Button Discovers Xbox LIVE

by Soundspeed

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy
Length: 1025

Button is a shining example of the average colt. He plays video games, wears a silly hat, and speaks in one-liners. But can he prepare himself for the vast world of online matchmaking? Short answer: No. Long Answer: Noooooooooooooo.

After countless games have come and gone, Button's played just about everything he could get his hooves on. RPG's? Tons. RTS's? Plenty. Platformers and Puzzle Games? All sorts of 'em. But there's one genre he hasn't tried yet; the First Person Shooter. With nothing to do and everything to gain, Button sets off on a journey of self-discovery, soul-searching, and a whole lot of trash talking.

First thingy I've ever really sat down to write, constructive criticism would be much appreciated. Mostly rated E for Everyone, but there will be language (and lots of it) later on because Xbox LIVE, so yeah. Without further adieu, enjoy!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-14 22:50:03 UTC

Chapter 1

The heat of the late afternoon sun beat down furiously upon the vast green hillscapes, providing very little mercy for their inhabitants. Among the rolling plains, which seemed to stretch on endlessly, one could hope to find many creatures hidden in the luscious grasses. Swarms of Pidgey ran amok alongside scores of Rattata and Pikachu, and an almost infinite bounty of Butterfree floated lazily over the hillsides. Truly, it was a beautiful day in the world of Poke-hay-mon. However, Button wasn't quite appreciating the beauty of his surroundings, but was instead toiling away at a Kakuna whom only knew the move Harden. Again.

"Awwww, why does this always happen!?" Button cried as he continued to lob attack after attack at the indignant creature. He'd been here for five hours now, exhausted all of his party members, and was truly bored out of his mind. Through the grinding tedium, Button learned a valuable lesson about RPG's; never to play them. With one final half-hearted tackle, he was out of ideas, and turned off his JoyBoy.

Button's eyes scanned the room as he let out a soft sigh. What was he to do now? He'd already beaten his entire library of single player games, and his mom had, regrettably, made it very clear that she wasn't interested in playing multiplayer. And since Button didn't have any means of contacting any of his friends, all of whom were presumably out doing something interesting and fun, he was confined to his room. A room full of games he no longer had interest in playing.

Button's hoof absentmindedly ran the length of his bedsheets before he, once again, released a sigh of frustration. Eventually, his hoof found its way to the television remote, and, within moments, he had fired up the television and began to watch with abated interest. T.V. wasn't really Button's territory, but it made for a decent time-killer when games proved to be too familiar. Whilst spaced out and focusing on nothing in particular, however, a passing commercial had caught his interest.

"HEY YOU! YEAH, YOU!" The spokesperson demanded. "ARE YOU A REAL GAMER!?"

"I'm a real gamer!" The colt replied enthusiastically.

"WELL IF YOU ANSWERED YES, THEN YOU'RE WROOOOOONG!"

Button stared at the television for a moment and began to bawl. He was totally a real gamer though! Right? As he was about to clamor for his mother, he was interrupted again by the T.V.

"BUT," the spokesperson retorted. "FOR JUST 700 BITS, YOU *CAN BE!"*

Button's face lit up immediately. He had to become a real gamer! He just had to! Or the time he'd spent exclusively playing Nintendo games would have all been for naught! Interest peaked, Button stared intently at the screen as a sleek-looking console appeared.

"GET YOUR OWN XBOX ONE TODAY! IT EVEN COMES PRE-PACKAGED WITH..."

The camera panned out to reveal a copy of the latest, and judging by this commercial, greatest video game to grace the system.

"ONE FREE MONTH OF LIVE MEMBERSHIP AND A COPY OF NEIGHLO FIVE!"

The static image of the console was quickly replaced with gameplay footage. A dusty corridor gave way to a large room filled with alien technology as a booming electric guitar piece swelled from the television stereo. Button was glued to the screen as he witnessed the Master Chief gun down both hordes of aliens and various colors of Spartan alike. The commercial finally ended with a brief glimpse of the contact details and price tag, along with a very highly sped up monologue about colts and fillies with photosensitive epilepsy consulting a doctor before playing the game.

Well, Button didn't know what photosensitive epilepsy was, but he sure was ready to get in on that action! Live multiplayer over the internet? It felt almost like a dream! There was one glaring issue, however...

Button did not have 700 bits. But he knew someone who did...

"Mooooooom?" Button tentatively called from his room.

"Yes, Button?" Came her response from down the hallway. She was likely watching soap operas and cheating on her diet again. Figures.

"Can you come here for a second?" He replied. A moment later, he heard the faint scuffing of a stool on hardwood as his mother trotted down the hallway to greet him.

"How can I help you, sweetie?" She asked with a cautious glance. Button only ever called her for two reasons if he wasn't crying; To ask for money, or to ask her for new hat batteries. And with the hearty rotation his hat had going already, she braced herself for his inquiry.

"Can I have 700 bits please?"

Of course.

"Why do you need 700 bits?" She prodded tensely.

"So I can, uh..." Button was about to tell her the truth, but he could see it in her eyes. She wasn't about to shell out 700 bits without a good reason, and even though his real reason was an extremely valid one, he assumed she wouldn't agree. So, he told a little white lie to buy himself some time. "...Cure my photosensitive epilepsy."

One humiliating visit to the doctor to confirm his lack of epilepsy later, Button was back to having zero bits and a very irritated mother. Button was resolute, however. Determined to get his hooves on that console, he thought of only one option; His dad's credit card. His dad was never around for whatever reason, but he always left his wallet on his bedside table, next to his fake mustaches and those questionable pills. At any rate, even though Button knew it was wrong, what would his dad need a measly 700 bits for anyways? Mind swimming with trepidation and excitement, Button crept into his parents' room, taking care not to make a sound, lest his mother hear him. After several minutes of rifling through what appeared to be garbage, Button's eyes finally lit up as he spotted his objetive. With one quick swipe, Button grabbed his father's wallet and stashed it beneath his hat, taking care to rearrange the table to appear as though nothing was moved.

He was off to buy his very own Xbox One.