A Lick of Good Sense

               I was in a park – Golden Gate park, to be specific – in my hometown of San Francisco. The chilly wind bit through my jacket, and I shivered. Through the fog, trees loomed around, and a bus stop stood in front of me. Walking around to the seats, I saw a man sitting there, reading a newspaper. I sat in the corner away from him, averting my gaze and keeping silent. It took me a moment to notice he had stopped reading the paper, and was staring intently at me. Shifting uncomfortably, I looked back.

                   “Can I help you?” I said, the cold air frosting my breath as it left my mouth. I wasn’t really the most social with strangers, and I was getting quite uncomfortable.

                   “Yes, it seems you can. Are you any good at riddles? I have a rather interesting one here. It goes, ‘what lays between everything, lies within nothing, and something that you can’t live in?” He grinned wildly. “Oh, that’s right. Space!”

                   His hand shot out, and, grabbing me by the collar, stood. I screamed as I was tossed directly upwards at blinding speeds, my eyes forced shut. I felt the g-forces tear me apart, and I began to slow. I came to a halt, and opened my eyes. I looked down, seeing nothing at first through my blurry vision. As things focused, I saw various body parts – my own, I realized – floating around me. The blue and green orb of earth hung far away, its beauty to behold. It was then that I died.

oOo

                   I sat up with a start, a cold sweat on my brow, my eyes darting around the room. I was lying on my sofa, my little wooden coffee table to my left.

                   “Not again… Bloody hell, this is starting to piss me off.” I grumbled.

                   I had been having dreams constantly – every time I slept, in fact – all with the same man. I could never discern any defining features about him, but somehow, I knew it was the same man each time, at least after I woke up. I would run into him, he would make a crappy joke, and then kill me. The whole deal had cut my sleeping schedule short, and it was really wearing on me.

                   The rest of the day had been normal; I had gotten up, eaten breakfast, and gone to work. After that, I came home and relaxed on the couch, and at some point I had fallen asleep. I had been napping more frequently with my lack of sleep, and it didn’t seem to help at all; the extra sleep might have actually worsened my condition.

                   My stomach growled softly, and I decided to grab something to eat. Swinging my legs onto the floor, I stood up. Walking past the small, boxy TV on its stand, I crossed into the next room. My kitchen was a small deal, a stove and countertops crammed on one side, a fridge next to them, and a little more counter space on the right. In the back, a little metal table and two matching chairs sat. a bowl of apples and bananas sat next on the table. The cheap microwave, stained with use, sat just behind, on the counter. Walking to the fridge, I retrieved some Chinese takeout left over from the last night, bottles clinking as I opened the door. I put the chow mein in the microwave, and, with a few beeps, began “cooking” my gourmet meal.

                   I had just sat down, waiting for my food to be done, when I heard a knock at the door. Scrambling up, I hurried over, back through the living room. I unlocked the deadbolt, and opened the small, wooden door.

                   “How may I help yo…” I stopped mid-sentence, frozen in shock.

                   Before me stood the same man from my dreams, sporting a black suit, red tie, and white collared shirt. His face was young, cleanly shaven.  His short cropped black hair was well maintained, and some would say he was handsome. Currently, I was following another line of thought.

OhShitOhShitOhShitOhShitOhShit

Paralyzed, it stood there, mouth agape.

                   “Hello. I do believe we haven’t been properly introduced. You may call me Oldammara, and we both already know your name, so that’s about it for introductions. I’ll be sending you on your way right away, so do be a good boy and get ready. I would oh so hate for you to be unprepared for any in-flight turbulence.  Any and all loose ends tied to your leaving this world have already been fixed, and you have been replaced in every aspect. You have nothing to stay for, I assure you.  Now, I bid you farewell, good sir, and have a bloody fantastic journey!” I barely listened to anything he said. “Oh, by the way, that whole ‘bloody” part. I believe that should be taken just as much literally as figuratively.”

                   “Wha-“ I had just started to form words when a large amount of force launched me straight forward, stumbling towards him. As I touched him, I seemed to pass through his body, but not further out of my door; I tumbled into a pool of seemingly never-ending color, vibrant hues whirling around me, wrapping me in their gentle warmth. It seemed, rather than me falling down, that the world was rushing up and past me.

                   I screamed, and felt strands of the chromatic ethereality invade my lungs. I tingling feeling shot through my body, and I spasms wracked my body as it shook uncontrollably. The Technicolor streams floated into my veins next, and into my heart, then up into my eyes. I was blinded completely, vibrant hues present even when I closed my eyes. At this point, I stopped screaming.

oOo

                   At this point I felt… Relaxed. I was one with this strange, colorful void. I did not know how long I hung there, suspended in vibrant nothingness. Suddenly, I felt a small tug on my leg. I let the sudden flow take me down, spiraling as I felt a strange sense of vertigo. A cold feeling passed over my body, and I felt something twist and contort inside of me. It wasn’t painful, only unpleasant, but it still invoked some fear from me.

                   My toes touched something and passed right through it; it felt as if I had begun to fall through a hanging sheet of water only half an inch thick. The embrace of the tendrils left me as the rest of my body fell through the sheet, and I could finally see. I felt my feet touch the ground, and I stumbled, barely catching myself. The world spun in a whirl of greens and browns, and, as my vision corrected itself, I saw that I was on a narrow dirt path, trees and grass around me, small yellow flowers scattered alongside the trail. It was picturesque to say the least, and the sky above looked more… well, blue than any blue I had ever seen before. Gazing around, I saw something black on the very bottom center of my vision, only really visible when I looked straight down. I reached up with me hand, and felt for what was there, only to freeze as a set of clawed fingers appeared just in front my face. They were black, with padding on the front and fur on the back. The claws looked feline in nature, like an oversized cat’s claw.

                   It took me a moment to realize just what the han… err, paw was.

Why the ACTUAL fuck do I have paws?I My eyes grew wide.

                   Disregarding my new set of mitts, I felt for what was in place of my nose.

And a bloody cat’s nose? Sweet baby Jesus, did someone dress me in a bloody FURSUIT?

                   Looking down, I noticed I was wearing what seemed to be a set of leather armor, with a leather tunic coming down over my legs. I was also wearing a black cloak, and I felt the hood behind my head. At my hips, twin scabbards housed equally similar swords, about three and a half feet in length each. In the places my garb left exposed, I saw dark black fur instead of skin. My left arm, still hanging at my side, caught my interest; I saw that my hand seemed to have reversed itself. The palm of the paw faced outward instead of inward, and, curling my fingers, it looked as if I had grafted someone’s right hand onto my head, and, looking at my other hand, I saw the inverse.

                   My legs, also covered with fur, were also no longer normal. They went forward from the hip, bent at the normal spot for a knee, but then bent forwards once again, terminating in a pair of feline paws. Taking a tentative step forward, I saw my new leg bend in what seemed an awkward fashion, but felt as natural as the way I had been walking my whole life.

                   “Wat.” I muttered.

Okay, this can be one of three things:

1.          A dream

2.          A coma induced hallucination

3.          Real life

I quickly pinched myself.

Not a dream. I winced.

“So, I’m in a coma or this is actually happening. Might as well treat it as real for now. That whole brain-in-a-jar theory says I should do some shit like that. If I fuck up, and this bloody mess is real, I’m gonna have a bad time.” I said to myself.

oOo

                   I set off down the path, and noticed the sun still high in the sky. I figured, by its position that it was about midday. My paws made no noise on the hard-packed dirt, and I was moving much faster that I normally was able to. My mind wandered as I kept my pace.

So, what exactly am I, to be specific? Humanoid, black furred feline. Reversed hands. Wait, that rings a bell. Ah, what the bloody hell was it?

                   I wracked my mind for the information, the name on the tip of my tongue.

That’s it! Rakshaker, errr…. Rakshasa! Naztharune Rakshasa! That’s what Dave’s rogue was! They’re like evil cat people, right? And… what else? Oh, Yeah! They can read minds I think! And shape shift, I think. This is so cool!

                   I internally squeed.

oOo

                   I walked onward, and, seeing the beginnings of a proper road along with the sound of something moving, quickened my steps. Coming out onto a stone brick road, I saw a cart being pulled by two creatures that I instantly realized were ponies. Not carnival ponies, honest to god ponies like those in the show My Little Pony: Friendship is magic. Like, the Technicolor unicorn/pegasi type of pony.

                   The two pulling the cart were earth ponies, one tan, one green. They were both stallions.

                   “Well, heya there! Lovely day it’s turning out to be, eh?” I called out, smiling and waving at them.

                   “We don’t got nuthin’ but spuds ‘n’ lettuce alright? We don’t want no trouble.” The tan one responded eyeing me warily.

Does he think I wanted to rob him?

                   “Hey, I’m not the kind of guy to just go around and rob people outta house ‘n’ home, so you haven’t got anything to fear. Just wanted to know where the nearest town is, I’m kind of low on supplies.” I reasoned.

                   Still eyeing me, albeit less intensely, he nodded towards the direction he was going. “Trottingham’s up yonder, an’ that’s where we’re goin’. If’n y’all don’t make no trouble, yah can ride in the back. It ain’t too far. Word a’ wornin’, though; ponyfolk up there don’t take too kindly to anythin’ that’s not another pony, understand? Be glad you found us, an’ not one of them.” He paused, looking at the blades at my waist.. “They ‘specially don’t like it when they’re armed.”

                   “Thanks a million for the offer, I’ll definitely take ya up on that. I think I’ll be fine otherwise, don’t fret. Shouldn’t get too much trouble.” I replied.

                   Thinking intensely, I formed the image of a lanky grey Pegasus with a black mane with two crossed swords as a cutie mark.

This had better work.

                   As I kept the form in my mind, I felt the same shifting feeling that I had felt just before I was deposited in the clearing.  I felt myself shorten, and my eyes lowered from their vantage point as my body shifted to the form of a pony.

                   I grinned at the two ponies wide eyed expressions.

                   “Let’s roll.”