Derped Reviews

by Matthais Unidostres

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1355

Ditzy "Derpy Hooves" Doo reviews FiM Fiction in the style of Chester A. Bum! She takes suggestions too!

This is a story of how Derpy Hooves learned to break the Fourth Wall and speak to all you people out there. What has she decided to do with this power? Review FiM Fiction! That's right! Everyone's favorite Pegasus, Ditzy "Derpy Hooves" Doo, now reviews FiM Fiction in the style of Chester A. Bum! She will review for muffins! Make a suggestion and maybe she'll review it! And if you all give her enough muffins, she just might review "Equestria Girls" one day. . .

(Chester A. Bum was created by Doug Walker on thatguywiththeglasses.com.)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-14 15:40:35 UTC

Icarus- by Tamar

And now it's time forDerped Reviews* with Ditzy "Derpy Hooves" Doo.*

Tonight's review:

Link to story HERE

Derpy Hooves flew happily up through the sky and burst through a cloud.

"OH MY GOSH! This is the greatest FiM Fic I've ever read in my life!" Derpy cheered as she smiled, her eyes derping up and down from excitement.

She suddenly gasped and pointed up at the sky, "Don't fly too close to the- SPOILERS!"

Derpy calmed down and landed on the puffy cloud.

"There's this Pegasus, named Icarus, and he's the mayor of Cloudsdale," Derpy explained, "But what everyone doesn't know, is that the mayor is EVIL!."

"Like in Rango! That had an evil mayor in it!"

Derpy stopped and scratched her head, "Wait, the evil mayor was a turtle, right? Oh well, they're still both evil mayors!"

"So why is Icarus an evil mayor? Cause he's a Pegasi Supremacist!"

Derpy flew into the air and stuck out her left hoof, "Heil Hurricane!"

Derpy looked around nervously, and she said, "I used my left hoof, not my right. . .so. . .I didn't do anything bad just now."

"So Mayor Icarus, and his evil assistant Pan make the weather factory cover ALLLLLLLLL of Equestria in fog!"

Derpy smiled and pointed to her chest, "I was in a fog once! I stayed up late the previous night backing muffins for my little muffin Dinky to take to a bake sale. Awww, but it was worth it."

Derpy then smiles widely and jumps and down as she says, "So then, the most awesomest, coolest, amazing. .est Pegasus ever, Rainbow Dash, flies to Cloudsdale to find out what's going on."

"So Dash goes to Icarus' office."

"And Dash is like:"

Derpy then made her voice a little more rough and raspy in an attempt to imitate Rainbow Dash and said, "Why is Equestria covered in fog!"

"And Icarus is like:"

Derpy then made her voice deep so she sounded like a stallion and said, "Drink this extremely suspicious drink."

"Okay! *gulp*! Now what were we talking about?"

"Pegasi supremacy!"

"Oh yeah! That's right!"

Depry goes back to her normal voice and starts chewing on the tips of her hooves in fear, "So Icarus convinces Rainbow Dash that Celestia and Luna led the Earth Ponies and Unicorns to overthrow the Pegasi, and that the Hearthswarming Eve story was a lie!"

And Icarus is like:

"I'm going to use the Elements of Harmony to take over Equestria!"

Derpy turned away, and then turned back around dramatically, "OF COURSE!"

"So Rainbow Dash steals the Elements of Harmony, but they're locked inside the book."

"So Icarus is like:"

"We need that unicorn we captured to open this book for us!"

"And it turns out the unicorn is Trixie! Trixie is in this story. . .for. . . one chapter. . ."

Derpy scratched her head.

"Okay. . ."

"So Trixie says the book can only be opened by somepony who is love by somepony else. And since Rainbow Dash is loved by her friends, the book opens!"

"But the Element of Loyalty is all grey. . .Like the Chaos Emeralds in that Sonic the Hedgehog game!"

". . .Or those two Sonic the Hedgehog games. . ."

"So Icarus wears all the Elements of Harmony, and he's like:"

"I'm going combine with the Elements and become unstoppable!"

"And Dash is like:"

Derpy gave a nervous laugh and said, "Heh, heh, heh. . .o - kay. . ."

"But then the rest of the Mane Six. . .uh. . .the Mane Five. . .run in to stop him."

"And Pan is like:"

"You can't stop-."

"But Applejack is like:"

Derpy puts on a Western accent, "Buck to tha head."

"OW!" Derpy falls over as if she were knocked out.

Derpy gets up and continues speaking, "But Rainbow Dash is fighting Twilight."

"Pegasi supremacy!"

"But Twilight is like:"

"Remember Applebuck Season! Remember Boast Busters! Remember Sonic Rainbom!"

"I remember Season One!" Derpy said proudly, but the she frowned and pouted, "But I'm not too proud of Feeling Pinkie Keen. . ."

"But Dash is like:"

"Oh yeah!"

"And the Element of Loyalty gets its color back. And Dash kicks the Elements of off Icarus."

"But Icarus is like:"

"I'mma firing my lazer!"

"ZAP!"

"But Twilight is like:"

"NOOOOOO!"

"And she jumps in front of the lazer and saves Rainbow Dash's life!"

"KERZAAP!"

"Ugh!"

Derpy falls down on the cloud and plays dead, one of legs twitching a bit. Then she gets back up and says, "So Mayor Icarus falls down, and he EXPLODES!"

"He actually explodes! More FiM Fiction need exploding Pegasi in them! Past Sins would have been so much better if it had an exploding Pegasus in it. But all it had was an exploration of guilt and innocence as well as how it feels to take care of a child and what a parent goes through when their child is taken away from them. What a rip off!"

"So all the fog disappears, and Pan is like:"

Derpy flies off fast while screaming, "AHHHHH!"

Derpy comes back and said, "But everyone else is sad that Twilight is dead."

"Then Celestia comes, and she's sad that Twilight is dead. She's like:"

"I'm the powerful ruler of Equestria and I've lived for a thousand years and probably now 101 healing spells but I'm just gonna stand here and look at my dead Faithful Student sadly."

"But then! The Elements of Harmony activate, and they bring Twilight back to life!"

"I guess Twilight was only mostly dead. . ."

"And Celestia is like:"

"John 15:13. . ."

"But Rainbow Dash is still sad."

"I betrayed you all and Twilight almost died because of me!"

"We forgive you!"

"But I-"

"Magic of Friendship. . ."

"Oh! Oh yeah! That's right! Great!"

"Hooray!"

"But then Twilight is like:"

"What was that thing you said before, Celestia?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh. . ..Magic of Friendship! Goodbye!"

Derpy hooves quickly flew off, but then flew back to the cloud and continued.

"So a little later, Celestia sends a letter that says:"

"Icarus was a douche. Forget about him"

"And Rainbow Dash is like,"

"Icarus came from Wingham, the Pegasi Supremacist capital of Equestria"

"Well, now it all makes sense."

"Forget about that douche, and let's snuggle."

"Okay!"

"The end!" Derpy said while smiling close to the screen.

"So the moral of the story is that if you're racist, THEN YOU'LL EXPLODE!" Derpy shouted dramatically.

Rainbow Dash flew with a sigh over to Derpy and said, "Derpy? What are you doing?"

"Reviewing a FiM Fiction!" Derpy replied cheerfully.

"Reviewing a what?" Dash asked incredulously, "And who are you even talking too?"

"Them!" Derpy said while pointing.

Dash looked in the direction Derpy was pointing, then she slowly turned back towards Derpy.

"Riiiiiiight. . ." Dash said slowly. He looked worried, borderline scared. "Uhhhhhh. . .I guess I better go-."

"Talk to Pinkie Pie?" Derpy suggested.

Dash blinked, "You know what? That's actually a good idea. She'd understand this for sure. Although I don't expect her to explain it to me. . .but. . .whatever. . ."

Rainbow Dash flew off and Derpy waved goodbye cheerfully.

"Alright," Depry said, "So this was a really good story, but I don't get one thing."

"WHAT HAPPENED TO PAN!"

"He's still out there! Is he stalking Rainbow Dash? Is he cutting the horns of unicorns in their sleep? What's he gonna do?"

"I hate unanswered questions! I'm expecting apology muffins right now!"

"But other than this, Icarus really was a good story. No one has named a story after the villain before!"

".  . .I think. . ."

"This is Ditzy 'Derpy Hooves' Doo saying. . . MUFFINS! Ya got Muffins? Oh, come on, help a derp out, will ya? Come on, muffins!"

"Come on, I'll write a sequel! The Revenge of Pan. . ."

Thank You

Seriously, Icarus was an incredible short story of passion, betrayal, friendship, and forgiveness. This could've been a movie, or an epic two-parter. Icarus was a great villain, and the other characters were written well.