbs up position. I shook my head, too shocked to say anything. Angel held up his paws with a questioning look on his face. I scrunched up my face and answered, “No, Angel! How could you even suggest such a thing?”

Angel rolled his eyes and pointed behind me. My eyes followed his direction to the looming shadows of the Everfree Forest. I gulped. “But that’s different!” I defended myself, “Timberwolves are just magical constructs! I kill them to make sure they don’t hurt any more animals like–”

Angel’s fists clenched. I gulped and finished, “–like they hurt you, Angel Bunny. ”

Scowling, Angel bounced over and scuffed out my representation from his depiction of his planned murder. He was still in it. I cleared my throat.

“You’re not going anywhere, Angel Bunny.”

Angel’s head whipped around to face me. His scowl somehow deepened further as he viciously jabbed his paw at the image of my past.

I shook my head and gazed at the picture. “I’m not going to hurt anypony for revenge.”

Angel shrugged, pointed at me and shook his head. He then pointed at himself and nodded. “You won’t either, Angel Bunny.” Angel put his hands on his hips and smirked.

I scowled. “He’s mine!” I stepped towards Angel, tail twitching spastically. “Oh, who am I kidding? I was going to go do… that… anyway. Not for revenge. Not revenge.”

Angel stepped back, scowl replaced by a look of utter bewilderment. I was a little surprised by myself as well. I pressed on regardless, unable to stop myself from pouring my heart out. “He’s a monster. Sometimes, the only thing that will stop one monster is a bigger, scarier monster. If I have to, I’ll be that monster,” I explained. Biting my lip, I looked to the forest. “You’re innocent, Angel Bunny. Stay that way. Please.”

Angel shook his head and pointed back to the picture of me getting hurt. I sighed. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you anything, Angel Bunny. I know you want to help, but I can’t let you. You deserve better than this.”

Angel remained silent for a while. His eyes shifted to the forest. I shook my head. “I know you’ve killed timberwolves,” I whispered, “Don’t ever compare them to ponies like that, Angel.” Angel shrugged and flipped his knife in his paw. I gasped as he caught it by the blade.

I rushed over and reached for his paw to examine his injury. My concern turned out to be superfluous as he lifted up his clearly unharmed paw, lightly holding the flat side of the knife. I shook my head. “I can’t just walk into Ponyville with a knife. I have a plan.”

Angel’s back straightened and his ears perked up. I shook my head again. “Just trust me, Angel,” I told him, “Besides, it doesn’t need to be done today. Wouldn’t you rather spend your birthday focusing on happier things? We could have a tea party! Or play tag, or…”

I trailed off as the expressiveness of Angel’s stare rapidly melted away. I giggled nervously. “Well, we can try?” Angel’s stare was completely flat as he pointed to Ponyville. “Okay. Well, I’ll come back later and we can try to ignore this—I mean, uh. Celebrate. Your birthday, I mean. Um,” I pawed at the ground with both forehooves, “I guess I’ll be going now.”

Angel waved at me expressionlessly with the paw that wasn’t pointing at my destination. I turned around to face Ponyville, before turning my head back to Angel.

“Are you sure you don’t want to have a tea party?” Angel rolled his eyes, still waving. He wasn’t pointing his paw anymore, though. I raised my wings.

“Well, if you need anything, just say the word.”

Silence. I sighed and took off. As I flew towards Ponyville, I looked back at Angel Bunny.

“Happy Birthday, Angel Bunny,” I muttered.

A red wound glowed in the twilight sky, centered at a mountain in the distance over which the tip of the sun gazed accusingly down at me. As the sun finally closed its ever watchful eye, I stood up and stretched my legs and wings. The warm summer breeze sent a chill through my spine as I exhaled and stepped into the tent with a twig in my mouth.

The rapist was bent down with his back facing me, stuffing a bag of something that jingled like bits into an open suitcase. I put the twig down on the floor, took a deep breath, and slunk forward. My heart hammered in my chest as each step became progressively more difficult to take.

The rapist turned around.

I blinked. He blinked.

Well, horsefeathers.

We stood there for a few seconds, just staring at each other. I blinked again, and the spell was broken. I mustered up all of my willpower and glared at him.

“Be quiet and follow me!” I demanded.

“What if I say no?”

I blinked. He was glaring back at me. What? That wasn’t supposed to happen. I shook my head a little, and then glared harder, wings flaring. His muscles rippled as he flared his wings and bent forward, snorting.

“You really wanna do this?” He leered down at me, with an almost amused looking grin on his face.

I shrunk back, no longer glaring. Okay, plan B. My wings lowered along with my gaze as I scanned the floor under the pretense of backing down. “No,” I muttered, “I’ll leave.” There. A knife lay on the table in the center of the room between him and me, beside a pot of cabbage stew. Steam poured from the piping hot stew. Perfect. I raised my gaze up to the threat in front of me. His eyes darted suspiciously from me down to the knife, as he shook his head knowingly.

I took a breath and leaped forward, wings pumping furiously. My hooves reached forward as if to grab at the knife. He grinned in triumph as his hoof reached the knife first, slamming down on it and preventing me from picking it up. I smirked back as I reached my real target, the pot of boiling stew, and kicked it at him. He screamed and fell back, howling curse words I had never heard before. I looked anxiously at the tent’s entrance flaps. Someone had probably heard that. I had to end this quickly. I turned back to my opponent and saw the bottom of his hoof.

Pain. I was lying on my back, staring at a blurry pegasus stallion’s face leaning over me. I couldn’t breathe. A heavy pressure on my chest forced me to look down to see his hoof on my chest. I twisted my head and felt something wet on my face and neck. My eyes watered. “No...” I moaned. Not again. I felt his hoof leave my chest. Relief flooded into my lungs as I inhaled sharply. His hoof slammed into my chest. Both the air and any sense of relief I once had left me.

“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna call the cops. I’m just gonna make sure no stallion is ever gonna want you.” He raised his hoof to my face and slapped me.

“Just doing my part.”

Slap.

“To keep the world safe.”

Slap.

“From crazy horses like you.”

Slap.

My cheeks burned. Tears fell from my eyes, even as I tried to restrain them. He didn’t deserve my tears. ‘I was going to make your death quick,’ I thought at him as a snarl forced its way on my face, a tingling of resentment warming up my face. The strangest thing was, I felt… betrayed.

‘By who?’ I asked myself.

Distantly, I wondered what I had even expected from coming here. Was I expecting him to just accept that he was a monster that needed to be stopped? To just die on command? I was such a silly pony. Timberwolves didn’t die on command. I giggled as I felt its hoof cut across my face once more.

It paused in its assault. My laughter echoed against the red that was slowly overtaking my vision. “You’ve completely lost it, haven’t you?” the monster on top of me asked. It wrinkled its nose as his hoof released itself from my chest. It was looking at me with disgust. The monster was disgusted by me. A pain erupted in my chest which had nothing to do with the hoof that had once again slammed into it. I stopped laughing to howl like a wolf, before breaking into laughter once more.

He positioned himself over me and slammed both of his front hooves against my face, one after the other. I stared into his eyes, grinning like an idiot. He had such a cute red face, with the most adorable red eyes. Even the tent was red. Although, now that I looked at him, he looked kind of scared. I tilted my head at him.

He should be.

Roaring, I kicked his penis with my hind leg. Pained disbelief replaced the fear and disgust on his face. My front hooves wrapped around him, constricting him in a forceful embrace as he collapsed down on me. My nose touched his neck–I nuzzled it lovingly–before I moved my mouth to his neck and bit down. Frustratingly, my teeth weren’t sharp enough to do anything but give him a small cut. He stood up, but I clung onto him, locking my legs around him in a passionate embrace. He shoved my face down, away from his neck, so I pressed my cheek against his heart. I felt him try to push me away from him, but I clung tight as if he were my only friend in the world. The only one who understood me. My eyes filled with tears.

I twisted my neck to face him, looking him in the eye as I forced my tongue into his mouth. He stopped fighting for a second, eyes wide, letting my tongue slip out of his mouth, down his face, to find his neck again. He slammed me into the floor and dislodged my front right hoof. With his freed leg, he punched me in the face. I moaned in pleasure as he pounded me all over, punishing me like I deserved to be punished. I smiled and kissed his neck deeply to thank him for being so understanding. As I kissed him, my tongue reached out and slashed a line of saliva across his neck’s torn skin. Poor dear. I didn’t want him to keep hurting. I’d kiss it all better.

He tried to draw away hoof raised to beat me again, but I lunged forward and hugged him with all four hooves again. I threw my face into his neck and tore at it furiously, pumping my teeth into and out of his flesh, moaning as blood poured into my mouth and splattered all over my face. As the blood filled my mouth and overflowed, I swallowed and licked at his neck, cleaning up the mess he had made. He collapsed down on me, spent. I lay under him, recovering from the consummation of my task.

Finally, I pushed him off and stood up. As I stood up, my eyes traveled from the corpse to his suitcase to his knife. After picking up the knife and suitcase, I dumped the contents of the suitcase and stood over the corpse. I looked over to the undisturbed tent flap before setting upon the tedious task of cutting him up. The knife, a dull, rectangular, Neighponese vegetable knife, slowly cut through the meat. I peeled off most of it and set it inside the empty suitcase, before shoving in some of the bone as well. I then picked up some clothes and wiped myself off, before dumping them into the suitcase as well and zipping the it shut. After examining the floor and picking up all the hair and fur I had dropped, I dragged the suitcase to the flap of the tent.

Cautiously, I poked my head out of the flap, looking around for other ponies. Fortunately, nopony seemed to be in the market. It was nighttime, after all. I walked out dragging the suitcase in my mouth to dump it into the former cherry seller’s cart. He wouldn’t be needing it anymore.

My shoulders chafed under the weight of the cart as I trudged forward, teeth gritted determinedly. I marched into the Everfree Forest, twitching at every rustle and desperately wishing I was home already. Finally, I arrived at my destination, a decrepit castle that was long ago abandoned by the world, forsaken and feared even by the creatures of the forest. No animal would come close to the castle, not manticores, not cockatrices, and certainly not timberwolves.

I detached myself from my harness, before opening the suitcase and tossing its contents out into the forest. “DINNER!” I shouted, flying up to the trees and shaking the branches, before flying to the safety of the castle. Finally, I was home.

As soon as entered the castle, my wings gave out and I collapsed to the cold, stone floor, unable to take another step. As I lay there, I breathed heavily and looked up into the heavens. The stars faded out as I fell into the void between them. “What a beautiful night,” I murmured, closing my eyes. As I drifted off, hysterical laughter echoed through my mind and tormented my dreams.