I, some random ass human who had somehow gotten into Equestria several weeks ago, was walking down the street towards Sugarcube Corner to meet my date, Scootaloo there. She had drank an aging potion at Zecora's yesterday, along with her two friends, so don't say she was too young for me, because she wasn't, she was a nice mare now and we were totally going out, because she was, like, hot.
As I walked, I saw other ponies staring at me and whispering, and I think I knew why. There was blood all over my shirt because I had just gotten into a fight with some drunk nigger pony a few minutes ago over over who was better at eating cupcakes. I had totally kicked his punk ass and threw his ass right the fuck out of his own house and into the road and all the nearby ponies started laughing at him because they knew he was stupid.
So yeah anyways, I was walking down the street, blood all over my cool ass Eminem shirt, wearing my cool ass sunglasses, just a white human here with all these ponies and yeah.
Now, I know this is off topic, but I have a mental disease that makes me start talking about random things at random times so fucking deal with it. Anyways, you know a pony I'd love to fucking kill? Prince Blueblood. I HATE that asshole. I'd fucking rather see Snowdrop laying dead with a fucking knife through her skull, then to see Blueballs alive. I mean, that guy pisses me the fuck off so bad, I just want to break off his horn and shove it up his dumb ass.
Ok so anyways, I was walking through Ponyville, a bottle of pills and a .50 caliber magnum pistol in my pocket, an AK on my back, and a .38 on my hip, and my iPod was playing "Kim" by Eminem out loud, which I totally recommend for little kids, it's totally appropriate for them.
I finally got to Sugarcube Corner, and before I can step through the door to get inside, one of Celestia's royal guards steps in front of me. He looks fucking pissed. He says that I've been causing problems ever since I had came here, and he said he was going to arrest me and throw my white ass in Celestia's dungeon. I simply pulled out my trusty ass .50 cal gun and shot him in the head, spraying blood and brains out the back of his head through the open doorway into Sugarcube Corner.
As soon as I walked into Sugarcube Corner, I didn't see Scootaloo at first but I saw Button Mash and one of his friends nearby at a table, playing some handheld video game. I had the best idea ever. I walked over to those two punks and said hi. They said hi back, and they looked a bit confused.
"Do you hate everything that's not video games? Just like this whole ass town?" I asked Button Mash and his friend.
"Yeah!" they said in unison.
"Well then, take these," I said, putting my loaded AK in front of Button Mash and my .38 in front of his friend. "Go and fuck these ponies you hate up."
The two fillies took the guns and I walked away smiling, thinking how this town would soon go to hell with them on the loose, just like Harris and Klebold from Columbine.
I finally spotted Scoots on the far side of Sugarcube Corner, I went and got her, and we were off to Twi's party.
