Warhammer vs Horseby Fiddlesworth the bearChaptersThe Guard cum for a visitChaos drops byDa Orkz iz comin'an unknown race attacksThe Guard cum for a visitThe guard fleet were traveling through the warp when something strange happened. Suddenly the warp spat them out in the middle of an extremely colorful and horse (tyranid) looking planet. The commissar just got done mainlining a box of heroin so he was in an amazing mood. “BY THE EMPEROR’S SOCKS THERE’S TYRANIDS EVERYWHERE!!1!1!1!1!111” Commissar Richard S said. “Release the regiment!”. Then suddenly the back port of the ship opened up and the entire regiment jumped out of the ship which was still in orbit. About 5,000 of the troops burned up in the atmosphere, 3,000 died from the hard landing, and only 1,500 survived from hitting the water. The last 500 almost survived but drowned. “Gosh what a darn tootin wonderful spankin country ass day!” Apple jackal dick said, and just seconds after a las round pierced her skull and steaming greymatter flew all over twilight sprinkles asshole. “WITNESS YOUR DOOM!!!Commissar said while waving his arms madly in the air attempting to conjure arcane lighting. then the entire 1,500 troops charged in with flame throwers ready to take on the swarm of horse. The ponies of ponyville suddenly started fleeing and royal guards charged in with spears. The royal guard were expecting the worst seeing that all the imperial troops had flamethrowers, but to their surprise all the troops were trying to use the flamethrowers as javelins and started throwing them at the royal guards. None of the royal guards didn't even get hurt from this so they started spearing away at the imperial troops. The troops had no choice but to take out there last resort, some whiskey and a wooden baton. They drank away at the whiskey and then started flailing the batons around like crazy. “Things don't look too hot, seems like we're going to have to drop in the baaaaane blaaaaade.” then the imperial ship opened up the vehicle hatch and dropped baneblade from SPESS. the Baneblade fought valiantly but still soldiers were skewered on the ponies advanced weaponry and soon only 1,000 soldiers remained “Hmmm 1,000 soldiers” said Commissar Richard. “Why I do believe we are at full chapter strength” Suddenly the commissars clothes turned completely red and started bulging into thick red armor. All his hair fell out and he gained a speech impediment. “We are the spehss mahrens!” Brother-Captain Indrick Boreale bellowed to the guardsmen. Suddenly all the Guardsmen grew blood red armor and their batons turned into bolters. The Blood Raven soldiers fired into the crowd like they were fish in a barrel. Back at Canterlot the mane 4.0032 were warning Princess Celestia about the oncoming attacks. “Princess! There are strange men shooting all the horse and they have something called Baneblade that will kill us all.” said rarity rangity tang tang. Then Baneblade flew through the ceiling of the roof and crushed the princess. “Oh god! we have to go tell Luna about what just happend! YEEAAAH!” Snowflake said. then they all hopped on a magical reading rainbow to the moon and found Luna. “Hey guys! Didn't expect guests. huehuehuehue.” Luna said as she spit all over them. “Luna you have to watch out! they have Baneblade!” Spike the horse said. “I know” Said Luna “But how?” Fluttereses Peanut Butter Cup said “I AM THE BANEBLADE!!!” shouted as she turned around revealing that she was in fact a baneblade and at that moment the ponies could only think one thing. “CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!” then Baneblade shot at the mane horses and they died. Back at ponyville all the guard were dead because they couldn't handle the blood ravens pure force. The only horse left were the civilians, and since they were defenseless there was only one thing to do. “Commander Boreale!” one of the marine went up to the commander “Where?” Boreale responded “the horses are defenceless I think it’s time we can start stealing them now.” At this Boreale perked up and began crafting an amazing speech to inspire the marines to steel with all their might. “Tehre is noh time to beh lohst! Battle Brothars! Spehss Mahrens, todeh we are at the enemeh’s doar! We know oua duteh and we will do eet. We steal for our honor as Blod Rehvens, as SPESS MAHRENS, and we steal in the nehme of the Empra! And if we die this deh we die in gloareh, we die heroes' deffs, but we shall not die, no! It is the enemeh who will tehste deff and defeat! As you know! Moast of oua battle brothars are shtehtioned in SPEHSS, Pruhpeared to deep strike! Oua perimeter has been pruhpeared in the even dat oua enehmies should be so bald and so foolish. We have plehced numerous beacons, allowing for muhltiple, simuln-tehneous and devashtehting defensive deep strikes The Codecks astartees nehmes this maneuvah Steel Rehn. We will descend upon the foe, we will ovawhelm them - we will leave none un-stolhen! Meanwhile oua ground fawses will ensue the full defense of oua headkwaters We are the spehss mahrens! WE ARE THE EMPRA'S FUREH!” Then all the SPEHSS mehrens got out there handy dandy vacuum cleaners and started sucking up horses like it was some sort of cheesy mario party mini game. As the marines were sucking up all the horse a swarm of tyranids fell out of the sky. “WAAAAAAGGGH” said the hive mind that suddenly turned into warboss Polly Pockitz. Then the rest of the Tyranids turned into orkz wearing skirts and cheerleader shirts that said “Valley Gurlz” written across it. “COLLECT AS MUCH SCRAP AS YA CANZ! WE NEEDZ TA MAKE DA BIGGEST AND DA BADDEST DOLL HOUSE YA EVA SEEN!” screamed war boss Polly Pockitz. Then all the pink and fabulous orkz ran in and started using their choppy bits to take all the houses and other metal parts. The remaining horse didn’t know what to do, everything turned into an all out war zone. Soon enough though it didn't even matter what they did because they all got captured and brought to SPEHSS. Then all of the horse lived happily ever after in some SPEHSS ship where they had nothing to do but sit in cells all day and listen to Apollo Diomedes scream about Baneblades. Author's Note yeah Chaos drops byChaos Lord Firaeveus Carron was sitting at his unholy throne on his ship when a cultist slowly and nervously approached his majesty. “M-my great lord Carron...w-we found a strange planet filled with tiny, squishy, killable creatures. The planet seems to be called “equestria” and has already been visited by disgusting emperor worshipping guardsmen.” the cultist nervously said. “Mmmmmm. Very good indeed. We shall land there and kill all of them in the name of Khorne. Now get out my sight.” Carron said as he shot the cultist in the foot. “MY SPLEEEEEEN!!!” The cultist yelled as he was dragged away by some bloodletters that were licking their lips. It was a sunny day, the grass was shining, the sun was swaying in the wind, the birds were swimming, and the fish were singing. Fluttershy was tending to some bunnies or something when a what appeared to be a massive shimmering portal appeared in the sky. “What in the name of friendship is that?” Fluttershy questioned. “It’s a chaos warband coming to kill us all you dumbass.” A rabbit said. “Prepare the planetary defences!” an owl yelled as he pressed a button labeled “bear cavalry”. A drop pod crash landed into the planet’s surface. Carron waltzed his way out while a bunch of cultists followed along. “S-sir, we crushed a bunch of large furry creatures.” a cultist explained. “Cool.” Carron said as he executed the cultist. “WHAT IS THIS VILE CREATURE I STAND UPON!?” Carron screamed. “I believe it’s grass sir.” another cultist said. Carron shoves the cultist into his gun and shoots him off into the distance. “THIS GRASS OFFENDS ME! DESTROY IT ALL!” A battalion of cultists wielding flamethrowers and multi meltas charged out of the drop pod orgasmicly screaming “KILLL THEEEMMM ALLLL!!!” As they were burning the grass a single cultist was stabbing the ground, not seeming to care that he was being burnt alive yelling “GRASS FOR THE GRASS GODS!” Somewhere, in the deep dank depths of the warp. “That’s the shit.” Snoop God said as he rolled up the grass previously stabbed by the cultist. “U-um, excuse me b-but this is my forest and y-you can’t just go around killing all these innocent blades of grass.” Fluttershy whispers. “YOU DARE APPROA-” but before Carron could finish his sentence a Champion of Nurgle waddles out of the drop pod. “Hey, wait. It says that we should try converting them before killing them sir!” The Champion said with a charismatic smile. When the Champ got done speaking Carron shot him in the head. “Good shot! Maybe next time!” the Champ said with true sincerity as he flicked a band aid in the hole where half of his head once was. “What are you planning on doing to me?” Fluttershy stammered. “Oh don’t worry little horse, now do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior-” But before he could finish he started violently coughing in fluttershy’s general direction and she immediately caught almost every disease known to man. “Plaaaggguuuueee.” Fluttershy said as she slowly walked off into the distance. “I think it worked guys!” The Champ said. Meanwhile in Ponyville. The mane six, or at least most of them, were sitting around a table in Rarity’s house as she showed off her new fashion design. It was interrupted by the door getting kicked down and what is left of Fluttershy slowly limping in. “Well howdy Fluttershy, yer smile looks as golden as mah cotton fields! How y’all doin on this fine and country day?” Apple Jack said. “D-death.” Fluttershy said as she puked acid all over Apple Jack, dissolving her into nothing. “What did you do to my brand new table!” Rarity screamed while attempting to clean the puke and Applejack off of it with stain removal. Instead of answering Fluttershy just tied a noose and hung herself in the doorway. Before any of them could help help her Spike yelled “Hey gang it looks like there’s trouble a’ brewing!” “No please, stop! It’s horrible!” A citizen yelled as a changer of ways was tearring signs out of the ground, flipping them the opposite way, and placing them back where they were. “Maybe we should help them gang!” Spike said as he turned around to see Rarity conversing with a daemonette about fashion. “That dress you made, it is quite beautiful and sparkly.” The daemonette said. “Why tha-” Rarity attempted to say. “But not as glorious as the one I made.” The daemonette said as she flashed the most amazing and bedazzled dress anyone has ever saw. The dress was so much better than Rarity’s that she took a cheese grater and rubbed it against her head until there was no more eyes to look at the dress. Then she bled out on the floor. “NOOOO RARITY! I’ll do ANYTHING to bring you back!” Spike screamed. “Annnnyyyttthhhiiinnggg? The Nurgle Champion said, brushing past Fluttershy’s hanging body who was annoyed that she wasn’t dead yet. “Yes, anything!” Spike said. “Good.” The Nurgle Champion then happily took a “pocket guide to Nurgle” out of his back pocket and started yelling “Romeo oh Romeo! Where art thou’ Romeo?” They all stood there awkwardly as nothing happened. The Nurgle Champion stands there, embarrassed for a few moments before shooting Spike. “You didn’t see anything.” Then he leaves the house. All that’s left of the mane six flee in terror to the mayor’s house to warn her of the imminent dangers. “Mayor! Mayor!” Snowflake yelled in terror. “Hey dude not cool, that was my line before the author decided he’d rather use a better character than me!” Rainbowdash added. “What’s wrong guys?” The mayor said. “There’s a bunch of assholes outside doing bad things!” Twilight said. “Did they kill anyone?” The mayor asked. “They only killed Rarity and Spike!” Pinkie pie said. “Anyone else?” The mayor said. “Well, they killed a lot of grass.” Twilight said. “THOSE BASTARDS!” The mayor yelled. “Pinkie pie, you know what to do.” “KILL THEM ALLL!” Carron yelled. Out of the horizon they were able to see a figure emerging with a large object. “Sir I think they have sent us the cavalry!” A cultist yelled. “Thanks.” Carron said, then german suplexed the cultist into the soft dirt, instantly burying him and planting a cultist tree that would bear heretical fruit three months from now. Moments later all they heard was “It’s party time!” Pinkie pie yelled. Then a single cannonball teared through the entire battalion of cultists. Before they died they all yelled in a single chorus “MY SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN” It was a symphony of beauty and, grace. One of those moments in life you refuse to forget no matter how much alcohol you drink. Some say it was so loud, so touching, so beautiful that they say it reached the golden throne of Terra itself, and they say a miracle happened that day for when that sound graced his ears, the emperor, entombed in his throne as he was, still managed to shed a single tear of happiness at what he heard that day. “on...dang it. Send in the reinforcements.” Carron said as another drop pod launched out of the previous drop pod, and smashing its way into Pinkie Pie turning her into Pinkie puddle. There was a short pause of silence as every citizen of ponyville watched in awe. Moments later the entirety Legio Mortis plodded out of the drop pod. “RETREAT TO THE FOOTBALL STADIUM SIZED METAL BOX BOMB SHELTER WE BUILT JUST IN CASE SOMETHING LIKE THIS WERE TO HAPPEN AGAIN!” The mayor yelled as they all fled into the big metal box. “....BIG...METAL….BAWKSES!?” Carron yelled as a noticable vein jutted from his forehead and numerous amounts of sweat beads dribbled from his eyebrow while blood poured out of his mouth as he gritted his teeth impossibly hard. Carron then picked up the big metal box and lobbed it into the sun. Such was his contempt for metal boxes. Author's Note We promised a new chapter...it only took us a year. Da Orkz iz comin'Dearest Diary: I am confused and perplexed, two attacks. Two whole attacks and the horses still live! It is time I took drastic measures, by midnight tonight I will signal my secret weapon to attack equestria. Yours truly, The Baneblade everyone thinks is Luna. ----------------------------------------A FEW HOURS LATER--------------------------------------------- “Yeah I thought the spaghetti was sorta dry tonight too sister.” Celestia said. “I guess that’s what we get for letting Apple Jack cook for once.” Luna said. “Did the meatballs have a strange taste to you Luna?” Celestia asked. “Yeah, they sorta tasted like horse.” Luna said. “Wait...how do you know what horses taste like?” Celestia questioned in fear. “Oh, it’s quite a funny story really, you se-” that’s when a chime from a grandfather clock notifying the two sisters it was 12 am chimed. Luna’s eyes suddenly widened and her mouth stretched impossibly low to the ground. A cannon protruded from her mouth and she pointed her head towards the moon. She shot a single rocket propelled shell towards the moon, then the cannon retreated back into her throat and her mouth and eyes went back to normal. “Anyway, as I was saying...actually I forgot.” “You’re always so silly my dearest sister!” Celestia nervously chuckled. ----------------------------------------MEANWHILE ON THE MOON------------------------------------ “Gotz eny treez?” an ork boy said to another. They were sitting at a table, furnished with various dice, cards and a chutes and ladders game. “Naa, Iz onle gotz me a fo-” before the shoota boy could respond a missile lodges itself into the roof, barely hitting the shoota boy’s head. “phew, dat wuz clo-” then the tip of the missile opened up and a pointed flag that had the word “attack” written on it stabbed into the ork’s head. “....YOR DED AN’ IZ NOT! I WIN!” The ork boy yells as he shovels all the teeth into his fanny pack. “Datz da signal boyz! Get ya gubbins, il alert da bawss!” Mista Nailbrain yelled. -------------------------------------------------BACK ON EQUESTRIA------------------------------------ Everyone was having a blast in Apple Jack’s barn, eating her homemade spaghetti. “Do ya like it Twilight? I made it with my homemade ketchup recipe passed down from generation to generation.” Apple Jack said. “uh...sure Applejack...it’s uh...it’s pretty good.” Twilight said. “Hey Apple Jack, these meatballs are FREAKING AWESOME! What’s your secret?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Well, it’s mah grandma!” Applejack said. “...your grandma’s recipe?” Apple Jack begins to sweat and says. “hehe...yeeaaaah.” Suddenly the mayor bursts through the barn doors yelling “THE MOON IS CRASHING INTO EQUESTRIA! EVERYONE RUN TO THE NEW AND IMPROVED ANTI CHAOS BUNKER!” Thankfully all the ponies of Equestria got to the bunker in time. “Wait a second...that’s no moon.” The mayor says as he sees the moon is really a giant asteroid with Ghazghkull Thraka’s face carved into it. As the asteroid is about to make impact with Equestria it makes a sudden stop. All the Orkz hop off of it and onto the ground. A gretchin holding a megaphone yells. “Get out ‘ere ya poncy gitz! Da bawss ‘as ta tell ya sometin!” As the gretchin was done speaking, he was ready to yell a warcry when Ghazghkull stepped on him. “ye, wat ‘e sez.” “WE DON’T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!” The mayor yells. “Applejack, man the harpoon and pull one of those green things in. I’m sure with enough science I can learn how to defeat it with kindness!” Twilight proclaimed. As Applejack fired a harpoon into the crowd she felt it puncture something solid. The crowd of greenskins parted like the red sea to show that the harpoon has pierced through an explosive squig’s leg. “NO! APPLEJACK PLEASE DON’T PULL THAT BACK IN!” Rarity yelled. The Squig simply nodded at her, a handsome smile on it’s face saying it was okay for her to pull it in. Applejack began to sweat profusely, pupils dilating at such a mouth watering catch. “Ah dunno Rarity...that’s a purty big meatball…” Applejack said. In the distance an Ork was pouring gravy onto the squigg’s head giving her a thumbs up while the squigg continued to smile and nod towards her. “Ah can feed mahself for a whole spankin’ day with dat meatball!” Applejack said “...b-but Applejack! we can feed our whole family for a year with a meatball that big.” Big Mac said. “Deary please…” “MY MIND’S TELLING ME NO….BUT MY BODY….MY BODY’S TELLING ME YES!” Applejack yelled before pulling the explosive squigg towards the bunker. “EVERYONE HIT THE DECK!” The mayor yelled. The explosive squig was enough to breach the hull and only kill applejack, spraying a viscera of blood and eaten spaghetti everywhere. “I WAZ ‘OPIN FER YA DUMB GLU FAKTRIES TO AXEPT ME’Z OFERIN’, I GESS WE’Z JUS GUNNA ‘AFTA WAGE A WAAAGH!!! ON YA!” Ghazghkull yelled as all the Orkz began to charge the bunker screeching “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!!” “No, I’m not gonna let myself get pushed around by these people anymore.” Rainbow Dash says as she pulls a heavy bolter off her back. Before she could fire a rather large Ork on a motorcycle appears next to her. “Ey pony, wanna ‘az ah good ol’ race?” Wazdakka asked. “You bet your tailfeathers Rainbow Dash does! You’re on.” Rainbow says as she flies off with the only heavy bolter they owned. “NO! Rainbow dash we needed that!” Twilight yells. All the orkz stared at the horses standing awkwardly in the bunker. “So, werez dis famous meatball recipeh wez keep ‘earin about?” an Ork boy asks. “Oh no, maybe we should send a representative to talk to them, they might reconsider all of this.” Twilight said while maliciously looking at Fluttershy. “U-Um, e-excuse me? Mister Ork people? Um..y-you don’t think y-you can sto-” but before Fluttershy could finish a painboy already grabbed her and began ripping her limbs off screaming “I NEEDZ MOAR BODIE PARTZ!” “Nowz, lil ‘orses, wut way ya tinks iz da best way ta zog ya?” “P-please mister ork if you let us go, I’ll throw you a massive party and give you like, five MILLION cupcakes!” Pinkie pie interjected. “NOT GUD ENUFF!” Ghazghkull said, promptly stuffing Pinkie Pie into his mouth and swallowing her “I’ll arm wrestle you for them!” a voice called from among the ponies “ ‘O sed dat?” “It was me, YYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” Bulk Bic- Snowflake said, heroically emerging from the crowd “Youz gotta deal ‘orse” Ghazghkull grabbed five ponies and stuck them together longways making a makeshift table. “Redy ta git krumped ‘orse?” “I’M ALWAYS READY YYYYEEEEAAAAAHHHH” The two parties put hoof an arm upon the table, the sounds of spines cracking was audible, they locked, and then they began to push. Hours, maybe even days or weeks have gone by since it first began. Today’s moments were particularly dull, as their were no cheers of “Orks! Orks! Orks!” from the green crowd or cacophonous shrieks of despair from the pony side, just focus. Both faction’s eyes boring into the contestants bearing down on the arm wrestle that would decide their fates. Spike was serving hors d'oeuvres while occasionally an unfixed object would fall off the wall, or a light would break, none were noticed by the crowd. A few more hours later something strange began to happen, gravity itself seemed to lose focus on it’s job and observed the fight as horses and orks alike began to float in mid-air. “Twilight what’s happening!” Rarity yelled to twilight, the sudden lack of gravity killing her hairdo. “I-it’s a paradox!” Terror clearly evident in Twilight’s features. “The universe doesn’t know how to handle this, reality’s tearing itself apart!” “What do we do Twilight?” “We sit back and enjoy the ride.” Discord said sitting in air between Twilight and Rarity, eating a popcorn of box. “Discord when did you- Help us please!” “You want ME to help? I’m sorry sister but this is the end of the line, outta my hands, somethings gonna happen and sweet sarsaparilla it’s going to be great!” A portal suddenly opened showing a green mass of disease and a creature so attractive twilight would have devoted her existence to it if she wasn’t currently fearing for her life. “Discord what’s holdin you up? I had to keep your seat warm for poker night.” “Coming Nurgy, looks like you’re on your own kid.” and with that, discord was gone. “DISCORD WAI-” and just like that, not unlike the sound of a wet sponge being torn in half, the universe ripped itself apart. Time was not itself anymore it became solid to Twilight, something she could measure. The past, present and future for her and everypony that will ever exist was laid out before her she saw her life and death as well as countless others the newfound omnipotence was horrible and wonderful all at the same time, it was the greatest pain and the ultimate pleasure, she died and was reborn in these mile long moments. the universe itself laid bare before her at her hoof tips, with a simple push the fate of galaxies were altered by her and then it all went black. Meanwhile “Ugh.... Always in the middle of tea time.” Celestia felt the rending of reality all the way from Canterlot, it was a familiar feeling and one she did not care for so much. But luckily it didn’t happen in her city this time so somepony else could deal with it while she cuddled up in her bed. Suddenly there was a knock at the door, a Loud knock. “IZ TIME FO DA WAAAAAGH!!!! PRINZESS!” “NO NOT AGAI-” But before Celestia finished her sentence Gork already kicked down her door and clotheslined the princess. “WHY!?” was all the she could say before Mork snuck up behind her, putting her in a full nelson. “BECUZ WE DA ORKS, AN WE’Z BETTA DAN YOU!” As Gork’s fist made it’s approach to Celestias face she could have sworn she saw her sister in the hallway smiling that battle cannon smile at her before she reversed on her treads back down the hallway, but she will never learn the truth. Fore Gork punched her, and she exploded. an unknown race attacks(Author’s note: Hey guys! We can’t finish the next chapter until 2017, so take this to hold you all over!) “Princess! We seem to be getting strange messages from an unknown race.” “Oh no...do you think some new species is here to try and kill us again?” “If so, then we have no clue. The messages seem to be in another language.” “Hmmmm, I shall send my best investigators.” “SO THEN I TOLDS HIM, YA PUT THA SPINY BITZ IN THE ‘UMIE! AN THATS HOW YA MAKE ‘UMIE KABAB!” FlutterOrk calmly yelled. “...um...that was interesting...Fluttershy?” Twilight said. “God, ever since those green guys tried to invade, you’ve been rather...loud.” Rarity said. As Rarity was done talking a phone started ringing. “Hello? Twilight speaking.” “Yeah, there’s some strange activity going on, it might be more invaders. Can you and all the important characters go investigate?” Celestia asked. “Of course we will!” Twilight said, then hung up. “Oh boy, we git to go on a brand spankin new adventure?” AppleJack asked. “Celestia said all the important characters.” Twilight said. “YEAH! YA DUMB GIT- uh sorry..I mean, meanie!” FlutterOrk said. “...I dare you to eat her…” Rainbowdash said with a smile. “Now why in tarnations would yo-” but before AppleJack could finish she was already being stuffed into the gullet of FlutterOrk. “How..vulgar.” Rarity added. FlutterOrk stared at Rarity shyly for a few moments. “Oh gosh, where are my manners?” She then proceeds to throw up the corpse of AppleJack and attempt to offer some to Rarity. “TASTE JUS LIKE SQUIG!” “Uh..no thanks Fluttershy.” Rarity said, disgusted. “MORK FER ME!” FlutterOrk said, while devouring the spat up corpse. The mane six proceeded to head outside to investigate the strange happenings. As they walked outside they saw a flying silver disk hovering above the town. The disk began descending towards the surface bringing within it whatever sinister cargo it might carry, the ponies watched with mixed curiosity and horror as they began to hear the muffled sounds of the alien’s language through its hull. Everypony from near and far were crowded around the strange machine as a door emitting a bright light opened. A shadow walked out of the ship and came into view. The creature seemed to be a small green man with a large head and big black eyes. “Foi jajoc, quoug'c ak!” the little green man yelled while holding up what looked like a peace sign. Everyone backed up a little, scared that the thing was threatening them in his native language. Soon enough the royal guard and Celestia arrived on scene. “What do you want from us?” Celestia asked. “Quo quummu kulgi!” the alien said, then he coughed a bit and cleared his throat. “Ayyyy Lmao! My bad, didn’t realize you sentient horses don’t speak our language, you seem to speak the human language they call ‘english’. Anyway, thankfully we gots plenty of that english stuff you guys speak.” “Um...what?” Celestia said, confused. “Well you see, we have all this furniture and no friends.” He points into the ship where a bunch of bean bag chairs, an outdated stereo system from the 80’s, and a disco ball were. There were also others of his kind awkwardly shuffling to some cheesy music while others sat around smoking out of bongs. “We tried sharing it with the humans, but they tried cutting us up to see what was inside us. So we just captured a bunch of them and anal probed them for fun. Don’t worry though, we won’t do the same to you! We just wanna party!” “PARTY!?” Pinkie Pie yelled. “LET’S GO EVERYONE!” Snowflake yelled. ---------------------------------------------INSIDE THE SHIP----------------------------------------------- “Have you guys like, noticed how like...how big your heads are...and stuff?” Twilight said, high as fuck. “Yeah, yeah man it’s great!” an alien said after coughing loudly. Celestia walked into the room holding what looked like a metal plate with wires sticking out, some of which were still sparking. “Dude, like. I just found this plate of spaghetti in a room called ‘Plasma Generator’. Do any of you know where I can get some sauce for this or something?” All the aliens in the room went from high to panicked “YOU IDIOT YOU’VE KILLED US AL-” then all of Equestria blew up. Author's Note https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTLZjhHIEdw April Fools! Don't worry, the actual next chapter will probably be uploaded some time tomorrow!
The Guard cum for a visitThe guard fleet were traveling through the warp when something strange happened. Suddenly the warp spat them out in the middle of an extremely colorful and horse (tyranid) looking planet. The commissar just got done mainlining a box of heroin so he was in an amazing mood. “BY THE EMPEROR’S SOCKS THERE’S TYRANIDS EVERYWHERE!!1!1!1!1!111” Commissar Richard S said. “Release the regiment!”. Then suddenly the back port of the ship opened up and the entire regiment jumped out of the ship which was still in orbit. About 5,000 of the troops burned up in the atmosphere, 3,000 died from the hard landing, and only 1,500 survived from hitting the water. The last 500 almost survived but drowned. “Gosh what a darn tootin wonderful spankin country ass day!” Apple jackal dick said, and just seconds after a las round pierced her skull and steaming greymatter flew all over twilight sprinkles asshole. “WITNESS YOUR DOOM!!!Commissar said while waving his arms madly in the air attempting to conjure arcane lighting. then the entire 1,500 troops charged in with flame throwers ready to take on the swarm of horse. The ponies of ponyville suddenly started fleeing and royal guards charged in with spears. The royal guard were expecting the worst seeing that all the imperial troops had flamethrowers, but to their surprise all the troops were trying to use the flamethrowers as javelins and started throwing them at the royal guards. None of the royal guards didn't even get hurt from this so they started spearing away at the imperial troops. The troops had no choice but to take out there last resort, some whiskey and a wooden baton. They drank away at the whiskey and then started flailing the batons around like crazy. “Things don't look too hot, seems like we're going to have to drop in the baaaaane blaaaaade.” then the imperial ship opened up the vehicle hatch and dropped baneblade from SPESS. the Baneblade fought valiantly but still soldiers were skewered on the ponies advanced weaponry and soon only 1,000 soldiers remained “Hmmm 1,000 soldiers” said Commissar Richard. “Why I do believe we are at full chapter strength” Suddenly the commissars clothes turned completely red and started bulging into thick red armor. All his hair fell out and he gained a speech impediment. “We are the spehss mahrens!” Brother-Captain Indrick Boreale bellowed to the guardsmen. Suddenly all the Guardsmen grew blood red armor and their batons turned into bolters. The Blood Raven soldiers fired into the crowd like they were fish in a barrel. Back at Canterlot the mane 4.0032 were warning Princess Celestia about the oncoming attacks. “Princess! There are strange men shooting all the horse and they have something called Baneblade that will kill us all.” said rarity rangity tang tang. Then Baneblade flew through the ceiling of the roof and crushed the princess. “Oh god! we have to go tell Luna about what just happend! YEEAAAH!” Snowflake said. then they all hopped on a magical reading rainbow to the moon and found Luna. “Hey guys! Didn't expect guests. huehuehuehue.” Luna said as she spit all over them. “Luna you have to watch out! they have Baneblade!” Spike the horse said. “I know” Said Luna “But how?” Fluttereses Peanut Butter Cup said “I AM THE BANEBLADE!!!” shouted as she turned around revealing that she was in fact a baneblade and at that moment the ponies could only think one thing. “CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!” then Baneblade shot at the mane horses and they died. Back at ponyville all the guard were dead because they couldn't handle the blood ravens pure force. The only horse left were the civilians, and since they were defenseless there was only one thing to do. “Commander Boreale!” one of the marine went up to the commander “Where?” Boreale responded “the horses are defenceless I think it’s time we can start stealing them now.” At this Boreale perked up and began crafting an amazing speech to inspire the marines to steel with all their might. “Tehre is noh time to beh lohst! Battle Brothars! Spehss Mahrens, todeh we are at the enemeh’s doar! We know oua duteh and we will do eet. We steal for our honor as Blod Rehvens, as SPESS MAHRENS, and we steal in the nehme of the Empra! And if we die this deh we die in gloareh, we die heroes' deffs, but we shall not die, no! It is the enemeh who will tehste deff and defeat! As you know! Moast of oua battle brothars are shtehtioned in SPEHSS, Pruhpeared to deep strike! Oua perimeter has been pruhpeared in the even dat oua enehmies should be so bald and so foolish. We have plehced numerous beacons, allowing for muhltiple, simuln-tehneous and devashtehting defensive deep strikes The Codecks astartees nehmes this maneuvah Steel Rehn. We will descend upon the foe, we will ovawhelm them - we will leave none un-stolhen! Meanwhile oua ground fawses will ensue the full defense of oua headkwaters We are the spehss mahrens! WE ARE THE EMPRA'S FUREH!” Then all the SPEHSS mehrens got out there handy dandy vacuum cleaners and started sucking up horses like it was some sort of cheesy mario party mini game. As the marines were sucking up all the horse a swarm of tyranids fell out of the sky. “WAAAAAAGGGH” said the hive mind that suddenly turned into warboss Polly Pockitz. Then the rest of the Tyranids turned into orkz wearing skirts and cheerleader shirts that said “Valley Gurlz” written across it. “COLLECT AS MUCH SCRAP AS YA CANZ! WE NEEDZ TA MAKE DA BIGGEST AND DA BADDEST DOLL HOUSE YA EVA SEEN!” screamed war boss Polly Pockitz. Then all the pink and fabulous orkz ran in and started using their choppy bits to take all the houses and other metal parts. The remaining horse didn’t know what to do, everything turned into an all out war zone. Soon enough though it didn't even matter what they did because they all got captured and brought to SPEHSS. Then all of the horse lived happily ever after in some SPEHSS ship where they had nothing to do but sit in cells all day and listen to Apollo Diomedes scream about Baneblades. Author's Note yeah
Chaos drops byChaos Lord Firaeveus Carron was sitting at his unholy throne on his ship when a cultist slowly and nervously approached his majesty. “M-my great lord Carron...w-we found a strange planet filled with tiny, squishy, killable creatures. The planet seems to be called “equestria” and has already been visited by disgusting emperor worshipping guardsmen.” the cultist nervously said. “Mmmmmm. Very good indeed. We shall land there and kill all of them in the name of Khorne. Now get out my sight.” Carron said as he shot the cultist in the foot. “MY SPLEEEEEEN!!!” The cultist yelled as he was dragged away by some bloodletters that were licking their lips. It was a sunny day, the grass was shining, the sun was swaying in the wind, the birds were swimming, and the fish were singing. Fluttershy was tending to some bunnies or something when a what appeared to be a massive shimmering portal appeared in the sky. “What in the name of friendship is that?” Fluttershy questioned. “It’s a chaos warband coming to kill us all you dumbass.” A rabbit said. “Prepare the planetary defences!” an owl yelled as he pressed a button labeled “bear cavalry”. A drop pod crash landed into the planet’s surface. Carron waltzed his way out while a bunch of cultists followed along. “S-sir, we crushed a bunch of large furry creatures.” a cultist explained. “Cool.” Carron said as he executed the cultist. “WHAT IS THIS VILE CREATURE I STAND UPON!?” Carron screamed. “I believe it’s grass sir.” another cultist said. Carron shoves the cultist into his gun and shoots him off into the distance. “THIS GRASS OFFENDS ME! DESTROY IT ALL!” A battalion of cultists wielding flamethrowers and multi meltas charged out of the drop pod orgasmicly screaming “KILLL THEEEMMM ALLLL!!!” As they were burning the grass a single cultist was stabbing the ground, not seeming to care that he was being burnt alive yelling “GRASS FOR THE GRASS GODS!” Somewhere, in the deep dank depths of the warp. “That’s the shit.” Snoop God said as he rolled up the grass previously stabbed by the cultist. “U-um, excuse me b-but this is my forest and y-you can’t just go around killing all these innocent blades of grass.” Fluttershy whispers. “YOU DARE APPROA-” but before Carron could finish his sentence a Champion of Nurgle waddles out of the drop pod. “Hey, wait. It says that we should try converting them before killing them sir!” The Champion said with a charismatic smile. When the Champ got done speaking Carron shot him in the head. “Good shot! Maybe next time!” the Champ said with true sincerity as he flicked a band aid in the hole where half of his head once was. “What are you planning on doing to me?” Fluttershy stammered. “Oh don’t worry little horse, now do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior-” But before he could finish he started violently coughing in fluttershy’s general direction and she immediately caught almost every disease known to man. “Plaaaggguuuueee.” Fluttershy said as she slowly walked off into the distance. “I think it worked guys!” The Champ said. Meanwhile in Ponyville. The mane six, or at least most of them, were sitting around a table in Rarity’s house as she showed off her new fashion design. It was interrupted by the door getting kicked down and what is left of Fluttershy slowly limping in. “Well howdy Fluttershy, yer smile looks as golden as mah cotton fields! How y’all doin on this fine and country day?” Apple Jack said. “D-death.” Fluttershy said as she puked acid all over Apple Jack, dissolving her into nothing. “What did you do to my brand new table!” Rarity screamed while attempting to clean the puke and Applejack off of it with stain removal. Instead of answering Fluttershy just tied a noose and hung herself in the doorway. Before any of them could help help her Spike yelled “Hey gang it looks like there’s trouble a’ brewing!” “No please, stop! It’s horrible!” A citizen yelled as a changer of ways was tearring signs out of the ground, flipping them the opposite way, and placing them back where they were. “Maybe we should help them gang!” Spike said as he turned around to see Rarity conversing with a daemonette about fashion. “That dress you made, it is quite beautiful and sparkly.” The daemonette said. “Why tha-” Rarity attempted to say. “But not as glorious as the one I made.” The daemonette said as she flashed the most amazing and bedazzled dress anyone has ever saw. The dress was so much better than Rarity’s that she took a cheese grater and rubbed it against her head until there was no more eyes to look at the dress. Then she bled out on the floor. “NOOOO RARITY! I’ll do ANYTHING to bring you back!” Spike screamed. “Annnnyyyttthhhiiinnggg? The Nurgle Champion said, brushing past Fluttershy’s hanging body who was annoyed that she wasn’t dead yet. “Yes, anything!” Spike said. “Good.” The Nurgle Champion then happily took a “pocket guide to Nurgle” out of his back pocket and started yelling “Romeo oh Romeo! Where art thou’ Romeo?” They all stood there awkwardly as nothing happened. The Nurgle Champion stands there, embarrassed for a few moments before shooting Spike. “You didn’t see anything.” Then he leaves the house. All that’s left of the mane six flee in terror to the mayor’s house to warn her of the imminent dangers. “Mayor! Mayor!” Snowflake yelled in terror. “Hey dude not cool, that was my line before the author decided he’d rather use a better character than me!” Rainbowdash added. “What’s wrong guys?” The mayor said. “There’s a bunch of assholes outside doing bad things!” Twilight said. “Did they kill anyone?” The mayor asked. “They only killed Rarity and Spike!” Pinkie pie said. “Anyone else?” The mayor said. “Well, they killed a lot of grass.” Twilight said. “THOSE BASTARDS!” The mayor yelled. “Pinkie pie, you know what to do.” “KILL THEM ALLL!” Carron yelled. Out of the horizon they were able to see a figure emerging with a large object. “Sir I think they have sent us the cavalry!” A cultist yelled. “Thanks.” Carron said, then german suplexed the cultist into the soft dirt, instantly burying him and planting a cultist tree that would bear heretical fruit three months from now. Moments later all they heard was “It’s party time!” Pinkie pie yelled. Then a single cannonball teared through the entire battalion of cultists. Before they died they all yelled in a single chorus “MY SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN” It was a symphony of beauty and, grace. One of those moments in life you refuse to forget no matter how much alcohol you drink. Some say it was so loud, so touching, so beautiful that they say it reached the golden throne of Terra itself, and they say a miracle happened that day for when that sound graced his ears, the emperor, entombed in his throne as he was, still managed to shed a single tear of happiness at what he heard that day. “on...dang it. Send in the reinforcements.” Carron said as another drop pod launched out of the previous drop pod, and smashing its way into Pinkie Pie turning her into Pinkie puddle. There was a short pause of silence as every citizen of ponyville watched in awe. Moments later the entirety Legio Mortis plodded out of the drop pod. “RETREAT TO THE FOOTBALL STADIUM SIZED METAL BOX BOMB SHELTER WE BUILT JUST IN CASE SOMETHING LIKE THIS WERE TO HAPPEN AGAIN!” The mayor yelled as they all fled into the big metal box. “....BIG...METAL….BAWKSES!?” Carron yelled as a noticable vein jutted from his forehead and numerous amounts of sweat beads dribbled from his eyebrow while blood poured out of his mouth as he gritted his teeth impossibly hard. Carron then picked up the big metal box and lobbed it into the sun. Such was his contempt for metal boxes. Author's Note We promised a new chapter...it only took us a year.
Da Orkz iz comin'Dearest Diary: I am confused and perplexed, two attacks. Two whole attacks and the horses still live! It is time I took drastic measures, by midnight tonight I will signal my secret weapon to attack equestria. Yours truly, The Baneblade everyone thinks is Luna. ----------------------------------------A FEW HOURS LATER--------------------------------------------- “Yeah I thought the spaghetti was sorta dry tonight too sister.” Celestia said. “I guess that’s what we get for letting Apple Jack cook for once.” Luna said. “Did the meatballs have a strange taste to you Luna?” Celestia asked. “Yeah, they sorta tasted like horse.” Luna said. “Wait...how do you know what horses taste like?” Celestia questioned in fear. “Oh, it’s quite a funny story really, you se-” that’s when a chime from a grandfather clock notifying the two sisters it was 12 am chimed. Luna’s eyes suddenly widened and her mouth stretched impossibly low to the ground. A cannon protruded from her mouth and she pointed her head towards the moon. She shot a single rocket propelled shell towards the moon, then the cannon retreated back into her throat and her mouth and eyes went back to normal. “Anyway, as I was saying...actually I forgot.” “You’re always so silly my dearest sister!” Celestia nervously chuckled. ----------------------------------------MEANWHILE ON THE MOON------------------------------------ “Gotz eny treez?” an ork boy said to another. They were sitting at a table, furnished with various dice, cards and a chutes and ladders game. “Naa, Iz onle gotz me a fo-” before the shoota boy could respond a missile lodges itself into the roof, barely hitting the shoota boy’s head. “phew, dat wuz clo-” then the tip of the missile opened up and a pointed flag that had the word “attack” written on it stabbed into the ork’s head. “....YOR DED AN’ IZ NOT! I WIN!” The ork boy yells as he shovels all the teeth into his fanny pack. “Datz da signal boyz! Get ya gubbins, il alert da bawss!” Mista Nailbrain yelled. -------------------------------------------------BACK ON EQUESTRIA------------------------------------ Everyone was having a blast in Apple Jack’s barn, eating her homemade spaghetti. “Do ya like it Twilight? I made it with my homemade ketchup recipe passed down from generation to generation.” Apple Jack said. “uh...sure Applejack...it’s uh...it’s pretty good.” Twilight said. “Hey Apple Jack, these meatballs are FREAKING AWESOME! What’s your secret?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Well, it’s mah grandma!” Applejack said. “...your grandma’s recipe?” Apple Jack begins to sweat and says. “hehe...yeeaaaah.” Suddenly the mayor bursts through the barn doors yelling “THE MOON IS CRASHING INTO EQUESTRIA! EVERYONE RUN TO THE NEW AND IMPROVED ANTI CHAOS BUNKER!” Thankfully all the ponies of Equestria got to the bunker in time. “Wait a second...that’s no moon.” The mayor says as he sees the moon is really a giant asteroid with Ghazghkull Thraka’s face carved into it. As the asteroid is about to make impact with Equestria it makes a sudden stop. All the Orkz hop off of it and onto the ground. A gretchin holding a megaphone yells. “Get out ‘ere ya poncy gitz! Da bawss ‘as ta tell ya sometin!” As the gretchin was done speaking, he was ready to yell a warcry when Ghazghkull stepped on him. “ye, wat ‘e sez.” “WE DON’T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!” The mayor yells. “Applejack, man the harpoon and pull one of those green things in. I’m sure with enough science I can learn how to defeat it with kindness!” Twilight proclaimed. As Applejack fired a harpoon into the crowd she felt it puncture something solid. The crowd of greenskins parted like the red sea to show that the harpoon has pierced through an explosive squig’s leg. “NO! APPLEJACK PLEASE DON’T PULL THAT BACK IN!” Rarity yelled. The Squig simply nodded at her, a handsome smile on it’s face saying it was okay for her to pull it in. Applejack began to sweat profusely, pupils dilating at such a mouth watering catch. “Ah dunno Rarity...that’s a purty big meatball…” Applejack said. In the distance an Ork was pouring gravy onto the squigg’s head giving her a thumbs up while the squigg continued to smile and nod towards her. “Ah can feed mahself for a whole spankin’ day with dat meatball!” Applejack said “...b-but Applejack! we can feed our whole family for a year with a meatball that big.” Big Mac said. “Deary please…” “MY MIND’S TELLING ME NO….BUT MY BODY….MY BODY’S TELLING ME YES!” Applejack yelled before pulling the explosive squigg towards the bunker. “EVERYONE HIT THE DECK!” The mayor yelled. The explosive squig was enough to breach the hull and only kill applejack, spraying a viscera of blood and eaten spaghetti everywhere. “I WAZ ‘OPIN FER YA DUMB GLU FAKTRIES TO AXEPT ME’Z OFERIN’, I GESS WE’Z JUS GUNNA ‘AFTA WAGE A WAAAGH!!! ON YA!” Ghazghkull yelled as all the Orkz began to charge the bunker screeching “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!!” “No, I’m not gonna let myself get pushed around by these people anymore.” Rainbow Dash says as she pulls a heavy bolter off her back. Before she could fire a rather large Ork on a motorcycle appears next to her. “Ey pony, wanna ‘az ah good ol’ race?” Wazdakka asked. “You bet your tailfeathers Rainbow Dash does! You’re on.” Rainbow says as she flies off with the only heavy bolter they owned. “NO! Rainbow dash we needed that!” Twilight yells. All the orkz stared at the horses standing awkwardly in the bunker. “So, werez dis famous meatball recipeh wez keep ‘earin about?” an Ork boy asks. “Oh no, maybe we should send a representative to talk to them, they might reconsider all of this.” Twilight said while maliciously looking at Fluttershy. “U-Um, e-excuse me? Mister Ork people? Um..y-you don’t think y-you can sto-” but before Fluttershy could finish a painboy already grabbed her and began ripping her limbs off screaming “I NEEDZ MOAR BODIE PARTZ!” “Nowz, lil ‘orses, wut way ya tinks iz da best way ta zog ya?” “P-please mister ork if you let us go, I’ll throw you a massive party and give you like, five MILLION cupcakes!” Pinkie pie interjected. “NOT GUD ENUFF!” Ghazghkull said, promptly stuffing Pinkie Pie into his mouth and swallowing her “I’ll arm wrestle you for them!” a voice called from among the ponies “ ‘O sed dat?” “It was me, YYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” Bulk Bic- Snowflake said, heroically emerging from the crowd “Youz gotta deal ‘orse” Ghazghkull grabbed five ponies and stuck them together longways making a makeshift table. “Redy ta git krumped ‘orse?” “I’M ALWAYS READY YYYYEEEEAAAAAHHHH” The two parties put hoof an arm upon the table, the sounds of spines cracking was audible, they locked, and then they began to push. Hours, maybe even days or weeks have gone by since it first began. Today’s moments were particularly dull, as their were no cheers of “Orks! Orks! Orks!” from the green crowd or cacophonous shrieks of despair from the pony side, just focus. Both faction’s eyes boring into the contestants bearing down on the arm wrestle that would decide their fates. Spike was serving hors d'oeuvres while occasionally an unfixed object would fall off the wall, or a light would break, none were noticed by the crowd. A few more hours later something strange began to happen, gravity itself seemed to lose focus on it’s job and observed the fight as horses and orks alike began to float in mid-air. “Twilight what’s happening!” Rarity yelled to twilight, the sudden lack of gravity killing her hairdo. “I-it’s a paradox!” Terror clearly evident in Twilight’s features. “The universe doesn’t know how to handle this, reality’s tearing itself apart!” “What do we do Twilight?” “We sit back and enjoy the ride.” Discord said sitting in air between Twilight and Rarity, eating a popcorn of box. “Discord when did you- Help us please!” “You want ME to help? I’m sorry sister but this is the end of the line, outta my hands, somethings gonna happen and sweet sarsaparilla it’s going to be great!” A portal suddenly opened showing a green mass of disease and a creature so attractive twilight would have devoted her existence to it if she wasn’t currently fearing for her life. “Discord what’s holdin you up? I had to keep your seat warm for poker night.” “Coming Nurgy, looks like you’re on your own kid.” and with that, discord was gone. “DISCORD WAI-” and just like that, not unlike the sound of a wet sponge being torn in half, the universe ripped itself apart. Time was not itself anymore it became solid to Twilight, something she could measure. The past, present and future for her and everypony that will ever exist was laid out before her she saw her life and death as well as countless others the newfound omnipotence was horrible and wonderful all at the same time, it was the greatest pain and the ultimate pleasure, she died and was reborn in these mile long moments. the universe itself laid bare before her at her hoof tips, with a simple push the fate of galaxies were altered by her and then it all went black. Meanwhile “Ugh.... Always in the middle of tea time.” Celestia felt the rending of reality all the way from Canterlot, it was a familiar feeling and one she did not care for so much. But luckily it didn’t happen in her city this time so somepony else could deal with it while she cuddled up in her bed. Suddenly there was a knock at the door, a Loud knock. “IZ TIME FO DA WAAAAAGH!!!! PRINZESS!” “NO NOT AGAI-” But before Celestia finished her sentence Gork already kicked down her door and clotheslined the princess. “WHY!?” was all the she could say before Mork snuck up behind her, putting her in a full nelson. “BECUZ WE DA ORKS, AN WE’Z BETTA DAN YOU!” As Gork’s fist made it’s approach to Celestias face she could have sworn she saw her sister in the hallway smiling that battle cannon smile at her before she reversed on her treads back down the hallway, but she will never learn the truth. Fore Gork punched her, and she exploded.
an unknown race attacks(Author’s note: Hey guys! We can’t finish the next chapter until 2017, so take this to hold you all over!) “Princess! We seem to be getting strange messages from an unknown race.” “Oh no...do you think some new species is here to try and kill us again?” “If so, then we have no clue. The messages seem to be in another language.” “Hmmmm, I shall send my best investigators.” “SO THEN I TOLDS HIM, YA PUT THA SPINY BITZ IN THE ‘UMIE! AN THATS HOW YA MAKE ‘UMIE KABAB!” FlutterOrk calmly yelled. “...um...that was interesting...Fluttershy?” Twilight said. “God, ever since those green guys tried to invade, you’ve been rather...loud.” Rarity said. As Rarity was done talking a phone started ringing. “Hello? Twilight speaking.” “Yeah, there’s some strange activity going on, it might be more invaders. Can you and all the important characters go investigate?” Celestia asked. “Of course we will!” Twilight said, then hung up. “Oh boy, we git to go on a brand spankin new adventure?” AppleJack asked. “Celestia said all the important characters.” Twilight said. “YEAH! YA DUMB GIT- uh sorry..I mean, meanie!” FlutterOrk said. “...I dare you to eat her…” Rainbowdash said with a smile. “Now why in tarnations would yo-” but before AppleJack could finish she was already being stuffed into the gullet of FlutterOrk. “How..vulgar.” Rarity added. FlutterOrk stared at Rarity shyly for a few moments. “Oh gosh, where are my manners?” She then proceeds to throw up the corpse of AppleJack and attempt to offer some to Rarity. “TASTE JUS LIKE SQUIG!” “Uh..no thanks Fluttershy.” Rarity said, disgusted. “MORK FER ME!” FlutterOrk said, while devouring the spat up corpse. The mane six proceeded to head outside to investigate the strange happenings. As they walked outside they saw a flying silver disk hovering above the town. The disk began descending towards the surface bringing within it whatever sinister cargo it might carry, the ponies watched with mixed curiosity and horror as they began to hear the muffled sounds of the alien’s language through its hull. Everypony from near and far were crowded around the strange machine as a door emitting a bright light opened. A shadow walked out of the ship and came into view. The creature seemed to be a small green man with a large head and big black eyes. “Foi jajoc, quoug'c ak!” the little green man yelled while holding up what looked like a peace sign. Everyone backed up a little, scared that the thing was threatening them in his native language. Soon enough the royal guard and Celestia arrived on scene. “What do you want from us?” Celestia asked. “Quo quummu kulgi!” the alien said, then he coughed a bit and cleared his throat. “Ayyyy Lmao! My bad, didn’t realize you sentient horses don’t speak our language, you seem to speak the human language they call ‘english’. Anyway, thankfully we gots plenty of that english stuff you guys speak.” “Um...what?” Celestia said, confused. “Well you see, we have all this furniture and no friends.” He points into the ship where a bunch of bean bag chairs, an outdated stereo system from the 80’s, and a disco ball were. There were also others of his kind awkwardly shuffling to some cheesy music while others sat around smoking out of bongs. “We tried sharing it with the humans, but they tried cutting us up to see what was inside us. So we just captured a bunch of them and anal probed them for fun. Don’t worry though, we won’t do the same to you! We just wanna party!” “PARTY!?” Pinkie Pie yelled. “LET’S GO EVERYONE!” Snowflake yelled. ---------------------------------------------INSIDE THE SHIP----------------------------------------------- “Have you guys like, noticed how like...how big your heads are...and stuff?” Twilight said, high as fuck. “Yeah, yeah man it’s great!” an alien said after coughing loudly. Celestia walked into the room holding what looked like a metal plate with wires sticking out, some of which were still sparking. “Dude, like. I just found this plate of spaghetti in a room called ‘Plasma Generator’. Do any of you know where I can get some sauce for this or something?” All the aliens in the room went from high to panicked “YOU IDIOT YOU’VE KILLED US AL-” then all of Equestria blew up. Author's Note https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTLZjhHIEdw April Fools! Don't worry, the actual next chapter will probably be uploaded some time tomorrow!
