Big Macintosh Vs. The Clowns

by ZeppelinFan64

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Big Macintosh, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2139

Big Mac has kept a secret hidden most of his life. He's afraid of clowns.

Big Macintosh has always been thought to be a rather fearless stallion, but what happens when his fear of clowns gets the best of him?

Published 2013-09-15 00:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-15 00:10:02 UTC

Chapter I

Applejack and her older brother Big Macintosh were at Sugarcube Corner for Applebloom's birthday, and Pinkie Pie agreed to letting them have the party there. The whole place was full of foals running around and laughing, as Pinkie was playing along with them. Applejack and Big Mac were watching and wanted to thank her.

"Ah want to thank you Pinkie for letting Applebloom have her party here."

"No problem Applejack, I'm always up for a party, but birthday parties are more super-special fun." Pinkie stopped as she heard a knock at the door. "OH! OH! He's here!"

"Who's here Pinkie?"

"You'll see..." Pinkie said trying to get past the foals running around and to get to the door.

"I sure am happy Pinkie letting us use this place for Applebloom and her friends Big Mac."

"Eeyup."

Pinkie came back in the room and was about to give out the surprise. "Ok, little fillies and colts, are you ready to laugh?" The kids were all excited and answering all at once. "Then put your hooves together for...Jokey The Clown!"

Just then, Big Macintosh felt his eye twitch, his legs shake, and he started to sweat horribly. He hated clowns, not just hate, he was downright afraid of clowns, and the idea of a clown in the room made him tremble with fear, but since it was his little sister's birthday he could at least grin and bare it.

"Hiya kids!" Jokey said with a goofy voice and all the kids started to laugh tremendously. "Now to start things off, I'm gonna need a volunteer, how about..." He looked around the room, all the little foals were raising their hooves wanting to be picked. "YOU!" He said pointing at Big Mac, still shaking nervously.

"N-nope."

"Aw come on Big Mac, don't be shy." Applejack said nudging him.

"What's the matter, you're not scared of clowns are you?" Jokey said getting closer to him. The more he got closer to Big Mac, the less he could stand it until eventually, he couldn't take it anymore.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Big Mac yelled as he busted through the wall leaving a comically shaped hole.

"What just happened?" Pinkie Pie asked.

Big Mac ran back to the farm and tried to avoid anypony around him. He decided to just stay in the barn and be left alone. Time went on and Applejack came in to see what was wrong with him.

"What in tarnation happened back there Big Mac?"

"Ah can't tell you Applejack, just please go away."

"Not until you tell me what's going on."

"You promise you won't tell anypony?"

"Ah promise, now what's buggin' you?"

"And you can't laugh either."

"Ah won't laugh, now tell me."

"Ah-ah'm afraid of clowns."

Applejack couldn't help but snicker to herself, she tried not to laugh at her brother's expense, but she did let out a bit of a chuckle.

"You promised you wouldn't laugh!"

"Ah'm sorry Big Mac, but I never would've thought that you of all pony's would be afraid of clowns."

"That's why ah didn't want to tell you, because Ah'd knew you'd laugh."

"It's ok Big Mac, I'm sure lots of ponies are afraid of silly stuff. Like Fluttershy."

"Oh, Fluttershy's afraid of everything!"

"Now that's not nice to say Big Mac, now why don't you just come inside and try to relax."

"Ok." The two went back inside, and Big Mac fell asleep.

It was morning, and Big Mac went downstairs, he saw Applejack in the kitchen and went to ask if she needed help.

"Need any help AJ?"

Applejack didn't say anything, she just stood in one spot with her back turned to him.

"Applejack? are you ok?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Applejack let out a laugh as she turned to him, IN CLOWN MAKE UP! Big Mac gasped and started to back into a corner

"A-Applejack, cut that out, i-it ain't funny."

"What ain't funny?" Applebloom said with clown make up on as well.

"W-what's going on, stop this!"

"What's the matter?" A dark, creepy voice crept up behind him. "Scared of clowns?" A huge evil looking clown with a balloon mallet was standing over him with an evil smile. "HA HA HA HA HA!" he let out an evil laugh as he was he held the balloon mallet over Big Mac, and swung it at him until-

"AH!" Big Mac woke up in a pool of sweat. "It was just a dream." He took a deep breath and lied back down, he couldn't get the clowns out of his head. "That's it!" Big Mac said getting out of bed.

Applejack was sound asleep, but a loud racket going on outside woke her up, rubbing her eyes, she saw Big Mac carrying fence posts, she called at him to get his attention. "Big Mac, what in the hay are you doing?!"

"The clowns! I'm trying to keep out the clowns!" Big Mac said.

"What are you talking about?"

"The clowns won't leave me alone, so Ah'm building a fence to make sure they stay out."

"Oh for goodness sake Big Mac, even if there were clowns trying to get you, what makes you think just a fence will keep them out?"

"That's why Ah have these." Big Mac said as he pulled out a wagon of bear traps behind him. "Now excuse me AJ, Ah've got a fence to build." Big Mac said as he continued with the fence.

"This is going too far, I'm going to need some help." Applejack said going back to sleep.

The next morning, Applejack went to Twilight's to see if she could help with Big Mac's clown problem.

"And that's why I need your help Twi."

"This does sound serious, I think I know who could help us." Twilight went to the staircase to call for Spike. "Spike, come down here, I need you to take a letter."

"Uh, Twilight, how exactly can Princess Celestia help my brother?"

"I'm not writing to the princess, I'm writing to my old therapist in Canterlot."

"You had a therapist?"

"I had a reading habit that kind of got out of control, anyway I figured he's the best for the job."

"Ah don't know Twi, Ah don't think Big Mac wants to talk to anypony about this, especially a therapist."

"Well, it's worth a shot."

Spike descended downstairs. "What's going on Twilight."

"Spike, I need you to write a letter to my old therapist."

"I thought you got over that problem."

"Not for me Spike, it's for Big Macintosh."

"What does he need a therapist for?"

"Nevermind, just right the letter."

"Ok, ok." Spike began to write.

"How long will it take him to get here?"

"Well, an estimated time from Canterlot to Ponyville...He should be here by tomorrow afternoon."

"Well, hopefully Big Mac won't do anything drastic."

"Finished." Spike said as he sent the letter.

"Just keep an eye on him."

Applejack left the library and went back to the farm to check on her brother.

"Big Mac, what are you doing now?"

Big Mac was wearing a camouflage suit with black paint under his eyes with a flashlight strapped to his head carrying a baseball bat. "This is for those dirty clowns, let's see them try to get me."

Applejack facehoofed herself and went back inside the house. The next day came as Applejack went back to the library to see if the therapist made it.

"Hey Twi, is the doctor here yet?"

"Yes, Applejack, meet my old foal psychologist Dr. Guenter Hoofenhiemer.

"Hello." Dr. Hoofenhiemer said with a thick German accent.

"A FOAL psychologist? You got my brother a foal psychologist?"

"Well, Dr. Hoofenhiemer deals with foals' problems, and Big Mac's problem is on an infantile rating. so he could be on level with him."

"Enough of this chatter, show me to my patient." Dr. Hoofenhiemer said as Twilight and Applejack showed him the way to the farm.

Back at Sweet Apple Acres, Big Mac was guarding the fence with the bat in his hooves as he was pacing back in forth, he had bags under his eyes from lack of sleep from being there all night to keep the clowns away.

"Big Mac, Ah brought someone here to help you."

Big Mac was in his own world, he didn't even hear Applejack, so she tapped him. "Big Mac, I-"

"GET BACK YOU DIRTY CLOWN!" Big Mac bellowed as he raised the bat over his head.

"Oh my, this is a serious case." Dr. Hoofenhiemer said.

"Who's this guy?" Big Mac asked.

"Big Mac, this here's Dr. Hoofenhiemer, he's going to help you with your clown problem."

"Nope, Ah'm not falling for that psychological mumbo-jumbo."

"Ah knew you'd object to this, that's why I have a plan b." Applejack said as she grabbed a lasso and tied it around Big Mac's legs.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Ah'm sorry big brother, but you're getting help whether you want it or not." Applejack and dragged Big Mac inside and put him on the couch as Dr. Hoofenhiemer sat next to him.

"Twilight, why don't you and your friend wait outside, I'll let you in when we're done."

"Ok." Twilight said as she and Applejack went out the door, leaving only Big Mac and Dr. Hoofenhiemer.

"Now, tell me when your trouble all started."

"Ah'm not saying anything!"

"If you don't you're fear will only get worse, talking about it will make you feel better."

"Nope."

"Don't make me apply to shock therapy." Dr. Hoofenhiemer said.

Big Mac sighed. "It all started when I was four, it was my birthday and my folks hired a clown."

"Go on." Dr. Hoofenhiemer said.

"Ah've never seen a clown before, but all the other foals were getting all excited, so I was to. But what I saw...."

"Well?"

"The horror...the horror."

"Describe it."

"It came in the room... With that ghostly white face, those devilish red eyes, and the laughing, oh Celestia, THE LAUGHING!" Big Mac's recollection of the past darkened upon him.

"Now I believe we are getting somewhere." The Dr. said. "Now, I want you to repeat after me, ok?"

"Ok."

"A clown is my friend."

"A c-clown is m-my friend."

"A clown will not bite me and throw me in the basement."

"A clown will not bite me and throw me in the basement." Big Mac repeated.

"A clown is not a big spider."

"A clown is not a big spider."

Dr. Hoofenhiemer made him repeat this several times, and within those times, Big Mac started to feel better.

"Now how do you feel?" Dr. Hoofenhiemer asked.

"Ah feel pretty good, Ah think it worked doc."

"Then we shall test it." Dr. Hoofenhiemer turned away for a second then looked right at Big Macintosh with clown make up all over his face. But this time, Big Mac didn't run and scream this time, his mind turned off, his fear was turning into anger, his eyes widened, he started to blow steam out of his nostrils. "Are you ok?" Dr. Hoofenhiemer asked.

Big Mac grabbed the doctor, who was still wearing clown make up. "You like to laugh clown? Let me show you what I think is funny."

Back outside the house, Applejack and Twilight were standing by the door.

"Ah sure hope everything's ok in there."

"Don't worry Applejack, Dr. Hoofenhiemer's an expert, he can handle this."

Then out of nowhere, they heard the sounds of loud smashing and banging coming from inside. They went to see what it was and saw Big Mac standing over Dr. Hoofenhiemer with clown make up on being beaten.

"How about that?! Do you think THIS is funny?!" Big Mac asked while pummeling the doctor.

"Big Mac Stop! What do you think you're doing?!" Applejack asked.

"I'm sensing-OW! Hostility from him-OOF! Could you please restrain him-NO NOT THERE!" Dr. Hoofenhiemer said.

Applejack grabbed the rope used to tie up Big Mac and pulled him back with another lasso.

"Let me at him! I'll tear his funny bone right out of his socket!" Big Mac asked trying to break the rope.

"What has gotten into you Big Mac?"

"Ah'll kill him! Ah'll kill him!" He started shouting until Twilight splashed water in his face.

"Wha? What happened?"

"You went berzerk and started mauling Dr. Hoofenhiemer." Twilight said.

"Ah did?"

"Y-yes...." Dr. Hoofenhiemer said still in a rough condition.

"But you know what? It worked! Ah'm not afraid of clowns anymore!" He went to shake the doctor's hoof. "Thank you doctor!"

"Happy I could he-AAAAAH!" He said as he started shaking him.

"We really couldn't thank you enough doctor, and thanks again." Twilight said as she, Big Mac, and Applejack left the room and walked out the door, leaving him behind.

"Is there a doctor in the house?" Dr. Hoofenhiemer said.