Dude, What the FFFF!!

by Vallis

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Human
Length: 61607

So.. uh, what's up? Cool. Um, I'm just walking here. Y'know. With my best friend. Surrounded by magical ponies. Who can talk. English. Plus, we've had some experiences, here. Yeah, how'd this happen? Well, it's a very

Ok, so get this. A dude and his best friend reunite after a long while. They move in together and become roomates again, and decide to have one... Unique piece... of a weekend.

One of the guys has an obsession for racing cars and superbikes. Anything fast really. Not too shabby at it either. Also an absolute encyclopedia about mechanics. Engine, transmission, torque converter, fuel injection, you name it. He can build it from top to bottom. Crafty as F too, this guy. His name is Chris.

The other guy has the magic touch with technology. Real smart. No, genius. Builds computers from scratch and all that genius what not, and in his spare time he makes his own little devices. Some huge, some trivial. Could probably build a personal satellite for himself if he wanted to, and launch it to space with a home made rocket for whatever reasons. Wait wait, I think he did that already? -Uhh, his name is Joel.

Crafty motherfudgers who love each other like bros. Did I mention they're crafty? Like, can do pretty crazy-in-an-awesome-way kind of things?

Get it yet? Eh? Eh? Eh?

-sigh-

Ok, so in their little weekend of awesomeness, they decide to do some pretty nutty stuff that would unsurprisingly worry the US government if the white house ever heard about it. The government never found out about it in the end though. Want to know why?

Because the two crazy mofos ended up pulling some Back to the Future type of thing, (literally) and disappeared from the face of Earth.

I'm Chris, by the way. Sooo...

Join us in our glorious adventure in our new home. Equestria.- Okay, listen, we've done some pretty crazy sh*t ever since we got here. I'm being straight up with you. Don't say I didn't tell you, because I did. Mkay? Mkay. I warned you.

Note: This is a dual self insert. Along with my broski, Joel. This is purely for comedy, and the way we act in this story is pretty much spot on in many ways. Although most of the things we will do is for comedic purposes. Don't take it seriously. No butthurt allowed in the comments, got it?

We cuss occasionally, no more than you do probably. So yeah, contains strong language, probably some violence. It's a comedy in our taste, and our taste is pretty crude sometimes. Or witty. A bunch of things really.

This monster of a story was inspired heavily by this handsome piece: I Blame You by Whitestrake

Also, I feel that I must repeat this. Don't take this seriously. Once again, this is done ENTIRELY FOR COMEDY. Okay? Good.

Now.

Enjoy my ugly piece of beauty of a story!

EDIT [5/22/2014]: [BIG SPOILER] Wondering when exactly I'm going to have to add the romance tag... PRETTY SOON, WOOP WOOP!!

Published 2013-09-13 19:10:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-07 01:18:38 UTC

Just a Little About Me

Sup. Yo. Hey. Hi. Hai. Dawg. I'm a pretty colorful person to begin with. I won't get deep into it, but let's just say lots of people like to call me their bro. I'm cool I guess? Not "cool" cool, like a greaser or some type of crap like that. Blehk. No sir. "Cool" like down to earth. For a 20 year old, many tell me I know how to do alot. I've had an obsession for speed and racing ever since I could remember. That obsession led to an obsession for cars. Then that led to an obsession in learning everything about cars (later on motorcycles too). Mechanically, historically, and so on. Along the way throughout the obsession chain reaction, I picked up quite a load of handy skills.

Built my first gas powered 2 stroke model of an inline 4 engine at the age of 7, the same year where I began my obsession with learning about how cars worked. I took it up a notch the next year and repaired my dad's faulty car engine, then assembled it at the age of 8. I was learning at an exponential rate. At the same year I was introduced to kart racing. Fast, efficient, and cheap. I was learning race tracks within 2 laps, 3 laps tops. All my racing instructor had to do was show me some charts and pictures about braking points, turning points, and so on. Strapped on my helmet and gloves, and within an hour I had beaten track records. For a few years I joined in many racing seasons.

I began losing a lot of focus though, it was too easy. I started going from constant pole positions to being in the top 10 of the grid. I stored my kart away and at the still youthful age of 10, I returned to working with cars. I ditched the everyday-car scene and began working with the muscle. I'm talking Corvettes, vintage Mustangs. Man, I love exotics sickly, but muscle cars always have a secret spot in my heart, I'll tell you that. The year after I had a pretty good overall knowledge about every single part, nut, and bolt in cars. Then at 12, I wanted to take it to the extreme. I wanted to build a car. My dad bought a scrapped '91 Corvette for me to dabble at. Oh, I did more than dabble. Let's just say, for the next 3 years, that thing went from a rusty mess that was missing more than half it's major components, to showroom condition.

Ok, I know it sounds like some Tony Stark shit, but bear with me. Not my fault I learn at an above average pace.

Within those 3 years, I learned a buttload of crafty things in order to restore the car. Welding, smithing, and a few other fancy party tricks. In the end, I built a car before I was the legal age to drive one. At 15, now equipped with knowledge in craft (relevant to cars), I felt pretty damn cocky. I took up racing again, but not with weedy little karts, nope. Since I couldn't take my Vette on public roads, I took it to the track. Became a club racer. For the year I returned to racing, I also took my mechanical skills up a notch and began to learn tuning. Engine performance, suspension swap, chassis reinforcement, all that jazz. Now, club racing. That was the shit.

Not afraid to admit I got my ass handed to me quite a few times too. But I had more than my fair share of victories. Championships? Nah, I was in it for the rush really. Now at the age of 16, I already did what would take most probably decades altogether. I wanted something new now. Then my dad mentioned bikes.

Ho, shit.

The world of superbikes blew my mind. Sitting only on a seat, holding only the handles as you travel on top of 2 wheels with an engine only a foot away from your crotch. Then, add going at a face blistering 180 mph to that. Only for the price of 5 or 6 grand if you find the right bike on craigslist. That's like, fucking buying a Ferarri for pocket change, and you get way more of a rush. Oh, and don't get me started with the sexy sound of that inline 4 screaming down the roads like a Formula 1 car.

I don't think I have to tell you how I spent the next few years.

Afterwards, from the age of 18 to present day, I've just been working on cars n' bikes as a "backyard" mechanic, although way better than one for sure. I also buy "broken" cars and bikes and fix them up. People get a blown head gasket in their brand new fresh-from-the-showroom cars, and then consider it broken, then sell it to me for the price of trash, when it only has like 40k or 50k in mileage. Dude, you have no idea how easy it is to fix it, atleast when you have experience working with cars. A broken head gasket only needs a replacement gasket. I order the part for like 30 bucks, open up the head of the engine block, slap it on, then bolt back the head. There's a little more to it than that of course, but in summary, it's a one hour job for me. Afterwards I sell the "brand new" car for a price that the customer always calls a "steal". In truth I always get atleast 5 or more grand in profit. Easiest, buck, ever.

Ehh... I digress. Anyway, I guess you can say I know quite a lot for my age.

I've been bored out of my mind lately though. I live in Greenville, SC. Not huge, but not small either. Pretty damn quiet though. I have a few friends, but they're busy being a family man most of the time. Bored. Bored. Bored. Sooo.

BOOOOOOORRRRRREEEEEEEEEED.

The sound of a Skype notification played through my computer speakers.

"Oh, sweet." I said aloud to myself.

I read the name of the sender mentally. The biggest smile crept onto my face.

'B-R-O-S-K-I !!!' I typed back. The little pencil showing that the other was writing appeared.

'WAAZUZUP !!!' He replied.

Party Time: 6 Hours

For simplicity sake, whenever Joel types/sends any type of message throughout this story, the letter "J" will be by the sentence in bold. The letter "C" will be by mine in bold aswell. Can't be hard to remember. Alright errybody? Woo! OH, and don't forget to open links within stories in a separate tab so you don't have to click back to return to the page. Okay, onwards we go to the story.

J 'GUHHHH DEH, LIKE SOMEBODEE WASSUP?!?

I snickered at the racist Asian typing impression. It was an inside joke of ours which originated from OwnagePranks from youtube. Yeah, we're horrible people. Now let us be.

C 'LIKE SOMEBODEE I B BORED AS FUK'

J 'Bro! I have something to tell you!!! Lets call!'

C 'Alright, one sec dude!'

I rolled my computer chair a bit to the right, and started opening up the drawers of my computer desk in search for my cheap logitec headset. Got it.

C 'Alright brah, do eet.

The little box asking whether I would accept or decline the call popped up as always, the annoying little ringtone playing at the same time. I answered.

"D'awwww shyet, BROOOO!!" We both howled, similar to Mordecai and Rigby if you've ever watched The Regular Show. Don't hate. Bros will be bros.

"Ok, dude so guess what!!" Joel said in a really excited shit-my-pants kind of way. He's Puerto Rican too, so just imagine a Spanish accent with a fairly deep voice. No, he doesn't speak like a cholo, just incase you're wondering. Bastard. He speaks fairly well for a Spanish guy.

"What?!" I replied mimicking his tone. There was a moment of silence, then I heard some type of rustling on his microphone. A second after, I heard the most beautiful noise the human body can ever make. I lost my shit.

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

We both lost our shit for the following half minute. After our laughter died out, Joel caught his breath.

"Man, fuck that. You always have the louder farts." He laughed.

"Pft, you better believe it. I have the richest, throatiest, deepest, wall shaking farts known to MAN!" Just imagine a massive troll face on me right now.

"Damn right bro! Ha! Shit, what was I going to say? OH, RIGHT! Dude, i'm coming to stay with you this weekend bro!!"

Holy shit. Hawly, shyet. LAWDY! Music to my ears!

"YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME JOE."

"Well if you insist. BAHAHAHA!!" He rofled, I just know it. I could practically see him rolling around laughing his ass off. I couldn't help but laugh aswell, shaking my head at the same time as I laughed through snickers and snorts. Joe started hacking like the creepy furfag smoker he is. When he starts coughing, that's when you know he's really laughing the fuck out of his ass.

"Dude, this is just, FOOKING AWESOME DAMNIT!!" I couldn't believe he was coming to stay this weekend.

Last time I saw him was back a few years when I was still in New Jersey. Although I met the dude way before that through a website (no homo) which a few of you may be familiar with. Furaffinity, a site where all the furfags hangout and what not. Yeah, I use to be a fur, what about it? Thing is, I left that god forsaken fandom. In short, stupid drama n' shit happened. I'm just going to leave it at that.

Back to the point. I've known this guy since I was 16. Once I hit 18, I convinced him to stay with me in the US instead of the hellhole called Puerto Rico. Unfortunately, I left to South Carolina not long after he came, but he wasn't able to come along. He had to go back to his hellhole country to help his sick grandpa. Joel was the only one in his family that had enough cash to keep the poor guy alive. He's returned to visit a few times before, but most of the time it was only a day. He'd have to leave the next morning so he could get back as soon as possible to his grandpa.

Oh, speaking of cash. We both make a fair amount of money through our professions. Our professions are both different, yet very similar. It was one of the first similarities that we noticed from square one. Now... I want to blow your mind for a minute, bear with me. As you know, i'm the "Tony Stark" of machinery, or whatever you want to call it. Something more humble would be nice. But this guy, has the right to call himself the Tony Stark of his skill.

So, remember how I grew up with those obsessions and what not? Tinker around with my story, replace me with him, and replace anything that has to do with cars/bikes/racing, with technology and science. This guy, I swear, if he wanted to, could build the Iron man suit. I mean, sure, it would take much more time than what the movie portrayed it to take. (Obviously, there's a difference between reality and fictional movies) The point is, this mofo should be in NASA or something like that. He stays low though, and keeps his "special" work to himself. When I say special...

I. Mean. Special.

I swear. The things we've done with his stuff. The fun we had. -I'll save it for another time, but believe me, we've had FUN.

Anyway, as I was. When it comes to your phones, comps, hardware, printers, consoles, ANYTHING that has some type of motherboard/program/all that shit. This guy, is the guy. No, not "your" guy. He's THE guy. Just like how I've made my cash through my methods, he has his methods too. This guy is just- ugh. Do I have to do it? Okay. He's. A.

FUCKING. GENIUS.

"So dude, what time? You got the airplane ticket and everything?" I asked. A moment passed as I could hear the sound of a bag being zipped closed, and a few papers being shuffled around.

"Yep! Got it all together, packing as we speak. Reorganizing tickets, passports, all that crap. As for the time, i'm actually going to be there pretty early. Think you can wake up early?"

"Oh, early? Sure dude! But again, what time?" I repeated.

"I'm leaving now dude! About an hour from now!!" He laughed.

WHA- HEY- FFF- What time is it?

I looked at the time in the desktop.

"12:04 AM. Holy fuck, are you gonna be here like 5 or 6?" I placed my hand on top of my head out of surprise.

"About, yeah. Think you can?"

"Hm. Challenge accepted." Just imagine, memes. Memes allover my face.

"Aww shyet bro!! I better see you and your bronified as hell car at the airport in a few!!" He hung up.

Well. Sleep, or stay up late? I suck at sleeping, screw it. Time to go grab some Monster. Maybe some munchies.

"Shit, might aswell go to 7 eleven." I mumbled outloud. Guess I'll be watching a movie or two tonight. Maybe watch a few mlp episodes, haven't watched any of that in a while. I grabbed my motorcycle jacket, helmet, and gloves from my closet; putting them on in the respective order. I rummaged through my closet looking for my backpack, and slipped it on with a well practiced motion.

"Keys." I checked my pockets. Nope, just my wallet and house keys. Shit I swear, if I left my bike keys in the bike again, I'm going to kick a piece of turd to the moon.

I walked off into the garage, turning on the lights as I did so. I walked over to the covered bike, and removed said covers; revealing my beautiful green '09 ZX6r. And... there were the god damn keys.

"I swear, the day I learn to stop leaving the keys on it is the day somebody steals my bike because I LEFT THE FUCKING KEYS ON IT." I growled at myself, rolling my eyes simultaneously.

I turned the key to the "on" position, swung my leg over the bike, and got comfy. I folded out the mirrors and gave them a few small adjustments so I could see perfectly behind me. I thumbed the ignition button, and without a moment to spare the inline 4 engine sharply turned on and began to idle in its warm-up speeds. After giving it a minute to warm up, the engine idle note lowered. I opened the automatic garage doors, set the timer to close in 15 seconds, turned off the lights, and left without a moment to spare. God, it never gets old.

In a World...

Hey! So guess what? I'll be doing perspective changes occasionally! It'll be stated in BIG! COLORFUL! LETTERS! Nice and clear! Hard to miss! So I don't want any confusion going on, Okay?? Thank you.

POV: 3rd Person

Far, far away from Earth, not even relatively close to Earth's galaxy, residing near the middle of a "magical" galaxy with different properties, is Equestria. In a high class city called Canterlot, there are the two rulers of the entire land, in their own luxurious and beautiful castle. The white royal alicorn, Celestia, awakens early in the morning, feeling the sun buzzing into her spirit, letting her know that it was time to raise the sun. With an irritated groan, she removed the silk covers off of her body, and lazily slid off the side of the bed; blowing a few stray strands of her ethereal hair off of her face.

She groaned again, rubbing her eyelids with her hooves.

"Uhhhgh... 2 hours of sleep. How can something so heavenly as sleep be so cruel at times?" She mumbled to herself. Celestia trotted slowly to her balcony doors, barely pushing them apart. She squeezed through the gap, and took in the fresh morning breeze with an inviting smile.

"Mmm. That always does the trick." She gave a blissful sigh. Closing her eyes, she began to prepare her ageless spell of raising the sun, a bright golden hue of magic surrounding her horn. The sun progressively began to shower its rays across the land, taking a few minutes to fully rise over the horizon. Once the sun fully emerged from the horizon, it buzzed into the alicorns spirit, letting her know that it could take it from there.

Celestia stretched her legs one by one, then giving her neck and back a stretch. Time to take a shower. As she trotted back inside her room, she stopped and levitated her neatly folded bright yellow towel from the top of her dresser onto her back. She then continued her way to the bathroom.

'Hm.. I could sure use some coffee afterwards.' She thought to herself.

Luna stared into her mug of steaming hot coffee which stood on the counter, her baggy eyes showing some type of troubled thought that was harassing her mind. She levitated the mug with her magic, gently moving the mug in a circular motion to spin the coffee around as she poured french vanilla into it.

"Luna?" Celestia called from behind as lovingly as a concerned sister could. It caused the alicorn of the night to jump a bit, spilling a tiny drop of coffee out of her cup.

"What? Oh, curses." She tore a piece of napkin from the counter's dispenser and soaked the drop with it. Meanwhile, Celestia grabbed a mug from one of the cabinets, and levitated the pot of hot coffee over to pour some into her mug.

"My apologies, sister. But is everything alright? You look troubled? Are you tired?" Celestia asked, yawning at the end of her sentence. Luna threw the soaked piece of napkin into a small trash bin.

"Well... not really. It's nothing serious, but have you ever... sensed a thought that something was going to happen? Not a bad thing, nothing threatening. Just, something?" Luna asked. Celestia thought about it for a moment as she added sugar into her mug of coffee.

"Mmm. Yes, but it was never too serious. Why? Do you feel something larger than normal is going to happen?" Celestia cocked her eyebrow.

"Well, it hasn't let me sleep much lately for the past few days. Last night in particular." Luna stated in a half trance-like state as she stared into her mug. Celestia stirred her coffee with a spoon, taking a small amount with the spoon to sample. She sipped the sample, smacking her lips afterwards.

"That's odd. But you say it isn't troublesome?" Celestia asked.

"No, it just... in a way, makes me extremely curious." Luna took a sip of her coffee. "Mmm... heavenly."

"Well, let me know if it continues to become worse, okay? It's most likely just a little subconscious paranoid thought. Happens often to my pupil." Celestia giggled. Luna joined in with a giggle of her own.

"I guess so. I've had paranoid thoughts before, this is nothing new. Anypony has had them at some point... Although, I don't know why this one is being so irritating though." Luna gave a subtle shrug, along with a lazy sip of her coffee.

"Tell you what." Celestia spoke as she was in the middle of sipping her mug. "I'll cover you for an hour today. Hopefully that will take some stress off your shoulders and let you take a nap meanwhile." She smiled.

"Really? Oh, thank you Tia. Very much." Luna gave her a grateful hug. "Wait, what will we tell everybody?"

"Oh, we'll just give them the usual slip. You had to attend more important matters." The alabaster alicorn chuckled. Both sisters shared a quiet laugh, then gave each other one last hug before they left the kitchen.

Luna tossed and turned in her bed, making slight grunting noises. She then sat upright, and slipped her eye mask off.

"Blasted eye mask didn't help at all." She tossed it aimlessly to the side of her bed. She checked the time on her clock, mildly stretching her legs at the same time.

"Still have half an hour to try and sleep..." She mumbled outloud. Suddenly, an idea emerged itself from nowhere. She could swear she felt the metaphorical lightbulb shining above her head. A smile crept onto her face.

'One of the maids a few months ago mentioned to me something about this... Chamomile tea'

Luna took no longer than 5 minutes to prepare the tea, and arrived back to her room with the tea being levitated carefully behind her. She laid herself on top of her bed, levitating the covers over herself as she got comfortable.

"Now, let's see... I'll just take a few sips. I don't need much for half an hour." She did as she said, and took about 3 sips. "Hm, not bad." She gently placed the teacup onto her nightstand, and flopped her head into the pillow. The dark alicorn closed her eyes, and began counting sheep. She was sound asleep within a minute, breathing peacefully with a small grin.

Party Time: ...Buffering

POV: Chris

Shhhyyyeeeeeeeet. Have you ever gotten the munchies? I don't smoke weed, or anything really. I'm clean as a whistle, but hell, the munchies is strong with this one. I grabbed 5 taquitos, 2 bags of doritos, 4 glazed donuts, a bag of sour patch kids, a few monsters, a red velvet cupcake, a BLT, and... shit, I forgot a few other things. They're in my bag as we speak, I'm just cruising on my way back home. Since we're still on the topic, now's a good time to add that I fucking love eating. When I'm hungry, I stop at nothing. Period.

If you want me to do something for you, wait until I'm starving after 5 or so hours of no food. Then, offer me a 10 piece chicken nugget combo from Wendy's. I'll take down Fort fucking Knox, Ba Sing Se, you name it.

As I cruised through the neighborhood at moderate speeds with my left arm propping me up on the bike's gas tank, I pictured the chaotic fun my bro and I will be having pretty damn soon. Man, every visit has been a unique visit. I'm being very freakin' vague when I say "unique". Remember what I said about having a fun time with his stuff? Dude, he always brings some type of contraption along with every visit. We always "experiment" with his stuff, taking his devices along wherever we go to see where we could utilize it for maximum epicness, whenever the moment calls for it. Shit, you'll know what I mean in a few hours. Ah, here we are. Home shweet home.

I began to slow down, shifting down to first gear so I can pull into my driveway at the appropriate speeds.

I tucked all my motorcycle gear back into the closet, save for the backpack of course. I mildly slam the bike keys on the corner of my computer desk, hoping to get the point across into the subconscious part of my mind. I swing my backpack over to the side of my computer chair, and plop myself onto the cushiony chair.

Couch Potato Mode: Engaged.

"Alright my tasty subjects, which one of you shall I devour first?" I gave a diabolical laugh as I looked inside my bag, rubbing my hands together. I quickly snatched a taquito, and pulled out a can of monster. I pulled the opening tab on the can, and took my first sip of the night. I gave a refreshing sigh, and bit off practically half the tacito.

"Alrighteh, what movie shall I watch?..." I spoke outloud with a mouthful. I snapped my fingers, and began typing on the key board.

"Ace... Ventura..."

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! SHIT!

I leapt off my computer chair, disoriented as I looked for my alarm clock. I did an overly dramatic dive to my bed, and faced the analog flip clock on the nightstand to my direction. Ho, shit.

"Well. Race to the airport. I'm down." I smirked.

I grabbed the keys to my '91 Vette, quickly slipping on a hoodie as I walk to the garage. Remember the Vette? The one my dad bought as scrapped and I fixed up? Also the one that I took to the track, and gave it a "few" performance upgrades? Heh.

I shift into 4th gear, the V8 twin turbo charged engine rumbling like rolling thunder down the highway at its low cruising speeds. I took a quick glimpse at the speedometer.

"Yikes, 75?... I'm not going fast enough." I floored the gas, the speedometer sluggishly climbing up to 80. "Fuckin' turbo lag..." I mumbled. The second I mentioned it, the engine rpms climbed to the proper powerband, and the speedometer shot up to 120 within seconds. My back got firmly planted into the seat. "HOHO SHIT!" I shouted excitedly as the turbos began to whine extremely loud. The rear of the car swung to the right slightly, but I expertly gave small adjustments to the steering wheel, keeping it in balance. I forgot to mention that I haven't driven this car in a while.

I lifted my foot off the gas, the turbos shooting off its excess pressure through the blow off valves. I pushed in the clutch as I switched to 6th gear so the car could coast down at these high speeds without jolting around a lot. I held a huge smile, my face frozen in half shock, half excitement.

"Note to self.. lower boost, and readjust ECU mapping to more... civilized settings." I said as I chuckled to myself. I never really had the car set like this to race, it's impossible. But I just remembered a few months back when I was tinkering with the turbo settings. Fuck me, I must've been bored. I continued to laugh, shaking my head in disbelief. That stunt must've loosened my bowels.

Wait a sec. SSHHHIIIITTT. I think it really did. Those munchies were starting to attack, and it was something fierce. I grabbed my stomach, grunting uncomfortably.

"Ohhh, shit shit shit. Not now. FUCK THIS." I slapped the gear shifter back to 4th, although this time being more moderate with the gas. The turbos began to whine again as the engine note heightened in pitch. 120. 140. 150. 5th gear. 160. 170. I'm just asking to go to jail. But in complete honesty, I highly would rather not shit my pants. Plus what cop in their right mind would try and catch up with this monster? The road is empty anyway. Save for a few cars that are sitting in the right lane, each being about half a mile from each other or so. When I have to shit, I stop at nothing.

POV: Joel

I walked down the sidewalk outside of the airport looking for my bro's car, dragging along my luggage filled with pretty much all my clothing. I propped it up against the outside wall, and pulled out my phone, thumbing through my contacts list. I didn't see his car anywhere, and believe me, that thing is hard to miss. Sunofabeetch better not be sleeping. I selected his name on my phone, and began to type up a text message. Send.

J 'MODAFOKKA WAKE UP!!'

As if on queue, I heard the sound of a monstrous engine roaring from practically a mile away. This guy, I swear, is always epic with almost anything he does. I wouldn't be surprised if that was his car. It didn't take more than a moment for the engine to become increasingly louder, and what do you know? I crossed the street, and looked around the airports ridiculous twists of the road, looking for his bronified car. There it was, the electric blue souped up Corvette. The brony had the guts to paint his car after Vinyl Scratch's hair color scheme. Not that it was a bad thing. I watch a bit of mlp too. Not as much to call myself a real brony just yet though. I've only heard the music so far, and a few fan animations, which were all pretty damn cool.

POV: Chris

I slammed on the brakes harder than I meant to, causing the car to lurch into a screeching stop. I pulled the keys out, and quickly jumped out of the car.

"HAHA! Dude, wazzap!!" Joel greeted happily with his arms open. I gave him a quick hug, then speed walked off into the airport.

"What's wrong dude?" He shouted from behind, following along.

"Shit." I uttered.

"What?" He asked confused.

"Poop. Shit. Bad." I began to jog. "And it wants out, now."

"Oh shit." He laughed.

"Word." I snickered. "Watch the car please, I might be out of commission for a while." I pointed back outside.

"Gotcha." He gave a quick faux salute, and walked back outside. Ok, time to solve this maze of a building and find the bathroom. I looked around, people walking scattered allover the place. Fantastic. I looked for some type of employee, and found a janitor.

"Hey man, sorry. Bathroom?" I asked quickly, trying my best not to look like a fool that was about to shit his pants. He pointed over my head.

"Aaaaaall the way at the end of this hallway." He said.

Well. Fuck.

Party Time: Hold the Fckin' Phone

Egh. Lordy. That was the shit of the year in my book. I hope I didn't clog that toilet, I must've shat Hades out my ass, and then some. Damn, I wouldn't be surprised if the special forces come knocking on my door and take me down for acts of terrorism in that bathroom. Atleast there was toilet paper.

I wiped the sweat off my forehead with the sleeve of my hoodie, and washed my hands using one of sinks. As I rinse off the soap, I take a quick glimpse of myself on the mirror. Great, bags were beginning to form on my eyes. Only 1 hour of sleep, plus releasing the kraken equals beat-to-shit Chris. One thing to know about beat-to-shit Chris is that I get real cranky. Real. Cranky. God help whatever stranger that decides to bother me.

I took a paper towel from the dispenser, drying my hands sloppily, and crumpled it; tossing it out into the garbage. I pushed the bathroom door open, and started my way back to the car. On the way back, I bought myself a coke for the amazingly low price of 3 bucks. Damn airport prices. I pushed the revolving doors and stepped outside into the warm sunlight. Personally, I find the feeling of a fresh breeze along with warm sunlight very tranquil.

I scoped around for my Vette, and saw it all the way at the other end of the airport terminal. Yeah, just imagine, I had to run through that entire distance, trying my best not to knock down the people as I held Hiroshima from blowing up in my pants. On the way to the car, I chugged the coke within a minute tops, and screwed the cap back onto the now empty bottle. I like to save these bottles for a little thing I do when I'm bored. It involves explosions. Non-lethal, don't worry. I'm not a psychopath. I just like hearing explosions, it gives a bit of a rush. Besides, I think everybody likes hearing things go boom?

I released a throaty belch, causing a few uptight people to give me a look of disapproval. Like I cared. I was about 30 paces away when I saw Joel waving from the inside of my car. I smiled, waving back.

"Get out dat car broski! Now we can hug forealz!" I shouted. He did as I said, and got out the car, opening his arms wide.

"WASSUP BROOOO!!" We howled, giving each other the most manliest bro hug in the world. After our totally not homo and absolutely 100% manly moment passed, I got in the car and slipped my key into the ignition. I was just about to twist it when I noticed he was still outside of the car.

"Get in broski! Watchu waiting for?" I clapped to get his attention, signaling him to get in.

"Oh, so I have to put all this baggage in the back myself?" He smiled.

Baggage? The fuck? I stepped out my car, and noticed a large red luggage bag, and a small black one; both laying up against the outside wall of the airport.

"Holy shit. Did you bring some huge device or something?! How'd you get it through the detectors?" I asked excitedly. My imagination immediately began to flood with ideas on what we could do.

"No dude! Ha, you and your imagination." He laughed. "It's just all my stuff bro. Clothes, things. Oh, and my computer."

'Wha?' I asked mentally.

"Wha?" I asked outloud.

"Yup. Hope you don't mind if I live with you bro!" He smiled as he gave a gentle elbow to my side. I stared for a moment mindlessly at his luggage, then at him.

"You crazy motherfucker- OF COURSE you can live with me bro!" I gently punched him on the shoulder, and laughed out of disbelief. Okay, now I wasn't so cranky, that's for sure... but I was still tired. For the next few minutes, he checked the contents inside his luggage to make sure nothing was left behind, then checked his backpack. He zipped it all shut as I opened the rear hatch of the Corvette to start loading his bags. After carefully organizing the bags, making sure the one with the computer wouldn't bounce too much during the trip, I closed the hatch. We hopped in the car, and left without a moment wasted.

"Wow, so you're grandpa's condition just... stopped? He's good now?" I asked, but my eyes still on the road.

"Yup. I mean, it really sucks that he's already taken some permanent damage... but it's done now, so he doesn't have to suffer as much anymore. Anyway, point is, he's all good now, and I left him with more than enough cash to relax for a long time." He said as he watched the road on the side fly at 70 miles.

"Dude, that's great! I hate having to see a person suffer. Glad it's over now. Best of all, it's all thanks to you." I gave him a pat on his shoulder. He grinned, nodding slightly.

"Hey man, hope you don't mind if I sleep for a bit. I actually haven't had any sleep in like... days." He yawned in midsentence. I signaled with my hand towards the seat adjuster on his chair, nodding at the same time.

"Be my guest. Hope you don't mind if I take a huge nap when we get home." I said with a funny smirk. He only snickered as he adjusted the back of the seat to lower down.

"Hope you don't mind I join you on that one."

We both laughed for a moment, and within a minute, he started snoring faintly.

POV: 3rd Person

The small town of Ponyville began to wake up; the stores flipping their signs from "closed" to "open", early woken ponies preparing their hauled stalls filled with goods into the market center of the town, lights beginning to turn on in individual houses one by one, children whining for the extra 5 minutes of sleep before school. Today was a going to be a bright, sunny day. Not one cloud to be seen in the sky.

At Sugarcube corner lies our favorite party pony, just awakening from her sleep. She yawned, rubbing her eyes as she smacked her lips. She hopped off the side of the bed, and made her way to the bathroom. As she brushed her teeth, she made funny faces and poses at the mirror, just like any other one of her "average" morning. She then rinsed her mouth, spat out the contents, and gave her huge goofy smile at her reflection.

"Somepony's lookin' goood!" She flicked her eyebrows up and down repetitively, bursting into laughter at the way her own reflection looked like when she did her hilarious facial expressions. Soon as she caught her breath, she swan dived into her shower, miraculously not making a noise in respect for the Cakes; who were still sleeping. It didn't take her longer than 5 minutes to take her shower. After she hopped out of the shower, Pinkie shook herself dry similar to how a dog would, then grabbed her hairdryer. She flicked the speed from low, to high, to an oddly extended setting which marked "FUN!" in pink crayon. It looked like the hairdryer was modded for such a setting.

She plugged in the hairdryer to the outlet, and it spared no time until it began to blow ridiculous amounts of air; causing it to swing around by its wire which Pinkie barely held as she tried her best to catch the out of control hairdryer. She grabbed it, and smiled to herself in victory. The party pony then pointed the hairdryer to her face for a quick moment; blowing her face into abnormally stretched forms along with her hair, and turned off the power right after. She gave a quick look at the mirror, looking left and right for different angles.

"Plush and cottony." She said, mimicking Rarity's accent. "PERFECT!!" She smiled. As she walked out the bathroom, she froze in midair, her pupils shrinking to pinpricks. Pinkie felt her tail twitch, then her left rear leg, then a tingling sensation climbed her spine; causing her to stretch out and giggle.

"O-O-O-OO!!! Looks like tonight is going to be one DOOZY of a party!!" She shouted with pure excitement. Pinkie then clogged her mouth with her hoof, looking around in a panicked manner, hoping she didn't wake anypony up. Nope! She then trotted down to the store floor, and went outside. She pulled out a notepad from her mane, along with a pen, and wrote something by a certain sentence.

'Foreshadow tonight's doozy - CHECK!!'

New Plan: Let's Just Have a Few Drinks

POV: Me

"Chris, go flank them, we don't have much time!" Shouted the bald man with the eyepatch. I nodded, acknowledging his command, and ran as fast as I could with my semi-automatic rifle in my hands. Flashes of yellow and pink filled the sky from detonated bombs that were miles away, the shock waves taking about 10 seconds give or take to arrive in large claps of ground shaking terror. I came to a dead end, and looked over the edge of the road.

"A cliff right into the water. Fucking cliché!" I growled. Conveniently, I looked far down enough to spot a jetski. Odd, but I'm not arguing.

"Oh, cool I guess." I shrugged, jumped off the edge, and landed onto the sand by the shore with a ground shaking thud. 'Wait, how did I do that?' I stood for a second before continuing.

"...I didn't see this beach from above." I questioned even further with a quizzical expression.

The floor began to shake violently, causing my train of thought to leave. I lost balance and stumbled horribly around, worse than a drunk man on a tightrope. I gave up and fell onto my ass, the sand flying in all directions. Suddenly, the ground felt like it began to gradually shift towards the ocean. The sand began to trickle towards the ocean as if a magnet were picking up metallic shavings. I got up as quick as possible, and began to run towards the opposite direction of the random gravity change. It was too late though, and the ground felt like it was at an incline of about 40 or more degrees.

"Shit!!" I shouted as I began to stumble backwards, going into a full blown tumble down the beach.

'FUCK FUCK FUCK!!' I grunted in between breaths. I luckily stopped tumbling, and got enough grip on the sand to slow down into a slide down the beach. The incline felt as if it were well above 60 now. Nothing to do about it now. I simply watched as the water approached me on my slide down the beach. Suddenly, the ground felt as if it jolted into a complete 90 degree stand, and put me into a free fall towards the ocean.

"DUDE WHAT THE FU-"

SHIT!! Oh, fuck. That was a dream. Why do I feel like I'm hanging off the edge of the bed-

"OH CRAP FU-!" I couldn't finish what I said, slamming into the ground headfirst. It gave a sick 'thud' as the floor vibrated hard enough to shake the lamp, loose coins, and keys on my computer desk. I rolled off towards the wall, clutching the very top of my head in pain. I grunted loudly, wide awake now.

"NNNNNNGGGGHHHHHHH!!! FFFFFFFFSHIT!!!"

What a way to wake up. Sad to say that it's not the first time it's happened either. Every bed I've had before my current one has always been pretty low to the ground, so whenever I slipped off my bed I would usually wake up with half my body on the ground, other on the bed. Since this one is practically waist height though, it's a free fall to the ground. I think this is the 3rd time now? Wait! Let me check. Now's a good time to mention that I don't necessarily have an anger issue, but it's more like of a rubber band being stretched slowly. I actually have alot patience, but when I run out, I snap. I'm talking like, some Hulk-grade shit.

It takes a lot to piss me off to that point though, but since I just woke up feeling like ass, fuck patience.

I smashed the wall with my elbow, clearly in a shitty mood. I took a quick glimpse, and counted the amount of holes in the wall there were now.

"3 strikes, you're out, you PIECE OF SHIT!!" I got up, and sloppily removed the bed covers, leaving it stripped naked. I flipped the mattress off onto it's side, and began to slide it on its way outside. Soon as I opened the door, I noticed it was dark outside. Now being completely disoriented (time-wise), my rage fit was replaced with confusion.

"No. Whaaat?.." I mumbled. I layed the mattress against the wall next to the door, and pulled out my phone to check the time.

9:47 PM.

Fuuuuuuuck.

Joe and I really just napped through the day. Well, there goes party time...

I visibly slouched, rolling my eyes at the same time. I could've easily just set the alarm on my clock to ring a few hours after we began our nap. Too late though. Screw nap, we fucking slept for a full fuckin' 12 hours. I walked over to Joel who was sleeping on the couch in the living room. It was an extremely plush leather sofa, so he looked really damn comfy on it. I gave him a nudge.

"Hey, Joe." I said in a quiet tone. I nudged him a bit more forcibly. "Broski, wake up dude." Nothing. This guy is out cold. I slapped his arm over and over, gradually going from gentle to full blown bitch slapping.

"Holy fuck, you're hibernating, ain't ya?" I laughed.

OH SHIT. Commence troll face.

I just had an idea so filled with trololol, that Discord would be proud.

I filled about a quarter of the empty coke bottle with water, chuckling at the same time. Remember when I mentioned earlier how I like using empty bottles for those non-lethal yet extremely loud explosions? What I do is fill an empty bottle with a quarter or so of water, drop little pieces of dry ice which is solidified carbon dioxide (simplified: Solid air) into the bottle, then I screw the cap shut and watch it inflate and BOOM! Fun stuff. Basically, the dry ice melts (evaporates) into air if it isn't stored in extremely low temperatures, and the water accelerates its evaporation process. Now, put it in a bottle, and you have a bomb.

I slipped a few chunks of dry ice from the freezer into the bottle, and placed the cap on the bottle, not fully screwed though. I slowly walked into the living room, quickly screwed the cap shut as tight as I could, and slipped it beneath the sofa which Joel was sleeping on. I ran as quietly as possible to the outside of my house, and stared with anticipation through the living room window. I must've had the biggest troll face in the world at the moment.

For a while, it just sat there, the little clouds of dry ice rotating inside the bottle. Then, it began to inflate pretty quickly.

"OHOHOHO SHIT!! FIRE IN THE HOLE!!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. I took cover from the window, and covered my ears. The second right after I took cover, a huge explosion echoed throughout the house, vibrating the window glass a bit. I could just imagine Joel being freaked out by now. I looked through the window, and there he was. At the corner, looking around like a madman as the vapor escaped from beneath the couch. I fell to the ground, laughing the tears and piss out of myself.

"CHRIS YOU FRIED PILE OF DICKWEED!!" I heard him shout from the inside of the house. That just fueled my laughter even more. My stomach began to hurt like hell, tears literally coming out of my eyes as they rolled down my red as fuck face.

Joel snickered, punching my shoulder.

"That was smart, I admit."

"Yeah, plus you wouldn't wake up man. I was bitch slapping your shoulder like a pimp." I laughed, but only for a short moment. My stomach still hurt like a bitch.

"Shit man, we slept through the whole day?" He said in disbelief as he checked his phone for the time.

"Yup. Well, there goes party time. Plus I just got a call while I was laughing my ass off from a guy on craigslist who's interested in buying the Corolla I fixed up last week. He wants to check it out in the morning or afternoon, so there goes my free schedule for tomorrow." I gave a discouraged shrug.

"Shit man." He sat on the grass, arms folded as he seemed to be in deep thought. We both sat for a few long moments in silence, him mostly just giving the distance ahead an absent minded look as I plucked the blades of grass individually.

"Hey, why don't we just go out and have a few drinks from the bar? Then we come back and have a movie marathon since we won't be able to sleep all night." He spoke up.

"Hm. Not a bad idea." I nodded. I wasn't much of a drinker, but hey, I guess I can celebrate my best friend moving in with me by having a few drinks.

"I drive the bronymobile though." He smirked.

"Oh fuck no. I'm sorry bro, but you know that thing and I are pretty damn close." I stood up getting in his way from the garage, being a bit overprotective. I did love the car with my heart man. I tuned her, set her up, and customized her all myself with my own sweat and time, specifically for my taste and liking. I even tuned her handling performance for countless days, exactly for my driving style. So when I took her to the track, she felt like she knew just what I wanted to do in every single input I gave her. This car was a one of kind, meant only for me. That's how I felt.

He saw for a quick moment the grave seriousness I had etched on my face.

"Oh shit. Right, right, I forgot about that man, I'm sorry." He held his hands up in an apologetic fashion. Agh, great, now I felt like a douche. Then I remembered something.

"But actually... I've been working on a slightly secret project." I smiled.

I turned on the lights of my workshop, revealing my 'secret project'.

"Tadaaa." I said with a feigned enthusiasm as I held my arm out towards the F2000 formula car that was parked in the middle, it's body panel sitting in the corner. I looked over to Joel, who held a facial expression of jizzed pants. I gave a cheeky laugh.

Now. Let me explain. These cars are meant for a specific type of branch of racing called "Formula" racing. They are built, purely for racing. They are made, purely for fast track times. They are made for speed. Around corners, and through the straights all around. These babies unfortunately are only built for the track. However... with a few modifications, I made it street legal. Believe me, it's easier than you think to make a race car street legal. Just check with your state's motor vehicle laws. You'd be surprised to find how little they ask of requirements to make these things road legal. So I hopped on it as soon as I got the chance.

"The... fuck." He placed a hand on his forehead. "It has lights n' shit!" He shouted excitedly. He went around the car probably like 10 times practically circle jerking on it by himself.

"Oh my god. License plates? Are you telling me this thing is-"

"Road legal? Yep." I smirked. He smiled.

"Oh, you know I'm going to say yes." He pointed at me. I tossed the car's keys at him, and opened one of my aluminum storage cabinets. I began to rummage through.

"What helmet size are you?" I asked.

"Large, why?"

I grabbed a pair of racing gloves from the cabinet and tossed it at him, then pulled out a helmet for him. I held the helmet towards him, Joel giving a delayed response and grabbing it a few seconds later.

"State law requires it. Plus you're going to want it anyway. We're definitely gonna race to the bar. See how good you are in a car that's faster than a Ferrari on a track. Better yet? I'll take the bike, giving you more of a chance to win." I stuck my tongue out.

"No way dude. This is epic. SO!! EPIC!!" He hugged me and practically swung me back and forth.

"Alright dude! Just let me screw on the body panel and walk you through the operations n' shit of the car." I said with a tone that asked 'put me down'. "You know how to drive stick, right?" I asked.

"The real way to drive a car? Hell yeah bro!" He smirked.

"So, all clear?" I asked one last time. He nodded.

"Man, let's go get our stuff together and go already!" He said practically shitting himself with excitement. We both made our way back to the house, and began to get our stuff together. I grabbed my motorcycle gear and slipped it all on, quickly grabbing the bike and house keys along with my wallet. I went over to the living room where Joel was going through his bags, looking for his stuff.

"You ready?" I asked.

"Waiwai-" He grumbled as he rummaged through. Then, he pulled out an odd looking contraption that reminded me ALOT of the Gersch device from CoD. Except, it looked a lot more simplified, and more clean looking. And. Pretty fucking small. No bigger than his palm.

"The fuck. Is that." I deadpanned. It looked nothing like his usual devices that he brought along. To be honest, it didn't look exciting at all. I sat down on my favorite recliner, just looking at it.

"Now, my friend, it's my turn to blow your mind." He wagged his finger at me, smiling.

"I call it the PTU-1FEPoW." He said.

"LAAAAME. What does it stand for?" I asked, mocking his contraption with a playful smile.

"Particle Transport Unit." He stated flatly.

Okay. Now I'm interested. If this is what I think it means, I'd shit my pants.

"Elaborate?" I said with my best scientist face. That just being a quizzical look with my hand on my chin.

"Does exactly what you think it means. Teleports. Things." Joel held a proud grin.

AWWWW SHYET, BOI. I. AM. PROUD. O' YOUUUU!!!!!

I hopped off my recliner, hugging the shit out of him. He fuckin' did it.

Ok, lemme explain. This guy has been working his ass off on this project for countless ages already. Far back before we met. He discovered through his research that he was able to move particles through space. How? He discovered how to utilize the fabric of space as a tool. It kind of acts like a rubber band. Epic so far, amright? Ok, there's more. After that discovery, he tested that by stretching the fabric of space from a certain point (A), to another point (B), space was able to act as a shortcut for particles. Like a wormhole, in simple terms. Similar to the idea of the wormhole, but completely different though. It defied so many theories and laws of physics and what not out there in so many ways, but it worked.

Problem was, he could only do it with particles. He wanted to test it with objects, but struggled with moving large masses of particles altogether. The technology that he was making for stretching space at the time was just in its infancy, so he spent countless amounts of hours in dedication to developing the technology. When we met, I remembered how he would never shut up about it. I didn't doubt he could do it, but it got old after a while when it seemed like he wasn't making progress. I kind of heard less and less from him about it throughout the years, so I thought he eventually gave up. But fuck nah.

He fokking did eet.

"You fucking genius. I thought you'd never do it." I patted him on the back, shaking my head with pride in my friend. "Now, show me."

"With pleasure." He said. He began to tinker with the machine. After a minute or so, he flipped the contraption over. "Ok, I tuned its settings to work. Now, what shall we use as an object, and where shall we send it?"

I pointed at a penny that was sitting beneath the coffee table in front of the sofa.

"I've been too lazy for the past week to pick it up. Send it to my palm." I said as I held out my hand. I faintly heard what sounded like bacon simmering on a hot pan.

"The hell was that?" I asked.

"The particles literally walking through space." He replied. The genius then pointed at my palm. "You missed it, haha."

I looked at my palm, and hot shit. There's the penny.

"You didn't even do anything, like flip a switch or press a button-"

"For a little epic touch, I gave it thought-controlled operations." He answered without a second to spare. "All I have to do is put it to search for brain waves, and it'll give a list of who's minds it's picking up. Then, I just select whoever and it'll synchronize itself to that mind. All you have to do is think of an object, and the target area of where it should move to." He then sat for a few seconds, thinking.

"Actually, I was trying to figure out ways on how to operate the device, like using coordinates and such, but wanna know something odd? I used thought control because... oddly, and thought provokingly enough... for whatever reason, I found out that the material the universe uses for space corresponds to us the best. Our minds, more specifically. More than three times as effective as any other method I've tried with my research and technology, as a matter of fact."

I'm sorry, I couldn't help but daydream about eating muffins with Derpy Hooves. It was a lovely daydream, it made me visibly smile. Just giving her loads of hugs, sharing many childish jokes and laughs, smiling, watching the sunse-

UH, I MEAN-

PFT, CARS, RACING, CALL OF DUT- Y'KNOW.

SHIT, FUCKIN', DAYDREAMING ABOUT MANLY STUFF, N' SHIT.

Listen, I totally don't have a soft spot and am not like... prone to adorable stuff. Fuck no. Psh. What you talkin' about, boi shaddup before I bust a cap in yo knee.

Meanwhile, and inevitably, another troll idea popped into my mind.

"Bring it to the bar. We're totally fucking with the people." I disrupted him. He smiled, tapping his head with his finger.

"That's why I brought it out."

I walked over to the front door, and began turning off the lights, leaving the front exterior lights on. Joel followed behind, but then stopped as he pointed at the mattress that was sitting against the wall by the door.

"Is that uhh.. your-?"

"Long story." I waved it off.

I looked over to my left at Joe, who was sitting in the F2000 strapping his gloves on. He flipped his helmet visor down, looked over at me, and gave me a thumbs up. Both our engines started at the same time, and holy fuck, my veins began to fill up with adrenaline at the sound. I haven't felt like this since my last track day, where I would sit with intense focus, just staring down at the red light timer. Both of us started revving the engines, warming up our machines as we slowly made our way out to the road from the driveway.

The roads around my house were pretty empty at these times, since I lived in the outskirts of the city. Kind of rural, filled with a fair share of straights and twisties. Real fun, believe me. Only about 5-10 minutes from town, depending on how I drive/ride. Perfect location to have fun, and close enough to town. I made sure of it when I bought the property.

We lined up our vehicles on the road, and gave each other a final stare. We couldn't see each other's faces through the reflective visors, but we could practically imagine just staring at one another's game face. I began the countdown with my horn.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Our engine rpms exploded as the sound of tires screeching filled the air. The front of the bike lifted slightly on me a few times on the 1st gear pull, losing acceleration each time. That's the shitty part about bikes. Wheelies are cool n' all, but it's a pain in the ass to get a good acceleration from a standstill. Full throttle from 0-60 can be done within 3 seconds on the first gear alone, but that's pretty much the most difficult part to master without falling onto your ass.

By the time I got onto 2nd gear, I had the upperhand, and slowly began to speed ahead of him. Within half a minute, we were already far from earshot if anyone watched that take off from the front of my house.

I dove into the parking lot of the bar, and hard braked right into a free spot. Joel followed right behind my ass, and dove into the free spot next to mine in no less than a few seconds. I hopped off my bike and threw my fists into the air.

"WWWWOOOOOOOOOO!!!! YOU KNOW U WILL NEVAH BEAT ME!!! WOO! WOO! WOO!" I flipped up the visor, and cupped the mouth of my helmet. I made a cheesy crowd-cheer sound effect, chanting my own name.

"Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris!"

Joel snapped off the racing harness, and climbed his way out of the cockpit of the F2000, pulling out the keys along the way.

"Dude, I don't care who won. That. WAS. FUCKING. EPIC!!!" He jumped in place as he punched the air wildy.

"FUCK YEAH THAT WAS!!!" I began mimicking his movements. We probably looked like the biggest idiots on the block, but shit, do I have to mention it again? I. Don't. Give. A fack about what people think.

We took off our gloves and stored them in our jacket's pockets, and began to unravel the chin straps of our helmets as we walked towards the entrance of the bar.

"We're definitely- doing this again. And soon." He spoke as he fussed around with his chinstrap.

"Pft, took the words right outta my mouth." I sounded kind of out of breath. No surprise, racing on a bike is actually physically demanding. Not to mention straight up exhilarating. Nothing like it.

"Wait, are we forgetting something?" I halted, sliding my helmet off my head. I hated this feeling, but it never hurt anyone to double check.

"Hmm..." Joel finally unraveled the chin strap, and slipped his helmet off, giving a look over his shoulder at his backpack. "I have the PTU here, and my phone, cash. That's it, since there's no space at all in that car." He laughed. I joined in on the laugh, patting him on the back.

"Definitely worth sacrificing for, huh?" I asked.

"Pft, fuck yah." He stated with a matter-of-factly tone.

"Oh, I almost forgot."

"What?"

"What does the rest of the name of that device stand for?"

"1FEPoW?"

"Yeah, won-fep-ow, however you pronounce it."

"One fucking epic piece of work."

"..."

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Damn right it is."

POV: 3rd Person

A little bit earlier back in Equestria...

"Luna?" Celestia peered from behind as she addressed her sister with a loving tone.

"Ah! Please stop that. You know how easy it is to scare me when I'm exhausted..." Luna slouched as she placed her hoof on her head. Celestia simply giggled.

"I actually came to ask you about that. I see it is actually getting a bit worse, now that I heard you have a headache?" Celestia lowered her head to Luna's level, but the princess of the night quickly turned around and began trotting the opposite way down the corridor.

"No no, dear sister, I am fine. Really." Luna tried her best to trot without her body aching her to slouch. The sun goddess sighed.

"Luna, no lies, please." Celestia begged. The dark alicorn then slouched once more, wanting to just drop onto the ground right there and fall asleep.

"Ok, yes... I'm stilled tired, and the paranoid thoughts have only grown stronger. Today it feels as if they are plaguing my mind, for crying outloud. I really don't feel that these are merely thoughts anymore to be honest." Luna ranted, trotting back and forth as she threw a hoof up in the air a few times. Celestia gave a fixed look as she thought for a moment.

"Do you feel now that maybe it's true? That something might happen?"

Luna turned to look at her sister for a moment.

"No. But it still chooses to plague my mind more and more as time passes."

Celestia thought for another moment, then looked through one of the tall glass windows to see where the sun was. About three hours before Luna had to raise the moon.

"Do you think it shall require attention?" Celestia asked, still looking out the window. Luna shook her head.

"No no, not at all. Like I said the other day, it is not bad at all... but it is just there, in my mind all day. Which is why it is confusing. How can something as harmless as this drive me to not be able to sleep?" Luna asked with a hint of frustration. "I still don't understand the reason why it stays in my mind? It's such a ridiculous thought!"

Celestia turned slowly away from the window, her head last as she dragged her eyes away from looking outside.

"Sister, would you mind if I set the moon tonight?" The sun goddess asked. Luna's ears perked up.

"I don't mind at all. May I ask why though?" The dark alicorn held a quizzical expression.

"You could really use another... 'chamomile' nap." Celestia smiled. The statement made Luna blush.

"Oh, Tia- apologies once again! I didn't think it would put me to nap for 4 hours!" Luna covered her face with her hooves in shame. Celestia began to chuckle for a while.

"Sister, no need for apologies! It's quite alright. I was glad that you got a good amount of rest actually! The health of my much loved sister matters more than some extra work." The alabaster alicorn hugged her sister.

"Celestia..." Luna hugged her back.

"...You should get a coltfriend." The alicorn of the night uttered under her breath. This made Celestia giggle.

"Oh, for crying out loud, you should get a nice coltfriend! You deserve somepony to return your love and care." Luna suggested more assertively. Celestia simply shook her head.

"Luna, you know how I feel about that. We outlive our subjects, we're certainly very different from our subjects, and most can't even stare at my eyes without breaking down within a minute. Must I give more reasons?" Celestia sounded like a broken record player to her. Although this time, Luna felt like using the card in her sleeve.

"Oh come on Celestia. You know what I mean." Luna acted as if Celestia did know, but in truth she didn't. Celestia simply cocked her head very slighty.

"You could easily go and find a coltfriend this very moment if you felt like it. I know you've been going off castle grounds on some of your free days, miss... Sunny Skies." Luna gave a gentle elbow to Celestia's shoulder. The sun goddess' eyes shot wide open, causing her to give a faint blush.

"How- wha-?" She stuttered. "No? Who told you such a rumor?" She attempted to play it off. Luna simply smiled though. Celestia sighed.

"You won't tell anypony, will you? It's the only way everyone looks at me eye to eye, rather than 'divine and almighty'." She whispered. Luna responded with a mild look of shock.

"Wha-? No- why would I? Sister, this isn't high school." The lunar goddess chuckled. "That would be pointlessly cruel of me, Tia! Besides, it makes you happy! You know what makes you happy, makes me happy." She gave a loving smile, and nuzzled her elder sister.

"Oh-... sorry for ever doubting you, sister." Celestia returned the nuzzle with her own warm smile. "It's just, you caught me off guard by knowing about... Sunny Skies. That's a secret I thought nobody would ever have known about." She then thought for a second.

"...Speaking of which, how did you figure it out?" Celestia questioned. Luna giggled.

"Celestia, nopony else other than I is old enough to remember how you looked in your youth." She giggled a bit more. "Did you think I would forget after a few thousand years?" Luna questioned with a playful look of accusation.

They both laughed as they walked down the rest of the corridor. Eventually, they parted ways and went off to continue with their business, but in a much better mood.

'I'm still not getting a coltfriend.' Luna heard Celestia's voice in the back of her mind. She simply shrugged, and chuckled.

"It was worth a shot." She mumbled to herself as she grinned. Luna then began to trot happily on her way to the kitchen to prepare herself some chamomile tea once again.

Author's Note

If you go and try that dry ice bomb thing which I mentioned earlier here, don't blame me for any of your fuck ups. Period.

Just pointing that out. It's not exactly lethal, but it WILL hurt like a bitch if it blows up in your hand. Why would it even be in your hand if you see it's about to explode anyway? I dunno. Point is, I've seen some people bleed, and your chances of getting hurt skyrocket if you're an idiot and decide to do ridiculous things with it. Do it at your own risk.

Two Birds With One Device

POV: Chris

I stared at Joel from the corner of my eye as we raced to finish our mugs of beer. He slammed his mug onto the table, immediately throwing a fist in the air. I slammed mine a few late seconds after, and smacked the table in defeat.

"Shit! Fuck, I don't know how you do it." I shook my head as I wiped my mouth with my sleeve. Joel laughed, and pointed a finger at me.

"Hey, I say the same about your driving. You have to teach me your skills man!" He poked my chest. I moved his hand away from my chest, chuckling as I did.

"Right, and you show me how to chug drinks down? Worst trade of skills ever, pft." I joked. I looked around the bar, scoping out the place to see who could be our next victim of my genius friend's divine little invention. Man, we stuck out like sore thumbs in this crowd of southerners. I then gave a subliminal point towards a husky man who wore a flannel shirt. He had a thick beard, wore a winter cap; just your average trucker stopping in the bar for a few drinks. Or maybe logger? Ah who gives a fuck, we were about to mess with the guy, that's the point.

"You call the shot, I already set it to your mind." Joel said as he signaled for the waiter to bring two more drinks. I responded by rubbing my hands together.

"Alrighty." I gave a sinister grin. I already scoped out the trucker for a while, and it seemed like he had quite a few drinks, judging from his almost-drunk appearance. He should be heading to the bathroom within a minute or so, if my gut wasn't wrong. I waited for a few minutes, the waiter bringing our drinks meanwhile, and just as I was about to give up, he got up and headed towards the bathroom.

'Oo-haha, bad choice buddy.' I imagined his underwear being teleported to the urinal. If he isn't aware enough from the alcohol poisoning his attention, he'll piss on his own underwear. Actually, now that I think about it, that's a bit too much. It sounded funny just a minute ago to me?

Well! I guess it's safe to say the poison is beginning to sink into my system. Just like most people, my humor becomes a buzzkill when I start to have a bit too much.

"Shit, I think I've had my fair share of drinks for the night Joe. I can already sense my judgment being clouded." I laughed. He simply gave me a faux look of disappointment as he sipped his freshly refilled mug.

"D'aww, for a second there I thought you could hold a candle to me." He teased.

Oh. HEEEEEEEEELL nah. So it's gonna be like dat? Aight dawg, it gunna B LIKE DAT.

"Oh, oh? We got a badass here hm? Ok, well uhh..." I fixed my imaginary tie, and cleared my throat.

"WAITERRR!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, cupping my hands around my mouth to add to the effect. Everyone within the bar turned to look at us. Joel froze, the mug still in his hand as he was in the middle of his sip. Good, now I got everyone's attention. Alright Joe, just remember this is all thanks to you.

"How can I help?" The waiter came with a bit of a look of irritation.

"Give me and my friend here the nastiest cocktail you can make. I don't care what you put it in, just make sure it OOZES with alcohol. No fancy tastes or any shit like that." I stated flatly. Everyone must've shut up for a second, because I could only hear the sound of the flatscreen on the corner wall blaring its commercials. I gave a quick look around the bar, simply giving a smirk to everyone who stared. I began to lean the chair back as I laid my hands crossed with each other across my stomach. I began to play the 'hotshot'.

Now, normally, I wouldn't be this loud and obnoxious. Bright, funny, happy, witty. That's usually how most would put me in a nutshell. But when I bring out the 'hotshot'... well. Shit. Let's just say I was right when I said:

'I had my fair share of drinks for the night'

Joe placed his mug down, giving me a quick glance as he viewed the small crowd that now was looking at us.

"Hm." He gave a nod, as if he accepted the situation. He then leaned in towards my direction with nothing but a grin.

"I'll win." He whispered.

"Pft." Was all I responded with.

The waiter brought in two glasses that had a dull grey tint in it. Looked sickly to drink. Perfect.

Without a moment to spare, we both swiped the glasses, and took a whiff of the toxic waste that was within. We both immediately changed to an expression of disgust, causing the small crowd to laugh.

"What's wrong? Gonna be a pussy at the last second?" One of them shouted with a grainy voice. I pointed back and forth aimlessly across the crowd trying to single him out as I regained my composure. I spotted him, and pointed directly at his middle-aged ass.

"You'll be the first to lick my pussy, you tranny-fucking-fetishist bastard." I responded with my wit. This caused an ooo to stir within the crowd.

"Alright then, drink it tough guy!" Another piped up. Many began to utter 'yeah' and 'do it!' as the crowd's volume rose. I motioned my arms to them in a way that said 'calm down'.

"Alright alright! Don't get your panties in a twist, okay?!" I smiled, getting the crowd warmed up. Many of them began to chuckle as some threw small rolls of napkins at me.

"Ok, how about this. You all countdown from 10 and as soon as you all hit 0, we drink? Sound fair?" I questioned them all. They all began to howl as they started a parade of drumrolls on the tables and ground. Ha, easy crowd. I like that.

I gave a glance to Joel who was smiling the entire time. I slapped his shoulder to get his attention.

"Get ready broski." I picked up my glass.

"Been ready already." He picked up his.

"10!" The crowd began the countdown.

"WOO!!" I shouted to get myself pumped up.

"9!"

"YEAH!"

"8!"

"HEY!"

"7!"

"HO!"

"6!"

"LET'S GO!!"

"5!"

"ASS!!"

"4!"

"AND TITS!!"

"3!"

"FOR THE WIIIINNN!!!"

"2!"

I stared down my drink, preparing to kill myself.

"1!"

Ah, fuck cakes.

POV: 3rd Person

About half an hour later, just outside of the bar...

A shady man walking with his partner stopped and tugged his friend's hoodie to stop aswell.

"What?" The other responded, his tone being clearly annoyed.

"Dude, look." The shady man pointed at the formula car that was sitting by the crotch rocket. They both stared for a few moments, in awe and surprise.

"Sick." The second man whispered. They both walked over to the formula car, giving it a quick look around.

"Sick doesn't cut it. This is a one of a kind." The first man mumbled as he gave a look inside the cockpit. "Shit, do you know how to drive stick?" He asked his partner.

"Yeah, why?" His partner responded, much to the man's delight.

"Great! Hop in man, hotwire that shit. It's as good as ours!" He pushed his partner towards the car.

"Wait! Hey- stop shoving damnit!" He smacked the man's arms away from his back. "Do you really think I can hotwire this fucking thing? I don't even know what the fuck it is for Christ sake."

The man flinged his arm in the air, rolling his eyes.

"Fan fucking tastic." He grumbled. As the man began to walk away, his partner gave a quick glance at the superbike as he began to follow his friend. The secondman then did a double take, stopping in his tracks right away. A smile crept onto his face.

"Pst! Michael!" The partner motioned for the man to come.

"What?!" Michael hissed.

"SSHSHSHS!" The partner hushed. He then pointed at the superbike, leaning into Michael's eyesight more closely.

"See it?" The partner couldn't hold his snickering.

"Holy shit, what a dumbass." Michael began to snicker aswell. They walked over to the bike, the secondman checking out the bike as Michael began smacking the keys that were left on the ignition back and forth.

"Kawasaki. ZX6r holy shit!! We hit a jackpot!" The secondman quietly shouted. He hopped onto the seat of the bike, kicking up the kickstand. "Get on, what are you waiting for?"

Michael gave a quick glance around the area, making sure nobody was watching.

"Nah, you go. I'm sure whoever owns this bike will come straight out from the bar as soon as he hears this loud as fuck engine turn on. I'll take care of him and catch you later." Michael then signaled for his friend to turn it on and go.

POV: Chris

Just a few moments back before the grand theft auto occurs...

I took one more shot of vodka, gagging in the middle of the process. I gave a very loud grunt, holding my fist against my mouth so I wouldn't regurgitate all the hard work I put into all the drinks. Joel gave up practically 20 minutes ago already, slouching on his barstool as he covered his eyes.

"Eugh-... Hey, J. Furfag." I began to snap my fingers to get his attention, trying my best focus on standing up without toppling over. I was pretty much drunk. Now all it would take was one more shot, and I probably would blackout for the rest of the night.

"Wwwwwwwwwhat." He sluggishly replied.

"I-... I won. Ha. Bitc-" I burped in midsentence, and fuck did it smell like death. "Bitch. Suck these tits." I slapped my chest, giving an immature high pitched laugh afterwards. Joel grunted, laying his head onto his arms on the bar countertop, sticking a middle finger up. The small crowd bursted into a loud cheer, many patting my back and some pulled me into a hug. I simply smiled as I waddled back and forth, being tossed about from person to person.

"Now... who wants to see a fancy party trick?!" I blurted. Everyone cheered. I took it as a yes.

"Ok... WAITER!! BEER!!" I slammed the bar counter. The waiter tossed an annoyed glance as he slid a mug of beer towards my direction. Miraculously, I caught it in my disoriented state, and held it up in my hand.

"ALRIGHT! Now, everybody, see that table over there?" I pointed behind everybody, and they all turned to look.

I hope the PTU is still synchronized to my mind. Otherwise, I'm going to make an ass out of myself.

I had to time this perfectly.

"Ok, now look back here!" As they were in midturn, I thought about the mug of beer going to the very table I pointed earlier. It was gone by the very moment they turned and looked at me. I wiggled my fingers. Some cocked their eyebrows quizzically, their expressions saying '...okay? So?'.

"Now look back at the table ya turds!" I shouted. Some looked at each other, curious as to what I was doing. Once they all turned and saw the mug of beer on the table, many did a touble take, looking at my empty hand, and back at the mug of beer that appeared on the table through divine intervention. Many continued to look back and forth as some began to talk to each other, trying to explain how it was illusion or what not. The bartender however, was looking at me as if he saw a ghost. It didn't take long for me to figure out that he just witnessed what happened.

Then, the sound that i'm all too familiar with of my bike turning on echoed from the outside into the bar. That sobered me up a bit.

"Hey-... HEY!! WHAT THE FUCK!" I shouted, grabbing Joel from his barstool. I ran outside as quickly as possible, only to see the guy on my bike making his way down the other street already.

"FUCK NO-" I was cut off by what felt like an elbow smashing into the rear of my head, sending me into a stumble as I clutched my head with my arms. Gees, everything has been attacking my head lately. I turned to take a glimpse at who did it, and saw a man with rugged short grey hair staring at me with his arms up, ready for combat. Bad idea. I snapped for the second time this night.

"YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!!" I caught him off guard by tackling him the hardest that I could, sending the both of us flying down to the ground. As soon as I got my bearings together, I mounted on top of him and prepared to give this guy the slugging of his life. I then felt someone pull me off and began to be dragged into the parking lot. I stood up right away, and saw that it was Joel, who had already hopped into the cockpit of the F2000.

"Hop on dude, we can catch him!" He shouted as he strapped on the racing harness. One problem with that idea though.

"Dude- WHERE THE FUCK DO I HOP ON?!"

I held on for dear life on the inside of the cockpit with one arm, the other arm holding the right intake vent of the car as my body laid on the side of the car. We sped down behind the thief at breakneck speeds. Probably 140 or so, judging by the face blistering wind I was receiving. I began to feel all the alcohol stir in my stomach. I guess hanging on to the side of a race car while practically drunk isn't a good idea. Speaking of good ideas though, I just had one!

"Joel!" I shouted as loud as I could over the deafening wind. I realized it was pointless, but the idea I had was a bit risky. I didn't know if he tested the PTU with live people yet. Although, here comes cloud filled judgement from alcohol to save the day!

I literally couldn't hear myself think over the sound of the wind, along with the fact that I was in half-panic mode from hanging onto the side of a formula car for my life. So, I squinted to look ahead as the wind blasted against my face, targeting the thief on my bike with my vision. I wondered if visual aid could possibly help.

"Alright! Now, Chris, focus!!" I screamed to myself. "The thief will switch with me, and I will be on the bike!! Now!!!" I waited for it to happen, but it didn't. I tried again. "Okay!! The THIEF will switch with ME!! Then I WILL be on the bi-" I stopped in midsentence as I felt a demon practically making its way up through my esophagus. Then, what felt like hell itself came out of my mouth, spraying to my side allover on the road, being flung and spread merciless and aimlessly throughout the air by the insane headwind.

Fucking. NASTY.

I felt weakened, my grip on the car beginning to slip. Fuck, this is not how I ever imagined myself going out. I looked ahead at the thief on my bike once more, and finally took the time to notice that we were on the freeway. Then, I noticed the road that awaited us ahead.

There was no, fucking way that either of us were going to make that sharp turn of the road. The bike thief, or this car. Nope. We were going too fast to even corner properly through that turn. Adrenaline really began to kick in, as the sound of the wind blasting my ears went silent, my eyes being shot completely wide. I felt like a deer in the headlights. Couldn't do shit about this situation at all. Then, our final moment approached as the car and bike were flung over the side rail of the road, jolting the thief and I in midair as Joel stayed in the hurling car. We were heading for direct impact into the thick forest of trees at speeds that would not hesitate to turn us all to scrap.

For the last few seconds, everything felt as if it slowed down for me to bullet time. It's true, what they say about your life flashing before your eyes before moments like these. I saw myself play with my childhood friend in the park, competing with race karts, my entire school life, the first time going to six flags as a kid and being mad for not being tall enough to ride King Da Ka, having my first sip of beer by accident as a prank from my dad, my mom disappointed that I failed 8th grade. Everything.

Oddly enough, the very last thought I had, as I span like a ragdoll in midair, was of My Little Pony. Of all the moments, I know, but it happened. I wasn't surprised though, that this was my last dying thought. I admit, I've grown pretty fond with the show. Sometimes, I had short moments where I would wonder what it would be like to live in Equestria for a day. The way how everyone was just happy and bright overall seemed a bit like paradise, compared to the world today where nobody bothers saying 'Hi' to their neighbors anymore. Let alone smile to people anymore.

It's a bit depressing to think of, yes. But life isn't so bad, y'know? You just need to find out how to make it good for yourself. It isn't hard at all, but the only person who makes it hard is yourself. I learned that a while back already.

Although, I still wasn't surprised that Equestria was my dying thought. Not at all.

Then there was black.

The Hangover

POV: Joel

...God, I can already tell this is going to be the hangover of the year. I feel like I'm upside down for crying outloud. Shit, it even smells like-

Wait.

It smells like gas.

My survival instincts kicked in, my eyes opening as I gasped. Great confusion stepped in my mind as I started to overflow with information. I was upside down, I smelled gas, I felt like I was trapped inside a metallic cell, my right arm was stuck, and I could only make out what seemed like sunlight beaming through the small gaps in between tree branches. I tried my best not to panic, and took deep breaths.

"I-... What's going on." I thought outloud. I reached my free left hand to my face, only to be stopped by a helmet. Little by little it started to come to me.

'Shit, don't tell me I went off in my bro's car with a fuck ton of alcohol in my gut.'

I began to get my bearings together. Wha- a harness? I unbuckled it as quickly as I could, and felt my entire weight fall onto my head and upperbody. My right arm had barely enough room to slip itself out, but the extremely cramped space I was in still didn't let me have much freedom to move my legs. Fucking hell, it feels like i'm in a...

Cockpit.

"Oh fuck. Ergh-" I grunted.

"This is the formula car, now I'm getting somewhere."

So far, hangover of the year is now hangover of the decade.

I took a quick glimpse out towards the sunlit area as I felt helplessly pinned beneath this speed machine. Then I did a double take. This time, I looked around in the inside of the cockpit, and noticed that the gap that led to the outside was just big enough for me to squeeze out if I could just dig enough dirt out of the way. So I began to dig with my left arm as I propped myself up with my right arm. Didn't take more than a minute to make the gap big enough. Now to escape.

Using both arms, I began to crawl along with my upper body, squeezing my helmet covered head through the gap little by little. It gave me enough room inside the cockpit to slip my legs out inch by inch. I repeated the process for a good 5 minutes; head first, then slip legs out. Alright, half my body through, almost there. C'mon Joe, just relax, catch your breath.

I held my breath, grabbed a thick tree root that was sticking out from the soil, and began to pull as hard as I could. Shit. My muscles were too fatigued already, and I began to feel sick. The hangover was acting up now. Last thing I wanted was to throw up inside the helmet, so I unstrapped it, and slid it off. I tossed it aimlessly away, and buried my face into the cold dirt as I panted. It helped a lot that the temperature was pretty cool since it was autumn. Fuck, if it was summer I think I would've straight up fainted from the heat as I spewed hot boiling vomit inside the helmet. Fucking disgusting.

After a few minutes of rest, I propped myself up with my elbows, and began to squeeze out as hard as could. My thighs were almost out. That made it easy for me to squeeze the rest out, along with my knees, then feet. I stood up as soon as I got my feet out, and stepped away from the car which wreaked of gas and burnt oil. I took my first breath of fresh air, and sighed with bliss.

"Thank fucking goodness-" I started coughing, and sat on the grass.

Soon as the coughing fit finished, I finally took a good glimpse at the aftermath of what happened.

It was a fucking miracle that I wasn't burnt to ashes along with the car.

It looked like the car crashed into the soil from the sky like a fucking meteor, none of its wheels to be found anywhere on or near the car. The car itself was fucked up beyond all recognition. The wings were torn off, shards and pieces of carbon fiber allover the site, the shell of the cockpit was scraped up to hell, and the engine itself was bare in the open space as the gas was pooled up beneath the hanging engine by inches.

I placed a hand on my head, speechless. I gave a quick look up into the sky. It was still early morning. If I had to give a guess, I'd say it was about 7 or so in the morning. Shit, last I remembered it was late night. I then looked ahead through the trees into the distance ahead of the crash site, and saw what seemed like a motorcycle along with a man laying out cold on the ground about 30 feet away from it.

Oh. Oh fuck no.

"CHRIS!!" I cried. I ran as fast as I could over the rugged terrain of the forest floor, dodging trees and leaping over fallen branches. I ran straight to the unconscious body, and flipped him over face-up.

"Wha-" I choked. I stumbled backwards, perplexed by the completely different face. I then recalled another memory.

'The bike thief.'

I stared at the motionless body, looking at his blood stained face. He wasn't breathing, nor was his heart beating. This guy was dead. Of course he was. After a crash at those speeds, I was lucky alone to even survive, so this guy had no chance on the bike.

Fuck.

Then... Chris. Don't fucking tell me he's dead. That motherfucker is not dead, he can't be. Where the fuck was he? If I couldn't find him near my crash site, let alone this guy... where the fuck did he go? I began to search frantically. Now I was panicking. My best friend did not just die on me, no he fucking didn't. FUCK! Why didn't I just tell him to wait at the bar? Fucking decision making was clouded by alcohol. Fuck fuck fuck FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME!!!

"FUCKING FUCK SHIT!! AAHH!!!" I staggered as I swung my arms furiously, walking aimlessly through the forest. I didn't care at this point where I was going. Fuck, I can't get lost anyway, we're right in the middle of fucking Greenville. This forest can't be more than 20 acres until I find another road. But now that I mention it, I don't even hear cars zooming by anywhere close at all. Not even airplanes echoing from the distance high up in the sky.

"OH SHI-" My thoughts were interrupted by a violent trip, causing me to slam onto a cobblestone path.

'What the fuck is cobblestone doing here?' I wondered as I got onto my knees, wiping the few tears I was shedding in my angst-filled walk through the woods. I looked forward, and found myself staring eye to eye at a pair of cyan eyes, both of us giving equally shocked expressions.

"OH!!-" I fell back, clearly freaked out by what I was staring at. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he/she looked just lik-

Holy fuck.

"H-...Hello?" It asked with a nervous tone, it's voice clearly showing that it was a female.

"...Pony?" My jaw slacked, although my face was pretty much expressionless. Too shocked to even make an expression actually.

"Yes, yes I am. My name is Luna. I mean no harm." She stated, this time being more soft with her tone, trying her best to not sound threatening.

"L-... Luna?"

More like hangover of the century.

POV: 3rd Person

Many hours before, late at night when the crash occured...

The princess of night stirred in her bed, grunts and words coming out of her mouth. She then sprang up, her eyes wide open.

"It happened."

She quickly flung the covers off of herself as she swung herself from the bed, forgetting to slip her regalia on. With a fast trotting pace, she left her room and began to make her way to Celestia's bedroom. Suddenly, her mind began to fill with images, causing her to stop in the middle of the corridor for a few moments. She mentally placed them aside for a moment, and continued to make her way to her sister.

"I had a feeling something like this was going to happen. Your restless nights and description of your thoughts and feelings gave me the idea that you were possibly experiencing clairvoyance." Celestia flipped through the pages of her tome, and began to read. "When Alicorns experience clairvoyance, it is typically for a large event; whether it's evil, good, or within nature's power itself." She brought her hoof up to her chin.

"Although, when I experience such a thing, it's usually vivid and powerful from the first moment. So I wasn't sure enough to say if that was your case." Celestia closed the tome which she read the information from, and slid it back into her bookshelf.

"No wonder the same thought was harassing me to no end." Luna added.

"Right. Events like the one which you just described always cause either you or I to become the clairvoyant, depending on what time of the day it is to occur. Since it happened at this time, night, which is your domain; it all makes sense now." Celestia nodded.

"I have to help the entity." Luna stated flatly. Celestia simply grinned.

"Your visions will never lie. Whatever you decide to do is completely up to you." The sun god nuzzled her sister. "Go on now, I'll cover you for as long as it takes to find and bring back this being."

"Thank you, sister. I owe you a lot at this point already." Luna chuckled, causing her sister to wave her hoof.

"I think you already know how you can return the favor." Celestia giggled. Luna pretty much read her mind, which made the alicorn of the night chuckle once more.

"That's a small favor which I can easily do for you, Tia. Consider it done as soon as I get back."

"Oh no no, Luna I was only-" Celestia turned her head to find Luna was already gone. With no time wasted, Luna had opened Celestia's balcony doors, and flew off into the night sky. The alabaster alicorn giggled once more, shaking her head at the same time.

"...Joking."

POV: Chris

Moments after Luna left the castle...

...Oh, fuck me. I can already tell this is going to be the hangover of the year. My head hurts like a son of a bitch, and my stomach feels like I just sat inside a washing machine for a week. The horrid feeling of vomit climbing its way up from my stomach began, waking me up right away. If there is one thing I hate with a passion, it's getting vomit on myself.

"BLARH-" I stood up in flash, and released the hell shit out of my mouth, leaning forward with my hand propping me up against a tree.

"-AAHHHH, HHFUCK!! BLAHRH-" More hell shit. Let's fast forward a few minutes.

I wiped the last bit off my mouth with the inside elbow of my hoodie sleeve, and inhaled deeply through my nose. I exhaled out of my mouth, and felt the adrenaline from the vomiting slowly dissipate. Here came the fucking horrible head pain I was feeling earlier. Shit, this wasn't like a hangover type of headache. Felt like I-

"OWAWA MOTHERFUCKER!!" I hissed as I touched the side of my head. I had one hell of a nasty bruise there. A bit of momentary adrenaline came back from the pain, but dissipated within seconds. I made a mental note not to touch it again.

Now I felt woozy. My vision blurred for a moment, causing me to stumble up against another tree. I held it for support, and crouched so I wouldn't topple over while standing. I gave in and sat down, laying my back against the tree. God, hangover of the year was now turning to the hangover of the decade. Worst of all, I was beginning to think I must've hit my head pretty hard. I couldn't remember anything about last night, which didn't surprise me since I practically drank like there was no tomorrow. What worried me however... I couldn't remember clearly what happened before that.

Shit, I couldn't even remember what happened the day before. Or the day before that. Oh fuck, not even last week! Wait, OK OK OK good! I remember a bit what happened last night. FUCK, there was a bike thief! Shit, keep thinking. What else what else what else. OH, fucking hell, I was hanging on the side of the car while we sped down the road. Wait, it was on the freeway. That's right. The freeway. Keep thinking, c'mon c'mon c'mon.

I started to regain a bit of my vision, but still didn't feel up to task of getting up yet. I snapped my fingers, another recollection.

"Oh... fuck." I mumbled to myself.

We crashed. We fucking wiped out. Pretty nasty too. I remember being flung in the air, spinning as-

What the fuck was that.

I looked over to my left, my heart rate beginning to pick up its pace.

"Who's there?" I asked. I heard another twig snap, along with the rustling of leaves. Then the thought that it could be Joe fell into my mind.

"BRO?!" I cried, getting up halfway. No answer. Adrenaline returned once again. For some reason, my gut told me this wasn't exactly a person. Shit, do fucking bears live in Greenville? Fuck, I dunno, but at this point I was pretty fucking paranoid. Whatever it was, I heard it take a few more steps, snapping a few more twigs and branches.

"S-stand back! Shit!" I took off into a full sprint, the adrenaline coursing through my body once more which allowed me to practically fly through the dense woods like motherfucking Icarus.

"No! Wait!" I heard a female voice call out. That confused me big time, causing me to lose focus on my sprint. I tripped and tumbled around a few times before I eventually came into a stop. My air got knocked out, making me hold my stomach in pain as I held my eyes tightly shut.

"H- agh! Help! Whoever- AH! You are-" I grunted as loud as I could through my teeth. It took a few moments for whoever it was to make her way to me. The pain began to subside, but I still couldn't breathe normally.

"A-...what are you?" She asked with a strong tribal accent.

"What- uh- are you... talking about." My voice cracked.

"This is the first time I have ever seen a creature like you. Have you been here before, or are you new?" She asked. Funny, she rhymed right there.

Wait. Did she just call me a creature?

A feeling of uneasiness seeped into my chest, and I decided to open one eye, looking at the mystery woman.

What the... fuck?

"OH, WHAT THE FUCK!" I lept up, and ran straight into a tree head first. Just my fucking luck. Worst of all, I felt a sharp sensation of concentrated pain come from the bruise on the side of my head. JUST my fucking luck.

"AAHHHH OW OW OW OW!!!" I cried in pain like a bitch. I fell straight back down to the ground, clutching my head in pain. Remember what I fucking said? Everything likes to attack my head. What the fuck did I do to deserve this curse.

I began to lose consciousness. I tried getting up, but stumbled back down, looking up towards the star filled night sky. The moon was full and shined directly onto my face. I looked through the corner of my eyes, and saw her once more as she slowly approached me with an expression of concern. I muttered a few last words out of my mouth, before I fell back once more into the darkness.

"Talking... Zebra..."

New Friends

POV: Joel

Present moment...

Soooo. Here I am, staring face to face on my knees in front of a dark blue-ish colored pony that has an awfully familiar name which I can't quite put my finger on. Meanwhile the bike thief is dead, both the bike and car are trashed, and Chris is nowhere to be found. Also, I'm still feeling like shit from all the drinks last night, and want nothing else but to take a nice long nap. Yet here I am being delusional and possibly making a fool of myself talking to a mirage of a magical unicorn/pegasus from those fairytales, probably because I hit my head that hard from the crash. And, for some idiotic reason, I decide to talk to it anyway.

Once again, hangover of the century.

"So, what is your name, if you don't mind me asking newcomer?" The magical being smiled, trying to ease any tension that was there.

I pinched the skin between my eyebrows, still trying to process what in the hell was going on. It didn't help that I had a bit of a hangover either. I closed my eyes, thinking that if maybe I focused enough, just maybe, this is all just some insanely realistic dream. After a moment, I opened my eyes slowly. She's still there.

She's. Still. There.

Everything is the same. Birds chirping, gentle breeze going through the trees, and a magical being in front of me that's now staring at me with an expression of confusion and concern.

"Erm- I... I heard you repeat my name just a moment ago. I assumed you spoke my language, but I guess you do not?" The manifestation of a fairytale raised a hoof in question. I could only sigh as I sat down onto the cobblestone path, covering my face with both hands. What in the fuck am I supposed to do? I got up and dusted myself, beginning to look around once more for any signs of Chris. Shoe, tracks, notes from him, used condom, bottle of beer, anything. Fuck. Right now, that's all I want. Maybe once I see him, this huge mess of a nightmare could clear away from my mind, and we'd have one huge laugh about it.

"Please, newcomer, atleast tell me if you can speak the same language as I?" She pressed it even more. I was a bit too cranky for this right now.

"Yes. YES YES YES, I can, okay? I can. Look at me, speaking English, woohoohoo!" I gestured my hands around, oozing with anxiety and a touch of sarcasm. "I CAN SPEAK ENGLISH! Holy crap, amazing right?! You and I can speak the same language, and while we're at it, we can go save Rapunzel! Then kiss Snow White, meet a green ogre called Shrek with his amazing talking donkey, and save the three little pigs from the BIG, BAD, WOOOOLF!!"

I gave her the jazz hands to add to the effect. I sat back down onto the cobblestone path, looking down the path at nothing in particular. I took a deep breath in, and slipped it out slowly. I just need to relax. Take a few deep breaths. Try my best to process everything. Then maybe things will go easier for me, and everything will make sense in time.

"Are you okay now?" The pony asked as she laid on the ground next to me. I nodded in reply, although my attention still towards the distance ahead.

"Are you lost?"

I nodded again.

"...May I ask a few more questions?"

Same response. She cleared her throat.

"When did you arrive?"

I shrugged.

"What is the last thing that you can remember?"

"I was drinking with my best friend, someone stole his bike, I tried catching the thief with my friend, we all crashed. Now I'm here." I spoke for the first time in my silence. From the corner of my eye however, I could see her expression change slightly.

"You do not know what happened to your friend?" She questioned further. I only shrugged.

"Not sure, really. The dude who robbed my friend's bike is dead. That, I know. But my friend? I have no fucking clue." I sighed once more. I heard her mutter something out of earshot.

"I'm sorry?" I asked.

POV: Luna

"I-... sorry. It's just my visions, they did not show where he went. Only you and the deceased one, I'm afraid." I wanted to reach my hoof out and tell him that it was going to be ok, but the truth was far from that...

The creature's friend, I was aware of. Although my visions weren't able to track him once I began my search for these beings. He simply disappeared from the grid. Everything was as expected. This one along with his friend, would survive the disaster. The thief died, but the friend of this one is nowhere to be found. This one is undergoing a lot of stress, so I should try my best to keep him calm, and return him to his homeland. Unfortunately, anything before the disaster could not be recalled by my temporary clairvoyant abilities. I truly felt sad for this being. He felt... angered. Angered that he couldn't find his friend.

They have a powerful bond. Like brothers.

"I'm sure your friend is fine." It was all I could say at the moment. He then turned to look at me for the first time. He was confused.

"Wha- How do you even know? If you can't even know what happened to him in your so-called 'visions', then how do you even know if he's alive or not? FUCK, shit, it's my fucking fault!" He stood up abruptly, his body clearly tense. I began to feel a little uncomfortable, but all of this was expected. I think I speak for everyone when I say that we would be extremely stressed in a similar situation. Lost, hurt, perplexed beyond anything, and a friend nowhere to be found.

"...I know what you're experiencing is hard, but we won't get anywhere if you continue with the agitated attitude." It was only the truth. For a long minute, there was only silence. I watched him from behind as he crossed his arms, refusing to turn around. Almost like a childish colt, refusing to understand the situation. It went on like this for minutes, but I waited patiently.

"...Joel." He mumbled, his body slouching as he spoke.

"Pardon?" I asked, confused. He turned slowly, his expression showing that he finally calmed down.

"My name. Joel." He repeated.

"Oh- Hello, Joel. It's a pleasure." I gave a genuine grin. I was glad to see that things were beginning to move along. He then began to snicker. I cocked an eyebrow.

"What is so funny?"

"I still find it hard to believe that I'm talking to a unicorn... pegasus." He lightly pointed a finger at me. This intrigued me.

"What do you mean? Is it the first time that you've seen a being like me? Alicorn, by the way." I informed him.

"No no, where I'm from, things like you are from... books. For little girls and such. Fairytales, like elves, sprites, magical beings."

"Strange... where in Equestria have you lived where you haven't seen a single being other than your own? Why, even sprites live everywhere in the world, from north to south, no matter the climate?"

He cocked an eyebrow.

"What'd you just say?"

"Hm? Oh, that sprites live from north to south no matte-"

"No no, before that." He waved his hand. I backtracked for a moment.

"Oh, where in Equestria have you lived where you haven't seen a single being other than your own?" I asked unsure. He then placed a hand on his head, an expression of shock molding onto his face.

"Right. That's what I thought you said..." He gave a visible gulp.

"So... you're saying we're in... Equestria." He gave me a quick look that asked for confirmation. I nodded, although still unsure where he was going with it.

I thought for a moment.

"Are you from a different land other than Equestria?" I suggested. He combed his short curly hair back with his fingers, and began to pace around.

"Try different planet."

POV: Zecora

I have seen my fair share of odd things, believe me. Although... this? Back in my tribe, when I was a little filly, they spoke of these creatures in their legends. Told stories about them. Bipedal creatures. Absolutely weak, they were. No claws, no strength, no wings, no magic, nothing. However, they were capable of more than what a pegasus, earth pony, and unicorn could do altogether. They had no powers, no magic, only knowledge. Their knowledge being their great power, giving them the abilities to build, to create, and to survive. And that they did. More than what any Equestrian could imagine.

To see one with my own eyes. It was... thought provoking.

See, for us, it is considered as a blessing. Our legend states a prophecy of two of their kin arriving. The purpose? To protect, Equestria. It made me wonder why exactly this being was here in our world. Equestria has been safe for quite a while already.

However, what troubled me the most was that I found this being alone. The second one must have gotten lost, so I felt that it was my duty to bring this one to my hut and help with his wounds. The least I could do is nurse him back to healthy conditions so he could find his friend. I would be more than happy to help him find his friend too, if he ever required it.

But, for now, I have to deal with the problem at hoof.

From what happened before at around midnight, it appears he has no idea what is going on. Almost as if he was ripped from his world, and abruptly shoved into ours. Once he awakens, I will have to try my best to calm him and get everything under order. For now, I will meditate until he awakens.

The being groaned, and began to fidget around on the floor mat that I had set up for him. He began to awaken faster than I anticipated. I quickly made a fair amount of distance between the creature and I, and lied down onto my knees. He sat up, and began to rub his eyes. It didn't take long for him to open his eyes and begin to look around. Even shorter time until he stared directly at me. I simply remained neutral, and waited for him to make the first move.

POV: Chris

Ok. Let me get this straight...

So, I was drinking with my bro at the bar. We went out afterwards, had some huge fucking wipeout, I woke up, threw up, then knocked out again, and now I'm here in this tribal as fuck looking hut while staring down a cartoonish zebra. Huh, this must be some wicked awesomely realistic lucid dream. I'll play along.

"Hi." I gave a small wave to the zebra. It only nodded.

I got up, but then immediately sat back down from the sharp pain on my lower back, along with my head, left arm, lower left leg, and pretty much some muscle pain throughout my entire body.

Funny, I thought dreams didn't... hurt?

I then took a good look at my left arm, and felt the bloodstained cast that was on it with my right hand. Now I'm confused. Real confused. I looked back at the zebra.

Hold on a sec. I saw this zebra last night. It's a she. I freaked the fuck out and had a panic attack. And now that I think of it, she reminds me alot of something. Fuck me though, I still can't remember that much shit at the moment. Has this all been one huge fuckin' lucid dream, and I'm in the hospital in a coma from the wipe out or some shit? It'd explain why my memories are foggy. Doesn't exactly explain how everything is so realistic though. And if this is a lucid dream and I can do whatever I want, I'm not exactly bashing through the roof and flying around like how I'm imagining right now.

Yeahhhhh... I'm currently undergoing mindfuck now. Let's just, take a deep breath. Assume that this is all a lucid dream. I hope. It makes the most sense so far. Now, let me just get my bearings together. I cleared my throat.

"From what I remember... last night? You can talk, right?" I asked her.

"Yes, I can." She replied with a nod.

"Right. So, do you have a name?"

"Zecora."

OH Ho-Ho-H-HOLD up. Freeze.

A bell just rung aaaaalllll the way in the back of my mind. Although, not one of those really strong rings that make themselves known the very first moment. It's like one of those moments where you forget your phone at home, go out to work/school, then think the entire way 'I forgot something'. Then usually at the end you remember, and go 'DUHH'. That kind of ring is what I'm talking about. I hate those.

Anyway, the point is her name rung a bell in the back of my mind. I thought for a moment, but nothing really came to mind. So I continued with the conversation. I gave a quick glance at the cast.

"Did... you save me from the wreck?" I asked.

"I am not sure what you mean when you say 'the wreck', I'm afraid. However, I took you here once you hit your head on the tree, after you began to fade." Funny, she rhym- wait. I have a feeling I said that before.

"So, this is your place? And you fixed me up?" I questioned.

"I gave you the best medical treatment that I could. And yes, this is my humble abode, stay as long as you should."

"...Do you do that all the time?" The rhyming was actually getting a bit annoying for me. She then began to chuckle.

"Saving a creature that I do not know? More than once a week, a few times or so."

"No... the rhyming." I kind of gave a literal point of the finger at her.

"Ah, it is just tradition from my tribe."

"Well, I'm sorry but could you stop?" I tried asking as nicely as I could.

"Oh, I'm sorry if it gives you a bad vibe?"

"You did it again."

I stood by her as she read a huge book about alchemy of some sort, reading the content within. I didn't get a single thing, but was fascinated with how she took quick glimpses into the book, and fetched the ingredients and what not within seconds.

"How long have you been doing this?" I asked as I flipped a few pages, though being careful to place a bookmarker on the page she was reading from.

"For quite a while already. They begin teaching you in my tribe once you learn how to write." She said, her words muffled as she held a thin rope in her mouth that held a pack of vials tied together.

Ugh, for a dream, she seemed to be... well done. For a character I mean. It made me feel uneasy, but I quickly placed the thought aside. Let's just keep going with the flow. The more I question it, the less progress I make in relaxing.

"Cool." I muttered, looking through the pages more. I then looked at her as she placed the vials allover the table. "So, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly are you doing right now?"

"Preparing a potion for you to drink. It'll help you regenerate at three times your body's usual rate." She stated casually. I raised an eyebrow, impressed with the sound of it.

"That'd be helpful." I pointed out the obvious. After thinking for a moment to myself, I slightly furrowed my eyebrows. I hadn't exactly been a decent guest, snooping around and being so nonchalant. I should be helping her in any possible way I could. Hell, I haven't even thanked her for anything.

Now, I know, if it was a dream it shouldn't matter to me. But it does okay? Dream or not, I don't like being a douchebag.

"Hey, um, I really feel like a bum for not saying this. But, thanks. For everything. Really. You didn't have to do all this." I scratched my arm mindlessly. Just a random gesture I did whenever I felt shy.

"It is my pleasure. It is not everyday that I get to make a friend." She chuckled. She began to move a stack of tomes off of the table to make room for what she was preparing.

"Hey, I thought you said you bring in creatures all the time?" I helped her with the stack of tomes, placing them off to the side.

"I didn't say what kind of creatures." She gave a smile. "Just a few lost animals that I find in this forest. The everfree isn't meant for just any kind of creature. Many can be harmed within here."

"Ah." I organized the vials on the table. She brought the ingredients together in a basket, and placed it nearby the vials.

"May I know your name?" She stopped in her tracks.

"Hm? Oh. Christopher- But call me Chris, please. I'm not a huge fan of my name." I slightly cringed at the sound of my own name.

"Oh? Why is that?" She had to ask. She continued her activity, laying out the ingredients in her own order.

"Only my parents called me that. I didn't exactly have problems with them, but we never really mixed. Water and oil." I kept it short and simple.

"Mm. I understand." She began to divide the ingredients into three separate small bowls, and poured water into them all. "So, Chris. How are you managing?"

"Ehhh, good I guess? Body still sore though. Agh, now that I mention it, I don't exactly feel well standing." I pointed at a stool that was nearby, giving her a look that asked if I could use it. She gave a quick nod. I pulled the stool over for me to sit on. "-Ahh, that's better." I sighed with bliss as the muscles allover my back and legs significantly relaxed.

"Although, what I meant was the situation." She poured the contents within the bowls in individual vials, and gave them different colored labels.

"Uh, you mean like... all..." I pointed my finger around, doing a spiral motion with my hand. "This?" I asked hesitantly. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue wondering about it, let alone talk about it either. Zecora nodded.

"Last night you fled from me as if I were a predator. Now, you simply speak with me as if I were no different from you." The zebra placed the vials up on an empty shelf that was just above the table. "So pardon me, if I'm a little too curious."

We stared at each other in the momentary silence. It took me a bit to realize she was waiting for an answer. I then tried to steer the conversation a different way.

"Did you finish the potion?"

"No, not quite. They need to ferment for the time being. It shouldn't take more than 20 minutes or so."

Silence again. Tough one, this zebra. But, I guess I should just be straight out with it. See if it helps or not. Highly doubt it, but I'll give it a shot.

"I didn't feel like talking about it, but... I'm not sure myself. See, last night I thought I woke up after some crash took place. Or... I thought I woke up. Because then I saw you, and freaked out. Talking zebras aren't normal, specially ones that look cartoonish. And wears gold rings." I digressed. "Anyway... then I woke up again, this time being here in your home. I then thought that this all must have been some crazy dream, but here we are, about half an hour give or take, still talking, every second passing by as I wait for the you to finish your regeneration potion." I placed my hands up in manner that showed I had nothing more to say.

"I'd like to say that I still think it's a dream, but honestly... I'm actually a bit afraid to say..."

"That this is all real?" She finished.

I gave a subtle nod.

It made me begin to sweat a little. I could feel the inside of my cast getting slightly humid, along with my back. To hear her say those words outloud made me feel lightheaded for a moment. I wasn't exactly feeling... comfortable, anymore. To consider that what I was experiencing, was all real. Then again, with what I was experiencing, most wouldn't feel comfortable either. Memory is extremely foggy, body is in a lot of pain, left arm fucked up, cuts, scrapes, dry blood, rugged clothing... talking zebras, potions, waking up in the zebra's home. Is there anything else I should know?

I mean, it'd be real swell if I could know what exactly is going on, where I was, how this all came to be. But for now, it feels like I just tuned into the middle of a movie. I have no idea what's happened. I have no idea what to expect.

So please. Pardon me if I'm being a bit paranoid. Ok?

"Uh- perhaps, you'd like to take a walk with me, while the potion ferments?" She snapped me out of it, noticing that I was beginning to lose myself a bit.

"...Y-yeah. Sounds good."

Why Me?

Despite this massive mess of a situation, I actually could find the little bit of sanity and focus to appreciate how nice of a day it was. Well, I'm exaggerating when I say 'little bit of sanity'. This is still a mindfuck so far though. But still a nice day. The fresh morning breeze, and warm sun on my face. Exactly the way I liked it. It helped bring some tranquility into my mind as I walked with the zebra by my side. At first, and oddly enough, when we left her hut, it seemed pretty gloomy looking. Like those days where it's overcast, threatening to rain any moment. Then, like something out of a fairytale, we followed the path from her hut into this nice, bright, beautiful pasture. Note, I use the word beautiful almost never.

It had it all. The typical random tree sitting on top of a small hill in solitary, the mountains in the distance, the wind blowing through the semi-tall grass. I swear, like straight out of a movie. For some reason though, it felt nostalgic. Although I can't remember much right now, I sure as hell don't remember being in any pastures as a kid. I mean, from what I can remember growing up in New York city, last time I checked there weren't any pastures. Although, criticism aside for a damn second. Of all the moments, now was definitely one where I could really use the positive feeling of nostalgia, along with soaking in the environment. So that I did.

I enjoyed it.

"Beautiful, is it not?" Zecora spoke after a long while.

"Mhmm." I hummed. I was too drawn in to the moment to really give a mindful response. We've been here for roughly the past 5-10 minutes. Although I could really use that healing regeneration potion thing right now, my sore body could wait another few minutes. Yah, all this was that worth it. Suddenly, a conversation began to form.

"So, just how bad is your memory loss?" She questioned.

"Uhhm, not that bad actually? I mean, it's more like there's a huge blotch of ink smeared allover. It's all there, but extremely unorganized. Some of it is there, and some of it is flat out dead."

"Hm. Can you tell me what you can remember? Anything that may be important to you?"

"Sure, uhh. Well, there's little that I can remember from last night, but that's really from the massive amount of alcohol I took in. Wait, you know what alcohol is, right?" I asked, unsure if this 'fantasy world' had such a thing. She nodded. "Ok. Other than that, I remember the important things I guess. Who I am, where I live, my occupation. Mostly because that's just me my entire life. Fixing cars, racing, and just being me of course." I sat down onto the grass, which oddly felt pretty soft, and patted the spot next to me for her to join. I was warming up to this new acquaintance fairly quickly, despite our obvious differences.

"Cars?" She asked as she sat onto her haunches on the spot I marked earlier. She was taller than me when I was sitting on the ground, but I pretty much towered over her when I stood around. I never really took the time to notice that. The zebra's head was about at around my chest level when I stood near her.

"Wait, so there aren't cars here?" Queue worried expression.

'Crap, I hope there are.'

"Well, what is this car?"

'Fuck.'

"Erm... big, metal... thing with wheels? Has an engine, always rumbles when it's on? Headlights? Doors? Windshield, wipers, a loud horn? Never seen it?" I began to twiddle with my thumbs, clearly worried. She shook her head.

'I'm gonna cry.'

"Well, where I'm from, it's a source of transportation. Or, doing stupid things... like donuts in parking lots." Glad I could remember that. It brought a grin to my face.

"Ah, one of the many inventions of your kind?" She added.

Odd.

"Heh. You say that as if I'm an alien." I joked.

"Interesting. You really do not know or remember much, do you?" She placed her hoof on her chin.

And the smile was gone.

"...No. Like I said, noggin ain't exactly working for me right now." I gave a few gentle knocks on my head, being very cautious to not hit the bruise. She chuckled at my action.

"My my. This is not good. You've taken quite a hit with your head, haven't you?"

I gave the most nonchalant shrug I could. Obviously I was just mocking her.

"Gee, I guess so Sherlock." I teased. It completely flew over her head though.

"Well, I can't really imagine how else to explain where you are unless you can handle it?" She became serious. I sighed.

"...Alright. Just, give me one moment." I laid back onto the grass, folding my arms behind my head. All jokes aside now, it was time to... embrace what really was happening, I guess. So I prepared myself. Clean slate, open mind, relaxed... good to go.

"Mkay. Go for it Zecora."

I was sitting up by the time she finished, wide eyed, but still open minded. Lemme tell you... so many bells rang far in the back of my mind. So. Many. But it was frustrating that I couldn't figure out exactly why.

Ponies. Princesses. Mythical creatures. Magic. Towns. Cities filled with ponies of all kinds. Unicorns, Pegasi, Earth ponies. Equestria.

Then, she hit the nail on the head.

"Your kin, do not exist here. Equestria is actually... a different world. Far, far away from your home world."

I stared at the ground as I pulled a few grass blades mindlessly.

"...Gees." Was the smartest thing I could say. I didn't know what to say. What was I supposed to say? I was curious though, as to how she knew so much.

"Zecora?"

"Yes?"

"...How in the world do you know all this?" I asked with a genuine tone of curiosity. She then smiled. I'd say it was somewhat cocky, but her humble personality wouldn't let me. It was more of a smile of pride, that she knew so much I guess.

"I've known about your kin since I was a filly."

"...Serious?"

"Yes."

"...Like, a tribal thing or something?"

"Legend, yes. Actually, there's even a prophecy about your kind coming to Equestria."

Whoa, wai- okay. This, I want to hear.

"Two of your kind, arriving to our land. Reason being that they would arrive at a time when Equestria would need them the most." She poked my arm. It took a moment for the message to get across my mind. I went wide eyed as I shook my head.

"Noooooo way. There is no way that I qualify for anything even relatively close to such a job description. No ma'am. In this world filled with what you just mentioned earlier, me? A human? Hell, even if there were two humans, that wouldn't make a fuckin' difference either."

She gave me an odd look.

"I remember you shouting for a 'bro' last night. That must be your brother, correct?"

I laughed at the idea.

"First of all, my brother is 10 years younger than me. He's still a kid. Second, I highly doubt if my friend coincidently got... freakishly sent here along with me."

"Well, he did. I'm sure of it. Whatever happened that got you sent here must have involved him aswell. You seemed very worried, so I'm absolutely positive that he must be here too."

'The wreck.'

"...You might be right. But it doesn't explain why I couldn't see him anywhere nearby. It was a nasty accident, yeah, but it wasn't bad enough to completely throw me and Joe away from each other for a freakin' mile?"

She grinned again. This time, I will say it was cocky.

"Don't question it. You woke up in an entirely different world, afterall. How are you so sure that you two did not separate that far?"

"Okay okay, I get it. So he could be here. But then there's no way I could find him if he could've been sent to the otherside of the world for crying out loud?" I had a point. She thought for a moment. A bright smile then formed onto her face.

"I have a friend who could help."

'So much mindfuck right now...'

"Alright. I trust you can be my tour guide I guess?" I chuckled.

"I'd be more than happy to." She grinned.

Y'know, other than all this mindfucking shit that's going on right now, it was nice to have someone like her as a friend at these times. I could already tell I was going to get along with her throughout this entire power trip without a problem. I'm glad that of all the people... or ponies, I should say, I was thrown to this one. Then from out of the blue, an odd thought had fell into my mind. It was an odd request...

"...Erm. Zecora?"

"Yes?"

A really odd request.

"...Can I... um." I then shook my head. "Never mind. It's dumb." I chuckled.

"Do not worry my friend. I do not judge." She added a very assuring smile at the end. I couldn't help but continue to ask.

"I just... want to know if I could ehh." I cleared my throat nervously.

"Just wanted to know if I can... feel your fur." I bit my lip, smacking myself mentally. For a moment, she stared curiously. She then laughed it off.

"I have absolutely no problem with that."

"Oh, ok cool. Heh." I quickly moved my hand onto her back to avoid anymore awkward moments. Felt softer than I thought. Felt... nice. I removed my hand and slipped it back into my hoodie pocket. The zebra then turned to stare at me once more.

"There's no need to feel shy?" She said, almost as if she was encouraging it.

"Wha? Shy? Me? Pft, nah." I was a bit confused. The zebra only continued to smile.

"My friend here is afraid to show affection?" She teased.

"Hey, I totally am not." I responded defensively. Oh, crap.

"Really?" She gave me a... look. The universal 'oh really?' look. I fell right into whatever trap she had setup.

"Yeah really."

She wasted no time and grasped me into a snug hug, nuzzling my cheek as she did so. The longest, most confused (for me) minute had passed by the time she released me. I could only stare at her, completely perplexed as she simply grinned. When I say perplexed, I mean like... confused with the warm fuzzy feeling I felt in the inside. I haven't felt that in... gees. Forever. And just to make sure you're not getting the wrong ideas, I don't mean like it was a 'crush' type of feeling. It was just an odd feeling of happiness. One I hadn't felt in the longest of times.

Many moments passed as I looked aimlessly towards the distance. I then spoke up.

"...Thanks." I barely mumbled.

"Hm?" The zebra hummed.

"Thanks. For the hug. It was nice, Zecora." I stated flatly.

"My pleasure, Chris." Her grin remained.

A small genuine smile formed on my face. Although she didn't see it, since I quickly played it off by pretending to scratch my upper lip. Sure, it was a punk move trying to deny a smile that showed I enjoyed it. But hey, don't blame me. I lost my innocence when I was young in a pretty rough way. I've grown a hard shell. Not my fault.

...It was nice though.

We were back in her hut as I observed her finishing the last steps for the potion. I had my head propped up with my hand as I looked carefully at her precision. She really knew how to measure without even looking for reference. Man, I'm pretty sure she could probably do it with a blindfold.

"Crap, you can probably cook meth if you wanted to." I chuckled loudly.

"Meth?" She asked innocently. I simply waved it off with a 'nevermind'. Interestingly enough, this world has alcohol, but no drugs? Hm. Lots of questions in my mind. All the time in the world to answer them. Which led me to think:

'...Will I ever get back home?'

The thought swallowed me real good for a moment. Zecora then snapped me out of it.

"Done! I combined the fermented potions to make the regeneration potion. Now, the side effects will be a little similar to a fever, but I have a potion to counter that at the shelves by the entrance over there." She pointed at said location. "It has a yellow label with a white stripe on it. I'll be in the storage room if you need me." The zebra handed me the regeneration potion, and left to the storage.

"Alrighty." I took a whiff of the concoction. "Ooo, smells pretty sweet."

Oh the cruel lies this potion made.

I made my way over to the shelf by the entrance door, and began looking for the potion that had the label which Zecora described. Just as I was about to reach for it, I took a casual swig of the regeneration potion, and boy did it remind me a lot of something.

"BUCKLEYS EW FUCK!!!" I coughed. "Fuck it fuck it fuck it!!" I took a power stance and chugged the rest down. I could hear a certain someone holding their shits and giggles from the storage room.

"BLEAHELAHL EW EW EW EWEWEWEWE!!" I quickly swiped the second potion from the shelf, and unscrewed the cap. I was hoping with every fiber of my body that it would taste like honey or something amazingly sweet like that. I chugged it down, and immediately felt the taste of the second potion wash everything down.

"Oh god, that was good." I smacked my mouth trying to get the aftertaste. "Fruit Punchy."

I began to screw the caps back on both empty vials, and took quick glimpses at the labels. Just as I finished screwing the cap on the second one, I did a double take at the second potion's label. Something didn't seem right.

"Zecora?" I asked loudly enough for her to hear from afar.

"Yes?" She replied in an equally loud volume.

"You said white label with yellow stripe, right?"

"..."

I didn't like that silence. I heard a few things drop and fall along with her hooves shuffling around. She then stood at the doorway.

"Oh no." She mumbled in a low pitch.

"No no, don't say 'oh no' like that. What did I just drink?" I held the vial up towards her direction as my tone clearly went from casual to nervous.

"...Transformation potion."

"OK? AND WHAT EXACTLY DOES THAT DO?" I unintentionally raised my voice out of pure nervousness.

"Do not think of any other creature other than what you are right now."

"OH WHAT, YOU MEAN LIKE PONIES? I'M LOOKING AT ONE RIGHT NOW! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE ZECORA, IT'S HOW REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY WORKS FOR CRYING OU-" An extreme wave of drowsiness sinked in within seconds.

Amount of times knocked out so far: 3

Just... What

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

"Please, calm down Chris! Look at me-"

"HHHUUUAAAAAAAAA!!"

"It's only a minor setback! I can fix it! It's fixable!"

"AAAAAAUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"STOP RUNNING AROUND!!!" Zecora shouted before grabbing and smacking me across the face with her hoof.

I shook my head, getting my senses together again. What I saw in the mirror was not me. There is no way that, that po-

-Ho-hold up hold up. Let's rewind a little bit.

"Congratulations! It's a boy!" The doctor shouted while holding up a crying newborn baby boy.

"Oh! He's beautiful!" The mother stuttered as tears of joy flowed down her cheeks.

"What will you name him?"

"Well, Oscar and I agreed on a name long ago... Christopher." She looked up to her husband, smiling, as she held his hand.

-cough- My bad. Fucking VCR.

My eyes snapped open widely. Shit, I had the worst dream where I was practically an amnesiac who fell into a land of magical creatures and-

Oh.

I opened my mouth to speak, but felt a loogie lodged quite nicely in my throat. I hacked it up, but swallowed it back down.

What? I wasn't about to spit it onto my new friend's floors. Nasty, sure. But atleast I'm not rude to very nice people- ...or ponies, like Zecora.

"How long was I out this time?" I asked pretty casually as I stretched out my arms, regaining my conscience from my deep slumber. Strange thing, my clothing felt extremely loose on me. Almost as if I lost alot of weight. Or shrunk.

Silence was all I got from the zebra.

"Zecora?" I asked once more. She only held a worried expression as she turned what seemed like a small mirror that was no bigger than a basketball towards my direction. I gave her a quizzical look, but looked at said mirror anyway. For a second, I thought it was a very well painted cartoony-looking pony that was suppose to be looking directly at me. But as soon as I gave a quizzical expression once more, it reflected my exact facial movements. I must've gone through a handful of facial expressions until I realized what was going on. Let's count them... quizzical, surprised, skeptical, confused, aaaand... realization.

I wish I could say I held my sanity together like a badass. I really do. But... the following actions went something like... uhh.

This.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

"Please, calm down Chris! Look at me-"

"HHHUUUAAAAAAAAA!!"

"It's only a minor setback! I can fix it! It's fixable!"

"AAAAAAUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"STOP RUNNING AROUND!!!" Zecora shouted before grabbing and smacking me across the face with her hoof.

I shook my head, getting my senses together again. What I saw in the mirror was not me. There is no way that- that pony, was me. Oh gee wiz golly fuckshit. What in the world happened now? Huh? HUH?

"Sorry. I lost my sanity for a moment." I gently rubbed my freshly struck face with my... hoof. I looked directly at my hoof. Just... no. I subtly shook my head, a small frown denying everything.

"Care to explain what happened?" I pursed my lips.

"...You took the wrong potion." The zebra placed a hoof over her eyes, slowly dragging it down her face.

"Right, right. So, now I'm a pony. Yes?"

She nodded.

"Mhm. Mhm. And it's fixable, yes?"

Another nod.

"Okay, good. How long will it take to fix?"

"...About a month or so, until the potion wears out." She bit her lip.

"...A month."

She was probably expecting another freakout or something. Surprisingly though, for both of us, I didn't. I just... kept cool. It didn't seem that bad for some reason.

"Mkay." I gave a slight nod. The both of us were somewhat left confused for a moment, but recovered quickly.

"Very well then. You took that... more easily than I thought you would." She gave me a look that kind of questioned my sanity, almost literally checking me to see if I was going to burst any moment. Everything felt alright though. My body wasn't experiencing that dreadful sore pain from earlier anymore. That was nice. I was also able to talk to Zecora at eye level now. That was nice too. It didn't feel that bad to be on four legs, everything is alright I guess. Y'know, I'm just trying to be positive for once. I figure that I really need it. Specially in this... situation.

There has to be a better word to describe it. Just has to be.

"Atleast I fit in now?" I gave a light chuckle. She only raised an eyebrow. I sighed.

"Just work with me, Zecora. I'm not insane, I'm just trying to make the best out of everything."

She took a moment to gather herself, and took a deep breath.

"Apologies. It's just- I am terribly sorry about this all. I really am."

I waved my hoof. Man, I missed my hands already.

"Honestly, Zecora, I can think up many other ways of how worse this all could be. I'm just glad that I got stuck with someone like you." I gave a small laugh to ease up any tension; swinging a gentle punch at her shoulder. This made her giggle a little. Everything was easy again.

"Here, let me help you out of those clothes. They'll be useless for now until-"

"Whooaaa there cowgirl." I backed up. "I refuse to expose myself to the elements."

The zebra only laughed, until she leapt forward and slipped off the hoodie first.

"Come on dude, not cool." I gave up quickly.

"Come on, dude." She mimicked. "Do you really expect to fit in while wearing such loose, different clothing?"

'As long as I ain't naked.' My stare said it all. She sighed.

"I have a cloak that you can borrow, if you are that concerned." She went to fetch said cloak. "It is pointless either way, however. I can take a strong guess that your society isn't fond of nudity, but here it is absolutely normal." She finished slipping the rest of my clothing off, and slipped on the cloak. "Besides, the chances of you seeing another's private is unlikely, and the only chances of seeing it is if somepony falls over, or if you're blunt enough to lower your head and look at it. You'd definitely get strange looks for that of course."

She stashed my clothing into a bin, and went into her storage for a moment.

"But if somepony does fall over and end up exposing their privates, try your best not to look like a... colt, who's seen one for the first time." She finished as she returned from the room.

I pretended to be offended.

"Pft, please. I can handle looking at pus-"

She gently fell onto her side into a relaxed position, and lifted her rear leg which gave me a full view of her-

"-syyyy UHHH"

I stand corrected.

(Helluva) Coffee Break

POV: 3rd Person

The tall human, still fresh with cuts, rugged clothing, and dry blood from the wreck, walked alongside the immortal princess of the night through the trail. The wind calmly slid through the leaves and branches of the many surrounding trees, as it always has. They recently just began to make their way through the path back to civilization.

"So... how is this going to work?" The genius asked. Luna turned her head, the gesture alone asking what exactly he meant.

"Well, me. Going to your civilization. What exactly will happen?"

"Ah, well... ponies will certainly give you odd looks, but nothing more. This is a land of 'magical creatures' as you say afterall. You however, will be certainly new to the public."

"Oh, ok cool." Joel nodded. He then pointed towards the direction of the path they were walking. "Where exactly are we going?"

"A small town, Ponyville." The princess smiled. "I have a good friend there too. I'll make sure to introduce you to her." The tall fellow then began to think for a moment.

'I'm almost sure it's probably Twilight Sparkle..'

"Sounds good." He pretended to not know. He figured it'd be easier to keep everything to himself, saving a long winded explanation about how this was all suppose to be some world from a cartoon. This all definitely would've been interesting to try and explain how this was all actually real... if he wasn't in such a shitty mood/condition. Right now, all he had in mind was food, and some R&R. Some painkillers would be very much appreciated too. The sensation of vomit rising and falling was there in his stomach the entire time, tag teaming along with the throbbing pain of his headache from hell.

'Oh joy...'

"Once we get there, I will make sure to get you a nice cup of coffee." The princess of the night smiled. Joel turned his head and looked at her as if she was some kind of saint.

"Oh, sweet balls, yes. Yes. Yes." He rolled his eyes to the back of his head, fell onto his knees, and pretended to make a prayer for her. Luna giggled, and gestured with her hoof for him to get up and keep walking.

"No need to worship me like I'm some type of goddess. Please." Luna mumbled the last part more to herself.

'...Took a solid year alone to stop the citizens from fearing me alone.'

Her face froze for a moment as she recalled the countless, countless embarrassing moments of awkwardness and frustration. Oh... how it felt like an eternity.

"Oh, but you've been aiding me in my time of absolute need. How can I not repay you with worship?" Joel pretended to speak as he was from high society. He finished with a snicker. "I'm just pulling your leg Luna, but I definitely owe you. Big time." He pointed out.

Luna felt odd to be called by her name so casually. She was very use to being called 'princess' or 'princess Luna', but being addressed in such a way was... refreshing, somehow.

"You don't 'owe me' at all Joel. It's not a problem for me, honest." The princess reassured. Joel waved his hand, ignoring her again.

"Whenever you need a favor, just lemme know."

Luna sighed.

...At sugarcube corner...

"OH! OH OH OH OH O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OOOO!!!" Pinkie Pie shouted like a madmare. She flung all the cooking equipment she had on her counter back into their rightful places, and literally whooshed out of her silly chef outfit. She flew by the front counter and passed the line of customers, shouting a mess of words barely understandable to most, but made complete sense to the Cake's trained ears.

"SORRYMISSESANDMISTERCAKEIALMOSTFORGOTABOUTSOMETHINGOKTHANKYOUBYEI'LLBERIGHTBACK!!!"

...Zecoras Hut...

"Don't. Just don't ever do that again. Atleast warn me." The white stallion who-once-was-human mumbled through his hooves which he was burying his face in. Zecora could not stop laughing and rolling on her back.

"AHAHA! Your face! It was GLORIOUS!" She barely managed to speak between laughs. "Honestly, I-I wasn't expecting such a reaction from you! I'm sorry-HAHAHA!"

"Fun fun, let me know when you're done laughing." The white stallion couldn't help but chuckle a little bit too, but returned to his well practiced stoic expression to try and kill the mood. It failed however, and they both began to start laugh and roll together. Chris didn't know why he found this to be gut-wrenchingly hilarious, but he didn't feel like arguing with it. He just continued to laugh, and went with the flow. Soon after their laughing fit ended, they both took a minute to catch their breath, lying still on the ground.

"Heh. So what'd I look like. This?" He faced Zecora and tried recreating the facial expression, one of shock and confusion strongly mixed. The zebra laughed, her stomach in pain. She lightly punched him on the shoulder.

"Stop, stop, owowow-hahaha!" Zecora covered her face with one hoof, the other on her stomache.

The white stallion's stomach growled loudly, silencing the both of them.

"Ok, I'll stop if you buy me some food?" He smiled.

"I know just the perfect little town." She smiled back. Chris raised a hoof up into the air in victory, and got up to dust himself. He gave one quick look into the mirror Zecora had earlier, and looked at himself. He still found it a bit hard to digest that this was now going to be who he was for a month. A white coated stallion with a pretty messy blue/skyblue patterned mane and tail to match. He looked closely at his eyes, and noticed his minty green colored irises.

"You actually remind me very much of a certain artist. A lot, now that I'm taking a good look at you." Zecora stood from behind the mirror. He placed the mirror down onto a small table.

"Really? Who?" The stallion questioned. Zecora placed a hoof on her chin.

"What was her name... Vinyl Scratch? DJ uhh... Pon-.. Pon three. I'm not sure. Although she's quite an artist. Very loud music. Popular too."

"Oh? Sounds cool. What kind of music exactly?"

"I believe it was something called... dubstep? First time I ever heard of such a thing."

His eyes went wide, a smile forming simultaneously.

"DONUT JOE DONUT JOE DONUT JOE!" Pinkie Pie bounced around his store grounds over and over.

"What what what?" He chuckled as he cleaned up a table.

"I have a DOOZY to tell you!"

"Oh?"

"YEAH! OK so these two ponies are going to come here, -well actually one's different, but they're both actually different! Except one is a pony, and the other isn't. ANYWAY so they're coming here to this store, and you know how I LOVE making new friends right? So I was just wondering if-"

"Heh, say no more Pinkie. Store's all yours. Just make sure you treat my regulars, mkay?" He tossed her the towel he was using, and trotted off to the kitchen to fetch his coat.

"THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!" She gave him a hug as soon as he came back from the kitchen.

"Not a prob. Just let me know when all is done, mkay?"

"As always!" Pinkie shouted as she began to run allover the place. Already, she was preparing the welcome party.

"Ah, I can see Ponyville now!" Luna pointed a hoof towards said town. Joel squinted, and saw the colorful buildings in the distance. Hard to miss. Seriously.

"Ohh, man does it feel good to see some civilization again. And m-m-m, I can taste that coffee already!" Joel rubbed his hands together. It took no longer than a minute for them to arrive to the little town. As soon as they made their way to the main center of the town, ponies began to look. Immediately, heads turned to see what was the abnormally tall creature. Many were mesmerized for countless seconds, but then somepony muttered something.

"Your highness." A mare spoke. She kneeled, everypony following in suite.

"Rise. He is of no harm, do not worry." Luna stated in a different tone. Joel glanced at her for a second, quite surprised at how quickly she could make herself sound so... different. Royalty, unafraid to talk or command within seconds. But then, just like that she returned to her gentle self.

"Carry on, everypony." She gave a small nod with a small grin that complimented her action perfectly. It was well done. Too well done...

The next few moments were spent looking for Luna's carriage, informing the guards to wait just a little longer, and locating the town's one and only café.

"Well, here we are!" Luna pointed a hoof forward for Joel to walk in first. He gave her a look of confusion, and shook his head.

"Whoa, no no no, after you please." He gestured.

"As your host, I insist for you to go first. Please?" Luna begged. Joel silently refused and held his position.

Luna sighed.

...Chris and Zecora walking on the same path towards Ponyville...

"So, how far until we get there?" Chris asked.

"Hmm, we've been walking for five minutes about. So another five will do." She informed. The stallion simply nodded.

"Mkay, cool."

They trotted a bit more.

"You're still buying right?" He questioned half jokingly. She simply chuckled and rolled her eyes.

"Yes, I am."

"Okay, cool cool."

"Not."

"What was that?"

"Hm? Nothing, I did not say anything."

"Oh, alrighty."

"WAIT FOR IT!" The pink party pony shouted excitedly. Party confetti blasted out of her contraption, along with cake batter which fell on a load of ponies, along with Joel and the princess.

'...Oh... This one, I KNOW.' He thought to himself, physically nodding in self confirmation. He was absolutely unfazed by it all. At this point, y'know... waking up in a fantasy world after an automotive wipeout? Anything's possible. Pinkie Pie then began to giggle.

"Oh silly me! I must've put the confetti in the oven, and the cake in the confetti cannons! Again!" She giggled once more.

"Hi, nice to meet you uhm-... miss?" He played dumb, once again for simplicity sake. The party pony gasped, smacking herself on the forehead.

"OH how silly of me! Pinkie Pie's the name! EVERYPONY knows me because I know THEM! And I just love love love LOVE LLLOVE making new friends! So what's your name mister? I definitely don't want to call you mister giant!" She laughed at her own silly comment. Although her voice was a bit too much to tolerate, Joel couldn't help but form a small grin. It was a genuine one too, not a half-assed one.

"Joel's the name. Nice to meet you Pinkie." He almost took a seat at a table, but stopped as soon as he remembered that he forgot about Luna. The surprise literally stunned his mind for a moment that it caused him to lose memory for that small time being. He walked back over to Luna, who was still somewhat stunned by the certainly unique welcome made by Pinkie. You know, shit happens when a loud trumpet gets blown from ear to ear as loud music, confetti, and cake gets flung at you.

"Luna? Hey?" He snapped a few times. She shook her head, seemingly awakening from her trance-like state.

"What? Who? O-oh, Joel. Yes?"

"Coffee?"

She looked at him, perplexed for a moment. The alicorn then took a quick glance around.

"OH, oh, right. Apologies."

"Not a problem at all Princess. Now, here, take a seat."

Joel pulled out a chair for the princess to sit on, but she waved a hoof.

"No no, take that one for yourself, I'll grab the other-"

"I'LL GET THE COFFEE!" Pinkie interrupted, and galloped right off to fetch the refreshments. They both looked at her for a moment, but then looked back at each other.

"No, please, after you. It's the least I can do." Joel continued.

Luna sighed.

...Celestia's room...

'Dear sister,

I have my faithful student here visiting for the day, just incase you'd like for her to possibly help with your current 'rescue' mission? She already agreed and stated that she would be more than happy to help, and is absolutely eager to meet your new friend.

With Love,

Celestia.'

Sent.

"Ah, there is Ponyville!" The zebra pointed out to the distance of the path.

"Ah, there is food!" Chris imitated her heavy accent, causing the both of them to chuckle, and a missed swing from Zecora. It didn't take them more than a minute to finally arrive to the town, and even sooner until many started greeting the both of them.

"Whoa, hey Zecora! Been a while. Oh, who's this?" A very light brown coated stallion greeted. Chris couldn't help but look at his odd mark looking thing on his rear legs. A donut. With strawberry glazed allover. He guessed it was some odd culture related thing with tattoos, considering everyone had one. But he wasn't judging.

"Hello Donut Joe! It's just a new friend of mine." Zecora replied with a smile of her own. Chris simply nodded, giving a quick grin in hopes that he wouldn't be bugged to start a conversation. He wasn't exactly prepared with a story to tell about where he came from, what he did, and such. He didn't even have a proper name to begin with. The two ponies soon shared their goodbyes, and went on with their ways. The thing about the tattoos came back into his mind, but just as he was about to take a look if he had one himself, a loud gasp was heard from the many ponies of the town.

"Oh! Ohoho CRAP!" A mare spoke out with her crude words. Chris didn't even know who in the world it was, but already he found himself smiling and growing fond of this mare. It certainly felt like home to hear the casual kind of language he use to hear and speak with others. He looked around, getting ready to greet this stranger when surprisingly, a splitting image of his own color, hair pattern, hairstyle, and all of a pony appeared. All but one thing. She wore a huge set of heavily tinted goggles that he couldn't see through at all. His expression went from smiling, to confusion.

"Dude! Oh no way." She shook her head as she chuckled.

"You have to be like... the long lost bro of mine or something. It's like we're- OH FFFFF-" She held herself from cussing, and faced a bit to the right as if she spotted a squirrel. In reality, it was just her way of having an idea. She held a hoof up, her mouth opening but closing a few times until she spoke up again.

"Don't tell me you have the same cutie mark too." She stated flatly. Before he could even question what that was, she lifted his robe only enough so she could see his cutie mark. She gasped once more, this time placing her rump right next to his, so there cutie marks could sit next to each other.

"WWHHHAAAT!? JUST WHAT!!!? YOU DO MUSIC TOO?!" The random mare started to freak out over what seemed like almost nothing to the still confused and somewhat zoned out Chris.

Then it hit him.

"Wait... are you uhh, what's her name.."

She then held herself from any further outbursts, and laughed.

"Dude, so sorry, manners, of course of course. Name's Vinyl Scratch! OR, DJ Pon-3, as a lot may know or not know. But figured I'd add that just incase you might know. Do you know? Oh, dude, sorry, I'll just let you talk, duh."

The moment she mentioned her name, he remembered earlier about Zecora mentioning her, and who she was in particular. This couldn't get any better.

He smiled, of course.

"My goodness, you really did want that coffee didn't you?" Luna grinned. Joel only raised his eyebrows as he chugged down the rest of the mug.

"I needed that. Thank you so much, princess."

"And you don't owe me a single thing for it." Luna tried, but Joel wagged his finger. She could only shake her head as she smirked in disbelief at how stubborn he was.

"Nice try prin-"

A scroll appeared in front of Luna out of nowhere through green flames, catching Joel off guard as he poured more coffee into his mug.

"cess-... Whoa." He uttered. The momentary distraction almost made him overflow the mug with coffee, causing him to quickly lift up the pot quickly and a bit overdramatically. She smiled at his goofy antics, and opened the letter.

"Dear sister..." She read, and continued the rest in a random slur of mumbles, too low in volume for Joel to hear. Meanwhile, he craned his head over the cup and took a careful sip so he could lower the level of the coffee. It practically was an atom away from spilling over the edge.

"Well! If you'd like, we can take some coffee to go because we already have some help awaiting for you!" Luna stated with glee. Joel chugged the mug down in seconds, and sighed with bliss.

"I'm good with the coffee. That's great though! So where're we going?" He questioned.

"My home." Luna smiled, somewhat excited.

"Nice, lemme guess. Big nice castle?" Joel joked. It flew over her head however, and she nodded, still remaining with her smile. His jaw fell slightly loose, one of his eyebrows cocked upwards.

"Oh."

"Now, let's climb aboard my carriage!"

Joel followed Luna's lead, and they did just that. Many gave odd looks, wondering what exactly was going on. Seeing the princess alone was one thing, but some odd tall creature like him to tag along onto the carriage? How could they not look?

"So, how long until we get th-"

The carriage abruptly lifted off the ground, and began to progressively pick up on speed. Joel grabbed the railing with a death grip as his face went pale.

"OK, WHOA. SORRY I ASKED." He practically grunted through his teeth, trying to fight his intense rush of andrenaline. The princess laughed, trying her best to apologize between breaths.

"I'm sorry! I should've warned you!"

"YOU THINK?"

"WAIT FOR IT!" The pink party pony shouted excitedly. Party confetti blasted out of her contraption, along with cake batter which fell on a load of ponies, along with Chris, Zecora, and Vinyl. Reactions varied from the three ponies; shock, giggles, and laughter, in their respective order.

"Oh silly me! I must've put the confetti in the oven, and the cake in the confetti cannons! Again!" She giggled once more. Oddly enough, Chris felt some type of Déjà vu in this. He wondered why.

Hm.

"MY NAME'S PINKIE!! YIPPEE! What's your name?" She squeed with an eager smile.

"Uhh.. well-"

"Alright!! Pinkie, been FOREVER since I've seen you!!" The disc jockey practically howled, luckily saving Chris from giving himself a halfassed ridiculous name.

"SHOOSH YAH it has!" The energetic mare howled back. "OH! And you just missed it! A huge new guy was JUST here! Like, SECONDS ago!- Hey, mister new stallion?! Yoohoo?! Don't go! I'm trying to tell you where your friend is!!"

Meanwhile they talked, Zecora and Chris began cleaning themselves. Chris, of course, decided to taste the uncooked batter.

"Oh, that's tasty! Fuckin' sweet as hell though. Oh, shit, is there like 3 bowls of sugar in every square inch of this batter?" He joked. The party pony casually took a lick off the same hoof of the new-in-town stallion.

"I ttthhhink I used like 2 bowls!" She chirped up. Chris gave a concerned look.

"Yikes, isn't that enough to give anyone diabetes dude?" He pointed out.

"Dia-whaty?"

"... Never mind."

Zecora gave a chuckle, and appointed the DJ and once-human stallion some clean chairs. She then trotted over to the counter and began to have a little chat with Pinkie. Meanwhile, the two ponies at the table started a conversation of their own.

"So, dude, you do music too? Sorry, I just had to ask again. Barely anyone around here does music, let alone anything even close to my genre. I moved here from manehatten to try and enjoy some outside life, but good crap does it suck out here! Eh- I mean, musically speaking." She gave a nervous chuckle, noticing that ponies were starting to stare when she got a little loud.

"The pones around here are great, they really are, but it's music wasteland bro." She propped her head up with one of her forelegs. Chris could only blink a few times during the slur of pony terms and such that he barely learned only 10 or so minutes before. He then remembered he was asked a question however, and decided to start with that.

"Do I do music? Hm... well it was a while back, but yeah, I do. Or, use to, I guess. To be honest, it's been like, years."

She gasped.

"How could you stop?"

He shrugged.

"It was fun, it really was. But what dragged me down was that I wasn't getting so much support or attention and stuff. The few peop- Err..." He caught himself. "...Ponies, who listened to it told me that it definitely rocked n' stuff, but I couldn't get much further out than that." He tapped the table a few times in the awkward silence. She could only stare in surprise.

"How could you just... drop your destiny like that? A cutie mark defines a pony for who they are, come on dude?"

He cocked an eyebrow.

"...Is that what it's called?" He mumbled, taking a quick glimpse at his mark by lifting the cloak a bit.

"What was that?" She cocked an eyebrow herself.

"Nothing nothing- eh, nevermind. Anyway, what's so bad about that? I mean, I can't necessarily say music was my 'destiny' or something, as fun as it was."

"Bullshit." She gave a pretty forceful slam on the table with her hoof. "What stopped you? I mean- like, what really stopped you? C'mon, you can tell Vinyl here anything. Pour your heart out. Hey, we're practically related too."

"As shockingly close as we do look, I'm not sure about that. But I mean, it'd be really cool if you were my sister or something. You're a real decent pers- uh... pony. I'm sure of it. I know one when I see one."

They both smiled.

"Just from that, I can already tell that you're a pretty solid pony too. I like that."

"I get that a lot, heh."

She smiled again.

"Now come on, share with Vinyl. Why'd you stop?"

Zecora brought a large tray with a plethora of breakfast related foodstuffs, much to the delight of the starving Chris. Zecora wholeheartedly agreed when Chris asked if they could share with Vinyl, and they all began to chowdown in no time.

"Sooo... yeah. In a nutshell, no one really supported anything I wanted to do. Mom and Dad never bothered, friends never really cared, and those who did showed little interest. Always been like that ever since I was a kid." Chris took a final sip of his OJ, and sighed in bliss. Vinyl could only shake her head as Zecora sucked her teeth in disappointment.

"That is... somewhat sad. Not even your own parents showing any support."

He shrugged.

"I grew up with it. Eventually didn't care about it later on."

"You're coming with me to my studio. C'mon, get up." Vinyl tapped the table a few times, and stood up.

"Wha?" He muttered; half confused, and half excited.

"You heard me right. You, are, coming, to, my, studio."

Chris could've sworn he heard his inner fanboy shout in joy. He wasn't sure just how popular she was, or how successful she was, but if she had a studio, that meant something. Studio's ain't exactly cheap.

"Well well, you've already made a friend." Zecora chuckled.

"Oh can I can I can I can I PLLLEAAASE??!" Chris begged. Zecora laughed this time.

"I'll be at the library, I'm sure Vinyl here can show you where it is afterwards?" She subtly looked at Vinyl for an answer. The DJ gave a hearty salute, causing the zebra to give an equally hearty giggle.

"You can find me there when you're done having fun."

"YYYEEESSS!!!" He pumped both hooves in the air, and was joined by Pinkie Pie.

"Why are we pumping hooves?" She chirped happily as usual.

"I'm going to DJ Pon-3's STUDIO!!" He shouted.

...A bit to loud.

"Did I hear that right?" A random stallion asked, stepping into the café. Another stallion joined, along with a few mares. Soon, a small crowd started forming. Then, somepony pointed out the inevitable.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! IT'SDJPON3!!!"

...

"FAN RUSH!!" Vinyl shouted, and left the cafe into a full speed gallop within seconds.

"RUN BRO, RUN!!" She shouted back to the confused yet still excited stallion. And that he did.

He ran like Forest, along with the biggest smile on his face.

Run to the hills! Or, some stranger's house

POV: Chris

Ahh. It's good to be narrating from my point of view again. Missed me? So did I.

You'd think that it would take a lot of time to learn how to gallop on all fours, being new to the whole now-a-pony thing. Well, you'd be surprised how fast you can learn. Specially when you're being chased by 100 (and counting) stampeding ponies who look that they'll stop at pretty much... nothing. So yeah.

I learned pretty quickly.

"HOLY SSHHHHYYYEEEETTT!!!" I barely heard myself shout over the hundreds of hooves smashing the ground beneath them.

All I could see was the DJ ahead of me with a huge smile on her face gaining distance, as the fan/mob/cluster fuck gained more towards me. This didn't look good. It didn't take long until I lost sight of the DJ, which led to me making a mistake of thinking that the crowd would disperse and look for the lost DJ. WRONG modafoka!

I, now being a pony who looked exactly like the DJ (although stallion), was the unfortunate target.

See, during a part of the chase, I tumbled going down an alleyway, which made me lose my running- er... galloping pace, along with my cloak. I then got up and kept on going. Now fast forward back to the current moment. All of that hit me in the last second, and back into a full speed gallop I went, now loaded with adrenaline.

"VIIINYL!!" I shouted desperately at the top of my lungs. My arse needed some saving, pronto.

This mob definitely didn't look like they would listen to reasoning in their zombie-like state. In the back of my mind I had a little speech prepared where I'd turn around, yell halt outloud, they would stop, and then I'd point out how I was clearly a dude, how I was notably bigger than the DJ mare, and so on. But that was just my hopeful side being... hopeful. I always come up with the most ridiculous solutions in the most awkward of situations. Don't ask.

I took a sharp turn into another alley, and came out towards a path that led straight to a building that looked like a store. It was pretty tall, and there was a sign, but there was no time to read for crying outloud. I needed to hide. I must've tackled the fuck out of that poor door.

Carousel Boutique

"Hello?! Anyone?! I need a hiding spot, please! There's a mob that practically wants to kill m- Fuck it." After seeing no one was around, I spotted a staircase, and climbed as quickly as I could. It didn't strike me that the second floor looked like somebody lived there, but of course, I just wanted to fuckin' hide. Unfortunately, most of the doors were locked, until I spotted a slightly open door at the end of hallway. I galloped right into that room, turned around and slammed shut the door; fumbling with the door lock with my god damn hooves. Try locking your fucking door with your fucking wrists or knuckles or something while you're shaking with adrenaline.

I finally got it locked, turned around, and sighed...

While looking eye to eye with a white mare in her bathtub, wide-eyed. I leapt forward like a panther, shoving my hoof into her mouth before she could make a sound.

"SHSHSHSHSHS PLEASE." I practically hissed/whispered. The poor lady must've been terrified that a stranger was in her house, shoving their hoof in her mouth.

"I'm not gonna hurt you I SWEAR, I just need you to help me hide for a little-" She then interrupted by spitting my hoof out.

"GET YOUR FILTHY HOOVES OUT OF MY MOUTH AND TELL ME WHOYOUARETHISINSTANT!!"

Holy shit.

"Holy shit." I barely squeaked.

"..I'm sorry?" She asked, now normal as if nothing happened.

"Erm... uhh-"

"No, hold that thought, step out of the bathroom while I dry myself. I'm a wet mess right now!"

"B-b-but-"

"NOW!"

"YES MA'AM-" I unlocked the door and left as soon as I could, shutting it behind me. I pondered back and forth for what felt like an eternity. It was a miracle that the mob didn't barge into this place yet. Also, I thought for a second that I may have stepped into a madwoman's property. Just my luck.

But she was downright scary when she was mad.

I heard the doorknob click, causing me to turn my head. She soon opened the door, and gave her mane a gentle shake with her hoof. Now, ignoring the current situation, she actually looked pretty stunning. But then that god forsaken bell rang in the back of my mind again, along with a voice that was just screaming JAMAIS VU DAMNIT!! Her face just screamed the most odd sense of familiarity, but it was so unfamiliar at the same time.

It was a real mindfuck, in short.

"Now explain. Who are you and why did you decide to barge into my store while it's closed? Hm?" She wasted no time. Now was the moment of truth, I was fucked.

I'm a human from a place called earth who's currently suffering amnesia. Now, on top of that all, I'm a pony which is not my normal form, I'm not suppose to be here, there's a mob who's confused me for someone else, and I'm getting the most ridiculous senses that I've seen this all before and know what exactly it is, but I can't even recall ever in my life of anything relatively close to it. Oh, and my name is Chris. Nice to meet you. Now find me some place to hide please.

...Nah.

"Well, uh, my name is..."

'Slim Shady.'

I just had to.

I needed to think of something quick. I started trying to come up with some type of name that would atleast pass for being 'normal' for this odd... culture. Instantly, I thought that since I looked pretty similar to the DJ, I could try to come up with something close. Vince- uh.. Victor, Vic- Vi- damnit. Vay- Vi- Vol- Voldemort? EW EW EW ew ew. Vew- Volk- Volkswagen. Pft, haha. Vef- Vew- Vuh- Va-... Val. Vally?... Vaaallliiisss? Vallis? Vallis Scratch? Vinyl Scratch, and Vallis Scratch.

Perfect.

"...Vallis. Vallis Scratch." I stated. Her eyes seemed to gaze off elsewhere, perhaps trying to recall if she ever heard of a name. Suddenly, they went wide for a moment.

"Are you related to Vinyl? The DJ?" She asked, cocking her eyebrow.

"Uh- Yup! I'm her brother, matching tatto- I mean uh, cu- erm, cutie marks too!" I gave a quick point to my flank. She took a quick glance, her eyes going wide again.

"Oh my. What are you doing here?"

"Well... I was hanging out with Vinyl earlier, y'know, doing um... sister and brother stuff," Idiot. "Then, we ended up being chased by a bunch of her fans, they somehow confused me with her, and ended up chasing me in the end. So I ended up... here." I gave a literal point at the ground, not knowing what else to say.

"Oh goodness, is there anything I can do?"

Well, yeah, I tried asking, but you scared the living shit out of me for it.

"A hiding spot would be swell, please." I practically begged.

"Say no more, we can stay in my room! I have a few commissions to finish, so you can sit there with me until the crowd finally gives in and go home." She trotted right away to a door, unlocked it with her magic, and walked right in; beckoning for me to follow.

Now, did that just happen? I mean, seriously. Try this while in some strangers house in New Jersey. You'd end up with the cops on your ass. No, scratch that, ANYWHERE in America.

I followed her into the room, and was surprised by what I saw. It was a clothing designer's dream studio. Simply, a plethora of dresses, both on design and on paper, and supplies. Stacks, and stacks of supplies. This stuff looked Italian, my friend. In other words... Top. Fucking. Notch.

"Oh, no way. You make your own clothing line?"

"Mhm! Always have and always will." She said with pride.

"Dude, that's cool." It honestly was. When's the last time you met someone who owned a clothing store, and made their own topnotch high end clothing line? Exactly.

"You kind of remind me of a certain friend of mine. The way you talk, I mean." She giggled. "You don't seem so brash though. Atleast, I hope so." She rolled her eyes.

"Well, I can be a lot of things." I chuckled. "Thanks for letting me hide here, I really appreciate it."

"Not a problem darling!" She trotted over to one of her pony mannequins, and began to take measures.

"And uh-... sorry for, y'know, barging in while you were in the-"

"Thaaaat's quite alright darling. Water under the bridge." She laughed.

I walked around from window to window, making sure that there were no signs of the cluster fuck mob. They were gone, thank Faust.

...Thank Faust? Where the fuck did that come from?

I sighed in relief, and began making my way out. Just as I was about to say my thanks and goodbyes, I realized that she hadn't given me her name.

"Whoa, hold on a sec. You never gave me your name?" I asked, honestly surprised.

"I didn't? Oh, goodness me. Rarity, darling. Apologies."

"Oh! Alrighty then, thank you so much for everything Rarity. It was nice to talking to you!" I began my way out.

"We really ought to have a proper introduction next time Vallis. It was nice talking to you aswell. Oh, and next time darling, don't be a stranger!" She chuckled. I couldn't help but chuckle aswell.

I trotted back down to the first floor, and made my way to the front door. I twisted the knob, which is a pain with hooves, but the door swung itself open before I even twisted the knob fully. After closing and opening the door a few more times, I realized that I had busted her lock from the bash I gave it earlier.

"...Shit."

Well. I knew how exactly to repay her next time I saw her.

I stepped outside, and took in my first breath of fresh air. For once ever since I got here, I felt relaxed. No mob, no more hunger, no more headaches or scrapes or bruises; thank Zecora for that. For once, things felt normal. I took in the moment to appreciate the tranquility while I had it. This town was surprisingly quiet, other than the sound of other's hooves trotting down the paths and streets. I needed that. It reminded me of New Jersey, as much as I hated the state. I use to just sit by my window sometimes, watching the cars pass by, listening to the wind rustle the leaves in fall.

Well, time to find Vinyl.

"PSSTT! Hey! Mister new pony, over here!" I heard a familiar voice whisper from the bushes. I looked around a bit until I spotted the pink mare.

"...Pinkie?" I questioned, genuinely confused.

"Yep!" She chirped, happy as usual. "Vinyl lives riiiight overrrr... THERE!" She pointed her hoof towards a record shop in the distance. "It's the record shop all the way at the corner of this block!"

Well! That was easy.

"Oh, thanks Pinkie!" I began to trot away, when I heard her 'PSST' again.

"HEY! You never gave me your name?"

"Oh? Um, Vallis. Vallis Scratch." I smiled, the new name already sinking into my mind. She gasped.

"OH, are you like Vinyl's brother or something?"

"Yes indeedy!"

"Ok cool! See you laterrr!" She waved, and started sinking behind the bushes until I couldn't see her. Now curious, I looked behind the bushes only to find that she completely disappeared. I cocked an eyebrow.

"...I don't even.." I shook my head. I guess I better start getting use to the oddity of this place. Odd couldn't even begin to describe this all, but you know what? In a way, it was nice.

Off I went, to Vinyl's record shop.

...Wait. How the fuck did she know I wanted to find Vinyl?

Author's Note

Looks like I'm posting chapters daily again.

:)

Some DEEP Shit

POV: Joel

Mkay, I DEFINITELY missed out something. I watched a few episodes of MLP to kind of know who is who. The main characters I mean. But heyo, look at that, Twilight has a horn... and a pair of wings. Wings.

Wings.

With all that royal jewelry stuff too. So she's a princess.

"Your highness." I bowed to Twilight at the last second, looking like a fool from taking in the information.

"It's an absolute pleasure, believe me! Oh my goodness- tell me, how is your world like? Is it like ours? I'm surprised that you even speak equestrian!"

I cocked an eyebrow, although still bowing.

"You mean english?"

"Oh, is that what it's called in your home planet? EEEE! So many questions!!" She began to hop around like some... child. I guess she's still just regular ol' twilight, other than being a princess now? Honestly, that's a relief. I'm not so good knowing that I'm surrounded by royalty that can banish me to the moon for... anything really. Ok, I know they're not like that, but the point is I'm trying to put a good impression here.

"Soon, but not now, Twilight." Celestia giggled. "For now, I'll show our guest here to where he will be residing, and we'll see him again at lunch." Twilight hopped around gleefully as she stacked probably hundreds of questions by the second to ask me later on.

"It's a pleasure to see you, Joel. Luna told me that she's taken care of you already with breakfast?" Celestia raised a hoof in question.

"Yes, she has."

"Oh, heh- please, rise. You kind of look... silly, bowing for the past few minutes." She tried her best to not giggle. I scratched my ear out of embarassment, standing up as my legs and ankles gave a few pops and cracks.

"So Joel, I'm sure my pupil here will find your friend, and find the both of you a way back home in no time. I've arranged for you to stay for as long as you should, so no worries." She beckoned for me to follow.

"Thank you, your highness." I catched up and walked right by her side.

"Not a problem at all."

"Although, where's princess Luna?"

"Luna? She's on duty for now. May I ask why?"

"Oh, can you let her know that I still owe her?"

"Oh- of course." She chuckled. "I will make sure to let her know. Anything else?"

"That's all princess."

"Alright then. Well, here we are." She opened a door to what I assumed was the room where I was going to stay in. I stepped in, looked around, and fuuuuuuck.

Talk about high society. I just... I'm going to spare you the details, because personally, I want this beautiful room to stay in my mind, only for my eyes. Call me an asshole, but fuck, if you were here you wouldn't want to share this treasure for shit with anyone else either too.

"Oh, and one last thing, Joel." said Celestia, snapping me out of my trance-like state.

"Y-yes?"

"Just call me Celestia." She smiled.

"Are you sure that's alright?" I questioned.

"Of course? Unless... you're a wuss to call royalty by their name?" She winked, and closed the door.

...That just happened.

And I would've laughed if my jaw wasn't hanging down a mile.

POV: Chris

I pushed the door forward, the cliche bells ringing as I did so.

"Helluu? Vinyl?" I whispered loudly in the seemingly empty record shop. I began to browse around, reading the many different titles and artists as I did.

"The Living... Tombstone? Just, how do they come up with such names." I shook my head as I smirked. "What else is here, uhh... Wooden Toaster? Wow."

I heard hoofsteps coming down from a staircase behind the cashier table. The pony arrived to the bottom, unveiling herself to me.

"Oh, hi, um... excuse me, miss? Would you happen to know where Vinyl is?" I asked as politely as I could. The mare then turned her head, and took a good few moments to stare.

"I- uh..." I waved my hoof awkwardly, trying to snap her out of it. She eventually gave her head a small shake, and laughed nervously.

"I'm sorry, it's just, WOW. You look a whole lot like DJ Pon-3."

"Ah, funny you mention that... I almost got killed for it."

She gasped.

"Oh my gosh, you were the one that was getting chased? Vinyl was sweating her flank off, she couldn't do anything about it other than sit at the store's front window and yell 'RUN DUDE, RUN!!' the whole time." The clerk laughed.

"Really? Heh, glad to know she didn't record it with a flip cam or something."

"Oh no no no, she's not like that at all! In fact, she really adores her fans, it's just the really obsessive ones who chase her down that she runs away from. Did you know that she actually donates half of her earnings from every show to orphana-"

"OH MY CELESTIA, THERE YOU ARE!!" Vinyl shouted, practically leaping from the top of the staircase. She slid over the counter and tackle hugged me.

"AGH!"

"Dude, I'm so fucking sorry, I thought you were right behind me, I didn't know you fell behind-"

"I-its ok, Vinyl. You're squeezing me though. Ack!" I've had my fair share of bear hugs, but this mare is a different story.

"Oh! Crap, sorry." She got off of me, and pulled me up from the ground. I dusted myself, chuckling.

"That's alot o'love you give out in those hugs."

The clerk joined in with a chuckle aswell.

"And there's more to come." She added.

"Joy." I said with sarcasm, gaining a punch to the shoulder from the DJ.

"You'll love them eventually, now c'mon. I've got some stuff to show you!" Vinyl practically gave a squee in the end.

"Ok, just one minute though, I think you broke my hip." I feigned a limp, causing the clerk mare to laugh even more, and gaining one more punch to the shoulder from the DJ.

"You're such a punk." Vinyl laughed.

"I know right?" I laughed aswell.

"Hold on a sec," She began to trot, but stopped right away. "I never got your name dude."

They both had their eyes on me now.

"Uhm... Vallis."

"Vallis?" Vinyl cocked an eyebrow.

"...Vallis Scratch." I scratched my forearm from being a bit nervous. I had no idea how she was going to react.

"...Vallis. Scratch." She monotoned, her expression changing in a blink of an eye.

"Yyyyep." I stated a bit over casually. She stared at me (through her shades I guess) for what felt like an eternity, until she gave a quick glance at the clerk. Although, it wasn't a glance. She actually turned her head away to remove her shades and wipe her eyes.

"A-...Are you crying?"

"You're not fucking with me, are you?" She practically hissed, her voice cracking as her emotions completely flipped. "You're not some fucking- ps-s-syco are you? Some fucking crazy fan who- who got his hair and name and cutie mark changed so he would think it's cute to pretend to b-be a relative of mine?! Huh?!"

"No, not at all!" I raised my hooves in defense, completely surprised by this. She got real close, eye to eye, for once allowing me to see them and their color, and poked my chest really hard.

"How, fucking, old are you." She demanded an answer, rather than asking for one.

"T-twenty."

For a moment, her eyes went soft. But they immediately went hard again. She pointed her hoof at my face, her mouth opening and closing as if she wanted to continue interrogating me. Then, the unexpected came.

"F-f-f-fuck. Me." She mumbled. "Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. No. No." She began to mumble to herself more than anyone else.

She threw herself onto me, crying in my chest. I was absolutely, 100% lost now. Instinctively, I grabbed her and comforted her to the best of my abilities. I spoke real quietly to her like how a mother would to a baby.

"Vinyl, what's going on-"

"I though-..." She sniffled. "I thought, you were fuckin' gone for good."

What.

"What?" I asked, absolutely confused. She started to chuckle, although it was more of a mix of tears and laughter.

"Of course you wouldn't remember..." She sniffled again, wiping her nose and eyes with a tissue that was provided by the clerk. I gave the clerk a quick glance to see if she possibly knew what was going on. To my despair, she simply held her hoof up against her mouth the entire time, eyes wide..

"Remember what?" I questioned further.

"We-..." She cleared her throat. "We grew up... you and me. Together in an orphanage in Manehatten. I was eight, you were four. Too young to remember anything."

Oh. Oh no.

"...We were there for as long as I could remember, ever since you were a foal, and I was a lil' filly. I mean, I didn't really get to see you alot until you were about two and I was six. They pretty much handed you to me by then and said 'ere, he's old enough to hang with you now'."

Oh. Shit. No.

"I was confused at first, but I mean, we were pretty much twins when it came to appearances. I didn't know if you were my brother, or if you just by pure luck some kid who looked alot like me. You didn't even have a name. But, either way, I fuckin' grew onto you, and you to me. I always thought you were my brother. You wanted a name one day, and you said you wanted my name too." She laughed, her tears drying little by little.

...Oh god. I think...

"So I gave you your name. Vallis. Scratch. The Scratch twins. Vinyl n' Vallis. From there on, I didn't give a flying crap anymore if you were related to me or not. You were my brother, and I was your sister. Period." She gave a poke at my chest for emphasis.

...I may have...

"Then, one day, shit in the orphanage just... pft." She shook her head in disbelief. "Fucked up. It was everypony for themselves, and if you couldn't help somehow with atleast the fuckin' chores, you were kicked out. I was eight, I had no problems at all, and had magic to help." She gave a touch to her horn. "But you were only four for fuck sake, and you couldn't fly or do magic, you had nothing. I tried, I really fucking did try to keep you in with me, but they... fuckin', threw you out like nothing." Her tears were there again.

...Fucked up...

"You didn't leave though. Since my bed was at the first floor at the front of the orphanage, you use to stay outside my window. I use to steal what I could from the kitchen to help you from starving, and steal blankets to keep you warm at night. We'd talk from the window for so many nights, staying up until the sun came up." She wiped her eyes again. "But then one day, while you were gone panhandling... you just, fucking disappeared. I waited all night for you, but nothing. I waited the next night, nothing. I waited for a whole week. A month. A year. I even kept on stealing food and blankets, and left them outside the window just incase you'd come back one day and say that you... I dunno, fuckin' found us some parents or something." She laughed.

"Eventually, I got kicked out too, when they caught on that I was stealing their shit. Didn't stop me from looking for you though. Hell, I was happy they kicked me out. It gave me the freedom to look for you. I even got a small job at a corner store that you and I use to visit whenever we had enough bits to buy some snacks. I was hoping that maybe you'd stop by the corner store too. But... fuck it. You were long gone." She bit her lip, shaking her head. "I thought, I don't know, that some fucking sicko grabbed you and did Faust knows what. But I really hoped that maybe somebody kind picked you up, and raised you. I always hoped for that."

"...Well, heh. You were right all along for hoping that, Vinyl."

I'll have you know... It has never, pained me this much to lie to someone in my entire life. Ever.

She hugged me, although this time not so fuckin' tight, thank goodness. I hugged her back, and quickly wiped a small tear that I had hanging from the corner of my eye. Fuck. I have never been so fucking touched... I couldn't hold myself from shedding a tear. I even had a lump in my throat for fuck sake.

"C'mon dude... I wanna show you that studio." She smiled, giving a light hearted giggle.

"Heh, let's go for it." I smiled weakly.

I followed her up to the second floor, making sure to give my goodbyes to the clerk as she left for her lunch break. The studio was just what I imagined it was going to be. Like some record company's all-in-one music studio. But I wasn't that excited anymore. I knew that deep down in my mind with all this now...

I fucked up.

And I've only been here in this new fuckin' planet for a few hours. Must be a fucking record.

Author's Note

Well. Yeah.

This happened.

He's Where Now?

"Bye, bro." Vinyl gave one last wave as I opened the front door. I returned the wave, giving a still weak smile. There was just... so much shit on my mind and plate right now. I don't even... just how? See, this is just the beginning of the type of shit I've had flung at me during my entire lifetime. One in a million. I know some people say to look at the bigger picture, but please, where's the bigger picture in this? If you know, please contact me at Equestria, Ponyville, Hay Drive, Vinyl's Record Shop, Zipcode: I'm lost.

"Hey, uh- sorry, just... one more thing." She stopped me right in the middle of my leave. I immediately turned around.

"Oh, what's up?" I gave my best grin.

"Well, I don't know what your plans are n' stuff... but, whenever you can, come and pass by. Please? I'd really like to... catch up." She rubbed her forearm in a shy manner, her head kind of lowering as she spoke. I couldn't fucking say no to her. How could I?

Now that I earned the most heartbreaking title 'Long Lost Brother', and heard her story, I just... I dunno. Now I feel like I have to be her... 'little brother'. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't irritate me if that's what it sounds like. I actually feel really fuckin' bad for her. There's no way back after all this.

Officially, from now on... I'm Vallis Scratch. And in complete honesty, I'm just doing this for her. It really fuckin' tore my heart apart, and if you were here you would've done the same. I put all my money on it.

"Of course Vinyl, definitely! I'm sorry about leaving early, I promise we'll check out your studio again soon. I'll... -I'll see you later. Uhm-... big sis." I gave a light chuckle, smiling shyly. She did the same, her giggle absolutely warming the smallest crack in my ice cold stone heart. It was the first time I heard that kind of giggle come out of Vinyl's mouth too. It was, to put it simply, the true kind of happiness of a giggle. Ffffuck, shit, balls. This shouldn't even be happening. Knowing my luck too, this is going to bite my ass eventually. I don't know if it'll be tomorrow, the next week, the next month, or year. But if I make it for a month, I'll be good ol' Chris again, have my fingers back, walk on two legs and possibly go back home.

Ha. That's just me being hopeful again. We all know that people like me have shit hitting the fan 24/7.

I waved once more, and left the store. As soon as the sunlight hit my face, it felt like reality slapping my eyeballs back into the current situation.

I'm still fucking lost in a world that I have no idea about (or so I think), still have some form of amnesia, still need to find out if Joel possibly got sent here aswell, and find me a way back home ASAP. Oh... and wait a fuckin' month for Zecora to fix my 'pony' situation. God. Damnit.

Fuck hangover of the century, this is the number one hangover of the fucking universe/multi-verse/whatfuckingever.

Ok. Relax. Find the library. Where's the library. Where is the library? I fucking forgot to ask. God damnit, I don't even know which way I'm walking to. Why the fuck have I been walking for the past minute if I don't even know where the fuck this library i-

"EUGH!" I bumped into one massive as fuck of a tree. Wait, now that I take a better look at it...

One massive as fuck of a treehouse. Now, you're going to have to excuse the following ghetto terminology.

"Oh... Dat is one helluva crib right thar." I shook my head in disbelief. As I began to trot my way around it, I couldn't help but see the big fat sign that had a book painted on it.

"Well. That was... easy."

Now. It could be just me, but I'm sensing little by little that this is all a bit too... comical. Almost as if I'm in a cartoon.

Hm.

POV: Joel

So. Just on my way to lunch now. Killed the last few hours exploring the room, looking out from the balcony which has an unbelievable view by the way. Being found in the middle of nowhere by royalty is actually the best thing that could've happened in my situation. Man, am I lucky. Here I am, the luckiest bastard in the universe, on his way to lunch with magical alicorn princesses. Try topping that off.

After asking a few guards if I was going the right way, I finally made it to the royal dining hall. One long fuckin' table having only 3 princesses sitting on the end kind of looked funny. I made my way over to their end, giving them a short bow, and taking a seat next to Luna in particular. I prefer sitting next to people I'm more familiar with, so keep it in your pants.

Just as I was about to speak up, Twilight couldn't contain herself any further.

"So, Joel, that's your name right? I couldn't stop talking to my assistant about you all this time! I have so many questions! Oh- I mean, if you're alright with answering them?" She practically gave me the puppy eyes in the end.

'Just say no, Joel.'

"Sure!"

'FFFUCK'

"EEE!" She squealed. This was going to be a loooong lunch. However, the following saved me from what possibly could've been the longest session of '20 questions' ever.

A green flame materialized a scroll in front of Twilight, which took me off guard for a second, but I then remembered earlier how the same happened at the cafe. Just a normal thing in this world that I have to get use to. Over time I guess. Twilight began to read it under her own breath, her eyebrow cocking upwards in a quizzical fashion. I took my first bite out of my sandwich which I asked for before arriving here, savoring the flavor meanwhile I waited for Twilight's first question.

'Mmm. Holy fucking shi- I have to give props to their chef. He/she can cook a mean grilled cheese sandwich.'

"Wow, uh- Joel?" Twilight brought my attention back.

"Yes?"

"My assistant here tells me that somepony in ponyville might know you. His name being, uh-..." She looked once more at the scroll. "-Christopher. Odd name... Anyway, are you familiar with him/her?"

Suddenly, all eyes were on me. Why, you ask? Well, I dropped all my stuff, including the food that was in my mouth, and the shit in my ass. The last part is a lie of course, but it still wasn't a pretty sight to watch chewed food fall out of my mouth. Rarely happens to me though, but this is an exception. It's not everyday you happen to wake up in a fantasy world, and find your friend who you ended up thinking was still way back in Earth in the same day.

Maybe this isn't a dream afterall? Huh.

POV: Chris

...A few minutes back...

"Hello?" I said in a low volume.

It was a library, so thankfully my amnesia didn't have me forget about the silent rule of libraries. I stood there for a few moments before I felt that it was safe to snoop around. It was a library, that was for sure. A small one however. Their collection definitely needed a little more of... everything. Suddenly, I heard hoofsteps going down a staircase. I looked around a bit until I finally found the staircase, and recognized my favorite zebra.

"Zecora!" I didn't think I'd be so happy to see her again.

"Shh, we're in a library." She shushed me, her joking smile causing me to smile aswell.

"Oh please, nobody is even in here."

"Nopony."

"What?"

"You better begin to use our form of terminology if you're going to fit in. Remember that."

"Oh, right right." I made a mental note. She then gestured for me to come up the staircase.

"Is the friend that you told me about earlier waiting for me?"

"Well... her assistant is here. Although, he's having some troubles."

We went up the staircase into what seemed like the bedroom of Zecora's friend. First thing I noticed was a literal mountain of scrolls in the middle, and then some green type of midget lizard looking thing on top of it. What topped it all off though was that he was burping/burning up those scrolls by the second.

"Whoa, are you a... dragon lizard?" My manners flew out of the window momentarily. He shot me an irritated look, but burped up another scroll which made him look nauseous for a second.

"I'm sorry, uh... my name is erm- Vallis." I introduced myself, only to be given an odd look by Zecora. I simply cocked an eyebrow, my expression changing to 'what?'.

"He already knows of the entire situation."

"Yeah, you're Chris I'm guessing?" It talked. IT TALKED. But this is a land of magical beings, spirits, and creatures, so I should've seen that coming. BUT IT TALKED.

"Holy crap, that's amazing." I mumbled outloud. He looked at me quizzically.

"Sorry, sorry." I shook my head. "So, you're the assistant?"

"Twilight Sparkle's number one assistant you mean? Yes." He puffed his chest, his momentary pride ruined by another scroll being burped up.

Twilight Sparkle.

There's that Jamais Vu again. Stronger than ever, I should add.

"Oh gees, I haven't even read half of these. Please guys, just read them for me." The green lizard dude begged.

"Sure, I got you." I assured. I picked up the last scroll he burped up, and laid it open on the ground. It was a bunch of words and run on sentences to the point where I was practically losing breath just reading it. It didn't make sense, but then I opened the one he burped before the current one I was reading, then the one before that, and laid them together in chronological order.

'So yes, Spike! He technically is an ALIEN! AMAZING ISN'T IT! I believe he's what Luna called... a human? BUT OH MY GOODNESS HE SPEAKS OUR LANGUAGE!! I'M GOING TO LUNCH TO SEE HIM AGAIN! Oh, but problems first. That's right, remember that twilight.' She seemed to go off track at some points, and after that last sentence she literally wrote out the noises she was doing... like breathing in and out to calm down. I skimmed it until I could find what she was going at again. 'HUMAN, JUST FASCINATING!! His problem though is that he's looking for a friend. Another of his kind. Unfortunately, not one other has been seen around yet anywhere, BUT MEANWHILE WE LOOK FOR THE OTHER, I'LL ASK HIM- I mean, research as respectably as I can without invading his personal life- ABOUT HIS CULTURE, PLANET, EVERYTHING!!'

I stopped as soon as I read the words 'Another of his kind'. I skimmed the rest of it desperately looking for more. Then I found it. His name was Joel. Tall fellow. Curly hair.

That's all I needed.

"ZECORA!" I boomed, being overwhelmed with excitement. She looked at me in shock as the lizard dude just laid on his side, completely unphased by my fus ro da.

"Uh... sorry."

"That's fine." She laughed it off, but flicked her ears a few times probably trying to get the ringing out. I'm honestly surprised I didn't blast her out through the window.

The next few moments basically was just me showing her the scrolls, and explaining everything. She read them once more, and went wide eyed.

"Well... there he is. Right in front of you. We just have to send a scroll to them, and you will have your problems solved!"

"Right! -Wait..."

Hold on. I have hooves. How the fuck am I going to write a letter.

"Spike, my friend. Take a message, please?" Zecora asked the lizard, who's name I now knew.

Well, another problem solved within seconds.

"Oh man... fine. Lemme get-" He burped up another scroll. "-a quill and parchment."

I would've laughed if he wasn't in so much pain.

After Zecora dictated the message, Spike read it out.

"Dear Twilight, there is somepony here who may know of that alien friend of yours. His name is Christopher, and he's in search of his friend, who's name is Joel. Let me know soon if this is possibly who your friend may be looking for. -Spike"

I nodded. Just as I was about to question how long it'd take for the message to get to wherever the location was, he breathed in, and exhaled a green flame, burning it.

He burnt it. Burnt it.

"WH-WHA- What the ffff!?-" I was shocked, confused, and trying my best not to rage.

"Whoa?! What's wrong?" Spike tried calming the situation down.

"You burnt what was my only chance of possibly seeing my friend." I could've sworn my left eye twitched in the middle of that sentence. He then began to laugh, which I took as an insult.

"IS THIS SOME SICK PRANK?!" I was getting ready to just choke that lil' motherfuc-

"Whoa whoa! No, it's how this works! It's a spell that I use to send messages to the princesses, or anypony else! I didn't burn it, I just sent it over instantaneously!" He held up his hands in defense. I felt like a douche now.

"Oh." I stupidly said.

'OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH.' Is what I really wanted to say.

This was one of those moments where you wish you could just sit in the corner and shrink away until nobody could see you ever again.

Author's Note

I b bringin' da lulz bak again.

You can thenk meh laturz.

Reunion with A Mind Blow

We've been sitting here for about an hour already at the train station, waiting.

Waiting.

Do you know how much I despise waiting? Specially waiting second by second? Eh... I digress.

So, like I said, we've been at the train station of ponyville for about a good hour or so. I become a child when it comes to waiting, so I spent the entire time just doing random things like counting how many advertisements there were allover the place, what colors there were, how long I could hold my breath, making pictures out of the clouds on the sky, all that jazz. I can't stay still, period. Unless I'm relaxing or meditating, that's another story. However, waiting? No. Just no.

Another train came in, emptying out a load of ponies and taking in another load at the same time. Reminded me of home for a quick second. New York and New Jersey I mean. None of the trains, to my misery, unloaded a human yet. I was beginning to have doubts about this, thinking that maybe this world's meaning for 'human' was some different type of creature. But then I thought that there was no way in this entire universe for a creature to be called a 'human' elsewhere other than earth.

Then again, I woke up in a magical land of talking unicorns and mythical creatures that exist in books in my world.

Logic was overruled by that alone.

I heard another train approach and come to a screeching stop. I eyed every single pony that went in and out, and then to my surprise/excitement... there he was. Tall fellow, check. Bipedal, check. Curly hair, check. Clueless look, double check.

Fucking. Joel.

Zecora and Spike took notice (hard to miss really), both having different reactions however. Zecora, strangely, had a really big smile, with a hint of... cockiness. Spike, being the first time seeing a human of course, was both shocked and fascinated.

Now, I was about to run up to the motherfucker and give him a huge hug... but a devious smile then formed on my face.

As the two were about to get up, I held up a hoof, and sat them both down.

"Guys, just play along. Look natural."

They looked at each other, then at me for a quick moment, but did as I said. I took one last glimpse at Joel to make sure he wasn't looking, and leaned into their direction.

"Alright guys... so here's the plan."

POV: Joel

I have never left out of a building (well, castle) so fast my entire life. It was like there was a giant piece of burning turd chasing me down those streets of Canterlot all the way to the train station. Didn't help that I tried asking for directions, and got snouts up in the air like the snooty pricks they were as a reaction. Almost missed my train, but here I am. Now, it was the moment of truth.

Where is this son of a bitch. Last thing I knew was that they were suppose to be waiting for me. A small dragon, a zebra, and Chris. The blinding colors of multiple ponies leaving and going was an eye fuck for a while, but as soon as the train left, the situation calmed. I began looking around again, trying to scope out the weird-as-it-sounded trio. Frustratingly, it was tough, and I couldn't see Chris. I mean, it's not suppose to be that hard to find a tall human looking dude wearing a hoodie with-

"JOEL!" I heard a voice shout outloud. I recognized it in a split second as Chris's voice.

"Bro?!" I shouted back, and started looking around more frantically. Still not anywhere to be seen. "Where are you bro?" I asked outloud.

"Dude, c'mon over here!" I heard him shout again. This time I tracked down where the sound came from, and began walking down the lengthy train station platform. Still nowhere to be found though. Where the fuck was this kid? I was starting to think he was fucking with me.

"C'mon bro, now's not the time for screwing around." I tried saying in a serious tone, but failed to withhold my smile. I'm pretty sure he saw it.

"You're getting warmer." I heard his voice much closer now. I slowed my pace, and began looking again. Then I spotted three sitting together on a bench. One dragon (WAY smaller than what I imagined), a zebra... but where's Chris? The third one was just some pony reading from a newspaper. I decided to stupidly look behind and under the bench, when I started to notice the zebra and dragon snickering.

'Oh... now I know Chris is behind this.'

"Alright you two, I know you guys are suppose to be with Chris. Where is he."

"What is this? I do not know of a 'Chris'?" The zebra had the worst poker face... although a really adorable smile.

"Yeah, what're you talking about?" The small dragon spoke up, his poker face almost impeccable. The zebra already gave it up though, pretty hard too.

"Oh, hey Joe! Did you bring any munchies? I could really go for a tacito." The third pony lowered the newspaper, allowing me to finally see his features. I must've did a triple take. There was no way that voice came from-

"...I know I'm sexy bro, but you're making it so obvious!" Then he gave me that smirk that undeniably was Chris's signature face.

What. The fuck.

POV: Chris

I'm dying of laughter in the inside. XD

POV: Joel

What. THE FUCK!?

POV: Chris

His face: just beautiful.

Oh, and one more thing. Just incase you didn't notice:

Hello, everybody. Joel and Chris are in the building.

Shit. It's gonna get real now.

Author's Note

I just decided to fart out this chapter right away, considering I had planned it to be short. I thought 'Hey! I can do this in an hour!', so here you are.

Mind Blowback

...A few mind blown moments later...

Joel snickered for the 100th time already, holding one of his hands on his face.

"There is alot of explaining to do." He shook his head.

"Damn right." I said.

"God damn, what time is it?" Joel asked. No more than a few minutes passed by, but it did feel like more time flew by than that.

"Not sure, why?" I questioned back.

"STILL PRETTY EARLY!" A pink pony appeared from behind Joel out of... thin air. It startled us all.

Pinkie Pie.

"Oh, great great!" Joel rubbed his hands together. He seemed to be adapting... fairly quick. Either that, or he probably convinced himself that he went insane the moment he set foot on this world. "Take us to your cafe, Pinkie! I'm starving!"

Just as quick as she appeared, the pink mare was gone.

"What... I-" He muttered in confusion. I simply held a cocked eyebrow, but waved a hoof.

"Y'know what, I think this means we should just go to those friends that you mentioned, and see how they can help." I suggested. His face dropped into a slight form of dissapointment, probably upset that he wasn't going to get to eat. I felt bad, but I honestly just wanted to fix this all first. Once we have a fullproof solution, I'd be more than happy to let my bro eat and party as much as he wants to.

"I guess." Joel nodded. "Let me count the money again, to see if they gave me enough to bring us all back." He pulled out a small sack from his backpack, which looked fairly heavy.

"Holy shit, what's in there, gold?" I chuckled.

"Oh, like you wouldn't believe." He held the sack towards me, showing the contents inside. "They're solid gold coins. Bits, is what they're called. Turns out gold here is like dirt, compared to like... fuckin' Earth."

My jaw fell off. Well, it would've, if it could. Apparently, Spike liked the hefty pile of bits that was in there aswell, but Zecora (almost instinctively) held him back before he could make way to the sack. It was as if she practically knew all his antics already.

"Spike, my friend, it must be earned with tears, blood, and sweat. Do not be greedy, you're not old enough to take responsibility of it yet."

The little dragon crossed his arms, rolling his eyes.

"Stupid..." He groaned.

"You'll thank me later, young one." Zecora simply stated with a smile. I couldn't help but chuckle under my breath. Meanwhile, Joel left to the ticket booth, counting the bits in his hands as he waited in line.

...Man, I miss my hands so much already.

For what looks like a century and a half old locomotive, this thing travels pretty damn fast. Even felt smooth over the rails. Reminded me a lot of the Amtrak... which is somewhat unnerving. Anyway, maybe it's because we spent most of the time talking. Zecora and Spike were, of course, interested in our conversations more than anything. Hearing two dudes talking about their home planet just does that, I guess. A few questions were tossed back and forth about how things worked there, compared to here. Turns out this world in general isn't that different, comparing to home. Maybe behind by a few decades (not sure myself), and some distinct customs here and there, but still, not so different.

"Man..." Joel muttered.

"What?" I naturally inquired. A grin then formed on his face.

"Now that all the mindfucks are aside, we still haven't properly said 'hello' yet."

"Aww, get over here bro." I opened my forelegs for a hug. He practically crushed me with his bear hug. I then felt a hand going up in my hair/mane/whatever it's called now.

"Uhh, why are you..." I started, until I heard his chuckle. It gradually climbed into a fit of laughter as he held his mouth in his hand, other hand clutching his gut. He fell back onto his seat, kicking the floor. I was genuinely confused.

"What?" I asked, straight faced. After his laughing fit ended, he took a few breathes.

"I don't know. I really don't." He said, shaking his head.

"What." I monotoned.

"Well, crap, you don't expect to wake up in some magical world where your best friend turned into a... pony. Do you?"

I nodded, looking out the window.

"Yeah... you really don't."

I could tell he was looking at me from the corner of my eye. I quickly glanced back at him, then locked my eyes on him the second time.

"What?"

"Well... are you okay?"

I took a moment to backtrack mentally on what's happened lately. I don't like being that guy that just says 'Yeah, I'm fine'. Besides, it never hurts to do a little mental reorganizing.

"Yeah. I feel good. Ready to tackle whatever's next, to be honest."

He scratched his chin, making a rough bristly noise from the goatee that resided on it. He seemed to be a little more uneasy, rather than content now. Finally, he cocked an eyebrow.

"You do know where we are, right?"

I cocked an eyebrow as well.

"Uhh... Equestria?" I said, half unsure where he was going with it. His eyebrows dropped, mouth opening slightly.

"Yeah... Equestria." His tone was a little odd.

I'm confused.

"Why?" I pried.

"You're not telling me something."

"...What did I miss?"

"Come on man. This is not you."

"What are you talking about bro."

I had a feeling that he wasn't telling me something now. The other two acquaintances that we have forgotten about now held worried expressions.

"What's going on?" Spike intervened.

"Chris, come on. Equestria." Joel started snapping his fingers in front of my face, ignoring the little dragon.

"What are you trying to say, bro." Something far in the back of my mind kind of knew what exactly he was talking about, and yet at the same time I couldn't understand. It was irritating me now.

"Relax." Zecora placed a hoof on my shoulder, but I was too focused on Joel. Right now, I felt like I was in a room with only Joe. I felt a little tense now, my shoulders stiffening. On top of that, I was experiencing that Jamais Vu again. This time, it really felt strong, to the point where I velt some slight signs of vertigo.

"Come on, we're on our way to see the princesses. Luna, Celestia, and Celestia's student. Twilight Sparkle. Doesn't it remind you of anything?"

"I-" I began, but caught it before I lied. No, if there's a moment to speak up, it's now.

"...Yes, and no." I looked out the window again.

"What?" His tone changed instantly to confused.

"I know what you mean, but don't remember." I told him flatly.

"...Ok, what are you-"

"I hit my head."

"..."

"Hard. After the wreck. I don't remember alot of things anymore. I can't even recall a shit I've taken this past week."

"...Oh, shit." He leaned forward.

"Yeah, shit is right. And fucking annoyed I am that I can't remember anything, yet I feel like I know this all. As a matter of fact, everything here lately, even the residents that I've talked to n' shit are familiar. Yet, I can't even put my finger on it. The best way I can describe it to you is like a broken USB drive. I feel like I know this all, but my mind won't even give me one fucking drop of memory. Not even a lick. So, I have absolutely no idea what the fuck is going on, but in some way, I do. I just can't figure out why."

Everyone went quiet. I felt a little self conscious now, and hoped that no one else was around to hear my rant. They'd think I was some form of crazy. Thankfully, there was only one other pony that was asleep. I looked out the window, the rest of the trip in utter silence. After about half an hour or so, the train felt like it was decreasing in speed little by little. I looked out the window, and there it was, no more than a mile away from where we were. Just like how Joel described it... and what a sight it was.

An entire city on the side of a mountain.

"Bro?" Joel broke the raw silence, catching my attention in an unnecessarily abrupt fashion.

"What's up?" I tried being casual to lift any tension that was left.

"Y'know, just... don't worry. I have a feeling it's all going to be-"

"No no, it's ok man. I'm not afraid or anything. Honest."

"That's good, but- I mean. I'm sure that... they'll help us fix this all."

"Yeah, I'm sure of it man."

"...Heh. If only you could remember who they are... you'd be shitting bricks."

I chuckled.

"I probably would."

A few more minutes passed, and we finally arrived to the station.

Welcome to Canterlot

Author's Note

So. Fucking. Sorry. For not posting sooner than usual.

Shit's been happenin' lately! I'm 96.5% sure now that I'll be back to posting daily though. Don't give up on me my sweet delicous handsome- erm... my friends. Stay beautiful.

First

Just as we stepped out of the train, I felt a very familiar sensation in my stomach which reminded me of many moments back at home. Although, I wasn't sure if I should perceive it as pleasant for reminding me of said memories, or just aggravated as usual. Regardless, it still came down to one thing.

I have to take a shit. Like, now.

"Joe." I tugged at his shirt.

"Sup?"

"Shit."

"Uh-... what?"

"Poop. Shit."

"Oh... shit." He snickered.

...Did you feel that? Like, uhh... a little bit of de ja vu or something? -cough- Chapter 4...

"Yeah, it needs out. Now." I stared at him, practically begging for help. To my despair, he only shrugged, and kept snickering and giggling. I think he got my message.

Now, normally I would've taken flight to finding a bathroom by now... but, just how exactly does a pony take a shit in this world? Seriously, stop snickering and giggling. I'm almost positive that they don't shit on the spot allover the ground like actual ponies, because these streets are definitely spotless. So that means bathroom. But just what exactly was a 'bathroom' here? Outhouse? Behind a bush? On a tree? In a hole, then bury it maybe? Last one seemed smart, but for some reason I don't think that's how it works here. Let's just ask our favorite Zebra...

After taking a few moments to work up the guts (and some very persuasive encouragement from my ass), I asked.

"Zecora?" I turned to her.

"Hm?" She hummed with a grin.

"We've never really went over how exactly we... take care of business. Y'know, after eating, and digesting, then eventually going to the bathroom to take a-"

"AH- ah ah ah, okay." She shoved a hoof forcefully on my mouth, her eyes slightly widening. "Just follow me."

POV: Joel

So, I'm sure Chris's new friend there just took him to help do his business. Meanwhile, I was now left sitting on a rather short bench (fit for ponies I guess) with the small dragon. If I remember from mlp correctly... Spike was his name. I have to admit, he was kind of adorbs. I could just pinch his cheek, the thought alone making me smile. I was thinking of maybe starting a conversation with him, but as if on queue, he spoke up.

"Sooo..." He managed, kicking his legs back and forth since his short stature couldn't allow for him to place his feet on the ground. I gave him a small grin, encouraging him to not be afraid to talk to me. In fact, I think this is the first time I talk 1 on 1 with him.

"I don't think we've properly met yet?"

I shook my head.

"No, not really."

"Oh? Well, hi! The name's Spike!" He reached out his little scaly hand for a handshake. I think a little tiny part of me melted and said 'aww'. Other than that, for a moment I wondered how exactly his hands were going to feel like, him being a dragon and all. I reached out and grabbed his little hand, my palm almost engulfing the entire thing as my thumb could pretty much wrap around the whole way. I gave a gentle squeeze, and to my surprise, they felt pretty soft. Scales? Practically non-existent.

"As you probably heard already, my name's Joel. Or Joe. Either way is fine." I smiled.

"Cool! So, Joe. You're uhh... what was it again? A hoo-mine?" He placed a small finger on his chin as he gazed quizzically into the distance. He muttered the name a few more times under his breath, until he snapped his fingers.

"A human!" He smiled proudly as he crossed his arms. It was short lived though, as his smile dropped and the quizzical face fell in again.

"...Right?"

"Yup. You got it." I chuckled, his colorful personality already making me feel at home.

I had a feeling I was going to get along with Spike pretty well. Now, I know. I'm somewhat aware of his... unique, personality. I know he can be witty, frighteningly sometimes, as witty as me or Chris from what I've seen in the show. Confusing even, how he can sometimes be the 'sharpest tool'. But then he has that certain quality at the same time. Utter innocence, where his true age shows.

A little mindfucking, like multipersonality or bipolarity I guess. Definitely not unpredictable though, like the two things I mentioned. It doesn't really take a sherlock to figure him out. The best way to put it, I guess, is that he's one of those 13 year olds who doesn't know what a blowjob is. Or what anything adult related is, I should say.

Was that a little too detailed of an observation? Eh, whatever.

"So, that thing you mentioned earlier when were going back and forth about how our worlds with different. A car, I think it was?" Spike questioned.

"Transportation? Four wheels and makes a mechanical noise and all that?" I continued for him. I couldn't help but smile even more now. He just barely knows about it, and is already interested in it. Chris would definitely love this. Although, I don't blame the dragon for taking interest in it. One thing for sure, cars are one of the major differences between here and home. Over here it's horses and carriages.

...Isn't that kind of fucked up?

Aaaanyway.

"Yeah, that's right! Four wheels, like a carriage, right?" Spike kept at it.

"Yup. Except only needs one person to drive it. It powers itself, almost like magic, but it's really just alot of science at work." I informed. Although I am indeed the 'Tony Stark' of technology, as Chris likes say it, I don't really know cars more than my broski. Motherfucker could probably build a car from scratch if he had the resources to do it. I put all my money on it.

Actually. I think that's p-...

I'll make a mental note about that...

"Science? Ehh..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "That's more of Twilight's thing, but I mean, cars still sound pretty cool! It's just, everything here is like magic this and magic that. It gets pretty crummy for someone like me who doesn't have magic, or can't even fly." He folded his arms, looking down at the ground disappointingly.

"Ahh, I get you. So from the sound of it, a car is just perfect for you." I grinned. Come on, just imagine him driving a go kart. What a sight it'd be.

"Exactly!" He perked up in a second from the idea alone, the smile back on his face.

So adowable.

POV: Chris

I'm not done yet...

...and you definitely don't wanna know what it's like to shit as a pony. I have never felt so inhuman in my entire life.

POV: Joel

...About half an hour later...

"And that, in a really large nutshell, is what cars do back in our place." I clapped my hands, checking my wristwatch for the time. I blew a whopping 30 minutes with that alone.

Wow. Chris can shit like no other that I know.

"...Man, that is so, cool." Spike looked up into the distance, his pupils dilated as he clasped his hands together. It unnerved a really small part in the back of my mind, but I do have to remember that this is the world of Equestria... a show that is originally a cartoon from Hasbro.

Hold on, I just told this little guy a buttload of things about cars. That's Chris's thing. Now it's my time to shine.

"Hey, do you wanna know about something just as cool? We have things called comput-"

"I'm back from the dead!" An all too familiar voice shouted. Well, I'll save my story time for later I guess.

POV: Chris

My first shit in Equestria. Also my first shit as a pony. There's a first for everything, y'know? Definitely never was on my to do list, however.

"Well! Now that my poop crisis has been taken care of, let's get this show on the road." I stated rather happily, my trot even having an upbeat feeling to it. There was always something odd about taking a shit. It always made me... chipper. As if I purged all my stress and worries out of my ass.

...Hm. That actually makes some type of sense now that I think about it.

Wait. What am I forgetting? I left something behind? No, I didn't bring anything at all. Was it someone? OH. Oh.

"Zecora?" I stopped in my tracks, turning back to look for my favorite zebra. She was behind, although at a much slower pace as she stared mindlessly into the distance. Eventually, she ended up bumping into my side, stirring her out of her trance.

"Ah- apologies, I wasn't looking." She gave a slight shake of her head.

"You alright there Zecora?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm alright!" She smiled. I was skeptical, but only for a second. I turned forward again, making my way again to regroup with Joel and the dragon.

"Alrighty." I said casually.

"So, all business taken care of?" Joel said as he tried standing up from the bench, failing the first time as he dipped back onto it. Just imagine a 6'4 tall man trying to get off of a bench that's no taller than halfway up his shin.

I obviously laughed.

"Screw you. I'd like to see you try and get on a bar stool now, being a midget horse and all." He said as he petted me. Talk about degrading, I was at 5'8 when I was human alone, 4 inches shy of being a whole foot shorter than him. Now I'm just above his waist. I pretended to bite his hand, snorting afterwards as he retreated his hand in a flash.

"I can bite now, bitch."

"Good luck. I have years of hard earned hand-and-eye coordination. Gaming, beeyatch."

I shook my head, chuckling as I did. It felt good to talk with him like this again. Things were finally feeling normal.

"Well, let's not burn daylight. We have a few princesses to talk to." Joel began to walk at a slow pace, waiting for the rest of us. The dragon did a quick leap off the bench, and followed right behind the tall human.

'Ah. You have a lil' tail now Joe.' I smiled as I thought. I caught up with the group, Zecora being the last. I swear, something's in her mind.

"Zecora." I slowed my pace slightly so I could talk to her side by side, rather than front and back.

"Yes?"

"What's going on in your mind? Don't lie."

"...I'd rather not."

"C'mon." I bumped into her side gently. "I don't know you much, but I know you enough to say that this ain't you. So what's got you going?"

All she ended up doing was conjuring a light shade of red on her cheeks. Now I'm interested.

"It's just..."

"...Yes?"

"I've never..."

"...Mhmm?"

She sighed.

"I've... never heard such horrid, diabolical sounds come from somepony's rear end like that. You had me worried, truly, for many moments. Then to see you simply come out completely unscathed? I- I could not. Just could not understand."

....

Commencing laughing fit.

Author's Note

Yeah -uhm... I, like... totally... procrastinated... like... HARDCORE... for a while. BUT THE CHAPTER IS UP OKEY.

On a serious note though, I've been busy working on something. Still am, so don't expect the daily chapters to be back for possibly another few weeks. 'Till then, I luv you all, bear with me okeyyy? I'm not dead, nor did I hit a roadblock with the story or anything, THE STORY IS FINE! In fact I have like fuckin'... 20+ chapters of material to write still. I can't say it'll even end by then, because the way I created the plot of this story is just... massively mindfucking at an exponential rate to the point where I have no idea myself how it's going to end. (Actually, I do)

To put it simply: I've created a sun. Now how do I extinguish it? What's that?? I have to wait it out for billions and billions of years until it explodes?!

You get the point.

Haz all my sorryz for slow progress though. Stay beautiful errybodeh. <3

It Always Was Cold

It Always Was Cold

In my opinion, if you go click on the "formatting" button, and change the color of the page from "Light" to "Dark", it kind of adds some effect to the chapter. Just throwing it out there, you don't have to do this.

POV: 3rd person

...Time unknown. Location, far in the northern hemisphere of Equestria...

The sky was nothing but a flood of thick clouds, barely allowing any sunlight to pass through. The black magicians weren't fooling around, and it definitely looked like it wasn't going to end either. Our two heroes were still walking/trotting, as they had been doing so for the past few weeks already. Silence was a thing now. There wasn't a grudge between the two. No tension. Nothing at all. One of them simply hadn't spoken ever since the disappearance of his friend.

The mission they were assigned literally placed the fate of the entire world on their shoulders. They simply had to rescue two ponies. The solar princess, Celestia, and her relative. The rescue of Celestia's relative wasn't as low in defcon as it was for Celestia, but oh... it was below any form of defcon for one of our heroes. The white pony's face was supremely stoic, his very rough stubble and grey outlined baggy eyes adding to the effect. The unforgiving cold winds blew at him and his companion, the corrupted nature constantly showing that it wasn't going to give at all. If anything, it was getting gradually worse.

The light that was barely getting through the clouds began to fade by the minute. Night was making its way in. The two immediately began their quickly learned routine of gathering fire wood, looking for some form of shelter as they did so. Luckily, they found a seemingly uninhabited rock house, which was really just a stone version of an igloo. They immediately went inside, making sure to check if it wasn't inhabited by any stone trolls. As soon as they knew it was theirs, they placed all the firewood in the center, and lit it up. They rolled a large slab of rock to block the entrance, which fit snugly to prevent anything from coming in. Just the smallest draft of cold slipped in, but nothing too bad. They placed their weapons down onto the firm dirt floor, and sighed as they sat down for the first time of the day.

The two sat for many minutes, enjoying the much needed warmth that came from the fire. Just as the pony was about to sleep, his companion spoke up.

"...Chris."

It startled him somewhat, since they hadn't spoken in what felt like forever. He opened his eyes, staring at his tall friend. It somewhat unnerved the human, his mint green eyes appearing to have no soul at all. It was like looking into a void. If anyone who didn't know Chris the way he did looked him into those eyes... they would've been gravely afraid.

This wasn't the best friend that he knew. Not at all.

"What." His voice was quiet, the tone sounding cold. Joel didn't take it personally though. He very much understood that ever since the beginning.

"...She'll be fine." The human whispered.

For many moments after, they looked at one another, different thoughts most likely going through each of their minds. Eventually, Chris simply mouthed a few words. No sound, but Joel read his lips. It sent an unearthly shiver up his spine.

"She better be."

The way he did it... he didn't even need to say it outloud.

He wanted blood.

Author's Note

A very dark, very short chapter. Yes.

Just a taste of one of the major challenges coming up ahead. To clear any confusion or doubts, this is simply a "teaser" as most would call it. A peek into the future of the story. It'll lose a bit of it's comedic category during this phase of the story, but overall, don't worry. This isn't the majority of the story.

Pft. Not by a long shot.

Oh Man, is it Hot in Here or What?

Hot steaming shit. Joe and I pretty much got the golden ticket. Fuckin' rooms in the castle, all the food we fuckin' want, these ponies take hospitality to a whole new level. Seriously, if I was douchebag enough (or drunk enough), I could've asked them for a blowjob and would've gotten it on the spot! Oh, did I tell you that I also had this huge mindfuck? So Celestia and I were talking, and dude I sai-

Whoa wait wait wait, let's chill and rewind for a sec. Excitement got the best of me.

Well, that was a... pleasant experience.

After getting full body checks by the guards (and getting my jimmies rustled), we made our way in and were taken in no time by who I assumed was an advisor/counselor/whatever of the princesses. As expected in 'high society' cities like this place, she wasn't so bright. Or talkative... or pleasant. Cunt had the nerve to scoff when I just wanted to know how her day was... gees.

Think having your panties in a twist is bad? God, she probably had her's in a full nelson.

"Well, here we are. They await for you in there." She pointed her hoof at said door, which I might add, was a swanky-as-hell door. Shawty, I never thought a door could be so filled with shwag. Big, gold, mahogany, silver, chrome, 20 inch rims, everything. Then It got me thinking of just who exactly I was about to talk to.

The princesses of Equestria.

Dude, they're fucking goddesses or some shit. Now mind you, I'm not that dead-brained. I didn't just waltz down the whole way like some idiot. No no, I saw all those glass stained windows, along with a few museum looking cases that held weapons and nicnacs from long ago defeated threats of Equestria or something. I've never felt so humbled before. Never knew just what exactly people meant about feeling like an ant either... until now. Boy did I feel smaller and smaller as I got closer to the door.

Yah. That's right. You're hearing this from the guy who use to face death everyday while riding a superbike through traffic at 170 for 'fun'.

The cunt lady did the honors of opening the door for me and my friends, and we spent no time going right in. We walked into what looked like some large private library/astronomy looking room, and there were the princesses. The protectors and rulers of Equestria, royalty, goddesses with tiaras... just sitting there casually as they looked through a telescope at the balcony. I instantly recognized two of them, the white and dark blue ones... but purple one was new though. I didn't see her on any of the stained glass windows. Although, there was that one with the 6 ponies shooting some light at the weird lanky looking fellow that looked like a 4 year old's 'Frankenstein' toy. Y'know, the one toy that we all had where we pulled out all the body parts and mix n' matched it with others.

If you never did that, you had no childhood. Cough

...Anyway.

Now, for some stupid reason when I zone out, I look at the most idiotic places that no one would ever look at normally. During the time that I zoned out trying to figure out who the purple princess was, my eyes ended up observing the white one's cutie mark. The sun. Made sense. She was the solar goddess. But then I barely heard the little voice in the back of my mind.

You're looking at her ass.

Still trying to figure out who the purple one is as I stare at the white one's cutie mark...

Hey fucknut, you're staring at her ass.

I think the purple one could be from that stained glass of 6 ponies that I mentioned earlier. I think there was a purple unicorn...

Jesus, you're practically eyeballing it.

...Wait, what?

Her ass you moron, you're gawking right at it like an art critic.

Oh.

OH SHIT

She turned. Oh fuck fuckity fucksicles, did I move my eyes away in time?! Oh ssshhhhit, I'm looking at her dead in the eyes now. Why is she looking at me like that. Oh nonono, there's four of us, and she's looking at me like that. I wasn't even doing it on purpose, I SWEAR. This kind of shit just happens to me, you gotta believe me. Oh, fuck.

Oh god, did it just get hot in here? Shit, my face is on fire.

Wait, what- what're... why are Joel, Zecora, and Spike leaning down towards the ground? OH, PFT SH-FFF-TITS!! Bow bow bow bow bow, just bow Chris just bow. We have a chance, just BOWDAMNIT.

"Welcome back, Joel! Also, greetings to our new guests. Oh, Spike hello!" The solar princess greeted with ease. It was so casual too.

Everyone rose, me being the last one to rise. Quite awkwardly.

I was trying my best not to look at any of the princesses in the eyes, but I'm pretty damn sure the damage was done with the solar princess. Sound didn't exist for a few seconds as I just stared into the corner of the room, occasionally seeing my friends do a few gestures and movements here and there. Or, so I thought it was a few seconds. I looked like a deer in the headlights the whole time until I felt a firm hand fall on my back.

"And... as you can see, we've got a situation. Care to take the story from here bro?" Joel grinned.

Okay, get yourself together Chris.

"Uh-... th-the one about the three little.. pigs?.." I responded meekly.

Smooth.

Luckily my bro recovered for me, acting casual about it.

"Oh, y'know, what happened with you and Zecora. How exactly you ended up being..." He motioned his hand as if he was displaying me. "This?"

"Oh. Well, um..." Queue stupid cliche nervous looking scratch on forearm. Just don't look her in the eye. Easy enough.

"Zecora, who's my friend here," I pointed a hoof back at the zebra. "She was kind enough to take me in while I was in really bad conditions. She also took her own time and resources to take care of my wounds, but unfortunately in the midst of it, there was a mishap with a few potions and... well. Here I am." I smiled, still a bit nervous though. Charm wasn't on my side at the moment.

Joel picked up the story again, sound disappearing once more as I looked around nervously. But then of all the things, I ended up looking right back into the solar goddess's eyes. I don't know if it was the feeling that she was looking at me, or if it was just me being really self conscious, but there we were again, staring contest in progress. The warmth on my face came back as I tried my best to give a friendly grin. Then, for the first time, she acknowledged me with a small smile.

And lawdy, was that one gorgeous smile.

I felt much more calm now, the rest of the time being much more easier for me to talk when Joel needed me to fill in a few blanks about our amazing adventure.

"So... once again. Thank you princesses, for your help. The hospitality that everyone's shown so far is just... in truth, really shocking. In a good way of course." Joel finished it with a smile. Man, I don't know what got into him, but he's been awfully calm about everything now that I think about it.

"It's not a problem at all, guys. It's the least we can do." The white goddess gave her radiant smile again. I said it once and I'll say it again, it was gorgeous.

Holy shit, am I falling for-?...

...

Nahh. It's easy to mix up feelings and thoughts when you're in the middle of panic mode.

"Oh, before I forget! We've met everyone before, but you. We still haven't gotten to introducing ourselves properly yet?" The purple princess suddenly directed it at me. Ah, nice. All three royal pair of eyes on me now.

"Oh- uh. Well, as you already know, my name is Christopher, or Chris as I prefer. Any nickname is fine really, just not Christopher, if it's okay with you all." Humble was my middle name at the moment.

"Ah, it's a pleasure, Chris! My name is princess Twilight Sparkle. However, just Twilight would be nice, if you don't mind. I've yet to get accustomed to... all this." She shook her wings a little, also subtly pointing towards her royal attire allover at the same time.

That definitely makes alot more sense now. She must've been given the position not that long ago. Makes alot of sense out of the size difference too.

"It's a pleasure, Twilight." I acknowledged her with a nod. I moved my eyes to the dark blue one now.

"Princess Luna, but if it makes you comfortable, feel free to call me Luna. We want the best for our guests." She smiled. It was just as gorgeous too, giving me an inner sense of comfort. Also, I wasn't looking at her ass, so y'know, it was easier looking at her in the eyes. I acknowledged her with a nod aswell, throwing in a small smile.

"Thank you, Luna. Truly. It's really nice to finally know the name of who helped my friend here. He's like a brother to me."

"So I've heard." She gave a grin to Joel. He smirked.

D'aww, I'm definitely going to poke at him now with this.

Now, to the final one...

I moved my eyes over to the last princess, trying my best not to gulp or do any subtle thing that would give any unnecessary suspicions.

"Princess Celestia, and the same as Luna said. Feel free to call me Celestia. I have absolutely no problem with it."

Celestia. Now, there's a name that rings the fuck out of my Jamais Vu bell. Unfortunately, it didn't give me any type of memory recollection. It's been rough so far...

I liked her name though.

"If you don't mind, can I get back to lunch? I didn't get to take more than one bite out of my sandwich." Joel chuckled as his stomach rumbled right on time.

"Of course! Luna, would you mind showing Joel back?" Celestia asked her sister. "I'll show Chris to the room he'll be staying in meanwhile."

Say what. Man, can't Twilight do it? The conversation along the way between me and Celestia is going to just be absolutely awkward. Call it a hunch.

Luna already began making her way with Joel, so there went that option.

"Zecora, you're more than free to stay for today? It's a long trip back to Ponyville."

YES, Zecora, I need a wingman!

"That is fine, princess. There is no need. I would just like to catch up with my old friend Twilight here, and make my way back home after." She smiled. "Thank you for the offer, though."

FFFFFUCK.

"Okay then, have a good one!" Celestia smiled back.

I simply stood still, accepting my fate.

"Well, let's get going shall we?" She chimed, looking at me in the eye again.

Face it. She's going to bring up the ass thing. I'm done.

For the most part, half the walk was pretty silent as I pretended to keep my attention at the many decorations that adorned the entire castle. Unexpectedly, I decided to break the ice though. I thought that I might aswell be straight out with it, and get it over with.

"I'm sorry." I said it straight out. It undoubtedly got her attention.

"For?" She questioned.

"...Y'know."

She only stared.

"I'm afraid I'm lost. Enlighten me please?"

Man.

"Well, y'know. We came in the room... you turned... and..."

"Yes?"

"I didn't mean it, I swear it wasn't intentional-"

"Wait, what are you-"

"I just have this worst luck that when I zone out I look at the wrong things-"

"Slow down, I don't understa-"

"I respect the opposite sex, honest!"

"Calm down, Chris. What's the fuss about?" She giggled as she stopped trotting. I stopped, turning back to look at her. I took a deep breath in, and sighed.

"...I'm sorry for gawking at your ass. But it's not what it looked like!"

She paused for a second, a slight tint of red showing on her cheeks.

"Is-... Is that what all your fuss was about?"

...Huh.

"...Yes?" I slightly cocked an eyebrow.

"I was wondering why exactly you were blushing as red as a tomato every time you looked at me. Now it definitely makes sense." She began to laugh.

Wut.

"Wait... so you... didn't know?" I still struggled putting the pieces together.

"Nope! Not at all." She giggled and laughed even more.

Queue blush of utter embarrassment for admitting something that I never even had to admit in the first place. We picked up our walk again, and got to the room in almost no time. She opened the door, and levitated the key to me.

"So, there's your room. Go ahead and take a look!" She gave me a gentle shove of encouragement. I made my way in... and dayum son.

The place is too good for you to even get a description.

"Unfortunately, our castle isn't really built for having guests over, so your friend's room is at the other side where Luna is. You'll be staying here at my side." Celestia spoke from the corridor outside of my room. I made my way out, closing the door behind me.

"My room will be right down there." She pointed down to a large door that was at the end of the spacious corridor, her cutie mark engraved in stone right above the door. "Hope you don't mind staying at the opposite side of where your friend is residing at? If you want, I can-"

"Oh no no no, not a problem at all. Honest." I shook my head, being genuinely happy with the room I was going to stay in.

For a second, she grinned at me, and then looked around.

"So... liked what you saw?" She asked.

"Oh, definitely. Absolutely perfect. I could look at it everyday and still be in awe everytime. It's honestly a one of a kind." I honestly was pretty hyped that I was going to get to stay in a room like that. All I can say is, I wish I could pay rent to live in that room so I could never leave.

I heard giggles. I looked up to Celestia, only to find her holding a hoof to her mouth as she giggled her royal ass off.

"My my, I didn't know my flank was that stunning."

...

Celestia: 1

Chris: 0

Author's Note

Merry Christmas errybodeh! Hope you got some decent laughs from this 'ere chapter : P

Guess you can call this my present to you all for Christmas? Idk xD Anywayz, hope you all have fun with your family/friends during the holidays! Much luv to yall.

Stay beautiful errybodeh <3

O Noes

POV: 3rd Person

Around the castle garden grounds wandered the royal sisters, Luna playing with the little details of her night sky as she and her sister had a nice chat. They enjoyed these rare moments very much so. Their duties were quiet, and their schedule matched up handsomely, allowing them to have the night off. It was an occasional thing they did; adding and taking a few hours from here and there so that they'd have a day together, or maybe just a few hours. As Luna moved one last star, a subtle grin formed onto her face. Her elder sister smiled, trying her best not to look up yet.

"Is it done, Luna?" Celestia asked.

"...Definitely." Luna said in awe of her own art. Celestia looked up, first to the moon, and then to the stars. It was truly a sight to see. A cluster of stars that reached from one horizon to the other, making you feel infinitely small if you took the time to really take in the detail.

"Luna, after countless centuries..." Celestia left her sentence hanging, causing Luna to look towards her sister in question. After a moment of observing the sky, Celestia finally looked down to her sister.

"You still manage to find ways to amaze me." She smiled. Luna caught her sister off guard, returning a hug rather than a smile. After getting over the initial surprise, Celestia more than happily hugged her young sister aswell. They remained like this for several minutes, until Luna decided to speak up in a hushed tone.

"Now... go have fun."

Celestia cocked her head slightly.

"I'm sorry?"

Luna smiled again, speaking in normal volume again as they made their way back into the castle.

"It's been a while since Sunny Skies visited Canterlot. I think she'd love it if you could invite her to stay for a little?"

As they passed a few guards, Celestia almost gave away the act as she felt a huge smile wanting to form. Though with many years of experience, she held her unbreakable iron poker face. With a well practiced grin, she nodded.

"You know what? That's very thoughtful of you. In fact, it's still pretty early. I can arrange for my cousin Sunny to come this very moment!" They both stopped in their tracks, turning to face the guards.

"Guards." Celestia casually called. They saluted in an instant.

"Yes ma'am?" One of them spoke up.

"Be prepared to receive my dear cousin Sunny Skies please. I'm going to send her an invitation that she'll surely accept. She should arrive in no longer than an hour." Celestia smiled. "Is that clear?"

"Absolutely ma'am. Soldiers! You heard the princess!" They all moved in uniform, each trot in perfect sync. Celestia made sure to listen to their steps until they were far from earshot, and turned to her sister. They began to whisper.

"You can always change your mind, Luna. You know I was only joking when I said you owed me?"

"No no no, I insist that we move this along! Now, go get ready. If anybody asks, you made a last minute trip to attend some matters. Meanwhile, I'll be in charge. Just our usual slip that we give everypony. Everything will be absolutely fine. So no worries, and have fun!" She gave a playful shove behind Celestia, their giggles filling the deep corridors.

"Okay okay!" The sun goddess laughed.

POV: Chris

Ahh, a sigh of bliss. No more aches, just some mild bodily pains, no more mindfucks, no more headaches, no more vomit or nausea.

Simply, no more stress.

Everything is going to be a cakewalk. All thanks to the most generous creatures in the universe allowing me and my bro to stay in their luscious castle, and my zebra friend with a heart of gold who's making a potion to fix my pony situation (even though it means being one for a whole month). Just pure relaxation as I lay down on my recliner, looking up at the absolutely marvelous night sky from the balcony as I lay my feet- ...um, hooves... up on the leg propper mechanism thingy, whatever it's called. Things just couldn't possibly get any better.

I mean, I didn't have to lift a finger. As douchebaggy as I'm acting right now, legs up as I lay on a recliner and such, I deserve it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I truly appreciate everything that everyone here is doing to help us feel at home. I really do. But right now, after surviving an accident that was suppose to obliterate everyone in it, suffering repercussions from drinking, being turned into one of the alien species of this planet (even though they're just talking ponies), and having amnesia all on top? I'm not going to regret saying it.

I. Need. This.

Man, the temperature out here is just perfect. Not a fahrenhiet above or below of the perfect climate. No too windy, not too quiet. It's just right. God, I can even feel my eyelids getting heavy. Hell... why not? I'm just gonna... sleep... right here... for a bit...

Ooooohhhhh... this is heavenly.

Knock. Knock.

All I wanted was sleep. Sleep, atleast for this one night. I suck at sleeping, like I said the night before I picked up my bro. Worst of all, I love sleep like nobody else, but I can never sleep. Most of the time I have too many things in my mind to let me sleep, so when I do get sleepy, it's like a gift for me. I mean, just imagine having nearly a decade's worth of bottled up emotions, thoughts, and stress that never got to see light just sit on your mind only for you to bear. It's nothing but a bad recipe to stir up bad habits, but the only ways that I can settle it is either staying up late, or drinks. But I'm not fond of drinking, so sleep deprivation is my favorite yet most hated option. So moments like these where I don't have a single thought running through my mind as I slip into precious sleep are HIGHLY, HIGHLY APPRECIATED. BUT SINCE I HAVE SOMEBODY KNOCKING ON MY DOOR, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WHIP OUT MY ALMIGHTY COCK, AND BITCH SLAP-

Deep breaths, like you taught yourself, Chris. Just a deep breath. Let your eye twitch. Let's just... stretch our mildly aching limbs, and walk on over to the door. Get whatever needs to be done, done. Then put a big fat 'do NOT disturb' sign outside and hope that we still have our grogginess intact to help us fall back asleep after all is done. Okay? That'a boy. Now we're making our way to the door. We're yawning. Stretch one more time. Rub our eyes before we scratch our ass cheeks. Ok, now open the door. Now stare at the princess of the night with the most eat-shit-and-die expression that you can give.

Wait.

POV: Luna

Oh my... it appears I may have walked in at the worst time.

He looked like he hadn't slept in days. Goodness, do I know that feeling a bit too well. I should definitely apologize first, before anything.

"Oh- I'm terribly sorry for disturbing-"

"NONONO! No worries princess." His eye's shot wide out of nowhere. He suddenly bowed, almost knocking his face into the ground. I felt awkward for a moment, wanting to help him off from the ground, but I figured that I should just let him calm down himself before anything. He was panting like he just galloped a marathon. Unfortunately, he stayed like that for another 15 seconds or so. I sighed.

"Relax, Chris."

"DUDE I DIDN'T KNOW YOU-"

"Chris, listen-"

"I MEAN, HOLY SHIT, I JUST STARED AT YOU LIKE IF YOU WERE SOME DRUGGY LIVING IN THE STREETS OF NEW YORK AND-"

What? Drugg-y? What is thi- oh never mind.

"Calm down, please-"

"YOU'RE THE PRINCESS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, I SHOULD'VE-"

Do I have to do this?

"INSTEAD I JUST OPEN THE DOOR AND GIVE YOU A SHIT EATING FACE, HOW RESPECTFUL IS THAT?! I DON'T EVEN-"

...I do.

I grab him, and try my best to give a firm smack on his face. It hurt me as much as it hurt him. However, it was effective, since he was now silenced. It's definitely been a while since I've met anyone this... alive. I can tell he's probably quite the card.

POV: Chris

Ah. I needed that. Very much so. I gave my head a small shake, looking towards the lunar princess who just freshly struck me across the face. She held a half worried half apologetic expression. I began to rub the area that stung on my cheek.

"Egh- thank you. I rarely get like that, honestly. I just... really need sleep."

"Not a problem, and I can tell you need the sleep. Believe me. Takes one to know one."

I chuckled.

"You don't get much sleep either?"

"I actually do, but there are days where Equestria is in a state of disaster, often being attacked by others or odd things here and there."

"That's... rather unpleasant."

Seriously.

"Oh, it's usually under control. No worries. It doesn't hurt to be safe though."

"That's very good to know. Seriously. I actually don't know how I would react if some random dragon burst through the castle right now."

"Well, that should be the least of your worries then! Dragons are actually an independent race here, and are quite neutral with us." She smiled.

Well. I was joking, but that's good to know too. I smiled back.

"Ah. So what's the 'usual' kind of disaster?" I made air quotes.

"Hmmnnnothing too serious most of the time."

"Most of the time?"

"It's rare for anything to get out of hand really."

"Ohh, okay."

Sorry if I seem to be acting like a pussy, gosh. Don't blame a guy for not wanting to die, okay?

"Erm- Sorry, we went real off topic. I actually came here simply to tell you something."

"Oh? Shoot."

"I'm sorry?"

Queue awkward stare and stutter contest.

"Huh?"

"What you just said, I-"

"Oh! Oh oh, no it's just a thing we say, back where I'm from. Ugh- You're a princess, I'm sorry for using slang termin-"

"Ah! That's fine, honestly. I actually enjoy a little slang here and there. It's fun! Speaking so royally uptight to the nobles and such of Canterlot can sometimes be really... tedious."

"I can imagine." I'm not one for uptight snooty people. You don't wanna know me if you're a snooty prick. Believe me.

"Anyway, back to our subject before we go off topic again." She giggled. I threw in a chuckle.

"No worries, it's fun talking to you actually." I smiled. Eyyy, easygoing Chris is back! YES! She smiled back.

"So, Celestia invited a relative of our's to stay for a while. She'll be here soon, so don't be alarmed if you see some random mare walk in to Celestia's room."

"Oh! That's cool. What's her name?"

"Sunny Skies."

"Alrighty! I'll make sure to give her a nice hello and handshake."

"Hand... you mean, hoofshake?"

"...Heh, yeah. That."

Aaaand there goes my charm again. She giggled.

"I'm sure she'd like to meet you."

"Cool- Wait a second. Do we... tell her about me actually being aaaa...?"

"Oh, I think it's best if you-" She stopped in mid sentence, seemingly lost in a thought. She placed a hoof on her chin, her eyes wandering aimlessly.

"I guess not?" I tried suggesting. She finally snapped out of her mini trance, a small smile forming on her face slowly. For some reason, a little thought in my head shouted conspiracy from the way she smiled, but I shook it off quickly. She's a princess, come on.

"Nah. Just go with your pseudoname, Vallis." She winked.

"Mkay! Easier sparing another whole minutes-long explanation."

"Very well then, I'll see you another time!" She waved as she began to trot away.

"Likewise!" I waved back.

With that, I closed the door, making my way back to the balcony. I laid on my chair, propped my legs up, and sighed as I looked up to the night sky again. I closed my eyes, the sweet sound of a gentle breeze merely gliding over my face...

And now I can't sleep.

Okay. So, I can't sleep. What do I usually do? I watch movies until I pass out, or just stay up all night playing games and watching youtube videos until I pass out. None of those two exist here, so scratch that. What else do I do? When I'm REAL bored, I would just start tinkering with my car or bike. None of those exist here either, which is MUCH to my despair. Not even dirtbikes man. So what else? Well, I picked up a few pieces of paper and a pencil, and drew a random comic. I haven't done that in like... almost a decade, so that was somewhat nostalgic. Only killed like 20 minutes doing that though, so what else? Balancing the pencil on my snout to make it look like some mustache or something. I even began pointing up my nose in the air with the pencil as I trotted just to imitate those irritable high-society ponies around here for fun. I swear, this is probably how they practice walking 'perfectly' and 'gloriously'. Pencil on their nose.

Then I heard a rumble in my stomach.

"Ah. Dinner already?" I said aloud to myself. I looked over to my gilded clock that sat on the nightstand next to my bed. That's right, gilded. Be jealous. Be very jealous. Now, time to call up my personal servant maid pony person who I don't know how to call properly. I'd call her Jarvis, but as you can tell already by my context, it's a she. Would've been a great if I could've called my servant Jarvis though.

Be very, very jealous.

"Lilyyyy?" I called for her the first time today. I instantly heard a shuffling of hooves, followed by a very hearty gallop. Holy shit. She got here in 10 seconds flat. The white coated mare with a creamy yellow mane bowed, closing her eyes.

"Yes, master Scratch?"

"Oh nonono. Just call me Vallis please."

She looked up, only giving me a blink.

"Um... can you take me to the kitchen? I'm a bit hungry now."

"I can cook and bring you something?"

"No thank you, I prefer making my own food." I smiled at her offer.

"No no, a guest deserves to be treated as an equal to the princesses." She stomped her hoof mildly to get her point across.

"Hm... very well then. But I'll help you with the cooking."

"What? No-"

I closed the door behind me, pushing her to move on as I followed.

"C'mon, move along now! I get worse by the minute when I'm hungry!"

Wow. Just wow. Imagine, this poor maid has been so use to serving douchebag nobles to the point where she doesn't even know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She really asked me what it was. After dinner, I decided that a pb&j sandwich would've been a great desert, but now I'm teaching her how to make one. Not that I have a problem with that, it just humors me a little, and kind of frustrates me that the poor sweet mare never got to enjoy a simple yet delicious sandwich before. She held the butter knife in the peanut butter jar with her magic, absolutely static, waiting for the next command.

"Come on Lily. Sandwich. Peanut butter, and jelly. So, easy."

She seemed to be sweating now.

"I'm sorry master Scratch-"

"Vallis." I corrected.

"-Er, Vallis. I've never heard of this before, I simply can not make something that I've never heard of."

"But it's real simple!" I really wanted her to figure it out, pleading with my hooves to cheer her on. "Just think about it. Sandwich. Sandwiching things together. Peanut butter. Jelly."

She gulped, thinking for a second. Finally, with a slow movement, she scooped the peanut butter up, and placed it onto one slice of toast. She froze, and turned to look at me as she bit her lip. I smiled happily, nodding quickly to keep her going. She spread the peanut butter allover the slice of toast, and screwed the lid onto the peanut butter jar. She levitated the butter knife over to the jar of jelly now, scooping it up aswell, but froze again. I just nodded once more, same smile. She did the same with the other slice of toast, screwing the lid onto the jar of jelly afterwards. She sighed, and held the plate towards me as she bowed.

"One, peanut butter and jelly sandwich!"

I snickered.

"Nuh-uh."

She looked up at me in distraught. Lily stood up, looking at the two slices of bread frantically.

"Oh no, what did I do wrong?!"

"Shsh calm down, it's okay. Here, just look at me."

"Okay."

"Now do exactly, as I do."

"Mhm?"

I motioned with my forelegs to bring the slices up, touching my hooves together as if I had them. She simply stared.

"Exactly."

I motioned again.

"As I do."

Touched my hooves together.

"Exactly."

Motion.

"As I do."

Hooves together.

She looked at the two slices of toast, and then her hooves.

"Exactly... as you do."

She picked up one slice per hoof, and placed them slowly together. It stuck together, just like how it was always destined for. She placed the sandwich back down onto the plate, and looked back at me. I smiled, holding my hoof up for a fist/hoofbump. She bumped it, jumping giddily in place.

"Yes! I did it!" She giggled in delight.

"You did it!" I laughed, picking up the sandwich. I then held in towards her. "You take the first bite."

"Me? Oh, I can't. It's your desert."

"C'mon, a nice pony like you deserves it."

She smiled, but shook her head.

"Thank you... really, but no. It's your food-"

"C'mon Lily. You have to let your hair loose sometimes?"

She stared for a moment, and took a quick look around.

"May I?"

"Absolutely!"

She began to undo her ponytail, and shook her hair until it took form naturally to its usual manecut. Reminded me of someone that I've seen in the internet before, but I can't quite put my finger on it... like most other memories lately.

Anyway, I hung my head, somewhat not surprised that she took it literally. I have to stop using metaphors with these people. It's like they've lived in nowhere else but this city their entire lives.

"That's, not what I meant... but, I guess that works. Anyway, c'mon, take a bite." I held the sandwich to her once more. She stared at the sandwich, then me, then the sandwich again. She then smiled.

"...Thank you." Lily took a small bite.

YES! Also, I kind of wanted to laugh. I felt a little fucked up that I had to treat her like some zoo animal with food to make her my friend. Anyway, I awaited for her response. She only chewed, and swallowed.

"...It's so. Simple."

"Really? Oh well, everypony has their own tastes." Hm. A little disappointing, but ok. I took a casual bite out of my sandwich, shrugging.

"No, I like it!" She clapped her hooves together in delight.

"Oh? Awesome! Since we're already here, feel free making one for yourself." I suggested with a smile.

"Really? Thank you master Scra- I mean... Vallis." She smiled back.

Ahh, that warmed my ice cold stone heart a bit. I took another bite, making my way out of the kitchen. Oh, I just remembered something. I turned my head around as I trotted to give a small yet important tip.

"Oh, Lily dear. Don't forget to set down the timer for the toaster just a notch, or it'll overtoast your bread since it's already prehea-"

"Whoa!!" I heard a female voice shout right by my face as she almost bumped into me and my precious sandwich.

"Oh gees, my sandwich! So, close." I said more to the sandwich than anybody else. I quickly eyed the bright white coated mare, who was taller than the average mare now that I looked closely. In fact, she's up to my height. Eye level. Whoa, and she had quite the hefty amount of guards following her. She looks... very... important.

Better apologize. Like, now.

"S-sorry miss. I wasn't watching where I was going." I was expecting a typical snooty response, so I braced myself for it.

"That's alright sir, I wasn't exactly looking my way either."

...Do my ears deceive me?

"...Oh. Okay. Um, have a nice day miss." I gave a small awkward grin, hesitating to give a tiny wave. She giggled.

She giggled. No I did not type that twice by accident.

"I'm actually here for dinner."

"Oh? OH!" I felt like smacking myself as I moved out of the way. She giggled once more, and began making her way.

"Guards, you can go now."

"Yes ma'am."

As she watched them leave, she eventually moved her bright purple/dark pink eyes onto mine. I awkwardly stared back for a bit, grinning.

"I guess, I'll get going?"

"You're more than free to stay?"

"Uh-" I looked towards the dining section of the large room, and noticed that the large lengthy table was absolutely empty. Of course, it was an hour passed dinner. I slowly turned back to her.

"Sure!"

Well... she is pretty decent, compared to most ponies around here. Can't hurt to keep her company.

I finished my sandwich rather quickly, before the mare even got her appetizer. As she swallowed her first bite, I decided to think of ways to break the ice. It was going to be a lengthy dinner afterall, judging by the way she ate. I took a few glimpses from the corner of my eye at her as I tapped my hooves trying to do the cup song beat. Oddly enough, since I have hooves and what not, they sound alot like the cup beat if I tap them the right way. I still miss my hands...

As time passed, I began to notice her features were pretty flawless. Her light pink mane was utterly perfect, light reflecting off any part that it shone on. Her coat seemed really fluffy to touch, as short as it looked. Her stature and tone was practically supermodel-like, having curves extremely close to the princesses. I won't lie, she was... as awkward as it may sound coming from a once-human being... she was attractive. Oh, hold on. No way. Is she really?...

"I'm sorry for interrupting, but are you a super model?" I cocked an eyebrow to add to the effect. She simply blinked as she stared at me for what felt like minutes.

Oh. Shit. Unintentional flirty compliment. Oh fuck.

She began to giggle, eventually breaking into a small laugh.

"What?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"No, dear. I'm not. But thank you!" She recollected herself, and took another bite out of her meal. Jesus, even the way she ate was like... well trained high-society and proper n' shit. I felt like smacking myself for the second time today. I was on a losing streak for crying out loud; not thinking before speaking, and being flustered 24/7. Let's just... start simple. Names! That's right. Nothing more casual than the exchange of names.

"Um... sorry again, for interrupting."

"No, feel free to talk. It's why I invited you to stay afterall." She gave a warm grin.

"Heh. So, we've yet to introduce ourselves."

"Oh! Well, you first, if you'd like?"

"Right. Okay, so my name's Vallis Scratch, and I'm currently residing here in the castle. Y'know, just incase you're wondering why some random man-" COUGH "Stallion, is trotting around here."

...Close. Shave.

"Ah? Well, look's like you're going to be my roomate then!"

"Oh that's ni- Wait... what?" Hold the fucking phone is what I would've said, if I didn't have manners.

"Well, I mean, not actual roomate, but close enough. I'm staying with my cousin! Celestia!"

Cousin? OH SSSHHHHHH-IT.

"My name's Sunny. Sunny Skies!" She held her hoof out for a shake. I awkwardly shook it, trying my best to give a normal smile.

So. Quick recap.

I made myself look like a fool in front of Celestia already. That's one. Now I made myself look like an idiot in front of her cousin. That's two.

Two. From the royal family. In one day.

I quit.

Author's Note

Hope this is long enough of a chapter for all the wait!

Stay beautiful my friends. <3

I Have Never Slept in a Bed With Anyone Else

So. The rest of dinner was aight. I mean I totally went mute after she told me her name, akwardly staring into space with wide eyes. I recovered though, don't worry. So here we are, walking her up to Celestia's room. I feel fine now, all is good, and sleep is beginning to grasp me once more. Sunny and I have some brief conversations here and there, sleep preventing me from being the decent escort I'd like to be.

I yawn, scratching my face afterwards.

"I'm so sorry for being a bore, I'm just awfully tired right now. I've had a long day, and-"

She giggled, waving a hoof in midsentence.

"Oh save the excuses, when a stallion needs his sleep, he needs his sleep."

"Ah, thank you. You are epic, miss Skies."

"Sunny. Just Sunny would be nice." She smiled. Quite a radiant smile, this mare.

Just... like princess Celestia.

Hm...

Must run in the family.

Man, have I mentioned how fine she looks? I mean, for the second time I know it's kinda wrong that I'm a human and all, but it's true. It'd be really interesting to see how exactly she'd look if she were to be transformed into a human somehow. She wasn't exactly 'super model' thin, which is just another way of saying thin as a toothpick. Blehk, I honestly don't find that attractive. But no, she had just the right amount of it all. Nice face, beautiful eyes, fantastic smile, gorgeous hair, and blah blah. Now, I know you want me to go a little more with the description and say if her... ahem... 'body' and 'rear end' look err... 'slender' or 'firm' or something along those lines. No.

Bad anon. Bad. Respect the ladies. This story will not go into that side. So go fap off your desires and come back when you're ready. I'll wait.

...Done already? That was too quick, anon. Tisk tisk, what about the lady? Always return the favor.

Anyway. Back to Sunny and I.

"So, Sunny. I beg your pardon, but eh... I just really like clearing the air. I never enjoy having things floating around my head, haunting me all the time and such. So, I'm sorry for nearly knocking you down... and for also, being such a cruddy companion while you ate. Y'know, being akward, freezing up and all." Now, I don't know why, but being tired and preparing for sleep just puts me in that chill mood where everything is just... easy. Like, if I'm stoned or something.

...That actually would explain the massive cases of munchies I always get.

"Oh, don't be ridiculous. Only an ass would demand an apology for being awkward. Besides, awkward is fun." She giggled again.

I shot a quick glance at her, chuckling. It humored me to hear such 'casual' words slip out like that from the mouth of royalty.

"...I'll say it again, Miss Skies. You are epic."

"Sunny." She corrected.

Now I'm being like my servant.

"Eh- sorry. Sunny."

"Thank you." She smiled.

So after no more than a minute or so, we finally arrived to the doors of our rooms, and gave each other a last wave.

"G'night Sunny. Sleep well." I yawned, trying to open my quite feisty door. It didn't want to open, the cheeky dickwaffle.

"Likewise Vallis. Also, it appears your door is locked." She giggled.

I blinked, looking at the knob one moment, then to her the next. I looked back to the knob, giving it one more twist. It refused to budge of course. Then, due to being extremely deprived of sleep, I finally processed what she said and covered my eyes out of embarrassment.

"Oh. The key. It's locked, of course." I reached to the top of the mahogany door frame, swiping the key from there and inserting it into the lock. I twisted it open, and the door gave away without any effort. I heard a giggle from the royal guest.

"Sleep tight, Vallis. You'll need it." She smiled. I blushed mostly out of embarrassment, smiling back. It's as if this very mare stole my usual charm all this time, because I haven't even had a single moment to act decent all day. I made my way into my room, closing the door behind me, yawning once more as I made my way to my sweet, soft bed. I practically flopped onto the bed, lazily slipping the covers over me. Once I found my relaxed position in bed, I sunk my stiff spine into the infinitely soft bed; groaning in pain and bliss at the same time. Munchies are taken care of, nothing else to do, all is done.

"Lights out." I barely muttered, but was glad the enchanted room could audibly hear it. The lights went out, and darkness filled it in less than a blink of an eye. This room... like I said, is too epic for you to even get a description. I mean I'm obviously just pulling your leg, I could give a description... but I mean let's be brutally honest. We all skim those parts of the story when someone goes into detail about the stupid sofa/chair/table/bookcase/windows/floors/etc.

Although, feel free to picture an epic room with nothing but the best of everything. It's not that hard. A fancy desk here, super soft exotic foam type of mattress thing there. Royalty.

And man, do I feel like it.

Ahh... and here comes the best part.

Consciousness slipping... weird dream-like pictures and thoughts coming in...

Knock Knock

...

Funny. I think the universe is trying to see if I'm capable of flipping shit.

I remove the covers, taking a deep breath; and walk to the door. To avoid making the same mistake with Luna, I rub my eyes and smile. I open the door, the light of the corridor blinding me a bit. Surprise surprise, it was royalty that knocked on my door.

"Oh, Sunny..." I cover my mouth as I feel a large yawn come up.

"I'm terribly sorry for disturbing."

"No, no worries..." I yawn again, waving a hoof. "What's the matter?"

"Well, see, Celestia left me a key, but I forgot that the guards were suppose to give it to me. No doubt they're all the way in their barracks now, and that's outside of castle grounds... which, is quite a long walk."

...Oh man... I sense a favor coming up...

I'll just get it over with.

"Want me to get it?" I suggested.

"Oh, no no! Plus, you look terribly exhausted, and I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that I sent you out there to get some dumb key."

"Oh, okay, err... so what's the plan?"

"Well, honestly... I'm just too lazy at the moment to do it myself. Can I just sleep with you?"

...I have never slept in a bed with anyone else. Specially, a female. Shut up. I don't mean it that way. I mean that I seriously never shared a bed with anyone else.

But yes... even in that way.

Now, imagine letting some acquaintance that you met half an hour ago who is related to royalty, and quite intimidatingly gorgeous, sleep in the same bed as you after all the years of your lifetime so far being comfortable with just you, and only you, in your own bed. Pure, uber, awkwardness.

That rocked my world wide awake, my eyes going wide. I could feel my heartbeat rise clearly as I stood there, dumbfounded with how she trusted me; a mere acquaintance, to sleep with her in the same bed. Also, I was slightly nervous if someone were to walk in and get the wrong idea...

No. I had to say no. It must be done. I took a deep breath in.

"Sure, not a problem!"

'NO!'

"Oh, you have no idea how much I appreciate it. Thank you."

...Heh...

Here I am.

In... the same bed as princess Sunny Skies.

As she sleeps away while I awkwardly stay awake, look at the cieling.

Did I mention that my mattress is only a full size?

As in, 'Barely fit for two'?

Also, the mattress oddly dips in the center.

Y'know, like, for only one person.

So yeeaaah. I can feel her side touching against mine.

Since we like, both awkwardly sinked into the middle as she fell asleep.

I don't know if I should be blushing, or feeling awkward.

Uh oh. She's turning.

She's turning.

Now she's facing my direction.

Now... she's, holding me.

I'm just laying here as stiff as a rock now.

Holding my breath.

SHE'S SNUGGLING NOW.

Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh

What. Do. I do.

...

Fuck it. It's just this night.

...Besides. She's pretty nice.

Author's Note

Just a short one.

Let the predictions... roll in.

Wink wink.

Octavia Philha- Phalhi- Philar- ..Who Now?

Author's Note

For this story, I made a piano track just for Octavia's scene. Once you see the green highlighted words:

"Finally, she began to play the keys."

Click it to open in a different tab, read over the scene as the music plays, and simply listen! You can read along with the text/track time with the little time stamps I'll provide of what point in the song it's at, so you can read in time with the music. Also, yes, the piece was entirely done by me. So no, I don't have to give credit to jack shit. xD

Oh, but you can be a joykill and not go along with my music and just read through the text. But what fun is there in that?

I'm just pulling your leg xD
Do watchu want bros! Choice is yours.

(NOTE: Mobile users, sorry if you're not able to listen and read at the same time. If you'd like, just hear the piece first, then read afterwards? Or maybe even save this chapter to read later until you get your hands on a computer?)

Octavia Philha- Phalhi- Philar- ..Who Now?

POV: 3rd Person

It's an early morning, and everypony (plus human and dragon) was at the dining room, waiting for their breakfast. The whole set was there; Celestia, Luna, Chris, Joel, Twilight, and her assistant Spike. All, except Sunny Skies. Of course, only Chris was the one to notice more than anyone else at the table, since he woke to find that he was alone, rather than being sleep-snuggled by Sunny. He finally decided to bring it up, since it was a bit too quiet. That, and everyone was still kind of groggy.

"Have you guys seen Sunny? She's been gone since morning." He blurted.

"Who?" Joel inevitably responded, obviously not knowing who it was.

"Just a relative of mine that I invited," Celestia responded politely, yawning as she covered her mouth. "She really enjoys going outside for food, cafes in particular for breakfast."

"Ohh, gotcha." Chris fiddled with his hooves, casually looking around. Eventually, he spotted Luna, who lazily had her head on top of her forelegs on the table. Much like your average sleep deprived highschool student trying to get some sleep on those horrid school tables. He thought for a second whether he should leave her alone or not, but spoke up once again to avoid the awkward silence.

"Luna, you okay there?" He reached over to her side of the table, gently waving a hoof in front of her eyes which seemed to be lost in a world of their own. Eventually, she snapped out of it.

"Hm? Oh, yes. I'm fine..." She yawned in midsentence. "I just had a hard time sleeping after having the most odd dream in quite a while. It was so vivid too."

"Would you like to share?" Celestia suggested with a gentle grin.

"Ehh... it's a bit foggy, but.. I remember being on this type of.." She paused to think for a second. "Show."

Everyone was intrigued at this point, all eyes on her.

"There was a host. An audience, and some odd things here and there that were pointing at me and the host. He interviewed me, and it was fun to be honest." Another yawn. "Oh! They also let me do what was called... a 'hotlap' in their... oh for crying outloud." She struggled to remember.

"That's.. truly an interesting dream, Luna." Celestia subtly cocked an eyebrow. "Just keep going if you can't remember a certain part."

Chris was eating this up. It was somewhat uncanny for him, as he started to think about how it sounded alot like the TV show he use to watch alot, 'Top Gear'.

"Did they put your lap time up on a board aswell, and show you and the audience footage of your hotlap?" He smirked jokingly.

"Ah! Yes! Er- How did you... know?" She stopped and thought for a moment. "Hold on a second." She pointed her hoof at Joel, causing him to return a quizzical expression. She then floated her hoof over to Chris, ending it with a quizzical stare of her own.

"They... were your kind."

Joel and Chris looked at each other for a long moment. Then, an idea formed in the once-human's mind. If she answered this correctly, he swore the hairs on his neck were going to stand.

"And the hosts name was... Jeremy-" He motioned his a hoof in a manner that asked for the princess to finish the sentence. And that she did.

"Clarkson! Clarkson was his last name!" She responded almost immediately. Like Chris thought, he felt goosebumps. That was no coincidence. For a moment, everyone was lost. The two however; Luna and Chris, were on the same page now.

"We're... definitely having a chat after breakfast. Aren't we." said the white stallion, as if it were fact. As if on queue, a bunch of servants brought the large breakfast, easily serving everyone at the table in no more than 10 seconds flat. They stood at attention behind everyone, awaiting for command.

"Yes." Luna acknowledged.

With that, they began eating.

POV: Chris

...After breakfast...

"So, yes, I'm able to 'dreamwalk', as you say. Although, not many know about it. Even Celestia doesn't know much about it. It's just a thing I was able to do ever since I was a young filly." Luna finished.

"Right, but, how does that experience of yours being at Top Gear sound so... authentic? I mean, even if you could dreamwalk into my dream, I've never had that experience myself. Only by watching it through TV, like I mentioned before." I countered.

"You know what... I'm not sure myself. Maybe I'll be able to remember how it all started in the first place as the day goes by. I'll let you know if I do." She smiled as she began to get up off the seat, but sat back down quickly. "Oh, I almost forgot to mention something."

"Hm? I hummed.

"Last night, I sent a letter to a musician in Canterlot. I've been aware of your slight anxiety from missing your... usual appendages." She smiled.

'...My hands... Sigh.'

"Mhm?" I acknowledged.

"She's an earth pony, which what you are at the moment." She pointed a hoof at me. "But, she possesses a skill which no other of her race has. In fact, it's the very reason why she's the only musician that is an earth pony."

"Huh. What would that be?" I questioned.

"You should get going now. She's at the Canterlot music hall, which is right in the middle of town. She's expecting you to be there at around 9 a.m. You've got about..." We both looked at the clock on the wall. 15 minutes.

I better get going. I have a thing about always being on time. Sharp. I hate to make bad impressions.

I practically leaped off my chair, opening her bedroom door into the corridor, but stopped as I remembered something.

She dodged my question.

"Wait, what does this have to do with helping me?" I turned my head.

"Oh, you'll see." She only smiled, and closed the door.

Oh, another thing.

I don't even know where this fucking place is.

Right, okay. So, Luna isn't that massive of a troll. She had a guard waiting to escort me to the music hall, which we got to with 3 minutes to spare. I mean, sure, we bumped over alot of ponies on the way (like I care about those pricks though), and I think I may have knocked someone's coffee allover their face... but atleast I'm on time. Here we were, the guard and I, outside of the Canterlot music hall. Quite a swanky place it was too.

"Dude, huge thanks." I panted as I faced towards the guard. He simply saluted.

"Not a problem, master Vallis. I'll be waiting out here." He replied, standing at attention.

Nah. Not this 'master' bullshit again.

I held out my hoof, to which he only stared at.

"C'mon bro. Bump it." I offered.

He stared at me for a long moment, before taking a quick glance around to see if anypony was looking at us in particular. Then, he gave a small grin, and bumped it. I smiled like an idiot. I always enjoy putting a smile on people's faces.

"I'll see you in a bit, uhh- what's your name?" I asked.

"Silverback, sir. But, just Silver would be fine."

"Right. Just Vallis would be nice, Silver. Deal?"

He grinned again.

"Deal."

Soon as I entered the theater, first thing I noticed was how fresh it was in here. I don't know if it's just me, but that seems to be a common thing in places like these? Theaters, music hall, broadway, what have you. They're all always fresh in the inside? Eh, I digress. I began looking around the empty theater, only to find a grand piano sitting by itself on stage. Everything was dark, save for the stage, which only had a large spotlight shining upon the piano. Very dramatic, but I mean it's a theater. It's to be expected. I then heard a few hoofsteps walking on the soft rug isle behind me. I turned to find a mare approaching me with a smile.

"Oh, are you the guest sent by the princess herself?" She asked as she held out a hoof for a shake. I shook it of course, and smiled back. First thing I noticed were the circular glasses that were sitting at the end of her muzzle. Classy. Of course, we have to be classy in Canterlot.

"Yeah, that'd be me. Are you um... who I came here for?" I gave the mare a quick scan, even though I didn't know how she was supposed to look like.

"Oh no no," She giggled. "I'm her manager. Octy is behind the stage at the moment. She's the only one up there, so she's hard to miss." She giggled once more. "She enjoys having the theater to herself. It's why she likes coming here very early."

'Octy? Is that her name?'

"Oh, gotcha. Thanks!" I shook her hoof once again.

"Not a problem dear!" She replied with a tone of genuine kindess.

Finally. Someone decent in this town.

Just as I turned around, I quickly noticed the mare now sitting behind the piano on the stage, lifting up the cover off the keys. I stood there in silence, and felt a hoof touch my shoulder. I turned to face the manager again.

"Um... I hope you don't mind, but... she's going to do her... morning 'exercise'. She really prefers to be undisturbed until she's done." She said with a very quiet tone. Not questioning why, I lowered my voice aswell.

"Morning exercise?" I asked.

"Yes. It's her way of saying... 'getting it to flow'. Her music, that is."

"Ah. Alright then, I'll just sit until she finishes I guess?"

"That'd be nice, dear. Bye now!" She smiled and waved as she trotted up the isle. I waved back with a smile of my own, and made my way quickly (but quietly) to one of the front row plush high-class theater seats. Lord, the seats make up for the douchebaggery of these townfolk. Yeeessss, they're that comfy.

Whoa. Are these seats heated, or is my ass trippin'?

Shck

The sound of the piano stool sliding forward caught my attention, my eyes now on the grey coated mare. Her mane was almost jet black, her lavender/purple eyes completely focused on the piano's keys. She simply sat there for a long while, until she slowly lifted her left hoof up to hover over the middle of the piano.

Wait a minute.

That's right.

She's an earth pony.

No magic, no wings, just hooves and a cutie mark.

I unconsciously leaned forward a bit. My interest was definitely piqued now. What exactly was this skill of her's?

She moved her hoof left and right slighty over and over, until she stopped, and closed her eyes. Finally, she began to play the keys.

She was holding her hooves over the keys as they played, hovering by only inches as she made the movements left and right with that fluent motion of a real pianist as if she had...

Fingers.

This had to be her skill, as mind boggling as it was. The keys weren't even making contact with her hooves, yet they were being played with practically invisible fingers or something. For now, I'm chalking it up to magic.

What amazes me though, is the way she was doing this like nothing.

There's no way this is her getting her 'flow' on.

[0:14]It's raw. Coming straight from her heart and mind.

There aren't any music sheets.

Oh Christ.

It's as if she's warming up or something. That's... impressive.

Gees. Her finger coordination (if that's even possible) is ridiculous.

I haven't felt this appreciation for music in the longest of time.

[0:48]I can hear that piece of flamenco going on there.

Just... raw. Like I said. She simply does it.

Like nothing.

[1:02]Leaving that chord hanging...

...transitioning flawlessly to her style again.

[1:13]High notes, stroking the keys down the scale little by little...

[1:34]Oh lord, this is... this is just plain toccata. She has to be showing off.

Again, so pure.

The hairs on my neck are standing.

The reverb in this large theater definitely suits it well.

I can only sit here and admire.

[1:55]It reminds me just a little of bach. Sometimes.

[2:05]Then, back to simplicity. It can be just as beautiful.

[2:29]...Is... Is that?

No.

That's definitely Beethoven.

...How.

Beethoven was born in Germany.

This is... this is Equestria.

Maybe it could be coincedence.

Music can vary only so much.

[3:30]Wait, no. That's unmistakably Beethoven.

That sounds an awful lot like Moonlight Sonata. Hands down.

How does she know.

Questions... I definitely have questions now.

[4:00]Regardless... I stood still until the last note. Absolutely flawless. Everything. The way she played it, not a single note off key, not a single screw up. Impeccable.. clearly a gift.

[Close the link tab now.]

Although, there are definitely some questions now. What was up with that Beethoven insertion?..

"How was that?" She spoke up, grinning at me as she witnessed my hypnotized state. Her expression was mellow, but in a good way. Her stare didn't feel piercing, it was calm and easygoing. Her grin wasn't subtle, it was simply a calm grin.

Well, her entirety is pretty much mellow too. That's a perfect way of describing it.

I broke out of my trance, chuckling at how obvious it must've been that I zoned out pretty hardcore as she played.

"Well, you had me locked under your spell real good." I chuckled even more.

'Please. I beg of you, keep playing.' Is more of what I really wanted to say.

She smiled.

"I'm glad you enjoyed. It's been a while since I've had a one pony audience." She slid the keyboard's wooden cover back on. "I assume you're the pony that I'm waiting for?"

"Yep. That'd be me."

"Well, I'll have you know that this will take more than just one shot."

"...Playing the piano, or learning to do what you did there to actually play the piano?" I joked. She laughed, thankfully. It was good to know she had a sense of humor.

"The latter, my friend. The latter." She stood up from her seat, gently pushing it in.

"Right. I figured there'd be a catch." I pursed my lips. I then stood up from my seat aswell, making my way up to the stage; finally seeing her eye to eye. She held out her hoof, which I grabbed. "So, do I have to introduce myself or do you alread-"

"Yes, I was told everything. From when you were found to the very purpose of why you're here." She shook my hoof gently, smiling.

Wow. This one is definitely a card. She's handling it like a boss.

"Oh... heh. So, your name, if you don't mind then?" I asked.

"Octavia Philharmonica."

Ooo... that's a mouthful. Now that I'm counting, that's way more syllables than my full name... and I've always been the one to have the longest name out of everyone I knew. Until now, of course.

"Octavia Philha-... erm. Philher- Pha-... Oh my g-"

"Now now, one letter at a time." She chuckled.

"Octavia, Phil-har-mo-ni-ca." I pronounced each syllable seperately. "Erm... I'm not going to try that again. Nice to meet you, Octavia." I smiled.

"Likewise." She bowed her head slightly. Such proper attitude she has. It suits her pretty well, not bad really. Although, I hate to say it, but I can see through people, and this one isn't real.

We got a tryhard here. Mhm. Dis lady, definitely not born 'ere. Well, that's the mean way of putting it. But no, she's definitely not from around here. Pft.

And I've only been here for 1 day.

Although, living in a town like this? I'm sure even I would tone down a bit after living around here for a while. Maybe I'd even learn their mannerisms, although ignoring the ever so charming douchebag-like one's, and try finding a few decent ponies around here. Make some friends. Settle down. Hell, even find a nice little job at a cafe or something, and in the end, if I feel like it... have a few kids too. Y'know?

...Pshh... Can't believe you bought that bullshit for a second.

"Well, whenever you're ready, Octy." I grinned. At first, she made it seem like she found it aggrivating; cocking an eyebrow slightly as she lifted her head up a bit. I only stared her down though, keeping my smile up.

Ah-ah-ah. I saw that. She almost cracked a grin. It was microscopically subtle, but I saw that.

I couldn't help but smile even more.

"A sharp one you are, Chris." She replied.

Then, with patience... she smiled back.

Just imagine a little happy face like this on me right now.

Discord

Author's Note

OHOHO!

What is this? The best thing ever, that's what it is! A WHOLE chapter dedicated to our (atleast for the most of us) favorite villain, Discord! Here's the somewhat average day of Discord, although now with some new "spices" chucked in. The "spices" obviously being your favorite two idiots, Joel and yours truly. Dyuh.

Bon appetite. The next couple of chapters are going to be nothing but JUICYYYY!!

Also, for like the millionth time... sorry about the supremely late chapter. I've been feeling burnt almost everyday, so trying to get this done was honestly a mission. I'm chalking it up to the winter blues, because it's been nothing but snow snow snow over here in NJ.

I hate snow, just incase you didn't know.

P.S: This is how old this chapter is. I wrote this Author's Note back when it was still snowing like all hell. Talk about severe lack of motivation ._.
Anyway, let's hope I don't go silent for months again. I'm being serious, keep me alive guys. Comment, share, idk. Anything!

Again, I'm being serious.

Peace errybodeh! Oh, and stay beautiful as always. <3

Discord

POV: 3rd Person

...Not that long ago...

The very moment the white stallion left galloping with a royal guard through the front gates of the castle, Discord popped in from whatever dimension he usually resided in; lazily scratching his chin as he rotated slowly in midair to witness the random guest leave. Whatever they were in a hurry for, they certainly were oblivious to the distinguishable appearance of Discord. Cocking an eyebrow, he shrugged and gave a long lasting stretch; groaning as he tried to give his mismatching body that one last extra inch to stretch and crack his joints.

"Ohoho!- OAH" He gave a high pitched yelp as he felt a certain portion of his spine pop. After wincing in his usually dramatic behavior, he snapped his fingers; popping right into the castle's kitchen. He poured himself a chocolate milk of glass, drank it in one large casual gulp, and flung the chocolate milk into the trash bin. He sighed in bliss as if he drank from the nectar of the heavens itself, patting his stomach with content.

"One of those everyday should help me put up with the next few days of sass and nagging."

Just as he exited the kitchen, he noticed a fairly tall bipedal creature rubbing its eyes as it yawned in the distance of the large hallway. After rubbing his eyes himself, he stared at the creature once more. He couldn't help but cock an eyebrow now.

"Random citizen pony running with a guard? A creature which I haven't seen in years casually roaming the royal castle?" He stroked his lengthy goatee for a moment.

"...Have I been sleepwalking again?"

After a long moment of thinking, he snapped out of his trance; looking down to the bipedal creature that we know as Joel, who was now looking up at him with a neutral expression. They easily had a good foot or two in height difference.

"Ehm-... Hi, Discord?" Joel heightened his pitch at the end, obviously unsure whether he should even be greeting him or not. Discord, for once being on the receiving side of a mindfuck, slightly hung his jaw as his left bottom eyelid stuck up.

"And then the random creature walks up to me and casually says hello-Do I know you?" Discord asked as straightforwardly as possible.

For a second, the puerto rican raised his finger, but then slowly swung it back down. He was smiling now.

"No. But I know everything about you, Discord."

The draconequus shot a quizzical look.

"Everything. Discord."

Discord still held his quizzical stare, causing Joel to lose his smile as he smacked himself on the forehead.

"Never mind." He waved a hand as he began to walk off.

Discord, still being somewhat confused, shook his head as he snapped his fingers; teleporting right into his path.

"Hey- Hold on now!" He held both his mismatching arms out. "Who are you, and what's going on? What did I miss?"

"Okay, for a second I thought about telling you everything, but knowing how you are and what you do..." He pretended to be in deep thought for a second. "No."

"What? But- No- You-" Discord was baffled by the extremely blunt and stubborn attitude he was receiving from this random stranger. It was somewhat irritating him now.

"Do you know who I am?!"

"Spirit of Chaos, turned to stone twice, and ever so charming. Yeah, I kind of admired you for your hilarious antics and what not, but that was back when I had..." Joel furrowed his eyebrows a bit, trying to keep it as vague as possible. "...Distance, from this all. Although, now that I'm face to face with you, I remember how risky you can actually be. So, if I can just be on my way now-"

Discord's left bottom eyelid stuck up once more, jaw hanging again. So, he pretty much did know everything about him.

"Oh- Come on now. I'm not that shifty. I've changed, you can ask the princesses themselves!" He tried pleading.

"No bro, my decision has been made. I don't trust you."

"Well how on Equestria am I suppose to show you that you can if you won't let me?"

"I don't know? Surprise me?"

Wait a minute. Discord is the spirit of chaos. Why was he even taking this unnecessary attitude from a complete stranger?

"Wait, no- hold on now. You're going to tell me everything that I missed, and who you are, starting this very moment!" He stuck a finger down forcefully, obviously not in a mood to play anymore.

"Why?"

"Because I said so!"

"Why?"

"W-...What do you mean why?!"

"So?"

"Spirit of Chaos!"

"So?"

"I demand answers!"

Discord began to throw a fit.

"Why?"

"BECAUSE! I'm confused!"

"So?"

He begins ripping his goatee off repetitively, regrowing it everytime.

"SO?! I need clarification!"

"Really?"

"YES really!"

"The spirit of chaos wants to make sense out of a situation?"

"YES!!"

"...That doesn't make sense."

"BECAUSE IT'S COMPLICATED!!"

"Explain."

"NO!!"

"Then why do you wanna know?"

"STOP IT!!"

"Stop what?"

He flew over into Joel's face, pointing a claw into it.

"THAT!!"

"So you don't want to know?"

"WOULD YOU JUST BE QUIET FOR ONE SEC-"

"Then how will you know?"

"BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO-"

"Be a child?"

"OH OKAY NOW, LISTEN HERE-"

Discord stopped dead in his tracks, took a deep breath, and sighed. He then chuckled for a second, now realizing what Joel was doing.

"Well played, truly. That was quite the clever act really, I haven't met a troll in the longest of times. Needless to say, I was caught off guard, but I got your act now. Very well played." He began clapping. "Perhaps another day we shall have a challenge? Or maybe even a prank war, if that sounds good to you?"

"Sure?" Joel cocked an eyebrow.

"Very well, pal! That can be arranged whenever you'd like! So how about you tell me what's going on? Hm?" Discord smiled, fluttering his eyelashes as he held both his hands together.

"Nah." Joel said in a simple tone. Discord's eye twitched.

"Oh, I've just about had it with you!-" He thrusted one of his claws right in front of Joel's face, preparing to do quite a hard snap.

"I wouldn't dothatifIwereyou." Joel stated as quickly as he could, backing up his head as he closed one eye.

"What? Name one reason why I shouldn't."

"I'm living here, under the watchful eyes of the princesses."

Discord's pupil's shrunk to the size of pinpricks.

"Lies."

"Nope. Oh, and so is my friend."

Discord thought for a moment, slowly putting a few pieces together.

"Would he happen to be the white stallion whom I just saw running out with a guard?"

"White stallion with a two toned messy blue mane? Yep."

Discord opened his mouth as he prepared to ask more questions, but quickly closed it knowing that there would be no answers. After a few more moments of hesitation as he tried thinking of ways around, Discord backed up from the human; a clearly annoyed expression written allover the draconequus's face. He held up a claw.

"You totally had this planned from square one. Didn't you." Discord grumbled. Joel simply nodded with a smile. The draconaquus dragged his paw down his face, sighing afterwards.

"Arrivederci." Discord growled through his teeth.

With that, he snapped his fingers and disappeared.

Joel released his long held breath.

"Thank god that worked."

After grumbling to himself for what felt like countless minutes, Discord decided to take a stroll through Canterlot. The citizens were already use to seeing the reformed draconequus walking around casually, a (very) few friendly ones even giving him a nod as he walked by. He didn't care much for the repulsive-mannered citizens of the city, but the few decent ones always lightened up his mood slightly. Of course, he never showed it much. Or never admitted it to himself either.

At this point, he already knew what was the only thing that was going to satisfy his crummy mood. It was rare for him to ever do this, and every time he did; he usually had to be very upset. He stopped in front of his destination. Reading the sign outloud, he grinned.

"Ahh, Bunnyside Cafe." He always thought the name could use a change, just like how the rest of Equestria could in the mind of Discord. Though, that wasn't what he came for of course. This was the only cafe that would serve completely customizable coffee beverages. Even specific chaotic recipes, just how Discord liked it. Once again however, there was more to the reason why he came to this cafe than that.

He opened the door; the cliche bells ringing as he walked in. Everything inside was relatively still and silent; the low sound of the ponies chattering, the quiet smooth jazz adding to the ambience, and so on. You'd think it would all practically disgust Discord.

Well, it did. Atleast, when he visited the first time. Afterwards however, it was tolerable.

But there was one thing that Discord did enjoy, which made it all completely worth it in his view. He walked over to the counter, leaning over to see his favorite barista. There she was as always at this time of day, trying to get one of the broken coffee machines to work. Always determined to get it work, she always said. He couldn't help but smile as he propped his head up with his forearm on the counter, waiting for the bright lavender mare to notice him. Eventually, after a double take, she practically leaped upwards with a smile.

"Oh! Discord, wow. I haven't seen you in forever!" She piped up as she trotted over to the counter.

"Salutations, Turvy! And I know. I was on vacation on a cruise ship! Although, it was cut short. See, what happened was-" He blinked for a second, realizing he was about to give away some... important details.

"Erm, long story short, someone replaced a large amount of the ship's food with... cotton candy. I for one enjoyed it, but everypony else was absolutely disgusted by it. So, we returned in the same week we left. Party poopers." He rolled his eyes.

The mare blew a stray strand of her puffy dark purple/white mane off her face, giggling at how obvious it was that Discord was behind it all.

"Ohh Discord..." She shook her head, though clearly smirking.

"What? It most certainly was not me!" He feigned being hurt, crossing his arms as he turned his back to her. He peeked over his shoulder, turning back around as he leaned in closely to her. "Was it obvious?"

"Psh." She snickered. "Please, I know you better than anypony else."

They shared a light chuckle, the draconequus looking into the carefree eyes of Topsy Turvy. He couldn't help but just remember. Everytime he looked into her lavender eyes, he could only remember how they never looked the same after his worldwide... incident. His smile died a little, shrinking into a small grin as he tried to casually sniff.

"So, the Discord special as always, right?"

"Hm?- Oh! Yes yes, of course. The usual." The draconequus snapped out of his absent mindedness. After no more than 20 seconds, she trotted back with his beverage in one hoof. Perfect as always; his 'special brew' steaming hot in an ice cream cone, little umbrella, and pink foam on top. She handed it to him casually, which always brought a small feeling of joy within Discord. She was always unfazed by his actions, decisions, behaviors, and even his ridiculous requests. It was as if nothing really changed from before, only now that she was more... 'normal'. Just another among the many other ponies now. He took a quick glance at the top of her head, which held only her puffy mane. No silly spinny hat. A small, but painful reminder.

"That'll be 5 bits!" She chirped happily.

He slid the bits over to her side on the counter, and took a sip of his beverage.

'Oh, absolutely horrible. Nothing but a mess of flavors that don't go well with each other at all... Perfect.' He thought to himself as he grinned. He began making his way out, already halfway done with his hot beverage.

"It was nice seeing you again Discord!" She quickly waved to him as he opened the door. He gave a small wave back, smiling gently.

"Toodles!" He turned around, and stepped outside; inhaling deeply. For a long while it seemed that he wouldn't exhale, though he eventually gave a simple sigh. He held a paw on his chest, as if it would heal the small ache that resided in there.

"Toodles... my dear, Screwball." He gave a mellow smile to his reflection in the dark opaque drink.

After a short moment, he noticed something was... off, about it. Reaching his thumb and index claw inside the cone, he felt around until he found a small object inside. Pulling it out, he took a close look at the almost microscopic object.

He chuckled lightly.

"A fortune cookie? Why on earth-" He cracked it open, finding something other than a fortune ticket inside. Taking a closer look at the even smaller object, he almost squeed; gently blowing on the little propeller of the microscopic spinny hat.

You're still my Screwball...

After being left in his mellow mood for most of the day, he took a few naps, read a few comics, and played with some clouds as he wrote silly messages in the sky; the reactions of the ponies of Canterlot amusing Discord greatly. Oddly enough though, Celestia didn't come to rain on his parade after the last stunt. Or after writing some small words on Celestia's door which she always called 'graffiti'. Or after he left a thumb tack on her throne earlier that day, to which he expected a furious Celestia to chase him down as he would cackle madly with delight afterwards. Unfortunately, none of that happened, causing the entire day to be an utter drag from square one, starting with the odd fellow who had the nerve to disrespect him.

Discord scratched his nose with his tail as he waited outside of the dining room, the time being 5:50 p.m. 10 minutes right before any meal on the dot, just like how her royal highness clearly stated if he ever wanted to partake in breakfast, lunch, or dinner with Celestia and Luna. As if it were any different from any average meal.

...Well, actually, it was... Plus, he really enjoyed getting cheesecake for dessert afterwards.

...Meanwhile...

"Oh, it was absolutely fun. Today was an absolute breath of refreshment, Luna." Celestia smiled as she trotted on her way with her sister to the dining room, still in her disguise as Sunny Skies.

"I'm absolutely thrilled to hear that, Sunny!" Luna smiled aswell, a little part inside her actually enjoying the roleplaying, even though it was just Celestia that was truly roleplaying. It reminded her of their fillyhood together, when everything was absolutely perfect. No stress, no fights, nothing. Just pure love, and happiness. After all that's happened however, she was beginning to feel that things were slowly going back to those days again. Her smile could only grow as she thought.

"Would you like to share any stories?" Luna asked.

"Sure, but I need to keep some to share for the boys at the table aswell!" She giggled.

"Oh, how thoughtful! I'm sure they'd be interested in hearing."

The two idiots snickered and chuckled, their immature giggles echoing throughout the entire corridor as they made their way to the dining room. The white stallion had a piece of tissue in one of his nostrils, and a few obvious bruises on the left side of his body. Joel couldn't help but laugh to point where he had to crawl. He himself had a few straps of cloth over his left forearm that had some small bloodstains, and a very thin linear bruise on his forehead.

"Oh my god, I still can't get over it." Joel mused with a cracked voice. He began his second laughing fit right after.

"Shut up, just shut up-" Chris couldn't hold it anymore either, as he dropped onto the ground and began a laughing fit of his own.

"I- I told you! I TOLD you!" Joel pointed at him, laughing in between breathes. "Just because you're a pony doesn't mean you know jack shit about carrying people! More importantly, UP A STAIRCASE!!"

"Fuck you, I totally had it until you slapped my ass motherfucker- HAHAHA" At this point they sounded like smokers laughing.

"Shshshsh, hold on, wait a minute." Joel stopped, placing a finger over his lips to hush his best friend.

For a moment, there was deep silence in the halls.

Then a beautiful sound reverberated down the spacious corridors of the castle.

They totally lost their shit afterwards.

"Princess Luna! Why so surprised to see me?" Discord chuckled under his breath as he saw the princess approach with a guest. Both Luna and the guest held semi shocked expressions.

"Oh, who's this?" He took a close look at the youthful mare that stood beside Luna.

"Oh, just er- nopony that you should really worry about. A relative of the royal family."

"CELESTIA!" Ignoring Luna; Discord shouted outloud, shocking both ponies. At first they were confused as they looked back and forth from one another, until they saw the smile that formed on his face. "Thousands of years starting to feel like too much on you, sunbutt?"

"Oh great." Celestia dragged a hoof down her face. Luna could only sit quietly and watch from behind.

"Oh, it's totally understandable!" Discord grinned, although obviously a mischievous one. "A midlife crisis is always to be expected." He then gasped melodramatically.

"Discord-"

"Or, tell me, princess.." He nudged her side as he floated around her. "Are you... skipping work? Hm?"

"Discord, you're on thin ice."

"Oh, psh, fine. Don't admit it then. Face it though, you're a hypocrite." He gave a triumphant smile.

"Thin. Ice." Sunny's expression was neutral, although her eye was twitching. Discord took this as his queue to stop, knowing the patience of the solar princess pretty well. He still held his irritating smile though. Felt good to be the one poking at others again.

"Right. So, what are we waiting for?" Discord rubbed his claw/paw together. "Can't wait for dessert. I can taste it already!"

"We're waiting for our guests. Guests who, by the way, are decent. Guests who don't require to be turned to stone twice in order to be set straight." Sunny practically snarled.

"Psh, whatever." Discord flicked his wrist, imitating a teenaged girl.

"You know what, in with you. Go. Wait inside."

"You can't tell me what to do!"

"IIINNNN!!" Sunny's face went red as she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Yes your highness." Discord shrunk down to the size of a pencil, running as fast as he could.

In no more than a minute, they heard a voice far down the hall.

"I heard that shout from a mile away!" said Chris as he cupped his mouth. Luna giggled, causing Sunny to blush a slight shade of red. She groaned as she placed her hoof over her face, wondering how on earth she was going to explain that they had a spirit of chaos in their castle. Although, he wasn't even suppose to come back for a few months. That was enough time for the two men to fix their situation and go home. Though, not anymore...

"You okay?"

Sunny slid her hoof from her face to find Chris smiling in front of her. With a piece of tissue. In his nose. Oh, and bruises everywhere. Her eyes went wide.

"What happened?" Sunny asked, looking towards to Joel to find that he had similar injuries. They both snickered, causing her to cock an eyebrow.

"Long story short, they fell down the staircase." Luna joined the conversation with a grin.

"Wow. News spreads fast in the castle?" Joel smiled.

"I heard a few guards talking about it. Well, more like laughing about it."

Sunny could only stare back and forth.

"Are-... you okay?" She asked the both of them. They only chuckled.

"Your asking a pair of guys who survived a 130 mile crash if they're okay after falling down a staircase." Joel chuckled even more. "I'm sorry for the wise crack Miss... uh-"

"Oh, this is Sunny! Remember? Who I was talking about earlier today?" Chris tugged at his pants leg.

"OH!" Joel gave a small bow. Sunny simply grinned.

"No need for formalities. I'm just a part of the royal family, not a princess."

"Oh?"

"Just treat me like you would with anypony else."

"Told you she's epic." Chris smiled to his friend. Joel grinned, holding his fist out towards Sunny.

"Bump it?"

Sunny giggled, lifting her hoof up towards his fist to bump it.

"Awessoooome." He smiled.

"You guys must be starving. I know I am."

"Yup." Both guys said in unison.

POV: Chris

"I admit, it is a bit odd seeing you guys eating casual food for dinner, but it doesn't matter honestly." Sunny muttered with a mouthful of her foodstuffs.

"And I admit, it's weird seeing royalty talking with her mouth full." I pretended to scoff, but smiled jokingly. This made her stick her tongue out in response. "Charming." I laughed.

I then pointed my fork at the small pencil sized creature guy thing that was sitting distantly from us all.

"What's up with that thing?"

"Hm? Oh-" Sunny coughed, wiping her mouth with her napkin. "Oh, that's um... Discord."

Discord simply scoffed, causing me to cock an eyebrow. Here I was thinking it was some type of... toy, one moment ago. He then grew to a rather tall size, pretty much beating Joel easily by a whole foot. Maybe even two. He then snarled at me.

"And I am not a thing. I am a draconequus." He said, puffing his chest out as he crossed his arms.

"Oh... sorry, dude. Didn't mean any harm, I was just confused was all." I awkwardly smiled, but just took another bite of my foodstuffs, trying to make it water under the bridge as soon as possible.

"You don't have to be worried about him bro." Joel elbowed me gently, giving a carefree smirk. "In fact, he's harmless now. If only you remembered..."

"Oh? Uh, okay... I guess?" I'm just lost as always.

Oh well. This grilled cheese is bangin' though.

POV: Discord

Don't worry about him he says. He's harmless now he says. OH I'm quite the rabid prankster, and I would put you in the biggest loop of a prank that you'll be begging me FOR ANSWERS!! Just like how you refused to answer my humble questions. I have never been so humiliated, why if ONLY I could just have one minute with you. I swear, I'd make it worth your while, you and your stupid friend.

Well... I mean, atleast your friend apologized for calling me a thing.

Nononono. That doesn't matter. A friend of yours is an enemy of mine!! Consider this battle lost, Joel... but the war has only begun.

...

I just need to find a way to get you without being turned to stone.

Now, if only I could find the smallest loophole, that's all it would take. Nooo, that's impossible... I've thought for countless days already, it's airtight. I stroked my beard in thought, still waiting for my dinner. These ponies always serve me last. It grinds my gears sometimes, but eh. I don't even know why I eat, I'm immortal!

I digress.

See, when I broke out the first time... I had blackmailed Celestia with the most perfect idea ever! It was the only reason why I had such freedom, forcing the elements of harmony to do her dirty work for her! OH, how that made her furious. It was genius.

Ugh, but silly me. I've locked myself in the most inescapable trap I've ever walked in... though don't get me wrong, I do adore my dear Fluttershy.

Sigh. Woe is me.

If only I could blackmail you with another genius idea, Celestia. If only. But alas, I'm forced to sit here by all of you, waiting for my dinner as you eat without a care or worry in the world, Sunny Skies. Pft, I bet your guests here don't even know that you're Celestia! You hypocrite, accusing me of being lazy-

...Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Yes.

Ohohoho. AHAHAHA. This. Is.

GOLDEN!

POV: 3rd Person

A servant delivered Discord's dinner, causing him to chuckle. Though, it was a mischievous chuckle. Perhaps, it wasn't the food that got him so giddy all of a sudden?...

No. He clearly had an idea in the works beneath that skull of his.

He picked up his spoon, placing a single pea from his plate onto the spoon as if he was preparing a catapult. He then flicked it at Sunny's face, giggling madly for a moment before putting on a poker face the very second she turned to look at him. He added a monocle on one eye, sipping his tea with his pinky up in the air as if he was the most proper gentleman on the table. Discord looked at Sunny, throwing his arms up as if he was completely innocent.

"I know that was you, Discord." Sunny monotoned with an as-a-matter-of-fact tone.

"With what evidence?" He retorted.

"I clearly saw you do that, bro." The white stallion added with his mouth full.

"Oh, psh, whatever. Are you her boyfriend or something?" Discord waved a paw. The stallion furrowed his brows trying to appear irked, though the slight tint of red on his face told the opposite.

"Hey! C'mon man, just say you're sorry!"

Discord snapped his fingers, a pair of fake headphones appearing over his ears with DJ Pon-3's energetic face on the sides. Sunny just grabbed Vallis's hoof, inhaling deeply.

"Thank you Vallis, really. It's okay, I'll just bear with it as always." She assured. Chris simply nodded, a very light tinge of red appearing on his cheeks.

After another few moments, they started to pick up conversation again, and Discord took it as his signal to throw another. However, this time at the human.

"OW, what the fu-" Joel rubbed his left eye, blinking to see if the blur left his vision every so often.

"DISCORD! OUT WITH YOU!" Sunny snapped.

"Nnnnah." He replied nonchalantly.

"That's it, I'm going to message Celestia." Sunny got up, clearly having no patience.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Sunny Skies." Discord stopped her right in her tracks. His tone was almost mocking, in a way.

Joel furrowed his brows slightly. He couldn't tell how, but he was almost sure the draconequus was mocking him in particular.

"Why not?.." Sunny cocked an eyebrow.

"I wonder, where is Celestia exactly?" Discord stroked his beard, an almost invisible smirk forming on his mouth.

"Out of town, she's been quite busy." Luna interjected. "And if you continue disrupting, I'm sure Celestia will not hesitate to have the elements intervene."

"Oh no, not the elements!" He feigned his fear, clasping both paw/claw together in a dramatic fashion. "See, how are you going to do that? I'm sure Celestia is doing very important work, possibly being undercover, and I'd hate to see you blow her cover."

Sunny inhaled briefly, though she did her best to appear calm. She knew what he was up to now. Another one of his 'grand schemes'. This wasn't good, not at all.

"What are you talking about?" Luna tried her best to keep the conversation subtle; she too had picked up what he was on to now. At this point, the guys were simply watching them bicker back and forth, completely clueless as to what was happening.

"You know very well what I'm talking about." Discord flicked another pea at Sunny, though this time she simply stood still with an irritated expression. She remained silent.

Things were clearly not right anymore. Atleast, it was that much that the two guests had learnt now in that brief second.

"You should sit down Sunny! All the blood rushing to your head will do no good for your legs!" Discord said in a fake tone of worry. "Also, I don't have an appetite for this food anymore. I'd say it's time to bring in the dessert!" He almost squeed in delight.

In the small celebration for dessert, the white stallion could've sworn that he saw a quick flash of a smirk on the draconequus's face. It definitely wasn't a playful smirk. It was absolutely the type of smirk one gave when they had an upper hand in something; like when playing the game changing move against an opponent in chess, or having the best winning hand in poker. At this point, everypony and human had an idea of what was going on.

Though, the two guests were only getting the short end of the stick.

POV: Chris

...After dinner, Sunny and I are walking to our rooms...

"Ohh, okay I think I understand now. Discord is basically here because of this... reformation from his evil ways." I questioned.

"Yup, you got it." She nodded.

"So we're forced to deal with his shenanigans."

"Well... normally, no."

"Then what's going on?" I was confused... again.

"...Vallis, I think it's very sweet of you that you worry, truly." She smiled. I couldn't help but smile back, feeling a tingling sensation on my face. "But I'll have things in control by tomorrow. Promise."

"Gotcha." I nodded.

As we trotted onwards for another short moment, I saw that we were getting close to our rooms

"So, you didn't forget your key this time, right?" I asked, smiling jokingly at the end of the sentence. She started to giggle.

"I have it, no worries. I won't pester you again tonight." She smiled.

...Fucking gorgeous smile.

Shut up. I don't know if it's the potion talking, or me anymore. Whatever.

"Cool. Now I don't have to be sleep-snuggled again tonight." I joked. This caused her to blush.

"Oh goodness, I-I'm sorry. I thought I left quickly enough without waking you, but I guess I did."

"What? N-No no, I was asleep! In fact I didn't notice you were gone until I woke up!"

"Wait... then. How did you know I.." She held a hoof up beneath her chin.

"Well, you kind of started that about... last night, half an hour in after laying in bed with me. You were sound asleep by then, but you kind of turned around, and... well-" I scratched my foreleg awkwardly, looking down to the ground. Agh-, my face is burning up again. The hell is up with that? The awkwardness is real.

"So, you actually allowed me to... snuggle with you the entire night?" Her voice almost dropped at the end, clearly embarrassed. My face was searing now.

...Wait... there's no way I'm actually blushing. What? I'm usually so chill in these kind of situations.

Oh man... the awkwardness is so real right now.

Sssshhhhhit.

Y'know what? Anon, I'm terribly sorry for lying, yes I've had some girlfriends, but I mean "girl" friends, not- oh you know what I mean god damnit. As badass and fearless as I may seem with my lifestyle, I-I... I'm a total geek around girls. Oh, pppfffffuck it. I adore them. In truth, I-... I'mahopelessromantic, butI'malwaysindenial.

There I said it.

What?...

...Sigh. Ok.

In truth... I'm a hopeless romantic in denial of it.

Happy? Yeah, I know, what a bombshell. Onwards with the fucking story already...

I kept on scratching my foreleg, the floor being of 'great interest' to my eyes at the moment. I couldn't just leave her hanging. I just blurted it out.

"...Yes."

I looked up, my face undoubtedly as red as a tomato, which must've looked great with my white coat. I was surprised, however, to find her looking back with the exact same facial expression. It was almost like a mirror.

Blush. Dumbfounded. Just goofy looking.

It just made me maintain my tomato paste face even further. The thought was very flattering, and it was an endless domino effect, knocking back and forth from me to her.

"Um." Was her only reply.

"I- I'm sorry." I wasn't sure what to say.

"No, no it's-it's alright. I just- It's a habit of mine, I-I usually cuddle with something like my pillow- or- it's just weird."

"Hey, no, I-I totally get you, really. I do that sometimes. It-It's cool."

Silence. The even more awkward type where you just look at each other for what feels like forever.

"Oh- g'night I guess?" She laughed nervously.

"Right- right, g'night!" I smiled, chuckling nervously. I took the last few steps to my door, and began to fight with the door knob.

"Your door's locked. Again." She chimed in, grinning. I looked at her in question.

Dejavu... didn't this happen last night?

I looked around like a dumbass, facepalming- or... face... hoofing?... at the last moment. Right, the key. Fuck me. I quickly grabbed it from the top of the door frame, unlocked the door, and slipped it back to its place. Twisting the knob, it opened, much to my relief.

"Thanks." I smiled, shaking my head in disbelief of my dumbassness.

"Anytime." She giggled, slipping into her room.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... great.

I think I like her...

What is this Debauchery

Author's Note

Bing bang boom. Another chapter.
Now gimme da worship :D

Stay beautiful as always! <3

What is this Debauchery

Man.

Is it me or did I just have the funkiest dream that I cuddled with... the princess? Bwah(?) I think I had too much food last night. Gees, that was one of those real dreams too where you wake up for those 3 seconds in your bed, confused by the fact that it was all actually a dream. Ugh, the odd part was that I was acting all weird too. I don't even know, just something about a feeling I was having like if...

Wait.

What just happened.

No, something totally happened. I don't think that was even a dre-

Knock Knock

What? Oh, door. It's the door. God damn, get yourself together Chris. Why the fuck am I so lost right now?!

"Chris?" I heard a familiar female voice call from the other side.

"Yo! Hold on-" I stood up from the floor of the balcony, my sides sore from yesterday's stunt with Joel. I gracefully (totally didn't stumble n' shit) made my way over to the door, taking a few quick stops to stretch my limbs. I opened the door to find the princess of the night staring at me with concern.

"Are you okay?"

Whoa, right to the point. Take it easy bro, please. I just woke up 7 seconds ago, it's really easy to mess with my sanity at the moment.

"What? Yeah, I'm good-" I veered off, noticing I just woke up on the floor of the balcony.

Wwwwhoa. Okay, pause.

The thoughts. Fucking thoughts are everywhere right now. Nothing's straight yet, and I feel like a computer that's still half booted, but you decided to launch League of Legends/Skype/Google Chrome all at the same time because fuck it, you know you do it too. GEES, as if things weren't bad enough with the fucking amnesia. I also have a worried Luna on me right now, scoping me from side to side. Yo.

Seriously. Universe. Take a chill pill just one day for me.

Please.

"Ok, you are fine. Atleast not everything is haywire." She sighed in relief.

Hm.

"...No, not really. I'm still a big white stallion with funky eyes and hair. Still in this world. You're still here, I don't know what the hell is going on." I retorted. I didn't know what just got to me, I brought my hoof to my face in seconds. "I'm so sorry. That was uncalled for."

"It's fine, there are other more important matters that are bothering me." She walked over to my balcony, scoping around for reasons unknown on my end.

"Ok, I'm going to be honest here. I'm sssoooo lost right now. Like, the comment I made seriously just spilled out. I don't know, it's almost an uncanny kind of lost, like-"

"If everything is everywhere?" She finished the sentence for me, emphasizing "everywhere".

"...yyeah. Spot on. How'd you know?" I was genuinely curious now.

She clicked her tongue.

"Discord. He is up to no good." She stated as if it were fact.

"What?" I kind of wanted to say more, but y'know, mind is everywhere and lagging behind at the same time. Can't form proper sentences.

She hummed for a second, and out of the blue she zapped me right between the eyes with her horn. It didn't hurt at all, but it was one hell of an odd mix of a sensation of being reverse stunned, along with the ADHD that was plaguing me feeling like it literally drained out of my nose as all my thoughts rearranged in what was almost like a mental slideshow of-

Whoa.

I swear, I just heard the Macintosh boot up sound in my head.

"How are you now?" She asked, looking into my eyes.

"...but I don't know how to use Mac."

"Hm, perhaps I didn't focus the spell enough-"

"WAIT! I'm good now!" I practically leaped towards behind my bed for cover. Whatever it was, that was one very weird way of touching my brain. I don't even want to imagine what it'd be like as a double, or possibly even a quadra dose.

"Oh, great! In that case, let's go. I'll explain the situation as we make our way." Luna made her way to the door, but stopping as she turned around once more; waiting for me I assumed.

"Er- Okay, but will we get breakfast first?" I smiled sheepishly.

She looked at me with a bemused expression, though it was forgiving in a way.

"...Very well."

"Yay!" I squeed.

...I squeed.

That was a first.

I happily munched my waffle as the very sweet princess of night held my orange juice with her magic by my side. I was practically adoring her right now. Nobody ever spoils me like this.

"So when I found out Celestia was missing along with Sunny, that is when I noticed things weren't right anymore."

"Mhm." I hummed with a mouthful of awesomewaffle. I swallowed quickly just to add in my thoughts. "Are you sure they aren't out and about together? Y'know, family stuff?"

"I'm definitely sure that they are not doing family stuff, as Celestia has not responded to my messages of urgent attention."

"What about Sunny?"

"Sunny wouldn't just waltz off without letting somepony know. Same with Celestia."

"Okay, I admit, things do sound a bit odd, but what makes you absolutely sure that Discord's behind all this? I mean, didn't he go through this thing of reformation and what not?"

She stopped at the front of what I assumed was another guest room. The door frame and designs looked alot like mine, so I just made an educated guess. I stopped right behind her, taking another bite out of my waffle.

"If you walk right in there, I am positive that any doubts and questions will be answered."

I cocked an eyebrow.

"Uh."

This honestly sounds like something out of a movie. I decided to throw question out the window, and took the bait. I slowly twisted the doorknob, the door creaking gently as it slowly swung halfway into the room.

Yup. Totally out of a movie.

I took my time, going in step by step. The room itself was only lit up by the sunlight peering through the shades. If it weren't for that, the darkness would've been almost creepy. I continued my slow pace into the room, slowly shutting the door behind me. I quickly noticed Joel's ol' beat clothing from day one laying inside a small basket. My ears perked up as I began to look around.

"Bro?" I called in an almost gentle tone. I wasn't sure of what was going on; Luna has been pretty serious from square one, the day started off fairly unorthodox with things being more off than usual, and the vibe I got from stepping into the room spelled things out pretty well.

I took a quick peek into the bathroom, but the lights were out. Balcony doors were locked, so scratch that. I then looked towards the bed which had sheets scrambled allover it, and started trotting towards the library section. However, I stopped suddenly, almost cracking my neck doing a double take at the bed.

I barely saw something from the corner of my eye move.

I turned back around and began trotting very slowly so that my hooves wouldn't echo with each step.

"Psst."

No answer.

"Bro." I whispered.

Same results.

"Joe." I whispered more loudly.

Nothing.

I got a bit impatient, and continued to trot silently to the foot end of the bed. I could almost make out in the half darkness what seemed like something beneath the covers. I tapped it gently, but got nothing. I graduated to shaking it, and it definitely moved that time.

I skipped every other step, and went to full blown bitch smack mode.

"WAKE UP BEEYATCH!!"

"OWW!!" I heard a female voice shriek.

Oh, ffffffffffffffffffuck.

The sheets scrambled everywhere, some of it going over enough of my body and face to trip me backwards. I picked myself up quickly from my fall, failing to get the covers off of myself. Meanwhile, the whole time I just repeated the most fastest line of "sorry" 's at speeds that would clog a blackhole. The very moment I finally scattered the rest of the sheets off my face, a hoof met it square on the forehead.

My head. Why.

I had to admit, it was a pretty firm smack for a female. I fell back down to my ass, but much more out of the intense wave of shock rather than from the hit itself. I looked up to the light brown eyes of the semi-shocked mare, a strand of her fuschia red mane falling over her snout.

Oh man, here come the questions again.

Where the fuck is Joel, what was he doing with a mare in his room, should an apology be made, and should I even dare question the mare herself or just walk out right now? Fucking hell, let's just try walking out with whatever atoms of dignity we have left.

"I'm. So. Sorry." I held my forehooves over my mouth, my face gleaming a piercing red that was as bright as day itself. "Miss, I-I-I swear, I thought y-you were my best friend for a m-m-moment, ma'am I didn't th-think he'd have another guest. Oh my god-" I brushed my mane backwards out of stress, only for it to spring back to its static-like appearance.

"Hey-"

"Listen, I-I swear it wasn't intentional. A fine lady l-like you isn't for ass smacking, that's just crude and-"

"It's alright, can you just-"

"Oh!- Okayokayokay, um- l-look I'll kick m-myself out-" I tried making my way, fumbling over the sheets as they would slip beneath me.

"No no-"

"Ohshit, here, I'll just- egh-" I crudely picked up the sheets, tossing them over to an empty chair. "Sorry, j-just, again sorry-"

"Listen!-"

"Bye! N-nice seeing you miss, I-I mean it could've been better-" I quickly trotted over to the door, grabbing the doorknob.

"CHRIS!" She screamed, her voice cracking for a split second.

The hairs on my neck stood up.

I turned around; my body stiff as steel, and my face replacing the very definition of dumbstruck itself in the dictionary for that eternal moment. I was speechless, truly. Even my mind went silent.

"...W-... Wha?" I barely mouthed the word itself.

The mare could only look at me with an expression of unease; her snout scrunched up as one of her eyebrows cocked upwards in a furrowed fashion. The silence that followed was probably the most deepest form of silence I ever experienced. I couldn't tell if it was me caught in the moment, or that the situation itself manifested such silence, but all I know is that I'm so fucking mind fucked.

"...Fuck." She muttered.

I turned around; taking a step towards her direction, but stopping right there.

"...You just called me by my name." I mumbled. She looked elsewhere.

"Nope, you heard wrong." She shook her head, her face still half scrunched in what I read as denial. It was oddly familiar too.

"No I heard right- HEY!" I leaped into her way, bumping her off as she tried making her way out the door.

"Tell me who you are right now, how you got here, how you know my name, and what the fucking fuck is going on?" I said straight out. She backed up a few paces, her eyes widening slightly as she shook her head in disbelief.

"I can't even believe this-"

"What?"

"Oh my god- fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

"Hey, c'mon, we're getting nowhere right now."

She turned to face me again, though her eyes half teary as her expression changed to that of anger.

"Motherfucker-" She smacked me again, this time pissing me off.

"HEY WHAT THE FUCK!? BIPOLAR CUNT!!" I shouted as I rubbed my head.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"

Mm. I'm calm again.

"...Sorry." I apologized meekly. "Hey, that doesn't give you the right to batter me though." I continued to rub my head.

She sniffed, wiping her tears away as she took a deep breath. After exhaling slowly, she finally looked back at me with an apologetic, yet very sad grin.

"I'm sorry, bro... I'm just really stressed out right now." She said in what I finally was able to pick up as a spanish accent-

Wait. What in the hell did she just...

\ Oh /

-> My <-

♥ Sweet ♥

Fucking

♔ Jesus ♔

So... A Scavenger Hunt?

Author's Note

Man, sorry about the wait. This is going to be routine, isn't it.

...

Just read the wordstuffs. Enjoy zeh flavur, and beg for moar.

Also, please please please share to anyone you think might enjoy the story!

So... A Scavenger Hunt?

"Shut up."

"Come on just tell me." I snickered, following behind Luna and "Joel" through the corridor.

"Bro, this isn't funny."

"It can't be that bad to have a pussy, dude- oh my god." A thought had just struck me. "You... can have... multiple orgasms now."

I could visibly see his head stiffen up as his left eye gave a subtle twitch.

"Don't even mention the fact that I have a pussy... I don't care if I can have a hundred orgasms, I just want things to be normal." He then turned around, stopping Luna and I. "Also, how the fuck are you unscathed?! WAS THIS YOUR IDEA?!"

Suddenly, he (she) jumped on me, screaming with his newfound feminine vocal power as he shook my head violently.

So it's true. Being a girl makes you violent and irrational. Huh.

I'm kidding.

"Joel! Got off him at once! Remember, this is all Discord's shenanigans!" Luna levitated him off; the fuchsia red mare once-a-human-man still flailing intensely with his eyes closed. I don't see why Luna had to intervene, did she not see my tear filled eyes as I truly laughed my ass off? Eventually, Joel gave up his fit, taking a very deep breath.

"You can... put me down now." He looked sheepishly at Luna. She did as told, simply returning a small grin to ease any stress.

"It's alright, Joel. My sister taught me something that truly helps me in my times of low. Sometimes, all we need is a hug." A smile from ear to ear formed on her face, and she quickly drew him in for a bear hug. He didn't seem to mind, in fact, as hard as it may seem to see this through his coat... I saw some blush.

Giggle giggle.

The moment his eyes averted over to my direction, I immediately gave him a hearty grin. Though, it was a very rare grin of mine; one I've only used once or twice before. Oh, but man when I do it... results are beautiful. I instantly saw his face contort to that of when one sees a ghost.

I simply nodded, grin still being held.

POV: 3rd person

...Meanwhile...

There was Discord, sitting casually on Celestia's throne; absolutely happy with how things were going. Celestia was sitting there, hoof in face as she held her eyes shut. She was in a stalemate. Again. It was always at the last moment when she would forget that Discord wasn't truly an idiot. The draconequus was a very clever one, a fact that easily went over many pony's heads from the raw immaturity he presented in many ways. The guards stood there confused, until one of them decided to speak up.

"Your highness, do we call in the elements?"

She sighed.

"No... no, it's alright. Leave everypony, please."

They all looked at each other; equally perplexed until they remembered they were given an order by the princess. As they all quickly trotted out, Celestia finally lifted her hoof from her face, slowly looking up towards Discord. His grin formed into a large, cheeky smile.

"Genius, am I not?"

"Clever... but not a genius. There's a difference." Celestia tried her best to retort without digging her own grave any deeper.

"Oh, hush whatever." Discord waved a paw, "Point is, I won, now I make the rules."

As he made his little victory speech...

Celestia suddenly had a metaphorical lightbulb shining above her head.

"Mhm." Celestia simply hummed, though now less irritated. Discord stroked his beard, a bit lost on something.

"...Are you not going to, I don't know, try to blast me through your roof?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"No. Not at all." She seemed to be getting calmer by the second.

"Huh..." He almost pouted. "Well, I'm going to raid your kitchen now, steal all your desserts."

"That's nice." She turned around heading towards the large doors of her court room, trying her best not to grin.

"H-hey, where are you going?" He held out his paw, floating over to her.

"Somewhere." She replied with a calm tone now, "Have fun, Discord!" She said in a sing-song voice, now completely smiling. Discord's eyes widened, a dumbfounded expression riddled allover his face. She shut the large doors behind her, leaving the draconequus alone.

"...What." He mumbled, clearly confused. Discord started slowly fiddling with is thumbs, floating back to the throne.

A small spark of paranoia just lit up in his head.

"And so as always, Discord has left us with a question to solve. Well, more like a scavenger hunt." Luna finished, wanting to smack her hoof against her face. The two simply stared at her in disbelief, the ambiance of the royal garden's birds and wind filling in the small silence.

"How do you put up with that?" Joel spoke, taking the words right out of his best friend's mouth.

"Well... you know what, I'm not even sure-"

"Vallis!" A new voice called. Everyone looked towards the source; Sunny trotting with a big smile as she waved.

"...So, I thought you said she and Celestia were missing?" Chris mumbled to Luna as he smiled back, waving.

"I'm just as lost as you are." Luna's jaw hung slightly.

"Luna, Joel! Hi!" Sunny practically sang.

"Hi?-" They said in unison with the same confused tone.

"Before anyone asks questions, cousin Celestia told me everything. Discord launched a clever plan to spread chaos once more, but Celestia quickly backfired with her own plan. She's been blackmailed and told to stand off by him, though sent me to aid you guys to cure Joel from his spell as she messaged the element of kindness to pull some strings for her before Discord gets out of hand. This is going to be a piece of cake." She then brought her hearty grin back. "Any other questions?"

Everyone simply stared at one another.

"That was very fast for Celestia." Luna cocked an eyebrow.

"Woo! Go Celestia!" Chris pumped a hoof as he reached over to Joel for a hoofbump. He simply stood there, receiving nothing from the human-now-mare.

"We can't celebrate yet, Vallis." Luna interjected, to prevent any further awkwardness. "We've yet to even figure out Discord's scavenger hunt." She made little air quotes with a forehoof.

"Scavenger hunt?" Sunny echoed, now bemused. She leaned in to whisper in one of Luna's ears. "What happened to the riddles?"

"No idea." Luna deadpanned. "Anyway, since it seems Celestia has everything together from imploding any further, I'll go see if I can help her. Also, here's the list for the hunt." She handed Sunny a, rather long, list.

Sunny's eyes almost shrank to the size of pinpricks.

"This is nearly a week's worth of time in search and activities."

"Yes, I know..." Luna sighed. "One of the two boys here did something that must have upset Discord greatly for him to give them such a laborious task." She eyed Joel, causing him to smile nervously.

"...Was he furious?" Luna held a subtle smirk. It took Joel a moment to realize, then he chuckled.

"Very."

Meanwhile, Chris looked over Sunny's shoulder; reading the list. He squinted, mumbling something.

"Hm? Did you say something?" Sunny noticed the white stallion by her side, reading quietly to himself.

"Oh, I'm just reading the list. It's not so bad. In fact, I thought it'd be something humiliating, or pointless and tiring, or even both. This is honestly the exact opposite." He furrowed his eyebrows, backing up his head slightly.

"Really?" Sunny doubted, looking back to the list. It seemed different now, however. She read it once, and then double checked it to see if she was reading it right. It definitely wasn't what she read the first time. "That's weird."

"Hm?" He hummed.

"That was not what I read the first time."

"...Huh?"

"I mean, I think he's... modifying it as we speak?" They both looked closely at the list, and it was true. The words were scrambling by the second, sentences changing completely from one thing to another.

"But Fluttershy, please!" Discord pleaded on his knees as Fluttershy scribbled on his magic scroll.

"No, Discord. I can't just let you do that to them. You should be happy that I'm even allowing you to bother them in the first place."

Discord floated over Fluttershy's shoulder, wanting to rip the beard from his chin.

"What?! No no no, that doesn't even make sense anymore!" Discord pointed to one of the lines. "This completely defeats the purpose of turning Joel into a mare!!"

"Do you want them to leave for the week or not, Discord?" Fluttershy folded her forearms. His lips quivered, and he sighed as he hung his head in defeat.

"Very well..."

"Wait, what was that last one?!" Chris half fainted when he read it.

"Whoa, Vallis! Stay with me!!" Sunny held his forearm, helping him from falling to the cobblestone ground.

"What, it can't be that bad?" Joel trotted over to read the sentence, only to half faint aswell a few seconds later. The two friends could only sit on their haunches, facing the exact opposite direction from each other. Sunny looked down towards the last part of the list, and read it mentally.

'Vallis asks Joel (who's now a mare) to a VERY romantic date, and at the end of the day, they must KISS for atleast ten seconds. Picture, or it never happened.'

Sunny scrunched her face as her pupils shrunk to pinpricks, surprised herself that Discord would write that. He really must have been upset, whatever Joel did to him. Though, by miracle from Fluttershy, the words finally started to change like the previous ones.

"Boys! It's changing!" Sunny called. They both immediately hopped up and scrambled over to her; glaring at the list's last command. After a moment when the letters settled, it seemed like it didn't change at all. Sunny decided to read it outloud to make sure.

"Vallis asks Sunny Skies to a very romantic date, and at end of the day, they must-"

It was very apparent by then what the only change was.

There was a deep silence, until Sunny and Chris looked at each other dead in the eye almost as if they were in sync. Both their faces were as red as a tomato. Both were holding their breath. Both didn't know what to think; there were too many thoughts flying across their minds. No one knew what to say at all. Well, until Chris caught Joel flashing a very familiar grin.

"Don't say a word."