I Killed Fiddy Men, Not Ponies

by MajorDude

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Crossover, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 52610

After Cotton Hill dies, he is given another chance in life in the world of Equestria.

Remake of one of my works I have previously done (and working on).

When Cotton passes away, God sends him to Equestria so that Cotton can redeem himself.

I do not own King of the Hill nor Friendship Is Magic.
A remake on my second MLP story!
Completely unrelated to neither Dang O' Ponies stories

Original Story:
I Killed Fitty Men, Not Ponies

Published 2013-09-15 06:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-18 15:45:41 UTC

I met the Mane 6

Cotton continued to look around in this strange world.

Eventually he walked into a park with ponies everywhere.

"I need to ask someone where I am." he muttered.

He noticed these six ponies having a picnic. "Hilarious." he groaned.

Cotton looked closely. There was a purple unicorn, a pink pony, an orange pony with a cowboy hat, a white unicorn, an those two pegasi he saw a while ago.

He shrugged. He might as well ask them.

As soon as he walked up to them, they stopped eating and looked at Cotton.

Cotton rolled my eyes, "Excuse me ladies. You know where the hell i am?"

The purple unicorn looked confused.

"What's hell?" she asked politely

Cotton grunted. "Ya don't know what hell is? What kind of a world is this?"

The purple unicorn looked more confused.

"Umm...You are in the world of Equestria." she said.

Cotton became angry. "The hell kinda name is that? Jesus Christ, am i in a women's show"

The orange pony tilted her head.

"Who in tarnation is Jesus Christ?"

He shook his head. "Forget it OK?"

The pink pony jumped to Cotton.

"Oh! Oh! I should throw a welcome party! Just for him! What should I make the party theme?" She said in an impossible speed.

Cotton looked at the white unicorn. "She on PCP or something?"

The white unicorn giggled. "I don't know what PCP is but I don't think she has that or something. She's just always like that"

He rolled his eyes. The blue pegasus flew to him.

"I like this guy." She said with a smirk. "He gets too angry."

Cotton rolled his eyes and glared at the yellow pegasus, who was silent the whole time.

The purple horse walked up to him. "And you are?" she asked.

Cotton thought for a moment. "Should Ah tell 'em my real name?" he thought "Eh, screw it."

He looked at the purple unicorn. "Cotton Hill"

The purple unicorn smiled. "I'm Twilight Sparkle."

The blue pegasus smirked. "Name's Rainbow Dash!"

The pink pony giggled. "PINKIE PIE!"

The white unicorn bowed. "My name is Rarity."

The orange pony tipped her hat to Cotton. "Howdy! Name's Applejack."

The yellow pegasus grinned weakly. "Fluttershy"

"What the hell is wit' these names?!" Cotton thought. "And Ah thought Hank Rutherford Hill was bad!"

Twilight walked up to him. "Can I talk to you later? I still have some questions to talk."

He shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

Twilight smiled. "Great! Where do you live?"

"Can't let her know Ah'm from another world." Cotton thought. "Uhh...Ah just moved here."

Applejack got curious. "From where?"

"Ah crap." Cotton thought.

Rainbow Dash flew next to me. "Manehatten, Canterlot...?"

"Screw it." he thought. "Umm...Manehatten?"

Rarity frowned. "So you don't have a home"

Cotton shook his head.

Twilight smiled. "If you want...I have an extra room in my home"

Pinkie Pie nodded rapidly. "I also have an extra room!"

Rarity smiled. "I have an attic I'm not using. You can live in it"

Applejack nodded. "I don't have any extra rooms but you can live in mah barn"

Fluttershy smiled weakly. "My cottage has an extra room."

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Sorry but my home is up in the sky. Only pegasus ponies can live there. You're an Earth pony. Sorry."

"I'm an earth pony?" Cotton thought. "What the hell? Ah forget it. So. Where should I live? Twilight sounds like a nerd. Pinkie's crazy. Rarity's too gentlemen-like or something like that. Rainbow Dash makes a point. Fluttershy's too shy. But Applejack..."

Cotton smiled at Applejack. "Alright. I'll live with you. Thank you"

His eyes widen. "Did I just thank a WOMAN?" he thought.

Applejack smiled brightly. "Ah shucks. No problem."

Twilight smiled. "Want to join our picnic?"

He shrugged. "Why not?"

He sat next to Applejack. "What the..." he thought. "My shins! They're back! It is weren't for this girly crap, i would thank you God."

He dug into the picnic basket and took out a sandwich...

...a hay and flower sandwich. "Really?" he said to himself.

He gulped and took a bite. "Huh. Doesn't taste like crap." he said to himself.

He relaxed and began eating with the ponies.

After the picnic

Nighttime

He began walking with Applejack to her home.

When they reached it, Applejack smiled proudly.

"Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres!" she said as she pointed to the acres of apple trees.

Cotton whistled at the sight of the orchard. "Wow! I never knew you were a farmer. I thought you were a cowgirl or something."

She chuckled at his last statement and said. "Come on! I'll introduce you to mah family"

She walked to a farmhouse and called out her family. Three ponies came out.

Applejack pointed to the big red Earth pony. "This here's Big Macintosh, mah big brother!"

Big Macintosh nodded. "Eeyup."

"Oh God. You had to put me in a world wit' a Hank Hill." Cotton thought with a small scared look on his face. "Just great. Meh. Maybe he ain't a jackass like my son."

Applejack pointed to the small pony. "This here's Apple Bloom, mah lil' sister!"

Apple Bloom smiled. "Howdy!"

"Cute" Cotton thought. "Wait, did I just call a girl CUTE? Oh Lord why?"

Applejack pointed to the light green pony that looked about his age. "And this here's Granny Smith!"

Granny Smith nodded. "Mighty nice to see you"

"Finally, a horse about mah age." he thought.

Cotton smiled nervously. "I'm surrounded by women." he thought. "And Hank Hill the Big Red Dog."

Cotton cleared his throat. "um. Can you show me my room, um, I mean the barn, or somthing"

Applejack nodded. "Sure thing!"

She led him to the barn, which was in poor condition.

"Barn looks like a dump" Cotton muttered with a whistle.

Applejack smiled weakly. "Yeah, sorry about that."

Cotton shrugged. "That's fine. One time I spent 2 weeks under a pile of dead bodies on Iwo Jima. You wouldn't imagine the smell..."

Applejack gulped. "W-What's Iwo Jima?"

"Damnit Cotton." he thought. "Umm...Just kidding. I made the whole thing up...heh..." He smiled like an idiot.

Applejack grinned nervously. "Um...OK...Good night!"

She walked back to her home. Cotton stared at his bed...a pile of hay.

"Eh. Whatever." he thought as he laid on the hay. "Huh. Felt comfortable."

Eventually Cotton fell asleep. "Man what a day..." he said before dozing off.

Applejack walked to her home. She was still wondering what Iwo Jima was.

She looked nervous. Even though Cotton said he was joking, she couldn't help but think that he was lying.

She shook her head. She was tired. She'll think about it another time.

Mah Second Day on this God-forsaken place

Cotton woke up with a yawn.

He put his hand on his forehead...

"...wait HAND?!" Cotton shouted frantically. "But I thought I was a horse...?!"

"Good morning Cotton" he heard.

He turned around and saw Peggy Hill, who was smirking.

"What the...?" he thought. "I'm alive? I thought I died and went to that horse world or somathing?!"

Cotton gasped before he realized that he is now a pony.

"It was just a dream..." A relieved Cotton said.

Cotton got off the hay and yawned.

"Might as well visit AJ" he muttered.

He walked to her house. "Damn that gal has a LOT of apple trees." he muttered.

He reached the front door and knocked.

Big Macintosh opened the door and smiled.

"Morning Cotton." he said.

Cotton pushed Big Macintosh aside and walked in.

"Yea Yea Whatever. What's fer breakfast?"

Big Macintosh led Cotton to the kitchen table where Cotton saw Applejack, Apple Bloom, and Granny Smith.

Granny Smith smiled. "Good Morning Mr. Cotton Hill"

Cotton rolled my eyes. "What's on the menu? And don't call me Mr. Cotton Hill"

She gave him a slice of apple pie. "APPLE PIE?" Cotton thought with a raised eyebrow. "First a plant sandwich for lunch and now dessert for breakfast? Eh. Food's food."

He began to eat his pie quietly until he heard Apple Bloom complain.

"Apple pie again? We just had apple pie yesterday!"

"Ah zip it young'un" Cotton told her, crumbs flying from his mouth. "One time the only thing I ever gots to eat was rats. Eventually I was down to mah last rat. I let it live so that I could eat its droppings. Called it Jungle Rice! Tasted fine."

The whole Apple family just stared at Cotton.

Big Macintosh broke the silence. "You ate mouse droppings?"

Cotton smiled like an idiot. "Can't let them know." He thought. "Um...Of course not! That was just a made up story! Uh Yea..."

Apple Bloom smiled. "Wow...you made it sound like you really DID ate mouse droppings!"

Big Macintosh nodded. "Eeyup"

Cotton's right eye twitched the second Big Macintosh said 'Yup.'

Applejack looked uneasy. "Umm...how about we go visit mah friends after breakfast?"

Cotton shrugged. "Sure. Why not?" He said as he quietly ate his pie, ignoring the worried faces from the Apples Family.

After breakfast

"So who should we visit?" Cotton asked Applejack.

"Um...how about Twi?" she asked.

Cotton shrugged. "Why not?"

She led the way to her friend 'Twi'

As Cotton followed her, he noticed ponies are looking at him.

He saw fillies and colts hiding behind their parents.

"Eh." Cotton thought. "Why do I care?"

Eventually she led him to this tree house.

She knocked on the door.

A small purple dragon opened the door.

The purple dragon smiled at Applejack.

"Hey AJ" he said.

He looked at Cotton and looked a bit scared.

"Whoa. Who are you?" he said.

Cotton rolled his eyes.

"Your mom" he replied with a smirk.

The dragon, who was Spike, looked confused.

"You're not my mom." Spike said.

Cotton sighed.

"Whatever" Cotton said.

Spike smiled. "Hey, you must be the stallion Twi was talking about"

Cotton glared at him. "Yea so?"

Spike looked scared. "Whoa. Your eyes freak me out."

Cotton smirked. "Good"

Spike smiled nervously. "Umm...Hey Twi! That stallion you were talking about is here!"

Cotton snorted. "You look like Spyro the Dragon."

Spike chuckled nervously. "Um...thanks?"

Cotton pushed him out of the way.

"Hey Breaking Dawn!" Cotton shouted.

Twilight came into the room. "Good Morning Cotton." she said with a smile.

Cotton didn't pay attention to her. He was just looking around.

"Damn you have a lot of books." Cotton said. "You really ARE a nerd!" he thought.

"You want to borrow some books?" Twilight asked.

Cotton shrugged. "Sure. What do you got?" he said.

"I can give you a book about the history of Equestria." Twilight suggested as she used her magic to levitate a book to Cotton.

Cotton smiled. "You got porn or pictures of women?"

Everypony, and Spike, looked confused.

"What the hay is porn?" Applejack asked.

Cotton groaned. "The whole planet is full of women and yet there is no porn..." he thought.

"Can we go now?" Cotton asked Applejack.

Applejack was confused. "We just got here"

Cotton glared at her. "I said, CAN WE GO NOW?"

Applejack sighed. "Fine, just wait outside please"

Cotton rolled his eyes and went outside.

Spike scratched his head.

"He was...um...nice..."

Twilight sighed.

"He's a little bit meaner than I thought."

Applejack smiled weakly.

"Maybe we'll git used to him. But first things first!"

Twilight nodded.

"Right! I told Pinkie Pie to set it up in the barn."

Applejack smirked.

"Perfect."

A surprise party, really?

"So where're we going?" Cotton asked Applejack.

"Back to the barn" she said.

Cotton shrugged. "Fine"

Applejack led the way.

She eventually led Cotton to the barn at Sweet Apple Acres.

"Wait here sugarcube" she said.

"Fine." Cotton muttered. "And don't call me sugarcube"

She went inside the barn.

"OK you can go inside" Applejack called out.

Cotton went inside the barn...

"SURPRISE!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!"

Cotton literally almost had a heart attack.

He saw the Mane 6, Applejack's family, and all these other ponies he had never seen. "Heh." Cotton said to himself. "One of the horses has crossed eyes."

There was a long, uncomfortable silence.

Pinkie broke the silence.

"Come on girls! LET'S PARTY!"

She suddenly pull up a white unicorn with goggles and a DJ table out of nowhere.

The unicorn started playing some music.

Cotton had no idea what to do. "Eh." he said. "Might as well get a drink."

He went to one of the tables and all there was...was just punch.

Cotton asked Twilight. "Where's the beer?"

She looked confused. "What's beer?"

"I HATE THIS GODDAMN WORLD!" Cotton thought furiously.

He angrily rolled his eyes "Never mind. I'm going outside for a bit."

He went outside for some air.

"Someone's pissed" Cotton heard someone say. "Why does that sound familiar?" he said.

He turned around and saw a Pegasus with light green skin and orange mane. He was wearing sunglasses. "Why do they look so damn familiar!-?" Cotton thought.

He smirked, "Long time no see Cotton."

Cotton let out a surprised gasp.

World War II

Army Barracks

Cotton was getting his army uniform preparing to fight the Nazis at Italy. He had an aggressive look on his face.

"You sure look ready for this"

Cotton turned around and saw a smirking man with orange hair and sunglasses leaning against the door frame.

The man came up to Cotton.

"Mark Walsh." the man said as he put out his hand for a handshake.

"COTTON HILL!-!" he said proudly as he shook Mark's hand.

Mark chuckled. "You sure have the WWII spirit."

Cotton smirked. "Ready to kill!"

Eventually the guys started a conversation. Cotton was impressed by this man. He learned that Mark was going to live his dreams after the war.

Cotton never forgot that man.

That was the last time he saw him.

He heard he was killed from that Tojo torpedo on the same ship Cotton was, before he lost his shins.

Cotton never told his friends about Mark. Not Hank and his friends. Not even Topsy and his other war comrades.

Cotton will always remember Mark Walsh.

Cotton looked confused.

"Mark...Mark Walsh?"

The pegasus nodded. "Long time no see Cotton. Thought you would never be here."

Cotton blinked. "God sent ya after that torpedo killed ya?"

Mark blinked. "Torpedo? You mean that torpedo in Pacific theater that I survived?"

Cotton dropped his jaw. "YOU'S WAS STILL ALIVE?-!"

Mark continued. "I thought you were dead so I stayed in Los Angeles. I died on November 4, 2007"

"Wow. One week before i died..." Cotton said as he put his hoof on his forehead.

Mark smiled. "I'm glad you're here, man"

"Wow. Where's your place?" Cotton asked.

Mark smiled. "I'm living with someone, I mean somepony, named Derpy, that crossed-eyed pony you saw at the party."

Cotton nodded. "Yeah. That crossed eyed grey horsie."

Mark smiled. "Come on man. Join the party. It may seem gay. But it kicks ass. Trust me. That pink pony threw me a party. Didn't want to go at first. Now I go to every single goddamn party she throws!"

Cotton thought for a minute. "I didn't want to go to the gay party..." Cotton thought. "but I still wanna hang out wit Mark more..."

Cotton sighed. "Fine"

Mark smiled. "Great. You won't regret it."

Cotton followed Mark to the party. "Let's get this crap over with." Cotton said.

Later that night

Twilight was at her home with Spike after the party.

She told Spike to write a letter to the Princess.

Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I met a strange pony named Cotton Hill. He's a little mean but I think that's probably because he is new here. I will try to cheer him up and make him feel like he is not a stranger.

Yours faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

She gave the letter to Spike, who rolled up the scroll and blew a gout of green flame that burned it up.

Celestia just finished reading the letter Twilight gave her.

She sighed. "He's finally here."

She knew that this day will come.

She stood up and looked at the sky.

"Better expect some more visitors" she thought as she took out a book and turned to a page with a picture of four men drinking beer.

=Yup, Yup, Yup, Mmm hmm=

"Yup"

"Mmm hmm"

Hank Hill and Jeff Boomhauer were outside Hank's house, sipping beer.

Hank was the man with brown hair and blue jeans. He stood as he drank his beer.

A young man with yellow hair and tannish skin, Boomhauer, stood next to Hank. Boomhauer had a black t-shirt and blue jeans.

It was 6:00 PM.

Thursday.

October 30.

One day before Halloween.

2009.

Hank finished selling propane and propane accessories today and scaring off teenage Halloween pranksters at work. Boomhauer just got back from a one-night stand with a Halloween store attendant.

A few minutes later, they noticed someone, in an exterminator suit and wearing a gas mask, coming out of Hank neighbor's house.

"Oh God" Hank muttered after realizing who it was:
Dale Gribble, Hank's crazy best friend.

Dale came to the guys and quoted through his mask.

"It is my destiny to be the nameless, faceless executioner" Dale said in a muffled voice, thanks to his mask. "But do not fear me for I am just part of the circle of life..."

"...the last part."

Dale then got into his fighting stance.

"Made you flinch" Dale said before letting out a muffled laughter, as Hank and Boomhuaer just stood there, looking at Dale.

A fat man dressed like a ghost walked up to Dale.

"Hey Dale" Bill replied.

Dale turned around...

...then screamed like a girl.

"AHHHHHH!"

Everyone started to laugh.

Dale took off his mask and frowned as he shook his head.

"Dale, what are you doing?" Hank asked after he finished laughing.

"What? Can't a guy show off his new threads?" Dale replied, grabbing a beer from the cooler next to Hank and standing next to him.

Bill removed his costume. He was an obese man wearing a white shirt and blue jeans. Despite being bald, he still had some brown hair on his head.

He took a beer from the cooler and stood next to Boomhauer.

"I wanted to dress as a military soldier but nothing can beat a ghost. Besides, there's always next year!" Bill said before he sipped his beer.

"There won't be a next year!" Dale muttered. "I had a dream that someone named Seth MacSomething was gonna destroy our world!-!"

Boomhauer just stared at Dale and shook his head. "Dang ol' getting stupider man. Must be dat dang old smoking, nicotine, I tell you what, yo man."

Hank just shook his head and headed home.

"Stupid Dale. Thinking the world's gonna end" Hank replied, holding back his laughter.

Dale watched Hank go to his house and shook his head.

"He's gonna regret saying that" he said as he sipped his beer.

Boomhauer shook his head and chuckled.

"Dang o end of the world man I tell you want man i read this here story Dang O' Horses and let me tell you yo man dang o GAY man not the ponies man the damn story tell you what man NOT creative and POORLY written, tell you what man yo"

Dale glared at Boomhauer.

"THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER Boomhauer. The next day our world will be destroyed!"

Bill cringed.

"We're all gonna DIE TOMORROW?"

Dale shook his head.

"Nope. In my dream, we were all reincarnated into another world."

Bill widen his eyes.

"Really?"

Bill thought a moment and looked happy.

"WOW."

Bill headed home as he put on his costume.

Boomhauer put a hand on his forehead. "Why do I dang old listen to you Gribble man, dang ol' end of the world, 4th season, government shut down, man damn, I tell you what"

Boomhauer and Dale turned to see Hank's Laotian neighbor Kahn, who was taking out the trash.

"What's wrong hillbillies? Ran out of food stamps?" Kahn quipped before laughing.

Dale shook his head. "Nope. Just talking about how the world is gonna end"

Kahn laughed "You hillbillies say the most stupidest things ever! Even Cotton was better than you rednecks!"

Dale looked sad. "Ah yes. Colonel Cotton Hill. May he rest in peace"

Kahn sighed. "Poor guy. Probably being tortured by Satan. Well, I better head inside and install my new security cameras. Don't want teenagers TPing my house!"

Kahn went back to his house, leaving Dale and Boomhauer outside.

Dale decided to start some conversation. "So Dang O' Horses? I read that story. Crap."

Boomhauer rolled his eyes "Tell you what man, dang o tell me about man"

Dale nodded. Even though he hated the story (especially when that mare just kissed that stallion like THAT), he didn't like it when someone insults ponies.

Yes.

Dale is a brony.

It was 11:56 PM

Hank was trying to go to sleep but couldn't.

He looked at the clock and shrugged.

"Well since I'm awake, I might as well grab a beer" he thought.

Hank got off the bed and went to the kitchen.

Hank exited the room quietly and arrived at the kitchen.

Dale was hiding in the basement.

He still has his suit and mask.

He was busy looking at his watch.

Boomhauer was still in bed trying to sleep.

It was not working so far.

Bill tried to sleep but couldn't.

Mostly because he was sleeping in the couch, since he was too lazy to sleep in his bed.

Kahn was not even asleep.

He was putting the finishing touches to the cameras.

11:57 PM

Hank took a beer from the fridge and opened it.

He stood next to window, taking a sip.

Dale gritted his teeth.

Boomhauer tried counting sheep.

Bill also tried counting sheep.

Kahn smirked as he went to his home.

11:58 PM

Hank chuckled to himself.

"End of the world. Good one Dale"

He continued to drink his beer.

He could not wait for Halloween.

"Anytime..." Dale said.

"25 sheep" Bill said.

"Dang o' 25 sheep man" Boomhauer said.

"Kiss my ass idiot teenagers" Kahn said.

11:59 PM

Hank finished his beer and went outside to put it in his recycling bin.

He noticed a white light.

"Huh?"

He tried shaking it off but it didn't go away.

It suddenly became bigger and bigger.

"What the hell?"

"Huh?"

"Is this the end?"

"Dang o' what?"

"The hell is this?"

Celestia sighed.

"It has begun"

Cotton woke up.

"Wat the hell? Ah screw it..."

Eventually he went back to sleep.

Author's Note

Yes. I did rip off the 1st chapter from Dang O' Ponies.

Yes. Dang O' Horses IS Dang O' Ponies.

Yes. Even I, THE AUTHOR, thinks it was a mistake...kinda. I just think I could have done better. I'm not a professional writer.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!...even though it's not until 26 more days...

Hard Work, and a Vistor?!

Cotton woke up.

He checked if he was still a pony.

"Good." Cotton thought. "Still a horse. Damn what a party! Mark was right! It did kick ass!"

He got off the hay and stretched his arms.

"Wonder whats fer breakfast?" He said to himself.

He walked to Applejack's house.

He reached the front door and knocked on it.

Apple Bloom opened the door and smiled.

"Mornin' Mr. Cotton Hill!" She said.

Cotton resisted the urge to facehoof. "Call me Cotton, young'un."

She frowned. "I will...IF you don't call me young'un"

Cotton couldn't help but laugh. "Oooooohhhh, I'm so scared of a young'un."

She frowned more. Cotton patted her head and went inside.

He saw Granny Smith cooking breakfast.

"Mornin' Cotton" she said.

Cotton let out a relieved sigh. "She remembered to call me Cotton." he thought.

She gave him a plate full of pancakes. Finally no more pies.

As Cotton dug in, Big Macintosh interrupted him.

"So what are ya gonna now Cotton? You found a job?" Big Macintosh asked.

Cotton stopped and spit out his food. "I don't have a job!" Cotton thought. "How am I gonna get some cash?!"

"If you want, you can work for us." Big Macintosh suggested.

Cotton shrugged. "Problem solved." he thought. "Fair enough. Now shut up and let me eat, Hank" Cotton said as he went back to shoving pie in his face.

As Cotton continued eating, Big Macintosh looked confused. "Hank?" He asked.

After breakfast

Cotton met up with Big Macintosh outside.

"So what the hell do you want me to do?" Cotton asked Big Macintosh.

Big Macintosh looked at Cotton with a confused look.

But eventually he went towards an apple tree. He turned around and kicked the tree with his legs.

Eventually the apples fell into a basket that was next to the tree.

"After that," Big Macintosh said, "You hook'em up to a harness, toss 'em on your back, and take'em to the storage barns."

Cotton shrugged. "Fair enough Hank"

Big Macintosh frowned. "Please stop calling me that."

Cotton rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, Kool-Aid" Cotton said as he pushed Big Macintosh aside and went to a tree.

Cotton turned around and gave the tree a good kick.

The apples fell from the tree and fell into the basket. "Thank God I have mah shins back." Cotton said to himself.

Cotton frowned at Big Macintosh. "You can go now, I got tis"

Big Macintosh frowned and went away.

"Ugh, I thought he'll never go away." Cotton said to himself. "Well time to get to work."

3 Hours of kicking trees

"Damn. Why the hell are there so many trees?" Cotton moaned. "Thank God for AJ and Hank to help me out on kicking the trees."

Cotton went to the barn. "Better take a nap." He said.

As Cotton went there, he saw Applejack and a royal-looking white alicorn. "Heh. She has a sun on her ass." Cotton said to himself with a smirk.

Applejack smiled. "Good. Yer here. I'll leave you alone with Princess Celestia" she said as she left.

"What? Princess? A WOMAN RULER?-!-?-!-?" Cotton thought. "Well it's just me and this princess bitch."

"It's not nice to call someone a 'bitch' Mr. Cotton Hill" Celestia said.

"Wait? How did she-?-! Can she read mah mind?-!-?-!" Cotton thought as he put on a shocked face.

"No I can't read your mind Cotton" she said smiling.

He dropped his jaw before he glared at her "Who the hell are you?"

She replied "I am Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria."

Cotton shook his head. "No male president?"

She laughed. "No respect for women as usual. Along with your son, Hank Hill."

"What the f...?" Cotton thought. "HOW DO YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ME?-!"

She continued to smile. "I knew that eventually you were going to die on Earth."

"What...? How the hell do ya know?" he asked as he glared angrily at Celestia.

"My secret" she said with a smirk.

Cotton gritted his teeth. "So what do you want?"

She sighed. "To warn you about some new visitors that will arrive shortly."

Cotton grunted. "Like I care."

She smiled. "Don't care about meeting your son, Hank Hill, and his friends and neighbor?"

"WHAT?-!-?-!-?-!-?" Cotton thought as he literally dropped his jaw.

"You see, their world is about to end. However, I will make sure that they will enter in this world, so that you don't have to be alone."

Cotton didn't say anything. He didn't HAVE to...

She laughed. "I'll give you some time alone. Goodbye Cotton. Oh, and please tell Dale Gribble I said hi and welcome to Equestria. He'll understand."

She left, leaving Cotton to stand there.

Applejack eventually came back. "Everything alright Cotton?"

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Please leave me alone" was all Cotton had to say.

Applejack shrugged. "Alright Cotton. See you tomorrow."

She left. Cotton fell to the ground. His shocked face was still splattered on his face.

The next day...

Cotton yawned as he woke up.

"Is it true what that stupid princess said?" Cotton said as he got up. "She can't be tr..."

"BRWAHH!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!"

"Never mind."

...Oh God, It IS Them...

"DAD?!" the light brown unicorn, Hank Hill, shouted.

"Dang o' yo man damn he's alive like dang o' Batman in that movie yo man?!" the tan pegasus, Boomhauer, shouted.

"Sir? YOU'RE ALIVE?!" the fat dark pony, Bill Dauterive, shouted.

"I thought he was dead?!" the other brown unicorn, Kahn Souphanousinphone, shouted.

The orange pegasus, Dale Gribble, shouted, "Maybe the government cloned him before their shutdown, or he faked his death, or he's a robot, or he's an alien, or he's a Changling, or a Magic Mirror clone, or, according to the Sunset Shimmer theories, a pony counterpart of him while the human counterpart died of old age back on earth, or...!"

"WILL YA'LL SHUT THE HELL UP?!" Cotton shouted.

Immediately, everypony kept their mouths closed.

Cotton cleared his throat. "Yeah guys it's me. Apparently, when I died, I didn't go to hell. Instead God sent me here in order for me to (ugh) redeem myself."

Hank looked surprised. "Then we are we here?"

Cotton sighed. "Your world ended"

Everyone except Dale looked surprised.

Dale jumped in the air with a large grin. "YESS!-!-! I KNEW THE WORLD WAS GONNA END!-!-!-!-!" he shouted.

Mark glared and raised an eyebrow at Hank. "So YOU'RE the one Cotton was talking about..."

Hank raised an eyebrow. "And you're?"

"Mark Walsh." Mark said calmly. "Friend of your dad."

"How come you never told me of this guy, dad?" Hank asked Cotton.

Cotton laughed. "There's a lot of crap I never told ya"

Mark smirked evilly. "Your dad didn't tell me much about you, but he had enough time to tell me you have a narrow urethra."

Kahn chuckled lightly as Hank let out a growl at Cotton.

Hank looked around. "Where's Peggy and Bobby?"

Cotton shrugged "Don't know. When your world ended, I guess they went to Heaven or something"

Dale laughed. "I prefer this place than heaven anytime."

"COTTON!" Cotton recognized Applejack's voice.

Dale suddenly smiled. "Oh my God! It's Applejack!-!-!"

"I'm guessing she's an acquaintance of yours" Kahn guessed.

Cotton sighed. "Don't mention it"

"Hey Applejack!" Applebloom shouted. "Cotton's back! And look! He brought some new friends!"

Applejack, Big Macintosh, Granny Smith, and Applebloom saw Cotton along with Mark and 5 other ponies.

The orange pegasus smiled at the sight of Applejack.

"Oh my God" Dale thought, "It's Applejack, Granny Smith, Big Macintosh and Applejack! Oh God I wish Braeburn was here along with Babs Seeds..."

Dale was lost in his mind while Applejack came up to Hank.

"Howdy y'all!" Applejack said to Hank, raising her hoof for Hank to shake, "Ah'm Applejack. And this here's mah family!"

Big Macintosh smiled. "Eeyup."

Hank, Bill, and Boomhauer smiled widely. They were glad to find someone who said 'Yup'.

Kahn just rolled his eyes. He smelled a hillbilly.

Bill spoke up. "Nice to meet you guys...I mean horses...I mean..."

Hank shoved his hoof on Bill's mouth.

"What he's saying is that we're pleased to meet you" Hank said with a smile.

Kahn frowned. "Almost everyone" he thought.

Hank continued. "I'm Hank Hill."

Bill smiled. "I'm Bill Dauterive."

Boomhauer said, "Dang ol' I go by many names dang ol' Jeff man is what dang ol' Canadian family called me man damnit lost that dang ol' grill I tell you what man yo didn't say sorry, man assholes yo..."

Applejack blinked. Hank chuckled. "His name's Boomhauer" Hank said.

Kahn rolled his eyes. "Kahn Souphanousinphone." he grunted.

Granny Smith smiled. "Greetings, Con SuperPhone!" she said.

Kahn just rolled his eyes and sighed angrily.

Applejack smiled at Mark. "Long time no see, Midway."

Instead of using his real name, Mark Walsh often used a new nickname, Midway.

Mark smirked. "Sup AJ?"

Applejack walked up to Dale, who was daydreaming. "And you?" she asked.

Dale ignored her, still lost in his mind.

Applejack poked him in his face, surprising him.

"RAISE THIS BARN, RAISE THIS BA-Oops, sorry. I'm Dale Gribble" he said with a clumsy look.

Applejack raised an eyebrow, but said, "Nice friends, Cotton!"

Cotton scratched his head. "Yea..."

Applejack smiled and pointed to her house. "Why don't ya invite yer friends for some breakfast?" she asked Cotton.

Cotton looked at his friends. Dale nodded rapidly while the guys just shrugged.

Cotton sighed. "Fine" he said as he and his friends followed the Apples to their home.

Breakfast at AJ's

Applejack led Cotton, Hank, Dale, Bill, Boomhauer, Kahn, and Mark (or Midway) to the living room, so they can wait for some breakfast.

Kahn was bored while Hank, Bill, and Boomhauer were looking around. Dale happily jumped around, marveling at their house. Mark was walking with Cotton.

"So let me get this straight." Mark said to Cotton. "Hank is your son. Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer are his friends and neighbors. Kahn is Hank's neighbor and acquaintance?"

"Yeah..." Cotton muttered as he sat down on a chair in the living room.

The other guys sat down in the living room. Applejack and her family were at the kitchen, whipping up the guys their breakfast. "Oh yea..." Cotton said, turning to Dale. "Gribble, some stupid weird princess, Cele-sumthing said welcome to Ah-quest-tree-ah, or something..."

Dale smiled widely. "PRINCESS CELESTIA SAID HELLO?-!-?-!-?"

Cotton raised an eyebrow. "Ya know her?" he said.

Dale laughed. "Uh yeah!" he said with a huge grin. "She's the freaking princess of Equestria. Don't forget her sister, Princess Luna! I freaking love her!-! And Princess Cadance and Shining Armor! But not Prince BlueBlood. He's an asshole."

Hank blinked at Dale's 'adult' language.

Dale shook his head. "That's not all." he said with a frown. "There's other assholes...Gilda, Trixie, FlimFlam Brothers, Canterlot rich snobs, those bullies in that Sonic Rainboom episode, et cetera."

Dale then gave a furious look to his friends. "But," he whispered in a dark tone, "the ponies whom I hate, despise, and should deserve to be called soulless monstersl..."

He looked around for anypony listening and whispered into his confused friends' ears...

"Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon..."

Bill blinked. "W-W-Who are they?-?-?" he muttered, imagining two dark soulless demons from Hell.

Mark snickered. "You mean those two little rich girls who piss off those three girls without their Cutie Mark butt tattoos?"

Dale smiled and nodded. "Bingo!" he said before switching his face to a smile to an angered frown.

Hank, Bill, and Boomhauer just sat there, blinking. They wondered how could Dale hate just two little girls.

Boomhauer shook his head. "Man, dang o' bunch of kids man? Burn in hell for all eternity man? Dang o' why man yo dang o' just kids. Maybe rich that's why yo. Money affects thy soul man. Fight it man yo. Generosity, mmm hmm."

Dale shook his head. "Kids?" he muttered with an evil glare. "THEY'RE MONSTERS. CRUEL HEARTLESS MONSTERS. THEY BULLIED APPLE BLOOM, TEASED THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, FORCED THEM TO BE PAPARAZZI'S, MOCKED GRANNY SMITH, MADE FUN OF SCOOTALOO'S FLIGHT PROBLEM, AND MADE BABS SEED BULLY THE CRUSADERS AND STOLE THEIR CLUBHOUSE. THEY'RE GODDANG, BLOODY MONSTERS."

"Dale, Jesus Christ, calm the hell down." Hank said with a surprised look as he put a hoof on Dale's back, who was calming down.

Kahn shook his head. "I don't even know what's he talking about," he muttered as he placed his head on the table.

"Dale," Bill said with a concerned face, "They're just kids, OK? Do you really consider them monsters?"

"YES!-!-!-!-!" Dale shouted back, surprising the guys.

Applejack ran to living room with a surprised look on her face.

"Ya guys alright?" she asked.

Mark nodded his head. "Yeah, we're fine. Don't worry about it."

Applejack let out a sigh and went back with a kitchen with a relieved smile on her face.

Hank hit Dale on the back of the head. "Next time, control yourself Dale!" he whispered as Dale rubbed the back of his head, with an annoyed look on his face.

"By the way," Bill asked Cotton. "What about your friend, Mark?"

"Well," Mark answered with a nervous grin. "About that..."

"BREAKFAST'S READY Y'ALL!" AppleBloom shouted.

Mark shrugged. "I guess I'll tell you later." he said as the guys went to the kitchen.

Cotton and his friends went the kitchen.

They saw Applejack's family in the kitchen. They also saw food on the table: apple juice, carrots, hay waffles, apple pie, and apple crisp.

Dale smiled brightly as he and the guys sat down to eat.

Kahn just got some waffles and juice since he wasn't that hungry...and the fact that he assumes the food was made by rednecks.

Hank, Boomhauer, Cotton, and Mark just got waffles, carrots, juice and some pie.

Bill and Dale took most of the juice and stuffed their faces with carrots, waffles, pie, and apple crisp.

The Apple family giggled at how Bill and Dale were eating while Hank just placed his hoof on his face.

"So," Big Macintosh said. "Where y'all from?" he asked.

"Manehatten." Dale blurted out while eating his food and ignoring Hank's glare at him.

"What a coincidence!" Apple Bloom said with a smile. "My cousin Babs Seed lives there!"

"I know!" Dale said as he continued eating.

Apple Bloom tilted her head. "You know? How do you know my cousin?" she asked Dale.

Hank let out a nervous chuckle. "Oh, don't mind Dale." he said, while he glared at Dale. "He always act crazy when eating."

Cotton laughed. "Ah Hank, my son. Always such a boob." he said while snickering.

Big Macintosh blinked. "Hank, Cotton's yer dad?" he asked. Hank nodded.

Big Macintosh raised an eyebrow. "Interesting. Do ya tell stories like yer dad?"

Hank stopped eating his food. "Stories?" he asked.

"Well," Big Macintosh said. "Yer dad once said that he ate 'Jungle Rice' and mouse droppings."

Hank let out a nervous grin and twitched his right eye. "He told you that? Was your little sister around when he told you that?" he asked.

Big Macintosh nodded, "Eeyup" he said, which made Hank slam his head on the table.

Cotton couldn't help but laugh at his son.

Boomhauer shook his head. "Don't tell that tale again man. Yo, it ain't funny no more. It was never dang ol' funny man. Dang o' you got that P.O.W. camp, man. That go yo, bamboo shoots talk about putting them under danged old fingernails. Yo don't freak me out about that."

AppleBloom giggled. "I love yer friends, Cotton! Especially Dale! He's so funny!" she said, which made Dale stop eating so that he can let out a wide, bright grin.

"Holy Crap! AppleBloom likes me!" Dale thought. "Maybe she could introduce me to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, make me part of them, do wacky stunts, maybe go to Manehatten to hang out with Babs Seeds, find a way to get even with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoo...wait, I need to NOT have a Cutie Mark to join the Crusaders! DO I EVEN HAVE A CUTIE MARK?-!"

He turned around to see his flank. There he saw a pair of sunglasses Cutie Mark. "Huh." he thought. "Maybe it represents how MYSTERIOUS I am..."

Bill noticed Dale looking at his flank. "Dale?" Bill asked. "Why are you looking at your butt?"

"Yeah!" Cotton shouted while laughing. "Why ya lookin' at yer ass?-!"

Hank was disgusted by his dad's behavior, but now that he mentioned it, why is Dale looking at his own flank...but most importantly, why is there a symbol in Dale's flank?

Hank looked at his own flank, which motivated the guys, except Dale, Cotton, and Mark, to look at their own flank. When they saw their flanks, they were a bit surprised.

Hank saw a propane tank Cutie Mark on his flank. Bill saw a barber's scissors Cutie Mark on his flank. Boomhauer saw a rose Cutie Mark on his flank. Kahn saw a microphone Cutie Mark on his flank.

Cotton knew that he had an AK-47 Cutie Mark and that Mark had a combat knife Cutie Mark. Mark also explained the concept of Cutie Marks to Cotton while they were at Pinkie's party at the barn.

Bill raised an eyebrow. "Why to I have a pair of scissors on my butt?" he asked the Apple family.

Applejack, Big Macintosh, AppleBloom, and Granny Smith immediately stopped eating.

"Umm..." AppleBloom said nervously. "You do know what a Cutie Mark is, right?"

Bill shook his head. "Nope!" he said with a smile.

Granny Smith dropped her fork. Applejack and Big Macintosh just stood their with shocked faces.

Immediately, Dale pushed Bill off his chair, which made Bill fall to the floor. Dale sat on Bill's chair and let out a nervous chuckle and smile.

"Oh, don't believe Bill!" he said as sweat formed on his forehead. "He's just messing around with you! Heh heh. Good one Bill! You almost made me wet my pants!"

AppleBloom couldn't help but laugh at his last statement. "Ha Ha! Wet yerself! That's a good one Dale! I really like ya!" she said with tears coming out of her eyes.

Dale couldn't help but to slightly ruffle AppleBloom. She was Dale's personal favorite Crusader.

Applejack and Big Macintosh lost their shocked faces and traded it with happy faces when they heard Dale's statement

Granny Smith just sighed as she saw her fork on the floor. Hank noticed her fork on the floor and offered his fork, which hasn't been used by him.

Granny Smith smiled and took the fork. "Thank ya Mr. Hill! Yer son has good manners, Cotton."

Cotton grunted while Hank scratched the back of his head, with a smile. "No problem." Hank said.

"So you guys are visiting to Ponyville?" Big Macintosh asked.

Before Hank can answer, Dale said, "Eeyup!" which made Cotton twitch his eye.

Hank, who decided to go with the lie, said, "Yeah...we came to visit my dad...yeah..."

"Well, where are ya gonna stay?" Granny Smith asked. The guys started to become worried since they have no idea where they are going to stay!

Cotton noticed this and chuckled while he shook his head. He turned to the Apples with a smile and asked, "How 'bout I show 'em to yer friends? Maybe they can take 'em in!"

The Apples looked at each other while Hank, Bill, Boomhauer, and Kahn were uncomfortable with sleeping at different spots.

Dale, however, always wanted to see the other ponies, so he blurted out, "YES! YEAH! EEYUP!"

The Apples chuckled at this, while Hank just took off his glasses and put his hoof on his forehead.

Applejack scratched her head and said to Cotton, "I suppose I could introduce yer friends to mah friends, but I don't know if they'll take yer friends."

Hank leaned towards Cotton and whispered, "Are you sure that this is a good idea, Dad?"

Cotton chuckled. "Sure, mah boy!" he whispered so that only Hank could hear him. "I seen her friends and they look like the nice girl type! Heh. Don't tell me ya afraid of sleeping wit' some women!"

Hank blushed and just shook his head.

"Well." Mark said as he put a napkin on his empty plate. "I'm done. Thanks again AJ!" Mark stood up and headed towards the door, waving to the Apples and the guys.

Mark was walking in the town for his daily walk. Despite being a Pegasus, he enjoyed taking long walks.

He noticed a unicorn and an Earth pony hanging out with each other. The unicorn had a double-scoop ice cream cone while the Earth pony had a single-scoop ice cream.

By accident, the Earth pony dropped his ice cream scoop on the ground, which made him form tears in his eyes. The unicorn noticed this and poured one of his scoops in the Earth pony's cone.

The Earth pony suddenly stopped forming tears in his eyes and hugged the unicorn.

"Thanks!" the Earth pony said. The unicorn chuckled. "That's what friends do!" the unicorn said.

Mark noticed this and suddenly had an ill look on his face.

He flew to an alley where nopony could see him and vomited on the ground.

As he vomited, tears began forming in his eyes.

What's up. Name's Mark Walsh.

Dude calm down! You don't have to make a big deal about the Japanese...

What do you mean I can't hang out with you guys!-?

I'm sorry man, but...

DUDE PLEASE STOP!-!

OH GOD! PLEASE NO!-!

NO! STOP!-! PLEASE!-!-!-! I'M YOUR FRIEND!-!-!-!

Mark shook his head as he finished vomiting. "Damn it Mark." he said to himself in a cracked voice. "That was in the past. YOU'RE LIVING IN THE GODDAMN PRESENT! FORGET ABOUT ALL THAT BULLCRAP!-!-!"

He spread his wings and flew away from the alley, trying to forget about his memories.

=Mark's Haunting Memories=

Mark went to a cafe to grab a quick snack.

As he sat down on a chair, the waiter came and took his order.

As Mark waited, he noticed the three fillies, who he knew where the Cutie Mark Crusaders, hanging out with each other.

Mark smiled. He had always liked to see friends hanging out with each other.

Immediately, memories went in his head.

What happened to Mommy and Daddy?-!

Go to Hell, Kenny! I don't need you anyway!-!

What's up. Name's Mark Walsh.

Wanna hang out with us? You look cool for a kid your age.

Heh. Nice. That was a little offensive but kinda funny...

Dude calm down! You don't have to make a big deal about the Japanese...

What do you mean I can't hang out with you guys!-?

I'm sorry man, but...

I freaking loved you guys! All of you were actually one of my first GODDAMN friends ever!-! AND NOW I CAN'T HANG OUT WITH YOU ASSHOLES?-!-?-!

SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!-!-!

DUDE PLEASE STOP!-!

OH GOD! PLEASE NO!-!

NO! STOP!-! PLEASE!-!-!-! I'M YOUR FRIEND!-!-!-!

SHUT UP!-!-!-!-! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP...!-!-!-!-!

He widen his eyes, but quickly closed his eyes and put his hooves on his ears and slammed his head on the table, trying to get rid of his thoughts.

DUDE PLEASE STOP!-!

OH GOD! PLEASE NO!-!

NO! STOP!-! PLEASE!-!-!-! I'M YOUR FRIEND!-!-!-!

Tears began flowing from his enclosed eyes.

DUDE PLEASE STOP!-!

OH GOD! PLEASE NO!-!

NO! STOP!-! PLEASE!-!-!-! I'M YOUR FRIEND!-!-!-!

He didn't notice the waiter bringing him a small sandwich.

DUDE PLEASE STOP!-!-!-!-! STOP STOP STOP...

OH GOD! PLEASE NO!-!-!-!-! NO NO NO NO...

NO!-!-!-! STOP!-!-!-!-! PLEASE!-!-!-!-!-!-! I'M YOUR FRIEND!-!-!-!-!-!-! FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRI...

"AHHHHHHHHHH!-!-!-!"

Mark screamed so loud, that everypony around him looked at him with shocked, surprised looks. The waiter even dropped the sandwich, with a shocked look on his face.

Mark immediately got up and flew away at a great speed. Away from the cafe.

Mark sat there on a cloud he formed by himself.

He laid on his cloud, his hooves covering his face.

He gave up and let the memories came back...

A young Mark sat in his room, playing with his toy car.

A police officer stood there, with an uncomfortable look on his face.

"Son," the officer said, "You may be wondering what I'm doing here...but...uh, your mom and dad, uh..."

Mark stopped playing and looked at the officer.

"What happened to them?" he asked.

The officer scratched his head, nervously.

"What happened to Mommy and Daddy?-!"

...

The police officer hugged Mark as Mark cried on the officer's shoulder.

The officer couldn't say much...his parents were never killed in a car accident...

A teenage Mark, around 17 years old, ruffled his head with an enraged look as he reached the door.

A young man stood in the hall. "Hey, don't go out, Mark! Come back here! You're grounded, you stupid fucking asshole! Remember?-!"

Mark grabbed a nearby lamp and threw it to the man, who was his uncle.

As his uncle dodged the lamp, Mark barked, "Go to Hell, Kenny! I don't need you anyway!-!"

Mark went out and shut the door with great force.

Mark stood there, leaning against a wall at his school.

Students looked at him, and hurried on, turning their face away from him.

Mark noticed this but shrugged it off, he didn't really care. People thought he was reckless and shady-looking, but he actually didn't care.

"Cool attitude, man." a voice said.

Mark was at a burger restaurant when he turned around to see four other high school students. They looked about his age. One had a blue t-shirt and shorts. The other had a red sweater and tight pants. The other one wore a yellow shirt with black pants. And finally, the last one had a white shirt, blue jeans, and a baseball cap on his head.

The teenager with baseball cap walked up to Mark and raised his hand.

"I'm Alexander Dean." the teenager with the baseball cap said.

"Name's Andrew Devin." the kid with the blue shirt said.

"Call me Jacob Springer." the teenager with the red sweater said.

"Joshua Ziff." the kid with the yellow shirt said.

Mark smirked. "What's up." he said as he held his hand in the air. "Name's Mark Walsh."

Alexander shook Mark's hand. "Wanna hang out with us?" he asked. "You look cool for a kid your age."

Mark shrugged. "OK Why not?" he said.

Ever since then, he hung out with them in his free time. Mark couldn't believe it but he finally found some friends he trusted and respected.

"I swear to God." Mark said with a smirk. "The only thing the Japanese done right is their food. And it's nothing but disgusting crap!"

Mark let out a laughter. Andrew and Jacob just looked at each as Alexander and Joshua looked surprised.

Alexander let a nervous chuckle and grin. "Heh." he muttered. "Nice. That was a little offensive but kinda funny..."

The other guys nodded, with raised eyebrows. They thought Mark was joking around. They didn't know that he literally hated Asians...

"Dude calm down! You don't have to make a big deal about the Japanese..." Alexander told Mark in a burger restaurant.

Mark just shrugged and smiled. "Can you blame me for such a crappy country?" he said as he calmly sipped his drink.

Alexander just sighed and shook his head with his eyes closed.

Mark was at the burger restaurant with his friends.

Mark looked angered while Alexander, Andrew, Jacob, and Joshua.

"What do you mean I can't hang out with you guys!-?" Mark shouted to.

"I'm sorry man, but..." Alexander said.

"Is this because I hate the goddamn Japanese?-!" Mark growled.

Andrew sighed. "Yeah..."

Mark threw his drink on the floor and ran out of the restaurant, flipping off his friends on the way.

Alexander, Andrew, Jacob, and Joshua were hanging out in an alley.

They noticed someone slowly walking towards them.

His hair was ruffled and his eyes had dried tears under them. He held a knife, which he gripped tightly. The knife had 'Kenny' engraved in it.

"Mark?" Alexander whispered.

"SHUT UP!" Mark barked, surprising everyone.

"I freaking loved you guys!" he said, with more tears coming out of his eyes. "All of you were actually one of my first GODDAMN friends ever!-! AND NOW I CAN'T HANG OUT WITH YOU ASSHOLES?-!-?-!"

Jacob walked up to Mark. "Mark...please..."

"SHUT UP!" Mark barked loudly as he lifted his knife up in the air. "JUST SHUT UP!-!-!"

He stabbed Jacob in the chest, killing Jacob instantly. Alexander, Joshua, and Andrew were immediately shocked to see this gruesome act.

"DUDE PLEASE STOP!-!" Joshua said as he slowly backed away. Mark immediately charged at him and fatally stabbed Joshua in the stomach.

"OH GOD! PLEASE NO!-!" Andrew said with a scared look on his face as he tried to run away. However, Mark charged at Andrew and stabbed him in the back, finishing off Andrew.

Mark slowly turned around to see that Alexander is on the ground with a frightened look on his face.

"NO! STOP!-!" Alexander said as he shed tears and raised his hand. "PLEASE!-!-!-! I'M YOUR FRIEND!-!-!-!"

"SHUT UP!-!-!-!-! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP...!-!-!-!-!" Mark shouted as he shed even more tears. He ran to Alexander and stabbed him in the head, killing Alexander. Mark proceed to continuously stab Alexander, even though he is dead.

Mark closed his eyes and continued to cry as he continued to stab Alexander's corpse.

It was one month since Mark killed his friends.

Mark was hiding in an alley, reading a newspaper he found lying on the ground.

When he killed his friends, he successfully pinned the murder on his uncle Kenny, who was sentenced to twenty years in prison.

Mark knew it was a matter of time before the cops find Mark.

Mark wondered he would avoid them, but his problem was solved when he saw an ad about joining the army...

Mark was an army barracks, still thinking about if his uncle was suffering in prison. His thoughts were interrupted when he saw a young man getting his army uniform.

Mark let out a smirk. "You sure look ready for this," he said.

The young man turned around and saw Mark, who was leaning against the door frame.

He walked up to the young man.

"Mark Walsh."

"COTTON HILL!-!"

After that torpedo incident, Mark managed to stay at Costa Rica.

He liked it there, mostly because the fact he can hide from the cops.

Mark wondered if Cotton was alive.

It was only a matter time before the world ended...

As he walked out of the Everfree forest. He wondered where he was. He saw a grey pegasus with a blond mane and tail and crossed-eyes.

Mark walked up to the pegasus, who turned out to be Derpy Hooves.

They became friends and Mark lived with Derpy, though they didn't have a romantic relationship.

Eventually, Mark had his own house built. He eventually learned that Pinkie Pie was throwing a welcome party for somepony new in Ponyville.

He realized that that was Cotton Hill.

Mark finished letting the memories haunt him.

He let out a single tear as he laid on the cloud.

"I'm sorry Alexander Dean, Andrew Devin, Jacob Springer, and Joshua Ziff." he whispered. "I'm sorry..."

Nerd meets 4 Eyes

Cotton showed his friends around Ponyville. He thought that he should show Twilight first.

"So where're we going again?" Bill asked.

Cotton shrugged. "I dunno." he muttered. "Just taking ya guys to meet some of AJ's friends. Maybe that purple nerd horse..."

Dale grinned. "WE GET TO VISIT TWILIGHT FIRST!-?"

Cotton sighed. "Yeah..." he muttered. "Follow me."

Eventually he took them to Twilight's library.

All of them, except Cotton and Dale, were surprised to see a large tree house.

Hank went up to the door and knocked on it.

Spike came to the door and opened it. "Yes? May I hel..."

"HOLY CELESTIA!" Dale screamed. "IT"S SPIKE!"

Dale immediately ran up to Spike and picked him up.

"HEY!" Spike shouted as he struggled to free himself. "Let me go!"

"Let's see if I can use him as a lighter like in that Apple Family Reunion episode!" Dale said with a silly grin.

Bill, Boomhauer, and Kahn were surprised at the talking dragon while Hank slapped Dale on the back of the head.

"Damn it, Dale. Let him go!" Hank ordered.

Dale whined as he put down Spike in the ground. Hank just shook his head.

Twilight eventually walked in the room. "Is something wrong Spi..."

Just when Dale was gonna shout something, Boomhauer immediately put his hoof on Dale's mouth, "Dang o' calm down Gribble man yo OCC man yo don't jump the shark man just like that Equestria Girls, man did it jump the shark, man, I tell you what..." Boomhauer said.

Twilight looked confused as Boomhauer continued talking. "I'm sorry, what?"

Hank coughed for a bit. "Oh don't worry, he always talks like this."

Twilight stared at Hank for a bit and then smiled and raised her hoof. "Oh...um...hi. I'm Twilight Sparkle."

Hank smiled back. "Hey, I'm Hank Hill. These are my friends Dale, Bill, Boomhauer, and Kahn."

Cotton walked up. "Hank's mah son." he said in a negative tone.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "You didn't tell me you had a son. That must be great!"

"Yeah...'great'" Cotton thought as he rolled his eyes.

"...man, GracieXG.H. Dang ol'...you know what man forget about it man." Boomhauer said as he crossed his arms.

"So, um, what brings you here?" Twilight asked.

"Hank and his friends need a place to stay." Cotton answered. "Ya wanna take one in?"

"Dad?" Hank whispered to Cotton. "Why are you dragging us and forcing us into other people's, I mean ponies' home?"

Cotton chuckled. "What's the matter?" he whispered back, but in a childish tone. "Is Hankie Wankie afraid of some little pony girlies?"

Hank gritted his teeth and was gonna say something but then Twilight said:

"I can take in Hank."

Hank blinked and stared at her.

Twilight blushed and said, "You seem like a nice pony I can talk to..."

As Hank blushed, Cotton smiled and said to the guys, "Problem solved! C'mon! Let's go find somepony else!"

As they went away, it was just only Hank, Twilight, and Spike.

"So...um..." Hank said nervously. "What do you think about propane?"

"Propane?" Spike asked.

Hank looked nervous. "There is propane here right?"

Twilight and Spike looked at each other.

Twilight replied, "Well...Yeah..." Hank smiled widely like Dale when he saw Twilight Sparkle.

"But we haven't used it that much..." Spike said.

Hank smiled. "Well I'm gonna give you 14 very compelling reasons to switch to propane." He said, using his trademark salesman tone. Twilight and Spike just looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

Mark was lying on a cloud.

He formed another cloud and shaped it to look like his late friend Jacob Springer.

Jacob was a friendly teenager who remained calm and rarely got angry, even when insulted.

Mark let out a tear. Jacob was an innocent person, yet he was the first for Mark to kill.

"The last thing he did was to calm me down politely..." Mark whispered. "AND I KILLED HIM!"

Mark continued to sob on top of his cloud.

Marshmallow meets Boomhauer and Shy Girl meets Mr. Kahn

"I tell you what sir, man, where in goddang we going, man?" Boomhauer blurted out.

Cotton sighed. "I ask myself the same question, Boomhauer..."

"Hello Cotton!" Rarity shouted.

Cotton looked at Rarity and waved, "Hey."

Rarity walked up and smiled. "Oh. Are these your friends?" she asked, looking at Boomhauer and Kahn.

Cotton nodded. "Yeah...they need a place to stay. Wanna take one in?"

Rarity looked at Kahn and Boomhauer.

Kahn just stared back with a blank face.

Boomhauer, however, just nodded and smiled. "Yo."

Rarity let out a tiny blush and asked him, "Oh...um...and you are?"

"Dang old Jeff man. Canadians called me that, I tell you what. But, um, Boomhauer is what they dang old call me, just dang don't call me egghead or something yo." Boomhauer replied.

Rarity just stood there with a confused look.

Cotton chuckled. "He's Boomhauer."

Rarity slowly tilted her head. "Oh...um...nice to meet you."

Cotton smirked. "C'mon Mr. Kahn. Let's leave these two lovebirds alone."

As Cotton and Kahn left, Boomhauer and Rarity blushed as Cotton said that statement.

Boomhauer just scratched his head. "Yo." he muttered.

"So what now, Cotton?" Kahn asked.

Cotton smirked. "I'm taking you to yer new roommate, Mr. Kahn." he said as he took Kahn to Fluttershy's cottage.

When they arrived, Cotton knocked on the door. Fluttershy came to the front door and opened it.

She smiled weakly. "Oh. Um. Hi Cotton." she whispered.

She looked at Kahn. "Oh. Um. Hello."

Kahn looked at Fluttershy and raised an eyebrow. "Hi." He said in a friendly tone.

Cotton chuckled. "Hey Flutters. Ya mind taking my friend Kahn Souphanousinphone?"

Fluttershy looked surprised. "Um...well...uh..."

Cotton smiled. "Great! Have a nice day you two!"

As Cotton left, it was just Fluttershy and Kahn.

Kahn scratched his head. Fluttershy just stood there.

A small white bunny came and poked Fluttershy's leg and pointed at Kahn.

Fluttershy smiled. "Oh, Angel. This is my friend Kahn Super-Phone."

"Souphanousinphone" Kahn corrected.

Angel just glared at Kahn and shook his head.

Kahn glared at Angel. "I just met this bunny" Kahn thought. "And already I hate it."

Hank was sweating profusely as he installed the propane heater in Twilight's house.

"I never thought it would be so different than it was on Earth. It feels so wierd." he said to himself. "If I can just...get it...to...ugh...argh...BWAAH!-!-!"

Hank shouted, while sweating large beads of sweat, as he finished the final touches on the heater.

Hank smiled as it worked perfectly. "Yes! Yes, I did it!" he said while laughing like a madman.

Dale was grinning as Rainbow Dash introduced him to her home.

"And yeah, this's my home. Any questions?" She asked Dale.

Dale shook his head. "Nope!"

Rainbow Dash smiled. "Oh...OK. Cool. Oh by the way, you didn't ask my question earlier. What's a cigarette?"

Dale's smile quickly turned into a small frown.

"Oh it's something...you know what? Forget about it." he said as he let out a nervous smile.

Rainbow Dash let out a raised eyebrow but decided to forget about it.

Bill happily shoves cupcakes in his face.

Pinkie Pie giggled as he ate cupcakes like a pig.

"Oh my gosh! You're so funny!" she said with a smile.

Bill just shrugged while eating. "Thanks. I guess."

"So you're a barber?" Pinkie asked Bill. "That's cool! Can you demostrate?"

Bill froze. Cutting hair for humans was one thing. But can he cut pony hair?

He grinned nervously. "Um...I'm gonna need some scissors. But I don't have any, so maybe another tim..."

"Here you go!" Pinkie said as she handed a pair of scissors to Bill.

Bill started to sweat a bit. "Ah damn." he whispered.

Mark formed two clouds and shaped them both to look like two of his friends, Alexander Dean and Andrew Devin.

Andrew was a kind teenager. However whenever he is insulted, most of the time he will get too defensive. Alexander was the same thing, however, sometimes he can be a little mean. Despite that, both Andrew and Alexander were good teenagers.

Mark started to shake and rocked back and forth. He tried to forget the memories as hard as he could.

DUDE PLEASE STOP!-!-!-!-! STOP STOP STOP...

OH GOD! PLEASE NO!-!-!-!-! NO NO NO NO...

NO!-!-!-! STOP!-!-!-!-! PLEASE!-!-!-!-!-!-! I'M YOUR FRIEND!-!-!-!-!-!-! FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND...

He closed his eyes as hard as he could. Tears forming from his eyes.

STOP STOP STOP...

NO NO NO NO...

FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND...

He gritted his teeth as hard as he could. Small whimpers came out of his mouth.

STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP...

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO...

FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND FRIE...

All of a sudden, he stopped. He opened his eyes and relaxed his face. He slowly got up with a completely blank face and flew to home.

"What!-? He's alive?"

"You know him?"

"It's a long story..."

"So what now?"

"Something I've always wanted to do..."

OH SH...

Cotton decided that, since he hadn't talked to Mark, he should visit him.

"Excuse me lady." He asked a random mare in the street. "Ya know how I can get to...uh..Mar...I mean Midway's house"

"Just around the block." the mare responded.

Cotton then headed towards the direction the mare pointed.

He stopped in front of a red brick house.

He noticed a mailbox that was labeled "Midway"

"Yeah," Cotton said. "This's Mark's place."

He walked up to the front door.

Just when he was about to knock, he heard a small stool fall to the ground inside.

Curious, Cotton walked around the house to find the source of the sound.

When he walked up to a window, he was horrified at what he saw.

Mark was there hanging in a noose, tied to a ceiling fan.

"Oh shi..." Cotton muttered.

Cotton immediately rammed to the window, shattering it.

Then he picked up a sharp piece of the window and threw it to the noose rope, cutting it.

Mark then fell to the ground, coughing violently.

Cotton ran to Mark. "Jesus Christ! Mark! What the hell is wrong with you?-!"

Mark just sobbed and coughed. "I killed them..." he groaned.

Cotton just dropped his jaw. "What?" He whispered.

Mark just muttered. "I'm sorry Alex, Andrew, Jacob, Joshua..." he said before passing out.

"Mark!" Cotton shouted as he shook Mark. "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME, SOLDIER!"

Three days later

Mark then woke up.

He noticed that he was in a hospital bed.

He lifted up his arm and noticed two IV tubes on his arm.

He placed a hoof on his face and felt a respirator tube on his nose.

"I'm alive...?" he whispered.

"Yeah. You are."

Mark slowly turned his head and saw a smirking Cotton, who had his arms crossed.

"Took you three days to wake up. You was always the soldier youse was at the WWII." Cotton said before his smirk became a frown. "Now then. Mind telling me why you were hanging on a fan?"

Mark just stared at Cotton before rapidly reaching to the cord of his life support.

Cotton quickly grabbed Mark's hoof and shook his head. "Pulling the plug?" he said with a raised eyebrow. "I don't think so."

Mark glared at Cotton. However, it slowly turned from a glare to a pained, sad face.

Immediately, he broke into tears. He put both of his hooves on his face.

Cotton sighed. "Just tell it to me Mark. Ain't nobody here but us two."

Mark slowly stopped crying and, in a sad tone, explained the whole thing.

Cotton just widen his eyes.

Mark just gasped. "I can't take it anymore, Cotton." he said. "I just want to end it...I just...want to...die..."

Cotton placed a hoof on Mark's shoulder. "Don't you dare say that, soldier." he said with a serious tone. "Sure, you killed some people. But, the reason why you'll like this is because you never forgave yerself for this. When I met you, here on this stupid horse world, you were happy. You had some good friends, a house, a life, every-goddamn-thing. And now yer gonna throw all that away. Let me ask you something. Suppose ya did kill yerself. What about that cross-eyed pony? What about those six horse friends? What about all of your friends? What about the life you have that's a million times better than what you had on Earth? Are you willing to throw all that just because you couldn't forgave yerself for the death of yer friends? Are you willing to let them feel the same way you did when you killed yer friends? Are you willing to kill yourself?"

Mark just stared at Cotton, dried tears were under his eyes.

Cotton took out a shard of glass he got from three days ago at Mark's house.

He placed it on Mark's hoof.

"Remember, soldier." Cotton said. "I don't know the right or wrong answers. It's all you. You pick yes, use that shard. You pick no, throw it away."

He turned away and crossed his arms, letting out a serious look on his face.

Mark looked at Cotton, who was still standing.

He then looked at the shard, seeing his reflection.

As Cotton looked away, he heard a noise.

A noise he knew he would hear.

A glass shard shattering.

He turned around and saw the glass pieces on the floor and Mark, who gave Cotton a small smile.

Mark saluted Cotton. "Thank you, Colonel."

Cotton saluted back to Mark. "Much obliged, soldier."

"Mark!"

Cotton turned around and saw the pony whom he believed was Derpy Hooves.

She ran to Mark and gave him a hug. "I was so worried for you!" she said as she shed tears on his shoulder.

Mark hugged Derpy tightly. "I'm so sorry Derpy..."

Cotton let out a smile as he left the room, leaving only Mark and Derpy.

As Cotton left the hospital, he realized something.

He felt that he did something good.

Sure, he did SOME good back on Earth, but for some reason, it was different this time.

Cotton just shook his head. "God said I would redeem myself here...He...I...NO!...No?" he said to himself.

He just sighed and muttered, "Crap..." as he went back to Sweet Apple Acres.

=Welcome to Equestria=

5 days later

"Huh..." a blue husky unicorn muttered as he ruffled his yellow mane. Next to him was a light green unicorn with a brown mane and glasses.

"So we live in Equest-something..." the light green unicorn said. A young red bloodhound dog stood next to the light green unicorn.

"Equestria, sug." a pegasus corrected. She had a long blond mane and was pink-skinned. Standing next to her was a brown pegasus with a black mane. Another standing next to the pink pegasus was a pegasus who looked like the other brown pegasus, but more older and had a longer mane.

"Ugh...Nothing but a bunch of ponies and ponies..." a unicorn muttered. She was light brown and had a black mane. She was right next to a younger unicorn, who had light brown skin and black hair.

"I think it looks pretty." a green pegasus said, curling her blond hair. A tan Earth pony with crooked teeth and a tan mane placed a hoof on the green pegasus's shoulder. Standing next to the tan Earth pony was a filly who looked like the green pegasus.

"I think it looks a little too pretty." an army green Earth pony colt muttered, putting a hoof on his brown mane. He stood next to a unicorn, who had red skin and a yellow mane.

"Settle down, Ol' Top." a gray pegasus, with a gray mane, told the colt. Right next to him was an light blue Earth pony with a gray mane and glasses.

"Yes. Ever since your world ended, I asked your god to send you here." Princess Celestia told the ponies.

"Oh man oh man oh man." the blue unicorn muttered. "First we woke up here, freaked out when we were ponies, came to Cannerlot..."

"Canterlot." Celestia corrected.

"Yeah...then got freaked out by the ponies, and got sent by guards to come here and let us know what's going on...I said it once and I'll say it again: Please let me wake up."

"I'm afraid it's no dream, Robert Hill, or Bobby." Celestia said with a frown.

The unicorn, Robert Hill or more commonly known as Bobby, just dropped his jaw. "Wha...I never told you my name! How did you know my name...?!"

The light green unicorn looked surprised. "Can she read our thoughts?" she thought.

"No, I can't read your thoughts, Margaret Hill, I mean, Peggy." Celestia said with a smile.

The unicorn, Peggy, just gasped.

"I know who all of you are." Celestia said.

She pointed to the pink pegasus, the brown pegasus, and the older brown pegasus.

"You are Nancy-Hicks Gribble, along with your son Joseph Gribble, and your 'acquaintance,' John Redcorn."

She pointed to the green pegasus, the filly pegasus, and the tan Earth pony.

"You are Luanne Leanne Platter, along with your daughter Gracie and your husband Elroy 'Lucky' Kleinschmidt."

She pointed to the light brown unicorn and the younger light brown unicorn.

"You are Minh Souphanousinphone and your daughter, Connie, or Kahn Jr."

She pointed to the red unicorn and the army green colt.

"You are Didi Hill and your son, G.H., or Good Hank."

Lastly, she pointed to the gray pegasus, light blue Earth pony, and the bloodhound.

"You are Buck Strickland, Tillie Hill, and Ladybird."

Minh just shook her head in disbelief.

"How on earth..." G.H. whispered.

Celestia smirked. "As I told Cotton Hill, my secret."

When she mentioned Cotton's name, Peggy blinked.

"Cotton Hill?-! The same Cotton Hill..."

"...who killed fifty men? That's him."

The ponies turned around and saw an alicorn with an indigo body and a teal mane and tail.

"Hello Luna." Celestia said with a smile.

"Hello sister." Luna replied back with a smile. "I see you're introducing these ponies to Equestria."

Celestia nodded. Bobby raised his hoof.

"How do you know about Grandpa?" he asked. "And who's the dark purple princess?"

"This is my sister, Princess Luna." Celestia answered. "And as for your grandpa, when he died, your god wanted Cotton to redeem himself. So, with my permission, I allowed Cotton to be in this world. I figured he shouldn't be lonely, so I asked your god to bring Hank, Dale, Bill, Boomhauer, and Kahn here when the world ended."

"Dad's here?-!-?-!" Bobby shouted.

Celestia smiled. "Absolutely. Once again, I didn't want them to be lonely either, so I had every one of you come to Equestria. I will have a train ride ready for you so that you can meet them."

Peggy just stood there, her jaw dropped to the ground.

Buck just chuckled. "Looks like my assistant manger's still alive."

John Redcorn just sighed. "I just can't believe all this."

G.H. just stood there with a confused look. "Dad's...alive?"

"Thank you, Princess Celestia and Luna." Luanne said with a grateful smile.

"You're welcome Mrs. Platter." Celestia said with a smile. "Princess Luna will lead you to your train ride."

As Luna and the ponies left, Celestia took out a letter and began writing.

Dear Twilight,
Please let Cotton know that there will be some new ponies arriving. Also notify him to go to the train station to meet them. He may bring his friends that just arrived. You may also bring some of your friends.

Sincerely,
Princess Celestia

Twilight finished the letter. "How did she know that Cotton's friends arrived?" she said to herself.

Spike finished his bath and exited out of the bathroom, with a robe and a relaxed look on his face. "Now I feel really silly for not switching to propane in the first place."

Twilight smiled. "Yeah. I know. Thank Celestia for Hank. Oh, and Spike? Please tell Hank that all of us need to go to the train station. I got to go tell the girls and Cotton's friends."

Cotton was busy bucking trees.

Once again, he felt glad he had his shins.

Shins, Mark, a nice town. He actually liked it here.

However, he still refused to thank God for all this. He knew the main reason he was brought he was to redeem himself. Something Cotton did not want to do.

"Hey Cotton!" Applejack shouted.

"Yeah?" Cotton shouted back.

"Get ready! We're going to the train station!" She yelled.

"Why?-!" He yelled.

"I dunno! Twilight said that the princess said you should be there!" She shouted.

"That princess whore?" he said to himself.

"Alright!" He shouted.

Cotton looked bored as he stood there with Applejack.

"Ah'm bored." Cotton muttered to himself.

"Hey Cotton!"

Cotton turned around and smirked as he saw Mark.

"Hello Mark!" Cotton shouted. "Got out of the hospital?"

"Yeah." Mark said with a grateful smile. "Thanks again."

Cotton just smiled. "Don't mention it."

"Hello Colonel, sir!" Bill shouted as he walked to the train station with Pinkie Pie.

"Hello Fatty!" Cotton said with a salute.

"Fatty? Oh right. Bill." Mark said to himself.

Bill also saluted Mark. Mark smirked and saluted back.

"Hello sir!" Dale shouted as he walked with Rainbow Dash.

"Gribble!" Cotton shouted as he waved.

"So that's that the conspiracy guy..." Mark said to himself.

He noticed Kahn walking with Fluttershy.

"Hello Mr. Kahn!" Cotton said with a smirk.

Kahn just waved.

Mark frowned. "That Laotian guy..." he muttered while shaking his head.

"Yo!" Boomhauer shouted as he was walking with Rarity.

Cotton just waved. Mark did the same.

"I'll never know what that crazy bastard is saying, I tell you what." Mark muttered.

Hank walked with Twilight. Cotton just grunted.

"Hello Hank..." Cotton muttered.

"Hey, dad." Hank said.

"So what are we all doing here again?" Cotton said as he threw his arms in the air.

"Princess Celestia said we should be here because she has a surprise for us." Twilight responded.

"Waste of time." Cotton blurted out with a yawn.

Just then, the train arrived. As the doors opened, ponies came out of it.

Bobby got up and yawned.

"Well Ol' Top." Buck muttered. "We're here."

"Be sure to say hi to Hank, Gracie!" Luanne said as she patted Gracie's head.

"Yes mama." Gracie said with a smile.

G.H. just stood there, with a blank face. "I actually get to meet dad..."

Peggy patted Ladybird's head. Minh and Connie just sighed.

"Well, let's get out of the train." Nancy said.

As Cotton and Hank's friends waited, Peggy, Bobby, and Ladybird came out of the train.

Hank raised an eyebrow. "Wait a minute. They look familiar."

Peggy and Bobby recognized that voice. They both gasped.

"Hank?" Peggy whispered. "Dad?" Bobby said.

Hank widen his eyes. "Oh my God..."

Cotton dropped his jaw. "Bobby? Hank's wife?"

Ladybird came up to Hank and started to sniff his leg. She then sat down and barked.

"Ladybird?" Hank whispered. "Why...you're so young..." he said with tears.

Nancy, Joseph, and John Redcorn came out of the train.

"Is that you Hank?" Nancy said.

Dale gasped. "Nancy?"

Joseph and John Redcorn looked surprised.

"Dad?" Joseph said. "Dale?" Redcorn said.

Dale just stood there with a shocked face.

Minh and Connie came out of the train.

"That you Gribble?" Minh said with a surprised tone.

"Minh?-!" Kahn shouted.

"Dad?-!" Connie shouted. Kahn just stammered.

Luanne, Lucky, and Gracie came out of the train.

"Uncle Hank?" Luanne said.

Hank was pretty surprised to see Luanne.

"Hello Hank." Lucky said as he waved at Hank. "Come on dear. Say hi." he said to Gracie.

"Hi..." Gracie said in a shy voice.

"Lucky? Gracie?" Hank said in a surprised tone.

Tilly, and Buck came out of the train.

"Hey Ol' Top!" Buck said with a smile. "Hello dear." Tilly said with a smile.

"Mom?-! Sir?-!" Hank said as he almost had a heart attack.

G.H. and Didi came out of the train.

"Hello Hank." Didi said.

"Didi?-!" Cotton yelled.

G.H. walked up to him.

"Dad?" G.H. whispered.

Cotton looked down at G.H. "Dad?" Cotton said with a confused look.

Didi walked up to G.H. "It's your son, Good Hank."

Cotton gasped as he looked down at G.H.

"Jesus! You've grown!" Cotton said with a surprised tone.

G.H. just glared at Cotton.

Then, immediately, he quickly jumped on top of Cotton and hugged Cotton's neck, small tears coming out of his closed eyes.

Cotton smiled and hugged G.H. back. G.H. was his favorite son.

"Awww..." Gracie said with a happy smile.

G.H. immediately opened his eyes and jumped off Cotton.

"Ya never saw that OK?" he said, pointing at Gracie.

Gracie just crossed her arms and let out a cocky grin. Everypony started to chuckle.

Mark let out a surprised grin to see this reunion.

Cotton just sighed. "Oh God." he muttered. "Thanks for being Good Hank here, but you had to bring Hank's wife..."

Author's Note

I wanted to post this on Veteran's Day, but I wanted to post this after one of my favorite stories ended. So...Happy Veteran's Day...Even 3 days away.

So now what?

Bobby, Peggy, and Tilly were hugging Hank, much to his dismay. Buck gave him a proud smile.

Nancy and Joseph were hugging Dale. John Redcorn let out a smile as Dale cried a bit from joy.

Minh and Connie were also hugging Kahn. Despite the fact that he doesn't like hugging that much, he was crying with joy.

When Bobby, Peggy, and Tilly were finished hugging Hank, Luanne, Lucky, and Gracie ran up to Hank and gave him a great hug, making Hank grit his teeth and his face red.

Cotton just looked at Didi, but didn't hug her. However, he was hugging G.H.

Even though G.H. didn't spend much time with Cotton, he loved his father, though he thought that his father was a bit annoying and a little rude. He was honestly getting tired of him bragging that he killed fifty men.

"Oh I forgot, which one of you is Midway?" Peggy asked.

Mark raised his hoof.

Peggy said, "Before we got on this train, this Princess Luna told me to say that she said hi to you."

Mark blushed. "She did?" He said softly with a small smile.

Cotton noticed this and shook his head with a smile.

"Oh god..." Cotton muttered.

Ladybird came up to Twilight and started to sniff her leg.

"Looks like she's taking an interest in you." Applejack said to Twilight with an amused smile.

"Excuse me." Cotton said as he walked towards Mark.

"Hey Mark?" Cotton asked Mark.

"Yeah?" Mark replied.

"Ya like that Princess Luna?"

Mark blushed. "Uh...well...um..."

Cotton smirked.

Mark sighed. "Well, she is a little...cute?"

"Ya ever met her?" Cotton asked.

Mark thought back on when he first laid eyes on her.

A couple days before Cotton's arrival

Derpy's Home

Mark was busy reading a book while laying on a couch. He can't wait to get a house for himself. He liked Derpy's home, but he desperately needed a home for himself.

"Hey Mark!" Derpy called out. Despite the fact that he uses the name Midway, Derpy was the only one who called him by his real name.

"Yeah, Derpy?" He replied.

"You got a letter." she said as she gave him a letter.

Mark took it and started to read it.

Dear Midway,

Please come to the castle at Canterlot.
There is a train waiting for you.

Sincerely,
Princess Celestia

"Isn't that the white princess gal?" Mark said to himself.

He shrugged and got up.

"Alright Derpy. I'll see ya later."

"Alright." Derpy said with a smile.

Canterlot

Mark whistled at the sights of Canterlot.

What he didn't like were the ponies. Too snobbish. Now he was really glad that he wasn't rich.

He eventually got to the castle. He convinced the guards there that Princess Celestia had sent him.

As he got to the throne room, he saw princess Celestia.

But what really got his attention was Princess Luna, who was standing next to her sister.

Mark was staring at her until Princess Celestia spoke.

"So glad to see you, Mark Walsh."

Mark gasped. "How did you...?"

Celestia smiled. "We know who you are, Mark."

Mark bit his lip. "They know who I am?" he thought. "Does that mean that they know what happened to my frien..."

"Yes." Celestia said with a small sigh and frown. "We know that."

Mark gasped and bowed his head down in shame.

"But don't worry Mark." Luna said, which brought Mark's head up.

"We know that you have a good heart." She said, which made Mark let out a tiny blush.

Luna let out tiny blush when she found out that Mark was blushing.

"We know that you are staying with a friend." Celestia said. "However, me and my sister took the opportunity to buy you a new house."

Mark gasped with joy. "Really!-? Thanks Celestia. Thank you um..."

"Luna," Luna said with a smile.

"Luna huh? That's a cute name." Mark said with a smile.

Luna giggled softly as she let out a blush.

Celestia noticed and let out a small smile.

"Oh and we also want to tell you something else. You are familiar with Cotton Hill, right?" Celestia said.

Mark let out a small surprised look as he nodded.

"Back on Earth, he is dying. However, I asked your god to bring him to Equestria when he dies."

Mark gasped and had a shocked face. "COTTON HILL?-!-?-!" He shouted.

Celestia and Luna nodded.

Mark just stood there. "Wow..." he muttered.

Celestia smiled. "That's all we need to tell you."

Mark sighed. "Alright. Thanks Celestia. Thank you Luna."

Mark bowed as he left.

"He seems like a nice pony, right Luna?" Celestia said.

Luna nodded. "He is nice...and cute." she said.

"Cute?" Celestia said with a raised an eyebrow.

Luna realized what she said and started to stammer.

"Um...I meant...uh...he...ah...um..."

Celestia started to laugh. "Don't worry about it Luna." She said with a smile.

Luna sighed and let out a small smile.

Now

"You called her cute." Cotton said with a blank face.

Mark grinned nervously.

"So what now?" Dale said with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh yeah." Peggy said. "Luna said that she and Celestia bought a new house for each of our families and will be ready in a couple days."

"Celestia bless them both." Dale said with a smile.

"Um...everyone except the six girls." Cotton said. "A word."

As everypony, except the Mane 6, came forward to Cotton, he gave them a stern look.

"Alrighty, look. These horses don't know that we're from Earth. So I'd advise y'all keep yer mouths shut. Alright?" He said in a serious tone.

Everypony around him nodded.

They eventually went back to the Mane 6.

"Alright." Cotton said with a sigh. "Who's staying with who?"

After some discussion, they agreed who's staying with who:

Peggy, Bobby, and Ladybird will be staying with Twilight.

Nancy, Joseph, and John Redcorn will be staying with Rainbow Dash.

Luanne, Lucky, and Gracie will be staying with Pinkie Pie.

Buck and Tilly will be staying with Rarity.

Didi and G.H. will be staying with Applejack.

Minh and Connie will be staying with Fluttershy.

Mark smiled. No pony gets to stay in his home. Just how he likes it.

Cotton sighed. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm going home."

Everypony agreed with him and they all headed home.

Time for a nice round of Golf

It's been three days since the guys' families arrived in Ponyville.

Peggy, Bobby, and Ladybird got along pretty well with Twilight and Spike. Bobby thought Twilight was a perfect combination of cool and nerdy.

Nancy, Joseph, and John Redcorn became friends with Rainbow Dash. Nancy got a little suspicious that Dale was staying with Rainbow Dash all alone before she arrived. However, she let it go. Joseph thought Rainbow Dash was the coolest pony he ever saw.

Luanne, Lucky, and Gracie got along with Pinkie Pie. Gracie and Luanne absolutely adored the Cakes' babies.

Buck and Tilly became acquainted with Rarity. Buck even tried to hit on her, much to Boomhauer's dismay.

Minh and Connie liked Fluttershy, though they loathed Angel. Connie got along with all the other animals.

Didi and G.H. were all kind to the Apples. G.H. thought Big Macintosh was cool, much to Cotton's horror. G.H. became friends with AppleBloom and agreed to hang out with AppleBloom and her friends, even though he already had his Cutie Mark, which was a pair of brass knuckles. He also wanted Gracie to join, even though she too had her Cutie Mark, a yellow flower.

Mark got along pretty well with everypony, except Minh and Connie, though he disliked Kahn and Minh more than Connie. He especially liked Bobby and G.H.

Hank, Bill, Boomhauer, and Dale were standing near a fence at Sweet Apple Acres, drinking beer.

When they arrived at Ponyville, they were surprised that beer actually existed in Ponyville.

They chose this spot because it was the closest thing to an alley.

"Boy, I tell you what," Hank said. "We gotta build our own alley or hangout. Hell, maybe bring back that couch. What ever did happened to that couch?"

Bill scratched the back of his head with a nervous frown.

"You know what we should do?" Hank said with a smile. "I feel like playing a round of golf."

Bill and Boomhauer smiled. Dale, however, frowned.

"I'm pretty sure golf doesn't exist here..." Dale muttered.

The guys all frowned.

"Waitaminute." Bill suddenly blurted out. "What about making our own golf course? Remember when we made Rainey Street Country Club at our alley?"

The guys smiled.

"Let's go! Let's go!" Dale shouted with a wide grin. "Let's build a golf course!"

Both the guys decided that the field next to Sweet Apple Acres would be suitable for the golf course.

They decided to make a three hole golf course to see if their plan would work out.

After gaining permission from Applejack to use the fields, the guys started planing on what to do.

"Let's see..." Hank said as he looked at the blueprints he had with him. "We need golf equipment, three holes, and proper lawn care."

Bill shrugged. "Seems simple enough."

Hank adjusted his glasses. "I dunno. We can do the lawn care, but..." He muttered. "It seemed simpler back on Earth."

Boomhauer cleared his throat. "Hey, man, I tell you what, yo, how about dem my little ponies, man, yo, get some dang ol' helping hands, er hooves, yo."

Cotton then arrived with Mark and G.H.

"Hello gentlemen." Cotton said with a grin.

"Whatcha doing?" G.H. said as he looked at Hank's blueprints.

Mark looked at the blueprints. "A golf course? Eh, golf's alright, but I was born a football fan and I will die a football fan."

"Right on, Uncle Mark." G.H. said as he hoof-bumped Mark.

"We need help making this." Bill said.

Cotton raised an eyebrow. "Ya need help? I thought ya guys made one back at Rainey Street by yourselves." He let out an evil grin. "You remember Rainey Street Country Club?"

Hank, Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer glared at Cotton. True, they did make their own golf course at their neighborhood. But, they had to take it down. Not because they didn't have the license to build a golf course, but when Cotton visited on that certain day, he thought it would be funny to burn the backyard putting green with matches.

"You almost burned down my tree, dad." Hank said with an angered face.

Cotton chuckled evilly.

G.H. shrugged. "I can help. Got nothing to do."

Mark sighed. "I can get some other ponies to help."

Boomhauer smiled. "Dang, man, the more the merrier, yo, problem solved, I tell you what."

Cotton sighed and scratched the back of his head.

"Alright." He muttered. "What do ya want me at?"

Eventually, Mark brought the Mane 6, Big Macintosh, AppleBloom, Kahn, Bobby, and Buck.

The Mane 6, Big Macintosh, and AppleBloom had no idea what golf is, but they are eager to help the guys.

Cotton, G.H., Mark, and Kahn started to work on the first hole.

Hank, Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer worked on the golf clubs and golf balls.

The Mane 6 got to work on the second hole.

Finally, Buck, Bobby, Big Macintosh, and AppleBloom were working on the third hole.

Eventually, through hard work and three days, the golf course is finally complete.

Hank smiled and let out a small tear.

Cotton started laughing triumphantly.

Applejack let out a smile.

Buck put on a proud grin.

"So then," G.H. said with a small smile. "What are we going to name this golf course?"

Hank shouted, "Rainey Street Country Club!"

Cotton shouted, "Fifty Men Golf Course!"

Twilight shouted, "Harmony Fields!"

Buck shouted, "Strickland Greens!"

Everypony started to look each other with widen eyes.

"Ah hell..." Cotton muttered as he shook his head.

"Fifty Men?-!" Hank yelled. "Really?-!"

Cotton glared at Hank. "Well, at least I'm not naming it after a goddamn place!" He yelled. "What about the other two names? No one cares about 'Greens' and what kind of a golf course is called 'Fields?' Really?-! I worked on it! I should name it! Yer not mah daddy! I'm yer goddamg daddy!"

As everypony started arguing, Twilight stopped the arguing.

"Alright everypony. I'm sure we can settle this reasonably."

Cotton thought for a while and said, "How about we have a golf tournament? Winner gets to name the golf course."

Eventually, everypony thought that it was a good idea.

Everypony split up into four teams.

Cotton formed a team with Mark, Kahn, and G.H.

Hank formed a team with Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer.

Buck Strickland formed a team with Bobby, Big Macintosh, and AppleBloom.

Twilight formed a team with Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack.

The guys didn't understand why Twilight's team wants to play, even though they don't know how to play golf.

Hank shouted, "Tournament, two days, noon! If you got any guts, you'll be there!-!"

Everypony then left.

Cotton muttered with an evil grin. "If four eyes win," he said as he took out a pair of matches. "Then he's gonna get a special surprise."

Author's Note

Season 4 airs in 4 days!!!

Time to "Practice"

The next day

Cotton yawned as he got off his hay bed.

He walked up to Applejack's house and knocked on the dad.

This time it was his son who answered the door. Both G.H. and Didi stayed in the house. They both used the pull-out bed from the couch. Cotton, however, wanted to sleep in the barn. He was used to it.

"Hey dad." G.H. said with a small smile.

Cotton patted G.H.'s head. "Hey Good Hank. Ready to help me practice for that tournament thing?"

G.H. nodded. He was ready to beat his older half-brother, Hank Hill.

"C'mon." Cotton said. "We gotta meet up with Mark and Mr. Kahn."

Hank woke up a little early so that he can practice early.

He met up with Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer near Everfree Forest.

Hank took out his golf bag that was filled with just four clubs: a driver, a wood, an iron, and a putter.

"I wish we had more time to make more clubs." Bill muttered.

"So it's agreed." Hank said. "I participate in the tournament. You guys are my...um...let's say pit crew."

"Dang ol' yo, man." Boomhauer said.

Hank used his magic to take out an iron and a golf ball.

He used his magic to swing the iron and hit the golf ball.

"Not bad." Dale said with a smile. "I have a feeling that we're gonna win this tournament. Hey. Did I ever tell you about this scene in the season 4 premiere in which..."

Dale went on as Hank practiced and Bill and Boomhauer just paid attention to Hank.

What they didn't know is that a hooded pegasus was watching them...

Buck met Bobby, Big Macintosh, and AppleBloom in a park to practice.

Buck admired Big Macintosh and hoped, if Buck brought back Strickland Propane, Big Macintosh would join Team Strickland. AppleBloom enjoyed being around Bobby, since she thought he was funny like Dale. She still wondered how he and Buck got their cutie marks. Bobby had a whoopie cushion cutie mark and Buck had a cash sign cutie mark.

"So how does gawlf work?" AppleBloom asked.

"Bobby, Ol' Top," Buck told Bobby. "Tell AppleBloom how it works."

"I don't think I can do that, Mr. Strickland," Bobby said with a nervous grin. "I'm not good at explaining sports."

"Oh come on son," Buck said. "You did a pretty good job explaining golf when you had Chip."

"How did you know about Chip?" Bobby asked.

Buck smiled. "Hank told me. He also told me how he was gonna kick Dale's ass one day for killing Chip."

Bobby chuckled. "OK. I'll try."

As he explained it to AppleBloom and Big Macintosh, Buck took out a driver and practiced some swings.

They didn't noticed the hooded pegasus that was spying them...

Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie all met in another park.

True, they did not know how golf worked. However, Lucky, who personally knew how to play, volunteered to help them.

Eventually, Lucky, Luanne, and Gracie met up with Twilight and her friends.

"Hey Ms. Twilight, Ms. Pinkie Pie, Ms. Rainbow Dash, and Ms. Applejack!" Gracie said with a smile as she waved.

Twilight waved at Gracie.

Lucky walked up to the Twilight and her friends.

"Alright." Lucky said with a calm smile. "First off, who's entering the tournament?"

Applejack raised her hoof.

"Alright." Lucky said. "First, some drills."

He got in a swinging position. Then he pretended to swing.

Rainbow Dash yawned. "Boring! When do we actually learn how to play?"

Lucky shook head. "Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Come on now." he said in a calm voice. "I'm not just teaching you to play. I'm teaching you on how to be good at this game, well, that and how to play. Now try to do that swing I just did."

As Applejack practiced the swings, Gracie couldn't help but giggle at how goofy she looked when swinging.

"Come on sweetie." Luanne said as she rubbed Gracie's head. "Don't laugh at Ms. Applejack."

"But mama," Gracie said with a smile. "It looks funny. Like that time you told me that daddy swung while his legs were broken."

Lucky stopped swinging and stared at Luanne.

"You told her that." He said with a small frown. "You weren't even there. How did you..."

"You know how easy it is to control Dale with just cigarettes." Luanne said with a giggle.

Eventually, everypony started chuckling, even Twilight and her friends.

Rainbow Dash's laughter was a bit less hearty. She still don't know what cigarettes are.

They didn't noticed the hooded pegasus that was spying on them. He let out an evil grin.

Sweet Apple Acres

Cotton, G.H., and Kahn were all waiting for Mark.

Just then, the hooded pegasus, that was spying on the other ponies, arrived.

He took off his hood, revealing to be Mark.

"So!" Cotton said. "What did you find out?"

Mark grinned. "You know that Dale Gribble guy?"

Cotton nodded.

"His weakness is cigarettes. Can be easily persuaded." He said with a grin. "But bad news and good news. Bad news is that cigarettes don't exist. Good news is that I read a book at Twilight's library and tobacco DOES exist. I think it's at the Everfree Forest. I get it and somepony's gonna have to turn it to cigarettes."

Kahn shrugged. "I don't like doing favors for Gribble. But if it will make Hill lose, I'll do my best."

Cotton grinned. "Good. Looks like I have to practice just in case. Mark, go find the tobacco."

Mark saluted. "Yes sir!" He said before departing.

As Cotton took out a golf club and started to practice, he let out an evil grin.

"Mah boy ain't gonna beat me." Cotton muttered. "And I intend to keep it that way..."

The tournament begins!

Nighttime

Fluttershy's cottage

Kahn waited patiently as he walked back and forth in Fluttershy's living room.

"Everything alright dad?"

Kahn turned around and saw Connie.

"Oh yeah Kahn Jr." Kahn said with a smile. "Everything alright. Hey why don't you go help Fluttershy or your mother or something."

Connie yawned. "I'm feeling tired. I think I'm gonna take a quick nap."

"Alright." Kahn said. "Sleep tight."

As Connie left the living room, Kahn heard a knock on the door.

He went to the door and opened it.

He frowned when he saw Mark. "Oh it's you." He said with a glare. "You got the..."

"...tobacco?" Mark finished Kahn's sentence and gave back a glare. "Yeah I got it here. Here, take it and turn it to cigarettes or something. Then give to Cotton tomorrow." He said as he gave him a brown bag.

Kahn took the bag and slammed the door.

Mark rolled his eyes. "I really hate that Asian bastard..."

The next day

Cotton, Mark, and G.H. all met on the golf course.

Eventually, Hank's team, Twilight's team, and Buck's team showed up.

G.H. looked around. "Where's Kahn?"

Just then, Kahn showed up with a brown paper bag. He had an evil smile on his face.

Cotton noticed Kahn's smile and let out a devious smile. "Ya got the goodies Mr. Kahn?"

Kahn chuckled and gave Cotton the bag.

Cotton opened it and laughed evilly to himself when he saw the contents of the bag:

Eight cigarettes.

"Wait here." Cotton said to his teammates as he walked up to Dale.

"Hello Gribble." Cotton said with a grin.

Dale saluted.

Cotton chuckled. "No need for dat. I have a favor to ask ya. I knows ya can sabotage anything. I want ya to ruin Hank's chance of winning..."

Dale shook his head. "Sorry colonel. I'm afraid I can't do that."

Cotton grinned evilly. "Not even for this?" he said as he opened the bag, revealing the cigarettes.

Dale's jaw dropped and he tried to grab the bag.

Cotton, however, quickly hold up his hoof to Dale. "Do. What. I. Say." Cotton said with a cruel grin.

Dale slowly nodded.

"Hey Dale!" Bill shouted. "Come on! The tournament's about to start!"

"Once ya ruined Hank's chances of winning, ya can have the smokes." Cotton said.

He went to Mark, Kahn, and G.H.

"Showtime, folks." Mark said with a grin.

Both the teams agreed that whoever got the lowest score will name the golf course.

Cotton went up first. He walked up to the tee area of the first hole.

Taking out a driver, he swung and hit the ball, landing in the freeway.

Cotton smirked as he walked off the tee area.

Applejack went up to the tee.

Doing her best to swing, she landed the ball near Cotton's ball.

The guys were surprised. They didn't know that she could swing a golf club. Lucky let out a prideful smile. Cotton just raised an eyebrow.

Buck Strickland went up to the tee.

He swung and his ball landed in the sand trap.

He slammed his driver in the ground and let out a curse word.

Big Macintosh had to block AppleBloom's ears. Bobby blinked. "I never heard that word before." he muttered.

Finally, it was Hank's turn.

Using his magic, he hit the ball, landing in the green.

Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer cheered while Cotton's team let out a glare.

"Thought you said Gribble would ruin them." Kahn muttered to Mark.

"Thought you would shut the hell up." Mark muttered back to Kahn.

After a couple of minutes, Hank's score was 3, both Cotton's and Applejack's score was 4, and Buck's score was 5.

Hank went to the second hole.

He hit the ball, which landed in the green.

Cotton growled as he went up to the tee.

He hit the ball and it landed near Hank's ball.

Cotton smirked and walked away with an evil grin.

Applejack hit the ball, which landed near the green.

Buck went up to the tee area and let out a deep breath.

He hit the ball and, to everypony's surprise, he scored a hole-in-one.

Buck smiled and started to laugh and jumped around.

He didn't noticed the rock in the ground until he tripped over it and twisted his ankle.

He let out a yell as he grabbed his ankle. "My goddamn ankle!" he shouted as Big Macintosh, AppleBloom, and Bobby ran to him.

"Oh no!" AppleBloom shouted. "Your ankle's broken! How are you gonna play now?-!"

Buck looked at Big Macintosh.

"Big Mac!" Buck shouted. "I need ya to replace me! Ya saw how I swing! You should be able to do the same!"

Big Macintosh let out a confused look. He learned the rules from Bobby, but he never actually played it.

Nevertheless, he nodded and said, "Eeyup."

After a few more minutes, Hank and Cotton scored a 2, Applejack scored a 3, and, of course, Buck scored a 1.

"Let's see." Mark said as he looked at the scorecard he had with him. "Hank's total score is 5, Buck 6, Applejack 7, and Cotton's score is 6. "

"Hey dad! Look!" G.H. told his dad.

Cotton looked at what G.H. was pointing at.

Dale took out a driver from Hank's golf bag and replaced it with an identical one.

Kahn raised an eyebrow as he walked closely to the golf bag to take a quick look at the driver in the golf bag.

He then walked up to Cotton with an evil smirk.

"The driver's rigged." Kahn said.

Cotton laughed evilly. "I knew Gribble would never let me down..."

Big Macintosh went up to the tee with a slightly nervous face.

He took a small breath and tried to swing like Buck.

He hit the ball and, to his surprise, it landed near the green.

Everypony dropped their jaws.

"How did M. Freaking Bison make a swing like that?" Cotton muttered with a horrified look on his face.

Buck's team shouted a cheer as Big Macintosh smiled.

"Eeyup."

Hank walked up to the tee area for the final tee.

He swung, but to his horror, the ball landed in an Out-of-Bounds area.

Hank angrily kicked of a patch of grass on the ground and walked away.

Cotton's team let out an evil grin.

"Tough luck boy." Cotton muttered.

"How's it feel bro?" G.H. said to himself.

"I tell you what." Kahn whispered.

Mark let out a tiny laughter.

Cotton walked up to the tee and hit the ball, which landed near Big Macintosh's ball.

Cotton saw this and glared at Big Macintosh.

"Looks like it's time for ya to lose, Elmo." He said with an evil tone.

Applejack walked up to the tee and let out a small deep breath.

She swung and hit the ball.

Cotton, Hank, and Big Macintosh looked at where the ball landed.

They both dropped their jaws at what they saw.

The ball landed in the hole.

"A hole-in-one?" Hank said in a shocked tone.

"Motherf..." Cotton muttered.

"Well..." Mark said as he looked at the scorecard. "Her total score's 8."

Cotton smirked. "I have a 6. So no big whoop."

Hank had to swing again. He landed in a sand trap, much to his anger.

Cotton savored Hank's yells of anger.

After a while, Hank finally landed on a green on his fifth shot, though he gave up and forfeited the game.

"Someone's getting his smokes..." Cotton said with a satisfied grin.

Big Macintosh went up to the ball and swung. He landed a bit far from the green. He placed a hoof on his hoof.

He hit the ball and landed in the green. However, he was still far away from the hole.

He gave up, knowing that he couldn't beat his sister's score.

Cotton let out a small frown as he got in position.

He swung and his ball landed in the green.

He smiled. He can still be tied with Applejack.

He grabbed his putter and putted the ball.

But to his horror and shock, it ALMOST made it to the hole.

He let out a defeated yell as Applejack's team exploded with cheers.

Dale was saddened, but then Mark tapped Dale's shoulder.

Dale turned around and saw Mark.

Mark smiled and threw Dale the paper bag filled with smokes.

Dale caught it and let out a giant goofy grin.

After a long discussion (and arguments), the golf course was now dubbed, Harmony Fields. The winning team, Applejack's team, thought that this was a good name. Hank and his friends totally disagree.

Cotton frowned. G.H. noticed this and nuzzled his father's leg.

"Look on the bright side dad. You beat your son 'fair and square.'"
he said with a mischievous grin.

Cotton couldn't help but let out a mischievous grin as he put a hoof on his son's head. "Ya were always mah favorite, Good Hank."

Two Earth ponies were bored as they sat down on large rocks.

One was wielding a knife while the other one had an axe.

"You promised killing." One of the them said, "I don't see any killing!"

"This tires me." The other one said. "I am assuming that that there will not be any murder."

Two unicorns walked up to them.

"Patience Christian and Takashi." One of the unicorns said.

"Soon you'll get what you wanted..." The other said.

One of the unicorns looked at the ground with a furious look.

"The one whom we want dead has a loyal friend." He told the other unicorn.

"Don't worry. I have a plan." The other unicorn said.

Both unicorns thought about the one whom they want dead out of all things.

"I'm gonna enjoy sending you to hell, where you should belong."

Author's Note

I did always suck at writing chapters involving a sport.

Wait! You're...

The next day

Cotton was taking a walk with Mark.

Cotton let out a relieved sigh. "I can't wait for dat home for us to be be done."

Mark laughed. "Don't worry about Cotton."

Mark then looked a bit sad.

Cotton noticed this and said, "Something wrong Mark?"

Mark sighed. "Well, it's about my friends. I forgave myself for killing them. But I still wonder if they would have forgiven me..."

Cotton just remained silent.

Mark looked up in the sky. "Well, it's getting late. See you later?"

Cotton sighed. "Yeah. See ya later."

As Mark left, Cotton headed for Sweet Apple Acres.

However, on his way, he noticed something in the Everfree Forest that caught his attention.

He didn't know what it was but now he wants to know.

He went into the heart of the Everfree Forest.

He tried looking around for that thing he had noticed.

Cotton sighed and shook his head.

"Must of been mah imagination." Cotton muttered.

"Well, your imagination has lead you to the path to hell."

Cotton was suddenly charged by an Earth pony.

Cotton looked at the Earth pony and noticed that he was silver skinned with a blood red mane and tail. His Cutie Mark was a skull.

Another Earth pony emerged from the shadows. He was grey skinned with a white mane and tail. He had a knife Cutie Mark. Cotton noticed his face looked Japanese.

The grey pony took out a knife and threw it near Cotton's face.

He let out a disgusted face. "I should just kill you here, right here and right now."

The silver pony shook his head. "Back off Takashi. He's mine."

"You 'back off' Christian." The grey pony told the silver pony.

"All of you back off."

Cotton noticed two unicorns. One was black skinned with a white mane and tail. The other one was white skinned with a black mane and tail. They both had the same Cutie Mark, a dagger with some blood on the tip.

The black unicorn glared at Cotton. "He's the one."

"The one?" Cotton said with a small glare.

"Shuddap." Christian said as he punched Cotton in the face.

As Cotton was about to punch him back, Takashi held up a knife to Cotton's face.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Takashi said calmly.

"Taking advise from a Japanese." Cotton muttered. "You're too young to be one of the fiddy men I killed..."

"As I was saying," the black unicorn said. "He's the one we want."

The white unicorn walked up to Cotton and angrily glared at him.

"Where's Mark?"

"What?" Cotton said with a raised eyebrow.

"WHERE'S MARK?-!" The white unicorn shouted in a rage-filled voice.

Cotton glared at the white unicorn. "Why do ya want to know? Ya wanna marry Mark or something?"

Christian couldn't help but to chuckled slightly.

The white unicorn shook his head. "Last chance. Where is that bastard?"

Cotton just spat in the white unicorn's face.

The white unicorn slowly wiped the spit from his face and turned to the black unicorn.

"Is the spell ready?"

"Ready."

The white unicorn turned to Cotton. The black unicorn's horn began to glow.

Cotton glared at the white unicorn. "So what now boy?"

The white unicorn let out an evil glare. "As punishment for your lack of cooperation, my friend here will send you to a duplicate dimension. I hope you will enjoy it..."

Cotton just gritted his teeth.

"Oh. And don't call me boy." The unicorn said. "Call me......Alexander."

Cotton widen his eyes. "What? Alexander?"

Alexander looked at the black unicorn. "Now Joshua!"

Cotton shook his head. "Alexander? Joshua? Wait a minute. Are you guys Mark's frie...?-!"

After a bright flash, Cotton found himself in the the Everfree forest.

"Ugh..." He muttered as he put a hoof on his forehead.

"I'm at that forest I woke up in..." He muttered.

He looked around. "Damn it. I forgot where Ponyville is..."

He sighed. "Well, this shouldn't take long..."

A day later

Cotton couldn't believe it. He took a wrong turn and ended up being lost. He managed to get out, but he wasted a whole day.

"Well I should get to Applejack. She's probably...wait. Alexander said that I was in a duplicate dimension."

Cotton thought for a minute and ran to Sweet Apple Acres.

As he got there, he saw Applejack bucking apple trees.

"Hey Applejack." Cotton said.

Applejack turned around and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, but do I know you?"

Cotton blinked. "It's me! Cotton Hill!"

Applejack shrugged. "Sorry. Doesn't ring a bell. You look new here."

Cotton shook his head. "Cotton Hill!-! Mah son's Hank Hill, remember?"

"Who's Hank Hill?"

"What the...?-! YOU HAD BREAKFAST THIS ONE TIME WITH HIS THREE OTHER FRIENDS AND MR. KAHN!-?"

Applejack just shook her head. "Are you alright sugarcube?"

Cotton growled and walked away.

"I guess Alexander sent me here right when I died and went to dis planet."

Cotton realized something.

"Mark. He knows who I am!"

He then ran to Mark's home.

As he got there, he noticed it was too quiet.

He looked in the window and was horrified at what he saw.

He saw Mark hanging in a noose, tied to a ceiling fan. He had a note taped to his chest.

"Oh crap..." Cotton muttered.

Cotton immediately rammed to the window, shattering it.

Then he picked up a sharp piece of the window and threw it to the noose rope, cutting it.

Mark then fell to the ground.

Cotton ran up to Mark and put a hoof on Mark's chest.

"He's...dead..." Cotton muttered.

Cotton took the note from Mark's chest and read it.

To my loved ones and my friends: I'm sorry. But I couldn't take it anymore! Princess Celestia told me that my friend, Cotton Hill was coming...what happened then? HE DIDN'T COME! What happened if he didn't actually came. Why? WHY?-! He was my only true friend I had...just like Alexander, Joshua, Andrew, and Jacob...Alexander, Joshua, Andrew, Jacob...OH GOD WHY DID I KILL THEM?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!- WHY?-! WHY?-! WHY?-! I'M SORRY!-!-! I'M SORRY!-!-! I'M SORRY!-!-! I'M SORRY!-!-! I'M SORR

The rest were covered with scribbles. The note was slightly wrinkled with tears.

Cotton read this while shaking his head.

"Why Mark? Why?" He whispered.

He angrily punched a wall, leaned against it, and put his hooves on his forehead.

He let out a small tear. "Why couldn't it be Hank..."

All of a sudden, he heard a mare gasp.

He looked up and noticed Derpy.

She had tears in her eyes.

"What did you do to Mark?"

Cotton silently cried as he ran out of the house.

One day later

Cotton wished he hadn't ran out like that.

He learned that he is now accused of murder.

He never knew how unfair this world was.

He was hiding in a forest.

"Damn it Mark." Cotton said as he sat on a tree stump. "Ya were a fine soldier. Why'd ya do it?"

He sighed but then realized something.

"I'm in another dimension. Maybe I can find a way to get back to my old dimension..."

"There he is!"

Cotton turned around and saw two Royal Guards.

"You are under arrest for the murder of Midway."

Cotton glared at them and shouted, "Damn it! I didn't kill him!"

The Royal Guards ignored him and started to ran towards him.

Cotton started to run.

As he ran, he noticed an edge of a cliff.

He ran towards it and saw the ocean.

By then, the two Royal Guards surrounded him.

"Give up now! There's no way out!"

Cotton looked at them and then the ocean.

He then jumped off the cliff and dived into the ocean.

The guards looked at the ocean for a while.

They both couldn't find Cotton.

One guard looked at the other guard and shook his head.

As they both went away, Cotton dived back into the surface of the ocean.

Cotton gave an anger-filled look and calmly said in an evil tone:

"Alright. Here is what I am going to do. First, I am going to get off this ocean. Next, I am going to find a way out of this hell hole. Finally, I am going to find Alexander, Joshua, Christian, and Takashi and then...well... let's just say that I am Cotton Hill. And I killed fiddy men...soon to be fiddy-four men."

Author's Note

I know that I updated a bit early but I really wanted to get this chapter up!
Chapter was inspired by Kickass222urmom

Time to get the Hell Out of Here

One week later

Cotton was in a cafe in Manehattan.

He managed to make his mane and tail white, changed his name to Topsy Brooklyn, and found a nice brown cowboy hat. He was somehow able to get some money.

Cotton sighed. "I gotta find a way out of here."

As he got off the table and placed some bits on the table to pay the bill, he walked away.

He didn't notice a small filly and accidentally bumped into her.

"Oops! Sorry 'bout that mister." The filly said in a Bronx accent.

Cotton noticed a gamboge filly with an amaranth mane and tail. She had no Cutie Mark.

"Um...that's alright." Cotton said calmly.

"Hey!" The filly said with a smile. "That looks like Applejack's hat."

Cotton blinked. "Ya know Applejack?"

The filly nodded. "Yup. She's my mom's sister and big sister of my favorite cousin, AppleBloom."

Cotton raised an eyebrow. "AppleBloom? May I ask what's yer name?"

"My name's Babs Seed. Nice to meet you!"

Cotton thought for a while. "Didn't AppleBloom and Gribble talk about a 'bad seed' or somathing when we had breakfast at AJ's?"

Cotton smiled. "Nice to meet ya too. I'm Cot...um...I mean Topsy Brooklyn." He really wanted to say to he killed fiddy men (he can't wait for it to be 54 men) but he didn't want to freak out the filly.

After a while, they began a conversation.

Cotton made up a story in which he is a storyteller traveling around the world. When Babs Seed asks him for a story, he says it's for grown-ups only and not for little kids. When she said she was not a 'little kid,' Cotton decides to tell her the story of when his one of his friends killed monster using only dental floss he kept in his boot. To Cotton's surprise, Babs didn't seem to be freaked out from the story.

She told him about AppleBloom and Cutie Mark Crusaders. She also told him about Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon and how she temporary joined them to ridicule the Crusaders.

As she was done telling that story, Cotton thought, "Now I know why Gribble hated those two. Those two are nothing but bullies and brats!"

Eventually, Cotton got along pretty well with Babs Seed. He even thought of her as a female version of G.H.

"So what are ya gonna do now?" Cotton asked Babs Seed.

"Well, me, my mom, my dad, and AppleBloom are gonna visit Canterlot."

"Cannerlot?" Cotton said with a raised eyebrow.

Babs giggled. "Canterlot." She corrected. "You know? Where Princess Celestia lives? Me and AppleBloom are going there by train."

"Celes-tea-something?" Cotton thought. "Wait! That's that white princess gal who can read my mind...WAIT! Maybe I can convince her that I didn't kill Mark and maybe get me out of this crappy dimension!"

"Is it alright if I join you? I'll pay for mah ticket!" Cotton asked Babs Seed.

Babs scratched the back of her head. "Well, I gotta ask my parents..."

Cotton nodded. "Fair enough."

After Cotton talked to Babs's parents, they decide to let him join them as long as he pays for his own ticket.

As Cotton was sitting on his seat, he realized something.

"Crap! What about Hank and his friends?"

As he thought about Hank and his friends, the train stopped.

"Well." Babs told Cotton. "We're at Ponyville to pick up AppleBloom."

Cotton looked at the window and saw Applejack and AppleBloom.

To his shock, he also saw a WANTED poster of him.

"Crap." Cotton thought. "Applejack knows who I am. What if she told AppleBloom about me?"

Babs exited out of the train to meet Applejack and AppleBloom.

Eventually AppleBloom ran up to Babs Seed and hugged.

"Babs! You came!"

"Good to see you too AppleBloom!"

Eventually they went back to the train.

"Hey AppleBloom." Babs said. "Say hi to my friend Topsy Brooklyn."

Cotton waved nervously.

AppleBloom titled her head. "You look familiar."

Cotton began to sweat. "Um...OK..."

Eventually the train began moving.

Thankfully, AppleBloom didn't realize that Topsy was actually Cotton.

Eventually, they got to Canterlot.

As AppleBloom and Babs Seed went to explore, Cotton told them that he had to 'do something really quick.'

Eventually, Cotton found a castle and assumed that Celestia is here.

He was able to sneak past the guards.

He sneaked into the Princess's quarters.

"Well then," Cotton said. "All I gotta do is find that Princess, tell the truth, get to mah world, and then kill those four bastards. Simple."

"Sure..."

Cotton widen his eyes and turned around. He saw a pegasus Royal Guard. He was blue skinned and had a yellow mane and tail. He was wielding a spear. His Cutie Mark was the spear he was wielding.

"You're that stallion that killed Midway. You're a sick pony.." The Royal Guard said as he walked towards Cotton.

"I didn't kill him..." Cotton said with an angered look.

"Sure you didn't..." The Royal Guard said.

"He didn't."

Both ponies saw Princess Celestia standing at the doorway.

The Royal Guard bowed. "Your highness, I was just about to apprehend..."

"You don't have to," Princess Celestia told the Royal Guard, "He is innocent. Aren't you Cotton Hill?"

Cotton nodded. "Yeah. Thank god you can read my mind."

The Royal Guard looked confused. "Read your mind?"

Cotton chuckled. "It's a long story."

Cotton then explained how he was from another dimension.

The Royal Guard raised an eyebrow. "Interesting..."

Cotton looked at the Royal Guard. "I forgot. Yer name is?"

"My name's Blue Fang."

"You can tell him your real name." Celestia told the Royal Guard. "He is from Earth, just like you."

Cotton was surprised. "From Earth?"

The Royal Guard sighed. "Alright. My human name is...Kenny...Kenny Walsh."

Cotton gasped. "Yer Mark's uncle!"

Kenny was surprised. "How do you know..."

"Mark? He's a friend of mine! Hell, he's Midway!"

Kenny gasped. "Midway IS Mark?-!"

"Yes he is." Celestia said.

"Then...then...that means Mark is...dead?"

Kenny collapsed and started crying.

Cotton was surprised. "Not the reaction I was expecting."

Kenny looked up with tears in his eyes. "Huh?"

"Mark told me about ya. Abusive uncle and whatnot."

Kenny cried even harder. "Oh god, I never did tell him the truth..."

Cotton was confused. "What?"

Celestia sighed. "I'll tell you. We should give him some privacy."

As Cotton and Celestia went to another room, she told him the details.

Kenny didn't mean to be abusive to Mark. The truth is, his daughter died. After Kenny's wife had given birth to his daughter, they divorced because of his laziness. He was not allowed to see his own daughter. When Mark was around 8, Kenny learned that his daughter and ex-wife both died in a horrible car accident. Kenny became depressed and took out all of his anger on Mark. Eventually, when he was accused of murder and jailed, he snapped and committed suicide in prison. When he died, he was sent to Equestria and found work as a Royal Guard.

Cotton was surprised. "Dear God..."

Celestia nodded sadly.

Cotton shook his head. "I gotta tell Mark this. Is there a way to get back in mah own dimension?"

Celestia smiled weakly. "Yes there is. I have dimension spell."

Cotton smiled gratefully.

Celestia's horn started to glow.

"Oh and tell Kenny I'm sorry..." Cotton said.

"I will." Celestia said as the horn became brighter and brighter...

Eventually Cotton found himself in the Everfree Forest.

"Did I get back to mah own dimension?"

Cotton sighed and decided to find out.

"Now then...Alexander, Joshua, Takashi, and Christian...to quote mah good fer nothin' son...I'm gonna kick yer ass!"

Babysitting Time!

It's been a week since Cotton returned from the duplicate dimension.

The house built for the Earth inhabitants was finally finished. Hank, his friends, and their families and friends all adored the house. They all named it Arlen House. Cotton, in his opinion, disliked the name.

Cotton still kept his job kicking trees. He still couldn't wait to get revenge on those four.

Mark now tolerated Kenny. Kenny couldn't stay because he was still a Royal Guard.

Cotton had one problem though. He still wanted more money.

Arlen House

Cotton sighed as he lied down in his bed in his room.

"Something wrong, Cotton?" Joseph asked.

Cotton got up. "Oh. It's ya. Well, not everything. I still need money."

"You can always get a job at the weather factory! I bet Rainbow Dash can get you a j..."

Joseph paused as he realized Cotton didn't have wings.

"Oops. Sorry."

He then left. Cotton lied back down in his bed.

"I heard that some ponies want a babysitter."

Cotton got up and saw Bobby standing next to him.

"Babysitting?" Cotton said with a raised eyebrow. "I don't know...how much?"

"I think 10 bits. Each."

"Each what?"

"Babies. I think there are 10 of them."

Cotton smiled. "100 bit! Hot damn I'm sold!"

Joseph walked past his father's room.

"Hey dad." He said when he saw Dale.

"Hey Joseph." Dale said as he finished his cigarette.

Dale picked up the paper bag to get another cigarette.

He looked inside the bag.

It was empty.

Dale's eye twitched.

Cotton went to the place where he was supposed to babysit.

He saw a small pink house.

"Ugh. Who paints a house pink?"

He went inside and saw ten mothers, each holding a baby.

"This the babysitting thing?" Cotton asked one of the mothers.

"Yes it is." She replied. "Are you the babysitter?"

"Yeah. I guess." Cotton muttered.

"Good. Well, we got to go. Please take care of them."

She gave him her baby and walked away.

The others put their babies on the ground and also walked away.

"They didn't even pay me..."

Cotton put the baby down with the other babies.

The babies blinked at him.

Cotton scratched the back of his head.

"So...uh...hi. I'm Cotton Hill. Um...I killed fiddy men...I hope it's gonna be fiddy-four men...uh..."

Cotton got some word blocks and put it on the floor.

"Um...spell something."

The babies took the blocks and threw it at Cotton.

Cotton quickly dodged them. He let out a furious look.

"This is gonna be mah hardest mission..."

Eventually, the babies started making a huge mess.

Babies were throwing stuff all over the room. Toys were scattered everywhere.

Cotton dropped his jaw. "I've seen massacres less messier than this..."

Cotton sighed. "How about I tell y'all a story?"

The babies stopped and looked at Cotton.

Cotton sighed. "Alright good. Well then, let me tell ya the time I once lost mah shins. I was 14 years old. A bit older than mah grandson. But I knew Uncle Sam needed me. So I lied and joined the army. We had beat the Nazzys in Italy, and they shipped me to the Pacific theater. A Tojo torpedo sent our troupe's ship to the bottom. I was able to save three of mah friends, Fatty, Stinky, and Brooklyn. They were kinda like mah friends right now, only one of them was from Brooklyn. Out of the sun came a Tojo Zero and put fifty bullets in my back. The blood attracted sharks. I had to give them Fatty. Oh god! Then things took a turn for the worse. I made it to an island. But it was full of Tojos! They were spitting on the American flag, so I rushed at them. But it was a trap! They opened fire and shot mah shins. Last thing I remember was that I beat them to death with a big piece of Fatty! I woke up in a field hospital, and they were sewing mah feet to mah knees."

Cotton put a hoof in his forehead.

He noticed an awful smell.

He looked up and noticed all the babies soiled themselves.

"Goddamn it!"

Eventually, Cotton changed all of the diapers.

"Ah man...the time I slept under dead bodies in Vietnam smelled better than this." Cotton muttered.

Eventually, more babies started to make more noises and messes.

Cotton's right eye twitched. However, he took a deep breath and let out a relieved sig...

CRASH!

Cotton looked at the bookshelf, which was now laying on the floor.

"THAT'S IT!-!-!"

The babies all stopped what they were doing and looked at Cotton.

"I AM GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF THIS! ALL YA DO IS MAKE NOISE AND PISS ME OFF! YOU'RE LIKE THE FIDDY MEN I KILLED, SOON TO BE FIDDY FOUR MEN! HECK, YOU'RE MORE ANNOYING THEN THE FIDDY MEN WHOM I KILLED! I'M GONNA GIVE YA A COUPLE REASONS WHY I'M PISSED OFF!-!-!"

30 minutes later

"...AND YA INTERRUPTED A GOOD WWII STORY ABOUT HOW I LOST MAH SHINS AND FATTY! YA GOOD FOR NOTHING PIECES OF CRAP!"

The babies just stared at Cotton.

Immediately, they all started crying.

Cotton just rolled his eyes.

"I gutted a man, he whined less than ya kids." He muttered as he went to another room to take a nap.

As soon as he lied on the bed, he took out a pair of earplugs.

He put them on his ears and took a quick nap.

2 hours later

Cotton yawned. "Oh man. How long was I asleep?"

He took out his earplugs and noticed the silence.

"No crying babies? Must have gone to sleep."

He got up to check on them.

He dropped his jaw.

There were no babies. The window was broken.

Cotton looked outside. He saw baby hoofprints on the ground. They were leading to the Everfree Forest.

"Crap."

Gotta Find 'Em All!

Mark's House

Mark lied down on his bed.

He let out a smile. Cotton Hill is with him, he forgave himself for killing his friends, he reconciled with his uncle, and he has friends who Mark cared for.

Mark sighed. "I got everything except one thing. But I don't know..."

He got up of his bed. "Princess Luna's royalty! I'm just a small-time guy..." He said before letting out a sigh.

"Well I gotta do something! I can't just stand around doing nothing...maybe I can..."

There was then a rapid knocking on the door.

Mark raised an eyebrow. "Who could that be? It's like around 10 o' clock!"

He opened the door and saw Cotton.

"Oh hey Cott..."

"MARK! Thank God! Ya gotta help me!" Cotton shouted.

Mark was confused. "With wha..."

"I was babysitting some kids and now they're gone in that Evertree Forest!"

Mark widen his eyes. "Oh crap!"

"Ya gotta help me Mark!" Cotton said.

Mark nodded. "I'll do it!"

Cotton and Mark stood before the Everfree Forest.

"You sure the kids went here?" Mark asked Cotton.

"Damn right." Cotton said. He hoped that Mark would not meet the his friends...

Suddenly, they heard a demented laughter from the forest.

Cotton widen his eyes. "The hell was that?-!"

Mark gulped. "Beats me."

Cotton sighed. "Come on Mark. We can't let someone laughing stop us."

They could hear the laughter again.

Mark smiled nervously. "Yeah...we can't..."

Laughter again.

Cotton and Mark gulped and into the forest.

Cotton was walking around, looking for babies.

He heard that laughter again.

Cotton cringed. "Why does it sound familiar?" He said to himself.

As he continued looking around, Mark was looking at the bushes to see if he could find the babies there.

He then saw a shadow and thought it may be one of the kids.

He walked towards the shadow and saw a brown unicorn with a green mane and tail. He had a bow and arrow Cutie Mark. He was holding a basket of vegetables and fruit.

He smiled. "Hey there. Looking for something?"

Mark nodded. "Yeah. Seen any kids run around here."

The unicorn put a hoof on his cheek. "Well, I haven't seen any babies, but I have heard some baby sounds over there." He said as he pointed at a direction. "Love to check it out, but that laughter creeps me out."

They heard the demented laughter again.

"See?" The unicorn said.

Mark gulped. "Oh well. Thanks for the help, um..."

The unicorn thought for a moment. "Should I tell him...? No. I shouldn't."

"I'm...Hunter."

"Nice name. I'm...Midway." Mark replied.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go!" Hunter said as he walked away.

"Thanks again!" Mark said as he waved.

Hunter sighed as he walked away.

"At least it wasn't him..." He muttered.

Cotton was getting angry.

"Alright. This is starting to piss me off." He told Mark.

They both heard the laughter.

"AND THE LAUGHING IS STARTING TO PISS ME OFF!" Cotton yelled.

Mark widen his eyes. "Cotton?"

"WHAT?-!"

"I found the kids."

Cotton blinked and looked where Mark was pointing at.

They saw the ten babies together. They were scared and were hugging each other.

Cotton smiled and walked towards them.

"Thank God I found ya."

The babies started to shake in fear.

Cotton frowned. "Is this cuz I yelled at ya?"

They all heard the demented laughter, only it sounded closer.

"Maybe it's because of that!" Mark shouted as he pointed at the source of the laughter, which was behind the trees and shadows.

Mark held his breath as a Pegasus emerged from the shadows.

Cotton dropped his jaw.

"GRIBBLE!-?"

Dale saluted. "Colonel, sir! Oh hey Mark."

"Hey Dale." Mark said with a confused look.

"Ya were the one making that crazy laughter?-!" Cotton shouted.

Dale nodded. "Yeah. Sorry about that. I ran out of cigarettes so I went to Twi's library to see if tobacco exists. I read that it does exist and it's in the Everfree Forest."

"You were laughing insanely because you found tobacco." Mark deadpanned. "Cotton, you were right. This guys is crazy for cigarettes."

"So what are you and Mark doing here? And why are these kids scared?" Dale asked.

Cotton sighed. "Long story. Let's just say that I'd rather lose mah shins than babysit just ONE freaking baby pony."

Cotton looked at the baby ponies. "Alright. Let's get ya home."

Cotton, Mark, and Dale all lead the kids to the pink house.

"Hey thanks again Mark for everything." Cotton told Mark.

Mark smiled. "Don't thank me. Hunter was the one who helped me."

Cotton raised an eyebrow. "Hunter?"

Mark nodded. "Yeah. He's some Pegasus I met in the forest. He showed me where the babies were."

"Oh. OK." Cotton said. "At least it wasn't Mark's friends." He thought.

Eventually they got to the pink house.

Cotton sighed as he opened the door. "Let's just hope the parents aren't..."

"THERE HE IS!"

"...never mind." Cotton muttered as all the mothers gave death glares at Cotton.

Mark smiled. "Don't worry ladies. Cotton was, uh, just taking the kids for, um, stargazing."

The mothered were still glaring at Cotton. "I don't think they're buying that story Mark." Cotton muttered.

Dale brought the kids to the house.

The babies ran to their mothers, hugging them.

"What is wrong with you?" One of the mothers said.

"You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"The kids could have been in danger!"

"SHUT UP!" Cotton screamed, surprising everypony in the room.

"YA THINK I LIKE DIS? HA HA! WELL I DON'T! YA DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAD TO GO THROUGH WITH! THEY MAKE MESSES! THEY RUINED MAH STORY HOW I LOST MAH SHINS! AND YET YA BLAME ME! YA OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T RAISE 'EM RIGHT! HECK, YA DID NOT PAY ME BEFORE YA LEFT! WHO DOES THAT?-! REALLY?-!-?-! YA KNOW WHAT? KEEP THE GODDAMN MONEY! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS CRAP!-!-!-! See ya Mark. At ease Gribble. SCRAM YA IRRESPONSIBLE MOTHERS AND MISBEHAVING KIDS!"

Cotton stormed out of the house.

Everypony just blinked.

"That was more unexpected than Twilight's scepter." Dale said.

Hunter went into a tree house in the forest.

He knocked on the bark six times.

The door opened. Hunter went inside.

"Sorry I'm late." He said to two ponies.

"Don't worry about it man."

Hunter smiled. "Here's the food."

"Thanks."

Hunter sighed. "I met someone."

"Was it...?"

"No it wasn't...thank God." Hunter said.

"Please tell me it was..."

"Sorry...nope." Hunter said.

"Oh well..."

Hunter let out a happy grin.

"Don't worry about it. Now come on. I'm starving."

"Yeah. I'm so hungry, I could eat a pony!"

The three started to laugh before they began to eat.

Well, He Knows...

Sweet Apple Acres

Cotton yawned. He was really exhausted from last night.

He felt like sleeping in the barn instead at Arlen House.

"Damn those moms." He muttered. "Might as well go into town."

As he walked, he noticed AppleBloom jumped around happily.

Cotton smiled. "Hey young'un."

AppleBloom smiled back. "Hi Cotton!"

Cotton's smile was gone. "I called ya the thing ya don't like being called."

AppleBloom giggled. "I'm in a good mood today! Mah cousin Babs Seed is moving to Ponyville!"

Cotton widen his eyes. "Babs?-! Like the one from the alternate dimension?" He thought.

AppleBloom smiled. "Now we can try to get our Cutie Marks together! She even gave me a postcard telling me that she's visiting!"

AppleBloom showed Cotton a postcard.

The front of the postcard was a picture of Babs Seed standing in front of the statue.

Cotton cringed. He remembered that statue. It was were his identity was blown in the alternate dimension.

Cotton saw G.H. walking towards him.

Cotton smiled. "I never get tired of seeing you Good Hank."

G.H. smiled. "Likewise."

AppleBloom smiled at G.H. "Hey Good Hank!"

G.H. laughed. "It's G.H."

AppleBloom showed him the postcard. "Check it out! Mah cousin Babs is moving here!"

G.H. saw the picture of Babs. "Wow...she looks cute..." He said with slightly wide eyes and a small smile.

"She looks what?" AppleBloom said.

"Oh! Um...cool. Yeah. She looks...cool. Yeah." G.H. said with a nervous grin.

Cotton just chuckled. "G.H. and Babs. That should be interesting."

Cotton was walking in the middle of town.

"Hello Cotton!" Nancy greeted.

Cotton saw Nancy with Redcorn, Dale, and Rainbow Dash.

Cotton smirked. "Hey." He said to them.

"Hello sir." Dale said as he saluted Cotton. He had a cigarette in his mouth.

Cotton raised an eyebrow. "How did you make...?"

Dale smiled. "Oh. Hank makes them, as long as he gets 4 bits per cigarette and O bring the tobacco."

"Cotton." Redcorn said with a smile.

Cotton smirked. "Hey Redcorn."

"What's up Cotton?" Rainbow Dash said with a smile.

"Eh. Same old, same old."

"Heard that some mothers are in a really sour mood."

Cotton gritted his teeth. "Gribble told you why?"

Both Dale and Rainbow Dash both shrugged with a small smile.

Mark was walking in town with Derpy.

"I can't believe that Cotton lost all the babies in the forest!" Derpy said with a grin.

Mark chuckled. "Yeah. That's him."

Mark looked in the ground.

Derpy looked at him. "What's wrong Mark? Is it your...?"

"No. I forgave myself for killing them...it's just..."

Mark wondered how he was gonna put this.

"Hey Derpy."

"Yeah?"

"Um...let me put it this way...there's this stallion who secretly 'likes' this girl."

Derpy widen her eyes. "Are you saying...me...you...?"

Mark gasped. "Oh God no! I didn't mean that. I respect you as a friend but...I had always seen you as a friend and not someone whom I...um...(sigh)...love?"

Derpy giggled. "Hey don't worry about it! I respect you too! I just don't see you as somepony I love."

Mark let out a relieved smile. "Anyway, continuing on. Let's say that this girl is...rich...but this stallion isn't that rich. How would he...um...win her heart?"

Derpy thought for a while. "I dunno. But that kinda reminds me of Shining Armor and Princess Cadance."

Mark widen his eyes. "Yeah...You're right! Shining Armor may be the captain of the Royal Guard, but that guy's married to a princess! Thanks Derpy!"

"No problem. By the way, who's the pony you're trying to win?"

Mark coughed. "Uh...well...it's um..."

"Hey Mark!" Cotton shouted. He was with Nancy, Redcorn, Dale, and Rainbow Dash.

"I'll tell you about it later." Mark said to Derpy. He still had to figure out a way to tell her it's Luna he's trying to win.

"How's it going Mark?" Cotton said as Mark and Derpy walked towards him.

"Good thanks." Mark said. "And you?"

Cotton let out a giant frown.

"Oh right." Mark said as he scratched the back of his head. "You're still pissed off at the mothers and babies last night."

"Damn right." Cotton muttered.

Mark turned to Nancy. "You're Gribble's wife, right?"

Nancy nodded. "Yes. I'm Nancy-Hicks Gribble."

Mark looked at Redcorn. "You're John Redcorn, right? Nancy's ex-husband or something?"

Nancy and Redcorn widen the eyes. Dale just chuckled.

"Ex-husband...nice one Mark!" Dale said as he continued chuckling.

Mark blinked. "Oh...you're not...oops sorry. It's just that you always hang out with each other."

"He heals my wife. Or used to. Now they're good friends." Dale said as he finished chuckling.

"Oh...I swear that you used to be married." Mark said. "I mean, look at your son...um...Joseph, is it? He looks like Redcorn."

Nancy and Redcorn bit their lips. Rainbow Dash glared at them. "Yeah..." She said. "Joseph DOES look like Redcorn than Gribble..."

Cotton noticed Dale just standing there. Dale had a blank face.

Cotton closed his eyes and shrugged.

"Redcorn banged your wife."

Nancy and Redcorn both gave death glares at Cotton.

Cotton shrugged. "What? He was gonna find out anyway."

Dale blinked rapidly. He thought for a while.

"Joseph, Redcorn, Man with No Face, Little Strongheart, Chief Thunderhooves, Braeburn, Babs Seed, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, Revenge, Jedi, 7th Star Wars Movie, J.J. Abrams, Star Trek, Into Darkness, Khan, Connie, Joseph, Redcorn..."

He put a hoof on his chin.

"...Scepter, Discord, John de Lancie, Breaking Bad, Malcolm in the Middle, American Dad, Aliens, Avatar, Pocahontas, Redcorn, Joseph..."

He carefully removed his sunglasses.

"...Daring Do, That Rainbow Dash Smile, Gak, Spike's Card, Academy Record, Spitfire, Wonderbolt, Rainbow Dash, Best Pony, A second Chance, My Little King of the Hill: Friendship is Magic and Efficien-WAIT. Redcorn and Joseph..."

Dale's eyes were wide as dinner plates.

"Oh crap..." He muttered.

Nancy and Redcorn looked at each other with scared faces.

Rainbow Dash, Mark, and Derpy looked at each other with concerned faces.

Cotton just shrugged and let out a tiny smile.

"Dis gonna be good."

...And Some Other Stuff

Dale pointed at Nancy, then Redcorn. He had a blank face.

"So. All. This. Time. You. Weren't. Healing. My. Wife?" Dale said in a robotic-like tone.

Redcorn nodded with an ashamed look on his face.

"You. Nancy. Sex?"

"Yes sug. I'm so sorry." Nancy said as she looked at the ground.

Dale remembered all the signs.

"Dale! This isn't what it looks lik-"

"Shut up. Now get off of my lawnmower and start healing my wife!"

...

"He's taking the fun out of this."

"Joseph's true father is-"

"NANCY LOVES YOU!"

"-an ALIEN!-!-!-!"

...

"What?"

"I dreamt of this Indian. But, he had no face. No eyes, no mouth, no nose, nothing! Then, I saw Joseph being born. I looked in his face...he had no face...like that Indian..."

...

"I am that Indian! I am a Native-American!"

"Nancy. What's John Redcorn doing in the shower?"

"I believe I deserve the ass-kicking. I slept with my best friend's wife...for 18 years!"

"Yeah Bill's wife was a tramp!"

Dale stared at Redcorn. "I thought you were stealing that lawnmower. I thought Joseph was an alien. I thought I was an Indian. I thought you had sex with Lenore. All that wasn't true?"

Redcorn nodded.

"Even having sex with Lenore."

Redcorn let out a disgusted look. "Of course not."

Dale took a deep breath. "Let me sum it up. You were having sex with my wife and you are actually Joseph's father?"

Redcorn and Nancy nodded, clearly ashamed.

Rainbow Dash stared at Dale, seeing what his reaction might be.

Derpy looked at Mark, who shrugged.

Cotton raised an eyebrow.

Dale stood there for a minute.

Slowly, he formed a demented smile, similar to Twilight's when she had to find a lesson to report to Celestia.

Dale let out a laughter.

Cotton cringed. It was a far more demented laughter than the one from the forest.

"I've been cheated on this entire time!" Dale shouted insanely, his smile still on his face.

He continued laughing and falling to the ground, jumping up and down.

Everypony in town stared at Dale.

"I think ya broke Gribble." Cotton told Redcorn and Nancy.

Dale immediately knocked down every stall and started tripping everypony he saw.

He stole a jacket from one of the stalls and wore it.

He flew to the empty schoolhouse and started writing on the chalkboard, "Rusty was Here. Go Watch Don't Mine at Night."

He flew to the playground and went to the sandbox. He grabbed a good amount of sand and put it in the pockets of jacket.

He flew to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. He shoved them into a puddle of mud.

"Hey Tiara." Dale said with his sadistic smile. "POCKET SAND!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!"

He grabbed some sand and threw it at Diamond's eyes.

She screamed and covered her eyes.

He then flew around, creating havoc.

"So! What now?" Cotton said,

"We gotta find a way to make him calm down!" Rainbow Dash said.

Mark grabbed some cigarettes he had personally kept for himself.

"I'll try to calm him down." He said as he flew to Dale.

Dale was busy writing "BUTTON MASHxSWEETIE BELLE" on a wall, right next to a picture of a scepter with Twilight's head on top, which he also drew on the wall.

Mark landed next to Dale. "Hey Dale! Look! Smokes!" He said as he grabbed a cigarette and showed it to Dale.

Dale stared at it and took out twenty other cigarettes he had.

Mark blinked. He'd forgotten Dale had cigarettes.

Dale, however, smiled insanely and jumped on top of Mark.

"Hey let go of me!" Mark shouted.

"Mark!" Derpy shouted with a scared look on her face.

"Mark Walsh! No!" Cotton said as he ran towards Mark and Dale.

To his surprise, Dale was then jump-kicked by a green and blue striped unicorn. He had a white and black mane and a grey tail. He was wearing a headband on his head and was equipped a wooden pole. His Cutie Mark was the pole that he had.

Dale got up and growled. "That's it. Prepare to be destroyed by a lethal, dangerous, forbidden combination of the deadly arts of Tai Chi, Kung Fu, Ba Gua, Krav Maga, Taekwondo, Capoeira, Street Fighting, Wrestling, and Pega-Fu! Monkey Style - Squirrel Tactic - Alicorn-"

Dale is immediately interrupted when the unicorn then shot a beam at Dale.

Dale then fell to the ground, snoring.

Mark walked up to the unicorn. "Hey thanks Mr...um..."

The unicorn turned around and stared at Mark.

Mark was surprised when he saw that the unicorn's right eye was actually a reddish glass eye.

The unicorn let out a grateful smile. "I finally found you...Mark Walsh."

"That voice...that eye..." Mark said as he put a hoof on his chin.

His eyes widen.

Costa Rica

Four Weeks Before the End of the World.

A young man was surrounded by four thieves in an alleyway

He had a reddish glass eye.

One of the thieves was holding a wallet.

"Please! Don't! My sister needs that money! Or else she'll die! I swear! PLEASE!"

The thieves just laughed. "Likely story." One of them said as he walked away, along with the other thieves.

"NO! PLEASE, MY SISTER IS PREGNANT AND IN DEBT! NO! PLEASE NO! NOOO!" The young adult shouted as he flew to the ground.

Just before the thieves left the alley, the one who had the wallet bumped into Mark.

"Please!" The young adult shouted. "They have my wallet!"

"Is that so?" Mark said as he quickly snatched the wallet from the thief.

Immediately, all the thieves took out a switchblade.

One tried to stab Mark, but Mark punched him in the stomach and threw a trash bin at him, knocking out the thief.

Another tries to attack, but Mark dodged and punched him in the face, knocking him out.

Another charged at Mark, but Mark kicked him in the stomach and threw him at a wall.

The last one tried to flee, but Mark grabbed his throat. "Mark Walsh." Mark said with a grin. "Remember my name." He said before h knocked out the guy.

Mark then threw the wallet next to the young man.

"Here you go. Crap. I'm gonna be late." Mark said as he looked at his watch.

Mark ran away. The young man tried to run after him to thank him but he didn't know where Mark was now.

The young man let out a tear. "Thank you...Mark...Walsh...I swear I'll thank you...somehow..."

Mark gasped. "I gave you your wallet."

The unicorn let out a tear. "I was able to save my pregnant sister with the money. She then had a son. I don't know what his name was, since the world ended."

The unicorn looked at the Everfree Forest.

"I spent my time, training under a zebra named Zecora, still thinking about you. Eventually, I found out that you lived here in Ponyville."

He bowed. "Thank you. You saved more than my life, you saved my sister and her son."

Mark scratched the back of his head. "Um...My pleasure...um..."

"Ben Long." The unicorn said.

Mark smiled. "You're welcome Ben Long."

"Excuse me!" Cotton shouted. "Mind telling me what ya did to Gribble."

"I used a spell that will revert him back to normal. Should work."

Dale immediately woke up, yawning.

"Woah. What happened? I remember Nancy and Redcorn telling me that they had an affair, and then I woke up! I fainted, right?" Dale said with a nervous grin.

Everypony in town looked at each other and shrugged. They all nodded.

Cotton chuckled as he saw Diamond Tiara giving a glare at Dale. "Doesn't pay to be a bully, doesn't it?" He said to Diamond Tiara, whose only response is a raspberry.

"Oh and Redcorn and Nancy, I forgive you." Dale said.

"WHAT?-!" Redcorn, Nancy, Mark, Derpy, Rainbow Dash, and Cotton said at the same time.

"Just like that?" Mark said as he shook his head.

"John Redcorn's still a friend and Nancy's still my wife. As long as he's sorry and promises never to have sex with wife, and she's sorry and promises never to have sex with him, I forgive them both. Besides, at least I know that Redcorn's not gay, Joseph's not a alien, and that Nancy was impregnated by aliens." Dale said with a smile.

"Now I gotta find out more about Charlene..." He said to himself.

Cotton just rolled his eyes.

"Dis turned out OK...for everyone else that is..."

Off to that Crystal Place!

Arlen House

Cotton laid in his bed.

"OK, there's me, Hank, his friends, his families, my family, Mark, Ben, I think, Mark's friends, their friends, Kenny...Goddamn. How many Earthlings are there?"

"Hey Grandpa!" Bobby shouted. "Get ready!"

"For what?" Cotton said with a raised eyebrow.

"You, Dad, his friends, Mark, and those six mares have been invited to stay over somewhere called, Crystal Empire?"

Cotton shook his head. "Crystal? Really? Well, I have nothing to do. Alrighty, I'll go."

Train Station

Cotton, Hank, Bill, Dale, Boomhauer, Kahn, Mark, and the Mane 6 were standing, waiting for the train.

Ben wanted to come along. He wanted to protect Mark and to visit the Crystal Empire.

"Zecora told me about the Empire." Ben said. "The more she told me, the more I wanted to go."

"It's been a while since we visited the Empire, right girls?" Rainbow Dash said. The other girls nodded.

"I hope we see Shining Armor and Cadance!" Dale said to Cotton with a wide grin.

Cotton just shook his head.

Eventually the train arrived and everypony entered it.

Crystal Empire

"Well, we're hear!" Rainbow Dash shouted as the rest of the Mane 6 exited out of the train.

The guys stared at the Empire.

"Wow. Not bad." Kahn muttered.

Dale let out a tear.

Cotton yawned.

Eventually, they went into town.

To Kahn's surprise, the ponies were friendly.

"Wow. I thought this was a place with rich, rude ponies. Looks like I brought this three-hole-puncher for nothing." He said as he took out a three-hole-puncher.

"Three-hole-punch rich ponies' faces?" Cotton said with a grin.

Kahn nodded. Cotton chuckled.

"Hey! Twi!" A voice shouted.

Both Twilight and Dale smiled.

"Shining Armor!" Twilight shouted.

Dale grin grew larger. Cotton rolled his eyes.

Twilight ran towards the pony named Shining Armor and gave him a hug.

"Long time no see sis." Shining Armor said with a smile.

Shining Armor looked at Hank and his friends. "Are these your friends?"

Hank nodded. "Yup." He said. Cotton cringed. "Twilight told me about you."

Bill saluted. "Sargeant Bill Dauterive sir!"

Shining Armor chuckled and saluted.

Boomhauer shook Shining Armor's hoof. "Hey man good to goddang see ya man. You don't know me, likewise with me I tell you what, but this dang ol' Twi told me about you, yo. Canterlot Wedding, King Sombra, Equestria Games, man why in goddang ol' yo Twilight princess man dang ol' yo. Oh, and I'm Boomhauer, yo."

Shining Armor blinked. "I'm sorry. You lost me."

"Man, dang ol' listen man yo."

Shining Armor shrugged. "Well, nice to me you...Boomhauer."

Dale immediately shook Shining Armor's hand. "So good to meet you!-!"

Shining Armor chuckled.

He looked at Kahn. Kahn just rolled his eyes.

Shining Armor walked up to Cotton.

Cotton raised an eyebrow. "So you're a Royal Guard?"

Shining Armor nodded.

"You know Ke...I mean...Blue Fang?"

Shining Armor smiled. "He's one of the best Royal Guards and a personal friend of mine."

"He's my uncle." Mark said with a smile.

Shining Armor raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know that."

Cotton chuckled. "Well now ya do."

"Come on Twily." Shining Armor said. "Cadance wants to see you and your friends."

The guys dropped their jaws when they saw the palace.

Cotton just muttered. "Meh."

"Twilight!" A voice shouted.

Both Dale and Twilight smiled.

"Cadance!' Twilight shouted.

She ran to Cadance and began a small dance.

"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!"

Cotton just slammed his hoof on his forehead.

"So good to see you." Cadance said as she hugged Twilight.

She looked at the guys. "Are they your friends?"

Twilight nodded.

Cadance walked up to Shining Armor.

"You think they're..." She whispered.

"Wouldn't doubt it." He whispered back.

"Um...Twilight? Can I talk to your friends privately please?" Cadance asked Twilight.

Twilight nodded. "Sure thing. Come on girls. Let's go she what the Crystal Ponies are selling."

As the Mane 6 left, it was just the guys, Cotton, Mark, Ben, Shining Armor, and Princess Cadance.

"You're from Earth, aren't you?" Shining Armor asked.

The guys gasped and had shocked faces.

"How did ya?" Cotton asked.

Cadance giggled. "You're not the only ones. You can come out now!"

Everypony turned around and saw 6 Crystal Ponies, all of them were unicorns.

One was red with a brown mane and tail. He had a shopping cart Cutie Mark.

The other was orange with a dark brown mane and tail. He had a trumpet Cutie Mark. He also had a small beard and was holding a trumpet.

The oldest of the six was dark green with a white mane and tail. He had a bayonet Cutie Mark.

One of them, who looked relaxed, was light green with a grey mane and tail. He had an apple Cutie Mark.

One of them, who had a long brown beard, was black with a brown mane and tail. He had a guitar Cutie Mark and was holding a guitar.

Finally, the last one, who looked Japanese, was brown with a black mane and tail. He had a wrench Cutie Mark.

The red unicorn waved. "Hey."

Hank gasped. "BUCKLEY!-?"

The orange unicorn waved his trumpet in the air. "What about me?"

It didn't take Dale a while to figure out who it was. "CHUCK MANGIONE?-!"

The old dark green unicorn saluted. "At ease!"

"TOPSY?-!" Cotton shouted.

The light green unicorn waved. "Hey Hank." He said in a relaxed voice.

"APPLESEED?-!" Hank shouted.

"Hey there Hank!" The black bearded unicorn said.

"DUSTY?-!" Kahn shouted with a smile.

Finally, the brown Japanese unicorn walked to Hank and and bowed his head.

"It's been a while...brother."

"JUNICHIRO?-!-?-!" Hank and Cotton shouted at the same time.

Junichiro smiled. "So good to see you father."

Cotton stared at him before letting out a giant smile. "WHO-WEE! So good to see you Junty-Joe!"

Junichiro glared at Cotton.

Cotton smiled. "Just kidding...Junichiro."

Hank turned to Cadance. "You know them?"

She nodded. "Before your world ended, Topsy and Buckley came to Equestria as Crystal Ponies, since they both died before the end of your world. Eventually, Chuck, Appleseed, Dusty, and Junichiro came to this world. They told us about 'Earth' and we accepted them and let them stay in the Crystal Empire. Me and my husband, Shining Armor, knew that you were from Earth, since all of you act differently."

"Like him." Shining Armor said as he pointed at Boomhauer.

Boomhauer shook his head. "Hey man yo, it's how I talk, I tell you what. I don't judge you, man."

"We're also aware of...'bronies.'" Shining Armor said with an amused smile.

Junichiro, Dusty, Topsy, and Chuck stared at Buckley and Appleseed.

Buckley shrugged. "What? I like that show."

Appleseed nodded. "It's a good, relaxing show."

Dale came up to Buckley and Appleseed and gave them both a "brohoof."

Cotton sighed. "So ya know who we are? Oh great."

"Does Twilight or her friends know?" Shining Armor asked.

Hank and his friends (and Kahn) shook their heads.

"Nope." Mark said.

"Zecora knows." Ben said.

Everypony looked at Ben.

"You told her?" Mark asked Ben.

"She knew. My body looked unusual and she noticed how I acted more like a human than a horse."

"I always wanted to ask." Dale asked. "What's with your body?"

Ben shrugged. "I asked God to make me 'look cool.' In my opinion, I think this is good enough."

Everypony dropped their jaws in disbelief.

"What? Cotton has blood red eyes." Ben said.

Cotton nodded. "He has a good point."

"So what now?" Hank asked.

"Can we stay over?" Dale asked.

"Sure thing." Cadance said with a smile. "We'll show you to your rooms."

"Oh and in my opinion, I think Twilight and her friends should know where you guys really are from." Shining Armor told the guys.

Cotton chuckled. "Good one Shiny."

As the guys left, it was just the six Crystal Ponies.

"So what do you think, now that more Hills live in Equestria?" Dusty asked Junichiro as he nudged his shoulder.

"Pretty good. Though Hank and I have some things in common, I respect my father, and I enjoy having Bobby around." Junichiro replied.

"And me?" Dusty asked Junichiro.

"Never heard of this ZZ Top." Junichiro said with an evil smile.

Dusty stammered. "What about this?-!" He said as he took out his guitar and started playing "Tush."

"Please stop." Junichiro muttered as he covered his ears with his hooves.

Topsy shook his head. "Ya young'uns should be ashamed of yerself. Youse would never make it in the army." He said. "Especially...YOU!" He said as he pointed to Buckley.

"What?" Buckley said as he shrugged. "Is this because of that Mega-Lo-Mart explosion? Hank distracted me!"

"I was almost killed!" Chuck shouted.

"Well it's not my fault you lived in that store anyway!" Buckley shouted.

Eventually, Topsy, Chuck, and Buckley started fighting. Dusty and Junichiro soon argued about Rock n' Roll.

Appleseed just stood there. "You guys should, like, relax or something."

Nighttime

Cotton chuckled as he laid down in his bed.

"Tell them that I'm human...like that'll ever happe-"

He was interrupted by a mare screaming in horror.

He got out of bed and went outside.

He noticed Shining Armor, Princess Cadance, Hank and his friends, Mark, Ben, and the six Crystal unicorns.

To their horror, they saw green zombie-like creatures walking in the streets.

To the guys surprise, they not only looked human, but they also looked Japanese.

"Wait a minute..." Cotton said with narrow eyes.

He carefully walked up to one creature.

"I KNOW YA! I KILLED YA!-!"

Twilight blinked. "Killed him?"

Cotton ran to one who had a big hole in his stomach.

"I BAZOOKA'D YA!-!"

Applejack looked confused. "Bazooka?"

Cotton saw one creature with bandages wrapped around his chest.

"YA! I SHOT YA THRU THE HEART!-!"

"The heart?" Pinkie said in a scared tone.

Cotton noticed a creature with multiple knife wounds.

"I GUTTED YA TIL I GOT BORED!-!"

"Gutted?" Rainbow Dash stammered.

Cotton saw a creature with burnt skin.

"I TORCHED YA TIL MY FLAMETHROWER RAN OUT OF FUEL!-!"

"Torched?" Rarity said with a scared look.

Cotton saw another creature with missing teeth.

"YOU! GOT YER TEETH IN A JAR BACK ON EARTH!-!"

Fluttershy cringed. "Teeth?-!"

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Earth?"

"YOU! YER ALL...!-!-!" Cotton said as he backed away from the creatures.

He turned to Shining Armor. "HOW MANY ARE THERE?-!-?-!"

Shining Armor gulped. "The townspeople think there are...50 of them."

Cotton lowered his ears.

"Crap."

Author's Note

I am aware that the show was aired in 2010 and KOTH got cancelled before that. This is my story, mmkay?

Time to Kill Fiddy Men...Again

"EVERYPONY! INTO THE PALACE! IT'S THE ONLY SAFE PLACE!" Shining Armor shouted in a loud voice.

Eventually, everypony ran to the palace. To Princess Cadance's relief, there were no casualties.

Ben looked at the creatures.

"What are these things?" He said as he saw the creatures roaming the streets, destroying anything they see.

"Zombies?" Mark said with a shrug.

"I doubt it." Ben said. "They would be trying to break into the palace and eating our brains, not wrecking everything around them."

The Mane 6 walked up to Mark, Ben, Hank and his friends, and Cotton.

"A word please." Twilight said with a concerned face.

Cotton sighed and nodded.

They walked away to a room.

"Alright. Who are you?" Twilight said with a small glare.

Mark and Ben looked at each other with concerned faces. Hank and his friends just scratched the back of their necks.

Cotton groaned. "We're humans." He muttered.

The Mane 6 gasped. "HUMANS?-!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "YOU MEAN LYRA WAS TELLING THE TRUTH ALL ALONG!-!"

Dale couldn't help but let out a small smile.

"But what about those creatures?" Twilight asked. "How do you know them?"

Cotton sighed. "They are the fiddy men I killed..."

The Mane 6 let out surprised looks.

"I'll explain from the beginning..." Cotton said as he lowed his ears.

He explained about how he had fought in WWII, lost his shins, and started a new life. He had a son whom he didn't like, and eventually a son whom he adored more than anyone. Eventually, due to a sushi restaurant accident, he then died. He was sent to Equestria by his god so that Cotton could 'redeem himself.'

Eventually, Dale came up and explained how their world ended and that they were sent to Equestria.

Hank walked up and explained a bit about himself and his friends. He didn't tell the girls about Dale being a brony, since he thought that would be too weird.

Bill then explained a bit about Hank's families, and the other people the guys knew from Earth, that came to Equestria.

Mark walked up and explained that he and Ben was also from Earth. He told them that Midway wasn't his real name and that it is actually Mark Walsh. He didn't mentioned about his friends whom he killed.

Ben also explained that Mark saved him and his sister's and unborn nephew's life, which is why he is in debt to Mark.

Kahn explained how golf was something from Earth and why the guys wanted it to name it after their homes.

Boomhauer explained about bronies, but the girls didn't understand what he was saying, much to Hank's relief.

Cotton just sighed and looked down at the ground. "Well now ya know."

"Why didn't ya tell me the truth?" Applejack said in a sadden voice.

Cotton let out a tear. When he realized his tear, he shook his head.

"Don't cry soldier..." He muttered to himself.

"Let me ask ya a question." Applejack said. "Ya lied to us about where yer really from. But did yer god really sent ya here so that ya may redeem yerself?"

Cotton looked at Hank, his friends, Ben, and Mark.

"Well..." Cotton said. "At first, I didn't wanna. But apparently, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think God really knows what he's doing."

Mark let out a smile.

"He sent me mah friends so that I may have a second chance." Cotton said as he smiled back at Mark.

The Mane 6 stared at Cotton.

Applejack smiled. "I believe ya."

Twilight smiled. "I believe you."

Rarity nodded. "Me too."

Rainbow Dash grinned. "Me three!"

Pinkie Pie smiled widely. "ME FOUR!"

Fluttershy smiled weakly. "Me...um...five."

Cotton smiled. "Thanks girls."

"Um..sorry to kill the moment," Ben said as he clapped his hooves. "But we oughta deal with these creatures."

Cotton took a deep breath. "I'll take care of them." He said, earning him everypony's concerned faces. "I killed them before, I can kill them again."

Mark walked up. "Count me in."

Ben walked up. "Let's do this." He said as he got his pole ready.

"What about us?"

Everypony turned to six Crystal Ponies.

"Have we met?" Applejack asked.

"I am Junichiro. These are my acquaintances, Dusty, Buckley, Topsy, Appleseed, and Chuck."

Dusty spoke up. "Princess Cadance and her husband gave us a home, and we'll be damned if zombies are gonna destroy it!" He said as his horn glowed.

Topsy took out his bayonet. "Time to kill!" He said as he took a deep breath and puffed up his cheeks extremely large, which made everypony around him uncomfortable. Cotton just laughed.

Appleseed smiled as his horn glowed. "Time for a little action."

Buckley chuckled as his horn glowed. "Right on Apples."

Chuck got out his trumpet. "This bad boy broke that anger management teacher's face for one month. Add my magic, and I'm an unstoppable fighting machine! I am Chuck Mangione! Not Chick Mangione!"

Cotton grinned. "Looks like it's up to me, Mark, Ben, and the Crystal Six!"

After convincing Shining Armor and Princess Cadance that they'll take care of everything, Cotton and his eight allies walked outside.

Cotton growled at the creatures.

Mark smirked as he cracked his hooves. Ben got his pole ready.

The horns of Junichiro, Buckley, Topsy, Chuck, Appleseed, and Dusty all began to glow.

"Kill 'em all." Cotton said in an evil voice. "Let's all I ever asked for mah men."

Immediately, Cotton ran up to a creature and kicked it in the face, snapping its neck.

Mark picked up a wooden plank and smashed two heads.

Ben ran to one creature and impaled its head with his pole.

He took it out, backing away as he cleaned his pole.

As he repeated this process to three other creatures, Topsy ran and stabbed a creature in the head.

He laughed and puffed his cheeks as he stabbed four more creatures.

Dusty got his guitar and smashed it on a creature's head.

He chuckled as he bashed two more creatures.

Appleseed stared as creatures ran towards him.

Appleseed let out a calm yawn as he used his magic to get a hammer and smashed the heads of three creatures.

Eventually, Chuck attacked creatures with his trumpet.

As he finished killing four creatures, he noticed Buckley killing two creatures with a shovel.

Chuck noticed a creature sneaking up to Buckley and charged at the creature.

As he finished killing it, he said in short breaths to Buckley, "You owe me big time..."

Junichiro used his magic to wield two wooden planks.

He smirked as he smashed six heads.

Cotton, Mark, and Ben charged at four creatures and, without ease, killed them.

"Just fifteen more..." Cotton said as he panted. Mark and Ben were also tired. They noticed that all the creatures they killed were reduced to dust.

"Leave it to us." Junichiro said as he and his Crystal allies walked towards the creatures.

Cotton smiled as he saw Junichiro, Dusty, Buckley, Topsy, Appleseed, and Chuck surround the last fifteen creatures.

Chuck's horn glowed. "You shouldn't mess with us."

Appleseed's horn glowed. "We're, like, unstoppable."

Buckley's horn glowed. "Guess what? Chicken butt."

Topsy's horn glowed. "Time to die, my precious."

Dusty's horn glowed. "We are Crystal Ponies."

Junichiro's horn glowed. "This is our home. And we will not let you destroy it..."

Immediately, they all shot a beam from their horns, reducing the creatures to dust.

Mark and Ben stared in awe as Cotton smiled triumphantly.

Junichiro, Dusty, Buckley, Topsy, Appleseed, and Chuck all let out a cheer.

Dusty played his guitar and Chuck played his trumpet as Topsy puffed his cheeks while smiling.

Appleseed took out two apples and gave one to Buckley.

Junichiro smiled and said, "Victory," in Japanese.

Eventually, all the ponies inside the palace walked outside and were surprised and delighteda to see that the creatures were gone.

Shining Armor walked up to Cotton. "We don't know how to thank you..." He said with a grateful smile.

Cotton smirked. "Start by thanking the Crystal Six." He said as he pointed to Junichiro, Dusty, Buckley, Topsy, Appleseed, and Chuck.

"They did most of the work." Mark said.

"They're the ones whom you should be thanking." Ben said.

Eventually, the Crystal Empire townspeople started cheering for Junichiro, Dusty, Buckley, Topsy, Appleseed, and Chuck, now known as the Crystal Six.

Cotton chuckled. "You didn't do bad, Ben."

Ben smiled. "I'm gonna have to thank Zecora again..."

Cotton then frowned. "I have a feeling that Alex and his friends were involved in this..." He thought. "I am really gonna enjoy killing them..."

Author's Note

Merry (Early) Christmas/Hearth's Warming Eve!!!

It ain't easy bein' a sheriff

It's been three days since those zombie-like creatures attacked.

Cotton and his friends enjoyed their stay at the Crystal Empire.

The Crystal Six were now favorited by everypony in the Crystal Empire.

The Mane 6 knew about the humans' origins and still accepted them.

They promised not to tell anypony about the humans' origin.

Cotton now had two issues:

Revenge on Alex and money for himself.

Arlen House

Cotton took a nap as he lied on his bed.

As he slept, all these weird thoughts came to his head.

"Ugh...no Hank's wife...I don't want yer big feet...ugh...who the hell is Mane-iac?...ugh...Rainbow Dash, stop smiling like that...it's giving me the creeps...ugh...Equestrian Academy?...wait...who's kkman57?...ah forget it...what the hell is gak?...how gives a crap about Weird Al...must kill Fidel Castro...need mah whip for...ugh?"

Cotton woke up and blinked.

"Mah whip...MAH WHIP! That's it! I know how to get money!" He said with a wide smile.

Carousel Boutique

Rarity was busy making a dress when Boomhauer came in.

"Rarity, yo." Boomhauer said.

Rarity smiled. "Hello Boomhauer."

"Just dang ol' thought of dropping by wit my favorite little pony, I tell you what. Where's dang ol' Sweetie Belle, yo?"

"Oh she's with her friends. By the way, I've heard about your 'dates' with other mares." Rarity said with an amused smile.

Boomhauer froze. "From dang ol'..?"

Rarity giggled. "All I can say is that I think Berry Punch, Carrot Top, and Colgate are in love with you now."

Boomhauer gulped.

Suddenly, the door opened and Cotton entered in.

Boomhauer was amused to see that Cotton had a whip with him.

He was also wearing a hat, which had the words 'Cop' crossed out and replaced it with the words 'Sheriff.'

Cotton saluted. "Boomhauer, say hello to the new sheriff in town."

Boomhauer didn't know whether to laugh or to urinate on himself.

Rarity giggled. "How did you...?"

"I have mah ways." Cotton said as he crossed his arms and let out a prideful smile.

"So what in dang ol' now?" Boomhauer asked.

"Seen any crimes?" Cotton asked.

Rarity shook her head. "Not that I know of."

Boomhauer rolled his eyes. "Man, dang ol' stupid man."

"Ah zip it Boomhauer." Cotton blurted out as he walked out the door. "Ya got yer own problems to take care of. I heard that all the stallions who had a crush on Berry Punch, Carrot Top, and Colgate all wanna kill ya tonight."

As Cotton left, Boomhauer widen his eyes and looked at Rarity.

"Well...they're not going to literally kill you..." Rarity said with a nervous grin.

Boomhauer gulped and lowered his ears.

"Dang ol' crap."

Cotton was bored. He couldn't find a case.

"Hmm..." He said to himself. "Maybe Twilight has a problem for me to solve..."

He headed towards Twilight's house.

He knocked on the door.

Spike opened the door.

"Hey Spyro." Cotton greeted with a smirk.

"Hey Hank's father." Spike replied with a smirk.

Cotton frowned.

"I hate being called that."

"I know. Dale told me that."

Cotton peeked inside and saw Dale sitting down with a book.

Dale grinned nervously as Cotton glared at Dale.

Mark's House

Mark sighed as he took out a piece of paper.

He wanted to ask Shining Armor about how he met Princess Cadance, but Mark was afraid that Shining Armor would find out that the pony Mark is trying to win is Luna.

Mark decided to write a letter.

Dear Princess Celestia,
I just wanna say that I'm grateful for giving a home to Cotton and his friends. I wish there was a way I can thank you.

Sincerely,
Mark Walsh

P.S.
The Mane 6 knows that me and my friends are from Earth. They still accept us as friends.

Mark started to sweat as he wrote:

P.P.S.
Tell Luna I said hi and thank you for everything.

Mark put a hoof on his forehead.

"Well, it's better than nothing..." He muttered.

He left his house with the letter and walked towards Twilight's house.

"Are ya sure ya don't need mah service?" Cotton asked Twilight as he crossed arms.

Twilight was busy reading a book.

Twilight giggled. "That's sweet of you, but I don't need any service."

Cotton sighed. "Well, since I'm here, got any police books or somathing?"

"Police?" Twilight asked with a confused look.

"He's saying he wants a book on how to be a good detective!" Dale shouted.

"Oh." Twilight said as she gave Cotton a book. "Start with this one."

Cotton sighed and sat down to read the book.

He heard the door open.

"Hey Cotton."

Cotton smiled. "Hey Mark. What are ya doing here?"

Mark smiled. "Just doing a quick thing." He said as he came up to Spike.

"Hey Spike." He whispered to Spike as he got out his letter and a large green gem. "Deliver this letter to Celestia and don't say a word to anypony about this and I'll give you this gem."

Spike stared and drooled at the gem and nodded as he grabbed to the gem and letter.

Mark smirked as Spike ate the gem in one bite.

As he was about to leave, he noticed a book about romance.

He noticed how Cotton, Dale, Twilight, and Spike wasn't looking.

Mark let out a small smile.

"Why not? I'll just take this and bring it back when I'm done. Simple."

He grabbed the book and left.

Dale got up. "Well I'm going. See you Twilight!"

"See you." Twilight replied.

As Dale left, Twilight got up.

"Well, I'm done with this book, time to rea...hey, what happened to Winning Somepony's Heart for Morons?"

Cotton put his book down. "Huh?"

"I could've sworn it was here." Twilight said as she started to look around.

Cotton put a hoof on his chin. "Hmm...this sounds like...A CASE!"

He put down the book and let out a huge smile. "Don't worry Breaking Dawn! I'll find yer book!"

He ran out of the house with a determined look on his face.

Canterlot

Celestia was sitting on her throne.

All of a sudden, a letter came up to her.

She read the letter.

She smiled. "Luna?"

"Yes sister?" Luna said as she appeared.

"Mark says hi and thank you for everything."

Luna let out a shy smile. "Oh...um..."

Celestia let out a small chuckle. "I'll tell him you said you're welcome. He also said that he wished to repay us somehow."

Celestia put a hoof on her chin. "I have an idea..."

THEY DID IT!

Cotton made up a list.

"Let's see...Rainbow Dash called Twilight an egghead, so she's a suspect. Pinkie Pie confuses Twilight, so she's a suspect. Rarity...eh...she's looks suspicious, thanks to her fancy manners. As for Applejack...um...well, she never takes Breaking Dawn seriously so she's on mah list. And for Fluttershy...well, sometimes the most innocent is the most dangerous."

Cotton smiled. "I have mah list. Now, to find a way to squeeze the truth..."

Mark's House

Mark was reading the book that he "borrowed" from Twilight.

All of a sudden, he heard some knocking on the door.

He opened the door and smiled. "Hey Derpy."

"Hey Mark. Got a letter." Derpy said as she gave him a letter.

"Thanks. Tell Dinky I said hi!"

Mark opened the envelope.

"Huh. It's a letter from...Celestia?"

Mark sat down as he read the letter.

Dear Mark,
You're welcome. It was an honor. Also, it's good to hear that Twilight and her friends still accept you.

Yours Truly,
Princess Celestia

Mark dropped his jaw as he read:

P.S.
Oh and there is a way you can personally thank me and Luna for giving a home for your friends. In five days, Luna will have a personal day off for herself. Do you mind watching after her that day?

Mark carefully reread the last part.

All of a sudden, he let out a giant "YES!" as he fell to the ground laughing and crying.

"Alright Rarity." Cotton said with a stern look. "Just confess, and all's will go well. Did ya take the book?"

Rarity started to whimper.

"I'm not gonna ask ya again," Cotton said with a furious look on his face. "Did ya steal Twilight's magic book?-!"

Rarity shook her head vigorously.

Without hesitating, Cotton started to tear Rarity's dresses, while she was tied to a chair and is forced to watch.

"No please stop! I didn't take it!"

Not believing her, he completely teared her new dress to shreds.

"Noooo!-!-!-!-!-!"

She soon passes out.

"I believe ya." Cotton said happily as he untied her.

"Let's see...who's next...Ah! I know..."

Fluttershy whimpered.

"PLEASE! DON'T DO IT!-!-!-!"

Cotton just yawned as he tightened Angel with his arms.

"PLEASE!-! PLEASE!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!"

"Then confess."

"BUT I DIDN'T TAKE TWILIGHT'S...!"

Cotton immediately bit off Angel's head off, red ooze coming out of Angel's neck and head.

Fluttershy screamed and collapsed, crying.

Cotton stared at her. "Well she didn't do it." He said to himself. "Hey Flutters. Stop crying. It wasn't even Angel. It's just a cake sculpture version of him. See? The blood's actually strawberry jam."

Fluttershy couldn't hear Cotton over her sobbing.

Cotton sighed. "Whatever."

He walked outside and approached Angel, who was tied up and gagged.

"The good news is yer being freed." Cotton said with a friendly smile.

Angel let out a relieved sigh.

"The bad news is that I asked Mr. Kahn to do it." Cotton said as his smile slowly turned to an evil grin.

Angel's eyes widen as Cotton left, chuckling.

"Hey Pinks. Thanks again for that Angel sculpture." Cotton said with a smile.

"No problemo." Pinkie Pie replied with a smile.

"Kinda makes me sad for doing dis to ya." Cotton said as he took out electric hand mixer and showed it to the tied up Pinkie Pie, who was, regardless of the situation she was in, smiling happily.

"Feel free to confess to me any time." Cotton said.

Cotton then turned the mixer on and shoved it on Pinkie's mane.

Despite the pain, Pinkie started giggling.

"Damn it Pinkie!" Cotton shouted as he took out the mixer from her mane."Yer girly mane done burned the motor! I'm gonna get the chocolate cake mix."

"YAY!"

After a half-hour of chocolate cake mix, a vacuum cleaner, and 20 cupcakes, Cotton gave up. Mostly because Pinkie seemed to enjoy the experience.

"OK." Cotton said as he panted heavily. "Ya didn't take it."

Cotton thought about who should he torture next.

"Hey Pinks. I heard ya go dis thing that let's ya fly. I need to go pay somepony a visit."

"DON'T. DO. IT."

Rainbow Dash gave Cotton a death glare.

Cotton just smirked and lit a match and walked up to a pile of Daring Do books.

"Don't think I'm scared to do this..." Cotton said quietly. "When mah boy and his friends got that new couch that was eventually stolen by Bill...I didn't think twice about throwing a match like this at the couch..."

"IF YOU WANNA LIVE," Rainbow Dash whispered as a serial killer would whisper to his victim, "DON'T BURN THEM..."

"The Japanese blew mah shins off. What are YOU gonna do?"

"DO NOT.."

"Oops." Cotton said with a smile as he dropped the match on top of the books.

Rainbow Dash let out a horrified scream and immediately formed a raincloud and let out rain on the books.

"Well. Yer innocent. That could only mean one thing..."

"Dag-nab-it Cotton!"

Applejack gave out a scowl.

Cotton just smirked as he waved Applejack's hat over a goat pen.

"Ya know how much I love that hat!" Applejack yelled.

"Exactly. Ya like that hat as much as Bloom loves her bow." Cotton said as he took out AppleBloom's red bow.

Applejack growled.

"Oh? And what's this? Could it be Big Macintosh's favorite doll, Smarty Pants?" Cotton said as he took out an ugly doll.

"DO NOT DO IT."

"Confess if ya value these things."

"I DID NOT...!"

"Chow time boys!" Cotton shouted as he threw the hat, doll, and bow in the goat pen.

Applejack screamed as the goats chewed on the hat, doll, and bow.

Cotton sighed and frowned. "Well, ya didn't do it...then who...?"

Twilight's House

Dale just simply crossed his arms as the Mane 6 started talking.

"Cotton's gone outta control!" Applejack shouted with an angry look on her face.

"Those were limited editions of Daring Do!" Rainbow Dash yelled.

"That dress cost a lot of gems!" Rarity yelled. Dried tears near her eyes were visible.

"He could have hurt Angel!" Fluttershy whispered loudly.

"I like how he got himself a whip." Pinkie Pie said with a smile.

Dale simply walked inside the closet.

"For some reason, all the girls think you did these things to them." Dale said as he lit his cigarette, lighting the dark closet and revealing Cotton.

Cotton narrowed his eyes and tightened his whip.

"Cuz I DID those things to 'em." Cotton hissed.

"Wait what?" Dale said with a surprised face.

"Clearly, I was wrong. They are guilty!" Cotton growled.

"I say we use that whip on him!" Rainbow Dash shouted.

That was enough for Cotton to hear.

"HALT!-!" Cotton shouted in a great voice as he bursted through the door. "ALL OF YOUSE ARE UNDER ARREST FOR LYING AND THREATENING A SHERIFF!-!-!-!"

"Lying?" Twilight asked.

"I thoughts they didn't stole yer book." Cotton said as he twitched his eye. "But clearly I was wrong. Thus, one of them DID STOLE YER BOOK!-! WHICH ONE OF YA HORS...oh hey Mark."

Mark froze. The girls looked at Mark. He had snuck in and was going to place a book on Twilight's table then leave.

"HEY!" Twilight shouted as she pointed at the book. "That's my book!"

Cotton blinked. "MARK?-! Yer the prime suspect?-!-?-!"

Mark sighed and bowed his head in shame. "Yeah. It was me. I thought Twilight didn't mind so...I kinda took it without noticing...sorry Twilight."

Twilight's angry look went away. "That's OK. Just ask next time. OK?" She said with a smile

Mark smiled back. "Thanks."

Rainbow Dash glared at Cotton. "So that means that you tortured us for nothing...?"

Soon the rest of the Mane 6 all glared at Cotton.

Cotton gulped. He had two choices. He could either apologize. Or...

"See ya."

Cotton immediately ran out of the door and as far away from Twilight's house.

Dale came out of the closet. "Anypony feeling deja vu? Or it's just probably me. I'm surprised that Kahn wasn't the one who did it."

Boomhauer walked in.

Everypony was shocked to see that he was covered his bruises and bandages.

"Oh god." Dale said. "What happened to ya."

"Well." Boomhauer said as he gave an angry frown. "Let's just goddang say that it was git old men who dang ol' fall over heels for god dang Berry, Carrot, and Colgate and a, I tell ya what, a VERY BAD COP...yo."

Author's Note

Oh and check out my new story, I tell ya what, yo.

Return of a Bandit

Author's Note

So so so sorry for the long wait. School's a bitch. To be honest, I think I rushed this chapter a bit.

Return of a Bandit

It's been two days since Cotton tortured the Mane 6.

Thankfully, for Mark, Twilight didn't ask him why he took the book in the first place.

Boomhauer was recovering from his wounds from the stallions who beat up Boomhauer.

Cotton avoided the Mane 6 for a while before things cooled down.

Bobby sighed as he took a walk around town.

"This place is great and all, but I'd love it if something interesting happening." He said. "I wonder what Pinkie's doing?"

He walked over to the Sugar Cube Corner when he suddenly heard a noise.

"Huh." He said to himself. "Sounds like it's from that dumpster next to that bakery place."

He walked over there and heard some rumbling.

"OK..." Bobby said as he stared at the dumpster.

"Wait. Why am I staring at a dumpster?"

Bobby shook his head and turned around.

Just then, he heard a noise in the dumpster.

"Huh." Bobby said. "Just a raccoon."

He turned around and saw a raccoon.

The raccoon started sniffing Bobby and then stared at him.

Bobby smiled and patted the raccoon's head.

"Hey there little fella." He said. "Huh. You look familiar."

He put a hoof on his chin. He dropped his jaw when he realized who this raccoon really was.

"Bandit?"

The next day

Sweet Apple Acres

Hank, Dale, Bill, Boomhauer, and Ben were standing near a fence, drinking beer.

"This is nice." Ben said with a smile.

"You think Big Macintosh would like beer?" Dale asked. "I'm not sure. Man, I seen Fluttershy become a vampire but I've never seen Big Mac get drunk."

"Hey y'all." A glum Applejack said.

The guys turned to Applejack, who wasn't wearing her hat.

"Where's your hat, Miss Applejack?" Ben asked.

Applejack couldn't help but let out a smile. "Please. Ya don't have to call me Miss." She said as her frown returned. "Anyway, it's Cotton."

Ben nodded. "Ah yes. I heard about that." He turned to Hank. "Is your dad always like this?"

Hank sighed. "You don't know."

"Speak of the dang ol' devil man." Boomhauer said as his friends saw Cotton and Bobby walking by.

"Morning gentlemen." Cotton greeted "Hey Apples."

Applejack just rolled her eyes.

"Ah don't worry about it." Cotton said with a small smile. "You'll get used to not wearing a hat. Ask Four-Eyes there. He was got a hat from a woman who turned out to be a hooker. Be lucky that I didn't burn yer hat like I did with Little Miss New York."

Applejack and Hank gritted their teeth.

"Stop calling me that dad." Hank muttered.

Bill smiled as he reached for his cooler. "Alright. Who wants a cold-AHHHH!-!-!-!"

Bill screamed as he saw a raccoon inside the cooler. He fell down to the ground.

Everypony had shocked faces and backed up a bit when they saw the rodent.

"BANDIT!" Bobby shouted.

Hank was about to throw his beer can at the raccoon but then stopped himself from doing that. He would never thrown out beer. Even for a grass fire.

"Get outta here, you furry bastard!" Hank shouted as he threw some small rocks at the raccoon.

The raccoon dodged the rocks and ran up to Dale, biting him in the leg.

Dale screamed as the raccoon ran to the forest.

Bobby bit his lip. "Oh. So that's where Bandit was."

Hank blinked. "Bandit? You mean that raccoon of yours back on earth?"

Dale widen his eyes. "Bandit...that name...Of course! That raccoon with..."

Dale twitched. "R...a...b...i...e...s..."

Hank bit his lip. "Oh God. Not this again..."

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!-!-!"

Dale immediately ran to the Everfree Forest.

Applejack was shocked. "What the hay was that about?-!"

Hank sighed. "Dale thinks he has rabies. One time, when he thought he had them, he became paranoid from the rabies shots."

Cotton looked at the Everfree Forest.

"Man. This story's taking place more in that forest." Cotton muttered to himself.

Ben sighed. "So we have to find Mr. Gribble, huh?"

Hank sighed. "I guess so. Four of us has to go there."

He glared at Bill and Boomhauer. "And you can't come because last time we searched for Dale, you were at the GODDAMN WATERHOLE."

Bill and Boomhauer smiled nervously.

Bobby let out a scared face. "Don't tell me you're gonna...kill Bandit...?"

Hank just stared at Bobby. "We're just gonna find Gribble. That's all."

Ben walked up. "I'll volunteer. But I won't kill the raccoon."

Cotton sighed. "I guess I could help too. Maybe Mark would like to help too."

Eventually, Hank, Cotton, Mark, and Ben all stood in front of the Everfree Forest. They had backpacks on them, which were filled with supplies. Ben brought his pole just in case.

The Mane Six, Bill, Dale, Boomhauer, and Bobby stood next to them.

"Please make sure you don't hurt Dale." Rainbow Dash said.

"Or Bandit." Bobby and Fluttershy added.

Hank sighed. "I'll do my best not to kill Bandit. I'm more concerned about Dale."

"Reminds me of old times, huh Cotton?" Mark said with a smile.

Cotton smirked. "You may have killed those Tojos like it was nothing, but it's nothing compared to me."

Ben chuckled. "I finally get to see Mark in combat."

"Alright." Hank said. "Let's go find Dale."

Hank, Cotton, Mark, and Ben walked in the heart of the forest.

Cotton gritted his teeth. "Things are gonna get really awkward if Mark's 'friends' show up." He said to himself.

"I wonder if I'll meet Hunter again..." Mark said to himself.

"Let's split up." Hank suggested. "Dad, you come with me."

Everypony nodded. Hank and Cotton walked away.

Now, it was just Ben and Mark.

As they walked, Mark coughed lighty.

"So..." Mark said, wanting to start a conversation. "You have a sister, right?"

Ben nodded. "Yeah. Her name's Melia Long. Sweet thing. Ever since my parents got divorced, I always took care of her. And then Dylan Sawyer came to the picture."

Mark raised an eyebrow. "Her boyfriend?"

"Her husband. I met him and, in my opinion, I think she could do better. Nevertheless, if she's happy, then I'm happy. And being around Dylan is making her happy."

"So, what's it like being an uncle, now that your sister has a child?"

"It feels...good." Ben replied as he put out a prideful smile.

Mark smiled. "You had someone to love. Unlike me..."

Ben frowned. "What do you mean?"

Mark sighed. "I dunno if you wanna hear it..."

Ben put a hoof on Mark's shoulder. "I've heard worse." He said with a smile smile.

Mark let out a small smile. As his smile faded away, he explained about his friends and what happened in the past.

Ben's eyes widen, but he smiled and patted Mark's back.

"Don't worry. I'm sure they forgive you."

Mark let out a relieved smile and hugged Ben. "Thanks Ben."

Ben smirked as he hugged back Mark. "No problem. By the way, you like Luna, do you?"

Mark widen his eyes and took a big step away from Ben.

"How the hell did you...?-!"

Ben laughed. "I have my ways Mark. Besides, Twilight told me about that time you stole that book and Cotton told me about you and Luna."

"BORROW." Mark said with a frown. "Not stole."

Ben shook his head.

All of a sudden, they both heard a jungle cry.

Hank and Cotton widen their eyes.

"Gribble." They said at the same time.

They ran to the source of the cry and found all these messages written on the trees.

GO BACK

TURN BACK

NO HOPE

GOVERNMENT WILL KILL YOU

DAMN DIAMOND TIARA AND SILVER SPOON

EAT ME SURI POLOMARE

ROCK ON COCO POMMEL

CHEESE SANDWICH IS BEST PONY

DISCORD IS BEST VILLIAN

KKMAN57 FOREVER

RARITY AND RAINBOW DASH RULES

WHAT ARE THE KEYS FOR THAT BOX?-!

WOW. SO MUCH SUSPENSE. MUCH DANGER. (SORRY. COULD NOT RESIST)

"What the..." Cotton said with a raised eyebrow.

All of a sudden, Dale kicked Cotton in the head, knocking him out.

Dale let out a roar as Hank had a shocked face.

Cotton then woke up.

He noticed that he and Hank are all tied up to a tree.

Dale was pointing a sharpened staff at Hank.

"Remember on earth, how I wanted to take your blood and combined it with mine in order to obtain your propane skills? Oh hey...Cotton's awake." Dale said with a disturbed smile.

Dale was covered in mud and dirt. He had scratches over his body.

"Don't worry Dad!" Hank shouted. "Mark and Ben will find us!"

Dale smirked and walked over to a tent.

He dragged Mark's and Ben's unconscious bodies and laid them next to Hank.

"We're screwed, aren't we?" Cotton said with a completely blank face.

Dale took out an electric hand mixer.

He then turned it on and shoved it in Cotton's mane.

Cotton gritted his teeth as he tried to control the pain.

After a few minutes, Dale decided to use other things, such as chocolate cake mix, a vacuum cleaner, 20 cupcakes, 20 muffins, and a scepter.

Eventually, fifteen minutes passed by.

"Well. That was fun." Dale said with a smile.

"Ya are gonna regret the day youse were born Gribble." Cotton whispered.

"Oh and by the way." Dale said with a grin. "You girls can come out now."

Cotton dropped his jaw as the Mane 6 appeared. All of them had smirks on their faces.

Mark and Ben started laughing as Hank was being untied by Bill and Boomhauer.

"What the hell...?" Cotton said with raised eyebrows.

Rainbow Dash smirked. "That's for my Daring Do books.

"And my dress." Rarity added.

"And my hat, Big Mac's doll, and Bloom's bow." Applejack added.

"And for Angel." Fluttershy added.

"And for goddang being a dang ol' bad cop. Whatcha gonna do when they come for ya." Boomhauer muttered.

Cotton stared at Boomhauer. "Hey, next time, keep your wee-wee away from the ladies, OK?"

Boomhauer just walked over and kicked Cotton in the shins.

Mark and Ben started to untie Cotton.

"Sorry Cotton." Mark said. "Couldn't resist."

Cotton shook his head. "What about that raccoon thing?"

"You mean Bandit?" Bobby said as he appeared with Bandit on his back.

"You see." Twilight explained. "The girls wanted payback for what you did to them. So we got an idea. Bobby found this raccoon he used to had back on earth. It turns out he's also in Equestria. Fluttershy found out that Bandit doesn't have rabies. Dale and Hank also told us about that rabies incident. So we decided to recreate that and end up torturing YOU."

Cotton just dropped his jaw. "They gots me." He thought to himself. "Well...I guess I deserves it."

Cotton chuckled for a bit. "Touché girls. Touché everypony.

As everypony laughed, two ponies hidden in the shadows of the trees blinked.

"Wow." An adult stallion muttered.

"That was unexpected." A young colt said with a smile.

The adult stallion smirked and shook his head. "Come on. We should tell Hunter about this."

The colt nodded. "Good idea."

The ponies soon disappeared.

HE'S STILL ALIVE?-!

Two days later

Cotton woke up from his bed.

Cotton was mad at the Mane 6 and Hank's friends but he immediately let it go.

Bobby let Bandit stay at Fluttershy's cottage.

As he yawned, he got up and stared at the clock.

"Eh. Got time for a walk."

He wanted to hang out with Mark, but he knew that Mark was going at Canterlot to 'hang out' with Luna.

"Careful Mark." Cotton muttered. "Ya know how much I don't trust royalty."

As he opened his door, he went into G.H.'s room, which was empty.

He turned around and saw Tilly.

"Tilly!" Cotton shouted. "Where's G.H.?-!"

"He's at the train station." Tilly answered.

Cotton shrugged. "Alright."

As he left the house, his eyes widen. "Crap. That's right. Babs's coming to stay here."

He shrugged and smiled. "Eh. Might as well go there mahself."

Train Station

Cotton walked to the station and saw Applejack, the Crusaders, G.H., and Gracie.

G.H. smiled. "Hey dad."

Cotton smiled and waved. "Hey son."

Gracie waved. "Hi Uncle Hill."

Cotton grunted. "Just call me Cotton."

AppleBloom jumped around. "I still can't believe that Babs is coming to visit!"

Just then, the train arrived.

Babs Seed was the first one to come out of the train.

"BABS!" The Crusaders shouted as they jumped on top of Babs.

Babs smiled and hugged them. "Good to see you girls."

"Hey Cotton!"

Cotton turned around and saw Ben running towards Cotton.

"Hank says that he needs to see you and Applejack NOW." Ben said as he panted.

Cotton rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'll do what Hankie Wankie wants."

"Girls, make sure you take care of Babs." Applejack said as she and Cotton left with Ben.

"Babs, I want you to meet our new friends." Scootaloo said as she pointed to G.H. and Gracie.

"Hi. I'm Gracie. This is my cousin, Good Hank, or G.H."

G.H. smiled nervously. "Hey..."

Babs stared at him and also smiled nervously. "Um...hi..." She said.

"She kinda looks cute." G.H. thought.

"He kinda looks cute." Babs thought.

Canterlot

Mark got off the train.

He let out a big breath.

"Alright Mark." He whispered. "Nothing to worry about. Just meeting a girl. That's it. Hang out with somepony."

"Whom you have a crush on and is a princess."

"Shut up inner voice." Mark muttered. "Oh great. I'm talking to myself."

He walked towards the castle.

Two guards stood next to the entrance.

"Halt. What is your purpose here?"

Mark sighed. "I'm...um..."

"It's OK." Luna said to the guards. "I invited him."

Mark suddenly breathed a bit faster just when he saw Luna.

"Hello Mark." Luna said with a smile.

Mark nervously waved. "...hey." He said with a smile.

"This is gonna be long day."

"Indeed it is."

"Shut the f&@k up inner voice. Oh God why am I still thinking to myself?"

"Alright." Cotton muttered. "There's Hank. Huh. His friends and Mr. Kahn's there too."

"So are the girls." Applejack said with a raised eyebrow."

Cotton walked towards Hank who was near Twilight's library.

"Alrighty Hank." Cotton said. "What do ya want?"

Hank blinked. "What do you mean?"

Cotton growled. "Ya called me?"

Hank shook his head. "I thought you called me and my friends...and Kahn."

Cotton blinked and stared at Ben.

Ben shrugged. "Hank told me to call for you."

"Indeed I did."

Everypony was shocked by Hank's voice that came out of nowhere.

"Doppelgänger?" Ben guessed.

All of a sudden, a draconequus suddenly appeared in front of everypony.

"You mispronounced Discord." The draconequus said in Hank's voice.

"DISCORD!-!-!-!" Twilight, Fluttershy, and Dale shouted at the same time.

Discord took out a hat out of Dale's ear. "Eeeeeyup." He said in a hillbilly tone.

Dale let out a weak, hearty laughter. "I finally met Discorrrr..." he muttered weakly as he fainted humorously.

Discord laughed. "Finally, a fan."

"What do you want Discord?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Discord let out a sad face. "I can't meet your Earth friends?" He said as he took out a tissue from Kahn's ear and blowed his nose on it.

"Wait. You know they're from...?"

"Indeed I do Twily!" Discord shouted as his sad face literally turned upside down. "Two ways. One, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy nodded. "I send him a letter about Cotton and his Earth friends."

"And the second?" Twilight asked.

Discord took out a box out of nowhere and placed it on the ground, in front of everypony.

"Pre-goddang I tell ya what-senting!" Discord said as he turned into Boomhauer.

"THE PUPILS OF DISCORD!"

He kicked the box, which made the side of the box fall on the ground.

Immediately, six ponies ran out of the box, gasping for air.

"Please don't ever do that Mr. Discord." A light brown unicorn with white mane and a pen Cutie Mark muttered as he tried to breathe.

Hank's eyes were as wide as dinner plates. "TWIG BOY?-!"

"Anthony Page." Discord corrected.

"Indeed. You surely must learn some manners Hank Hill." A dark brown unicorn with pink mane and a wine glass Cutie Mark commented.

Bill gasped. "GILBERT?-!"

"Wait. That's how you say it?" A cyan pegasus with red mane and a hammer Cutie Mark said. "Man, I've been mispronouncing it since day one."

Dale suddenly woke up and dropped his ears. "R-R-RUSTY SHACKLEFORD?"

A pegasus who looked like Boomhauer, with the exception of his yellow mane and sunglasses Cutie Mark, noticed Rarity and smiled.

"Hey man, I tell you what, how 'bout you and me go BOW-CHICKA-WAH-WAH, yo."

"DANG OL' PATCH BOOMHAUER?-!" Boomhauer shouted.

"Ugh." Rarity muttered. "You may look handsome but you obviously do not know any manners."

An Earth Pony who looked like Kahn, except for his black and neon red mane and lightning bolt Cutie Mark, chuckled.

"I said it once and I'll say it again. You sound like freaking Brad Pitt."

Kahn dropped his jaw. "PHONSAWAN?-!"

Hank and his friends looked at Kahn.

Kahn rolled his eyes. "My nephew...remember?"

"Hey!" Phonsawan said as he pointed at Dale. "I know you! You that dude who kept calling me time-traveler alien thing."

Dale widen his eyes. "You're that time-traveler!"

Phonsawan put a hoof on his forehead. "I'm not a goddamn time traveler!"

"But...that alien language..."

"IT'S F&@KING LAOTIAN!"

Kahn winced. "Jesus Phonsawan! Watch your damn mouth!"

A blue Earth pony with a messy orange mane or tail and a calculator Cutie Mark stomped on the ground.

"What about me!" He shouted.

Hank blinked. "Jimmy? Jimmy Wichard?"

Jimmy nodded and pointed to himself. "That's right. I'm Jimmy. I work at the race track. I was once in a gun club. I smash cans. I create propane art. I conned a con man. I CONNED HIM GOOD!-!-!"

"OK..." Rainbow Dash said.

"OK?-! What's that suppose to mean! Take it back! TAKE IT BACK!-!" He said as he started to charge at Rainbow Dash.

"Now now Jimmy." Discord said as he stopped Jimmy. "I'll let you smash some cans and bottles..."

Jimmy immediately sat down like a behaving child.

The Mane 6 blinked.

Discord chuckled. "Guess that's what happens when you stare at the sun too long."

Hank and his friends scratched the backs of their heads.

"I can't believe Twig Boy, Gilbert, the REAL Rusty, Patch, Jimmy, and Pho...Kahn's nephew is here." Hank muttered.

Cotton let out a glare.

"I can't believe it." He thought. "I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE IT! How can mah friends and family not see this! That's it. It's time to do what I should have done back on Earth...time to kill Discord...or should I say......FIDEL CASTRO!-!-!-!-!-!"

Author's Note

What Phonsawan looks like in the "King of the Hill" show (season 11 episode 10)

HE MUST DIE...

Cotton shook his head in disgust.

"I just can't believe that Castro's alive." He whispered.

"So let me get this straight." Dale said to Phonsawan. "You're not a time-traveler. You're just Kahn's nephew and your alien language was really Laotian and that time machine was just a modified Toyota Supra and that time-traveling year was just military time?"

"Correct." Phonsawan said with a glare.

"Do you have a nickname or something Phon...um..." Hank asked.

"Phonsawan, you dumb hillbilly." Phonsawan and Kahn said at the same time.

"If you MUST call me something else." Phonsawan muttered. "Neon Dash would be alright."

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash shouted as she pointed to Phonsawan. "You stole my last name!"

Patch smiled. "Hey missy ol' girl you look like dang o' I'm sexy and I know it yo, I tell you what."

Boomhauer sighed. "Damnit Patch you gotta um learn some goddang self-damn-control man yo git."

"I must admit." Gilbert confessed. "He really is a handsome man." He said as he put his arm around Patch's neck, freaking out Patch.

"Are you...um..." Rainbow Dash asked.

"He's gay." Cotton blurted out. Everypony stared at Cotton then Gilbert.

"What?" Gilbert said calmly with a smile. "He isn't lying."

"So he's attracted to...stallions? Not mares?" Applejack asked.

"Correct miss." Gilbert answered.

Applejack let out an evil smirk. "You should meet my big brother, Big Macintosh..."

Gilbert's smile widen. "I'm listening..."

Rusty rolled his eyes. "Get a room."

"So you know Dale?" Rainbow Dash asked Rusty.

"Yeah. He stole my identity."

"For the last time, I thought you were dead!" Dale shouted.

Rusty sighed.

Rainbow Dash stared at Dale. "I dunno. Rusty Shackledford doesn't fit you."

"I know the name of a ten-year-old German who died during WWI. His name kinda fits me."

"I'm sorry. Can I change the subject?" Anthony Page asked. "Can I ask why this man is not in jail for being an abusive father?" He asked as he pointed to Hank.

Hank's eye twitched. "I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"Flank." Dale corrected.

"Shouldn't it be rump?" Bill asked.

Dale stared at Bill.

After some thinking, Dale dropped his jaw.

"All this time...I thought it was flank...DAMN YOU DIAMOND TIARA AND SILVER SPOON!-!-!-!-!" Dale shouted.

For some reason, Jimmy also joined Dale. "GO TO HELL DAY-MOND TERRY AND SIL-PURR POO!-!-!-!-!"

Bill couldn't stop giggling.

Discord smiled. "This is why I like my pupils."

"I'm sorry." Twilight interrupted. "Explain how you got them."

"Well." Discord said as he took out a monocle and put it on his eye. "When goody old Earth ended, these six entered into Equestria. I know about this but I was focused on Hank, Dale, Bill, Boomhauer, Cotton, and Kahn Sulfer-Noofer-Phone."

"I am gonna kick your ass." Kahn whispered as he gritted his teeth.

"As I was saying." Discord said as he got a fake mustache and put in on his upper lip. "I wanted to make my own Hank, Dale, Bill, Boomhauer, Cotton, and Kahn gang. So, taking the people who are related to them, I gots the Pupils of Discord: Antony, Gilbert, Rusty, Patch, Jimmy, and Phone-Shawn-Wah."

"You must be sh*ting me..." Phonsawan muttered as he shook his head.

"No interruptions please." Discord says as he got a pair on sunglasses and put it on. "Their job is to explore wacky adventures and be yourselves."

"YEAH!-!-!-!" Jimmy shouted from the top of his lungs. "SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!..."

Everypony just stared at Jimmy.

"How long did he stare at that sun?" Twilight asked.

Mark bit his lip as he walked with Luna in the garden near the castle.

"OK. Just be cool."

"I wonder what you'll name your children with her."

"Go to hell, inner voice."

"You gotta love me."

"Lovely garden. Don't you think Mark?"

Mark let out a stupid smile. "Yes it is Your Highness."

"Please. Call me Luna. Are you OK? You look like something's troubling you."

"Wait. Is it Mark Luna, or Luna Walsh when you get married? Mark, what do you think?"

"When I get home, I'm gonna drink all that booze I have until your ass is dead inner voice."

"I'm shutting up now."

"Oh. It's nothing." Mark replied to Luna.

"You don't have have to be nervous around me." Luna said with a friendly smile. "Just be yourself."

"Mark and Luna sitting in a tree..."

"Did you know that there's vodka in Equestria?"

"Sorry. Shutting up now."

"Oh. OK. Thanks." Mark said with a happy smile.

"I heard that Kenny Walsh, your uncle, is doing fine." Luna said.

"You know my Uncle?" Mark said with a surprised look.

"He's one of our best Royal Guards. I can understand, since you were in the army in World War II."

"How did you I was in W...oh right. Celestia. Forgot about that."

Luna sat down in a bench. "Do you mind telling me a story back when you were in the army.

Mark sat down. "That was a long time. But I think I remember one story..."

Cutie Mark Clubhouse

"So what should we do today?" AppleBloom asked her friends.

"Try to get our Cutie Marks?" Babs suggested.

"Maybe not today." Sweetie Belle asked. "We got banned from that bowling alley AND the video arcade in the same day."

"How about a game?" Gracie suggested.

Everypony except G.H. nodded.

G.H. rolled his eyes. "Make it an interesting game."

"Truth or dare?" Scootaloo suggested.

"Fine." G.H. muttered.

"I'll go first!" Scootaloo shouted. "Sweetie Belle, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Do you have a crush on Button Mash?"

"What?-! No! I don't hate him...but I don't have a crush on him."

"Oh. I wonder what Mr. Gribble was writing on that time he went nuts..."

"My turn!" Sweetie Belle shouted. "Gracie, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"What was the worst thing you did to your Uncle Hank?"

"Simple. I drain propane from one of his tanks on his lawn. He wouldn't talk to me for a week."

"Let's see," Gracie wondered. "Babs Seed, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"What was the worst thing you ever did in your entire..."

"Team up with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon."

"Oh yeah...sorry."

"None taken." Babs Seed replied. "AppleBloom truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Have you ever kissed somepony?"

"Umm...nope."

G.H. laughed. "Oh come on! You girls just keep on picking truth! Why not any dares?-!"

"Alright..." AppleBloom muttered. "Truth or dare Good Hank?"

"DARE! Gimme your worse dare you got!"

"I dare you to kiss Babs for 10 seconds."

Everypony gasped.

"Anything but that..." G.H. thought.

"What's wrong?" AppleBloom asked with a smirk. "Chicken?"

"HEY!"

"Oops. Sorry Scootaloo."

Babs blushed. G.H. took a deep breath.

"10 seconds right?...No problem."

Gracie gasped. "He's gonna do it."

Babs bit her lip.

G.H. moved next to Babs. "10 seconds and that's it. Nopony ever has to find out about this..."

Babs shook her head. "I'm sorry but..."

"Dang it! I will not be ridiculed as a chicken!" G.H. shouted as he quickly put his lips on Babs' lips.

Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Gracie dropped their jaws.

Babs' eyes widen. Many thoughts went into her head.

None of them unpleasant.

After 10 seconds, G.H. stopped kissing her.

"THERE! I'M DONE! MY TURN!"

"That was..." Babs thought as she just blinked. "Wonderful...what?"

"And that's the story of Jimmy." Discord finished with a smile.

Everypony dropped their jaws.

"Jimmy is an even worse version of Pinkie Pie." Rainbow Dash muttered while shaking her head.

"So what now?" Dale asked.

"Well," Discord said as he took out a briefcase and a Hawaiian shirt. "We're gonna stay over for a bit! Anthony can stay over with Twily, Rusty can stay over with Rainbow, Gilbert can stay over with AJ, Jimmy can stay over with Pinks, Ph-Neon Dash can stay over with Fluttershy, and Patch can stay over with Rarity."

"At least you called me Neon Dash..." Phonsawan muttered.

Applejack smiled deviously. "Big Macintosh can't wait to see you..."

Anthony adjusted his glasses he had on. "Maybe I can get the purple unicorn's opinion on Mr. Hill."

Pinkie looked at Jimmy. Jimmy let out a stupid smile. Pinkie returned the stupid smile.

Patch winked at Rarity, turning the white unicorn into a blushing red unicorn.

Rusty just waved at Rainbow Dash. "Umm...hi."

"Hey." Rainbow Dash blankly replied.

Cotton smiled. "Castro's staying with Flutters huh? Now is the perfect time..."

Author's Note

I can't help but cry at this:

A Nice Lil' Conclusion to this Problem

Canterlot

"And that's how I learned how to survive in the jungle for three days." Mark said as he finished his story.

Luna had a surprised look on her face. "Lovely story Mark." Dhe said as she let out a kind smile.

Mark chuckled. "Thanks. Though it was kinda disgusting now that I mentioned it."

Luna placed a hoof on Mark's hoof.

Immediately, Mark started to sweat.

"Oh god...she's touching my hand...er...hoof...oh god...oh god..."

"I wo-"

"Beer."

"Oops."

"Oh god, the pony I have a crush on is touching my hoof!"

"Are you OK Mark?"

Immediately, Mark snapped back to reality.

"Oh yeah. I'm cool, thanks." Mark said with a smile.

Luna got up from the bench. "Well, I think it's time you should go back to Ponyville. Thank you for spending some time with me."

"You're welcome Luna." Mark said as he got up from the bench. "Always a pleasure. Well, I'll see you."

As he walked away, he heard Luna say,

"Hey...Mark?"

"Yeah?" He said as he turned around.

Luna immediately placed a peck on Mark's cheek. "Thanks again." She said as she walked away smiling.

Mark stood there.

His eye was twitching. His head was sweating. His legs were shaking.

With a happy smile, he fell to the ground.

"There is no way in hell I'm cleaning this cheek." He said dreamily as he softly put his hoof on the cheek Luna kissed on.

Both Luna and Mark didn't know that Celestia was watching them from a window.

Celestia smiled at this touching scene.

Twilight's Library

"I'm sorry, what is it that you wanted to know again?" Twilight asked.

"Do you notice any aggressive signs from Mr. Hill when he is around children under 12 years old?" Anthony replied.

"I'm sorry, but I don't see Hank as...aggressive around children."

"Looks can be deceiving Mrs. Sparkle."

Twilight blushed. "I'm not married."

"Ooh. Apologies."

Hank sighed. "This is a waste of..."

"Hank please. Just let Mr. Page talk, please?"

Hank wanted to argue but saw Twilight's concerned face.

"Oh alright..." Hank muttered.

"Well," Anthony said as he wrote down something in his notepad, "As I was saying..."

Rainbow Dash's House

"So that's the story about me, Dale, and this identity theft thing." Rusty finished.

"Huh. I dunno." Rainbow Dash said with a shrug. "Dale doesn't seem to be a Rusty. He seems more like a...I dunno."

"Eh. Sometimes I thought about changing my name. Someone confused me for someone who bought something radioactive and accidentally left it in the garbage bin."

Rainbow Dash blinked.

Rusty chuckled lightly. "Long story."

Rusty looked around. "Nice home."

Rainbow Dash smirked. "Thanks. You're alright Rusty."

Rusty smiled to himself. "You too Dash." He thought as his smile grew larger. "You too..."

Sugar Cube Corner

The Cakes and Pinkie Pie just stared at Jimmy.

He was sloppily eating cupcakes, practically shoving them into his face.

"Hey! These are some good food! Kinda like momma made it! Now that you mention it, I don't know my momma! Also, I'm goddamn Jimmy! I work at the race track! I'm Doctor Jimmy! Wichard! I conned a con man!-! I CONNED HIM GOOD! GOOD! GOOD! GOOD! GOOD! GOOD! GOO-"

He dropped his face on the cupcakes, staining his face with icing.

As he idiotically snored, Mr. Cake asked Pinkie Pie,

"How long did you say he stared at that sun?"

Carousel Boutique

"Now hold still Patch." Rarity said as she finished putting on a tuxedo on Patch.

"Come on baby girl yo," Patch begged. "This is dang ol' boring! Let's, I tell ya what, go into your bedroom and yo dang ol' check my oil, ya know what I'm saying?"

Rarity blushed.

"OK! All finished."

Rarity levitated a mirror to Patch.

Patch saw his reflection and smiled.

"Man I feel like a dang ol' million bucks I tell ya what man."

Rarity giggled. "Oh thank you Patch."

Patch winked at Rarity.

Rarity's whole body was a shade of red.

Fluttershy's Cottage

"Nice place." Phonsawan commented.

"Thank you...Fool-en-sawan?

Phonsawan smiled as he rolled his eyes. "Close, but no cigar. Just call me Neon Dash."

"Oh, OK. By the way, what do you mean by no cigar?"

Just as Phonsawan was about to explain, Angel walked up to Fluttershy and poked her leg.

"Oh, hi Angel. This is my new friend, Phonsawan."

Phonsawan grinned. "I like you already."

Angel just sticked out his tongue.

Phonsawan glared at the bunny.

"I hate you already." He muttered to Angel.

Sweet Apple Acres

"Well here we are!" Applejack shouted.

Gilbert whistled. "Such a lovely place Miss Applejack."

"Oh please, call me Applejack."

"Very well, Appleja-"

He stopped as he saw Big Macintosh kicking trees.

"Who...is...that...?" Gilbert whispered.

"Oh, that's mah big brother, Big Macintosh."

Gilbert couldn't stop staring at Big Macintosh.

Applejack blinked. "Don't tell me you're..."

Gilbert walked towards Big Macintosh.

He bowed. "Greetings, I am Gilbert Fontaine De la Tour D'Haute Rive...or Gilbert for short." He said with a smile.

Big Macintosh looked confused but smiled. "Howdy, I'm-"

"Big Macintosh." Gilbert interrupted. "Your sister, Applejack, told me. I say, you have the voice of an angel."

Big Macintosh let out a confused look. "Uh...thanks?"

Applejack just shook her head.

Late Night

Cotton was busy in his locked room.

"I'll see ya in hell Castro..." He muttered as he took a dart and put it in a cigar.

"He and his pupils are leaving town tomorrow. Now's mah chance..."

The next day

Train Station

"Long time no see Mark!" Cotton said as he saluted to Mark, who got off the train.

Mark saluted back. "Hey Cotton. How's it going?"

"Eh. Not much. Some weird thing called Discord came to visit. He was with some of my boy's friends' acquaintances. I may or may not thought he was Fidel Castro..."

"What made you thought that?"

"I dunno. I think it was the beard and his way of messing with people or...I honestly have no idea now."

"So what happened?"

"Tried to kill him."

"Oh wow. He dead?"

"Nope. Before he and his friends left, I tried killing him by shooting a poison dart at him. Turns out that somehow Pinkie replaced it with a foam dart, since she thought, I quote, 'You're gonna hurt somepony with that Cotton!' After some explaining and some arguing and whatnot, I was a finally convinced he was not Castro. Though I still don't trust that...whatever the hell species he is."

"Heh. I missed a good day. Oh well."

"So how was your date with the Princess?"

"It is not a date. But I'll tell you how it went..."

"Wow. They made that old pony get a mixer on his hair?" Hunter said as he shook his head.

"I know right?" The adult stallion and the colt said with a smirk.

Hunter chuckled. "Man, this world sure is full of nut jobs..."

Author's Note

Apologies for the late chapter.

Canterlot WHAT?!

As rain began to pour over the mountains, Alexander entered into the caves where his companions are. Christian yawned as he slowly got off the giant rock he was napping on. Takashi was leaning against the wall, holding his knife with his hoof. Joshua approached Alexander.

"About time your ass came back," Joshua grumbled, "You got the stuff?"

Alexander nodded as he put down the saddlebag he had with him. Aura appeared from his horn as he used his magic to levitate a black book in front of his companions.

"So, what is the plan?" Takashi asked as he put away his knife.

"We still gotta get rid of Cotton for good," Alexander explained, "From what I heard, this book should rid of him. I don't know what it does, but if it can rid of Cotton, then that's fine by me."

Christian stretched his legs, "When do we leave?"

Alexander put back the book inside the saddlebag, "NOW."

Cotton lying on his bed, sleeping. He let out soft snores, which were the only sounds during the night, besides the quiet sound of the wind. Eventually, faint hoofsteps were heard. Cotton, who was still sleeping, didn't pay attention to the sound. However, the hoofsteps were getting a bit louder as time passed.

Cotton opened his eyes and quickly observed his room. Cotton took a while as he slowly turned his head to observe more. Eventually, he let out an exhausted yawn and went back to bed.

Mah imagination...

Cotton yawned loudly as he opened his eyes, only to close them back due to being tired, despite having a long night's rest.

He slowly removed his blankets and calmly got off his bed. He carefully rubbed his eyes. He stopped rubbing them when he realized one thing.

He no longer had a hoof.

He opened his eyes a bit, only find out that he had his hand back. In fact, he discovered that he was once again a human. Cotton blinked rapidly as he looked around his room. To his surprise, he found a brown uniform on top of a brown wooden desk that was next to his bed. He walked up to it and saw a license card on top of the uniform. Cotton raised an eyebrow when he realized that his face was on the card.

"Cotton Hill...Janitor?!...Canterlot High? What the hell?"

Cotton widen his eyes when he remember that Dale once ranted about an 'Equestranauts Girls movie.' All Cotton knew was that there were colorful humans, most of the ponies that were in the show are now humans, and that there was a red demon. Cotton honestly didn't care about what Dale ranted about. At least Cotton was a human again. Sighing, he put on the uniform and exited out of the room.

"A house, huh?" He said as he examined the hallway, "Nice. By mahself. What more do Ah need?"

His question was answered when he saw some car keys next to a driver's license that had Cotton's face on it.

"Hell yeah."

Cotton had trouble not grinning as he drove his red car to school. Despite the fact that it looked like an ordinary car on the outside, it was the inside that sold the deal. Cotton discovered that the car was complete with a DVD player, seat warmers, a fully-functional air conditioner, and a built-in GPS. He used the GPS to find where the location of the school is.

Cotton rolled down the windows to get a good look of the school. He dropped his jaw when he saw that a majority of the students were multi-colored and looked cartoonish. Shrugging, he closed back the windows and drove to the parking lot, oblivious to a certain screaming teenager who was purple.

Cotton left his car and entered into the school. Some students greeted him politely, which made Cotton assume that, somehow, he had been doing this job for a long time. What surprised him was meeting some 'familiar faces,' such as Big Macintosh, which Cotton called him Philip J. Fry, Diamond Tiara, which annoyed Cotton a bit, and the Crusaders.

He eventually found the principal's office and entered it. There, to his surprise, he saw a white-skinned woman sitting at her desk. Cotton realized that it was Celestia.

She's actually kinda hot, Cotton admitted.

Celestia smiled at Cotton, "Hello Cotton. You're early. You can have some time off before you have to mop the floors."

Cotton nodded, "Thanks...Ah guess."

"Oh, and tell your son I said hi."

Cotton froze, "Mah son?"

"Yes, you know, Hank Hill? Friends with Bill Dauterive, Dale Gribble, and Jeff Boomhauer. Doesn't get along with Kahn Souphanousinphone."

"Mr. Kahn?"

"Yes, Kahn. You know, the kid who gets in trouble with Mark Walsh and Ben Long?"

"Um...Ah'm gonna leave."

Cotton immediately exited out of the office, a frantic look on his face. Alright, he thought, So apparently mah son and his friends are here... He didn't notice where he was walking as he accidentally bumped into a teenager.

"Hey!" She yelled rudely, "I'm walking here!"

Cotton turned around and saw an angry teen with red and yellow hair. Cotton just snorted.

"Whatever."

"Don't you whatever me, you...dirty ol' SHIN-LESS FREAK!"

Cotton seemed to be offended by her words. She noticed this and smiled devilishly.

"That's right, Cotton. I called you shin-less. Because calling you a midget or a circus boy wouldn't have any effect, don't you agree?"

She rudely shoved him aside, enraging Cotton even further.

"That whore..." He whispered as he walked away, "Well, might as well look around the school. Learn some info on these kids and scchool. Ah'm sure this mopping thing won't be a big deal."

Cotton dropped his jaw when he saw the floors were dirtier then he had imagined. He leaned his mop on one of the lockers as he checked how much he had to mop. The answer made him shocked even more. Most of the kids weren't here, so at least he was able to work in peace.

Cotton let out a sigh as he grabbed his mop and slowly cleaned the floors. "Goddamn kids," he muttered bitterly as he took some time to scrub off some dirt that was stained on the floor, "Even HERE the teens act like jackasses..."

As he mopped the floor, he heard a teenage girl talking with somebody. It caught Cotton's attention as he carefully eavesdropped on the conversation.

"I want you to follow her. Bring me something I can use just like I did with that last girl who thought she could challenge me."

Cotton let out a mischievous smirk. Sounds like something from those soap operas shows where the chick takes her top off, he thought. He heard a boy answer the girl.

"You got it, Sunset Shimmer."

Cotton raised an eyebrow. Sunset Shimmer?, he thought, Oh yeah...That annoying whore who made fun of mah shin-less legs.

"When the crown and its power are mine," Sunset explained, "Twilight Sparkle will be sorry she ever set hoof into this world. Not that she would've been much safer if she'd stayed in Equestria."

Cotton grin slowly faded. "What the hell is she talking about...?" He whispered to himself.

"Yeah, in Equestria," the boy, whom Cotton identified as Snips, replied.

"What are you still doing here?! Go!"

Cotton shook his head as he continued to mop the floor quietly.

"Oh," Sunset added, "And make sure you also take care of Hank and his friends, and Kahn, and, of course, that crazy janitor, Cotton."

Cotton looked up with a surprised look on his face.

"Got it Sunset!"

"What about that Mark and Ben?"

"Oh yeah, deal with them too! Get them expelled or something! Anything! And have that Cotton fired! Just keep them away from this school!"

"That sounds a lil' extrem-"

"I'm sorry, WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!?!"

"Um, nothing Sunset!"

"Good. Now SCRAM!!!"

Cotton let out a scowl as he tightened his mop with his hands. "Ass whupping time, bitch," he muttered as he walked away.

Equestranauts Girls

Cotton let out a sigh of relief as he finished mopping the floor. As he dropped the mop and leaned against the wall, he noticed a teenager with a light green sweater and orange hair. He was sporting sunglasses. Right next to him was another teen with a green and blue striped sweater, grey t-shirt and black hair with white highlights. He was wearing a headband on his head and had a reddish glass eye where his right eye was supposed to be at.

Cotton raised an eyebrow. He knew who these two were. "Hey Mark. Hey Ben."

The teen with the sunglasses, Mark, gave Cotton a high five. "What's up, Cotton?" he greeted with a grin, "Did you hear? Some girl's gonna compete for Princess of the Canterlot High Fall Formal!"

"She's actually pretty cute," Ben, the other teen, commented with a smirk, "I'm surprised that no one hit on her yet, she's 'Vice Principal Luna' pretty, eh Mark?"

Mark immediately blushed. "Cut it out!"

"Hey, it's not my fault you have a crush on her."

Ben started to laugh, Cotton joined in and eventually, Mark also joined them. As soon as they were done laughing, Cotton cleared his throat.

"So, who's the pretty gal?"

"Twilight Sparkle, I believe."

Cotton shook his head in disbelief. "She got a baby purple dragon with her?"

Ben and Mark exchanged confused expressions. "I think I saw her with a purple dog."

Cotton twitched an eye. "How interesting," he mumbled. Wait a minute! Dale said something about Breaking Dawn being in Canterlot High or something like that? OK...it's official. Ah'm in that Equestranauts Girls movie.

"Well, we gotta go. Nice talking with you Cotton!"

As Ben and Mark left, Cotton placed his hand on his forehead. "Ah guess Ah need to meet mah son and his pals. Oh, and Mr. Kahn."

Cotton headed for the track, since he knew his son would be there. He was correct when he noticed a Laotian teenager angrily wave his fist at four other teenagers.

"Stupid rednecks!" He hissed as he walked away. He accidentally bumped into Cotton.

"Oops." Kahn replied as he backed away from Cotton, "My bad."

Cotton let out a raised eyebrow. He had expected a 'watch where you're going' or 'move it.' Then again, Cotton knew that, just like on Earth, Kahn knew that Cotton shared the same hatred towards Hank.

"No worries, Mr. Kahn." Cotton replied as Kahn walked away. Cotton headed towards the four teenagers. He noticed that they both looked like their teen selves back on Earth.

"Hello, sir!" One teen, Dale, shouted as he saluted him. Cotton saluted back. I guess in this world, I'm still a WWII veteran. Or just a veteran. Don't know if they have WWII.

"Fall in!" Cotton yelled, resulting in Dale and his friends running up to him, bakcs straight.

"Hey dad." One teen, Hank, greeted with a tiny smile.

"SHUDDAP!" Cotton barked at Hank. He then turned his attention to Bill. "Fatty!"

"Sir!" Bill, the obese teen, loudly replied as he tightened his back and closed his eyes.

"So, dang ol' colonel, sir," the final teen, Boomhauer, said in his infamous way of talking, "how's your dang ol' I dunno, day and how you doing and you doing alright and fine and dandy, yo?"

Cotton shrugged, "I'm doing alright. You guys stay out of trouble, OK?"

The teenagers nodded and then saluted. Cotton did the same gestures and then left them.

Cotton's House

Nighttime

Cotton took off his clothes as he walked to his room. He let out a yawn as he threw his clothes on his desk. He climbed into his bed and let out a calm sigh.

"Tomorrow's a new day," he muttered as he closed his eyes, "I wonder what Hank, his friends, Mark, and others are doing on Equest-something..."

Cotton went to sleep very quickly. However, he woke up when he heard a voice that woke him up.

"Who's there?!"

Oooouuuuttttccccaaaasssstttt.....

"What?" Cotton blurted out as he jumped out of his bed.

Ttttwwwwiiiilllliiiigggghhhhtttt....

"Twilight?"

Ccccrrrroooowwwwnnnn....

"I don't follow."

Ffffoooorrrrmmmmaaaallll....

"Wait, ya mean that Fall Formal in that school?"

Yyyyeeeessss...sssshhhheeee mmmmuuuusssstttt wwwwiiiinnnn....

"Wait why?"

Rrrreeeettttuuuurrrrnnnn...

"Return? Ya mean get out of this hell hole?"

Cotton heard nothing but silence. He stood there, in thought.

"So, I need to make Breaking Dawn win that crown? To return the pony world?"

He put his hand on his chin.

"Eh. On the bright side, I woulda helped Breaking Dawn just to get even with that that stupid Sunset gal."

He went back to his bed, laying down in his bed in thought.

The next day

Cotton rubbed his eyes as he entered the school.

"Alright. Make that girl a princess here. Should be eas-"

"Hey Cotton!"

Cotton turned around and saw Mark and Ben running toward him.

"Hey Mark. Hey Ben. How's it going?"

Mark took out his phone.

"You know that Twilight girl who wanted to run for princess?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Sunset Shimmer just posted a video about this."

Cotton raised an eyebrow and stared at the phone as Mark put on a video

Twilight Sparkle wants to be your Fall Formal Princess. What does it say about our school if we give someone like this... such an important honor?

Cotton's eyes widen.

"Oh sh..."

"-eesh!" A Laotian teenager blurted out as he threw his arms in the air. He was immediately shushed by a tan skinned teenager.

"Quiet, dang ol' man!" The tan teen said to the Laotian teen, "Let the dang ol' master talk man."

"OK, so we just find the old man, right?" A teenager wearing a blue shirt asked to the walkie talkie.

"Correcto," Discord's voice came from the walkie talkie, "Find him then use that lil' red stone to teleport back to Equestria."

"Hey, Frenchie, you better not hit on these kids or something," a chubby teenager quipped to a handsome Cajun teenager.

"Hmph. Such manners," the Cajun teenager replied, facing away from the chubby teenager. "Must be from smashing cans daily."

"Alright, we have our orders," a skinny teen with glasses and a strange red stone on his palms, "Let's go find Mr. Cotton Hill."

"Dang ol' yo man."

Author's Note

Oh christ, I am truly sorry for writing so late. I've been really busy. Sorry if this chapter kinda sucked.
Once again, thanks for reading.

Oh thank God!

Cotton scratched his head as he walked around the school.

"OK, I need to get Twily to be Princess. The only problem is Sunset Shimmer. Wait, how did the movie go again? Let's see...soccer, stupid song, ruined gym, clean up, demon, the end."

Cotton gritted his teeth as he started to mop the floor. "Let me mop this floor, then I'll go see Breaking Dawn."

As he mopped the floor, he didn't notice a teenager hiding somewhere, eavesdropping on Cotton. The teenager was wearing a silver shirt with a skull in the back.

"That old fart wants to leave this world, huh? Not if I can do anything about it..."

The teen left his hiding spot and took out a walkie talkie from his jeans pocket.

"So, how's Cotton?" Said a voice from the walkie talkie.

As the teenager put on his red cap, he replied, "Don't worry, his ass is mine."

Cotton let out an amused smile as he saw Twilight playing soccer with Rainbow Dash.

"Damn. Breaking Dawn sucks ass at soccer."

Cotton chuckled as he walked away. He stopped laughing when he heard a sound and stopped walking. Confused, he turned around, only to be punched by someone. Cotton fell to the ground with a bloody nose.

"What the hell?" He shouted as he looked up to see a teenager with a red cap on his head.

The teenager glared at Cotton as he cracked his knuckles. "Any last words?"

"Who the hell are you?" Cotton asked as he got up.

"Nice last words. Now die already!" The teenager roared as he tried to uppercut Cotton, who quickly dodged the attack.

Cotton threw a punch at the teenager, who fell to the ground. He quickly kicked Cotton at his right leg, causing him to fall to the ground. The teenager quickly got up and tried to slam his fist onto Cotton's face. Cotton managed to roll away, avoiding the punch, and quickly got up.

The teenager spat out some blood from his mouth before growling. "We'll meet again." He mumbled as he ran away.

Cotton tried to run after him but stopped when he felt pain from his right leg. "Come back here, punk!" Cotton yelled at the retreating teenager. He was angry that he did not even get a good look of the teenager.

"So, you fell down and broke your right leg?" Vice Principal Luna asked skeptically as Cotton wrapped a white cloth around his right leg. He was in the principal's office.

"Merely a flesh wound, luna moth." Cotton said as he finished healing his leg.

"Don't call me that, Mr. Hill. And do try to be more careful please."

"Yeah, yeah." Cotton said as he walked out of the office. "By the way, Mark Walsh says hi."

"Again?" Luna whispered with a smile as she closed the door.

Cotton sighed as he walked up to the vending machine and put a dollar inside.

"Let's see...Only one peanut butter and cracker snack left? Eh. The hell with that Great and Powerful Bitch." Cotton muttered as he inputed the combination for the snack. A while later, he received his snack and started to eat it.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie does seem like a lovely lady."

Cotton spat out his snack when he heard that familiar French accent. He turned around and saw six teenagers.

"Pupils of Discord!" Cotton blurted out as he stared at them. "But I'm guessing you have no idea what I'm talking abou-"

"We're here to rescue you from this place." The skinny teenager, Anthony Page, said as he crossed his arms.

Cotton let out a relieved groan as he stared at the ceiling. "Thank you Fidel Castro for sending me a rescue squad! Wait, mind telling me what the hell am Ah doin' in this world?"

"This is Equestria," the teen wearing a blue shirt, the real Rusty Shackleford, replied, "Except that instead of ponies and such, it's mostly composed of humans. So, it's kinda like Earth."

"Dang ol' pretty pretty gals man, talk about UNCE UNCE UNCE." The tan teen, Patch, muttered as he danced while saying UNCE.

"Most of them are devilish handsome." The French teen, Gilbert, said with a sly smile. "Especially that Big Macintosh."

"Cut it out, Frenchie." The Laotian teenager, Phonsawan, said as he lightly punched Gilbert's shoulder.

"So we gonna get you out free!" The chubby teen, Jimmy Wichard, shouted. "FREEEEE!!!"

"Calm down crazy man." Cotton muttered as he grabbed Jimmy. "First off, how are we gonna get the hell out of here?"

"Discord gave us this stone." Antony said as he took out a red stone. "We'll use this carefully to teleport to the real Equestria."

Cotton let out a relieved sigh. "Finally, now let's get the hell out of here."

The teenager with the red cap hid behind a trash can. He saw what was happening as he saw Antony preparing the stone.

"Damnit." He whispered. "I thought Cotton would stay here after I summoned those fake voices last night. I'm never gonna let him live!"

With a knife on his hand, he waited for the right moment. The red stone begin to emit a bright red light, covering the Pupils and Cotton.

"Time to get the hell ou-"

"DIE!"

The red cap teenager charged towards the Pupils and Cotton. He struck the red stone and then tried to attack Cotton, who just dodged in time.

"Dang ol' the stone!!!" Patch shouted as the Pupils and Cotton glanced at the stone, which now has a large scar in it. Cotton grabbed the red cap teenager in fury.

"YOU BASTARD!!! WHO THE HELL ARE YA!?"

The red cap teenager smiled evilly as the red stone made a screeching sound. "You don't remember me Cotton? Don't remember the guy who charged your ass in the Everfree Forest?" He said as Cotton got a good look of him.

"Christian?!" Cotton shouted as red light blinded everyone near the stone.

Cotton immediately woke up with a surprised look on his face. He got up and saw the other Pupils lying on the ground, waking up. He looked around for the red cap teenager but couldn't find him.

"Bastard..." Cotton mumbled as he got up.

"Where are we?" Rusty said as he looked behind him. To their surprise, they found Canterlot High.

"Rats." Antony mumbled as he took out the red stone and walkie talkie. "The stone is cracked and the walkie talkie is damaged. How are we going to contact Discord?"

Cotton and the others entered inside the school. They found that the school hasn't changed a bit. Phonsawan looked to his right to find the school calendar.

"Wait a minute." He said as he put his hand on his chin. "I think we time traveled! I remember seeing this calendar before we found Cotton. The dates are different!"

The rest of the group ran to the calendar. They all let out a gasp.

"So we time traveled to the future? How long?" Rusty asked.

"Hey, what's this?" Gilbert said as he stared at a poster not too far. The others walked up to the poster. Cotton raised an eyebrow.

"What the hell is a Battle of the Bands?" Jimmy mumbled as he scratched his head.

Author's Note

I ain't dead yet!

Battle of the WHAT?!

Cotton leaned against the wall. "Ah think heard about Gribble talkin' about a Rainbow Rocks or somethin'. Didn't pay attention. Just great."

"So dang ol' search and desist, yo?" Patch suggested with a nervous smile.

"Might as well." Cotton mumbled as he walked into one of the hallways. "Ah AM the janitor after all."

The Pupils followed Cotton as they both went to the lockers. There, they found most of the students. Cotton stared at them and realized one thing.

"Why do they look like they hate each other?" He said as he walked away.

Only to bump into someone. Cotton widen his eyes when he saw who he bumped into.

"Hello Sunset Shimmer..." Cotton angrily muttered as he crossed his arms.

Sunset Shimmer gasped and held her right arm as she looked away, a sad face was plastered on her face.

"H-Hey Cotton." She said quietly.

Cotton blinked, who was expecting a rude comment or something. "What? No shin-less joke?"

Sunset sighed as she wiped away a small tear that came out of her right eye.

"Alright." She said as she faced towards Cotton. "First off, I'm REALLY sorry for calling you all those things. I know you won't forgive me, since everyone here hates me, but I just wanted to let you know that I won't call you those things ever again."

Cotton gawked her. "Who are you and what have you done with Sunset Shimmer?!" He thought.

"Umm..." Cotton said as he put his left hand on the nervous girl's right shoulder. "Yer forgiven, Ah guess. Don't worry about it."

Sunset let out a tiny smile as she pulled Cotton in a hug. Cotton continued to blink. The rest of the Pupils watched this.

"Something must of happened that made this girl go from a bitch to an stereotypical abused girl or something." Phonsawan said as he scratched his head a bit.

"She is truly a beauty." Gilbert smiled. "And to think she was once a beast."

"I thought you were gay?" Rusty asked.

"I am." Gilbert devilishly replied as he grinned at Big Macintosh, who was passing by. Big Macintosh walked a bit faster as Gilbert winked at him.

"Ugh." Jimmy blurted out.

"Come on." Cotton muttered. "Let's find Mark and Ben. They can explain what's happening."

The Pupils followed Cotton as he walked around. He stopped when he heard some voices arguing. He ran to the source of arguing, which led him to one of the classrooms.

"Look you purple pig." A boy viciously hissed. "Just stay out of our way, or else my friend here will beat you up!"

Cotton blinked as he identified that voice to be...

"Mark?"

"Come on, Twilight." Applejack said as she, Twilight, and her friends walked out of the room. Twilight seemed to be a bit hurt, not physically, but mentally.

They left, not noticing Cotton and the Pupils. Cotton walked into the classroom, seeing Mark and Ben leaning against the wall, each of them had an electric guitar in their arms.

"Hey Mark and Ben. What was that about?" Cotton asked.

"Oh look." Ben grunted. "He's actually being friendly with us, just like Sunset."

"We saw you talking to her, old man." Mark growled. "I shoulda known you woulda be on her side..."

"Wait what?" Cotton mumbled in confusion.

"Hey man, dang ol' chill man." Patch said as he walked up to Mark. "Just dang ol' chill pill Advil PM, I tell yo-"

Patch was interrupted as Ben punched Patch in the face.

"Scram, you shin-less piece of crap!" Mark roared as he violently pushed Cotton to the ground. "I want to win this damn contest, Cotton, and I know you're trying to take it away from me! Some goddamn friend. I'd be better off with Trixie. And I know that she's a total bitch. But compared to you, she's freakin' Fluttershy!"

Patch got back up, blood leaking from his nose.

"So go back to your rocking chair, old fart." Ben hissed as he took out his pole. "You are not wanted here."

Cotton got back up, a furious scowl was on his face.

"Come on Cotton." Antony said as he led an angry Cotton out of the classroom. "Let's get out of here."

Cotton and the Pupils left the room, frowns were on their faces.

"That Tojo should have aimed for your head, not your shins!" Mark shouted at the top of his lungs as he slammed the classroom door.

Cotton punched a nearby locker in fury.

"In the past, Mark and Ben were cool and Sunset Shimmer was a bitch. Now Sunset Shimmer is like Fluttershy and Mark and Ben are assholes?! What the hell is going on?!?!" Cotton yelled.

"Come on." Phonsawan said as he put a hand on Cotton's shoulder. "Maybe the Mane 6 can tell us more."

Cotton nodded with determination.

"Isn't this a bitch?" Christian said as he used his t-shirt to wipe some blood from his hands. He grinned at three injured teenagers who were on the ground.

"I don't get it. Why isn't our singing affecting you?!" The orange haired teenager hissed as she glared at Christian.

"Your Justin Bieber screeching can't touch me." Christian said as he crossed his arms.

"What do you want?" The purple haired teenager asked with rage in her eyes.

"With the exception of certain kids, you can control the students in this school, yeah?" Christian asked as he raised his left eyebrow.

"Uh, yeah." The blue haired teenager answered with fear and hatred in her voice.

"Good. I'll keep it simple then." He replied as his evil grin grew larger.

"I want you to kill Cotton Hill."

Getting the Heck out of Here

"So let me get this straight." Cotton said in disbelief as he and the Pupils sat in the bleachers. "Sunset became a demon, was defeated, then reformed, and Mark and the other students are brainwashed by sirens. How can a damned high school be this crazy?"

"We get the idea, Cotton." Rusty assured as he finished his can of soda.

"Thankfully, Anthony is fixing the walkie-talkie." Gilbert said as he crossed his arms. "I will admit that this is bizarre."

Patch and Jimmy looked at each other as they shrugged.

Phonsawan sighed before his phone rang. He blinked and then answered the phone.

"Good news." Anthony said through Phonsawan's phone. "Walkie-talkie is almost finished. Meet me in the library."

The Pupils left the bleachers and headed for the library. Cotton followed suit until he heard a familiar voice.

"Hello old man."

Cotton turned around with hatred in his eyes.

"Hello Christian."

Christian simply laughed. "I like it here. People are hating each other, that Sunset babe is cute when she's shy, and Mark hates your guts. I honestly don't see why you want to leave this place!"

Cotton simply smirked. "Lookin' for an ass-whupping, boy?" He asked as he cracked his knuckles.

"I'm not." Christian replied as he pointed to Cotton's right. "They are."

Cotton widen his eyes as he saw almost all of the students and faculty members slowly walking towards him, looking at him with their savage green eyes.

"Those sirens thought they can brainwash me." Christian said. "Turns out it's also ineffective if they're trying to brainwash someone who's not from this dimension."

The brainwashed students stared at Christian, who simply smirked.

"Kill the old geezer. And take care of those six guys he's with."

They all nodded and glared at Cotton, who was backing away with a shocked look on his face.

"Christian, Ah'm gonna make sure Ah'll gut you alive!" Cotton yelled as he ran away. The brainwashed students followed him as Christian simply stood where he stood, laughing.

Cotton retreated to the cafeteria, only to meet the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who jumped on top of him. Cotton barely avoided Sweetie Belle, but felt Scootaloo on his back and Apple Bloom grabbing his legs. Growling, Cotton swayed back and forth to shake Scootaloo off his back as Apple Bloom took a big bite of Cotton's leg. Cotton hissed in pain, not expecting a girl like Apple Bloom to give a painful bite.

"Gonna need some help here!" Cotton shouted, hoping one of the Pupils came to the rescue.

"SMASH!!!" Jimmy roared as he bolted through the cafeteria doors and tackled Cotton and knocking Scootaloo and Apple Bloom to the ground.

"Let's get the hell out of here, crazy man!" Cotton yelled as he and Jimmy ran out of the cafeteria, the Crusaders following them.

They entered in the library, pushing a bookshelf to the doors as they panted.

Anthony, Rusty, Gilbert, Patch, and Phonsawan stared at them before Anthony picked up the walkie-talkie.

"Come in." He said as he pressed the button, which emitted light static. "Discord, are you there?"

"Hellooooo!" A cheerful voice said through the walkie-talkie. "I guess you found lil' ol' Cottony?"

"The name's Cotton." Cotton shouted as he walked up to the walkie-talkie. "Mind tellin' us what the hell is going on?"

"It's oh so simple, my dear boy." Discord said as he chuckled a bit. "As Dale ever told you about Rainbow Rocks? The movie?"

Cotton thought for a bit. "He did say somethin' about that. Somethin' about Vinyl Scratch, the other Twilight, and even that Daft Punk thing."

"Well, you're in the movie. Or more like a simulation." Discord explained.

"Simulation?" Cotton asked as he raised an eyebrow.

"Exactly." Discord answered surprisingly seriously. "Someone put a powerful spell that makes you trapped in a dimension that doesn't even exist. That's why Twilight enlisted me to find you. Of course, I decided to send in my Pupils instead!"

"Screw you too, Discord." Phonsawan grumbled.

"Thankfully, you just use the stone to go back to the appropriate world." Discord said.

"The stone is broken, Discord." Gilbert replied. "Some ruffian heavily scarred it with a knife."

"Did you try pouring chocolate milk all over it?" Discord answered.

The Pupils and Cotton stared at the walkie-talkie.

"What the hell did Fidel Castro said?" Cotton whispered to Patch, who just shrugged.

"The walkie-talkie is something I made, so, like every other thing I made, the only way to fix it is with chocolate milk."

"God dang ol' pour that brown brown cow thing and dang ol' happily ever after, yo?"

"Correct Patch!" Discord exclaimed. "Well, good luck to all of you!"

As the walkie-talkie turned off, Cotton cleared his throat. "By the way, the school is tryin' to take us out."

"To dinner?" Jimmy asked.

"Ah mean they're goin' to kill us, ya idiot." Cotton groaned.

They immediately heard a bookshelf crashing to the ground, which made them turn around and saw three teenagers standing by the door way. Cotton recognized the teen who had blue hair and held a guitar in his arms.

"Ah know this gay guy." Cotton growled as he pointed to the blue-haired teen.

"I don't believe Flash Sentry is gay." Gilbert replied as he raised an eyebrow.

"Well, he has a stupid name!" Cotton yelled as he directed the Pupils to escape to find chocolate milk.

Flash directed the teens to follow the Pupils, leaving him all alone with Cotton.

"I know you." Flash growled. "You're that shinless janitor."

"Ah know you." Cotton smirked. "Ya're that moron wuss who's in love wit' Breaking Dawn."

"Who's Breaking Dawn?" Flash asked.

"Less questions, more ass-whuppin'!" Cotton shouted as he charged at Flash.

He head-butted the teen into the wall and proceeded to punch him in the stomach. Flash gritted his teeth as he kicked Cotton in the chest, knocking him in the ground. Just as Flash was about to stomp on Cotton's face, the old man quickly shoved his foot up Flash's crotch, causing to him to turn red and fall to the ground, whimpering.

Cotton got up, panting. "Ya seem more like a Brad than a flashin' sentry." He said as he ran away.

"Thank God we avoided those two teens!" Phonsawan exclaimed as he and the Pupils ran past angry students. "Look! The cafeteria!"

The Pupils arrived at the entrance of the cafeteria, only to meet two girls holding baseball bats.

"It's those two rich girls, Diamond Spoon and Silver Tiara!" Jimmy shouted as he lifted up his fists.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon charged at the six teens, swinging their bats as they were close. One of the bats in Rusty in the chest, causing him to fall straight to the ground.

"Dang ol' help man dang ol' lil' spoiled girly gonna snuff me, yo!" Patch shouted as Diamond Tiara knocked him in the ground and beat him repeatedly with the bat. Phonsawan grabbed a trash can and shoved it at Diamond Tiara, knocking her out.

Phonsawan smirked as he dropped the trash can. "Cowabanga, motherf-"

"No language!" Jimmy hissed as they ran into the cafeteria and locked the door. Silver Spoon frantically tried to break in.

"Where's the kitchen?!" Anthony shouted as Rusty jumped above the lunch counter.

"Follow me!" Rusty said before being punched by Big Macintosh.

"Oh great." Phonsawan groaned. "How are we gonna get past this big guy?"

"I shall take care of this." Gilbert said as he walked up to Big Macintosh with a gentle smile on his face.

"Hello, Big Macintosh." Gilbert calmly said. "You are looking good."

The Pupils looked at each other with confused looks on their faces. Even Big Macintosh was a bit confused.

"You know, for such a tough man." Gilbert whispered as he was about a foot away from the teen. "You are very gentle to me..."

Big Macintosh frowned as he lifted up his fist, ready to deliver a punch. Gilbert immediately took the opportunity to place his lips on Big Macintosh's lips. The Pupils dropped their jaws at this sight. Jimmy and Phonsawan ran to a trash can as they started gagging.

Big Macintosh backed away with a shocked look on his face. However, his eyes turned back to normal, showing that he was no longer in control. He fell to the floor on his butt, widen eyes and no words to say.

"Why did you KISS him?!" Phonsawan shouted before he gagged once more.

"Simple." Gilbert explained calmly. "I learned from Discord that a kiss is one way to free someone from a siren's control."

"You KISSED him." Rusty said as he shook his head. "I have nothing against homosexuals and thanks for stopping him, but YOU KISSED HIM LIKE THAT?!"

"Oh hush." Gilbert retorted as he crossed his arms. "You all know that I was going to do it sometime in the future. Now then, let us get the milk."

"Yes." Anthony mumbled. "LET'S."

A crash was heard, which caught the attention of the Pupils. They saw a group of teenagers with golf clubs on their hands. They were led by a smiling Trixie, equipped with a sledgehammer.

"I never liked that Twilight wanna-be!" Phonsawan growled as Anthony quickly grabbed a pint of chocolate milk from the fridge.

"RUN LIKE HELL!" Jimmy shouted as they bursted through the cafeteria doors, Trixie and the other teenagers followed their tail.

A confused and shocked Big Macintosh continued to sit on his butt, staring at empty space without a word to say.

Cotton gasped for air as he hid inside a recycling bin. Thankfully, Lyra and Bon Bon ran past him, not noticing him.

"This sucks, this sucks, this sucks..." Cotton groaned as he climbed out of the bin. He growled as he saw a pizza slice stuck to the back of his right leg.

"Stupid teenagers." Cotton mumbled as he took off the pizza slice. "Usin' a goddamn recycling bin as a trash can..."

He stopped when he saw a teenager standing in front of him. She was white-skinned with blue hair and was equipped with goggles and headphones. Cotton's eyes snapped open as he tried to pick up the recycling bin to smash it on the teenager.

However, she placed her hand on Cotton's arm, confusing the old man. She briefly took off her goggles, revealing her eyes to Cotton.

"Yer eyes ain't green like them other students." Cotton stated as he raised an eyebrow. "You ain't brainwashed?"

The teenager smiled and nodded, pointing to her headphones.

"Oh right." Cotton said. "You got them headphones, so you can't hear the siren singin'. Wait...headphones that block out siren singin'...my friend Gribble told me about this! Ya're Vinyl Scratch?!"

The teenager smiled, extending her hand for a handshake. Cotton just stared at her, resulting in Vinyl shrugging and putting her hand away.

"So ya're one of the good guys?" Cotton asked with crossed arms.

Vinyl nodded.

"Any teenager followed ya?" Cotton asked as he looked around.

Vinyl nodded once more.

"Are ya deaf or something? Ya never talk." Cotton asked again as he scratched the back of his head.

Vinyl didn't answer the question as she gestured Cotton to follow her. Cotton looked confused, but he shrugged, since he figured he had no choice. Cotton ran after Vinyl, unaware of five teenagers following him.

"We gotta do this in the band room." Anthony said as he and the Pupils arrived in the hallways of one of the buildings. "There's too much teenagers out there, and the rest of the rooms are filled with teenagers."

"And what makes you think the band room with be safe?!" Phonsawan shouted back.

"Man, dang ol' shut the hell dang up man." Patch growled as he slapped the back of Phonsawan's head.

"Phonsawan's right, guys." Rusty said. "We don't know if it's safe in the band room."

"I am afraid we have no choice." Gilbert replied. "But we just have to trust our instincts. I wonder where Cotton is?"

"OLD MAN THERE!" Jimmy shouted as he pointed at Cotton and Vinyl running towards them.

"Everyone!" Cotton shouted as he approached the teens and pointed at Vinyl. "Meet Vinyl Scratch. She ain't one of them."

"I know her." Gilbert said as he smiled at Vinyl. "I listened to her music one time. Fascinating. Is it true you are in a relationship with Miss Octavia?"

Vinyl smiled brightly as she nodded.

"Are they also not one of them?" Jimmy pointed at the five teenagers running towards them.

Cotton turned around and widen his eyes as he saw Hank, Dale, Bill, Boomhauer, and Kahn running, each with aggressive green eyes.

"Seven against five?" Cotton mused as he cracked his knuckles. "This should be fun. Vinyl, sweetie, do us and favor and find a safe place to run-"

Cotton didn't finish his sentence as he saw Vinyl run up to Bill and kicked him in the groin, causing the fat teen to fall on the ground, wheezing.

"Ah like this girl." Cotton said smiling as he jumped on top of an angry Kahn.

Anthony almost avoided Hank's punch as Boomhauer and Patch were stuck in a headlock. Dale charged at Rusty after Kahn pushed Cotton to the wall, causing the old man to fall to the ground in pain. Phonsawan punched Kahn's face as Hank started to strangle Anthony.

"Help!" Anthony shouted as he started choking. Cotton heard his cry for help and immediately performed a jump kick to Hank's face, knocking out the teenager as he fell to the floor.

"AH'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO DAT!" Cotton howled as Patch performed a piledriver on his brother. Boomhauer gritted his teeth in pain as Phonsawan kicked Kahn in the gut and then grabbed Dale, who was busy punching Rusty on the stomach.

"THIS IS FOR CALLING ME A TIME TRAVELER!" The Laotian teenager yelled as he slammed Dale to the wall, instantly knocking him out.

The Pupils gasped for air as Vinyl walked up to them, some of her clothes were slightly ripped from fighting from Bill. They stared at Hank, Dale, Bill, Boomhauer, and Kahn, who were lying on the ground, either unconscious or busy rolling around in pain.

"By the way, Gilbert kissed Big Macintosh." Phonsawan reminded Cotton. Surprisingly, Vinyl high-fived a smiling Gilbert.

"It was bound to happen to Big Mac." Cotton responded with shrug. "Okay, let's cut the crap. Let's get the hell outta here."

"You actually forgot about us?"

Cotton groaned in frustration before being tackled by Mark. The Pupils and Vinyl tried to fight back but was blocked by Ben, who twirled his cane around to the teenagers.

"You think I'm gonna let you live?" Mark asked with a cruel smile.

"Ya think ya're gonna kick mah ass?" Cotton quipped as he kicked Mark on his stomach, causing the teen to stumble back in pain.

Patch and Phonsawan tried to deliver a punch at Ben, but the teen quickly dodged it and struck his cane at them, knocking them to the ground in pain.

"You know the Crusaders, Flash Sentry, and even your son and his friends, and that damned Kahn, are too weak. I'm, however, a different story." Mark growled as he grabbed Cotton and shoved him towards the ground.

Phonsawan grabbed Ben's leg to help Jimmy knock him out, but Ben was able to counter Jimmy's attack and struck him to a wall. He proceeded to kick Phonsawan's gut, causing him to hold his stomach in pain.

Mark jumped on top of Cotton as he crackled his knuckles. "Goodbye Cotton." Mark said as he lifted his fist up in the air. "One hard punch ought to kill you. Think of this as an opportunity to say hello to the fifty men you killed."

Before he could deliver the punch, he was pushed to the ground by a sunset-haired teenager. Cotton blinked and saw Sunset Shimmer tackling Mark to the ground.

"Run Cotton!" She yelled as Cotton turned around and saw Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and even a puppy version of Spike. Cotton ruled them off as being evil, since they had no glowing green eyes.

Rainbow Dash charged at a surprised Ben and tackled the teen to the ground. This gave the Pupil the opportunity to run to the band room. Mark growled as he grabbed Sunset's neck.

"Stupid former-demon bitch!" He shouted as Ben got up and tried to tackle Rainbow Dash.

Applejack quickly restrained an angry Ben as Mark kicked Sunset in the gut and tried to grab a retreating Cotton. Twilight, Vinyl, and Pinkie Pie quickly grabbed him, making him struggle with fury. Cotton smiled at the girls and nodded at them. Sunset Shimmer smiled back and nodded at the old man.

"I like this sunset girl." Cotton said to himself as he dashed to the band room.

Once inside, Cotton saw the Pupils standing near the piano. Anthony took out the stone as Patch took out the chocolate milk. Patch nodded as Anthony stuck out the stone to Patch. The teen quickly opened the chocolate milk pint and poured it all over the stone in a hasty way.

The stone began to shake and started to seemingly glitch in front of the teenagers and Cotton. A surprised Anthony dropped the stone as small circuits of electricity surrounded the stone. The group slowly backed away from the stone with a nervous look on their faces.

"Is that supposed to happen?" Jimmy said with an uncomfortable look on his face.

"Discord!" Rusty shouted at the walkie-talkie he swiped from Anthony. "The stone is shaking and spewing out lightning! Did we screw up?!"

"Did you get chocolate milk?" Discord asked through the walkie talkie.

"YES!!!" The Pupils and Cotton shouted through the walkie talkie.

"Poured it all over the stone?" Discord asked once more.

"YES!!!" Cotton and the Pupils shouted with a growl on their faces.

"Fat-free chocolate milk?" Discord replied calmly. "You were supposed to get fat-free chocolate milk, not regular chocolate milk."

As the stone started to emit a bright yellow light, the Pupils and Cotton stared blankly at the walkie talkie as Patch checked the chocolate milk pint.

"Dang ol' regular." Patch said.

Cotton left eye twitched as the yellow light covered the entire room. "FIDEL CASTRO, I HATE YOOOOOOOOOOO..."

Cotton opened his eyes as he stood up from the ground, a befuddled look was stuck on his face. He looked around and saw the Pupils lying on the floor as they regained conscious. Cotton groaned as he held his head and looked around, seeing that he seemed to be next to a large bleachers.

He immediately heard a girl screaming as she fell to the ground. Despite falling to the ground from a great height, she got up with only some minor pain around her body.

"Trixie's okay!" She yelled to the top of the bleachers. She turned around and gasped at the sight of Cotton and the Pupils. She seemed to look apologetic at them as she slowly backed away from them. Cotton's eyes widen, but he soon calmed down and he noticed the lack of glowing green eyes on Trixie. He immediately decided that she is not under mind control now.

"L-L-Look, I'm sorry for trying to kil-"

"Ah don't wanna hear it." Cotton interrupted, waving his hand away at Trixie. "Just forget about it and don't ever piss me off again, hypnotized or not. Yer third-person crap has always pissed me off. Thanks for saying 'I' instead of 'The Great and Powerful Trixie' though."

Trixie gulped as she smiled weakly before retreating. Gilbert walked up to Cotton with a raised eyebrow to his face.

"She seemed really sorry for her actions." Gilbert said. "Perhaps you could have just forgave her in a proper way."

"Can it, Frenchie." Cotton grumbled before looking around some more. "Where are we?"

Cotton ears perked up a tiny bit as he turned around and saw a smiling Vinyl Scratch running to him.

"Hey, Scratchy!" Cotton said, getting the attention of the teen girl. "What the hell happen?"

Vinyl just smiled as she directed Cotton and the Pupils to follow him. Cotton rolled his eyes as he did so, with Anthony, Rusty, Jimmy, Patch, Gilbert, and Phonsawan on his tail. As they were led from the behind of the bleachers, they dropped their jaws at the sight of everyone at what seemed to be some concert. Cotton narrowed his eyes and spotted Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Spike, and Sunset Shimmer at the stage. Rusty placed a hand on his chin.

"I think I know what's going on." Rusty said with a raised eyebrow. "Dale wouldn't stop rambling about this. Twilight and her friends were stuck in some basement floor or something, but Spike got Vinyl to free them and even help them to defeat the sirens."

"Wait, we time traveled then?" Phonsawan asked in disbelief.

"I believe so." Gilbert answered with some interest in his tone. "I also heard from Mr. Gribble that Trixie was supposed to fall from some bleachers and say that she is alright. That has happened already, with Cotton scolding her."

"She had it coming, Frenchie." Cotton snarked. "But is Mr. Kahn's kid right, Scratchy? Those sirens or somethin' got defeated and we just stumbled at some victory parade of somethin'?"

"I'm his nephew, you shinless jackass..." Phonsawan said angrily.

Vinyl nodded with a smile. Cotton just shrugged and placed a hand on his forehead. "I'm actually gonna start thinking about killing Castro again..."

"I'm gonna go say hi!" Jimmy shouted as he ran towards the stage. The Pupils shrugged before they followed him. Vinyl lifted her clenched hand at Cotton for a brofist. Cotton shrugged and returned the gesture before following the Pupils.

"Cotton!"

Cotton turned around and saw Mark and Ben running towards him. He noticed the lack of green eyes on them, so he was relieved to not see them under control.

"Thank goodness you're alright." Mark said before looking away in shame. "Listen. I'm really sorry-"

"No apologies." Cotton said as he cut off Mark. He then smirked and extended his arm. "Let's just call it even."

Mark smiled weakly as he returned the handshake. Ben smiled at Cotton as the old man nodded at Ben. He ran towards the Pupils, who were talking to the Mane 6, Spike, and Sunset Shimmer.

"Cotton!" Sunset Shimmer said as she ran towards the old man and gave him a hug. Cotton's eyes widen with disgust, not liking to be hugged, most of the time anyway. Nevertheless, Cotton smiled weakly at the teen and patted her back.

"Ya did good there, Sunset." Cotton said. "Proud of ya. Thank God ya ain't like your previous self."

"Thanks for giving me a chance, Cotton." Sunset said as she tightened the hug. "Hank and his friends aren't here right now, but they told us to tell you that they're sorry."

"Whatever." Cotton said, disregarding his son and his son's friends as Sunset let go of him. "Though tell Mr. Kahn that there's no worries. By the way, ya don't happen to have fat-free chocolate milk, do ya?"

"I HAVE!" Pinkie Pie shouted as she almost shoved a carton of fat-free milk at Cotton's face.

Cotton flinched as he stopped to stare at the pink girl before taking the carton and slowly backing away from her, mumbling about what drugs is Pinkie Pie on. He walked back to the Pupils, only to find Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna with them.

"Cotton!" Celestia said as she walked up to the old man. "So good to see you. I'm sorry for the bizarre events that happened in this school so far."

"Ya got nothin' to say sorry for, Sunbutt." Cotton said as she waved his hand at her. "Though ya're forgiven and Ah heard better apologies than that

Celestia frowned a bit as Luna let out a small chuckle at her older sister.

"Oh, and Luna?" Cotton said with a smirk.

"Yes, Cotton?" Luna answered.

"Take care of Mark for me, will ya?" Cotton replied.

Luna turned to Mark, who looked away with a sheepish grin and scarlet blush on his face. Luna smiled at Mark and nodded at Cotton. Cotton smiled and walked away with the Pupils next to him.

"Me and these kids gonna, uh, do something janitor things, ya know?" Cotton said as he put his hands on Patch's and Gilbert's shoulders with a big smile on his face. "We'll be back soon."

Eventually, Cotton and the Pupils left the stage as Cotton started to shake the carton of chocolate milk and instructed Anthony to take out the stone.

"You just lied to them. Did you?" Rusty said with a raised eyebrow.

"Who cares?" Cotton replied with a shrug.

Cotton opened the carton and poured the contents all over the stone. Instead of shaking and emitting glitches, it just hummed as it emitted a bright red light.

"Hello~?" Discord sang through the walkie talkie. "Are you there~?"

"Yes, you animal Frankenstein Castro, we hear ya!" Cotton growled as he swiped the walkie talkie from Patch. "We poured the goddamn fat free milk on the stone now! NOW can we go home?!"

"Yes." Discord answered calmly.

"Oh thank God." Cotton said as he let out a breath of relief.

"Though things will be a bit different in your universe because of the fact that you poured non-fat-free milk on the stone. You see..."

As Discord started to explain, Cotton and the Pupils just blankly stared at the walkie talkie as the red light completely covered them.

"Anyone know what the hell is Fidel Castro saying?" Cotton asked.

"It's not so dang ol' hard man." Patch said. "Dang ol' the thingie goes into that and the formula bends which solves for X, man, I tell ya what, trade for ref and then universe becomes this and that, and then for the quantum theory-"

"SHUT UP BOOMHAUER'S BROOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."

Cotton gasped loudly as he jumped from the ground with eyes as wide as dinner plates. He looked down and saw that he was back to being a pony again. He turned around and saw the Pupils trying to get up from the ground. The Pupils were back to their pony forms, relieving Cotton.

"Looks like we're back to bein' ponies now." Cotton grumbled as he got up from the ground. "And we're back in Ponyville."

"Thank goodness." Anthony said as he dusted himself with an impatient look on his face. "I wish Discord wouldn't make us do these errands for him."

"Well, at least we're getting some action!" Rusty remarked with a smile.

"I agree. Though I usually dislike fighting." Gilbert remarked before he let out a dreamy smile on his face. "But I did get to kiss Macintosh as a human...."

"Oh, don't remind me..." Phonsawan groaned as he put his hooves on each side of his head.

"Dang ol' what in the dang ol' love of tarnation ya doing?" Patch said to Jimmy, who was busy staring at the sun.

"Gonna beat my record..." Jimmy groaned before Anthony used his hoof to smack Jimmy on his head.

"Discord said that because of the milk incident, our universe is going to be different." Anthony said as he noticed Cotton walking around. "I think that also means that we're the only ones, besides Discord, to know about these changes. To the other ponies, they'll probably act like it was always like this!"

"How do you know so much about this?" Cotton asked.

"Eh, I read it on a book once." Anthony casually replied as Cotton stopped walking and raised his eyebrow. "But, I wonder what changed so far?"

"What the hell happened to Breaking Dawn's treehouse?" Cotton asked as he tilted his head in confusion. "Why is there a stupid crystal-looking castle instead?"

"Alright, listen. I coulda took good care of Pops." Christian said through his walkie talkie. "But those Pupils screwed it up!"

"We don't tolerate those who disappoint us, Chris." Alexander replied through the walkie talkie. "But, perhaps we can do something with the Pupils."

"What are we gonna do to those bastards?" Christian said as he took out a red stone.

"Christian." Takeshi said from Christian's walkie talkie "To take down a flock of sheep, you must take down the shepherd..."

Christian smiled evilly. "I've always wanted to see what Fidel Castro looks like when someone's killing him..."

Author's Note

Happy now Sexy Pudgy Pinkie Pie? Butthead.

Well then, to everyone else, I apologize for the lack of updates, still ain't dead! I've been busy with school. Or, more specifically, a summer program I have to take because the college I want to go to requires me to attend it. And of course they give out daily homework. Yippee.

I've been stuck with writer's block and all other sorts of things, but it's good to be back everyone!

Dang ol' Love

"Okay, so what's changed, Discord?" Anthony said with crossed forelegs as he stood in front of Discord, who was drinking a glass from chocolate milk. Cotton stood in front with a growl in his throat, not happy about this current situation. There were books in that library that were the closest thing to nudie channels.

"Here's what happened." Discord calmly stated as he floated above the Pupils. "Twilight is a princess, her treehouse was destroyed by a dangerous creature named Tirek, the treehouse is replaced by a castle that has a map that summons any member of the Mane 6 by causing their cutie mark to flash like a beacon, Cranky and Matilda are married, Gilda is reformed, Fluttershy has a brother, I'll tell you more about that when the time comes, Bon Bon is a secret agent, Babs Seed has her own cutie mark, Twilight made up with her friend Moondancer, Mark broke up with Luna..."

"He did?" Cotton said with a surprised look on his face.

"Nah." Discord said as he waved his hand at Cotton. "Just wanted to make sure you were paying attention. Where was I? Oh yes, I have a new home, which I must show the Pupils someday. Oooooh, I smell a sleepover~~~! Oh, and everypony doesn't know about your absence, Cotton."

"Swell." Cotton grumbled.

"The simulation that you were in Cotton now exists. All you have to do is enter in a portal Twilight has. The human dimension is similar to the simulation you experienced. The reign of Sunset Shimmer, the Battle of Bands, and even the Friendship Games!"

"Friendship Games?" Rusty asked.

"I'll tell you when the time comes." Discord said while winking. "Anyway, not much has happened, other than that stuff. Dale also knows about this stuff, since he is a brony. Also, I think Bill is becoming a brony too."

"Ah don't understand almost a single damn word ya just said, other than the nerd bein' a princess." Cotton grumbled before looking at his side with crossed forelegs. "So Breaking Dawn is a princess! Whoop de doo, how awesome."

"She is also afraid of quesadillas." Discord quickly said.

Cotton grabbed Discord's legs. "Ah demand ya teach me how to make quesa-dill-ahs!" The old stallion growled.

"What of the ones from our world?" Gilbert asked Discord.

"None of them have changed drastically." Discord answered as he pulled Cotton from his legs. "Though I believe your crystal friend Appleseed has a crush on Fluttershy's friend, Tree Hugger. Dale Gribble also has more information about My Little Pony, Bill lost more weight, almost all the mares are officially obsessed with Boomhauer, with the exception of the Elements of Harmony, princesses, villains, married ones, lesbian ones, and Rarity and such."

"Like who?" Cotton asked with a raised eyebrow. "Who's in love wit' Boomhauer?"

Discord just smiled as he snapped his fingers, resulting in a long scroll appearing in front of Cotton, who stared at the list as the scroll unrolled right in front of him. Cotton just raised an eyebrow in confusion. Discord simply chuckled.

"I told you things changed, Cotton Hill." He simply said.

Cotton's eyes popped open as a devious idea popped in his head, along with a devious grin on his face. He immediately rushed to Discord and started to whisper in his ear.

Discord soon smiled evilly as he rubbed his hands. "I love it when you're evil, Cotton. Let's make it happen!"

"Make what happen?" Jimmy asked.

Discord smiled evilly as his head suddenly popped out of each of the Pupils' ears and leaned towards their other ears, whispering something quickly.

"Um." Anthony said, unsure what to say.

"Well, it could be fun." Rusty said as he scratched the back of his head.

"Does not seem well-mannered." Gilbert said as he shook his head.

"Woo whee!" Patch hooted as he jumped around Discord. "Dang ol' count me IN. Dang ol' best moment ever in the dang ol' world, yo!"

"DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO EEEEEEEEEET!" Jimmy shouted as he stomped his hooves on the ground.

Phonsawan just shook his hooves frantically.

"Wait, I like that idea, but you just came out of a simulation where you were a human, and then almost got killed by a teen, and then time-traveled, and then almost got killed by brainwashed students, and now the first thing you want to do since you came out of that hell-hole...is that?!"

Cotton nodded while smiling.

"I think those shins were the only thing keeping you sane, you old geezer." Phonsawan grumbled as he slammed a hoof on his forehead.

"Good to see ya, Mark!" Cotton greeted with a happy grin as he trotted to Mark's home. Mark was at the doorway with a huge smile, waving his hoof.

"Hey, Cotton!" Mark greeted as he trotted to Cotton. "What's new?"

"Nothin' new." Cotton replied, trying very hard to ignore the events that happened to him. "May Ah come in?"

"Sure!" Mark said as he went inside his house. Cotton smirked and trotted inside, sniffing at what seemed like tea. He took a good look of the house, seeing his living room with pictures of mountains and fields and such. A shelf stood by the wall, filled with books and a vase of flowers. A sofa stood next to another wall, where Cotton saw Derpy and Ben sitting on the couch, calmly sipping tea.

Cotton hated tea, so he did his best to smile, despite that aroma coming up to his nostrils, filling his throat with bile that he tried not to let out.

"Hey Ben. Hey Ditsy." Cotton said as he tried not to sniff too much of the tea.

"It's Derpy." The pegasus said while giving a bashful smile. Ben just nodded at Cotton with a smile as he gulped down his tea.

"What brings you here, Cotton?" Ben asked as he finished his tea.

Cotton just smirked. Fifteen minutes have passed and Cotton trotted out of the house with a grin as he waved goodbye at Mark, Ben, and Derpy. "We'll be there at 9 AM sharp!" Mark shouted as he closed the door.

Cotton chuckled. "Oh man, this is the best thang Ah eva don-UMPPH!"

Cotton's eyes shot open as he bumped into a pony, causing him to crash into the ground. Growling, he got up and was ready to bark at the pony. One good look of the pony made him go from barking to dropping his jaw.

As Cotton eyed the mare's unicorn horn, white skin, neon blue mane, and goggles, he took a step back to get a better look of the unicorn.

"Ah totally forgot dat Vinyl is in our world also." Cotton asked as Vinyl nodded at him with a smile and walked away, bopping her head from the music she was listening to with her headphones on her head. Cotton blinked a few times before trotting away.

A week has passed since Cotton has arrived from the simulation. Cotton is trying to figure out how to convince Twilight to let him use the portal to take him to the human world. He also learned that not much has passed. His son, Hank Hill was still trying to make a propane grill as Dale continued his work as an exterminator. The more appropriate word, however, is insect tamer, since Fluttershy forced him to not kill a single insect. Bill and Kahn now works for Pinkie Pie, helping her bake cakes and cater. Pinkie Pie forced Bill to exercise, explaining why he lost some weight. She also helped Kahn sing, with the assistance of Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle. Boomhauer worked as a mailpony along with Derpy, whom he befriended. He almost tried to go out with her, until he found out she is involved with a pony named Doctor Whooves. He and Boomhauer also befriended each other, and, most surprisingly, the doctor understands Boomhauer's speech, though he does not understand what Boomhauer means about Dr. Who.

The rest of the ponies from Earth got normal jobs and lifestyles and other stuff Cotton did not know much or have any interest, whatsoever. However, he did heard how the six Earthling ponies at Crystal Empire, Crsyal sifnjsjdjdjincjs as he calls them, were doing alright.

However, Cotton was mainly focused on something else he deemed was "important." As he adjusted his tie, he looked in a mirror and smiled at the black tuxedo he was wearing. He turned around and saw the Pupils wearing tuxedos like his, though Gilbert wore a white tuxedo similar to the one he wore back on Earth. "I wanna burn this suit." Phonsawan grumbled as Jimmy picked his nose with his mouth slightly opened.

Derpy stood next to Mark and Ben, wearing a gray dress with her mane done in a bun-fashion. Mark and Ben both wore gray tuxedos. Mark adjusted his tie with a smile as Ben stared at his wrist watch.

"Alrighty everypony!" Cotton shouted, catching the attention of everypony. "Everythin' is set. Fidel Castro invited 'em mares, fifteen so that it doesn't get dat crowded, Boomhauer thinks he's a coming for a photo, and Ah stole Dale's journal about the ponies in this world. We just need to wait for Castro."

Cotton walked to the curtain and opened it, peeking his head and seeing a group of mares standing with dresses and such. Cotton smiled as he ducked his head back in just as the mares glanced at the theater stage. Cotton tapped his hoof on the back of the stage as Discord teleported in with an orange suit.

"The trap is set, Cotton Gin!" He snickered as he floated up to the curtain. "Boomhauer's coming to this backstage as we speak."

"Good." Cotton replied evilly. "Greet the mares. Let the show begin. And don't call me Cotton Gin."

Discord teleported from the backstage as Boomhauer stepped inside the backstage. He wore a black tuxedo with a red neck tie and a dark red rose pinned on the left side of the suit. His mane was slicked up a bit and his smile almost let out a shine. He checked the time in his wrist watch as he glanced back up to everypony else.

"Dang ol' early man? Where in the git damn cameras and lights and yo?" Boomhauer slightly grunted as he looked around.

Discord suddenly appeared in front of the group of mares with a giant smile and a giant microphone.

"Ladies! Welcome! Let's see who's here!" Discord said as he snapped his fingers, resulting in a large piece of paper teleporting in front of him. "Hmm...Zecora, Aloe Blossum, Lotus Blossom, Carrot Top, Colgate, Berry Punch, Love Tap, I hope your son, Button Mash, is doin' alright, Spitfire, Fleetfoot, The Great and Powerful Trixie, Lily, Daisy, Roseluck, Coco Pommel, and...Maud Pie."

He glanced up to the fifteen mares, standing in front of them filled with anxiety, excitement, nervous feelings, and determination in their veins. They either glanced at other mares, started a friendly chat with few, or just glare at their competitors. Since this was being treated like a dating game show, some of them were brought in for a quick interview.

Trixie grinned proudly as she cleaned her blue dress and adjusted her hoop earrings on her ear lobes.

Trixie Interview:
"The Great and Powerful Trixie deserves a noble stallion for her to live with until the day Trixie dies." She said as she let out a love-filled sigh. "Trixie will get Boomhauer, mark Trixie's words."

Love Tap bit her lips in slight shyness, looking at the mares around her before she looked back at the ground, kicking the ground slightly.

Love Tap Interview:
"My husband and I divorced seven months ago, though we're still friends." The cream-colored mare explained as she fiddled around with her hooves. "I just want a stallion who will love me for who I am. I hope he likes video games, or else he'll never get along with Button."

Zecora looked at her exotic dress one more time, smiling and nodding in approval as she glanced back up to Discord.

Zecora Interview:
"It is not often that I participate in such celebrations." Zecora confessed before her smile turned dreamy. "But when I look at Boomhauer eyes, I cannot resist the temptations..."

Discord smiled as he turned around and winked at Cotton, who was peeking from the curtain with a huge smirk plastered on his face. Cotton nodded and turned to a confused Boomhauer.

"Dang ol' don't worry dang ol' big brother man." Patch assured Boomhauer as he put a hoof around his shoulder. "Dang ol' enjoy yourself and live dat viva la voca loca life, yo!"

"Dang ol' huh?!" Boomhauer asked, completely lost.

"Everymare!" Discord shouted in his microphone. "Now the moment you're been waiting for! Fifteen mares. One stallion. Only one of these beautiful mares eill win the chance of capturing the heart of the stallion of their dreams! And here he is!!!!"

Discord ripped the curtain from the stage, revealing a flabbergasted Boomhauer, staring at the mares who were staring back at him dreamily.

"Uuhhh..." was all that came out of Boomhauer's lips.

Maud Pie Interview:
"He's beautiful." Maud Pie said, her facial expressions not changing whatsoever.

Blushing heavily with crimson red, Coco Pommel bit her hoof as soon as she stared at the handsome, yet confused, Boomhauer.

Coco Pommel Interview:
"Rarity once said I looked beautiful and that I should have eventually find a stallion I could love." Coco said as she twiddled her mane a bit. "I hope Boomhauer finds me pretty and beautiful..."

Spitfire and Fleetfoot couldn't help but giggled a tiny bit at the confused Boomhauer and even winked at the same time at the stallion when he glanced at them.

Spitfire and Fleetfoot Interview:
"It's about time a Wonderbolt like myself deserves a trophy husband like Boomhauer!" Fleetfoot said in a proud tone and a proud smile. Spitfire just rolled her eyes.
"Oh please!" The orange pegasus retorted. "Everypony in the Wonderbolts Academy knew you originally had your eyes on Soarin' before you learned that he's falling for Rainbow Dash!"

Boomhauer continued to stare at the mares without any understanding in his head. Jimmy leaned to Phonsawan. "He no understand." Jimmy whispered to the Laotian.

Mark walked up to Boomhauer and whispered in his ear. "Boomhauer, you are the star of what Discord calls, a dating game show."

Boomhauer finally understood what was going on, indicated by his wide eyes.

Discord snapped his fingers as he levitated up to the sky, suddenly filled with fireworks and visual effects.

"Only one will win Boomhauer's heart! Who shall it be?! Welcome to the new dating game show devised by Cotton Hill! Welcome to Dang ol' Love!"

Author's Note

Who shall win Boomhauer's heart, everypony?!
And sorry if I didn't include the pony you wanted to be in Dang ol' Love. :twilightblush:

Chapter 1 - "Mah story begins"

November 11, 2007

A woman coldly stared at the old, shin-less man in the hospital bed. There was silence between these enemies; the only sound audible was the heart monitor beeping from the dying old man. The old man, Cotton Hill, let out a weak smirk as he stared at the frowning woman, Peggy Hill.

"I hope you live forever. I really do." Peggy Hill whispered as her glare hardened with hatred. She was sitting next to the dying Cotton Hill.

"Do ya now?" Cotton quipped. He let out an evil laugh and rested his head on his pillow and closed his eyes. As he let out one sigh of breath, he manually stopped his heart, which caused him to frown as he stood still, dead.

Peggy, whose glare turned to a surprised look on her face, shook his shoulder. Realizing that he is dead, she gasped before she put her hand on her mouth, her eyes were filled with astonishment.

Whiteness.

That's all Cotton could see.

After dying on his death bed, Cotton woke up lying down. As he opened his eyes, he noticed that he wasn't lying on anything. He turned his head a bit to find himself in a never-ending whiteness.

He slowly stood up and began looking around, a raised eyebrow was present on his face as he walked around. He had a funny way of walking, thanks to his lack of shins.

"Where the hell am Ah?" he said in confusion as he walked and turned his head constantly.

He let out a tiny surprised grunt as heard a loud voice said, "You are in the afterlife, Cotton Hill."

He looked up at the limitless whiteness. "God?"

He heard the voice again. "Yes it is I.” It said in its booming voice.

Cotton looked down as he shook his head chuckling. "So yer sendin' me to hell, huh?" He said as he opened his eyes back to the whiteness.

"No. Though you have lived an evil life, I will give you a second chance."

Cotton laughed as he put his hand on his forehead. "Me? Change?" He shouted in disbelief and amusement. "C'mon God! Yer not gonna send me to hell wit' the fiddy men Ah killed?!"

"No." The voice boomed again. "I will send you to a world that does not exist until about three years from now. A world that may change you."

Cotton growled. "Where? What on earth are ya talkin' about?! A world that doesn't exist 'til three years?! A world that can change me?!"

He waited for a response but didn't get one, causing Cotton to become more agitated. Before he can shout a curse, the whiteness grew brighter, which caused Cotton to close his eyes in slight pain. He covered his eyes as he continued his angered rant.

"NO WAY IN HELL AM AH CHANGING GOD!!! YER MAKING THE BIGGEST MISTAKE YA EVER MADE!!!"

As he opened his eyes and lowered his hands, he let out a shocked gasp at what he saw before his eyes. He saw a forest that seemed to not end. Trees and plants were everywhere and did not seem to end. The only sound was the leaves rustling from the light wind and a faint echo of some animal noise. However, the forest seemed to be a little colorful in Cotton's eyes.

“Jesus Christ..." he muttered, as he put his hoof on his forehead. "Wait. That's not mah hand. It feels like a..."

He looked at his hoof, which caused his eyes to grew even larger. Without moving his head, Cotton's eyes turned to a nearby puddle. Wasting no time, he leaned to the puddle and saw his reflection. His jaw dropped as his right eye twitched a bit.

"HOLY HELL!" he shouted as he fell to the ground.

In his reflection, he saw an army green pony. He also saw that he had a white mane and tail. His skin looked slightly raggy. He also noticed that he had blood red eyes, something that he did not have back on Earth.

He shook his head. "Ah can't believe this." He muttered. "Not only am Ah trapped in a forest that looks like it belongs in a kids' show, Ah'm a damned horse!"

He stood up, only to fall back down. He gritted his teeth when he realized he was going to walk like an animal. He thought back to the time when he rented that horse for the birthday of his grandson, Bobby Hill, whom he cared more than his son, Hank Hill. Remembering how the horse trotted around, Cotton carefully stood up and mimicked the movements the horse made. Despite suffering from trips and falls whenever he made a mistake, he was able to walk around with some ease.

He trotted through the forest, hoping to find someone. He let out a small sigh of relief as he saw some light from outside the forest. With a smile, he ran towards it and was greeted with a sight that only made him more sick. He stuck out his tongue as he saw open land and plains. The fact that it was even more colorful than the forest made Cotton even more sick. Shaking his head, he continued to walk.

He stopped with a blank expression as he saw what seemed to be a cottage. He turned his head slightly and saw something which made Cotton's mood even more rotten. He saw a shy yellow pony with a pink mane and tail. She was looking at a white rabbit who was pushing away a carrot.

"A horse like me? Just rich." Cotton grumbled as he crossed his arms.

“Come on, Angel." She said. "Eat your food."

Cotton dropped his jaw. "A talking pony?!" he thought. "Oh great. Just what Ah needed. GREAT."

All of a sudden, he saw a blue winged pony with rainbow mane flying and landed next to the yellow pony. She looked cocky, which made Cotton both amused and annoyed.

"You ready for the picnic Fluttershy?" the blue pony asked as she looked at the yellow pony.

The yellow pony smiled weakly to the blue pony. "I'm almost done. Just give me a few more minutes."

The blue pony smiled. "Sure thing." She replied as she flapped her wings and then started to fly away.

Cotton shook his head. "How did Ah get mahself into this mess?!" He frantically shouted as he put both of his hooves on each side of his head. "Was it the fiddy men Ah killed?????”

Author's Note

Rewrite of the first chapter. Yeah, I'm a lazy bastard. Bleh.

[youtube=dqqG0omkmBg]

Oh God, Please Don't Be...

Cotton ran outside the barn.

He noticed that Applejack, Big Macintosh, Granny Smith, and AppleBloom were already outside.

Applejack ran to Cotton.

"Did y'all heard that BRWAH sound?" she asked Cotton.

Cotton nodded.

Big Macintosh spoke up.

"Sounded like it came from the Everfree Forest."

"I guess that's the forest where I came from." Cotton said to himself.

Cotton cleared his throat.

"I'll go check it out" he said as he ran towards the forest before any of the Apples could stop him.

Along his way, Cotton ran into Mark, who was flying by.

"You heard that sound?" Mark asked.

Cotton nodded. "Yeah. It's mah son. I recongize that BRWAH sound anywhere."

Mark blinked. "You never told me about your son."

Cotton chuckled. "NOT the best son in the world. I'm gonna find him. Wanna come?"

Mark shrugged. "Sure"

Cotton and Mark went into the Everfree forest.

"Calm down, Hank" a chubby dark Earth pony said. He had a brown mane and tail.

"Hey man I tell ya what man dang o' things look dang o' colorful man yo PCP or LSD or something, I don't know man, yo." a tan pegasus said. He had a light yellow mane and tail.

"Jesus Christ, what the hell is this place?" a brown unicorn with a black mane and tail asked.

An orange pegasus, with a light brown mane and tail, just stood there, his face full of excitement. He was wearing sunglasses and an orange cap.

A light brown unicorn, with a dark brown mane and tail, just stood there shaking his head and adjusting his glasses.

"Kahn's right" he said. "Where are we?"

The orange pegasus snapped back to reality and answered:

"This looks like the Everfree forest from that episode when the Mane 6 accuse Zecora of..."

"We just want the name of the dang forest Dale" the light brown unicorn muttered.

"Dang old Zecora?" the tan pegasus asked.

"What's a Zecora?" the chubby Earth pony asked.

The orange pegasus grinned nervously.

"Well um..."

"Hey! I see them!" somepony shouted.

The light brown unicorn widen his eyes.

"Is that...?" the unicorn said with a shocked tone.

A pegasus with light green skin, orange mane and tail, and sunglasses landed on the ground.

Right next to him was an Earth pony with raggy skin, army green skin, white mane and tail, and eyes the color of blood.

The green pegasus raised an eyebrow. "You know these guys?" he asked the raggy skinned pony.

The Earth pony sighed and nodded.

He walked up to the light brown unicorn.

"Hello Hank Rutherford Hill" was all he needed to say.

Dasher meets Gribble and Crazy Girl meets Fatty

"So, what now sir?" Dale asked.

"The hell do I know?" Cotton sighed. "Who do you want to visit? Cuz I don't really care..."

"How 'bout Rainbow Dash!" Dale exclaimed with a smile. "She's my favorite pony!"

Cotton rolled his eyes. "Fine. We just have to find that rainbow-haired gal somewhere."

Kahn pointed to a flying rainbow-mane blue Pegasus. "Is that her?"

Dale smiled widely and vigorously nodded. "Yes! YES! YES!-!-!"

Cotton sighed again. "Hey Dasher!" He shouted to Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash landed in front of Cotton.

"Hey Cotton. What's up?" she asked Cotton.

"I need you to do me a favor." Cotton said. "My friends just arrived in Ponyville. They need a place to stay."

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "OK. Take who?"

Cotton turned around to pick who should stay with Rainbow Dash.

Bill was busy scratching his belly.

Dale jumped up and down whispering "Pick me! Pick me!"

Boomhauer just nodded and said, "Yo," which made Rainbow Dash blush a tiny bit.

Kahn just yawned and gave a little glare to Rainbow Dash, who gave a glare tight back at him.

Cotton shrugged. "Gribble."

Dale flew up to the sky with a victorious grin. "YESSS!"

Rainbow Dash giggled a bit.

Cotton rolled his eyes. "Alright, another problem solved. Come on Fatty, Boomhauer, and Mr. Kahn."

As they left, it was just Rainbow Dash and Dale.

Dale smiled. "Got any cigarettes?"

Rainbow Dash tilted her head. "A what?"

Dale just smiled. His left eye was twitching a bit.

"Oh right..." He thought. "There are no cigarettes here..."

"Alrighty." Cotton said. "Let's go visit...uh..."

"Visit who?" Bill asked.

"HI COTTON!" Pinkie Pie shouted as she suddenly appeared in front of Cotton.

"GAH!" Cotton gasped. "Jesus, Pinks. You almost gave me a heart attack."

Pinkie smiled innocently. "Oops!"

Cotton then raised an eyebrow and said, "Hey Pinky, ya like new guests, right?"

Pinkie nodded happily. Cotton smirked, "Well mah friends need a place to stay, ya mind if..."

Pinkie laughed. "Oh sure! I'll take one in! Which one?"

Cotton turned around to pick who should stay with Pinkie Pie.

Boomhauer just let out a confused look at Pinkie Pie.

Kahn just yawned and looked around, bored out of his mind.

Bill just blinked at Pinkie Pie.

"FATTY!" Cotton barked.

Bill stood up straight and saluted. "SIR, YES, SIR!" he shouted.

Cotton smirked and slowly pointed to Pinkie Pie. "Say howdy to yer new roommate..." he said.

Bill looked nervous as the party pony let out a huge grin. Nevertheless, he continued to salute and shouted, "HOWDY, NEW ROOMMATE!"

Pinkie giggled as Cotton shouted, "Alright Boomhauer and Mr. Kahn! Move out!"

Cotton left with Boomhauer and Kahn, leaving just Bill and Pinkie Pie.

Bill just stared at Pinkie Pie, who just smiled at him.

Bill's stomach started to growl.

As soon as she heard his stomach, she immediately took out a chocolate cupcake.

"Here you go!" She said, handing the cupcake to Bill.

Bill just dropped his jaw.

"I think I'm gonna like it here..." He thought as he ate the cupcake in one bite.

"And that is my 14th compelling reason on why you should switch to propane!" Hank said as Spike yawned while Twilight was very impressed.

"Wow!" Twilight exclaimed. "You know so much about propane!"

"Yup." Hank said with a smirk.

"I'm definitely going to switch to propane!" she said. "On one condition."

Hank crossed his arms. "And that will be?"

Twilight smirked. "You set it up."

Hank just let out a victorious smirk.

Mark formed another cloud and shaped it to look like Joshua Ziff.

Joshua was friendly like Jacob, though he sometimes got angry. Nevertheless, he had a good heart.

Mark facepalmed with both of his hooves.

"Why..." He said. "WHY!-!-!" he shouted as tears came out of his eyes and stained his hooves.

"So he's alive?"

"Yeah...he really is."

"This bores me. Can we do what you promised?"

"We don't have to do this, ya know?"

"Cool your jets, you two. You two will get what you want...just like me and my friend will get what we want..."

One more thing to do...

Cotton sighed as he tried to find his way out of the forest.

"Don't tell me I'm gonna get lost again..." He muttered.

All of a sudden, he heard a small sound.

He wondered what that small sound was.

"Could it be...oh please be that Alexander and his asshole friends..." Cotton said to himself.

He ran to the source of the sound but couldn't find anything.

He slammed his hoof on his face.

"Once again...mah imagination..." He muttered.

"I doubt it."

Cotton turned around and saw two female Earth ponies. One was white skinned with a red mane and tail. She had a microphone Cutie Mark. The other one was yellow skinned with a purple mane and tail. She had a magnifying Cutie Mark.

The white pony titled her head. "Is this the guy?"

"Yeah...it's him..."

Cotton saw two Pegasi. One was red skinned with a blue mane and tail. The other one was blue skinned with a red mane and tail. They both had the same Cutie Mark: a court balance scale Cutie Mark.

Cotton let out an aggressive glare.

"You are?" He said.

The red Pegasus sighed. "Jacob...Jacob Springer."

"Andrew Devin." The blue Pegasus said.

Cotton gasped. "Ya two are Mark's friends!"

Both Jacob and Andrew looked at the ground.

Cotton looked at the two girls.

"Oh, I'm Rena Redgrave." The white pony said.

"And I'm Olivia Bella." The yellow pony said.

Cotton narrowed his eyes at Andrew and Jacob. "I'm guessing ya are here to finish what Alexander and Joshua started."

Andrew and Jacob widen their eyes and shook their heads. "God no! We're not with those guys!"

Cotton raised an eyebrow. "Not with them?"

Jacob sighed. "Let me explain. True that we were friends. But all that changed when Mark killed us. Apparently, God sent us to Equestria. Me and Andrew found ourselves in the Everfree Forest. After a while, we found Alexander and Joshua. There was one problem though."

"Me and Jacob forgave Mark." Andrew continued. "We understood why he killed us. I couldn't blame him. I just couldn't. However, I guess Alexander and Joshua didn't forgive Mark, because they wanted revenge. Me and Jacob realized how cruel they had become and we went separate ways."

"That's why they wanted to tell me where Mark was..." Cotton said as he put a hoof on his chin.

"Eventually we met Rena and Olivia, who were also humans from Earth." Jacob explained as he pointed to the two mares. "They're both looking for someone named Ludwig Bella, Olivia's brother and Rena's fiancé. We agreed to help them find Ludwig."

Rena looked saddened. Olivia put a hoof on Rena's shoulder. "Don't worry Rena. We'll find him."

Andrew sighed. "Apparently, we learned Alexander and Joshua found two other ponies."

"Christian and Takashi." Cotton said with a scowl.

"I think they were once serial killers back on Earth." Jacob said with a frown.

"Wouldn't doubt it." Cotton calmly said. Takashi was good with knifes and he could still feel that punch Christian gave him.

Jacob scratched the back of his head. "So...um...how is Mark?"

"He's good." Cotton replied. "He's got a load of friends and is happy as mah friend Gribble."

"And his racism?" Andrew said.

"Well, not that much Asians in Equestria." Cotton replied. "But I know someone who Laotian named Mr. Kahn and I don't think he and Mark get along pretty well. Then again, Mr. Kahn doesn't get along with mostly anyone."

Jacob sighed. "We really want to see Mark. But we need some time off before we can show ourselves to Mark."

Cotton looked in the ground.

"Well...we should go now." Andrew said. "And Cotton?"

"Yeah?"

"...please take care of Mark."

Cotton nodded.

Eventually, the four ponies left.

Cotton sighed and left. He had something important to do.

Twilight's House

Cotton knocked on the door.

Eventually, Bobby opened it. "Hey Grandpa." Bobby said with a smile.

"Hello Bobby." Cotton said with a smile. "Is Twilight there?"

"Yeah she's here." Bobby replied.

Cotton walked inside and eventually saw Twilight.

"Hello Cotton." Twilight said with a smile.

"Hello Breakin...er...I mean Twilight." Cotton said. "I gotta ask ya a favor. Ya can send letters to Princess Celes-tea-somathing, right?"

Celestia was reading a letter in her throne.

When she finished, she told a guard to send in Blue Fang.

Eventually Blue Fang was sent in.

Blue Fang bowed. "Your highness, you sent me?"

Celestia smiled. "Blue Fang, I would like you to take a day off tomorrow and go to Ponyville."

Blue Fang blinked. "Why?"

"You'll see." Celestia replied.

The next day

The train station

"I'm sorry but why am I here?" Mark asked.

"You'll see." Cotton said as he stood there waiting for the train.

"I just hope things don't get too ugly." Cotton thought.

Eventually, the train arrived.

Cotton saw ponies coming out of the train but eventually saw Blue Fang.

Cotton waved at Blue Fang. Blue Fang raised an eyebrow.

Blue Fang eventually stared at Mark.

Blue Fang was confused. "You look familiar."

Mark titled his head. "You sound familiar."

Blue Fang gasped. "Mark?"

"How do you...?"

"It's me...Kenny..."

Mark gasped. His surprised look then turned into an angered face.

"You goddamn bastard..." Mark hissed.

"Mark please." Kenny pleaded. "I know I was a terrible uncle but..."

"SHUT UP!" Mark barked.

"Mark, come on." Cotton said "Just let Kenny explain."

Mark glared at Cotton. "Alright fine." He said angrily.

Eventually, Kenny explained his story, tears coming out of his eyes. Mark's angered face slowly became a sad face.

"Kenny...I...I didn't know...why didn't you...?" Mark whispered.

Kenny started to sob. "I don't know...Oh god...I'm so sorry Mark..." He said as he hugged Mark.

Mark put his arms around his uncle's neck and started to cry. "I'm sorry. I'M SORRY! I was the one who let you rot in prison!-! I'M SORRY!-!-!-!"

Mark and Kenny hugged each other, crying and sobbing.

Cotton sighed. "One problem solved." He thought as he smiled. "But now I have something else to take care of..."

Alexander and Joshua was out looking for food.

Christian and Takashi stayed at their hideout in the mountains.

"Well, I'm bored." Christian said he leaned against a rock.

"I couldn't be more happy for you." Takashi sarcastically said.

"Hey, Takashi?" Christian asked.

"What do you want?" Takashi said with a glare.

"Before the world ended, what did you do?"

Takashi sighed. "Why the hell should I answer that question? Haven't your parents ever tell you to not mind other people's businesses?"

"Come on Takashi! I told you I'm bored!

"And I told you I couldn't be more GODDAMN happy for you!-!"

Christian just smiled. Takashi saw his smile and groaned angrily.

"Fine. I'll tell you. But, first, YOU tell me your story."

"Deal." Christian said. "Well, before the world ended, I was a serial killer. I was caught and was about to be executed. Apparently, that's when the world ended." Christian didn't explain the whole story to Takashi. There was a reason why he became a serial killer. When his wife was alive, she became pregnant with Christian's baby. Eventually, she gave birth to his son, Sean. However, his wife died giving birth. Sean was taken in by child services. Christian, who lost his wife and his son, snapped and started killing people.

Takashi sighed. He didn't care about Christian's story and was thankful that his story was finished.

"Alright. My turn." Takashi said with a frown. "I was like you. A serial killer. However, I was at Japan. I was caught and sent to prison. I was sent to Equestria right before my execution." Takashi, to his surprise, actually thought about telling him about Zen, his younger estranged brother. Takashi hasn't heard much from Zen, though he suspects that Zen hates him for abandoning him and for being a killer.

Takashi sighed. Christian just looked in the ground. The minute Mark is dead, he will go on and try to live a new life. He didn't know that Takashi was planning on killing him, along with Alexander and Joshua.

Takashi let out an evil look. "Once Mark is dead," he whispered to himself. "All of you can join with him in the Gates of Hell..."

=Interlude=

A pony wearing a robe hid in the shadows of the trees.

He took out a book and started writing.

It's been a week or something since that unfortunate day
I am forever an outcast...
Why? People ask.
Please, heed my story on what really happened...
...on Earth.
I was once a happy teenager.
I had a loving father, and yet no mother or brothers or sisters.
All was well...until one night...my father accidentally killed himself.
I went to my neighbors and told them about this...
But...
But...

The pony started crying.

They accused me of such murder.
It was too late.
I became wanted.
No one trusted me.
I was an outcast...or...a troll...as they called it on the internet. Heh.

The pony let out a ragged sigh.

Eventually, the world ended and I was sent to Equestria...
I could have started my new life...
But I didn't...
Because...

The pony couldn't control his tears.

What if they were right?
What if I am an outcast?
An outcast!
AN OUTCAST!
AN OUTCAST!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!
AN OUT...

The pony dropped the book as he fell to the ground, laying in his pool of tears as he wept.

Author's Note

Based on an incident that happened to me and a certain group.