Internet, Home of the spam.

by Xx-Sniper_Masters-xX

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna
Length: 3960

(includes screamer reactions)You know when a pony finds spam what they usually think is: This pony is annoying and useless. But what happens what a princess like Luna is face to face with some scary chainmail saying she will die?

Luna usually doesn't get scared much. Okay that's a lie. But one night when Luna went onto a certain "website" she finds a threatening comment saying a bunch of random things will happen in the week. Copy and Paste. Will it all actually happen?

Published 2013-09-14 03:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-28 14:30:06 UTC

Chain mail

It was night time in Canterlot. Royal guards were everywhere. No one inside the room. Perfect time to go on the internet. Half the world is asleep right? It wouldn't hurt if I went on the internet just to put some random comments on Ponytube. Heh. Of course nothing can happen on the internet.

"Now it's for the troll to strike!" I then signed into my account (Secret Troll) and went to multiple videos to well you know...

'ALIENS INVADE EQUESTRIA!!!!'
[Insert video here]
Comments:

Celestia: 'AHHH!!!! ALIENZ R EV'RY WEAR!!!! RUUUUUUUN!!!' 51 likes

As usual there are the ponies that pretend that they're others. So far I've seen about 10 accounts that have the names of famous ponies. Even me. But no matter! This was a perfect troll moment!

'@Celestia: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!'

I then watched as the likes on my comment had passed the likes on hers [125 likes] and I watched as her negative comments stared to pour the screen.

'@Secret Troll: I hate you' This comment has been flagged as spam.

Wow! I love my trolling career! So far I've trolled 789 ponies and none have been able to troll me back. Yep... life is good!

(You have received a message)

"Okay lets who had the guts to try to send me this troll message..." Yeah I forgot about that. They CONSTANTLY send me troll messages but so far none of them worked. I opened the message and saw that it had lots of text and that it was all in caps.

'IF YOU HAVE READ THIS FAR IT IS TOO LATE. ON MONDAY YOU WILL BE KICKED IN THE FACE BY THE PONY YOU WOULD LEAST EXPECT TO KICK YOU, ON TUESDAY YOUR MANE WILL LIGHT ON FIRE, ON WEDNESDAY YOUR COMPUTER WILL GET A VIRUS, ON THURSDAY YOU WILL LOSE YOUR ABILITY TO FLY AND YOUR ABILITY TO USE MAGIC, AND ON FRIDAY YOU WILL BE KISSED. COPY AND PASTE IN TO 10 VIDEOS IN THE NEXT 2 MINUTES OR YOU WILL DIE ON FRIDAY INSTEAD.'

"Ha! That's fake! Trust I've read this multiple times and it never happens." I then decided to send a message back to the user. But then it said that the user did not exist.

"..." I then decided to go outside to get some fresh air and gaze at the stars as I turned off the computer. Surely that chain mail wasn't real. It's never real. Right?

Author's Note

We shall see Luna... We shall see...

Monday.

[The Following Morning]

All I remembered was waking up in the bed. I looked outside to see that the sun was shining brightly through the window. Sucks for me. But I didn't think about it much and went back to sleep only to be woken up by Celestia 4 minutes later.

"Luna! Wake up!" Celestia was shaking me back and forth constantly.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?!" I said to Celestia angrily.

"It's time for you to lift the moon up to the sky." Celestia said calmly.

I looked outside to see that the sun wasn't there anymore. Had I really overslept? I brushed the thought away and started to lift the moon when Celestia stopped me.

"Say Luna... Since when did you get that mark on your face?" I stared back at Celestia blankly. Not knowing what she was talking about.

"What mark?" I asked.

"That mark on your forehead. It looks like you got kicked in the face." Still not knowing what Celestia was talking about I went into the bathroom to check. There on my head was 2 red circles. How did I not notice this? WAIT A SECOND!

"Tia it's just paint that got on me." I said as Celestia kept staring.

"Since when do you use paint?" Celestia asked

"No... There was painters here today you see? You were still asleep and I fell on one of them." I said to Celestia calmly

"Are you sure?"

"Yes..."

"Well alright then. I'm going to sleep Luna. Whatever you do DO NOT go in my room."

"Okay."

I walked through the hallways and looked around. The castle is so big that I actually got lost a couple of times only to have Celestia find me in the closet. But thankfully I memorized the hallways so now there would be no chance of me running into a random room again.

"Alright lets see... I'll get a snack from the kitchen... study the stars for a bit and go back on the internet!" I then had my plan carved into my brain so I wouldn't forget.

As I turned the next corner I noticed that one of my guards had also came around the corner. Next thing I knew was that my guard had reacted and attacked me square in the face.

"Oh my! I'm so sorry Princess Luna! You startled me and I..." I then stopped him mid-sentence and accepted his apology.

"It was an accident. Trust me I'm alright. Move along now." Then guard nodded and then went to do what he was going to do. I watched him as he ran down the hallway and ran right into the wall. Seriously... I can't tell you how many times I watched that same guard run right into that wall. In fact he hit that wall so much it made an indentation of his face.

"I will never understand that guard." I then moved along and went towards the kitchen. There I saw a perfectly laid meal right there. You know some apples, veggies, and some lettuce. Not what you would call a snack but still you couldn't resist a meal like that go cold.

"Maybe I'll just take an apple." I then levitated the apple and placed it in my mouth and ate the whole thing. Well except the core.

As I started to walk to the garden outside I ran into the same guard that had kicked me in the face. This time he hit me on the chin. SHOOT! I have no idea if that guard has superpowers or something but his kicks are insanely painful!

"Oops sorry... I'll be going now!" The guard then rushed towards more of the other guards. He kicked them in the face as well. Maybe next time I won't forgive him...

"Come on Luna get a grip! He's probably just doing a bet or dare." I stood there for a while and then went outside in the garden. I looked at the statue of Discord in the garden and to me it didn't really fit at all. I then looked up at the stars and stared at them. Not really thinking about them much. I mean there were some constellations but still...

"Princess Luna!" a voice called behind me. I turned around to see another guard with a mark on his face.

"Yes?" I asked the guard.

"We have a problem in the castle!" The guard announced.

"And what might that be?" I really hated it when the guards say there is a problem in the castle and they wait for me to answer before they actually say WHAT the problem is.

"One of the guards are constantly kicking us!" The guard said immediately

"I see... I will talk to this guard about his behavior." So I went inside to talk to this guard who has been kicking the others lately. I just hope he doesn't decide to kick Celestia as well.

As I walked around in the hallways I managed to spot that pesky guard again and stop him in his tracks.

"So, tell me why are you kicking our fellow guards in the face?" I asked the guard.

"The internet! It said on the internet that if I didn't kick 20 ponies in the face twice I would die in the next 5 minutes!"

"You don't say? So tell me please. When did you read this on the internet?" I said it sternly so he wouldn't really try to lie. But everypony knows you can't lie to an Alicorn.

"Uhh... 10 minutes ago?" Then I saw as the guard realized it was all fake.

"See? You aren't dead are you? It's just a trick made up by some random pony." I then watched as the guard thanked me and went back to his business. Only to have his fellow guards kick him in the face.

As I turned on the computer I noticed that I had gotten a message from that anonymous pony again.

'YOU SEE? IT'S ALL REAL. JUST WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW. THAT'S WHEN ALL THE FUN WILL BEGIN.'

I sighed and sent him back a message.

'Didn't Read LOL!'

Author's Note

Some of you should already know the moral of this story.

Tuesday

[The Next Morning]

You know it was pretty weird how that chain mail was right in the first part but there is NO WAY my mane will light on fire today. The only way that would happen is if somepony used a magic spell on my mane. Then again... I do have hairdressers coming today.

"Hello? Princess Luna? We are here!" I looked outside to see 2 ponies at the door so I rushed downstairs. Opened the door and let them in.

"Sorry for having to come in the day when you're supposed to be asleep..." One of the hairdressers said.

"Oh... I don't mind really. I didn't really need any sleep." I said to them. "Trust me."

"Well alright." So they both started on my mane. You know it was like what all hairdressers use. Uhh.... Darn it I forget what they used.

"How long until you're finished?" I had exactly no patience for them. I mean I need to maintain my rank on Ponytube. Daytime is perfect since half of the victims are now awake.

"We just started..." Said one of them. The other just frowned.

"Oh right..." So you know I just sat there waiting for them to finish. But for some reason It felt like they were doing somthing that wasn't supposed to happen... WAIT!

-5 HOURS LATER-

"There you go! A perfect mane!" said one of the hairdressers.

"Are you sure it's perfect? I mean it's literally rock hard." I tapped on my mane. It was actually rock hard. So hard that you needed to use a hammer just to break a piece the size of a pebble off.

"Oh yes! It'll be like that for a few minutes then you'll have a mane that shining even more than before!" One of the hairdressers exclaimed.

"If you say so." I watched as the 2 hairdressers left the castle. Maybe I might be able to get some sleep...

As I walked towards the room I saw Celestia just at the end of the hallway. She stared at me for a while and ran off the other way.

"What was that all about?" I didn't think much and went inside the room. Next thing I knew rocks fell straight on top of me. Although thanks to me rock hard mane I didn't get injured in any way.

"Nice try Celestia! My mane is unbreakable!" I yelled down the hallway. I then heard Celestia scream in the distance. Something about being a cheater?

I ignored it and just laid in my bed for a minute which it felt like the longest minute ever. Next thing I knew Twilight came in.

"Mind if I come inside?" Twilight asked.

"Well you're already inside so no I don't mind." Twilight then closed the door behind her and walked up to me.

"Can't sleep?" Of course I can't sleep what does it look like?!

"No." Twilight just stared at me for a while and asked me...

"How come?" Geez Twilight! Why do you ask so many questions! Wait...

"I need some pony to make me laugh first." Twilight gave a confused look at first but then understood.

"Well then I'll just go on Ponytube and search a funny video." My plan is going perfectly.

"Let me do it. We'll both have a laugh from this video! You just sit in that chair while I lay in bed." Twilight nodded and watched as I typed in the video name and clicked on it.

BEST Harlem Shake Ever

*Video begins*
*Song starts*

"Oh it's this! I love these hilarious Harlem Shakes!" I watched as Twilight kept watching the video. I then put earplugs over my ears and stared.

"Da. Da. Da. Da. Da, da, da, da, da..." Oh this is going to be golden.

"HERE WE GO!" Twilight then had her face against the screen.

"And do the Harlem Sh- *SCREAMER*" I watched as Twilight smacked the screen and screamed while at the same time she fell backwards on the chair. I just broke out laughing as hard as I could at her reaction.

"HOW COULD YOU LUNA?! HOW COULD YOU?! THAT WASN'T FUNNY!" But I ignored her and kept on laughing. OH MAN SHE FELL BACKWARDS!

"I'm going to promise you Luna! I'll get you back later today!" Like she's going to do anything to me!

[That Night]

Gee, after what happened in the morning with Twilight I was able to sleep finally! All I really dreamed of was Twilight's reaction on repeat. Also I haven't seen her anywhere ever since I woke up.

"Aw... That was so perfect I should have recorded it. Oh wait I DID!" I then took my camera from my secret hiding spot and uploaded the video. First 5 minutes I already got 1,000,000+ views, 1,245 likes, 1 dislikes and 6 new subscribers.

Top Comments
'Pony-style: The one that disliked was Twilight. XD' 89 likes

'Freedom-to-ya: Roses are red, Violets are blue, Twilight is angry, But I'm laughin' too!' 78 likes

"Alright! That's what I'm talking about!" I high hoofed myself and went on with what I would be doing now. Eat, gaze, troll, lower moon and sleep. So I went outside the room like any normal pony would but this time my guards who never really make any faces at me just stood there in awe.

"What are you staring at?" They said absolutely nothing. I ignored them and just continued.

...Okay now this is getting weird. I just went into the kitchen and the Chef was gawking at me and he did nothing. Then I go outside to look at the stars and even the Discord statue is gawking at me! What in the world is going on?!

"Princess Luna!" I turned around to see one of my guards.

"Yes?" I waited for his response.

"Are you aware that your head is on fire?" Then that's when it struck me. The reason why everypony was staring at me was that MY HEAD WAS ON FIRE. But I don't feel it...

"No. In fact I didn't even notice." That's when I saw the guard turn around and look up.

"I had a feeling! GUYS DROP THE WATER ON HER!" Next thing I knew gallons of water landed on my head. Along with 2 buckets. Not fun to get splashed with water during the Fall season.

"Alright Luna! We have now extinguished your fire!" The guard then gave me a smile. I gave a frown in return.

"Yeah but now I'm freezing to death!" I yelled at the guard.

"Oh..." I then watched as the guard backed away and ran. Sometimes these guards can be complete idiots...

"Maybe I'll tell Celestia about this..." I knew if anyone could make me feel better it would be Celestia.

Remember yesterday when Celestia said to not go in her room for any reason? I went inside and what do I see? Celestia is just sleeping in bed! I went on her computer and nothing was th- Oh wait. Oh no no... OH LORD! I can see why Celestia said to not come inside her room now... I-I-I don't think I wanna mention it... *cough*

"Celestia you are one disturbing pony." I whispered to myself.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Busted...

I turned around to see Celestia standing there with fury in her eyes. Well this is going to be one long boring lecture.

"So first you think snooping around my stuff is a good thing, second you think you can get away with this, and third you say I'm disturbing?! Let me tell you something about life..."

"Blah Blah Blah! Can you just get to the point? I'm kinda in a rush here!"

"Oh I'll get to the point! I'm ready to send you STRAIGHT back to the moon!"

"NO DON'T! I'M TOO PERFECT TO BE SENT BACK TO THE MOON!"

~some boring hours later~

"GET OUT!" Next thing I knew I got kicked out of the room. Who knew Celestia had a temper?

As I went back to my room I noticed that I haven't checked what my mane looked like after that fire. So I went into the bathroom and guess what? Nothing happened to it.

"Wow. Those hairdressers did a perfect job on my mane. Hey wait a second it's still rock hard!" I tapped on my mane it yes it was still hard but not like before. It was kind of loosened.

"Meh. I'll just go back to doing what I do best! Trolling." As I turned on the computer I got once again a message from that anonymous pony.

'SO HOW DID YOU LIKE YOU HAIR STYLE? DID YOU FEEL THE BURN? NEVER MIND THAT. BE READY FOR TOMORROW'

I didn't really want to message back to him or anything but what the heck. It's fun to have someone to talk to once and a while.

'I see what you did there!'

Author's Note

WARNING! My Little Pony physics are now in motion.

Wednesday

[The NEXT Morning]

Okay now I'm starting to see that this isn't going to end well for me... So far I got kicked in the face and my head er... mane lit on fire... Today is when my computer will get that "virus"... And tomorrow is when my abilities should disappear... BUT! These are just coincidences! JUST WATCH! I'll protect my computer with major firewalls!

"Come on! Just 5% more..." I stared at the screen as the firewalls were being activated.

"Uh... Luna?" Celestia was going to say something but I hushed her before she said anything else.

[95%]

*Goes back 5%*

"WHAT THE HECK?!" I slammed my hoof on the keyboard and the firewall was finished.

"Phew... NOW NO VIRUS CAN GET PASS MY FIREWALL!!!" I did a little victory dance before Celestia ruined everything.

"Um... Luna... I don't think firewall means to literally put a firewall around the computer."

"Oh..." Next thing I knew a website popped up on the screen.

You are an idiot! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

"That awkward moment when it's true."

"Shut up Celestia."

It's midnight and no viruses have been detected by the security on my computer... Huh maybe those last incidents was just bad luck. At least that was what I thought until the security on my computer detected a virus.

VIRUS DETECTED! VIRUS DETECTED! DELETING VIRUS! DET!@%!#!@%#%^!#$@#

"What the?" I tapped the computer to see if it was just a glitch. The screen then fixed itself.

Virus fixed.

"HAH! TAKE THAT STUPID VIRUS!" I yelled at the computer.

"LUNA SHUT YOUR TRAP! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!" Celestia yelled from her room.

"Oops." If you are wondering what Celestia what do if I don't listen then you are obviously not paying attention.

Would you like to take our free survey?

"Since when do I take surveys! In fact since when did my computer ask me to take a survey?" I observed the site a little more before closing it.

"Time for the troll to strike!" I then went to Ponytube, Signed in, and well you know.

"Okay who's my first victim..." I searched for ponies to troll but it seemed that there was a lack of idiotic ponies today.

Buy our pudding for one pony and we'll give you another free!

"Hm... How about NO!" I then clicked the advertisement out and went back to trolling.

'Why Singing is Overrated'

[insert video here]

Top Comments:

Mr: \/|RU$: Thats right Luna! Singing is Overrated! Instead go to this website for a free laptop! [Insert random website name] 71 likes

Luna: @Mr. \/|RU$: I never said anything. And besides I'm not going to fall for that. It's just a fake website giving you a virus. And you're just a spambot. 51 likes

"Wow this is really getting serious. Maybe it's some other troll." I then typed in the website name in and pressed enter.

[Name changes to youareanidiot.com]

"You are an idiot! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

"NO!!!!! THIS ISN"T FAIR!" It looks like a consistent streak of not being trolled has been broken... Then somewhere in the hallway I could hear stomping. Oh shoot it's Celestia.

"Turn the computer off." Celestia said to me.

"But-" Celestia cut me off before I got to finish my sentence.

"I don't care! TURN IT OFF!"

"But-"

*Smack*

"OW!" I screamed in pain from that smack. WHY ARE ALICORN SMACKS SO POWERFUL?!

"TURN IT OFF NOW!" Celestia yelled.

"Okay you stupid ding dong." I muttered to myself.

"And for that you won't get your computer back!" Celestia then took the computer and started to move to her room.

"Wait no! GIVE IT BACK!" I chased after her but for some strange reason she had a barrier around her.

"If you won't listen then you don't deserve to have a computer."

"Celestia stop! THAT HAS ALL MY PERSONAL STUFF ON THERE!" Celestia stopped and turned around to look at me.

"Does it look like I care?"

"No."

"Exactly. And Life is more important then your internet shenanigans." Celestia then turned back around and went inside her room. On her back was a piece of paper saying VIRUS.

"Virus... Okay now it makes sense! WAIT A SECOND."

"Ugh IT'S SO BOOOOOOORING!!!!!" I rolled around on the floor for a while before deciding to go do my regular routine. No I think I'll do something different.

"I know! I'll just use Twilight's computer!" It was settled so I flew off and went to Twilight's.

"Celestia won't notice a thing!" The plan was perfect as well. Not until I Twilight's that I saw her with a letter.

"Oh come on! Please don't tell me Celestia sent you that letter." I stared at Twilight in the eye...

"On the contrary. I got this letter from Derpy."

"YES!"

"That was from Celestia."

"Aw...."

"What did you do?"

"Wait did you read the letter?"

"Yes all it said was DON'T LET LUNA USE YOUR COMPUTER."

"That Celestia is a smart one!" I stood there thinking of what to do. I then decided to just go sleep.

"Well I guess there's nothing left to do here."

"See ya."

Okay looking back on what happened in these past days I've noticed that the chainmail is all real. So me dying on Friday is scary... Wait what's on Thursday? Ah... I forgot it...

Author's Note

Okay now I'm going to give you some REALLY good advice right now. If you see chain mail DON'T copy and paste it on multiple videos. You're just going to get hate mail. If you see a random person that says you are going to get a free Ipad or something by going to a website DON'T GO THERE! IT'S A VIRUS! Now that you know... Next Chapter be posted like (Virus has terminated connection) FIX NOW!