WELL... since no one decided to give it a try I guess Alcamore is the winner by default... kind of a let down of what COULD have happened but whatever GRATZ

Chapter 33: First Date- Oh fuck...

Perspective: Jake

I strolled down to where I had left my ship and heard the sound of hooves against the hard ground behind me. I stopped to look behind me to see Luna running towards me, getting me to draw in a breath and let it out slowly before smiling.

"Hey Luna! How are you?" I said as she smiled and stopped next to me.

"Good, my little flight was just what I needed... really cleared my mind. So what are you up to?" She asked as I shrugged and began walking, getting her to walk next to me.

"Nothing much... I don't have anything to really do but wait for the fleet to arrive sometime this week." I said as I neared my ship and reached for the door button. "Care to join me on a random flight?" I said as she nodded.

I pressed the button and we both entered quickly. I did the usual start up routine and soon we were in the air. As we soared over the vast landscape, a thought popped up in my mind, a thought back to what Celestia had said.

"Hey Luna-"

"Hey Jake-" We both said at the same time.

"Heh sorry, you first." I said motioning for her to continue.

Blushing a bit, she looked away before continuing. "W-Well... I was wondering... well.. I um..." She said, having trouble finishing her sentence. "Would you... wanttogogetsomethingtoeat?" She said really quickly as she squeezed her eyes closed.

'...Celestia...' I thought as I turned to Luna, blushing a bit myself but nowhere near the intensity that she was.

"Hmmm.... yeah why not. I'm up for some food." I said smiling as it looked like a massive weight was lifted from her shoulders.

"OH tha- I mean... oh... okay. Yeah let's go! I know a good place in Ponyville! Just go right down there." She said as she pointed to a place just below.

I touched down where she said before I realized something. "Wait... I don't have any Equestrian money on me." I said getting Luna to wave.

"It's alright, they serve me free here. Perk of being a Princess!" She said happily as I shrugged and stood up.

I watched her leave the ship before quickly turning to the dashboard.

"Holy fuck Lucy I'm freaking out here help me!" I said as Lucy spoke up.

"Uh... what do you want ME to do?! I'm an AI!" She said matching my panicked tone. "I thought you had this under control!"

"Are you serious?! I'M TERRIBLE WITH GIRLS! I'M A GOD DAMN VIRGIN PLEASE ANYTHING WILL HELP!" I said as loud as I could, hoping Luna shut the door behind her.

A few seconds went by before she spoke up. "...My scans tell me she's omnivorous. Unlike the rest of the ponies. Must be an Alicorn thing." She said as I gave a are you fucking kidding me look.

"HOW DOES THAT HELP?!" I said aloud as I covered my face with my hands.

"I DON'T KNOW! I'M AN INTELLIGENT MILITARY AI NOT A MATCHMAKER!" Lucy shouted back as I took a deep breath.

"Hey you comin' or what?!" Shouted Luna from an open door, getting me to jump.

"Y-Yeah! I'll be right there!" I shouted as I took in a deep breath and straightened myself up. "I'll be right there..." I said in a lower voice before speaking up. "Go ahead and take off Lucy, keep her out of sight over by the entrance to the town. We'll come on by when we're done." I said as I made my way to the exit.

As I stepped out of the ship, it took off into the air, quickly disappearing from sight as I stood next to an excited looking Luna.

"Alright... let's get going." I said motioning ahead of me.

Luna took the lead into the restaurant as I looked around and saw many ponies gaping at us. I ignored it as I followed her through the doors and was greeted by a pony wearing a suit, with an accent that reminded me of the french.

"Ahh! Miss Luna! How are you this evening!" He said aloud as he did a small bow.

"Oh, I'm doing great. Is there an open table?" She asked getting him to nod.

"Oh yes there is a single table right over here." He began as he motioned her to follow.

"Actually... um... we need a table for two." She said blushing as the pony stopped and looked between us a few times before smiling.

"Oh ho ho! Table for two huh? Well right this way!" He finished as we both smiled and followed him through the restaurant.

The same thing happened with every group of ponies we passed... they would look at Luna and bow, then see me, look between us a few times, and start giggling or whispering.

'You know what. Fuckem. I don't care what they think anymore, the news ponies could catch us doing something embarrassing again for all I care' I thought as I nervously looked around. 'But not um... right now'

"Here is your table you two! The waitress will be along soon, so please get yourselves comfortable." He said doing another bow before leaving.

We looked at the table for a few moments, and saw where it was located. The table was, as expected, the right size for two, and was sat next to a very nice looking window with a beautiful view.

We both looked at each other and grinned.

"Window seat!"

"Window seat!" We both called out but Luna being a bit ahead. "Dammit!" I said as I watched her walk and sit down next to the window.

Shrugging, I made my way to the other seat, which was situated on Luna's right, where I sat down and got comfortable. There were also already two glasses of water to drink so I took a sip of mine while I waited. Not a few moments after did the waitress come by, where I raised an eyebrow at her figure.

She looked... so familiar.

Her coat was pure white and she had a slightly longer than normal horn. She wore a suit just like the last pony had and carried a notepad and pencil with her. She also had completely pink hair that almost covered up one of her eyes. I couldn't see her cutiemark as it was covered by her suit.

"Hello! I'll be your waitress for today!" She said happily just making her seem even more familiar but I let it slide. "Here is the menu, I'll be back in a minute for your orders." She said as Luna looks up, and almost does a spit take with her water.

"Hey are you alright?" I asked getting her to nod and stand up.

"Yeah... I'll be right back." She said as she left and so did the waitress.

Shrugging, I leaned back into the chair and took a look through the menu.

****************************************

Perspective: Luna

'What are you doing here!" I angrily whispered to the waitress.

"I don't know what you talking about..." She said smiling. "I'm a pony waitress!"

Shaking my head, I reached forward and pulled open her suit revealing her wings. "Sister why are you here! This is already embarrassing enough!"

Shrugging, she smiled again. "It's been a while since I had some fun and decided to come and make sure your... date goes just fine."

"It's not a date!" I said back angrily. "We're just... two friends getting something to eat."

"Ooohhh really? Alright then well I'll leave you to that." She said as she winked and walked off.

I let out a low growl and made my way back to my seat.

****************************************

Perspective: Jake

I watched as Luna approached the table again and raised an eyebrow at her looking a bit more angry than she previously was.

"Hey, what's up did something happen?" I asked getting Luna to shake her head and smile.

"N-No... don't worry about it." She said as she sat back down beside me and picked up a menu. "Did you figure out what you want?" She asked getting me to nod.

We sat there for a few more moments in silence as Luna looked through her menu before she set it down, looking content. A few moments later the waitress returned and took our menus.

"And what will you be having today?" She asked smiling.

"I'm gonna have the steak, rare, and with some orange juice for the drink." I thought as I remembered the size it said the steak was.

'Yeah I'm not getting any side dishes'

Nodding as she wrote it down, she turned to Luna, who looked at her with a bit of anger before shaking her head and saying what she wanted.

"I'll have the salad of the day, with extra carrots and orange juice as well." She said as the pony smiled and gave a small bow.

As she turned to walk away I stopped her. "Hey wait!" I said getting her to stop and look at me. "What's your name? I feel like I've seen you somewhere." I asked getting her to look at me nervously for a moment before smiling.

"Vanilla swirl, and I'm sorry but I don't think we've met. Have a good meal though!" She said as she walked away.

I shrugged and sat back, making idle talk with Luna while we waited for our food to be cooked. As we did, we were interrupted by a very loud voice.

"WHAT?!" A male voice shouted from the kitchen, before out comes running a very large griffon.

I immediately stood up and went on guard, watching what he was doing before Luna put her hoof on my arm, shaking her head. I gave him another look before sitting down and watching what he was doing. He looked around frantically before spotting me, and running towards our table. He stopped mere inches from it, and surveyed the two of us.

"Is it true... did one of you really order a meat dish?" He asked, buzzing with excitement.

"Yeah that was me. Why?" I asked getting a better look at the griffon.

He was wearing a suit like all the others that worked here, and also had his own mustache like the small ones you see of the really stereotypical french guys.

"It's just..." He started, looking like he was going to break into tears. "I have yet to show my expertise because no one ever orders my dishes!" He said hapilly. "Are you... seriously going to eat meat?" He asked hopeful.

"Well yeah, if it's good." I said shrugging.

He gave a small salute and straightened his back. "Sir! I'll make it the best steak you've ever tasted! On my honor!" He said as he walked away proudly.

I turned to Luna to see she had the same bewildered face as I currently had, before we both started laughing.

"You know it makes sense." I said as I wiped a tear away. "The dude is trying to serve meat in a pony town." I said smiling. "If I had known this place had meat I would have come by quite a bit." I said as Luna nodded.

We continued to chat and take drinks of our water, but also some wine which had found its way to our table somehow. It tasted much stronger than the wine I was used to but let it slide. Soon Luna and I had drank half the bottle by the time our food had arrived, being carried by Vanilla, and the griffon.

"Here's your food ma'am." Vanilla said as she placed her plate down in front of Luna.

"And here is your steak." The Griffon said anxiously as he set the food down in front of me.

Now I'm usually pretty modest when it comes to most things, but holy god damn it was probably the best looking, and smelling, steak I'd ever had the pleasure of being near. I turned to the pony and Griffon and gave them a very slight bow.

"Thank you." I said getting them to bow back and walk away, but the Griffon constantly taking looks back at me.

I looked down at the steak, then looked to Luna to see she'd already put a chopped piece of carrot in her mouth. Shrugging I took my knife and fork, and went to work on the steak. I slowly cut off a piece and stabbed it with my fork, watching as all the juices squeezed out of some sides of it as I lifted it to my mouth and set it on my tongue.

I immediately let my hand hit the table as I stared into nowhere.

"What? What is it?" Luna asked as she tried to look where I was looking.

"This..." I began, looking down at the steak. "This... is the best thing I've ever tasted in my life." I said as a single tear rolled down my cheek.

"Well you don't have to rub it in..." Luna said as she pouted a bit while I chewed my food.

'What do you mean?" I asked as I remembered what Lucy said about Alicorns being omnivores.

"Well you know... I'm a pony. We can't eat meat... but it always smells sooooo goooood." She said as she drooled a bit.

'...wait... she doesn't know?'

"...here." I said as I cut off a piece and lifted my fork. "Try it."

Shaking her head, she lifted a hoof. "N-No I can't. I wouldn't be able to eat it... it'd probably taste horrible." She said as I shook my head.

"Something tells me you'll like it... just trust me on this one." I said getting her to shake her head. "Hey... did you ever find out if your actually a herbivore?" I asked getting her to raise an eyebrow. "What if Alicorns are different?" I said getting her to stare at the piece of meat.

I guess that was all the inspiration she needed as she scooted closer to me and looked at the piece. "Alright fine... but if it's gross I'm spitting it out... on your plate." She said as she tentatively moved her mouth closer to the fork as I slowly moved it closer as well.

When it finally made it's mark, she bit down on the fork, and I pulled it out, letting the piece fall in her mouth. She sat like that for a few moments... then began to chew... and slowly opened her eyes to look at me with a look saying "What have I been doing all my life?"

"Oh my god..." She said her mouth full of steak, before she swallowed it. "That was soooooo gooooood." She said with a smile, before putting on a pouting face. "Can I have another bite?"

"Haha nope. The rest is mine." I said smiling, getting her to make a face in annoyance.

I took a chunk out of the steak and raised it to my mouth, before my fork was taken from my hands by a blue aura. I watched the floating fork slowly make it's way to Luna's open mouth before I quickly stood up and leaned in front of her as the piece of food found it's mark in my mouth.

"Ha! Match point." I said as I took back the fork as Luna made a pout face again.

And thus it began. The war of the steak. Two super powers constantly battled for dominion over the meaty delight. As each savored their victory with more drinks from the wine as the other quickly tried to make a counter attack, taking their own piece as a sign of being on the offence again. When the steak was finally no-more, the two powers sat back, and relished in the silence and feeling of being fulfilled.

However Luna ate most of it.

"Oh my god that was the best thing I've ever tasted..." She said with a bit of slur in her speech. "It was like, a hundred times better than salad..." She said looking at me and smiling.

"I know right?" I said with my speech equally as slurred.

"We need to like... try more meat." She said as she struggled to stand up.

"Here lemme help you." I said as I stood up, and promptly fell over. "Ah hey! WHAT HAPPENED?!" I yelled as I quickly fixed myself and stood upright. "Did you see the bro that shoved me?" I said getting Luna to gasp and shake her head. "Well... keep your eyes... OPEN for him. He was about THIS high." I began, raising my hand to my waist. "And looked like a HORSE." I said getting her to nod.

We both made our way to the exit but along the way were stopped by Vanilla. "I hope you two had a goo-" She cut off as she looked at the state of us. "Oh my... I guess you drank the wine I gave you guys." She said smiling.

My eyes widened. "That was... yooouuu?!" I said in disbelief as she nodded. "Ohhh it was so good." I said as I hugged her a bit and whispered in her ear. "Thaaaaaaank yooooooou..."

We both slowly made our way to the exit and as we left, I stopped and turned around, running forward to speak with the french pony guy.

"Hey man..." I said getting him to raise an eyebrow.

"Yes sir?"

"You have some really lovely... ponies working for you. Especially that Vanilla girl... she's pretty cute too you should get on that." I said getting his face to redden as I walked away.

"W-Wait... Vanilla girl?"

"Alright... whatchu wanna do now?" I asked Luna getting her to brighten up.

"Ohhh let's go get some more meat!" Luna said as I nodded. "What do you think we should get?" She asked as I scratched my chin before smiling.

"Bacon!"

*****************************************

"Alright Luna... lay low... I'm going in." I said as I stumbled forward into the farm, holding captive the means to sating our hunger.

"Don't die!" She said as I gave a shitty salute. "Remember... I can make some of that bacon stuff... we just need a pig!" She said as I nodded.

I slowly moved in on the farm and towards what I thought was the place they kept the pigs. It was pretty dark out by now but I stayed as quiet as I could. I stumbled into the wooden building and looked on in happiness at what was before me.

Pigs.

Pigs everywhere.

I slowly made my way to one as I tried to pick it up, and it instantly started squirming and squealing.

"No! Noooo Shhhhh!" I said aloud trying to get the pig to quiet down. "We just want to eat you!" I picked it up, getting covered in mud as I ran out of the place as fast as my drunken flimsy legs could carry me.

"What what is it!" Luna shouted as she saw me panicking and carrying the squealing pig.

"HEY! WHO"S OUT THERE!" Yelled a southern accent. "WHEN I CATCH YOU I'M GONNA.... HEY MAC GET MA ROPE!" She shouted as I turned to Luna and we both spoke at the same time.

"BOOK IT!"

We both took off as Luna shot the pig with something, instantly making it go silent as we ran. We both ran for who knows how long until we finally were out of sight of the farmhouse. We both stopped and panted as we sat down, trying to catch our breath.

"YEAH! WE DID IT!" I said as I held the sleeping form of the pig above me. "VICTORY FOOD!" I said as I turned to Luna. "How we gonna do this again?"

She walked up to me as I sat the pig on the ground and put her horn to my head. "Think of the... bacon stuff. And I'll use the pig as an example of the meat and make it myself!" She said smiling.

I smiled and pointed at her. "Should you be using magic while your..." I snickered as I pointed at her some more. "... tipsy?" I finished while laughing.

"Pffffft I'm not drunk. I've never been drunk my WHOLE life." She said smiling. "Now let's go!"

I thought about bacon as perfectly as I could. The amazing look, texture, smell and taste... then suddenly there was a small charging sound... then-

*BANG*

I watched as she shot the pig, and it exploded into thousands of cooked pieces of bacon. It was both horrific and beautiful.

"...oops..." She said as she looked at the spot the pig once sat.

I picked up one of the pieces and took a bite. "Ahhh just like I remember it." I said as I offered Luna a Piece, which she took quickly.

"Oh my gosh this is heavenly!" She said as she chewed on the piece of bacon.

As we sat and ate the bacon from the pig Luna horrifically baconized with her Bacon Beam™ we looked at each other, and for a moment we just sat still. Staring into each others eyes.

"Hey Luna..." I asked as she nodded.

"Yeah?"

"I couldn't think of someone better to share this bacon with." I said as she hugged me.

"Me either!"

We leaned in closer to each other... until we could feel each others breath...

Everything after that became a haze.

***************************************

"Sir... Sir... you should probably wake up now..." A voice said quietly into my ear.

Suddenly my head exploded in a mixture of pain and... pain.

'Holy mother of fuck what happened last night' I thought as I shivered. 'And why is it so damn cold'

I looked at the ground I was laying on and saw only a metal floor and a blanket that was draped on top of me.

"Holy fuck..." I muttered. "That must have been one hell of a-" I cut off as I felt something furry on my back.

My bare back.

"Oh fuck to the hell no..." I said as I slowly lifted the blanket covering me with one arm, revealing my naked self. "Lucy..." I said quietly. "Is Luna sleeping behind me right now..." I asked getting her to reply.

"Yes Sir."

"And this looks pretty bad doesn't it..." I asked again.

"...Yes Sir..."

"Please... please tell me... nothing happened..." I asked hopefully, but before I could get an answer I felt movement behind me and low mumbling.

"MMMmmm...." I heard as she wrapped her hooves around my chest and hugged me like I was a stuffed animal.

"Luna..." I asked.

"MMmHmm..."

"Your holding onto me..." I asked.

"Mmhmm..."

"And I'm naked... next to you..."

"...Hmm?"

A few seconds went by as I could swear I heard the gears turning in her head.

"Oh... my... GOSH!" She squealed out as she jumped out from under the covers and started freaking out as I covered myself with the blanket. "WHAT DID WE DO!" She yelled, quickly running in place. "Oh my god did we..." She asked as I shrugged. "Ohhhh nonononono!" She started hyperventilating as I stood up, making sure to cover myself, and walked over to her.

"Calm down we don't know what happened." I said as I set my hand on her shoulder. "LUCY DID SOMETHING HAPPEN!" I yelled with a bit of panic seeping into my voice.

"....no..." She said and we both let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank god..." I said as I sat down on the ground. "How the hell did... THIS happen then?"

"...Well you both came in... muttering something about bacon and a pig." She said as we both looked at each other and shrugged. "Then you realized you were covered in mud and took off your clothes. You apparently forgot you had a bed and lay down on the ground to sleep naked, where Luna covered you up and slept beside you... what did you two do last night?" She asked curiously.

I slowly turned to Luna and spoke. "Do you remember... anything from last night?" I asked getting her to shake her head. "Ugh... let's just... pretend nothing happened..." I said as I stood up and went to go get a change of clothes.

************************************

As I stepped into the cockpit I began turning on the engine as I looked up through the windshield.

'...are you fuckin' kidding me...' I thought as I looked at the "Welcome to Ponyville!" sign currently painted over with completely different letters.

PRAISE THE MOON!

************************************

We both watched at the rolling landscapes below us as we flew towards the Canterlot castle.

"I can't remember ANYTHING about last night... all I remember is eating some of your steak and then... nothing!" Luna said as I sighed.

"I think we drank too much wine..." I said as she nodded in agreement.

When we finally landed in the castle, we both stepped out and were immediately confronted by Celestia.

"Hello you two! Have a... ahem... nice night?" She asked as I raised an eyebrow.

"Uh... yeah it was great... but I just came to drop her off. I'm gonna go get some breakfast." I said as I turned but was stopped by Celestia's hoof.

"Why not eat breakfast here in the castle?" She asked as I shrugged.

"Eh yeah why not..." I said as I followed Luna and Celestia.

We walked through the castle quickly, and before I knew it we had walked into a very large room, with a very large table. Along with said table, there were two ponies currently already seated there, and were looking directly at us.

"Hey Cadence! I didn't expect to see you here! And hello to you too Shining." Luna said as she walked forward and bowed to Cadence and Shining, where they stood and repeated the gesture.

I raised an eyebrow at the whole thing as I looked at the two.

'Who are these ponies... and another Alicorn?' I thought as I slowly walked forward.

"Well I decided to pay Celestia a visit, and see if you had followed my... um... advice?" She asked looking to me as Luna nodded and blushed. "So you must be Jake!" The pony named Cadence asked me as she reached out with her hoof.

I walked forward and took her hoof, shaking it while I smiled. "Yes, my name is General Jake Carson, of the Earth's Special Forces Military." I said as I pulled my hand back and smiled more. "May I ask your name?" I said getting her to smile back.

"Why yes... I'm Princess Cadence of the Crystal Empire, and this is my husband Shining armor." She said motioning to the pony beside her.

I turned to look at him and noticed he was inspecting me closely before he shook his head and stuck out his hoof. "Ahem hello. I'm Shining armor, Captain of the Royal Guard." He said getting me to nod and shake his hoof. "I'm quite interested when you said military of EARTH. Where is that on Equis?" He asked getting me to chuckle.

I walked away as I waved my hand in the air. "No-where. Earth is another planet." I said as I hear the sound of surprise from the two behind us.

"Your an alien?!" They asked.

"Mmhm." I said as I found a nice spot beside Luna and sat down.

"Like... from SPACE." Asked Cadence.

"Yup."

"... how have we not heard ANYTHING about this." Shining asked as I scratched my chin.

"Did you hear about what happened to the griffons that made them back down?" I asked getting him to nod.

"Yeah, a rumor about some steel bird raining fire down on them." He said as I smirked and winked. "...no way..."

Perspective: Luna

'Sister... why doesn't he remember anything about going to earth? I remember Twilight saying he was there'

'I had wiped that part from his memory... in case ponies were not yet ready to hear of our... special form...'

'Then why didn't you wipe your students mind as well?'

'Because she's an Alicorn just like us, and deserved to know sooner anyway'

Perspective: Jake

"Yup." I said smiling. "Anyway, whats on the menu for breakfast?" I asked as everyone started taking their seats.

Cadence and Shining sat a few chairs to the left of me, Luna is directly on my right, and Celestia is on the other side of me.

Celestia was the first to speak up. "They are bringing in many different types of fruits from across the lands. Along with any drink or juice you could imagine. Today is a special occasion.... right?" She asked as she looked at the two of us.

"Uh... it is?" I said getting Celestia to shrug.

"I don't know... is it?" She said smiling before looking down at a newspaper in front of her. "Huh... how strange. Apparently a pig went missing from the Apple Family farm last night. According to Applejack she couldn't make the two out because they were gone before she got a good look at them..." Celestia said as Luna and I looked between each other and thought the same thing.

'...bacon...'

Shaking my head I turned to my glass of water and picked it up to take a sip.

"So Luna... I heard you became a Carnivore last night." She said as she wiggled her eyebrows.

I did a spit take as the words left her mouth and I looked to Luna, who had the same expression on her face.

"W-What?!" Luna said back. "W-What do you mean?"

"You know... you tried something last night... that you've never had before." She said smiling.

"B-But we didn't, anything you think we did together last night wa-"

"What do you mean? I'm talking about the steak... what were you talking about?" She asked smiling.

"N-Nothing!" She said loudly as Celestia turned to me.

I shook my head. "Nope! Nothing!" I agreed as she turned to Cadence.

I turned my head to see Cadence staring between the two of us, mouth hanging open, with the edge of a smile on her lips.

"Did... did you two..." She started as she brought her hooves together before I interrupted her.

"NOPE! I'M SUDDENLY NOT HUNGRY!" I yelled as I stood up and made my way for the door. "Sorry Luna... your on your own. Was fun!" I said as I was gone in the blink of an eye.

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